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Updated: Apr 15, 2021 358 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Puff-Sleeve Tee

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Is anyone else in the market for cozy, but still nice-looking tops for videoconference calls? This looks like it would be great to wear with leggings, and would still look pulled-together if you need to pop onscreen for a call. (If you haven’t seen it yet, this article in the Washington Post the other day made me laugh. Real pants are overrated!)

This top is $34.50 and available in sizes 14–26. It comes in olive and rose, although the rose is almost sold out. Puff-Sleeve Tee  

For regular and petite sizes (also available in plus), this Loft top with puff sleeves is 50% with code LOVE, which brings it down to $19.75.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Good Morning!

    Here’s how to make a mask with a handkerchief and ponytail holders (no sewing!) https://blog.japanesecreations.com/no-sew-face-mask-with-handkerchief-and-hair-tie

    COVID-19 and

    OCD https://iocdf.org/covid19/#who-to-listen-to
    National Association for Mental Illness https://www.nami.org/getattachment/About-NAMI/NAMI-News/2020/NAMI-Updates-on-the-Coronavirus/COVID-19-Updated-Guide-1.pdf
    Traumatic Stress https://www.cstsonline.org/assets/media/documents/CSTS_FS_Psychological_Effects_Quarantine_During_Coronavirus_Outbreak_Providers.pdf
    American Psychology Association https://www.apa.org/pubs/highlights/covid-19-articles

    If you are near NYC and have recovered from COVID-19 you can donate your plasma for antibodies https://redcap.mountsinai.org/redcap/surveys/?s=RCC7FNHK3Y&_ga=2.30151935.1353069775.1585761196-1084680748.1585761196

    https://www.comedygivesback.com/laugh-aid is a streaming comedy show tomorrow

    If you’re interested in supply chain stuff, Air Cargo News has made its April edition free https://www.aircargonews.net/business/our-april-2020-issue-is-now-available/

    Queens Historical Society has online workshops https://queenshistoricalsociety.org/

    Dolly Parton will be reading bedtime stories every week and here’s the first one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT9fv_ELbnE

    Today’s Friday so I will holler at y’all again on Monday. I am looking forward to warmer weather and taking naps this weekend. You’re doing a great job, keep on keeping on, we will get through this together!

    • Anonymous

      Thank you for the mask tutorial. I had a real anxiety spiral when the new guidelines came out yesterday. Of course I took political posturing with a shaker full of salt, but I thought that I could trust the CDC. I don’t have a mask, and if I could get one I wouldn’t want to take it from a health care provider or make an essential worker deliver it to me. I also don’t have one of those scarves the president was babbling about. I had visions (admittedly irrational) of going out for groceries and having people scream at me that I didn’t care if I killed my neighbors and if I didn’t have a mask I should just starve to death because no one would miss me anyway, which is why I’ve been without human contact for a month.

      So yeah. Sometimes I think I’m keeping on and then something hits me.

      • Good Morning!

        I hear that. I go up and down too. A homemade mask is about 50% as effective as a medical mask but it’s better than nothing, here’s the research from 2013 that’s cited a lot https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24229526

        Cheers to you! It’s tough but we don’t have to be perfect, we just have to keep going.

        • Anon

          Thank you for your constant presence. These posts bring me a lot of hope, and I very much appreciate the caring tone in which they’re written.

          • Good Morning!

            Thanks for saying that, I really am doing this for entirely selfish reasons, it helps me feel connected and gives me something to look forward to as well. Also I think we’re a group of total badasses and I want us to charge into the future together. Here’s to you! *clink* and here’s to me :) *clink*

      • AnonATL

        I’m starting to feel oddly defensive out in the world too. Yesterday I went to special shopping hours at Aldi, which explicitly includes pregnant and immunocompromised people. I overheard this one older lady saying something to another older man about all the young people in the store (there were less than 5 including me) and how it defeats the purpose. I just wanted to yell at her that this visibly very pregnant person is on the list, but I didn’t.
        It’s hard to have a little grace as many of our fellow ‘rettes suggest when you feel like you are being attacked, but it doesn’t help to react in a defensive way. My goal is to try to assume the best in people going forward through this thing. Otherwise we are going to become dangerously tribal as a society.
        Happy Friday y’all! Hang in there!

        • Good Morning!

          start wearing a mask, sunglasses, and headphones when you go out! Fuck the haters!

        • TheElms

          Thank you for trying to assume the best. I agree its hard, but I think it will make such a difference in the long run.

        • Anonanonanon

          This. I look “healthy” but I am immunocompromised. I get IV infusions of an immune-suppressing drug monthly. I have not had the guts to go to one of the special shopping hours because I know people will think nasty thoughts about me. (although if I go without makeup they probably won’t assume I’m healthy-ha!)

          • AnonATL

            That must be incredibly stressful in this situation. I feel guilty to admit that when I saw a young 20-something man in the store last week, my first thought was he was taking advantage of the system, just like the grumpy old people. That’s why I’m going to try to just assume the best going forward. You never know if someone who looks healthy may not be. Or they may have a partner that is in the risky group.
            A little kindness and patience goes a long way to keeping our humanity.

        • anonforthis

          My husband, who is Type I diabetic and has an auto-immune condition, was turned away from early hours because he “looks healthy.”

      • Ellen

        Yes, but I do not want to have to make my own mask. Where can we go out and buy a mask that we can use? It is ridiculus that the CDC and DeBlazio is now telling us to get masks, now that the stores are all closed? Our government is ridiculus.

    • Ms B

      Sir Patrick Stewart is reading a sonnet a day on his Twitter. Sonnets from Picard are what I need!

    • Senior Attorney

      We have a few contractor masks (labeled “respirators”) in our garage. Does anybody know whether they are appropriate to wear in this context?

      • Senior Attorney

        And where are my manners? Good morning and thank you for these posts! Much appreciated!!

          • Senior Attorney

            Yup. This morning I drove into the office at 75 mph because no cars on the freeway.

      • Anonymous

        Depends what you want them for. DH has them for his woodworking. They will keep Things OUT but not protect others from your germs. Ours filter on inhale only.

        They also have carbon filters and I assume you need to change those out, so probably not good for daily use.

        • Senior Attorney

          Oh wow didn’t know about the inhale thing. Will have to check on that.

          • Anonymous

            If it’s like what we have, they are n95 and meant to keep dust and debris out when you breathe in and it’s NBD what happens when you exhale.

            I’m sure there are all kinds, so check!

      • Anonanonanon

        A poorly-fitted respirator does not offer any more protection-possibly even less-than a surgical mask. Google “seal check” and put it on and try that. They are difficult to wear correctly, even healthcare professionals aren’t perfect every time. those who wear them for work are federally-required to be fit tested, where they test if the mask fits them correctly to make sure it’s not leaking air. I’d say the seal check is the closest thing you can do as an individual to see if the mask will work with your face. Basically, if you can breathe well, you’re not wearing it right.

    • anon

      Thank you for your friendly post every morning- it’s become part of my much needed routine.

  2. Anon

    Yesterday in a comment someone who works for a university said that their school has informally announced that classes will be remote in the fall – i know you can’t share the name of your school, but what state are you in

    • Anon

      I don’t want to be more specific than “the Midwest.” The thinking is not that things will be continuously terrible all the way until December, but that there will be a resurgence in the fall and it’s better to plan for online instruction in advance rather than bring students to campus and send them home halfway through again.

    • Anon

      I posted a few days ago requesting opinions about whether I should defer grad school or not (I have been accepted and offered a substantial scholarship; my company seems stable but I’m burned out and bored). I was very interested in the comment made yesterday as well. If others in higher ed have heard similar rumblings, I’d appreciate any info you feel comfortable sharing!

      • Sarabeth

        My university is definitely operating on the possibility that we may still be online in the fall, but won’t make a decision for several months.

        If you want to do this grad degree, though, I’d take the scholarship money you’ve been offered now. I teach in a PhD program that fully funds all students, and I’m very sure that we’re going to be told we can only admit 50% of our usual cohort next year, maybe even less. We’re already on a hiring freeze and having all our discretionary spending frozen as well. And this is a comparatively wealthy school (top 20 in terms of per capita endowments). I would work on the assumption that there will be much less scholarship money available for the next several years.

      • Anon

        Mine hasn’t even floated it yet, but we tend follow the lead of other institutions in the state. Additionally, we’re in a state that’s been relatively slow to act.

    • Anon

      There is a lot of speculation on the part of prospective LLMs about this scenario — the vast majority of admitted students (in my large T6 school) said they wouldn’t attend and would prefer to defer (or would withdraw, if the school doesn’t offer deferral as an option) if courses were online in the fall. This is largely since the program is only 9 months, and 99% of the students are foreign students looking to network in person with fellow students and faculty. Obviously this presents funding / visa / recruiting (if anyone is even hiring, especially LLMs, at that) challenges, but a lot of prospective students said they would prefer a Spring start of the year if that meant things would be more stable.

        • Sarabeth

          Also an issue for international students – visa processing is on hold, and there will presumably be a backlog when it restarts, so no one even knows how long it will take for international students to get visas. And for those receiving stipends, they can’t be paid until they have a visa.

    • Nemo

      This is under discussion among mid-Atlantic colleges and universities as well.

  3. Puzzle vendor recs?

    Puzzle discussion was in a sub-thread yesterday and I wanted to promote it as many of us seem to be in the market for puzzles.
    I’ve ordered puzzles from Galison, Zuliliy, and bookshop dot org in the last week. Haven’t gotten deliveries yet.
    Bookshop dot org is a consortium that helps independent bookstores. The puzzle I found there was “Where’s Bowie?” – 500 p. Looks fun!

  4. Anon

    What are you planning to do this weekend to bring yourself or others joy? The sadness of this emergency is really getting to me so while I’m still going to watch/read the news (because we need to know how much others are sacrificing) me feeling sad and scared doesn’t make anything better. I’m planning to paint my nails a fun color, make popcorn, watch a feel-good movie, plant some seeds outside…

    • Anonymous

      Love your ideas. I’m going to get my balcony “garden” ready for planting, maybe also paint my nails a fun colour, and do a live zoom yoga class to get a sense of community to stave off the loneliness.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’m planning to try my hand at making French baguettes and then do the “evening in Paris” idea that somebody posted a day or so ago.

      Also, fun movie recommendation: Alien Trespass on Amazon Prime. Goofy sendup of 50s space alien movies starring Eric McCormack of Will and Grace.

      • NY CPA

        I’ve tried a few baguette recipes in a past few weeks and would highly recommend the Julia Child recipe. It took a LONG time (almost all hands off), but it was a great taste & texture and thus worth it!
        I skipped her suggestion of using a hot brick in a pan of water and instead preheated a small pan while heating the oven, and dropped ice cubes into the pan as I put the bread in to bake–it achieved the same purpose with creating steam.

        • trefoil

          I like the King Arthur flour baguette tutorial for how to shape the loaves. The recipe is pretty good, but now that i’ve made it a few times, i use sourdough starter instead of levain/poolish. We started making it at home because i really wanted bahn mi and couldn’t find baguettes.

    • Small Law Partner

      My friend, who has Covid-19, is having a Zoom Birthday Party for herself, so I’ll be doing that. And lots of cooking, baking, and running/walking.

    • anon

      I’ve been putting together a daily scavenger hunt (collected at mkbrandt.com/daily if you want to check it out) and I think I’m going to do a bit of work to make it easier for myself. Also planning to watch silly movies and eat popcorn, plus clean up our deck and get it ready so we can work out there when warmer weather finally arrives (hoping that will be very very soon).

  5. In-House in Houston

    Happy Friday Ladies, if you’re like me, you haven’t used a hair dryer in a few weeks. I’ve been pleasantly surprised how much of a natural wave I have. Who knew?? Does anyone have any tips for someone who has straightened her hair for 20+ years (with a hair dryer, brush and occasional hot rollers for body) to bring out my natural wave? My hair is shoulder length, fairly fine but a lot of hair. I live in the south, so humidity is not my friend. I’m looking for a few, simple tips/products. I found a diffuser attachment that came with my hair dryer and I tried to use it but I looked ridiculous. Thanks a bunch!

    • Never too many shoes...

      Have you tried one of the salt spray products for beach waves? They sound like maybe what you need to encourage wave and prevent frizz.

      • anon

        Brushing hair wet and putting product in while wet and then air drying is useful. Although there are special wavy hair products, regular mousse is also worth trying.
        It’s also helpful not to wear your hair too long, when it gets to heavy, waves are lost. On the upside, wavy hair is more forgiving, in case you want to cut it yourself.

          • Never too many shoes...

            Most people with curly hair brush when wet. That is literally the only time I brush when I am wearing it curly.

          • Anon

            I think we can distinguish “brushing” from combing through with a wide tooth comb (which can even be part of the shampooing process; just don’t pull on the hairs).

          • Anon

            You’re not supposed to brush wet hair at all, only use a wide tooth comb. I have wavy hair and that’s what I do.

          • Anon

            When your hair is straight. Brushing your hair wet when curly saves your hair from breakage and prevents it from being a bush. Please only give recs if you actually have curly or wavy hair – the requirements for straight hair are almost opposite.

        • Anonymoose

          Type 3c curls here. +1 to old school mousse for control and defrizzing. After applying leave in conditioner, apply to wet hair with “prayer hands” (look on line) and let air dry.

      • CorporateInCarhartt

        I use a salt spray (I’m not too picky) on towel dried hair, then twist sections around my finger, then let it dry (don’t touch it until it’s dry), then shake it out gently. Beach waves!

    • Anon

      Air drying is the best thing for my curls. I use a curl cream that provides some hold and helps form the shape of the curls. The best thing to prevent frizz is keep your hands out of your hair!

    • Anon

      I really like the Tigi Curls Rock Amplifier product. A little goes a long way.

    • Anonymous

      I feel that my summer (high SEUS humidity) hair has a bit of a wave but my winter hair (SEUS dampness) is just the pits. So . . . maybe the passage of time may make a difference?

    • Anonymous

      Check out the article “A Trick for Air Drying Your Hair” on Cup of Jo.

    • Anonymous

      I like the Bumble and Bumble leave in products, they are not drying like salt sprays. I mix the Hairdressers Oil with a bit of the no blow dry styling product.

    • Anon

      I have wavy hair that I wear straight if I blow dry, wavy if I air dry. My hairdresser advised me to do some twists in my hair and let it dry that way in order to control the direction of the waves a little more. So I grab small sections and twist as if I’m making ringlets. I twist in the direction away from my face. I probably do 10 total. I don’t do anything in particular to keep them there. I just let them do their thing, so they naturally untwist a little but it’s still, on me, a better look than my hit or miss natural wave.

      Don’t brush your hair again until you’re ready to wet or wash it again.

    • Annony

      Someone on here once posted about twisting their hair when wet and that has become my go-to! Once your hair is kind of damp (I have one of those hair turban towels, so I put in that while I brush my teeth and stuff), you can put some product in it, then take small sections of your hair, twist them and let them air dry. I don’t love having wet hair sitting on my neck, so I sometimes will just take my twisted sections, put them in to two larger sections and clip them up. Once dry, fluff them up, maybe a hit of salt spay … good to go!

    • Formerly Lilly

      On the theory that you may have time on your hands may I suggest going down the rabbit hole of the subreddit curlyhair?

    • Anon with waves

      This works for waves:

      Try and brush your hair dry before washing, and don’t brush or comb after washing. If you use conditioner, finger comb your hair while conditioning.

      Don’t towel dry your hair. While sopping wet you can finger comb, but you want your hair to “clump” together in thicker clumps, not separate them if you want to accentuate waves.

      While sopping wet, take your palm and from below scrunch and lift your hair upwards in sections – this will accentuate curls! If you need to, you can have a towel in your palm, but don’t put a towel around your head, and don’t brush or comb. If you have a product to accentuate curls, put it in before you scrunch. (Davines non-oil oil is great)

      You can scrunch a few more times while hair dries, but don’t comb, and start from sopping wet.

      If you need to use a hair dryer, use the diffuser, and patience, with the same motion, scrunching from below.

  6. Anon

    Does anyone know if there are ways to get involved with political campaigns (Biden or other democrats), turn out the vote, or issue-focused non-profit organizations remotely right now? This situation is making me feel desperate to do something to help bring about change in November.

    • Gina

      #1 is donate money though I know many aren’t in a position to do that right now.

      Talk to your friends and family about whether they’re going to vote Democrat in the fall and why it’s so important. Encourage them to talk to their friends and family.

      Follow local and national candidates on social media and sign up for their emails, so you can be informed of volunteer opportunities, and sign up on the volunteer page of their websites.

      Put a yard sign in your lawn supporting your candidate, and a magnet on your car.

    • Good Morning!

      Why yes indeed, actually got an email from my girl Hillary yesterday (I’m on the Onward email list)

      https://swingleft.org/p/virtual-organizing Virtual Organizing with Swing Left

      online training from Arena Academy for campaign staffers https://arena.run/academy

      candidate support group from Run for Something https://runforsomething.net/covid19-support/

      You can also probably sign up to do text campaigning for your candidates, but I don’t know off the top of my head where to do that.

    • dem staffer

      You can donate, make calls, or text for most candidates right now – the candidates website should have the information on how to do that.

      If you’re not sure which candidates to support, swing left can be a good resource. You can also look at who groups you support, like Working Family Party or Emily’s List have endorsed.

  7. Anon

    How concerned should those of us in litigation boutiques be about the recession? I was reassured by a counsel that recessions are good for litigators. But our firm doesn’t have any bankruptcy practice, and I don’t think this necessarily applies to boutiques. Already we are seeing work slow down as well.

    • Anonymous

      Honestly, I wasn’t worried 2 weeks ago, but the panic is starting to set in. If you/your firm can hang on until this is over/things are reopening (most notably the courts), I think there will be work that comes out of it. But it’s going to be a bumpy 6-12 months until then.

    • Bad News

      I may be just still smarting from the Great Recession, but I would be very concerned. I was in my last year of law school when the recession started, but people all over were saying “Oh, it’s not a big deal for law firms, people are still going to be suing each other, still getting divorced, recession doesn’t hurt that.” Turned out, it did hurt. A lot.
      I wish I had something more positive to say. Hopefully, this passes, but be ready.

      • Anon

        Yea, if I were still a lawyer I’d be worried, but it does depend on your practice area. Residential real estate, divorce, etc, May struggle until this is over.

        • Senior Attorney

          My husband does family law and it’s dead. No divorce court dates and no weddings (so no prenups) for the foreseeable future so not much to do. We are joking, though, that business will really pick up after people have been quarantined together in close quarters for weeks or months!

          • Anon

            Ha, he should be positioned like a spider in a web for those post-quarantine divorce cases. Those are a surer bet than anything in Vegas.

    • Anonymous

      It depends on the practice mix. Contract disputes and employment disputes also go up during a recession. If that’s not your area but your firm has that kind of work, volunteer to help.

    • Anon

      I don’t think we know yet, but I think a lot of it depends on your clients. I work at a healthcare litigation boutique– we do about 1/4 operations and 3/4 litigation. Recently, it has been about 1/2 or more operations. Our courts are open, but we can’t really go forward with most of what we do with an initial workup of a case, discovery, or depositions because our clients are all healthcare providers and understandably can’t deal with us right now. We have such a back log of work in the office that we have still had plenty of work though… and I think once the peak passes, we should be able to resume most of our work in May. My guess is it will still be remote, but we at least will be able to get discovery done and do some zoom interviews with staff.

      My thought/concern though is that there may be less lawsuits period after all of this though. No one is leaving their house to meet their attorney, and there are no PI cases because no one is leaving their house to slip and fall or get into a car wreck. No one is having elective medical procedures done, etc. My firm was busy enough before that I think we can withstand a sharp business downturn like this (had been planning on expanding 25% in the next year) but I don’t think all firms could.

      • Never too many shoes...

        I feel like nothing stops the personal injury cases and now people are likely to be looking for money due to economic downturn. My fellow insurance lawyers all believe there will be a rash of lawsuits from people claiming they they got the virus from someone knew they were sick and went about recklessly infecting others.

        • Anon

          Proof issues are so difficult on those claims; I can’t imagine plaintiffs attorneys are going to be racing to take that on.

    • anon

      I work for a litigation firm, and I’m mentally preparing myself to be laid off in a year.

      Today would have been day three of a jury trial for me if not for the coronavirus. I also frequently travel for out-of-state hearings and depositions. Even with some of them being handled remotely soon, that is a LOT of revenue that my firm will not have. Expand that throughout the firm and it adds up. The overall recession/depression means fewer issues to litigate over in the future. I just don’t see how firms get through this without layoffs or significant pay reductions.

    • Small Law Partner

      My work has somewhat slowed because I’ve had some trials postponed, but I am still having a lot of hearings/filing new cases. I do only contingency work, so I don’t bill, but am still working 7-8 “billable” hours a day. So not too worried.

  8. Co

    I am looking for recommendations for organic tea (preferably loose leaf)!

    I like French Earl Grey and I have always liked all the T2 teas (ie. teas with added flavours, like jasmine) but, unfortunately, their organic selection in the US is almost nonexistent.

  9. Anon for This

    Wise hive – I need some input, please. DH runs a small business that has historically been very successful, but right now has literally zero revenue. Said business is in an industry that does not look likely to come back anytime soon, maybe not even this year (think very, very large gatherings). Business is well capitalized and can afford to keep people on the payroll (though it ultimately comes out of “our” pockets, as business owners), and would likely qualify for the Paycheck Protection Program, but until people are able / willing to gather by the tens of thousands, we will paying employees to literally not work. I am a non-equity partner at a law firm in a niche industry that is very busy right now, but I’m also about to take a (fully paid, for now) maternity leave and do not know what I will encounter when I return to work, assuming there is still a position for me / I remain paid during my leave. We have savings but like anyone else, resources are finite and we cannot tell for how long this will continue.

    This business is very much like our child and the employees are like a family. The business (and our actual family) can survive this year and well beyond if we are careful. If the business has to shut down, I’d rather it be that we are closing with money in the bank that we can invest in something else than dead broke. I guess my question is – does he let employees go? Cut salaries? Do we wait to see if we get a loan through PPP? Wait to let people go after the PPP program ends? I want us to be smart, but also compassionate. We were willing to keep people on board to wait things out for a bit, but really do not see this industry coming back at all in 2020. Help?!

    • Anon

      PPP is looking like it’s first come, first served, so I’d get after that ASAP. When that runs out, I’d reduce salaries and pay what you can, then furlough if you must. Is there any way you can retool your employees into something else?

      There are rumblings that there will be more small business loans if a fourth stimulus bill comes about, so I’d definitely call your reps in D.C. (all 3) and let them know how critical it is that there be more support for small businesses.

    • Anon

      You set a dollar value below which you wind up operations.

      I do not know the details of PPP, but my suggestion is that you not pay people their full salaries. They aren’t working, so they aren’t commuting, paying for child care, paying all the extra costs associated with having less time, etc.

      • Anonymous

        Ah, but many of us ARE still paying for childcare. And in the difficult position of trying to decide if we un-enroll and risk not having a spot when things reopen, or keep paying.

          • No Longer Anon

            Is it really necessary to call people names? There’s been an uptick in just rude or nasty comments here over the past few weeks. Everyone is stressed and name calling doesn’t help anyone.

    • Anonymous

      I would apply for the PPA. As others mentioned, it’s FCFS. Since you know you are not likely to be coming back any time soon, maybe it’s time for some brainstorming with senior staff. Understand their priorities/needs. Is it income? Healthcare? security for whenever the market comes back? Can you pivot (temporarily or permanently) to serve another market?

      I would not string people along–even with the best intentions.

    • Anon

      You can do PPP and an EIDL with the caveat being that you can’t use them for the same things.

      You need to apply TODAY. It’s first come, first served.

    • Anonymous

      Your employees will be eligible for unemployment and COBRA extensions on their healthcare, so you are not abandoning them without resources if you do layoffs. Or you could consider comp reductions across the board if you will need their unique skills when business ramps back up. Or some mix of the two. You should talk to an employment lawyer on how to implement given the laws in your state.

    • Anon

      – Link will put me in mod but here’s a great article from Forbes on how to model what the next year might look like using financial statements. If your husband does not have financial statements, now is a great time to begin that practice. He doesn’t necessarily need an accountant to prepare these for him; he can use previous tax returns and bank account statements and there are free Excel templates online he can use to put some numbers together. https://www.forbes.com/sites/robertsher/2020/03/18/what-you-must-do-now-to-ensure-business-survival-in-a-coronavirus-world/?fbclid=IwAR0fXXyj7wnlulDixbk8B9Js68ESZVQaVcSr9scLTkVQDK5dS5LfwPd5rm0#a13202939000

      – He should apply for the loan ASAP. If he has an existing line of credit still available, he should tap it ASAP and move the money into a bank that is not the bank issuing the line. He should also call his banks, creditors and lenders, and also his landlord if he has one, and ask to postpone payments for 30-90 days, whatever they are willing to do. If you think this won’t work – four of my clients got 90-day payment forbearance on existing loans and lines of credit just by asking. Banks would rather build goodwill right now than get stiffed indefinitely. Landlords do not want to try to find new tenants right now. I am seeing things I didn’t see in 2009 in the depths of the recession; people are extending a lot of grace. They know there’s no way your husband can make money right now.

      – Something I have told my clients for years: at the end of the day, your employees are not your family. You and your husband need to put your oxygen masks on first. If the business goes under completely, no one will have a job. Doing some modeling (the article above recommends putting together an “employee audit” sheet that shows everyone’s cash comp, total comp with benefits value, etc.) will show you what happens if you cut salaries vs. cutting people. Is it more effective to keep some people on at 100% and lay off others? What happens if you cut everyone’s salary by 30% vs. doing layoffs? Can you cut some ancillary benefits temporarily and save enough money to preserve jobs? I can’t answer those questions for you, but your own numbers can. I very much understand you and your husband want to take care of your people and it’s admirable. But you may not be able to preserve everyone’s job. Do what you can, and if you have deliver bad news, do it with empathy and it will be okay. People understand these are tough times.

      I feel for you and your husband just like I feel for all of my clients. This is a crazy time and everyone is just trying to keep their heads above water as the hurricane roars. If you have more questions, post them and I’ll try to help.

      Source: I am a small business consultant.

  10. Anon

    I just wanted to add my voice to the others yesterday (trolls or not, I guess I don’t care) that I don’t think Cuomo was properly prepared for this and as a NY resident who has worked in the public sector, I am not surprised at all. I also don’t care for the entitled folks in the NYC metro area who don’t seem to understand what a quarantine is, or the fact that there have been no restrictions on travel out of there. I apologize to the rest of the country for all of the grief and fear NY has likely caused you.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t. I’m a New Yorker and I think nearly all of us are doing the best we can including Cuomo.

      • Anonymous

        +1 I think we’re suffering worse than anyone right now. I suspect all of the country will suffer but we’ll suffer the worst of it. I’d like an apology from everyone who voted for an incompetent immoral president who called this a democratic hoax and cost us our lives and our livelihoods.

    • Anonymous

      There are restrictions, in that NY, NJ, and CT have been asked not to travel and you need to self quarantine if you do. Also, CT issued an order last night that forbids short term rentals, including hotels, except for specific circumstances involving the pandemic, and state residents needing shelter. The side benefit is people from NYC can’t do a short term rental, potentially displacing residents whose leases are ending or come here, rent hotel rooms, and then not stay safely inside. Realtors are reporting NY’rs offering 3X the going rate for a short term rental.

      But I agree, everyone, including Governor Cuomo, is doing the best they can under extraordinary circumstances.

      • Anon

        Asking people not to travel months after this has spread means nothing. I’m sure everyone commenting positively is doing so from their second home outside of NYC.

        • anon

          Nope – I’m still in Manhattan and think everyone is doing the best they can.

    • Anonymous

      We don’t get the moral high ground, everyone was a bit too slow, including CA and WA.

    • Anonymous

      I think Cuomo is doing what he can with what he has even if he got a late start. BUT as a recent but now former NYer, I am annoyed but not surprised by NYers’ behavior including my own friends. They seem to feel they must not be inconvenienced at all, whether that’s takeout all the time or going on 11 walks per day. I get it small apartments + boredom. I also get that the vast majority of cases are via close contact BUT in a city that’s densely packed (or really anywhere) every time you go out you take the chance of exposure. Those parks are.not empty, nor are takeout places. Do you really NEED to brush past people many times a day every day? And I’ve about had it with — oh you HAVE to go outside for fresh air because without that you lose immunity. Fresh air can come thru windows too and BTW when NYC has polar vortexes do you then go out 10 times a day for walks for immunity or do you mostly just go out for your necessary morning and evening commute? I’m definitely looking at certain friends very differently now.

      • Anonymous

        You’re unhinged and I hope your friends ignore you. We are all allowed and encouraged to go for walks out side. Take out is also perfectly fine.

      • anon

        I think you’ve posted about this a few different time. I think you have a lot of anger at a few people. I’m in New York and this isn’t consistent with what I’m seeing. Yes, some people are doing what you’re describing but most people are not.

        • pink

          same. it’s a few of your friends. I had a zoom party with friends last night and they haven’t left their homes in weeks. one said, “we stick our hand out the window to feel fresh air”. Another realized after weeks at home that they get 20 min of sunlight through their window into their internal building air shaft.

  11. Anon

    I’ve worked 23 of the last 26 days, mostly 11/12 hour days (mix of in person and wfh). I have tomorrow off and then back on Sunday. I’m tapped out and there’s no end in sight.

    I think I’m going to try to get most of my chores done tonight so I can chill tomorrow (except my grocery store run – will do that tomorrow).

    It’s been a while since I’ve been THIS drained. I almost started crying last night when I thought I was done, and then got called back to fix something at 8pm. What would you do to try to recharge a bit before diving back into the madness?

      • Katie

        I agree 100%. Take a sleep aid like Tylenol PM or something if you’re not opposed – when my brain otherwise won’t turn off, it helps ensure I get much-needed sleep. I cannot co-sign the recommendation for a walk outside (whether it’s around your neighborhood or on a nature trail) enough. A mug of hot tea, the softest and coziest pajamas you own, and a long hot shower. Shave your legs, exfoliate, and use a deep conditioner if these are things that appeal to you and would help you feel renewed. Since massages are out of the question for the moment, may I suggest a heated pillow/bean bag to help relax tight muscles? Those things are a lifesaver.

        You’re not alone.

    • Anonymous

      Agree with a walk outside, especially during daylight hours. Also, maybe a 30-40 min exercise session led by a video instructor so for that time you can physically work out the stress and not have your mind wander off, followed by a hot shower and a good night’s sleep.

    • Anonymous

      I too have been working long hours non stop in the office — essential govt position. My go-to stress relief is to exercise for 15 or so minutes (jump rope, jumping jacks, whatever works) while watching the daily home safari video from the Cincinnati Zoo. The exercise reduces my stress and concentrating on learning about the cute animals clears my mind. It is the only thing keeping me sane at this point, and it is probably helping me sleep.

    • anon

      agree with everyone, plus next time you feel like crying, let yourself cry. It’s a good outlet.

  12. Anon

    I’m struggling today. I never thought I would live through something that I’ve only read about in history books. Something like this felt like it only happened to other people. I don’t know how people who lived through wars managed. This feels like forever and so surreal at the same time. I really don’t know how I’ll cope if this goes on indefinitely.

    • Vicky Austin

      I’m in that boat with you. Not having an end date is always so uncertain and hard.

    • CPA Lady

      I’m just talking about mental health here, in terms of coping… but this is what I’ve been thinking about lately.

      This might be delusional of me but I feel like human beings are very very adaptable. I have read all these articles about how when people go through major changes in their life, including negative changes, they go back to a baseline level of happiness once they get used to the new normal. It’s called the hedonic treadmill if you’re interested in reading about it. (It explains why big promotions, winning the lottery, etc. don’t really change your happiness level as much as you think they will, but it also explains how we get used to negative things too and come back to a baseline level of happiness).

      Right now it’s surreal because it’s so new and different and none of us know what the bleep we’re doing. But in a few months, it’ll be the new normal and we’ll all have developed coping skills, life hacks, new routines that work better, and will be able to find some good in our situations, etc. I hope. That’s at least what I’m clinging onto at this point.

      • Vicky Austin

        I always appreciate your level head, CPA Lady. I was sort of thinking this, but couldn’t articulate it. Thank you.

    • Anon

      I hear you. I’ve been thinking a lot about the historical context of all of this. I told my 7 year old that this is something that he will someday tell his kids about living through. I can’t wait until the days when this is something to remember.

      I look back at everything that’s happened in my adult life (which began in roughly 1998), and this dwarfs everything. If you had told me in late 2001 that would be possible, well, I can’t even imagine what I would have said.

      • Anonymous

        I too turned 18 in 1998. In no way does this dwarf 9-11 or 2008-2009 when I was seeing how bad it was for people because I did bankruptcy work or the 1.5 years I was out of work in 2014-15 — at least for me. I’m being asked to sit home and watch a lot of Instagram live.

        • Anon

          That’s true right now. When the economic fallout from months of quarantine hits fully, your tune may change. They are predicting 30% unemployment at the peak. If that happens, life is going to change substantially for all of us. Also, please check your privilege. If you’re home watching Instagram Live and you’re still getting paid because you’re “working from home,” count yourself lucky. There are millions out there with no job and no income and no hope of going back to work anytime soon. Just because you are having an easy ride doesn’t mean everyone is.

        • anon

          I also turned 18 in 1998, and to me, this definitely feels like 9/11 levels of worry and anxiety. Possibly more so, honestly, because this is affecting the entire country and isn’t limited to one major metropolitan area.

          • Anonymous

            +1. Also turned 18 in 1998. The fear seems extended and magnified, but it’s more similar to 2001 than 2008-2009 so far. Though I think the economic impact will be more similar to 2008-2009.

    • anonymous

      I hear ya. I was doing okay but then yesterday I had to stop in at Target and it was so somber and quiet and empty. It just felt very sad, because it’s usually a busy place. And the post yesterday talking about the economic impacts about social distancing and non-essential businesses made me anxious thinking about long term ramifications.

      Our lives our forever changed. It’s like BC is now “before coronavirus” because everything after this is going to be different and measured against the events that are occurring now.

      I would like to think that we will be better prepared for something like this in the future, but I’m not sure.

    • No Longer Anon

      I think that we will all figure out how to cope if this goes on long term- it will suck. It does suck. But we will figure it out, even if we remain isolated or quarantined long term. “Survival is insufficient.” I worry too- I live alone, I am high risk, I have a history of anxiety (staying mostly under control) and depression (also mostly under control) but I really think that we all will figure out a new normal in the midst of the suck. “Embrace the suck.”

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know. I felt like this living in New York City as a 19 year old during 9/11. I watched the sky burn for days, and parents of friends died. My own father was on his way to work and had a brunch meeting scheduled in one of the towers.

      I imagine this is what people living in the south felt like during Hurricane Katrina. I was in my 20s during the Great Recession but as crazy as that was, it was still a financial recession. Watching Lehman and Bear Steans disappear overnight was crazy, though!

      This is different in that while things like 9/11 impact the country, they are not…actually impacting your daily life in the way a state-wide “stay at home” order does. My kindergartener is having a hard time and I keep telling her “nobody has done this before, every kid in the whole entire country is also bored and sad.” And it’s true.

    • Anonymous

      Oddly, one of the most encouraging things I’ve seen recently was a scan of a newspaper notice from a town in British Columbia back in 1918, during the flu epidemic. It was a notice that all schools, churches, stores, pool halls, saloons, etc. were to be closed to reduce the spread of the disease. And I realized that those people had done exactly what we’re, but then life HAD gone back to normal and everything opened back up again and people went to work again and babies were born and wars were fought and economic times boomed and busted and people got married and had kids and died and others were born and grew up and went to school . . . and we will do all that again, too.

  13. Anon123

    I have been working in a very emotionally draining team and now I am at the end of my contract. There have been occasions when I have sensed that there is distrust of me–I am not sure where this comes from because I have not done anything such as leak confidential information from the projects we work on. Today in the usual weekly meeting now done online a colleague actually asked that I should not leave with the institute’s laptop and that I return the keys to my office etc. These are things I had already explained to my boss in a previous email that I will do once our office is reopened. I found it offensive that someone would suggest that I would leave with items that do not belong to me because in my view that is essentially theft.

    In this job there have been numerous other micro-aggressions but this is one of the few that has made me think that this person has an underlying bias towards me either as the only female on the team but also a minority. I am posting this here because I don’t really have another place I can share this.

    • anon

      I’m really sorry you were treated this way. It sounds like your boss is not sending you these signals, so you’re not generally perceived as untrustworthy. If you’re on your way out anyway, (if you wanted) you could mention it in a one-on-one with boss or a trusted colleague. “Bob made it a point that I don’t keep the laptop and keys, although that’s just common sense. Is that something he always pays special attention to or have I given him reason not to trust me?”
      But you have no obligation to do that!

    • Anonymous

      Returning property at the end of a contract is a completely normal request. Trust is not just about not leaking confidential information to the press.

      • Anon123

        OP here: I know this. It was the insinuation that I would not honour this, and would instead leave with the equipment that does not belong to me that I did not like. I did not mention this in the initial post but the same colleague had insisted that I leave the work laptop I use in the office when the office was closed due to COVID-19. If I had done that I would not have been able to work effectively from home–there are certain security protocols when connecting to the institute’s network, so you cannot do this from a personal computer. There is security software on the machine that the IT team installs.

      • Anon123

        I am the OP. I know returning property is expected. It was the insinuation that I would somehow flout this and go away with it that I did not like. The same colleague had insisted that I leave the same machine I use for work in the office when it was closed due to COVID-19. There is software that allows access to the institute’s network that a personal computer would not have. I would not have been able to effectively work from home.

        • anon

          I’m really sorry you’re being treated this way. Of course you’ll return the laptop – that’s just insulting. I don’t have any great words of wisdom but I hear you.

    • Coach Laura

      You are not wrong. I hope that your boss isn’t treating you this way too. The colleague’s actions are unwarranted but he is apparently not privy to the email correspondence that you have had with your boss – not that you owe him an explanation.

      You might want to clarify with your boss if they need/want the equipment returned before the office re-opens. You could have a computer safety packaging box sent to your home. FedEx offers these. You could safely package the computer and have it sent via FedEx to your boss, insured. FedEx would pickup and you could figure out a way to have the pickup without exposing you to the virus. Just an idea. Good luck.

  14. CC

    can someone share the quote that was posted here recently that said something like ” we are not working from home, we are doing work at home during a crisis” but it was better worded. thanks in advance

    • Vicky Austin

      “You are not working from home, you are at your home during a crisis trying to work.” (You were pretty close!)

    • Pure Imagination

      I wish that applied to billable work. My eight hours a day (non-law) feel slow and sluggish. l’m not trying to be inefficient, but it’s harder to focus and everything is taking longer.

  15. Coronavirus in the past tense

    Has anyone on this board actually had it (like with an official test and you have recovered)? What was it like for you? How are you doing now? Are you in any of the studies we have been hearing about?

    I feel like you have superpowers now, truly.

    • DC Corona

      I was tested and it just came back positive on Wednesday (after a 12 day wait for results – our testing structure is nuts). I’m on the mend but still have a lingering cough and breathing problems. I never had a fever but experienced severe fatigue, debilitating shortness of breath even while resting, congestion, and a more minor cough. I had a couple of trips to urgent care and the ER to get my shortness of breath evaluated, but thankfully never had to be hospitalized. I’ve heard that for many people, you’ll start to get better and then get much worse before recovering for good, and that did turn out to be true for me. I’m hoping to donate blood/plasma once I’m fully recovered, if I can find somewhere in DC soliciting it.

      • anon

        Interesting. I’ve had a cough and shortness of breath for weeks (3?) and severe fatigue, but no fever. Have had a couple of telehealth appointments and the doctor is pretty sure that I don’t have COVID because I have no fever (they keep going back to a bronchitis diagnosis, which is their best guess without a chest xray). I’ve still been completely isolated through all this, but this makes me wonder if I actually have it since my symptoms are like yours. I guess I’ll find out if/when there’s a serological test available.

        • DC Corona

          Interesting. I’ve had a cough and shortness of breath for weeks (3?) and severe fatigue, but no fever. Have had a couple of telehealth appointments and the doctor is pretty sure that I don’t have COVID because I have no fever (they keep going back to a bronchitis diagnosis, which is their best guess without a chest xray). I’ve still been completely isolated through all this, but this makes me wonder if I actually have it since my symptoms are like yours. I guess I’ll find out if/when there’s a serological test available.

      • anon

        I’m curious (if you can share) what they do in urgent care about evaluating the shortness of breath. Do they measure blood oxygen levels with that finger clip and then tell you ‘hey, it might feel uncomfortable, but it’s not bad enough to admit you’?

        • DC Corona

          I had an initial trip to urgent care when I had a sudden onset of shortness of breath that worsened over the course of an afternoon (a few days after my cough showed up) – this was two weeks ago. They used a pulse oximeter (little finger clip) to measure my blood oxygen levels, tested for COVID with a few of those nasal swabs that go very deep into your nose, and then did a chest x-ray. The x-ray was normal and my pulse oximeter showed I was getting enough oxygen, so they sent me home. A lot of my shortness of breath that day came from anxiety and it eased after hearing that my body was getting enough air. I called about five days later when I was experiencing bad shortness of breath again, and this time they sent me to the ER because the urgent care facility didn’t have enough protective gear left to treat me. In the ER they used the pulse oximeter and had me walk around the ER hall to see how my oxygen levels changed. They did an EKG (measured my heart rhythm), listened to my chest, and did some blood work. They discharged me after confirming that again, I was getting enough oxygen even though I was struggling to breathe. Like before, it turned out that anxiety was exacerbating my shortness of breath by causing my heart rate to increase and my respiration rate to go up. I’m still having shortness of breath that is interfering with my sleep, but I’m not literally gasping for air and nothing is turning blue so I’m hoping to avoid going back in until I know I’m not contagious anymore! I don’t think they would admit you to the hospital unless your pulse oximeter showed you didn’t have enough oxygen in your blood.

        • Anon

          Yes. You can buy a pulse oximeter online if you want to save the urgent care trip.

          • anon

            Yup, I have relatively severe asthma, and I keep a pulse oximeter at home for that. You can talk to your doctor about what O2 saturation levels should be normal vs. low for you, but it may also be good for peace of mind if you aren’t sure if you’re getting enough oxygen.

  16. Nili Lotan

    Can anyone tell me how Nili Lotan pants fit? Do they run small or large? I am short and slim-hipped, and would like to buy a pair, but want to minimize the possibility of having to go to a UPS store or similar to return them, in this environment. Thanks for any help!

    • Anonymous

      Ask Girl of a Certain Age (via her blog). My recollection is that she’s a big fan.

  17. Zella Leggings - fit help

    How do people find Zella leggings in terms of fit? I’ve never had a loose legging in my life so I’m not sure if I need to size down or if this is just how good, comfortable leggings are supposed to fit. I normally shop off of the TJX racks for leggings.

    I just got my first two pairs and they’re an XL. I’m 5’8″, size 14 in most sizes on the bottom, carry everything in the butt and tummy (hey, childbirth…) and are using these for 50% lounging/WFH comfort and 50% working out. They fit in the widest part of the hip but are a little loose around the knees – some fabric bunching and gaps behind the knees – and have some gaping at the hip. They are the 7/8 high waist pocket leggings. Most concerned about them slipping down while doing anything majorly active. TIA.

    • Anonymous

      Those are too big.

      FWIW, I have not been satisfied with Zella leggings in the past couple of years. My older ones are fantastic and still going strong, but lately the fabric has gotten cheaper and it bags in places and rolls down at the waist.

    • OP

      * Doh. No gaping at the hip. I meant I have gaping at the waist band itself. Hip and butt fit.

      • Anon

        Size down to a L, maybe a M based on your experience with these leggings and if others say those fit generally big. I am your height and was a 14 a few months ago–size L in most things was right for me. I am a solid 12 now and am between a M and L for lots of stuff.

        • OP

          Thanks. i think I will go to L. My baseline was always 10-12 . I’ve been up to a 14 since starting fertility treatments up recently so I think (hope) this is a temporary thing. I’d rather refrain from buying things that fit large right now knowing/hoping I’ll get back to size L later on.

    • Cat

      Those sound too big. I’m sometimes a S in their leggings depending on style, sometimes a M, and am an 8 in mall brand skinny jeans.

    • Anon

      Zella leggings don’t fit me well. I’m a size L as a ~10. Maybe they’re for people with small waists, idk. They also run short.

    • No Longer Anon

      Sounds too big. I love my zella leggings- including those I’ve bought recently but I got a pair that was too big as a gift and hated them. The fit, I think, makes or breaks them.

      Also, if you’re curious, Z by Zella is a poor substitute.

    • Anon

      I’m consistently a size 14-16 and XL in everything but wear L in Zellas. I just got two new pairs in L and a pair in XL. I’m going to have to return the XL (in person eventually) and I briefly considered returning the L for M because they’re a little loose in the waist.

    • Anonanonanon

      I wear size 14 and wear L in Zella leggings. I agree with everyone else you might try sizing down.

  18. Quarantined Couple

    Didn’t think I’d update the gang a day later….but last night my boyfriend-live in partner-whatever he is said we need a plan, because this is not me moving in and he likes his alone time.

    I get it, truly. It was a little unexpected as far as timing. We just did a big grocery shop, including me in the purchases. And this morning, he’s putting extra effort into being in a good mood, kind of cute, a little flirty, conversational…we’ve been locked up for over two weeks, I can tell he’s thinking “oh $%^t, I hope I didn’t mess up. This is truly silly, the mess we got ourselves into. But now there’s feelings involved and the initial conversation felt like…a break up? He said he’d sooner help me financially before he let me go back to NYC. He assumed I could go stay with my brother who is in NoVa. But he and his wife are a first responder and an NP at a hospital and don’t want me around them. My last option is Ohio, with my “at risk” mother who is also an essential worker + not taking social distancing as seriously as she should be! But alas.

    On top of being furloughed, trying to get through to unemployment, the job search….I’m wondering how to handle this personal mess because it’s something I can control and I’m DESPERATE to control something. He said he didn’t want to put a date on it but I have a life here too, buddy. My mom needs time to prepare. You can still rent a car, I checked. So I’m thinking that maybe tonight (our “date night” is still on) I say I’ll get a car for next Saturday. Also on my original post, I had mentioned the “what does this mean for us?” talk. I don’t think I’m going to have it. I think I might tell him I fell for him (or, “I really started falling for you,” seems less serious), but just hold out on any deeper conversations until I move to DC? Which we are all prayer is as soon as the world starts to settle. He clearly likes me A LOT, and it’s not like neither of us can date other people right now? I don’t want to create an issue where there doesn’t need to be one, but I also do want this to last longterm. I was seeing him before this mess and I want him there after. I want to take things seriously and do things right by him, so how do I do that in a quarantine? Again, let’s all take a moment to acknowledge this whole thing is crazy.

    As far as the interview goes, thanks for the recs for places shipping fast currently! SHOCKINGLY, as of Monday of this week, it was going to be in person. Just with one guy…going to see about that today. Thanks for going through this with me, friends. New job, relationship, and otherwise, all the positive energy you’ve given me is given right back to you :)

      • Quarantined Couple

        My apartment is in Queens, NY, and my roommate is now working at a hospital where she will have to take public transportation in order to get there. For a few reasons, I don’t feel comfortable going back to NYC at this moment. Maybe in a couple weeks…like when they take down the makeshift hospital in Central Park.

          • Quarantined Couple

            Sadly, no friends to stay with. I’ve only lived in NYC for a year, and the couple people I do know well enough have left as well. I do have a slight compromised immune system from an underlying issue. It’s not “super serious” so I wouldn’t use that for sympathy, but I would likely catch something easily and hold on to it longer than the average late 20s gal. Don’t want to risk it for myself and others.

      • Anonymous

        A crisis we are now being told could last months. They don’t live together she just happened to be there and stayed.

        • Veronica Mars

          Ah, I’m behind in the romcom. I thought he invited her down. That’s more understandable.

    • Cat

      oh man! What a roller coaster. Misc thoughts…
      – I don’t blame the guy for realizing that (a) this pandemic is not going away quickly, and (b) that therefore what was a cute intro phase really needs to be re-shaped into a more traditional dating pattern.
      – I also don’t blame you for that message feeling like a breakup.
      – I think the “what does this mean” conversation is probably worthwhile! Acknowledge how weird an immediate live-together period has been, that you have really enjoyed getting to know him so well, and want the relationship to continue. You could discuss an approach to exclusivity, too, as you would not want to be near him for social distance reasons if he is seeing others.

      The practical question of where to actually stay… oh man. My sympathies.

    • Anon

      I can’t remember if he is still going to work or not, but I think you said he was. Can you leave the house for a walk before he gets home so he has some alone time?

      I would probably be overwhelmed if someone was completely dependent on me and was expecting me to be “on” the second I walked in the door.

      • Quarantined Couple

        Hi! Yes, he’s working and crazy busy at that. We have made an effort to take a few hours each day to do our own thing. And I’m putting a lot of tension on myself, too. Been furloughed for all of two days and have felt all the motions of embarrassed, useless, and have kept myself busy applying for jobs, editing my writing sample, mid day workouts…and updating you all on my life LOL I hadn’t felt any tension, it was like night and day with the conversation last night. And then after, it was like nothing happened. But this whole thing is strange.

      • Anon

        Wait, if he’s still working your reason for not wanting to stay with your mom feels like a cop out. (And tbh your reasoning there always sounded a little forced and convoluted.)

        • Quarantined Couple

          We’ve both been WFH for this journey! And my mom is a grocery store clerk and is 66. A lot of factors there to consider.

        • Airplane.

          Agree about OP sounding a little forced. I think you are getting a little carried away and in the romance and “telling the story” and him saying this to you should be a little sign to come back down to earth. Your other option to live somehwere that isn’t with this guy are fine – take one of them. A lot of people are living in NYC right now with roommates – your mom is an option, your brother. You need to take one them.

    • Anonymous

      I have been following along on this crazy ride and I am hoping this is just the conflict portion (of the to-be-made-movie!) before you guys have your happy ever after.

      As for where to live, can you clarify something for me? You’re currently in DC with the guy, but your home & job are in NYC? If my understanding is correct, then I understand why you shouldn’t go back to NYC for the time being. It’d be ideal if you could go back to NYC for a week or two and let things re-stabilize relationshipwise, but I realize that’s not possible right now. Are any extended-stay hotels in/around DC still open that maybe you could decamp to (if you can financially afford it)?

      • Quarantined Couple

        Yes, I live in NYC. So total, I’ve been in DC with this guy for 17 days (CRAZY!!!). I hope I’m not being dramatic, but for my mental and physical health I just can’t deal with that mess in NYC. Plus, my roommate got a job at a hospital of all places because she was out of work. I just don’t think I will feel safe even in my apartment, knowing my roommate will be on the subway and at a hospital. I was also furloughed though, and don’t want to go back to that job anyway (as you know). I could wait it out in Ohio at my mom’s, then go to NYC to close that chapter and move to DC? I still have my lease in NY. I don’t think I can afford a hotel plus my rent for something longer than a few weeks. I’d rather bite the bullet initially and just get back to mom’s.

        I don’t blame him for his realization moment that this isn’t ending soon. But he is a great man, and I can see a life with him. Happened fast but glad it happened and I hope it works out too!

        • Anon

          Yeah you need to go home or to your mom’s. He’s clearly not asking you to move in. I think you’re putting way too much pressure on this relationship.

        • Anonymous

          Ooooh okay, that makes a lot more sense! Thanks for answering my questions – I somehow missed out that you were just furloughed. I think the best course of action is probably to head over to your mom’s place, if she’s not going to charge you rent and she’s not a high risk group.

      • HW

        I was thinking something similar – if it’s important for you to be able to give him some space, I looked and there are Airbnb’s (entire apartment) available for $50/night. I know you’re furloughed so that might not be a great option though. :(

    • Amber

      I don’t read this blog every day so I have missed some of your posts – I wish there was a way to see them all together to catch up – this truly is like a rom com!
      I do understand where he is coming from. You are in a fairly new relationship that has been fast forwarded by the pandemic. I lived alone for many years and can relate to him wanting to take a step back and get some of his normal routine back. Is there anyone else in the nearby area that you could stay with? I agree your other options are not great. Hang in there – you have had a tough few days!

    • potato

      My husband of 4 years and I just had a conversation about spending more time alone. Your feelings are (very) understandable but please know that you’re not alone in this. Too much (or too little) togetherness seems a common malady in the lockdown.

    • Airplane.

      I think you should leave as soon as you can. I really believe that him saying this is not you moving in and he likes his alone time is him saying that this isn’t working for him.

      I think you should take action like he is asking you to leave and make one of the other options work – go back to your place in NYC, your brother’s in Nova or your mom’s and try to minimize a ton of contact (it sounds like all of them are working and out of the house a lot anyway). Split up the groceries, that’s not a big deal. I think you need to be apart from him to you can both clear up what it is you really have between the two of you.

      • Anon

        +1 give the relationship a little distance. If it’s meant to be, it will survive you living with mom for a couple of weeks. You don’t need to be in DC to look for work in DC since pretty much everything is remote now.

        The guy is saying he doesn’t want you to move in and that he needs some personal space. That is not a mixed message. That’s as clear as day.

        • Quarantined Couple

          You’re absolutely right. This whole thing is just something from an alternative universe Sims game but the world feels that way too. Part of my feelings are coming from feeling insecure about the other factors in my life re: job, finances now furloughed, etc. At the end of the day, I know I will be okay on my own front and we’ll be okay if we both want to be! I’m going to have him talk more about logistics tonight and get a plan in motion. I’m not taking this personally, and we’ll see where we come out on the other side. Me getting myself okay is #1!

          But I can’t wait to have this story to tell people, and I hope him and I can tell it together!

          • Anon

            You have known him SEVENTEEN DAYS. You are not getting married. You are not even really dating.

          • Anon

            No, I think they’ve known each other longer than that, 17 days is just how long they’ve been quarantined together.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yeah, I think it’s time to go to your mom’s ASAP. Let him miss you, you know?

        Hugs. I’m still rooting for you and the relationship!

        • Monday

          +1 decamp to mom’s.

          In my experience, by the time someone (who cares about you and isn’t mean) brings up the idea of you leaving, it’s overdue. They held out as long as they could, hoping they wouldn’t have to say it.

          If this is going to work out in the long run, it will work out!

      • Anonymous

        And if you’re going to go, then go. I don’t get the – rent a car NEXT Saturday. I hope that means tomorrow, but I read it as 8 days from now.

        • Anon

          Same. If you want to have any hope of a longer term relationship, leave as soon as you possibly can. Let him miss you vs. wishing you would go already.

    • Anonymous

      I’m sorry that really sucks. I would be pretty hurt in your shoes. He’s not doing anything wrong, and it’s good that he told you sooner rather than later, but the situation just sucks. I think you should find another place to go stat. It’s going to peak in about two weeks; you don’t want to be out and about then. Plus, some states are getting nuts about out of state visitors/vehicles – you definitely don’t want to drive around with out of state tags for much longer. I would not wait until next Saturday, personally.

      • anon

        +1. I would have your date night tonight and make a plan to leave Sunday. Take a few of the groceries with you. As for where to go, your mom’s seems like the best option to me.

    • Coach Laura

      I really feel for you, Quarantined Couple gal, but if you are relying on unemployment insurance via NY State, you may have to go back to NY. I’d be sure to check into whether or not you will qualify if you move to Ohio.

      Living with your roommate may not be that unsafe or more unsafe than living with your mom as both roommate and mom will have similar levels of exposure. Soon all of us will be wearing masks, so just ask your roommate to wear a mask on public transit, in the hallways at the hospital and at her desk at work if she has contact with the public. Wipe down surfaces and doorknobs with clorox daily, keep the kitchen sanitized, wear your mask when you’re out. You won’t be going out much so your risk is low. I have lymphoma and am immune compromised from treatment and am over 60 and I understand your not wanting to get the virus but it will be ok.

      • Anon

        She probably won’t see this because I’m very late to the game- but if her friends have all left NYC then maybe she could stay at one of their places roommate free.

  19. Anonny

    Let’s talk hair removal. I’ve been a dedicated eyebrow threader and bikini line waxer for many years. I hate tweezing with a passion. Any suggestions/tips for good hair removal products in this quarantine era?

        • anon

          Ha! I’m personally growing mine out but if they are “becoming one” I highly recommend putting an eyebrow razor on your shopping list. Easy, painless.

      • Anon

        I’d encourage continuing eyebrow plucking, only because once you lose that shape it becomes near impossible to get it back without a professional (speaking as a natural caterpillar eyebrow person). Everything else – gone out the window.

    • Anonymous

      I’m letting it all grow out. YMMV. I’m curious to see where my brows might be in 12 weeks.

      • cat socks

        Same! I first got my eyebrows threaded 25 years ago and haven’t looked back. I’ve been growing them out for about three weeks now and I’ve been good about not touching them.

    • Anon

      Cheesy, but I really like the Flawless hair remover thing from tv. (They sell it on Amazon, etc, etc.)

    • Anon Probate Atty

      Get good tweezers, like Tweezerman. Then you probably won’t hate it as much. I use manicure scissors to trim. I’ve had laser on my bikini line, so regrowth is not that bad, and I just use a razor in the shower to maintain. I was scared to use a razor for years, but I’ve found that as long as I have a mostly-fresh blade and go slowly in the direction of the growth (not against the grain! this is very important!), it’s not bad at all.

  20. Ribena

    This morning Twitter put a tweet at the top of my feed, because it was like doing by people I follow, from someone saying ‘I don’t know how I’d get through this without my dog! She’s making me so much happier right now.’
    Please, hive, if you feel tempted to write a message that starts ‘I don’t know how I’d get through this without…’, please stop and consider the feelings of people who don’t have that and have no option to get it. It’s lovely to read that people are grateful for their partners, pets, and flat mates, it is… but meanwhile I’m just here alone. For the duration. When I felt like I was going to faint during a barre session earlier today (hadn’t eaten properly, all fine now), there was no one to put a hand on my shoulder or get me a drink of water. No one would have known. And it’s so so sh it.

    • Anonymous

      No come on. We all have things getting us through and it is good and okay to share that. I too am alone. People are not living their lives at you. If you are this upset by a completely fine tweet, delete Twitter.

      • anon

        Agreed. The poster was expressing gratitude. If someone being grateful for their dog is smug, then I guess our definition of smugness has really overexpanded. They’re not saying they’re grateful for their butler, indoor pool, and 10,000 square foot house or something.

        • Anon

          Yes, this.
          Ribena, I am allowed to express gratitude for the things in my life that are making this time easier. You are allowed to express that you are lonely and struggling. My condition does not nullify yours, and vice-versa. We are all allowed to have feelings, to feel our feelings, and express them. I am sorry you are feeling down.

      • Anon

        Yeah, that’s not a normal or appropriate response to that tweet. Sorry, Ribena, you’re the one with the problem here.

      • Airplane.

        They are not being grateful AT you. This is really too much Ribena, I think you usually ad a lot to this forum. Take a step back.

    • Anonymous

      My husband and I were talking last night and basically said “everything in this has something that someone else wants” (i.e., the grass is always greener). If you have kids, it sounds good to not and vice versa. Faulting someone for how they deal with this is a waste of energy.

      • Monday

        Carolyn Hax also posted a point along these lines in her special Wednesday chat this week. I have eventually come around to this thinking as well, and hope I can keep this mindset for however long I need to.

        I’m a hospital worker (outpatient provider), and my coworkers and I feel we were definitely put at unnecessary risks at the beginning of this. We were all scared and there was a lot of tension with management. At that time, I yearned to be able to go home, and was irritated by everyone complaining about feeling cooped up. I would have loved to be home feeling stir crazy with nothing to do.

        The following week, I got my wish by getting sick. I was referred for Covid testing, which was awful. (It feels like they’re taking a brain sample via q-tip up your nose.) Because I was “under investigation,” I received full pay to stay home for the week. I tested negative and recovered fairly quickly, and despite all of that I hated being home. I felt useless and ached to get back to…the danger zone where I work?

        Next week, I’m moving over to inpatient, which will probably feel even more risky. Wearing a mask all day sucks, everyone is nervous, and I’m worried about so many of my family members because we’re all in health care (or have partners who are). But I’ve realized that my blessing during this time is the feeling that I have a role, and having the right to leave my home to go to work. I still get to see my coworkers in person. My employer is providing my hand sanitizer and toilet paper for most of my waking hours. My job is secure, at least for now.

        We all have things others can only wish for, and are missing things that others take for granted.

    • Anon

      On the other hand, please stop policing other people’s words. If something like “I’m grateful for my dog”is triggering for you, you probably need to stay off social media. Everybody could use XYZ to help them cope during this nightmare, but it’s not up to the greater public to protect you from yourself. If seeing other people grateful and happy makes you upset, just stick to the platforms that you know won’t upset you.

      • Ribena

        I have gone through every emotion about this in the past few weeks and am mostly balanced and pretty happy about things right now. It just struck me when I wasn’t expecting to (on the notifications screen on my locked tablet, not when I had actually opened the app – I have the app removed from my phone anyway) and left me a little off-kilter. It’s not the gratefulness, just the thoughtless way it was expressed. I love seeing dogs too!

        • cbackson

          I completely understand how much worse this must be for someone who is without companionship. It’s got to be incredibly hard, and it’s one of the things I feel like isn’t considered enough in conversations about social distancing, how long this can continue, etc.

          That said, with all possible empathy for the unfair and awful situation you’re in, what you’re describing is a very common turn of phrase about the *writer’s own needs* – not about everyone’s needs, not about your needs. It’s not thoughtless, or smug, or uncaring. For some people, it’s a profound (and terrifying) recognition of how dependent they are on another person, a thing, or a pet. We all have the things that are helping us make it through. Some people don’t have those things. Some people actually don’t need those things, because we’re not all the same in terms of how we get emotional support (but those people might need other things – and might not have them).

          All I can say, really, is be kind to yourself. I think people in your position have it so hard right now, and there’s definitely a bruising lack of empathy out there for the real and lasting emotional impact of going through this solo (there are posters on this board who display so little empathy for why this is hard for people that I literally can barely bring myself to respond to them, TBH). I wish I could say something – anything – that would make this easier, but really all that I can say is that I see you and what you’re experiencing and I wish from the bottom of my heart that I could do something to relieve that loneliness.

        • Anon

          So I should self-censor my attempts to put a positive spin on things because someone out there might not have her notification settings set up to avoid potentially upsetting content? Nope.

        • anon

          I second what cbackson said and also want to gently pushback on the notion that the tweet expressed the sentiment in a thoughtless way– it really didn’t. There is nothing about that statement that suggests to me the author is trying to rub it in anyone’s face or flippantly taking for granted something that very few people are privileged to have. (Thoughtless = “I don’t know how anyone is getting through this without their live-in au pair! So blessed to get 3 hours of “me time” each day to do my #selfcare!) For all you know, the person who made that tweet is achingly sad because they don’t have a partner and the dog is the lifeline. Or, they have a sick family member. Or they just got laid off. They are focusing on the tools they do have, not making a comment about how anyone else is or should be coping. Everyone has a different set of resources available to them to deal with this challenge and a different set of obstacles. You should focus on what you do have– I don’t mean to sound patronizing and I’m one of the most cynical people I know (and I can be very self-pitying when it comes to being over 30 and single in a world full of couples in normal times) — but I’ve found that aggressive positive thinking/ gratitude has been really helpful for me.

        • Airplane.

          Expressing gratitude this way is not thoughtless. “I don’t know how I’d get through this without my dog” is a true statement – I truly don’t know how! I’m grateful I’m lucky that I don’t have to find out. That’s it. It’s not thoughtless, it’s thoughtful. It’s introspective – please step away for awhile.

        • Anon

          Ribena, it’s not thoughtless. You get to be upset by the tweet, but you don’t get to ask that other people stop expressing their feelings. You can only control yourself and the quicker you can adapt to that, the better you will feel.

    • Good Morning!

      >I don’t know how I’d get through this without my X

      Also gives off an air of helplessness like “Tee hee I just can’t do this by myself”, and smugness, like “Wasn’t I clever to stock up on a dog”.

      Good points you made there. Glad you got something to eat, and for real give yourself a little pat on the back for being strong.

      • anon

        This is definitely assuming the worst possible intentions. Smugness? Stock up on a dog? Come on people.

        It’s a turn of phrase. Obviously, people know they can survive without dogs.

      • Anon

        Some of us built lives for ourselves that were fulfilling and satisfying even when we weren’t in the midst of a global crisis, and it turns out those choices are carrying us through the crisis pretty well. It’s not about being smug; it’s about being grateful. I didn’t intend that the two dogs I adopted off Craigslist would be sources of joy and entertainment for me during a quarantine – but I sure am grateful I adopted them. Maybe for some folks this would be a good time to do some examination of their lives and figure out how to make their lives something great even after the crisis is over. There are a lot of people here who allow work to subsume their lives. If that choice works for them, great. If not, today’s a good day to make a positive change. We are all responsible for our own happiness in this life. Even in the midst of a pandemic.

    • Pure Imagination

      I’ve felt similarly when people say things like “I don’t know what I’d do without my mom” because I (and the many other women who lost their mothers young) have somehow managed to survive and thrive. However, I don’t try to stop them from saying it. It’s on me to manage my own social media feeds and to follow or unfollow as needed. Perhaps I would raise the issue with a close friend in a one-on-one conversation, but ultimately you’re going to need to decide if your social media is helping you or hurting you right now.

      This whole situation really sucks. Sending you good thoughts and vibes to get through this!

    • Cat

      Gently, I think you are overreacting here. I think a break from social media might be in order. I enforced one on myself when my entire news feed was either (1) people posting scary news, (2) people posting to “stay home” in influencer-speak fashion (“please friends, this is so important”), (3) people re-posting news applicable to their geography that anyone living in the area would obviously receive on their own (e.g., an announcement “Town X Friends, see attached” for an update on school closures), and (4) constant quarantine updates with pictures of kid arts and crafts.
      As you can see I’m still overly annoyed so probably for the best I’m staying away :)

      • Pure Imagination

        Oh man, I totally know what you mean about influencer-speak. Drives me batty. If I have to see one more “To all my friends who are struggling, I see you…” post…

        • Monday

          I’m increasingly annoyed by posts that say “it’s ok if you are…” or “it’s ok to feel…”. Maybe I’m just old, but I don’t need to be told whether what I’m doing or feeling is “ok.” In fact, it didn’t occur to me that it might not be until somebody on Instagram tried to reassure me.

          • PolyD

            True, but I had a zoom happy hour with friends and I think all of us felt better when we all admitted that we were having a hard time.

          • anon

            Sometimes these rub me the wrong way and I think it’s because they can come off like a faux attempt to be personal. Like, oh you “see me”? You do? You hear me? You don’t, actually because you have not solicited and I didn’t share my actual experience with you. You’re not reaching out to me to connect and say hey, I understand, I want *you* specifically, to feel seen and heard. Sure it’s better than pretending that everyone should be fine all the time but it’s not nearly as helpful as the instamartyrs make it sound. It’s performative vulnerability with a veneer of connectedness.

            The reason that the admission among friends at zoom happy hour makes you (all of us, me too!) feel better is because these are actual real people who care for each other and who are being vulnerable and showing up for each other, and literally seeing and hearing each other. It’s an awesome thing and should be cherished!

        • No Longer Anon

          I have a chronic illness and the chronic illness influencers have always been infuriating and twee about this. Newsflash: you are a 21 year old girl with diabetes, not the f-ing Dalai Lama, I don’t need a daily soliloquy from you on how to find peace in hardship or whatever you’re on about.

          This BS was a large part of why I am off all social media this year. Chronic illness warrior influencers, and influencers generally. And it seems like everyone wants to be one. NO ONE CARES.

          Rant over.

    • Anonymous

      I agree with you. That phrase isn’t one of uplifting gratitude; it’s smug.

      The other day I was on a Zoom chat with a dozen co-workers. Virtually all of them turned their cameras to a spouse, pet, or child who wanted to say hi at some point. And that’s great! I would never complain about that, and I genuinely do care about how their families are doing. Loved seeing how the kids have grown and how cute the pets are and how snarky the spouses are. :) It was also devastating for me be reminded of how alone I am.

      I would never say don’t share your appreciation, and I would certainly never say don’t have your family say hello on Zoom. But <> is sneaky unkind. Companionship is a NEED, and some of us have had to sacrifice it completely.

      • Anon

        I also think acknowledging the presence of a dog/kid wtv in the background on a personal Zoom call is quite different than a public post on Twitter. On Zoom, they know you and your exact circumstance. On Twitter, no one is being happy AT you.

      • Anonymous

        Agreed! Most of what parades as gratitude is actually smugness. It is very trendy right now to be grateful, and it is a super easy way for people to proudly show off all that they “have.”

        • Anon

          Or maybe this is how you’re interpreting it. If all gratitude seems smug to you, try changing the lens you’re looking through. Stepping back from the Internet/social media for awhile is a great way to change your perspective. It can get to be too much for any of us, after awhile.

        • Senior Attorney

          Good Lord. Most? Really?

          You may be right, but for my own peace of mind I choose to assume good intentions.

          That said, after the David_Geffen-on-his-yacht debacle I am going very easy on the social media for just this reason. If me trying to make the best of things makes somebody feel bad, I guess it’s better for me to keep myself to myself.

          Hugs, Ribena.

        • thankful for my second home!

          Someone on my feed has been posting all week pictures of her and her family at the beach, we are at least an 8 hr drive from any beach. Her most recent post was about how this is such a scary and worrisome situation and she is “so happy to have a second home to escape to.” This reads smug (and selfish and stupid to be traveling in the first place). the dog post not as much.

        • Anon

          Yikes, I’m sorry for you that you interpret other peoples’ gratitude as smugness. That does not sound like a fun way to live life.

    • Never too many shoes...

      I am sorry, Ribena. I understand where you are coming from. I worry so much about my friends that live alone.

      My neighbour (a yoga instructor) told me that the central nervous system cannot distinguish between a self-hug and one from another person if you are in darkness. So, if you close your eyes and hug yourself tightly, you should get that sense of calm and release. Maybe try it?

    • Anonymous

      Also if you had a dog would it put a hand on your shoulder or offer you a glass of water? The person who posted that is also missing human companionship, the fact that they have a pet doesn’t negate that (speaking as someone who lives alone with a dog). I think you’re overreacting here and maybe should get rid of twitter if it’s having this effect on you. This situation is super hard on everyone for different reasons, none of which are going to be identical in any two cases. Maybe instead of focussing on what others have that you don’t, focus on what you do have to be grateful for (such as the physical ability to still be doing barre right now, which is not an option for some).

    • anon

      I understand that this hit you hard, but I think people should be allowed to accurately express their feelings. That is how that person feels.

      For me, I could not get through this without my faith and my faith community. Someone who left their faith/community recently is probably feeling that loss even stronger now, but I think I should be able to accurately describe how I’m coping. I am really feeling the loss of my pet, who died at 18 years old. I went through a lot with my cat, and I wish I had my furry friend through this time! But I’m happy that people who still have their pets have that source of comfort. They should be allowed to say that despite my loss.

    • Anonymous

      A lot of essential workers would be grateful to be home by themselves exercising for enjoyment vs having to be terrified of getting their family members sick. Many people would be grateful to have the choice to eat something when they are hungry but they have to limit food because they don’t have enough money. Maybe before you start demanding that others behave better and be more considerate, you should look in the mirror and adjust your own privileged behavior.

      • Pure Imagination

        Ribena is clearly not being a demanding princess here. She’s allowed to express her struggle and frustration, even if you personally think it’s stupid. It’s not really necessary to come here to name-call.

        • Anon

          No, Anonymous at 11:22 has it right. Self-absorption and wallowing is a pretty clear path to unhappiness. A situation could always be worse. The people I know who are weathering this the best are the ones who have focused on what they can do to help others, and also focused on being grateful for what they have. Comparison is the thief of joy and if comparing her situation to that of others is making her sad, Ribena’s solution is simple: stop comparing.

        • anon

          She could have expressed it in a way that did not blame someone else for her heightened emotional response. Instead of saying, “man, I saw this tweet and it made me feel really sad, even though I know this person didn’t intend to make me or anyone else feel sad,” she called the tweet thoughtless and attempted tell everyone else they’re mean and smug and wrong if they’re saying similar things.

        • Anonymous

          She’s not ‘expressing her struggle’ – she asking other people to change their behavior to suit her: “Please, hive, if you feel tempted to write a message that starts ‘I don’t know how I’d get through this without…’, please stop and consider the feelings of people who don’t have that and have no option to get it.” – It’s ignorant AF. Many, many people would be grateful for warm shelter, a full belly, and not having to be exposed to Covid without PPE on a daily basis. Her woe is me bit is completely a demanding princess act. If she doesn’t like what ppl tweet, stay off twitter.

        • Airplane.

          She is allowed to express her own struggle and frustration. What she isn’t allowed to do is police other people expressing their gratitute and introspection. No one is calling her stupid.

          • Pure Imagination

            She’s not “policing” you though. She made a suggestion that you’re free to ignore.

          • Anon

            Pure – she IS policing. She’s making a suggestion and the implication is that if you “ignore” it, you are a smug, thoughtless a*hole. And that simply isn’t true!

    • Anon

      I agree with everyone saying not to take it personally because it most certainly wasn’t tweeted out with the intent you’re interpreting. I also understand why there may be a pang if hurt when you read the message through your own lens.

      Managing your emotions isn’t not ever having feelings about things regardless of other people’s intentions. It’s accepting the emotion and deciding how much you’re going to let it impact you.

      I do not think dog tweeter was trying to be smug but in a situation where someone is it can usually be turned back on them (in your head is probably best but sometimes out loud if needed): “You don’t know how to do [basic adult function] without [partner]? Lots of people do it and I’m sure you’d figure it out.” And if you’re feeling kind “I can help show you how since I am apparently some kind of Wonder Woman managing to do all the basic life tasks by myself.”

    • Anon

      They’re not writing those things at you. It’s not wrong for somebody to write what they’re thankful for.

    • Anon

      This is along the lines of don’t talk about your pregnancy or baby or kids because some people are infertile. It’s just not going to happen, truly sorry infertile people, so we all have to steel ourselves to things that injure the soft parts of us. I have my own as well. I agree with others who said to remember it’s not said @ you. That helps me a lot.

    • LaurenB

      People are not being grateful for their pets / spouses / children / etc. AT you. Sorry, that’s ridiculous to expect everyone to tiptoe around. Can I not be grateful for the love and friendship of my sister because other women don’t have sisters?

      • Doodles

        Ha clearly you should “stop and consider the feelings of people who don’t have [a sister] and have no option to get [a sister].”

    • Ribena

      Thanks for your thoughts, everyone – I probably misworded my comment in an attempt not to be unnecessarily curt. In my sensible mind I know that people aren’t living their lives at me, just had a brief wobble this morning. Thanks for reminding me how lucky I have it that I can just hole up in my home and don’t have to go out to work in the world! I genuinely appreciate the community here, thank you all

      • Anon

        Big hugs to you! Nothing about this is easy and we are all feeling our way through it one day at a time.

      • anon

        Rooting for you Ribena! I empathize with how hard it is to feel isolated. You don’t need my permission, but it’s ok to have an overly sensitive gut reaction – the difference between you and me is only that I haven’t expressed some of my overly sensitive gut reactions on this board, but I have certainly had them and had to talk myself down. These are stressful, distressing times. Be kind to yourself. hugs.

  21. Going on walks

    For those who live alone and don’t have a car, how are you changing up your walks? I’m getting to see different streets in my neighborhood that I’ve never gone down before, which is nice. But think I’ve ventured in just about every direction. I’m finding I’m someone who really appreciates variety, and it’s getting tricky. Picking up food somewhere or taking pictures of what I see has been nice. I’m going on runs, which lets me go farther distances, but even that might be getting repetitive. Looking for tips on adding a bit of variety.

    • No Problem

      I haven’t had to repeat a walk yet, but I think this is actually a great time of year to repeat the same location every few days! So much is in bloom, or starting to bloom, that things will look different every week for awhile. Or maybe on each walk you seek out something in particular, like the other day I noticed bluebells in several yards, so on my next walk I’m going to specifically look for them. Then the next time you can look for houses that have ivy on them, or have tulips in the yard starting to bloom, etc., etc.

      • Equestrian Attorney

        +1. I go on a run once every second day and pick the exact same route every time (granted, I live next to a lovely bike path along the river, so I realize I am fortunate to have that option). But I like going back to the same places and noticing the changes. It also is a low key way to mesure running performance (hey, I made it to the playground without feeling like I might cough out my lungs!) There really isn’t a way to create more variety than there is in a close perimeter around your home, so I would pick your favorite route and stick to it.

    • Anonymous

      I am mixing things up by walking different streets, taking walks at different times of day, changing out my walking music frequently, and flipping the order of the streets I usually walk, so my walk is backwards. Sounds silly but does make a difference!

    • Carrots

      Could you use Siri to help you decide which way to go every 3-4 blocks? She can’t decide between right or left, but if you assign each path a number, she can select a random number (left is 1, straight is 2, right is 3, etc.)

    • Cb

      Could you make a scavenger hunt for yourself? You can’t come home until you see a squirrel, a brightly colored door, a tree in bloom, a robin, etc.

      • anon

        This is exactly what I’ve been doing! It’s been helpful for making my walk a little less boring.

        They’re collected at http://mkbrandt.com/daily/ if you want to use mine (though they’re really easy to make with google forms – mine are fairly specific to the kind of neighborhood I live in)

    • Anonymous

      I listen to audible books while I walk, which helps things “feel” different. I also sometimes change up time of day. But less so now. I’m in a sem-urban area but ran into two coyotes at 10 p.m. and they didn’t scare off right away, which shook me so much that I’m relegating my walks to daylight hours now (at least until we’re out of mating season). Do you have a bicycle? That might get you farther. (Just don’t go so far that if you get a flat it will be difficult to get back.)

      • Anon

        Every cyclist should know how to change a flat and carry a spare tube and CO2. It’s $20 and a few youtube videos for good peace of mind. If you need something to do during quarantine, this is a useful thing to learn how to do.

        • Anonymous

          Thank you! I guess I should have realized that on my own. This makes me feel a ton more confident.

    • No Longer Anon

      I went on a walk yesterday and so many people got within inches of me- with nowhere for me to go- within five minutes that I went home, including a tech bro on a unicycle hoverboard think with a go pro on a selfie stick in one hand and his phone in the other. I’ll try a different route today but it’s been stressful going on walks with the dog.

      That all being said: I do the same route every day in the summer and I love seeing how it changes over even a week. I’ve done it at sunrise and sunset, too.

      • Flats Only

        I took a walk on a more popular trail, and had a couple runners approach from behind and pass me to my left at a distance that used to fine and now is not. Since I don’t wear headphones I could hear them coming, and after the first two I started pointing to the side with my left arm extended at shoulder level when I heard them approach (I was walking on the far right hand side of the trail). The ones who received this treatment did indeed pass wide to the left, so that might be something to try in future. I also generally yield to parties that are less maneuverable that me – if a person with a stroller, a small kid and a dog is approaching me I assume it’s my job to establish distance vs. expecting the poor mom and her traveling circus to change course.

        • No Longer Anon

          Unicycle bro would probably have just run into me…or hit me in the head with his go pro selfie stick thing.

          Most people, I will say, have been pretty good about this but I’m within a block of 2 new and one established homeless shelter. I’m really not trying to sound like a jerk- but most of issues I’ve had have been with men who look like they may be at the shelter, and who may have mental health issues or addiction, or who are otherwise just not 100% with it. In that case, I know it’s my responsibility to move away but last night I was literally pressed against bushes and they still were within probably 12-14 inches of me. Really frustrating.

    • Pure Imagination

      Our area is a bit tricky because the only places to walk are a crowded af bike path (so sad because it’s a great path otherwise), a small, dead-end residential neighborhood, or a very loud, busy street. We previously drove to a trailhead 10 mins away, but have been avoiding driving and crowds on the trails. Can’t wait until we have a few more options, but it’s been nice to get out just for the fresh air. I also like jogging when it’s raining – no crowds and it feels refreshing.

  22. Anonymous

    I’m trying to be diligent about social distancing, leaving home only to buy groceries. I can only manage to go about 5-7 days between grocery runs because I have limited storage and am trying to consume the same amount of fresh produce and dairy as usual. I’m getting sick of my own cooking and would love to support the local restaurants that remain open for takeout and delivery. However, I worry that eating food prepared by others would increase my risk substantially. What do you think? Low risk? Worth it to support local businesses? Worth it if it means stretching out trips to grocery stores? Is takeout safer than delivery or vice versa? The only food I’m comfortable ordering is a half-baked pizza, but unfortunately that’s not what I’m craving most!

    • Anon

      This is not a food-borne illness. Your risk would be possible contamination of packaging, but that risk is very low. Takeout places are being really careful and delivery in my area is no-contact – you pay before hand and the driver leaves it at your door. I’ve also seen drivers wearing gloves.

    • Anonymous

      I’m hearing that it is better to have cooked food, and then zap it in the microwave to be safe. So no salads or cold food. You can easily put fries in the oven to re-crisp, reheat enchiladas or meat/veg.

    • Anonymous

      Yesterday’s headline in my city: DoorDash driver caught taking a sip of someone’s fountain drink before delivering it.

      So.… yeah. We’re not eating anything we can’t reheat.

      • Anon

        We aren’t using meal delivery services for this reason. It’s always a risk that the driver will tamper with the food but that risk is one we don’t want to take right now. We’re getting takeout once a week and we go pick it up ourselves; restaurants in our area ask for the make/model of your car and walk the food out to you.

    • Anonymous

      If they had good health grades before this, I’d order away. And I have been ordering. Hot food. That I take home and plate myself.

    • Anonymous

      We’re not doing take out except for a weekly coffee from the Starbucks inside our grocery store when we get groceries. We didn’t eat out a lot before this and don’t feel like this is the time. In a week or two, we might give in. We are having pizza and a movie Fridays with frozen pizza. It’s helping a lot with needing a break from cooking/homemade stuff.

    • Anon

      I live in a neighborhood with a lot of mom and pop restaurants that make our neighborhood what it is, so we are doing a decent amount of take our (2-3 x a week) to keep them alive. My family is all low risk, not sure if my answer would be different if not. I feel a little better just picking it up than delivery, partly bc I would feel bad having a delivery person do our “dirty work”, so to say.

    • Anon

      I found this video about how to handle groceries and takeout food really helpful. In short, the bags and wrappers are “dirty”, the food probably isn’t, and you’re not going to catch it by ingesting warm food. So, be mindful of surfaces the bags and wrappers touch and clean that area after you throw them out. Dump the food onto a clean plate on a clean surface. Try not to touch the food until you’ve washed your hands. A quick zap in the microwave after bags and wrappers removed can’t hurt.

      https://www.fox2detroit.com/news/sanitize-groceries-discard-takeout-containers-immediately-doctor-demonstrates-sterile-technique

    • Airplane.

      Low risk. I’m getting my groceries delivered so I don’t have to go out and be near people in aisles, so of course I would also get takeout delivered.

    • Mrs. Jones

      We’ve been ordering takeout every few days (pick up not delivery) so we don’t have to cook every meal, and to support local restaurants.

    • anonshmanon

      I’d do cooked food only. I trust my restaurants to have very good food hygiene in place even under normal circumstances. If the ingredients would be contaminated somehow during handling, I trust that any virus gets killed during the cooking process. In order to transfer the hot food into a takeout container or pizza box, the cooks only touch it with utensils anyway. At home, I open the box and either dump onto a plate, or wash my hands before taking out the pizza.
      Since there is a small remaining risk (as with anything in life), I got 3 times my usual amount from the pizza place yesterday, and it’s going to be reheated for 3 meals. This way, I decrease the risk from going out/coming into contact with folks etc. The equivalent of reducing the frequency of grocery shopping trips.

  24. Best photo-editing desktop program (not PS)?

    Non-coronoavirus related question!

    What’s the best desktop photo-editing program out there that’s not Photoshop? For editing personal & landscape photos, mostly just to print out for my own scrapbook or walls. I’m willing to pay for it, but I would like something easy to use.

    I used to use Photoshop & Lightroom when I was more into serious photography and digital art, but I don’t like the current cloud pricing options. I’ve heard of Polarr – is it any good? Is there anything like VSCO but for Windows desktop?

    TIA!

    • Anon

      A lot of people like Photoshop Elements, which has some but not all of the Photoshop/Lightroom features but a different pricing structure (I think it’s like $60 one time instead of a monthly fee)

  25. Carrie

    Shopping help appreciated.

    We are not going out at all as a family member is sick. But he would really love some donuts from his favorite bakery. A small local bakery that is still open. What services online are available that can go pick up and deliver to you something like this? We are in the suburbs of a major city.

    We would call ahead and have them box up the donuts and they can bring to the curb for pick up. But in the past I handed them an envelope with cash for payment. They don’t take credit cards over the phone. So some how the person doing the pick up would need to pay and I would need to reimburse + their service fee/tip or pay ahead of time.

    • Anonymous

      Just touching the cash to hand it over could make it unsafe. I know it’s difficult but please don’t endanger an employee/delivery person over donuts.

    • Anon

      Have you asked the bakery for ideas? They might even be delivering themselves. Restaurants in my small town that never delivered are doing so now.

      • Anonymous

        They’ve possibly been exposed to the virus. Obviously they can’t go in person or handle cash to pay.

    • anon

      you could venmo them or use another payment app. Otherwise, a healthy friend or neighbor could do it for you? I bet a lot of people would be happy to help. If we’re talking about All Star doughnuts in El Cerito, I’ll volunteer!

    • anon

      I’m in the burbs of a major city. A number of local restaurants that remain open are offering free delivery within a certain radius. These are not stores that have delivery typically. You might check out the store’s facebook page or just call and see if they work with any delivery services.

      Separately, I wonder if their stance on CC’s over the phone has evolved given current conditions.

    • Carrie

      Appreciate your comments, but I think my question was unclear. I haven’t left the house while we are under quarantine.

      What App/service might do a pick up / delivery like this? The donut shop is not able to do anything more to assist than curbside pickup. There isn’t a neighbor that can assist.

      Is task rabbit for something like this?

  26. Z

    I just renewed my season tickets to the nearby B1G school’s football games. But with the brief discussion above and things I’ve heard from people who work at the school, I’m thinking football will be cancelled. Or at least no massive crowd allowed if they end up having the games. Packing people into a stadium isn’t exactly the best thing in a pandemic especially if there will be a resurgence in the fall.

    • Mrs. Jones

      My family loves college football and we all figure it’s not happening this fall.

    • LaurenB

      I understand that many Jewish synagogues (well, I guess there’s no other kind of synagogue, LOL) are considering the High Holidays (Sep/Oct) off for this year, as it’s when you’ll have hundreds of people gathered. I would personally assume no sports (unless, I suppose, played to an empty stadium, but even then …) for the rest of 2020.

    • Anon

      I live in a big college football town, and the local devotion to it has always been one of my major pet peeves about my otherwise amazingly pleasant city. I just don’t get the appeal and find the whole thing sort of annoying.

      But the idea that it might not happen this year. Whoa. Just mind-boggling.

      • anon

        If it wouldn’t f*ck up my husband’s job in a major way, I would be completely OK if college football didn’t happen this year.

  27. Eye glasses online

    If anyone has ordered eye glasses online, I’d appreciate hearing about your experience, good or bad. I should have really bought some new glasses before covid forced us to stay home. I’ll add not waiting to buy glasses to list of lessons I’ve learned from this time. Hope everyone is staying healthy!

    • Anonymous

      I’ve had good experiences with Zenni. I found their ‘try on’ feature pretty accurate and helpful.

    • busybee

      I bought a pair of Warby Parker glasses circa 2014 and was pleased. I recall needing to provide some kind of measurement between my pupils, or something like that, and it was a little tricky. I just checked their website and it looks like they are now able to do that if you upload a photo, so that takes care of that! Being able to try on five pairs at home is a big perk in my opinion.
      I tried to buy another pair maybe two years ago but none of the frame styles fit my face, so I bought a pair of glasses at BJs (in the children’s section- much less expensive and suitable if you have a narrow face!)

    • Anonymous

      I’ve used a few different ones since it’s so much cheaper and I like Tom Ford and few local opticians in my area stock. Good ones have been: SmartBuy, EZContacts, Designer Optics and Glassesetc. Have been really pleased. (Because I went with ultra thin and some of the better glare reduction choices, a couple of pairs originally intended as backups when I first tried came out better than my primary pairs from LensCrafters. I like the virtual try on with EZContacts if you don’t already know what frame you want. You’ll not only need your prescription but also pupillary distance. There are some online PD tools, but better if you can grab directly from your doc. I’ve read that PD doesn’t really change much over time, so even if they look at a prior record they should be able to tell you. If you like the fit of an old pair of glasses, read the measurements on the arm. That will help you pick something with the same fit (there aren’t all that many sizes to begin with though). I know it can seem intimidating, but it really is super easy.

  28. Anonymous

    First world problems vent. I am slightly less risk averse than DH, in that I am ok with curbside pick up + delivery for food, and ok with going to the grocery store. He is absolutely not, and will freak out if I do it. We’ve been trying to coordinate grocery delivery for a week (we have dry shelf stable food but have been out of fresh stuff for a long time), but delivery times are pretty much unavailable. We’ll fill up a cart on one app, and the one open delivery time will be sold out by the time we check out. Repeat ad naseum. This afternoon I found one of the carts we had filled up had an open delivery on Sunday so I quickly checked out without consulting him to see if he wanted to add anything else. He got SO MAD. Like gee buddy, what was the alternative exactly? This is ridiculously petty, I know.

    • No Longer Anon

      Can you still add stuff? I know that for Shipt you can add stuff until two hours before delivery.

      But, also, if you want take out or delivery, he’s free to cook for himself… ;)

    • Anonymous

      I still have to go into an office every day for very long hours because my job is classified as essential, so I am just doing the best I can with social distancing and hand washing. But I am out public every day. DH works from home and is completely self-isolating and has been for many weeks. I had to stop at the gas station on my way home yesterday to be able to have gas to drive in to work this morning and he seriously asked if I “was trying to kill him” by exposing him to the elevated risk of my stop at the gas station. I had a choice of laugh out loud, get irritated/angry, or just move on. (I was very close to just laughing out loud and walking away — not helpful, I know, which is why I didn’t). Everyone copes and deals differently. Take a breathe and give him some time and space if that is an option in your home. It is just misdirected anger, probably with some helplessness thrown in.

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