ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 343 Comments

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Rersby Meadow Print Pleated Midi Skirt

Hello and happy Monday! This gorgeous pleated skirt from Burberry is a sight for sore eyes on a gray winter day. The print is supposed to take you “on a scenic route through a flowering meadow.” From far away, it just looks like a beautiful ombre print, but either way, I’m totally in.

I’m not wild about the styling here (the matching top has a pair of unicorns strolling through the same flowering meadow), but I would love to see this with a sleek black turtleneck or a well-tailored black blazer with some tights and booties.

The skirt is $1,090 at Nordstrom and is available in sizes 2–10.

A couple of more affordable “tree-themed” skirts are from Lalipop Design; the two similar designs are $143 (marked down from $203) and $180 (marked down from $257) at Wolf & Badger. 

Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

343 Comments

  1. If I were to buy some super cute dressy ankle boots on super sale in hopes of having somewhere to wear them next winter, should I get black suede or black smooth leather? I feel like the suede trend may be on its way out, but the only place I’ve seen dress shoes on actual people’s feet in the past ten months is at the inauguration events on TV.

    1. I like suede best with jeans, but did pick up a black leather pointed-toe pair that I’d wear under wide-legged, floor-skimming pants.

    2. Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love Pricey Monday’s and this Midi skirt from Nordstrom’s! Great Pick, Elizabeth!

      In these pandemic work from home days, I think most of us have put on 10-15 pounds at least, and trying to cram into pencil skirts will be all but impossible once we start returning to court, and believe me, I do not want my tuchus to be on display to all of the men who will think I am trying to attract them with a tight dress. Midi’s are the answer. Not only are they more forgiving around the midriff, they are also looser in the tuchal area, allowing us all some time to get back into shape b/f trying to get back into our pencil skirts.

      As for the OP, get LEATHER booties, not suede booties, b/c if you get them wet, they will not be destroyed. Also, here in NYC, if you get suede wet, there will be salt that will make the boots white and then hard. That does not work for them and you will not even get a full season out of them. Dad told me NEVER to get suede again after I spent $300 on a pair that got destroyed last winter. FOOEY!

    3. I don’t view suede as a trend. I view it as an equal option to leather. Shrug. Get the ones you like better and that you see yourself wearing more.

    4. I’d buy smooth leather for sure – for one, they are dressier than suede IMO, but can also lean casual depending on the rest of the outfit. Also they are soooo much easier to take care of and keeping looking brand new.

      1. I got Aquitalia suede boots with 3″ heels because they’d stay newer looking longer. Now that I have a puppy and it is of course raining, they are my only waterproof shoes.

    5. I was looking for something like this too. I would go leather only because I think they would be more seasonally appropriate for a bigger part of the year.

    7. Leather is a bit more classic and versatile than suede, but both are classic enough you should pick whichever you like better.

      1. Especially black suede! I have gray suede boots that have held up well, but I still have to be vigilant about getting the white stains off.

        1. Forgot to mention that the boots in question are Aquatalia, so the fragility of suede is less of an issue.

      2. This is why I’d go for smooth. Both are equally classic but I always heard suede is a pain.

    9. Either wil be fine, esp. if you are buying Aquatalia, but I personally prefer the look of suede with tights, if that is a look you may go for. I just think it looks more uniform, but both are classic. Lighter and brighter colors of suede seem.to have been a recent trend, but black is.forever.

  2. Ha — real clothes.

    I need a new legging-based outfit, pref. not black. Leggings can’t be of the compression variety at all — I need stretch for (a) couch-sitting (my desk) and (b) frequent walking of puppy. I have black pairs in heavy rotation, to the point where some are worn / really pilled. I’d like some print / pattern to brighten up the bleak weather (and to be more visible). Plus some tunic / sweatshirt that will coordinate and cover my bottom. Size M.

    I have a gift card to Athleta (which I can also use at Gap and ON), but I am intrigued by the leggings at Lilly Pulitzer (so happy! but maybe more pretty than functional). I tried over the weekend but so much is sold out that it seems that if I find one thing, it’s an orphan piece (and orphans likely stay in drawers, unworn, in my house).

    1. Lilly’s quality is fine, but if you want to add a few pairs to the rotation that *won’t* be obvious when you rewear them outside, I’d choose more subtle pairs… Maybe try filtering by your size at Nordstrom – my Zella leggings have been in heavy rotation all year and only one pair is even thinking of pilling.

      1. I’m not a Lilly person at all, but I love the idea of the Lilly leggings if you are someone who wears color/patterns! The pandemic is so blah (especially winter pandemic life) that I say go for the bright, fun leggings.

        I have separate workout leggings and hanging out leggings, so I wouldn’t be too worried about the quality of the Lilly ones, since I doubt they’re for working out. In that line, I see that Anthro now has a workout line and had some leggings – can’t remember what they looked like, just that I saw them the other week when I was in the store.

        In general, I love the Old Navy Powedersoft leggings. They’re all I wear for working out (but like them for lounging too). I mostly have black (so they can be double duty of workout and lounge) but I have a few fun patterns – camo and tie dye. I was just doing a return to ON last week and noticed they have a ton of new patterns now. They’re $40ish, so I usually only buy them on sale. I’ve had a few pairs for a few years and they’re in fine condition.

        1. ha, I actually had a neighbor comment (we’re very friendly so it wasn’t mean) – but she said she hadn’t seen me in pants that “weren’t* one of my two pairs of “cute errand running leggings” since she could remember. To me, it didn’t feel repetitive because I basically only leave the house once or twice a week… but to those who see me when I do, I was dressed identically every time.

    2. These aren’t leggings, but I practically live in these joggers nowadays – so so so comfy, wash well, and okay for going out (although they are obviously athletic, not fashion, joggers.)

      https://www.gapcanada.ca/browse/product.do?pid=614556043&cid=1011761&pcid=1011761&vid=1&grid=pds_28_64_1&cpos=28&cexp=318&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D1011761&cvar=1906&ctype=Listing&cpid=res21012506975140678684758#pdp-page-content

      I’m 5’2″ and the small are full length on me, not ankle.

      1. These are great. TJMaxx/Sierra has a very similar pair; I grabbed a bunch there when Gap was out of stock in my size.

        1. I wish I could do joggers. I mayhave long legs for my height, but they always get caught on my calves and do the capri / knickers thing, which is not the look I’m going for.

    3. I am currently wearing this, and about to buy another one. Wrap plus turtleneck looks professional on my video calls, and it covers my bottom nicely so I don’t feel self-conscious out walking the dog with leggings. I’ve fully embraced the colorful koala leggings – good compression, like the pockets, and WAY cheaper for just around the house wear.
      https://athleta.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=7779442020002&cid=1090333&pcid=1090333&vid=1&grid=pds_2_5_1#pdp-page-content

      1. This looks great and I like that it’s made from tencel fibers. How warm is it?

        1. As I said, I usually wear it layered over a long sleeved top/turtleneck, but it’s pretty dang warm (and my old house runs COLD).

      2. I just bought this on Saturday to vary up my “what to wear on top with leggings” collection. Super comfy and looks pretty good on zoom too (I’m in finance.)

    4. I like these moto leggings in unexpected colors: https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=613494052&cid=1031032&pcid=1031032&vid=2&nav=meganav%3AWomen%3AOld%20Navy%20Active%3AActivewear%20Bottoms&grid=pds_47_308_1&cpos=47&cexp=2223&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D1031032&ctype=Listing&cpid=res21012506935040003124177#pdp-page-content
      I get a lot of wear out of a pair of teal leggings – they go with black, gray, white, navy, etc. There are some teal options at Target and Senita.

      1. I have very similar moto leggings from Danskin and they are so cute and comfortable

    6. The only leggings I ever wear on the couch are Lululemon Aligns–no compression at all. I get them on sale for $60-$70.

  3. I am working at my kitchen counter and need an office chair that adjusts for counter height comfort. Right now I am using an uncomfortable bar stool. Does anyone have recommendations?

    1. I know Herman Miller has stool height office chairs, if you want to spend money on it.

    2. Maybe look at drafting chairs. They are taller. I’m not sure if there’s any chair that can be both a standard height and a counter height chair though if that’s what you are looking for.

      1. I’m doing the same (counter height kitchen table) and I ordered a drafting chair from Wayfair. I won’t recommend my particular one as in the six months I’ve had it the padding in the seat has basically disappeared, but there were many options and definitely some that could be lowered to normal chair height if needed.

  4. Any Call My Agent /Dix Pour Cent fans on here? I binged the final season over the weekend, so sad to see it end!

      1. I think on Netflix you can select subtitles or dubbing. Dubbing distracts me so I use the subtitles.

    4. I love it! Got out of watching it a little bit because I got sucked into a few other shows, but I’m excited to watch it. Also, the next time we go to Paris, I will pay almost any amount of money for a completely unauthorized location tour a la those dumb SATC ones in Manhattan.

  5. Ouch. I seem to have developed a case of it. Looking for some real life anecdata. Is this fairly easily addressed and cleared up with physical therapy, or do folks deal with it chronically? The pain came out of nowhere for me, and I’ve never experienced anything like it. Any suggestions outside of PT on how to deal with this would also be much appreciated.

    1. I found the only thing which worked was treating it like chronic calf tightness. I stretched the heck out of my calves, iced the heel every night for hours for weeks and never take off my Birkenstocks. It was debilitating and totally solved.

    2. PT helps in many cases, but it can recur. The most important thing is to keep the plantar tendon stretched as often as possible, especially at night. This prevents the healing-at-night-then-retearing-in-the-morning cycle and associated inflammation. They sell splints for nighttime that work. Rolling out with a frozen water bottle helps, as do NSAIDs, and you can look up stretches to do. Hope you feel better!

    3. For immediate help, stick to soft shoes with some arch support like crocs. I also found that Aleve helped the pain, whereas Advil and Tylenol did not. As it improves gradually, shoes with a little bit of a heel (up to 1″) will take some of the weight off of your heels and that helps too. And yes, all the stretching that your doctor will recommend does help.

    4. I had an entrapped nerve due to PF late last year, and it was absolutely miserable. You can address it but it won’t be a quick fix. I do think you need a dr (for me, orthopedic surgeon who specialized in foot and ankle issues) and a PT. I took a ton of Advil at first and wore a walking cast for 6 weeks. I was in a lot of pain–you case may not be at that level. The dr recommended insoles and to stick with my running shoes for a while, as well as a specific set of exercises (stretching and rolling). Massaging trigger points in my calves helped as well, as did massaging the bottoms of my feet. I don’t think you are doomed to chronic problems, but it will take a few months to heal, and that will be hard. I am not yet back in cute shoes without the orthotics but otherwise, I am pretty much fine.

    5. Don’t go barefoot, ever. If you don’t have a pair of house-Crocs or house-Birks, get some. Footwear with some heel is helpful for relieving the pain (Danskos work best for me) when you need to be up and moving around. Cowboy boots are also a solid pick, but not really my style.

    6. Night splint (doctor prescribed or via online seller).
      Wearing shoes anytime upright, 24/7. Even the first step out of bed, even getting up in the middle of the night.
      Icing the arch with a frozen water bottle, roll forward and back.
      Not wearing heals.
      Last one is out there: I had plantar fasciitis for over 2 years. Did everything – PT, icing, splints, shoes 24/7, even prescription shoe inserts. What helped? I was coincidentally diagnosed with celiac, went gluten free. The PF disappeared, overnight, with no other cause. I don’t know if was the gluten free or not, can’t prove it did or it didn’t. But gluten causes inflammation and this PF came up when I was having a list of other inflammation symptoms. Food for thought, pun intended.

      1. +1 frozen water bottle for immediate relief, rolling it under your arch. If you have a tennis ball, you can also roll that under the arch, as well.

    7. I’ve posted about PF on here before. You need to:

      * rest it. No long walks
      * give your foot arch support ALWAYS (no barefoot)
      * get arch support in all of your shoes, either via insoles or via little sock arch thingies you can get at Walgreens (they really help)
      * if advised by dr, go on a short course of anti-inflammatories
      * ice and stretch

      It can take months to clear up. But moving from “I want soft insoles to cushion the pain” to “I need arch support to release the tension and actually heal it” was a game changer.

  6. how did i get a terrible cold in the middle of a pandemic when i barely leave the house (i had a covid test)

    2. This happened to me over the fall too, and I have NO IDEA. It also came with a cough that lingered so long I got a second covid test (also negative). Best I can guess is that maybe all the staying inside is drying and made me more susceptible somehow?

    3. I seem to be having worse allergies this year and I think the likely culprit is being home all the time and creating more dust in the house. I seem to be sensitive to dust anyway, but I am sure that being home all the time as what is making it worse. I think it’s a cold or Covid symptoms every time. Can you double down on your vacuuming and dusting and see if it helps you?

      1. This happening to me as well. The key is keeping it in check before it morphs into a sinus infection and/or ear infection. I also recommend an air filter in the bedroom and using allergen mattress and pillow covers.

    4. I managed to either contract the worst sinus infection ever or a 10 day long cluster headache this month. I have no idea how (nobody else in my immediate family had it or is sick). The doctors (I’m now on specialist 3) have all said in one way or another that ongoing stress from the pandemic is making people with underlying issues more susceptible to other things. Yay….

      1. Yes, I know from prior experience that my allergies are worse when I’m stressed. Great to have stress symptoms that could be pandemic virus symptoms, because of the pandemic…

    5. my “every year in the fall” sinus infection was delayed a month but I still got it. (my “every year in the spring” one happened right as covid was blowing up and my pcp undertreated it badly)

      We have to do symptom checkers if we come on-site and every time I fill one out, I’m just like, “Sounds like an average Tuesday, but okay.”

  7. How likely do you think we will be back in the office full time this year? Our family got a pandemic puppy (big mistake I didn’t fully think about but the family loves him) and I’m not sure how to handle going back into the office and caring for a dog. My office may still do some sort of WFH and office hybrid in the future but not sure of other companies.

    1. You just go to work. If you work crazy hours, you hire a dog walker. If you’ve never done any alone training, start now. Going from someone being around 24/7 to being alone in a crate/house for 9 hours/day is a recipe for disaster.

      1. This. Plenty of people had puppies pre-pandemic. The dogs are all fine. My dog is nearly 15 and has been mostly alone during the day for 14 of his 15 years. Even now, he only goes out in the morning, around 5/6pm when we used to get home from work, and once before bed. It’s possible.

        1. Yes, but most of the pandemic puppies will not have learned how to be alone, since they have been around folks 24/7. A good plan would be to begin leaving the dog alone for short periods of time while running an errand, exercising, etc., and gradually trying to extend the time. I know this is not easy during current circumstances and may require concerted effort. It should help when things transition to in-office, though. I volunteer with a rescue organization, and we are all anticipating that there is likely to be a wave of owner-surrendered dogs down the line.

    2. My large employer has already said it’s unlikely for our larger offices to be back in person until late summer/fall, and they are ready to push that back further if cases spike/people aren’t vaccinated. I also think there is a different calculus if you’re going into an office you can drive to vs. taking public transit. I am not planning on getting on a commuter rail line for as long as I can put it off (and honestly I think a LOT of employers/employees will seriously reconsider the need to hold as many in-person meetings going forward).

    3. I have been thinking of this, too. I think it will be fine, but when my kids are back in school, they will be in two schools for the first time since one was in daycare and the other was in K. That is OK, but the first orthodontist appointment / work travel will show just how bad we are at this. We have started doggy day care so that he will have a place he is used to and will let him stay overnight on a F night so we can all sleep in one morning as a very special treat. Our pup is almost 8 months old, so will probably be close to a year by the time we go back to work (i.e., when summer camps start; not expecting school to do back). Not sure how I’d handle if I didn’t have the cover that kids provide. Our neighbor on one side has a walker for his 3 YO dog (neighbor is in health care, so works at work) and other neighbors have a younger puppy and will eventually need a walker, so maybe we can get / trade recommendations.

      1. You are wise to acclimate your pet to doggie day care now. Your dog will be more comfortable and you will have priority when everyone is scrambling to find care.

    5. Start crate training immediately. The younger you start, the more easily they learn. It is not safe for a dog, especially a young one prone to chewing on things, to be left alone in the house. Even if you think you’ve put everything that is possibly edible out of reach, he can always shred the couch cushions or eat the wallboard (true story). Make sure you remove his collar while he’s in the crate.

      If the dog will be alone much longer than 8 hours a day, you will need to hire a dog walker or send him to doggy day care. This is why we waited to get a dog until our kid was old enough to be home alone after school.

          1. Well, actually it is, since a lot of countries don’t use this technique and disapprove of it.

          2. In the US, crate-training is not controversial and is generally recommended to ensure the safety of the dog. The breed rescue where we got our dog requires crate-training in foster homes and strongly recommends the use of crates after adoption. We don’t crate this particular dog because it didn’t work well for her when we tried it, but this is the first dog I haven’t crated and I can’t imagine not crate-training a young dog.

          3. Even if you don’t plan on crating every day, acclimating a dog to being confined is an extremely important life skill for him or her to have.

            Think of the big fish at your aquarium. They have to have health checks, blood draws, that sort of thing. They don’t suit up a vet in SCUBA gear to go chase the giant ray down. That animal has been target trained from its arrival, taught to accept touch, taught to swim into a sling/hoist, etc, so handling can be done with the lowest possible amount of stress and for handler safety.

        2. Even if you don’t plan on having them crated usually – it’s VERY convenient to have them used to it when they need to be transported, put away when company/repair people are over/at the vet/being watched by someone else/etc. It’s way less stressful for you and for them them to be comfortable in the crate when needed.

          1. I agree! Our giant husky/german shepard mix loves his crate. We hardly ever put him in it anymore (except when a repair person comes over or something like that), but it is always open and available to him and he puts himself in it when he is stressed out. Like when I vacuum haha. We take the crate with us when we travel and he sleeps in it wherever we are staying. I think it really is comforting to him. We never used it as a punishment and never bother him while he is in it. (He will take something he isn’t supposed to have and run into his crate. I always have him come out to get what he took instead of grabbing it from inside his crate.)

      2. This is a bit extreme. I have had several dogs and while they have all been crate trained in the sense that they CAN be in their crates, none of them have been left crated all day while I am at work. With proper dog-proofing and the judicious use of an x-pen to block some areas off, your dog will be perfectly safe alone in your house.

        And if you have a fenced yard, you can put in a dog door which makes it even easier. If I am working all day I do have a dog walker (really a teenager on my street) who comes by and takes him for a walk mid-afternoon.

    6. Another option is doggie day care, we never stopped sending our dog and it’s great for her socialization. In our area, about the same amps a walker.

      1. Do you send your dog daily? We have just used weekly to let her do more outside running around (vs leashed walking). Doggo walks about a 5K a day with me and it is just not enough movement (or enough of the right kind of movement), so I pick what is likely to be my busiest work day and send her to day care on that day.

        1. We do send her every day – both for her and us, two lawyer household and not worrying about her all day long helps us get our work done, helps the daycare stay in business and helps the pup have a good day (no kids so we can afford it).

    7. Related, can anyone share how risky it is to be sending dogs to daycare? For the longest time the CDC’s guidance has been to distance dogs like a member and the last time I asked the vet they said it’s inconclusive.

      1. It’s not something I’ve worried about, but our daycare is mostly outside (they go out to a field by the ocean and run around), zero cases have traced to our daycare, but I’m in Northern CA so may be different if it’s all inside.

          1. No kidding – I always say I want to come back as my dog! For further jealousy inducing, they pick her up and drop her off (it’s amazing)

          2. We have a running joke that we want to come back as the golden retrievers in a Lands End catalog, but a California daycare doggo sounds pretty nice too.

      2. It’s one of those things that no one is going to be able to give you a definite answer on, but generally speaking it seems very difficult for dogs to become infected, in contrast to cats/mink/other felines. Therefore the main risk with dogs is going to be fomite transfer, which we know is not extremely likely either. Generally we have felt okay with the level of risk given the precautions our daycare is taking (no human-human contact at drop off/pickup, dogs spend a lot of the day outdoors, they shut down when they had their first case on staff which wasn’t until December). But we do not send our dog to daycare when we are in quarantine ahead of spending time with someone outside of our bubble because it does feel like an additional exposure pathway.

    8. It’s definitely going to take time to get your dog used to spending time in the house alone, and I agree with others that it’s worth prioritizing during this time even though it will be a pain to organize. I also strongly second the recommendations to get your dog comfortable in a crate. We adopted our dog around thanksgiving 2019 when he was about 1 year old, and we could not have left him alone in the house safely without the crate until maybe late fall 2020. Even now, if we’re going to be gone a long time we prefer to leave him in the crate so we don’t have to spend time dog proofing the room and then worrying that he’s getting into something. For us, a frozen kong with peanut butter and dog biscuits inside has been the key, when he sees his kong he goes running to his crate with sheer joy. Also this is more specific to our dog, but just to note that he is perfectly happy in the crate when we are gone, but objects loudly and vocally to being in the crate if we are audibly home but in another room. He has dog FOMO. so just don’t be too discouraged if your dog isn’t happy in his crate if he knows you’re in the house but ignoring him.

      Finally, it will depend in the end on your schedule when in the office, but for flexibility of schedule I’d suggest a dog walker. Back in the pre-covid times we did a morning walk around 7:30ish AM and then he was crated from 8:30AM to ~2PM when his dog walker came, and then back in the crate until we came home anywhere 5-7PM. If you don’t have a dog walker, your timing on when you’ll be home to do the evening walk just had to be more precise and more reliable. We felt guilty for a while that he was spending so long in the crate during the day but he was never upset about going in (see, kong note above) and now after watching his daily habits during the pandemic (100% sleeping) I’m no longer concerned.

      It will be fine! But practice leaving the pup alone in the crate!

    9. How can anyone possibly answer “when we will be back in the office”? We don’t know if you are in red state or blue state, how essential in-person is to what you do, how hot your management is to get people in person.

    10. Huge supporter of doggie daycare if it’s a fit for your dog. My pup just turned 2 and still goes (except they too are shut down now). He goes two mornings a week. For now that is enough. He goes to the groomer there and they have dog walkers too (I don’t use the dog walkers now but will if I go back to work in an office.). They also have pick up and drop off if I need it. He loves it and still drags me to the door. I think he would be ok home alone with a walk mid day, but I don’t like the idea of him being alone so much.

  8. Those shoes are atrocious, and I think I got a similar skirt from Fashion Bug back in the day.

    1. Oh damn haven’t thought about Fashion Bug in a million years. I was a big fan of Dots, too.

    2. I think this skirt would need to be seen in person. I suspect it’s pretty in person but doesn’t photograph well. I see it as a bit bridal shower / ladies who lunch.

    3. Every time I see boots with this cut, it makes me think of poorly-funded sci-fi B movies.

    4. I love the skirt. I can’t imagine wearing it but it reminds me of what I thought rich ladies wore when I was a little girl.

  9. Posting about biglaw gripes and moans. If not your thing please skip!

    feeling so, so ‘blah’ this Monday morning. I’m a senior associate in biglaw and have a lot matters that are busy or picking up steam, and the prospect of the next several months at least WFH while being this busy and burnt out feels endless and fills me with dread. I want to quit, but 1) I don’t know what else I would do, 2) Im pretty close to being promoted and it feels like I’ve worked too hard to give it all up now and 3) I’m scared to give up the $. My husband is a doctor but still in training, so he makes a resident salary—he is in a high paid specialty but has several more years of training before the high salary (hopefully) materializes and I’m wary of counting my chickens. He’s supportive of me quitting if I want to. I don’t know what I’m asking for, permission to quit?? I know I am lucky to have a supportive partner with a high income potential—I think I have some internal fear around money scarcity that’s really negatively affecting me right now as well as need for validation and the brass ring that my job gives me. But, I really don’t particularly like it, especially WFH and especially when it’s so busy.

      1. This.

        This is like leaving NFL money on the table. It’s better to find a way to do 100% excellent work even if it is on a smaller workload than be the person billing 135% when tons of your hours are written off or you have a reputation of being a bill-padder, etc. Flight to quality vs quantity may make you happier.

      2. This. Don’t quit. Slightly phone it in and start doing information interviews to figure out what you actually want to do. Most people will be happy to have a 15 minute zoom chat about their work. Have you thought about moving to government? Would you like being a lawyer at 40 hours a week and 1/2 of your current salary?

      3. This. I think you’d be surprised how much you can increase your quality of life by quietly scaling back. Start there, reclaim some time (set dinner hours, an hour of exercise a day, whatever) and protect them. Try that for a few weeks and see if it helps. I think you’d be surprised at how little push back you get. If that’s still not enough, I’d look for a job while you HAVE a job before quitting so you’re negotiating from a position of strength.

    2. I don’t know if hearing it from someone who lives happily on a lot less money will help, but it is entirely possible to live well, save for retirement and own a house on <$50k per year. I don't live extravagantly, but my work is low-stress and my life is my own and I have everything I need. I am on track to retire at least at my current standard of living.

    3. Stay until you are promoted and then if you feel the same way after a year of partnership, look in a normal job market, not these crazy Covid times.

      1. I’d start looking now, tons of companies are hiring, there’s no reason to wait just because of the pandemic. (A law firm promotion is also a tad meaningless if you leave – I’m think counsel to senior counsel or whatever – so I wouldn’t stick around just for that if you’re unhappy).

        1. Hmm disagree – I am a partner and I get very different head hunter outreach now versus when I was an associate. I like what I do but I feel like the partner promotion opened up a lot of potential exit opportunities that weren’t available to me as an associate. This may vary by practice group though.

          1. Sorry, I posted an incomplete thought – agree that partner is a different thing, but it sounded more like a step advancement in OP’s case, like a pre-partner upgrade. Something to consider is that in the in-house world, there are more opportunities to go in at a junior level than a senior one. Either way, start looking now- it’s always good to look if you’re unhappy and job searches can take a while.

    4. I feel you. Fellow biglaw senior associate here. Any chance you could take some time off to think and sleep? Weekend AirBnB at somewhere remote? Sounds like you really need a reset. My take is, if you can pull off partner, consider grinding it out since the partner title will give you more flexibility. In the meantime, set some financial goals on your f-off fund. I knew someone that kept a sticky note keyboard of how much she wanted to save that year and would update it each paycheck.

    5. Flip the script. Working from home is awesome when you’re super busy. You don’t waste time commuting, doing makeup, figuring out what to wear, prepping meals to take to the office. You can take little breaks that are actually refreshing, like cuddling your pet, yoga/home workout without worrying someone will walk in on you, napping in your own bed, a quick walk outside. Or, ahem, crying without fearing someone will see or hear you. I know the monotony and burnout is real. I feel you. But I’m trying to count my blessings that at least I can protect my sleep and sanity much better than if I had to be in the office.

      3. Sad but true. Even with really long hours this year at home I’m doing a better job stepping out for walks, eating healthier (not running out for $$ lunches) and seeing my family more (even if quality time with my husband is both of us doing email together on the couch). I do not look forwarding to having to put on real clothes and get back into travel mode again one day.

    6. I was literally you a year ago. Senior associate, doctor husband who was still in training. Same hangups with brass ring and money scarcity. We had, mentally, always planned for me to stay in BigLaw until he finished training when his salary increased. It was hard to give up the salary – I think it emotionally feels harder when you have a high salary to give it up for something lower, even if you still relatively make a lot of money.

      I ultimately was miserable in BigLaw and left for an in house job, in the middle of COVID-19, while he was still in fellowship. We had 18 months before he would start a full time position with a salary increase.

      I did genuinely like being at a firm, aside from the hours, but there are so many interesting legal jobs out there. I’ve really enjoyed the new challenges that come from being in house and I feel like I add value in house in a way I never could have at a firm. My in house job is a bit of a unicorn but it is truly as interesting as working at a firm but without the hours.

      I have zero regrets. My husband and I actually get to spend real time together where I’m not distracted – weekends, nightly dinners, etc.I also have the mental capacity to just….take care of myself. I spend more time with friends and family (via Zoom or socially distant walks), I exercise every day, I eat healthier, I spend more time with my dog, we’re buying a house, I had a serious health issue that I felt better able to manage. I feel like myself again – I felt like my life was overshadowed by work and I had become quite depressed without realizing it.

      We had always been diligent about saving – we had paid off our loans and accumulated a significant amount in savings before I quit. We still make a lot of money in the grand scheme of things. We spend less money on outsourcing (take out, cleaning, dry cleaning) so while we save less than before we save more than I thought we would. He’ll start his full time job next summer and we’ll go back to our aggressive savings plan.

      My advice is go for it.

    7. Hi, are you me? 6th year associate, had a meltdown this weekend. I love my job on good days but I am just so damn tired and stressed all the time, and I’m not the best at working from home – I live in a tiny space and have no work life balance or separation whatsoever. My fiancé sat me down and told me this couldn’t stay like this, he was concerned for me and if I’m this miserable I should maybe look into another job. I’m also not sure what I would do – I guess I would go in-house, but I can’t say I’m super excited about it.

  10. Apologies if this is a duplicate…it looks like my first comment was eaten. Any tips on treating and living with plantar fasciitis? I seem to have developed a case of it. Is this something that usually clears up with physical therapy or do people struggle with it chronically?

      1. In case it wasn’t clear, go to a podiatrist for the shots. You should be seeing one for your PF anyway. They do the shots all day long. It’s a quick jab and then you feel relief around the next day. They last months.

        1. THIS. Suffered for years bc the first podiatrist I went to sucked and basically told me foot pain was part of getting old. False. The second doctor a few years later? Said I was doing everything right, but my foot was so inflamed it would take forever to calm itself down, and just gave me a shot. Poof. 1000% better.
          I maintain it staying pretty good with massages that include a REALLY good working-out of trigger points and tightness in my calves and rolling them out myself in between, especially when I up my walking or running distance.
          But don’t suffer and wait, if you can, go get the cortisone shot. Highly recommend.

    2. Ask your doctor or PT about the Strassburg sock. Even if you don’t run, get fitted for shoes at a specialty running store.

    3. Physical therapy, at the very least a squashy mat next to your bed and rolling out with a tennis ball. And good shoes.

  11. Talk to me about comfortable booties for wide feet. I have problem feet (plantar fasciitis, wide) and mostly wear running shoes when I’m walking around and then change into ballet flats or heels when I arrive at my destination. I’ve never owned a pair of booties, despite how ubiquitous they seem to be on this site. However, I’m moving to a place that is dressier but has worse weather, but where everyone walks constantly (won’t have a car), so I’d like to buy some booties to step up my look. They have to be TRULY comfortable for lots of walking, but also available in wide sizes. Does such a unicorn exist?

    2. Vionic. I struggle with wide triangle feet (big bunions and narrow heels) and sciatica. Their booties work great for me.

    3. Birkenstock makes boots and booties. I have plantar fasciitis and got a pair for winter commuting. They are comfortable, fit true to size for birks, and are warm and weatherproof. If you’ve been wearing wide widths for comfort, but not because your feet really are wide, Birkenstocks could work nicely since even their regular widths are cut wider than most other shoes.

    4. Dansko. I wear a 10W and have to be especially careful about the toe width because of bunions. Dansko size 41 always fits.

    5. Do Chelsea boots count as booties? The term doesn’t exist for adult shoes here.
      If so, I *live* in mine from about September to March. I have two black pairs (one with bows on the back, very Blair Waldorf) and one brown pair

      1. +1 I get a lot of compliments on my Thursday Boot Co brown Chelsea boots. PNW though, so YMMV.

        1. Two of my three pairs are from the supermarket (Sainsburys when they do their 25% off Tu clothing) and the other is from Marks & Spencer, so not particularly helpful as a recommendation to most readers I think!

    6. The Aquatalia Jemma boots! I also have wide, wide feet and live in NYC so I walk everywhere. These boots are basically waterproof (the site says “weatherproof”) and really take well to all the walking I’ve done in the city. Just FYI, they run a size large. You can get them resoled, too, which is great.

    7. Kodiak Chelsea boots! I sprayed them with waterproof spray, but inventory been wearing them several times a week to my essential on your feet 10 hours a day job.

    8. I bought the black suede Microscamo 99284 from Comfort One and can walk in them for hours.

  12. Wise Hive, how do you deal with unreasonable neighbors? I moved into my dream apartment in the summer. It’s in a pre-war heritage building with only 11 apartments in the building, original clawfoot tub, hardwood floor and crown molding – absolutely stunning and feels like it was made for me. I adore it. I’ve spent so much time and money making it into my home and the plan was to rent this apartment either indefinitely or until I’m able to buy something similar. The problem is that because of the age of the building, there’s zero sound-proofing, and when the landlord renovated the kitchen, they did not put any sound insulation in (because they are cheap). My upstairs neighbor is an older woman and there is a couple beneath me. Both sets of neighbors seem to have hated me since the moment I moved here, and complain at all hours any time there is any noise. Some examples to paint the picture: on my second morning here the lady upstairs came down to complain about my music at 9am when I was making breakfast, I get a noise complaint every single weekend despite having been in lockdown for most of my time here and never having more than a few friends over at a time (and lately, only my one essential contact friend), this past weekend I started getting emails from the landlord at 5pm about the noise from my tv. Those are just a few examples of several. I really don’t listen to music or the tv louder than is reasonable and I’ve tried to mitigate the travel of sound any way I can – I bought very thick rugs and put my speaker on a few thick text books to try to dampen the sound. I hear sounds from my neighbors all the time as well (I was kept awake by someone’s snoring last night and have had to take work calls in my bedroom because of noise from someone’s radio in the past), but I understand that this is an old building and sound is going to travel, so I don’t complain and just deal with it for the sake of living in such an otherwise perfect apartment. Unfortunately, my neighbors seem to sit in their homes in silence waiting for any sound to immediately complain about. It’s really caused me a great deal of anxiety and I feel like I can’t live in my own home. The neighbors in question are also extremely rude to me – they walk right by me when I say hello and have rejected my attempts to be neighborly. I’ve gone to the landlord with my concerns but these other tenants have been in the building way longer than me (9 years and 22 years), so the landlord believes everything they say and just continues to email me every time a complaint is received, whether or not it’s a reasonable one (which 9 times out of 10, it’s not). I’m at a bit of a loss about what to do. I really can’t afford to move again (and would be heartbroken if I had to) but I also can’t get a noise complaint any time I listen to music or watch tv. Do I need to start complaining to the landlord each time I’m disrupted by sound the same way my neighbors are or will that just add fuel to the fire? TIA!

      1. OP here – not long. When I first saw the apartment the former tenants had not moved out yet.

    3. You need to write a detailed email to the landlord detailing the steps that you have taken to mitigate noise. You also need to document how many noise complaints have been received and emphasize how during lockdown, there really is no unreasonable noise happening.

    4. In that situation I’d move, but if you don’t want to, is just using headphones when listening to music/TV an option?

      1. Yep, try headphones with the music. FYI, I am the long standing neighbor in this situation, with a newbie who just moved in below me. I can tolerate the tv, but the music is LOUD. She needs to start using headphones when she wants to listen to music, and you do too. Part of living in a condo or apartment with shared walls is that you need to modify your behavior slightly to be more considerate to your neighbors.

    5. First, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I have been there and it’s miserable. I think your options are: ignore neighbors completely (if your sound level is truly reasonable, which it sounds like it is) or move. Do not retaliate; that will only make things worse for you. What is the wording of the emails? Is it “this must stop” or “just fyi Mabel complained again”? If it’s the latter, I would ignore. Maybe send a response “Thank you for letting me know, landlord. As per the rental agreement: quiet hours are 10PM to 7AM. It is 9AM and I have the radio on volume 9.” Just to have a paper trail. TBH I would very seriously consider moving, but that’s me. You can buy a claw foot tub, you cannot buy good neighbors.

    6. Sorry but you’re the one being unreasonable. I was on your side until you said you can hear your neighbor snore. I’ve lived in some old buildings but that’s pretty extreme. With soundproofing that horrible, these people are basically your housemates not your neighbors. So yeah you have to keep it down a lot more than a normal apartment situation. Get headphones for your music and TV, or learn to live with the volume very very low. Use your inside voice when you have people over and make sure they do the same. Rugs are a good idea, you might also consider curtains and some canvas or cloth wall art.

        1. +1 I would probably put it more gently, but I don’t think this is reasonable. I lived in a pretty old, very not soundproof building. I didn’t specifically hear snoring only b/c I don’t think my neighbors snored, but heard plenty of just plain talking, s#x, you name it that leads me to think the sound proofing was likely similar to OP. I would never ever have thought it necessary to listen to my music or TV with headphones on, nor would I have expected the same out of them to at normal hours. Hearing everyone’s business was the cost of living in this apartment, which had IMHO one of the best locations ever. We only complained about stuff if it was in the middle of the night by anyone’s definition, and even then gave a lot of leeway to that on weekends.

        2. Yup, insane. The fact that the walls are paper-thin is not OP’s fault. She seems to be taking reasonable steps to minimize the noise she generates. If anything, she needs to be complaining to the landlord about hearing snoring and talking etc., to illustrate how poorly insulated the building is.

    7. Caveat – I’m petty and this might not be the way to go about things… but, if I were you I’d start complaining about their noises too. If they’re going to complain about your reasonable noises, I’d complain about theirs. I’d also email your landlord explaining the noise migrations you’ve put in place so he knows you’re making an honest effort to keep noise down.

      Apartments are noisy, and oftentimes there’s nothing anyone can do about that. I had an upstairs neighbor in my first apartment that loved to vacuum every Saturday morning between 8 and 9 am. It has since made me very conscious of what time of day I vacuum or do other noisy activities. I somehow never hear my downstairs or next door neighbors but two doors down there is a very very loud child who apparently has no bedtime who I hear screaming all times of the day. It’s annoying, but I’ve chalked it up to living in an apartment in the city – if I wanted peace and quiet I wouldn’t live downtown. It sounds like you understand this but for whatever reason your neighbors do not.

    8. When your landlord emails you, what is the tone of the email? Is the landlord asking you to do anything in the emails or threatening to kick you out of the apartment? Does your lease say anything about noise, floor coverings, etc.?

      I think you need to email your landlord about your actual noise levels and what you’ve done to mitigate the noise in your apartment so far, especially if those actions are consistent with the lease terms (floor coverings, quiet hours, etc). I would not complain to the landlord every single time one of your neighbors makes a noise, but I would paint an overall picture that you can also hear noise made by your neighbors and that it’s disruptive to you at times. If your neighbors are complaining about, essentially, you living in your apartment, then solving this may take some action from the landlord.

      1. Agreed. OP, also, you can get an app on your phone that measures decibel level. May be worth doing so you can demonstrate you’re listening to your TV/music at a reasonable level.

      2. OP here – in response to this as well as the above comments suggesting I email the landlord: I’ve already done that. I sent a very lengthy email documenting the pattern of constant complaints despite not being overly loud at those times, the fact that all but one of the complaints have come outside quiet hours under the law (it starts at 11pm where I live), the fact that I am often disrupted by sound from the neighbors but have not complained in an effort to be neighborly and out of understanding that no one is entitled to silence, etc. I thought it had fixed the issue until this weekend when I again received an email from my landlord on Saturday at 5pm…

        1. OP again – I should add that I also told the landlord about the steps I have taken to mitigate the noise and even sent a time-stamped video demonstrating what the volume was at the time and showing the rug and text books under my speaker and tv.

          2. She can just ignore the emails from the landlord if they are FYI emails and not “keep it down” emails.

          3. So having read all of this, if this were me: I’d get off email, call him, and talk it through for a vibe check. Maybe even invite him to come to the apartment and experience the noise situation firsthand, both from your neighbors and what level you have the TV on at. Email has its pros (documenting the steps you’ve taken to address the issues) but also its cons (harder to read tone and get a fix on what he actually expects you to do).

        2. I’m sorry to say this, but it sounds like it’s actually not your dream apartment and you should find somewhere with a reasonable landlord. It sounds like the landlord is prioritizing the other tenants over you and that won’t change.

          1. The only caveat here is is possible they do this to make money off of lease breaks, so be cautious with that.

        3. So, what did the landlord’s email on Saturday at 5 pm say? Did it ask you to do anything? Did it threaten you with termination of the lease? If not, I would turn the TV volume down a bit and continue on with my life in my apartment.

      3. Yes, this. I’d also suggest at least switching to headphones for music, since that’s an easy goodwill gesture. If you can do that for tv too, great, but I imagine that’s more hassle (using closed captioning lets you keep the volume down, though). There are sounds that just can’t be avoided without the landlord investing in soundproofing, but a little bit of effort in avoidance through headphones and maybe the time of day you do certain things might make this situation work. Some people just want to feel like you’re trying and that goes a long way (others are unreasonable and it won’t matter).

    9. This sounds horrible. I don’t care who is right or wrong, but those neighbors are unlikely to change their ways and you clearly don’t have the support of your landlord. No matter what you do, what apps you download to prove decibel levels or anything else, the odds of it changing are nil. You are clearly very emotionally attached to this place which might be causing you to not admit to yourself that your best and, in my opinion, only option is to move.

    10. Look up the noise ordinance in your area. Use your smartphone to measure sound decibels in your apartment when listening to music or watching TV (there are apps for this), and provide screenshots to the landlord. Document all the efforts you are taking to mitigate the situation and send an email.

    11. Assuming your lease doesn’t have any odd terms requiring 24-7 quiet, I think I would be very tempted to email the landlord back when there are totally unreasonable complaints (like the one about your TV at 5pm) and ask whether that seems like a reasonable thing to complain about to them. It sounds like they are just being passive and passing on every complaint, which is totally unfair given that their decision not to install any soundproofing is the actual cause of the problem. Stop apologizing, stop worrying about upsetting your neighbors outside of reasonable quiet hours. Continue being polite to your neighbors when you see them, but don’t expect it back. You don’t need to be friends with your neighbors.

      1. I like this suggestion. He is totally just passively passing on to appease the longer tenants.
        Turn it on him. The fact that he has poor insulation in his building is his fault, not yours. Flip this in your head. Like, yes, if my normal TV is bothering the neighbors that much at a reasonable time, what are you – landlord – going to do about fixing up the building?

      2. I agree with this. Check your lease to see what the terms are concerning noise/nuisance, etc., make sure you’re complying, and then try to let it go. I’d turn it back to LL once or twice, request that they not pass on meritless complaints, and then probably just ignore going forward. Keep your decibel measurements if you want to do that. If you’re not violating a term of the lease or other ordinance, they shouldn’t be able to evict, and your LL would need to prove their case if they tried. Make sure to keep up with on-time rent payments, as that’s an easier way to evict and is often used to get someone out who is “causing problems” that would be harder to prove up than a nonpayment case. ymmv as LL/tenant laws are state-specific.

        For me personally, this would be a low-grade stressful situation — both the concern that any noise might spark a complaint but also the thought that neighbors could hear me when I’m talking inside my home. But how much it bothers you is going to be individual to your own conflict tolerance. It does sound like it’s bothering you now, so that’s something to mentally note and weigh in any decision.

      1. Same. Seems like a horrible situation all around. I am sensitive to noise, and so always requested top floor apartments to avoid footfalls. but hearing your neighbor snore? Oh my god, horrific. Imagine if a couple with a baby or young kids moved in–it would be like having the kid yourself with all of the noise, except none of the fun. I vote invest in great headphones until you move, but then MOVE.

        1. OP didn’t just hear the neighbor snoring- it actually kept her awake! They might as well be sharing a bed.

    13. I mean, some noise is to be expected in an apartment building but it’s insane you can’t even take a work call because of noise from your neighbours. I agree it’s time to move.

    14. Please move. I will buy you a claw foot bathtub. “It’s ONE banana, Michael. What could it cost? $10?”

      1. Seriously. The apartment may be cute but it’s far from perfect if you can’t exist comfortably inside of it. Being able to hear a neighbor snoring is bonkers.

    15. Assuming you don’t want to move – what are your wall coverings? In one apartment that was particularly bad, I had sound absorbing panels behind every piece of artwork and mirror, lining the back of a couple kitchen cabinets and closets.

      There are tons of options including paintable ones so you can paint them the same color as your walls to blend in.

      https://www.homedepot.com/b/Lumber-Composites-Boards-Planks-Panels-Wall-Paneling-Acoustic-Wall-Paneling/N-5yc1vZcbqd

    16. And what steps has your landlord taken afer you have laid your argumenty (noise of acceptable level on your side, you have already sone what was in your power, you can also hear the neighbors)? If they are renting you the place and there is such a poor sound inaulation, they should take steps to correct it. I would also conault a lawyer and ask the lawyer to explain to your landlord in no uncertain terms his harrasment has to stop.

    17. If ALL the neighbors and the landlord are saying you’re loud and you’re the only one saying you’re not, maybe you’re loud.

      It’s like saying the entire marching band is out of step except for you.

      This group is sympathizing with you because you’re the one who posted here, but realize if someone else posted here about their new neighbor who is much louder than their old neighbor and they hear their TV, music, and friends all the time and can’t get a break, everyone would be giving them advice on how to escalate this to the landlord.

      If you really want to stay in your apartment without the constant harassment, you really are going to have to adapt to what your neighbors consider a reasonable noise level. That means actually being quieter and doing what you can to insulate your own sound. There are plenty of resources on this online.

      It surprises me that you’re playing your music a lot to be honest. Most people listen using earbuds or air buds now. They actually sound better than most speakers.

      1. Agreed. Make the change with your music as a goodwill gesture. Also, you do need to be friends with your neighbors if you live in a building with no insulation. Trust me. I do, and I have been both friends and enemies with past neighbors due to sound issues. I will promise you that life is better when you are friends with your neighbors. These are relationships worth prioritizing and working on a bit, just to reduce your own stress level.

      2. It gives me a migraine to listen to music in earbuds for more than 10-15 at a time. not being able to listen to quiet music in my apartment would be awful for me

          1. This anon can hear her neighbors snoring and it was so loud it kept her awake. I don’t she’s the issue. I think the landlord has work to do

    18. I’d def check the lease and requirements like others have suggested but given covid, remember that if you move, the landlord will likely have a difficult time filling the spot… so, i would hold my ground regarding complaints and also just remind the LL it is THEIR FAULT for not making the place appropriately sound proofed.
      I would also eventually just move because I would go crazy hearing others all the time.

  13. New Yorkers, help me out? I want to send food to a friend who has some difficult things going on. Ideally this would be the cross-country equivalent of me dropping off a meal (so, easy to reheat — maybe something like enchiladas). Where would you order from? What would you send?

    1. Note that they are in the City, on the Upper West side near Riverside Park, if it matters.

      1. I live/grew up in NYC and I think I would probably appreciate Zabar’s ready-made food (it’s also on UWS, so I am sure they’re familiar with it). Pasting link below, but there are tons of options. I would also add a few knish (freeze beautifully) and rugelach. You can call the store and order directly, and it’s all very comforting.

  14. I’ve always been pretty fit but I’ve never been able to do pushups (even as a college athlete). I decided in March one of my quarantine goals was to do pushups, and here we are nearly a year later and I still can’t do them. Does anyone know of a pushup training program for someone who can’t even do 1 good pushup? Most of the programs I’ve seen have you start with 5 or so pushups and build up to a higher number. I’d like to do that eventually, but I can’t even do one right now. I currently do peleton strength classes (which have a lot of pushups, that I do in terrible form on my knees… I don’t even do good knee pushups!)

    I should also clarify that I’m looking to do military style pushups (which are harder, but are also the “real” pushups)

    1. One non-traditional alternative to consider: Start doing yoga, especially power yoga. I was the same and couldn’t really do a proper push up. I wasn’t even trying to train for push ups, but when I started doing yoga 3-4x a week when quarantine started, I found that after a few weeks…voila! I could do pushups! There’s a lot of balancing on your arms in yoga and of course, there’s a “push up”-like move in sun salutations.

    2. Honestly the way you build up to this is just general strength training. Doing lots of knee pushups is a great start. Don’t do them with bad form. Keep the form good and if that means you can’t go as deep or do as many now, modify.

    3. Also forgot to add…I did this all with Peloton yoga classes! 20 minute power yoga 2-3x per week, and 45 minute yoga flow on the weekends.

    4. Have you tried starting on an incline? Maybe against a kitchen counter so it is fairly high, then once you can do X number against the counter working down to a bench or chair and then to the floor. This is how I was able to build some strength to be able to do them from the floor.

      1. +1000, inclined pushups teach you the correct form vs knee pushups. Try and do 50 a day at a certain height, then increase the reps, then move lower.

    5. Instead of doing knee pushups, start with your hands on something so that your upper body is elevated. Start with something pretty high, like the back of a couch. Then move to something a little lower, like the seat of a chair. Work on pushups that way, and the progress to lower and lower until you can do them with your hands on the floor.

    6. Louise Green’s BigFitGirl Strong program weeks 4 and 5 have pushups with a series of modifications. While I did not make it to the floor, the # of pushups I could do at an angle (bench) went from ~12 to ~28 in those two weeks. I might start there.

      1. (I say this as a 5-year yoga practitioner, btw. I have never gotten off my knees for yoga pushups and maintained good form in the neck)

    7. I googled “how to train to do a pushup” and the first two hits offered options (from Runtastic and the Daily Burn, avoiding links to stay out of mod) that do not involve starting with 5 pushups. Looks like starting with an incline might be a good idea, or table top if you really can’t do your knees.

      You also need to quit it with the bad form in your peloton classes. Only do as many as you can (in whatever variation) as you can do with correct form.

    8. Do you do chest presses with heavy weights? That and planks will work a lot of those same muscles.
      Do you have weak wrists? I’ve done the p90x push-up workout before and my wrists hurt for a week!
      Good luck on your goal. Push-ups are the devil but very effective.

      1. This – planks, chest presses, and shoulder presses are all really good ways to make sure you’re ready to do both push ups and pull ups. Your core is SO important to both – really make sure your core is tight as that is a fabulous way to stabilize yourself. Good luck!

    9. Yoga. Like BB, I also found that after a few months of doing proper and repetitive Sun Salutations in Peloton yoga, I was able to do a pushup.

    10. Wait until the pandemic is over and buy some sessions with a personal trainer to learn how to do this. I spent 4 years in the military it wasn’t until I was out that I learned to do a pull-up (they weren’t required in my branch at the time). It wasn’t a matter of strength, I couldn’t do it because I thought it was something that only used my arms. Push ups are similar. If you don’t know how to engage all the muscles in your upper body, it will be difficult or maybe even impossible to do correctly. A trainer can show you how to do that.

    11. Have you tried ‘walk outs’? Start in a downward dog pose, and one hand at a time, walk your arms out forward until you are in a ‘pushup’ pose. I’d also do a bunch of planks and cobra poses.

    12. I have been on this same journey over the last year. The advice re incline push ups working slowly down to the floor, plus doing planks, walk-outs/inchworms, plus lifting weights to build shoulders and chest and core finally got me to the.floor. Ditch the knee pushups altogether as they do not teach form or build the right muscles. A trainer of course can help, but I have seen some good videos along the way. Listen to the ones telling you to do inclines. The ideal.way to do these is using a squat rack with a bar across and move the bar down as you are able (it is slow going) or to use boxes of different heights, but you can use railings, counters, and furniture. You may also find outdoor workout areas with useful equipment if you have any workout courses around you.

    13. Do chatarungas in yoga to strengthen – focus on lowering down very slowly and when you get good at it start trying to press back up. Eventually you will be able to go down and up.

      1. I’m not OP, but I can’t do pushups and I can’t do chatarungas, either. They’re basically the same thing!

        1. It helps to lower yourself to the ground from plank through chatarunga position. So you’re not really doing it except for a split second at first, and then eventually you can probably hold it for a few seconds and so on.

    14. Do it on your stairs. Start with your feet on the floor and your hands on like the 4th or 5th step from the bottom so you are fairly vertical. Do 10 every day for a while then move down a step and do 10 there for a while. Then move down a step. So you get more horizonal until eventually voila you are on the floor doing a push up. This is how I did it.

    15. I am in the army, also quite fit, and also suck at push-ups. We have a saying, “the only way to get better at push-ups is to do more push-ups”. There are some thing that help but generally you just have to grind it out. I had a special program designed by our trainers which include inclines but the most useful was negatives (start on ground and go up). That said my push-ups have gotten way better this year after doing a year of the Sweat App, BBG program.

    16. OP, thank you for asking this question! I can’t do a single one either and these tips are helpful.

  15. I was once a pretty type A, driven person. I’ve since become way more laid back, which is good in many aspects. However, I have lost all self discipline/motivation/drive that I once had. I’m not sure if its a casualty of the pandemic or something else (it definitely was happening for a few years before, but has gotten worse in the last year). I need to bring back my focus and my work ethic and I’m not sure how.

    (while I do agree most of the time that an acceptable answer is “its a pandemic, let yourself do what you need to do to get through, etc. that is not the answer for me here. I have a new boss and I work in a pandemic-adjacent role and so going into cruise control is not working)

    I’ve (finally! after years off) gotten back into a workout routine and this week I decided I”m no longer hitting snooze. I’m hoping that building discipline with these habits will lead to more discipline elsewhere in my life, but I’m not sure if that’s the case.

    1. This is more of a “check yourself before you wreck yourself” but I’d get at the root of why you were so motivated/driven before. For me, I find my perfectionism and “drive” is usually tied to anxiety, and trying to “super perform” is my way of trying to manage my anxiety. The idea of that you “should” do something is often a deeply-held mistaken belief (thanks Dr. Bourne and the anxiety workbook). So I’d see if the abatement over the years is a lessening of some negative habits/personal growth. And then I’d think about specific habits (like working out, go you!) and what you’d get from starting them again. “Focus” is just so broad.

      2. Thanks! I think it’s been a slow decline since graduating and entering the work force.

        I started a new position 15 months ago and I don’t love it so I think that’s why I’m not focused or productive at work. I used to be good about pushing through and had a “get it done” mentality when doing work I didn’t like and now I don’t

    2. I totally hear this, and feel similar (not in a pandemic adjacent role though).
      One thing I’m trying in the past week is listening to quick news/market related podcasts first thing in the morning when I sit down at my desk to kind of get in the business/”let’s do this” mindset. But… here I am on corporette, so clearly that’s only partially working….

    3. I agree with others that you need to determine whether this is actually a negative. I think my “drive”/”motivation” peaked at around 16, which happened to be the time I was most insecure about my place in the world, most worried about my setting myself up for a good future, etc. etc. I knew I needed to be able to escape my small town and thought that required being the best at everything I did. I had so many daily goals, lists, etc.

      Now I’m in my 30’s and way more confident about my abilities and place in the world. I try WAY less hard and am much happier for it. I’m still considered a star at my job and a very accomplished person in my personal endeavours/hobbies even if I’m only putting forth 50% maximum effort most of the time. I’m happy with that and live with the reality that I don’t want whatever benefits I could achieve by putting forth 100% of my maximum and making myself miserable.

      1. That’s a good way of framing it, thanks!

        I am not someone who thinks I need to be productive 24/7 or anything like that. I always say don’t kill yourself for your job, because your job won’t kill itself for you. I’d love to get to a place where I can be a high performer on 50% effort. The issue is that I’ve slipped so far I’m no longer a high performer. I’ve become meh at best at my job and that’s where my problem lies

  16. per recs from this board i’ve been interviewing realtors prior to selecting one, but if they all seem good, knowledgeable about the area, you like them, etc. – how do you choose? do you think age matters -a realtor in their 30s vs. one in their 50s/60s? how do you say no to the ones you aren’t going to go with in a nice way in case you encounter them again during the process? i don’t want anyone to feel like i’ve waisted their time and i truly like all of them.
    [also- do most people not speak with realtors before deciding whether or not to use them, i’ve spoken with 4 and every single one seemed ready to get going that day and said that by the time people reach out they’ve usually decided to use them]

    1. We interviewed 3. I did send a follow up email to the ones we decided not to go with. I just thanked them for their time, said our conversation was helpful, that we spoke to a few realtors and it was a difficult decision as everyone was top notch, but are ultimately going in another direction. Both the ones we turned down then asked who we went with, and I did answer in a brief but polite email (since they would eventually see anyway when it listed, and who knows, maybe they could represent the buyer).

      We were upfront when we spoke to the 3 that we were talking to several, so hopefully the fact that we were turning them down wasn’t at least a huge surprise. Not sure if most people don’t talk to the realtors before hiring – I could see them not – but you should, so you did the right thing, don’t let them make you feel otherwise. Also remember these are all sales people and it probably behooves them to go in to the first meeting acting like you already decided (even if they know you haven’t) and I bet that tactic works a lot.

      Choosing does feel a bit like splitting hairs at times. Go with your gut. As a buyer I guess all else being equal I would prefer someone who was around during the Great Recession in ’08/’09 so they have experienced a major down housing market and know from living it what held up well, what didn’t, etc.

    2. As far as “wasting their time,” 90% of what realtors do is marketing/PR, which means talking to people who won’t end up doing a deal this time but may become contacts in the future. So please don’t worry about that. Just say “I’ve decided to use someone else this time but it was great to meet you and I will keep you in mind for referrals or future transactions.”

    3. I’ve bought two houses and used two different realtors. Just completely anecdotally, if you’re in your 30s/40s, I’d probably recommend going with a realtor who’s a similar age. Our first realtor was older and while I liked her and it went just fine, her focus and lifestyle was very different from ours and we ended up doing a lot of legwork ourselves. Our second realtor was in a similar stage of life as we were and it was much smoother and he thought of things that were important to us that we didn’t realize.

    4. The realtors I interviewed seemed to think interviewing them was totally normal. I went with the one I trusted the most: she is very type A, she responded fastest, she listened well, and she mentioned specific experiences similar to my situation. And she was truly fabulous. I recommend her to all my friends.

    5. The value from your agent will no be coming from finding and showing property, it will come from the contract negotiation, inspection, financing and closing stages. I would 100% pick the older if it equals a more experienced agent. When things hit the fan (and they usually do at some stage) that’s who you want in your corner. In general, the younger ones will make up for lack of experience with better marketing and is usually easier to find, while the experienced agents ones usually have enough repeat business and can lay low on the marketing stuff. So I would ask around (if possible) for a reference.

    6. I picked my realtor before I interviewed him. DH and I are DINKs so we really wanted a realtor that specializes in an urban lifestyle, not someone who was interested in the suburbs or school districts.

  17. Long shot here, but thought it worth a try since I’m not sure where to turn next. I have for years have had bouts of feeling very blah — sick all over, including headaches that manifest less as pain and more as inability to concentrate/brain fog, mild sore throat, very dry eyes, intestinal issues (mild diarrhea), and some fatigue. I’ve suspected some sort of autoimmune issue since it basically feels like my entire body is under attack. I’ve seen my GP — whom I adore and trust — several times and she has run what she explains as a full battery of blood work to identify any such issue and found nothing. I am constantly a bit low on Vitamins B12 and D and a bit anemic, but when I’m good about diet and taking supplements, those all rebound to normal levels (and I tend to feel better at those times). My GP calls my headaches migraines and has been focused on getting those under control — I think her theory is that these are all migraine symptoms — but the headaches don’t seem like migraines to me (e.g. I can sit upright and basically function, no light sensitivity, etc.) and none of the migraine meds I’ve tried help. The ONLY thing that brings relief in these episodes is prednisone, to which I respond very well but obviously can’t take for extended periods.

    I guess I’m asking if anyone has ever experienced similar issues and found a cause, and also what kind of specialist is worth seeing next (bonus points for anyone in the DC metro area) — gastrointestinal? autoimmune? allergist?. I have a pattern of coming out of these spells, feeling better, and then not wanting to be bothered to address it. But I’ve felt awful for the last week and am newly determined to see if I can do something to avoid or at least minimize the next bout of whatever this is. Thanks in advance.

    1. Because you have already ruled some things out and you describe your condition as periods of blah & brain fog & all over sickness … and those low vitamins can correlate … possibly get evaluated for depression/anxiety/etc.

    2. I don’t have suggestions overall, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. Have you looked into “silent migraines” – they account for a lot of what you described

    4. This is so random but I know someone with an allium allergy, and it sounds like this. Her allergy isn’t anaphylaxis — she gets headaches, feverish and upset stomach and can be sick for days if she eats anything with garlic or onions (which is a lot of stuff).

    5. Could definitely be a food allergy or intolerance, but you should also get your GI system checked. You could always try doing a food/symptom diary (which I refuse to do, because I’ll get obsessive, but I know other people live for them) or an empiric elimination challenge (think wheat, soy, dairy, eggs, the garlic mentioned below). The thing about intolerances or non-standard-allergies is that you don’t get immediate hives or whatever, they make you sick and it can take a while to show up. Also, and gently, is there any mental health connection?

      1. Ha — there certainly is at least insofar as I feel completely crazy and that I must be making it up each time it happens. The physical symptoms — including sometimes things like post-nasal drip with the sore throat — feel like things I can’t make up but I’m never certain. It certainly doesn’t seem to correspond to any particularly sad or stressful times, and I don’t suffer from anxiety or depression. So if there’s a connection I’m not aware of it. Appreciate your suggestions.

    6. I have a family member who has pernicious B12 anemia with what sounds like similar symptoms. Doctor was very reluctant to diagnose it because he said family member was too young but it’s what it is and is well managed with monthly b12 shots. I assume your doctor ruled it out because you mention discussing your b12 and anemia levels, but just in case…

      1. I have pernicious anemia. It’s become hard to rule out with laboratory testing since the Schilling test was discontinued in the 90s. Doctors are slow to consider it and strangely reluctant to diagnose, but they had to when my anti-intrinsic factor antibody test came back positive. Since that test has a 40% false negative rate, I worry the condition has become underdiagnosed in general. I could list out at least twenty symptoms that I no longer have on the B12 shots.

        It’s very rare to have low B12 without malabsorption because it’s stored in the liver. Only people with malabsorption are unable to access the stored B12 (which is released from the liver back into the stomach in a process called enterohepatic recirculation). So unless someone is on a vegan diet for years, testing low in B12 normally indicates a need for injections (parenteral B12). That’s how the fourth neurologist I saw, the one who actually diagnosed and treated me, explained it. My primary care doctor, who is generally great, straight up didn’t remember any of this.

        Headaches were not one of my symptoms, so I don’t know anything about that. But I would take low B12 really seriously since it can’t be helping.

        1. Also, prednisone helping could be a clue that these symptoms are autoimmune, and autoimmune conditions tend to travel together. And in the US, it take an average of about seven years after an autoimmune condition begins producing symptoms to receive a diagnosis!

          1. +1 from someone who started with hashimoto’s and now has RA which probably started in 2015ish and got diagnosed in 2020.

    7. I would start by keeping a detailed food diary. There are multiple possibilities, so trying to track your symptoms and seeing if they line up with certain ingredients will go a long way to aid diagnosis.

    8. This doesn’t check all your boxes exactly, but have you been screened for anxiety or depression? Especially due to the cyclical nature you describe.
      My anxiety can frequently cause gastro issues and Stress induced IBS. And when I am having a rough patch, I feel super achy and tired and get regular headaches.
      It doesn’t really explain the dry eyes and sore throat though. Hope you feel better. It sounds really rough.

    9. A couple thoughts:

      1. Celiac disease or another different food allergy/intolerance. Have you done any tests for those or tried a serious gluten free diet? Normally I’m skeptical about those suggestions, but there’s enough in your description to set off suspicion that it could be worth a shot.

      2. It really could be a form of migraine. I have chronic migraine and it doesn’t manifest the way people usually think of migraines so it took a long time to get a diagnosis. I do have light sensitivity and nausea, but the headaches aren’t that intense, I just have them all the time. The better way to think about migraine than as just bad headaches is a that it’s caused by hyperreactive nervous system that reacts to small amounts of stimulus (light, motion, smells, sound, some foods, etc.) in an excessive way, resulting in pain and other symptoms like nausea, a runny nose, and potentially the diarrhea, fatigue and brain fog. I don’t know what migraine meds you tried- I don’t use triptans since my headaches aren’t that intense, but I’ve had some luck with topamax, an anti-seizure drug, and other people prefer antidepressants like amitriptyline. I also get botox and you could try the new CGRP drugs. If none of those things help and you don’t feel like you relate to the description of having a hyperreactive nervous system, then I would say you probably don’t have migraine and would look more into autoimmune/allergy issues.

      1. And you can see the downside of taking topamax in my comment- the problems with language that make words come out in the wrong order!

        Anyway, I also wanted to add that it doesn’t have to be just one thing. You can have environmental allergies causing dry eye/sore throat and migraine and maybe a food intolerance too. As some of the other posters have mentioned stress can play a role in amplifying all of these things. That doesn’t just mean stress at work, it could mean things like sleeping badly, or environmental allergies flaring up, or you eat something that causes a problem, and once your body is stressed by one thing, there’s a cascading effect. I really relate to this and it’s hard to break this cycle, but if you can make progress on one thing, the others might get better too.

    10. I’ve gone through periods with similar symptoms. I finally have an internist that takes my symptoms seriously and diagnosed me with stress-induced IBS and allergies, etc. I had dismissed diet as an issue when I was trying to diagnose myself because my response to things like dairy wasn’t consistent– new internist pointed out that for me, it’s stress + bad food that causes symptoms, not just the food itself. I’ve also noticed the same foods make my allergy symptoms (dry,itchy eye, post nasal drip, and headaches) worse. I think a food diary would probably help you.

    11. Look into MCAS/D – Mast Cell Activation Syndrome/Disorder. I’ve been battling similar issues – post-nasal drip, excruciating sinus headaches, brain fog, a whole host of gastro problems immediately after eating some foods, fatigue, and so on. I also developed allergies to a whole host of things that I’d never been allergic to before (laundry detergent, certain oils, smells). After doing a ton of research, I started taking a Quercetin supplement and literally after one dose, I felt normal again. I couldn’t believe; still can’t to be honest. I had forgotten what not feeling like garbage all the time was like. The dosing says two per day with food but I take one after breakfast and one after lunch which works best for me.

    12. I have similar symptoms and it’s hormonal. Have you tried tracking the frequency?

    13. Two thoughts: 1) seizure disorders can hide as migraines and not all seizures are the kind you might see on tv, they can also look like day dreaming followed by a headache, exhaustion, and brain fog. If your GP is sending you to a neurologist for the headaches you could ask about this. GW also has a seizure clinic. 2) Seizures (and headaches) can be tied to hormones. You know what else can be tied to hormones, diarrhea. Do you keep a cycle diary and is there any rhythm? (TMI, but for a period in my life I got diarrhea the evening before my period started, like CLOCKWORK.)

      Feel better!

    14. May I ask, how old are you?

      First, try to control the things you can. If you are having recurrent vitamin deficiencies you need to eat well and take your supplements as directed by your doctor. You say you feel better when you do, so start here.

      Then make sure you are hydrated and you are getting enough sleep. These things may improve your headaches. Eating well will too.

      Then, if you are still getting headaches, see a neurologist who specializes in headaches and get a diagnosis for migraine and appropriate treatment, if that is what you have. Also talk with the neurologist about any mood issues/sleep problems/anxiety if you think those may be contributing. Many of your symptoms – which are all non-specific and may be unrelated – can be explained by anxiety/depression too.

      I would not go down a rabbit hole of other more rare diagnoses until you start with the basics and take care of yourself. And FYI – Everyone feels better on steroids. That is unfortunately not good evidence that you may have an autoimmune disorder and nothing you have said so far is specific for that. Steroids give you energy, help headaches, can help you focus, may help any seasonal allergies etc….

      1. Being low on B12 on a normal diet is a pretty strong sign of malabsorption. Anxiety/depression doesn’t cause a low B12 lab result. B12 deficiency can cause neuropsychiatric symptoms, but they’ll respond better to parenteral B12 than to psych meds. I wouldn’t try psych meds before trying B12 shots given the evidence of the lab result.

        I do agree that steroids can make people feel well whether they have an immune issue or not.

        Doctors love to misdiagnose vague, multisystemic symptoms as anxiety/depression because there’s nothing stopping them: there’s no lab test to rule in or rule out psychological conditions. But it’s often bad medicine.

    15. When I had the symptoms you named, plus many many more, I turned out to have celiac disease, dairy intolerance, and hypothyroidism. It took forever to get all that diagnosed. I don’t know what you have, of course, but I wish you the best as you persevere in looking for answers. It can be really hard to find good doctors with the time and expertise to dig into a problem.

  18. Frivolous question: is Christmas wrapping paper ok to use for Valentine’s Day? I have three sets of reversible paper: (1) red and white plaid on one side and reindeer on the other; (2) silver and white stripes on one side and Christmas trees on the other, and (3) red white blue and green stripes on one side and holly on the other. I have no idea how I managed to accumulate so much Christmas wrapping paper and zero other types of paper. I really don’t want to buy (and store) more wrapping paper.

    Also what should I get my BF for our one year anniversary and first (real) Valentine’s Day? He recently got himself a smoker (yes I have three back to back gift giving occasions and he’s buying himself stuff that would make a great gift… harumph) so I got him some accessories. But maybe I should mark the occasion with something a bit more romantic? Idk. Help!

    1. I always love the idea of giving anniversary gifts according to the traditional themes. First year is paper. Maybe a nice leather planner or notebook, a book he wants, or something like an art print or a framed photo of you two.

      1. My husband and I are doing the traditional themes for our anniversaries and it has been fun to see what the other person picks from that year’s category!

    2. Most guys don’t care about V-Day and they certainly don’t care about wrapping paper! Pick the most appropriate paper and laugh it off.

      2. Furthermore, this is 2-sided wrapping paper, and you’re using the non-Xmas side for a different occasion. Pretty sure that’s what was intended. No one can construe this as a faux pas!

    4. I would use #1 or #2 for Valentine’s in a heartbeat. I think fancy chocolate truffles from the local artisan chocolatier are always the way to go, no matter the year.

    5. I don’t think my husband or any of my exes ever noticed or cared about wrapping paper, but if you care, I think #1 or #2 both sound great! For gifts – my husband always likes things he can use regularly. Some of my first gifts to him were a watch and a weighted blanket. He also just likes it if I cook a fancy dinner and his favorite dessert…I think his favorite gift so far though has been the GQ Best Stuff Box, which arrives quarterly – it works great for him because he loves to try new soaps, shampoos, etc. and sometimes they throw in other items like protein powder.

      Since you said your BF recently got a smoker, there are some cool gifts you can give him that would pair well with that. Check out Uncommon Goods for unique gifts. This set of spice rubs was a hit with my father-in-law: https://www.uncommongoods.com/product/47970

    7. I use plain brown butcher paper for most gift wrapping and switch up the ribbon and tags. You can get away with laziness if you call it minimalism.

    8. Just going to chime in to say that if the wrapping paper is truly that important, you have two weeks to get new wrapping paper.

  19. Ugh, you guys. I have shingles. I thought it was spider bites (ugh, right?) but it didn’t get better and now I’ve let it go so long it’s probably too late for anti-virals to do much good (although we are trying anyway). I AM SO MISERABLE. Anybody have any home remedies to ease the pain? It’s mostly on my scalp under my hairline (which maybe is good beause at least I’m not disfigured?) and I am SO MISERABLE. (Did I say that already?)

    If anybody wants to commiserate, feel free. Ugh, I never get sick and I hate it.

    And YES I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE VACCINE. I am an idiot.

    1. I had shingles in my early 30s and per doctor’s recommendation I’ve tried to get vaccinated, but no one will give it to me. Apparently it’s “reserved” for people over 50, despite my history of getting it.

      Ice packs helped me a bit, but heat is a big no-no.

      1. Same here – shingles in my early 20’s. My blisters were on my upper thigh, and I remember wearing pantyhose to kind of keep them from being irritated by clothes (I didn’t have a lot of pain like some people get). Don’t scratch!

      2. So weird — I’m well over 50 but when I went to get my flu shot this year they offered me a whole bunch of other things (including pneumonia which I took but then it turned out I was really supposed to wait until I was 65), but not shingles. Maybe the pharmacy didn’t have it? And I didn’t think to ask for it at the time.

        1. Shingrex has had shortages in the past, maybe that was why. I remember my in-laws not being able to get it for a while.

        2. I’m over 50 and I had to get my Shingrix at Safeway. It was never offered by my PCP and I just got lucky that they had a sign out that day (late 2019 pre pandemic)

          I’m so sorry you’re going through this, SA!

    2. I got shingles in my early 20s and ALSO thought it was spider bites. I feel you. Ice packs and a pity party got me through! Sending good vibes and healing thoughts your way!

      1. Ok, so I had what I thought was spider bites. Could it have been shingles?? At the time, I googled and learned shingles were painful, not itchy. Mine were itchy as all get-out. And sort of spread like poison ivy but def was not. Only in my stomach and upper thigh. I got a COVID test and it was negative so I just chewed Benedryl and scratched for a few weeks.

        2. I had a weird itchy rash on my torso and the urgent care doc said it was pityriasis rosea. It went away on its own.

        3. I had itchy bites on my stomach and thighs, and it turned out my dog had fleas and they were biting me when he sat on my lap. It was awful for both of us!

          1. I thought this AND bedbugs were a possibility. But we don’t have pets and I did a big sweep for bedbugs and didn’t see any.

    4. UGH! Best wishes for you to recover quickly. (I’d loooove to get shingrix but alas I am not old enough. I’m going to push for pneumovax once my covid-shot waiting period is over, though). Maybe cortaid if it’s itchy/pain? I’m not above slathering myself in roll on lidocaine, either… had to do that once for actually-painful-bug-bites (there were tears).

    5. When my husband had shingles on his scalp we put cornstarch on his head and it helped a lot.

    6. I got stress-shingles this past March at age 32. It was absolutely miserable. If it’s helpful, it took me a while to figure out what was going on, and the antivirals still helped a noticeable amount.

      Mine hurt more than itched, so I did a double-up rotation of acetaminophen and ibuprofen (with support from my doc).

    7. So sorry you have this! No advice but sending you virtual hugs. Hope it gets better very soon!!

    8. I got it at 31. It was absolutely awful and I thought it was bug bites at first. I had it on my stomach and any article of clothing irritated it. Blue emu and other cortisone creams really helped, and I got antivirals which pushed it out of my system in a week.

    9. Natural remedy is L-Lysine – virus thrives in body with more Arginine – take 1-2 grams per day until symptoms are gone….avoid Arginine rich foods and take Vitamin C and do everything you can to boost immune system. All of this advice is readily available from trusted sources. Reduce stress, especially emotional stressors, eat and sleep well.

    10. Benadryl. I had shingles wrapping around one thigh in my mid-30s. I seriously considered gnawing off my own limb. My doctor, days into it, suggested the Benadryl and it worked to reduce the itching. Good luck! I have another 18 months to go before I can get the vaccine and am counting the days.

    11. Often shingles is considered “mild” pain, which can be managed with OTC remedies (lidocaine cream, Domeboro soaks, oatmeal/cornstarch baths, ice, Tylenol/NSAIDs). If it’s bad enough that it’s disturbing your work or sleep, let your doctor know that you’re having moderate/severe pain, and they might give you some Rx help.
      Also let your doc know if you’re having signs of secondary infection (increased redness, warmth) or ANYTHING near the eye/vision changes (ASAP!).
      Hope you feel better!

    12. Thanks so much, everybody. Strangely, I feel the tiniest bit better psychologically than I did when I though I was made a meal of by spiders in my sleep. At least I don’t have to worry about the Racnoss from Doctor Who bursting out of my neck… https://tardis.fandom.com/wiki/Racnoss

      3. Ahh the old “it must be spider bites.” In law school, I somehow got a staph infection on my knee (gym? who knows?), but thought it must be a spider bite because it was bigger than a bug bite and I had no idea what it was. When I went to the doctor because I thought I had an infected spider bite due to swelling, she took one look and goes, “Any unidentified skin issue, people think it’s a spider bite. Why? I hear it all the time. Did you actually see a spider bite you? No. Then 9/10 it’s probably something else!!” Got staph infection treated and ended up being fine (even though scary), also got the fear of spider bites eradicated by that doctor. Of course, spiders do bite sometimes, but I tell this story because from the comments above, apparently it is pretty ubiquitous to fall back on that assumption when confronted with a skin issue.

        I hope you feel better soon! I have heard how painful shingles can be.

        1. Haha isn’t it hilarious? My doctor said almost everybody thinks it’s spider bites and therefore almost everybody misses the window for effective antiviral treatment. Crazy. I feel like when you Google “spider bites” that kind of information should be included!!

          And yes. Everything you have heard about shingles is true. :(

    13. Just an FYI, but multiple spider bites are basically not a thing. You might have bed bugs, you might have chigger bites (if they’re mostly on your feet or near lines of tight clothing), you might have fleas (if they’re in clusters), you might have shingles or some other kind of rash, but it’s super unlikely you have spider bites. SA, I’m sorry and hope you feel better soon!

        1. So sorry you are dealing with this. Just put Shingles vaccine on my list of to do’s.

    14. I’m sorry Senior Attorney. I read on the CDC’s website that you should get the Shingrix vaccine now even though you’ve already had it. Will prevent it in the future, because sadly one can get it twice. From CDC: If you had shingles in the past, you can get Shingrix to help prevent future occurrences of the disease. There is no specific length of time that you need to wait after having shingles before you can receive Shingrix, but generally you should make sure the shingles rash has gone away before getting vaccinated. Google ” cdc shingrix already had shingles” avoiding mod with no link.

    15. I’m sorry Senior Attorney. I read on the CDC’s website that you should get the Shingrix vaccine now even though you’ve already had it. Will prevent it in the future, because sadly one can get it twice. From CDC: “If you had shingles in the past, you can get Shingrix to help prevent future occurrences of the disease. There is no specific length of time that you need to wait after having shingles before you can receive Shingrix, but generally you should make sure the shingles rash has gone away before getting vaccinated.”

  20. I’m new to needing a dry-cleanable work wardrobe, so this may sound naive.

    Is it normal for your clothes to come back still covered in hair? My blazers and jackets smell fresh, but I have curly dark hair to mid-back, and everything I’ve taken for cleaning comes back with my hair still all over the shoulders and back.

    I know liquid washing is vigorous and carries away pieces of debris, but maybe dry cleaning isn’t expected to do that?

    1. Not normal. Maybe a few pieces here or there if they managed to work themselves into the weave of a sweater, but not “covered.”

  21. I’m probably too late for this, but does anyone have strong feelings of love/hate toward the countertops you have now? I will need about 45 sqf and i’ve got some decision paralysis. I love the look of soapstone and of butcherblock. It’s part of a mini-kitchen reno, replacing the countertops and flooring and refinishing the cupboards.

    1. I loved my soapstone in my old house and am counting down the dollars until I can put it in my current kitchen. It’s beautiful and functional.

      1. Another fan of soapstone. Butcher block looks amazing for about 10 minutes and then you… use it.

        1. We have something called “Marine Black” which is often sold as soapstone (but isn’t and is much harder). We were looking for soapstone and stumbled upon it and OMG so love it (over white cabinetry in island). Would 1000% pick again and not consider anything else.

      2. Also re soapstone / marine black / granite — consider a leathered finish. See if you can see it in person (and touch it). It may really move you (or you may hate it).

    3. We have honed granite in a dark green and love them. So funny we always say “the best thing about our countertops is they don’t show dirt. And the worst thing about our countertops is they don’t show the dirt.”

    4. I just replaced my countertops with quartz and I love it. I was considering more of a matte look, but I wanted a light/medium gray and didn’t want it to look like concrete. My kitchen looks so much more bright and cheery with a more reflective, polished surface.

    5. I expected to hate my all-white kitchen, and planned to renovate to a more dirt-and-scratch-friendly patterned surface after we moved in. Turns out, the stark white surfaces keep me honest and tidy, and really brighten the center of the house where sunlight doesn’t always reach. I expect to renovate in 5-8 years due to wear and tear, but will be sticking with white. I just hope it’s back in style by then, so I can find appliances…

    6. I adored the soapstone countertops that we put in my old house and would do them again in a heartbeat – but they really bothered my husband. There is a lot of upkeep that goes into them – they need to be polished regularly (at least every month or so) for the first several years if you want to keep them looking uniform. I loved the variation that came with not polishing, but it drove my husband nuts.

      2. Mine didn’t need a thing done to them, and if you use them enough, the little nicks etc from life happening forms a nice patina. Oiling soapstone is a cosmetic choice and doesn’t do anything for the stone.

    7. I think color is really important. We have really dark imitation soapstone and despite nightly cleaning, they just really show any crumb, spilled tea leave, etc. I think I’m noticing it because we’re home and cooking more but if I were to replace it, I’d go for a lighter colour.

    8. I will always do butcherblock from now forward, because other options are too pricey. I splurged on a premium quartz counter in my new kitchen reno last year, and those counters will mock me for the rest of my life – they look pretty, sure, but butcherblock would have been just as lovely and I would have an extra property tax installment in my bank account.

    10. I have quartz and I love it so much. It was and still is literally the only thing my husband and I agreed on in our kitchen remodel.

    11. I’m actually considering honed granite that looks like soapstone. Can’t say how it is but perhaps something else to consider.

    12. I am ALSO going down this rabbit hole at the moment. I too, love the look of soapstone. While it is very heat resistant is is also relatively soft and prone to chips at the edges/scratches. I think you have to know how much chipping /surface scratches will bother you, and how hard you are on your countertops. I have a family, cook often, and I KNOW that having the edges of my brand new countertops dinged up would really annoy me. I also don’t want to give my family/kid/friends a complex about not touching the counters/following them around like a hawk to ensure there isn’t damage.
      I think butcher block is a really charming look and is very, very functional, so I don’t think there is a wrong choice per se, it’s just more knowing your situtation.

      1. Each slab is a bit different re: hardness. The soapstone in my old house, which has been a rental for the last 5 years, has held up great even with tenants who, while mostly good, don’t treat it differently than any other countertop (I certainly don’t ask them to baby it in any way).

    13. I have quartz and adore it. Best decision I made. Very affordable, takes wine and tomato sauce and everything else and just wipes off. But: I just don’t like the look of granite.

    14. The white quartz counters in my rental apartment kitchen look nice, but they get stained surprisingly easily. I have to keep them pristine on a daily basis.

    15. If you have hard water be careful about what you choose. I live in an area with hard water (Philly) and have a water softener, but even then it builds up on my marble, quartzite, and granite. You cannot use acidic cleaning products on those type of stone so it is a huge pain to clean. When I renovate my bathroom I will make sure that the materials chosen can stand up to liberal usage of CLR and the like.

      I also have leathered black granite on a bathroom counter and I don’t love it there – in hindsight I should have gotten a smooth finish and not black – it shows everything.

    16. If you want a more modern look, you might look at Corian. I spilled a bottle of nail polish on a white Corian counter and it cleaned up perfectly.

      1. If you want a more modern look, you might look at Corian. I spilled a bottle of nail polish on a white Corian counter and it cleaned up perfectly.

    17. I’m renting and I’m not sure what the material of my counter is but it’s all black and I don’t like it because every single little speck shows. I previously had superwhite granite (its a veined-gray) and loved it — it looked gorgeous and I didn’t notice every single tiny crumb.

    18. I have Silestone and I love it. It was installed in 2008, I’ve never done a thing to it, and it still looks great.

  22. Low stakes question. My TSA precheck has expired. In Before Times, I traveled a lot for work and visiting family. Haven’t done that since March. No plans to go anywhere any time soon.

    Thoughts on how long to wait until reapplying? Is March (for May-ish travel) optimist? Probably. Late summer?

    My industry has conferences I will need to attend slated for end of summer but I have no idea how likely they are to happen.

    1. It’s good for 5 years so I’d just go ahead and renew rather than trying to time it exactly. If you need to go in for an interview (not sure if precheck requires it; I had to go back in person to renew my Global Entry) it can take awhile to get an appointment.

    2. Not an answer to your question, but wanted to say THANK YOU for reminding me to check on my own account and see when it expires!

    3. We were able to renew our Global Entrys without an appointment (thankfully) and decided to just do it now. Even if we can’t use them right away, it seemed better than fighting the rush that will be sure to come when travel is feasible again.

      1. I renewed Global Entry online and had the approval within a week of my application.

  23. I love to work out and do a lot of different things: zumba, HIIT, jogs, yoga, kickboxing, Fitness Marshall dances. But I’m having trouble figuring out a workout plan. I like to be active every day, but sometimes I get sore after certain activities later than expected, in ways that really affect the current day’s workout. Example: I do Zumba on Saturday for an hour. Monday I want to do yoga and HIIT, but my arms are suddenly so sore from Zumba. But I otherwise feel energetic and eager to work out. Do I push through the soreness, or should I be taking more rest days?

    1. I do less activities than you but I alternate days of cardio and strength. 90% of my cardio is spinning / biking outside / occasionally running (hopefully more in the warmer weather!) with occasional HIIT or something else peppered in. For strength I do peleton strength classes or online barre classes from a local studio.

      I’ve found that as long as I alternate days Im rarely too sore (also do this because I have bad hips and too much spinning is a no go). Ive started working out 6/7 times a week and have been able to keep the soreness under control.

      I also do a short sun salutation every morning, a 10 min yoga class at lunch (wfh perks) and make sure I stretch and take a walk at night (since sitting at a desk really really stiffens me up). I think this really, really helps – no way I could workout so often without the stretching and yoga.

      Caveat though: I’m in my late 20s so can bounce back easily. I’m a former college athlete (who really, really, really let myself go after graduating) trying to get back into shape / lose my COVID 15 so compared to the conditioning I once did, 30 mins of spin or strength is cake.

    2. That sounds a little tough if a lot of the exercise you are doing is total body and not necessarily dedicated strength workouts. I’m used to spacing out strength exercises so I’m not focusing on, for example, lower body strength 2 days in a row, but I don’t worry about jogging the day after leg day even if I’m sore. Working out helps soreness go away faster, so I think it is fine to do something, but it is hard to know where to draw the line. But it sounds like you are talking about DOMS and have already had a rest day. I would try sticking to your original plan and see how you do. You may be fine once you get warmed up.

    3. Can you add in some additional recovery after a hard workout, like foam rolling, a bath in Epsom salts, using a massage gun, etc.? I also get DOMS after some of my workouts and I have found these things to help reduce the soreness. Unless I’m ridiculously sore, I usually proceed with my workout the next day. I typically lift heavy 3x/week and do intervals with some other work (usually core) on the alternating days.

    4. I alternate weight/resistance and cardio days mostly and still get sore but I just push though. Magnesium, collagen, and foam rolling/yoga are helpful.

  24. Also re soapstone / marine black / granite — consider a leathered finish. See if you can see it in person (and touch it). It may really move you (or you may hate it).

  25. Does anybody have recent experience with wait times to renew a passport/get a new passport? I need to renew mine and get one for my baby and just want to know what to expect in terms of turnaround. I know that last year the delays were massive due to COVID.

    1. I just renewed mine after getting married and changing my name — it took about 10 weeks

    3. I just got mine! I think it took about 2 months? I really wasn’t paying attention because I have no plans to go anywhere, I just felt weird not having a valid passport.

    4. It took 4 weeks to get a new one for my daughter, and twelve weeks to get a renewal for me.

  26. May I ask, how old are you?

    First, try to control the things you can. If you are having recurrent vitamin deficiencies you need to eat well and take your supplements as directed by your doctor. You say you feel better when you do, so start here.

    Then make sure you are hydrated and you are getting enough sleep. These things may improve your headaches. Eating well will too.

    Then, if you are still getting headaches, see a neurologist who specializes in headaches and get a diagnosis for migraine and appropriate treatment, if that is what you have. Also talk with the neurologist about any mood issues/sleep problems/anxiety if you think those may be contributing. Many of your symptoms – which are all non-specific and may be unrelated – can be explained by anxiety/depression too.

    I would not go down a rabbit hole of other more rare diagnoses until you start with the basics and take care of yourself. And FYI – Everyone feels better on steroids. That is unfortunately not good evidence that you may have an autoimmune disorder and nothing you have said so far is specific for that. Steroids give you energy, help headaches, can help you focus, may help any seasonal allergies etc….

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