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Updated: Jul 7, 2022 315 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Print Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | ·

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A woman with long brown hair wearing a brown print dress and cream-colored sandals

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’ll admit that I’ve been guilty in the past of thinking of Chico’s as a store for a more “mature” clientele, but I’m not afraid to say when I’m wrong. I recently popped over to the Chico’s site after browsing through a sister brand, looking for pajamas (do not sleep on the Soma Cool Nights nightshirts for summer) and stumbled upon some really great basics that I couldn’t believe I’d been missing out on all these years.

The “Travelers” collection, in particular, has some beautiful items that would be great for, well, traveling or even just a hot commute. This printed dress would be perfect for a day when you need to show up looking crisp, even after stepping out of humid subway stop.

The dress is $99 and comes in what Chico’s refers to as sizes 00–4, which are equivalent to sizes 00–18.

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Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Ribena

    Everyone else in the U.K. is finding it completely impossible to get anything done today, right???

    • Monday

      I’m a US reader and interested in hearing your reaction/thoughts today. (You have my explicit approval to use the moniker BoJo.)

      • Ribena

        Well I’m going to be opening a bottle of fizz (appropriately I have English sparkling wine in my fridge that I bought to celebrate my new job) to say goodbye to that f ** ker. Worried about who we get next but want to celebrate this.

        Especially worried that Steve Baker might get a big job. As well as being pro life he is a ‘cost of net zero’ populist.

      • Ribena

        We’ve had so many scandals that haven’t taken him down, including ones including him breaking his own rules, so everyone seems fairly surprised that it’s this that’s started the dominoes toppling

      • Ribena

        Response in mod – can’t tell why so can’t retype without the word causing issue

      • Cb

        Eh… I didn’t expect it this week but probably over the autumn / winter…the latest scandal was just the straw that broke the camel’s back / some leadership contenders trying to distance themselves from an unpopular government while pretending to be principled.

    • AIMS

      I’m so envious of your politics that members of BoJo’s (thanks Monday!) own party forced him to do this.

      • Ribena

        They had a formal vote on it a month ago, this is just an undignified shambles.

      • Monday

        Agreed! It’s good to know that there’s some kind of “line” in the UK, with consequences for crossing it, even if we’re way beyond all the lines I thought existed in the US.

    • Cb

      I boarded a plane at 10, and landed at 1 and it was excruciating. As a political scientist with a specialism in British Politics, I am flummoxed by the autumn timetable and the leadership contenders.

    • Anon

      Could someone share a summary of what precipitated this? I’ve gathered that it’s sort of a culmination of months of bad headlines – is there an article that summarizes the big points? I know there was a party during COVID lockdown and then his ministers resigned yesterday, but I wasn’t following much in between.

      • Monday

        WaPo’s website has a story on the front page explaining how BoJo came to this.

      • Cb

        Multiple parties + lying about it (to Parliament, which under the ministerial code is a resignation offence). He survived a vote of no confidence a few weeks ago.
        But last week, a whip (the MP who was supposed to keep the parliamentary party in line) got super drunk and harassed someone, questions were raised about how much people in power knew prior to his promotion (he had been assigned a minder) Johnson denied knowing, but it turned out he was lying.
        It’s the pattern of transgressions and cover ups… and I suspect, quite a bit of jockeying amongst his potential successors,

      • Ribena

        The last straw was that he appointed someone named Pincher who he knew to be… known for pinching people inappropriately… to a role involving enforcing MPs’ behaviour. This is part of a long running ‘Pestminster’ mess; lots of people on my feed are pointing out that it’s only the last straw because Pincher was targeting *men*.

      • Thistle

        He managed to get into power despite a deliberately manufactured reputation of being an oaf.

        He dumped his second wife and took up with the third who has a reputation for being demanding and more of a political player than he is. He decorated the work flat in very boujie and expensive ways that he couldn’t afford then got caught asking for money to afford his (wifes) tastes.

        He allowed the civil service in Whitehall to hold group gatherings in Downing Street during lockdown and attended a few himself. He also allowed his team to have some gatherings that were borderline dodgy.

        He promoted lots of cronies, despite knowing some of them were rather icky.

        He got caught out as he defended a crony who he had promoted despite knowing he had a problem with wandering hands. It wasn’t a capital crime, but it was the final straw for a load of MPs who were fed up making excuses for him.

    • Thistle

      I’m totally ignoring it. After the vote of confidence pretty recently, there was no way he was going to last that much longer.

      Whomever replaces him has to be less of a buffoon than Boris so I’m just waiting to see who gets the nod.

      • Cb

        And meanwhile in Scotland, we are going to hinge the future on the Supreme Court… don’t these people know I have a book to write?

    • Seventh Sister

      I am weirdly invested in Larry, the cat that lives at 10 Downing Street. How did I not know about this? I work in a historic building and really, truly think we could use an office cat.

      • Anonymous

        My first job as a teenager was at the town firehouse with a resident cat. Her name was Spanner. I made her cat toys out of office supplies.

      • Anonymous

        Wait – isn’t the White House cat also a mouser? I’ve always thought that was the thing with all these leader pets, that they had to un-rodent (unrodentify?) these older state homes with charm and awwness on their side!

  2. Anonymous

    I just can’t anymore with this post Roe c Wade world. Like the story about the 10 year old r@pe victim who had to travel to Indiana for an abortion because she couldn’t legally get one in Ohio.

    My kid is 10 and just finished 5th grade. I can’t even imagine. Literally in tears here this morning. I thought all the posts about where to move were overwrought but I can’t imagine staying in Ohio now. How are we supposed to live like this?

    • Anon

      We’re not supposed to live like this and need to fight back in any and all of the ways we have available to us – dialogue, protest and strike action, voting, refusal to accept this as a new status quo

    • Anon

      Sidetracking — my kid is very young for her grade and turned 11 just after 5th grade ended. W the kids in her grade are often 12 turning 13. Are we the only people not redshirting their kids?

      (It struck me that. 10 YO could be easily in third grade these years and since I understand that you often do t ovulate the first year you have a period, then maybe 9YO kids are having their periods and that is crazy because life for girls is just so hard, periods can be miserable, no one can take Advil to school anymore. The rape and pregnancy is another level of horror. Life is hard for girls. And not getting easier and it starts so early for them now. Way before they are ready. )

      • Aunt Jamesina

        Yet another side comment, but I graduated high school 20 years ago and was never allowed to take medication at school unless it was a prescription and I took it in the nurse’s office. I don’t think that’s new. My mom just had me put Advil in a baggie and take it in the bathroom once I was older.

        • Anon

          That part isn’t new- the official policy has always been that only the nurse can give meds. It’s just that now zero tolerance policies can lead to expulsion if you get caught with that ibuprofen.

          • Aunt Jamesina

            Zero tolerance policies were def in place when I was in school. They’re a product of the 90s.

            That said, I’ve literally never seen them enforced for things like Tylenol in the upper middle class districts I’ve worked in (hell, we had plenty of high schoolers in one wealthy school that would just get a stern talking-to and a phone call home for marijuana possession or being drunk at school). Contrast that with the blue collar district I worked in where I saw students get arrested in the hallway for fistfights). Understandable if you wouldn’t want to risk it, though.

          • Seventh Sister

            In my high school in the 90s, there were “zero tolerance” drug policies, including for stuff like Advil, but they were never enforced against any kid taking even one honors class. Ditto on searching lockers. I’d never suggest or recommend that my kids take non-prescription drugs to school, but it’s so hard to get expelled for *anything* nowadays that I don’t really worry about it.

            That said, I do drill into my kids that they are not to speak to a police officer without a parent present, period.

      • Anonymous

        Re. Redshirting, it is out of control. My daughter turned 14 during her freshman year, as 50% of kids did when I was in school. Half the kids in her class were already 15 at the beginning of ninth grade. Insanity.

        • Anon

          It’s not just redshirting. It’s also when school district cutoffs are. There’s a wide variation, from August to December. Our district is 8/1, so there are kids who turned 15 before starting ninth grade not through any voluntary action they or their parents took. Starting K early here is basically impossible. My daughter’s best friend was born four days after the cutoff, and is very ready for K both academically and socially, but wasn’t allowed to start. It’s a hard cutoff and apparently they just never make exceptions. I would never describe this girl as “redshirted” but she’ll turn 15 before starting ninth grade.

          • ELS

            This was me. The cutoff for my district was 8/1, and I’m 8/26. Starting early was not an option, and I turned 15 2 weeks into my freshman year. (I’m 37 this year, FYI, so it’s been a while)

        • Trish

          Redshirting allows the schools to continue to impose developmentally inappropriate curriculum on 5 year olds. My son was a small for his age 5 year old with a July birthday but he could read and do some math. HE COULD NOT PROPERLY HOLD A CRAYON AND GOT SO MUCH CRAP ABOUT HIS “IMMATURITY.” Immaturity compared to girls a full year older than him. Our kids are perfect and the schools need to change.

          • Seventh Sister

            I feel like my son’s entire kindergarten year was a series of meetings about his behavior (which was disruptive but developmentally normal). “Success” in kindergarten should not be keyed to the behavior of the oldest, most compliant girl (my eldest was that kind of easygoing girl).

          • Anonymous

            I totally agree. 5-year-olds should be in kindergarten reading and doing math and playing outdoors and making crafts. They should not be imprisoned in pre-K classrooms doing worksheets and sitting still all day so they can be ready to do worksheets and sit still all day in kindergarten.

          • Anon

            It’s very tough when there is a broad range of age (a year is 20% of life when entering school in kindergarten), ability and maturity. As a parent, it’s tough when your kid does not seem to be within the range that determines most activities and expectations.

        • Anonymous

          Just chiming in to say it also seems awful where we are, but then both of my kids are relatively young for the class. My oldest guy has an August birthday and was clearly really smart, also physically tall/big so we put him in early. He’s 10 now and I can already tell the social stuff will be rough for a few years here.

          My other guy has a May birthday, so not that crazy, but we could have held him back if we wanted to. We strongly considered it because he’s autistic, so the social delays are real. He’d been reading since 3, though, and his pre-K teacher pushed for him to go into kindergarten, so we did on the theory that his behavior problems would be worse if he was bored by the curriculum, especially since there was a strong chance his social skills would never catch up. He’s 3rd grade now and I’m not sure we made the right call.

      • Anon

        Honestly, you’re responding to a comment about a judge thinking a 10 year old girl should give birth to her rapist’s baby with complaints about red shirting and how it affects you.

        Honestly, read the room.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      It’s horrifying in so many ways. And soon enough, they’d likely have to travel all the way to a state even farther away.

    • Anon

      The story about the 10 year old both broke my heart for the child and made my rage white hot. That judge in OH behaved egregiously, and I don’t know if judges there are elected or appointed, but if elected, I think a campaign like the one that got the “boys will be boys” pro-rape judge here in CA (Brock Turner case) booted out on his ass. It’s the very least that should be done.

      • Anonymous

        I am confused–I can’t find any reference to a lawsuit in this case. The coverage I found said that the facility treating her after the assault denied her care because of the law so she was forced to go out of state. There was no reference to a court petition for an exemption from the law, and I don’t think the Ohio law allows for that.

  3. Anonymous

    Feel free to skip past this if you think it’s dumb, but is anyone still living Covid cautiously and starting to lose it? I feel like I’m the one who hasn’t complained much for 2 years and just kept on with the masking, staying home, not seeing people. And now I feel like I can’t.

    I so desperately want to see some friends, get on a flight and take a real vacation with a hotel stay, and interview for new jobs or at least go to networking events and meetings. Yet I’m higher risk. All my friends are living completely normal and no longer interested in walking around or getting coffee outside. Flights and airports are completely maskless. And in my area of central Virginia, no way are you interviewing masked up and getting the job. Yet with a 15% positivity rate and never ending surges of Covid, I’m kind of losing it. Life is passing me by as I never go anywhere beyond masked errands, don’t see anyone, haven’t had a vacation since late 2019 as I have zero interest in hiking vacations while renting a house, and most importantly I continue to stay stuck in a dead end job because I can’t bring myself to risk interviewing or going to another employer that’ll likely have everyone in the office maskless. I doubt I’ll even visit my parents as much as they make noise about being tired of masks and living life. Yet my risks are my risks. Anyone else in this boat?

    • Anonymous

      Have you spoken to your doctor about whether this level of caution is still necessary? And what kind of long term strategies you should use? Because this is going to be how it is and your mental health also matters.

      • Anonymous

        I know you mean this comment to be helpful. But she literally references talking with her doctor. One of the most painful and alienating parts of being high risk right now is having people chalk you up to being “paranoid.” If someone were in a wheel chair, would you be asking them if they have talked with their doctor about whether the wheel chair is really necessary? Again, I know the comment isn’t intended this way. But believe someone when they tell you what is limiting for them, particularly when that limitation is causing so much stress already.

        • Anon

          I’ll disagree on this, I read her post twice and don’t see a reference to her doctor, and it’s also worth asking again. Today you can get Paxlovid and Evushield (not sure of spelling) that changes the analysis. My mother is in her 70s, is still on cancer drugs and her doctor doesn’t recommend the level of caution OP is talking about. So it is absolutely worth talking to her doctor again and assessing the risk in light of new treatments and information. And my mom, she got Covid which presented as a cold for a few days, and she’s so grateful that she pushed and questioned the level of caution needed.

          • CovidAnon

            Many people with chronic conditions cannot take Paxlovid due to the interaction with lots of very commonly prescribed medications. I have spoken to my doctor and he recommends more caution than I am currently taking (and I’m pretty cautious), and gave me many tips on how to make my road trip safer. So there are a lot of docs out there urging caution for their patients who need to continue to be careful.

      • Anon

        +1 to talking to your doctor about what would actually happen, I have a couple of immunocompromised friends who did, found out there are other treatments and decided the risk of mental health was greater than potentially getting Covid. Both have since gotten Covid and didn’t have it worse than non-compromised friends of ours. I can understand the fear, but I’d also make sure it’s warranted at the level you’re restricting yourself.

      • Anonymous

        Not OP but: Oh my goodness I am so tired of “mental health” bullshit. My doctors say I can’t get Covid as it would kill me. It’s extremely stressful for my family because OFC the level of precaution is necessary.

    • CovidAnon

      I’m pretty much there with you. Feeling very left behind. A new wave is starting, and no one seems to care. I figure there is just so much I can do to lower my risk, so I’ll do those things. I am planning 2 road trips, I figure I have way more control over where I stop and who I’m near than I would with airports/flights. I think the change in scenery will be good for me, and no hiking involved. I am very tired of calculating risk every time I try to do something or need to go to the grocery store.

    • Anonymous

      Also in addition to speaking to your doctor, I strongly recommend speaking to a therapist. Not because I’m calling you crazy but because I think you’re closing off options unnecessarily and talking it through might help. Like. You’re in Virginia. If you don’t want a mountain hiking vacation, drive to a beach condo with a balcony and a kitchen.

    • FormerlyPhilly

      Same 100%. Just had my annual physical and my MD told me to stay masked.
      Personally, it doesn’t bother me as much — I like outdoor activities, have friends who are willing to grab coffee and sit outside, and parents/siblings on my side are okay with AND able to hunker down and test before spending the weekend together.
      Professionally is where I’m feeling the hit and feeling stuck for the same reasons as you.

    • AIMS

      I understand being cautious and I am not trying to change your mind here, but are your friends really unwilling to have dinner or coffee outside? I feel like I’m the summer you don’t even have to make it a caution thing, it’s just fun. If someone said “hey let’s meet for an outdoor dinner,” I wouldn’t think twice about it.

      Also, have you talked to your parents? I know plenty of people who complain about masks and are tired and sick of this (which is perfectly normal!!!!) but who would be happy to take some extra precautions, test, etc., to see vulnerable loved ones.

      • Amy

        +1, I am one of the “back to normal” people, but I would have no problem at all meeting a friend outside and sitting 6 feet apart if that made her comfortable – I would even wear a mask during an outdoor walk or whatever. Hopefully your friends would feel the same way!

        • Anon

          +1 to this. I would happily wear a mask, be outside, and stay 6’ apart to see a high risk friend.

        • anon

          +1 same. I have been very back to normal (for a while), but will not bat an eye if someone wants to sit outside or is otherwise still being cautious. I am more than happy to calibrate my behavior to someone else’s level of risk, provided that (and its a big one) person does not proceed to complain about my behavior for an entire dinner. (And, please by no means take this as my assumption that you are doing that, I am just talking from my own experience.) Also, if you are in a risk group that a cold, flu, etc. poses a significant risk to you, I’d encourage you to talk to your friends in those terms – e.g., this is my reality – rather than focusing on it solely being about COVID. As soon as the discussion switches more broadly, people become extra understanding.

      • Anon

        Yup. I’ve been living life normally since I got my second dose in March 2021… except when I visit my transplant recipient aunt and then I mask, social distance, only see her outside and test before going over.

        I’m personally not taking many precautions now but will do it to see loved ones!

      • Anon

        +1 absolutely happy to do this for a high risk friend!
        Is your current job remote? Can you apply for other remote jobs?

      • Anonymous

        +1- I’ve had Covid twice despite being somewhat cautious and would be happy to do this. We actually just had dinner outside with a friend last night primarily because it was quieter outside. When the weather is decent, it’s kind of dumb to sit inside.

        Of course you have to access risk for yourself but I think ruling out flights just because other people are not masking may not make sense. Yes, you would be safer if everyone was wearing a good mask, but airplane ventilation is really good (when in flight at least) and you can keep your own N95 mask on the whole time.

    • Anonymous

      Also in Central VA and similarly discouraged. I tried going back to in-person workouts at a place that kept the big garage door up, but it turned out that they didn’t keep the door open all the time and I was the only weirdo in a mask. No desire to get on a plane, partly because of flight cancellations and partly because of the risk of illness. My entire career field is fully remote forever and the prospect of being stuck in my house with my husband yelling on Zoom for the next 20+ years is depressing. My kid will be the only one masking at school this fall. Clients are starting to ask for in-person meetings and it is super awkward to make a presentation as the only masked person in the room. Business travel is even worse when you can’t go out to dinner with the team and instead eat nasty takeout in your room at the Fairfield Inn.

      We did just go on a driving vacation where we stayed in a hotel and ate all meals outdoors. It was glorious, but it just made home seem even worse. I have gone back to choir but hate singing in a mask and hate the constant worry that illness will keep me out of rehearsal or performance.

      If everyone would just wear masks we could tamp down the periodic surges until we get those nasal spray vaccines we’ve been promised that actually prevent infection. But nobody else seems to care. Combine this with inflation that’s killing the carefully laid future plans for which we’ve been saving diligently plus the demise of the constitution, and I just don’t have much hope left.

    • Sarah

      I have a friend who is severely immunocompromised. She is still wearing a KN95 everywhere, including to the office and not eating in common areas during the day. She has worked in DC and NYC but I think took the train, not a plane. But she has seen everyone and gone to a lot of things.

    • Anonymous

      I agree. We had Covid in May (thanks, 10 year old wearing a mask at half-mast at school) so we’ve been relaxed for 6 weeks and it’s been glorious, but I’m starting to try to be careful about a mask again and I’m literally the only one doing it, anywhere. There are some studies that Omicron had less instances of long covid than Delta and Alpha, but it’s still early days to assess that. (And there was an Ezra Klein podcast where his doctor guest said in most instances people with Long Covid are almost back to 100% within a year… but then she also said that the higher propensity for blood clots and atherosclerosis issues (i think it was atherosclerosis) are going to be big problems going forward.)

      Take care of yourself — no one else will, unfortunately.

      • Anonymous

        So what you’re saying is 1) It’s really great to be living a life so different than OP 2) News that has nothing to do with OP that you can’t depend on as positive anyway and 3) You’re just as alone as you say you’re feeling OP.

        Wow.

        You know, sometimes the nicest thing is to say nothing at all.

        • Anon

          Hm, I’m not OP but one of the immunocompromised people and I wasn’t offended by this post. If I were to get COVID, and survive it, I’d probably be partying like it’s 1999, at least for a few weeks.

          But unfortunately it’s not clear that I’d survive it….

    • anon

      I would still try applying for jobs. Maybe there is an employer or two who won’t care about the mask. Or are there remote jobs you can look into?

      • Anonymous

        Keep in mind that in lots of places including those that weren’t Covid cautious even a few years ago, the first round is still by zoom. Not because they care about Covid but because it’s efficient for them to talk to you for 45 min and jump to the next call rather than waiting around for an interviewee who may be late etc. I feel like if a first round goes well and you hit it off, it’s far less of a big deal to then say prior to a second round that you will be coming in masked and hope that’s ok.

        Not that you need permission to mask but you know how people are, they feel good about themselves when someone asks permission. Not saying this wouldn’t take you out of the running in some places but I think if you’re a good candidate for them and appear personable on zoom, I feel like masking in person is far less of a big deal. I get what you’re saying though as I live in a similar place – in my area even amongst highly educated people, if they’ve never met you and you show up masked and insist on keeping the mask on rather than the mask theater of walking into the building with a mask and it’s gone in 2 min, yeah you are not getting the job.

        • Anonymous

          No, never ask for permission to mask! The polite thing to do is to ask for permission NOT to mask if anyone else in the room is masked and you don’t want to wear one yourself.

          • Anonymous

            I tend to agree you shouldn’t ask for permission to mask but I get what that poster is saying too of not “surprising” people with a mask in places where they don’t do that or never masked. How would you handle it? I kind of like the idea of previewing it in the sense of – hey I’ll be masked though totally fine with whatever others want to do, even if you aren’t fine with it.

          • Anonymous

            No warning or preview is necessary. Just act as if nothing is unusual. I am the only person masked in a lot of professional contexts where people tend to be anti-mask (e.g., roomfuls of Republican elected DAs in the SEUS). No one says anything negative. Most people don’t react openly at all. A handful of people ask me whether I’d like them to put on a mask, or even pull out a mask and put it on without saying anything.

          • Anon

            Agree. I was at a professional event last night and only one person was masked and it was absolutely not an issue and no one acted weird or made comments or anything.

      • Party Animal

        FWIW, I am in a role where I interview lots and lots of candidates for all different kinds of jobs, in a red state where people have been “back to normal” for ages. I wouldn’t think twice if a candidate wore a mask during an interview. It certainly wouldn’t impact my decision on whether or not to hire them.

    • Anonymous

      + 1. I am trying to tell myself that the next round of vaccines will make a difference in the risk, and to hang in until then, but no vacations other than hiking and walking on the beach, and no dinners out without a giant parka are starting to wear on me.

        • Anonymous

          Right? This seems extreme. Fwiw I HATE dining outside unless the weather is pretty much perfect but I think something is off here.

    • Anonymous

      I’m having a medical procedure this month and DO NOT want it cancelled for covid, so I’m going on 6 weeks of being careful. I’ve leaned into N95 masks and organizing outdoor meals. Everyone has been fine with that. (Numerous outdoor meals with colleagues and friends, despite heat and humidity and many meetings where I’m the only masked person.) I go to work, see theater, ride in Ubers and buses, etc. Understandably, my risks aren’t yours, but even one way masking is quite effective. Have you spoken to your doctor to evaluate the risks if you mask (and maybe wear glasses as well to cut down on that avenue of exposure)?

    • Anonymous

      Same boat. When I see my oncologist I’m still shocked by the number of people in the waiting room with masks under their nose like it’s such a huge imposition to wear a mask for a few minutes. And no, wearing an n95 isn’t the same as being around someone else wearing a mask. And, no, my own mother doesn’t want to test to see me and complains if it’s too hot or too cold so I don’t see her anymore. It frankly is depressing to see so many move on and completely give a rat’s patootie about anyone high risk. It makes me feel like less than a person at times. You are not alone.

    • Anonymous

      We are in this boat too because my husband is very high risk and likely wouldn’t survive an infection. I will say that this is how a lot of people with chronic illnesses and disabilities have felt for years – they are invisible and their needs don’t matter. It’s just applying for the first time to people it didn’t apply to before.

    • Anonymous

      Chiming in late to say that while for my family (including a child <5 who we can, but have not yet, vaxxed even though my other kids have been) things have gone back to normal, I still do not think twice to accommodate anyone who is more conservative than I am- for whatever reason.

      I am curious to know if there are other things outside COVID that you/your doctor are this cautious about. For example, would other nasty viruses (flu, norovirus, RSV, etc) pose a similar risk? I do know that our dear family friend who is mid-chemo with stage 4 cancer does exercise more caution than others, but is still doing some of the things you mention. He won’t fly, won’t put himself in large indoor parties, but his kids go to school, he does many social events unmasked, and even grocery shops unmasked. His two children have had COVID once already.

      • Anonymous

        I’m high stroke risk after brain bleeds in my 20s and also have stage 2 cancer. Multiple doctors have told me COVID will be very bad for me (some other risk factors but the main thing is the stroke risk). Until this point, stroke avoidance was mainly avoiding aspirin and other blood thinning medicines and certain activities (rowing exercise, for example). COVID isn’t anywhere near the same risk for me as catching the flu.

        This is all pretty individual though. That’s why saying “my friend got it and was fine” isn’t how risk calculation works. Your friend can also probably have aspirin.

        That said, I think if I had stage 4 cancer, depending on the type of cancer, my risk calculation would be quite different. If my odds of 5-year viability were low (say colon cancer with less than 10%), that’s a big incentive to be living all the life you can.

  4. Anon318

    If you had someone to help you with home:life management for two hours every week, what would you have them do?

    My husband and I both have Big Jobs plus two kids in elementary school. I’ve found someone willing to help with the above kind of tasks, but I want to be sure I’m using those few hours really effectively. So far I have her folding and putting away all laundry (I WFH, so getting laundry clean is no big deal), meal planning (the mental load is what kills me), and doing the random one-off tasks like dropping returns/outgoing mail at the post office, taking too-small kid clothes to donation center, etc. Any other ideas? Thanks!

    • Vicky Austin

      Things like waiting for contractors/cable guys/that kind of thing? Garbage and recycling? Unloading dishwasher if clean? Sniff testing leftovers and cleaning out expired stuff (if that’s not already included in your definition of meal planning)?

    • Anon

      I would definitely focus on the ticky-tacky errand runs – the returns, donation centers, etc. I hate those things and returns or donations end up sitting in my car for weeks.

      What about the one-off cleaning things? Not stuff that needs to get done every day/week – vacuuming, dishes, cleaning bathrooms – but more like cleaning windows, dusting blinds and ceiling fans, etc. Is that too much?

    • NYCer

      My dream is to have a personal chef. Can this person cook for you at all? Or at least meal prep? Order groceries or grocery shop?

      • NYCer

        Also, do you have a house cleaner already? If not, I would definitely suggest some of the house cleaning tasks that Anon at 9:19 listed.

          • NYCer

            Of course someone could vacuum a house in 2 hours. I wasn’t suggesting that she do all of them every week, but if OP is looking to fill some time, any of those tasks would be fine.

            That being said, I also would suggest real housecleaners if OP and her husband both have big jobs.

      • Anonymous

        My friends’ dad retired and started a business where he cooks for local families. It’s not in their homes but from a commercial kitchen. I think he chooses the menus and you opt in or opt out for the week like blue apron. Maybe there is something similar in your area?

        Fwiw my meal planning got a lot less stressful when I lowered to bar to relatively boring meals that involve sheet pans or browning ground meat and a veggie or microwaved rice. Might not work for you though.

    • Anonymous

      It already sounds like you are fully using 2 hours. But I would add going through the mail and trashing the junk and opening and sorting the rest.

      • anonshmanon

        or getting on the phone/website with companies and take OP off the distribution list!

    • Anne-on

      Our part time sitter does all of the above (not meal planning, but will shop and prep for us). If you have pets I’d add in calling in/picking up pet prescriptions. In two hours a week I’d say putting away laundry, donations, mail/package return, in-person returns (if any), dry cleaning drop-off/pick up, gassing up the cars (if you work at home and are comfortable with her driving), meal prep, and any mid-week grocery runs (we always run out of something by Wendesday) would keep someone pretty busy.

    • Cat

      -Shopping for upcoming birthdays? (Could be cards, appropriate gifts for other kid parties, etc)
      -Random occasional house projects that aren’t time intensive but can be irritating to fit into an already-busy schedule – like sorting through the reusable containers, rounding up and washing reusable shopping totes, dusting the ceiling fan, de-scaling the coffee maker, washing quilts or duvet covers etc.
      -Making lists of other shopping needs (running low on any OTC meds? Toiletries? Cleaning products?)
      –

    • Anne-on

      Also to those suggesting cleaning/deep cleaning tasks, in our area (HCOL MA burbs) the ‘personal assistant’/part time household mgmt. people will run laundry/fold/sometimes meal prep but do not (and are clear about) not being cleaners so that might be something you’d need to find true cleaners for.

    • Amy

      I assume you already have a house cleaning service because if not, that would be the obvious answer: clean toilets, mop floors, change sheets, etc.

      For other house/life stuff, I will just paste my (slightly anonymized) current to-do list. It would be great to have a third party take care of this stuff: 2

      Pick up shirts at tailor
      Make family dentist appts
      Take car for oil change
      Take the kids for COVID boosters
      Get water shoes for kids
      Take dog to vet and refill dog’s pet meds
      Find Saturday activity at 11 am for youngest kid
      Register cars in new state
      Repair kid’s ripped dress

    • AIMS

      Organizing. Maybe it’s just me but I always have a messy drawer/closet/bookshelf that could use straightening.

      • Anonymous

        Would you be happy with someone else’s organizational scheme, though? I’d rather have her do other chores to free me up to organize my stuff myself.

        • Walnut

          My MIL once organized my kid’s closets, sorted out the too small/out of season clothes, binned them and replenished with the next size/season from my stash. It was fantastically helpful and paid dividends for months.

    • Anonymous

      Changing the sheets and washing them, trips to the cleaners and other errands, grocery shopping come to mind.

  5. Sarah

    I feel like I could use some goals in life. I’m having my annual mid-year “what am I doing with my life” attack, definitely compounded by the fact that I think I have to break up with my boyfriend. From 2017 – 2021 I was in grad school, then in a very exciting task oriented job, so its been a let down to not have such big landmarks since then. I have a good, normal job but nothing super remarkable there, so I just need some other goals to feel like I accomplished something this year.

    – Read 52 books (very doable for me)
    – Make 10 new recipes out of this ottolenghi book I have (I’ve made 2 so far)

    I went on an international trip, have another one coming up which I am very excited about.

    • Sasha

      If you can, some kind of goal associated with a physical activity. Get a certain amount of steps in per day or week, go on a hiking trip somewhere exciting, train for a race of whatever distance is feasible for you, do yoga every day for X days in a row.

      Another common goal of mine is to work on a hobby that’s not reading and doesn’t involve staring a screen. Some variations on that have been learning to knit, learning to drum, getting better at baking, doing a pottery class, and getting really into plants/gardening (the normal kind).

    • pugsnbourbon

      Not 100% what you asked, but – maybe pick up a new hobby that doesn’t have goals attached? You’re very goal and task oriented, which is great! But it’s also good to try new things and learn new things just for the sake of it.

    • Tea/Coffee

      If you really want a specific goal – train for a marathon. Depending on you, and what race you want to run, it could check your “goal” box for quite a while (i got about a year out of it). Bonus, it can be as social or anti social as you desire

    • No Face

      Any movement goals? I took ballet classes as a young adult and it was really fun to see my abilities grow. Now I have fitness goals – I want to run a mile under 10 minutes and find a personal trainer for powerlifting.

    • Ellen

      Your goal should be to find a guy you can marry who is financially secure, so that you can relax and not have to worry about your job (which you say is nothing remarkable). With the right guy, you can scrap the job and focus on your mutual future (marriage, kids new home, country club, etc). Forget the international trips for now. You don’t want to get Monkey Pox or Covid waiting for cancelled flights at the Airports. FOOEY on that!

  6. Vicky Austin

    Can’t remember where I heard about it, but it was most likely here, so I’m coming back to share that the Ulta Luxe Lipstick is practically unmovable. I’m wearing Cherry Picked this morning and it’s still as vibrant as when I put it on, and there is nary a swipe of it on my coffee mug, which is the bane of my existence with virtually all other lip products. 5/5!

  7. Curious

    Dear whomever recommended Jessi Klein’s “I’ll show myself out”,

    You are a goddess.

    That’s all.
    — Curious, aka our nanny is sick and the baby is teething and has diaper rash and yes I very much needed the laugh

    • Anon

      Oh interesting. Did you enjoy it from the beginning? I’m a few chapters in and haven’t been feeling it.

      • Curious

        Oh, yes, I did, from about page 3. I think it requires one to be in a certain snarky mood and like sarcastic, self-deprecating humor. I carefully selected the friend with whom I shared a page, and she, too, was delighted, but I suspect 60%+ of my mom friends wouldn’t find it funny. On the other hand, I couldn’t stand The Goldfinch or Lolita or The Silent Patient or anything Jonathan Franzen, and I don’t really get into true crime podcasts, so there are plenty of popular or well-rated things I dislike. In other words, feel free to take this as your permission to move on.

  8. Anon

    Assuming you have about $250k for a down payment, what kind of income would you need to feel comfortable with a $1mil mortgage (on a 1.25 mil house)? We’re definitely not there yet but just curious.

    Homes in my area (3 bed 2 bath, 1500-2000 sq feet) go for about 1.25 million. Taxes are about 8,000-9,000 a year. Most homes were built between 1950-1970 and are very similar in layout, size, and style. The only way to get something for less than 1.1 is if it’s in really bad shape. Prices have held more or less steady for the last ~5-8 years, with houses selling for significantly more only if they were improved significantly between sellers.

    • Anonymous

      With an older home needing work in that price range, I would want to be saving at least $50K per year on top of maxing retirement, ideally more.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      This depends a lot on your other fixed expenses. Something like two kids in daycare or substantial student loans would really change the proportion of income I’d be comfortable spending on a house, as well as how well-funded your retirement is.

      • anon for this

        We made several offers this spring that would have resulted in a 1-1.1M mortgage with 20% down. (Didn’t get any of them, sigh.) Our HHI is 350 but we have no other debt and we don’t live extravagantly or have significant other expenses (aftercare at $700/mo is our only other recurring expense, groceries/food less than $1K/month). Taxes for these properties are about 14K/year. The monthly payment would be 33% of our net monthly income, but if we needed to free up cash we could dial back our aggressive retirement savings for a short while.

        It would depend a lot on how much work the house needed and whether you expect your income to be increase some in the future. We ran the numbers several different ways and for our lives, it would be fine. We spend a lot of time at home so we were comfortable spending more than some other people might on a house, though some of these other answers seem extremely conservative to me.

    • Lily

      I’d say I’d need a combined income of $600k, with pretty good job security, to feel comfortable with a $1 million mortgage. I would also assume that after paying the down payment, you’d have at least a $150k emergency fund in cash .

      We just bought a house for $950k with a 15% downpayment, so our mortgage is ~$800k. Our combined income, including bonuses, is roughly $500k, maybe a bit more, which we expect to go up steadily. We don’t let our emergency cash fund go below $100k. Maybe this is overly conservative? I don’t know. We also live in a HCOL area, but I could see having to be less conservative in a VHCOL area.

      • Anon

        I’m sorry, but that’s just ridiculous. A house that is less than two times you’re in the early HHI is a very very conservative number and not realistic for the vast majority of people

        • Anon

          How realistic it is depends so much on your market/area. Our house was $400K when we bought in 2018, and that’s our HHI also. We put $150K down. The median cost in our neighborhood is around $550K. And the neighborhood is toward the most expensive in the state. I think it’s top 5 so obviously you can get a nice house for a lot less around here.

          To answer OP’s question, I would feel comfortable with income of $400K for a $1 million mortgage if that was my only option. Since that is a high end home in my area and wouldn’t be necessary, I wouldn’t personally do it until my income was around $700K, I had a ton in retirement, and I didn’t have high childcare expenses anymore.

      • Apple

        Very conservative, but there’s nothing wrong with that. You could save aggressively and purchase a million dollar home in cash after 4 years.

    • Anonymous

      How on earth are the taxes so low? Is there a weird catch where you haul your own garbage?

      • OP

        Honestly, I have no idea — I grew up here and have never seriously looked at real estate elsewhere until friends started buying houses elsewhere and suddenly compared the taxes and was horrified by the difference. This is a residential neighborhood in a major city with all normal major city amenities. Public schools in the city as a whole are not great but this district is really good. Houses I’m looking at are zoned for great elementary and middle schools — HS admissions is a bit more complicated but the guaranteed-admission-zoned-HS is decent (with an honors program that’s very good).

        • Anon

          I’d double check if property taxes will be recalculated after the sale. This happens in our town in NYC suburbs where property tax is pegged to real market value and is reassessed after a sale.

          • Aunt Jamesina

            Yes, I would double check! Our home in Illinois had low taxes when we bought because the previous owner had a lower rate since he was a senior.

          • OP

            I actually looked into this and spoke with two friends who have houses in this neighborhood at this price range and their taxes are similar. Also the 3 houses that I’m currently stalking online all sold within the past 5 years for about 100-150k less than they are currently listed (i.e. 1.1-1.15 mil), so any tax adjustment would not be massive.

          • Aunt Jamesina

            Curious, they are high, but I’m so grateful that the Chicago area doesn’t have the eye-popping real estate prices of other parts of the country! Chicago isn’t cheap, but it honestly feels like a steal given the amenities. I guess we pay our penance in property tax and winter weather!

    • Anon

      I think I would want a HHI of at least 350k. We have a 400k mortgage with a HHI of 230k. It feels very comfortable, but I don’t think I would need to double my HHI to be comfortable with a higher mortgage. Even if we had an extra 120k in income, our childcare (largest non-retirement spending) wouldn’t go up and neither would many other expenses.

      • Anon

        This. In the Bay Area and bought my first place for 1.2 on this income when that was your basic starter home.

    • Anon

      Well given that you just described the Boston suburbs (of the Weston, Wayland, Wellesley, Concord, Lexington, Belmont “caliber”), I’d guess that many are buying with ~200-250K minimum HHI for those towns but personally I’d want higher and I don’t think people in lower costs of living areas would think these financial straits are advisable. Obviously plenty of buyers in those towns are high 6 figures or 7. If it is the Boston area you’re describing, Arlington and Natick seem to be the up-and-comers for our friends priced out of the earlier set of towns (HHI ~160-200).

      • Anonymous

        Hey neighbor! I live in wayland :). $350k income for our $1Mish home (would sell for more now, we paid $980). Lots of kids and high taxes. We are comfortable!

    • Anon

      As a data point, we bought a 990k with 20% down (so about 800k mortgage). Our taxes are 15k a year. Old house (seriously old, about 1880) but solidly built and well-maintained over time, plus roof was redone three years ago by the previous owners. Our HHI was about 400k at the time we bought and will be about 500k this year. We lucked out on a relatively low interest rate before they went up and can comfortably afford the mortgage while saving for retirement (but we don’t have a daycare payment yet, baby is expected soon). We have about 100k in emergency savings, including 50k in a house-specific fund.

    • Anonymous

      There are so many variables, including the rate you get. It’s not the total of the mortgage, but the monthly payment.

    • Anon

      I’m way more willing to be house poor than most people around here, because it’s just necessary if I ever want to own something in my HCOL area. What would your monthly payments be? I know it’s so dependent on interest rates, but assuming a $5,000 monthly payment, I would want at least a $8,000 monthly take home income assuming no other large expenses such as 2 kids in daycare. So, that’s what, about a $225 HHI if you are maxing retirement accounts

    • Anonymous

      FWIW our HHI is $300k ish ($280-$350 depending on the year, and I’m self employed so my taxes are high/take home is less) and the outstanding mortgage on our home is $650k now but started at $725k. It’s very comfortable; we have 3 kids with robust 529s, we have solid retirement savings, Drive nice cars, etc. Boston suburbs.

      So IMO $350 would be very comfortable for $1.25M with a $250k down payment.

  9. Another Anon

    Could someone please pick outfits for me for a week of sightseeing around Ireland later this month? I live in a swamp and don’t know how to dress for anything else.

    • Anon

      I went to Ireland a few years ago around the same time of year as your planned trip. I’m coming from the SF Bay Area so layers are a natural for me, and they came in handy in Ireland. Looking at my pics, a short sleeved tee and pants were fine for the middle of the day, but by the evening I was definitely wearing a jacket of some sort. Actually I bought a handknit wool poncho type thing there and I seem to have worn it most evenings after buying it. It looks like there were a couple of cloudy days where my kids wore hoodies all day. No one needed a parka, but it does get cool in the evenings or on days where it doesn’t get sunny.

      I agree with the suggestion of comfortable shoes.

    • Anon

      Just got back from 2 weeks of doing this in England and Scotland! Here’s exactly what I packed and it worked great. Have so much fun!

      Bottoms
      One pair workout leggings
      One pair looser-fitting travel pants (think Athleta Brooklyn or Vuori — Gap and Old Navy have good knockoffs)
      One pair jeans
      One pair billowy cropped elastic waist navy pants (these were not absolutely necessary, but I enjoyed having them as another option)

      Dress
      One short-sleeved solid color dress that does not wrinkle that could be dressed up or down

      Tops
      3-4 layering T-shirts
      1-2 blouses slightly nicer than a T-shirt
      One thin layering pullover hoodie
      One thin dressier knit cardigan

      Jackets
      One faux leather moto jacket (All Saints or Blank NYC style)
      One light collapsible rain jacket that rolls up into almost nothing

      Shoes
      One pair Nikes
      Naturalizer slip-on sneakers that are as comfortable as Nikes but look a bit dressier (like the Beale or Zola)
      One pair flat strappy sandals

  10. Meaning

    What do you think gives you meaning? I have been struggling a lot with finding the “point” of things, despite having a meaningful career, family, etc. I know I overthink things which is part of it, but I find myself often coming back to this question.

    • Anon

      Helping others. In general, readers of this board are among the most fortunate and wealthiest in the world (even if you’re a lower earner by the board’s standards). If you can’t give money, give time. Get involved in a cause – battered women’s shelters, animal shelters, the environment, food insecurity, pick something. It’s so important to get outside of ourselves.

      • Monday

        I agree with the meaning in helping others. I remember one of my teachers in (public) high school saying “if you dedicate your life to helping people, you will always have a purpose.”

        Anecdotally, it seems like people on this board who share that they are lower earners, are lower earners because they are in public service in some way. Volunteering and donating are both great, but never discount the option of simply making your career your service to others. I have some very bad days, as do we all, but it’s more comforting than I can express that just going about my routine, even when I’m running on empty, is serving others. It is my full-time job and I am accountable for doing it well. I guess you could say it is both my contribution of time and (most of) my contribution in money, in the form of lower earnings.

        • Anon

          +1. I make much less than other people here because my job involves service. I do donate modest amounts of money, but don’t volunteer as I feel like I can do more good by spending that time on the service aspects of my job, which requires lots of training and expertise to be able to do. Those parts of my job aren’t really rewarded, so to some extent this stuff is essentially volunteer work.

          • Trish

            When I was a public defender, I felt the same way. But sometimes doing physical service (serving soup or Habitat for Humanity) can be really good for your soul.

        • Anon

          Spent 6 years working in non profits abc local government doing work I loved and truly helped people and got paid very little. I sold out about a year ago for a corporate job with more money and I’m unhappy and counting down the days until I can go back to public service (corporate job is paying for grad school so am stuck here til I graduate). Highly recommend getting a helping/public service job!

        • Sarah

          I was definitely the least stressed when, exactly as you said, I knew that doing my daily job to the best of my abilities was the best thing I could do to help the world.

    • Anon

      Being a good person and doing the best I can with what I have, while also not expecting perfection from myself or others.

    • anon

      Is your job actually meaningful though? Mine truly is- working with child abuse victims- and that alone makes me feel like my life has meaning and makes a difference.

      • Monday

        This is basically a less diplomatic and more concise translation of my post above. Thank you for your work, anon.

    • Hypatia

      How one thinks of meaning, I imagine, is informed by a lot of different factors (spirituality, life experience, etc). I believe we are a happy sentient accident in a vast and incredible universe and so the purpose of being alive is to experience and make the most of that happy accident. That means meaning for me is predicated on the belief that the ‘purpose’ of life is to appreciate and make the best of this one brief time in existence and wanting others to be able to do the same. As a result, I find meaning in experiencing the world, especially nature; nurturing close relationships; and working to improve things in concrete ways for people who are living now and who will soon become adults that inherit what we are doing today. My work is not in a direct-helping profession but in research-for-the-greater-good, and I think working on something that aligns with how you make meaning is important because work is such a defining element and huge % of how we spend our time and energy. Likewise, aligning – to the best of your ability – how you spend your free time and your resources to what you believe is the ‘point’ of life is what helps enhance a feeling that your life is ‘meaningful’. This will mean different things to different people!

    • Anonymous

      You know what they say: the answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42.

    • Senior Attorney

      These are all really great answers. One other thing I’ve come to believe is that “things have the meaning you assign to them.” So you get to decide what the point is.

    • Anonymous

      Converse about public service, I’ve been in legal services for 8 years and another nonprofit before then, and I’m completely burnt out. I read this thread with interest because I too am struggling to find the point of things. My clients are largely faced with structures that are beyond any of our control. Yes, maybe I can keep them housed for a little while longer, and that’s good, but having to work 2 or 3 low wage jobs and being unable to afford healthcare or healthy food and the basics still remain as problems. They’re all 1 broken down car away from losting everything. We have a lot of “frequent flyers” who just have so many issues and there’s no easy way to solve them. It is exhausting for all of us.

  11. Sabbatical

    Help me dress for this heat!! I moved from Canada to Florida (long story) and I’m really struggling with the amount of shopping I need to do. I’m an apple shaped short person and would love your recommendations on creating a capsule wardrobe of stylish, casual and comfy outfits without breaking the bank.

    • Anon

      I do not live in Florida but traveled there 3-4 weeks per year for business for several years – Boca/FLL area. Coming from relatively chilly SF I didn’t have a lot of appropriate clothing.

      I bought things there a couple of times. My most worn items for hanging out were linen tunics. They were all over the stores there so it seemed to be a popular item. I’m not into getting sunburned and I find baring my skin sometimes makes me hotter so I liked something with half or 3/4 sleeves. I wore a lot of Eileen Fisher stretch crepe pants, and I’d probably wear the Athleta Brooklyn pant or linen pants for casual if I were to go today.

      For business, I found the buildings aggressively air conditioned, so my normal business clothing worked. I just walked from the parking lot into the building without my jacket.

      Honestly the worst thing for me was going from the hot outside to the coooollld inside. I always felt like I was coming down with something. That said, I enjoyed the random iguana in the parking lot, though I know we’re not supposed to like them.

    • Anon

      Do you only need the clothes for a year, or is the move permanent? If you need clothes for warm weather, the Old Navy linen blend pants, both the wide leg and the cropped, are so good and so inexpensive. These are pull on with an elastic waist and a drawstring on the inside so it does not bump out. I suggest sizing down. Also an apple, short person and I suggest sticking with regular rather petite sizes unless you have a short torso.

    • Anonymous

      I would not buy linen. It’s impossible to look fresh/put together in a wrinkled mess. DON’T DO IT!

      • PolyD

        It’s also impossible to look fresh and put together when you are sweating in your polyester, or even cotton clothing.

        A lot of the linen I see now, and that I own, seems to be of a weave and ‘it where it does wrinkle, but doesn’t seem to crease as severely as in the old days. For a business formal office, sure, you might not want linen pants. But for hanging out, linen all the way!

      • Anon

        It’s a look, I like it, many others like it given how well it sells year after year. If you’re in a hot, muggy climate, there is truly no better option, and no one cares about a few creases.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          I agree with this, plus boxier and less-tailored silhouettes are in right now.

  12. Elsa

    Probiotics. Like most when I travel my GI track is not at its best. Wondering if I should give a daily probiotic a chance? Any recommendations or cautions?

    • Monday

      Florastor. It’s expensive but was recommended to me by a GI specialist and has made my…life?…a lot more straightforward.

    • Anon

      It depends on what your issues are, but if things are just moving slowly, I’d focus more on making sure you’re getting enough fiber and maybe taking magnesium. In general, most research on probiotics suggests that you’re better off increasing fiber to feed your gut microbiome than taking probiotics, but there are some exceptions to that and individuals always vary in what works best for them.

      • Anon

        If things are literally just moving slowly, fiber can actually be counterproductive (dysmotility is really different from constipation and responds better to prokinetics; some probiotics can have a prokinetic effect for some people, all aside from microbiome changes).

        • Anon

          Fair point, but this poster implies things are typically fine and only get off when they’re on vacation. In that case, it’s more likely to be related to jet lag (this can be a surprisingly large part of it) and changes in diet.

    • Anonymous

      Culturelle. Took it for a year or two and it definitely made everything better.

      I have stopped taking them as I felt like do I need to take these forever, and I have noticed that I have more bloating, upset stomachs etc. than I used to when my gut was more balanced. Though I will say if I’m not on the probiotic, regularly eating greek yogurt seems to help; I imagine it’s because yogurt has probiotics though I do feel like in order for it to help I need to eat it at least every other day rather than falling into the trap of having a yogurt once a week and assuming I have enough probiotics.

    • Anonymous

      skip the pills, take the sauerkraut, kimchi, greek yogurt/kefir, kombucha, and more. you’d need to take something like 200,000 pills to get the amount of active cultures in a 2 oz serving of sauerkraut.

      https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/13/well/eat/yogurt-kimchi-kombucha-microbiome.html

      if you do look at pills there are particular strains that are thought to be best for different issues; it can be hard to find the strains you’re looking for.

      https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/Probiotics-HealthProfessional/

  13. Anon

    can someone explain to me why do people wear masks around their chins in the supermarket and other public places at this point? i personally still mask in the supermarket, but it is not required, and i just don’t get the mask theater at this point. do people think it is actually doing something?

    • Anon

      So much of the pandemic has functioned as an IQ test and the chin mask is no exception.

    • Anon

      No of course they don’t. It’s just theater and laziness or they got nagged by the person in the car with them and decided to pull it down when out of sight, etc. I suggest not wasting time thinking about this – it not worth trying to work out. Who knows why people do stupid $hit.

    • Anonymous

      I have also wondered at this. They are no longer required and it clearly bothers you so…why?

      I think a lot of people have emotional rather than rational approaches to things. Like if someone looks sick they’ll put it on properly? Or maybe they’re just so anti anti mask that they’re going to wear one, wrong or not?

    • Anonymous

      Sure. They thought about it then got annoyed and pulled it down. It’s not a mystery.

    • Cat

      I do this occasionally… so it’s quick to pull up if I need to speak with someone else who is wearing a mask. it feels more pol-te to have it “at the ready” as needed.

    • Anonymous

      Supermarket or airports or whatever – I have no idea as you are with complete strangers and how are you assessing whether the person you’re walking by is coughing because of allergies or covid. And how do you know who was in the cereal aisle two seconds before you arrived.

      In places like the office I think it’s because people have personally decided they are ok being unmasked since it isn’t required but in my office they’ll throw a mask on their chin as they leave their office because that way if they see everyone in the elevator they’re getting into or in the lobby or wherever is masked, they’ll pull theirs up. Which I actually find respectful.

    • Also Anon

      I don’t get it either. Not that I’ve ever agreed with wearing your mask that way, but at least when they were required, I kind of understood that wearing them improperly was a form of malicious compliance (“whaaaat? I’m wearing it! the stupid thing is on my face, what do you want??”) but now that they’re not required, I don’t understand why people keep wearing them wrong. Just don’t bother if that’s how you’re going to wear it.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      I did this once running errands because I wore it this way in the car when I was driving from one store to another and then forgot to pull it up when I walked into the next store.

  14. Anon

    Can I get some tips on how to iron pants that have a crease down the front of each leg? Usually I just wear them until they are way too wrinkly and take them to get dry cleaned, but I do that more so they’ll press them. I should just iron them at home but I’ll admit I’m a little intimidated.

    • Cat

      I do the tops of the pants (waist, hips, butt) the same as any pants, but for the legs, it takes twice as long – rather than just doing front and back, you fold them along the creases, and then do one half of each side of each leg at a time. I say half of each side at a time because there’s usually too much curve in the pants to do the whole width of the folded leg at once without ironing in a ton of wrinkles along the way.

      (I… also send pants to the cleaners rather than do this myself, except I do touch them up a bit in between dry cleans.)

    • Flats Only

      Lay the pant leg flat on the ironing board. Pinch the fabric at the bottom and top of the crease and lift the leg up from the ironing board. Lay it back down with the crease on the side towards you. Double check that the seams are lined up at the bottom opening. Iron the leg. Repeat process for the other leg.

    • Anon 2.0

      I feel like this is a job for Youtube. I’d bet there is a good instructional video out there. On a side note, this post gave me a smile because it reminded me of the time my grandma would iron my brothers CARGO SHORTS with a crease so sharp it could slice you. She LOVES to iron and will iron a crease into anything she can get her hands on.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        Omg I love your grandma. Mine was surprised I don’t iron my husband’s boxers. She used to have iron sheets while raising seven children. I feel like my kid will barely know what an iron is!

    • Anon

      Grab the pants by the hem, holding them upside down. Fold them along the crease and then iron the legs in this position.

  15. Sasha

    I’m looking to buy a condo next year so I was re-reading some old threads where people shared their housing costs as a % of their gross or net income. I was very surprised at how low the %s were for people with mortgages. I make $170k and I’m looking at condos in the $450-500k range, which seems reasonable based on all the various rules. But the approximate monthly payments (inclusive of mortgage, interest, homeowners insurance, HOAs, property taxes, and PMI) I’m getting from Redfin are 35-40% of my monthly take home. I thought this was normal but looking at the %s shared in past threads, maybe not?

    For anyone that has shared their mortgage %s in the past, were you just considering your mortgage payment or were you also factoring in HOAs, property taxes, homeowners insurance, etc.? And is 35-40% all in too much for housing costs without a ton of sacrifice? I would have no other debt besides this.

    • Cat

      guessing a lot of us have dual incomes, which matters a lot! our monthly housing spend (mortgage, insurance, + taxes, no HOA) is about 16% of our joint take-home pay, but we bought less house than we could “afford” by lender metrics. If it was my income alone, it would be around 30%.

    • Anon

      My mortgage (including escrow for taxes) is 12% of my monthly take home. I obviously live in an LCOL and I own a small SFH home bc I don’t need more.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think the percentage matters as much as how much is left over for savings after all expenses. On a higher income I’d be comfortable devoting a higher percentage of take-home to housing costs because other expenses would remain mostly the same.

      • Anon

        Agreed! I always thought the percentage based guidance was somewhat odd. Things like groceries, gas, cable/streaming services, cell phones, even utilities to an extent are relatively static regardless of your income. Same with childcare. Also needing or not needing childcare has a huge impact on what you can afford on housing. Personal finance is so personal, i think percentage based rules are so tricky. But I do love hearing about what other people are doing and how they think about money. I wish it wasn’t so taboo.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        Yes, absolutely. So many people in HCOL areas don’t have cars, which can be a substantial chunk of income.

    • Anon

      I think a lot of these financial threads are self selecting. If they were representative, you would see people spending 50% of their take home on housing, people with credit card debt, people who 0’d out their retirement to deal with their credit card debt.

      I think if your major fixed expenses are under 50% of your take home, and you can save a healthy amount for retirement and some cash even with the payments, you are fine.

      I live in a VHCOL area and as a single person always spent close to 50% of my take home on housing (living modestly but not high income, no debt). Now that I have a live-in partner and got a raise, that number dropped to ~25%. Obviously this is much nicer, but the 50% wasn’t an issue either.

      • Seventh Sister

        Yeah, I agree completely about the self-selection. A huge number of people I know were really hit hard by the COVID lockdowns in terms of stuff like job loss, less business income, etc.

        Related: I know people in real life that take risks I just can’t stomach – bare-bones health care plans, no life insurance with multiple minor children and a big mortgage, major home renovations by unlicensed handypeople, etc.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          Absolutely. It kind of shocks me how much people (that I know are in a similar financial position to my family) spend on their homes and/or cars.

    • Anonymous

      My housing/property tax/utilities etc are 28% of take home, we bought near the top of our budget 2 years ago, so we expect that percentage to go down as our incomes increase.

    • Anon

      To add an example from someone who’s not a high earner, I make $61k/year and my mortgage, taxes, insurance, etc ($850/month) is approximately 22% of my take-home. It’s a small SFH, so no HOA fee and I put 20% down, so no PMI.

    • Anon

      Housing prices have really increased over the last 10 years and especially in the last 2- they’ve actually nearly doubled in my area over the last 2 years. So it doesn’t really make sense to compare to people that bought 10 years ago. If you live in a HCOL, you really have to spend a larger percent of your income if you want to buy at all.

      • Anon

        This. A house down the block sold for $100k more than we paid in March 2020.

    • Anon

      Our monthly housing (mortgage, HOA and occasional special assessments, taxes, insurance) is 28% of our net take home. FWIW, student loans are another 10% of take home, and childcare is 17% and about to double with a second kid. We save about 10% gross income in retirement (we’re not maxing during these early childhood years). We feel financially comfortable with these breakdowns.

    • Anonymous

      Perpetually single woman here (and former PhD student who spent 5 years living on a small stipend) – I just accept that old rules like no more than 25% of take-home pay for housing are not applicable to my situation and do not account for the rising cost of housing. I’m much more comfortable now than I was as PhD student – but I value living alone and have a job in a HCOL area so it is what it is!

    • Anon4This

      I just ran my numbers out of curiosity and our mortgage, incl. tax escrow (no HOA or PMI) is 17% of my and my spouse’s after tax income, but we also have a <4% interest rate. Compared to your numbers, combined we make just a bit more than you, and our home is cheaper than your range. When we were looking, we focused on up to $450k and would have considered up to $500k, but it would have to have been a killer property for us to go that high. Avg 3 bd/starter homes here would probably have been in the $150k-$200k range at the time, for comparison. We bought at the very beginning of COVID, and have commented frequently in the last year that we couldn't have afforded our house if we'd tried to buy it now.

    • Anonymous

      I think I have responded before and my housing all in (not utilities) is only about 20% of my take-home. I’m single so bought a pretty modest home in a modest part of town about 5 years ago. I have other debt and did not want to be a caretaker for something big. But the house has appreciated by more than 50% and I am not sure I could afford it today.

    • Anon

      I’ll be the outlier. I am single and bought a townhouse by myself, and my monthly payments are a little over 45% of my take home pay. But I also max out my retirement, have to pay my pension contributions, and save a decent amount each month, so I’m not worried about the cost. It would obviously be a lot less if I was in a partnership, but I haven’t been able to find a good guy and am not willing to settle for the “nice” guys I would have tot take care of

      • Anon

        Also, fwiw, it would cost me almost as much to rent an apartment have the size of my place in my HCOL area. Those old rules about how much to spend on housing just don’t make sense in many areas given the cost of housing now, especially if you are single

        • Senior Attorney

          Totally agree with this. When I was between marriages my housing costs (PITI plus maintenance) were about , 40% of take home pay and I felt a little squeezed. But when I considered the (late, lamented) mortgage interest deduction it wasn’t any more expensive than the rent I’d been paying on my 1bd/1ba Fashionable Downtown Apartment before I bought the house.

    • No Face

      My percentage is lower but I live in a LCOL with two incomes and I bought several years ago. Buying the same exact house would cost me a couple hundred thousand dollars now than when I purchased!

    • anon

      Annual HHI is around $115K, for a family of 3. Monthly take-home pay is around $7500. Mortgage payment on a $405K house, with 20% down and a 3.25% interest rate, including insurance and taxes, is about $2000/month, or approximately 20% of HHI (pre-tax), and 27% of take-home pay.

      Homeowners’ insurance is skyrocketing in my state. I anticipate that this fall, our overall mortgage payment will go up about $300-350 per month due to increases. That will change my overall mortgage payment to 24% of our pre-tax HHI, or 30% of our take-home pay. It’ll be worse if we’re hit with more storms this season.

      No other debt, but my family has astronomical medical expenses, and my benefits suck.

    • Meara

      Currently it’s about 31% of my take home (after retirement savings etc). But when I initially bought it it was a lot more than that, i was making about 2/3 of what I do now, so I had a roommate for several years (who paid about 1/3). Includes taxes/insurance, no HOA, no PMI.

      These days there’s no way I could afford it—the house has more than doubled in value.

    • Anonymous

      Our monthly payment (to include HOA, property tax, and insurance) is 18% of our take-home pay, sometimes less depending on what my husband earned that month. (His income varies but has a set amount guaranteed.) We bought our house 4 years ago and it has increased substantially in that time. We also sold our previous house and so were able to put a good amount down, which obviously decreased the amount we had to borrow and meant we did not have to have PMI. Also, we refinanced last year and have a very low rate now.

      But I agree that whether it makes financial sense to take on a payment that is 35-50% of your take home pay depends on so many other factors–how much do you make overall, how much do you spend. With no other debt and in a HCOL area, it might be perfectly reasonable.

    • Anon

      It really depends on the amount of your mortgage rather than the property value. 35% doesn’t seem ridiculous.

    • Anon

      Currently, our mortgage, interest, taxes (no PMI or HOA) are 20% of our take home. They were about 25% before some recent raises. We’ve never felt crunched, but we’re about to add a $1600/month daycare payment and I’m a little stressed.

    • Anonymous

      I make $120K, and my max was $450K for conventional or $550K for FHA (no sellers will take FHA in my HCOL market). When you get pre-approved, they factor in HOA fees and homeowners insurance if required. I went with a conventional mortgage that didn’t require it. I still bought it. It was about $400 for the entire year and gives me peace of mind.

      TLDR get preapproved first! That will tell you your budget. They have formulas so PITI and homeowners and insurance, if required, can’t go over a certain amount. This is why buyers have lost purchasing power as interest rates rise.

  16. Anon

    Need to give a direct report some strong feedback on improving their listening skills. I’m at a loss for framing/scripting. Any suggestions?

    • AIMS

      If the feedback concerns their listening skills I would be extremely specific and direct. Use actual examples. Give suggestions on how they can improve.

    • Anon

      I would say maybe also follow up with an email, since their problem is listening skills.

    • Anon

      Do they take notes during verbal exchanges? If not, tell them they need to start doing it. At the end of an exchange, ask them to read back their notes or task list. This habit saved me more than once when a supervisor claimed I had done something wrong –I flipped through my notes and read off exactly what she had told me to do. They fired me shortly afterwards.

  17. Anonymous

    Different probiotic question – can you take them as and when needed, say for a week when your gut is on and off bloated or whatever? Or are they meant to be taken as a vitamin like daily forever? I guess I’m asking if you take probiotics and get your gut bacteria into balance, how long does it stay balanced without the probiotics; it is likely to stay balanced for days or years?

    • AIMS

      I take them when I feel off or after/in conjunction with taking antibiotics. From what I read, benefits are inconclusive but post-antibiotic is the one area of near universal agreeement. I don’t take them “forever” – I’ll just finish a bottle or do a couple of weeks.

    • Anon

      “it is likely to stay balanced for days or years?”

      I think this depends on so many factors that it can’t really be answered definitively.

    • Anon

      You have to take them forever. They pretty much just move right through within a day or two. Again, there are some exceptions, and everyone varies, but for the most part it’s more important to change the conditions in your gut so that the good bacteria thrive and the most reliable way to do this is to eat more fiber.

    • Anon100

      I take probiotics after a course of antibiotics, I just finish up the jar and call it good. Like another commenter above, I rely primarily on eating active-culture foods like greek yogurt and kimchi to keep my gut bacteria healthy. Sometimes I’ll take a week of probiotics after a week of travel when I haven’t eaten many vegetables as I’d like.

  18. Anonymous

    How are people cleaning gold and diamond jewelry these days? My earrings and wedding ring got super gunky from summertime. Looking for something easy and inexpensive–not wanting to do a ton of scrubbing by hand (I’ve dropped things before).
    Any new tips or hacks from Tik Tok and Pinterest? Or one of those electronic washers? Hoping to keep it less than $20-$40.
    Thanks all!

    • Anon

      Electronic washer, found one for like $20 on Amazon and the Diamond dazzler pen for touch ups, also Amazon.

    • anon

      I bought a cheap ultrasonic cleaner on Amazon. I use water and a drop of Dawn in it about once a week. I saw a TikTok hack to use Mr. Clean with water in an ultrasonic and tried that this weekend. My ring has never sparkled so much.

      • Meredith

        Seconding this, years ago I asked my jeweler how they cleaned rings, and they told me the secret was adding a shot of Mr. Clean into the ultrasonic cleaning machine.

    • Anon

      I just drop it off at the jeweler for professional cleaning as needed and use a diamond dazzle stick in between

    • Anon

      A cheap toothbrush and some dish detergent. Brush away the gunk on the inside of your rings and the backs of your settings. Put a towel in the bottom of your sink while you’re doing this in case you drop something – covering the drain, of course.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        This is what I do, except I just close the stopper in our bathroom sink. I used to have an ultrasonic cleaner thing, but it broke after a few years and I realized it was a waste of space and yet another thing that would inevitably go to the landfill. Old toothbrush and dish soap FTW!

    • Also Anon

      My ring came with one of those cleaner pens that have a brush tip and cleaner fluid loaded, I clean it when it’s looking dull or when I want it to be extra sparkly for special occasions, and for deep cleanings I take it to the jeweler where my fiancé got it and they clean it for free.

    • Anonymous Canadian

      Hydrogen peroxide soak will clean tons of gunk out of your rings/earrings in no time! Internet says HP plus windex but I’ve always just used it straight.

  19. Anon

    Tell me your thoughts on patio furniture/umbrellas.

    Do you buy expensive patio furniture? I am guessing a quality umbrella is worth it (looking like I could spend around $1k for a decent one), but maybe could scrimp on the patio set and avoid spending thousands on that.

    • Anon

      I do the opposite, umbrellas fade and last a season or two (maybe three) looking great and new and are the most visible part of your set up if you’re standing around the yard. I get higher quality furniture but still not amazingly high end. I spend the most on cushions – sunbrella for the couches, because where I am it’s foggy in the morning and brightens up during the day so water resistance is key to keeping them nice. I change out throw pillows and umbrellas every few years when they get dingy.

    • Anonymous

      What kind of umbrella are you buying for $1000? That seems extremely high. Like $500 would get you a very high quality umbrella and stand.
      But patio furniture is expensive. It was the one thing I was hoping to get from.my parents when they moved out of town but that dis not work out. If you just want a dining table and chairs you can do okay but if you are looking at sofas and such they are pricey even at Home Depot.

      • OP

        Thanks all for your thoughts!

        In regards to the umbrella pricing: I was looking on Amazon and some of the cantilever umbrellas that are around $500-600 and highly rated require a separate stand that is about $300 + bags of sand. I glanced at crate and barrel the other day and they were $2k+!! I was really shocked as a longtime apartment dweller.

        Also good points on mechanics of umbrellas not being built to last very long vs Furniture maybe lasting longer.

    • Anon

      Hmm I would do the opposite.
      Maybe we just didn’t buy high quality enough umbrellas, but for ours the colors have faded (since they are always getting the brunt of the Sun, by design!) and I anticipate we will want to replace them semi regularly because of that. I also think the mechanics of any umbrella are such that they are prone to breaking more than furniture would no matter the price point.
      Meanwhile, we bought some lovely expensive teak adirondacks that are supposed to last decades. Weather resistant and we don’t have to worry about cushions.

    • Anonymous

      I had a $100 umbrella blow over and get
      Punctured in a wind storm so I’m not willing to spend a lot on that. I spent about $3-4k in 2014 on Home Depot’s aluminum patio furniture with cushions – 2 chaise lounges, six cushy dining chairs, a ext table and the umbrella stand and also bought furniture covers and the furniture is holding up really nicely and the cushions still look decent (faded, small tears from animals). Did replace the furniture covers about three years ago.

    • Anon

      I have never spent big bucks on an umbrella. They fade and occasionally get ripped so I would save my money for the furniture.

      I love my deep seating outdoor furniture but replacing the cushions, which needs to be done every other year or so, is very expensive and you kind of get what you pay for (she said while sitting on her relatively inexpensive but also slightly too small and not as comfortable replacement cushions.)

    • Anon

      As an anecdote my parents spent thousands on their patio furniture 20 years ago and it’s still going strong (they store it in the basement in the winter). The umbrella has been replaced over the years. Don’t scrimp on the stuff you’ll get the most use out of.

    • Anan

      Gosh, we just spent $1200 on a cantilever umbrella from Treasure Garden, and now I’m second guessing the choice. It hasn’t been delivered yet, so I can’t say if I have buyer’s remorse yet. I was super excited about the flexibility and size of it since we have zero shade in our back yard. Plus we were tired of our umbrellas blowing away and fading and having to be replaced every 3-5 years.

    • Curious

      We spent low thousands on our patio set, which is lovely deep seating, powder coated aluminum, with Sunbrella, from Abbyson. Basically I found something I liked at Costco, went to the manufacturer page, found a bigger set (we wanted to seat 8), and waited for a sale. It’s very nice and seems built to last, especially with the furniture covers. We haven’t yet bought an umbrella.

      • Curious

        Oh — and for those of you who said to live it up a little post cancer, that’s actually what we did! No regrets; we are out there almost daily.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          Yay! Outdoor spaces are such a mood lifter. I highly recommend adding a hammock to your setup; a book plus a hammock nap is the pinnacle of summer relaxation for me :-)

    • Senior Attorney

      If you’re going to have fabric in your outdoor furniture, it is imperative to get the real deal Sunbrella fabric. It is sickeningly expensive but it holds up for years and anything else will, as somebody said upthread, have to be replaced every year or so. Also if you have teak wood furniture it’s worth the trouble to re-seal it every couple of years.

    • FormerlyPhilly

      Bought a nice umbrella two months ago from a seller on Face Book Marketplace who was getting ready to move to another state. Snagged it for $150 and I found it online for $900 — I don’t usually use Marketplace for big items like this, but if it lasts a few years I’ll be happy.

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