Weekend Open Thread
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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Rails has a number of cute tops like this right now. This lighter floral one caught my eye first because I love that neckline, but the floral pattern (while lovely) just wasn't me. This pretty blue top has a similar neckline I think, but looks a bit frowsy on the model. This black one, though? LOVE.
(Maybe it's just me, but I often feel like it's a mistake to style denim with a top the same shade — I feel like the light blue top would have popped so much more with a white bottom or a darker rinse denim.)
I like that the tops are a bit dressed up, but also still really comfortable to wear tucked or untucked. The pictured one is 100% cotton, with instructions to hand wash and dry flat.
The top is $188 at Nordstrom, available in sizes XS-XL. You can also find it in plain white at Rails. (They also have an additional color for the blue floral one I mentioned above, as well as (ooh!) this similar dark floral top.)
Sales of note for 3/15/25:
- Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)
Bogleheads – how to get into it?
I’ve often seen the Bogleheads advice recommended here, but when I’ve been to the page it can be a bit confusing and overwhelming. I find their books kind of dry, and the “start here” page is super basic. If you love it, how did you get into it?
I learned a ton just from reading random people’s posts. I’m at a point where I don’t read there much anymore, but it was just helpful to see different scenarios and advice. If the person below wants somewhere useful to scroll, she should look here.
The search box in the upper right on their forum page is a great place to start. Like if there isa topic that interests you or you want advice on someone has asked about it before almost guarenteed.
If you’re not getting into it, I don’t think you need to force it. I’ve repeatedly found that the advice there reads as if most of the posters are 50 year old men who live in the midwest, making ~$100-250K, and have a wife who hasn’t worked since having kids. The advice around large purchases (particularly houses), college savings, career decisions, educational aspirations for their kids, etc is largely not in step with that of my dual income, dual professional degree, VHCOL life. And I’m a big Bogle fan, love personal finance reading, etc. It’s just not helpful for me to read 1970s-era advice from a bunch of people who can’t imagine that there is any other way to be financially successful.
That’s funny, but that is not my interpretation at all. The vast majority of portfolios that are posted, asking for advice, are two income high earning couples. I do think it sounds male dominated.
I’m the one who posted above saying I used to read there but don’t much anymore. I do agree that it skews older than the other places I was reading back then, like Mr. Money Mustache and Frugalwoods, and it feels like most personal finance sites are largely male. It’s a lot more normie than the FIRE sites, which probably makes it more approachable for most people, though I liked getting a mix and find the frugal/FIRE stuff inspiring as someone who doesn’t make as much as many people here. There’s so much out there now, though, that if it’s not working for you, I’m sure you can find something that does speak to you.
I started with their forums / discussion boards. I search for specific topics of interest, and also just check in regularly like I do with this site. Just reading people’s questions each day, and thinking through the answers has taught me a lot. And then occasionally, I will click on one of the links to their Wiki when I want to read in depth about a topic. Like right now, as the market is dropping, I am learning how to do tax loss harvesting in my brokerage account.
I mean… finance is pretty dry to me too. It’s a little bit like doing homework when you read the books. So I instead have read piecemeal from their Wiki as a specific topic of interest came up. But my knowledge base was pretty good to begin with. Starting with one of their books is a great idea of you don’t have a lot of confidence.
I found my fee only financial advisor through their recommendations. I posted my own financial situation there using their template for “how is my investment portfolio?” and got fantastic advice from the smart people who use that site.
Similar. I posted my own situation and got a ton of advice. It took some work and additional reading but it allowed dh and I to really clean up our act and simplify things. It put us on the glide path for early retirement. I read there but there are definitely topics I skip over because I find them really boring.
Try the reading the finance book by Bogle? I’m working my way through it but it does have a real bro tone to it with a lot of cheerleading and stanning their financial idols without much substance as to WHY.
My main takeaway from the Bogleheads is to invest in an S&P index fund and let it ride. So far it’s working! (We also do Target Date funds with our 401ks)
You may also want to check out HerMoney / InvestingFixx with Jean Chatzky
Target date funds are keeping my fears at bay right now. As an Old at least I know there as conservatively invested at this point as they can be, though nothing is bulletproof of course.
In fact 2008, my investments went down, my home value went down, and my job became very precarious. I was bitching about it to my older friend B, saying I thought I was at least somewhat diversified – my investments weren’t in real estate, and my job wasn’t in that sector either. He said “Anon, when everything goes to shit, everything goes to shit.”
*they’re (sorry, dictating)
They favor Total stock market investing – not just US S&P 500. This includes an international allocation, and depending on age / risk tolerance, a bond allocation.
And the key is ausing low fee diversified funds, while minimizing taxes, and not getting taken advantage of by all the companies/individuals that are not living up to their fiduciary responsibility.
As a single woman trying to get financial advice, I was repeatedly given bad advice over the years. Fortunately I was knowledgeable to walk away. What a terrible industry.
We are smart enough to do it ourselves, with a simple plan that saves us time and stress and does very well long term. It also makes retirement easier to manage, as well as for your estate.
Use the Wiki, or browse posts that look interesting. It does lean conservative (financially) on home purchases. Some of that is from experience of bad economic cycles and ageism and “life happens”.
It is unique in that it’s probably the only place on the internet where no one is making money, to get quality information on managing your financial life. The moderators do a great job and it’s civil.
There are the books, the website and forums, they have an annual meeting, and uploaded videos from their annual meetings.
I scroll a lot but I’m trying not to doom scroll. I’m laid up with a “stay off your foot as much as you can” injury and looking for more accounts to follow on instagram.
Currently I find watching British ladies do their makeup and skincare. (Sam and Nic Chapman, Sali Hughes, Hannah Martin etc).
Any other accounts you recommend?
Honestly, I’d get off Insta and read books. Or if you really need to be on Insta, I like the cake and cookie decorating accounts for soothing videos.
+1
+2, I don’t see how adding insta accounts to your list helps avoid doom scrolling
Doom scrolling is like reading about the US descent into fascism and then clicking links and reading more and more articles about it.
I’ve done plenty of that.
Scrolling doesn’t have to be doom scrolling. I’d like to replace that content with more positive/lighter content.
I also like watching people’s pet videos. Things like that.
That’s not what I asked for. I also have books. But thanks for the judgment!
The fact that you’re receiving it as judgment means you know it’s true. Hugs n Kisses!
Jeez, everybody is in a seriously bitchy mood today.
Agree @2:42!
Agree with 2:42. Seriously.
I like people playing with and animating miniatures a lot
And American Girl Dolls and Barbies
Oh my daughter used to be so into those American Doll videos! I think they were on YouTube. I had forgotten all about them!
SylvanianDrama is a fun one.
I like houseplant, cooking, and embroidery (I am starting to learn) accounts. I also somehow started following this lady on a bicycle journey from the border of Texas and Mexico all the way to Colombia. Then she flew to Mongolia and is sharing what life is like with as she stays with one of the indigenous women in an isolated part near Russia. Anyway, I don’t even know how she came across my page but I’ve enjoyed her journey lol.
I would love the names of some of these accounts! They sound peaceful, which is what I’m looking for right now.
I deleted my instagram, but before I did I loved mudlarking accounts (where people search for lost treasures (pottery shards, buttons, sometimes jewelry) in the mud near bodies of water, thrift store finds, metal detectoring. Stuff like that.
I’ve never heard of mudlarking. Thank you!
Do you like any type of art at all? There are quite a few artists on insta that do videos of their painting processes, and I find it really interesting
Yes, I like fiber arts. That’s a good reminder that I should seek out more content of that nature. I hadn’t thought of fine art like painting but if you’d like to share a name of an account, I will definitely check it out!
Forza43 (paint coach) or watercolou_planet are ones I like. Greatpaintingsexplained doesn’t have video, but is neat.
Or sarahdeanarts if you like western themed art
Some random suggestions:
Alaska Sea Life Center
Jackson’s Art Supplies
Tiny.Party.Hat
Farrow and Ball
Sandwiches of History (trust me)
Mountain Rug Cleaning (also trust me)
I already follow Sandwiches of History! You’re on the right track haha!
Ohh just went to Mountain Rug Cleaning. So satisfying.
Not necessarily an account, but Ramadan cats and the Latvian response to their Oscars (Apsveicam!) are both adorable.
I seriously had not seen any of that. The cats are particularly cute. Thanks for the uplifting content!
I love the opera singer Joyce DiDonato’s videos. She did a series on a song cycle she was performing, one on warm-ups, one on when to follow and when to break the rules of Baroque ornamentation. I have also been watching her masterclasses on YouTube. Perhaps less interesting to non-singers, but I find it all fascinating.
I checked her out and her first pinned post has her performing with Renee Fleming – sold!
Callie Coles.
Just followed and see that three of my IRL friends already follow!
If you like fiber arts, I recommend Marion’s world on youtube. She’s a lovely and amazingly creative lady who does quiet and peaceful videos of embroidery, sewing, occasional baking and crochet.
Nicki Positano is a great YouTube account about a middle aged women and her husband who live in Positano/Tuscany.
Oh also Cecilia Blomdahl’s channel about her live on Svalbard!
How likely is it that Trump and Republicans will cut Medicaid funding? I know that there is no way to meet GOP’s budget goals without reducing Medicaid spending, but making any changes to it would be wildly unpopular with Trump’s base, right? I am a state employee working for Medicaid, and any reduction in federal funding would mean that many people will lose their Medicaid coverage. It would also likely mean that there will be a reduction in administrative positions like mine. I watched my friends with federal jobs lose their careers overnight, and now I am realizing as a state employee I am not immune to layoffs under this administration.
Honestly I think no one knows. But my personal most-likely guess, is he finds a way to cut it in blue states but not in red/purple states
I’m still trying to wrap my head around what’s happening with Maine SSA uniquely right now.
Reportedly, there was a reversal of the new onerous in-person policies in Maine. But the fact that the regional or state director was able to make a bone-headed change so easily is troubling.
More likely than Medicare.
I suspect strongly that they will massively roll-back the post-Covid expansion. Although it will hurt their voters, that does not seem to be a major factor in the decision process (if you can call it that). And according to a NYT article, of the 10 congressional districts with the highest share of residents enrolled in Medicaid, nine are held by Democratic legislators so cutting Medicaid arguably has the added benefit (to them) of hurting Democrats more than Republicans.
And the added benefit of hurting POC. So “pro-life.”
I think the likelihood is extremely high.
I feel so sorry for you and many of the people who will lose coverage. But then I read articles like the profile of a deep red Texas town in WSJ this week and I feel like burning it all down. The typical “I use SNAP and Medicaid but I want THOSE OTHER handouts cut for THOSE OTHER people” story. Like, lady YOU are the welfare case! Those ARE the handouts!
Seriously. I’m convinced that Trump voters feeling the pain personally is the only way we are going to turn this around, but it’s going to be ugly for a good long while.
I’m sure they’ll find a way to blame Obama.
My guess is they stop the Medicaid support in favor of block grants, and try to toss Veterans and those on Medicare into those dreadful Medicare Advantage insurance products. I dearly hope they don’t succeed.
I am in Tennessee– a lot of the proposed cuts are similar to what Tennessee has already done. TN never expanded Medicaid. Tennessee Medicaid or “TennCare” pretty much only covers pregnant women, low income women and their children, and low income individuals requiring care in nursing homes (TennCare essentially takes all of their assets and then pays the rest of the balance to the nursing home). Most other states have higher income requirements than we do and do not require as much documentation or recertification. TN requires a lot of documentation for individuals to stay on Tenncare, so people mess it up all the time, and they have to recertify every year, etc. Tennessee also has been trying to have a block grant for their program for years.
The general consensus is that most of the cuts will not apply to nursing home coverage because it would kill that industry. (Though again, nothing this administration does is logical.)
There’s also still coverage for “medically needy” kids in TN (for now). It will really hurt kids who are being treated for serious medical conditions if it vanishes.
Looking for a lol? Today in honour of National Women’s Day, my org’s HR team sent an email highlighting various online articles available through our Employee Assistance Plan. This is the list, copy and pasted:
• Managing Menopause Toolkit
• Understanding Menopause
• Caregiving While You Work
• Understanding and Managing Postpartum Depression
• Dealing with the Stress of Infertility While Working
• Understanding Breast Cancer and Breast Cancer Treatment Options
• Identifying and Treating Sexual Problems for Women
• Self-care Is a Dream: Make it come true with better sleep
• Taking Care of Yourself
• Five Ways to Simplify Your Life
• Weight Loss Toolkit
• Binge Eating Disorder
• Motherhood and Career: Is it possible to “have it all”?
• Identifying and Treating Sexual Problems for Women
• How Physical and Lifestyle Factors Could Affect a Couple’s Fertility
• Understanding Imposter Syndrome
• Financial Wellbeing Toolkit
• Health Maintenance Guide
• Preventing Skin Cancer
• The benefits of Walking
Thanks org, I feel so supported as a woman now!
This is hilarious. It sucks to be a woman, so here’s how to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps!
+1
LOL irl. Thanks for sharing, wow, that is bleak.
What, no makeup tutorials?
One of my friends runs a company you’ve probably heard from and she’s always being asked to be on the “women’s panel” at industry conferences.
She rolls her eyes at how many times the women on the panel are given a pink bag full of makeup as a thank you gift as they walk off the stage.
As a breast cancer survivor, I would be livid is my workplace tried to sent me to an online article about it. Like why?
This is terrific
Today’s McSweeney’s feature is in a similar vein
*please* in the spirit of fairness, can they roll out a list for the men? Very curious what that would look like. Maybe a bunch of articles on how to achieve professionally?
“Dealing with the stress of ED while working”
“Women who don’t let you talk over them and how to get them demoted”
“Navigating the 21st Century Workplace: No, you Can’t Call your Boss a ‘Broad'”
lol
We just had a webinar offered to us on managing menopause and it seemed so bizarre and out of left field. Now I get it. Happy Women’s month???
What has given you a spark of joy? Yesterday before my barre class another woman showed me video of her bottle feeding baby bunnies whose mother had passed. The videos of the bunnies were so precious and I feel joy every time I think of them. What is an unexpected moment of joy for you lately?
I have a pretty terrible new boss. I came home from the office yesterday and found flowers my out-of-town BFF had delivered to my porch. As I WFH today, I’m really enjoying them on my desk.
Spring weather in the Bay Area. Watching Meghan living her best life and giving me a recipe for a honey lemon raspberry cake I am definitely going to make. The webcam of the Big Bear Bald Eagles – two hatched chicks (so far, #3 looking promising!) Two budding friendships with neighbors I didn’t know before but met walking my new-to-me rescue dog.
Can confirm, 3rd egg hatched!
Enya being played at the Chilis on a saturday night in a college town, in between top 40s and early 2000s classics.
This is my favorite thing of the entire day. Thank you!
The eagles at Big Bear, Jackie and Shadow, have had two of their three eggs hatch, and the third is starting! These are eagle parents who have been together for 15 years or so, and ten years ago they had three eggs that failed to hatch. There’s a live stream and the babies are incredible. Highly recommend.
My college kid came home for spring break, took me for a drive in the sunshine, and I found out she loves The Cranberries.
Let’s talk socks. Fashions have changed since I was folding down my socks awkwardly so they were not visible above my shoe. What are your thoughts on socks? What type of socks with dress pants and a loafer? Shorts and sneakers? Is anyone wearing socks with a dress or skirt and not worried they look like a preschooler?
My thoughts on socks are that if a sock repeatedly slips down under my heel in my shoe I feel murderous rage. Other than that, I like Bombas because they don’t do it. I’m not really wearing socks for fashion, just functionality.
lol such a good description
following but I’m so out of it that I’m still short Bombas – I read somewhere that’s the easiest way to tell if you’re over 30 or not, the height of your socks.
An old BF called those socks that fall down “quitters.” I love that as terminology and always think of the term when it happens.
Haha @quitters. Exactly.
Interesting. Bombas slip under my heel, and I am filled with murderous rage, or I was until I used them as rags for cleaning. I assumed they would slip on everyone and I didn’t give them away because I wouldn’t pass along the problem.
I love my Bombas and they are one of the few socks that do not slip on me.
I am Gen X and I are so grateful we can wear visible socks again! I am particularly happy to wear trouser socks with full length pants because I do not care for the feeling of bare feet in most shoes. I am re-building my collection of subtle patterned socks. That said, I do not care for the look of socks with dresses or skirts, particularly athletic socks all bunched up. I am hoping we can get back to panty hose (tights make me feel like a toddler), but I realize I am probably very much in the minority on that.
Bombas scrunch up inside my shoes, even when I buy them a size down. They are awful.
I’m wearing socks with dresses and skirts! I got some cute pairs from Target or similar and enjoy wearing them. I think it looks fun and not like a preschooler because the rest of my outfit isn’t styled in a childish way.
I’ve ditched the black dress socks, and do checks, stripes, colours, sheer, net etc. in nice fabrics. I wear mesh or fish net socks with dresses.
Can anyone point me to a good resource to figure out how to book flights with credit card points (Chase Sapphire)? Than kyoU!
When you log into Chase there’s a page for travel. You book it through this portal and shortly afterward you receive a confirmation email from the actual airline.
do you mean literally how to, or advice on making the most of your points? For the latter, The Points Guy.
I transfer the Chase points to my preferred airline and book through the airline.
I had zero idea this was an option. Thank you!
I got tenure!
Mazel tov!
Congratulations!!!
Congrats!!!
Congrats!
Yay! Congratulations!
woohoo!
OMG go you! Wish I could post that with a confetti screen like you can a text! Celebrate YOU this weekend!!!
Congrats!!
Congratulations!
Congratulations! You rock!
Amazing! Congratulations
speaking of makeup tutorials – what are we seeing for makeup trends right now? I am still doing the same thing as 2020 w/ an allover laura mercier caviar stick, mascara, concealer, lipstick, and maybe some blush if I remember (rare). What’s a newer look or people I should follow? Bonus if they are not 20. ;)
Lisa Eldridge
I think a bronzer in a good shade for your skin (hard to find for those on the very pale or very dark side) has become a must-do.
This reminds me of the “Republican makeup” tik tok I saw. Outlining the upper and lower lid with black eyeliner was also a thing. The “Republican makeup makeover” — changing the look from that to using a lighter shade of foundation, lighter eyeliner on upper lid only and natural eye shadow was a revelation. It’s on Buzzfeed if anyone’s interested.
Haha I know which videos you mean! That’s the opposite kind of makeup influencer I’m looking for :)
For anyone curious about what I meant by bronzer, check out @samchapman IG from February 26. The Makeup by Mario bronzer she applies is perfection. It’s not bronzey at all, just face-shaping. I love the whole look she did for this one – very natural, but enhanced, and not overly made up.
I’m the person from way above who finds watching makeup videos soothing, BTW. This is an example of why I find the British ladies doing makeup reels so much more satisfying than American influencers, who all seem to be fake lashes, fake lips, dark contour, and tons of highlighter.
What are we doing with our no-button long cardigans (J Crew Juliette sweater-blazer; a similar merino one from MMLF that has a waist tie and lapels)? I feel that they are so easy to throw on but they worked well as a Zoom look but it’s a lot of volume with 2025 wide pants and also a lot of fabric to wear over a dress. Fold away for a while? Wear as a jacket? I feel like I am reaching for a Lady Jacket more and more and I swear that I only wear these to hide that some pants have gotten snug.
Keeping them in our offices for when we get cold! Or maybe that’s just me.
Same! The Juliette is a perfect office sweater.
I just consigned mine.
Adding, I have learned my lesson that every time I store clothes “for when they come back in style,” (1) it’s never quite the same proportions, (2) I’m never quite the same proportions, and so (3) might as well pocket some cash while other people still want to buy the semi-current version.
What do you think the going rate is on consigning these?
The % you get (vs. the store) will vary by store obviously – I’m guessing I’ll probably net $25 per. Better than ThredUp…
Am I the only one disturbed by the prevalence of AI around us? I really don’t think it’s a benefit to have AI summarize my doctor’s visits or to prepare initial drafts of workplace policies. Sure there is some time savings to be gained but to what end – fill that time with more work? Add to that the enormous energy consumption, and I don’t understand why ordinary people are embracing AI. If any likeminded people have ideas on how to push back, I’m open to suggestions.
I just don’t use AI.
same
You don’t have to actively go to Chat GPT to passively be using AI. It’s hard to turn off. Do you Google? Do you have email?
I hate it. I push back strongly on its use in my office.
Agree. I dont actively used AI, and refused to consent to the use of AI for my doctor’s visit. But more and more it seems embedded in the things we do. And refusing to use it in the workplace makes it seem like I’m a ludite.
My workplace is pushing it, and the way I’ve encouraged my team to think about it is:
– A series of experiments: test out our corporate AI tools and keep your own notes on what stuff they were genuinely useful for vs not — and we share and discuss these in team meetings, INCLUDING cases where it didn’t work/was worse than human effort/falsehoods
– Like any good experiment, decide how you’re going to evaluate the results /ahead/ of time, before you see them (otherwise it’s to easy to see something that “looks nice” and let your brain skip evaluating it critically)
– In the experimental phase, strongly encourage people to do their own attempt first, and then compare to the tool’s (for stuff like generating initial designs, or brainstorming ideas). Your brain anchors on what it’s already seen; so don’t bias your results towards generating the same stuff as the AI tool did
Nope, not the only one. I hate it and wish I could turn off the AI features on social media and search engines. It’s also a huge use of energy, so really bad for the environment. A prompt to an AI engine uses about 10 times as much energy as putting the same prompt into a regular search engine. If you’re at all worried about climate change and the environment you shouldn’t use AI.
Whenever doctors ask if I consent to have AI record and summarize our conversation, I say no. It’s not that I think it won’t do an OK job summarizing, but that I don’t want my very private medical information shared with some obnoxious start-up that almost certainly won’t protect it.
Oh I just said yes to that last week! Fortunately it was a pretty routine visit with nothing terribly personal/sensitive. I was just thinking this tech is going to eliminate all of those scribe jobs med students take for a year when they didn’t match for a residency!
I truly do not understand the hype about AI. It is always wrong. My husband asked it to recommend a restaurant within walking distance of a theater, and it came up with one ten miles away that was permanently closed. The AI summaries of my e-mail often have wrong times and dates, and once it called a meeting a “fitness session.” The Google AI summaries of topics in my area of expertise frequently contain errors. I don’t know how anyone trusts it.
I’m not an AI fan but asking it to recommend a restaurant is the wrong use case. That’s exactly what Yelp was designed for. AI isn’t very up to date since it was trained on data that’s a few years old. There’s no way it can have current information about restaurants.
It is also actively making people more dumb. I have a colleague who is using AI to help them “learn” about a topic we have been assigned to work on together. I am a SME and they are be to the field, and their use of AI has made it clear they have no idea how to do basic research or verify results for accuracy and trustworthiness. When I ask them what they understand about a step in the process, they pull up their AI notes and rattle it off as though it’s a source of truth that they wouldn’t dream of questioning. It’s so far off so much of the time, they are biased because they read it first, and it takes me longer to teach them the correct information because of this. I have told them they need to check the sources it provides and evaluate whether they are really authoritative or just some random (or fake) page, but they stare at me like they don’t speak the same language any more. I’m at the point where I am going to request their access to the AI tools be blocked since they can’t use them responsibly.
I have an American Airlines credit card. I have Gold status (boarding group 4; you get 5 with the card automatically). Has anyone paid up $669/year for Sapphire status? It’s boarding group 3, but also applies to up to 8 travel companions. We are about to embark on college touring / attending, so maaaaybe this would be helpful? IDK. We are locked into American from my SEUS hub city in Charlotte.
I’d sooner spend that money on the Executive World Elite AA card so you get Admirals Club access.
I wouldn’t pay $700 just to board earlier. Are there other benefits?
I didn’t know you can buy oneworld sapphire status (at least I assume that’s what the OP is talking about) but the main benefit of that would be lounge access to partner lounges OUTSIDE the US. It doesn’t get you AA club access for domestic flights.
AA does buy up offers if you’re close to the threshold. I assume she was offered to buy AA Platinum which comes with OW Sapphire.
ohhh that makes sense. Yeah the only benefit there is I think getting free Main Cabin Extra seats at purchase… might as well buy the “good” AA credit card instead.
If you use the card a lot you’ll rack up points quickly. I have Platinum Pro status (group 2 boarding, OneWorld Emerald) based mostly on card spend. I do fly a lot but the way the rewards program is structured most of points come from credit card spend.
I would not buy status. I would be more inclined to a get card with Admirals Club access as someone else suggested, or buying main cabin extra seats.
Thanks all — I will investigate. From coming to a screeching halt in COVID, it looks like we will now have a travel-heavy life at work and for family.
One question: work mandates that we use the crappy with Amex card. So half of my travel won’t be card related, just tied to my frequent flier #. Does that make a difference?
Your cardholder benefits apply (free good seats, club access) even if the travel wasn’t booked with that card. But the Amex spend won’t help you get the AA status boost from your affiliated card spend, obviously.
Going to Nepal for the first time in a month!!
I will spend a few days in Kathmandu and from there almost two weeks on a trek staying at Local Homestays. I would appreciate any advice regarding the country and especially on the trek, although I am an experienced hiker, it will be the first time I will be at five thousand meters!
It’s been 10 years since I trekked in Nepal. Get a prescription for diamox before you go, and take it. It will prevent altitude sickness. My husband and I live at sea level and are of average fitness; we completed our 8 day high altitude trek while the marathon-running guy who started with us had to tap out after two days, due to violent altitude sickness. You probably already know not to eat any meat once you’re on your trek; refrigeration just isn’t reliable. Also, Nepal is a more modest culture than I expected. You won’t see sundresses or short skirts. Have the best time, it’s a truly remarkable place with the loveliest people and culture I have ever experienced!
Thanks!!
what does the phrase “blue MAGA” mean to you? A friend and I are in disagreement.
– I say it’s the conspiracy theorist crowd like Sarah Kendzior and Mueller, She Wrote
– my friend says it’s the “vote blue no matter who” crowd that only shows up every 4 years and doesn’t offer more. she used it to reference that list of democratic senators who censured Al Green.
– something else?
This is the first I’m ever hearing it.
I’ve never heard it before
I’ve never heard it before either.
I think it means MAGA makes you sing the blues about Al Green but you’re not red-pilled
That said, this is my first time hearing this phrase
I am politically involved and have never heard this phrase before, and I don’t like it
Sounds like Police officer MAGA to me
I have never heard this phrase before and I’m generally well informed. I also have bones to pick with both of your examples.
Admittedly I’m less familiar with Sarah Kendzior’s work, but Mueller, She Wrote is not a conspiracy theorist. What made you define her as such? Being openly critical of the administration’s illegal activity does not a conspiracy theorist make.
I don’t see what’s wrong with the “vote blue no matter who” crowd that shows up every 4 years and doesn’t offer more. Would more people being more engaged be graet? Sure. But most voters are 4 years and no more people and that’s okay. Not everyone has the desire, inclination, time, or ability to do more and that’s fine. It’s offputting to those people to suggest that they’re not doing enough – we need their votes idc how we get them.
I also don’t see the connection you’re making between the aforementioned crowd and the members of the house who voted to censure Rep. Green? Along with that, it was congressmen and congresswomen who voted to censure Rep. Al Green, not senators. Rep. Green is a member of congress, not the senate. Senators do not censure members of the house and vice versa.
I included Mueller, She Wrote b/c she was included when I first saw the phrase defined – I also follow her (and Kendzior) and honestly think that they’re right most of the time. I guess I’d include Seth Abramson in the list? When I first saw the phrase I think it was being used to separate the alarmists re Project 2025 and the death of American democracy and third term Trump vs the Dems like Schumer and Harris who are like welp that’s politics, we’ll get ’em next time!
With the people voting to censure Al Green – I totally agree that they’re not even the same crowd as the “vote blue no matter who” crowd but my friend was making that connection. (My friend is super liberal and also had made rumbles about how she wouldn’t vote for KH until she had a better Palestine stance — and she’s in PA! — and then made some hilarious post on FB about “don’t any of my friends DARE come for people who exercised their right to a protest vote against Kamala Harris/Palestine!”
(I say hilarious in that crying-but-laughing way because those f-wads paved the way for Trump Gaza Resort.)
Please be less online.
Is alarmist still the right word for people who correctly predicted what we’d be dealing with re. Project 2025?
was thinking the same thing…
Yeah … https://www.project2025.observer/
I’ve never heard of it. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s the wing of “all capitalism is violence” liberals
I think it’s actually the opposite. I’ve only seen it used for the hardcore loyalists of whoever the party puts forward. Pelosi can do no wrong, Biden is fully capable, Hillary ran a great campaign, etc.
I most recently came across the phrase in a piece on Lindy Li where it seemed to mean party loyalist (in appearance, as it turned out).
I hear it used to reference Dem voters who are unwilling to criticize Dems (e.g., Palestine/Israel policy)
I’m a lobbyist and have to read over 50 political newsletters a day to produce my own newsletter about the latest happenings in industry I lobby in. I’ve never heard this term.
Yes this is a stop trying to make fetch a thing for me.
It just means the crazy people on the left. It cannot mean party loyalists because dems inherently love nothing more than to turn on other dems.
This seems made up to drive division within a voting bloc. I wouldn’t put much more thought into it.
Bernie bros?
During COVID, I became a full-time telecommuter and gained 25 pounds. Professionally and financially, I’ve done quite well during this time, but with another step up at work, I need to “come back to life” as I will be much more visible and on-site. I feel like I’m starting from scratch and need to revisit everything – shoes, handbags, suiting, hair, makeup, everything. I’ll also be focusing more on regaining my previous physical fitness but that takes longer than next day shipping. Think extreme Anne Hathaway makeover movie but as a 40 year old. I need to be ready within 3 months for executive visibility.
Where would you start?
I’d work on hair and makeup this weekend, and then start browsing for outfits. I’d start with diet and fitness changes this weekend as well. I wouldn’t buy a lot until closer to the your 3 month mark in case some of the fitness/diet changes kick in.
I’d focus on your health — I feel like that’s never the wrong answer. I do a lot of walking when I commute, so I’d take a lot of walks and exercise. Also, while you’re still at home cooking healthy meals is easier with the proximity of your kitchen & time saved walking.
If you might lose weight, maybe shop for clothes towards the end of your prep window though I wouldn’t wait too long in case of returns and exchanges, etc. But perhaps start with bags, shoes and makeup. Then a fresh haircut before you begin (unless you need time to practice/get used to a new style).
Would love to hear from others on what looks current for makeup as I haven’t been wearing any, but thinking of making the move towards it with tinted moisturizer, a pale neutral eyeshadow and a pink lip. Don’t know if that’s youthful/on trend but I think it is?
I am not sure what is current, but eyeshadow and lipstick are not products that I use because they feel like a Level 2 makeup. I pay attention to my skin, and then do eyeliner and mascara, and sometimes if I have time, I do my brows too. This is my everyday lewk.
You should visit a Trish McEvoy counter. They do levels like you describe. If you’re a level 1, they will get it.
What makeup gives you the biggest boost varies by person. My level 1 (errands around town etc) is concealer, brow gel, and blush. For a normal work day I add foundation, mascara, and cream shadow (one color). For a Big Day I add highlighter, more shadow colors, and lip products beyond Chapstick.
This is a super fun question! I agree I’d do hair, makeup, and some fun accessories like a new laptop bag, purse, whatever, just because I can, now. Then I’d go through my closet and pull everything that doesn’t currently fit. I’d probably pack it away, although it would be better to toss it because I bet it’s not in style anymore, but that would be really hard for me. So I’d pack it away. Then I’d make a purchasing plan, and perhaps work with a Nordstrom stylist because I love doing that.
Did you see the morning post on this! Lots of shopping leads there.
If you are anticipating losing weight in the near future
, you can try renting temporarily through a service like Armoire or Nuuly. I’ve also found these helpful when trying to “figure out your style” because you are able to try out trends without committing to owning the pieces.
I’m of the opinion that drastic changes don’t stick. I’d concentrate on updated and upgraded versions of the things you already gravitate towards. Stick with the silhouettes, colors and materials that you like and just make sure they fit well and feel good. Think: gorgeous flats rather than trying to become a heels person. Treat yourself to an updated handbag in a shape and size you know works for you. Get a good hair cut and gloss or color. Makeup is great but I think if you’re not a makeup person you could spend a lot of time and money on stuff you never use. I’m not doing more than tinted moisturizer blush powder lashify lashes and nude lipstick. Brows (laminated works for me) Botox ( feel free to opt out of this one but I like it) and quality skincare are better for me at this life stage. Congratulations on your success!
would a glp-1 medication be appropriate for you? It would get you to your weight loss goals and fitness goals more quickly. You are tackling a lot!
Add to the list of things to talk about before you get married (money, kids, visiting family) – the circumstances under which you would end a pregnancy.
One of my friends was supposed to be getting married this summer. She got pregnant and although she wants kids, she wanted to wait until after she has been married a few years. Her fiancé asked if there was anything that would change her mind, but when she said no, he drove her to the appointment, waited for her and drove her home.. After a few weeks, he asked if she was completely recovered and, when she said yes, he broke up with her. She was completely blindsided. He is politically liberal and pro-choice, but apparently that did not extend to this situation.
She is devastated. I am a bit torn because I see this as being like wanting to have children; there is no right or wrong but it is important to agree. So everyone contemplating marriage – add it to the list.
This actually seems like the best possible outcome in the situation. He was kind and supportive and then didn’t marry her because they were not compatible, so they weren’t stuck in a bad marriage.
+1 I don’t think either party did anything wrong.
+1. If this is all the pertinent details (loving, committed relationship, healthy mom and fetus, just the timing isn’t quite right), I personally would not have made the choice your friend did, and I don’t think I could be married to someone who did. It was best they both found this out before marriage.
+1 He clearly wanted to continue the pregnancy (asking if there was any way to change her mind). I can see how feels like a huge betrayal to then end it, just for convenience. Perhaps he could have been more clear that this was a dealbreaker upfront, though…unless he didn’t realize it himself until later
I agree.
How was he supposed to know that she would make the choice she made so he could warn her in advance of his feelings about it? How was he even supposed to know how he’d feel in this situation? When people think about their views on choice in the abstract they are usually thinking about a much different scenario. I am as pro-choice as it gets but I would not have made the decision she made, and in this man’s shoes I would have left as well. They supposedly wanted a child but she chose not to have one? As the man, I would take that as a sign that she really did not have the same goals and commitment to the relationship that I had, and I would end it for the good of both partners.
I mean, I don’t blame him! He gets to want to have the child and resent the decision not to. He did everything right by supporting her decision, but he doesn’t have to stick around afterwards.
wow. I guess best to find out before the wedding, not only that you are on the same page, but that your partner would leave you over this.
I think the man is the one who dodged a bullet here by finding out who she really was before they were married. These types of stories feed into the anti-choice narrative about selfish women.
When you say that he dodged the bullet, it kinda sounds like you are buying the anti-choice narrative yourself.
This is awful for your friend and I have so much sympathy for her but I can see how this might fall into a gray area. Agreeing that you’d terminate if you were just dating, you can’t afford or can’t handle more kids than you already have, or you learned during a planned pregnancy there are birth defects that’s one thing. But when you’re going to be married within a few months and the only reason is “I’d rather enjoy being married for a while”…I can see how he has some feelings about the situation. I’m not saying he handled this perfectly but maybe he thought it would be worse to give her an ultimatum and manipulate her into continuing a pregnancy she didn’t want. As someone who’s currently engaged I’m not sure what I would do in her situation. But I know my feelings would be more complex than they were pre engagement. Absolutely support your friend but I don’t know whether a conversation while dating could’ve prevented this.
It sounds to me like he handled it about as perfectly as such a situation could be handled.
you can want and support the right to choose generally and still be heartbroken over such a choice on a personal level.
If he’d said “I can’t stay with you if you choose to terminate” would that have been better or worse?
exactly this. I support your friend’s right to make the decision she did, but I also understand the ex-fiance realizing that he was incompatible with the person making that choice. I agree he handled it just about as well as he could have.
Completely agree. I don’t have kids, won’t have kids, and would have had an abortion without a second thought if I ever got pregnant, but it still gives me a bit of a pause when someone gets one simply because they want to wait a few years, at least when the other parent wants the child. I strongly support the right of the potential mother to make this decision and it was fair that the father didn’t pressure her, but I don’t blame him at all for realizing that he couldn’t spend the rest of his life with her after that. That seems to be a fundamental incompatibility that would be impossible to reconcile.
Exactly.
This is a gray area and I confess I’m having a hard time with it. I feel the future husband handled it well. I miscarried before I needed a “lifestyle abortion,” but I would have gone through with the abortion if necessary – I was an older 3L, about to ask my husband for a divorce, and about to take the bar and move to a new state. But on the cusp of a marriage in which children are wanted? And the reason for the abortion is just wanting to wait? (Were there deeper feelings, like being scared/unsure? Or career factors?) And it’s a healthy baby? A woman’s body is her choice, but count this as one of those times when I support your right to make the decision, but it’s not a decision I would have made.
See, to me, your situation so very different from the sort of lifestyle abortion the OP’s friend had, because you knew you did not want to stay with the father.
OP’s friend was still planning to get married, but thought her carefree newlywed lifestyle was more important than the potential baby. She thought it was so important that nothing her fiance said could have changed her mind, which would be a red flag to me about future large, joint, decisions. And she was asking her fiance to, for the rest of their lives, look at her and know she had made this decision and also be OK with it. Good for him for knowing himself well enough to know he could not be, and to get out now instead of carrying that resentment and hurling the termination in her face in some future argument. It is her body and her choice, but choices have consequences. It’s really sad that she made that choice in order to have those years alone with her husband, and those were also taken from her, but better a broken engagement than resentment in the marriage.
+1000
And if she didn’t know her fiancé well enough, they didn’t discuss it enough, or she wasn’t thoughtful enough to see how this could go (“blindsided,” really?), they both dodged a bullet.
I don’t know how he could have been more pro-choice here.
Right??
Agree that it’s important to discuss. But also when I had an abortion then broke up with my fiancé, it was because I realized this was not a person I wanted to have a baby with. Even if beliefs theoretically align, reality hits hard.
It’s great to talk about these kinds of things, but I don’t think anyone really, truly knows that they want to do until they are in that situation. My husband is quite politically liberal and very pro-choice, but he’s also one of those guys that was like, “wow! that’s a heartbeat on the little baby!” whereas I’m the pregnant lady who was like, “is it a brine shrimp?” at the first ultrasound. FWIW, I’ve rarely met a youngish guy who gets less conservative with age, so it’s probably for the best that they break up before she’s trapped on Ballerina Farm without the rich in-laws.
Ehh, I don’t think this guy’s decision can lead us to believe he’ll end up like that.
That’s an extreme example, I agree. But this also might be the guy who divorces his wife when she decides to terminate for fetal anomalies and they already have a preschooler.
Yes, this clearly was a wanted pregnancy on his end (even if unplanned). Many of us know how heartbreaking it is when a wanted pregnancy ends unexpectedly and not on our terms. And that’s with a natural miscarriage, not intentionally ended by the person you love.
(She was allowed to do what she did, and he is allowed to feel what he feels)
+1. What I thought I would do in that situation was very different from what I actually did.
+1 I always thought I’d brook with getting an abortion, and I do support others having a choice. However, when I was actually pregnant, I could never have ended it intentionally.
Why is she devastated? Sincere question. Obviously she isn’t that in love with the guy if she’s aborting his baby right before the wedding and ignoring his own feelings about the kid. Was he a prop in her picture-perfect life?
I’m so sorry for your friend. That must have been such a gut punch at a hard time.
It’s possible to want children without simultaneously being willing to unnecessarily sacrifice all the other important parts of your life. A lot of responses here are seriously underestimating how much of a difference waiting a few years can make. Entering pregnancy and having a child without a solid work arrangement, financial plans, and childcare plans can result in YEARS of undue stress, and significantly worse financial outcomes. The detrimental impacts are also way more significant on women than men.
Waiting a few years can also mean missing the chance in terms of health and fertility, which is more of a risk for women than for men. There are all kinds of considerations.
Nobody is saying any of those things. You and OP are acting like the fiancé didn’t get to have any of his own feelings about the situation.
I do not really think that is a fair characterization of the OP’s post (although perhaps of the fiancee’s reaction). She acknowledges that this is not a matter of who is right and who is wrong but of the need to align.
And I agree that the circumstances under which you would terminate a pregnancy is worth talking about, even if obviously people’s minds might always be changed when actually faced with the choice – but then that is the case for talking about having kids at all.
This is true, and if the OP had said that they were planning on getting married this summer before my friend starts her medical residency, or they’re still in college, or they both just lost their jobs, or they are about to leave for Cambodia for the Peace Corps, or literally almost anything besides “she wanted to wait until after she’d been married a few years,” I think people would have had a different reaction.
Being pro-choice does not mean you have to agree with every choice. You can support the right to choose without thinking it was the correct decision in a particular situation, especially if it’s your own child in a committed relationship.
The comments are a lot more conservative than I would have expected from supposedly educated women. I’m so sorry for your friend that must have been heart breaking to realize that it was all fake support and have everything ripped out from under her.
I’m one of the people who said that I don’t have kids and would almost certainly have an abortion I ever get pregnant (unlikely at this point). But I’ve also been happily married for 15 years and feel strongly that an important part of a marriage is taking both partners’ views into account. We’ve always been pretty sure we didn’t want kids, but if I did get pregnant and my husband suddenly decided that he wanted that baby, I would really think hard before having an abortion and be open to a lot of discussion about why he felt that way. The decision should ultimately be mine, as I would bear the burden of the pregnancy, but especially in the context of a couple that does want kids, I think his feelings should really matter and shouldn’t be dismissed as casually as seems to have happened here. Regardless of your feelings about abortion, I wouldn’t want to marry someone who made life changing decisions about our family without considering my opinion.
pro choice isn’t pro abortion maybe? He doesn’t get to force her to make a different choice, but he gets to have strong feelings. It’s really heartbreaking obviously.
Exactly. I don’t think anyone here is saying she should have been forced to continue the pregnancy. I don’t believe an embryo is a person with an equal right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness as the woman carrying it, but it’s not nothing. There are many reasons I would be supportive of a choice to terminate, but this story had none of them.
Being pro-choice means I accept that some people are going to choose abortion for reasons I think are frivolous, because that’s what’s necessary to protect women faced with truly hard situations. However, I would never marry someone who chose to abort what could have been my child for reasons I thought were frivolous, knowing that I wanted the child (or not asking or caring whether I did).
Educated, mature women understand that nothing is black and white.
I hope he was more clear than just asking her if anything would change her mind. I can be dense and I would interpret that as someone talking me through my decision, like would you regret this if it were the only time you were pregnant, if you had infertility in the future, if whatever you think will make you ready in a few years doesn’t happen. I wouldn’t interpret that as, “is there anything I can do that would make you want to continue the pregnancy, because I want you to want to do so.” That said, as an unwanted, mistimed child I’m glad she didn’t convince herself having a baby now wouldn’t be too bad.
I also worried if he was so hesitant to put pressure on the decision that he never fully communicated? But I realize I’m also getting this story at several steps of remove.
honestly, if this couple was unable to communicate effectively about such an important topic, they weren’t ready to be married anyway.
Also, I’m so sorry you felt unwanted and mistimed.
He failed to communicate in a huge way. I feel bad for OP’s friend. To think you were truly supported in such an important decision and then finding out you’re very much not? I don’t know how you’d trust again.
Oh man – that news about Gene Hackman and Betsy Arakawa is just so sad. (Although I am a bit relived there was no foul play involved.)
Wow – very sad. Sounds like she passed first from hantavirus infection (in her 60’s) and he must have had severe Alzheimer’s that kept him from contacting anyone/asking for help? Then he died 1 week later from a cardiac cause. I’m just so startled that someone that wealthy with advanced Alzheimer’s wasn’t having regular visits to the home (caregivers, housekeeper etc..) and family/friends checking in. Or even the postman noticing no one was picking up the mail.
It just seems sort of…odd that she was on the bathroom floor for a week and he didn’t notice? Is it possible to have that bad of Alzheimer’s yet still be living independently in your home? Also would there not have been a point at which she felt ill and realized she needed to go to the hospital, and could have called 911? These are all honest questions, I’m not trying to be a conspiracy theorist or whatever. It’s just when I read the NYT article today, it struck me that these actually very strange circumstances were presented in such a welp-nothing-to-see-here manner. Terribly sad, and I also feel for the poor dog stuck in its crate.
Yes, it’s possible. And it’s also possible she provided caregiving like giving him meds, which he then didn’t take for a week after she died.
Tragically, yes, it is entirely possible for someone with advanced dementia to think their spouse is sleeping or has tripped when they are actually dead. They lack the ability to process and they forget from one hour to the next. I suspect that she was doing the bulk of his caregiving and giving him his medication, which is why he died so soon after she did.
With regard to the wife – sounds like she had pretty serious lung involvement from the infection (mentioned on the autopsy), and sometimes it is hard to know when you are older and get infections how fast they can progress. She was in her 60s, and who knows if she had other medical disease that could have caused her to rapidly decline. When you are older and get infections/fever and possibly a pneumonia on top of it, it can also make you a little confused so she might not have been making the best decisions.
Sadly, as the caregiver of her husband with advanced dementia, she could have already been stretched thin health wise from the stress. It’s sad but I have seen this happen before…. when the younger “healthy” caregiver actually dies first.
Hantavirus also kills quickly and is high mortality rate even in a hospital. I looked this up, but it’s not the kind of thing where you’re severely ill for weeks. You can feel vaguely under the weather until suddenly you can’t breathe and it’s an emergency. So I wonder if it just got bad too fast to seek help? I still feel like being tested for flu, covid, RSV is basics these days, but caregivers probably try to tough it out.
(I meant, it’s not known for being the kind of thing where you get sicker and sicker for weeks before it becomes an emergency. It looked like the first few days of severe symptoms are the highest risk.)
I think in any situation where there are elderly people caregiving for each other, the primary caregiver needs a caregiver. Or just oversight and check-ins. Right after my dad became a widower, I paid for a lot of visits from a housekeeper each week so someone would have eyes on him and know what was normal. She called me one day to say that he didn’t look well at all and that was likely life-saving for him (or avoided him not answering the phone and neighbors with a key finding him either dead or after having suffered alone for some time).
Has anyone taken Cymbalta especially for nerve pain (and the depression that comes with chronic pain). It’s an option my dr floated a couple of weeks ago. I have a follow up next week and seriously, considering taking her up on the suggestion. Would love to hear from people who have taken it and whether or not it helped. My main concern is functioning at work due to possible side effects. But that would be worth it to me if it really helped with the nerve pain.
I know several folks taking it for nerve pain. My cousin loves it. She has autoimmune disease and small fiber neuropathy with that. Her mood was also plummeting, as she had a lot of delay in getting her doctors to believe her symptoms and figure out the cause, and then delay in getting treatment. She tried gabapentin first, which is usually tried first, but had to keep increasing the dose and didn’t like the side effects. She tolerates the Cymbalta wonderfully, and her mood has also improved as a nice side effects. She loves it, and is pain free, which is pretty phenomenal when it comes to chronic pain. She has a super busy active life. In general, people don’t complain of cognitive side effects with Cymbalta compared to other nerve pain medicines. In fact, once your pain is better controlled and sleep improves with pain control, your work performance may improve. Effexor is also a sister medicine to Cymbalta and is popular for this.
I also had a family member taking it for severe nerve pain after a spinal cord injury, in combination with gabapentin. It really helps.
One warning though. NEVER stop it/decrease the dose except under the direction of a doctor. My Mom was taking it for migraines, and she stopped it suddenly because she didn’t think it was helping and it threw her into severe depression. She had to restart and taper it very slowly. She did fine with that. Also, it can interact with some medications, so always check this if you start other medicines. But you should be always doing this as well.
Hope it helps you. Good luck!
Thanks for this – OP
Funny you should ask. I just started it about 8 weeks ago for chronic m1gra1ne (that word makes me go to m0d for some reason)
I had a hard time adjusting to it but I’m acclimated to it now. I went up from 30mg to 40mg recently. I think it lessened the severity of my pain which is why I agreed to the increase, but it didn’t address the root cause (which is who knows what) so I still have pain. But I definitely think it’s worth a shot based on my experience.
Acclimation was a combo of GI effects (more on the not enough bathroom time end of the scale, rather than too much, but I understand it can be either) and feeling spacey/out of it/almost like I was coming down with something. But that lasted only a few days, and the GI stuff is fine now, but I did add in some probiotics.
Thanks for the insight!
Loved the FLOW movie, and we have been watching shows with children baking.
Thanks! I don’t know that movie but will check it out.
I watched Flow last night after reading this. It was so lovely!