Coffee Break: Crystal Quartz Huggie Earrings

48 Comments

1. I’m assuming recycled metal is a no-go for sensitive ears?

   1. No? I wear recycled metal all the time. Its better for the environment and companies and artisans generally know the composition.

   2. It would be helpful if they listed the composition on the website.

2. Question: I read with great interest each day the posts of Ellen Barshefsky (sp?) I have tried to look her up in the New York attorney’s directory, but am coming up empty. Does anyone know the proper spelling of her last name? Or where she lives or works? I really enjoy her commentary and think it would be wonderful to meet her. TIA!

   1. Not trying to be rude, but is this for real?

      Just in case it is, please see: http://ellenwatch.blogspot.com/

   2. We ALL want to meet Ellen.

      1. Actually many of us just want her to go away…

         1. Seconded.

         2. I want both – to meet her (once) in real life and to have her comments go away forever.

         3. Ditto. I tried reporting a comment of hers from 5 different IPs in one day to see if she’d go away but no dice

      2. I would be really happy if ever IP address associated with Ellen was banned

         1. +1

      3. I LOVE Ellen. She is an amazing person and those who want her banned must be very sad people without any sense of humor.

         1. I’m just not an idiot

            1. This just confirms the diagnosis.

         2. Count me in with the “pro-Ellen” camp! I am always surprised to see comments from those who evidently do not like Ellen– as noted, you are always free to scroll down to other posts! Personally, I love Ellen’s bright and cheery outlook on things. As a fellow NYC attorney, she provides a certain degree of humorous insight, and as my dad used to say in referring to other people, “yea, she’s dumb as a fox..” Moreover, its refreshing to read her posts and that she doesn’t hold herself above others (except perhaps some of the men that try to take liberties with her). I can’t recall her ever putting anyone else down. If I were a behavioral psychologist, I’d opine that the OPs that put her down here are themselves lacking in some way, if not jealous, of Ellen’s little girl attitude. I also recall that there was some kind of a poll, perhaps on Ellenwatch, where I think she was given the “thumbs up” by a majority of readers. While I should be working, I find it fascinating that I can recall all these details about the life of one middle-aged female now-Partner at a NYC Workers’ Comp firm, and all of the travails she has had to go through to get to where she is today. So all I can say here now is that Ellen probably drives a lot of web-traffic to this blog, which is good for both the Blog and people like me, who seek out her posts for a short respite from the day-to-day monotony of legal practice, whether in New York, DC, or anywhere else. While it may be a bit much to say that Ellen is my “hero”, she is the topic of lively conversation for me and my law school classmates, who’ve I’ve turned on to her posts. Now I have to get back to work, so please pardon any typos!!! Love ‘ya, Ellen!

   3. Why do folks get so upset over Ellen? Just scroll past her comments if you don’t want to read them.

      1. There are probably multiple people being Ellen and some of them are just not funny. It gets old. And honestly the Ellen posts are just mocking people and the kinds of things people post. I think they’re contrary to the point of this site and they don’t achieve anything.

         1. +1000

3. I started a new job about a month ago and am learning that I severely overestimated it. I thought it would be a great opportunity, but now I feel l have taken a huge step back in my career. I have gone from reporting to a C-level executive to reporting to a very junior manager, and I have zero exposure to more senior people. I am used to running my own programs and committees, but now I typing up other people’s power point presentations. The “peers” on my team are literally twice my age and have no motivation to move forward in their careers. There are some great things – 30% more pay and a huge improvement in work/life balance – but I am really missing the rigor and challenge of my old position. To make it somehow worse, I took this position over two other offers that I now realize would have been much more rigorous. I am spinning with regrets. Does anyone have any advice on how to make the most of this? Focus on non-work? Network like crazy? Sigh…

   1. Is the new company much larger than your old company? If so, you may need to pay some dues to move up, but the experience of working for the big guns could be worth it. When I went from being a superstar at a small organization to a cog in a larger one, it felt like a step back, but I learned what they expected of me and within a few years was a superstar in the new larger organization. And I was able to parlay that status into an even better position in the biggest player in my industry and region.

      Focus on work. A month isn’t long enough for a full assessment.

   2. They say that of time (work/life balance), money, and quality (rigor for you apparently; for me quality would mean doing good things for society), you get to pick two. So you need more rigor in your life if you can’t get it in your job right now. Networking can be rigorous. So can training for a marathon. Or learning to cook. Or joining some kind of industry association. Pick something that sounds challenging and fun to you, and go for it.

4. I have a sibling with cognitive problems that seem to be getting worse. She is not every going to be capable of living on her own. She is mildly functional on her own (can take the bus, can make lunch) but is prone to frequent meltdowns and panic attacks. Someone needs to be available to drop everything and assist. My parents do not appear to have a plan for her when they get too old to care for her and my other siblings are clear that the don’t want to assist. My parents are 70+ and neither one could care for her alone. What should I do? Can I ask my parents if there is a plan? Can I ask if she will be left any money in trust? Is this something that is inappropriate for me to get involved in until asked?

   1. Also – any advice from those of you who offer care or support to a special needs family member would be appreciated. My partner and I both worn 70 hours a week and I don’t know how we could fit her into our lives but I also don’t know how we could not if that makes sense.

   2. Ask now. After something happens to your parents is not the time to realize that there is no plan and your siblings aren’t interested in helping. Be realistic about your own abilities to help out in this situation. An attorney who specializes in special needs trusts will be key in making sure that she can keep any government benefits that she is entitled to. They may also be a resource for finding other supports available in your state. See also your state agency that handles aging/community health/disability.

      1. Do all of this and do it ASAP. Also, if she’s living with your parents, now may be the time to start to transition her living situation while your parents are still around to help/comfort during any changes. Get thee to a social worker stat.

      2. +1 You need a family meeting with an attorney specializing in special needs/estate planning. Actually, + 1,000,000

         1. on the money side, there are Chartered Special Needs Consultants that help with the insurance needs, trust management, etc. see if you can find one in your area to add to your team. i might start with an estate attorney though to act as a quarterback for this situation.

   3. I would not wait to ask — you don’t want to find out that there is no plan only when some kind of disaster strikes. I think it’s reasonable, and maybe even helpful for your parents, for you to bring this up. Tell them you are aware of all they do for your sister, you know she will always need help and you want to talk about her future.

      If they haven’t already, they should be working with a social worker who can help identify all of the services that might be available for your sister, including employment and housing options, and with an attorney who specializes in elder law and/or estate and Medicaid planning for people with disabilities. In a prior career, I was involved in this area; the law has changed a lot since then, and there may be even more limits on what a family can do, but I do know they need to plan carefully to make sure that any funds or property left for her benefit do not simply go to the state or, maybe worse, disqualify her from receiving any benefits that she needs.

      None of this is easy, but you are smart to try to get ahead of any problems, and a good sister and daughter.

   4. Does she have a specific diagnosed condition? Does she currently receive disability benefits? I agree with advice that it might be a good idea to look into transferring her over to a group home while your parents can still help make the transition. Otherwise, if that is a no-go, a serious discussion needs to be had with all siblings as to what Plan A, B and C are.

      As seen from some of the earlier threads this week, the problem is most likely not “what happens when Mom and Dad die and can’t take care of her” – it’s “what happens when Mom and Dad need care of their own or to move out of the family home” or even more difficult “what happens if Mom or Dad fall and wind up in the hospital for a short term stay, who handles Sis day to day for that time?”

   5. I know a family who is going through some of this right now and I can say that you absolutely need to deal with this with your parents now. The sister, in this case, is much how you describe. Frequent meltdowns and panic attacks. Some form of autism is obvious, but there are other issues. Her father passed away several years ago and since then, her care has been spotty. Her mother is very elderly (in her 90s). The father was a doctor who left money for her care and his wife’s care, but the designated brother (a horrible bullying man) embezzled the money. It’s clear, from a recent rehab stay, that she needs a lot of care and attention and actually does better in a nursing home setting. The family is currently looking at assisted living for her. When she was in the nursing home, she had the attention she needed and always looked cared for and calmer. With the family, she is disheveled and constantly on the verge of meltdown.

      So yes, absolutely, discuss this with your parents and pursue all options for your sister now, when your parents can assist with the planning and designate how they want this to go.

   6. Yes to a conversation now, a plan, attorney(s) and financial experts, trust to protect assets, etc.

      If your siblings WON’T help and you can’t, don’t leave this to chance. I would think that your parents may want to leave your sister a larger bequest or even the entirety of their estate if they are not wealthy enough to provide for her for her lifetime. If you and your partner both work 70+ hours a week, I’m assuming that you don’t “need” an inheritance like your sister will “need” an inheritance so maybe you can swing your parents over to that way of thinking. If you have the background, you could be one of the trustees and contribute that way but professional management would be important to have. Good luck!

   7. Ask now, and if siblings aren’t going to help then any money from your parents estate should be put aside for her with an able manager and the correct power of attorney and personal directive (or their American equivalent). This can take time so I’d start the work sooner rather than later.

5. Posted this once before, but wanted to re-post during a more active time – does anyone have any recommendations for Tulum and the surrounding area? My partner and I will be there at the end of July, and we’re pretty active – we’d rather go rock climbing and explore Mayan ruins than sit on the beach. We’ll have a car too.

   Thank you to the hive in advance!

   1. I think it’s about a 5 hour drive, but it’s one of the 7 wonders of the world!

   2. AH! My husband and I went to Tulum 2 summers ago, and it was our favorite vacation! Here’s what we did that I’d recommend:

      Sian Kaan — It’s a biosphere where salt and fresh water mix. We did a half-day tour with a guide (just the two of us plus the guide) who was an actual biologist, and we learned a ton about the plants and animals in the area. We hiked a bit around the area and then rode a boat around. Near the end, we floated down a lagoon and got a closer look at everything.

      Snorkeling — We got a guide through Avatar Tours who took us to a bay in Acumal early in the morning, and we snorkeled with sea turtles while they were feeding. There was a reef nearby that we also snorkeled around. Then the guide took us to a cenote to snorkel there. We went to Pet Cemetery, which we were told by multiple people (not just our guide) is one of the best in the area. So so worth it.

      Monkey sanctuary — We hiked around the Tulum ruins for a couple of hours and then went to a monkey sanctuary where the owners rehabilitate monkeys that were used in circus acts and other entertainment acts. The sanctuary was actually closed the day we went (oops) but they let us in anyway. They showed us the monkeys and told us all about them and then hiked with us all around the property. It was really cool to see some of the caves and other areas they were trying to clean up to open to a broader audience. And one of the sanctuary guides told us Mayan folk tales the whole time. BTW, when we were hiking at the ruins, both of us felt like we were on the surface of the sun because there’s NO shade and it was hot. Very hot. We got there when it opened, and I don’t even think I would have survived if we’d gone in the afternoon.

      To eat — Hartwood was one of my favorite meals of all time ever. Get there early because they run out of food pretty quickly. We were waiting in line when they opened. Some people near the end of the line were not even seated and didn’t get to eat for quite a while because it’s a very slow restaurant, in a good way. Also they only take cash.

      Enjoy it!

      1. Thank you so much! I didn’t know about the monkey sanctuary, but Hartwood and snorkeling are definitely on the agenda.

         1. I read online that the monkey sanctuary is closed. The owner was killed by a camel in the sanctuary-it was a horribly unfortunate situation. I am not joking.

      2. I second these recommendations, especially the biosphere and cenote, and I would add: go spend a couple of mornings snorkeling on your own at Playa Akumal. No need for a guide, although you’ll probably get offers to help you find sea turtles for $25 or so. As soon as you enter the water you’ll find more turtles than you can imagine. They’re so gentle and amazing – as long as no one’s harassing them they just keep eating grass and don’t mind the snorkelers around them. One of the few photos I have up in my workspace is a turtle surfacing, with Akumal Beach out of focus in the background. I’d recommend reef-safe sunscreen if possible, and you can rent a locker at the dive shop just past the parking area. Have a great time!

         1. Thank you! We’ll definitely do that.

   3. Go to the Coba ruins – you can climb on the ruins. You can rent bikes or bike rickshaws. Snorkel in Grand Cenote or Dos Ojos. Do a Sian Kaan Biosphere tour either by boat or 4X4 jeep.

6. What are the guidelines around attorney writing samples? Can I used something I filed? I would obviously redact, but do I have to ask any ones permission if it was solely my work product? Im in the government

   1. If it is a publicly filed document, such as a motion, go ahead and use it. That’s what I do, and IMO, no need to redact something that can be downloaded off the internet by John Q Public.

      1. No the one I am thinking of was filed but is not public. I would def redact I just dont want to have to ask my bosses for obvious reasons

         1. I have never asked for permission to use a document, public or otherwise, as a writing sample. It will not be an issue as long as any identifying information is fully redacted.

         2. Thanks- its my first time applying for a job since law school- just needed a little reassurance

            1. I understand! Good luck with the job search.

            2. Thank you!

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