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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 149 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Cotton Windowpane Lawn Shirt

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Brooks Brothers Cotton Windowpane Lawn Shirt | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. There are a lot of great deals to be had at Brooks Brothers right now, including this lovely “lawn shirt” — it's the perfect white top that isn't a blouse or tee. I like the crispness of it, and think it would look great tucked into a navy suit. I also like it untucked, though; I get a bit of a '50s vibe from it and would wear it untucked with cropped ankle pants and flats. The top is marked down to $32, and is available in sizes 2-12. Brooks Brothers Cotton Windowpane Lawn Shirt Here is one (slightly more casual) alternative that goes up to size 14/16 and another that's available in sizes up to 22/24. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. anonymous

    Does anyone have a recommendation for a good cobbler in the DC area, preferably in VA?

    • L

      Best foot forward in Pentagon City. Not only has he saved shoes for me, but he saved a very expensive purse and redid the lining. I love him.

    • Anonymous

      I had a great experience and Old Town Shoe Repair when I lived in VA:

      824 King St, Alexandria, VA 22314
      (703) 299-0655

      It is a little weird (there are cats that are in the store) but if you have high end shoes, they do an excellent job. My stuart weitzman’s turned out great, and so did the dozens of loubitans and feragammo shoes I saw on the shelves.

  2. Cardi love

    Need to add some new cardigans to my closet. Just curious — what is your most versatile color cardigan? What’s your favorite color cardigan?

    • emeralds

      I’m torn between black, gray, navy, and white. Lots of wild and crazy colors, I know! The only only non-neutral cardi that I wear regularly is a summer-weight pale turquoise one. But all of that is because I have a lot of non-neutral dresses and skirts, so I need my toppers to be more subdued.

    • B

      I’ve just worn out my favorite cardi – it’s kind of a pomegranate color, neither too pink, nor too orange, nor too red. Goes great with all of my basic neutrals, whether grey, beige or black, and works with my complexion. It is a middle-of-the road shape and length with 3/4 sleeves, so basically, it’s seasonless. It’s not great quality though (acrylic from JCP) so I’d like to replace it with an upgraded version – any suggestions?

      Second favorite is a jewel tone purple, because purple makes me happy, plus again it goes with all my neutrals.

      Second most worn out is a white cardigan, because it goes great with summery dresses and gets washed a lot, being worn over sleeveless things in hot temps.

      I guess I’m the opposite of emeralds above: I have a ton of neutral pants/skirts/tops and I use cardigans, jewelry and scarves to add color.

    • HSAL

      I think it depends on the rest of your wardrobe, but I have a light purple one that I wear much more than I ever would have expected. I’m looking for a good olive one – I have a bright green that almost never gets worn.

      • AttiredAttorney

        i’ll second or third the recommendation for purple. Mine is kind of a bright orchid color, and it goes with everything, but looks particularly good as a topper over navy, grey, and khaki.

        • dcdarling

          I have a lilac old J. Crew cardigan that works well in most seasons too. You’ll be surprised how well it coordinates with prints and how versatile it is.

        • Meg Murry

          another +1 for purple – I also have a (moderately) bright orchid. I thought I wouldn’t wear is as much as the dark purple I was replacing, but it actually is even more versitile that the purple since it is light but not too bright. It works with black, grey, camel and navy equally well, in my opinion.

          I think it is this one in “light english violet” but I’m not 100% certain, although I know I didn’t pay anywhere close to full price – it was in the $20-$25 range with coupon codes, etc. http://www.landsend.com/pp/StylePage-411292_AL.html?CM_MERCH=REC-_-_Null-_-GGT-_-4-_-411292

          I also have a grayish-slate blue that I love the color of – it can either be a color to brighten up a black and gray outfit, or a subdued tone to calm down a brighter top.

    • Maddie Ross

      Hands down, dove gray, no button, long sleeve. Goes with black and navy. Tones down red or other brights.

    • Anon

      I wear my light brown/tan/parchment/wheat colored cardigan that I have had for ever and I use it all the time. I tend to wear a lot of black, so it helps to lighten things up without being to summer in the winter or too winter in the summer.

    • Anonymous

      What about stores to purchase cardigans? My collection is looking weak, and Banana’s selection lately (I used to buy the same long cardigan with gold buttons in all available colors) isn’t great.

        • August

          Did you buy anything from there? I somehow reached that site and I am impressed by their collections and the reviews for the pieces that I wanted are great. I would love to know if you liked the quality and the more about the fit.

          • Michelle

            I just ordered today – seemed cheap enough to take the risk. I’ll post a review when I get my order.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        I like Halogen’s 3/4 quarter sleeve ones, available at Nordstrom. I’ve actually never checked if they have the same cardigan in a full-length sleeve.

    • ANP

      Yellow! Probably not unlike olive or purple, it goes with a lot of things without being an obvious neutral.

      • Li

        I love yellow cardis… They seem to match everything. I think a while back Brigitte Raes did a pst on how yellow, green, and metallics can be viewed as neutrals that match everything. I have found this to be true for me– yellow cardigans and purses seem to work with most of my wardrobe.

        Other colours that I wear lots… A pale pinky grey, a stone grey, dark ink blue. After yellow, they are my most worn. Grey has many undertones, and I find a warm, pinky grey or ivory work better than silver grey.

        • Li

          Oh, and I forgot that my coral cardigan, and eggplant (a merino wool one from gap that just retired after five years) surprisingly energize dark blue, and even grey blues…. How can you tell I am a cardigan addict.

          I have about four or five drapery longer cardis from br and gap, as well as the more traditional button cardigans from various locations…I think I have thirty one cardigans…just added a new yellow one.

    • buffybot

      I have an endless collection of beige/oatmeal cardigans, which I find very versatile — they work well with lighter things in the summer and darker things in the winter.

      I am also a sucker for gray.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      My salmon-colored one gets a surprising amount of use. Not too pink, not too orange. Goes well with navy, black, brown, and grey.

    • WJM-TV

      Teal. I wear it with everything, except my teal tops. For me, teal is one of my neutrals basically.

  3. Mpls

    Just beware – lawn tends to be a thinner cotton weave, so this may end up on the sheer-ish side.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday and Brooks Brother’s, but this lawn shirt tend’s to look to much like a smock! It may work for people that are in their first trimester, but NOT for me, at least NOT yet, tho time is running short and I need to find a guy PRONTO dad say’s.

      And if the OP is right about the lawn weave being sheer, FOOEY b/c I do NOT want men stareing at my boobie’s and belly thru the shirt! They can stare attheir OWN beer gut’s–like Sheketovits who has been calling my mom at night moaning about why we are NOT together! FOOEY–does he NOT remember that HE was the drunk and HE was the one soiling my 1000 psi Egyptian Cotton Sheets and that HE was the one vomiting all over my place and that HE was the one having ME do HIS dirty laundry (where he had other accident’s b/c of the alchohol?) TRIPEL FOOEY on SHEKETOVITS!

  4. Mer

    Ladies, any suggestions for healthyish food delivery/basket options in Chicago for a friend who just had a death in the family? Thanks so much!!

    • lsw

      Not in Chicago, but maybe something from Zingerman’s? They deliver and have really, really nice stuff. I’ve sent over the sandwich options for a friend who had a death in her family because it’s an easy and delicious meal.

      • ace

        Pastoral is amazing. Kitchfix is also great if you want to do several individual meals. I’ve heard good things about Johnny Casserole but haven’t tried it.

      • anon-oh-no

        we use Madison & Rayne (also listed in the article) and we love it! Started using it 2 years ago and have been getting a delivery for 2 meals a week ever since (usually Tuesday and Wed. night). The food is great and it makes mealtime during the workweek much easier.

  5. anonymous

    I want to way downsize my life and get rid of all but a few things that aren’t essential. What kinds of thinks would you absolutely keep (or if it’s something necessary like clothes, how much would you keep), and what would you say should definitely go?

    • emeralds

      No one can answer this without having some kind of sense of your interests, hobbies, and priorities.

      • B

        A slightly nicer way of saying this (and I’m sure emeralds didn’t mean it harshly either): try looking around your place and think about what really makes you happy. For instance, books make me happy, but for some people it totally makes sense to get rid of their books and use the library or have ebooks.

        Do you have anything stored in bins that you haven’t looked at in a while? That is another good place to start. Things you’re hanging onto for future projects / hobbies you think you should do, but don’t actually do? I got rid of a lot of stuff when I finally admitted to myself that I don’t scrapbook.

        I went through a forced purge a few years back due to a divorce and it was a really enlightening process. Hopefully you get to do a gentler version :)

        • emeralds

          Didn’t mean that to be harsh if it came across that way, anonymous! Basically I just meant that no one can possibly tell another human what to keep and what to purge, absent any kind of information about what matters to them. Like, cooking is my mom’s first true love. Her kitchen is crammed with every kind of pot, appliance, and gadget that you can imagine. I would never in a million years need all of that stuff, so for me, that would be non-essential stuff that got boxed up to go. On the other hand, her mind is blown by the amount of workout clothing I own. I need my activewear because I work out a lot and don’t want to do laundry three times a week; she needs her souffle dish or boning knife or spring-form pan or literally IDK what the heck else on hand in case she wants to try the one recipe out of 12,000 that calls for it. I don’t need 10 different sizes of baking dish; she doesn’t need seven sports bras.

          • anonymous OP

            Oh I get that. I wasn’t asking what people wanted me to keep/throw out. Just what others’ experiences have been.

    • Bonnie

      These are only questions that you can answer. I’d suggest starting off by trying on everything in your closet and getting rid of all the things that no longer fit, are damaged or are not flattering. A glass of wine helps the process along!

    • InfoGeek

      Besides your closet, the next place to check for purging is your kitchen. It’s really easy to accumulate serving pieces you haven’t used in years, gadgets that you no longer use, things that fit what you used to eat but no longer eat (e.g., a breadmaker/electric bread knife when you’re now more low carb).

      Clean out all old spices and food in your pantry.

      Review any cookbooks and recipes you have.

    • DCA

      I know we’ve discussed this book before — have you read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up? It’s all about getting rid of stuff.

    • Asideralis

      I use a method of item purgatory and “Do I love this?”. Things that I’m on the fence about, I put in item purgatory, and things that I love I will keep, even if I don’t really have a use for it.

      Things that are necessary, I try to minimize. Paperwork is something that can be easily put into digital storage, but can take up a lot of space. I keep trying on my clothes throughout the year, and if I decide that I no longer like something, I get rid of it.

      I love hiking and camping, but that takes up a lot of storage space. I am not willing to part with that gear, though.

      Overall, I think it’s a good idea to evaluate your current life desires and needs and focus on that rather than a what-if scenario in the future.

    • AR

      I use the question method:

      “Have I used this in 6 months” if it is a yes, then I keep it.
      If the answer is no then I ask myself “will I ever use this again?” If the answer is no then it goes and if it is a yes, then I ask myself “when?” Usually, I cannot answer the when question in any sort of detail so it gets donated/freecycle/craigs list etc.

      My husband has also added the question “is this such an expensive investment that we should force ourselves to use it again” like his bike, which I constantly want him to get rid of. But I think he has a valid point of the more he spent on it the more you should try and use it before getting rid of it.

    • Miz Swizz

      I’m a kitchenware and clothing hoarder. I’m currently going through both those areas and trying to figure out what to get rid of and I’ve found the following things helpful:

      – I don’t need to keep kitchen stuff for sentimental reasons. Just because I have some bakeware that someone gave me that looks like the stuff my mom uses, that doesn’t grant it utility.
      – Anything that doesn’t fit into my overall wardrobe can be donated. I forget where I read about it, but there was a fashion blogger who talked about falling into the trap of buying things in a new color/shape/pattern because it’s on trend or you don’t already have one and then never wearing it. I don’t know why it took someone else making the observation but that helped me to donate a couple of boxes worth of clothing that I know I’ll never wear.

    • meme

      If I had time to do this right now, here’s what I’d purge:

      -Accumulated body washes and lotions that I’ll never use (I just don’t use these much and people tend to give these to me for gifts for various occasions)
      -Old style hot rollers, makeup I’ll never wear but have been hanging onto
      -Clothing purge – stuff I don’t really like/never wear
      -Old ratty linens I never really use anymore
      -Kitchen stuff people have me that isn’t really my style; kitchen stuff I never use anymore (ex. garlic press after I bought a way more user friendly garlic mincing device)
      -Kids’ clothes that have become too ratty after going through several boys to look decent
      -Same concept for kids’ toys
      -Bin of accumulated sewing and/or craft projects I’ll never get to and don’t really want to do anyway
      -Stuff in storage room I haven’t even seen in 5 years
      -Random photos/documents my inlaws have put on my computer (some are good, some are crap I’ll never use/look at – I don’t know why they do this)
      -Box of mementos from high school that can probably be very much thinned – I don’t need all my high school debate trophies
      -Accumulated files/paperwork – I probably could purge 75% of this
      -Old textbooks that I’m sure are interesting (history, law, political sci), but we’re never going to crack them

      Wow. I’m not really a saver of stuff/hoarder at all, I swear, but apparently I should figure out a way to fit some organization time in.

  6. Bonnie

    I like how they have this shirt belted on the website. Notice though that this is from their cheaper Red Fleece line.

    • lsw

      I love this. How does BB fit? I’ve never ordered from there. Smaller than your BR and J Crew?

      • TBK

        Slightly (but only slightly) bigger and a little boxier. Their target audience skews a little older.

      • anne-on

        Their black fleece line is actually their younger and more fitted line. I’d say its pretty close to my JCrew and BR sizing. The arm holes do tend to be rather tight, which I’m finding is pretty common in most women’s wear, and very annoying given that I lift weights.

  7. Clementine

    Observation: When I was a kid, if somebody had a baby/moved/had a death in the family/was in the hospital, my mother would frequently send over food – usually a quiche that could be frozen if needed and a batch of chocolate chip cookies.

    Now, I want to do the same things, but I find myself paralyzed by a fear of others’ dietary restrictions. For a while my go-to was a basket of bagels with some spreads, but now so many people are gluten free for both medical and non-medical reasons. Someone on here was also saying that because of food allergies, they just throw things that weren’t made at home out because of risk of cross contamination. I’m not a ‘oh, for simpler times!’ kind of a gal, but man- I wish that sending a simple gesture of good will wasn’t such a source of stress. It’s not supposed to be!

    Vent over.

    • LilyB

      I’d be willing to bet that you would know if a close friend or relative was gluten-intolerant, vegetarian/vegan, or had a severe food allergy. Beyond those three things, I think it’s totally reasonable to just make something most people like (a lasagna, cookies, etc.) and hope for the best. Hopefully no one would just throw perfectly good food away, but even if they do, you’ve made a thoughtful gesture and no decent person could fault you for that.

      • B

        We’re in the “severe food intolerance” category, and would have to throw out prepared food. Things that we WOULD probably eat: cut up fruit tray; a prepped-but-uncooked meat dish in a baggie that’s ready to drop in the crockpot; hard-boiled eggs.

        Even then, you’d need to be very careful about cross contamination. For ex: cutting board and knife must be clean for the fruit tray; crock-pot baggie would need to be labeled with ingredients *and their source* (ie, brand of chicken).

        And yeah, we yearn for simpler times, too. It’s not a fun way to live.

    • Anonymous

      Same here. This used to be a lot easier. Can you send over food with the recipe attached, so people at least know what’s in it? That doesn’t get you all the way there, but it could be helpful.

    • mascot

      My thought is that if you are close enough send food after a baby or for house-warming, you are probably close enough to ask if there are allergies/restrictions. For funerals, at least some of the food goes to feed visitors so there is more latitude. A variety of beverages is also good in that scenario.
      People are usually grateful for the gesture and willing to put aside dietary preferences in a time of need. Obviously, they can let you know about serious allergies.

      • B

        Beverages are a good idea! Obviously, sending over coffee or teas or a cooler of pop isn’t the same as chocolate chip cookies, but they’re usually safe, they’re comforting, and good for guests.

      • Anon

        I agree, but I think part of the issue here is not wanting to burden the recipient with questions. Part of what they value most is time (to grieve, celebrate, sleep, unpack, whatever), and so as a gift-giver, I’d love to be able to just take care of all the details and show up with (or send) something they’d enjoy. Easier said than done these days. But you’re totally right, mascot, that they’re usually grateful for the gesture regardless. (Not OP, by the way, just happen to sympathize.)

      • WJM-TV

        But you have to ask about allergies. Why not ask? It’s simple. You ask, I say we’re no dairy products — cheese, milk, butter. Thanks for the fish!

    • Meg Murry

      That was me talking about throwing food away for fear of cross contamination, and it was about a family where the child had celiac disease – where cross contamination is a real issue (it was related to sending food to a neighbor who they thought was gluten free but didn’t know the details). I agree with others that if you know the person well, chances are you know if they are gluten free enough to worry about cross-contamination.

      Although I will admit when I was trapped in a spiral of “my baby is constantly throwing up, I’ll try anything including going dairy and soy free”, I stood in front of the freezer and cried about all the food my father had lovingly made me that I couldn’t eat, because I was so d*mn hungry and tired and just wanted to eat without thinking about it. So I totally get your vent – and my husband and kids did still eat the foods that I couldn’t, so it wasn’t a total waste.

      My new go-to is a small amount of food, and a ton of paper products – decent, non-flimsy paper plates, quality paper towels and for people I know well, high quality toilet paper. Often these life events come with a lot of guests, so having paper products on hand means not having to wash a ton of dishes or having to send someone on a Target run when you are suddenly out of toilet paper.

    • Clementine

      YES! Thank you all! I was just getting such agita trying to figure out what non-offensive thing to send. I was afraid I would come off as someone who was utterly insensitive to others with food restrictions, but just the opposite: I genuinely care and want to provide something helpful to people I would like to support without adding extra guilt on them or the ‘food, food, everywhere and I can’t eat any’ phenomenon Meg Murray went through.

      I love the idea of providing a basket of paper products. I’m going to steal that. Beverages is good too. I was down to ‘basket of pears’ because someone told me that pears are one of the least allergenic foods out there. And just, thanks for the validation that I’m not an insensitive monster if I just send a batch of cookies or a lasagna and call it a day.

      • Anonymous

        Also, just because one person has a food intolerance or allergy, doesn’t mean they all do. So everything may well get eaten.

      • Lynnie

        I completely sympathize with the problem of wanting to send things and worrying about food restrictions. That said, I’d actually be more put off if someone sent me a ton of paper plates and would probably never want to use them because it seemed so wasteful (exception: while moving and all of the dishes are packed). I’d take cookies over paper products any day, but I’d appreciate the gesture either way, and I think that’s true of almost everyone.

    • Liz

      What I’ve started doing is assembling things that are components of easy meals where you just need to serve on a plate (as opposed to casseroles that are all one dish) – for example: cheese that I have already cut up, gluten free and regular crackers, fruit that is washed and cut, salad fixings with dressing on the side and both veggie and meat prominent options, bbq-ed chicken breasts + hummus + pita + corn bread.

    • WJM-TV

      Ask. “Hello Susie! Wanted to take care of a meal for you, now that little Susette arrived. Any food preferences I should know?”

      Boom. Done. Why cause yourself and them more trouble? Asking is part of the niceness. Sure you could surprise them, but I’d rather give something I know everyone could eat instead of something that might be wasted.

    • Anonymous

      I have enough terrible and life threatening allergies to the extent it’s unlikely I can eat anything someone sends me unless they are one of the 5 friends/close family who have tried to learn the list (but even then risky). Nonetheless when people send food to assist/celebrate/sympathise with a big life event, the gratefulness for their care far outweighs any thought of ‘I can’t eat this’. Also most of those life events come with other people in our house and one of the most relieving things is not having to think of meals with ingredients we never cook using. Send away and even if the friend is too freaked out at the time, know you sent some peace of mind.

  8. Anonforthis

    I wonder if any women on here are in a non-monogamous relationship? If so, how did you reach that point? Do you identify as polyamorous? How do you manage your multiple relationships? Do you have relationship hierarchies? How long have you been in a relationship with your current partner(s)? At what age did you realize that you weren’t quite wired for monogamy?

    I think my partner and I are leaning that way. I’m reading many books on the matter, but I was curious if this was more common with high-power women. Thank you for anyone who answers this! I know it’s rather personal.

      • Wildkitten

        Is is not the job of a wife to be your maid/personal assistant/nanny/scheduler/driver. And I assume the high powered woman above could hire some task rabbits if that was what she wanted out of the relationship.

        That comment really rubbed my monogamous feminist self the wrong way.

        • Batgirl

          +1. I know we all joke about this sort of thing, but when you think about it, it really does perpetuate the idea that women/wives are servants to men.

          • Anonymous

            I think what perpetuates the notion that women are domestic servants to men are the women who willingly enter into that arrangement in exchange for being taken care of. As long as there is a steady supply of women whose life goal is to be a trophy wife (and there certainly is that steady supply in my large, non-coastal city), the majority of men are not going to adjust their expectations (and some may want a more equal relationship, but get chastised at the office by others for being tired because they were the one to wake up with the baby last night and “that’s what your wife is for”–I’ve seen it multiple times).

        • Snickety

          I’ve always interpreted the “I need a wife” comments by (straight) women as dripping with irony.

    • Coach Laura

      No experience with poly but I would assume that the instances of non-monogamous relationships (or at least open, acknowledged ones) would rise as income levels rise just because income (and education) gives individuals the ability to take more risks: So if high-powered women are more frequently in this type of relationship that may be the reason.

  9. BB

    What do you all think of linen shirts? There’s some really cute ones on the Brooks Brothers sale.

    I think they’re probably too casual for my business-casual-leaning-formal office, but I’m kind of thinking I’d like to wear them on the weekends for a slightly more dressed up look with jeans.

    • Asideralis

      I love them for weekend wear. I could probably get away with them in my office, even. They’re very comfortable!

    • BB

      ME TOO!! I’m totally a cynic, and this made me break into a big smile at my desk! :)

        • Sydney Bristow

          I’m so happy! I wasn’t planning to go to the parade this year but between this and the Stonewall getting landmark status I think I might try to go.

    • Anon tax lawyer

      Can I expand my practice now into going on the talk circuit about how in my high-state-income-tax state, a wider range of people will now face not just the marriage penalty, but also federal AMT?

      Adjust your withholding now or be prepared to write a big check in April :)

      [Maybe they’ll finally fix the federal and state tax codes now that so many of us will be getting hit with it.]

      • Coach Laura

        I’m happy with the decision.

        Anon tax lawyer – so all same-sx couples who are presently married in their states will now have to pay 2015 US income taxes as married persons?

        • Anon tax lawyer

          If you are married on 12/31/14, you owe @ the married rate for all of 2014. [This would be true for a straight couple who married on 12/1/14: you are treated as married for the whole year if you are married at the end of the year.]

          I think that this is fascinating for a tax / property law / decedent’s estates perspective, especially in the states with common law marriage. Also for some friends of mine who may start demanding that their SO make an honest man/woman out of them (so I’ve seen very formal property sharing arrangements and breakups where the only thing protecting one person from bankruptcy was that they at least titled the house as joint tenants).

          But, yes, the tax part is always the part I find to be most interesting.

      • Liz

        Hurray for SCOTUS!

        For Anon tax lawyer, do you mean adjust both federal and state withholdings? Also, are there other married-people-tax things I should read more about and what’s a good source for reading? I’m getting married this year and I’m in charge of the household finances, so I should get to know this better. TIA!

    • Rogue Banker

      It’s been a hellish Friday, but this is one hell of a bright spot. It helps that my company is pretty solidly pro-LGBT rights, and there have been quietly-celebratory emails going around all morning. :D

    • Cat

      Yes! I was just reading the opinion at my desk and teared up – beautifully written.

  12. EE

    Nice pick Kat!! First thing I’ve actually ordered in a while from here. Hoping the materiel is reasonable.

  13. Anonymous

    Tips on how to get over heartbreak?

    I’m 29, and I thought this was something but it ended, and now I’m just feeling so alone, wondering if I’ll ever find the right person, and questioning my judgment.

    • anon

      I would try to stay busy and distracted. If you think you need to deal with your feelings more directly I would consider therapy. But my suggestions are…. take up a new hobby/get back into an old hobby you may have put on hold. workout classes: gets you out of the house, and you can have an hour where you aren’t focusing on your thoughts because you are focused on what you’re doing–i like vinyasa yoga for this reason. and the classes tire you out so you can sleep at night and not dwell. reconnect with old friends. spend time with family. travel. plan things to look forward to even if it isn’t a trip like a food festival, concert, cooking class, ect. volunteer.

    • anon a mouse

      I’m so sorry. Heartbreak feels like it will be forever, but it won’t.

      When I was going through a particularly bad breakup, a friend gave me some sage advice: Find comfort being your own best friend and your own true love. Learn to enjoy your own company for what it is, not comparing it to the absence of someone else. In other words: while you may want someone to share your life with, act as though life will still be good if that never happens. Indulge in long walks or talks with friends or eating ice cream for dinner. In the short term, stay active, so that your mind has less downtime to dwell on the sadness. If you can afford the time and expense, take a short trip to another city and explore without the familiar reminders of your funk.

    • in your shoes

      I was you a year ago. Yes, I ended up finding the great one (no, not Gretzky), but I’m pretty sure that only happened because after the heartbreak I founded happiness within myself. You need to do whatever makes you happy and be good to yourself; learn yourself; love yourself; be your own best friend first and foremost. Maybe that leads you to someone in 2 months, but maybe it never does. It won’t matter to you if you find your place of peace and happiness in this world. And I promise there is happiness and peace out there and within you. Rediscover it! There is so much out there to love and experience, so go find it! Good luck and enjoy the journey!

      • A

        +1, though I was happy with myself before and after that relationship. It’s possible to be happy and heartbroken. It just takes time, honestly. So take a step back, get busy with things you find new and exciting, and eventually start dating. In a year or two, you will not feel like you do now. I took up a lot of weird hobbies, like fencing and rock climbing and ballet, and I took a lot of trips with people I barely knew and had a blast.

  14. Looking for an app

    A family member needs to count (and possibly increase) calories to gain/maintain weight and track a medical issue. Because of the circumstances, family member doesn’t want an app that is pro less calories or congratulates him for losing weight or anything like that. It doesn’t need to compliment him for eating more either, just track without opinion. I suggested just a notebook and pen but he would rather have something electronic that automates knowing how many calories a quarter pound of chicken is or what not. I know you guys talk about some apps for calorie tracking for weight loss. Would any of those be appropriate for someone trying to gain/maintain weight and increase caloric intake?

    • Anon tax lawyer

      The reviews say that they have good arch support. True? I need some a$*-kicking boots and if they have arch supports, it may be time for some Doc Martens (again).

    • LOL

      The hilarious part is that a floral babydoll and black ribbon choker is exactly what you find at Urban Outfitters these days.

      • Calibrachoa

        And Jurassic park is #1 in the box office, Terminator is coming out in July, Clinton and Bush are running for president…. D:

  16. sad tenant

    Need some words of wisdom (and maybe perspective?) about a broken heirloom and a frustrating landlady.

    My landlady asked me to empty my pantry and one cabinet so a contractor could check out a leaky pipe. Yesterday they discovered that the leak was much worse than they expected and that all the cabinets needed to come down. They removed all the dishes from the cabinets and moved all the furniture, liquor bottles, etc. from the kitchen into the living room; had I known that was necessary, I really would’ve preferred to have done it myself.

    Anyway, when I got home, the apartment was a wreck — the kitchen is totally unusable, my furniture is covered in sheets, it’s a mess. Landlady tells me that she broke some of my glasses because the cabinets weren’t properly installed and came down suddenly when they tried to remove them. The broken glasses were my grandmother’s crystal, over fifty years old. The whole set was shattered. I’m the type to place a lot of sentimental value on something like that — I loved having something fancy to remember my grandmother by, and loved that I could pass it down to my one-day daughters. Totally recognize that I would’ve probably eventually dropped one of those glasses and that would’ve been that, but this is the most recent in a long list of what I think are boundary violations from the landlady. Turns out that living in a carriage house in someone else’s backyard makes for close company.

    What’s my play here? She said that she would write me a check for the value of the crystal if I inventoried it. Is that what I need to do? Is there any use in asking for reduced rent while the kitchen and living areas are unusable, or is that unreasonable? I’d like to tell her that this was pretty unprofessional and that I’d rather her not disturb my things, but that’s kind of a moot point now, since the damage has literally been done.

    Any advice? Am I overreacting? Ugh. Renting.

    • s-non

      1 – Absolutely figure out the value and ask for a check
      2 – YES you should get reduced rent!!

    • Anon

      I would be LIVID, so I don’t think you are overreacting. Not sure why they thought it was acceptable to just go through all of your stuff without asking you, regardless of the reason. It is a huge boundary violation and you have every right to be angry. If it was me, I would be looking for a new place to live. As far as a check for the value, obviously most of the value was sentimental, so that is really your call. On the rent abatement, that would depend on what is in your lease and what your state law is. I would check both, and if you have a right to it, I would absolutely ask for it.

      I also place huge sentimental value on objects I received from those close to me, so I am really sorry this happened to you.

    • Meg Murry

      read your lease. Our leases say that we have to provide tenants with alternate living location (ie hotel) when the apartment in uninhabitable – you might be able to argue that if the kitchen is going to be unusable for an extended period that is uninhabitable and you want to split the cost of a hotel (or at least receive a pro-rated rent credit for the unusable days).

      At a minimum I would tell her I want proper storage boxes for the dishes to keep them from being further damaged during the contractor’s work, something like this maybe:
      http://www.uhaul.com/MovingSupplies/Protective-stuff/Dish-Saver-Kit?id=2577

    • Baconpancakes

      She needs to write you a check for the crystal, absolutely. Regarding the reduced rent, you don’t have much power in that situation. Even in DC, a notably tenant-friendly city, you may not be able to get pro-rated rent unless the apartment is unusable for over 2 weeks. You might be able to petition or negotiate for it, and I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask for it, but she may disagree. A previous landlord ripped out the entire kitchen due to flooding, moved all the kitchen appliances and tools into the living room, then stopped the job halfway through, and left the kitchen a mess for three months, and we barely got him to agree to cut the rent in half despite that.

      You’re not overreacting. In my experience, small landlords tend to think they’re doing you a favor by letting you live in their property, and have a hard time treating the situation as a business transaction. Not all landlords are this way, of course, but a lot are.

      • TBK

        Agreed. After a terrible individual landlord experience in DC, I lived exclusively in corporate-owned apartments until we bought a place. This is one of the few places where faceless corporation is actually the better option.

        • Baconpancakes

          Also my experience. My corporate-managed apartment has its own annoyances, but overall I’m much happier. Their property managers aren’t personally offended if you have a broken washing machine or request lawn maintenance to be performed on your schedule instead of at 7am on a Saturday morning. There’s just so much emotion in a home, I think it’s hard to separate yourself from it as either a landlord or a renter, which is why I think professionally-managed properties are the best situation.

    • NOLA

      No you’re not overreacting. Yeesh, sounds like my landlady. You could probably determine a value from Replacements. They will also identify the pattern for you if you don’t know that. You send pictures (if you have any of it left).

      So sorry this happened. I’d be really upset, too. I have a few treasured things from my family and would hate to lose them in that way.

    • ORD

      I have some of my grandmother’s crystal, china, silverware, etc. And I know this won’t bring back what you lost, but I have found matches on eBay to supplement what I had. It turns out her things were more depression-era and were not worth a lot (like silver-plate, plus a very common china pattern, etc.) so it didn’t cost much to add to the collection. The pieces from eBay make me just as happy as the pieces that were hers because it matches and I know she would love that I was keeping the set up. I hope you can find a match for the broken pieces.

    • Bonnie

      If you can’t find replacements for your grandmother’s crystal on ebay or etsy, look at similar new items and give your landlord that information.

  17. Anonymous

    As a landlord, leaks can be very destructive so it’s important to fix them quickly. She should have emptied the cabinets before taking them down, but otherwise she’s handling this how I would – covering things with sheets, moving what she can herself, offering to reimburse you for the broken item. How long will the kitchen be unusable? That, to me, drives reduced rent. If it’s more than a couple days, I’d be open to an inquiry about prorated rent (maybe not in the entirety, but to cover your costs of eating out, etc.) If it’s just a couple days, I wouldn’t ask. Repairs take a little time. And yes, send her an inventory and make sure you use antique comparables for value.

    • Anonymous

      PS – I’m sorry for your loss; I’m a big sentimentalist too.

      One more comment – if she hadn’t offered to reimburse you, this would be a loss you could claim under your renters insurance.

  19. Josie Pye

    Last week I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks (first pregnancy) after 6 months of fertility treatments. I’ve been a mess, to put it lightly. I’m a college professor so thankfully during the summer I can do my research remotely and not have to go into work.

    My university is doing a big profile of me and my research for their magazine. They have scheduled a 1.5 hour (ughhh) photo shoot next week. Our director of marketing/communications will be there directing things, and she emailed me with a detailed list of what she wants me to wear (colors, cuts, etc). The problem is that as soon as I got pregnant my b**bs pretty much grew two sizes overnight (from 32D to 32F, and I really needed to go up to 32G), and they haven’t yet gone down. I have a limited range of work clothes that I feel comfortable wearing, none of which are on her list. She asked me to bring several options with me.

    I’ve only told a few people at work about the m/c (my mentor, but not my department chair). I don’t want people to know unless I personally decide to tell them. I have no idea whether the marketing person is gossipy or not (she’s in her sixties, has 2 grown children, and seems friendly with others in our department, which on a side note is an incredibly supportive and friendly place to work). I feel like if I tell her that, confidentially, I just miscarried and my clothes don’t yet fit correctly again, she’ll give me a wider berth for deciding what to wear for this photo and just be gentler in general when directing the shoot. But for some reason it feels inappropriate for me to tell someone with whom I don’t have a personal relationship when I haven’t told my chair and don’t really plan to. Ideas of how I can navigate this? The photo shoot is on Tuesday but I should respond to her email today.

    I’m just dreading having to smile and be cheery for this thing, and to have the photos of me and my enormous rack and fake-happy face be sent to the college’s entire mailing list.

    • Coach Laura

      Josie Pye, I’m so sorry for your loss.

      I wouldn’t disclose a miscarriage and if she asks that’s just rude. It sounds like you’re raw now but you don’t owe her an explanation and if she doesn’t like your clothes that’s just tough. The world won’t end.

      If you need to say something, say you had a medical issue – now cleared up – requiring steroids that made you puffy and you retained water, so your normal wardrobe won’t fit. Then give her A, B and C choices for what you are going to wear. Ask the photographer – not her – to focus on your face, your research lab or whatever. Hang in there!

      • Anon tax lawyer

        I just wouldn’t lie. If your reason for not telling the truth is that you don’t know if the news will travel, definitely don’t lie. Just don’t say anything:

        it’s too personal to talk about

        Repeat, if needed, until the person gets the hint that it is too personal to talk about.

        [And I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve been there (flatchested, but still having morning sickness). It’s like a sorority that you join when this happens. And we’ve got your back.]

    • ANP

      Man oh man oh man. I am so, so sorry this is happening to you. HUGE internet hugs.

      You could always tell the marketing person that you’ve had an unforeseen medical issue this week that’s made much of your current wardrobe unworkable (don’t need to say whether you’ve gained or lost weight, just that your wardrobe is unworkable). You could also propose some alternatives in that same email. Does your mentor have any thoughts on this?

      If you get a good bra, you won’t need to worry (as much) about your b00bs, either. That might be a worthwhile shopping trip this weekend if you feel up to it. In the meantime, more big hugs from this internet stranger.

    • roses

      There is no reason on earth that you have to tell her that you had a miscarriage! Just say you don’t feel comfortable in whatever clothes she suggested, and suggest an outfit that you do feel comfortable in. At bottom it’s a modesty issue, and they should accept that – this is about your research, not your clothes.

    • Anonymous

      I’d just buy some new clothes, but I think you could also just bring whatever fits and is closest to her requests. They’re guidelines.

      • Maddie Ross

        I am so sorry for your loss, and will echo the chorus of just buying something new. You want to feel comfortable and confident (as much as you can). IMO, I don’t think you even need to comply with her guidelines. Buy what works and what looks good to you and make no excuses. Be gentle on yourself and get a blowout and your makeup done if you can.

    • RDC

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve also had miscarriages, and I was shocked at how many people had gone through something similar when I told them. That said, I don’t think there’s any reason to tell this person. I agree with what others said about investing in a new outfit that fits you now as the way to be most comfortable. And your body might change in the week before the shoot — I had a D&C after my MCs and felt like my body was back to normal about a month out. So, relatively quickly, in my experience.

      • Josie Pye

        Thank you all so much. This was incredibly helpful–I appreciate both the advice and the hugs. I emailed her back and took care of it without disclosing anything, and I feel really good about that decision. Big hugs back to all of you.

    • lucy stone

      Ugh Josie Pye, I am behind the times but I had one at 12 weeks earlier this year and it sucks and I am so sorry.

    • bridget

      I am so sorry for your loss.

      My suggestion: explain what needs to be explained. “Hi, Marketing Lady. Thank you for the detailed email! Unfortunately, I gained some weight rather suddenly in the last few months, and I have a limited range of clothes that fit. Would X, Y, and Z work?”

    • girl in the stix

      Wow, I’m in mar/com at a university and I’d never tell someone what to wear for a photo shoot, unless I was asked. If the article was based on a theme w/in a publication, I might suggest things that would relate, but in no way would I try to ‘style’ the shoot.

      I say, wear what is comfortable for you. If there is a particular reason for say, a color (red for women’s heart health), try to find some way to accommodate.

      Good luck, and I am so sorry for your loss.

  20. Adjunct, Maybe

    Have any lawyers out there been an adjunct professor? I have an opportunity to teach one law-related undergraduate class at the local university. It excites me a little bit, but I’m slightly worried about the time commitment. I’m a federal clerk now, and will still be through the semester in question. I plan to return to private practice after the clerkship. I’m not sure how valuable being an adjunct would be for private practice; ie I could probably go to more networking events that might be a “better” use of my time. On the other hand, I’m relatively young (27) and I think it could be a great opportunity–I would get a lot better at speaking in front of large groups, for example. I have no interest in going into academia full-time and plan to stay in private practice. Has anyone had experience as an adjunct, good or bad? Things I should be considering? Thanks in advance.

    • ORD

      I did this 20 years ago, when I was a federal district court clerk. After my clerkship, I took a job that requires travel, and have not been able to even consider teaching since then. Do it while you can! It was great fun and completely manageable with a clerking schedule.

    • CHJ

      My big critique of working as an adjunct (based on the experiences of my friends who have done it) is that it ends up taking a lot more time than expected, to the point that you’re barely making minimum wage. If you’ve never taught a class before, you have to research the subject matter, build a syllabus, read all the materials that you assign your students, prepare an outline for each class, make yourself available before and after class to meet with students, and grade papers and/or exams. If you teach the same class over and over again, you can streamline things significantly. But teaching a one-off course one time can be a huge time commitment.

      • Anonymous

        +1 The biggest downside of being an adjunct is the pay. It is dismal because you really end up putting in so much work. I realize you already have a job but think this part through because at one point you may question why you are investing so much of your time when the returns are not so great. I am not a lawyer so I do not know the value of this for private practice. If you would like to get more experience speaking you can join Toastmasters. I understand your excitement about teaching it is noble but I think it can be romanticized at times. That said one thing that you could gain from this is learning how to teach i.e. you can parlay the experience into other kinds of training even in a corporate environment. If you decide not to adjunct, you can also look into other avenues to get the same experience. E.g. A HR professional at a large university in my area was recently running a free careers workshop at my local library. Even though she was giving free advice later the connections she made could be useful. Think of something similar in your field.

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