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One of my favorite things to wear around the house, pretty much year round, is sweatshirts — and I've somehow collected quite a few. A washable, comfortable sweatshirt is easy to find — but finding one that looks vaguely stylish or cute is, well, a far a greater task.
Somehow Rag & Bone has done it with this very low-necked sweatshirt, currently on sale with a lot of other great Rag & Bone pieces at Nordstrom. This one is only 25% off, but many are 55-70% off, with lots of great deals for lucky sizes. (Along the line of great basics, this bright, happy tee is also calling my name.)
I like how the pictured sweatshirt kind of reminds me of an oversized school sweater. It was $165, but is now marked down to $124.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Someone here recommended azelaic acid from the Ordinary as a good product for rosacea. I’m planning to order it to try, but I wanted to ask what other products people recommend to go along with an acid product. I know nothing about skincare and am very low-maintenance, so I’d love a recommendation for a moisturizer or something that can “complete” the regimen for my combination skin with light rosacea. Any tips? I suppose I could also consider something to deal with emerging laugh lines, but really don’t want to overcomplicate things. In case it makes a difference, I shower at night and would be more open to spending time on my skin then than in the morning, which is more rushed. I use La Roche Posay sunscreen and am generally happy with that. I don’t wear make-up.
Been There
Here’s what I do, and it doesn’t take long at all. I don’t have rosacea, but I do have some redness and blemishes. My big concerns are redness and antiaging.
Morning: Shower and wash face in the shower with Cetaphil gentle cleanser, pat dry when I get out, azelaic acid from the Ordinary (you MUST let this dry!!!), brush teeth and put in contacts, mess with hair, then Cerave AM which has sunscreen in it. If I have a zoom call that day, I’ll usually put on some BB cream at some point.
Evening: Remove makeup/sunscreen/grime with micellar water, wash with Cetaphil gentle cleanser, pat dry, Niacinimide from The Ordinary (I think this is good for redness/rosacea because it’s very soothing), let dry mostly, Cerave moisturizing cream. Every other day, I let that dry for 30 mins or so while I watch tv or read, then I use Retin A. When I remember, I’ll put on some eye cream, but I’m not sure if that makes much difference.
My understanding from skincare YouTube and visiting with my dermatologist is that the most important aspects are: cleansing with something gentle, moisturizing, and sunscreen during the day. I don’t want more than 1-2 steps outside this or I know I won’t keep up with it.
Anon
I use prescription azaleic acid (financea) for my mild rosacea and it seems to work pretty well. I use Metro Gel (metronidazole) when I’m having a flare. It’s also prescription. You can get both of these in a custom mix from Curology if you’re interested.
For other skincare, just gentle ingredients. You don’t want a lot of extra bells and whistles when you’re trying to get rosacea under control. Be very skeptical of anything with added fragrance.
For sunscreen, try to stick with physical sunscreen ingredients only – zinc oxide and titanium dioxide. Other sunscreen ingredients are “chemical” sunscreens and they interact with skin chemistry to produce the sunscreen effect rather than just providing a physical barrier. For many people with rosacea, this leads to irritation and inflammation.
Airplane.
I love that product and a lot of Deciem’s products, but I would ask your dermatologist for Rx strength if you are trying to treat rosacea.
If you are generally looking for regimens, Deciem’s website has regiments based on what you are targeting – general aging, hyperpigmentation, textural irregularities.
Anon
Has anyone experienced breakouts with lots of crying? I thought it was from mask wearing because it’s only on my cheeks and chin, but now I’m wondering if it’s my near daily crying session. Advice? Is this a thing?
Anon
It’s probably the stress that’s causing the crying more than the crying.
Anom
Or possibly the stress that is causing your daily crying? You’re clearly in need of help of some kind. Have you checked in with your loved ones regarding whatever stresses are causing your crying?
Anonymous
Def the stress. Hugs
In-House in Houston
I have some really ugly zits on my cheek and chin and I’m convinced that they’re from mask wearing. It sucks. I’ve always had really good skin, but not any more! Any suggestions are appreciated. I’m using a salisylic acid scrub and gel on them. Anything else?
pugsnbourbon
It’s counterintuitive, but go easy on exfoliating, especially if you’re using a physical scrub. Certain types can damage the outer layers of your skin and lead to more irritation or pimples.
Salicylic acid is a beta-hydroxy acid, which mostly dissolves collected tissue and debris in pores (like blackheads and whiteheads) and is also a mild exfoliant.
For larger pimples, you could swap the SA for an OTC or prescription retinoid (like Differin or Retin-A). Both of those work by encouraging cell turnover, which makes in harder for dead cells to clog your pores. I use a generic Retin-A and it definitely caused some irritation at first, so I made sure the rest of my skincare routine was as gentle as possible. They also increase your sun sensitivity.
If you’re wearing resuable masks, could you switch to wearing single-use disposable masks for a week? Even with regular washing, I imagine bacteria could collect on the inside of the masks and lead to a breakout.
Anon
Would definitely stop any physical exfoliation.
My skin is a thousand times too sensitive for retinoids, but I’m okay with retinaldehydes.
OTC benzoyl peroxide face wash has helped me when actual bacteria was the suspect.
Steroid bursts
I was recently on a steroid burst (the one where you take 6 then 5 then 4, etc.). I didn’t sleep and had a ton of energy (but didn’t exercise). I lost 5 pounds in a week. This week, they are back. This is just a blip — this yo-yo thing has never happened before and isn’t something I want to look forward to. Once you’re done with these, it’s done, yes? I haven’t ever had this before.
Sloan Sabbith
Steroid bursts suck. I yo-yo in them in every way- weight, appetite, sleep needs, emotions, the shape of my face, etc. I’m not quite sure what your question is exactly, but I find that the symptoms after I’m done go away almost immediately.
Anonymous
Thanks — OP here. I think I was really hoping that you reach statis when you are done (and it isn’t some new normal of yo-yoing around). I would love to keep the energy and the metabolism and ability to not need sleep, but it also seemed to make me have some rage issues, which would be understandable in these crazy times but I didn’t like being stabby 24/7. Not safe for the world.
Nesprin
Yep- Steroids are nasty terrible drugs (and so so effective for inflammation), and the effects should stop when you stop the drugs. That being said, you can develop adrenal insufficiency after steroid use (esp large doses for a long time – not what you were doing), so if you don’t feel right after stopping prednisone, talk to your md.
hypoglycemia
Is hypoglycemia in people without diabetes a thing? If I go more than two or three hours without eating, I get so exhausted that I can’t move or think and it’s literally too much work to haul myself out of my chair to get a snack. It can’t be reactive hypoglycemia, because it doesn’t happen right after meals and does not seem to be related to sugar consumption. I’m at a healthy weight, my diet approximates the DASH diet, I get plenty of protein, I don’t count or restrict calories, and I exercise but not excessively. It’s sort of the way I felt when I was pregnant and anemic, but bloodwork is normal. Has anyone else experienced something similar?
Anon
I have been like this all my life – well, maybe I need to go longer without eating, but it happens.
You can buy a blood glucose monitor OTC for about $20. Start there.
Anon
Definitely! After many fainting spells as a teenager/young adult, I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. I am healthy otherwise, but my blood sugar just gets too low sometimes. I was diagnosed after a glucose tolerance test. My GTT was longer than the ones my pregnant friends have taken (I think it was supposed be 6 hours, but I fainted after a few hours, so they obviously stopped it at that point). I haven’t been given any kind of treatment other than keeping my blood sugar up with food, so I just keep a snack with me all the time and make sure I get enough protein so that it’s less likely for a sudden crash.
Anonymous
I was like this when I was ~ 10 pounds thinner on a much leaner body (basically: in my 20s). I just had a fast metabolism and would literally run out of steam if I worked late b/c I needed food. Now: 10 pounds heavier and a lot less lean and my body can apparently feed itself if I run out of juice. It’s like the difference b/w 120# on a 5-4 lean frame vs 130# after a decade + sitting in a chair all day on BigLaw hours / not a lot of time to exercise.
Anon
There are definitely other conditions like glycogen storage disease or insulinoma that can cause hypos.
Anon
(And I have talked with people who were only diagnosed with a glycogen storage disease as an adult; there are different GSDs and different levels of severity, so they don’t always catch it in childhood.)
Anon
My sister in law has always been like this. May not be related, but she was diagnosed with celiac in her 40s despite not having the usual symptoms.She’s not diabetic and doesn’t have other health issues – she’s in excellent physical condition.
Anon
Interesting! I’ve always been like this too and I have Crohns and Celiac. The key for me was when a doctor told me to never have a high sugar snack without some protein. That will stop the blood sugar spike and crash. So, I definitely can’t eat just a banana for breakfast. I will be dizzy by 10 am. I can have a banana with peanut butter though. If I have a super sugary drink, I make sure to eat some nuts on the side. If I’m going to eat ice cream, I try to only eat it for dessert after a filling meal with protein, not on an empty stomach.
I also really need to keep my electrolytes up. I hope you figure out a way to feel better OP! I agree with everyone else that always having a snack on you helps too. I can be waiting for my dinner at a restaurant and still take two bites out of a protein bar from my purse. It is enough to stave off the nausea and headache and light headiness.
In a super pinch, until I could get to some food, I’ve straight up eaten a sugar packet before like a pixie stick when we were kids. That of course will cause a later crash but if I’m already crashed, it will bring me back up. I did that when I was at a meeting and had no way to get food but there was a coffee station in the hallway. It got me through the next hour to lunch.
Anon
This sounds a little more like reactive hypoglycemia for me. I have reactive hypoglycemia, and it seems common to get hypoglycemia before meals and whenever skipping a meal in addition to after eating carbs. I think it’s more of having trigger finger insulin. I’ve literally had issues from the kind of candles that smell like dessert (because unfortunately, insulin can be released in response to smells alone).
Western NC resorts
Does anyone has any recommendations for Western NC resorts where you can do a lot of walking (trails, etc.)? I have stayed at Grove Park before in Asheville and the Grand Bohemian in Biltmore Forest but would like to explore other places that are a non-stop car trip from me. The idea is to have a suite with a kitchenette, maybe a to-go ability from on-site restaurants, and room to do a lot of wandering without having to drive (concerns re rest stops / bathrooms for me and kiddos) or go to a city downtown.
Of Counsel
Chetola Resort in Blowing Rock has some very nice condos in site that they rent out.
Anonymous
Old Edwards Inn
Maudie Atkinson
I love Old Edwards Inn, but to the best of my knowledge, it doesn’t have spaces with a kitchenette, at least not at the Inn (maybe at their other properties, of which there are a few). But they DO have to-go ability from on-site restaurants right now, and my understanding is that there are other restaurants offering to-go food in downtown Highlands. And downtown Highlands is very walkable.
You could also check around downtown Cashiers, though I cannot recommend any specific property.
Paging 'French Universities" from yesterday
I just saw your note about wanting to find your grandfather’s transcripts from his time at the Université de Grenoble (now Université Grenoble Alpes, as you know). I used to work there, and because they have a large study abroad program and some degree programs are offered in English, they have many staff members who speak English. The document you’re looking for is called a relevé de notes. Currently, the system to request transcripts operates through a platform called Digiposte, which you can contact at sos-etudiants at univ-grenoble-alpes dot fr. I would also try the university’s general contact email at uga-accueil at univ-grenoble-alpes dot fr.
I found this article about Americans studying at the university that is probably related to his time there. It’s in French, but Google Translate should give you this gist: L’accueil et la formation des soldats américains à Grenoble au début du XXe siècle : entre tradition et opportunité historique. It looks as though a number of American soldiers studied there after WWI under a program called Comité de Patronage des Étudiants Étrangers in order to avoid an interruption in studies they’d begun or intended to begin at home, very cool! The woman in charge of their archives can be contacted at jennifer dot hengy at univ-grenoble-alpes dot fr, though I don’t know if she speaks English.
I’m sure you know that French bureaucracy can be infuriating and labyrinthine, and I would say that’s all the more true when 1. the transcripts you’re looking for aren’t your own and you’re seeking them out of curiosity rather than necessity; 2. your grandfather was a student two iterations of the university ago and his records are probably located in non-digitized storage; 3. the pandemic has meant reduced staff on campus; and 4. the French are very protective of their vacation time, which is picking up now. You might have a better chance at reaching someone who’s willing to help a few months into the academic year. Bonne chance! I’m sure the transcripts exist somewhere, but it’s a question of how far those who respond to your emails are willing to go. I would guess that contacting his university in Alabama is more likely to produce results, though of course only if he transferred his credits.
Anon
Wow! What a small world / great community this site is.
Anon
+100000 small world
Paging 'French Universities" from yesterday
This is what happens when a librarian is on “vacation” during a pandemic :-) I just can’t pass up a good research question!
Anonymous
OP from yesterday — this is fantastic! Merci beaucoups!
Paging 'French Universities" from yesterday
De rien! Let me know if you need any more help.
Sloan Sabbith
This is just so nice. :’)
Ellen
Yes it is. Kat should see that there are some of us that often go out of our way to be helpful to others in the HIVE b/c we are all working to make life better, for ourselves as well as for each other. Kudo’s to the French woman who helped here! YAY!!!
I know that is often what I like to do when there is someone who doesn’t know what I do and where I can help out w/o having to take them on as a cleint. In these situations, I just give them an informal opinion and tell them that if they need legal help, I would have to set them up as a cleint, and then have to bill them. Once they hear that, they thank me profuseley, and get my brain dump at no charge!
If we all did this, the world would be alot better off!
Aunt Jamesina
My very own Ellen comment. Quel honneur !
Anon
What do you wear under your BB cream? I use Dr Jart BB cream and I’m in the market for a new serum/moisturizer/primer layer. Maybe not primer. I just ran out of my Sunday Riley CEO serum and I’m looking for something more affordable. Doesn’t have to be vitamin C.
Anon
Clinique moisture surge
Panda Bear
+1 I love that stuff.
I also have good luck with Cerave from the drugstore. I use the ‘night’ one during the day (it doesn’t have retinol or other unsafe-in-the-day ingredients; seems like they just label it night to distinguish from the day cream which has SPF).
Anon
Thanks. I was looking at the Clinique Moisture Surge.
For the CeraVe, is it a particular one, like a name beyond the brand name? I have the big tub of CeraVe, which I use as a body lotion, but I don’t think I’d put it on my face.
(I used to read r/skincare. They always talked about CeraVe in the tub, and I thought they meant they were applying CeraVe while they were taking a bath. I thought this for an embarrassingly long time.)
Panda Bear
Oh you made laugh at Cerave in the tub!
The one I like is in a small pump bottle – it says Cerave PM facial moisturizing lotion, ultra lightweight. I like the cerave for the summer; and Clinique moisture surge in the winter.
OP
You guys, the mention of Clinique Moisture Surge made me think I had a sample size so I went through my massive collection of sample sizes and, while I don’t have the regular Moisture Surge (I have the eye cream), I now realize I probably have enough samples of moisturizer/serum to last me a year.
With only 1-2 uses per sample, I don’t know how people can tell whether something works, or if something breaks them out, which product was it? But I’m going to try several of them for the rest of the summer because why not. It’s not like anyone sees me!
Airplane.
Hylamide blur primer. I prefer this to smashbox color correcting primer and monistat anti chafing gel used as makeup primer, both previous go tos but now Hylamide Blur is the best.
Anon
Just hyaluronic acid serum, applied on wet skin. I usually get a Korean brand.
Kk
I use the Kiehls vit c/HA serum and then belif aqua bomb creme, then a tarte amazonian clay tinted moisturizer.
Anon
How do you help/support/show up for/care for a grieving partner? My boyfriend has lost two close friends in the past few months and I’m not quite sure what to do other than be there physically if he wants a hug or wants to talk, give him space when he wants it, and take on household chores so he doesn’t have to think about them. These friends, the other friends in their group, and his family are all on the other side of the world. I so wish we could just make everything better for our loved ones in these kinds of situations.
Anon
And also I know that I *can’t* just make everything better and I need to let him grieve how he’s going to grieve and I get that. But, if you’ve got any recommendations for nice things to do, I’d appreciate them.
Curious
This sounds exactly right. And emphatically lean on your own support system so you have the energy to do this. (Cue memories of the time I walked 40 min in a snowstorm to a friend’s house in order to not bite my husband’s head off when he was mourning his grandpa. That was the right choice for both of us.)
Sloan Sabbith
Be understanding of when things go sideways rapidly- there were times after my best friend died (two years in, there still are, but they happen less now and I’m better at expecting them and handling them) where something tiny would remind me of her and I’d have so little emotional capacity and was in such terrible grief that I’d just burst into tears or withdraw completely in the course of ten seconds. This included things that would seem completely benign to other people- and I was not able to tell people what had happened for at least a few minutes.
Also, recognize that he may not want any company. I was unbearably lonely but hated socializing with anyone at all because I desperately wanted to be doing social things with her.
Nights were (and are) the worst, for me. Too much quiet time to think. If he likes puzzles or crosswords or video games or whatever, you could get him a book of crosswords or a couple new puzzles or a new video game- I know I would have not been able to do that for the first few months but after I got past the initial shock/crushing pain/misery I was better if I had something to keep my mind mostly occupied at night. I read a LOT the two months after she passed away because it kept me from thinking about her. I would take 5, 6, 7 mile walks on the weekend while listening to an audiobook so I didn’t have to be at home, sad and lonely.
Lastly, let him talk or not talk about his friends as he wants, even if it seems repetitive. I have limited stories because I had limited time with her and so my family and friends have all heard them before, but they let me tell them because I want to not forget.
Also, Joe Biden’s speech on grief, as well as the poem that “I’m only in the next room” got me through that hellish period.
Curious
So sorry for your loss, Sloan.
Anon
Remember that a grieving person might not grieve all the time, and then they might feel guilty about being happy sometimes when their loved ones have died. Be there for both states, and help your boyfriend understand that grief is lifelong, and it’s OK to take breaks.. and that perhaps his friends would have been very OK with him also having fun times.
eertmeert
Sounds like you are doing good stuff. You can ask him what he needs, as well. It’s probably different on any given day.
Firsts after deaths are really hard. First Friendsgiving without them, first anniversary of special events, their birthdays, your husband’s birthday, etc. It’s also tough as months pass and you realize “oh, it’s been 3 months, 5 months, etc form when X died” and then you flash back to how you heard/days around the death. Being aware of these times will help. Sometimes I feel sad randomly, and then my husband or I realize it is the day of the month my dad passed. We are about to hit the 10 month anniversary of his death. It’s sad not only that he has been gone all this time, but we know the 1 year is coming up, as well as Dad’s birthday, which was also the last time DH & I saw him in person. It was a wonderful day with him, and it is going to be so incredibly hard to not celebrate with him again. And then two weeks later it will be the anniversary of his death. And then three weeks after that, my birthday, then another week after that the anniversary of his memorial, then a few weeks and Thanksgiving, and another month until Christmas, then New Years and so on. These hard days are always coming up or just passing. Sometimes you don’t see them coming, others you do.
My mom got a lot of support by joining a grief group. They did it over Zoom, and it gave her so much support. I would suggest that to him.
My therapist told me that the ones we love are only a thought away. I love this, and use it all the time to connect with my dad and my grandpa (his dad who passed away a few months ago). I think about what it felt like to be with them, and it helps. Obviously not the same as actually being with them, but you take what you can get.
Another thing that helped after my dad’s death was picking up something that he had done daily. He called his dad every day, and I started calling Grandpa every day after that, until Grandpa passed away. It was really special.
Now I have a reminder in my phone that pops up at 4pm every day (the time I called Grandpa) and I look over at some photos I keep on my desk of Grandpa and Dad and say hi to them. It’s a nice ritual. It makes me happy and sad at the same time.
Another thing I do is when I grind the coffee every morning I think of my dad and the mornings he would get up early and make coffee. I smell the coffee grinds and it takes me back to when dad was with us.
These little rituals help. Maybe there are some things you can suggest to your partner – a favorite drink or snack of his friends. Or if you have some pictures of him with his friends you can frame. Having these pieces around are soothing for me. It could help him.
Of course, best to ask him if he is ready for these types of rituals. They are equally heartbreaking and soothing, so it takes a bit to acclimate to them.
Kelsey
I’m not sure if we’ve discussed this, but I’m following the court trial between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard and I’m pretty sure that – regardless of whether Johnny was violent with her or not – she clearly threw things and physically abused him multiple times. This is close to home for me, as my brother is married to someone who has literally punched him in the face (my parents went to visit him and took a cell phone photo), but is refusing to leave or report it or divorce her. He is in active duty military and she will definitely get primary custody if they split, so they live like roommates when he’s not deployed so that he can continue to parent his kids (he is a great dad). DV against men is real, too, and there’s very little attention paid to the male victims of DV. I’m not trying to take anything away from women victims of DV, but I also think that in this case Johnny may be a victim and people may find that incredulous.
Anonymous
DV towards men is totally valid, but your “Johnny Depp is innocent” stance is probably unduly influenced by your personal experience vs. the facts. It’s incredulous that you don’t recognize your own bias.
Carmen Sandiego
I haven’t been following this trial, but if people are finding it hard to believe that he may have been a victim of DV, I would guess a big part of that comes from people’s general inability to understand why the victim (male or female) doesn’t “just leave” the marriage/relationship. Especially in a case of someone famous, with lots of options and financial resources, like Depp. Unfortunately the impacts of DV are hard for people to understand unless they’ve lived it or done a lot of research/studying/reading about it. (I also heard a talk a couple of years ago by some people who work in that field, and they said that often victims of DV end up in the criminal justice system, because when responding to domestic disturbances, officers will often charge both parties in the disturbance. There just isn’t a widespread understanding of – or support for – victims of DV.)
Anon
I have barely read up on it, just the highlights. It sounds like he has a substance abuse problem (or both of them do?) it’s just going to be really hard to figure out who is telling the truth.
One of my work friends was in a domestic abuse relationship. They were both drinking too much and they both got violent when drinking. She tended to start it, but he would “finish” it, and because he was stronger, she would get hurt worse. Eventually they divorced and both of them accused the other of domestic abuse. It was a mess. She told me all of this now, 10+ years later and sober.
Anon
I don’t follow celebrity news, but yes, men can be victims of DV. However, it is FAR more common for men to be the perpetrators and I believe the majority of advocacy and resources must inherently go towards female victims. I also find that in a lot of discussions (not necessarily this one), pointing out that men can be victims too is used as a way to derail the conversation and minimize the enormous harm of male violence.
Anonymous
I hate this — the “yeah, but he must have done something too” doesn’t help victims when the victims are men. I know someone who had a manipulative ex, including hitting him and then threatening to tell the police that he hurt her to cause him to lose his job. Why lie? Because she was so likely to be believed based on gender alone even though this woman had a record for assault (against a woman, no an intimate partner). I’ve also known lesbians in physically abusive relationship. A skirt does not tell you anything about the wearer.
Anon
LOL, because women are so likely to be believed? Are you joking? I suspect you’re a tr011 and I shouldn’t take the bait but c’mon.
Anonymous
Not a troll. He was terrified that she would cost him his job and sued him for DV at least once. What judge wants to have it on his head that he dismissed a DV restraining order complaint? Some women you just can’t get mad. And just b/c some men are abusers, it doesn’t mean that all men are abusers. It is honestly terrifying if it happens to someone.
Anon
#notallmen
cbackson
One of my closest friends has literal scars from multiple physical attacks from his former girlfriend. She almost drove him out of his graduate program through physical and psychological abuse, which included threatening to tell the program he had abused her if he sought help from the university. He fled their shared apartment while she was away on vacation, leaving behind almost everything he owned, and he still starts to shake when he talks about her.
Anon
That’s terrible and wrong. The good news is that it is very rare.
anonshmanon
I subjectively feel like ‘men can be victims of DV too’ is brought up EVERY time DV is discussed. I don’t think there is ‘very little attention paid’ (from the OP) to this aspect at all.
Anonymous
But that is what this trial is about. It is the very subject brought up. Just not randomly thrown in for trolling or an aside.
Anon
Your last point is also sadly true of any online discussions of harassment or r@pe.
ANON
I would like to stop my monthly cycle and am debating between an IUD and the shot. Im curious how this will work in Covid. I want to go talk to my doctor about it but don’t you have to take a painkiller before the IUD insertion? So would I have to go talk to her about the choice and then come back to get the IUD if I go that way? I’d rather not go twice.
Anybody have experience with the shot? I know plenty of people with an IUD but nobody who gets the shot.
Anon
I took ibuprofen before my IUD insertion, not a painkiller necessarily. Also my cycle did not stop with an IUD. The only birth control method that’s worked in that regard for me is the pill.
Anonymous
I got the shot and found it made my lady parts into the Sahara. Or maybe it didn’t, but they were concurrent in time and otherwise the Sahara wasn’t a part of my universe. So: never again, even if unrelated. YMMV.
Carmen Sandiego
I had the shot once while waiting to get an IUD. It was fine for those months, but long-term I don’t know anything about it. But I think you have to go in every so often to get a new shot – the one I had was for three months, if I recall – this was years ago though.
You do not have to take a painkiller to get an IUD inserted, and I would be very surprised if they gave you a prescription for that or anything. They also are probably going to need to order the IUD anyway, so it’s not like you can go in that day and decide on it and they can insert it that day. (At least both times I got it, they had to order it.) And you usually do need a follow-up appointment after the IUD is inserted for the doctor to check the strings/make sure it didn’t move (I think this was like a few weeks after).
Could you try to just do a telehealth consultation to decide and then go in person for the shot/IUD? I love my IUD, and I feel like birth control is an important enough decision that I wouldn’t want the deciding factor to be because I didn’t want to have a second appointment.
Cat
I would think the first appointment to discuss your options could be telemedicine?
If not, you could always just take a painkiller prior to that appointment anyway, no?
Anonymous
My doctor’s office requires three visits for an IUD: one to discuss it and get the prescription written, one to insert, and a follow-up to check placement. They won’t allow you to combine any of these visits with your annual checkup because they want to bill insurance separately.
anon
You probably have to go a second time anyway.. my doctor had to order my IUD once we decided to go that route. Maybe other doctors have various IUDs in inventory but that was not my experience.
Also, insertion was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life. And I’ve had ovarian surgery with infectious complications. Took a double dose of advil and the nurse still had to give me 20 min extra to recover in the exam room. Note I have never given birth, and I have heard that women who have given birth have a less painful experience.
Lastly, it did not get rid of my period; but I got the IUD to control my endometrioma/control excessive bleeding, so YMMV.
Carmen Sandiego
I agree that the insertion is insanely painful! But for some reason, both times I’ve gotten it, the doctors have acted like, oh it’s NBD, no painkillers needed. The second time, I did take advil (I actually think they should give you pain meds, but whatever) and it still hurt. Like, I found it hard to drive home after. (But I did feel fine by the next day.)
Anon
I’ve had two IUDs inserted and neither was that painful. I didn’t need Advil or anything. I guess it really varies.
pugsnbourbon
When I had my first Mirena inserted it seriously hurt – I think part of it was the shock of a totally new sensation. My second one was a bit better. I’ve read that you can time the insertion appointment to coincide with the point in your cycle where your cervix is already more open, but I’m not 100% sure about that.
My IUD stopped my periods almost entirely – about every 90 days I’ll get some light spotting. I did develop some ovarian cysts which can sometimes be painful, but I’d still do the whole IUD process all over again.
Anonymous
I found my IUD insertion way more painful than delivering a giant baby without drugs. YMMV.
Anon
When I got my IUD, my doctor recommended taking ibuprofen two hours before the appointment and also prescribed me a “cervix softener” medicine. I strongly recommend asking about the softener if your doctor doesn’t mention it.
I agree with the poster who said a lot of the discomfort comes from how unfamiliar the sensation is. I had a similar experience – the second one was much easier because I knew what to expect. My doctor walked me through step by step what was happening and when the worst part would be which helped.
It’s not an enjoyable insertion process, but it is soooooo nice to not have to think about birth control for years.
Mal
I would talk to your doc about your specific needs – because if your goal is to stop your cycle, those may not be the best options for you. Your doc may have ideas specifically for that – Best of luck!
Anon
The shot is one of the least effective methods to stop you from having a period (or withdrawal bleeding, if we’re being pedantic). It works for some people, but you are more likely to have success with other forms of hormonal contraception.
I’m on BC for the same reason and went with the ring. It works for me and I liked that if it didn’t work well, I could easily remove it and switch to something else (vs an IUD, which is more involved to get put in and can be expensive to remove even with insurance if you’re not replacing it with a new IUD).
Katie
I’m on my second Mirenua IUD. I wasn’t prescribed any painkiller for either insertion, but the doctors recommended that I take Ibuprofen an hour or so before the appointment.
The first insertion was uncomfortable but more cramping than painful with a brief moment of pain. (As a data point, I’ve never been pregnant.) I went back to my BigLaw office from the insertion and then went out that night with friends. However, it was inserted by my gyno who does the most pain-free pap smears I’ve ever had, so I think she is just generally good at being gentle. Due to insurance issues, I had to go elsewhere to get my Mirena replaced, and my second insertion was incredibly painful, so I’ve had both ends of the spectrum.
While some people don’t get their periods with hormonal IUDs, that isn’t the case for everyone. I still get mine, but only for one day and a very light flow. And of three friends who’ve had the Mirena or Skyla (1) has her normal cycle (Mirena); (2) no period at all (Mirena); and (3) had a period for 21 out of 30 days for several months in a row so removed her Skyla.
Anonymous
First IUD (mirena) was pre-baby and horrifically painful. Like, probably some of the worst pain I have ever experienced (and I took Advil before hand). But, it did stop my period, and it was super awesome. Second IUD was about 8 weeks after delivering my baby, and it did not hurt at all. My Dr. said that little to no pain was typical for an IUD once you’ve had a baby. But, it’s been about 7 months now since the second IUD was inserted, and it has not stopped my periods, so that’s a bummer.
Laid off
So my firm is about to lay people off and I am on the chopping block (I am part of a practice group that does not have enough work.) And is is worse because my old practice group has plenty of work but I was transferred last year after I complained that a partner was saying incredibly sexist things (not harassing me personally; no quid pro quo; he is just the kind of guy who thinks women with kids should be home and who has some attitudes right out of the 1950s.) So he and his little group of associates (including a woman who told me flat out that she thought I was overreacting and who apparently told management the same thing when they were investigating my claims) are all happily employed and I am going to be looking for a new job in the midst of a pandemic.
Sorry for the vent – I just needed to scream into the void. They are paying me through the end of the month so time to dust off my resume.
Anon
That really, really sucks.
For a glimmer of hope, I just got a new job so it is possible! I am in a slightly different practice area but making the same amount of money.
Anon
How long ago did you make the complaint? I’d talk to an employment lawyer and try to negotiate a good severance under the guise of them firing you in retaliation for reporting harassment/hostile work environment.
Abcdef
Does anyone have a brand to recommend for Apple Watch bands? There are a zillion options on amazon and not sure if any of them are worth trying.
Anonymous
Why not check the band section on Apple.com?
I find that Amazon is super sketchy and you don’t know who the actual seller is … got an item with a handwritten note that the package was shabby because it had been a woman’s basement for years with cats lol …
Not to mention all of the millions of reasons to boycott Amazon. See the interview “Unfair Advantage Stacy Mitchell On How Amazon Undermines Local Economies” for some of those reasons.
Anon
What advice do you have for Class of 2024 graduates? I am attending a large family gathering via Zoom this weekend and adults are planning a special virtual send off to the young people starting college this summer. All I want to say is “please be careful and try to stay healthy” but that won’t cut it. What advice did you receive that stuck with you or served as a compass at the start of an important point in your life?
Anon
I’ll tell you what I wish I was told:
If your goal is to have a paying job and financial independence after graduation [[which mine 100% was back in 2007]] , start thinking about career paths early, and align coursework, majors and internships accordingly. It’s ok to change your mind, or start something and decide you don’t like it, but don’t forget the end goal you have for yourself and make decisions that will get you there.
Anonymous
God, this. All the people who complain about their student loans and how they wish people had given them good advice, clearly aren’t posting here today. There’s a whole Lotta follow your dreams
Anon
Save a huge emergency fund.
Panda Bear
And don’t take out more in student loans than you will realistically be able to repay. Still kicking myself for going to Fancy Private School when I could have almost certainly had the same/similar career outcomes if I’d gone to Perfectly Good State School.
Senior Attorney
Yeah and stay away from those credit cards.
Vicky Austin
Yeah and stay away from those credit cards.
Anonymous
Have fun. I didn’t need more pressure to succeed. I needed someone to tell me to enjoy myself.
Aunt Jamesina
Yes, and any of the financial/what to study/life advice would’ve fallen on deaf ears when I was that age anyway. Save an emergency fund? When they’re four years away from any real job?
Anon
+1. I worked so so hard in college (and it paid off in many respects because I had a near perfect GPA and got into the law school of my dreams), but looking back now I wish I had just relaxed a little more, hung out with folks, etc. I have pretty much no friends from college as a result of pushing myself so hard and neglecting friendships. It makes me sad to think about.
JuniorMinion
That experiences with adversity no matter how they come to you can provide you with valuable perspective and skills. That character and how you comport yourself when things are difficult says a lot about you as a person. That life is about seizing and maximizing the opportunities (both work and otherwise) that are in front of you as opposed to following a track and focusing on how you thought life would be. I play tennis with a lot of retired people and the happiest seem to be those who take stock of where they are in life and make the best decisions based on that as opposed to those who are continually focused on what they are supposed to have / where they should be.
Also I wish someone had told me how important it would be to take care of myself (eat well, practice moderation in drinking, exercise) and had encouraged me to be my best self and not worry about what others thought of that. I tried to exercise but lacked the confidence that I have now to say no to things / live in the way that was best for me.
Senior Attorney
Pay close attention and consider keeping a journal. You are living in a historic time and you will want to remember all the details.
Anon
Wear sunscreen.
Anon
If this is a cheeky reference to the Chicago Tribune column turned Baz Luhrmann song, I love it.
Sloan Sabbith
Do the social things even if it’s hard. I had no friends my first year of college- I literally did not hang out with a single person between January and March my freshman year, and I lived in a studio apartment in an upperclassman only building because of my chronic illness so I didn’t even have a roommate- and I wish I’d tried to go to social events even though I’m fairly shy and socially awkward. Finally, a friend of someone I had just sort of gotten to know realized I didn’t have any friends because I always ate alone in the student center and essentially adopted me into their friend group. She became my best friend and I will forever be grateful to her for including me. She’s the friend who then passed away so….yeah. Do the social things, even if you’re shy. People want to make friends in college. Let yourself be their friend.
Mal
College is an amazing opportunity to take advantage of all the things a university can offer – many of them free or at low cost. If they have an interest they want to explore, there’s probably a club, organization, etc. that addresses it. Don’t be afraid to take classes just for fun if you can swing it. If they are interested in studying abroad, start looking early for programs and funding opportunities! It was the best thing I did in school – made some lifelong friends and it helped me feel so much more adult and assured of myself to travel on my own.
If they have professional aspirations – don’t be afraid to reach out to people you admire. There are so many working professionals who would love to mentor someone genuinely interested in what they do. The worst thing they can say is that they’re too busy.
My main regrets of college were not taking advantage of things because I was too self-conscious, too worried about feeling uncomfortable or looking stupid. But, in recent years, I’ve been able to see that I needed that time to grow as a person, and have been able to see them less as regrets, and more as learning opportunities.
And also, credit cards and loans are NO JOKE.
pugsnbourbon
I feel very similar about my own college experience. I missed out on a lot because I was so afraid of failure and so self-conscious.
Vicky Austin
+1. The advice up thread about zero in on a good career path early and follow it is good, but my best memories of college are the random one-off classes I took, the weird clubs I went to occasionally, silly events like the one where I met my husband. You’ll never have this many options again.
Aunt Jamesina
YES. I loved college for all of the unique opportunities it presented, and ways to easily connect with other young people. This is the way to get the most out of college.
anonymous
Allllll of this.
I didn’t appreciate how limited these opportunities would be once I started working and became a true adult. Seems obvious now, but I guess when I was 18 I figured I’d always be doing some interesting, intellectually fulfilling job with a decent amount of spare time and bandwidth to take in amazing new experiences, surrounded by other diverse, interesting, engaged, high achieving people who also wanted to spend all day exploring new ideas and never worrying about making a living. Cute.
Anon
I wasn’t told this, but I wish I was – Don’t choose a major or career track based on how you want others to perceive you. Choose a major that you’re interested in, excited about, and works for a career track that YOU want. In other words, you don’t have to choose something “serious” in order to be taken seriously.
Anonymous
Went for my annual gyn exam today and doctor noticed a nodule in my breast, which is probably (hopefully) just a cyst, but I get the joy of my first mammogram at 35 in a few weeks. Tell me straight up–how painful are they? I am small of chest and honestly have no idea how I have enough breast to squish. This can’t be pleasant.
Anonymous
I’ve been there, at 30. I’m tiny and also short and I had to stand on my toes, lean in, the move the vice-grip thing up and down and you lean sideways. There is squeezing plus you are contorted. And you can’t breathe. It is surreal. They will find a way to squeeze. It is not outright painful, but it is an awkward and unpleasant embrace with a machine.
Anonymous
Hi – I had my first one on Tuesday at age 40. Also small chested – it wasn’t fun and it was pretty uncomfortable but also quick. Kinda like the health care version of a Sears family portrait where everyone has to sit still and smile while the photographer takes the picture. Except you can grimace. Whole thing took about ten minutes and my doc had the results the next day (Cdn healthcare for anyone whose has bought into the stereotypes about our long wait times).
Anonymous
I think of mammograms like teeth cleanings, but faster. They’re unpleasant, but done quickly. Don’t look! I always look away, and I think it helps to not see what they’re doing. It’s so fast that I think it’s easy to not make a big deal of it.
I do not think they’re especially painful—a moment or two of unpleasantness, but done quickly and no pain after.
I’ve been getting them annually since my 30s due to an especially stinky family history.
Anon
They’re less painful when you’re not at the phase of your cycle where your breasts are swollen. Can you time it for then?
I posted this a few days ago but if this is your first mammogram, they’ll be establishing your baseline. Do not freak out if they call you back in for more imaging. The radiologist will be looking for a very clear image of all areas, which they don’t always get on the first try.
If it makes you feel better, I’m 55 and I’ve had two benign lumps biopsied. I’ve also had a suspected cyst “watched” (meaning every 6 months high def mammo + ultrasound) until it resolved on its own. Your lump could be lots of things. Hang in there.
PolyD
I’m not that small, but not that big of chest, and I don’t find them painful. It feels a little bit like a mild scrape as the platforms slide along your chest, and then you get the squish, but I would call it more uncomfortable than painful. And a minute later, you don’t even know it was done.
It doesn’t take long, either. The manhandling of the boobs and positioning you for the mammogram take longer than the actual squishing, which take seconds. It’s much less uncomfortable than a Pap smear or internal exam, for comparison.
Sunshine
I was super anxious before my first one because of what I’d heard (and I’m not anxious about anything). I think PolyD’s description matches my experience. I found it less uncomfortable than having a pap for sure, and I don’t dread going again. I’m a 34C so not tiny, but not large.
Panda Bear
It’ll be OK. I was terrified for my first one (late 20s, high risk) and it was really not as bad as I thought it would be. The discomfort is super quick, and its so worth it to keep yourself healthy and safe :)
Anonymous
Mine haven’t hurt at all. I mean not at all. I do have big floppy breasts and timed it to avoid sensitive periods (e.g. not right before my period).
Anon
I also have big floppy breasts and am overweight. The worst part for me is they try to get as much of my armpit fat in there as possible. I’m sure this wouldn’t happen if I were thinner … so stay fit, ladies!
Ellen
It does not matter. Boobies are NOT meant to be flattened into a pancake machine. No matter what kind of breasts you have, it hurts me b/c I have very firm breasts and the older female radiologist I have to see to do my mammogram is jealous of my boobies so she is not very sympathetic when I go to see her. FOOEY on her. I think she could be more gentle to my boobies when I get the procedure.
Anon
I’ve found that grabbing the “clamp” and holding on to it can help. I also think about the check my insurance company sends me for the “wellness check-up” aspect of it.
Anon for this
I am also very small chested, and I have had some terrible experiences.
I’d recommend taking tylenol or ibuprofen before it, just in case.
My breasts are so small that it feels like they are tearing them off my chest wall as the vice closes. I usually cry and after my last one I swore I wouldn’t go back. And I haven’t… bad, I know. A few years ago they did tear me and had terrible bruising afterwards.
This has to be a test invented by a man. Men should have a yearly similar screening looking for testicular cancer. It’s only fair…
anon.
Honestly – I heard they were terrible, etc. It was totally fine! Had my first one this week. Not comfortable but seriously I’ve had two kids, this was like a mild pinch compared to that. It is over quickly.
Ozarks
I have PTO to use by the end of the year, and am thinking of the Ozarks in the fall, either October or November. Ideally, I’d like to rent a house or cabin so we could stay socially distanced and spend time hiking and doing outdoorsy stuff, but nothing too strenuous. (I like day hikes but not overnight camping.) I’ve never been to that part of the country and have no idea where to start. I’d be going with my husband and probably with our 5-year-old son, probably for a week. We’d be driving from the SEUS and could make the drive in 8-11 hours, depending on where we chose to go. Suggestions on where to go, where to stay, etc?
Elegant Giraffe
Bentonville is a good homebase, I think. Lots of day hikes in driving distance. Plenty of places to stay on vrbo. And Bentonville itself is pretty cute with surprisingly good restaurants.