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Updated: Jan 22, 2021 181 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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I was excited to see that these reader-favorite leggings from last year have a few new colors — I feel like happy colors can be a nice way to elevate a day spent lounging around.

I like the big pockets and the wide cuffs at the bottom, and the softness of the fabric is legendary. They're even on a bit of sale right now — they're $65 full price, but select colors and styles are $39.

Psst: These were some of the top loungewear items readers loved in 2020…

Above: navy cardigan (can work with some work outfits also!) / black t-shirt (also great under suits!) / banded bralette (top) / smooth bralette / soft pocket leggings

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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About Kat

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Comments

  1. Cat

    Does any one have a standing desk converter they love? Looking for something ideally 36-40″ in width on top (to accommodate two monitors). I see VariDesk (Pro Plus 36) and FlexiSpot (35″ medium) on A-zon, but curious how they actually feel to use – stable? Glide nicely? TIA!

    • Anonymous

      I have a Varidesk in my office. It is stable and glides smoothly. I found that I can’t concentrate while standing, but it makes a nice monitor stand for seated use.

    • AnonATL

      I bought one at Costco I love for $100. Holds my 2 extra wide monitors slightly angled, keyboard, mouse, and misc desk stuff. It is pretty deep because the lower shelf where the keyboard goes is static, though it can be removed if you hate it. It’s pretty easy to lift. I can do it with one hand and a baby in the other.
      Seville Classics airLIFT PRO Pneumatic Desk Riser

    • Explorette

      I bought one from BTOD and it is very well built. Comes in custom lengths so I bought one that can accommodate 2 monitors and still have room for papers. I have another cheaper desk I bought off amazon, and it shakes when i type. This new one is stable.

    • BB

      I got the “Symple Stuff Harvey” converter off Wayfair and it’s been great. I was looking for something that was a single flat desk piece and not different height things for monitors. I also wanted something white so it blends into the rest of my desk. It’s very smooth moving and has enough space for two monitors, my laptop, and a notebook.

  2. Re-Wearing Disposable Masks

    I know the formal recommendation is not to reuse disposable masks, primarily because of the risk of germ transfer (which is relatively low risk in our case, since positivity rates in our area are below 5% and we wear them mainly outside…very different from frontline workers). That said, my partner and I have been reusing ours (KN-95s) since the start of the pandemic. We don’t wear them much – less than an hour per day on average, since we work from home. We change them probably once a month assuming they still look and feel good, and I also try to switch to a new one if I have to be indoors with others for an extended period, like at the doctor’s office. However, I wish there were more guidance on the risk that their protection wanes over time, and under what circumstances. In the absence of that, I figured I would do a little informal survey here. So – if you wear a disposable mask and are willing to share, I’d love to hear your comfort level around multi-day use. Thanks!

    • Anon

      I’ve been double masking — surgical mask under a cloth one. I let the surgical ones “rest” for a few days before rewearing, until they look or feel gross. The cloth ones I wash after every wear or two, if I only wore it to get the mail or something like that. I recently got 2 N95s from a friend and am saving them for if I need to do something indoors for more than 5 minutes.

    • Anonymous

      If I’m wearing a disposable mask, my informal rule of thumb is “if I wear it for the equivalent of 8 hours” over a week, then it’s time to change.

    • Anonymous

      I have a few N95s left over from pre-pandemic home improvement projects that I am wearing under a cloth mask for medical appointments, etc. Following the example of health care workers at the beginning of the pandemic, I am storing the masks in paper bags for several days between uses. I would discard a mask if it started to look worn out or dirty, wouldn’t seal, or had been worn for many hours in total.

    • lifer

      Doctor here.

      I reuse my N95/KN95 masks until they are visibly solid or wet or seem to be ill-fitting. These are for personal use – not for working in the hospital. I try to clean my hands with hand sanitizer before putting my mask on, and clean hands after taking it off. I keep masks in a simple brown paper bag (one mask per bag) between uses. I do not usually wear the same mask multiple days in a row, and only use them for brief periods of time (minutes to 1-2hrs).

      I also keep a set of masks in the car and leave them out exposed to the sun/UV light between wears. Those are the masks I use for most outings. I use an N95/KN95 if I have to go indoors anywhere near other people (store, taking relative to a doctor’s appointment etc..). But generally I avoid all outings these days.

      And I always use eye coverings or a face shield, and am surprised I don’t see more people using this.

      • Coach Laura

        I do what Lifer says, except I’m not in healthcare and dont have any N95s, just KN95. I have really well-fitting KN95s that – when I breath in – seal around the edges and pull in the mask in a concave fashion, so I am pretty certain that air that comes in is as filtered as possible. I always wear one of these indoors – which is only the doctor’s office. I haven’t been inside anywhere else in a while. Outdoors I will wear a cloth mask. I put the mask on safely and pull off safely and put them aside to allow the germs to die before wearing again.

        • Anonymous

          This is pretty much exactly what I do, except I’ve started wearing a surgical mask or a KN95 outside (I didn’t actually find cloth much more comfortable, and stopped keeping up with washing them). If I have to wear a KN95 to the doctor’s, then that is its last day.

    • Anonymous

      We reuse KN95s unless we feel that it was a “heavy exposure” – so a doctor’s visit in person that involved time in the waiting room, etc. We wear cloth masks on top as well. When we’re walking outdoors for exercise, we wear cloth only when we can’t maintain enough distance. We have a high-risk person in our household.

    • Anon

      Healthcare workers have been doing this throughout. Look up the CDC guidelines on the reuse/extended use of N95 masks.

      • OP

        I did! But they mainly focus on risk of transferring germs each time you take it off, and bringing germs from one patient to another if you don’t switch for each case (and certainly don’t contemplate indefinite reuse). That is not helpful to my situation; I’m concerned about degrading of the quality of the mask, not lingering germs.

    • Anon

      I wear the blue surgical masks many times before disposing of them. I’m hardly ever out and about so if I wear it, say to pick up a prescription (in the drive thru if possible), I’ve only worn it for 1/2 an hour and it should have at least an 8 hour lifespan. I leave them in the car, which bakes most days, so I think it’s a pretty safe practice.

  3. Leggings

    OK, since it’s the topic, talk to me about leggings – I’ve recently taken up running, and have mostly been using a $14 pair from Costco or a cheap-o pair someone gave me from Kohls. Could probably be better, but mostly fine. So, for my birthday, my husband bought me a pair from LuLuLemon. They’re too small and have to be exchanged, but when I looked, I realized they cost $128. (His love for fancy things, verses mine for a bargain, has always been a slight point of contention.)

    Is there anything about them that could possibly justify this price? I know I’m a bit of a cheapskate, but it seems absurd, and I can hardly bring myself to exchange them for another pair at that price. I do want to appreciate this gift, so please tell me these are somehow going to be a magical life-changing piece of apparel compared to a $40 pair I could get somewhere else.

    • Anonymous

      Please just get over yourself and let your thoughtful husband give you a nice gift tailored to your interests! They are leggings. No. They aren’t life changing and magical. You know what is? A nice and thoughtful husband, so exchange them, wear them, and enjoy them

      • Anon

        This is a good point. My close friend spends a lot of time crowdsourcing gift ideas for his wife, really wants to get her something special, and more than half the time she’s like “it’s too expensive. Return it” which lets us ALL down! But mostly him. He would really like her to be delighted.

        The kind thing would be to show appreciation and keep the gift, or exchange it for the right size, same item. And say thank you.

        • Anonymous

          If your friend wants his wife to be delighted, he shouldn’t burden her with expensive gifts he knows she probably won’t like.

          • Anonymous

            +1 I hate gifts I think they’re wasteful consumerism. It is not kind that buy someone something they don’t want!!!!! It’s rude and selfish to expect someone to put on a show and express fake gratitude for something they told you not to do.

      • Anonymous

        Also I mean this to be read in the tone of your loving yet exhasperatsd best friend.

      • Anonymous

        I am so done with this week. I just got an e-mail from my manager that is an obvious attempt to create a paper trail to document my alleged shortcomings, in response to a conversation we had in which I pointed out organizational deficiencies that needed to be corrected. Like: “Boss, the manual needs to be updated because it doesn’t cover X procedure. I figured it out and did it, but we need to update the manual.” Then I get an e-mail that says “Per our conversation yesterday, you need to be sure you are always doing X because it is the procedure.” Yes, I know it’s the procedure and I am doing it! The problem is that it’s not documented so it’s impossible to figure out without wasting zillions of hours!

      • Anon

        “They aren’t life changing and magical. You know what is? A nice and thoughtful husband,”

        Words to live by.

    • Vicky Austin

      “Is there anything about them that could possibly justify this price?” Yes. Your husband’s love and appreciation for you. Enjoy the leggings.

      • Anon

        Well, yes. There are things that could “possibly justify the price” because millions of pairs have been sold so presumably many people have been able to justify the price. If they’re not for you, they’re not for you but yikes with respect to your wording…

    • Leggings

      My husband is great and I know I’m crazy-lucky, so let’s not make this a referendum on him or us. I just wanted to know what the deal is with the price. I know the company is popular, so some people must see the benefit. Like I said, I do want to appreciate it.

      • Anon

        I don’t have any but my daughter got a pair when she was in high school. She walked into the store wearing them and mentioned to the sales clerk that they were a little pilly and that she was disappointed. The sales clerk told her to go into a fitting room and take them off, and gave her a new pair on the spot. No proof of purchase, no asking how long she’d had them. Nothing.

        And for whatever reason, the second pair never pilled. She’s a college sophomore now and still has them.

      • Anonymous

        The deal is they are nice quality leggings with good marketing. That’s it. Like most clothes. You do not need to be convinced they are worth exactly $128 to appreciate them.

      • emeralds

        I have a few pairs. These are the things I like about them: they wear like iron (all of mine are 3+ years old and still going strong), they don’t stretch or get loose as I wear them (whether for workouts or day use), the waistbands stay in place no matter what kind of exercise I’m doing, they don’t stink, and they’re 100% opaque.

        I have some $30 leggings that are just as good, but have found the quality at that price point to be a lot more hit or miss.

        • Shelle

          Agree with this and then some! I buy Athleta leggings because the fit is designed so much more thoughtfully, including: an infinity drawstring, have petite size for me, high quality durable wicking material, don’t stretch out, gussets at key places behind the knee and between the legs, reflective trim for safety, zip pocket, blackout material is not see through. I haven’t found cheap leggings that check all these boxes for me.

    • anonshmanon

      I can’t speak to the brand, but I am also a thrifter married to a spender. Assuming your family can afford this splurge, let your hubby spoil you. It might not be your love language, but then again, you didn’t marry yourself.

    • Anon

      Pretend you never saw the price tag and just exchange them. What a sweet gift in that he obviously realized running is important to you and wanted to enhance that.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I have one pair of Lululemon leggings and two tops (received as gifts). They are really, really nice. All the pieces are their keep-warm line (I work out in the garage) and they do a great job.

    • Anonymous

      LLL leggings aren’t magical or anything, but they fit me better than other brands and I am not always having to hike them up when I walk. Some people prefer Athleta.

    • SSJD

      The one pair of Lululemon leggings I have fits me better than any other pair I own. They never fall down. They look great after 7 years of weekly use.

        • Anne-on

          THIS. The colorful koala dupes are good but for some odd reason my lulus are the only brand that doesn’t show my ample cellulite. It’s genetic, and even my 8yr old son has it, but man do I hate it.

    • Anon

      I’ve never had them and don’t run, but my ~$100 Athleta Yoga leggings are infinitely better than the Target/Old Navy ones I had before. The first one is now 5 years old and looks brand new, I only got the second to avoid laundry bottlenecks. While I can’t speak to your leggings specifically, I assume they are similar in quality and therefore totally worth it. Enjoy them!

    • Lily

      They’re worth the price. But my number one tip is to baby them. Wash in cold water with like colors, and don’t put them in the dryer (they will dry pretty quick anyway if you just hang them on a rack/over the shower). I buy a couple new pairs every year to account for new colors and weight fluctuations/pregnancy, but my pairs from 3 years ago are still going strong.

    • Anonymous

      I am puzzled by all the responses saying “OMG you are so ungrateful be happy your husband bought you nice leggings.” Isn’t this the same group that constantly asks how to stop relatives from giving unwanted gifts? Is it different because LLL is fancy and the gifts you are usually trying to avoid are plastic toys for your kids?

      But OP, seriously, you will love wearing these leggings if LLL fits your body type.

      • anon

        The difference is that this gift is useful and thoughtful now that OP is getting into running and also OP seems to like them, aside from being hung up on the price.

      • anon

        I think it’s different when someone purchases a thoughtful gift, the recipient generally likes it, and the hang-up is really just the price. If someone came on here and said, “My mother purchased Magnatiles for my kid, my kid plays with them everyday, but how do you justify $100 for a box of plastic?”, my response would be to say thank you, keep the gift, and let the kid enjoy. (I picked Magnatiles, but it could just as easily be an American Girl doll or a big Lego set–also plastic, good quality, arguably overpriced, and beloved by many.)

        Most people asking about stopping relatives from giving unwanted gifts are trying to stop a deluge of gifts. So many grandparents won’t stop at just one thoughtful gift. I’ve also seen complaints about grandparents wanting to buy a “big” gift when the poster doesn’t really have the space for another large item.

        • Seventh Sister

          When my kids were small, my in-laws would routinely arrive with shopping bags full of kid’s toys that were made of cardboard or flimsy plastic, odd colors or sizes, basically junk, then expect that we would ooooh and ahhh over their generosity. There was no hope of exchanging any of this stuff. Totally different situation.

          FWIW, I think it’s pretty controlling when people don’t want you to give their kids any kind of gift. But I do appreciate it when people are specific about what they want and always try to attach a gift receipt.

    • Anon

      I have lots of activewear from all types of brands and price points. Although it is hard to say if Lulu is worth the admittedly high price tag, I will say that I always always reach for my Lulu pieces first if they are clean.

      • Anon

        That’s such a good indication of .. quality or fit or something intangible that makes an item worth it. I have little things like that, like my favorite pair of jeans I wear again the minute they’re clean, bypassing other pairs in the drawer that also fit well and we’re about the same price.

        I also have a favorite pair of socks and a favorite makeup brush, but now I’m just embarrassing myself.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      I wouldn’t normally spend $128 on an item of clothing for myself, unless it was something really nice like winter boots, a warm coat, or formal wear, BUT if my boyfriend gifted me some really nice leggings that were that price, I’d appreciate them. Not that I’ve ever worn LLL, most of my leggings are from Victoria’s Secret and almost always when there’s been a sale, but I’d imagine their products, aside from being a bit of a status symbol, are also very comfortable and durable. Your boyfriend was probably aiming to get you something nicer than what you would’ve bought for yourself, I try to do the same when possible.

    • HW

      My lululemon leggings have lasted for years. I think they’re worth the price. (I love a bargain too.)

    • Anon

      The material is much nicer – that is the difference in the price brackets. Danskin leggings or whatever brand aren’t as nice material wise and are cut differently, I think for shorter people with smaller waists and bigger bottoms.

    • Anonymous

      I am effectively you: team target leggings until I bought one pair from lulu on sale.

      They are definitely better: more comfortable, the fabric softer and more supportive, and more flattering than my other pairs. Will I buy more at the list price, no. Am I already planning to treat myself to another sale pair next Black Friday, yes.

    • Seafinch

      I have Lulus that are 15 years old and look brand new after that much time in use for intense fitness and four one year long mat leaves. They are worth the price. And I am a total cheapskate who hasn’t bought a pair in a decade. Enjoy them.

    • JM

      I was wearing a pair of 10 year old Lulu leggings (worn weekly during the winter) when I took a hard fall that broke skin. The leggings did not even rip.

    • Anon

      I have over 20 pairs of lulus. They are worth the price. The fit, quality, hidden pockets, seamless stitching to prevent chaffing…. ALL OF IT. I have pairs that I still wear that have lasted 15+ years. I also have the el-cheapo brands but they are never just right – a weird fitting waistband, less breathable material, not enough pockets for outside runs. But if you don’t appreciate the lulus, just return them!

  4. WE

    Quite a vaccine discussion this morning. Are people finding the process less stressful in places where there isn’t a free for all? Like in my southern state, you register your county and when the county starts scheduling your phase you get an email with a scheduling link. Prior to that you don’t even know where the sites are, there’s no way to contact the sites yourself to try to get ahead etc.

    As a high risk person myself I at first thought this was terrible — like I was sitting and hoping County govt would get this right and I wouldn’t get skipped. Now though having helped my senior parents through the NJ process —omg I’m thankful for a centralized process. NJ at first was going to have a central process – register with the state and wait. Then they published their list of sites, all sites got inundated with calls and decided hey you know what, you want to come to our location, you register with us and navigate scheduling with us. All of this happened with no real announcement — you figured it out if you were checking websites. Then it became a free for all — omg I heard x location opened lots of slots, quick grab one and tell your friends, oops it’s been 5 min, all slots gone. Rinse and repeat at every location. It’s stressful esp since right now you’re dealing with a senior citizen population. But then IDK I guess in those places you feel like you’re doing something by non stop trying to schedule? How’s your experience?

    • Anonymous

      I’m in NJ and got lucky and got an appointment. I know many people who added their name to the list and have been contacted. It’s not perfect but it’s getting better. People I know who don’t have appointments are just registered and not checking anymore.

    • Anon

      I’m in California and am high risk but there’s no prioritization that I’m aware of for high risk patients at this time. It’s 75+ right now, and from what I’ve seen they’ll lower it to 65+ and then non- healthcare frontline workers before they get to my age group. I do not expect any preference for being high risk and assume I will just get it with the rest of my age group.

      I can’t change it and am just trying to make peace with it. Being stressed and angry about it, as with most things in life, will not change the outcome. I’m privileged in that I can afford to wait, albeit at the expense of recreation, but I can stay home and stay safe. I can’t assume that’s a reality for the people ahead of me in line.

      • Anon

        75+ is not CA wide. There are some areas that are 65+ already. I think it’s county by county and maybe even provider by provider, under the umbrella of the state’s laws? My 73 year old parents have appts.

        • Anon

          Maybe it is by area. All the messaging I’m receiving from two health systems, my city, and county is 75+ due to limitations in supply. So for some of these the policy is 65+ but they can’t get to the 65-74 yet due to supply. I’m glad your parents have appointments though.

    • Anon in Dallas

      I’m in Texas obviously and I think they are doing a decent job. I’m in Dallas obviously but if I was in Houston I think there is a chance I would have already gotten the vaccine. I know a number of people who did at the astros stadium this week when Houston just set up mass-Vaccination clinics. From what it sounds like, it took basically all day but they were spread all over the stadium in the stands so there were no crowds or anything and people just hung out while the doctors made their way around.

    • Anonymous

      I might be in the same state as you, and I absolutely do not trust the system. I don’t trust that I will get the notification when it’s my turn, and I don’t trust that I will be able to secure an appointment even if I do get the notification. The county also states that by the time they get past essential workers and start vaccinating high-risk people, the county system is likely to be abandoned in favor of immunization through doctors’ offices, which means it will be a total free-for-all. I’m designated high-risk, but the way things are currently going I doubt I’ll have access to the vaccine in 2021.

      • Anonymous

        OP here — yeah IDK if we’re in the same state but I haven’t seen at all that they’re looking to abandon the system. In fact I just saw this afternoon the local health system board will meet on Saturday to vote on if they can expand beyond age 75.

    • Anon456

      I’m in Massachusetts and I legitimately have no effing idea when I’ll get it beyond “last.” I haven’t registered for anything. I’m last in line as a healthy 38 year old. If my IVF is successful and I get pregnant in the next few weeks then I leapfrog to the next eligible group, but I just assume I’ll get it from my ob/gyn or fertility clinic directly at that point or they’ll help me figure out how to access it, which is part of a major hospital network. Until then, jesus take the wheel…. nothing to stress over; I’ll get it when I get it.

      • Anon

        In NC and also last (which is fine). By the time I’m up, I think I could go into any CVS clinic and get it.

        The most any of us know is that age is a proxy for risk of dying, but it’s imperfect, so I could be an outlier and just not know it (on allergy shots; my body reacts to some things very oddly but otherwise, I’m healthy enough to donate blood regularly). I live in an allergy vortex in a body meant to live somewhere like San Diego.

  5. Anon

    This is probably a long shot especially for a weekend post, but are there any other readers with primary immune deficiencies here? What are your doctors telling you about your chances of having an effective vaccine response? Mine referred me to a webinar from the IDF, but the answer there was basically “we’re not sure, but it might not work.” I’m currently struggling to accept that my particular PI might make a successful vaccine response less likely for me (I’ve failed other vaccine challenges in the past). I’ve been so locked down all year and it’s so hard to feel the vaccine might not work if I’m even offered it anytime soon. Anyone else dealing with this?

    • Ellen

      My Grandma Trudy is imunocompromised, which I think is the same thing. She is also over 75 and she must stay home b/c she does not want to get the virus. I think mom and dad will keep her fine in the house and she will continue to do the cooking. I am hopeing she will get the vacine b/f Passover, b/c I want to go out there and see them, and will not go until they all are vacineated. I think I am at the end of the line, meaning I will probably not get the shot until the Summer. I can wait b/c I am healthy and am smart by wearing a mask whenenever I go out. Plus, I think I look cuter with the mask on then when it’s off. Anyone else agree?

    • Anonymous

      I have low IgA and need to see an immunologist. I assume I have an okay IgG and IgM response because I think I’d be in worse shape otherwise (I can get over the flu at home with just some antibiotics for the secondary infections, for example), but I’m highly symptomatic for a low IgA patient, so I do need to see a specialist. My friend with CVID is operating on the assumption that she will be relying on herd immunity. I have not heard of research guiding the use of the the C19 vaccines in a vaccine challenge; I am confused about whether we will necessarily know how to reliably test for a successful vaccine response.

      • Anon

        Do you know why your friend is relying on herd immunity? Did her doctor tell her that?

        • Anonymous

          Her doctor said she should get the vaccine but not count on it working. That’s how I understood it. She has also failed vaccine challenges before. She does always get the flu shot too.

    • immune system

      So, my parent has multiple primary immunodeficiencies including specific antibody deficiency (is that what you have?). He has not responded to vaccine challenges in the past, but has responded to some that have additional adjuvants for enhancing the immune response (eg. Prevnar but not Pneumovax) in the very recent past. Good news that some immunodeficiencies can change/improve over time.

      Yes, I fear that his immune response will not be sufficient to the vaccine, but his Immunologist is still very eager to have him vaccinated (unfortunately no appointment in sight in our state…..). If you don’t respond to any vaccines, then I am also concerned that your response may not be great either. I would ask your doctor of course to check your antibody level 1-2 months after you get vaccinated, and if you do not respond to the RNA vaccines, ask whether you should try later in the year the more traditional vaccines that will likely get released. You may respond differently.

      But if you do not respond to vaccines, are you on monthly Immunoglobulin infusions? If you are not getting frequent infections so don’t require Immunoglobulin, you might be getting more of an immunoprotective response than you realize so that is really excellent and maybe the vaccinations may have enough of an effect to protect you. My father gets a ton of infections without his monthly Immunoglobulin. And the good thing I heard from my Dad’s immunologist is that preliminary data out of China was that their patients with primary immunodeficiencies on Immunoglobulin were not getting COVID! Or at least not getting sick enough they knew they had COVID. One reason could be that the pooled immunoglobulin actually contains antibodies against COVID that could be protective.

      • Anon

        I have CVID and do monthly infusions too, but fortunately haven’t gotten as many infections as other people I know. I hope my infusions start containing antibodies soon for sure!! Thanks for the response.

        • immune system

          I think this is great news that you are on IVIG. This will likely be very protective for you, and is kind of the equivalent of getting a vaccine. I tell my family member that they are pre-vaccinated, actually! While it may not be enough to protect you from getting infected, it will likely decrease any subsequent disease significantly.

          I’m sure your infusions contain protective anti-COVID antibodies already.

          But I suspect in the future, even once this COVID stuff has settled down, my family member will now wear masks outside of the house indefinitely.

          • Anon

            Thank you!! No antibodies in the infusions yet (the supply is from late 2019), but hopefully soon!

  6. Anon

    Has anyone found menopause/perimenopause difficulties in language? I sometimes have problems finding words for concepts and objects, and have to substitute something I can remember. My job is quantitative and I have no problems being focused and performing complex calculations. It’s just a weird language thing.

    • Anonymous

      I have difficulty recalling words and people’s names when I’m sleep-deprived and/or stressed. Could either or both of those be the case for you now?

      • Anon

        I’ve been sleep deprived for years. During the pandemic I’m actually sleeping a bit later than I used to. This is just a more recent thing. Whatever it is, it’s not affecting other cognitive areas of my life.

    • Anon

      Not exactly what you’re asking, but I take topamax for chronic migraine and it causes this. It also causes me to make about five typos in every sentence I write, something I never did before. With effort I can catch most of them, but some still slip through. I don’t have any of the other issues with memory or cognition that people sometimes complain about with topamax (“dopamax”), just these very specific effects on language, but it’s very clearly an effect of this drug, since it came on within a day of starting the medication. It’s super frustrating, but has made me a lot more sympathetic to people who naturally struggle with language. Luckily I am not a lawyer, though it’s still not ideal professionally.

    • Anonymous

      This was B12 deficiency for me. I guess it’s more common when stomach acid lowers with age?

    • anne-on

      I get this around my period and/or with a migraine (migraines also often come with my period, so it’s a big ball of fun all around). I accidentally discovered that large doses of fish oil help a TON. I take 2-3 of this brand daily. My neuro endorsed it as well for the ‘brain fuzz’ aspect of migraine.
      My brand is the ‘Omega-3 Wild Alaska Fish Oil (1250mg per Capsule) with Triglyceride EPA & DHA’. The trader joes brand of fish oil (even at 4 pills a day) was nowhere near as good.

    • Anonymous

      I would talk to your OBGYN about this. I was referred out for a battery of tests to help determine what is a normal sign of aging and what isn’t. The test results are compared to the results of a population of your age and education level.

    • Anonymous

      In perimenopause and yes, I have had difficulties in language, among other impacts. This is especially difficult because my job involves a lot of speaking. I started taking an over the counter perimenopause support and it has made it manageable.

    • lifer

      Yes.

      Honestly, it is impossible to dissect what is aging/peri-menopause related specifically, as I have also had sleep and mood changes with menopause and all of these are interconnected and can have cognitive effects.

      Malapropisms are also an issue for me.

      I agree that it is good to keep an eye on your sleep/stress levels/mood and address accordingly if they need help. It is not terrible to have a good physical exam with your PCP once things are less crazy. Agree that B12 deficiency can sometimes do this, but unless your diet is a mess or you are vegan and not taking B12, it is less likely this. But women our age should always have this checked, thyroid labs checked and a good physical.

      My mother had this during perimenopause and it improved when she went on HRT. So many things improved on HRT in her life.

      • Anonymous

        I think B12 deficiency is usually from malabsorption and not from diet. It is weirdly complicated to absorb compared to other vitamins.

        I am definitely planning to do HRT one day. My hormones already run low, and it’s bad enough now.

    • editor

      I heard long ago that loss of nouns is tied to loss of estrogen. Or maybe ALL words, not just nouns. You’ll have to excuse me, it’s been a long day and I’m old : )

  7. Anon

    I asked yesterday if I should get a new phone, and you all advised me that I should. I ordered it yesterday evening and was surprised to see it arrive at 10am this morning (there was no other shipping option! I could have waited….). You ladies were right, this is a great upgrade! Hopefully this phone will last me a few years :)

    • Marie

      Did you end up getting the 12 mini? If so, how are you liking the size and for fun, what color did you get? I’m loving the blue.

    • Anon

      Fun. I love having a pristine new phone, I love the packaging, I love picking out a new cover, I love it all. It’s up there with getting a piece of jewelers for me.

  9. Anon

    I have never really been an over-eater, but these days, days of nothing with no end in sight, the one thing of pleasure left seems to be food. Food is awesome. Food pays off right now. I’ve been cooking at home so much that I am much better than I used to be. So food is paying off even more.

    Do you remember despair dot come?

    Hard work pays off over time.
    Procrastination pays off right now.

    How can I end my love affair with all things delicious? It is just so d*mn soothing. [No COVID-15 (yet), but I can tell I’ve gained inches due to not being in a real gym and not really having enough time (WFH + home schooling + puppy + constant interruptions + no focus + daily doomscrolling / praying for and end).] This is a bad habit that I don’t need as I sail into peri-menopause. And replacing it in winter when it’s cold / dark / damp is just hard.

    • Anonymous

      Do not give up your enjoyment of delicious food. You are cooking at home, so you can make yourself healthy delicious food! I am really into fancy salads for lunch these days. Homemade granola. Cookie and Kate’s Healthy Muffins. Curries. Soups. Enchiladas with whole wheat tortillas. Roasted brussels sprouts and sweet potatoes. Lattes with 1% milk. I could go on and on …

      • Anon

        Girl, husband bought home heavy cream. And I am using it. Full-fat dairy is my jam.

    • Anon

      All things in moderation. Enjoy the delicious food when you want it. Offset it by eating something less calorie heavy or rich at your next meal. Buy seasonal fruit (satsumas are so good right now) and enjoy it as a snack. But don’t deprive yourself. If eating a salad with a dry chicken breast worked long term, we’d all be thin.

    • anon

      It sounds like you don’t need to do anything with your diet. Keep enjoying delicious food! If your shape has changed from lack of exercise, and you’d like it to change back, find an at-home or outdoor exercise routine. You say you don’t want to develop a “bad habit,” but you haven’t actually described any habit, good or bad, related to food–just a lack of physical activity. Change that!

    • anon

      No idea. Food is a huge source of joy for me right now. I’ve always enjoyed baking, but during the pandemic, I’ve had so much more time to actually do it. I’ve decided that I’m just not going to beat myself up about this. I am being as active as I can, and I am a little fluffier than I was a year ago, but so be it.

    • Anonymous

      It can be a radical thing for women to embrace food as a source of joy. Have you considered doing that and letting the chips fall where they may? Being a little heavier than you used to be but making delicious homecooked meals that bring you happiness is well worth it to me. You can still exercise and practice other healthy behaviors, like getting enough sleep and reducing doomscrolling, while seeing eating well as a privilege.

    • anonshmanon

      Moving your body also pays off pretty much immediately! Whether it’s a 10 minute walk around the neighborhood or 5 min light yoga or a serious run.
      Also if you’ve gotten better at cooking, you can make the healthy stuff tasty. If you make most things from scratch, make it a challenge to include veggies on every plate in some form. Try out one or two new ones and maybe you’ll find some instant gratification in Tokyo turnips!

  10. Anonymous

    Vent. (Context: Mom is single, I’m an only child, and she’s very nice but not bright.)

    I spent a thousand hours during open enrollment season trying to find a Medicare Advantage plan for my mother that would cover X procedure she needed done. Miraculously, we found one that would cover it 100%. Free! Mom could get this $15k procedure for free!

    Well, we’re on the phone this week and she mentions to me that she charged the preliminary parts of the procedure to her credit card. “What are you talking about? It’s supposed to be free under the new plan. Why didn’t you tell me before you paid for something?”

    Turns out that the practice my mom has been seeing will be using a *specialist to do the bulk of this procedure. The insurance will pay for a *generalist to do the procedure. There are of course generalists who do this, just not at this practice. The difference? $9,000 out of pocket. For a woman who lives on $2,000 per month. And has no savings.

    It’s like she has complete amnesia about the 8 years we spent on the phone with the insurance company in December. What part of, “Mom, we are choosing this plan because X will be free” means “Go ahead and charge $9,000 to your credit card when you live on $2,000 per month and don’t think anything of it?!” So now I’m running around trying to find a different office that will use a generalist for the procedure.

    And she’s only 75, so I have 20 more years of this by my family’s genetics ??‍♀️?

    • Anon

      I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. Don’t take on the debt for your mom I guess would be one piece of advice. She personally owes that’s not you, and it dies with her.

      My frustration with my mom’s elder care was her telling us a bunch of half-truths about her medical issues which often got in the way of my siblings and I finding the right care for her. I’m sorry to tell you that talking to her plainly, begging, scolding, nothing worked to change it. I could only learn to accept and love her for who she was.

      • Flats Only

        I second not taking on the debt, and also wonder whether it’s too late to figure out some sort of payment plan, either with the doctor’s office or the credit card company. An argument along the lines of “she is not competent to have made this financial commitment, and won’t be able to pay it” may get her a reduced total. If at all possible you may also want to see about getting her credit card limit lowered. Most likely she doesn’t need a limit high enough to make these types of mistakes.

        • Anon

          In theory, she should be getting all of her money back if she hasn’t had the procedure done; it’s more of a prepayment than a deposit.

          I love the idea of lowering her credit card limits, or, hell, throw the thing out entirely.

    • Lilau

      I’m sorry. We’re there with you. My husband just found out his stepdad, who is recently retired,has been paying something like 2000k a month for health insurance through his employer. He is 80 and never signed up for Medicare. Guess who pays to fix their heat and their cars? Yeah.

      My husband is pretty furious and just so frustrated at the wastefulness.
      (We’re speculating that at the time he became eligible for Medicare the employers’ plan was much less expensive and it just crept up but we’re not completely sure exactly how much money he’s wasted on this.)

      • Flats Only

        Did/does the stepdad confuse Medicare (for seniors) and Medicaid (for the poor) and “not want to accept charity / government handouts out of pride”? Extra frustrating, but at least (I assume) it can be corrected and he can switch to Medicare now.

        • Lilau

          I almost wish he did! No, he just “liked his plan better.” He’d take a handout any day. Heck, he takes them from us! And yes, my husband fixed it. But good grief.

    • asdf

      I would be completely frustrated too! I have summited paid bills to insurance for reimbursement. With my insurance, at least, it’s not very difficult to do. Good luck!

      • Anonymous

        ASDF, you’re being reimbursed though because whatever you submitted was covered by the insurance. If a specialist performing a procedure negates coverage (or more likely results in only a small percentage of it being covered) than there is no reimbursement. It’s not that she needs to submit receipts. The problem is that any insurance plan doesn’t have to pay unless you meet the terms of coverage.

    • Anonymous

      I am so there. In one ear and out the other with my mom who is also about that age. Earlier this year she had someone call her and claim to be from Amazon and gave them her email address, downloaded a form and tried to give them her bank info. “But they said they owed me money.” She hadn’t even ordered anything from Amazon in months. Fortunately, her bank called her to stop the transaction. I drove 2 hours to pick up her laptop and have an IT friend get the malware off and load security software–which she promptly uninstalled to add on software that Lifelock gave her (so now I have to wonder whether it’s truly installed and going to be kept up to date). “But I’m paying for Lifelock.” Countless coaching over the past few months about not clicking emails from senders you don’t know and never giving anyone credit or bank info without you being the one that initiates the conversation. Always logging into credit or bank info directly and never through an email. Just got a call from her yesterday, and she had an email from “Chewey” that said she had $40 due and wanted her to fill out her credit card info and she wanted to be sure I wasn’t mailing her something from them before she paid. “But it says I owe money.” (Note–she doesn’t use Chewey and neither do I!) When I explained it was a fishing email, she said “but it was sent to my email address.” She is a smart woman–has a masters degree and holds her own in conversations like there’s no slowing down. But man oh man the worry over her is exhausting and I can’t even imagine what the years ahead will be.

      Thank you for making me feel a little less alone.

      • Anon

        My mom once called me and asked me to help her figure out how to use the free gift card she’d just been emailed ….. yep.

    • Anon

      My MIL started doing things like this and it turned out to be the early stages of Alzheimer’s. Looking back, we realized she was making questionable decisions starting about in her early 70’s.

    • Anonymous

      Are you dealing with a parent who does not have experience with similar issues? One of my MILs was in business, could read a contract, understood insurance and legislation that impacted her field, etc., and is much easier to work with. The other is a charming but flighty arty type who always had a man taking care of her, and is a real challenge because it’s hard to communicate with her in a linear fashion, and she assumes at the end of the day someone else will deal with the details for her.

  11. Anon

    Anyone who was single for a looong time find love for the first time in your 40s or beyond? Seeing Kamala and Doug really helped and made me realize how few stories like this I see in the media. I could use some inspiring stories today.

    • Anon

      I’m 35 and extremely single and it seems I will remain this way. I also find Kamala and Doug’s story really adorable and inspirational. And the fact that she never had children of her own but is a happy stepmom.

      • Anon

        I’m in the same position, 35 and single. I am probably freezing my eggs in the next few months and dating again once vaccinated. Kamala and Doug’s love story give me hope and takes the pressure off of a timeline, etc. I absolutely love that we have a woman VP with no biological children so hopefully the stigma against women without biological children will decrease.

        • anon

          Anon at 4:45, just to give you hope, I froze my eggs at your age and had a beautiful, healthy son at 42 from those eggs. They aren’t a guarantee, of course, but I hope they give you some peace at least on the biological clock front!

          • Anonymous

            OP, I’m only slightly younger, super single, and planning to egg freeze this summer once vaccinated. Fist bump of solidarity!

            Momma Anon: thanks for sharing! Great to hear :)

          • Anon

            I am anon at 4:45. Thank you!! I’m fine with kids and fine without but I don’t want to meet someone at 40 and kick myself. I just hate all the stigma around “older” single women without children and the glorification of women with children.

        • Anon

          Omg +1 to your last sentence. I was so sick of hearing all about how Amy Coney Barrett was a mom during her confirmation process. If Kamala were a mom, that’s all we’d ever hear about because that’s the only thing the GOP would find admirable (or acceptable) about her.

          • Anon

            I hate to say it, but if she had young kids at home I doubt she would have been a DA or an AG or a senator, never mind having to campaign and travel for VP. She have been zoom-schooling and hoping she didn’t get sacked. Kids are great, but make that corner office a challenge (if you wear a skirt).

          • anon

            True that, 5:42. The number of moms who make it to the top (at least while they have kids at home) is so very small.

          • Anon

            I love that her step kids call her their bonus mom and Momala. And yes I also think it’s great that biological motherhood or lack there of just didn’t seem to be a big deal.

    • Anon for this

      I’ve posted here before about an adversary of mine who went through what I suppose to was rough divorce in her 30s, became pretty bitter and lived alone with several cats. Then a cat got sick and she fell in love with the vet. She also became one of the nicest people to be around and wrapped up her practice when she got pregnant. So it happens!

    • Anonymous

      Me!
      Well, he is not my first love, but the first since I was 22. I barely dated for many years. And then, at age 45, I was sitting in a local bar alone after work, eating my dinner, and struck up a friendly conversation with a stranger of a similar age. He felt a connection and followed up. It took a long time to develop into love. And our relationship mechanics, given two entrenched single lives, careers, and travel schedules (even now for him), are complicated and might not look like what others want. But we are definitely in love and working toward entwining our lives more deeply. I also made a lot of other new friendships around the same time, some of which might have become romantic under other circumstances, but which have instead developed into deep friendships.

    • Anonymous

      Yep, got divorced at 40 and my my love at 49 (he was 42 at the time — never married). I didn’t think I would ever find someone who gets me so deeply and I’m grateful everyday. It can happen! We met through Bumble. I decided to treat online dating like it was my job, went out with about 13 different guys in the span of 3 months before we met.

    • anon

      They are an adorable couple and seem to truly adore one another. It’s so nice to see.

      My cousin is 44, never married, and has been with her guy for about a year now. She says he is worth the long and frustrating wait.

    • Anon

      Ok not me but one of my friends was pregnant by donor on the cusp of 40 and met her now husband when she was 8 months pregnant. They started dating immediately and got married not too long after she gave birth. He also adopted the child.

    • The original Scarlett

      Yep! Met my husband shortly after turning 40, he’s amazing (also Jewish, like Doug) and we marvel every day about how lucky we feel and how it was worth the wait.

  12. anne-on

    Would be curious to get thoughts on the value of an executive MBA. In order to make a move to a more senior role/switch roles I will likely need an advanced degree. I have a young son, and frankly, I’m not wild about the idea of stepping out of the workplace altogether, so I’m leaning towards an executive MBA. My job would pay a nominal part of it, but I’d have full support from my team. We could make the money part work with a lot of belt tightening and I’m seeing it as an investment in my future.
    Would love thoughts from other folks who have done this with a family – was it worth it to you? How hard was the work/life/school balance? Did it help you professionally or was it a tick the box exercise?

    • Anonymous

      I did law school and a master’s program concurrently full-time, while working part-time and raising a small child. The most difficult part was the constant day care illnesses–half the time I was dealing with a sick kid, and the other half of the time I was sick myself. If your kid is a little older this may not be an issue. Mainly for this reason, I didn’t have the bandwidth for all the little “extras” that can make a real difference career-wise. I was just trying to survive and graduate with a job that wouldn’t require me to work 80 hours a week.

      One thing to consider is the impact this will have on college savings. I started off with a scholarship that covered nearly 100% of tuition, but had to do a lot of unplanned borrowing to cover gigantic tuition increases (tuition doubled, scholarships remained flat), plus child care after the baby was born. I spent ten years paying it all off, which put a huge dent in my retirement savings and my child’s college savings. Our kid is in high school, and our college funding plan is to devote my entire take-home pay to savings and then cash-flowing tuition for the next 8 years. Not fun. If we had put all of that money towards college savings instead of my graduate education, we’d have private college pretty much in the bag right now.

      As to whether it’s a check-the-box exercise, yes, an executive MBA is generally just that. If you want to make a job change, you may need to go full-time to take advantage of recruiting opportunities. If your employer will pay for the degree and it will get you a promotion, maybe it’s worthwhile. Otherwise I’d be skeptical of the value of an executive MBA.

    • Anon

      Executive MBA programs are usually expensive but if you have that part down, I have been working on a doctorate with two small kids and a demanding full-time job. It’s super hard and I should be working on it now instead of writing this. It’s been worth it, even though it is taking awhile. I have been promoted twice and I know that working on this degree was a big part of that decision.

  13. Anonymous

    I am so done with this week. I just got an e-mail from my manager that is an obvious attempt to create a paper trail to document my alleged shortcomings, in response to a conversation we had in which I pointed out organizational deficiencies that needed to be corrected. Like: “Boss, the manual needs to be updated because it doesn’t cover X procedure. I figured it out and did it, but we need to update the manual.” Then I get an e-mail that says “Per our conversation yesterday, you need to be sure you are always doing X because it is the procedure.” Yes, I know it’s the procedure and I am doing it! The problem is that it’s not documented so it’s impossible to figure out without wasting zillions of hours!

    • No Face

      I would reply, “Of course! As I said yesterday, I already completed procedure X after figuring it out independently. The manual needs to be updated to include procedure X so that others will know as well. Have a good weekend.” I always send a CYA email.

  14. Anon

    Does anyone know what the odds are of finding a continuing care community to take my MIL and SIL (who just turned 55)? MIL is living in a downstairs room on a floor with just a toilet and hasn’t had a bath or shower in . . . a concerning amount of time as she is not going up or down stairs [this is why the pandemic is bad — we suspected that things were Not Right and only from the background from face-timing over the holidays did we get a sense of how things were slipping. SIL lives with her (failure to launch vs actual caretaker), but hoards, so not sure what condition the upstairs or other rooms are in. Ugh. We are out of state and haven’t visited due to COVID risks, but are concerned.

    • Flats Only

      What a tough situation. Especially since you’re out of state, you might want to contact an eldercare consultant or a geriatric social worker in their state. Either one should be able to provide info on what might be possible that’s relevant to their locale.

    • Anon

      A night nurse in exchange for a short maternity leave because the employee was mission critical to a time-sensitive project. She wasn’t pregnant at the time she was hired, either.

    • KS IT Chick

      If you feel that your MIL is at risk, you can call the state department for aging or elder care. They can do an assessment to determine whether the two of them are safe to continue living in the home, if MIL is at risk, if SIL is at risk, etc. It isn’t automatically a referral to a nursing facility; my MIL with Alzheimer’s could have been safe to live at home with some significant modifications to the house. However, with a 100+ year old house and her husband having a history of heart problems, those weren’t really an option for us.

      Then, it won’t be you saying that they can’t live there; it will be the state agency that is protecting them.

    • Anon

      I work in eldercare– it is not uncommon that we see a mother and daughter put into a facility at the same time. I think the issue here is that the SIL may not be appropriate for a facility if she is just a hoarder. Most states have local agencies/non-profits for aging that would be able to give you resources on who to call– either a social worker or eldercare attorney. I would hesitate to start with Adult Protective Services (APS) unless you think your MIL is in imminent risk of harm, etc. and would get this taken care of sooner rather than later. Normally what happens is these situations is your MIL will end up in the hospital for some reason, the hospital will determine she can’t be discharged home, and then you will be stuck sending her to whatever facility has beds at that time, which may not be one you would choose yourself.

    • Anon

      I had the same situation only opposite genders (dad and brother failing to launch) and got the county center for aging involved. They found out my dad had no will or PoA, dumped him in a home and seized control of his finances, and are charging my brother with felony theft for the money he used to pay the household utility bills.

      Don’t speak to a single soul in any “elder welfare” agency until you have your ducks in a row and you’re certain that the proper paperwork is in place. Those people are opportunistic scum.

  15. Anon

    Reposting: Assuming the salary numbers work out, what are some unusual perks you have negotiated or heard about others negotiating with a new job offer? WFH technology allowance and a wardrobe allowance for someone in the public eye are a few recent ones I’ve come across.

    • Anon

      It’s not interesting but I would negotiate for additional time off. And a break between jobs. I took two weeks off before starting my job (so I started four weeks later – two weeks notice and two weeks off). It was a great feeling!

  16. Fun Cabinet Color

    Frivolous question.

    I’m in search of a fun paint color to paint some unfinished cabinets that are being installed in my new basement laundry room. The lighting is ok, not great. We’re doing a grey-ish toned VLP floor and a white-toned solid surface countertop. The new W&D are graphite colored – I wanted white but they’re on indefinite backorder thanks to the ‘rona.

    What’s a fun pop of color I could use on the cabinets? I’m not thinking Kelley Green or magenta, but something that would stand out and look nice and crisp and fresh? Thinking of adding gold-colored hardware to the cabinets.

      • anne-on

        Oooh yes, a deep navy, gold hardware, and light grey floors would be really pretty!

        • anon

          Gold hardware is starting to look dated so I’d reconsider that idea. Everything else sounds lovely!

      • Anonymous

        The combination of white top cabinets and dark teal bottom cabinets is a very contemporary look. You could do the same with navy on the bottom. The white upper cabinets would keep the whole thing from being too dark.

    • Lilau

      Love the navy idea.

      Also might consider a muted lighter blue or green, something with a lot of gray or brown in it so it looks more English country than Easter If that makes sense. I like muted but not dark colors in low light spaces. Have fun!

  17. Monday

    I just read the arguments about the vaccine from the morning thread. Thought I’d post because I _think_ I am the only frequent commenter here who is a health care worker. As a provider who can’t work from home, I am now fully vaccinated. The only people who went before me (by about a week) were my hospital’s ICU and Emergency staff.

    My life has not changed at all, I feel no different, and most of the time I forget I’ve even had the shots. Work is as bad as ever, we can’t loosen safety standards at all, and the research is unclear as to whether we could still transmit the virus. Morale is low. People are snapping at each other a lot. We all acknowledged that it was nice to have some good news for a change (the vaccine), but then it was just like, alright, back to the fight.

    I don’t mean to say that there’s no reason to look forward to getting vaccinated–there is. And the fact that we got a vaccine this quickly is still a wonderful thing. My point is that doing right and being responsible, even after getting the shot, is still no fun. The only people really enjoying themselves or relaxing right now, just as before, are the people who are in denial or who don’t care about harming others.

    • anon

      The healthcare providers in my family and friend circle report the same thing. :( Keep up the hood fight; we appreciate you. Some of us are still committed to staying home even though it’s hard and it sucks.

    • Curious

      This is what I am hearing from my sister’s friends who are doctors and nurses. Thank you.

    • AIMS

      So, I just went and read that and … wow!

      I think we are all on the verge of losing it with this year, if we haven’t already, so I am just going to chalk it all up to everyone having a lot of big feelings. I am personally just really happy for every single vaccinated person, and esp. you Monday. But I work with someone who was annoyed that his own father got vaccinated ahead of him so I am well aware that reactions vary.

    • Ses

      Thank you for what you’re doing, Monday. Really glad you’re vaccinated, and I hope your job gets more bearable as vaccinations proceed.

    • Anonymous

      I can’t even imagine how tired you all must be! In my state we had the first report that our ten day case average is dropping. Hopefully we are starting to make a dent and that the mask mandates for interstate travel and federal properties will also help.

  18. Anon

    Help me shop for some “Zoom” tops!

    I’ve started having video meetings with external attendees and want to buy a few business casual tops that look good on video. For me, that means no prints and higher neckline. I also dislike puffy sleeves, ruffles, turtlenecks and mock necks. I am a straight size. Budget is about $200 for three tops. What would you buy in my shoes?

    • Cat

      The Talbots Audrey cashmere sweaters have a really nice neckline.
      Also check out Hobbs (I usually buy via Bloomie’s) – they often have nice boatneck or funnel neck styles.

      Lots on sale right now so although full price wouldn’t work with your budget, the sale prices would!

    • Kelsey

      I bought some tops lately from recommendations from the board that I like a lot. I bought the boden Dakota jersey top in Jewel purple and also bought the Calvin Klein pleat neck sleeveless cami and Anne Klein Solid Triple Pleat Top, the latter 2 from Amazon. In my case I wear the top with either a cardigan for casual calls or a blazer (the j crew going out blazer) for client calls.

    • Anonymous

      I like the DKNY faux wrap tops I bought this year; I did bright solids and one modern pattern.

  19. Smal thing that made my year better

    Thanks to covid boredom, I rediscovered my love for houseplants (got a collection of 110 over 2020, most of them going strong). Towards winter, I started some vegetable & herbs seeds – just to test if they would start and if I have good conditions to grow them. Happy to share I have some beautiful pak chois, corriander, tomatoes and peppers plants (not fruits yet). Funny how such small things can bring you joy, excitment and push you to learn in a new field. If you have at least one or two free windowsills, I would recommend to give it a try. Maybe they won’t take, maybe they will, maybe they will flower, maybe you will have some extra veggies, who knows. But you will for sure learn something new.

  20. Anonymous

    Can we do a poll of how many bags readers own and type? I’ll go first:
    1) briefcase/work tote
    2) leather tote
    3) leather tote
    4) leather shoulder bag
    5) leather shoulder bag
    6) nylon crossbody
    7) backpack

    • Anonymous

      1 x leather work tote
      4 x leather handbag
      3 x small leather crossbody
      4 x small leather clutch
      4 x nylon work tote
      4 x nylon crossbody for travel
      1 x “vegan leather” handbag for travel

      I am working on paring down some but they don’t take up a lot of room and I use most of them in a normal year.

      • Anonymous

        1 x leather work tote (black)
        4 x leather handbag (cream, tan, brown, black – I may also have grey hanging around as #5)
        3 x small leather crossbody (black, grey, black)
        4 x small leather clutch (blush, black, black, burgundy patent)
        4 x nylon work tote (taupe, grey, black, purple)
        4 x nylon crossbody for travel (olive, grey, black, black – I basically dislike all of them and keep buying to find one I do like but . . . no)
        1 x “vegan leather” handbag for travel (brown)

        Editing to add that I also have two small backpacks in grey nylon and brown leather that are super handy for travel and events/outings), many canvas totes, and a few silicone totes for shopping.

    • Anonymous

      Hmm. For work, 1 laptop briefcase, 3 large leather work totes (black, blue, brown), 3 nylon travel totes, and a handful of small purses I can toss into one of the totes (black, brown, burgundy, grey and blue). I switch totes quickly by using nylon zip pouches for chargers, office supplies and toiletries.

    • Anon

      3x work totes (black, brown, cream)
      4x crossbodies of different sizes (black, navy, cream, yellow)
      1x nylon cross body for leisure travel
      1x clutch that goes with any colour, summer or winter
      1x laptop backpack for commuting amd travel

      And then an inrodinate ammount of hiking/gear bags and backpacks

    • Anonymous

      One laptop backpack, two leather totes that I use daily for work any everything else, and one custom made felted wool tote. I tend to try to keep things simple.

    • Anon

      Used weekly:
      1) black canvas/ballistic-looking laptop wheelie (Samsonite)
      2) black/red logo woven zippered tote (free swag from a work vendor)
      3) blue leather wristlet (for running errands after work when I have no pockets)

      Used Rarely:
      4) small black leather-like pocketbook for dates (currently collecting dust)
      5) small brown leather-like pocketbook for dates (also collecting dust)
      6) dark purple leather hobo bag (haven’t used in years)

      I assume you’re looking for purses and laptop bags, so I’m not counting all the specialized bags for my photography equipment and my husband’s music equipment.

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