Coffee Break: Fabric Steamer

158 Comments

1. Any fans of World Market here, specifically their food options? What’s your favorite food item to get there, or what might you splurge on if you had a $10 gift card to use up?

   Also happy to hear about your inedible favorites, as I may be in the market for some home decor items in the fall, but more immediately I’m thinking about foodstuffs :)

   1. I would get a kitchen utensil type thing — like a spoon rest or a fancy garlic press or ramekins or a wine aerator or something. I love browsing their kitchen section.

      1. They have such pretty kitchen towels and aprons, too!

   2. I like to browse their sample size food section. If I had a gift card to use up, I would probably get some pates or fancy mustards or stuff like that.

   3. Stroopwafels.

      But I love World Market and could spend thousands there. I would either get a kitchen gadget or some kind of trendy home decor – a crazy lamp or throw pillow or random object for my bookshelves or coffee table. Or maybe I’d replace the boring knobs on my closet doors with something more fun.

   4. I like the tea selection, stroopwafels, and biscoff biscuits!

   5. Olives, Fini balsamic vinegar, Nielsen-Massey vanilla extract, and ethnic ingredients that are difficult to find in the grocery store. And wine.

   6. I just bought my nursery rug from there and I LOVE it.

   7. European chocolate.

   8. Capers. Capers are usually a few bucks for a tiny jar, and I got a MASSIVE one for maybe $10.

2. I started my own freelancing PR/comms firm last year but every few months, I get a bit panicked because my income is so up and down and start to look for full time jobs.

   So, I’ve been interviewing for a job that I really don’t want full time (very long commute and low end of salary are two of the biggest reasons). Tomorrow is the final interview and I think they will offer it to me.

   I would love to do the job part time and keep my other clients and work. Any wise hive advice on how to negotiate a full time job into a part time position? I submitted this question to Ask A Manager too – have not heard back.

   Thank you!

   1. This is something you probably should have brought up with them from the very beginning – I would be frustrated if I brought someone all the way to a final interview before they mentioned that they only wanted to do a job part time.

      I did hire one person who only wanted to work three days per week so she could spend more time with her young children. She offered to take three-fifths of the advertised salary, and also declined benefits like health insurance because she was insured through her husband’s job. She was very well-qualified and I felt would likely be nearly as effective/efficient working three days per work as an average person would be working full time.

      However, I’m not sure if I would have made the same call if she had wanted a limited schedule so that she could do freelance work in our same industry. I don’t know about your industry but I think most companies would shy away from you doing concurrent freelance work that is similar to the work you’re doing for the company.

      At this point, I think the best approach would be two-pronged: one, see if you can get a flexible or reduced schedule in exchange for a potentially lower salary. You could blame the long commute. Two, ask about their policy for continuing to do freelance work.

      1. +1 to all of this.

   2. I think it’s too late for this company- I’d be super irritated finding out at this stage- but perhaps going forward you can offer up front an interim /contract situation. The posted job is, say, 40 hours worth of work. You talk to the hiring manager explaining that you do XYZ consulting and would be interested in an engagement, if that’s of interest to them. Could be contract 40’hours, or 25, or whatever.

      1. Thanks everyone who responded!

3. I just ordered my first Bento Box from MM LaFleur. Down the rabbit hole I go…

   1. I love your style, so please follow up with a report of how you like it!

4. I have a “my little steamer” years ago from BBB that looks just like this and works great. The only downside of the steamer is that you have to re-fill it between garments and you have to steam upright.

   Question- I received a $150 gift certificate to Lilly Pulitzer and it’s not quite my style. I would like to use it as it’s from my in-laws and they meant well and just aren’t aware that it’s not quite my taste. I can’t really find much that I like and am wondering if they will have some less beachy options in the fall? I know the beachy look is a mainstay, but do they ever add in any fall/winter looks? (Not that I’m expecting black or hunter green but even just a solid color that isn’t a pastel/neon…?)

   Does it get less beachy looking in the fall?

   1. Yeah I’ve definitely seen plain solid sweaters/tees and such at Lilly. Check out their scarves also, they have some cute patterns.

   2. They also have some less intense accessories, like straw bags and fairly neutral scarves. Otherwise, I’d say embrace it and get a beach-only item, like a caftan or a cover up.

      Not sure about seasonal patterns, but I doubt it.

   3. I feel like Lilly is pretty bright all year round. I have seen some nice navy/black dresses around the holiday season if you’re not digging the metallic embroidery on their solid dresses. Also, they had some nice popovers and cardigans that were navy and cream when I visited the store over the weekend. I would save the gift card until fall/winter, or use it on jewelry/shoes/outerwear.

   4. Wait for one of the two big sales (one should be coming up in a month or so and the other is in Jan/Feb sometime) and scoop up soft neutral sweaters – there will be navy and cream options. I also like the Elsa tops if you can nab one in navy or black.

   5. Yes. I shopped there post-maternity leave once around September (fall items in stores) and they had navy dresses that were pretty and I wore in a business-casual biglaw office. I think that last year they had some solid sweaters also.

   6. If you have a daughter, she might be able to spend the gift card for you. I was very surprised to discover that my sporty sixth-grader who ordinarily hates everything pink and floral is crazy for Lilly Pulitzer.

      1. She sounds like me! I don’t usually like pink (and I have a hangup about “rich people clothes”) but I love Lilly Pulitzer.

   7. It gets slightly less beach in the fall/winter, but bright colors are a year-round staple with Lilly. That being said, i personally avoid the prints and loooooove the solid silk Elsa tops. I wear them with everything. They also make cashmere sweaters in pretty candy colors in the fall/winter too. The Dusk cami is another personal fav. I layer them under blazers or cardigans or wear alone as a good basic top.

   8. I dunno. I had a Lily gift card for $50 I was never able to use. First, nothing is $50. Second, nothing is my style, so I didn’t want to also kick in $100 or so of my own money to get something I didn’t want.

      I found it in the bottom of a drawer recently… it’s expired now. Technically, gift cards don’t expire in CA, so I could fight it if I wanted to, but I’d still have nothing to buy from there.

      1. Too late for this case, but I’ve sold gift cards I don’t want on eBay for slightly less than what they’re worth.

      2. If the card was registered to you, you may be able to get the cash through your state’s unclaimed properties process.

   9. It never gets totally neutral, but I have a gorgeous gray cashmere waterfall cardigan from there that I wear all. the. time. and a pair of seersucker shorts that are super comfy. I think sweaters are probably your best bet with this one.

5. I love my steamer. I’ve accepted that I am person who Does Not Iron. I use my steamer for silk/poly tops but otherwise I don’t buy things that need ironing.

   1. I have a stand-up Rowenta steamer and this exact mini steamer for travel. It’s amazing how much ironing you can avoid with a steamer! I get so much more wear out of silk and other wrinkle-prone fabrics now that I don’t need to drag out the ironing board every single time.

   2. Agreed. I have a handheld Conair one and I can’t even remember the last time I ironed (I don’t think I have an iron anymore…)

   3. It’s probably too late for this question, but how do you use it?? I bought one a few weeks ago, but tried to use it and…nothing. Polyester top was just mildly rumpled but it stayed that way. Am I missing something?

      1. I find my steamer works best if I pull the hem or the area I’m steaming taut (watch your fingers!). You can’t just run it over a wrinkled area; you need to almost “teach” the fabric how you want it to lay and then run the steamer over it.

         1. I do something similar. I pull the corner of the garment up or away from the center and then steam in between. it then falls back down unwrinkly.

            I have the huge Jiffy floor model steamer and haven’t ironed (other than in hotel rooms) in ages.

   4. I also Do Not Iron, and I swear by my steamer. In a pinch, DH does the ironing, but I can get away with using my steamer 90% of the time.

      You can also throw an ice cube in the dryer with some wrinkled items and they will “steam” themselves as the ice melts.

6. Since this is the coffee break, here’s my coffee break dietary confession. As an impulse buy, I bought Teavana rock sugar for my tea. Instead of using it as intended, over the course of several months I have eaten the whole bag like rock candy from my childhood. Melted in tea, it tasted the same as regular sugar. Eaten as candy it was delicious.

   1. This sounds so delicious!

   2. This made me smile because it’s something I would do (but you beat me to it…).

   3. That sounds amazing and I might have to try it.

7. I just want to share financial good news that I probably won’t share IRL :-)

   I’m finishing up grad school in the next month (so bye bye tutition payments!), am getting a 10% pay raise, and my husband just took a new position with a 30% raise! I’m so proud of him, he’s been working hard to get out of his floundering company and his company has a reputation of being a great employer. Our savings and investments had slowed wayyyyy down while I’ve been in grad school, so this will be a huge boon to us and help us buy a house AND catch up on our savings and investments. Woo hoo!

   1. * his NEW company has a reputation of being a great employer.

   2. Wowie, congratulations! That’s really great :)

   3. YAY for you! It is always grateifying when we in the HIVE can rejoyce with our other HIVETTE members who do well. I always want the hive to be sucessful so that we can all share your good fortune. That is why we all have the POWER of the HIVE behind us. I do wish my own behind was a littel smaller, but that is another story. FOOEY! I am busy working but tomorrow I must remember to tell the hive about Myrna’s date she met at a Triathalon last week. He turned out to be a schmoe, but it is very interesting how he tried to decieve her and worm his way into her bed. DOUBEL FOOEY!!!

8. LOVE the My Little Steamer. I use it at home and when traveling. I never iron, and I don’t want to deal with the space that a full size steamer takes up, but have found the MLS to be all I need. Love it!

   1. +1 10 years and on my second one.

9. What’s the best way to travel with suits if you won’t have time to have them cleaned or pressed after you arrive? OCI is just around the corner, and I’m not sure the best way to pack wrinkle-free for callbacks.

   1. Pack in a garment bag and bring a little travel steamer. Hang suits up immediately once you get to the hotel. Steam or iron in the morning as needed – your hotel room should have an iron (I just preferred my mini steamer). I love the “My Little Steamer” – both the mini travel version and the “full size” version.

   2. Fold as best you can and then iron on LOW heat when you arrive. (High heat will make it shiny.) I’ve found it works best to fold lengthwise down the back (fold where your spine goes) and then tuck the neck down inside the suitcase so the bulk of the jacket is laying flat.

   3. I’ve had luck with rolling. It sounds counter-intuitive but if you roll them loosely and not pack a bunch of stuff on top of the rolls, it should work.

      1. Yes! Or if you have to fold them, fold something big and soft in with them, like a towel. The trick is to avoid corners–that’s where the creases come from.

   4. I travel often for work. I’ve had the best luck hanging suits on a hanger, and wrapping in the clear plastic sleeve that comes from the dry cleaners. Lay the whole thing flat on your bed and starting with the hanger, fold. (Flip the hanger so that the hook ends up at your waist, then repeat again.) The plastic really helps cut down on wrinkles. Then lay the whole thing flat in the bottom of your carry-on.

   5. Buy wool suits and use a suitcase with a suit folder or a garment bag. Hang your suits immediately upon arrival. I have never had to iron a suit while traveling.

   6. Before I could afford a fancy steamer I used to hang my suit on the bathroom door while taking a hot shower. I still do that sometimes while travelling.

      1. This, plus bring along a small empty spray bottle. Fill the spray bottle with tap water and spritz the garment before showering, smoothing out any wrinkles with your hands.

         This is honestly how I do 99% of my “ironing.”

10. I feel like such a dummy, but none of the online calculators seem to have this basic information and I don’t know how to do the math.

    We have a HELOC with 3.6% interest. It’s a 10 year repayment period, with interest only for the first five years. If we borrowed 100k, what would the monthly payment look like?

    We’re borrowing the money for home improvements. We also just received a 10k gift from a relative. Am I correct that it makes sense to borrow all 100k for the house work, and put the 10k in an investment fund, since market performance should outweigh the low interest rate?

    Signed, personal finance dummy

    1. So, your monthly payment for the first 5 years (60 months) s going the be 3.6% interest on $100k, and the 2nd 5 years (60 months) is going to be the payment to pay down the 100k while still paying the interest, though on decreasing amounts?

       A basic loan calculator says the interest is $300/month for the interest-only portion, and then $1800/month for the payoff period.

    2. Theoretically the market should beat 3.6% over the long term so most people would say that’s probably the more prudent decision (to invest the money you received as a gift). However in an individual year, the market can be way worse than +3.6% and even over a period of five years it might not experience the growth you expect. In 2008, it lost almost 40% and if you put money in the market at the start of 2008 you didn’t break even again until 2012 (so four years with essentially zero interest). Being debt-free is also something that has intangible value to many people. In a similar situation, I’ve chosen to pay off the loan as quickly as possible (while still saving responsibly for retirement) but it’s a very personal decision and depends on your tolerance for risk.

       1. Long term probably isn’t 10-years though. Long term is more like 30.

          A little math:

          Borrowing 100k = 18,000 interest (first 60 mths) + 9419 interest (2nd 60 months) = $27,419 to borrow the money

          Borrowing 90k= 16200 interest (first 60 mths) + 8477 interest (2nd 60 months) = 14,677 to borrow the money

          So you save about 2700 in interest by using the 10K and borrowing less. Can you make $3000 in gains on your investment in 10 years?

          1. (not that @4:26 was saying 10 years was long term – the argument made seemed to suggest otherwise)

          2. She mentioned a 10 year loan repayment term so that seems like the relevant time window.

             1. 10 year, but interest only for the first 5 years. Which makes this basically two 5 year loans.

    3. The interest-only payments will be $300 per month.

       http://www.bankrate.com/calculators/mortgages/interest-only-mortgage-payment-calculator.aspx

    4. Is there a balloon payment at the end of the 10th year, or are you supposed to have paid the loan down to zero? I work in commercial real estate finance, and nearly everything has a balloon. A quick google search tells me that it may or may not ‘fully amortize’ (aka get repaid to zero) by the end of the 10-year term. That will make a major difference in your monthly payment during years 6-10.

    5. Here’s the math on your interest only payment:

       monthly interest rate = 3.6%/12 = .036/12 = .003

       monthly interest on principal of $100,000 = 100,000 x .003 = $300

       Your principal will not increase over the 10 year interest only period because you are paying off the interest accrued every month. At the end of your interest only period, your payments can be calculated using a calculator like:

       http://www.calculator.net/payment-calculator.html

       where $100,000 is your principal, 3.6% is your annual interest rate, and x is how many years you want to assume for payoff.

       Now, I’m reasonably sure your 3.6% rate is today’s rate and is not locked in. So you are taking some risk on interest rate there.

       Over a long horizon your investments may do better than 3.6%, but it’s a gamble, and there’s risk there.

       Another consideration, leaning the other way, is that your HELOC interest is tax-deductible if used for home improvement, so you’re on a net basis only paying 50% to 70% of that interest, depending on your tax bracket and whether you also pay state income tax.

       Last, most people only “pay off” their HELOCs when they refinance and roll the balance into a new primary mortgage.

       Either way, you’re eventually going to pay the money back. My personal opinion is that if you’re improving your house not beyond neighborhood standards, it’s a totally reasonable investment and a good reason to borrow. I wouldn’t worry about whether the $10K is in there or not. If you change your mind, or your HELOC rate goes up a lot, you can always pull the $10K out of investments and pay down that portion of the loan.

11. I’m looking for a trustworthy house cleaner to clean my apartment twice a month in midtown Toronto, ON. I’d prefer an individual over a company if possible, and bonding isn’t essential. I work for gov and am pretty early in my career so I feel awkward asking my coworkers/social circle because it seems sort of extravagant. (I HATE cleaning.) Does anyone have recs or a way of finding good ones?

    1. Also in TO but I use a company (Hireamaid) for what it’s worth. Hubs feels more comfortable with an insured, bonded company than an individual in our home. I found them on my community facebook group – are you in one? Just search your neighbourhood in facebook (Annex or Deer Park or Junction or whatever) and there is usually a community info group/community buy sell/parents group. People often post looking for jobs (nannies, contractors, cleaners) or looking for recs for those same types of jobs. Or Bunz Employment FB group maybe?

    2. Ugh, I’m in mod. Check back later I gave some recs.

    3. Several people in my office who live downtown found someone they love through Handy. My cleaner kind of sucks, so I will not recommend her for you…

    4. I know you said not a company, but I highly highly recommend Clean My Space. Used them for years and they really do a close to impeccable job. I switched to an individual during mat leave to save money and like Never too many shoes, I wouldn’t recommend her (makes it look clean but doesn’t really clean as thoroughly as I like). Now that I’m back at work though I don’t trust finding a new person to be in my house alone.

       If you definitely want an individual (cheaper for sure) then join the Facebook group “Moms & Nannies” or ask your neighbours.

12. Any DC ettes have a recommendation for someone to do bridal tailoring? I bought a used dress, so I don’t have a salon to go through. Tailoring should be relatively minor (i.e., no beading or complicated layers)

    1. Cheryl Lofton is great!

       1. Seconded – she has done tons of complicated bridesmaid dresses for me and suits. She does wedding dresses as well. You typically see a few in their pretty bags waiting to be picked up!

    2. If you bought it from a bridal consignment store, they typically will give out tailors’ names if you ask. They may provide you with some, even if you didn’t purchase from them.

       1. I bought it online, but it is a good idea to call up a local consignment store.

    3. I use Kim’s Custom Tailoring in Springfield, VA for a lot of things, and I see a ton of wedding and prom dresses in there. Mr. Kim does great work, and I would totally trust him with minor wedding gown alterations. They are located near to the Springfield Metro station, but probably farther than you want to walk on a hot day dragging a big gown in a bag. You could metro and then take a 5 minute cab ride from the station.

    4. My most trusted tailor is Fashion Dream in Courthouse. She works magic and has very fair prices.

13. I’m trying to rent a cabin in the Gatlinburg area for Labor Day weekend. I’ve checked Trip Advisor, Air Bnb and VRBO, but I was wondering if anyone here had suggestions of other places to look? It’s a really popular time to go so pickings are already pretty slim. TIA!

    1. We’ve been happy with cabins through timber tops rents company. Lots of cabins and their website is good for sorting options.

    2. We just stayed at a cabin a few months ago through VRBO and LOVED it! It was only 5-10 or so minutes from town, but it was totally secluded. It had a hot tub, two master suites, full kitchen, upper deck and lower deck, and we truly had the best time! It was listing #742705 if you’re interested.

14. I know we don’t talk about politics much here, but I read a local news article that mentioned Trump is considering firing Mueller. It hasn’t hit NYT yet. Has anyone else heard this? Any thoughts? I live in such a bubble of like-minded folks, and every day brings such new craziness, that I feel like I have no understanding or perspective on how the rest of the nation views this stuff.

    1. He said he was considering firing Mueller a week or so ago in the NYT (in that long, rambling crazy interview). He doesn’t have the power to though. He would have to have Rosenstein do it and I think Rosenstein would likely resign so he’d have to do what Nixon did and keep firing people until he found an AG willing to fire Mueller. And that obviously didn’t work out too well for Nixon. I actually hope he does it, as I think it would really be the beginning of the end of his presidency. But I personally think it’s just Trump crazy talk.

       1. What do you think will have to happen for it to really be the end to his presidency? I feel like I don’t really know how this stuff works, so based on my limited knowledge it’s getting the republican members of Congress to fully turn against him. Are they just too afraid of his voter base? Should they be? Do you think they’re all stalling until the mid-terms to see what voters do? Wouldn’t it be better for a lot of the Republican “establishment” to have Pence as president instead of Trump?

          Sigh; I feel like I’m always trying to figure this stuff out, probably because I’m really craving some political predictability and stability right now. Yet I never really understand what happens.

          1. I personally think a dip below about 30% approval would do it. I believe at this point most Rs would privately vastly prefer Pence but know that impeachment would be terrible for the party and can’t risk p!ssing off the Trump base. But I think if he hits 30% and particularly if he hits 30 and does something specific and unpopular like firing Mueller, a lot more Rs will start taking a stand. A president with 30% approval and 55+% disapproval isn’t helping anyone in his party win elections, even if those 30% are the most committed people on the planet.
             Nixon enjoyed pretty good public and party support until fairly late in the Watergate scandal and then very suddenly didn’t, and the Saturday Night Massacre when he fired the AGs and special prosecutor was a big turning point.
             Who knows though. There is a part of me that thinks Trump could nuke France and he wouldn’t get impeached.

    2. It’s all over the NYTimes: https://www.google.com/amp/s/mobile.nytimes.com/2017/07/20/us/politics/donald-trump-robert-mueller-russia-investigation.amp.html

       My thoughts are this is the end and also nothing matters.

       1. Thanks! For some reason, an editor at my (small) local paper claimed that Trump had escalated beyond investigating/discrediting Mueller and was now actually seriously considering firing him. I guess that’s the logical-for-Trump next step based on the Times report, but I also wasn’t sure whether to buy it until I saw more from news sources that presumably would be closer to insider sources.

          But yeah, I completely agree with your last sentence. Assuming that they are the flip side of the coin: every time a new article comes out I have the initial “Are you serious!” reaction, and then I have the “Oh yeah, I guess no one actually cares anymore” reality check.

    3. It’s not in the NYT because it’s a non-story because Trump is always considering firing Mueller. The general consensus is that Trump has the right to fire Mueller, but it’s not in his best interests to. (Though Trump often acts against his own best interests, so…)

       1. I don’t think that’s the general consensus at all. That’s why you’re seeing all the stories about Trump possibly firing Sessions so he can replace him with someone else who can then make Mueller “unnecessary.”

    4. Word amongst the (admittedly not protest-averse) lefties in my network is that if Mueller is fired everyone is taking to the streets, immediately.

15. For those of you that are in “cruise” mode in life, how much are you saving in true savings per month?

    Meaning, if you own your “forever” house, your loans are paid off (or not- but if not mention this), your expenses are predictable (and may or may not include childcare), and your retirement accounts are being added to at whatever you deem to be the appropriate pace.

    We make a good amount of money (about $300k) between DH and myself in a HCOL, but I’m realizing that after a series of job and lifestyle shifts (I went part time, DH took a role with less travel now that we have a horde of Littles) we are on track to be putting away 15-20k at best (will be 25k/year next year once the last of the loans are paid off). With retirement fully funded (401ks + iras), college being saved for at a modest but reasonable pace, this number seems OK to me, but way lower than it used to be. We have an emergency fund fully funded, so this is true savings–and for what we are saving, I do not know. Trying to figure out if one of us needs to ramp up income or if I’m just creating problems we don’t have.

    1. That seems extraordinarily low. What do you mean by fully funded retirement- like, you have enough to retire now? How are you spending $275k a year such that you only have 15k left over? For comparison purposes I’m still paying off my student loans, make 150k, and save at least 25k a year, and would like to be saving more. Maxing out a 401k is great but I think of it as a floor not a ceiling.

       1. Agree with this. Are you still living the lifestyle you were living before you down shifted — i.e. outsourcing everything; buying every time you liked something; eating out 10 times/wk?

       2. Dude, kids are expensive. OP said she had a “horde of Littles.” I don’t know if she’s out of daycare costs yet, but even if not, there’s still the possibility of private school, summer camps, after-school care, extracurricular activities, clothing, etc.

       3. I took the 401ks fully funded to mean they’re both maxing them. So $35k between the two of them going to retirement, $## going into college accounts for the kids, and then $15k just into whatever savings. In which case, I think that sounds reasonable.

          1. Agreed. Also worth pointing out that they’re not spending $275K, even if they’re not maxing retirement (which, based on my reading, I put more at $45K, as they’re maxing out 401Ks and IRAs).

    2. HHI is $150K pre-tax in a LCOL area. We own our forever home and are on track to pay off the mortgage in 3-4 years because we pay $36k per year, which is about triple our minimum payment. We are maxing out two 401Ks (so $36k in retirement savings per year) but not saving much beyond that. We have a $25k emergency fund but we don’t add to it except if it gets depleted by an unexpected purchase. Our post-tax pay is only slightly over $100k probably, so I think we’re doing really well by saving 70-75% of it (if you count the home equity). We will have daycare bills in about 1.5 years (pregnant now, but baby will have a parent at home for the first year), at which point we’ll probably have to cut the mortgage payments back to $24k a year to make room in the budget for $1k/month of daycare. Although my husband does typically get a $5k/year raise, so we may be able to swing it. Because we’ll pay off the mortgage when baby is still in diapers we probably won’t really start saving for college until that point, although we’ll probably open a 529 as soon as s/he’s born so we can put gifts from grandparents in there.

    3. I’m not sure what “cruise” mode is, but… here are our details. I’m curious to read others.

       I take home about 180K, my husband about 35K. We have one baby in daycare in Manhattan. I killed my student loans, and own about 35% of my condo (purchased pre-husband). We keep largely separate finances (each paying the equitable portion of their salary towards shared costs).

       I:
       -max my 401K (husband doesn’t have one) and backdoor IRA (so about 2K/month)
       -invest another ~3K/month in taxable investments on a monthly basis.
       -throw my bonus in to taxable investments
       -opened a 529 today, but will just invest a pretty negligible amount for now.

       All in all, I expect to save about 80K this year.

       1. Curious if you expect to be married at retirement? I always wonder about that with separate finances. Obvi just ignore me if this is too personal!

          1. Ha! It’s something that we have discussed a lot in our marriage. My husband came from an upper middle class background, inherited a modest amount at 23, and generally lived way beyond his means until we met when he was 30, when he moved to Manhattan with no job and 25K in credit card debt. I was orphaned as a teen after being raised by my mother, opened an IRA at 18, and put myself through eight years of school. We have VERY different approaches to money, and by the time we met (I was 27) were already on very different trajectories. I’m in BigLaw, which I will probably not last too much longer in, whereas his income (now that he’s buckled down in his career) will continue to grow over time. I expect that in a few years we will probably be on more equal footing (maybe me earning 100K, him 80, something like that), so we’ll have to rework.

             We tried more commingled finances for a while, and my husband (unintentionally but absolutely negligently) used my name on something, didn’t pay it back, and hurt my credit score. This is our compromise for now. It obviously needs to change if one of us decides to stay home with kids.

    4. When you say you’re saving 15-20K, do you mean in addition to fully funded 401ks and Roths?

       Can you break down exactly how much per paycheck or month goes into 401k and college savings? That might help us understand.

       For comparison, I make 100K and save 30K a year (18K in 401, 5500 in Roth, 1200 in other investments, and the rest cash). 15K seems low on 275K HHI.

       1. Good job. I live a similar lifestyle – but I don’t think saving 30% of gross is normal or expected.

    5. We gross 300k, not net- so we’re not spending $275. Our net is more like 175 after taxes, sometimes less. I consult/freelance so my taxes (on $70k) are extra high. Feels a little low to me as well which is why I asked.

       Monthly expenses are roughly:

       $3600 mortgage and taxes
       $250 car ins
       $750 student loan payments
       $500-600 utilities (water, heat, electric)
       $150- $75 per person deposit to fun money (ok I guess this is savings…)
       $400 to college savings
       $500 car payments
       $280 household help (snow removal, mowers, biweekly cleaners)
       $1000 to childcare
       $3000 to everything else (everything goes on credit card, we pay it off). Includes cable, cell phone, bunch of other stuff on auto pay, groceries, occasional family trip airfare, etc.

       Rest goes to savings.

       We don’t eat out but I do probably spend too much on groceries.

       I’m also not *sure* that’s what we save- that’s just what my budget spreadsheet is telling me. I’m going to audit it a bit tonight because i suspect we may just get a giant tax refund this year, since we are paying a TON in taxes.

       1. Oh we put $18500 per person and $5500 per person into retirement. But I am counting that as a separate bucket- not “savings” but “retirement savings.” Maybe that’s the difference in how I’m thinking about this? That’s about $50k/yr savings pretax.

          1. Well, yeah. Obvi. So you’re not saving 15k a year like you said. You’re saving 65k a year. That’s completely different.

             1. She did note that retirement was fully funded — 401ks and IRAs.

             2. Yeah but fully funded could mean “we’ve already saved enough” or “we are maxing out our 401k and IRAs every year” or something else. You can’t ask a question about savings and not include that if you want useful responses.

       2. Yeah I mean the $3000 of “miscellaneous” is a lot- I suspect if you made the effort to review and track your spending more you can probably increase your savings.

          1. My project tonight is to dig into this- I went back and did 2 months of statement review and it’s just…life. Gym memberships, kid activities, weekend trips, occasional family dinner out (like once a month), phone bills, cable/internet, misc household expenses (hello, AC refurb!), gas, car maintenance… we could probably cut here if things were dire but that’s really what I’m looking at. We’re in a good place, we save, we have a big emergency fund (80-100k), a savings acct over $100k that we add to annually, our forever home, retirement funds 350k+ that we add to (we’re just shy of mid 30s)…do I need to be mindful of my spending habits or are they good enough/life’s too short to worry about my grocery bill at this point.

             1. Eh, with all that added info I would be worrying!

             2. Why?

       3. I know we can always save more, but to me you’re doing great. You’re saving plenty to have a very comfortable retirement. The question will just be how much annual income you want to have in retirement, or how soon you want to retire.

          My husband and I make less than you, but it sounds like we’re maybe 10 years younger? I think we would probably be on track to have very similar monthly expenses. I’m good with that. I want to have a comfortable working life, and I’m willing to borrow a bit from my future self to get there (as long as my future self will have a comfortable, if not extremely extravagant lifestyle).

          1. Er, based on note above, we’re pretty much the same age. Good on you! If you’re doing anything wrong, then apparently I’m in dire straits. And I don’t want to consider myself in dire straits . . . so you’re doing great! ;)

          2. I guess also, once all the kids are a bit older i plan to go back to working full time/full salary. At that point though I’d expect DH’s job may be earning less so I’m mentally considering it a wash. I’m currently making a third to half what I used to, and he’s making 50% more than he used to. Our careers are about the same level with each of us having ups and downs.

       4. Your car insurance sounds really high. Do you have a teenage driver? Utilities as well. Do you use Mint? I find it really helpful to figure out where all my money goes and how much I really spend in every category.

          1. I’ll make sure to mention to my husband that you noticed. It’s his fault. We also have 3 cars, one is a “work truck” that’s like $300/year to Insure. But DH had a few accidents a while back that make our insurance absurd.

    6. DH and I gross 600k and with bonuses that could be 800k. I think after tax we keep about 55% of that. HCOL city. I think we are in cruise mode. We payed off our 400k in student loans (wahoo!), paid for a wedding in said HCOL city, bought a modest car, bought a home. We are a bit behind on saving because of loans and are trying to catch up. Last year was the first year we earned this much aren’t we likely to earn this much for more than a couple more years because the lifestyle is not sustainable so I want to make the most of it. My goal is to save half of our net income in long term savings, which we are pretty much doing.

       Savings (annually) (some are retirement some are shorter term): $275,400 (assuming bonuses)
       -We fully fund both 401ks (18000) (no match) and each do the back door Roth (5500) = 47,000 long term savings
       -Taxable retirement savings (36000 each) =$72,000 long term savings
       -Emergency fund (6000 each)(We have 9 months but want a full year of comfortable expenses) =$12,000
       – New car fund (6000 each) (our car will be 7 years old next year and we will probably replace it with a small non-luxury SUV) = $12,000 short term savings
       – Travel fun (our expensive indulgence) (5000 each) = $10,000 (short term savings)
       – Pet emergency fund (1200 each): 2400 (short term savings) (this should probably be higher but we have the travel and car funds to raid if we needed more and our general money)
       – If we get bonuses we save them as part of our taxable retirement savings (about 120000 after tax) – 120,000 (long term savings)

       Expenses (monthly)
       Mortgage: $3000
       Groceries: $500
       Eating out (includes lunch at work, weekly takeout 1 night and a nice dinner once a month or so) $500
       Car insurance: $150
       Hobby we love and do together: $450
       Pet care for 3+ animals (walking, food, etc):$600
       Cleaning service: $260 (see above pets!)
       Cell phones: $150
       Internet/Cable: $150
       Utilities: $200 on average

16. Question/musing about celebs and feminism.

    In the last few weeks, I’ve read major women’s mags with celebs like Amy Schumer and Chrissy Tiegen on the cover. And in the interviews, they were so crass, so vulgar, talking about bodily functions and very explicit sexual talk, drug use. I found it really off- putting, and I can remember a time (old lady alert) when profiles in women’s mags did not cover that kind of stuff.

    I consider myself a feminist, but I think the label is being used in a way that shuts out anyone with slightly more conservative values or modest approach to life. It’s like if you don’t want to overshare every single thing about your body and your s e x life you don’t count. And this makes me crazy.

    Thoughts?

    1. I think you sound like an uptight prude. I read those interviews too. They were totally fine and I found them delightfully honest.

       i don’t think preferring not to read InStyle means you aren’t a feminist, just content yourself with Family Circle.

       1. Ouch.

          I love InStyle, was just surprised by the turn the interviews have taken. It’s definitely the interviews that have changed. I’ve subscribed for years and they weren’t always like this.

          Anyway, thanks for your thoughts.

          1. You called them crass and vulgar. That’s no worse or better than me calling you an uptight prude.

             1. I think it’s different. OP didn’t call you crass and vulgar and she didn’t say she thought anyone who enjoyed reading them was crass and vulgar; she objected to tone. And you turned that into a personal attack.

                FWIW, OP, I’ve observed this too, it doesn’t bother me but I can see how it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

       2. Um, rude much? You can have a different opinion about the interviews without name-calling.

          I agree that interviews have shifted to a more explicit tone, which can easily alienate people who are less comfortable with it. It seems like the language and approach is bleeding over from the internet- if a celeb already tweets explicit things that are public to the world, they aren’t likely going to moderate that for an interview. However, there’s something to be said for opening the door to conversations that are uncomfortable or would have been deemed inappropriate in the past. It’s a fine line between uncomfortable but necessary and vulgar just for the shock value of vulgarity.

          1. She called them crass and vulgar. Uptight prude is not any worse of an insult.

          2. C, I think that’s exactly it. Celebs used to have a very filtered, controlled image. The celebrity magazine profile interview was the only time anyone would hear from them.

             Now they control what they put out into the world via social media, so we’re hearing from them all the time. That means that a) the tone of those social media posts informs the way magazines are writing and interviewing now, and b) the magazines probably feel they have to push the envelope even further so readers are getting something else they wouldn’t get just via a celeb’s social media profile.

          3. There are some people here who could really use some thicker skin. “Uptight prude” is hardly a terrible insult.

       3. +1

    2. I agree with Anonattorney below. I tend towards the more modest and conservative (in my personal choices, not at all in my politics), attend religious services weekly, lived in a religious house at college, etc, but I think we need to be comfortable with and encouraging of women pushing the envelope, even if we personally don’t want to live that way.

    3. I missed this conversation yesterday, but the fact that someone’s first response was to call you an uptight prude was very telling. There is very little room in feminism these days for women who don’t think violent porn is empowering, who think that women are worth more than their bodies, and who think that sleeping around might be better for the men than it is for the women. Just know you are not alone.

       1. what does violent p*rn have to do with the articles OP referenced??? So because I’m okay with some vulgarity/crass jokes, I’m suddenly okay with violent p*rn???

       2. The point is not to be judgemental, regardless. The OPs question was judgemental and annoying. Believe it or not, women are tired of being judged. Especially by other women. Shockingly vulgar, totally conservative, who cares…. mind your business and let people be people.

17. I don’t think feminism is shutting out more conservative women. Conservative and modest women have always been able to act that way and minimize the censure they receive from the rest of the world. If we want to push the envelope and create more space for women to act as the individuals they are, we need to push the boundaries of what is acceptable female behavior.

    Also, as a women who is much more comfortable being modest, I still laugh really really hard at Amy Schumer, because she takes on subjects that we have been trained to believe are so taboo and inappropriate.

    Anyway, I get where you’re coming from, but this is the price of progress, in my opinion.

    1. Dang it. This was supposed to be a response to “celebs . . .” above.

    2. Completely agree. I look conservative. I don’t sleep around, I don’t swear, I go to church, I dress modestly. Because that’s just me. So glad that people like Amy are pushing for more room for women to be who they are unapologetically.

    3. +1. I personally find Amy Schumer deeply unfunny and crass but I largely agree with this comment. Part of progress is space for women of all types. I’m nothing like Amy Schumer and probably wouldn’t want to be friends with her, but I recognize this kind of woman is good for society by creating more space for women to be individuals, like Anonattorney said.

    4. “I don’t think feminism is shutting out more conservative women. Conservative and modest women have always been able to act that way and minimize the censure they receive from the rest of the world.”

       THIS x100000. It will always be socially acceptable to be traditional. Part of feminism involves expanding the acceptable “roles” of women in society and increasing dialogue. There are lots and lots of ways to be a woman and the conservative/traditional way is not under threat– other ways are just being more accepted, too.

    5. This is perfect. Men have been able to be crass and vulgar for a lot longer than women. That tone might not be my cup of tea, but it’s great to have a space to do so.

18. I’ve spent too much time in hospitals with loved ones, clearly, but this steamer is shaped just like a bedside urinal. You know, for the menfolk.

    1. Totally.

       I also saw this immediately.

       Signed,
       a caregiver at too young an age

19. NYC ladies – what bra shop would you recommend? I’m currently a 32DDD, if that helps guide your recommendation.

    1. Jane the Bra Lady and Towne Shop.

    2. Personally, Reddit A Bra That Fits has served me better than any specialty bra shop I’ve ever visited. If you’ve done that already I recommend Amazon, anything with prime shipping.

       There’s a Cleo t-shirt bra for about $40 in the Nordstrom sale that I bought for my daughter in a 32DDD and she likes it.

       1. it’s listed on the website as Panache brand (it’s Cleo by Panache) the style is Koko.

    3. As long as you don’t let them steer you into the most expensive bras because they’re commission-based, I’ve been impressed with Rigby & Peller lately. Also, a 32DDD is going to have a LOT of great options, so Town Shop should be fine, too.

       In Brooklyn, Iris Lingerie or The Rack Shack. In Queens, Magic Corsets in Forest Hills.

20. Tips to survive a job that you hate / is a bad fit / has a horrible culture.

    I’m a recent grad (graduated a year ago). In my first job. It’s a terrible fit. The culture is really bad. I’m expected to be available to work 24/7 as needed. On top of that, I don’t really like the work. It’s taken me a while to come to this realization. This was originally my dream job. But now I know I want to leave. I started my search this weekend.

    In the interim, how do I stay sane at work? When work gets crazy, when they make me work late nights or all weekend, I just feel like an anxious, sad, or angry mess. I’m sure my bad attitude is evident and I want to hide it but I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve and it just feels really difficult. Because I have to be available all the time, there’s no promise land of “just get through this task, this afternoon, etc.”

    I know I shouldn’t tank my reputation here but this job has in the last year destroyed my mental health. I’m in therapy now and my therapist and I agree this is he most anxious I have ever been.

    1. I know this is much easier said than done, but you need to start setting boundaries. When you say you are expected to work 24/7, what does that mean? If it just means that your boss likes to send late night emails with the angry red exclamation point for projects that are clearly not emergencies (and after a year, you probably have a good idea of what is truly an emergency), then pick a time you will stop looking at your work email each night and stick to it. And a time in the morning when you will start responding. Baby steps. If you have been consistently checking email until 11pm every night, I would not implement a 5pm cutoff tomorrow. But it’s more than reasonable to start shutting your phone off at 10pm. I’m giving a specific example here, but obv. figure out what works for you.

       This can be really hard if you have a job where people traditionally work nutty hours – I’m a senior associate in biglaw, so I get it. But it is possible and it is important: the only person looking out for your mental health and work/life balance is you.

       Making the mental shift from “this is my dream job” to “this is just my first job” will probably help too. The day-to-day stresses might not get to you as much if you think about your job as temporary, not the be all, end all career choice you thought it was at first.

       Hang in there!

       1. Not in law but very much a big law culture. Generally leave the office around 11 pm (on a good night) and work most weekends as work comes. I have to literally run home to my laptop when I get work. I have tried to set some boundaries in terms of weekend work – I.e. Does this need to be done right now or by end of today? This has helped a little bit. But it maybe just means my Saturday night sucks instead of my Saturday afternoon.

          Thank you, TLL. It is very helpful to hear from someone in I imagine a similar culture. I can definitely “pretend I was asleep” if I happen to get out of work before 11 pm…

    2. Please re-ask this tomorrow- I’m in the exact same boat (dream job, miserable, anxious, job searching). I absolutely can’t leave for just over a year (think clerkship, although it’s not) (13 months, 1 week…) , but….job searching now at least lets me a) fantasize about it not sucking at some definite point and b) lets me know what’s out there. But please, please re-ask this tomorrow. It phrases it really well and i was thinking of asking the same.

       1. I definitely will. Internet hugs!

          1. Looking forward to seeing more on this tomorrow.

             Not sure if this will help or hurt, but in a similar situation with 20 years experience. Thought this might be my though retirement job and now having second thoughts.

             One thing I am doing is setting up an appointment with my school’s career counseling office. Maybe your school offers something like this?

             1. I just set one up! Speaking to a counselor tomorrow. I have a conference call at the same time but this was the only appointment available for the next week and I don’t think anyone will miss me on the call (and at this point I just don’t care too much…)

21. Late in the day so maybe west coast folks are reading and I’ll repost tomorrow – is there any way to clean carpet so it’s sanitized (i.e. antibacterial) without steaming/shampooing? Any dry powder out there that can be vacuumed up? There’s a baby that will crawl on carpet that approximately 1000000 workmen have walked all over, had equipment on so it’d make me feel better to do something besides just vacuum.

    1. I sincerely doubt bacteria are living in your carpet – they die within hours with nothing to feed on and no damp environment.

       I would probably avoid adding anything to it (the powder is probably worse for the baby than dead bacteria) and just do an extra thorough vacuum, three or four passes on a low pile setting. Then spread out a clean blanket for baby to crawl on.

    2. Zorb. It’s a carpet cleaning powder made by Dyson.

    3. You can rent a steamer and DIY it. It’s kind of fun, and a workout. I didn’t put any soap/cleanser/whatever in it when I did ours, just water that got hot, got shot onto the carpet, then got sucked back into the steamer all gross and dirty.

    4. If you have a local cleaner who uses the Vorwerk system with Kobasan dry cleaning powder, this is what I recommend for serious carpet cleaning. I had a team clean a carpet that I would have otherwise torn out (a petsitter let us down… I won’t go into further details). The carpet was not only clean, but cleaner than I’ve ever achieved with steaming.

       But your scenario doesn’t sound quite so dire! Maybe just baking soda and vacuum a few times to make sure you’ve vacuumed up the baking powder thoroughly?

       1. Baking soda or baking powder?

          1. very unlikely that it’s baking powder.

             But baking soda is most likely to just deodorize. It won’t actually clean or sanitize anything.

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