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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 217 Comments · by

Tuesday’s TPS Report: Quilted-Leather-Panel Jacket

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Rebecca Taylor Quilted-Leather-Panel Jacket The quilted leather look is one of the big trends for fall, and while I like it, I think it works best when it's mixed with other, non-quilted materials. This gorgeous jacket from Rebecca Taylor is a great example — it has a very buttoned-up but feminine look to it, and I suspect the crepe would be very comfortable. It's $595 at CUSP. Rebecca Taylor Quilted-Leather-Panel Jacket Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)  

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Cat

    Seeing all the part-leather trends for fall has me wondering: how do you dry clean these items? I have a sheath dress with a thin strip of leather trim around the waist and neck, and my dry cleaner won’t take it — so I wear it only rarely and then spot clean under the arms a little. Fortunately I haven’t spilled!

  2. Veronique

    Repost from last night: any suggestions for a good physical facial sunscreen that doesn’t turn my face white? I normally use Josie Maran argan oil ss, but it turns my face into an oil slick in the summer!

    • marketingchic

      I just bought the Jergens face self tanner, not realizing it is SPF 20. I normally can only use physical sunblocks and deal with the white face. I’ve had no problem using this product and have been using it daily for about a week.

    • Lauren

      I really like the Paula’s Choice Hydralight moisturizer. It has physical sunscreen and is SPF 30.

    • Brooklyn Paralegal

      Neutrogena’s sunblocks are pretty good and oil-free, and I think run up to SPF 75. I also wore on of Dr. Jart’s BB creams with SPF 45 which is amazing.

      Another wonderful sunblock that will require a little more rubbing in is La Roche-Posay’s Antihelios.

      I’ve always had very weird skin (tons of freckles and moles that seem to pop up overnight), and I had a number of pre-cancerous cells removed during my adolescence. My dermatologist at the time recommended I use Antihelios, and I’ve been pretty loyal to it for my face, neck, and shoulders for 10+ years. For what it’s worth, I just went to a new derm recently, and she told me I take great care of my skin in terms of preventing sun damage, so it’s working!

    • J

      Yes!! I’ve been using and loving Beyond Coastal Active SPF 34 on my face. Love it!

    • MissK

      I use Aveeno daily moisturizer on my face, and started using their face-formula sunscreen about a year ago. I actually mix the two together in my palm and just use them together every morning under my make-up. I have combination skin and searched forever for a daily face sunblock that didn’t cause extreme oiliness so I was extremely happy when I finally tried the Aveeno. I will say that when I first put it on, it feels like it’s going to have that typical “sunscreen stickyness” but I just let it absorb while I brush my teeth and then it’s perfect. No oiliness later in the day either – Amen to that!!

      • Hel-lo

        FWIW, they are saying now that just putting on sunscreen in the morning with moisturizer is not enough. It doesn’t last through the day.

        Also, I’m not sure Aveeno moisturizer with SPF is physical (as opposed to chemical). It’s what I use too, though. Love that it’s non-oily.

    • j

      Ocean Potion face potion. “Clear” zinc oxide, SPF 45, $3.97 at Target. I have been wearing it every day this summer and it has not oxidized/changed color or irritated my skin. I am a huge fan.

    • Veronique

      Thanks for all the recommendations! I see lots of sampling in my future!

  3. TBK

    Twins!

    (It’s still super early so we could still wind up with just one, but freaking out a little here — both in a good way and bad way.)

    By the way, for DC ladies, how early did you get on a waitlist for daycare and how on earth did you begin your search? Did you just google “daycare” and see what came up?

    • goldribbons

      Oh TBK CONGRATULATIONS!!!! This is such great news!!! I have to say, if you’re nervous about twins, read (or skim) Selfish Reasons To Have More Children. It’s a little bit silly but addresses fears about raising twins.

      • Ellen

        Yay! The babies! We MUST see the babie’s! You have GOT to post picture’s of the Babies! I want a baby too! YAY!

        I am at the busness center at the Mariot, and I do NOT have to use my Iphone to post. FOOEY! Virginia is VERY pretty, tho we are not in DC. Dad is busy today so I am left here at the pool and hotel. I can eat whatever I want today, b/c he will NOT be back until after 6. The guy at the desk think’s I am some model or something–I wish Dad heard that b/c DAD said to the other guy when we checked in that we need a soft chair in the room for my caboose, and looked at my tuchus. Some joke. FOOEY on Dad for lookeing at my tuchus! The lifegard at the pool was stareing at me yesterday, but I had my cute cover up on b/c I still have to loose 7 pounds before I show my batheing suit.

        I get alot of text’s from Sam, but I am worried about his disgusting eateing habit’s. Dad says not to date a nosepicker b/c he could embaras me in a busness situation. He still wants to meet Sam tho. He said he would think twice b/f shakeing his hand.

        Tomorow, dad is goeing to drop me at the Metro station and I will go in to DC myself. I think I may stop at my law school to see if any of the prof’s are still there. I did like a few tho most were grunchy and / or wanted to date me. FOOEY! I also might go to the Smithsonian, b/c dad says there is the Hope Dimond there, and I have alot of hope that I will get a dimond soon from my husband to be, whoever he is.

        Vacation is fun, but the manageing partner keep’s sending email’s. Madeline does NOT know anything, and asks him the dummest question’s. I should ask for more vacation’s b/c I have to call to answer all her dumm question’s. FOOEY!

    • mascot

      Oh wow, congrats! I don’t have any specific tips for DC, but for daycare, you might as well start looking now. There should be a complete list of all licensed providers that the licensing agency maintains. That at least gives you a start. Then figure out where you need your provider to be (near home, near work) and start running numbers. Some providers will have huge wait lists so you might as well stick your name on them in case you want to switch in the future. With twins, you might find that a nanny would be comporable in cost to having 2 kids in care.

      • TBK

        We’re currently thinking through what it would mean to get an au pair. We do have a space that would be private and comfortable, but it would mean giving up a chunk of our house (it’s a guest suite/family room right now).

        • Jennifer

          I have friends with an au pair and it works great + they love it. They said what makes it work is really thinking of her as part of the family and participating in the cross-cultural exchange aspect. Vs. treating her as a live-in baby-sitter. So she often goes out to dinner with them, etc. In exchange, she often voluntarily hangs out at their parties and plays with the kids. It’s very cool.

        • Snowy

          I’m so definitely thinking au pair for these reasons- I had friends growing up who really loved their au pairs, got to learn a new language, etc. Though they have work hour restrictions, I love that you don’t need to spend 45 mins driving to/dropping off at daycare.

          We also have a complete apartment in our walk-out basement with a separate entrance, so that takes the question of “losing a chunk of our house”. In a smaller house or condo, I would definitely be more hesitant- though they are a part of your family, I’m sure that like anyone au pairs need their space!

    • DC Anon

      Congrats! We got on daycare waitlists pretty early — I want to say around 3 months. But we only waited that long because I was scared of jinxing things. I would say, though, that the best way to learn about day cares is word of mouth, and that, once you find the one you want, the best way to get in is to keep calling and visiting and showing interest. I figured that your place in line was your place in line — not so. I think they just file all those applications away and only pull out the ones where people call/tour/ask questions.

      Something to consider – if you end up with two babies, you are likely to find that a nanny is the more economical answer. I’m a huge proponent of daycare, and all three of my kids were in daycare until they were old enough for school. But if we had had 2 babies at once, I suspect we would have hired a nanny, at least for the first year or two. Also, if you or your husband’s jobs have any centers affiliated them, that’s also a good starting point (and often cheaper than the alternatives).

      Best of luck!

    • Marilla

      Oh my goodness congratulations!!!!!! How wonderful. Think about it – you get two for the price of one (pregnancy, labour, mat leave) and they will have a friend from day 1. I agree with mascot about that changing the equation slightly towards a nanny over day care, as well.

      • just Karen

        Congratulations, and +1 everything Marilla said! I know it is still oh so very early, but my fingers are crossed for you and I am hoping everything goes well.

      • NOLA

        Oh and I should have said that it’s going to be great! My friend’s daughter had twins as a single mom (by choice). The boys are 8 and they are a blast. Different as night and day but best buds and such sweet kids.

    • RR

      CONGRATS!!!! My first IVF babies are twins–now 5 1/2. It’s shocking at first. But, no matter what anyone else tells you, twins are great. Really hard for the first few months when all babies are hard, and then just fantastic. And at 5 1/2, mine are best friends, and it’s the most amazing thing to see.

      If you are ever looking for twin resources, let me know!

      As far as daycare, we signed up for one around 5 months, but I’m in the midwest in a low cost of living area. We also found that, again in our low cost of living area, daycare for two was cheaper than a nanny. We were very lucky though in that our kids haven’t been particularly prone to illness during their lives, so we were able to avoid a lot of the issues with having two kids the same age getting sick (never at the same time, always one after the other). It definitely evens up the equation though when you start looking at two infants in daycare. If you have access to one, set up a maxed out childcare flexible spending account now.

    • L

      I’m so excited for you! Congratulations!!

      My friends who have had kids usually have the nanny/daycare debate. Run the numbers because my understanding is daycare x2 in the city at the same age is EXPENSIVE. Also, nanny-shares are apparently a thing. There’s a DC moms board that a few of my friends have used that they said was really helpful in terms of figuring out which is the best/wait times/ etc.

        • TBK

          Do nanny shares work for twins? I thought that might be too much. Also, the other family might worry that their kid (presumably not an infant) wouldn’t get enough of the nanny’s attention if she was also caring for two small babies.

          • mascot

            I wouldn’t rule it out. Having two 6 month olds (related or not) plus an older child might not be an issue, especially if an older child is in a part- day preschool.

          • L

            I would imagine it could – I’ve known friends who split a nanny (two families, three total kids). I don’t know how they split cost.

    • Merabella

      Yay! I’m so happy for you!

      I was just talking about twins with an office mate of mine. They run in my family on both sides, so I always have this as a potential in the back of my mind. I would run the numbers on daycare/nanny to see which is better. Always have at least 2 back up babysitting options waiting in the wings for those crazy moments that pop up out of nowhere, and start maxing out your flex spending for daycare.

      For looking into daycare options:
      My HR department has a list of childcare in the area with all their websites which I found helpful. I would also ask around to your friends/coworkers with kids. If home/work are close to each other then pick something near by, if not decide if you want daycare close to home/your work/SO’s work. Same goes for pediatrician.

      • JJ

        Same huge congrats for you!!! We also have twins that run in both sides of our families, so it’s been a possibility for me as well (and perhaps a reason to call it quits at two instead of trying for three and ending up with four…).

        One thing to check out is whether your firm offers back-up care options. I never knew it, but my firm offers an excellent back-up care program that is mostly subsidized. So on days when my son is sick or something else goes awry, I can either drop him off at a different day care by my office, or have an in-home nanny come to watch him while I work from home. I haven’t had to use it yet (thankfully) because I have family in the area, but it’s very nice to know it’s there.

    • Re: Twins!

      Congratulations!!! I am a twin and it is great. I have always hoped that I would have twins, too! I wish you the best!

      • TBK

        I LOVE the idea of the kids having each other all their lives. I’m an only child and the world can seem very lonely, especially once you consider your parents dying someday.

        • Nati

          I’m a twin! My brother is my best friend. We have a connection that regular brother-sisters can’t understand. I wouldn’t trade our relationship for the world. I hope to have twins if I decide on having children.

    • Diana Barry

      Congrats!

      Definitely check the price of nanny vs daycare because it can be comparable. Also, if they go to daycare and get sick, you have to keep them home, but if you have a nanny, the nanny can still stay with them if they are sick.

    • Houston Attny

      Terrific news! I’m glad we get to virtually walk this journey with you. :)

    • Pregomama

      Not in DC, but in Boston. I called around to area daycares as soon as I had my 8 week appointment and saw a heartbeat. Different facilities had different timelines; some had no availability! Some said check back at 3 months. We shopped around a bit and ultimately landed on one we liked, which had one spot left–we sent the deposit check in at 4 months. That center was in a suburb, though; city centers were faster to fill up.

      As far as how we knew it was right- we had a few we liked. They were a large well respected (and expensive!) chain with flexible hours and even a pick up/drop off service. We almost went with them until we visited the center where we just “clicked”–owner was very aligned with our parenting philosophy, kids are treated like an extension of family, art everywhere, field trips, swim lessons, activities that take advantage of our town, etc— much more personal than the corporate-y center. But either would have been very good for our kid.

      • Ciao, pues

        I’m in Boston, too, and 4mo pregnant. Can you post what you pay/ what you found was the range? We’re just now starting to think about this and a little overwhelmed with options (and costs! who knew?).

        • Pregomama

          Bright Horizons was 1800-2400/ month for full time, depending on the hours/day. Different locations have different rates….

          The daycare we went with is charging us 1800/mo for 9am-7pm (I have weird hours) but they had various pricing plans.

          We looked at other centers in Boston, as well as others on the south shore…I’d budget at least 2200/mo if you want 7am-7pm coverage. Much more if you want a center in the city itself.

          Rates go down as the baby gets older.

          • Pregomama

            Oh, and yes, daycare costs more than a year of tuition at UMass. I did the math.

    • MU JD

      From personal experience, I can tell you that twins are AWESOME! Congratulations to you! My boys are now 13 and the first few years were crazy. Once the initial shock wears off, you will be okay. I’m no help with DC daycare, but I’m happy to help if you have other questions about twins.

      • OCAssociate

        Preg anon – you mentioned hiccups on your blog, just wanted to tell you that if he has CRAZY hiccups that keep him awake at night, Mommy’s Bliss gripe water actually worked for us. It was a lifesaver.

        Congrats to you and TBK! So many babies!

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      Congrats! I have nothing on the childcare or twin front, but good news for you :)

    • Niktaw

      Congratulations!
      With twins, you might wish to look into a nanny. Getting one baby to daycare in the morning is hard enough, as in dressing, feeding, loading in the car… Two are going to be a lot more difficult for you, not to mention expensive.
      A good nanny is a treasure.

    • DC daycare

      TBK, congratulations! That is so exciting. I’m 11 weeks and in the DC area and also thinking that I should get on the ball about researching options and visiting places. I’ve heard that it’s hard to find centers with openings for infants and that a lot of people do a nanny for the first year and then transition.

      GSA has a list of daycares in the DC region that preference children of fed workers. If you or your spouse work in govt, that might be a good place to start. I’ve also started scanning the DC urban moms and dads forum.

      We’re not telling anyone for a while still, so unfortunately I don’t have any good word-of-mouth recommendations. But I will keep you posted if I hear anything or visit any amazing places!

    • Senior Attorney

      WOW!! BIG NEWS!!

      Heartiest congratulations, TBK! You are going to have a blast!!

    • January

      Wow! Having no firsthand experience with pregnancy, I’m amazed that they can tell you that so early. :) That’s doubly fantastic news, though. All the best!

      • TBK

        They’re literally just two black blotches on the ultrasound, so you’d have to know what you were looking at. Also, most people don’t get u/s this early. Just us IVF folks, who are monitored within an inch of our lives (because, hey, that stuff is expensive!).

        • RR

          Did you see heartbeats in your black blobs? Once you see heartbeats, chances are good that you will be having twins.

          • RR

            It’s still super early. When you go back (assuming a couple weeks), you should see them. So very excited for you!!

    • TCFKAG

      One of my best friends wives is having twins. I’m so excited I could platz. TWO babies, no waiting!

      CONGRATS TBK.

    • eek

      Congratulations! I’m an aunt to DC area twins but they were kids 2&3 for my sister, so she just added them into her daycare arrangement. Good luck!

    • TBK

      Thanks for all the warm wishes everyone! We really are trying not to tell the whole world (although I’m not sure who is left for Mr. TBK to tell — but glad he’s so happy about all this) so it’s great to be able to come here and spill!

    • Manager by Day, Mom at Night

      Congrats TBK! Get on daycare waitlists as soon as you can – DC & NOVA area “good” daycares fill up quickly. You can always get on a waitlist and cancel if you decide on an au pair or a nanny/nanny share. Bright Horizons is a good (regional?) provider that I have heard very good things about.

    • So excited for you!

      I rarely comment but am thrilled by your news. I got the news that IVF will likely be our only option around the same time you began posting about your story and it really has been helpful “see” someone else go through the same as many people are loathe to talk about these things in real life, myself included.
      But so, so happy for you and husband! As a twin myself, I just ask you to resist any urges to go for matching names :)

      • TBK

        I’m happy to talk anytime. I was lucky to have a friend who had her twins through IVF, and it’s definitely been helpful to have someone to talk to. You can reach me at tbk[thissite]@gmail.com.

    • KLG

      Check out Mothers of Multiples. The Fairfax county one has people from all over NoVA and DC. A friend said it was great.

      • TBK

        Just took a look. Looks like they’re having a consignment sale coming up late Sept — putting that on my calendar! I’ll be about 13 weeks so we should have more certainty by then.

  4. NOLA

    Kate Spade surprise sale today: http://surprise.katespade.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-KateSale-Site/en_US/Default-Start?cm_mmc=ExactTarget-_-08062013_141_AugustSurpriseSale_FirstDay_topclickers-_-08062013_141_AugustSurpriseSale_FirstDay_topclickers-_-http%3a%2f%2fsurprise.katespade.com%2f&utm_source=email&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=08062013_141_AugustSurpriseSale_FirstDay_topclickers&utm_content=http%3a%2f%2fsurprise.katespade.com%2f&extgid=extg_08062013_141_AugustSurpriseSale_FirstDay

      • NOLA

        Sorry! There are a couple of purses I’d love to order but until I get past these hideous vet bills (undiagnosed still, but scratched all down my arm getting to the vet this morning), I’m on shopping hiatus.

        • Olivia Pope

          I’ve forgiven you. I have a very precise idea of what I want in my next purse and none of these matched precisely. Phew!

    • Baconpancakes

      On this note, any ladies use any Cobble Hill bags to carry a 13″ MacBook? I love the Kate Spade Cobble Hill line, but I do occasionally (not often) need to fit my MacBook into my purse.

      • Mpls

        I think the Cobble Hill descriptor really applies to the leather being used, as opposed to a particular style/structure (like the Quinn), so you’ll see Cobble Hill used in conjunction with multiple different style/sizes of bags. Was there a particular style you were looking at? I know there are a couple of the larger bags that would definitely be able to hold a small laptop.

        • Baconpancakes

          I was looking at the Leslie, but there’s contradictory numbers for the sizes on different sites. Zappos says it’s 17″ wide, Lord and Taylor says it’s 14″ (for the same price), but then there’s a “small” at 13″. Are there three sizes??

          I also like the Minka.

          • Mpls

            I’m guessing there is a “Leslie” and a “Small Leslie” – where it’s a similar structure, but two different sizes. I’m seeing the small Leslie as being the 14. There is a similar thing for the Minka/Little Minka.

            I have the little Minka, and based on the way my bag works, would not want to carry a laptop in it (if I could even fit one). The bottom of the bag isn’t really structured enough to support keeping a laptop upright, and the handle/cross body really aren’t meant to handle a lot of weight. The laptop might physcially fit, and might work on an occasional basis, but I wouldn’t make it a long term solution. I’d look for something that’s more of a tote, with two over the shoulder handles with a longer drop to accommodate a laptop. Maybe like the Cobble Hill Andee? or the Charlotte Street Miles?

    • Anon

      Oh help, I just bought the Vanston Jackson. It was just too pretty and there’s no way I could get any of these bags without this sale. I hope you gals think it would be appropriate to take along to interviews? My reasoning for buying it is if it arrives and I don’t like it, or think it was worth the $, I can put it up on ebay and probably at least get my money back right?

      • TO Lawyer

        +1 I love Kate Spade jewelry. However, my credit card is really happy they don’t ship to Canada…

    • J

      I was thinking of getting a Calista to use for work–with a wallet, phone, small makeup case, and occasionally a laptop. Think it’s big enough…? And would anyone recommend the Gramercy Park {nylon} version over the Bon Vivant {patent leather}?

    • Digby

      Thank you! I just got home to find that my [adorable, and I thought, finally over her destructive phase] dog had chewed through the strap on my wristlet. I was thinking about whether I should buy another, and this sale made it impossible for me to resist.

  5. In-house Europe

    Hey ladies, so I just found out that a friend has br€@st cancer, and it’s one of the bad ones, from what I could figure out the survival rate is 40-60%. I want to support her however I can, from a distance (times like these I hate living abroad!). I was thinking funny cards and maybe ordering something online, besides calling to chat. Any other suggestions? So so sad, just not fair. Thx in advance!

    • WarEagle

      Amazon Prime membership so she can just order anything she needs with expedited shipping.

      • PollyD

        This is brilliant. Maybe also membership, or however it works, for a grocery store that delivers?

    • anon in tejas

      you could choose to donate to an organization that fights her type of cancer, provides practical support or research.

      if you want to do something specifically for her– I would suggest depending on her treatment– netflix instant is a good option (watching movies/tv while getting chemo treatment), care package post surgery might also be a good option. you will need more details to do something like that.

    • SunnyD

      She’s probably in for a very long course of treatment, perhaps a year or more. Be the friend who is supporting her now and who is still supporting her with frequent visits/emails/cards/etc. in a year. Everyone is thinking about her right now, but she is just starting on this journey and people get busy with their own lives and forget that she’s still having treatment in October, November, December, January, etc. Even if you have to put a reminder on your calendar to do something for her every couple of weeks, do so.

      If you can either run errands for her while she’s in treatment or take her out of the house if she has the energy, that would be welcome. Sometimes something as simple as a trip to the grocery store can be completely draining and having someone else who will do that stuff is a tremendous help.

      If she’s going to lose her hair, I’d suggest finding some very soft hats (more like knit caps) for her. Her head will be cold and caps will help keep her warm and comfortable.

      NOLA may chime in here, but I think she’s said before that a stuffed animal helps patients sleep—-it has something to do with holding the stuffed animal against the port, which makes the port less uncomfortable. So perhaps a really soft stuffed animal would be nice.

      • NOLA

        Yes! I sent Seattleite a soft bear. She wasn’t sure she would use it but she ended up sleeping with it regularly. My mom had one when she had a port. It allows you to sleep without bumping against the port. And it’s comforting as well. I ordered a Gund bear from Amazon.

        I also purchased a set of chemo cap patterns. If you knit, I can send you the patterns.

    • Lyra Silvertongue

      My aunt is going through this, but I live close to her so it’s easy to be kind of hands-on. I second all of the suggestions like grocery delivery, Amazon Prime, etc, but also want to say- don’t forget her loved ones. It’s going to almost as difficult for them as for her. So if she has kids, etc, maybe try doing things to cheer them up from afar. I think that my aunt appreciates me distracting her kids almost more than me taking her to chemo sessions.

      • In house Europe

        Thanks for the advice everyone! I especially like the idea of setting up reminders, great idea!

  6. Anita

    No, intern, throwing a gray pinstriped flannel suit jacket over the hot pink microdress you wear clubbing does not make it work attire.

  7. Duchess

    Thanks for all the bread suggestions yesterday! I have some garlic rosemary no knead bread rising on my counter as I type this. If it goes over well, I’m going to try the beer bread next. Y’all are great.

  8. Paging Blue Re: Cat Issue

    I saw your post on yesterday’s thread regarding your cat going outside of the litter box. My male cat had major litter box aversion issues that first started with cystitis that was brought on by stress.

    Even after he was cleared by the vet, he still had problems. We kept the boxes clean, had multiple boxes, etc. I used to use Fresh Step litter and switched over to Cat Attract. Since he was having problems for a while, we confined him to one room with the box to make sure we could monitor his usage. Once we switched over to the new litter, he started consistently using the box again.

    We also made sure to reward him each time he used the box and had bathroom breaks where we would take hime and show him the box. Sometimes he would go, sometimes he wouldn’t.

    Note that if you use Prozac for anxiety issues, it can cause urine retention. I noticed that he would sometimes pee once a day or once every other day – and when he went it would be huge clumps. I would get concerned when I saw he didn’t use the box b/c I was afraid he went in the house somewhere.

    Thankfully, I found some information online and we got him off the Prozac. The initial situation that caused him stress (a foster kitty) was resolved so we decided he didn’t need the medicine. After a couple of weeks his litter box usage was more normal.

    Good luck with your situation! One other thing, I’ve found that Urine Off is a great product for cleaning up out of the box issues.

    • Nomi

      A cat on Prozac? Now I’ve heard everything. When we had a cat when I was young, we pointed him to the litter box and said use it. If he crapped anywhere else, after shoving his nose in it, we would put the crap in his food bowl. The cat learned quick where to crap. It was more difficult with the pissing, so after a year, we gave the cat to a local Chinese Restaurant, who promised to take good care of him.

  10. AMB

    A couple of my girfriends and I are debating a road trip over the Labour Day weekend. We’d be coming from the Montreal area and are looking to reduce costs so something drivable in the Northeastern US is of interest. I have to admit I’ve only ever driven through Vermont/Maine/NH – recs on places to consider? Extra points for something on a nice lake or the water to enjoy the last of the summer swimming weather.

    • FP

      Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire is gorgeous, and not far from Montreal at all. There are lots of cabin rentals all around the lake but if you’d prefer a hotel I’ll suggest the Wolfeboro Inn in Wolfeboro, and Mills Falls in Meredith.

      • AIMS

        I love Lake Winnipesaukee! Both those towns are really fun. If you go, stop by this amazing little antique shop Bonita Story in Meredith. You can find some pretty amazing estate jewelry there!

      • Lyra Silvertongue

        Gotta second Portsmouth, NH- amazing little town with tons of lovely restaurants and lots to do- historical sites, shopping, water activities, etc.

    • roses

      I’m a huge fan of Bar Harbor, ME, though it might be tad chilly for swimming now. Awesome sailing opportunities though.

      • LH

        +1 I always recommend Bar Harbor Maine/Acadia National Park for those looking for a driving trip in the NE. Its one of my absolute favorite parts of the US. It will be very crowded over Labor Day though, which means you’ll have to deal with high hotel prices and very crowded hikes/restaurants. If you have the option of going later in September, I’d recommend that – the weather should stay very nice through September and Labor Day is the end of the high season so if you go even one week later prices and crowds should be significantly lower. It should be plenty warm enough to swim in early Sept, at least in the lakes. Ocean swimming is always for the brave, even on the hottest days of summer. Maine also has a lot of Canadian visitors, more so than the rest of the Northeastern US. I remember from my childhood that many businesses in the Bar Harbor area accepted Canadian dollars. Not sure if that is still true.

    • TCFKAG

      So, I gotta admit, Labour Day weekend in *any* beach destination is going to be a hellish experience. Would you consider a mountainous, with occassional lakes, area instead [if you like quiet] – if so, I recommend the Berkshires. They’re beautiful and generally quiet and you can feel like you’re really getting away.

      But honestly, if I was planning a trip on Labour Day, I might hit somewhere more urban where you wouldn’t have to battle the crowds. I think staying in Portsmouth and then using it as a jumping off point, maybe heading to Boston for a day or out to the beach would be a fabulous idea. If you’re up for a longer drive, you might find Providence, RI interesting – its definitely got a gritty underbelly but its also become much cooler in the last 10-15 years. Also a bit of a hike are Mystic Seaport in CT which you could use as a jumping off point to explore more rural CT (which is beautiful and great for antiquing, if that’s your thing.) Plus – the aquarium is awesome.

      Finally, if you’re looking for relative tranquility, I recommend Block Island in RI. You take the ferry to get there (don’t bother with your car) and you can rent a bike and basically bike the whole island. There are public beaches that are amazing, “private” beaches that serve alcohol and have restaurants overlooking the ocean, amazing sea food places, and its definitely less popular than the Vineyard or Nantucket (though it’ll still be popular on Labour Day weekend, get as far away from the ferry dock as you comfortably can.) Not sure if you can get a place to stay this late in the season, but for a “beach town” – its really my favorite.

    • LF

      I live in Burlington, VT. Tons of microbreweries in the area (The Alchemist is about a 30 minute trek, close to the Ben & Jerry’s factory), beaches on Lake Champlain, and great hiking. Plus, less driving — only an hour and a half away from Montreal — so more time to enjoy your weekend!

  11. preg anon

    Hey, gals. Just checking in to say I have only checked this site once since I had my little man, and it happened to be the day y’all realized I had had him, and y’all sent your congratulations. I love this community!!! I can’t believe there is a group of internet strangers who care that I had my baby, and I honestly can’t believe how excited I am for TBK, for example. Thanks again!!!

  12. Emma

    The new and most junior member of my office is a former legal assistant. She is several years senior to me but a junior lawyer. Admittedly she has more experience in a legal office but much of that was working reception.

    I find her annoying as hell. She keeps name dropping lawyers and files and firms and has been largely assigned to quasi-paralegal tasks while the rest of us pick up her slack until she can function as an actual lawyer. She seems oblivious to this light workload. Just wanted to vent…

    • Jeni

      Maybe I missed something, but what are you venting about? Because she is name-dropping? It sounds like the issue is partners assigning stuff badly, not her slacking. And how do you want her to acknowledge the “light workload”? Perhaps she is just enjoying this short time until a ton of substantive work gets dumped on her. As commenters here frequently advise new associates to do.

    • Hel-lo

      Sounds like she’s nervous. You are more senior. You should be more mature, and act more like a mentor. “Venting” anonymously on the internet is kind of petty.

  13. Woods-comma-Elle

    I’m not sure I said this before, but congratulations! How is it going?

  14. A Different WWY Wear TJ

    So, MH is being hotly recruited by a company across the country. They are flying both of us out later this week for a final round of interviews/wooing sessions. On Friday night, there is a dinner that I am invited to attend (weird, I know). He will be in interview wear (suit and tie). What on earth should I wear? I’m thinking a conservative knee-length dress, cardigan, flats and simple jewelry. Does that sound right to you?

    • anon

      flattering conservative dress, statement necklace, tasteful heels. small earrings, no watch, understated bag. maybe a blazer over it? i am really anti cardigan’s but ymmv…

      flats/cardi/simple jewelry does not read exec wife to me.

      • goldribbons

        “flats/cardi/simple jewelry does not read exec wife to me.”
        Agreed. You want to make him look good and flats and a cardi do not cut it. You should wear a sheath dress, a blazer, low heels (your interview heels should be perfect), and noticeable jewelry. Doesn’t have to be a full-on STATEMENT necklace, but should definitely be noticeable (e.g., a pearl necklace over a black sheath dress).

      • k-padi

        +1. The conservative knee-length dress is a good start but I’d dress it up instead of dressing it down. So it’d be heels, statement jewelry, and more-than-a-cardigan jacket. I would wear my leather blazer for something like this. If he’s negotiating, you should project yourself as a force to be reckoned with.

    • Anne Shirley

      No. To me that reads daytime. I’d go with a flattering but not overly conservative dress, definitely heels, statement jewelry, and no cardigan. You need to make a good impression, but you aren’t interviewing and can/should be yourself. Unless being yourself entails flats and a cardi for a big dinner out, in which case be Diane Lockhart from The Good Wife. You want to give the impression that you’re supportive of the move, willing to engage with the company culture, with a whiff of damn- this dude scored a great one.

    • TCFKAG

      If it were me, I agree with the flattering, conservative dress, but I’d add a shrunken, fitted blazer (maybe something with a texture or a pattern – something to make it interesting) and then play up the jewelry since its an evening event. I’d also wear heels *if* you are comfortable in them. The last thing you want to do is be fidgeting all night. I’d also say, don’t be afraid of color. I know the instinct is to blend in – but really you’re not here to be the “straight edge” interviewee. You can take a little risk with your wardrobe [again, so that the others at the firm thing, *man* he has a cool wife.]

  15. Woods-comma-Elle

    Ugh, my replies are going all over the place, but that was for preganon.

  16. Anonymous

    Vent: Just found out that the blood tests done at my 10-wk pg appointment are costing me (+ DH)$1,600!!! Insurance only covered some of the tests and the doc ordered a bunch of other tests that I didn’t know about!! I’m beside myself, don’t know what to do, and dreading the next doc appointment (next week). Also, I’m a s3xual trauma survivor and I need to have a conversation with my doc about being more gentle, so I’m dreading that too. Anyone have any tips for avoiding these surprise bills (specifically during “routine” pg testing)?

    • mascot

      The bigger group practices have financial counselors/billing specialists that should be able to tell you what standard tests are and how your deductible/coverage applies. I would also ask about what lab they use for their testing and ensure that you are getting in-network coverage from your insurance. Same with referrals to any specialty providers for higher level u/s. I’d also check with your insurance company so that you understand exactly how they cover maternity care and delivery.

    • Pregomama

      Is it because you went out of network? Not covered? Or you had covereage but hadn’t met your deductible yet?

      The #1 thing you’ve got to do is understand your health plan coverage and make sure your OB’s office does, too. I went ahead and assumed we’re going to hit both our deductible (which is high) and our out of pocket maximum this year due to my pregnancy…so we are budgeting accordingly. I also make sure to stay in network (this gets dicey when you talk about lab work–so check ahead and make sure the lab processing your blood work is in network, too–typically the big issue is with United insurance and Quest labs).

      • Pregomama

        And if you don’t know the answer to why it wasn’t covered, and your insurance can’t tell you, talk to the billing office at the OB. They can tell you–they do this stuff all day long.

      • Pregomama

        One more thing- I had appointments at weeks 8 and 12, not 10, so i’m not sure what work you had done. But if you had that genetic screening panel done (I had it at 12 weeks), some insurances don’t cover it–but my doctor told me that well in advance and check.

        • OP

          Yeah, the genetic screening panel is what the huge cost was. Neither DH nor I can remember the doc mentioning that it was anything other than a “routine” blood test — she didn’t say anything about genetic screening, she didn’t say anything about additional cost (because we did ask), and we don’t understand why we didn’t get a heads up. (We also would have chosen NOT to have the screening panel, fwiw.)

          • Mpls

            I’d put a bit of a (polite) stink up about it then, at the insurance company and doctor’s office. Appeal it at the insurance company and go back to the doctor to ask why it was run, as it’s not a standard test. And push them on the question of why the ran an expensive unauthorized test. And maybe think about a new doctor/clinic if you don’t like the answer.

          • Pregomama

            I’m actually glad to hear that’s what it was. You have a couple options (I was in the same situation…except I knew in advance my ins. wouldn’t cover it–but we got it anyway).

            First, contact your OB’s billing office and make sure they billed/coded it properly. Second, call your insurance company and/or check online. Many insurance companies are changing positions on their coverage for this test. United, for example, now covers it but didn’t prior to March 2013. Some cover it under a specific set of circumstances only. Finally, if you get nowhere that route, call the lab directly. My conversations with them were essentially that they’ll extend a MAJOR discount to patients whose insurance doesn’t pick up the tab. (note: if your company covered it, but only part of it, then it’s probably more an issue with your deductible vs coverage restrictions). One of the companies charges a $350 cash rate, another charges $750. But nobody will actually charge a cash paying individual the full $1600- that’s just rack rate (gotta love healthcare).

            If you have more specific questions let me know and I”ll post an email address…I both work in the health insurance world, have worked for a clinic before, and just went through this in the spring. :)

          • Blonde Lawyer

            I think you present it to the doctor’s office exactly as you did here. Say that you were agreeing to routine tests but had chosen not to do the genetic screening panel, it was done anyway without your knowledge, your insurance isn’t covering it and since you didn’t consent to it you aren’t going to pay for it.

            Only take the hard stance though if you are willing to start again w/ a new doc if they refuse to keep you as a patient b/c you won’t pay their bill.

            Ask that going forward you be told exactly what is being done at all times and that only tests/procedures preapproved by your insurance be done.

          • Pregomama

            @ Blonde Lawyer– the bill comes from the lab, NOT the doctor’s office, for this test. So lobbying the office won’t work to get the cost down. You can certainly cause a fuss and make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else, though.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          @ Prego – ah my doctor is part of a practice group that does in-house radiology and lab so I just get one bill w/ all services combined. I can also appeal just to that one location for anything on my bill. It makes sense that a doctor not in a practice group would send out to a different lab.

          • Pregomama

            This specific set of tests is only run by 2-4 labs in the US. So no matter what the docs offer in house, this stuff is sent out. I know way too much about this test set–caused me headaches for two months.

    • Anon

      I don’t know anything about blood tests for pregnancy, but maybe your doctor coded them incorrectly so that they were rejected by your insurance company? I would call your doctor’s office and talk to them – if the tests were necessary, maybe they need to code them differently and resubmit to your insurance company.

  17. purplepear2006

    Any recs for books to help me start thinking about parenthood. I’m still a few years out from starting to TTC but I’d love to read some books geared toward preparing me and my spouse. I want to make sure we’re on the same page. Thanks.

    • DC daycare

      This is not about parenting, but I really liked Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I skipped the chapters about using natural birth control to avoid pregnancy since that’s not what I was interested in. But I learned a lot re “pregnancy achievement” as the author calls it.

    • Me too!

      +1. I’m about 2 years away from going sans birth control but I want to learn more and start thinking about it.

    • Marilla

      I’m reading through the Mother of All Pregnancy Books (Ann Douglas) right now and liking it. It’s targeted to a Canadian audience but I find it far more helpful than the What to Expect fear-mongering approach and it goes through thinking about baby, trying to have a baby, pregnancy, coming home from the hospital, etc. I recommend it, especially if you’re in Canada. (FWIW, I’m just pulling a ton of pregnancy books from the library and reading through them to see what’s worthwhile – will only buy the one or two I really like. The next one I’m picking up is the Mayo Clinic book. You may want to see what your library has so you can skim through a few without spending money.)

    • hellskitchen

      I loved the Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy – it really felt like a bunch of girlfriends sharing their pg experience with me casually and humorously

  18. Eye cream

    Anyone else have issues with very dry eyelids and under-eye area? Is it allergies? I’m looking for a good eye cream to help combat this problem, but also figure I’m tardy to the party on eye creams in general now that I’m in my late 20’s.

    Suggestions?

    • Houston Attny

      Forever I thought my dry eyelids were because of dry skin. When I mentioned it to my GP and even confessed to putting Vaseline on my eyelids, she told me it was allergies. A good eye cream is helpful for day-to-day application, but this might be allergy related.

  19. Anon.

    I would suggest the Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work and/or And Baby Makes Three by the Gottman Institute. Strengthening your marriage and communication skills before the stress of TTC and baby is key. It will help you be a better parent and stay on the same page as your spouse.

  20. Issa

    Got an email this AM about the Issa line that comes out at Banana Republic on Thursday. Anybody going to pre-shop the dresses? Apparently cardholders can do this at select stores – Grant Ave in SF, 3rd St Promenade in Santa Monica, Michigan Ave in Chicago, and SoHo in NYC. If anyone does, please report back on sizing etc.

    • Excitedly following this

      I would definitely be interested if anyone checks them out as well!

  21. Equity's Darling

    Just had a fire drill down 35 flights of stairs. My legs are still burning. I was supposed to run at lunch, but now I’m rethinking that plan…and thanking my lucky stars that we have elevators for the ride up.

  22. Survey

    I see so many huge diamonds on my way to work every day; I can’t believe that everyone on the subway is wearing 4 carat engagement rings and studs. I thought it might be fun to conduct a little anon survey here — for those of you who rock the precious stone look, are yours all real, great fakes, or a mix?

    • Blonde Lawyer

      My ring is real but 1 carat total. My earrings and necklace are fake. I lose earrings way too much to have real diamond studs.

    • Nomi

      Real, honey, real. 4.23 Karats! I told my guy that if he wanted to keep getting it from me, he’d have to start giving it, starting with an engagement ring that I picked out. Don’t let your boyfriend go to some cheap place and get you a cheap rock. Do your own homework, and if he wants to keep you happy (and this means him happy in bed), you pick out the ring you want, and show him what it is going to take to make you (and him) happy. My guy gets home tired at night from work, but after I send him to the shower to clean up, I make it worth his while for at least 45 minutes every nite before dinner. Needless to say, he sleeps like a baby at night, thanks to me. Oh, and we’re getting married in November, and I expect more jewelery.

    • Orangerie

      Not engaged or married, so no ring to speak of. I wear 1.5 carat t.w. studs in my ears – they were a gift from my parents and I almost never take them off.

    • Cat

      real, just under 2 carats, plus small diamond wedding band, and typically pearl studs. We could afford the ring because it has a small inclusion — invisible unless you know where to squint — but is ideal cut and fairly good on the color scale.

    • LH

      My ring is teeny tiny by the standards of successful professionals (1/2 carat center stone, about 1/3 of a carat in small stones around the band) but I love it – its very sparkly and beautiful and it represents a time in our lives when we were poor but very in love. I’d say most of my friends from college and grad school have at least a 1 carat center stone, many have way, way more (I know someone who got 6 (real) carats…I don’t even know how much that would cost but I assume hundreds of thousands). I went to high school in the midwest where things tend to be more modest and people have lower salaries, so most of my high school friends have rings in the 1/4 carat to 1 carat range.

      • +1

        My ring is definitely smaller than most, if not all, of my married or engaged friends– but we were the first to get married of our group and were poor law students! It also reminds me of that time and I wouldn’t change it for anything!

      • ML

        same. My ring reminds me of when we were just starting out together. I think its romantic.

    • ADL

      Not engaged or married, all of mine are real, as they were gifts to myself, at two different times for two different reasons. Earrings: 1.5 ct tw diamond studs. Right hand ring: 1 carat semi precious stone with .66 ct tw diamonds on either side.

    • L

      Rings (real) total 3 ct (center stone 1) the other 2 are throughout the bands. Earrings, totally fake but sized about 1 ct each ear.

    • Anonforthis

      my engagement ring has a 2-carat center stone and .5 carat of surrounding stones.

      We got married young (engaged at 24/25, married at 25/26) and he wanted to make sure I “didn’t want an upgrade” after only a few years. He saved diligently for that ring–and it made him happy to see that how furious I was when I found out what he spend on me (we were young! we had grad school to pay for! it was madness!). But…if he hadn’t done it, I wouldn’t still have one of the nicest rings among my (30s) peer group.

  23. Catundra ? [Blonde Lawyer]

    Potential trigger warning to those with disordered eating.

    Does anyone remember having the childhood book Catundra? It was first published in 1981 I think. My mom was cleaning out old books and gave this one to me because I have a fat orange cat. I read the book and was appalled that this was one of my childhood books. I thought maybe the book was satire like Go to F**k to Sleep but googling suggests it is actually a kid’s book.

    The book basically goes like this. Catundra lives in a cabin in the forest. She lives there because she can’t live in town because she is fat and all the other animals make fun of her. She cries in her cabin in the forest because now the forest animals make fun of her too. The only thing that helps her sadness is eating. When she has eaten all of the food she can find she feels even more miserable and cries some more. Then she goes out hunting and catches a mole. The mole asks why she would eat him since he isn’t very tasty. Catundra says it is because she is sad and there is no other food to eat. The mole asks why she is sad and she says because all the animals make fun of her. The mole then says eating is not the answer. She has to diet and exercise because then she won’t be fat and the other animals won’t have anything to laugh about. She agrees to try it and the mole helps her exercise. He only lets her eat vegetables except for “one sparrow” to keep up her strength. After losing weight she becomes the most beautiful cat in the whole forest and none of the animals make fun of her anymore. Now that she is beautiful (not fat) she is happy and the mole gets to live.

    How many parents bought a cute book w/ a fat cat not realizing they were brain washing their kid that you have to be thin to be pretty and not made fun of and you can only be happy if you are thin and pretty too. Crazy.

    • Wannabe Runner

      This sounds awful.

      The only similar book that I had as a kid was called, “Let’s Talk About… Whining” and my parents would read it to me when I was whining. Apparently it was part of a series.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      There is a similar vein of book I remember from being a kid about a princess who was really unhappy because she was cross-eyed and the king couldn’t find her a husband, and then she travelled through the forest and across the ocean and met all kinds of perils to go to some cave where she slept overnight and when she woke up in the morning, she was no longer cross-eyed and met a prince and they lived happily ever after.

      I can’t even begin to say how much is wrong about this…

      • eek

        As someone born with strabismus (can I even tell you how terrifying surgery at age 2.5 is??? It is my first memory) and later went through childhood with supranumerary teeth (hello, fang), asthma and allergy shots, just UGH.

    • Abby Lockhart

      I remember shopping for kids’ books several years ago and being shocked to realize a classic (can’t remember the title) was about some creature travelling around encountering other creatures and realizing he needed to be on his way each time he realized a creature was not just like him. Segregated lunch tables, anyone?

      • horrible!

        That is just awful! I was similarly offended by a short cartoon before a movie I took my niece and nephew to recently. It featured Maggie from the Simpsons in a Daycare that was segregated into the “gifted children” area and the “other”– the “other” area looking essentially like a prison. It was scary! I was dumbfounded.

    • Susedna

      ZOMG. I have that book somewhere in my parents’ attic. Got it from a gradeschool book fair (remember those?)
      My Mom thought it was harmless because “all the animals were cute.”. Oh well.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        LOL. I think I got it from a book fair. My mom couldn’t remember who bought it for me and I was always a fan of big cats. I wrote on the inside cover “due Tues” so I think I wrote a book report on it too!!! That would be a gem.

  24. Mrs Q

    Does anyone have a recommendation for a good marriage book to read with a spouse? Prior to getting married, we read a book called “10 questions” (or something like that) that raised questions about money, kids, family, sex, work-life balance. We’ve now been married for a few years and want to have similar conversations as a bit of a “check-in”. There are tons of marriage counseling books out there and I’m overwhelmed. Thanks for any recs!

    • Hel-lo

      DH and I read “For Men Only” and “For Women Only.” They are basically instruction manuals about the other gender, and how to nurture them. We found them very helpful. (They are written from a conservative Christian perspective, and have a few Bible anecdotes and quotes throughout. DH and I are not religious, and we just ignored that part. If you are turned off or distracted by religious references, the books aren’t for you. We don’t really agree with most Christian churches politically, but we understand people more religious than us might have some good advice on how to make a marriage stick.)

      I also read Project Happily Ever After based on a rec from this site. DH wasn’t a fan, but it helped me think about how I contribute to the marriage.

      Other r3tt3’s have recommended The Five Love Languages before, too. I bought that but haven’t read it yet.

    • purplepear2006

      Just wondering if you can recall the full name of the “10 Questions” book. My Amazon search isn’t pulling anything.

      • R

        I don’t know if it’s the same, but I received a similar book called “101 Questions to Ask Before the Ring”. Also written from a conservative Christian perspective, but it was helpful to talk through how we felt on a variety of issues. We went through it on a 16 hour road trip.

        I can’t recommend it enough. (And it would be interesting to do a check-in now, 10 years later. Great idea!)

      • Mrs Q

        I can’t remember the name of the book and it’s currently packed (we’re in the process of moving) but one I find it, I’ll report back :-)

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