ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 387 Comments

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Resume Dress

The J.Crew Resume Dress is a classic for a reason. The silhouette is flattering, the material has just a touch of stretch, and it has pockets! This spring, J.Crew has the typical gray, navy, and black, but this “transit green” color is a delightful seasonal addition.

I would wear this with a navy blazer with the sleeves rolled up for a preppy look, or with a white sweater for a spring look.

The dress is $188 and comes in classic sizes 00–24, petite sizes 00–12, and tall sizes 2–16.

J.Crew Factory has a more affordable alternative for $39; it's available in classic sizes 00–20 and petite sizes 00–12 (with the latter only in stock in navy).

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

387 Comments

  1. Spring break help! Tell me all of your tips and ideas on how to survive a trip with kids. We doing a house share nearby with another family. The four kids get along well half of the time and the other half they spend fighting, crying, ignoring each other and there’s all the feelings. I’m hoping the change of scenery, the beach activities, and the house itself will be enough of a distraction to keep everyone’s spirits up.

    1. From several annual three-family vacations:

      I recommend pre-planning some alone time (where the families do their own thing separately as a break) – assuming a weeklong stay, maybe 1 or 2 days you don’t spend the day together and just reconvene at dinner. Like one family goes on a boat trip, or to the aquarium, or whatever while the other stays at the beach, and vice versa the second day.

      The other thing is – it’s tempting to forgo bedtimes entirely on vacation, but a houseful of tired, off-schedule kids isn’t fun either.

    2. Definitely plan to build some time for each family to do their own thing. Make sure there’s stuff to do when you’re just hanging out at the house (bored games, lawn games, whatever they might enjoy). IMO, kids are usually fine and there’s minimal fighting during planned activities; the downtime and resulting boredom are what causes the fights.

      1. omg. Meant to say board games, but perhaps my true feelings about games are showing? LOL.

    3. I vacation this way often. My main tip is to tire out all the kids early. We do quick breakfast, major activity for the day (beach, zoo, hike, swimming, whatever), then a big lunch. The tired and full kids watch a Pixar movie or have free play while the adults have an afternoon drink and hang out. Then we do a less strenuous activity (bike ride, walk, playground), then roll into dinner and bedtime. After bedtime, the adults hang out.

      2. Agreed- one thing per day, in the morning, is about the correct rhythm. I’d also suggest that vacations are easier when everyone has readily available snacks of their choosing- traveling with hungry kids is awful.

    4. Not exactly what you’re asking, but when we get a house for a week, I like to prepare a few meals ahead of time and freeze them. Last time we spent a week at the beach, we took a pan of lasagna and a large pot of red beans, which meant that there were 2 dinners we didn’t have to cook, or barely had to cook, plus leftovers for lunch. We also made a pork shoulder while we were there, which lasted several meals in various iterations–sandwiches, lettuce wraps, tacos. Add takeout once or twice, and you’re half-way through your meal plan. It’s just too much to have to cook a meal for 2 families every night for 7-8 nights!

      1. Yes, have a specific plan for meals. My biggest frustration with group trips (pre and post kids) is mismatched expectations about meals and meal timing. (Maybe it’s just me but I really like to know where my next meal is coming from.) So either agree ahead of time that your family cooks M/W, theirs T/Thu, Friday is pizza. Discuss menus and number of serving sizes. Decide who is buying what food. Or, we are all going out Tuesday to X restaurant, let’s make a reservation because we will be 9 people, A family going out alone Wednesday to have dinner with Uncle Bob nearby, etc . Discuss timing and expectations – dinner is ready at 6:30, we are all eating together or is it come when you want and grab and go, etc. Are breakfasts on your own? Brunch at 11 on weekends? Lunches?

    5. Plan for at least two lazy nights (movies and sugar coma after an active day) where one family’s grown-ups take care of all the kids and the other grown-ups (or grown-up) get time off. Get the kids half asleep from the other place at some point (or not, sofa sleeping is fine), and put them to bed with zero fuss (no washing or tooth-brushing, just bed).

      Maybe get the kids a tent or similar where it’s possible to withdraw and have some alone time even if everybody else is playing on the beach, “reading tent” or something.

      Try and split the siblings (depending on age) and do kid pairs with one from each family helping with lunch, or doing a special project or craft or going on an outing. Might be less fighting if they don’t play up to their sibling dynamic all the time.

  2. How bad of an investment is real estate in Texas? I’m looking at Houston specifically. It seems like there’s not much appreciation (I’m looking in the loop), and I’m generally willing to pay more for a house if I think there’s at least some appreciation potential above inflation, and I can’t figure out if it’s the case here. Like, I’ve read stuff about property values by neighborhood, but it also kind of seems like most stuff seems to be going for more or less around the same price as the last time it sold, adjusted for inflation. Folks who are familiar with the market, what do you think/what resources would you suggest?

    1. The other piece of context is I’m moving from a city where the market is just totally different (really expensive but predictable and moves steadily in an upward direction, more or less. I know this won’t be that, just trying to figure out how much of my perception is just that vs something I should actually consider

      1. we are also house hunting in Houston inside the loop and I think it depends a lot on neighborhood. i also think that real estate is no longer what it once was and that on some level a home should not just be purchased as an investment, but a place to enjoy. like my parents’ have now been in their home for 25 years and it is has almost doubled in value….but they’ve also spent a lot of money over that time period to do things to the house. i don’t know what neighborhood you are looking in, but generally there are still enough tear downs and space for new construction, which some buyers seem to really like. the market is also a sellers market right now, like in many other places of the country. inside the loop homes don’t seem to be quite as much at the mercy of the energy industry as some other areas, but there is definitely still some impact and the med center also brings a lot of money into the city,

        1. Exactly. There’s only so much money that people will have available to spend on housing; eventually, no matter how low the interest rates, they can’t continue to pay more and more money, above inflation. (Certain segments of the population can – e.g., wealthy people who are nowhere near maxing out their budgets – but for most houses, we’re pretty much at peak expense. Ditto education.)

      2. No idea about Houston specifically but a general piece of advice that’s easy to forget if you live in a hot market is be pickier about what you buy. In a hot market, weird things about a place don’t really matter at all, and in a place where there’s a lot of inventory, make sure your layout makes sense, the place has features you like, curb appeal, good location, etc.

    2. Dad says it depends on the neighborhood, but you MUST consider the weather, which is the same — very HUMID and HOT in the summer and very flat (unlike Austin and Dallas). If you can, live there he says. Personally, I would go to NYC if you want a nice place weatherwise, b/c it is getting warmer in the winter b/c of global warming. We also have plays and museums and sports teams if you have a boyfreind. Good luck to you, but be careful! Don’t shop over the internet for houses.

    3. I am not seeing what you’re seeing here. Houses are flying off the market at high prices. We moved right before Covid and sold our house in Montrose for a huge profit. We could now sell our current house for a huge profit (although then we’d have to buy somewhere else with high prices because we are staying in Houston). I mean, there’s no guarantee that the numbers will continue to go up but I think they are generally, especially in the loop.

      1. yeah I mean I see what you’re saying and I don’t disagree, at least for the time being. I just don’t know if it will continue to be that way or what trends generally look like outside of the current environment. I’m okay buying now if values are a bit high but we think they will still go up over the long term. I’m less okay if we’re in a bit of a bubble and the values pleateau for a long period of time. If I think the latter will happen, I’ll put less $ in house.

        1. You’re asking people to predict the future, and they can’t. Best you can do is think about the macroeconomic conditions that would influence housing in the market in the long term, but even then it’s a calculated guess at best.

          1. No, trying to understand historical trends is not an unreasonable ask at all, and is smart when considering buying a home, especially in a time when the market is weird because of the pandemic. Of course you can’t know if the past reflects the future, but it’s good to know if a particular area has historically been flat or risen in value, and when that’s happened.

        2. Also depends on what type of house you’re looking for. I own a townhouse inside the Loop that hasn’t appreciated much, but that’s because townhouses are a dime a dozen right now in Houston. However, I just bought a house in Oak Forest, where good houses are going very quickly and sometimes above asking price. So I think how strong the market is here depends on what you’re buying and which neighborhood you’re looking at.

          I also think Houston is relatively immune from housing market crashes due to its diversified industries. For a while it was all oil and gas, but now it’s such a strong medical hub that it’s not as impacted by market swings as other areas. I’ve lived here off and on since 2013 and the price of my original townhouse never dropped below what I paid for it, even though I bought in a hot market the day the townhouse went on the market. I fully expect my current house to continue to appreciate in value, though, unlike parts of California, there is still a limit as to how much it will appreciate – i.e., I don’t expect it to double or appreciate quickly in a short time period.

          1. +1 I agree with all of this (posted as Houstonian here as well)

            All of this doesn’t apply to the suburbs. I do think that can be risky.

        3. I think you’re just asking us to validate you? Hard to say where the market will go? What city are you coming from – that might help my perspective here – I don’t think Houston is different from most places though if you’re talking inside the loop. There are enough wealthy people not connected to energy (or wealthy despite what happens in energy) to sustain the inner loop market.

          We’re about to list our house of 6 years. I don’t think we’ll make a profit because we renovated it and spent money on yard/landscaping for our own enjoyment. Think we’ll about break even. I’m in the most expensive neighborhood in the city, and houses are flying right now though.

          3. No, but other poster got it. I don’t think a house in West U is ever a bad investment, FWIW!

    4. I live in a Houston suburb and agree with others that real estate probably isn’t a wise investment. We are getting ready to list our house soon. Our relator told us that due to the pandemic, there has been a moratorium on foreclosures, but that should end in September. Then give it about 90 days for foreclosures to get finalized and there could be a glut of houses available for sale next year and then it’ll be a buyers market. We’re prepared to sell high, rent for about a year until we find the right house.

    6. Thank you all for your thoughts and perspectives! I guess I kind of am asking what the future holds which obviously no one can know, but everything you have wrote here is so, so helpful.

  3. The square sleeve-flap things on this dress and the MMLF Sarah are odd and unflattering.

      1. Cosigned.

        I feel like it is sleeve-ish, but would still get deodorant on a jacket (and may look odd and pokey under one). Worst of both words?

    2. I agree – I’ve tried this dress on several times, several sizes, and all it does for me is frame my upper-b–b fat. I love a good cap sleeve but it needs to go all the way around!

    3. I have always thought the same thing about the resume dress and wondered why it is so popular!

    5. I have narrow shoulders and a large chest and a dress like this is good for me. Helps balance proportions.

      1. I love the MM LaFleur Sarah one, but I think the sleeve comes down a lot lower than this (no armpit showage). In fact, I find it a lot more flattering than cap sleeves since it doesn’t cut into the arm at all.

    6. The Black Halo dresses have this as well. I think it looks like a Home Ec disaster.

  4. Vicarious shopping/wedding request: we’re getting married! Because of covid, family reasons, and other things, we will be having a small, casual ceremony (15-20 people in our backyard) in September, assuming everyone is vaccinated by then. I don’t want a traditional bridal gown, but I do want something white (or ivory or champagne) and festive.
    Criteria: knee length or midi length, no strapless or spaghetti straps. I am a size 6 with curvy hips and a high waist. Any ideas where to look?

    1. A lot of the bridal salons I went to had a selection of dresses that were more casual and less traditional. It might be worth it to call and ask what they have in that market. I thought I would buy from a department store but the bridal stores had much better selections.

    2. first of all congrats! i’d look at Nordstrom, Saks, Neiman, Bloomingdales, BHLDN, White House Black Market, maybe some bridal stores. not sure what “festive” means to you. also depending on budget and dress style you could always find a long dress and chop it off

      1. My wedding dress was a white c-tail dress from Nordstrom that was about $150. (It met your criteria exactly but of course wouldn’t be around anymore.) It was exactly what I wanted. Search for c-tail dresses + color, and if you talk to anyone in sales don’t even mention it’s for your wedding! IME they just can’t internalize the idea that you’re not looking for a Vera Wang ball gown.

      2. i agree with the above poster that bridal stores probably have a better selection, but in the meantime, here are some ideas:
        https://www.nordstrom.com/s/js-collection-floral-applique-midi-cocktail-dress/5892630?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&fashioncolor=White&color=white

        https://www.nordstrom.com/s/kay-unger-maxime-pleat-flare-cocktail-dress/5612354?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&fashioncolor=White&color=white

        https://www.nordstrom.com/s/kay-unger-asymmetrical-neck-satin-jacquard-cocktail-dress/5687985?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&fashioncolor=White&color=white
        https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/victoria-beckham-short-sleeve-v-neck-midi-dress-0400013453544.html?dwvar_0400013453544_color=WHITE

        https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/shani-floral-lace-dress-0400013601533.html?dwvar_0400013601533_color=IVORY

        https://www.bhldn.com/products/mattea-gown?via=Z2lkOi8vdXJibi9Xb3JrYXJlYTo6Q2F0YWxvZzo6Q2F0ZWdvcnkvNjdCNDdENzQ

        3. Oooh, I love the lace Navy blue Saks one for mother of the bride. Not that my kids are moving very fast. Darn pandemic.

    3. BHLDN is great. They have a bunch of “little white dresses” that look like they would fit the bill. They also have great separates. If cost is a consideration, you could get a fancy sparkly top from BHLDN and a skirt from David’s Bridal.

      On that note, I know you said you don’t want a traditional dress but I can’t say enough good things about David’s Bridal. The one close to me always has lots of appointment slots, the staff are friendly and uplifting, they have a ton of styles in lots of sizes, and they have a great on-site seamstress. It’s not a bad place to start if you want to get an idea of what style/silhouette/color you like best.

      1. My friend said that my timing was a little tight for bridal salons (need between 6-9 months). Does David’s bridal have dresses in stock?

        1. Davids has them in stock and if you go to the store, they have one in each size available to try on. Also, I don’t know if it’s changed but most places I went to said you needed that long but the timeline was really more like 3-4 months max for most brands. I think mine took 2.

          1. Yup this. Also, BHLDN is all off the rack, not custom made. I got my dress in like a week. They don’t have an onsite seamstress, so if you need alterations you’ll have to work with her to see how long she needs.

    4. BHLDN has a whole section called City Hall Bride that I think could work for inspiration.

      I would get a big just below the knee tulle skirt & pair it with a pretty top in a similar color – you could even do a delicate little short sleeve or 3/4 sleeve sweater if you think the weather will be cool.

      This skirt is lovely and festive feeling & I’m sure you can find similar less pricey versions. https://www.bhldn.com/products/nandita-skirt?via=Z2lkOi8vdXJibi9Xb3JrYXJlYTo6Q2F0YWxvZzo6Q2F0ZWdvcnkvRjAwQkZCNDc

      Congratulations!

    5. If I was getting married again, I’d wear Kamparett – dig on the site a little for her white dresses and bridal

      1. I wore a dress from BHLDN for my wedding a few years ago and they have an excellent return policy if you change your mind or want to order a couple options.

      2. These are so cute! Maybe I could do longer, I just don’t want to trip around on my dress and probably won’t be doing very high heels, but I could do a pretty sandals with a medium height scare heel.

        1. depending on your height, you could also have a dress hemmed to wear flats. i have two cousins who wore flats at their weddings.

          1. I wore flats for my wedding with a long dress, because I am not a heels person and knew I’d trip if I tried. Mine were Bella Belle, Badgley Mischka also makes pretty flats that would work for a wedding.

    8. I just got a similar dress for my elopement at BHLDN! You should definitely check them out.

    9. Congrats! BHLDN has lots of outfits meant for courthouse weddings or rehearsal dinners etc, that would fit the bill here. I’ve also searched for “rehearsal dinner outfits” on instagram and pinterest and found some really cute ideas. Oliva Palermo had a cool wedding look for some inspo.

    10. Best wishes for your upcoming marriage! I love this kind of scavenger hunt!

      Very bridal:https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/tanya-taylor-neves-jacquard-midi-dress-0400012130643.html?dwvar_0400012130643_color=WHITE

      Crisp modern bride (honestly, my favorite, but spendy): https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/ala%C3%AFa-bow-waist-popeline-midi-dress-0400012108320.html?dwvar_0400012108320_color=BLANC

      Bridal, lacey shirt dress: https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/teri-jon-by-rickie-freeman-lace-short-sleeve-shirtdress-0400013843542.html?dwvar_0400013843542_color=WHITE
      https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/alice-olivia-vannessa-belted-midi-shirtdress-0400013865788.html?dwvar_0400013865788_color=OFF%20WHITE

      Boho bride: https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/zimmermann-charm-star-lace-handkerchief-hem-slip-dress-0400013105005.html?dwvar_0400013105005_color=CREAM

      Lacey knee length: https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/tadashi-shoji-illusion-lace-long-sleeve-a-line-dress-0400013286924.html?dwvar_0400013286924_color=IVORY%20PETAL

      Saks has a whole white dress section:
      https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/c/women-s-apparel/dresses/white-dresses?srule=featured_newest

    11. I’m not good at searching, but the last time we talked about a small wedding somebody posted some amazing bridal jumpsuits. Just a thought…

  5. All the pandemic cooking has caught up with my kitchen and made me realize just how dull all my kitchen knives are. What do people recommend – mailing their knives to a service to be sharpened or investing in a knife sharpener for the home?

    2. Send them out! Totally worth it, WAY better results.

      I recommend Precision Knife Sharpening (it’s in Alexandria VA – locals can drop off and pick up but anyone can mail them in).

    3. I would get them professionally sharpened first, and then you can try to maintain if that is your jam. See if there is a local service – I’m in NYC and there is a little truck that goes to people, but a lot of cookware stores do it also I think. Actually I just googled this and a shoe repair place near me does it.

      1. Co-sign! I have a person who sharpens my knives and it’s really the best. I live in a small capitol city and there are a couple of places here where you can take your knives (including a cookware store), so I bet there’s something like that where you live if you don’t want to stick them in the mail.

    5. If you’re in the DMV, I take my knives to District Cutlery in Union Market and they do a great job!

      1. If you’re in the DMV, I take my knives to District Cutlery in Union Market and they do a great job!

    6. If you haven’t so much as used a steel on them yet, you may be surprised what a difference it makes.

    8. Thanks for the suggestions! I guess I wasn’t super clear – I’m also wondering if cost-wise it makes more sense to send them out or do it myself. I do have a ceramic honing rod but some of the edges seem to be past that point.

      The local knife-sharpening place near me is about 40 minutes away and only open 9-4 M-F – a long trip in the middle of a workday. I’ll have to check out the option in Alexandria!

      1. Cost-wise, it is far cheaper to do yourself. A whetstone and a steel are cheap, and not hard to use. Might be more time consuming than you like if they are very dull to start with, but once you get the hang of it the process isn’t hard.

      2. FYI, I believe a honing rod doesn’t actually sharpen so much as straighten knicks on the blade and you’d need an actual whetstone.

    9. I mail mine to knife aid and I’ve really been pleased. My local grocer contracts with a service once a month where you drop your knives with the butcher on a Tuesday and get them back Thursday but I wasn’t going there during the pandemic and pre-pandemic working in an office, I found both the drop off and pick up times impossible most of the time. I like knife aid much better because it’s on my schedule.

      Definitely worth sharpening. I bought the bulk of my knives in 1998 and they’re still going strong (Henckels five star, which they’re not making any more)

      1. Oh, in terms of diy sharpening, those electric sharpeners can really ruin your knives. I also bought a whetstone and tried to learn but also cut nearly the entire tip of one finger off.

    10. I actually bought an electric knife sharpener for about a hundred bucks and have been really happy with it.

    11. Try this before doing anything else: take a sturdy, everyday stonewhare plate or bowl and turn it over. There is usually a round edge without any glazing , right where the dish is meant to sit on the table. Sharpen your knive on that edge as if it were a whetstone (smooth one way motion, one side of the knife than turn over to the other and repeat a few times.

      The plate esge will gradually get shiny over time but it’s invisible when you use the plate. Knife is perfectly sharpened and undamaged.

      Source: that’s how people did it in the olden days in my corner of the world. Still works, if not otherwise then at least in a pinch.

      1. This is awesome, and my everyday plates meet this description. I will be trying this tonight.

  6. Adulting question. Bought a house with central AC in New England, so we only use it from about May-October, and not 24/7 – it absolutely get used daily but maybe lighter use than other corners of the country, if that matters. Do people get annual service done to their systems or is that something my AC company is just pushing on me? I know about changing filters, but wasn’t sure if an annual tune up is a real thing. I suppose it’s short money and can’t hurt, but just curious what people actually do. BTW this is not the first house I’ve owned, just the first with a central system.

    On that same note, what other annual service/maintenance appointments do you have at your house? We do a chimney sweep annually for our log-burning fire place as well as annual cleaning/maintenance check to our oil tank with a burner clean out. Curious what others do…

    1. How old are the compressors? We generally have ours serviced at least once a year because our compressors are on the older side and we’ve had random parts/things stop working every year or so. Having an ongoing relationship with the HVAC company also generally means you get (slight) priority when you call in during the one August heat wave and your a/c isn’t going on for some reason. Ask me how I know…

    2. You are supposed to get your hvac serviced every year. If you don’t want to do it that often, at least do it every 2-3 years. I would find someone that would service both your heat and AC if they’re different units.

    3. I only recently learned that my mother has her carpets professionally cleaned every year. I asked around and apparently my friends have it done every 1-5 years, depending on whether the have kids/dogs. I confess, I have lived in my house 7 years and it never occurred to me to have my carpets cleaned. Whoops.

      1. My mom, too! The stanley steamer guys were a regular fixture at my house growing up – my mom recently lamented not being able to have them come because of COVID. They don’t even have pets or anything, but carpet cleanliness is just very important to her I guess.

      2. I’m in the process of replacing some 10ish year old carpet that I only cleaned once. While the gentleman was here measuring for the new carpet, I asked how long carpet should last. He said with professional cleaning every 12-18 months, the carpet could last 20 years easily. The company I’m using has been in business for 60 years, so every 12-18 months will be my new standard.

        1. This, we need to replace our master bedroom carpet and I uh, didn’t realize you’re supposed to have it cleaned once a year. It was just not something my family did (like, ever). Ooops. Now I know. I really wish there was a ‘grown up handbook’ of how often you REALLY need to do stuff like that (windows, HVAC, carpet, curtains, etc.)
          My husband was teasing me about how every spring I start moaning about cleaning the windows, but my parents were militant about cleaning windows every year (including window wells, ick), which is also when we’d take down all the curtains to either be dry cleaned or washed, soak the blinds (also, ick), and wash all the comforters (which were ideally hung outside to air out after). Turns out his family cleaned windows never and he thought I was a lunatic for washing curtains until he mentioned this to friends who backed me up (and curtains in a house with pets and kids get GROSS y’all).

    4. Piggybacking – I’m interested in how often people get their ducts cleaned out that have central heat/air. I was told by a bunch of people it’s a waste of money but given that I have pets and asthma, I’m thinking I should have it done. I’m embarrassed to say how long we have lived here without having it done based on the advice of others.

      1. When I looked into duct cleaning a few years ago, the EPA had guidance saying it was unnecessary. Air quality is really important to me and I haven’t had my ducts cleaned because of the guidance.

        1. I looked into duct cleaning and the takeaway was that it could actually decrease air quality by stirring up dust. Everyone in my family has allergies and/or asthma, and we’ve been very happy with BlueAir filters in every room.

      2. I got mine cleaned when I moved in, then did a bunch of duct work 2 yrs later. Apparently they were super super gross, so <2 yrs might be the rec and FYI we're religious about changing furnace filters every 3 mos …

      3. I bought a house in 2015 and had the ducts cleaned in 2018, in preparation for my boyfriend moving in, who is allergic to cats and has asthma (both I and former homeowner had cats). He appreciated it and never had a problem there. Last year we bought a house with a wood burning fireplace and there was a sooty layer basically all over the entire house, and I’d like to get the ducts cleaned here too. I feel like it helps prevent mustiness (which this house suffers from), and hopefully extends the life of our system. It’s not an immediate need, but we can afford it, and are planning on it. That being said, we’ll probably won’t do it again for at least another ten years, if ever, lol.

    5. When we got our AC installed 8 years ago I asked about the maintenance & service schedule and was told the unit was self-contained. Beyond general cleaning like keeping leaves and snow from piling up and occasionally hosing dirt off, there is nothing to service unless it actually breaks. Maybe check directly with your unit’s manufacturer on whether that model needs any regular care?

      We get our septic tank pumped every 4 years or so, and the main line leading into it roto-rootered every two years due to tree roots. We drain our water heater and flush it out every year or so (that is just a DYI job), change furnace filters, vacuum behind the kitchen appliances, and clean the dryer vent. DH goes on the roof each spring and fall to check for anything that needs attention (we have a gentle slope and it is easily accessible, but there is one valley that collects tree crap so he scoops that out). I can’t think of any other home systems we have that get regular preventative appointments. Been in this house for 15 years.

    6. We are in NYC (apartment, not house) and use our central AC about the same amount as you do. We get annual service in the spring, though I am honestly not sure exactly what it entails beyond changing filters.

    7. I just sold my home in Southern New England, and I had an annual service contract for heating and cooling. The company comes out twice a year, which I timed with the change in seasons. They inspect everything to make sure it is good shape, they test your heat and air conditioning, do some cleaning and preventive maintenance, and they will tell you about anything that is nearing end of life. The best part about the service contract is that when you have a problem, you will be at a higher priority for getting service than someone who doesn’t have a contract. This is really important when your (and everyone else’s) air conditioning breaks on the hottest day of the year, or after a storm. They can’t promise to have parts the same day, but you might wait three or four days versus a week plus like my neighbors. Unless you are handy and have the ability to fix the units yourself, I highly recommend the service contract. It was worth the cost, and the peace of mind.

      1. This. I will forever appreciate our HVAC company for being small/local and prioritizing coming out to our home to fix our heat after a winter storm once they heard we had an infant. Their policy is elderly/ppl with small children first, then regular contract holders, then everyone else in terms of prioritization.

      2. Agree. I have a service contact for the house I rent out and generally they can prevent problems before they occur. it’s much better than fielding calls from the tenants when the a/c goes out in the middle of summer or the furnace goes out on Christmas Eve.

    8. I just had to get my heat pump system serviced (had one of the indoor units replaced) and I sheepishly told the guy who was doing it I hadn’t got it serviced every year and he said there really isn’t a need to, as long as everything is kept clean.

    9. we get our AC, gas furnace both serviced every year. they’re on the older side but seem to working fine and my thought was if servicing yearly helps us get an additional year or two out of them ill be thrilled. we also get our roof serviced yearly because we’re near the end of life and get a few shingles replaced, flashing checked etc but this way have safely squeezed 3 years out of it as well. im interested in duct cleaning but have never done that – been in this house only 3 years.

  7. Slump, slump – I’m in a slump, billing 80 hours per month. Marketing burns, vaccine hopes churn, and casual garb is getting old. The kids cry, the dishwasher dies, let’s keep staying home to keep grandma alive. I want a vacation and mocktails and travel, handshakes and concerts and big new towels. Dreaming of days I used to workout (and work) and see my husband less at lunch. The old mundane seems flashy and cool, my nerves are tight thinking what else is new?

    1. I am now trying to figure out what song you are trying to put this to… We Didn’t Start the Fire isn’t working, alas :)

    2. “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things” isn’t quite working either . . . but I’m no singer.

      1. Heh I wrote this version almost a year ago for our annual Rotary show:

        Eating in restaurants and going out shopping
        Meeting with friends for a night of bar-hopping
        Symphony concerts with woodwinds and strings
        Those were a few of my favorite things!
        Lunch at the U Club and Rotary meetings
        Live and in person with handshakes for greetings
        They’d ring the bell and then everyone sings
        Those were a few of my favorite things.
        Not being scared when I’m out grocery shopping
        Not wond’ring when all the chaos is stopping
        Not worrying what today’s news will bring
        Those were a few of my favorite things.
        When I’m stuck home Quarantining
        And I’m feeling sad
        I simply remember my favorite things
        And then I don’t feel so bad!

    1. I think it’s more common than it being discussed — people have covid and still suffering months or a year later; especially true for people who had scary experiences with it which IIRC that OP’s friend did in NYC at a time where there was minimal hospital care available so she was planning what she’d do if she needed care. That sort of thing does change you. Though for every 1 case like that there’s like 10 from people who had milder cases much later on in other parts of the country — so there was testing, they knew they could go get care if needed etc. — and then immediately after they were hitting up vacations, meeting up with friends etc. because they had antibodies.

  9. I started a new job (remotely) a month ago and it seems like there’s nothing for me to do. My two stated tasks per month each take about a day each and otherwise I really have no clear direction. I’ve asked my boss for additional work and he says that we’ll get busier ‘in the future’ and when I ask what he’s working on his response is always ‘just a couple projects’. He also logs on at 9:30 and logs off at 4:30 every day. I came from an investment bank where I was working late nights and weekends, so for the first few weeks I enjoyed the down time. Now I’m wondering why they created this role and trying to figure out how to not lose my mind.

    1. You need stuff to do — do you have peers you could ask what you should be doing? HR if not? It’s fine to start off slow but a month in you should have tasks and assignments.

    2. It sounds like you have my job, except I started in October. I’ve learned that my boss is incredibly inefficient, so he was getting very little work done. Our company did an acquisition and he used that as an excuse to hire someone since he’d be extra busy. I have about 1-2 hours of work a day most days. This week my boss is on vacation, so doing both of our jobs only occupies me about 4-6 hours a day. I’m slowly dying of boredom and my brain feels like it’s rotting. No advice, just commiseration.

      1. Agreed – and usually within a couple months, finding work is no longer a problem!
        OP, you also may need to adjust to the new demands. I moved from biglaw to in-house a few years ago, and adjusting to a “FT but really probably like 35 hrs of work per week” workload felt weird. I tend to now space out my workday a little more (e.g., take a walk, consciously take a break to look at something on the internet, etc.) … and Continuing Ed is always a good timefiller.

    4. I will (shamefully) say – you could have been one of my new hires who started at a very terrible time during the pandemic. Agreed your situation stinks, but will admit to my (terrible) story in case it gives you hope.

      Things have gotten about 1000x better and they are now pretty happily trucking along with their workload, but for the first probably month or two – I think I only had enough time to give my new staffer probably 2-3 tasks. Well, the issue is that I could only give low-medium stakes tasks that i could train them on in a half day or less. I didn’t want to set them up to fail, so the best option I saw was just to give them a small workload until I could train them properly.

      That’s because everything else in my portfolio was blowing up. Everything else was high level, crisis problems (related to COVID and other weird one-off stuff.). If we were in the office, my staffer would have seen me running around 24/7 dealing with this and I could/would have brought them in, rather than just cc’ing New Staffer on back and forth emails. I honestly didn’t have time for the first couple months to do the detailed type of training that needed to be done. And no, there was nobody else to help train which was part of a larger structural problem.

      (The other issue is that what I really needed was a junior Spout inventory tech, a junior Teapot Lid customer service rep, and also somebody with high level analytic generalist Teapot skills… and for some reason they gave me a Senior Spout Engineer which… Yeah, I can find work for them, but it did take me time to figure out the match of skills and needs without making them do something totally under the level they were hired for as their entire job.)

    5. I had a job like this for a year and a half. Honestly, I was looking for work to do and found myself bringing my kindle to work to read during slow times. Looking back…it was a nice break from my normally hectic career. I ultimately ended up going to another job that was more in line with my work style (I like to be busy) and transitioned to my ultimate career goal job a couple of years after that. I look back fondly sometimes on that sort of lull year and a half at that job. My advice would be to enjoy the free time but keep your resume updated.

  10. My monthly reminder that I absolutely hate the boys club at my work and that when I quit it will be because of them.

    I document everything, but most things are more micro aggressions and hard to prove that it’s because of the boys club. In the last week I was excluded from a meeting about a project Im leading and me and the other woman here were excluded from a lunch order (that order was the only way to get food for various reasons so we are granola bars)

    1. That really sucks. We are dealing with a different kind of boys club at my work where there are a bunch of totally incompetent men with high salaries who literally cannot get any work done and who actually get removed from roles of responsibility at the clients’ requests. It’s really bad. All of these men rely on women to get deliverables out the door and all of these women are paid at least $75,000 less. I keep hoping something will change but I know it’s not going to and I’m going to start job searching soon.

    2. Wait, what? You were excluded from a meeting about a project you are leading? What do you mean “leading”? If you are the project director with final responsibility for everything, no one should be meeting about that project without your involvement and approval.

      3. Ehhhh, when I lead projects, I set the strategy and fully expect those responsible for executing to meet and get the work done. No idea what OP means by leading it, but team members meeting without you isn’t automatically bad.

  11. I realized yesterday that I’m so burnt out. Oddly, once I realized it was burnout and not something else, I’ve felt so much better. I realize that I’m not doing xyz because I’m burnt out and have a really limited list of things I can focus on and it’s not because I’m failing or something.

    I went ahead and ordered a meal kit for next week and scheduled a pedicure for my next day off (in 10 days). Time off right now is a no go, but already looking forward to taking vacation when I can.

    When you’re burnt out (but at peace with the situation), what do you do to make it through the busy weeks?

    1. I was very burnt out in January. I made sleep my priority – I’m talking an 8pm bedtime. I also stopped cooking. I bought premade meals from the Costco deli and pre-cut fruit. I took a full break at lunchtime and watched TV while eating. I think I’m still burnt out overall, but not nearly the same way as in the winter. I billed a full amount of hours last month.

    2. Sorry you are in this situation! I would try to make sure you are eating well. I also find warm baths – even a short one – to be helpful. Anything you can do to outsource like food deliveries may help too. Maybe a little retail therapy to brighten your mood. Hang in there!

    3. I was burnt out beyond all belief two years ago. (My brain is so fried about that time period that I thought it was last year. Yes, the pandemic was easier than that point in my life.) Honestly not sure how I made it through except doing the bare minimum in every area of life. I’m now re-teaching myself to do more than that and it’s hard.

  12. Anyone feel like doing some (theoretically fun) shopping? I’ve been invited to a Derby-themed baby shower at a very nice club downtown next month and need to find a hat or fascinator to wear, and preferably one with a price that reflects how often I’ll wear it (i.e. reasonably inexpensive). I’ve done some searching and everything is just so over-the-top, which is probably the appropriate style, just not my taste!

    The dress I’d prefer to wear to the shower is a navy lace cocktail – google “Eliza J Navy Lace Cocktail Dress 3/4 sleeve” and the first few images that pop up are similar to my dress. Nude heels. Thanks!!!

      1. Thank you! I guess I’m curious how I should style this – should I look for something in navy or is doing something in a contrasting color or a neutral appropriate?

        2. I went with ivory purely so it would match future derby party dresses, as I don’t want to own more than one of these. But, I think the navy would work too (mayyyybbee even the red??). I don’t know that there are any “rules” for these, but maybe there are.

    4. I think you can also just get away with a feather-y or flower-y clip if you don’t want to invest in a fascinator. I only bought one because it was mandatory for the event I was going to (Royal garden party).

      2. Yes, they have a garden party at the palace in Edinburgh every year and my husband’s work does a ticket lottery and he got selected – we got to have a fancy lunch on the roof of his building and then head to the party. It’s way less glamorous than it sounds, you wait for ages in the sun (or rain) and get to see the queen from a distance. I find the monarchy quite outdated (and will cringe when I have to do my citizenship ceremony and pose with the cardboard cutout) but it was worth it for the spectacle and to tour the palace grounds which aren’t usually open. They did run out of ice cream though which was disappointing.

        1. Is this where I get to share that I went to a Garden Party at Buckingham Palace when I was 12?
          It is a real *thing* in the U.K.!

        2. I’m sorry, as part of the citizenship ceremony you will pose with a cardboard cutout of the Queen?!

        1. That sounds amazing. I’m imagining a game where you make knee pads out of Pampers…

  13. Ha! I’m wearing my Resume dress today. Everyone at work knows it as my “pocket” dress because whenever anyone comments on it, I do the thing and go “it has POCKETS!”

  14. Are people back at offices still wearing workwear? I feel that every time I have been in the office (technically, it never closed, but it has been lightly attended with liberal WFH), it has been weekend-dress: very casual clothes, more casual than a casual dress code would dictate. A lot of people seem to be running in for an hour to get files, print things, use the good scanner, etc., so that makes sense. No one is meeting clients except on a needed basis (wet-signing or notarizing things).

    When we do a push for return to work, I expect we’ll revert to normal (?sometime this summer?). In my state, about 25% of adults are vaccinated and the rest of us just became eligible to get shots today (so who knows — there may be an extended wait for shots now). So will it be shirts-with-words through the spring? I can’t imagine how odd it will feel to wear real clothes just as the steamy summer is upon us (and the jarring A/C inside meaning normal clothes for outside need a fleece indoors, which looks . . . not great).

    1. People are doing one of two things: either wearing exactly what they would have been wearing last spring (bc their office is in-person for most), or wearing casual clothes (bc when you’d maybe see 1 or 2 other people in the office, why bother dressing up).

    2. My company has multiple buildings on site, and different amounts of WFH in the past year depending on job responsibilities. I currently support two projects that happen to be in different buildings. One project requires me to be on site, the other could be WFH, but I stay in the office to reduce commuting time. In the on-site building, people wore what they wore before. In the WFH building, the only people who regularly show up are managers, and they all wear jeans and untucked shirts. I don’t particularly like wearing work clothes, but I would feel uncomfortable in jeans with the on-site team.

    3. I dress up on top mostly because I have to have virtual calls all day. So black jeans and a silk button down shirt or maxi dress and blazer. I would say it’s not “weekend wear” since I am making more of an effort but it’s also not as formal as in the before times.

      I kind of like it because it lets me be a bit more creative but I see more people just going back to suits soon.

      1. This. We’re a mostly ‘cameras on’ organization so I’ve got a fairly large collection of ‘zoom shirts’ now. I was almost always in dresses for work before but those are kind of weird for every day wear at home so I’m in a lot of what i would call ‘mid level manager at a start up’ clothing – dark jeans, nice blouse, hair/makeup done, earrings, and then slippers at home or rothys/boots to go out.

    4. My husband goes to his office most days, and he wears much more casual clothes than usual. He works in finance and pre-covid he wore a suit every day. Now, he wears jeans or other casual pants and a button down or sweater. He says the other people in his office (women and men) are equally as casual.

      2. Ugh this is what I’m PRAYING will be the case when I return. I’m also in finance, also full-suit pre covid. I will be confined to my office, door shut, for the majority of the time I’m in there.

    5. I’ve been going to the office this whole time and early on we officially switched from business-mostly-formal to casual-business-casual including denim. The memo said “until further notice” but I can’t imagine going back, honestly.

      So funny because for years my one bright line was “no denim at the office” and now I’m all “OMG this is great, where has denim at the office been all my life?”

      1. Until summer — I find denim suffocating to my legs, esp. skinny jeans. Inside it is fine (preferred, given A/C levels). But I can’t stand it outside. Heat + high humidity.

    6. My government office has gone from casual unless you are in court to “anything above pajamas” unless you’re in court.

      1. Ha! And of course the litigants in court are just “anything including pajamas” these days…

      2. Do you work with me?

        One of the attorneys I manage attended his mid-covid performance review in a Doors t-shirt and ill-fitting jeans.

  15. is anyone worried about covid cases rising in chile despite high vaccination rates? wonder if this could happen here

    2. No. “Could” is always part of a true statement. It could happen. I am sure very good scientists are already all over this (and other spikes) and other things. I don’t worry about things that could happen. I believe that the right people are already reacting to the things actually happening.

    3. This is happening because people have let up on social distancing and precautions even though they are still in the partially vaccinated stage. Yes this could happen here as well and probably already is. We need to consider that even though some of us may be vaccinated, our travel and resuming normalcy do have an impact on unvaccinated people around us. They see us acting more normal and think that they can do the same. Should they? No. But this pandemic has taught us that a lot of people are really stupid. I think the best thing to do would be for vaccinated people with means to model responsibility and good precautions.

      1. No chance I am going to be vaccinated and continue living like I haven’t been in order to be “an example” to people who have deliberately ignored precautions throughout this pandemic and now declined the vaccine. The example I set is getting the shots. Of course I will still mask on the plane and inside the restaurants and bars but I am going and I am going maskless at all the vaxed-only house parties this spring/summer. I will gladly work the door at those parties, though.

        2. Right? My behavior during the past year has been scrupulous. I have been cautious, careful and have given up so much already. No cheating, no restaurants, no trips, no important gatherings with family and friends. I have been the example already. It didn’t matter. When I’m fully vaccinated (just one more week!), I am going to begin living my life again.

          2. I will happily wear a mask in public, but otherwise I agree. The people who don’t care just don’t care. If half a million dead Americans didn’t change their minds, me sitting in my house fully vaccinated isn’t going to make a difference.

            Getting my second shot today and I already booked my extra-long massage for two weeks from now.

        3. To be clear, by “precautions,” I mean things we should all be doing anyway, like masking around others and avoiding large gatherings. I don’t mean going above and beyond anymore. I did it too and it seemed like it didn’t influence anyone. But I do hope vaccinated people will continue masking around others.

          1. I will continue masking around others because I want others who don’t know my vaccination status and have concerns for their own safety to feel comfortable, not because I am trying to set an “example” for people who have no such concerns.

          2. I am vaxed and continue to mask and social distance because it’s not all about me. Plus I don’t want to be mistaken for the kind of selfish loser who can’t be bothered to wear a mask in public.

        4. Viruses don’t keep morality scores. It doesn’t care how careful you were the pasts year. It doesn’t check a spreadsheet and go, “Ah, yes, I see here you’ve earned some indulgences.”

          Either you care, and you recognize how irrelevant your feelings are to a microbe, or you just don’t. Your call, but don’t act like your past behavior is in any way tied to future choices. The virus doesn’t know you or your life story.

          1. What? I wasn’t giving myself any points for past behavior. I am saying that I got the shots, which gives me license to make my future decisions based on my current status of being a vaccinated person. Please explain to me why that doesn’t matter. I genuinely do not understand.

          2. The virus can catch these antibodies because I’m getting fully vaccinated. I’m not abandoning precautions because of feels.

          3. Yeah I’m confused by this response too. Viruses might not keep morality scores or know how well you’ve behaved for the past year… but it sure can encounter my antibodies?

          4. There are a lot of people who do need to hear this though. I can’t tell you how many of my friends’ parents took the attitude that if that they’ve been “good” for a whole week, now they can “treat themselves” with some unnecessary exposure. I’m so thankful they’re finally getting vaccinated.

        5. Same. Not going to continue living like a hermit to protect those that don’t want to mask or get a vaccine. I will mask up in crowded locations, grocery stores, salons, wherever because that’s nbd, but I’m not staying in hiding.
          Already dreaming of the massage I’m going to book 2 weeks + 1 day after my second shot.

    4. In Israel, COVID cases kept rising until 55% of the population had their first shot — then, they started to sharply turn around. Here, I think the threshold will be slightly higher than 55% because a lot of Americans have gotten the J&J vaccine (v. Israel, which only administered Pfizer); lower efficacy = we need a higher percentage of people vaxxed in order to curb community transmission. So, I expect both Chile and the U.S. to see cases rising until we hit ~60% with their first dose. FWIW, I also think a huge percentage of the transmission right now is being driven by young people — college students, teenagers, and kids’ sports. Anecdotally, I know many parents who were previously taking COVID precautions for their kids have now stopped since the parents are vaxxed.

    5. Not an epidemiologist, but one additional factor may be that the vaccine is less effective. The main vaccine in use there, CoronaVac has reported lower efficacy rates per testing in Brazil. CoronaVac is not approved for use in the US. I’m choosing not to worry about this yet.

    6. Our rates started dropping very, very early on in the vaccination process, which leads me to think that there was some level of saturation (not “herd immunity” in the exact technical sense) that was diminishing case spread. You do not need to hit the level of herd immunity for cases to spread more slowly because there are fewer susceptible individuals. Add in the huge numbers getting vaccinated, the way that children tend to not spread the disease, and I think we are in good shape.

    7. More worried about Michigan. Last night’s news coverage on the variants and immunized people dying was sobering. Maybe it’s a fluke. Maybe it’s what we can expect here in a few months. No way fo know.

      1. I want to add – the Detroit Free Press had an article about this yesterday. 3 vaccinated people died from Covid, all were over 65 and 2 got sick less than 2 weeks after their 2nd shot. 3 out of over 1 million people that have been vaccinated in Michigan is 99.999% effective at preventing death.
        I’ll link the article in a reply.

      2. Huh? 3 immunized people died in Michigan, out of more than 1.8 million. That’s .00176%. I’d say that’s the opposite of sobering.

      3. Michigan is scary, but the scariness is from the number of UNvaccinated people who are getting sick, ending up in the hospital and dying. It is by no means negative news about vaccinations, but rather even more reason to get vaccinated as the groups that have been vaccinated are not driving the increases.

  16. Beyond the massive societal benefits of having three great vaccines, I think the thing I’m most excited about is bringing adventure back into my life again. Around 2018-2019, I had FINALLY gotten into a decent groove of higher-quality leisure time (skiing, horses, biking, rock climbing, trying new one-off things like surfing, reading a lot of books) and way less screen time. Then the pandemic threw the world’s biggest wrench in that. This is a first-world problem for sure, but it was a huge setback mentally and physically to be back on the couch vegging out with my phone and Netflix (and I have a high-risk condition so I had to stay more locked down than most). I did my best to work on indoor hobbies to fill the void, like knitting, but I can’t even tell you how excited I am to get outside for real again – no more pretending my daily walks around the neighborhood are a substitute for the raw feeling of being alive while racing down a black diamond slope!

    I’m starting to border on corny, but this pandemic has reaffirmed what I was learning around 2018 or so – that I just don’t want my life to be an endless cycle of working all day, crashing on the couch too braindead to do anything, and using my phone as a substitute for having hobbies. 2020 taught me that I really do have to seize the day – how many weekends did I used to spend “just hanging out” instead of planning something fun? How many days did I want to go to that cool museum or visit that nearby beach, but was too lazy to get off my butt? I’m SO ready to turn over a new leaf/pick up where I left off pre-COVID. I’m not throwing caution to the wind just yet (the pandemic isn’t over, obviously), but there are so many great COVID-safe activities I’ll feel much more comfortable doing once I’m fully vaccinated. Would love to hear your plans and hopes as well – and if you have any tips on incorporating more adventure into your life, I’d love to hear them.

    1. In my city, you can rock climb on actual rocks (vs a climbing gym) if you drive about an hour (there may be closer places). Everyone here has a car, so it is do-able. There may be good en plein air things by you if you nose around a little. I was really surprised how outdoorsy my city was once I left the downtown office core 24/7 I used to spend my time in (WFH since forever due to schools being closed).

    2. Oof I am all over this thread today but I feel similarly! To help weekends feel more relaxing and meaningful, I have found the biggest difference to be allocating one or two errands to each weeknight rather than spending half of Saturday on the Target – grocery – Lowe’s – dry cleaners run.

      Doing something special on Friday night rather than just the ever-tempting “crash with Netflix” makes Saturday somehow feel like a Sunday but then there’s still a whole Sunday to go :)

      1. Yes!! That was one of the things I realized a few years ago, that if I spent one of my 52 Saturdays a year doing boring errands (or getting haircuts), it would prevent me from going somewhere cool for a day trip. Errands are for weeknights now!

        1. Not the question exactly but my very best life hack is essentially eliminating errands. I have almost everything delivered (save for a few fresh groceries at the farmers market or neighborhood grocer I pick up while out in a walk) and this time saved gives me back so much free time.

          1. We went from an au pair for childcare to a part time sitter and being able to ask our sitter to run errands for US (au pair was limited to child care activities only) is AMAZING. She runs to the grocery store midweek, drops off dry cleaning, goes to the post office, will do returns for me, etc. It’s maybe 3-4 hours a week, TOPS but omg that’s an entire weekend morning I have back!!

    3. Same! Coming into 2020 I was receiving from major personal grief and looking forward to living more. And now I’m committed to never wasting so much of my life commuting again. I’m not even looking forward to travel so much- I just can’t wait to get out and really enjoy my corner of the world.

    4. Oh I am so ready as well. I’m still waiting for my first vaccine due to an error, but am looking forward to going on more adventures and day trips. Life is also more flexible with a potty-trained, non-napping, and increasingly active kid.

    5. We had structured our lives to minimize the non-work tasks we had to do so we could entertain on the weekend and get away one weekend each month to somewhere fun. We had a housekeeper twice a month, a dry cleaner that picks up and delivers from the house, a grocery delivery service, a mobile car wash service and stuff from Target on auto-order. That limited our errands to things only we can do. You might consider a similar strategy.

      1. I posted above, and this exactly – when people talk about errands I have a hard time understanding what they’re referencing (lol), automating really is the best.

        1. We have six more weeks before we are fully vaccinated, and are eager to resume this routine instead of spending so much time at home cleaning things. We also learned a lot during the pandemic about online services, and will be keeping some we added, like automated monthly flowers, a service ships delivers organic pantry staples, etc.

          1. First thing we’re doing after husband and I are fully vaccinated is hiring a house cleaner and I am SO. EXCITED. When I was a kid I never understood why people paid someone to clean their house when they could just do it themselves. Kid me was an idiot. I so get it now.

  17. Going through a rough patch at work and want to get myself a fun little splurge as a treat. Budget is approx $150. I just want something fun and pretty and kind of frivolous since my life right now is work (in polo shirts and work boots and nothing cute) and sleep. I don’t even have time to think about what I want but I just want to treat myself with something. I rarely shop for a splurge (my clothes are mostly from TJ Maxx) but need a little retail therapy right now

    1. Do you like earrings? I recently bought a couple of pairs on Etsy that I would not ordinarily buy, under sort of similar circumstances: blue pearl studs from Reen Pearls, which were $120; and small colorful resin earrings from Esh Jewelry, which were $26.

    4. A new bed pillow! A nice one will run you $75ish dollars. I finally found the right one for me after years of mediocre target options and literally think about how comfortable it is EVERY night as I fall asleep. If all you’re doing is working and sleeping, make that 15 minutes between laying down and passing out the best it can be!

    5. I just bought a new set of pretty coffee mugs from Anthropologie and it legitimately makes me smile every day using a nice mug instead of the ‘vendor gift at conference’ collection of mugs we had.
      With that amount you can also buy at least 3-4 new hardcover books!

    7. I just bought a ridiculous self-warming coffee mug. It is truly a crazy amount of money to spend on such a thing but having my coffee at the absolute perfect temperature for an extended period of time definitely feels like an indulgence.

    8. How would you feel about a piece of art from a local artist? A small sculpture, or a print? Something cheerful that makes you smile when you look at it.

  18. I read that Ask a Manager link someone posted yesterday (https://www.askamanager.org/2021/04/my-staff-is-anxious-about-reopening-even-though-theyre-vaccinated.html) and I found that it resonated, especially the bit about losing trust in institutions. I realized that I am dealing with more mistrust than I thought. I watched our local officials race to reopen even though cases were skyrocketing (we’re still seeing that – hello, Texas) and I watched CDC say on the one hand that masks weren’t effective, but that there was an urgent need to stockpile them for healthcare workers. My boss knew I am high-risk, but pressured us to come into the office so she could “see our faces,” and she also secretly reopened the office when it was completely unsafe and not allowed (at all) under our city’s laws. I watched a LOT of people I know personally basically live like there was no pandemic at all. Fortunately this didn’t happen to me, but it was heartbreaking to read posts from others here about how loved ones died after getting COVID from relatives who attended parties and weddings.

    this whole pandemic was a big exercise in teaching me how to advocate for myself and trust my own boundaries/intuition/research because it seemed like no one else could (or they had vastly different priorities). It worked – I’ve stayed safe and healthy and even pretty happy most of the time. But now, how do I repair trust? I didn’t realize how much trust was factoring into my feelings these days until I read the AAM article. Anyone else in this boat? Are you trying therapy, exposure therapy in the form of going out and being around people, something else? One thing I know I am doing is reducing/eliminating interactions with a couple of covidiots I know, but that can only go so far and there aren’t many of them. I also definitely want to increase my time with wonderful family and friends who have been supportive and kind and helpful to me and others.

    1. I am 100% with you, and that AAM post really resonated with me, too. I don’t know how to start rebuilding trust. I am feeling more selfish than ever because if nobody’s looking out for me and my family — well, then don’t be surprised when I start acting in my own self-interest. I have always been a “trust institutions” person. I lost my FIL to covid. It’s been a living nightmare for my DH and MIL. The anger I have felt during the past year is unprecedented. I’m all over the place here, but suffice to say, I am still processing and figuring out what I want life to look like.

    2. Just for the record, cases/hospitalizations/etc in Texas have been declining since the mask mandate was lifted and are at their lowest points since June of last year.

      1. So what? Stupid to lift it in the first place. Masks are a no-brainer preventative method with zero downside. Abbott has blood on his hands, as do many of the red state governors. Spare me the “we are Texas, we are so special” nonsense.

      2. I’m sure you are not suggesting that not using masks somehow leads to less COVID?

        It may be a combination of 1) more and more people are vaccinated, and 2) COVID has burned through the population enough that enough potential hosts are either immune (because they had it) or dead.

        1. Even if your theories are correct, it still shows that continued infringement on bodily autonomy and liberty is no longer justified.

          1. Oh my god it’s just a mask. Are you also okay with people going around shirtless and barefoot for bodily autonomy and liberty reasons?

          2. It’s so pathetic to consider a mask an “infringement on bodily autonomy.” Do you also consider it your right to walk barefoot into a restaurant, use tongs instead of your hands at salad bar, wear a seat belt, be made to drive on the right side of the street? I mean. Shouldn’t you be free to drive on the left and sneeze all over the salad bar?

          6. Do you understand what bodily autonomy is? Do you consider dress codes to be bodily autonomy violations? Good grief. You sound like a 14 year old boy who just finished Atlas Shrugged for the first time.

          7. 500,000 dead, many who didn’t have to be.

            Infringement on bodily autonomy? I hope the next time you need surgery, your doctor feels the same.

        2. I think that it definitely is more people getting vaccinated. I’m clearly not saying that masks are causing Covid (????). But there was so much doom and gloom over how much he was literally killing people, and that hasn’t turned out to be the case. I think it was actually pretty reasonable as a way to allow people to start to reenter normalcy as they get vaccinated. Most people in my area are still wearing masks, FWIW, even without a mandate.

    3. I posted the link yesterday, though someone else also posted it. I’m speaking as a health care worker, and I have no way to know what this experience would have been like if I wasn’t.

      If this really was a once-in-a-century pandemic, I envision us (hospital-setting providers of this generation) growing old lots of stories about what this time was like. Some proud, some beautiful, and some terrifying and heartbreaking. Similar to WW2 stories from my grandparents’ generation? I think there should be lots of free support groups and professional trauma counseling targeting this experience.

      The level of deception and denial during Trump’s presidency made it so much worse. It was like getting drenched outside while being told don’t worry, it’s not raining! Blatant rejections of fact/truth are still rampant. Personally, I cannot point to any authority in my life whom I’ve felt able to trust 100% throughout this experience, including at my hospital. And it’s been a bizarro time because when everyone else was frustrated about being stuck at home, we had to work in person with all the risks. Then (now), with everyone so excited to get the vaccine, we have had it for months and it didn’t change much at all.

    4. Like you, this really validated my need to trust my own instincts. I had a client really pushing for us to do something in person. I insisted on remote. Not that long after her whole extended family from multiple states got together for a holiday. They all got COVID. Sadly, her sister passed away. My client was in the ICU and has long term damage. I absolutely do not wish that on ANYONE so please don’t read this as a “I told you so.” It was more that I was questioning myself, if I was doing a disservice to my clients, refusing to be in person when other attorneys were. I’m glad I stuck to my guns.

    5. I won’t trust institutions or bosses to look out for my interests ever and I say this as someone whose workplace shut down really early on and our bosses STILL are not pressuring us to return at all and are saying MAYBE a voluntary return mid summer or even Labor Day. Just having seen other people’s workplaces etc., yeah no one cares about you or your interests as much as you so look out for yourself. I have a feeling certain generations (millennial and younger — so age 40 and below) likely will look out for themselves going forward whether insisting on remote work during another pandemic or insisting on remote work anyway a few days a week because of commuting etc.

      1. +1,000. I trust no institutions to look out for me. Politicians, same. It’s about money. Always has been.

    6. I don’t think my trust will be repaired and I’m fine with that. I’ll continue to look at data from multiple sources and make decisions based on logic – this has worked well for me over the year. I’ll continue to advocate for myself and trust my instincts rather than put myself at risk in order to make others “comfortable”. Before the WHO and CDC would call this thing airborne I looked at the data and the images coming in from other countries and behaved as if it was airborne. I wore masks before they started being mandated and I started staying home about a week before my area locked down. Politicians aren’t (usually) health professions so I follow and get updates from many virologists and health professionals. I consider that public health advice may be good but not great – it has to account for the likely behavior of all citizens.

    7. As a GenXer, I think I’ve been skeptical/suspicious of institutions since I was a teenager, and this attitude has turned out to be a semi-good coping mechanism. But it’s still hard – like our Gen X hero Fox Mulder, I want to believe. I want to believe public health institutions have the best interests of the public in mind, that public school districts actually want to educate students, that people in power are trying to make good decisions with the information they have at the time. But I’ve seen so much that makes me skeptical of leaders and experts. Most aren’t venal or craven, but plenty of them (even the ones where I like their politics) are highly concerned with their own upward trajectory, so they are reluctant to do anything that might disturb that progression.

      Despite all of this, it is still hard. I’ve kept up with talk therapy even though I don’t feel like I “need” it, which is usually a good indication that I do need to talk to someone neutral. And I do think exposure therapy in the sense of getting out and being around people is helpful. I do find I have to say in my head, “it’s ok that person is not six feet away, I have a mask on and I’m vaccinated.” And I wasn’t a hand sanitizer person before this all happened, but I feel better if I use hand sanitizer whenever I go anywhere.

  19. there was a poster on here recently seeking shopping help for her sister’s wedding and trying to find a dress to complement her mom and other sister’s dresses which were in the pinkish family. curious with what you ended up with!

    1. That was me! So nice of you to follow up. I ordered a million of the dresses that y’all recommended and had so many good choices. The one I ended up with was from Wolf & Badger, which I’d never heard of before (and now the ads follow me around and they have so many pretttttty dresses). I can’t remember if that specific dress was recommended by one of y’all, but I know for sure that W&B was. The dress looked perfect. I was so touched by all of your responses, and now even more so by someone following up!

      https://www.wolfandbadger.com/us/tulle-pleated-midi-dress-with-lace-elements_xl/?fo_c=3545&fo_k=0389f02b1e8c5ff7b94b7692432f65cc&fo_s=gplaus&gclid=Cj0KCQjwsLWDBhCmARIsAPSL3_0u1cYeK9GRHuzSWkWlLK0BcW7tr_B5P8txy5fmEYlwFhs-xG2GSWYaAuGuEALw_wcB

  20. I missed the post about lighter TV recs, but I wanted to add Crazy Ex Girlfriend on Netflix to the list- only on season two but it is SO GOOD. Whenever I’m feeling a little down I go back and watch all my favorite songs again (put yourself first, sexy getting ready song, math of a love triangle). Highly recommend!

    1. This is one of my very favorites. The musical theater nerd in me cannot get enough.

    2. Ooh, yes, I loved this show. I think the first season was the best, but I liked them all. I also still go back to rewatch the songs and they always make me laugh (RIP Adam Schlesinger). I also loved Jane the Virgin, another CW show of the same era.

    3. I actually worked in West Covina for a while so I always laughed SO HARD at that show. (I tried to make “WeCo” happen but alas was unsuccessful…)

    4. Hard agree! This show was fantastic the first time and just as fun to rewatch with some first timers early in covid. The songs bop forever and work on many playlists. Sexy Gettin Ready Song is forever my go to for those moments and I try to avoid the Settle For Me guys in dating. Can’t probably pick a fav but Gettin Bi is a highlight. After finishing the series, make sure to watch the special (I think it’s the final item on netflix after the finale) and the behind the scenes that aired on CW may be findable online somewhere too!

      Also, I’m for sure Team Nathaniel. Just sayin.

      1. Stars in the House on youtube brought the cast together (remotely) a couple of times. It’s a lot of banter with some stories and singing and kind of fun to check out. At about the 1 hour and 40 minute mark, Skylar Astin sings a really beautiful version of Hey West Covina in tribute to Adam Schlesinger. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zc0O2haFGhM

  21. Sorry for the gross question but if anyone knows it will be you ladies. Has anyone successfully cured a very bad case of toenail fungus ? It cropped up during my last pregnancy and has taken over all the toes on one foot! It looks disgusting and I just want to get a pedicure and wear sandals again! Feels like I’ve tried all the OTC options and my doctor wasn’t optimistic that any of the Rx options work either (and can have serious side effects). What am I missing ? Do lasers work? Open to suggestions for docs in tje Dc area who can help

    1. I am working on curing a bad case as well. Both big toes. I found an anti fungal treatment that I paint on every morning and have for about 18 months. I can see clear nails about halfway through. It takes a long time to get rid of the infected portion, just because toenails grow slower than fingernails.

      1. Don’t they just? I dropped a post hole digger on my toe in the summer of 2019 and it took almost a full year for the bruise to grow out. It was glacial.

      2. Can you share the name or brand of the antifungal that’s working for you? Thanks

        1. Not the original responder, but I started with Kerasal, then saw the Target Up and Up version and switched to that because it’s cheaper. I saw significant improvement after maybe three months of daily application.

        2. Fungi-Nail Maximum Strength Anti-Fungal Liquid. It comes in a 1oz bottle that I have used about half of. I haven’t put polish on my nails since I started using it, and I have had to start using cuticle oil on my toes because it will dry them out like crazy. I have also had some issues with ingrown nails because the nails got thick and dig in.

          I sympathize on the annoying aspects of this. It takes forever to resolve but it can eventually be fixed.

    3. I first got toenail fungus in 2006. I “cured” it, but it will come back in a few days any time I get a pedicure and leave the polish on for more than a couple of days. My toenails can’t breath and it reactivates (this isn’t science, this is my theory). So I never paint my toenails anymore unless I’m getting a pedicure as part of a group activity, and then I remove the polish 1-2 days later.

    4. I did a course of Lamasil and it came back. I then went a totally natural route with Braggs apple cider vinegar. I soaked my toes in a mix of ACV and water every day for about 20 minutes while I had coffee and read the internet. (I used a red kegger cup for this but something larger would be easier. I think I did it for 3 weeks? Fungus GONE. Years later it’s never come back.

      1. I should clarify that the nail grew in healthy, not that it cured the diseased nail.

    5. My daughter was successfully and permanently treated by a dermatologist, highly recommend getting medical care here if you want it to go away. The medication did require that her kidney function be tested a few times, but she did not have any side effects.

      1. Co-sign. At-home options did absolutely nothing. Needed an Rx to address the years-long infection. Haven’t had it since.

    6. I’ve posted this on here before, but this is what worked for me (after seeing a podiatrist):

      – take all of your shoes ALL and make a spray of 1/3 rubbing alcohol, 2/3 water. Spray liberally inside the shoes all over, paying careful attn to the toe box. Let them sit in the sun for a day or so if you can after, or “rest” outside of your closet. Fun fact: you can reinfect yourself from your shoes.
      – go to the pharmacy and ask them to order a special little antifungal bottle called “Tineacide”. It is not prescription but it may not be in stock. Apply night and day after washing your toes and feet with soap and water and letting them dry.
      – each morning, make sure that you wash your feet _and_ let them dry thoroughly (like 10 mins or more), before shoving them into shoes.
      – if the fungus is under the nail, cut the nail back as far as you can. Sterilize your nail clippers between cuts with rubbing alcohol so you don’t transfer the fungus from nail to nail.
      – wash your sheets in hot water often

      Be consistent with all of the above, and you will see improvement in 2-3 months. This _really_ works, and the whole thinking about the fact that fungus can live and reinfect you really helped my case. Plus tineacide–it’s a lotion, not a paint-on solution and it really, really works, after nothing else did.

    7. My sister only got it cured it after seeing a podiatrist and going on strong medication (like meds that could damage one’s liver). She said nothing else worked and she was sick of it.

    8. I had serious toe nail fungus for 20ish years. Early teens to age 32. I tried various topical treatments and had varying degrees of success. Finally had a dermatologist (I was in law school at the time and podiatrist was not covered by my student health insurance) who prescribed oral antifungals. It worked! I had to get a liver enzyme test before I started, then a few weeks after, couldn’t drink alcohol for three months. And then it was over. It’s been 12-13 years and no recurrence! Also, before I’d get athletes foot on occasion because the toe nails served as a reservoir, but that doesn’t happen any more! My nail beds got a little damaged over the 20 years of infection, so the new nails are not perfectly smooth but they are fungus-free, do not crumble or swell or smell bad. I’m a clear example of the oral antifungal being very effective and no liver issues!

  22. For all you Canadians, how are things going up there with vaccinations and everything? I saw a bunch of articles about a month ago about how they weren’t rolling out that fast. I’m asking because our absolute favorite vacation place is in Quebec and we want to go (from the US) as soon as feasibly possible with vaccinations and borders opening up etc. I was hoping that would be September-ish, but not sure how possible that is.

    1. My in-laws are in BC and in their late 70s and they just got their first dose last week, but they’ll be done before the rest of my in-laws in the UK since we’re doing a 12 week gap between doses here.

    2. Vaccination is going fine, my essential husband has had his. As a healthy early 30s office worker though I will not likely get my vaccine until summer. I’d be careful about ensuring travel is legal. There has been a lot of car keying and other vandalism directed towards Americans who have entered Canada illegally. So even if the cops won’t get you the general public might

      1. Yeah, I know there’s no predicting the border legally opening up, but I was kind of hoping that if vaccinations are going well, that also bodes well for the rules changing. At least maybe changing to a level where if you can prove you’re vaccinated, you can go?

    3. I’d say September is possible but not likely. Most places are vaccinating 70+ and first responders etc. Main reason US is much better set up with a domestic vaccine supply. Canada doesn’t produce any of the vaccines in country so we have to rely on getting enough imported. In my province, the current vaccine delivery schedule means everyone will have their first shot by Canada Day (July 1)

      Currently third wave in Alberta and Ontario – they are shutting down again for the next month – although their shutdowns are not total and usually they open up once things are partial under control so they never really shut down community spread. Atlantic Canada had a bit of an uptick in February but shut down, cleared it and the 4 Atlantic provinces are combining to allow interprovincial travel in a couple weeks. Other Canadians are not allowed into Atlantic Canada for tourism, I expect we’ll open up to them sometime over the summer and international tourists later in the year.

    4. I`m in Quebec (Montreal). It`s been really slow, seems to be speeding up a bit but the outlook is unfortunately not great on borders reopening this summer. Possibly September or sometime in the fall, unless things get way better or the tourism industry pressures the federal government so much they cave.

      1. Sigh…that’s kind of what I suspected following things in La Presse a bit. :( It’ll be sad to miss it again, although I am one of the weird people who LOVES Canada in the winter so maybe we’ll do a snowy winter trip?

    5. Vaccinations are going a lot slower in Canada as compared to the USA because we don’t manufacture them here, so are dependent on contracts with manufacturers in other countries. Canada did not contract with US manufacturers because of the threats from Trump to withhold shipments of N95 masks under contract with 3M early during the pandemic. We are at about 15% for first shots with second shots generally delayed for 4 months and the large provinces are mostly back in shutdown for the third wave. So … I wouldn’t book anything yet. By September, it is expected that everyone who wants to be vaccinated should be able to be. If things are on track to get there by the end of June, it should be ok to plan for the fall.

    6. Our government has totally failed us and my province is on ANOTHER strict lockdown because the vaccine rollout is shameful. I am so fed up.

  23. If you were going to do a day trip to Richmond where would you go? Prefer to be outdoors for most or all of the time — I know Richmond is supposed to have nice historic houses, nice parts of the city to walk around but unsure where exactly. My only caveat — while I obviously want to not be in super crowded areas right now, I also don’t want to go walk around in areas that are supposed to be nice attractions but like creepy empty (sometimes small cities etc. have river walks that people say are so nice/nice view etc. yet when you go esp mid day you find out that you’re alone alone and I don’t love that).

    Alternatively coming from N. Virginia — are there other small towns and cities that are nice for a day trip say within 90 min driving time? Just someplace nice to walk around that is city or town-ish with small shops etc. — i.e. not hiking etc. I’ve been to places like Old Town Alexandria, Mt Vernon etc. so I’d like to venture a bit further out of N. Va.

      2. Annapolis is an hour from close-in NOVA and is lovely. Frederick is also about an hour. I’d also recommend Chestertown and St Michael’s in the 90m-2h distance.

    2. Fredericksburg and Frederick could work. Charlottesville is a little further but always a great day trip. Probably the best of the options.

    6. In Richmond, Maymont Gardens (it also has a zoo). The Fan is a nice historic area. The area by VCU (Carytown) has a lot of cute shops / restaurants. Patrick Henry’s speech was given in a church at the far end of West Broad Street near CCV.

    7. In Richmond – Maymont! They have a wonderful garden/park that I’m itching to revisit.

      In MD – Annapolis, downtown historic Frederick, St Michaels are all good places. I vote for Frederick – it’s close to a lot of state parks and historic battlefields so you could start your day there then drop in town for lunch. Not sure if they’ve reopened the al fresco dining but they had several streets blocked off for that last spring – fall and it was great.

      Historic Ellicott City is probably more of a half day trip although there are a lot of tasty Asian restaurants along Route 40. However, EC Rt40 would not be impressive if you go to Annandale often. Patapsco Valley State Park is near/in Ellicott City and has some nice walks.

    8. Late, but in case you’re still checking: as others have noted, Maymont is a great option for what you’re looking for. Carytown and the Fan are also great for strolling, whatever time of day you want to go–the main drag in Carytown (Cary Street) might be a little crowded during lunch or after work, but if you avoid it then, you should be fine. Hanover, Park, Grove, and Monument Aves are all great for strolling, and the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts has a really nice outdoor sculpture garden. All of those things are very close to each other–Maymont’s not walking distance from the others, but it’s maybe a 10-minute drive.

      If you DO want to do a river walk, park at the Brown’s Island lot and head down the canal walk towards Downtown. Make sure you get all the way to the flood wall (it will be obvious), and enjoy all of the really gorgeous murals and street art along the way. It’s definitely not going to be creepy-empty–folks are out and about down there at all hours of the day. Downtown itself is pretty commercial and can be a bit ghost-y over the weekends, but there are always people running, biking, walking dogs, etc. on the canal walk/river.

    9. Warrenton and maybe Paris for lunch at the inn with the good restaurant there (if they have outdoor dining).

      A little farther than 90 minutes in you’re in close-in N. Va., but Charlottesville is nice.

  24. DH’s sister and I are both lawyers, but we are in totally different areas of practice/industries. I’m a transactional lawyer at a small law firm and she’s a prosecutor, and we live in different parts of the country. Also, I graduated from law school a few years so we were never competing in any way. To this day, she tells DH things about her job and career (how she’s gunning for a promotion or how she won a big case or how she was encouraged by retiring judge to run for x judgeship position, etc. – all good news and nothing at all embarrassing) but tells DH not to tell anyone, including me. I overhear these conversations because I’m often in the car with DH or whatever, but I find this weird and I’m not sure if I can or should do anything about it? Is she just worried that I’ll blab the news to other people (I literally have zero overlap with her social and professional circles) or ?? Am I taking this too personally? I’ve been part of the family for 15+ years and I otherwise think she’s great and we have a great relationship, but this one aspect makes me wonder if that’s just my skewed perception.

    1. I think you should choose to get over it. She’s not having a weird moment of insecurity at you. Also why would she tell her brother not to tell you if you can hear because he’s on speakerphone in the car? He should tell her at the start of every convo like that “hey I’m in the car you’re on speaker Susan ishere too!”

      1. No, she’s not on speakerphone. He’ll say things like (“oh that’s great news” “wow, good for you”) and I’ll ask him what that’s about. The part that bothers me is that I wouldn’t ask one-half of a married couple to keep things from their spouse? Unless you really don’t like their spouse? Am I alone in this thought?

        2. I keep other people’s personal information from my spouse all the time. Sometimes, it’s personal news like a pregnancy or miscarriage, health issue, job acceptance/planned move. Sometimes, it’s that someone has asked me for my legal opinion on something (I’m also a lawyer), and sometimes there’s overlap between the two. DH’s feelings have been hurt when he later found out that I knew a friend’s or family member’s news well before he did. He gets to feel however he wants, but I default to not sharing other people’s news with him unless somebody asks me to or they’ve announced it publicly or sent us an announcement. It’s fine with me if DH takes the same approach with his family members.

    2. She probably feels like she’s bragging, her brother is someone she feels comfortable doing that in front of and doesn’t want to appear to others (including SIL) like she’s got a big head.

      1. +1 I tell my parents not to share my successes with the rest of the family and its because I don’t want to make them feel bad. I have been in to many situations where I’ve mentioned an accomplishment only to be met with every overcompensating phrase possible, so now I don’t share.

      2. Thank you for this perspective. I had not thought about that before and this does sound like a reasonable explanation. I will assume that this is what’s driving her weird behavior because I am less bothered by it if this is the case.

      3. Probably the case, and the solution is for your husband to say, “Can I tell Hollis? She will be so happy to hear that.”

    3. It is weird, but it sounds like a her problem, not anything you can do anything about.

  25. Who, if anyone, is the @$$hole?

    Friend A wrote a book on a topic about LGBT inclusion (a seemingly popular topic here so I thought the hive might be able to help with this). In the acknowledgements, they thanked people ranging from family to previous professors to old friends, including full names, including Friend B.

    Friend B lives in very liberal city where their whole family and all in-laws live and no one plans to move. Friend B is upset that Friend A named them as a g00gle search apparently shows the book page in a “look inside” format for the book. Friend B says they fear that anyone who searches them will see this and it may hinder the ability to get a job or could cause someone nutty to want to harm them or their family because they think being included makes it appear that Friend B is a huge vocal supporter of this controversial topic. (B says they are supportive but not vocally or publicly so and they prefer privacy regarding their politics.)

    I’ve been asked to weigh in with my thoughts. I don’t want to undermine or discount how B feels but I do feel sad that A is crushed that what was thought of as a huge thank you and honor in the most meaningful thing A has ever done feels to B like a safety hazard over something that can’t be taken back.

    Would love other’s perspectives.

    1. I think B is being ridiculous. What are the odds of someone making the connection and it having consequences? For an experiment, I just googled myself and in my 7 pages of search results, the books I’ve been acknowledged in or have chapters in don’t show up (although I’d quite like them to). To find those, you’d have to go to google books and search within there.

    2. Friend B. If being listed in a thank-you page for such a book causes a potential employer to screen me out, I would be grateful for not wasting further time with them.

      1. It’s not an employer, but the rando employee with a grudge or hostility who doesn’t hew to the company line (but doesn’t advertise it). The bigger the employer, the more likely you are to run into a rogue within it who flies under the radar (the same for any bias).

        1. Where I live, I would worry about this. Not at the head-of-org level, but by what I hear casually tossed around by people I would think would know better (so: lots of people are likely worse than what I hear). I’m a pretty unremarkable person, but often I wonder if that is b/c I always imagine I’ll be looking for another job and what I remember from the several people I know who have worked in HR (like rampant anti-Catholic bias, which seems so 1950s, but still exists in a major US city).

    3. Friend B is coming off as dramatic to me and putting a negative spin on what Friend A probably intended to be a thoughtful way to generally thank/acknowledge people who supported him/her and express gratitude. I have a hard time seeing how Friend A could be assigned bad motives in this situation, nor do I think Friend A should have “foreseen” any hypothetical safety issues would result, and certainly would not consider Friend A to be the a**hole in this. If Friend B chooses to use this situation to take away from Friend A’s success, to be angry with Friend A, or talk badly about Friend A, then I would consider Friend B’s behavior to be of the a**hole variety.

    4. If you take the issue out of it, I think that B’s wish to be non-public should be honored. Like they didn’t ask to be made public and if they say no, thank you, I think you have to respect that.

      I think that the issue clouds things (it could be me, at Thanksgiving, surrounding by distant ILs wearing a lot of MAGA things but I get tagged; whatever the issue, we really should allow people to decline being put online in anyway by others without our consent).

      1. Not sure it if makes a difference but for clarity: Friend A didn’t ask about acknowledgement inclusion, thinking it wasn’t necessary to ask to thank someone for loving them. They only found out Friend B was mad a long while after the book came out, which means nothing can be done about it unless there’s a future reprinting. No one was intentionally disrespectful, it just never dawned on A that anyone would be mad to be thanked and it didn’t dawn on B that they would be included to ask A not to while A was writing the book. A didn’t put the page online, a book seller did via a sneak peek feature, which included the acknowledgements page.

        1. It doesn’t matter if A was the one who put it online A is the author and therefore still responsible.

        2. I think A learned a lesson about assuming. It was obviously not intentional, but the impact to B’s privacy is real. Regardless of how anyone interpret’s B’s response, B has her concerns and those should be respected.

          I also think that A should apologize for the oversight and the impact to B. If B was told beforehand, she would have been touched to be though of and included, and have the opportunity to opt into the publication.

          For good reasons we weigh the impact of our actions along with intent. This must be a two way road. If it is not we risk diverging from our principles and acting hypocritically.

    5. I don’t necessarily think it’s dramatic. DH and I both have high levels of security clearance and our employers expressly ask us to keep our internet presence to a minimum, for our own safety. There have been enough people hurt by wackadoodle members of the general public that we have been warned to be careful. If a friend put either of our names in a book we would be p*ssed too.

      1. My spouse is an inner-city teacher and was also told that he and I need to stay off the web. I have had words with acquaintances at parties for shooting photos and immediately posting them online. I wish that SM, camera phones, and general “online-ness” hadn’t made people so dismissive about respecting others’ privacy.

    6. Tangentially, it can be a weird experience to search one’s own full name in books.google.com (or the names of other people you know).

      1. I know someone who posted something regrettable (person is still a teen and thinking often happens after acting; frequently stuff is undo-able in the moment, but not when it is online) and it was found and shared and will likely cost him a much-needed scholarship. I would say: if you fear something on the internet being found or need to be vanilla online, assume that stuff that is findable will be found and act accordingly.

    8. To me this seems strange on Friend B’s part unless Friend B is LBTQ or questioning and feels outed?

        1. Not LGBT identified, just married with kids and nothing indicates there is this but great point!

    9. So I was actually mentioned in my friend’s book recently. She used my real name, just my first name, but in the context of her non-fiction book, anyone that would know us would know that I was the “Mary” in the story. For a moment I was like . . . woah, I wish she had asked me before publishing that. . . but then I thought more about it and realized it was nothing negative and was actually something I was proud of. It was just weird to randomly see myself in a book.

    10. Neither. Nice of A to credit B. But people are weird about what’s public about them (see e.g. the poster who’s a public speaker but refuses to have a photo online). Better practice for A would have been to ask B before attribution. Always better to check before posting anything about someone else.

      1. To you. To many people. It has changed a lot recently. But it wasn’t that long ago that Tom Hanks won an Oscar for his role in Philadelphia. I wouldn’t assume that that is a universally-held belief.

        1. ?? it was literally a generation ago. Many many things have changed wildly in the course of a generation and basic humanity of gay people is one of them.

    12. I think unless Friend B lives in a country where being gay is illegal/punishable by law/seriously seriously discouraged (beyond anything in the US) Friend B is being a little ridiculous. Did the acknowledgement say “Thanks to Friend B who is such a big gay supporter!”? Or just “thanks to my mom and dad, my agent, Friend B” which may not mean anything about Friend B supporting the book.

      1. I checked and it seems there is a series of paragraphs of thank yous for their support, one is a list of friends and B’s name is in the middle of a list of 20 or so names.

        1. Which is moot point if her name comes up in google search. It could be buried midway through a list of 2000 names and still pop right up.

    13. My knee jerk is neither is the AH, this is just an unfortunate misunderstanding.

      Did B help with the book in some way? If so, it’s odd that A didn’t mention they plan to thank B, but it’s also odd that B never mentioned they wanted to be anonymous. If B didn’t help with the book then idk why A wanted them in the acknowledgments, but it doesn’t necessarily make them an AH. HOWEVER, I could imagine plenty of reasons why A could be the AH depending on circumstances – is B their one gay friend who opened A’s eyes to how hard life is when you’re gay? Did A share personal anecdotes about B’s life without B’s permission? Is B not out? I’m getting sort of Jenny Schecter vibes from A, which may or may not be fair.

    14. Friend A should use first names only. I am private and would not want this to happen to me if I were B. Always ask if you are going to publish a name or likeness in print or social media. It’s basic manners.

      1. +1

        The theme of the book is irrelevant. Basic manners means asking if it’s okay to name somebody no matter how dull or uncontroversial the subject.

        Where I live, a person’s political affiliation (as well as religion, sexuality etc.) is considered sensitive personal information, and has special legal protection. If B would consider the thanks to reveal political affiliation that B wants to keep private, that would be in violation of B’s right to keep the information private. But As great achievement, the excellent subject-matter, and well-meaning and friendly (if thoughtless) inclusion of friends makes it more difficult to focus on the faux pas.

      2. Yeah, I think this is Friend A’s mistake for not asking and just assuming. And for doubling down on the defensiveness, judging by her comments here. I kinda wonder if there are some missing details, or if at the least, Friend B’s concern might be coming from A’s insistence that she did nothing wrong (framing it as ” thinking it wasn’t necessary to ask to thank someone for loving them.”) If I tried to express some concern to my friend about this issue and she came back with that attitude, I might be a little upset, too.

  26. Lawyers – do you find the Robert Half Legal Salary Guide accurate? I appreciate that it has adjustments for every city but I’m still not sure if they are accurate.

    2. No–Barker Gilmore’s is better. I have only lived and worked in law in HCOL coastal cities, and I find that RH is actually low for in-house salaries. Think about it–the firms that use Robert Half instead of say, MLA, will skew lower merely based on sample size. Another factor that can be extrapolated is that now Colorado requires salary ranges be posted for jobs, so you can search jobs in Denver, and adjust for where you are. It’s not clear whether companies are posting median of possible range, average, top, etc, so take with a grain of salt, but it is one “public” data point. You can also see some salaries in LinkedIN and Indeed job searches if you have Premium or tick the “Filter by Salary” respectively. GL!

  27. i’m in a facebook group to try to help you find a vaccine locally and all of these people keep posting about how their relatives from out of the country are coming to visit and they want to help the get a vaccine. i have no issue with Americans living abroad or people with dual citizenship or who own property or something in the U.S. coming to get the vaccine, but it just feels odd to me for our government to be paying for vaccines for people who either have no financial connection the U.S. or dont live here ( i have no issue with undocumented people getting the vaccine, they live here and whether or not they get vaccinated does impact others who live here). i mean i know the more people in the world who have the vaccine, the better, but just feels strange to me

    1. Hate to break it to you but there’s a lot of immigrants from certain cultures (including mine – Indian; but we’re hardly the only ones – it’s common in the well to do immigrant communities) who bring their families over here all the time and get them all kinds of US benefits — for which the family never pays because they haven’t paid a dime of taxes in the US ever. I mean a vaccine is small potatoes compared to the fact that these people get their parents on Medicaid and Social Security in the U.S. — there are loopholes that make this possible even if you haven’t ever paid into SS taxes and they lie where they need to on forms. Their view is — hey the gov’t is giving it so why shouldn’t my parents take, we deserve it, I work hard (yes you do so YOU will get SS because you work in America, not your retiree parents who never ever worked here). I hate it and honestly am pretty close to filing some complaints just to get investigations started against these people even though they are my extended family. So it’s no surprise to me that certain communities are flying families over (pandemic, what pandemic, they’re MY parents of course they should be flying here) and oh yeah while they’re in the US, of course they’ll get a vaccine here — even if there are vaccines in their countries, they all want Pfizer which isn’t in every country. Not much you can do about it though.

      1. How can you get SS here if you never worked here or paid into it? I thought that that was the main benefit of working on the books (or paying our nanny on the books) was so that you can get SS when you are old (and Medicare).

        1. You have mommy and daddy come here every 6 mos for years on end and eventually they’ve spent enough time here to apply for a green card. 5 years later they apply for citizenship. The moment they are citizens, they apply for all the poverty programs — Medicaid, welfare etc. — because the son who was a millionaire and rich enough to fly them back and forth 3 times/year for a decade oh no he can’t support them, he has his own family (you file these forms while living in said son’s home because you are brazen). If you’re over 65+ those poverty programs will also come with SS. That’s it in a nut shell. It’s a long running fraud in certain communities. I’m unclear why the government does not come down hard on it — if you didn’t pay in, you don’t get SS in the interest of those paying in NOW actually getting something for it in 40 years.

          1. So if you live in the US and pay your nanny under the table they can still get medicaid (if poor; medicare is the one I guess they don’t get???)? And then SS?

            Really feeling burned by paying my nanny on the books (which I have to do for my job; you all should do it too b/c it is what the law requires you to do).

        2. My grandmother gets SSI and she never worked in the US. She gets SSI rather than the regular social security, but the “I” part is for her age. I’m glad for it for personal reasons — listen to this insane story — if I wrote it as fiction it wouldn’t be believable.

          My parent, who is bipolar, came here and then brought her to this country after she had already retired in our home country, during a fit of mania. Parent convinced grandma to sell all her property in home country and give parent all the resulting cash to manage, and to become a US citizen and give up her citizenship in Old Country (which would have entitled her to a modest pension there). Parent later brought me (by then a teenager) here in part by mis-representing a lot of stuff to me and my other parent, with whom I had lived my whole life at that point. Parent then was abusive to me, grandma took parent’s side, and I basically ran away from them as soon as I turned 18 (and had gotten my green card). Being 18 and dumb, I was too scared and embarrassed to ask family back home for help or go back home (what 18 year old would want to do that, then they had insisted on coming here in the first place?), and made my way in the US on my own. Shortly after I left, parent committed suicide, after which if was discovered that all of grandma’s assets were gone. Grandma blamed me for the suicide (apparently I drove parent to it by leaving!), and tried to blame me for the money being gone but thankfully that was clearly impossible as I had never had any access to it and it became clear that parent had spent it. It’s been many years, and I still have no contact with grandma, though I believe she’s still alive. I have nothing positive to say about grandma because she was such an enabler and terrible to me, but I don’t think she should starve because she dumbly listened to, and was essentially scammed by, her mentally ill adult child. Grandma’s benefits are as modest as possible to maintain basic living standards — she has a subsidized crappy studio apartment, food stamp allowance for one ($200 a month I think), medicaid health insurance, and something like $300 in cash assistance. She’s not exactly living large on this.

          So I do think that old people like my grandma, who are indigent, shouldn’t be left to starve in the streets. She can’t be “sent back” because she gave up her citizenship and is a US citizen. We all make mistakes, and she made plenty of them, but I think as society we have to protect people’s basic needs regardless of their history.

          1. Thank you for posting your story. I’m sorry that this happened to you. I agree that no one should starve or be homeless.

          2. Right that’s one sad story but the reality is most of these families that are taking do NOT have a history of mental illness, stolen assets etc. They legit are the parents of dr/engineer children who tend to live in the nicest suburbs in any state, send their kids to the best schools etc. but the moment their parents become citizens oh noooo we NEED that extra $800/month or whatever amount the state can provide. It’s a scam, nothing more. I do feel for people like your family — legit mental illness, mistakes made etc. — but by no means is that the average story at least not in the community I know that is doing this.

    3. Counterpoint:

      I have been sick or seriously injured in other countries/continents. Have received better care than in the U.S., and paid next to nothing because my costs were heavily subsidized by the locality.

      Guessing that the “cost” to our government of COVID vaccines to foreign nationals pales in comparison to what American tourists and business travelers enjoy when abroad.

      1. This. A friend had a bad bicycle accident in Italy on vacation a couple of years ago, involving an ambulance ride, a cast, X rays, blood transfusion, a couple of nights in the hospital, and so on. The person who presented her with the bill was mortified that it was so high and told her not to worry, she could make payments over time. It was 700 euros.

    4. As long as they are following the appropriate CDC guidelines for quarantine/testing upon entry into the US, and the local guidelines for vaccine prioritization, they are playing my the rules.

    5. I know many families with relatives who stay with them for a few months every year. That is months of groceries, restaurant meals, retail spending, tickets for attractions, etc every year. Having people visit helps our economy. I don’t mind if they get the vaccine while they are here.

      1. Also this is a GLOBAL pandemic (that’s redundant, I know, but you get the point). More needles in more arms helps everybody.

        1. Exactly. More shots for everyone means fewer variants. And selfishly, I want to travel to other countries at some point!

      2. +1
        Same with the immigrant families point above, though I realize they are likely consuming more than they are contributing to the economy. A lot of them are also paying U.S. taxes on their income earned abroad, no?

    6. Honestly this makes me feel kind of angry. I’m an American citizen living in Europe. I’m here for WORK, not to sign away all my rights and privileges. I’m still an American citizen. I pay taxes in America. I have an American 401k. I am an American, culturally and in identity. If the department of health in my home state says it’s OK for me to fly home for a vaccine, then it is legal and OK for me to fly home for a vaccine.

  28. A decorating question. My new house has a huge front entryway. It’s an entire room that’s approx 14x 17, with the stairs coming down the middle, creating a U shape of floor. One side of the U leads to the powder room/kitchen while the other U is a dead-end with a closet on the side. It is absolutely, laughably, nothing this grand but conceptually you can see what I mean about the “U”: https://www.pinterest.cl/pin/607282330977279788/

    How do I do rugs? One 5×7 and two runners? One massive round rug and nothing in the sides? If runners, do they meet up to the main rug or keeps 2-3′ between?

    1. Why do you need rugs. I’d probably put a smallish rug near the base of the stairs (leaving a decent amount of space on each side of it so it doesn’t look shoved in there) and leave the two hallways un- rugged.

      1. Yup. Pinterest is showing me a lot of similar photos and most of them have no rugs at all.

      2. We have nothing there now and it’s cavernous. Both visually and super echo-y. We have a dark stone floor which also begs for a lighter rug.

    2. I would just do a large entry rug at the doorway and not do runners, but if you for some reason love runners, no they should not touch the entry rug.

  29. Daydreaming about a post-covid / post-vax vacation this spring.
    My ideal destination would be to go to an all-inclusive golf/spa resort – sit by the pool, get a massage, see some sights, do some physical activity (kayaking, paddle boarding etc)

    Any recommendation for such a destination which is inside the US? (do not want to leave the US for visa reasons)
    Hotel budget could be $300-500/night. Coming from Southern California & need a change in scenery.

      1. Kiawah would be fabulous but definitely geared to families… and it’s also kind of a haul from CA. What about Hawaii? Surely one of the Four Seasons would fit the bill?

        3. I think the Four Seasons in Hawaii is going to be more than $300-500/night esp this year when rates in Hawaii have jumped significantly — it’s one of the safer places to travel in the US w/ testing requirements etc. and lots of people who otherwise travel abroad aren’t.

        4. Ummmm the Four Seasons hotels in Hawaii are all hovering around $2,000 a night.

          1. oh wow – I was thinking back to a trip we took several years ago. Whoops! Never mind, OP…

        5. I spent time at Kiawah and didn’t think it was geared to families at all. I don’t even recall seeing a playground. The restaurants were fancy.

    2. On the “all-inclusive” thing — I think I’m mostly liking the idea of having lots of amenities available at a resort, rather than it being all in one price (ie I don’t mind paying as we go).

      And “nice but not fancy” is totally fine. (ie it doesn’t have to be Four Seasons)

    3. If you can find a hotel within that budget in Hawaii, I would start there.

      Otherwise, L’Auberge in Sedona is gorgeous (though also likely more than $500 per night). I am not familiar with other hotels in Sedona, but I assume there are less expensive options. And if you have never been and are not opposed to staying local-ish, the Ojai Valley Inn is also really beautiful.

  30. I got moved to a new department in January. It was company restructuring, I didn’t have any say (nor did my supervisor, he found out right before I did), I really liked my old job and was recognized as a high performer before the restructuring. This job is also an entirely different field than all of my prior experience so it has been particularly tough to get up to speed.

    I really hate it! The job content itself is really boring. Its been 3 months, I “own” one project but still need tons of guidance. I feel like being WFH has made the whole transition so much worse. I feel like I’ve been left behind and I’m doing a bad job of advocating for myself.

    A competitor just posted a position that is exactly my old job and I’m going to apply for it. I am excited about something for once in months. I guess I’m asking for any advice or anecdata if you’ve been in a similar position and made a move because of it.

  31. Trying to decorate a beige standard rental apartment and every one I see that looks homey includes rugs. Can’t do rugs as pup is p33-pad trained and will go on them (not worth it to fight this losing battle). Am I doomed to look beige and bare without this?

    2. What kind of flooring do you have? Are the walls beige? Can you paint them? Most of my landlords have not minded me painting a rental as long as it wasn’t anything dark — I usually paint white, which looks “cleaner” than most rental beiges. I also have lots of warm real wood furniture, and fabrics and textures with throw pillows on the couch and chairs (just 1-2) and a throw on the couch, and lots of plants. That plus art on the walls should get you most of the way to homey!

    3. Try a Ruggable. I have several and also have three pets who puke and pee on the rugs regularly. Washing is fairly easy as long as you get to it quickly.

  32. I am a Biglaw mid level associate and currently 7 months pregnant. My husband and are looking to relocate to be closer to my family, so I have been working with a recruiter since December. I just finished up with second round interviews with a Biglaw firm and am feeling pretty optimistic about an offer. My time recruiter initially wanted me to disclose my pregnancy in between the first/second round of interviews or during the second interview, but I decided it was in my best interest not to disclose. I am looking for stories of associates who transitioned to a new firm with a little over a month before their due date and disclosed/negotiated leave after they received an offer. How did it turn out? Trying to set expectations for myself if I end up getting an offer.

    1. I was two weeks early on my first kid and on hospital bed rest for my second at about 34 weeks, delivered just shy of 36 weeks with my second. Be prepared for the unexpected. Also, be upfront on your leave timing and negotiate it, since you won’t be there long enough to qualify. You may not get the market 16-26 weeks of leave in this situation.

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