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Coffee Break: Hutton Medium Tote

Rachel Zoe Hutton Medium Tote ShopBop has some great new markdowns on their designer and contemorary collections, including this lovely Rachel Zoe tote. I like it in the “dark mint,” but it's also available in “French Beige” and black. It seems much more like a briefcase than a tote, though, and at 16 inches long, 12 inches high, and 6 inches deep, it can probably carry most things you'll want for the office. It was $845, but is now marked to $507 at ShopBop. Rachel Zoe Hutton Medium Tote (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

143 Comments

  1. I LOVE this tote Bag! Mabye one day dad will stop telling me I have to use my LIT bag for EVERYTHING! I would like to carry some thing else around at least 2x a week, b/c that give’s me a chance to clean out what is in there and REPLACE what I need and take out what I do NOT need.

    Now I wind up carrying around alot of thing’s that I do NOT need. I finaly pulled a pair of rabbit fur mittens out of there b/c it is 90 degrees OUT now! FOOEY! I should tell dad that, but he is such a stickeler about buying new thing’s. Mom still use’s the same purse from 2001 when I first started college. FOOEY on that! I would NEVER use the same purse for SO MANY YEAR’S!

    Dad is goieing to tell the manageing partner “NO SOAP” on my job, meaneing that I am NOT goieing to be a partner. FOOEY! I think I will be like Madeline, who has been here foreever as a senior associate. I wonder if the manageing partner will consider me the same way, and take away my clotheing allowance now? FOOEY! I do NOT want to be treated like her. DOUBEL FOOEY! I have to see if I can talk to the judge and see if he think’s that I can get into the Judiceairy with him. I now have alot of thinkeing to do. This is stink-o! FOOEY! And no man to fall back on either. I am realy haveing a bad day. FOOEY! FOOEY! FOOEY!

    1. Hang in there, Ellen! It could be a lot worse. I suggest you forget about the partnership and Philip and focus on new men and new experiences at work. Sure you can become a judge, in time, or a professor, but for the time being, just keep working hard in the law firm. You can bill and do what you are doing well, and it sounds like you have the managing partner wrapped around your finger. I would go out and date other men, and be receptive to the possibility of bringing some of them home, in time, for sexual activities. It is not a sin, and if you take precautions, you will not get an STD or pregnant. Your overall mood will also improve with the right guy to hang with. I think you should get with Myrna, and see if she can set you up with a guy. Enough with Dad. He is an a–h***le, even if he was in MENSA. I once dated a MENSA guy and he had a lot of problems. Don’t worry about marrying and having a child within a year, tho it could happen. Be nice to the Grandma and she could leave you the $50K in her will, even if you do not marry a guy first. Stay calm and all will be well. Peace be with you!

  2. OK, I have a pedicure question for the hive. During the summer, I wear close-toed pumps at the office without nylons (they would be very unusual where I work and it’s too hot for them in the summer anyway). I would love to have my nails polished and cute for the weekends when I wear sandals, but my pedicures always get ruined during the week and I don’t have time to be re-painting my toes every week. I’ve tried the little nylon socks that just run heel to toe, but they are always peeking out from my shoes. Has anyone come up with a solution for this?

    1. No, but for me, it only happens with certain styles – like slingbacks or kitten heels – and it only removes the polish on my 4th toe. So frustrating! It must be something about the angle or the fit.

    2. Maybe paint on topcoat every night after you get home and take your shoes off?

        1. I don’t have this problem either, but I’d probably try extra topcoat every couple of days.

          I also wear “no show” socks and just gave up worrying about how they show. They make my shoes more comfortable and help prevent my feet from getting smelly, which happens really quickly otherwise.

          1. Yes, I wear them (the little “peds”) even if they occasionally show, and they protect shoes so the lining last longer. Target has some ultra low cut shoe liners, but they are so small they barely fit on my size 7.5 feet.

          2. This, I absolutely will not wear any kind of closed toed shoe without some kind of hose or socks.

          3. Yep, I gave up caring if the socks showed a bit. So much better than having sweaty feet & stinky shoes.

          4. I wear liners with all my pumps as well. It eliminates the sweaty/stinky problem but just generally makes my feet much more comfortable. I don’t care if they show.

    3. Are you getting a professional pedicure or just doing it at home? I find that if I do it myself, then some of the polish rubs off from my shoes during the week, even if I use a couple of layers of topcoat. But if I get a professional pedicure, it almost always lasts a couple of weeks, no problem.

    4. I just add another coat of the same color at the end of the week. It won’t look as good as a new pedicure but it only takes a minute or so.

    5. This happens to me too, even with professional pedicures. It’s very frustrating. They used to last me 3 weeks minimum when I lived in flip flops, now I’m lucky if they last a week.

      1. I’m glad I’m not the only one! I used to love having my toes done because it lasted so long and I don’t have the time required to keep my fingernails looking professional when they are polished. But when I started trying to wear more professional shoes my big toe always gets a huge chip at the end, which unfortunately also keeps me out of all the cute peep-toe shoes, since I think they look best with polished (and not chipped) toes.

    6. I’ve also never had this happen, and i stop wearing stockings the minute the weather pretends to be warm enough to get away with it. I wear a lot of peep toes, so i like the polished toe peeping out, but i wear closed toed shoes at lest 2-3 days a week. Do try painting an OTC “no chip” topcoat. There are many brands that work well, but i like revlon. it works for my nails, in any event

      1. I second the rec for gel pedicures, I had the same problem and I’m on week 3 of my gel pedi with no chips.

    8. Get your pedicure on Friday evening or Saturday morning? Then it won’t matter if it gets messed up during the week.

  3. TJ:

    I need some job offer negotiation advice. The salary offer was abt 15% above my asking…which I later realized was too low. I think the offer is quite good (high end of the local range for this type of position), but maybe not excellent. I did try to feel out whether they had extra funds they were holding back, but it does not sound like it. DH advises against negotiating for more, since the offer is very good and while I may squeeze more out of them it’ll be at the cost of annoying everyone. And I don’t have a strong justification for more.

    My other big ask is for maternity leave, since I’m 2 mos pregnant. I’ve been told I can have as much unpaid leave as I want, but the paid leave will be limited to State law (6 weeks in my case). The company does offer an additonal 2 paid weeks, but you don’t qualify for it until after a year. So I can take it once I hit a year, it just won’t be contiguous with my maternity leave. I asked if there was flexibility to get this earlier (asked potential boss), but I got a response from the HR person in charge of my offer that was essentially no. (He has, imho, generally been pretty unprofessional and almost rude in my dealings with him.) So now I’m wondering if I should seek some other benefit roughly worth the leave (which I will get, just not when I want it).

    Frankly, I’m inclined to accepth the offer for a number of personal reasons. Partially, I’m really put off by the HR guy (everyone else, esp potential boss, has been fine though the recruiter is a bit scattered) and don’t want to accept immediately after being dealt with like that. Anything else I’m leaving on the table? Vacation and sick leave are more than I currently get (also generous), so I coudnt ask for much there.

    1. Wait, so you asked for X, they offered you 1.15x, and now you want to ask for 1.15x + y? That is a really bad idea.

      What is the vacation policy? Regardless of what you currently get, if it’s not four weeks at the new place, I think you could ask for four weeks, which would give you some extra maternity leave, basically. You could also ask for flex-time or work-from-home time for some period following the baby if they know you’re pregnant.

      Also, once you start, you could also ask the boss directly and again about maternity leave “to confirm,” and see if s/he is willing to be a bit more generous with you.

      1. Well, many of their benefits are not competitive with local employers, so their salary isn’t comparable (and regionally, my initial range was way off but I mistakenly looked at the wrong comaprables since I’m switching from public to private sector and location). But no, I’m not asking for more money, though many on this site initially advised me to do so.

        To answer pp below, I did ask my potential boss abt maternity leave, but it ended up (apparently) getting kicked back to rude HR guy. Seriously, initially he refused to have a phone conversation at all with me to go over benefits…wanted to do it all by email. Then when he finally decided to call b/c email wasn’t productive (duh), he gave me lip b/c he was travelling internationally for work and it was late where he was…like I should psychically know that or he couldn’t have instead asked to schedule a convenient time to chat.

        Sorry, boss is great but HR’s treatment is seriously making me feel like why would I want to work for these people. I should get over that before making a final decision.

        1. Don’t get discouraged by HR. Both my last 2 jobs had totally worthless, rude, and borderline stupid HR reps doing the negotiations. I got burned by the first, and learned enough to browbeat the second into giving me all kinds of perks because he didn’t know any better.

          I was super ragey after the first HR experience, but ultimately LOVED my job. With the second HR rep (I was older and wiser), I just kept circling back to the hiring manager than “I really do want this job, but have to work things out with HR first….” He kept pressuring HR, and I got most of what I was angling for.

          That said- choose your battles. It’s not the company’s fault you asked for X, they gave you X+.15, and now you want more. I think you need to help HR think outside the box to get you the maternity benefits you want. Try crafting a case for a signing bonus/bigger signing bonus (to make up for lack of mat leave), extra vacation time (to use instead of traditional mat leave), etc. You’re unlikely (IMHO) to get HR to bend on maternity–it’s touchy enough that they may hear about how YOU got “special treatment” and Other Employee Z had to take her leave unpaid, blah blah blah. So don’t call it mat. leave and negotiate hard for it.

          “I’d like to see a signing bonus of [X] in addition to what’s already on the table. I’d be giving up 12 weeks paid maternity leave at my current role.”

          You could also POSSIBLY try something like “After reviewing your company’s benefits in detail, I’d like to see if we can get to salary X+1.20. My current role offers A, B, C and D, which are worth .05 on an annual basis.”

    2. I’m not sure what more you could ask for, especially in light of your initial ask which was for less than you are being offer, though I would revisit the maternity leave issue again when you’re closer to your time.

      I’m just curious: what state requires 6 weeks paid maternity leave?

      1. its probably just short term disability — this is what i got from my firm when i was hired as a 6 mo pregnant 2nd year associate. any time beyond that was unpaid.

      2. its probably just short term disability — this is what i got from my firm when i was hired as a 6 mo pregnant 2nd year associate. any time beyond that was unpaid.

    3. I would ask the boss and not the HR guy about maternity leave/extra vacation, and also ramp-up after you return from maternity leave.

    4. You are getting paid more than you asked for. Your sick leave and vacation are excellent and better than you get now. Your new boss is great. You are beginning work two months pregnant and so they know you will be missing work for at least 6 weeks before you’ve even been there a year (I know they have no choice: it’s the law), but still from the employer point of view, everyone else will be stepping up to help you while you are out. (And congrats on your pregnancy!)

      And yet, you want more. Get over the nasty HR guy: not everybody has to love you. Maybe he’s a jerk; maybe he has cancer; maybe he’s going thru a divorce; who knows? As someone else suggested, maneuver around him. Maybe as time goes by, perhaps you can develop a friendship of sorts with him.

      You have a great opportunity here. Embrace it! Do you know how many women would love to be in your shoes?

  4. Opinions on the Minkoff MAB tote? I’ve been lusting since it was posted here a month or two ago and I’m on the market for a new work bag. Also, would it go on sale as part of the NAS in July? Thanks ladies!!

    1. i have the morning after bag – the larger/original size, not the mini – and love it. it manages to fit a ton of stuff without being too large or bulky, and the crossbody style makes it very comfortable to carry on my ~15m walk to and from work. today’s contents included spandex crops, tank and sports bra, tupperware container with lunch; couple standard (not legal) size files; and my usual phone/wallet/sunglasses stuff. not even close to full. i’ve fit an entire rotisserie chicken (in the package…) in there before when my regular grocery bags were overflowing.

      i don’t know about whether it’ll be a part of the nordstrom sale, but i ordered mine through ebags dot com and had no issues whatsoever – the price was good (maybe $425? can’t remember, it’s been over a year and a half now), shipping was quick, etc.

        1. it doesn’t seem much heavier than other leather bags i own, but the cross-body strap definitely helps distribute the weight.

    2. I have the mini mac and it’s quite heavy for its size. I almost bought a mab (it was on sale at TJMaxx), but i didn’t buy it because I found it was kind of heavy. I’m not sure how the tote would compare, but it’s something to consider.

  5. What’s worse than walking into a packed meeting late and laughing hysterically because you almost sat on a garbage can at the front of the room because you thought it was a chair? When said meeting is apparently held to announce someone was just let go– and the person making the announcement at the front of the room has just broken in to tears.

    Please tell me today is almost over.

      1. In general though, especially if you are late- try to walk in the back and not disrupt the meeting. Sometimes it can be hard to supress the giggles but I would certaintly try to enter in the back when you can.

        1. Depending on where the door is, though, it can be hard to sneak in the back. I say this from having experienced the personal h e l l of being 10 minutes late to a meeting, where the only door (for whatever idiotic reason) was by the podium…

  6. Why did I read this three times in a row as “this bag will carry MOIST things you’ll want for the office”… I thought, yeah, I guess it’s useful to have a waterproof bag for the office in case your lunch or gym clothes get messy? I think I’m going cross-eyed from reading too many contracts.

  7. I’ve been lusting after the OMG but with my current shopping ban/learning fiscal responsibility reboot, I’m having a hard time justifying the purchase. Is there something similar out there that I haven’t seen? I’m looking for an everyday work bag that I can also travel with and the OMG seems to fit the bill but I can’t get past the price tag.

    1. If you wait, and follow their facebook page, eventually they’ll put up a coupon code, usually 15%-30% off. They tend to do it around non-traditional shopping holidays, like Valentine’s Day and Mothers’ Day. I was still on the fence on Mother’s Day, and I really wish I’d just pulled the trigger, because I know I want the bag, I just need to go ahead and buy the darn thing.

    2. I caved and bought the OG around Thanksgiving and I absolutely love it. There’s nothing like it out there, if you’re looking for well made, lightweight, a million pockets, a shoe compartment, and a laptop area. It’s seriously the shiz as an airplane carry-on or as a work bag. I use it as my work bag if I’m moving files around – the thing holds a full Redweld even with my laptop in it. Love.

    3. Pretty sure I saw a recent coupon code for lo and sons on the blog “a piece of toast”.

      1. And you’re correct. APOTMAY2013 for 15% off. Expires TODAY.

        Gah. I have been waiting for the other colors of the OMG to come back in stock. Should I just suck it up and get the black one? I have a major trip coming up in July that I’d really like to have it for.

        1. I sucked it up and ordered it. I would have rather had any of the other colors, but oh well. I would rather have the bag I can have than pine for the bags I cannot have.

  8. Weird (probably stupid) medical question. I get migraines on a regular basis, so I’m used to having minor visual disturbances. But usually it’s about fifteen minutes with two blurred eyes followed by a massive 6+ hour headache and nausea. Today I had just one eye go suddenly blurry for a good half hour with no subsequent headache or upset stomachache or anything. Then the blurriness left. Is this normal?

      1. +1. I get these. According to my doctor, they’re a species of migraine. I think they’re considered benign unless you have other symptoms. I don’t normally get typical migraine symptoms after the visual disturbance (maybe a dull headache that subsides after a day or two), but my doctor said I could take Excedrin Migraine during an episode to help reduce the chances of a full-blown migraine.

        1. Also get both full ocular migraines and the mini ones January and Anonymous OP dsecribe. And yeah, extra-strength Advil seems to be enough for the times it’s just the eyes going wonky.

        2. Add me to the list of people who have these. My neurologist said that this type of migraine isn’t normal but it’s not abnormal either. So – there’s that.

      2. I get these too (plus the ones with the head pain). They’re a pain, but eventually they go away.

    2. So, while this could be normal and a version of migraine, it also could be something else, that is not migraine. The classic set up for malpractice in medicine is — relatively healthy patient with symptoms that could be due to something benign but are actually due to something terrible that the physician blows off. So I’d see the person who cares for your migraines and discuss this most recent episode and why it’s different than your previous. It might buy you an unnecessary diagnostic test, but it’s probably worth discussing it.

      1. Mine start with the third picture and then turn into what it’s like to look through a kaleidescope.

      2. Oh, wow. That’s crazy. I get visual migraines from time to time and they’re exactly like those pictures.

    4. I think that’s an ocular migraine — that’s what I was told when I had something similar. I usually get big migraines at about 4 or 5 a.m, during REM sleep. It feels like a screwdriver jammed into my head, always right side, and then I get really nauseated and throw-up. I take Maxalt, but the migraine still goes on for several hours. Either Maxalt or the migraine itself always make me feel really weak, like I have only half my blood.

      Also, once I lost vision on the right side — completely lost it. I was driving and could only see half of the freeway signs. I drove directly to the ER and after testing was told it was either a migraine or a mini-stroke. When I had the MRI, there were many white spots, which the doc says is “not uncommon” with migraineurs.

      Suffice it to say, my work product on these days ain’t my best.

  9. Does anyone have the OG or OMG bag in espresso and care to comment on the color? I think of espresso as being dark brown, but on the website it looks to me like a dark grey…

    1. I have the espresso – it is definitely a slate gray. i love it though. So versatile.

    2. I don’t have it but I’ve read numerous r e t t e s sing its praises here time and time again!

    3. It’s almost more of a very dark aubergine to me. It’s an amazing color that literally matches everything I’ve worn it with except maybe outfits composed of all very bright colors.

    4. I have the OMG in espresso and it definitely is not what I would consider espresso. In some lights it looks brownish gray, and in others, almost purple. I find it goes with everything! I specifically avoided the black because I thought the espresso would work better in both summer and winter, but part of me wishes I had the funds to purchase a a hot pink or cobalt one too. And maybe in black. ALL the OMGs.

    5. I have the OG in espresso. The colour is quite close to the photos on their website and really pretty in person – not dark brown, which is precisely why I like it.

  10. Frequent poster – but this will out me so anon for it…
    Wondering if anyone here in happily committed relationships ever had a ‘one that got away’? I was thinking about the concept recently, you can guess why, and wondered if there is ever contentment with someone new if there is a ‘one’ somewhere in the past. I don’t know anyone in the ‘real’ world this applies to, so I”m posting this to the virtual one. Hoping for some insight, advice, stories, etc. Internet, do your best…

    1. I had one of those. What finally cured me was running into him at a party and talking to him for a while. During that conversation, he said some things that reminded me that things weren’t perfect when we were together. My DH, who I was dating at the time, is very different from the ex, and I had been idealizing certain parts of ex without realizing that a person is a whole package.

      1. No relationship is perfect, some are better in some ways and worst in others. So with another person your relationship as a whole wouldn’t necessary be better just different.

      2. I think idealizing certain parts of your ex is a good way of looking at it. No matter how great some aspects of a relationship were (conversations, lady garden parties, whatever) there was still a reason the two of you broke up. It’s helpful for me, when I start romanticizing former partners, to remind myself of all the thing that *weren’t* great about them (flakiness, obsession with work to the exclusion of all else, passive-aggressiveness, alcoholism…), and how that lead to the end of our breakup.

    2. I’ve felt that way in past relationships–usually it was a sign that something was missing in the current relationship. For example, if my then-current BF was an LGP-pooper, I’d wonder about the ex that was an LGP-guru.

      I think the best way to snap out of it is to think about why the earlier relationship failed. Did we fight all the time? Was he a workaholic? Did we disagree over financial matters? This process puts some perspective on why LGP-guru was not The One.

      The next thing to do then is to see if the issue with the current guy is fixable. If it is, try to fix whatever is wrong in the current relationship. If it’s not, figure out if it’s a deal breaker (most money issues are for me) or a “price of admission” (ala Dan Savage) you are willing to pay.

    3. Late post here, but I recommend reading Lionel Shriver’d The Post Birthday World. It’s a work of fiction that imagines two timelines – one where a woman has an affair and leaves her marriage for someone she has passion with, and one where she stays with her partner. It’s a great book that highlights the problem with our imaginations – when we think about our lives with “the one who got away” we forget about the problems, and the mundane daily details of relationships.

    4. I have a “one that I let go to marry my DH.” I never, ever regret that decision but when i get stressed, for whatever reason, I have dreams about life/marriage but the man in the dreams is Ex and not DH. It’s very, very weird. I don’t know if my subconscious secretly misses something about Ex, or if Ex and DH are just so different that my brain can’t handle both.

  11. I’ve been debating getting the rebecca minkoff knocked up bag in black leather… I’m in management consulting so need a bag big enough to fit my laptop/various travel stuff as I’m on the road Monday-Thursday, but also need it to look professional as I’m a young female working with older executives (male for the most part). I really like the outside of the bag and the size seems right, but my one qualm with it is the inside pockets which are labelled such things as “mommy’s stuff” “pacifier” etc.

    Am I being too paranoid that people will look into my bag and find it odd/unprofessional?

    1. I’ve been debating getting the rebecca minkoff knocked up bag in black leather… I’m in management consulting so need a bag big enough to fit my laptop/various travel stuff as I’m on the road Monday-Thursday, but also need it to look professional as I’m a young female working with older executives (male for the most part). I really like the outside of the bag and the size seems right, but my one qualm with it is the inside pockets which are labelled such things as “mommy’s stuff” “pacifier” etc.

      Am I being too paranoid that people will look into my bag and find it odd/unprofessional?

      1. You convinced me – it’s on its way to me as we speak… with a return policy so I can see!

        Thanks so much.

  12. So – I’m going to post a minor rant – but mostly just a fervent request here. I know some of you will disagree with. Others will believe me a bully who uses my “regular commenter” claim to be a mean girl (or something). But I have noted in recent weeks (maybe even months) that people have taken to calling out certain posts, especially if the posts are posted anon … but not always … and saying “I think this is a troll” or “I hope you are trolling because…”

    First – we do not have a major troll problem on this blog (I don’t consider Ellen a troll problem, she’s easily identifiable and she’s funny – so really what’s the harm.) So the constant need to seek them out and immediately identify and even theoretical troll is really overkill.

    Second – even if someone IS a troll – where’s the harm? I’ve always tried to take people on here from where they are coming from. Do I like every body’s sense of style, not really; do I think everyone is making the best life choices, no; and do I think everyone should own a Halogen seamed pencil skirt….well yes but that’s not really the issue. Is there a harm to answering a troll’s post sincerely. You’ll probably never find out if the person IS a troll and I guess worst case scenario they’ll giggle in their troll cave at having hornswaggled us all again. But on the flip side, when you accuse people of being a troll and they are not, you can truly hurt the feelings of real, live people who are posting heartfelt and possibly very difficult questions on here seeking comfort or advice. So in the balancing of harms, I think the second prevails.

    Finally, and I can’t emphasize this enough, from reading this blog and doing DV work and reading criminal law, divorce law, and really any law – I have come to believe that ANYTHING is possible. So just because something is really far outside your range of perception or is very different than how you would have reacted does not mean you are dealing with a troll; it just means you’re dealing with a human being facing very different circumstances than you and with probably a very different personality. So – read these posts and maybe learn something about the wide variety of human experience in this world. I think all humans tend to believe that how our world works and how we grow up and live now is “normal,” but the truth is, its probably not. And here on this blog you can learn just how broad a definition normal can have.

    So…before you post…just try to remember that there are almost certainly actual human beings on the other side of the internet divide. They are posting highly personal and probably highly emotional things – just because you don’t know them doesn’t mean you should be cruel to them. If we take them as they are and try to approach their situation with some empathy, I think you’ll find you get better results.

    Okay – rant over. Just had to get it off my chest.

    1. Truth be told, I don’t even really know what a troll is (aside from a short fuzzy haired creature). I see the term used all the time here, but don’t really understand it. Is it basically a hater? Trying to agitate people?

      1. NYC – Pretty much! “In Internet slang, a troll (/ˈtroʊl/, /ˈtrɒl/) is someone who posts inflammatory,[1] extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as a forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response[2] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.”

        TCFKAG – well said! I don’t understand the comments that something is a “first world problem” or mocking how trivial a question/concern is… this is a fashion blog! Yes there are some deep/meaningful discussions but the main purpose is to talk about clothes. That’s about as superficial as it gets. This is the place for those kind of conversations.

    2. A troll is someone who purposefully says something controversial while trying to sound sincere or innocent. So like “wow, cannot believe there are actually people out there who actually are in favor of murdering tiny babies!” Or something like “i realize my brain will just never be as good as a mans at math so i switched professions” I actually don’t think there is any harm in calling posts like that out. I disagree with tcfkag. I think it’s good for posters to realize how shocking or out of the norm their question is, and I don’t think we need to treat grown women with kid gloves.

      1. I agree that we shouldn’t treat each other with kid gloves but there is a difference between honesty/constructive criticism and blatantly insulting someone.

        1. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone be like you are a troll!! Go back to your bridge!! More like can this be real? Is this just a troll? I think this post is an overreaction to a very rare minor occurance.

      2. There are different kinds of trolling, and I don’t think TCFKAG is overreacting or inventing a phenomenon that doesn’t really exist–I’ve seen plenty of what she’s talking about. I also don’t think she’s only saying we need to be on our best behavior or wishing for moderators to swoop in and keep the peace.

        But call-out culture that offers nothing constructive accomplishes no good. We do have some of that going on; at best it’s harmless or eyeroll-inducing, and at worst, it’s truly hurtful. If you don’t see it when you read these comments (or post your own), I’mma put on my Yoga Teacher Voice and tell you to turn your gaze inward and be more mindful.

        We can all do better. We can all be better. No need to stomp on somebody who tries to remind us of that.

        NAMASTE, MUTHAF**AZ!

        1. Are you serious? You consistently make fun of other posters on your tumblr or stfu tumblr.

          4. Actually, the last time I talked about this site on Tumblr was two months ago, and the TL;DR version of that post was “be a better person.” It was in response to some ugly white privilege denying that went down over here.

            But you stay pressed, bro.

          5. But by just making fun of them you lost the opportunity for a conversation! And she reblogs stfucorporette all the time. This post is so hypocritical and sanctimonious

          6. I don’t know what stay pressed bro means, but I will agree I found this surprising since I changed my username after I found out you and ru and tcfkag were all talking about a silly question I asked a long time ago.

          7. And if I remember correctly we got ripped to shreds on here, despite apologizing. I also have never (I don’t believe) posted any comments from here on my Tumblr and I am now exteremely careful about what I say in response to other people’s postings.

            Claiming that Kanye or any of us “consistently” make fun o posters on our tumblrs would be wildly inaccurate. (Again, I don’t consider responding substantively to an issue that came up making fun of – but that’s another issue.)

            But I think we’re getting off track here a bit. I, along with everyone probably who posts here regularly, has been the target of some meanness at least ocassionally. But these “calling out” posts are different. They frequently call out anon posters or new posters, accuse them of being fake (or wishing they were), and I can’t help but think quench discourse as a result. I know I certainly wouldn’t have come back if my first post was net with “god I hope this isn’t a real question.”

            Anyway – just saying. And do know above anon – if I ever do post anything on my tumblr you think is mean message me. I probably really don’t mean it.

          8. But the rip to shreds and “probably don’t mean it” aren’t really the point. Your post is about how we shouldn’t do it. The people who do it probably don’t mean it either. So you can’t really say oh we got ripped to shreds so it doesn’t count. You did it, so its kind of surprising to see all this peace love everyone be so nice and considerate and think of how people would feel (which is all great.) I’m just expressing surprise that the same posters saying this have also been mean before, and now you are just saying oh I probably don’t mean it.

          9. Why does anyone need to respond to Corporette comments on tumblr? I think I might be too old to understand this.

      3. I don’t think we have to use kid gloves necessarily either – though I do think that advice that is given on at less a neutral tone is usually accepted more readily.

        But here’s the thing about saying “god your life/life choices/curren circumstances are so absurd that I wish you were a troll” basically says to that person that their issues – many of which are not easily solved or escaped – are so “bad” by your estimation that they’d be better off not existing. Or, on the flip side, that you think they are lying. This is far from the message that I think we should be giving people who are probably pretty fragile already.

        So – even if its couched as “I hope this is a troll” rather than “this is a troll” I think that difference I just in form but not really in substance.

        1. I always just assumed people didn’t know how to use the term “troll” correctly.

      4. those kind of flaming statements would be a problem, but what I see being (incorrectly) called trolling are comments by people who see things differently than the person doing the calling out, especially if “different” means they’re struggling somehow. To try to push someone of of conversation because they’re having difficulties (and thus might really *need* the anon connection that only the internet can provide) strikes me as really low, and really mean.

    4. *Slow, standing clap*

      Kat, I think you should start a Corporette FAQ page and this should be the very first entry.

    5. Thanks for posting this TCFKAG and doing so in a thoughtful manner. I’ve noticed it happening more often too but couldn’t find a way to express it. I’d do it in the moment, but normally someone else has stepped in to defend the poster and I don want to pile on.

      The way I think about it is that we should give people the benefit of the doubt and not jump to the troll accusation. It’s fine to point out when something is far outside the norm of what you have experienced, and by giving them the benefit of the doubt at first the honest advice and comment about something being completely abnormal to you could be helpful to the poster. Calling someone a troll completely destroys that opportunity.

      1. Calling someone a troll completely destroys that opportunity.

        This exactly. It stifles the conversation, which is the opposite of what most of us come here for.

      1. Eh, people will call people trolls, make mean comments, etc. so long as there is anonymity on the internet. And there will be a select few that will continue to do so even when anonymity finally disappears. Better to just ignore it.

    7. I completely agree. In fact, I was considering posting something similar today. I feel like this is happening more and more frequently.

      1. Thank you, TCFKAG, for standing up for civility and reminding us all to try to see things through the other end of the telescope before leaping to conclusions. And +1 for using “hornswoggled.” Are you a Southerner, or of Southern heritage, or a reader of Walt Kelly’s _Pogo_ (or other Southern literature)?

    8. I’ve been reading and commenting on this blog for years and usually go anon. People can be a little heartless on this blog at times, so I’ve never felt comfortable going with a certain identity. I’m sure there are many out there like me.

    9. I think this ‘request’ is very presumptuous. This is Kat’s blog, if she thinks there’s a problem she can intervene. Just being a regular poster doesn’t, or at least shouldn’t, give people the right to take it upon themselves to police the boards.

      1. It’s a a great post, and your response makes me think you are one of the mean girls.

        Civility is a big deal, especially in law. You can go snipe elsewhere. This blog is not the kind of place for that.

  13. I have seen some recent college grad and law school grad ideas, but does anyone have brilliant high school headed to college gift ideas?
    This is for a very close female relative, who will appreciate something creative. I will spend around $100.

    1. Here’s one out of left field: Any idea whether she’s going to have a semi-private or private shower? I ask because one of the gifts I thought was weirdest when I opened it, but loved most once I moved in, was a fancy-ish showerhead. (Nothing too upscale, but just something that gave good water pressure and had a few different settings.) No matter how terrible the apartment, I was always been able to escape into a nice, relaxing shower at the beginning or end of the day.

      Even now (three years out of law school), switching out my landlord-provided showerhead for my much nicer one is one of the first things I do in a new apartment.

      1. I got one at work once (pre-law school career) and loved the thing. I took it to a ton of different places and it always made such a difference. I gave it up in the great purge that occurred before moving across the country with a few suitcases and boxes and its pretty much the only thing I wish I hadn’t gotten rid of.

        The 2 gifts that I received for my high school graduation that stand out we’re a set of really nice towels and a travel jewelry organizer (sort of similar to this one http://www.ebags.com/product/royce-leather/zippered-jewelry-case/113585?productid=1299627). I used the towels all the time and the jewelry case was something I’d never owned before and I’ve gotten way more use out of it than I could have ever expected.

    3. Kierig coffee maker with reusable metal filter thingy
      Set of dishes/glasses/silverware/popcorn bowl for the dorm room
      vertical files, lapdesk, other homework/office supplies

  14. Anybody bored and want to shop for me? I need a dress for a wedding on Saturday. The dress code is cocktail. The main limitation is that I want a dress that will work with a pair of shoes that I own, the Ernesta in dark brown by Christian Louboutin. I am having a hard time figuring what colors would look ok with the shoes. I am blond and pasty so I think I look best in dark colors. I have a boyish figure. None of the dresses I have worn with these shoes before work because I wore them while I was pregnant and am not anymore. Thanks!

      1. Thanks, I like the last one. I was also looking at the Karen Millen signature stretch satin dress which is described as “nude.”. I think the navy is probably more appropriate for a wedding though.

  15. Okay, so this is the first time in my life that I feel the need to ask a question in terms of “am I so old and out of touch that I’m making a faux-pas and not even knowing it?” so please be gentle.

    I have relatively fine, chin to shoulder length straight bob. I also have two small children and a busy work schedule. Often times, in the morning I don’t have time to dry my hair before leaving for work. So once or twice a week I put it twisted nicely (I think) into a claw clip. It’s a boring plain tortiseshell one, nothing crazy. It makes the front of my hair look nice because it’s easy to get a little bit of volume, and it stays neat and tidy all day.

    But am I dating myself? Are my patients rolling their eyes behind my back? I have this fear that it’s dorky, or hopelessly out of style. I’m in a very casual area of the country, so I’m much less concerned about people not thinking it’s formal enough, but I like to think of myself as someone who dresses reasonably stylishly and if this is a disaster, I’d like to know. And judging by the length of this post, I am wallowing in first world problems.

    1. Well, I’m probably quite a bit younger than you and rock a similar look when I want to get my bangs (which are at an extremely inconvenient length) off my face. So either we’re way out of touch (possible) or its totes a thing still.

      Either way, meh. If your patients are rolling their eyes at your fashion choices, they’re pretty dumb for not listening to your superior medical advice (translated loosely – I’ve never noticed my doctor’s hair in a bad way or in a particularly good way.)

    2. I am late 20s with no kids, and I rock the claw clip from time to time. Not sure how stylish or un-stylish it is, but I really don’t think it is so bad to warrant an eye roll.

      I say keep wearing it and don’t worry about it!

      1. I love those too! I have a few of the metal clips posted by Sydney Bristow, and several neutral colored claw clips. I also am a frequent user of the dreaded plain black elastic low ponytail. My hair is really fine and there isn’t a lot of it, so those donut sock things are out for me.

        For what it’s worth, I think you’re just fine!

    4. If a claw clip to hold back my hair when I don’t have time to do it is wrong, I don’t want to be right. I more often do a half up-do claw clip simply because I like the look of “me” better with some hair down. Just for your information: I’m 30, 1 toddler and pregnant with the second.

    5. I have to admit, I do think wearing the claw clip is out of style. It’s not on the same level as a scrunchie, though.

      1. Agreed. It’s just such a “mom” thing to do…. but, I also don’t really care if that’s how my Dr. holds their hair back.

    6. Honestly, I don’t generally care what my doctor/surgeon wears. I just want to be fixed.

      Anyway, I notice a medical professional’s appearance when it stands out (anything apart from scrubs is polished to me, so I would consider you a fashion model!). I don’t notice anything else and I certainly wouldn’t do an eyeroll because:1) I don’t care and 2) it’s bad juju to do that to someone who is giving me “superior medical advice”!

    7. I also use a claw clip periodically (and do the half-up with a claw clip thing) and I have wondered this same thing, thanks for asking. I see people around me doing it all the time, but still remember the first time I wore my hair up in a clip – in the early 90s, yikes – and am sensitive to the fact that it may not be the most current way to wear my hair. But I also have fine hair – I wear mine medium-length – that starts getting too wavy when it gets too long, which happens a lot because I don’t have time to get haircuts as often as I should. Claw clips are a lifesaver for me when I have pushed getting my haircut a couple weeks longer than I should have.

  16. I have a fitness question for the hive! For the past 7 weeks or so, I have been working out with a personal trainer at my gym. I LOVE my gym (it is a Crunch Fitness, corporate owned and only about 1.5 years old), and I love my trainer…but it is about $120-$130 / 1 hour session (for me + my husband in the same session) depending on how many I buy at a time. I’ve seen great, great results – from 42% body fat to 35% body fat in under 2 months – but I just can’t stand to lay out the money. (Also, as previously mentioned, major cash crunch in my household I’m just getting under control, so you bet the personal training expense is out first, as much as I love it.)

    I have a sports background and know how to use all of the machines / free weights and keep proper form, but I need something like instructions to follow. This has led me to the idea of an online personal trainer. Specifically, I’m looking at “Changing Shape,” which offers 12 weeks for $29.95, and gives you a personal trainer which helps you set out both an exercise and nutrition plan, and then you check in with them once a week. I just need a tiny bit of help staying accountable, and this would do it for me, I think!

    Does anyone out there have any experience with this? I already have great prices on gym memberships for DH and myself, so this may be just the push I need…and not at $130/hour (to be fair, the trainer does have a degree in sports / physical therapy and has been doing this for about 20 years, with lots of certifications. He’s really qualified, and I’m in LA, but it’s just too expensive).

    1. I have no experience with an online personal trainer, but would love to hear more about what you end up choosing and how it works for you. If you get a chance, please post a follow up!

    2. I’ve found that I’ve had as much luck with group fitness classes as with a personal trainer. An online trainer wouldn’t work for me because I prefer seeing someone in person, but if it appeals to you I say go for it. Even if you only stuck with it for one week instead of doing a personal training session, it would be well worth the cost.

    3. I’ve found that I’ve had as much luck with group fitness classes as with a personal trainer. An online trainer wouldn’t work for me because I prefer seeing someone in person, but if it appeals to you I say go for it. Even if you only stuck with it for one week instead of doing a personal training session, it would be well worth the cost.

    4. 2nd the group fitness – I go to Crunch and the classes at mine are great. My pilates class is taught by a former NY Ballet dancer, the kickbox is taught by a guy who competes in MMA, etc. (In comparison to my former 24Hr, where most instructors just did it as a hobby along their office jobs.)

    5. No experience there, but a suggestion: c/would your current trainer write out a program for you for the next x weeks, then meet to reconfigure and write a new one?

  17. Apologies if this posts twice; I thought I posted a couple hours ago but when I checked back for replies I couldn’t find my post.

    If anyone wants to vicariously shop, I’m looking for a cocktail dress for a wedding that will look good with the Christian Louboutin Ernesta shoes in dark brown. I’m struggling to think of colors that are complimentary that aren’t too close to white to be wedding appropriate so I’m hoping that someone who is better with color can make some suggestions. I am blond and very fair and have a boyish figure. TIA!

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