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Weekend Open Thread

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black pants with blue stripe along side

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Oooh: these Reiss pants (and many other things!) are back in stock at the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, so if you missed out when you looked previously, it may be worth taking another look.

(I don't think I mentioned it in our big roundup, but this bra and these panties are always the top sellers among Corporette readers — closely followed by this bra. People are also snapping up these scrunchies and this $30 throw blanket, which would make a great gift.)

What have you guys gotten and loved from this year's Nordstrom Anniversary Sale?

Sales of note for 8/21/25:

  • Ann Taylor – $20 sale types (select styles), 25% off tops and sweaters, and extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles with code
  • Dermstore – 20% off the Anniversary Edit
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – Up to 50% off late summer styles, plus extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything and extra 15% off $100+
  • M.M.LaFleur – Up to 70% off new markdowns – try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
  • Neiman Marcus – Last call designer sale! Spend $200, get a $50 gift card (up to $2000+ spend with $500 gift card)
  • Nordstrom – 9,800+ new women's markdowns
  • Rothy's – Ooh: limited edition T-strap flats / Mary Janes
  • Spanx – End of summer sale
  • Talbots – 25% off your regular price purchase, also, end-of-season clearance
  • Tuckernuck – Sample sale, prices up to 70% off! (Including lots of this bestselling work dress marked to under $75)

232 Comments

  1. interviewing for a job where everyone wears moderately priced not trendy work clothes (like calvin klein suits from macys) is there some magic place to buy work clothes that meet that level of formality and price point but that are a little hipper?

    1. J Crew workwear has improved recently, is more trendy, and is cheap if you can find a sale from which it isn’t excluded. I was surprised to find some good linen trousers there, and when she was pinning them my tailor remarked that she’s seen a lot of decent items from the brand in the past few months.

      I would save up to splurge on fancier blazers on sale. L’Agence and Cinq a Sept are trendy. You can pair them with cheaper pants and tops.

      1. I’m assuming you are trying to blend in and not just looking to figure out how to buy more expensive clothes for the same price as a CK suit from Macy’s. If that’s the case, I would look at brands like Tahari ASL and CK but at places that are a little “fancier” like Nordstrom and Bloomingdale’s where they have more classic styles. Plenty right now in the NAS. BR can sometimes work too.

        If you’re just looking for classic suits that are less frumpy, look at Theory, Club Monaco, and JCrew.

      1. Plus at a ‘Calvin Klein’ price point you can get really nice stuff on thread up like akris and max mara

        1. i think she means CK Calvin Klein, not the design Calvin Klein. like a suit for $150.

    3. I think J. Crew is pretty good for this – it’s a little more current than the Macy’s brands, but still on the sedate side. Also the Nordstrom in-house brand – I feel like they try to be MMLF at a lower price point?

    5. jcrew, ann taylor, banana republic factory, jcrew factory — if you hit the sales you’ll be doing the same as CK quality and prices.

    6. Amazon can sometimes have some nice looking polyester clothing that fits that description. I mix it into my other clothing but don’t wear it head to toe because I struggle with man made fibers. I need wool and cotton based clothing.

      Primark is the other good spot. Their shirts are mainly cotton based and very affordable. This is where I buy my white shirts because I stain them all the time so cycle through them after 6 months.

  2. A lot of brands have suits now because they are in style. Start with here you usually shop.

  3. IDK if I just have very translucent skin or it’s part of being 50, but I am noticing so many capillaries / spider veins this summer. Maybe I’m not used to seeing my legs since we are in an era of big skirts? Maybe I’m more pasty than in prior summers? Is this a thing that you all are noticing? Do you do anything (I understand that they can inject and kill them and that they aren’t important to your health, but it’s a fall/winter thing as you have to spend weeks in support hose after)? I kind of want to clean this up for aesthetics for when next summer rolls around.

    2. i think it depends where you’re going with bare legs. if you’re in shorts it doesn’t really matter. if you’re in a skirt pantyhose are (is?) coming back for a reason (but now called “sheer tights”). i’ve also seen ads for opaque makeup to cover spider veins, tattoos, etc. or, like someone else said, self tanner.

    3. I have them and I’m not doing anything to them. You do you, but a relative tried the injections and they worked great when she was younger and now that she’s older and has other health conditions it’s an issue for her overall circulation. But, I think my limit on cosmetic stuff is a lot lower than most. (Isn’t part of approaching 50 not giving any Fs anymore?)

    4. Yeah, I hate this too. I try to watch my weight, stay active, wear cozy wellow (mild compression) socks in winter, elevate my legs when I can. But I haven’t seen a derm (or vascular clinic) yet to ask about options. And I hear they just come back, if you try to spot treat them.

      Part of it is genetics too.

    2. I think if it were Huntington’s it would be less of an if.

      I was thinking it might be something more polarizing or stigmatized (imagine being diagnosed with EDS right now!),

      1. +1

        That poster described a genetic disorder (which?) where progression/debilitation could be avoided with preventative care.

        That’s unusual, actually, for most of the common (scary) genetic diseases. And in fact, that would push me towards encouraging that poster to inform all of their family members that her genetic counselor recommends, and leave it to them whether to follow up with their doctors.

        How can you argue not to tell a family member that they could be carrying a debilitating genetic disorder if there was a way to intervene and prevent disability? The debate starts when you CAN’T intervene and treat a genetic disorder. In those scenarios, you may see more folks it just don’t want to know.

        A genetic risk factor for cancer runs in my family, that pushes up my cancer risk a lot. I did my testing after my mother died, and I carry the mutation. It is a dominant mutation, so I informed my brothers and my cousins on my mother’s side of the family so that they can all be tested. They are all men. It was interesting to me which of them immediately acted on the information and got tested, and which have actively decided not to test themselves, and which just couldn’t seem to care less. I nudged each of the ones that didn’t get tested once, and that’s it.

        1. She’s entitled to protect herself, and if her family is toxic, and isn’t going to keep her diagnosis confidential (violating her privacy or risking her employment), she is under no obligation to tell them. If they have symptoms they can go to a doctor and find out independently what they have.

          1. Not everything is symptomatic at the time when it requires intervention. I don’t know if there are ways for genetics offices to give relatives’ doctors a heads up without them knowing where the heads up came from though.

          2. Just giving that OP some perspective, from someone who has been through genetic testing and understands the stress of dealing with family with the results.

            I sense you haven’t been through that medical experience.

  6. Give it to me straight – if we want our kid to love learning and study subjects that interest him (and enjoy museums, shows, etc) but we don’t care much about “success” in the traditional sense, should we pony up for private school? I’m somewhat alarmed at what I’m hearing about public schools, especially teaching to the test, limited recess, lack of differentiation to the point of being a negative experience for all, and dumbing down of standards (especially if it’s in the name of “inclusion,” which I find very offensive). I’ve heard the same complaints from enough different people at this point, including two old friends who are teachers, to think it’s more than just internet exaggeration. Private school would be a stretch but likely not financially impossible.

    1. This really depends where you live some places have fantastic public schools and others not so much.

      1. Yep. What’s your neighborhood elementary school look like? I went to private school 1-12, and we got an influx of kids at 6th grade and again at 9th when parents opted out of their local school pyramids. It doesn’t matter what someone’s school is like on the internet; go do you research about your local elementary school.

        As for whether it’s worth it, I don’t know. I have a much better educational pedigree than my husband, but the only way that really plays out is that I have a much better vocabulary…in part because I loved to read more than he did growing up and in part because our 5th grade vocabulary workbook was an SAT vocabulary workbook, something you wouldn’t get at a public school.

        1. Your last sentence threw me. I was hoping you were going to emphasize going to schools that focus on reading was helpful – as from what I hear you barely read at schools these days. I’m not sure I’m thrilled to hear that your teachers started teaching to the test with an SAT book in 5th grade. That makes me – sad.

          1. Oof yeah same. An SAT workbook in 5th grade is definitely not an advertisement for the school. Yikes.

    2. Definitely explore the specific public schools and private schools that your children would attend, instead of the general concept of public schools. I am very happy with my kids’ public school district, but other districts may not be a good fit.

      But maybe you don’t have kids yet? Whether a kid loves museums and shows will be based on that kid’s personality and interests, not the type of school he or she attends.

    3. Honestly, your goals are not going to come from school, whether public or private. They’re going to come from your own modeling of loving learning, going to museums, asking questions, being interested in your own subjects, etc.

      1. yep, feeding instead of squashing your kid’s curiosity, and enabling it to deal with the peer pressure to not be a nerd if that should be relevant.

      2. Yes, with goals like these I would think private school is NOT the place to be, unless you find some sort of Waldorf unicorn. Private school is where the parents who care about “success” are going to put their kids.

        Let school be whatever, and foster a culture of learning and curiosity in your home.

        1. I was thinking that this basically describes a lot of home schooled kids. (Pony up for a governess?)

          1. I’d seriously consider that, if cleverly disguised as a loving grandmotherly nanny.

        3. friendly reminder that Waldorf schools were founded by a nazi who had zero background in childhood education

          3. Duly noted, bad example. I myself am much more a fan of Montessori, but the hive seems to hate that education style even more so I picked a different name to drop

        4. Look for a school that offers a “progressive education” if there is one in your area. Private schools with this approach can be great for stoking interests, instilling critical thinking and good writing skills. Of course, everywhere, you need to evaluate the exact public schools and exact private school you are considering. Unlike another poster, I think the years through primary school are important to capitalize on the strengths of progressive education and the value carries forward.

    4. When you walk into your local elementary school, what is your immediate visceral response? Do you feel enthusiastic about the building, the teachers, the playground? Is there student art on the walls? Do the kids seem happy and engaged?

      Or do you walk away with relief, glad to be out a place that makes your skin crawl for reasons you can’t pin down? I know we usually say “if it isn’t a hell yes, then it’s a no” for dating, but I believe it holds true for schools too. Your child won’t love learning if he’s in a school community full of people who wish they were somewhere else.

      1. This is insane. My nephews school is old and small and ugly. And he doesn’t know that because he is 5. What he knows is that Miss Meredith is the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen and she teaches him everything and his art is on the walls and the library lets you take real books home. Most people aren’t in a position to judge a school by a first impression.

        1. His school sounds great (though it would be nice if we made schools that aren’t ugly).

          But some schools do have bad vibes, and if anything I think young children are more sensitive when something is off. I have never needed shiny and new and usually see it as a sign of misplaced prioritized, but all the sights and smells of ongoing water damage are depressing when you have to spend a lot of time in a place, if that’s coupled with anxious, crabby, and despondent attitudes from current students, teachers, and staff.

        2. My middle school had buckets in the corridors to catch water dripping from the ceilings when it rained. We are in the PNW. The buckets were a constant fixture.

          Over 90% of the kids at my high school went on to college (this was the mid 90s) and we used Howard Zinn’s History of the United States as our text in 11th grade.

          The vibe is the vibe.

          2. Yeah the buckets of dripping water don’t say anything about the academics and don’t always mean that the school is neglected in every respect. Maybe they spent money where it mattered more.

            I still wish more schools cared more about kids with asthma and other respiratory conditions. But these days there are schools taking a punitive attitude even towards absences that are covered by a doctor’s note, so kids with medical needs have to take what they can get.

          3. Oh, assuming we went to the same school, the classroom maps still had a divided Germany on them in the very late 90s. They weren’t spending money where it mattered more; they weren’t spending money at all.

        1. What?? My college BFF lives in Florida and her kids’ schools have playgrounds! I’ve never heard this. Where do you live?

    5. I think school culture varies widely whether it’s public or private. But I think it does matter to find a school that doesn’t actively impede love of learning or stigmatize it. I hate seeing situations where the student loves learning and is deeply miserable at school for that reason!

      1. Co-sign. The private schools here that are “better” are better because of 1) helicopter sports-success-obsessed SAHMs (so don’t you dare NOT start their kid), 2) $$$, 3) gate-keeping out kids with any issues and starting with kids who already reading in English, and 4) requiring redshirting, so their kids are turning 7 in first grade, so already bigger, stronger, and more “ready” to learn. It’s fine if your kid is the 1-5 starters on the hoops team. If they are bigger or slower, STFU or write a bigger check. Get one kid in but the other has ADHD or dyslexia — prepare to transfer the whole family somewhere else. Parents do papers for the kids and I’m not sure anyone learns grammar unless they take a foreign language (so look at that).

        1. Tell me you don’t know anything about private school without telling me you don’t know anything about private school. Sheesh

        2. Umm , turning 7 in first grade is normal. My kids birthday is four days after the cut off, so she turns 7 three weeks after starting first grade.

        3. Seven is a perfectly normal age for first grade. The vast majority of kids turn 7 sometime during that school year.

          1. Yup. Even the young kids by birthday cutoff turn 7 in the late spring. Our public cutoff is 8/1 so some non-redshirted kids turn 7 a couple weeks before starting first grade.

    6. Responding to a few questions – one kid, new to our area but schools are “good.” I don’t really know what that means – good like pressure cooker? Test scores? I don’t have a good feel. East Bay in Bay Area.

      1. Bay Area is TOUGH. I’m in the South Bay, and here “good” = pressure cooker and high depression / suicide rates. Maybe east bay is better since you’re less steeped in tech.

        1. So agree with this. I was shocked to find out that a TODDLER that I babysat when I was in college threw himself in front of a Caltrain. He was from the nicest family. He had severe depression following his father passing from cancer. He was at a pressure cooker school in the mid-Peninsula. RIP.

          Whenever I meet someone who went to Casti or Menlo or SH or Paly or MA or Gunn, I really want to say–I’m glad you’re OK. And this is coming from someone who thrived in a school like that (in SoCal) but…not all kids thrive.

      2. I’m in the Midwest and our local city magazine does a yearly ranking for the best school districts in the area. It’s a big deal if you make it in the top 5. They base it off a number of factors like test scores, class size, etc, etc. I’d take a look at your local media to see if they’ve covered anything similar, I’m sure they have.

      3. I’m also in the East Bay. It varies WILDLY. Not every school or district is the same; not every private school is automatically better. You can’t answer this in a vacuum. If you post more information I can share what my experience has been with those specific schools and programs.

        1. We just moved to Walnut Creek. We rent in the district zoned for Las Lomas. We lived in Berkeley for a few years before that.

          1. Obviously this is old data but my DH went to Parkmead, then WC intermediate, and then Las Lomas. His education altogether was clearly better than mine at an expensive private school in SF. They got to do a lot more fieldtrips, their science classroom was better stocked, and his access to AP classes was top notch. It doesn’t sound like any of the schools were pressure cookers. He loves museums. My vocabulary improved dramatically after I met him (measurably – I took the GMAT a few times during that period and scored 100+ points more after hanging out with him for a year). I think the only bad thing about his education was a lack of diversity outside his own extended family. In SF, I had tons of diversity and general exposure (just getting to the fields for sports was a public transit adventure) but perhaps at some expense of academics. Fast forward 20 years, our elementary kid goes to a private school even though we live in an objectively good school district. This kid loves learning but is just a hard kid. Too many questions, too much jumping around from interest to interest, too much energy for a teacher who has 25+ other children to mind and educate. In a classroom with a 12:1 ratio all this is a positive.

    7. IDK but I feel that it matters a lot more around middle and high school, so you have some runway to figure this all out. Talk to people. Listen. See who else switches schools. Kids fled our “good” school and while there were 4 K classes, there were only 2 5th grade classrooms. I switched my younger kid at 5th so she’d go to a magnet middle school and that was the right choice for her (the choice to leave was right but our sending choice wasn’t as clear except in retrospect; we often don’t get what is promised or the admin changes on us and they do things like abandon junior great books, etc.).

    8. Do not listen to comments about public school made by people who don’t have kids, and who don’t have kids in your school district. General airing of grievances may not reflect your reality. Even some of the things I’ve seen on social media about our particular district are inaccurate – they are criticizing curriculum we don’t actually use, for example, or they’re based on rumors that get smacked down at school board meetings. Not to say that everything is perfect, but a lot of people judge first and worry about truth later.

      1. Yeah, I’ve heard people strongly proclaim that our school district does X or Y and it’s not the case. The best information is from people who already have kids at a school.

    9. Omg no. Go read yesterdays mom post if you must. Idk why people are obsessed with panicking over public school. Like, try it and see? There are lots of good ones. If yours sucks consider a change.

    10. From what I’ve seen in k12 and higher ed, modeling curiosity, reading, emphasizing the importance of education and a love of learning for your kids is what makes the difference. Plenty of private school kids are mindless drones chat GPTing their way through their education, too. Aside from truly exclusive private schools (where the network and paths to the Ivies are the real value), you’re better off saving your money and putting it towards college savings, additional enrichment in a child’s interests, time together in nature, whatever.

    11. In our district gifted services don’t really start until 4th grade IIRC. So one friend who has a genius level child did choose to put him in the local private school that caters especially to gifted kids.

      If you HAVE a school that especially caters to gifted kids, do consider that if you have a child who can test in. If you DON’T have a school like that, I think your money would be better spent moving to the best public school district in your area and trusting from there. Don’t just assume Catholic school or Montessori is going to be better because it’s private or has small class sizes. We did Montessori for a while with my youngest and some of the teachers were real whackos.

      Especially when you’re talking about the recess stage of things, I wouldn’t stress over this too much.

      1. I think 4th grade is old to stat a gifted program now. K or 1st is the norm for public schools, among my friends and acquaintances. Ours started in first grade officially, although there was a lot of classroom differentiation even in K.

        1. So we left NYC in part because I didn’t like the fact that they tested for gifted at age 4 – my son was very smart but not reliably cooperative then, and I didn’t want his path chosen at that age.

          (From an Google search just now, apparently cognitive testing is most reliable from ages 6-9.)

          1. I think most schools retest yearly and add children to the program as they qualify. So you might not get in at 5 but you could get in at 7 or 9. Once in, you don’t get booted out easily (only for serious behavior issues or total inability to keep up with academic work), so the gifted program gets larger every year. At least that’s how our school does it.

    12. The best advice I’ve ever heard on picking a school was from my kids’ preK teacher. Her suggestion was to consider first, and most seriously, the local public school to which your kid is assigned by the school district. Then, look at any other possibilities.

      While there are plenty of problems with public school (and I say that as a long-term, committed public school parent), there are also a lot of good and good-enough public schools where there are 10 amazing things that outweigh the 2 not-so-amazing things.

    13. One thing I enjoyed about my private school education was that it was cool to be smart and involved and follow your passions – AND that the school provided avenues for that.

      If you had something you wanted to dive into a teacher would create an independent study. We had funding for students to do all sorts of research in any subject.

      It was like being at a selective SLAC.

      1. This sounds ideal. Almost as if a really good local library were somehow also a school (my dream school concept when I was a kid).

      2. I mean, this is also the vibe at certain public schools. And definitely NOT the vibe at many, many private schools.

        1. Agreed. This does not describe any of the private schools I know. I’m most familiar with Bay Area, which may be different. But the private schools are basically the opposite of self-directed. The goal is to accelerate academics as much as possible, prioritizing speed over depth or understanding, and there’s no room for individual preferences or creativity. It seems ghastly to me, and our random generically “good” but not special public school is much better at supporting individual passions.

        2. …no public school is gonna fully fund 3 weeks of international research for 5 students each summer the way my private school did

    14. No. Use public school and throw the difference at travel, enriching camps and outings to the theatre and ballet. School doesn’t actually matter that much if you come from an educated family with the means for enriching out of school experiences.

      I’m on safari with my kid now and she’s learned far more about animals in 2 days than she did in 2 years of elementary school. And I don’t think that’s a public school failing – I think hands on learning is just much more effective for kids

      1. Small classes and more resources mean that private schools do more hands on learning.

        2. It really depends on the private school. The ones I’m most familiar with don’t do a lot of hands-on learning. They have very high test scores but it’s because they focus pretty much exclusively on teaching to the test and conventional academic achievement. My kids’ good but not extraordinary public school does way more creative hands-on stuff.

          And no school can replace the experiences parents can provide, especially if said parents are in a position to provide things like an African safari.

      2. OP here and of course that’s the best idea, but I’m still concerned about what happens if my kid is in school 6-8 hours a day somewhere he’s totally miserable. Maybe he won’t be, but if he is, that’s a lot of time every day, month, and year to try to counteract. I’m trying to get a better feel from local parents about the vibes; so far in our time here, I’ve heard whispers that one school district is “worse” but without reasons why.

        1. I would try public school first. My kids have gone to private schools when, for very specific reasons, I thought public school wasn’t serving them well. Like extended virtual learning when they were in early elementary during 2020-2021, and the year after when the dust of the long closures was still settling. But I wouldn’t start out in private school unless either you have very specific religious/philosophical requirements, or a consensus of local parents whose kids spent at least a couple years in the public elementary school warn you away with enough specificity that it seems like fact rather than a personal grudge.

          I have never met a child who was totally miserable in early elementary school. Kids that age like to learn in spite of anything that bores them for a few hours. My son did not have a great K teacher and complained a lot about how he missed preK, but he still made friends, had fun at lunch and recess, learned some things, and was excited to go back to school the next year. K is a very low stakes way to try a school. The bigger red flags to me are not curriculum, teaching to the test, etc, but safety issues, overcrowding, lack of communication, an unsupportive administration, or just a bad vibe/lack of community. It’s harder to get a feel for those from the outside.

          I agree that your home environment is much more important than school, and disagree that the 6-8 hours in school can do much to stifle a love of learning cultivated at home. Boring people are bored. I was a highly gifted kid and regular public school K didn’t break me. I did appreciate gifted services when I got into 3rd grade, but irrespective of how smart you think your child is, identification of giftedness before 2nd or 3rd grade is sus.

          1. Highly gifted kids are easy to spot by age 3 or 4, usually earlier. We knew by 18 months and it was confirmed by testing at age 5. If you make them wait until third grade for gifted services you will crush their spirits.

          2. That is just not true. My kid was identified as highly gifted by her school in first grade and her spirit has not been crushed by the standard elementary school curriculum. She also does not really seem that different than other bright kids and if we hadn’t had her IQ tested we wouldn’t even have known that young.

          3. 11:47 again here. my IQ is ~160 and I promise you my spirit was not crushed by being in a normal classroom in early elementary. Or the rest of m I will give you that you can identify very gifted kids earlier — my parents had me tested independently after K to support a recommendation that I skip first grade — but by definition these are edge cases. I knew I was ahead of the kids in my K class, but I was happy to color letter people at school with my friends and read books at home. My parents provided a mentally enriching environment, public school was a socially enriching one.

            With the caveat that all kids are different, gifted kids really don’t need to be coddled so much. They’re not going to break because they have to hang out with normies when they’re 6. Gifted kids tend to have a rich inner world…they can do mundane boring things as long as they have an idea to keep their brain busy. And for little kids, interesting ideas are everywhere.

          4. Fat thumb… was intending to add that my spirit was also not crushed by the rest of my K-12 public education, even though the specific gifted services were only a minor portion of the hours I spent there.

          5. Kids are different, and so are schools. I’m always hopeful that schools are better with outlier students than they used to be! I can say that my spirit was crushed in school, and the social environment provided was not enriching. Remember that twice exceptional students and students with health conditions do not always have the energy to waste so much time in school and then do mentally enriching activities outside of school to remain academically challenged. And busywork can still be time consuming and even stressful in cases where the student is learning literally nothing. But if you’re paying attention, you will know if your kid is happy or dreading school every day. Just don’t downplay it if they’re dreading school; that’s not actually normal, and a lot of unhappy kids are already downplaying it themselves as a survival mechanism.

        2. My guess is he won’t be miserable, and if he is you can move him at that point. Humblebrag but my kid has tested as highly gifted and loves school because of her friends and her special subjects like art. She finds the actual schoolwork, especially math, ridiculously easy, but has never seriously complained about being bored and absolutely loves school. Like has had a countdown calendar going all summer loves it.

          There’s a commenter or commenters on the moms page who insists all kids with an IQ above a turnip are bored to the point of destruction in elementary school but that is not my experience at all. Many kids just don’t care that much about school and view it primarily as a social thing. As long as you can provide enriching experiences outside of school I wouldn’t worry too much about an elementary age kid who views school as an extended play date.

    15. You need to accept who your child is and focus on making them the best version of themselves. The school itself matters but it’s not the most important factor.

      I have 3 children all with IEPs. I’ve done public and private. Texas was parochial. My elder two had a horrible experience at one school in the district and my youngest having the best experience at a different elementary school, both in the same public school.

      My children did very well in smaller schools in elementary (300 children max, so 2-3 classes per grade) and they have done better at the larger middle school. My eldest is going to the district high school which is very mixed with a large cohort on the vocational track and about 5-10 kids heading to Ivy League. The school has about 150 per grade in the high school.

      I supplement a lot. Summer is remedial for my children. Maths, behavioral help and reading help is being done to help with their learning difficulties. I have one child accelerated in math and two behind. I have two children who are advanced readers and one with dyslexia. The local library is amazing.

      Their parochial school was excellent and if you are looking for private options I’d highly recommend considering these schools. I’m not catholic but they welcome all. Unlike private schools the good ones are run to maximize the outcome of the children. The focus is on the development of the whole child, not pushing the child through to a good college so the parents feel they have bought value. The Catholic school my children attended had a learning support classroom for dyslexic students and a guidance counselor who was excellent. The priest was also very good with the pastoral care and the sermons were excellent. If your child enjoys Latin or Greek these schools are more likely to cover that. The private school they attended was pay to play. The more you ‘donated’ the more your child got. When paying $50k fees I did expect further shake downs.

      Tutoring and mathnasium are excellent and help as do family trips. You can’t make a child into a genius. IQ is largely hereditary. All you can do it nurture it.

    16. Do you spend time with kid outside of the school day? Parent involvement and encouragement can go a long way, I would not assume all the teachers or admins are going to support what you say you want. There are excellent and cruddy teachers and teaching to the test in both systems. I found my friends who went to private schools have “better” scores generally, and more academically competitive, but not any more likely to enjoy learning, learn for fun as adults, get outside, study subjects that interest them outside of school hours. I would get off the internet – nationwide opinions on this topic won’t help you much. If you want to avoid teaching to the test, increased recess without phones, and also high standards where your kid may get a C- (and you don’t complain to the district about low grades!!) that could be a hard combo to find at any school depending on where you live. If you are currently at the public school, see for yourself. Consider going to some school board meetings, start volunteering at the school (not just PTA, actual in-classroom time, recess monitor, etc.), donate for field trips, and listen to your kid.

    17. Florida mom whose son graduated in 2017. The lack of recess and teaching to the test is an abomination and only fuels the schooltoprisonpipeline for the lower achievers and the rat race for the other kids is relentless. That said, the few really great public schools cost a small fortune. It depends on where you live.

  7. Super niche hunt, figure it’s worth asking here! I watched a K-drama on Netflix, “Business Proposal.” In episode 9, there’s a scene where two women are in a car and I LOVE the driver’s earrings. Driver’s character is Yoo Jung (I’ve also seen it spelled Yu-jeong) and she’s with her cousin Jin Young Seo. Driver’s earrings look like large, decorated hoops? Driver isn’t the main character so I can’t find it on any fashion blogs. Apparently this scene has been turned into a meme or gif, if you search Business proposal + “you know I have no chingu” or “you know I don’t have friends” you can maybe eyeball them! Or if you know any super-detailed sites that have this info. I do not have social media, so am relying on web search!

    1. I failed to find this with a reverse image search, but you might like some of the earrings that come up on a reverse image search if you haven’t tried that approach yet (good file quality helps).

  8. Help me shop-Aspen wedding in August. Need a dress. Very different vibe than my normal Florida attire. Size 14, 5’10 and wedding invite says Aspen Glam.

    1. Even if it’s not what they envisioned, I grant you permission to show up in something that Beth from Yellowstone would wear. It’s $$$, but she wore a cape from Pendleton that I covet. I think you can google “as worn on TV” or similar for Beth Dutton and a lot of pictures and links will come up.

    2. A maxi dress to show off your height! Whether you also want to show off elsewhere, is up to you

      1. As a fellow 5’10” girly, maxi dresses make me look absolutely enormous, and not in a glamorous way. Choose your maxis carefully. I look both tall and awkward in maxi dresses. I think they lengthen regular-height and petite people, but if you’re already tall and not absurdly rail thin, you risk looking “omg how taaaalll are you?” and not in a good way.

    3. Something like this with a fun jacket to put on when it cools off – maybe with boots!

  9. I am seeing a Rheumatologist next week to investigate some recent bloodwork and I am a little nervous. My primary care doc/hematologist strongly suspect I have ITP. Has anyone from the Hive had an ITP diagnosis? From what the hematologist said, I will need to get bloodwork a few times a year to check on my platelet levels. I may require steroids or transfusions if my levels dip too low. Just curious if anyone else has dealt with this!

    1. Yes! Feel free to post a burner if you like. The one thing I would say is definitely get tested for immune deficiencies now. ITP is often an autoimmune manifestation of a primary immune deficiency.

    2. Super late response but hopefully you’ll see it. I was diagnosed with ITP in high school and it resolved a few years later. This was a long time ago now, but as I remember, I did steroids, several IVIG treatments, and ultimately did a course (or two?) of Rituxin, which cured the ITP. I found it reasonably easy to manage during the years I had to manage it, though it kept me out of high school sports (not a big deal for me personally as I was happy to focus my time on the debate team). Heavily co-sign the other poster’s suggestion to check for a primary immunodeficiency. I was diagnosed with CVID in my 30s after many years of catching every virus within a 30 mile radius; in retrospect it’s insane that no doctors thought of a potential primary immune deficiency any sooner. Also happy to email if you have questions and want to post a burner.

  10. It’s been a while since we had a good confessions post. Spill that thing you’d normally never tell. I’ll post mine below.

    **this is a judgement-free zone**

    1. I’m at peace with having gone no-contact with my mother, but I’m pissed off at all the social pressure to be a dutiful daughter — it played a role in keeping me locked into a severely abusive relationship for a long time. And it’s relentless. Why are people so insistent and so up in my business?

    2. I wish I had switched to formula sooner. It wasn’t worth it to pump near-exclusively when nursing didn’t work well.

      1. I breastfed my children, but looking back, it had a massively detrimental impact on me, my marriage, my career….overall I think my children would have been better off on formula so I could sleep and be regulated.

        Basically…you are not alone. Wish I’d made the same decision as you!

    3. A positive one — my relationship with my partner is more equal than I could have imagined due to my own sexist upbringing.

      1. Mine is related to the same – my husband does more around the house than I do. I feel guilty about it sometimes but I guess if we are moving past historical gendered roles toward equality, there are going to be straight couples where the husband does more of the “wife” stuff than the actual wife does.

        I’ve always been the primary earner so that’s how we got here. But he also worked a corporate job before retirement. He just didn’t have the big career.

    4. My partner of two years and I are going to discuss either going on a break or breaking up on Sunday. We still love each other but the relationship is just not working anymore. I am equal parts relieved and sad. He can turn the most minor things into a fight and I am no longer showing up as my authentic self because of that. But the thing I’m dreading the most is having to tell my friends and especially my dysfunctional family that I (we) failed to make it work

      1. My condolences.

        I want to leave my partner so bad but I have no support system and I know my family will take his side and be super judgey.

      2. I’ve heard it suggested that you could say he broke up with you if it’s easier to pretend it was out of your hands to your friends/family.

      3. I’m sending my best to you.

        I’m in my early 40s and going through a divorce. Thing I learned the very hard way: what feels “normal” to me in a man is dysfunctional; I don’t notice when a man mistreats me the same way my family of origin mistreats me.

        Consider taking this as an opportunity to step back from your family.

        Also: it’s dating! It’s not marriage! When people say “make it work,” the word “it” is doing a lot of heavy lifting. Make what work? Dating? The point of dating is to determine if you work as a couple, not to work.

      4. I am here to support you. I should have broken up with my first husband before we were married but went through with it in large part because I was afraid of having to tell everyone I was breaking my engagement. Be strong — you are doing the right thing!

    5. Our parents think we tried IVF and it failed, but really we didn’t want to keep pursuing kids when IUI didn’t work. But if we didn’t let them believe we hadn’t exhausted the option, the guilt trips over grandchildren would have ruined our relationship.

      1. IVF is torture and the long term health risks are no joke. Crazy how it’s ‘expected’

      2. I’ve let people believe this before. Sometimes it’s just too complicated and personal to get into.

    6. We are $37 away from crossing the $2m investment mark. I’m 36. That feels pretty good!

      3. We’re probably not too far from that these days at the same age but you wouldn’t know it by looking at my homeless-adjacent aesthetic. Guess that’s my confession.

        1. I am sitting here with a messy bun in a five year old Old Navy shirt I just spilled Thai food on, so same vibe here. Hell yeah; us!

          1. But that’s now you end up saving that much money. I’m sitting on enough to retire comfortably at a 3-4% annual withdrawal rate and I wear Old Navy pants almost every day.

          2. Haha, I literally typed my response wearing an Old Navy tank I got the summer before college. God only knows how it’s held up this long and it’s certainly not outside-appropriate now, but it has fewer holes than you would expect for being 18 years old!

      4. In contrast, I just had to buy a new to me car bc my old one died and my net worth is now like 25k. I’m waiting for a divorce settlement from my soon to be ex from our home, but he’s dragging his feet. I’m so stressed and tired.

    7. I love my husband, but I daydream constantly about being with other men and other women.

    8. I let people at work assume I’m struggling with infertility because I don’t want to discuss my decision to not have kids.

      1. I’m the poster above who is letting parents believe we tried IVF. Our 30s were rough with people assuming we’d be frantically trying and “oh are you sure you should be drinking”. I am relieved to report that having crested 40, they have given up and no longer hint or pry.

      2. Hi, please don’t do this, because a coworker who is actually miscarrying might look to you for emotional support, and it would be pretty sad to find out someone you thought would understand was faking it.

  11. Thank you to whoever suggested Thursday Night Murder Club, I’m loving it. What other amusing, not too dark mysteries like it should I read? Are any of classics like Agatha Christie this fun?

    1. Agatha Christie is not quite as fun, IMO, although they are still cozy and enjoyable and you should try them. I tend to like Hercule Poirot better than Miss Marple. If you like Thursday Murder Club, you should also check out Richard Osman’s other mysteries. There are several TMC sequels, and We Solve Murders is a new set of characters I liked just as much. Other authors I enjoy and think are similar vibe:

      Deanna Raybourn (the series beginning with Killers of a Certain Age, as well as the Veronica Speedwell series).

      Anthony Horowitz (Magpie Murders or The Word is Murder, etc. Not Moriarty. It’s not bad, just not quite the same vibe)

      Benjamin Stevenson (Everyone In My Family Has Killed Someone and sequels)

      1. Co-sign every one of these.

        Also I just finished A Case of Mice and Murder by Sally Smith on the recommendation of somebody here (THANK YOU!) and I loved it. Cozy and fun.

    2. The Marlow Murder Club series of books by Richard Thorogood. They’re also a TV series on PBS, about to start season two in August.

    4. I haven’t read Osmond’s series yet, but if you like light-hearted mystery and want to try Agatha Christie, I’d recommend:

      Cat among the Pidgeons. It’s a light-hearted mystery set a girls’ boarding school.

      Secret of Chimney’s – very early one (1920ies) and it’s an international espionage, country house plot.

      They Came to Baghdad. International espionage, but quite fun. One of the mysteries that showcases her archaeological connection.

      If you want to go. a little more classic:
      And then there were none – it’s a masterpiece, but maybe not light-hearted.
      The Body in the Library – a classic Miss Marple.

      2. I adore these books. Started reading them in fourth grade when there were only four. I grew up with Ramses. Highly recommend!

    6. Georgette Heyer’s Footsteps in the Dark is great.

      Goodreads: “Locals claim the Priory is haunted and refuse to put a single toe past the front door. Left empty for years, and even their deceased uncle chose to live in a different house, far away from this particular property. But the ramshackle old house, with its rambling charm is the perfect setting for a much-needed holiday for siblings Peter, Celia and Margaret, who have inherited it from their uncle. It wasn’t the lack of modern conveniences that made a summer spent at the ancient priory mansion such an unsettling experience. It was the supposed ghost… or whatever was groaning in the cellars and roaming the countryside around Framley Village after dark.”

    7. For the humor, lighter vibe, and mature characters, I enjoyed Killers of a Certain Age by Deanna Raybourn and its sequel Kills Well With Others. She also wrote a historical mystery series called the Veronica Speedwell series, set in Victorian London. They are also light hearted and a little cozy.

      Also check out Ally Carter’s The Most Wonderful Crime of the Year (set during the Christmas holidays and directly inspired by Agatha Christie) and the Masie Dobbs series.

      My favorite Agatha Christie novel is And Then There Were None. Her mysteries are great and classics for a reason, but the tone is more serious.

    8. Oh wonderful! I don’t know if it was my recommendation, but I’ve mentioned those a few times. Anthony Horowitz fits the same vibe.

  12. Anyone have good SPF lip product to recommend? I’m vain and want it to have real color, more than MLLB. Cool toned, think a berry type of tint, but not so bold to be Meredith Blake poolside drama.

    1. D’oh meant better than MLBB (my lips but better) but hopefully the meaning came through

    4. The super goop ones are good. The colors can be vibrant so choose carefully.

      Neutrogena has a gloss in a tube like Lancôme Juicy tubes, but with SPF. It’s called the Lip Soother. I ordered the color Glaze 60. Im a pale cool toned girl so this is a natural looking shade on me but closer to a gloss than a lip tint of any sort.

    5. thanks guys! Ordered Burt’s in Daisy and Neutrogena in Blaze to see IRL. Those supergoop ones look amazing but not errorproof to reapply with no mirror!

  13. Last year I created “sculpture
    bingo” for my grandkids during “grandma week.” It took me 3 weeks to plan, I made 40 prompts (“red and bigger than you,” “a bug” “black and white”) they chose 25 of those to glue their own bingo grid, and we spent 3 days going to different sculpture parks, gardens, walks. All ages loved it, it was part scavenger hunt and part game. I get to have grandma week again in 2 weeks!! Help me think of something else unique? We have been to every “kid thing” in my metro and more (science center, zoo, imax, water sports, state capital tour, art museum, climbing and tumbling and jumping gyms, parks, fancy restaurants, botantical garden). Their parents take them hiking and exploring state and national parks a lot (and I am a little worried about corralling the little ones if we did a big hike). They cook with me during the week. I am willing to put some time and money into making something, I also take off two extra days from work before they come for grocery shopping and final prep. Prefer something that can be at least part outside, they have some buy in/anticipation, and that all ages can enjoy. (Ages 6-13, 5 of them, I rent a van.)

    1. Do they have any favorite books that feature specific foods? You could make a picnic lunch with a book food theme. My mom did this for us as kids with the Great Brain series. It was super fun.

      1. This is a fun idea! We made Turkish Delight in my fourth grade class after reading The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe and I still remember it fondly!

    2. This is so cool.

      How about something focused on different countries/regions/continents? You could explore different grocery stores, hunt through museums for art from different regions, look in the botanical gardens for plants that originated in different areas. Zoos, games, sports . . . you could probably touch on them all.

    3. wow, that sounds amazing and you are brave! My mom prefers to take my kids individually for Grandma camp. Easier for her, and they enjoy being only children temporarily.

      Build something together? My first thought was a treehouse, which my kids had a blast doing one summer, but that is very involved. My siblings and I used to love making “survival shelters” when I was a kid. If you don’t have your own outdoor space, a local park could work…there are several stick lean-tos that crop up each summer along our favorite creek hike. Maybe work in some survival tales or how-to books, or tree/plant identification. Or go all in encouraging naked and afraid (clothed!) style ingenuity to where to find and carry water, and ID edible plants. Then go home and eat real food. 😄

      1. My MIL let the kids build a “playhouse” out of scrap wood and sticks in the woods behind her house and it was awesome. Except for the ticks.

    4. My grandmother would take either the 3 girl cousins or all 5 cousins for a week in the summer. I have no idea how she did it, but she was a math teacher and could command a room full of kids.

      Some of my favorite memories of those weeks are:
      – playing “house” in her camper, I believe inspired by The Boxcar Children. We pretended at some stuff, like cooking, but she actually did bring out a sewing machine and scraps and teach us how to sew (at least she taught my cousins, I apparently cannot be taught)
      – Helping her cook. She taught us to make bread, snap beans, and ice cakes.
      – Working in her garden.
      – Camping. We built a fire, made smores, and I (the 2nd youngest) freaked everyone out with ghost stories I’d read in Goosebumps.)

      We also did trips and activities and restaurants, but many of the best memories are of free play with my cousins, renting movies to watch at night, and learning from my grandmother under the guise of “helping.”

    5. No advice but this is awesome! My mom does a grandma week with my daughter every summer, but she only has the one grandchild. I’m so impressed you do it with 5!

    6. For the kitchen/garden: cress in trays and some kinds of glass jar sprouts will grow within a week.

      You could do an ingredients bingo, with items that you plan to shop and cook with them, that they can add as soon as they’ve eaten/tried it? You could add things like gochujang, lichee, tomatillos, tahini, basil, tamarind, vermicelli, pineapple, anchovies, or do a fruits and veg one where both eating and spotting the item in an artwork or garden would count.

      I loved doing fancy dinners with grandma, served on the nice china and glassware.

    7. How about a sports tournament with different events? You could pick games and sports with at least a few options for each age to excel at and total up all the points after a week. Include running, diving, hopping on one foot, etc

      1. Summer Olympics!!! We did this and included games that were more academic or artistic so everyone could succeed. But you do have to have the right personalities in place for it to work. The Office episode about their Olympics had some good ideas!

        1. ooooh this is fun! my summer camp did this one year I worked there. There were a couple events each day, and various prizes. Team and individual

      2. We used to do summer Olympics too. We called it Championship of the World. We would have silly games too, like staring/not laughing contests, or you have to walk just on your heels or toes and see who lasts the longest, Spot-it etc..

    8. How about a cooking competition? Give them ingredients and let them create dishes, or do a Bake Off type thing where they all have to make and decorate a cake with a theme.

  14. I’m trying to figure out why so many commenters here and on the Moms page are absolutely panicking about their kids’ futures (and primarily couching it as a public vs private school issue). It feels like there’s been an uptick. I suppose this is obvious, but is it because y’all are suddenly realizing how chaotic and out of control the world is, and this feels like something you *can* control?? Like if you do just the right thing, whatever it is, you can help your kids avoid the insanity that is the current landscape??

    For all you parents who are so anxious, what I’d like you to know is: If you are a parent who cares *even moderately* about your kids’ education, and tries to enrich their lives with extracurriculars, and carves out dedicated family time occasionally, and hugs your kids frequently, and most importantly, MODELS GOOD BEHAVIORS AT HOME, your kids will be fine. Indeed, they will be better off than 90% of the rest of the world’s children.

    However, your kids’ lives are absolutely going to look INCREDIBLY different than your life did/is. Because the world is incredibly different and it’s changing faster than ever. You cannot guarantee their success or even their safety. I know that’s scary! But what would our world look like if y’all directed this nervous energy into community building, or mutual aid, or local politics, instead of trying to decide if your local public school is a single percentage point better than your local private school?

    This is not healthy for any of us.

    Signed, an upper middle class NJ parent with two kids, one with autism, who go to public school and have never left the country, and who love books, music, sports, and have great friends, and who will still have very difficult roads ahead of them because the world is a mess

    1. Well, there’s at least one person who accounts for a lot of those posts. I don’t think everybody is losing their minds.

      1. No one is losing their minds. There were a few posts with thoughtful questions and OP decided to go hog wild on her own theories about it.

    2. I promise you that there are people who did all these things and whose kids were not fine. In my generation, a lot of parents who cared about their kids’ education and modeled good behaviors at home, who invested in extracurriculars and carved out family time and hugged their kids and tried to counteract various pressures, still seem to have been blindsided after trusting too much that their influence would outweigh negative influences in their kids’ lives and all that time spent in school. It’s normal to try to avoid bad things that are very much avoidable, even if other bad things are not. It’s unlikely that any one school serves all students well, and it’s normal to try to find a good fit for an individual student. Because even if the world were not chaotic and out of control, the wrong school can be harmful (and as far as I know, this goes for every country in any studied time period).

      1. If you are leaving comments on this board, I promise you, your kids will end up better off than 90% of the world’s children, on the average.

        1. I hope so. But there is a whole “It Gets Better” campaign that basically encourages vulnerable young people to remember that school eventually ends. School just being session remains a significant risk factor for children from safe and caring homes who attend school. I’ve said it before, but one reason rural areas are struggling to attract physicians is that it can be really, really hard to be the physician’s kid in a lot of rural school districts, partly because of how relatively educated and privileged your parents are. And I know it’s satisfying to shame politicians for not sending their kids to the local public school, but I also know people who tried that and learned why it isn’t always a good idea.

          If everything is going well, there’s no need to borrow trouble. But things can go very badly for kids from great families.

    3. The only thing more annoying than moms expressing some degree of anxiety is moms who feel the need to shit on and dismiss moms who dare to acknowledge they are anxious about something. And it is not unreasonable to be concerned about education quality at a time when 60% of California’s third graders can’t read (it’s a national issue; the California numbers are just particularly accessible).

      Congrats on your sterling mental health, I guess? Perhaps work on your kindness next.

    4. This comment is giving “the only right level of anxiety is my level of anxiety.”

      1. Seriously. Very annoying. You’re off-base, OP. People are allowed to ask other moms and other women for advice without you jumping in to provide an armchair mental health diagnosis.

        1. lol how is saying “the world is bad” an armchair mental health diagnosis. I didn’t say they have clinical anxiety; I said these posts (there’s a pattern of them lately) are anxious!

          1. The point is that the difference between “anxious” and “reasonably worried” is in the eye of the beholder, and you are not an objective beholder; none of us are. So why spend your life energy criticizing women who evaluate the situation differently than you do?

          2. “For all you parents who are so anxious…panicking…this is not healthy for any of us…”

    5. I think this post was meant to be reassuring, so I’ll take it in that light. But our kids are entering a truly awful world, with a serious uptick in fascism, school shootings, irretrievable climate crises, illegal deportations, genocides denied as such, etc. etc. etc.

      College can be a beacon for parents to feel like they did their job. That’s complicated and problematic, but in a world where you’re looking for any external sense that you’ve done okay by your kids, then this can serve as a signal (even though it’s a false one).

      But the other thing to remember is that we’re charging full-speed ahead into collecting the wealth among the very, very few. College has always been primarily a machine for class and prestige sorting, and that’s even more true now. People are desperate to be part of the ever-increasing wealth class (because lower classes are at serious risk to lose any public-good protections in place).

      1. The world IS awful. That’s what my post was getting at – I think some moms are trying to mitigate the awfulness by hyper-focusing on every single decision, to their own detriment and exhaustion.

        1. I think the world is actually pretty great! My kids have the lowest probability of dying before 18 of any children in history. They have access to many, many modern marvels that my parents and grandparents would’ve killed for.

          Maybe you should work on your own anxiety and pessimism.

          1. So it sounds like your child isn’t black.

            Glad things your kids have access to all these things.

          2. Wait, you think life for black kids was better 50-100 years ago? You think this is the worst time in history to be a black kid in America? That is a real thought that entered your head and left your fingertips?

            Lo fucking l.

          3. Ah yes, the famed racial barriers to things like affordable eyeglasses, early childhood vaccines, cars with seatbelts and airbags, improved building codes, and the very concept of ambulances and 911.

          4. Are you fucking kidding with this response? Healthcare, building codes, and emergency response are all racially uneven.

          5. Cite statistics showing that building codes within a city are racially uneven, I beg you. They aren’t. They apply throughout a city.

            Childhood vaccines are available for free to all kids in America; parents failing to take advantage of them is a parental failure, not a systemic one. Your kid is not going to die of polio, whatever their race.

            Your parents and grandparents did not have ambulances and 911 *at all.*

            And I am still just dying laughing at the idea that a black kid was better off in 1955 or 1975 than they are in 2025. It’s just such a dumb take!

          6. To be less flip, you seem to think this comment is about whether there are racial disparities today. It’s not. I am saying that life today is objectively better for American kids (on a population level) than it was for their parents or grandparents. I am not comparing a kid born in 2010 to another kid born in 2010; I am saying that that kid’s baseline probability of awful outcomes (dying young, permanent disability) is superior to that of a kid born in 1980 (a parent) or 1950 (a grandparent). I do not think that is remotely controversial.

          7. Okay, let’s be less flip, particularly because your post seemed to suggest that people shouldn’t be pessimistic about things like climate change and fascism because 100 years ago we didn’t have building codes and vaccines.

            You’re welcome to think “the world is pretty great.” That doesn’t mean it’s a better approach, nor does it mean that anyone (and I’m neither the original poster nor the contributor to this particular discussion of building codes) should work on their pessimism. There are so many counterexamples of ways the world has *not* progressed. The world is, in many places and for many people, very difficult, 911 or no.

            Being a pessimist make someone bad or wrong — and flip side, being optimistic isn’t automatically a better or more moral choice.

          9. I wasn’t shitting on anyone for their worldviews before the OP came along to say that (1) the world sucks and (2) people aren’t handling that fact right. I disagree with both (1) and (2). It sounds like you disagree only with (2), but I think we can agree that the OP sucks for making moral judgments about other people’s world views!

          10. Child mortality rates have dropped about 60% since 1980 and about 80% since 1950. You really have to go through mental gymnastics to say this isn’t the best time to be a kid.

          12. Oh for fuck’s sake, this is a comment thread about American children and American public schools.

    6. It’s very strange to me when posters jump in with accusations of anxiety whenever anyone posts about a problem they’re having or a decision they’re making. Look, it’s cool if you choose where to live, work, or send your kids to school by putting on a blindfold and pointing at a map – more power to you if that’s how you want to live. Other people need to plan for various reasons and their priorities will be different from yours. There is no world in which considering questions like “should I send my child with special needs to the local elementary school or a special private program” or “is my local school safe” or “what’s best for our family” is simply overwrought hand-wringing or a desperate attempt to seek order in a wild world. Sometimes there are multiple options at each new life stage and most people spend time considering them.

      1. But that’s not what’s happening here lately. And I’m obviously (as I admitted) conflating the weird posts on the Moms page last week with the one above. But like…people seem to think that every single decision they make for their kids is THE most important one, and that there is only one path forward to an assured life of success. There is no one path! Trying public school does not mean you’re signing a blood oath and can never reassess! The constant hand-wringing about it must be so exhausting for y’all.

        1. Literally no one is doing that. You are reading wayyyyy too much into 3-10 sentence posts that cannot possibly accurately reflect the full kaleidoscope of a woman’s views on their children’s education or future.

          1. Do you read the mom’s page? I think this post is as much or more about discussions there.

          3. Yes, I read the mom’s page, and I found this take annoying when you posted it there, too.

          4. I’m the 2:24 poster and not OP, but I agree with her. The handwringing over kids’ educations both here and especially the mom’s page is crazy to me. If you’re highly educated, financially comfortable and send your kids to decent schools – whether public or private – your kids will turn out fine regardless of where they go to school.

          5. Heaven forbid women discuss things they care about in terms that are not sufficiently chill and cool girl-y.

          6. “If you’re highly educated, financially comfortable and send your kids to decent schools … your kids will turn out fine regardless of where they go to school.” This still raises the question of which schools are decent schools, which is what was under discussion?

            I also really wonder what your explanation is for when kids do not turn out fine despite these boxes being checked. If you’re saying that this simply doesn’t happen, that sounds very sheltered. Did all of the students at your decent schools who were from educated, financially comfortable families turn out fine? If the answer is yes, you need to know that that is really not typical for decent public or private schools.

          7. Ok fine, “almost certain to turn out fine,” and for the ones who don’t turn out fine, a better school wouldn’t have made a difference.

            That’s why I asked if you read the moms page – there are a lot of people there who believe no public schools in the US are decent, which is just absurd.

          8. But choice of school does make a difference for some kids. Changing schools makes a tremendous difference for some kids (and maybe we all need to remember that this is often an option). It’s really not that different from college students who transfer for a better fit and benefit, or adults who change jobs and benefit. I don’t think it’s generally controversial that adults can be helped or harmed by better or worse communities or workplaces. Children are people; they’re not that different.

          9. The majority of public school third graders can’t read, so I think it’s probably reasonable to think that the majority of public schools suck.

          10. That is obviously not true. Can’t read at the desired level, maybe, but not can’t read at all. Also current 3rd/4th/5th graders’ learning to read years were heavily impacted by Covid and virtual schooling, which was a joke.

          11. When you say “can’t read at level,” it makes it sound like you expect they’ll catch up one day and achieve full literacy. But there are states where a substantial percentage of students never get beyond grade school literacy.

            I agree that virtual schooling was handled poorly, but the whole “Sold a Story” debacle predated COVID (and post-dated a previous generation’s comparable whole word recognition pedagogy debacle, from which too little was learned).

          12. The desired level for 3rd graders is a pretty dang low level, friend. They can’t read.

    7. I think a lot of it boils down to struggles with losing control. But I agree with you. I just posted above but there’s someone on the moms page who insists all kids with any brains are bored out of their minds in elementary school to the point that it ruins their life. That is not my experience at all. Plenty of bright or even gifted kids love school because of their friends, recesses, and specials like art and music. Yes, IF your kid is bored to tears for 6 hours a day you should take steps to fix it. But insisting this is a catastrophic problem for everyone is not productive or healthy.

      And there’s a lot of it – that’s just one example that comes up a lot.

  15. I’m the poster who got a part-time weekend job at a vinyl record store. Someone asked the other day why I did it and seemed genuinely interested – if you’re reading, the answer is twofold – 1) I could use a few extra bucks and the pay is decent, and 2) I wanted to get more involved in my community in a space that I knew I would love. I didn’t want to just go be a slave at Costco or whatever, but I wanted to help an independent, small business (like a record store or bookstore) and get to know the people in my community (the owners are very nice people and have already introduced me to a few folks, plus I meet all the people who come in to shop). Honestly, it gives me something to do on the weekends, gives me a small sense of purpose, and it’s fun, all while putting a little extra cash in my pocket. FWIW, I’m single with no kids, so I have the extra time.

    2. I would love for you to report back occasionally on how it’s going. I plan to do something like this in retirement, and for many of the same reasons. I always enjoyed my hourly gigs during college-retail, waiting tables, etc., and it seems like I would also enjoy it for the same reasons during retirement. I have my eye on a small gift shop at the state park near us. Selling annual passes and sunscreen gets more appealing every year.

      1. our former HR lady certainly enjoys the occasional shift at Trader Joe’s in her retirement!

  16. I’m a middle-aged man. I manage a team of people, about half men and half women. All of the men (including me) play and enjoy golf, none of the women do. I would like to, on occasion, take the golfers out to play at my club with other professional connections (not all at once, one or two of them at a time), but I have avoided doing this because I’m uncomfortable offering an opportunity like this that will only be of interest to the men on my team. I don’t think that inviting women to join for lunch or drinks after the men play is a comparable opportunity. So what can I do that would be an equivalent opportunity for the women on my team to spend some time with me and other professionals I want them to meet in a relaxed out-of-office setting? I’m open to doing things that I wouldn’t do normally, so feel free to tell me “Get a box at the next Taylor Swift concert” if that’s what you’re thinking. If there is no equivalent opportunity, I’d be happy to scrap golf entirely and do something that everyone on the team could enjoy if anyone wants of offer suggestions along those lines – the key goal here is to have people spend a few hours with me and other people I want them to meet in a relaxed environment. I’d be grateful for your advice.

    1. Do you have Chicken n Pickle where you live? That provides not-too-competitive activities, but you can also just drink or not drink and enjoy the outdoors. Also maybe a box at a sporting event, AA baseball, CHL hockey, etc.

      1. No, but I looked at their website and now I want to get a franchise! Thank you.

    2. Shuffleboard? Golf simulator? Cooking class?

      Try asking again on Monday for more responses.

    3. Recent networking activities at local chapters in my industry have included wine and painting night, bowling at a sort of upscale place, corn hole at a brewery, lake cruise, axe throwing, and chocolate tasting/pairing.

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