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Updated: Aug 5, 2022 302 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Puff-Sleeve Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | · ·

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model wears dark green tulip-sleeved dress with puff sleeves

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

The Calvin Klein line at Macy’s is a great, reasonably-priced option for building a work wardrobe from scratch, or just filling in holes in an existing closet. If you’re in the market for a workhorse sheath dress, look no further. The sleeves are a good length for wearing on their own, but can also be worn under sweaters or blazers for warmth to make them look a bit more formal.

The dress also comes in black, which is admittedly more versatile, but it’s hard for me to say no to this gorgeous malachite green.

The dress is $99.98 at Macy’s and comes in sizes 14W–22W. In sizes 2–14, it's on sale for $49.99.

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Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anne-on

    Can the resident lawyers chime in on the Alex Jones phone discovery situation? I am absolutely cackling with glee over this man (hopefully) getting taken to the cleaners now that his financials are out there but HOW does someone screw up that badly and then not claim privilege after being notified? I just…don’t understand being that incompetent!

    • Anon

      It seemed like the texts and most (if not all) of the emails weren’t privileged, so the lawyers probably violated discovery procedures by not producing the info in the first place, and they didn’t want to get into further hot water by claiming privilege when there clearly wasn’t any. This is my speculation, of course.

      I’m very, very curious how it all went down. Years of data from a phone isn’t a small little file that’s easy to attach to an email and accidentally send, so I want to know the logistics!

      • Clara

        You’re right that this isn’t data that is small enough to really send accidentally, but if say a random associate did do this as a complete accident, how much trouble would they get into?

        • Anon

          Fired, maybe disciplined by the state board *if* any of it was actually privileged. Sounds like it mostly wasn’t (with the possible exception of medical records – not AC privileged, but I’d be shocked if there wasn’t a protective order in place for those. If not, more terrible lawyering). At a well run firm, the partner or whomever was supposed to be supervising the associate might also get in trouble since their name was almost certainly on whatever letter accompanied the file, but I’ve never actually seen a well run firm where this would happen – associate gets thrown under the bus, every time.

          Maybe it wasn’t such an accident, in which case the associate was a hero (but may still have violated ethics rules and should probably still be fired. Worth it.)

          • Anonymous

            The bigger violation is the withholding of the evidence in the first place. Production of irrelevant material is very minor in comparison with denying the existence of relevant, requested documents. If someone is getting sanctioned, by the bar or the court, it will primarily be on that basis. The associate may get fired, too, but shouldn’t want to work for the firm that instructed him/her to withhold evidence in discovery and lie about it.

      • DallasAnon

        I watched the five minute clip from the trial yesterday and it was sent in a shared Dropbox that was being used to exchange info between the two parties. Jones’ medical info was also sent

        • Anonymous

          Thanks for this info — I regularly transmit 50+ GB files in discovery and the idea of someone doing this “accidentally” had me very, very confused

          I still think it was an on purpose mistake by someone low on the totem pole

      • DallasAnon

        And now I’m reading the reporting from the people in the courtroom today. Sounds like a paralegal sent it over accidentally, Bankston (plaintiffs’ atty) notified Reynal, Reynal replied “Please disregard” which does nothing under the Texas Civil Procedure snap-back provision as a phrase, promised replacement disclosure which he never sent and DID NOTHING ELSE so it became the plaintiffs’ fee and clear of any privilege claims

        • Anon

          Lol forever. And then didn’t even prepare his client for being confronted with the “accidental” production.

          This has been really fun to watch. I hope the paralegal did it on purpose.

    • helloanon

      Haven’t been following closely, but I wonder if his lawyer realizes his law license is on the line and is trying to do some damage control by allowing the evidence into the record. E.g., Jones previously said he had no Sandy Hook text messages and now oops his entire phone is in the record, including the messages he said don’t exist. Still some damage done but at least the lawyer isn’t knowingly suborning perjury AND failing in his discovery obligations. I wouldn’t think that most of the phone text messages are privileged, although I’m not licensed in TX.

      • Anonymous

        This is my thought. He was attempting to perjure himself with regard to his finances. If I’m reading this right, he defaulted on the substance of the allegations and this is for damages. So I have to believe the default on the allegations was because he would have perjured himself there too.

        Also did they send privileged information or did they just send everything, including non-relevant stuff that could have been redacted?

    • Aunt Jamesina

      The January 6th committee is apparently going to subpoena his phone records! Glad it got out there, he’s an absolute monster.

    • Anon

      Alex Jones is an absolute garbage human so I hope this is the final nail in his coffin. This guy got rich telling his followers that 20 first graders were crisis actors who didn’t actually get murdered, and encouraging his followers to harass the surviving and grieving family members.

      Apparently the shared files include a video of the judge in his case (his actual judge) on fire. He’s also been talking about the trial on his radio show, daily, insulting the jury and continuing to insult these poor parents.

      His lawyer is really, really bad at his job and also seems like a terrible person. I hope he goes down in flames too.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Could this result in a mistrial? I don’t know if that’s a dumb question, I am definitely not a lawyer.

      • Anon

        That’s not a dumb question!

        Probably not, unless the judge made some bizarre rulings that would allow privileged information in or some otherwise large mistake. The bar for a mistrial is high. But just allowing the plaintiff to use documents that were produced to him (especially documents that were apparently supposed to have been sent MUCH earlier) is not going to cause a mistrial.

        I haven’t watched the rest of the trial to know if there was anything else throughout.

    • Anonymous

      I saw a funny Tweet that said “I hate Alex Jones but not as much as Alex Jones’s lawyer hates Alex Jones.”

      Did you see that Infowars was making $800K a DAY sometimes? I can’t even imagine that.

    • Nesprin

      The knowledge fight podcast has a series on Alex Jones’ depositions (formulaic objections). Highly recommend. This is 100% in line with everything else that has happened in this trial and Alex deserves every bit of hurt coming to him.

  2. Cc

    Can someone help me desk shop? I bought a cheap desk on Amazon when the pandemic started and I need to upgrade it – it’s too shallow. It’s 41 inches wide which is about right. I could maybe go up to 43 inches but not any wider than that , but I’d like something a lot deeper. It’s only 18 inches deep and I’d love something closer to 25, but that seems hard to find ! Drawers or shelves on the bottom would be a nice bonus but it’s really the surface area that’s driving me nuts

    • Anonymous

      for those dimensions, it may be easiest to buy some legs and a drawer set the same height, then get a top cut to size.
      I’d probably buy an ikea trotten desk set up and have someone cut a few inches off that top and paint the end. the ikea trotten top is 47 inches.

    • Anonymous

      Ikea has a Linnmon tabletop thats 39×23 that may work? you can choose your own selection of legs, shelves, drawers for underneath.

    • Ribena

      Having a similar issue. For now I’ve put a 2-unit high Kallax behind my desk with my monitor on it but that doesn’t look great.

    • Greensleeves

      I don’t have any desk suggestions for you, but my solution to this problem was a shelf that gave me additional space. If you continue to have trouble finding a deep enough desk you might consider it. Mine is the Office Oasis Dual Computer Monitor Stand, Solid Bamboo from the river site. It’s about 41 inches wide and 10 deep. Since I’m not using it for a monitor, I didn’t put in the leg that goes in the middle and just used the ones on the corners. That way I have room under the entire shelf to put papers, my keyboard, whatever I need out of the way at the moment. I used the top for pens, post its, water and other stuff I need easy access to. I also really wanted more depth in my desk and this has turned out to be a very functional solution for me!

    • Anon8

      I love my Ikea desk. Just measured and it’s 23 inches deep which works for me. I used to use a small wooden dining table as my work desk which was 29 inches and it was honestly too deep. I really like the Ikea desk systems specifically because they’re so customizable. For instance I know it’s common for people to use the Ikea countertops as their desktop. I have the Alex drawer unit as the support on one side of mine and legs on the other side and love it.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      Don’t buy new! Look for vintage/antique/secondhand desks. Here’s a link if you are in the New York area.

    • anon

      This is the desk I have from Wayfair and I love it. I never screwed the top on (hazard if you have toddlers). It looks nice and is really sturdy and the shelves on the side are perfect for my printer (a small one) and ScanSnap scanner. Recommend. Wayfair allows you to shop by dimensions.

  3. Anon

    Does is matter what brand of paint is used for indoor painting? A friend loves Benjamin Moore, I am willing to pay the extra $ if it is worth it but would like some additional opinions.

    • anon

      I use only BM paints after a flooded 2nd floor b%%^room. We painted the kitchen with BM 5 years prior to the flood. The paint peeled back on one wall of the kitchen. The insurer sighed, said he would include repainting the whole kitchen since the paint would never match. (It’s a wall that gets about 12 hours of sunlight a day.) That night, we patched the section of the wall. He came in the next day and couldn’t tell the difference. Bottom line, it holds its color for years. It’s also easy to clean (over a decade of labrador retriever drool).

    • MagicUnicorn

      I use Dutch Boy, Valspar, basically whatever non-generic brand the local big box stocks and just make sure I get the right base for whatever surface I am covering and color I am using. It all goes on the same, appearance is as expected, wears and scrubs fine. Maybe I am missing something, but I don’t see the point of de$igner paint.

      One thing I learned ages ago: you can take a paint sample from any brand to the paint counter and have them color match it. They will mix and put a test blop on the paint sample and let you look at it in all different lighting to see if the match is good.

      • MagicUnicorn

        Caveat that I use a sprayer and appropriately prep everything before actually painting. Never had runny, drippy, poor coverage like others mention, unless I am trying to use very old paint. I even have some that I applied well over a decade ago (in a dark, rich, frequently admired color at that!) and it is holding up just fine in a sunny location. I usually paint at least one room or item each year and have never had an issue.

        • Cat

          Even the Big Box store brands have different quality levels (there’s like 4 tiers usually). A gallon of top-tier Behr will cost around $50 but is miles better than the $25 bottom-tier gallon. We made that mistake once when DIY’ing a bathroom paint job and learned the hard way.

          I have never gone to the F&B paint price point to know if it’s incrementally better, though.

    • Anon

      Yes, it’s about the subtlety of color. BM is a premium brand and their colors will be richer than others. Farrow and Ball is the luxury paint for the same reason. Colors can “match” with other brands but will lack subtle depth. Not everyone will notice or care, but I do.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      I use BM since I like their colors and I prefer to patronize the local store that’s near my home, but the Behr brand carried at Home Depot is supposed to be a great value and they can color match.

    • Anonymous

      It depends if you’re a details person or not, there is definitely a difference if you’re the type of person to notice opacity, finish and depth. But if colours are just colours to you it doesn’t matter. The key to a good paint job isnt just the paint though it’s also in the prep, walls should be scrubbed with tsp substitute, everything taped etc, but again not the type of thing someone who isn’t a details person notices.

    • brokentoe

      You really get what you pay for. More expensive paint is thicker and therefore easier to paint with (fewer drips) and usually covers much better. So it really doesn’t end up being that much more expensive if you need 2 coats of cheaper paint to cover the previous color, when you can often do it with one coat of more expensive paint. Also, don’t forgo priming your walls if you are painting new drywall or there is a major difference between the old and new colors. It will save you $$ on your paint regardless of its price point .

    • Cat

      I agree with everyone, yes, it does matter. The cheap stuff is runny, has patchy coverage, etc even if you ask the store to match the color formula for the BM color.

    • DallasAnon

      IME, the more light a room gets the less expensive paint you can get away with in terms of depth of color. I always use Farrow & Ball or equivalent paints for bathrooms or other low light rooms because the depth of color helps a lot

    • Pompom

      If I’m the one painting, Behr premium plus ultra for life over here. Like buttah.
      The house painters I’ve hired in the past (and am about to hire again) use SW and I was really pleased.

    • Anon8

      Agree that it does matter. I used to use the premium Sherwin Williams stuff from Lowes but painted one room with BM and people regularly comment on how rich and beautiful the paint looks in that specific room. I’m a convert.

    • Anon

      It’s all fine. If you’re painting trim, cabinets, or furniture you need to be more selective about what you choose but it doesn’t really matter for drywall. Paint machines can match all other brands’ colors without a sample chip as it’s programed into their computer systems. You can walk into Sherwin Williams or wherever and as for a Farrow & Ball color and they will make it. Brands like F&B like to talk about how they have specially pigmented paints that change color in different lights but that is literally true for all paint.

    • Anon 2.0

      I prefer Valspar paint from Lowe’s. I have used Benjamin but I have used both Sherwin and Behr and Valspar wins every time. I think paint from big box stores has came a long way in the last decade or so and it just as good of quality.

      • Anonymous

        +1 I just painted a room with Valspar a few weeks ago and it went on smooth and easily. No second coat or retouching required. A little paint on the ceiling, but that’s my own fault.

    • Anon 87

      It absolutely does matter. More expensive paints tend to have more expensive hardeners in them, which is why people always say that nicer paints clean better – they dry physically harder than cheaper paints, so when you scrub at them they don’t come off the wall. My painter likes Sherwin Williams paints better, but prefers the colors of Benjamin Moore and BM is slightly cheaper for what you get. He said their top of the line paints perform about the same but BM is slightly less expensive. I went with BM and have been very happy with them for the entire house – ceiling, walls, trim, cabinets, etc.

  4. DC pandas

    It’s a goal of mine to donate blood this year- does anyone have any recommendations for the DC area?

    Would prefer a location that is accessible via bus or metro. Thank you!

    • Anon

      Thank you! I needed a transfusion after childbirth and so appreciate you and others who donate!

    • FP

      I am not in DC but the Red Cross app is fantastic for finding drives around you based on day/time preferences. I use this often and donate around town depending on what else I’m doing that day.

    • Anon

      Even if you don’t think your iron levels are low, eat iron rich foods leading up to the appointment. I used to donate all the time but can’t get my iron levels up high enough anymore. Also, drink lots of water before hand! The more hydrated you are, the faster it goes!

      • Anon.

        This is probably TMI and overly personal but please keep an eye on this. My mom was a regular blood donor and then had a drop in iron levels so she kept getting rejected. That led to a check-up, which led to a colonoscopy and colon cancer diagnosis. They caught it early and she’s doing great – but now I’m hyper aware of this kind of stuff.

        • Anon

          I think keeping an eye on this is wise; new difficulty in keeping up iron levels without a clear explanation can be an “internal bleeding” sign too… I agree that a check up makes sense.

    • Carrots

      I usually go on the Red Cross website and look for a donation site. Every time I’ve gone to look, there’s usually a standing site somewhere in DC, though off the top of my head, I can’t remember where (somewhere in Southwest I think?)

    • Anonymous

      Good, please do donate. And please do what you can to be eligible to donate on the day. I am always so disappointed to see most of the women (and some men) walking out after initial screening because their iron so too low. I had no idea this was such a widespread problem.
      I don’t know DC anymore, but if you go to the Red Cross website, you can input your zip code and it will pull up locations nearby from which you can select.

      • Anonymous

        I’m a regular blood and platelet donor. I know my iron is always teetering on the line for donation so I take a women’s multivitamin that contains 100% of my daily iron. I typically alternate between the iron-containing multivitamin and a multi without iron so I can keep my iron up and not have it get too high. I really struggle to get my iron high enough without taking my iron-containing multivitamin.

        Also, second (or third?) going to a brick and mortar blood donation center. They are most prepared to take care of you there and it can be easier to get an appointment than through drives.

    • Walnut

      I’m not in DC, but my best blood donation experiences are when I go to the brick & mortar red cross donation centers. You might check their website to find out if you’re lucky enough to have one in a convenient location for you. As a side benefit, if you want to make a routine of it, you can usually schedule the same appointment slot on a regular cadence.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I used to work close to the main donation site in my city and they made it so easy! In 2020-2021 I gave convalescent plasma there and they were always well staffed and kind. My arm would get so cold that the machine thought I was dead, so they’d pile me with blankets and give me a glove filled with hot water to hold.

        • Walnut

          Yes! Pre-kids I was a routine platlet donor at the main donation site six blocks from my office. Warm blankets+endless chocolate milk+plus a couple hours with my kindle was like cheap self-care.

      • Anonymous

        I have found the biggest bonus of the brick & mortar locations to be the lack of wait time. Pop-up events tend to have walk-ups that have to be fit in and also run the risk of issues with set-up that push the entire event back. But pick the location where you will actually make it to the appointment above all else.

    • Lydia

      You can search on the red cross website by zipcode… I usually do this and find somewhere close to either home or office. Recently I’ve donated at a hotel and at our local NPR station (both pop up blood drives); I prefer these to going to the donor center, for whatever reason.

    • Digby

      The American Red Cross has a pretty useful “find a donation center” function on their website. I think you can search by location and date, and book your appointment online.

    • ALT

      I’m not in DC but I tend to faint when I give blood, so I always go to the local Red Cross office so I know they’re prepared if I pass out. They’re also the NICEST people! I use the app to schedule and track my donations, I also like that you can get notifications of when your blood is used.

      Thanks for giving blood, it’s so necessary for so many reasons!

    • Anon

      I donate at DC Children’s Hospital. They have a free shuttle from the Brookland metro.

    • DeepSouth

      Download the Red Cross app. You can do the relatively long health questionnaire in advance and find a time/location that works for you.

      I am a 15 gallon donor — it’s nice to do something easy that matters so much to someone else. Drink at least two bottles of water beforehand and the donation will be super fast, so you don’t have time to get the heeby jeebies about a needle in your arm.

      thanks for your kindness.

    • Try Inova, too

      You can also donate via Inova, which has several physical locations and runs a ton of bloodmobiles. go to inovabloodsaves dot org, and you can search for what works best for you.

  5. Anonymous

    I am interested in a reusable waterproof shower cap that is also breathable. The cheap caps I use now get very warm underneath which defeats the purpose of delaying a shampoo! Is there like a forested version of this product?

  6. Anonymous

    Going back to an in-person office after 2 years fully remote. I started during the pandemic so I haven’t seen most of my co-workers in person. The dress code is casual, but I get the sense that the attorneys (of which I am one) dress more formally than the business folks do. I’ve seen men in button downs or polos and women with nice blouses + cardigans/swackets on video calls. I would normally go for a skinny pants + long cardigan + long necklace + ballet flats vibe, but that’s reading dated to me now. What would y’all recommend? Size 14 pear for reference.

    • Anon

      Just wear whatever, what you describe sounds fine. The biggest hurdle of going in again is being comfortable in work clothes. Give yourself a few weeks to get used to it and to see what others wear. This is the least judgey time for office wear that I’ve ever experienced.

    • Anon

      I would wear a dress or skirt/blouse with a cardigan with loafers. I do think lawyers generally dress up a bit more than the business folks at my place at least.

      • Anon

        I think this is the only place I’ve seen ballet flats derided. Bloggers are still wearing them, and fashion mags still endorse. Yes, alongside loafers and brogues but I think they’re still perfectly fashionable, maybe the one true classic.

        • Anon

          Then maybe she needs new ones. There’s so little that can be a true classic. There are always small details that change with trends. I have a bunch of ballet flats from ~6-8 years ago that I look at and just think they look bad now.

          • Anon

            Yeah, they need to be fresh, I also hate the ones that cover too much toe and look like a no show sock, but a pretty repettto flat looks good.

        • Cat

          My ballet flats from a decade ago have stubbier, rounder toes than the shapes sold currently. The whole “round toe” shape feels very A Decade Ago to me at this point, vs. almond, loafer, or point.

          (the 90’s teen in me just cannot with square toes, though.)

        • Anon

          I’m in the office 4 days a week and ballet flats look so dated to me, everyone is wearing mules, loafers, or brogues

        • Anon

          I’m not in a fashionable area but I cannot imagine a world in which women stop wearing ballet flats. They will look better if they are newer – more current and office footwear should be in good shape.

          • Anon 2.0

            Same. Here in the, not so fashion forward, midwest the ballet flat is a classic. We also kept wearing boots to the knee, because it is freezing in the winter. Ballet flats for life!

      • MagicUnicorn

        Agree. Loafers, oxfords, or something like Allbirds or Zerogrand are more the norm here. It looks fine but I feel stale whenever I put ballet flats on lately.

      • Deedee

        Sadly I think both very skinny (slim is okay) and roundtoe (almond or point is better imo) ballet flats are dated. Not to say I never wear them! If I’m going to a religious service, for example, you bet your butt I’m wearing ballet flats. But most of the time if I’m wearing ballet flats or skinnies, I’ll only wear one or the other and try to make the rest of the outfit more current.

        • DeepSouth

          Like the Spanx” on the go kick flare”. they are barely flared and barely cropped. I wear mine with mules, heels, sandals. even white sneakers on Friday.

  7. Tina

    I need to break up with my boyfriend (basically because of an ambition-gap type issue like what was discussed yesterday) but I’m basically stalling.
    In a total cliche, I want to find some ways to keep busy right after we break up. I’m not going to reach back out to him or anything, but I get anxious and staying occupied just helps.

    – I want to lose a few pounds, but more importantly, I want to get more into a sport that historically leads to me losing weight
    – Signed up for language classes in the language I learned in school but has languished since then

    Any other ideas like this? I just want to be mentally prepared.

    • Anon

      Be prepared to be sad even if it’s your idea and the right choice. Sometimes you have to go through the experience to come out the other side. Staying busy is just preventing you from dealing with your emotions and you might find yourself over him faster than you think.

      • Senior Attorney

        Agree with this. The only way out is through.

        That said, there is a school of thought that says you should be out there dating immediately to distract yourself.

        • Anon

          Yes I did a lot of “dating” right after my divorce and it was therapeutic in ways I hadn’t imagined. And by dating I mean s3x. It always started out as a date, anyway.

      • Tina

        I was thinking that! My birthday is kind of coming up so I was thinking of taking a day off of work on a random week day and going to a spa. Also may be going to visit family anyways.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          Doooooo it! And you’ll come out the other side of this breakup and breathe a HUGE sigh of relief. Promise :-)

    • AnonQ

      Have a list of streaming shows and a stack of library books ready for an instant distraction when you feel sad or start to ruminate on your choice.

    • Anon

      Just do it!! It’s never going to be perfect. It’s an unkindness to him to drag this on if you know you want to break up with him.

      • Tina

        I know! I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I wanted to “give him a chance” especially after I brought it up the first time but Im realizing I’m a big “actions speak louder than words” and I’m not waiting around for whenever any action eventually happens.

        • Anon

          Hopefully he’ll never know, but I can’t imagine what it would feel like to know somebody wanted to dump you but not until they researched and booked their perfect spa weekend first.

          • Anon

            That’s unnecessary. OP has every right to try to prepare herself for this difficult step and it’s not all about a spa weekend.

            Hope you have the day you deserve!

    • Cat

      Just rip off the bandaid. It’s ok to feel sad even when you’re the one initiating and you know it’s the right thing to do.

    • Vicky Austin

      Good stack of books, or one in particular that is long and demands all your attention?

      PS this is reminding me of the time I texted an ex to have a Mature Discussion of some things that were said in the breakup/aftermath and occupied myself after sending said text by playing through the entire Beauty and the Beast Broadway songbook on the piano. I was so proud of myself for figuring out a way to keep myself from obsessing! (I was 18.)

    • Anonymous

      Sign up for an art class! I took a watercolor class during a stressful time in my life and appreciated the creative outlet.

    • Walnut

      Re-arrange you furniture to shake up the old routines. I also like buying new bedding, a bouquet of fresh flowers or re-stocking the fridge/pantry with just the things you like.

    • Sasha

      Take a time-limited class on some activity you’ve been interested in, something that’s once a week for six weeks or so. Some suggestions: rock climbing, pottery, glass blowing, embroidery, golf, tennis, an instrument, dance class, cooking class. The only condition is that it cannot involve looking at a screen. It’ll give you something to look forward to each week and you’ll meet some new people (not necessarily potential dates, just new folks). There’s also some primal satisfaction and contentment that comes from making something with your hands

      • Coach Laura

        I was just going to post this – a new sport/class in addition to your tried and true one. The “new to you” feature is important. Going back to a sport you love is a great idea but new class, new ideas, new you. Rock climbing, golf, tennis, dance and cycling were my suggestions. Knitting and embroidery to me would let me ruminate too much but otherwise agree with the above.

    • Hootster

      I’d also suggest finding a good friend who agrees to be on speed dial whenever you have an overwhelming urge to reach back out to your ex. Have them agree to talking you off that ledge whenever you need it.

  8. Anon

    Has anyone been to Madeira? We’re considering going in March with a 5 year old. We were originally looking at mainland Portugal, but it seems like Madeira will have better weather that time of year. We like food and wine, natural scenery, walking, hiking (limited by what the 5 year old can do though) and beaches (even if it’s too cold to swim). We’d have ~six days there.

    • NYCer

      I have a friend who went and loved it. I know that she stayed at the Belmond, but beyond that I do not have too many details. She went alone, which is obviously a different kind of trip than a family trip. The hiking pictures she showed me definitely look too strenuous for a 5 year old. Spectacular though!

    • Anonymous

      I went a long time ago and enjoyed it, although am not sure I would go again but chiefly because there are so many other places I want to visit. I would not have thought it would be a great place for a 5-year old, but a relative with a 2-year old went recently and enjoyed it.

    • Anon

      I just watched an episode of Travelman that absolutely made me want to go to Madeira!

  9. Anon

    What bottoms are people wearing to the office now? I just can’t with what some companies are trying to sell as officewear. And I’m sick of jogger-type pants sold other than for lounging. I am kind-of craving a suit but am OK with a bit of an elastic waist. And no skinnies again (at least until it is slushy boot weather)?

    • Anonymous

      J Crew Factory Ruby pants or Jamie pants have been my go-tos recently. More dressed up than jeans but still really comfortable.

    • Anne-on

      I almost always wear dresses into the office so I don’t have to mess around with pairing tops/bottoms. If I am wearing a separate bottom it’s usually a slim leg pant (like the pants from the Ann Taylor suit yesterday) or a midi/a-line skirt with a defined waist so I can tuck a blouse into it. I’m not tall enough to do the slouchy top over slouchy bottom thing, on me it just looks frumpy and sloppy. My skirts are usually from Jcrew or Brooks brothers, and my most worn pants are from Talbots though I also have some JCrew and MMLafelur pants in the rotation.

    • Anon

      I wear a lot of dresses and my old skinnies, but I just bought a wide leg pair from Old Navy I’m excited to try (high waisted canvas wide leg workwear pants). I’m definitely seeing a lot of cropped wide leg pants

    • Vicky Austin

      I’m hanging onto my Old Navy Stevies. They don’t seem to make them anymore, but I’ve found a few on Poshmark. Super comfy, although not the most formal. I also like the Holland pant from J. Crew factory – it has an elastic waist in back, but is all business in the front.

    • Chl

      I’ve been wearing the Kate pants from jcrew. Good blend of casual and professional for me (not in linen.)

    • Deedee

      Straight leg pants. I have a pair of trousers and a pair of skinny slacks which are both packed away for when I feel they are fresher. Honestly though in summer I live in dresses mostly! Skirts are not a big part of my work wardrobe right now. If worn, I usually pair with a similarly colored top, which is more “dress-like” styling that seems fresher to me right now.

    • Anon

      I think the straight leg pants from yesterday’s coffee break would be great.

      Failing that, the Eileen Fisher crepe pants (elastic waist!) always work.

    • DeepSouth

      mentioned before, but the Spanx on the go kick flare. Barely flared and barely cropped.

  10. Anon

    Is there something like the JCrew Juliette sweater jacket that is not so long and not so much volume? I love it, but it seems a bit much,stylistically for summer and a lot of fabric for a short person, but I’m freezing in the office and need a layer.

    • PolyD

      J Crew Factory has some sweater blazers that I think are a bit less voluminous.

  11. Anonymous

    Has anyone tried the chili pad mattress cooler? One of my biggest struggles with falling asleep is being hot so I’m curious how well it works, which version to get, how loud it is, etc?

    • DCJ

      I don’t have a chilipad, but I did get a BedJet this year and it is AMAZING. I love it. Ever since I had my kids I’ve been drenched in night sweats, and this has really helped. I don’t find it loud – if anything it’s just white noise/like a constant fan or white noise machine. I love that you can control the fan and the temp, and I’m looking forward to trying the warming aspect of it when it gets cold out, LOL. Some groups I follow online had been recommending it and I was reluctant to spend the money, but WORTH IT. It’s like having your own little HVAC system for the inside of your bed, haha.

    • BB

      OMG YES!! I have recommended it several times on here because it was seriously life changing! I have the Ooler version. I also sleep hot and it has been amazing! It’s not a freezer, so your room still can’t be sweltering. It can basically maintain that “I just got into the sheets and they’re all crisp and cool feeling” temperature all night. It’s about as loud as a quiet fan – noticeable, but I got used to it very quickly. I also can’t really feel the pipes unless I’m actively thinking about it. I thought about upgrading to the DockPro version, but I see lots of reviews about wifi issues. The Ooler’s bluetooth scheduling is great and I like being able to just control it without getting up via my phone.

      The only issue I have had with it in over a year is that just last month, a really gross brown algae like residue started growing in the tank. I was using distilled water. I did big clean and refilled it with water + hydrogen peroxide, then ran it through a few times again. I haven’t noticed any new issues yet.

  12. Anonymous

    This dress looked great until I saw the exposed zipper. Didn’t those go out of style like 5 years ago?

    • Anon

      They never should have been in style! But they’re cheaper for retailers so I think they’ll always be around.

      • Monday

        This is it. I’m not sure they ever really were in style per se. But style effects that create shortcuts in manufacturing just stay around forever.

  13. Anon

    I have an in-person event in a few weeks for work in LA and I have no idea what to wear. I work in tech, so the men will probably be in T-shirts or hoodies, but the women are more all over the place. I want to look polished and chic but not out of place. Oh, and I’m over 40 and a definite pear. Help! Does a silk Everlane button-down with good jewelry, jeans and leather loafers seem like the right vibe?

    • Senior Attorney

      It’s probably going to be too hot for jeans (September is the hottest month in LA). I’d say linen pants or similar instead. And again, it’s super hot so sandals or sneakers instead of loafers.

    • Nesprin

      I’d go with more statement jewelry instead of traditional good jewelry, or a colorful/patterned top over a conservative one. It’ll also be very hot, so maybe loose pants instead of jeans.

    • BeenThatGuy

      All the tech conferences I go to, the female “uniform” seems to be jeans (skinny or straight) with a shell/t-shirt and blazer (on the longer side) with oxfords.

    • DeepSouth

      I am wearing Bella Dahl button downs with white jeans. They have a very cool vibe, and are super lightweight and easy to wear. I feel better in a structured shirt than a t-shirt.

  14. Anon

    Does a Domestic Violence Protection Order in a divorce case always mean there was an incident of domestic violence? Or is there some other reason it might be filed? (Snooping on the docket of an ex-bf’s divorce case…)

    • Senior Attorney

      “Domestic violence” can be as minor as “he pushed me aside because he wanted to leave the house and I wanted him to stay,” or as serious as “he choked me into unconsciousness.” So yes, if a protective order was granted there was nost likely some conduct in that range but without knowing the details it’s not very helpful information.

    • Anonymous

      Sometimes it means there was a report of domestic violence that never occurred but that should not be the assumption.

    • Anon

      As someone who wanted to file for one but was advised not to…I was told by two attorneys that there has to be evidence, as if you file without any proof, it can backfire and you can lose custody of your children.

      If this is a boyfriend, I’d consider it a bright red flag. Given that you’re looking, you probably already know this. Sorry.

      PS I am not a lawyer.

      • Anon

        Ex!!! Haven’t talked to him in more than a decade and definitely staying way the heck away from him. He never got physical with me, but based on his behavior in our relationship, it would not shock me if he was physical with his ex wife.

  15. Hypatia

    Yesterday’s poster about feeling like doors are closed/closing in mid-life reminded me of an article in The Guardian where a nurse made a list of the top 5 regrets she heard from dying people. Reflecting on these can be useful to recalibrate during those blah moments.
    1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
    2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
    3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
    4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
    5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
    I imagine the ranking here is different for every individual and we all have personal goals/barriers. Still, this list is a good reminder that what people care most about is their self-fulfillment and relationships.

    • Anonymous

      That was me yesterday – thanks for this list. And thanks to all those who responded. You all definitely gave me a lot to think about. Think I’ll be reaching out to some members on a committee I’m on which is in the finance industry just to see if a few people will do some calls with me to broadly discuss my background and what is or isn’t possible.

      • Anon

        I’m in finance at around your age (slightly older). Happy to chat, post a burner email and I’ll email you. Wishing you well.

      • Curious

        Thank you for asking the question, too. I’m back to work again after a year not working and remembering all the reasons I both love and hate working at such an intense place and “for the man”. I appreciated people’s reminders that we can be courageous.

    • Anon

      I will say, as someone rather determined to live life for herself (and her family) rather than others, the judgement can be quite miserable. It’s a regional thing – the South is horrible for it – and I wonder if whole groups of people are so used to living their lives for others and in fear of others that they can’t even understand carving out a life for themselves.

      • Anon

        Is it possible you’re projecting or internalizing much of the projection? I spent 8 years living in large cities in the South (and another 30 years between the west coast and NY) and never experienced this level of judgement. I wonder if therapy might be helpful for feeling more comfortable in your skin.

        • Anon

          That response is completely uncalled for. Austin, TX is not the same as, say, Knoxville TN or Jackson, MS, and telling a stranger that she needs therapy is… look in the mirror honey.

      • Anonymous

        Yes there are entire groups of people like this. Like my entire ethnic community – Indian-American. I guarantee you not every middle or upper middle class Indian kid wants to be a doctor, lawyer, banker, or engineer. I guarantee they have other interests just like everyone else yet community and parental pressure is so great that my generation (the ones raised in the 80s-90s) had no choice but to cave. It is nice to see it changing with younger generations now. You see way more Indian-American 18-22 year olds in school to become environment policy analysts rather than environmental engineers or speech therapists rather than doctors, and it’s nice to see that they are saying to their parents, well I am the one who has to do this for 40 years so no I can’t just live out YOUR dream because of “what will people say about us.”

  16. Anonymous

    Have you ever had a long time friendship fade away or become distanced because of jealousy, insecurity, or just sideways comments from the other person that weren’t so nice? What was the issue in your case? I feel like this is happening right now and I’m stunned as we’re in our 40s, not high school or college women. Nor is my life anything jealousy worthy. But it’s been all these comments for the last few years about money, how money doesn’t buy happiness. I’ve ignored them because I wanted to stay friends and now it’s turned to – why do I need such a “big” house. And for reference it took me into my 40s to buy that house which is a 1500 sqft townhouse, so hardly a mansion. At this point I feel like if I actually got a job that paid big money or bought a huge new single family home, I’d never hear from her again. Anyone been there? Is there any saving this?

    • Anon

      Sounds like she’s making judgmental comments about your life choices. Why do you want to still be friends with her?

    • Anon

      About two year ago, I thought that I was the problem with a long-time friendship. It was a series of constant sideways comments about my life; the cherry on top was when she said that my marriage was not as important as hers because I got married later in life. The commenters here were great and pointed out how ridiculous she was being. I ended that frenemyship and it’s a big weight off my shoulders.

    • Anonymous

      I’d back away. There are plenty of women who’ll celebrate you for getting the big job and buying a house because they are not insecure in what they have. You do not need someone in your life constantly looking down on your life choices. Maybe I’m just rude but if someone asked me why I bought such a big house, my response would be – because I can afford it.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      Is your friend in a bad financial situation, or perhaps frustrated about her income? I think some people just bathe in their jealousy when they’re going through a rough patch and it can turn them bitter. I have a colleague who is going through some rough times with a vindictive a$shole of an almost ex-husband who is putting her through the wringer financially. She makes snide comments in front of lots of people about every new car purchase/mention of a vacation/new outfit she notices at work and tries to play them off as a joke. “Wow, must be nice! I could barely afford to fix the leak in my roof last week.” “Looks like Carla got another new outfit while *some* of us can barely pay our bills.” She’s even started asking what people are having for lunch under the guise of making conversation, but then turns it into “Shrimp?! Wow… I’m having lentils and rice AGAIN.”

      My colleague is actually very good at her job, but it’s at the point where she could lose it because of how damaging she is to the way we all work together. I would distance myself from this friend. If it were a particularly important friendship, I might have a”you’ve commented a few times on my financial decisions in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. What’s up with that?” conversation. But otherwise, it’s probably time to move on

      • Anonymous

        This. Assuming your friendship hasn’t always been like this and she only started commenting on money, houses in the last 2-3 years, I imagine something is going on with her monetarily whether she’s switched jobs and making less money or worrying about how she’ll ever afford a house or a better house or whatever. Pandemic has been a mixed bag. Many people came out way way ahead financially, but many did not esp. if they had to scale back on working for any reason.

    • Anonymous

      Only you can decide if you want to continue to tolerate the comments. For me it comes down to respect. I can put up with little sniping comments to an extent but when you start to insult me, my character, values, etc. there’s no coming back (without a sincere apology, which almost never happens). I’m not a punching bag.

      I’m currently distant from a friend because of this. We’re in our late 30s. She’s been with her BF for years and he won’t marry her, at least not on any definitive timeline, but she wanted a baby. So she informed him she was stopping BC and got PG right away. She assumed this meant he would marry her. She was wrong. Meanwhile I went through numerous BFs before I finally met a guy I’m crazy about and got married after less than 2 years. The sniping comments intensified until she started actually insulting my husband and our relationship (ie he’s not a real man because I make more, we don’t have a marriage we have a transaction, lots more). I’m so sorry that she’s unhappy but I have to wish her well from a distance, I can’t tolerate that kind of toxicity.

    • Oh so anon

      I had a friend who made a lot of negative comments about my body type (petite) and eating habits (vegetarian). I tried to ignore them and stay friends with her because I knew that she was dealing with an eating disorder and other challenges. However, her critical comments about me and my body got to be really wearing over the years, so I decider to stop socializing with her.

    • Anon

      Yes to some degree. I try not to be braggy or showy period, but especially with friends who I know make less and I’m sensitive about how much we spend when we dine or go for drinks together. But those friends have never begrudged me any of my own purchases because they know I worked my ass off for them, and because they’re real friends.

      On the other hand, I recall when I bought the house I own now, one of my work friends came over and said things like “why didn’t you tell me you bought such a big house?” and “it’s a little bigger than my house but my house has a better layout” and “I’m not so sure another this neighborhood” and continuing with the snarky comments. By the way, it was my birthday dinner and she was making the comments to the whole table. This woman doesn’t make less than me. At the time I think she made slightly more than me, but I can only assume she was triggered that I could actually afford something nice when she thought I was several rungs below her.

      That was the last time that “friend” was ever invited to my house. It gave me a lot to think about, and I did a slow fade on the friendship, which was difficult because we still worked together.

      You don’t need people like that in your life, OP.

  17. Anonymous

    Just read a stat that something like 72 percent of Americans live within 20 miles of where they grew up. So I’m curious about this group – how far do you live in relation to where you grew up?

    For those within that 20 miles, did you ever live anywhere else post-college and then move back for say grandparent help, aging parents, just wanting to be home? Or did you go away for school and return in 4 years or just never go away? If you’ve never gone away or only for school, any regrets?

    Trying to make some life decisions, so I’m curious.

    • Cat

      I’m an (easy nonstop) flight away from my hometown. Fell for the city when I moved for law school.

    • Anon

      I’ve lived at least 1000 miles away since I left for college 20+ years ago. I’m incredibly glad that I’ve had the chance to live in every major region of the country and wouldn’t trade that experience for anything, but I’d also really like to move back to my hometown. I’d like to be closer to my family and it’s a genuinely great city, just haven’t been able to make to job thing work out.

    • JTM

      I left home for college 600mi away at 18, and outside of a 3mo stint between undergrad & grad school, I haven’t lived even close to home. At my furthest I was 1200mi, and currently I’m about 800mi away.

      I KNEW I didn’t wan to be stuck in my hometown – we actually ended up there because of my dad’s job, but we never had any family connections to the town, which is unlike most people there (most folks have been there for generations). I am very much a Big City type of person so I knew once I left at 18 that I would never be back…unless life got really rough & I’d need to move in with my mom (which thankfully hasn’t happened).

    • Veronica Mars

      Guilty. But I’ve traveled/lived/worked in different countries and parts of the US before coming back to settle in my hometown (MCOL city). I had about 6 years away. If anything, it was wonderful to move around and try other places, but they ultimately made me appreciate the great things about my city. That, plus the fact that it’s MCOL made it an affordable choice to establish my professional career. When I first settled here, I was fortunate to be able to afford a small apartment, groceries, healthcare, travel and fun all on my starting salary, something that would be impossible in the other areas, and I prioritized stability and self-sufficiency rather than trying to stretch on a shoestring budget in a HCOL area.

      • Anon

        +1. Born and raised in MCOL major city, went to the state school in another city a few hours away, then moved to NYC for grad school/work, and then D.C., (~16 years total on the East Coast) and happily moved back to home city with DH, kid #1, and now kid #2. My immediate and extended family are here, the city offers a ton (diversity, food, art, quirkiness, good people, major airports/easy international travel), and a lot of my BFFs have moved back to the state. It’s a quick, direct flight to DH’s home state. Are there things I don’t like? Sure. But on balance, I feel like a “fit” here.

        My house is </= 20 miles from all 3 of my childhood homes/apartment. Total happenstance.

    • Deedee

      I guess I’m not sure what that means for myself. I lived in 4 different states (6 different towns) before attending college in fifth state where I then lived for 8 years. I recently moved back to an area where I lived from ages 9-12. So…I guess I now live in 20 miles of where I grew up? But in practice I don’t view myself as “having a hometown.”

      • Anon

        This is me. I was born on one side of the country and lived a half dozen places before my family settled on the other side of the country in the city I live in now and where I went to high school. I moved away for college, law school and the first five years of work but moved back when I started thinking about having kids (which was the best possible decision given how demanding my job is and how incredibly helpful my parents were). So I live in the city I went to high school in.

        If my kid settles in a completely different part of the country and it looks permanent I might consider moving or splitting my time, but realistically I am not leaving my parents as long as they are alive and might need my help, all of my friends are here, and it is honestly a great place to live.

    • Anon

      I grew up in a Midwest college town and currently live in a Midwest college town, but they’re ~500 miles and two states apart. I wanted to get the h3ll out after high school, and moved to the east coast for college and grad school, then to the west coast for my 20s. Most of my high school graduating class stayed within ~50 miles of home (hometown or the nearby big city). The Dixie Chicks song that references high school friends marrying their high school boyfriends and living in the same zip codes they grew up in has always made me laugh, because that was my life. My best friend from high school moved abroad right after high school and never came back. She and I didn’t really fit in with the rest of our high school classmates :)

      It actually would have been my preference to return to my hometown in my 30s once I was ready to raise a family and I was ready for a lower cost of living and less stressful lifestyle, but we were constrained by my husband’s job (in academia, you typically apply everywhere and go where you get a job – there isn’t a lot of choice). We feel very fortunate that we were able to get as close as we did, and once my husband had tenure and it was clear we weren’t moving again, my parents moved to be near us which has been absolutely amazing.

    • emeralds

      I live in the same area I grew up in. I left for a bit, came back for a bit, left for a bit again, and then moved back and bought a house just before COVID. I would have regretted it if I’d never lived anywhere else, but I love my home town. After living in a mix of places from super-rural to big cities, it hits all the objective criteria I’d want in a place to live long-term.

      • Anon

        Same here. Fled my Midwest hometown to go to the West Coast (esp. over coming out, plus college), then returned, then left for 12 years to live in a different part of the West Coast, then returned and live about 30 miles from my hometown, in a smallish town just outside a major metro area. All of those decisions were good ones for me.

    • pugsnbourbon

      My parents live in the same small town my mom grew up in; my dad is from the nearest city. I lived there from age 12 through college so I consider it my hometown. Up until two weeks ago I lived about 150 miles away; now I live 1400 miles away.
      There were definite benefits to living about a 2-hour drive away from family – we could get there easily for events, but there were no surprise visits :) Three of my four siblings live within 30 miles and they are all very close.

    • Meara

      I live on the other side of the country and have since college. My brother lived in another country until recently. My sister was within 5 miles for many years, but now is a few hundred miles. My parents also moved at that point. And even my parents families no longer live where they grew up—one because nobody wanted to stay in the tiny rural farm town (though some are still somewhat rural, in a different state). So I guess it’s family tradition now? But I love that I can look at the census for 70 years and find that whole side of the family in one place, after about 2000 that’ll no longer be true.

    • Anonymous

      I live about 350 miles from where I grew up, it was important that I left and made my own way. It makes me deeply uncomfortable when I visit and see the people who haven’t undergone any personal growth since highschool. I’m really happy with my decision it’s allowed me to become a person I never could have if I stayed.

    • Anon

      I’m actually only 40 miles from my home town but that is in central Jersey and I live right outside of Manhattan. No need for me to go further than NYC for a good job.

    • West Coast transplant

      I moved 2,000 miles away from my Midwestern home city. My immediate family all moved out here too within 5 years. That has been a mixed bag.

      I am so happy not living in the Midwest anymore. If a company offered me $1M a year to move back to Chicago, I would turn it down. Love the West Coast climate, culture, outdoor, and international opportunities. I expected that I would move “home” after a couple of years, so that was a surprise.

      Move away. You are always come back. But you might love it.

    • Carla

      I currently live about 30 miles from where I grew up – live in a major city now, grew up in a suburb. I went to college near here but I left for grad school and for work after. I like this city a lot and also, especially with going to college here, have a lot of friends here. It was definitely fun to live other places though, and I’m very glad I did it. When I was picking grad schools I intentionally chose a program somewhere else.

    • Anon

      I found that stat/article, too, and was surprised by it. I think we on this board are more likely to be the 28% outliers because we typically have Big Careers. I moved 3,000 miles away for college (one coast to the other) and haven’t ever lived near my hometown again. Same for my husband – he went away for college and never looked back.

      Aging parents is a real thing, though. My grandparents did that whole “leave the north and retire to Florida” thing in the ’80s, and as they got very old, my aunt had to move down here to take care of them – she had to uproot HER life – and it’s caused some resentment. We wish they could have retired near family, rather than a thousand miles away. Watching this saga play out (and I’m in Florida now visiting my 99 yo grandmother), my mom will definitely be moving near me when she’s ready to avoid this whole thing.

    • Anonymous

      I live 90 miles from where I grew up and wish I was even closer. DH and I are from MI and moved back here after briefly living out of state, mostly to be close to family and old friends. We have a kid now and are so grateful to have grandparents nearby to help out.

    • Senior Attorney

      I moved 60 miles away when I was in college and never went back. I love where I live and after 40-plus years I consider it my home town. I moved my parents here to be close to me when they were in their late 80s.

      My son went to college 50 miles away, came home for a couple of years, joined the Marines and was stationed as far away as Japan and as close as 100 miles from home, went to grad school about 130 miles away when he got out, has lived 25 miles away for the past several years, and just moved 1000 miles away and the plan is to stay there. He’s 35.

    • NYNY

      I’m 2000 miles away from where I grew up. Now that my father is widowed, I’ve had bouts of worrying that I should live closer. But my whole life is in NY, and I’ve been here longer than I lived in my home state. Funny enough, I even met my husband in NYC – living in the same apartment building – and we discovered that we grew up in the same home state about 30 miles apart!

    • Anonymous

      Furthest away I’ve ever lived was 250 miles but that was only for one year for a judicial clerkship post law school.

      Went to college and law school WAY too close to home (20 miles, though I did stay on campus the whole time) and because it was Philadelphia where it’s all generational and no one ever leaves, I knew I had to get out – as in never even applied for one post law school job in Philadelphia because I didn’t want to chance that I’d only get that job and have to stay. So off to NYC for a decade which was fine but not going to be my forever. And now in DC for nearing a decade, so 160 miles from home. I really like it here and want to stay, but aging parent guilt is setting in as much as I do not want to live in Pa. again. I like this area as being NYC-lite, it’s a city but you can still easily live in a more suburban setting if you want, and it’s cosmopolitan, cost of living is good in comparison to NYC etc.

    • Anon

      I spent ten years living and working thousands of miles (and in some cases, several continents) away from my hometown, but now I live 6 miles from my parents in the city where I grew up. It’s been a great decision although it was strange after being such a nomad to return to a place where every block and park is rich with memories.

    • Anon

      I’m in Philly, which is a place that it feels like no one ever leaves.

      I grew up in the very near-in burbs (10-15 mins away from both sets of grandparents who were, at the time, still in the houses in the city that my parents grew up in). I went to college about an hour away, then moved to DC for 3 years. I moved back at 25 with the plan to stay for 2-3 years, then move away again. 5 years later I’m still here with no plans to leave.

      Part of me moving home was because I did not like DC and part of it was because I lost my last 2 grandparents in those 3 years and realized I didn’t like being away.

      I live downtown and my parents are still in my childhood home (35 min drive/easy train), so I only see family 2-3x a month but I love being so close to my parents/siblings but also extended family. 3 of my grandparents were born and raised here (the 4th was from bumblef**k PA, so Philly was the closest city), and wgen I was a kid the whole extended family lived here though most of my cousins have moved away.

      When I decided to leave DC, I chose to come back to Philly because my plan was always to settle down here. Originally I thought I’d move back once I had kids, but I realized if I knew I wanted to settle here – why not start building my life here now? Over the last five years I’ve been making new Philly friends, dating guys who also live here, enjoying spending time with my parents while they’re active, going to grad school locally, and building my career locally (I had to pivot my career when I moved back).

      Most of my friends in Philly are friends I made as an adult, and with few exceptions they are also from within 20 miles of where they grew up.

    • Vicky Austin

      Went to college 200 mi from hometown.
      Moved 900 mi from hometown.
      Now live 1200 mi from hometown.

      Caveat that it’s always been in our plans to move back, or back closer to where we went to college, though. Eventually.

    • Anon

      well i grew up in Bethesda, MD and currently live in TX. Went to school in Philly, then lived in NYC, DC, Philly again and then now TX. i am very glad i had the chance to move away and honestly never felt the pull to live within 20 miles of my parents and still don’t (even now with two kids), what I do wish is that we were a reasonable drive away, which is why I loved living in the Philly area because it was about 2 hours. i hate living a 3.5-4 hour flight away. and if i could i’d prefer a 2 hour drive, or at least a 4-5 hour drive or 1 hour flight

    • Anon

      I’m 125 miles from home, but I’m in Alaska so if you account for scale I’m basically in the same place. I left the state for college and thought I’d never look back. The first job offer I got after finishing grad school was for the state government and I was too risk averse to wait around on anything else. The first two years I was back I was certain I’d leave again and didn’t want to stay at all. I tried for about a year to find a job elsewhere but ended up with only one interview and I ended up being their second choice. Now I’m eight years in, on my second house, married, and deeply involved in the community and state. The universe works in mysterious ways!

    • Anonymous

      I live 15 miles from where I grew up. I was in a NYC suburb and now I’m city adjacent. I like my family and wanted to be close to them, and lived away for 7 years in college and law school.

    • Anonymous

      I’m within 20 miles of where I grew up but also in the SF Bay Area so I already had it pretty good. I was (mercifully) able to buy a home and am content to live here forever.

    • anon

      I’m within 60 miles of my hometown. I thought I’d want to run far away but I grew to appreciate the area more as a young adult and realized that I’d rather travel more than live far away from family. I’m 42 now. No regrets.

        • FormerlyPhilly

          No, LOLs! Went to grad school in Philly, not originally from Philly. Loved Philly and would move back there if it was doable.

    • DC pandas

      Oooh, this is a good one! My dad lives about 5 miles away from where he grew up, but I’m at least 2,000 miles away from my hometown.

      I left for college in a neighboring state but returned (after graduating!) to my parent’s home for a few months to provide after-surgery care.

      I left again to move to DC, which is where I plan to stay until parental aging (or a kick-ass job opportunity) calls me back to California. It’s definitely bittersweet being so far away from where I started. I know I could have been equally happy if I stayed put.

    • Anonymous

      My family has literally been in Philly since my ancestors came to America and I am no exception. I left for college + early 20s and came back in my mid 20s, and I have no plans to leave again. I’m luckily that home for me is a major city with a reasonable cost of living, a good job market, and a good quality of life making it easy to choose to stay here.

      I feel very strongly about living near family; I grew up seeing my grandparents weekly and am thrilled that my kids can do the same. I love the peace of mind that I have parents, siblings, aunts/uncles/cousins nearby to lean on and I love that I can be helpful to them when they need a hand. I love that my kids gets to experience growing up where I did (people in Philly LOVE Philly).

      That being said, I’m glad I got to live elsewhere. I know a few people who never left, and I’m glad that that is not my experience.

      I understand that not everyone is lucky enough to be from somewhere they’d want to, or reasonably can, live in as an adult. I also get that not all adults want to or are able to have close relationships with their families or origin. But, for those from “good” places with families they want to have relationships with – I don’t get why they leave. I have a surprisingly high Humber of childhood friends who did leave and I don’t get it. Life is too short to live so far from loved ones.

    • Anon

      I spent most of my life within about forty miles of where I grew up (college, post law school), but have lived in several other states as a young adult. I moved for my husband’s job to a very different part of the country and miss home every day.

      For me, the big issue is that my home city is a good cultural fit for my personality. I grew up near/in a city that has an incredible focus on education; I’m now in an area with a brain drain. My home city is wealthy but paradoxically not one to feel the need to show it; I’m now in a veeeery status-conscious area. People here drive nicer cars than people back home, for example, even though it is a far less wealthy area. Home city is egalitarian; new area is deeply sexist. It’s just a bad fit for me, but other people love it.

        • Anon

          Yes, Boston. Not LA – a smaller city. Same thing though wherein people don’t drive their cars into the ground, buy new, and aim to spend about a third of their take-home pay on car payments. It’s not unusual to see a teacher married to a social worker with a new crew cab pickup truck and Pilot in the driveway. They can make the payments so good for them… It’s a cultural signifier that they aren’t poor.

        • Anon

          I don’t think Boston is as un-ostentatious as you suggest. I mean, maybe if you’re from “cottage on Nantucket” money it’s gauche to flaunt it. But there’s PLENTY of ostenatiousness among the upper middle class in the wealthy suburbs. My sister lived in a Boston suburb and hated the “keeping up with the Joneses” so much that they ended up leaving.

    • Anonymous

      160 miles or a 3 hour drive. Grew up in suburban southern NJ, live in DC/N. Va. now. IDK where I’ll end up long term. I like N. Va a lot. Some job opportunities in Chicago have been calling my name lately, but given this pandemic I really see the value of being drivable to family as my parents age. While there are flights on the hour from Chicago to Phila., you’re also exposed to entire airport and airplanes full of people just getting home. And then there are opportunities that are wild that call my name where it would be an adventure of a lifetime – like Doha Qatar. And then I go to my parents’ home and work from there for a few weeks due to remote working and I see how nice it would be to living 10 minutes away, though I do know that I’d feel like I had ZERO life of my own as it’s not an area where any really makes new friends, I have nothing in common with high school friends who are married with now teenage kids.

    • Anonymous

      I immigrated in late elementary school to NYC and never saw the need to leave. I live about 5 miles away (two neighborhoods over) from where I grew up in an outer borough. Stayed in NYC for college and law school, though I’ve lived independently since college (not in dorms). I enjoy visiting other places but am always happy to come back home and have no desire to live elsewhere.

      • BeenThatGuy

        This. Although I did not immigrate, I’ve been in North Jersey since I was 10. Currently living 5 miles from where I was raised. I’m 10 miles from Manhattan. I’m 45 miles to a beach and less than that to the mountains. I’ll add that I went to college in the south; that lifestyle doesn’t suit me. I love to travel, and do it frequently, but I do feel I live in the best place in the world (for me, obviously).

    • Anon

      I went to college in the same metropolitan area where I currently live, which is about 3 hours drive from where I grew up. One parent’s extended family is from the far suburbs of the area, so I had a strong positive feeling for the city that likely contributed to coming to college here.
      I came back here after grad school and ended up marrying a guy from the city. If I hadn’t become involved with him, I might have done the “big city for 3-5 years, then move back to smaller home city” approach that a lot of my law school classmates did.
      The family/grandparent issue worked out well as my husband’s family is here and my parents ended up relocating here after they retired, and both provide a lot of support.

    • Anon

      HELL no… got out immediately after I graduated high school. My hometown has made the national news several times since 2016 for racist MAGA shenanigans. My hat’s off to the people I know who are still there fighting the good fight trying to improve the community.

    • Anon

      I’m one of the boring people that is within 50 miles of where I grew up. Stayed in town for college too. Honestly I’ve traveled a lot, but always found good jobs here and never had a reason to leave or found somewhere I really wanted to move to.
      My parents are in the early 60s. My brother and his family also live about 50 miles from them in the opposite direction. The desire to move is especially minimized now that we have young kids.
      Husband is the polar opposite. He lives across the country from where he grew up. Was in the military and is still a restless spirit. He would pack up and move once a year given the chance.

    • Anon

      I wonder what the stats are for Ohioans specifically. Anyway I live very far away from my hometown in Ohio!

      • Curious

        I don’t know, but there was a recent stat that Illinois was the most-fled state.

    • Anon 2.0

      I live 1200 miles from where I grew up. I moved in my early 20s to be with my now DH who was just a boyfriend at the time. Looking back it was a bit of a crazy life decision but one I do not regret. I have significantly more opportunity here than back “home” and I have no plans to return.

    • Anonymous

      400 miles. I knew growing up I wasn’t staying in my hometown–it is very much a traditional Southern town and I am very much not a traditional Southern girl. Most of the people I went to high school with went to the major state university and then moved back to our hometown and are still there. Now I live near where I went to college, which is still the South but much more New South than old. I’ve moved up the east coast at various points in my life. I’d live in California in a heartbeat if the cost of living wasn’t so high. My parents are in the process of retiring to another town about 4 hours from where I grew up and my brother lives in the same state as me now, so my immediate family won’t be in our hometown anymore either (Extended family all still lives there).

    • Pep

      I moved 200 miles away from my hometown to attend college, and stayed in that area for about 20 years. After my divorce in 2006, I moved back to my home state and currently live four miles from my parents and the house I grew up in.

      At that time I figured that since I was starting over from scratch anyways, I might as well do it closer to my aging parents and my siblings. I have no regrets.

    • Anonymous

      I live in the next city over from my hometown, and high school me never would have believed it. To be fair, I grew up in an upper middle class suburb in Southern California that is always on the safest cities / most desirable places to live lists, but it was just plain boring to a kid. I left for 15 years for school and work and lived all over some of the best parts of California – Bay Area, San Diego, Orange County, Palm Springs. I absolutely loved each of those places, and we still take annual trips to visit our old friends and family there. My husband and I moved back near my hometown and bought a house there because it was equidistant from our new jobs (35 mile commute each way in opposite directions, ugh), he also grew up nearby and loved it (though we didn’t meet until college), we are within an hour’s drive to his parents and mine, and it was the only city we could comfortably afford that met our requirements (~20 year old house, good school district, safe neighborhood, ethnically diverse, great food, easy access to multiple freeways). I have no problem living further away from my parents, but he loves being close to his. If money and family were not an issue, we would love to return to the Bay Area. Or San Diego. Or Orange County lol.

    • InHouse Anon

      Interesting question! Love these responses.
      So, if it had been up to me, I’d probably be living in my hometown. But moved to NYC with hubs after law school, then he re-joined the army and so we’ve subsequently lived all over the continental US. Currently we live within driving distance (~5 hrs each way) to both our parents which feels luxurious after being on the oppos!te coast! My extended family is small and scattered all over; husband’s extended family is all still in his hometown.

    • nutsnbolts

      Grew up in the Northeast until 14 when my family moved to the PNW. Moved to the midwest for college, then spent some time in California. Have lived in PNW within 20 miles of where i lived from 14-18, but that’s also becuase we lived near a city during that time and now i live in that city. My parents also moved houses a lot, i lived in at least 6 homes between 0 – 18 so I was used to bouncing around a lot, even within local neighborhood.

      I like knowing how to adjust to a new environment, although now in my 40s I would probbaly not move farther than 20 miles away so that I could keep seeing my friends. My family no longer lives in this area with me, they are scattered around the states.

    • Anonymous

      I was born in NJ, grew up in CT and live in MA. I went to college in MA, went back to CT for a summer and then GTFO. One of my siblings moved to the west coast, the other moved 3 towns away from our hometown. West Coast Sibling moved back to the east coast when she got married. She’s still 10 hours from my parents but in the same time zone.

    • Anon

      I live 200 miles from where I grew up. I went to college about 50 miles from where I live now and have stayed in this area ever since. There were no jobs for me where I grew up anyway, even though my mother kept hoping I’d find one! (Not that I was looking for one)

    • Coach Laura

      I grew up in CT and Alabama until high school, then moved to my west coast city. I live in the same town as my high school and always joke that I haven’t gone very far physically, but I have mentally. Went to the flagship university 15 miles away because my parents weren’t helpful and didn’t help me pay or do anything (unlike what they did monetarily and otherwise to help my brother a year later, who went to an Ivy). My school is a great university, so no problems there.

      When I retire in a year or two, I’m moving to be near my kids in California.

    • Anon

      I go to stoll medical group not because I love it but because I like that I can have my PCP, Derm, and GYN all there. I see Dr. Gupta who I like, but I find that the practice as a whole really really rushes through appointments

  19. Anon

    how do you handle if you have a short stint at a job and either left or got fired, and so you leave it off your resume but then have to fill out one of those online forms with your entire employment history? does it sound like you are lying or hiding something?

    • Anon

      Unless it’s a security clearance check I personally think they don’t have any reason to be entitled to my whole employment history.

      • Anonymous

        That’s cute. But legally if they say tell us your whole employment history, and you say yes here are my three jobs, and then run a background check and find a 4th, they can and will pull your offer or fire you.

    • Anonymous

      I leave it off my resume but include it if I’m filling something out asking for a complete employment history. I don’t feel like I’m hiding anything. I tailor my resume as appropriate, so it looks different from one application to the next depending on what I’m wanting to highlight. It’s a selling tool, not a complete dossier of everything I’ve ever done. But yes, if I’m filling out a form that asks for a complete employment history I of course include the job I was only at for 6 months, and can speak well to why I left, if asked.

  20. Anon

    A relative’s transcripts are locked up by a college she is leaving. Not just for that college, but for prior coursework done at a local college when she was in high school and over the summer. They didn’t have a central clearing house when I was in school and her parents don’t speak good English. Is there a way the outgoing g college can or has to release its hold on the work from other schools? She is leaving over some since-resolved off-campus alcohol issues (Strict “Christian” type college with sweet volleyball scholarship). Advice? Help?

    • Anon

      The new school has just put the old school’s credits on their transcript, they don’t have two separate transcripts so they’re not going to separate them out like that. Why can’t she go to the original institution? Why is the new school placing a hold on them? She needs to talk to the registrar’s office to work this out. They’re not going to let you or her parents do it unless maybe there’s some kind of FERPA waiver for that.

    • Anon

      Ugh of course I’m in mod. This Any Word With Tr@ns Policy is exceptionally frustrating.

    • Anonymous

      Can’t you get the transcript from the other school? You might actually have to do that anyway. Sorry she’s going through this.

    • Anon

      Can’t she get the tr***cripts from the original schools? I would think that would be necessary anyway as not all schools accept the same tr**sfer credits. Otherwise, my understanding is that it’s a bad practice, but that schools can hold tr***cripts for financial reasons, which you would solve by paying the outstanding bills. Is this for disciplinary reasons, not financial? That also seems like bad practice but I’m not sure you can do anything about it.

      • Anonymous

        Wow I had no idea, that’s awful. So if you fall behind on payment for one semester they won’t give you t-scripts for any of the semesters you DID pay for?

    • Aunt Jamesina

      How awful for your cousin, I find it incredible that these types of schools can withhold transcripts for those types of reasons. I agree with the previous posters who said she should be able to get her tr@nscripts for her prior coursework from that specific institution. I would have her try to get a statement in writing from the institution why it is they aren’t releasing them if at all possible (or at least get someone on the phone). Obviously she should need settle up any outstanding financial obligations (if any), but for the alcohol infractions, I feel like this is a case where a strongly worded letter from a lawyer might scare the school into releasing the tr@nscripts. Worth a shot if she can swing it (or somebody can help her)?

    • Anon

      I just double checked this and 7 states have banned withholding tr***cripts for financial reasons: New York, California, Colorado, Maine, Minnesota, and Washington. It’s legal everywhere else. Not sure how that applies to disciplinary issues, though.

      • Anonymous

        Interesting. This was an issue for me in law school and I had to wait 6 months to take the bar exam because of it, meaning the financial consequences of being temporarily broke were huge. They did let me complete the semester without paying, though, so I guess it could have been worse.

    • Anon

      I think you’re not getting the entire story. Outside of a financial hold, schools don’t hold transcripts. Sure, if she was kicked out for (bs) disciplinary reasons, that will show up on the transcript, but withholding the transcript altogether for something other than an unpaid balance isn’t something that’s done. Hopefully she doesn’t owe too much (even a library fine can trigger a hold) and put it all behind her soon.

  21. Anon1

    I want to be successful and driven and good at my job and climb the latter, but I can’t seem to kick it into gear anymore.

    I (like everyone else) got burned out during the pandemic, so I have switched jobs and I pivoted to a related but different industry which seems to be less demanding and when I switched jobs I took a month off. I know burnout takes a long time to heal but it’s been over a year and a half. I’m exhausted (physically and mentally) and I seem to have no drive at work despite my best intentions.

    I don’t know what the answer is, but I hate being like this (doing the absolute bare minimum, if that. Very apathetic about an otherwise very cool job. Can’t seem to focus and do my work). I really want to change this approach I have to my job but I don’t know how.

  22. Anon

    Does anyone workout at work while in the office? If so, please teach me your ways!

    • Anonymous

      I used to. The gym was in my building so I could pop down when I had a free hour. I fell out of it because I’m very much a creature of habit and find it hard to keep restarting a habit once it’s broken.

    • The intern

      One of the partners in my first internship at a small law firm used to do yoga in the common area every afternoon. We all thought it was amusing and quirky. Unfortunately, his ways were owning the firm and the building, so he could keep a mat in the office and wear stretchy cotton pants to work.

    • Anon

      My Big Law firm had weekly yoga in the office that partners and associates participated in. This was almost 10 years ago now.

    • Anon

      I would go at lunch and do a body shower only (not getting hair wet), use body wipes to clean up a bit, and/or not get sweaty. I didn’t bother reapplying makeup, but would often put some dry shampoo in my hair. All of this aided by (1) not really caring much how I looked at work after workout; and (2) flexible schedule so I could disappear for 1-1.25 hours if needed.

    • OP

      Sorry I totally missed a word here! Was meaning to ask about going to the office gym during lunch.

    • DC pandas

      I used to do this at my former job. I went daily during the lunch hour, this was aided greatly by having access to a gym & shower/locker room inside the building.
      I think the key here is finding what helps you do this consistently.

      For me, here’s what helped:
      -Taking an early “lunch” slot from 11:30-12:30. This meant that the gym was not as packed in the first 30 mins.
      -Leaning into whatever “exercise” felt good to me that day. Sometimes I would only walk on the treadmill while watching Netflix on my phone. Being flexible with my energy levels made it so going was not a chore or a “should do”- instead it was restorative.
      -Headbands/casual hairstyle. I would generally rinse off and re-apply deodorant, but I never washed my hair at work. Being willing to put my hair in a ponytail and deal with it when I got home saved valuable time.
      -Bring a backpack to work! I would unpack & pack my work bag at the same time when I got home. This ensured that I had the necessary gear to go to the gym the next day. A backpack saves your shoulders & back from the strain of a full bag.

  23. Jo April

    I was trying on the Editor pants at Express the other day and I swear every single size and rise had this weird thing where the pockets kind of …popped out? I truly don’t think it was that I was trying to stuff myself into too-small pants, but maybe I’ve just forgotten what “real” trousers look like after a couple of years in pocketless yoga pants and maxi skirts. Has Express decided to cheap out on construction? Are there basic boot/wide trousers that don’t do this and aren’t $200?

      • Jo April

        I was trying the low- and mid-rise so I don’t think so! I feel like I’m suffocating in high rises so I avoid them like the plague (are they flattering on me? who knows, who cares, I want to breathe).

  24. Anon

    What did we call these sleeves before? I don’t remember ever saying “puff” sleeves.

    And didn’t we say something had flounces rather than tiers? And not every dot is a polka dot, for crying out loud! Stripe is not a color, J. Crew, but a pattern (and it’s stripeD, by the way).

    Rant over.

    • Anon

      I just googled the term for this s ite and they’ve been called that here many times since at least 2019. I didn’t look back farther than that. I’m not sure what else you would call them?

    • Vicky Austin

      Have you come from pre-Anne of Green Gables PEI?

      I jest, but tiered dresses and puff sleeves have been terms my whole life.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      Have you come from pre-Anne of Green Gables PEI?

      I jest, but tiered dresses and puff sleeves have been terms my whole life.

    • Marie

      These particular sleeves are tulip sleeves, not “puffed.” There are two parts to the sleeve that create a sort of upside-down tulip shape. In order to get that shape, there has to be a bit of gathering/easing at the top of the sleeve, but not so much as you’d see with a puffed sleeve. Also a puffed sleeve needs to be gathered into a cuff or at least elastic at the bottom, too

      Love your rant. I’m still steamed about how “button-down shirt” is now used to describe every shirt/blouse that has buttons down the front, not just a shirt with a button-down collar. We can rant together. :)

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, these are tulip. Until I saw the close-up I was happy with puff, but there’s a split in the outer sleeve that’s pure tulip.

      I have to disagree on striped, though. I consider stripes a meaningful category of color, when filtering clothes. Sure it’s a pattern, but for stripe enthusiasts it makes a lot of sense to be able to categorize clothes by stripes as a color.

  25. anon

    Any recommendations for stretchy, work appropriate dresses? I had abdominal surgery recently and it is obvious to me that it may be awhile before I feel okay wearing anything with a waistband. Between incisions and bloating, I want to be prepared. I have a few knit swing dresses from ON but they’re probably too short for me to feel comfortable in the office. I also have a Boden dress that would work except it has seaming right along the waistline. Arg. I did not account for this!

    • Anonymous

      I’m currently wearing an Eileen Fischer shift that’s basically a rectangle that does not touch my body. It’s perfection for hot weather and should work for your needs too

    • Anon

      I already have a couple of Zuri dresses, a loose linen one from Holebrook and a few jersey dresses from Costco (only really for around the house), Target, etc. All have made it into the rotation, though I’m fortunate that the incisions are just a tad off from where waistbands sit, so I haven’t been quite so restricted after the first couple of days.

    • Tina

      Uniqlo and sometimes Athleta have swing dresses that would work for this. It depends a bit on how formal your office is.

      Uniqlo V NECK A-LINE SLEEVELESS DRESS helps

    • Coach Laura

      Lands End, LLBean and Talbots all have knit dresses without waistbands or anything. I love them in the summer for coolness but they would work for you. There are some sleeveless, some with sleeves. A cardigan would work over many if you’re cold in the office.

    • Anon

      This sounds really good but if I put $5k in a CD at 2% I’m only making $100 in a year. Is that really worth it?

    • FormerlyPhilly

      What is the benefit of using Ally compared to investing in a Series I Savings bond for 12 months at 9.62%?

      • Anon

        You can only put 10k in I bonds each year. If you have more money you know you won’t need for at least a year, but don’t want in stocks, it’s better than nothing. I’m still keeping my very sizable emergency fund in an Ally savings account at 1.4% because we may need it for a down payment and don’t want it locked up. Also put a relatively small portion (around 10%) into our brokerage account when stocks were at their lowest, just to hedge our bets…

  27. Anon

    Any tips for buying new window shades? I need to replace our 20+ year-old vinyl window blinds, most of which are nonfunctional or only partly functional and also dirty despite my efforts to clean them. I was reading that I’m likely only going to be able to get them really clean if I take them down and soak them, and I hate these things (I’m just not a fan of blinds in general, and since these are old and don’t work correctly and have resisted all of our attempts at repair, I’m really not a fan) so if they come down, I’m getting rid of them. I would like to replace with cordless cellular shades and am pricing options out online; I have 8 windows that would need blind replacement. My husband is handy and we installed cellular shades upstairs no problem, so I am thinking about DIY’ing it. Any reason I should call in professional installers if I’m 95% sure we can do it ourselves with minimal issues?

    Also, right now I am looking at the “light filtering” cellular shades because our house has a lot of light (everyone who visits during the day talks about how “light and airy” the house is, and it’s one of the primary things that attracted me to the house the first time we saw it). Any reason I should consider getting blackout shades? We currently leave the blinds open 90% of the time, but the devil’s advocate in me is thinking, well, what if we did need to darken the house or block views to the inside for…some reason?

    • brokentoe

      Blinds dot com are where I’ve bought my blinds for years. Their house brand are great and I (nor anyone I’ve referred to them) have no complaints. They run lots of sales and you can often get 40% off. We have DIY’ed all our installations, super simple.

      • brokentoe

        Maybe consider darkening shades for the bedroom? Beyond that I don’t think it is necessary. I really like the two-way shades that you can open from the top or the bottom – nice in bathrooms or other spaces where some privacy might be desired.

    • HFB

      We just ordered blinds from Select blinds and they are very easy to install. You just need a drill and measuring tape, and pencil to mark your pilot holes. I think the hardware for the cellular ones is probably similar or the same as what I got (traditional slatted blinds).

      ALSO- if you aren’t set on the cellular style, let me tell you that after years of having the cheapo vinyl kind from Home Depot, it’s amazing how different the real wood, wider style slat kind looks, especially if you spring for the decorative cloth tape. I never thought I would be so enamored of something as simple as plain white blinds, but here we are- I absolutely love them and can’t stop looking at them.

    • IL

      We DIYed our Ikea cordless cellular blinds for the entire house and it was super easy and affordable. The whole house of about 20 windows cost under $800 and included both light filtering for the common areas and blackout blinds for the master bedroom. I think you’re going to be shocked at how easy and straightforward it is to trade everything out – it shouldn’t take more than one weekend day.

    • Anan

      I got cellular blinds on Wayfair that were room darkening on bottom and light filtering on top. They unfortunately were not top down, which is actually my preference, but they were for the kids’ bedroom so room darkening was important. The room darkening ones do keep the room cooler in the summer.

  28. Anon

    Speaking of sexy organization tools, anybody have any good examples of using OneNote?

    • Anon.

      The simplest way to explain how I use it: to save answers/research on projects that may be useful in the future. One of my roles at work is to be a resource for colleagues across the country for my business unit as the subject matter expert on a particular topic. I often have to do some research on the questions that come across my desk so each time I do that, I’ll save the research/answer and links to the internal or external source and docs so that if a similar question comes up again I’m not starting fresh each time. Because of the nature of my research I organize tabs by jurisdiction. So each jurisdiction has a page on my one note that is basically a brain dump of various issues.

    • amberwitch

      I have a workbook collection for each major area of my role and then I make individual workbooks for each project/topic/person within that, and then I create a tab for each activity within.
      So for instance a workbook collection called leadership with a workbook for each of my direct report, for my CEO, for my leadership teams. Whenever I have a meeting with each of these persons/groups, I create a onenote from the meeting in my calendar, and use that to prepare topics/agenda etc. I also create tabs for specific activities related to this person/group – like for instance, if we are planning an all staff seminar, and I need to contribute or whatever.
      One workbook collection is called projects where each of my projects have a workbook,and then I create a tab for each meeting/issue/deliverable/workstream within that project (depending on size).
      I also have a workbook collection for tasks/to-dos, grouped by month. Each day/week/month I have booked a planning session in outlook. I create a onenote from the meeting in outlook each morning/week/month, and do planning at the appropriate level (so daily planning is broken down to discrete tasks and to-dos that can be ticked of, weekly planning is a bit more high level, and monthly planning is identifying bigger chunks that has to happen over the next month). I can copy undone tasks from day to day, and update form any device as I remember something.

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