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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Romin Top

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A woman wearing a navy print top and black leather skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This navy floral top from Tanya Taylor is a stunner. The hand-painted navy floral print is gorgeous for winter, and the satiny fabric looks so luxurious.

The brown leather skirt they’ve styled it with here is one of my favorites of the season, although it’s not as size-inclusive as I’d like to see. Plus-sized folks, don’t miss this faux-leather version from NYDJ.

The blouse is $237, marked down from $395, at Tanya Taylor and comes in sizes XS–3X.

A couple of more affordable blouses are this one from Lauren Ralph Lauren (straight sizes, $82.15 on sale) and this other Lauren Ralph Lauren top (plus sizes, $145).

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

310 Comments

  1. For those who are doing Dry January, what are your plans for February? Continued abstinence? Drink only on weekends? Something else?

    For those who have done Dry January in past years, what happened in February and what would you recommend?

    If it matters, I am a 1-2-glasses-of-wine-with-dinner-more-evenings-than-not drinker. No health issues and long past any pregnancy concerns. TIA.

    1. I plan to continue at home definitely and will be greatly cutting back at events. I am however dying for a margarita with my mexican friday night dinners, so I do plan on going back to have those.

      1. I should add – (a) I want the margarita bc I love the way a real margarita tastes in a way that none of the non-alcoholic versions can approximate, and (b) despite all the claims, I do not find that my sleep is any better/different and I haven’t lost any weight this month. I’m proud of myself for doing it, but I am experiencing absolutely no positive changes. (I don’t drink all that much normally – usually a margarita friday night, a beer or two over hte weekend, and wine at events…) I am actually really frustrated to find that I am not experiencing this positive that everyone raves about.

        1. I also feel this way about margaritas, but I discovered that a tiny amount of tequila lends a ton of taste so I don’t need a whole shot. (YMMV and maybe I was just getting cheated by bars all these years!)

    2. I am interested to see the responses. I keep hearing that alcohol consumption leads to cancer and other bad outcomes, but is that also true if you are a low BMI, work out consistently, eat tons of kale and other fiber/greens/etc, sleep well, etc? I am about a 2 glasses a night person, and then more like 4 on the weekend. Am I canceling out all of the hard work I do in other areas?

      1. They don’t know. A new study shows that 4% of all cancers (so yes, only 4 in 100) are related to alcohol consumption. And plenty of people get cancer who don’t drink. So how much is causation versus correlation, etc.?

      2. “I keep hearing that alcohol consumption leads to cancer and other bad outcomes, but is that also true if you are a low BMI, work out consistently, eat tons of kale and other fiber/greens/etc, sleep well, etc?

        Yes, the studies showing alcohol is bad definitely control for weight, diet and other factors. Also you may not be sleeping as well as you think. Even if you’re spending 8+ hours asleep every night, alcohol is well known to be very disruptive to REM cycles, so you may not be getting high quality sleep.

      4. There is no discernible health benefit to drinking alcohol: it’s all downside. And I say that without judgement, as someone with a similar consumption rate as you. I’m trying to dial it back, not only for the health benefits, but also because at 38, I’ve noticed I’m only experiencing downside to my alcohol consumption lately. While I still enjoy the taste, I’ve noticed from doing dry January that I longer wake up feeling like sh*t 3-5 times a week. My goal is to cut out weeknight drinking completely this year, and limit weekend drinking to 2 servings, once or twice a month. We’ll see.

        1. Same boat but older than you are. I’ve been experimenting with bitters in soda. I’ve been adding 4-5 drops to a ginger ale at night and finding it a reasonable alcohol substitute. Whiskey has always been my drink of choice so this may not work if you’re a wine drinker.

        2. Same. I stopped drinking at home a year or two ago and don’t miss it. I still have 1-2 drinks when at a bar, restaurant, or someone’s home — if I feel like it. I’m not shy about declining if I’m not in the mood. If I have more than 2, I absolutely will feel crappy the next morning — on rare occasions it’s worth it, but that’s only a few times a year. We still have a few bottles of wine and tons of cocktail stuff at home, but since I never want any, my husband has mostly stopped drinking it too and now it just sits there.

      5. I mean, yes, it’s not great… it’s great to have other healthy habits but this sounds a bit like special pleading; eating kale doesn’t give you permission to have 18 glasses of wine a week with impunity.

      7. 18 drinks a week categorizes you as a heavy drinker according to NIH. Not saying this out of judgement though, just passing info since you were wondering about canceling out your hard work in other areas.

        What is heavy drinking?
        The patterns below are considered “heavy” drinking,16,17 which markedly increases the likelihood of AUD and other alcohol-related harms:1

        For women—4 or more drinks on any day or 8 or more per week
        For men—5 or more drinks on any day or 15 or more per week

        source: https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/health-professionals-communities/core-resource-on-alcohol/basics-defining-how-much-alcohol-too-much#pub-toc4

        1. The medical definition of “drink” is also different (smaller) than most people’s idea of a drink. A restaurant pour of one glass of wine is normally 2-3 drinks.

          1. Whoa, what restaurants are you going to?? I would say that most restaurant pours are SMALLER (standard is 5 oz, unless indicated differently on the menu) than what people pour for themselves at home.

            It is commendable to reduce your alcohol intake if you feel like it is causing you problems. But whenever I read these conversations, I always wonder if I am the only one who has no desire to do Dry Whatever Month, but also doesn’t really find herself craving alcohol. I love a fancy cocktail and if I’m going out to eat, I like to have a glass of wine or a cocktail (sometimes both!) with dinner.

            Are there just very few of us who don’t want to give up alcohol and don’t want to make rules around it, but also can easily go days or even weeks without feeling like having a drink? And then it’s more a want than a need.

          2. PolyD, right there with you and just SMH at these threads. All these rules for every day life just sound exhausting to me.

          3. PolyD, I’m similar. I rarely drink on weekdays (maybe a beer on Thursday if it’s been a week), but I’ve been in a habit of 1-2 beers on Friday night, and a cocktail on Saturday and Sunday with my husband (or glass of wine, if it’s open). It’s not that I feel a craving for a drink, but more that the sense of habit has me looking forward to it each weekend. I think the fact that it’s usually paired with food good conversation with my spouse helps reinforce it. I pretty much only drink socially, never alone, unless I’m cooking dinner and the bottom of the wine bottle has to be finished.

            I don’t feel the need to do dry January, but I’m also pregnant for my fourth time in nine years, so I’ve been doing “dry 9 months” rather frequently, lol. Maybe once these years are long past me I will think about it.

            Anecdotally, my wealthy socialite grandmother who drank a lot through middle age lived to be in her 90s, while my working class grandmother who had a glass of wine on Sundays had myriad cancers and diabetes and died in her 70s. So I agree that empirically, alcohol is probably “bad” for you, but there are so many other components of health that I’m not going to stress over 4-5 drinks a week.

          4. PolyD, I’m with you. I easily go weeks without drinking and don’t really think about it.

          5. Depends on the restaurant. Fancy ones often have small pours, but many casual places give you a lot. And definitely at home people typically pour more than 5 oz (the medical definition of ‘drink’ for wine) into a glass.

            I also don’t have any desire to do dry January and am not judging those who drink more than I do, I just think it’s good to realize that what you pour at home or are served at a restaurant or friend’s house is likely to be more than one “drink” per the health guidelines.

          6. PolyD: I knew my drinking was a problem when I started questioning whether I had a problem every time I drank. Deep down I knew I was unhappy with my life circumstances and using alcohol to numb. And I’m not even saying that’s necessarily wrong; I think that’s half the point of alcohol. I just don’t feel like it’s serving any positive purpose for me at the moment. It’s totally normal not to think about it at all.

          7. Same here. I drink a few times a month, usually one glass of wine with dinner out or a beautiful cocktail. Making rules around it doesn’t work for me; I’m a moderator, not an abstainer.

          8. 5 oz is slightly more than one half cup. Measure 5 oz into your wine glass. Not much wine is it?

          9. PolyD: There is a big difference between a moderate or heavy drinker and an alcoholic. As someone who has been sober and in AA for 28 years, I truly believe that attempting to institute rules and limitations are a big indicator of problem drinking or alcoholism. Keep enjoying yourself and the others will have to determine if alcohol is starting to impact their life negatively.

        2. I’m surprised at the difference in weekly limits between men and women. Weekly limit for women is 2 x daily, but for men it’s 3 x daily? I’m curious about the rationale for that.

          3. Women do not process alcohol as quickly or as effectively as men. I thought this was pretty well known.

          4. I’m surprised that you’re surprised…this is something I remember from high school circa 1993…

      8. 4 in one sitting meets the standard for binge drinking for women (per World Health Org)

    3. I quit a few years ago. Two things cemented my decision to “stay quit”. First, I found myself way more antsy and craving a drink in the first few weeks than I felt was healthy. I drank more than what you mentioned, but didn’t think until then that it particularly impacted my life in any particular way. Second, it made my perimenopausal night sweats disappear. *THAT* was motivation to stay sober even when I wanted a beer.
      I was very glad that I’d been on the wagon a good 6 months when COVID hit. Knowing myself, and a tendency to boredom drink, it would have been bad news if I hadn’t already been sober.

    4. I’ve done maybe 4 or 5 Dry Januarys… and often Dry July or something also. It creeps back in slowly every time, especially because my husband still drinks. The only thing that 100% stopped the booze noise for me was Wegovy – I stopped it in December for other health issues and it was really wild to feel the urge to drink creeping back. Not the itchy “it’s 5:00 so I could have a drink!” feeling but instead an almost innocent “why NOT have a glass of wine if DH is?”

    5. I started a 1 or 2 glasses a night habit during COVID, when I felt like I needed something to distinguish between the day and the night and really craved an adults only treat, after working from home with kids in zoom school and then cooking for said kids on an endless loop. I started to really crave it when I was cooking, then would have one more with dinner. I still really love the ritual, but I have complicated feelings around my kids seeing me drink regularly, so am moving away from it.

      I find that nothing stops the craving like regularly running outside, strangely, especially in the winter. I get actually thirsty, and it makes non-alcoholic beverages so satisfying in way they never are if I’m not running — ginger ale, Nuuns, lemonade, etc. taste like treats, not empty calories. Clearly, I’m still craving the sugar, but when I’m running (lifting or yoga doesn’t do this), sugary drinks taste so much better to me. For me, this is the best way to extend a “dry” period — I have to find something to replace it, just abstaining for another period of time (January into February) wouldn’t do it for me .

      1. I too have complicated feelings about my kids seeing me drink. It gave me pause when my 8 year old asked “why do you drink if alcohol is bad for you?” I explained that grown ups like the way alcohol makes you feel but that it is still bad for them and really bad for kids. And made me think whether the trade off (feeling relaxed vs doing harm in unknown amount to my body) is worth it.

        I’m doing dry January and plan to cut back to 1-2 drinks, 1-2x a month (from probably 1-2 drinks 2x a week) and only socially after that, with the hope of having months where I don’t drink at all.

        I will also say that not drinking is becoming very common in my social circles (even among lawyers, ha) and I am enjoying the new NA beers and hoppy NA drinks as a savory substitute.

        1. I would say that I like how it *tastes*. I love a good cocktail or glass of red wine, but mainly for the taste (the feel is a pleasant bonus, but I’d give it up in order to be able to drink more). The bite of a great sidecar or margarita can’t be replicated.

          It’s similar to soda — many kids, and adults, like how it tastes, so they drink it even though it’s basically sugary poison. I think that might be my approach with my kids. We can like the taste of all sorts of foods and drinks that aren’t great for us, but we can still choose to consume it them in moderation.

          1. oh man, I miss a sidecar. My lemons are ripe! Might have one tonight. I barely drink anymore but there’s nothing as good as my Meyer Lemon sidecar.

            I asked my kids about weed/cbd and whether there was anything that would give me that initial feeling of having a drink, where you feel warm and relaxed in your shoulders. They said no.

        2. I’m a light drinker and mainly drink on vacations and at weddings these days, but I have no issues drinking in front of my kid (similar age) and if she said “why do you drink if alcohol is bad for you?” I’d cheerfully reply “the same reason you like to eat chocolate cake – because it tastes good.” I’m not a big fan of labeling things as “bad” vs “good” and anyway I think it’s fine to enjoy “bad” things in moderation.

          1. Yes, we also don’t use terms like good and bad regarding foods like cake or soda, but I think for me, studies are showing in a way that I had not appreciated that alcohol is uniquely harmful to my body in a way that chocolate cake in and of itself is not. And I am sure that alcohol is bad for developing brains.

            And for me, drinking is definitely not about the taste. Taste (acquired taste) is part of it but the effect of alcohol is the real reason (and I feel the effects after half a glass of wine). I think it’s important to be honest with my kids about that. Obviously everyone is going to have different reasons.

          3. I also don’t have good foods and bad foods, just good amounts and bad amounts of them.

          4. I think this is complicated because alcoholic drinks aren’t just food, but also involve a drug. I’d guess that most of us wouldn’t have reservations about saying tobacco is bad, right? To me, the idea of not labeling foods as “good” or “bad” doesn’t apply to alcohol in quite the same way.

          5. I agree desserts aren’t a perfect analogy, but I don’t think they’re a terrible one. We talk about how alcohol can be unhealthy if you have too much of it (just like desserts) but that it can be part of a healthy and happy life in moderation. We do talk (and will continue to talk more as she gets older) about never drinking and driving, which of course isn’t a factor with food. I know approaches to alcohol vary widely based on culture and individual perspective, but I actually consider it a really positive thing that my kid sees me enjoying a glass of Prosecco watching a sunset in Italy or sees me toasting with champagne at a wedding or bat mitzvah. I think it’s a good thing that she’s seeing a positive relationship with alcohol. Once she’s 16 or so, we also plan to start offering her alcohol at home when we drink, so as to remove the taboo. That’s the European approach and I think that’s much healthier than how Americans do it where it’s this thing that’s off limits to teens and they have to sneak around behind their parents backs to get it.

        3. Why are you saying it’s bad for you to your kid? Why not just say it’s for grownups only?

          1. Because alcohol is bad for you! So are lots of things I enjoy – processed meat, sugar, fried food, loud music, stressful job (ha). Everyone can make their own calculus as to whether or not the positives outweigh the negatives for each of those choices. And all I am saying is that it was that conversation with my kid that started me thinking about how I personally made that calculus.

            I also think he probably learned that alcohol is bad for you at school, where I find a lot of this type of conversation is less nuanced than perhaps it would be at home, but I am fine with that as a baseline in an urban public school.

      2. SimiLar. I did dry January, with one exception for my anniversary dinner. I think in Feb that will continue- alcohol will be the exception vs the default. Times I really enjoy alcohol-
        – a really good local beer after a long day of skiing, ideally in a hot tub. N(one beer, not three)
        – bubbly on special occasions
        – wine with dinner out (very rare)

        Times I previously drank but after reflection don’t enjoy as much:
        – evenings at home
        – bbqs
        – most cocktail parties (eg drinking to be social)

    6. I cut way back on alcohol for vanity reasons once my metabolism started to slow down in my 40s. I love pizza and beer as much as my 21-year=old self did, but now it puts me to sleep and I feel so sluggish. Better to stagger the pizza one night and then have a very fancy weekly celebratory cocktail with friends.

      1. I’m 37 and had to cut back because it disrupts my sleep so badly! Now I’ll maybe have a drink one day during the week and then a couple on Friday or Saturday.

        1. Yeah I’m 38 and If I have more than one small glass of wine I’m up in the middle of the night, and feel terrible the next morning. I’m a very light drinker, but it’s mainly because drinking in any significant quantity makes me feel like crap.

    7. I challenged myself to stop drinking 1) alone at home and 2) on weeknights. Even that has been a huge cutback for me and I’ve been proud of it. Will try and continue the >50% dry split in Feb and beyond.

      I personally/emotionally don’t find my drinking background to be a problem, but I spent a career in the beverage industry so for me it’s more like, alcohol of all types are just another enjoyable beverage for me? It’s almost a default for me to beer/wine with dinner and I realized that didn’t *have* to be a thing

    8. Haven’t had a drink in going on a year. I was an infrequent drinker before that (except for my college days) and since we’re TTC, I have high familial risk for breast cancer, and hangovers are 400x worse in my 30s, it’s not worth it. I don’t miss it but will probably have wine or beer on vacation in the future.

    9. I’m not doing dry January, but about a year ago I switched to not drinking the day before a workday, and it has been the perfect balance. It means I’m sharper at work, am not consuming as many calories as I used to, and it gives me something small to look forward to on the weekend.

    10. If it’s any encouragement, I almost never drink-maybe a glass of wine/year, and I sailed through menopause without a single hot flash. I know alcohol can be a trigger for some women, so maybe that is why. Maybe not, of course, but there’s my anecdata for you.

    11. I find that I simply feel better when I have one or two glasses one or twice a week at most instead of most days. Really depends on how you’re feeling about dry january

    12. The one thing that really helped me cut back was to stop drinking when I was just at home doing nothing/no plans. I only drink when it’s a ‘special occasion’ as I call it, which is dinner out with friends/fam or a party. This significantly cut my drinking down and my cravings for drinks. Now, I can even go to dinner and not have a drink (although I usually do) but that is something that never happened before. This is a good balance for me since it removed the difficulty of trying not to drink when I am out to dinner or at a party. I tried that and it just makes me mad and grumpy!

      1. I’m strangely jealous by all of these posts. I have curtailed my drinking way back since i had kids because it makes me feel lousy. like i have disrupted sleep and a hangover after one full drink. i have about one drink a week if i’m out to dinner with other people and i always regret it because the hangover is completely disproportionate to the buzz. I would be sick and/or asleep if i drank 2 drinks let alone 4…..

        1. I used to get that “but I only had one drink!” hangover. It turned out I was not getting enough B1 and choline in my diet. Apparently women tend to eat less choline especially than men do!

          1. thanks, i’ll try it. my internist legit told me that maybe i should try drinking more, that that might help:)

      2. I only drink when socializing too. Drinking at home has never interested me (I live alone).

    13. As someone who rarely drinks, I find the concept of a dry January fascinating, especially because, as you ask, what happens in February and the rest of the year.

      1. It’s a health reset after the holidays. Between parties, family gatherings, and “why not make hot toddies on a Wednesday since we’re not working tomorrow” I ended up drinking most nights December 22 onward. I don’t do dry January but I consciously go back to my usual weekend-only rule. By February I’ve broken the weeknight drinking habit. Skipping alcohol also leads to better food choices so I can reset my taste buds after all the holiday treats.

    14. Last year I did Dry January as a reset after a stressful year prior where my drinking had ratcheted up, not to a problem drinking level but more than was healthy. After that I went back to drinking, but in a more mindful way, largely just socially (but often a glass or two of wine on a Friday if I’m watching a move by myself). I’m doing it again this year more for the heck of it, and plan to go back to drinking in February (at a lower level than during the December holiday season!). Again, I’m largely a social drinker – I’ll have a c*cktail or glass of wine if there’s a weeknight social event, and a few drinks at a weekend social event.

    15. I used to be a 1-2 glasses of wine with dinner drinker more often than not. Now I might drink a special cocktail on Friday night with my husband to toast the weekend. Or, instead, we might have a special bottle of wine (together we drink about 1/2 of the bottle) with a special meal. That’s pretty much it. It started with a dry January in 2022.

      1. (To be clear, “special meal” would be something unusual or expensive I cooked on a weekend, and does not happen every weekend, by far)

    16. I was a 1-2 glasses of wine a night lady, I read How to Quit Like a Woman (highly recommend) and stopped drinking in October. My sleep is measurably better (as is my HR & HRV, as measured by my Oura ring) although I haven’t lost any weight (which I am deeply bitter about, lol)

      It’s been easier than I thought it would be, even more so than past Dry Januarys. I’ve gotten through every situation that used to be a drinking one for me … making dinner, a stressful day, dinner party at a friend’s, at a bar, at a party, at a work social event.

      I’m in a similar situation as OP … what’s next? Taking a cue from Allen Carr (Stop drinking the easy way), you basically decide you’re a non-drinker and then you don’t drink. I’m not … quite ready to make that declaration. I really love wine. And various cocktails! I really like drinking. I say it’s “not a problem for me” … I don’t get drunk, I don’t black out, I’m very active & productive. But I spent A LOT of time thinking about whether or not I was going to drink that day, how much I’d drink, and bargaining with myself about it. This, combined with the fact that I’m reluctant to declare myself a “non drinker” kind of indicates to me that maybe I do have a problem, or put more palatable, not the healthiest relationship with alcohol.

    17. Not doing Dry January this year, but I’ve cut down to almost no alcohol due to some medication I’m on, and it’s been great. I’d been in the “heavy drinking” categorty (sharing a bottle of wine with my husband every night and adding cocktails on the weekends) and it’s nice to not be doing that any more. I’ll have maybe half a glass of wine with dinner, maybe one cocktail on the weekend, and that’s plenty. A side benefit is that I’m now the designated driver and we don’t need to worry about driving vs. Ubering any more.

      1. I wonder if we are on the same medication! My drinking pattern now is like yours, except I rarely even bother with the half a glass with dinner. Definitely love one cocktail on Friday night. It’s a ritual with my husband.

        Honestly my husband is a grumpy drunk, and I don’t even really mean drunk. One coctkail is the limit, and if he has another he gets grouchy. He’s way better on weed. Luckily we are in CA.

    18. We cut back to just wine just on the weekends, and limit the amount. It’s led to better sleep. And the husband lost a bit of gut.

  2. Does anyone have any warm gloves that don’t wind up sweaty inside and hard to dry? This is for use in a wet climate for hiking and frequent 2x daily dog walks. Do I just need Gore-Tex? I am using up to 3 pairs a day because they get sweaty and then cold and seem to need all day to dry inside.

    1. I find using liner gloves helps a lot with this. REI’s house brand has been great for me.

    2. I just take my gloves off when I start to get warm. I run very cold in real life, but get very warm when I workout. I start my runs and hikes with gloves on, but then I take them off after maybe 10-15 minutes.

      1. When I walk the dog, he is sniffing every blade of grass, and I just freeze. I need the gloves for knotting the poop bags. It would possibly be very different if I were moving more (but I also hike with him, so still need the glove dexterity vs a mitten (which could dry more easily).

        1. Are they getting wet from sweat or from rain/sleet?

          If it’s actually the rain, you might be better off with gloves designed for working in cold wet climates (mechanics rain gloves, dive gloves) – they will definitely get wet and be slow to dry but they’ll still hold some warmth

        2. Liner glove inside a mitten will solve this problem. Scooch your hand out when you need dexterity and the liner glove will block the wind, then back in the mitten.

    4. The running gloves Costco sells are the best bang for the buck for “medium cold” where you still need some dexterity. They dry pretty quickly, but you will need multiple pairs if you’re soaking them. Maybe look at purchasing a glove dryer instead?
      Your use-cases probably differ from mine, but I have a hard time with Gore-tex because I still end up wet, just with sweat. YMMV.

    5. Wool gloves breathe and hold heat even when quite damp. I like to have two pair so one can be air drying while I wear the other.

    6. The reviews on the smart wool merino gloves are that they’re pretty moisture wicking

    7. I love the Eddie Bauer flip top glittens. You can have your fingers free to deal with poop bags. You can flip them to deal with cold. I wore these all the time in Boston and wear them all the time in the mountains now that I don’t live in Boston. They are polar fleece.

      If your hands are getting that sweaty, you’re probably overdressed and could stand to shed a layer.

      You may also want to try Hestra gloves. They’re leather, for skiing, very warm, very well made. Will not be ideal with dog poop bags though.

  3. Just putting this out in the universe: wishing we could wave a wand and institute ranked choice voting nationwide and nationwide presidential primary day. It is unfair to the point of being un-American that three states get to decide the primaries. (Not a Republican, so not concerned about NH today, but still.)

    1. I’d love ranked choice voting, but I don’t think it would change the outcome of the 2024 primary. Trump seems to have more than 50% of the vote. It likely would have changed things in 2016 though.

    2. My ideal primary system: divide the states up three or four ways. Group 1 votes in January; Group 2 in February; Group 3 in March; Group 4 in April. Every year, they switch places, such that some years you vote in January and others, in other months.

      Reason being, it’s hard for upstart candidates to get the money to run an all-at-once nationwide primary. (Even getting onto the ballot is very expensive: signature gathering isn’t free even if you have a decent number of volunteers, and volunteers usually come about when you have name recognition.)

      If everyone votes on the same day, the person with the most money and name recognition would win. It can also be good for candidates who don’t appeal to the electorate to drop out early and narrow the field.

      1. Seems like we could also benefit from cheap and publicly funded campaigns. It’s embarrassing the kind of money that gets spent on campaigning vs. anything of actual value.

    3. Does anyone remember “24” when something in the California primary mattered?

      OTOH, CA: what is up with your senator race. From what my NPR was saying, it’s all-parties in a runoff and then the top 2 in a runoff, regardless of party. Is this for fill-in races or all races for senate?

      IIRC, NY governor picks a senator (Gillibrand, who I continue to be surprised as a pick in a state like NY) to fill in vacancies.

      2. As someone who lives in NY, I just have to say that our liberal reputation is greatly exaggerated. Even in NYC, our “democratic” mayor is a former republican who would probably be a republican today if the republican brand didn’t turn quite so toxic.

        1. This is very relative. Adams is somewhat conservative for a NYC Democrat (mostly he’s just pro police and a product of machine politics), but he’s not exactly House Republican material. He’s not socially conservative. And he’s almost universally hated at this point.

          It is true that outside of big cities, much of New York is a lot less conservative. But NYC alone is 40% of the population of the state, and NYC + suburbs is 64%.

        2. NYC seems to have primaries where anyone reasonable and centrist is doomed to lose, so they are forced to run as Rs where a reasonable candidate will likely win (old Giuliani, Bloomberg, etc.). NYC used to be on its way to being a failed city but has turned itself around starting in the 90s (caveat I moved away and haven’t been back since COVID; family is still there but is retired and doesn’t commute in anymore). Big cities are hard to govern and residents what someone who won’t wreck the schools and will keep the trash picked up, not someone living in a fantasy land or who is gunning for a higher office.

      3. All statewide races do this in CA. It’s supposedly a good way to combat partisan extremism and support moderates, though it may or may not always work that way in reality.

        1. TBH, how are people in CA making sense of their senate race. If you have all standard-issue D candidates, how do you pick one? They seem largely fungible (which I guess is great — no matter who wins, it’s essentially the same).

          1. I feel like this is honestly the only situation in which voting makes rational sense (where everyone is qualified and not a force of destruction).

            (I know I would run from any workplace that used voting to determine positions of power among both qualified and unqualified candidates!)

          2. There are differences in policy between our major candidates (Lee, Porter, Schiff), although they are matters of nuance rather than major policy issues like abortion, gun control, LGBT rights, etc Their position on Israel is different for example. Schiff, who is currently in the lead, is more moderate than Lee or Porter. There are also some fairly major differences in personality. And people who were concerned about Feinstein’s age are not eager to repeat that scenario with Lee but want someone who can stay in office long enough to get plum committee assignments.

            At the moment the real question is whether it will be Schiff vs. either Porter or Lee or whether Garvey will make it into the top 2. I wish Lee would drop out since she is polling lowest and has basically zero chance of winning. Her supporters would probably go to Porter and then there would be zero risk of the seat flipping (although the chances are already extremely low).

          3. I wish I didn’t find Katie Porter so personally dislikable. IDK if that is from Katie-stans overly cheering for her (and possibly I’d dislike the others that much), but with each exposure to her, I dislike her more.

          4. What I absolutely don’t get is that all three of these politicians with enromous name recognition decided to duke it out over the senate seat, meanwhile, the governor is terming out, and I’ve never heard the names of the 4 contenders for that job.

  4. Sharing my WTF of the day for all of those here managing elder care issues. My mom is having scheduled surgery and my dad calls me at 8am this morning. Why? He’s sick and can’t go to the hospital to visit with her and wants me to go. I live two states away. My brother and SIL live in the same town that I grew up in. Why didn’t my dad call them? Because ‘I’m better at this’. I hung up, called my brother and told him to get himself over there and texted my SIL the same then put my phone on silent.
    For those of you who think I’m a heartless witch, I’m planning on driving out this weekend and getting her settled into rehab post surgery, which we all agreed on. Oh, and my brother and SIL use my parents as full time child care so it’s not like they aren’t close, this is somehow just ‘my’ job as the daughter. UGH.

    1. No way! Not a heartless witch! You live two states away and there are siblings in town?! Unh uh.

    2. You’re not a heartless witch, that’s ridiculous. Good for you for having boundaries.

    3. This is infuriating. I’m afraid that a lot of elder care will fall on me because I don’t have kids or plan to have kids but I have a much more demanding job that I need to keep as I don’t have a spouse who makes enough to cover expenses for a year like some of my siblings.

    4. That is infuriating, especially the mooching on free child care part without being there for family in return.

    5. Not a heartless witch at all! I’m sorry you’re dealing with all of this, and your brother can definitely step up here.

    6. Not heartless. Aside from the fact that you live two states away, it seems that you’re ‘better at this’ because you’re a woman. I’d’ve hung up if I lived in the same town.

    7. Even if those “two states away” are Portland, ME to Boston, MA, that’s not “drop everything and go” distance.

      I really dislike the idea that if women don’t behave like characters in a rom com (because only in Hollywood do people just leave work in the middle of the day for a non-emergency hospital visit), they are heartless. Why is having heart equated with acting in a semi-immature and completely impulsive manner?

      1. This is more or less the situation (in reverse, we live in MA), so 2 plus hours is in heavy traffic for the vast majority of the time.

    8. Oh and for those of you who may recall me from the thread about wills, this is the parent who wanted to make my brother and I ‘suffer’ for our inheritance, so…yea.
      I’ve had LOTS of therapy and have gone low/no contact in the past. The upside there is that my family have learned to (mostly) accept my boundaries as I’ve shown I can and will cut myself off from their nonsense but this is still SO exhausting.

    9. I’m with you. He’s there, you aren’t. How are you supposed to get your mom to surgery from that far away?

      Nothing heartless about it. Simply physics.

    10. I can really relate. My parents look at me as the only sibling who can actually help with anything
      My sister visits my mother and it is a purely social trip and kept short so they don’t get on each other’s nerves. I am summoned for long working visits that are “not vacation “

    11. I wouldn’t even have called the brother about it. “Sorry, dad, can’t make it. Why don’t you call Billy? Bye!”

    12. I feel you, my mother did something similar. I have a new job where I have no leave and she asked me to move in with her to look after her post hip replacement. I suggested she ask my sister who is not working but told “you are better at it”.

  5. I feel really bad for Margot Robbie. I didn’t love the Barbie movie (unpopular opinion, I know!) but I thought Margot’s performance was fabulous and it’s weird to me that America Ferrera and Ryan Gosling got acting noms and she didn’t.

    1. I am shocked that Greta Gerwig didn’t get nominated for Best Director. That’s a huge snub. The Academy hates nominating women directors!

      1. It’s also one of the smallest and most “boys’ club” of the Academy branches (which is saying something). Best Director is voted on by the branch alone (not the whole Academy) and there are only five slots (Best Picture has 10). Branch membership is like 95% men.

        My hypothesis is that the guys in the branch don’t really like Gerwig *or* her life partner (director Noah Baumbach) , plus Christopher Nolan and Martin Scorcese very, very popular among the Director Kens. I also think the director’s branch tends to nominate people who direct arty movies over commercially successful movies, which explains why Justine Triet got a nomination.

        2. Agree with this. It’s why she got nominated for Lady Bird, but not Little Women or Barbie (though they did get nominated for Best Picture), and also why they keep snubbing Bradley Cooper, even though he keeps getting acting, producing, and screenwriting nominations

          1. Also Jennifer Jason Leigh seems well-liked in that she works a LOT, so I suspect that may be part of it (she’s Noah Baumbach’s ex-wife).

            All of this reminds me of my all-time favorite move industry rumor that Kathryn Bigelow got nominated for Best Director because so many people absolutely loathe James Cameron (her ex-husband).

          2. One of my favourite Oscar moments is Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker) winning over her ex, James Cameron (Avator) when they were nominated in the same year.

          3. Oh goodness gracious YES, me too. I still think about that YSL gown far too often.

          4. Yes, I like Greta Gerwig, but the whole thing with how she met Noah Baumbach has always icked me out! At least he had the grace to make himself awful in the movie he made about his divorce, but still…

    2. Eh, she got nominated as a producer, it’s hard to be too sad for her. That’s probably even more meaningful.

    3. I loved the movie, thought Ryan was phenomenal (but he’s so good in everything) and Margot was also great. I thought America was totally fine and a good fit for her role, but I don’t understand the fawning…the monologue was a bit moving, but it was all boilerplate that feminism has been putting out there forever. It didn’t seem particularly original or dynamic, although I wouldn’t be able to say all that without taking a breath!

      1. The monologue irritated me to no end. Grass is green, sky is blue, society’s expectations suck. Feminism for Dummies. Sorry.

        Maybe if they had featured Peaches and Cream Barbie I could find it in myself to be more charitable

    5. I didn’t love it either and something about America’s performance especially grated on me–it felt very…theater kid? It didn’t feel natural or lived in at all to me and it took me out of the movie a lot. But then, I also felt like Margot Robbie wasn’t…quite there either. She did a really solid job but the movie script/plot/set up had challenges and was tonally all over the place so even Meryl Streep would have struggled I think.

      1. The whole movie felt a little like a bad off Broadway play to me, like a series unrelated set speeches that weren’t in character from one scene to the next? I really wanted to like it, but it felt like a worse rip off of the LEGO movie, so I guess I won’t feel empowered whatever happens at the Oscars.

        I do really wish more movies were directed by women (I thought the first Twilight movie was really well directed, regardless of issues with the source material, and was disappointed when for whatever reasons they switched to men for the sequels).

        1. Three of the ten movies nominated for best picture were directed by women this year… slow progress!

      2. I completely agree. AF’s big speech in Barbie got so much praise but it really didn’t land for me at all? Maybe it just felt super reductive to me personally because I’ve read the same sentiment articulated in feminist lit 101 a million times but seeing people praise it as so eye opening was kind of a WTF moment. Gosling was funny but to have him (in this specific role) up against the likes of Sterling Brown and Robert DeNiro is….a choice.

        1. It didn’t land for me either! It makes me feel like a bad feminist for saying this, but I don’t relate to it at all.

        2. I liked what she was saying, but I thought (and this was a definite choice) that the speech didn’t have the anger behind it that would make it more authentic.

        3. My take on the speech was that it was to feminist lit 101 as Encanto was to generational trauma. We take for granted that everyone already has the vocabulary to express these thoughts. So, when you already know, it feels reductive, but if you didn’t, it gives voice to your feelings.

    6. I thought America’s acting was by far the best of the lot (her monologue should be required viewing).

      Margot was fun and good in the role, but I did think the plot got a little lost in itself. It’s long enough now that spoilers are ok, right?

      Maybe it’s bc I don’t find Will Ferrell funny (unpopular opinion, ducks) but the whole capture drama was unnecessary – there was enough going on without it. And I thought the whole real-world Barbieland connection would have been more interesting if the daughter had been perhaps still using Barbies to literally play out her own tween social angst in secret (since in my version, her friends had outgrown Barbie and she’d have been embarrassed to be caught), vs. the mom.

      1. Will Ferrell is the opposite of funny – right there with you. I haven’t seen any movies he’s in in a decade or more and I’m happy about that.

          1. Same, and I will sacrilegiously admit that Ryan Reynolds also fails flat for me. He’s great for 30 seconds in an ad, but watching an entire movie starring him is like trying to chug a whole bottle of corn syrup in one breath.

      2. I loved that scene in the cubicles. The more absurd parts of the movie were my favorite. I wish it had all been like that. America Ferrera’s big monologue kind of made me roll my eyes and bored me.

        1. The monologue was preaching to the choir. It’s the women who already believe all those things who weep over it and proclaim it as revolutionary. It is yet another echo chamber in the country – like, OF COURSE it is wonderful and inspiring, and if you disagree with me you are wrong! But I found it pretty cliche, and didn’t think it really fit with the rest of the movie and its myriad more creative take-downs of patriarchy

          1. I think there were a lot of moviegoers who had never heard someone express those sentiments out loud. I think a lot of us live in a bubble – educated, professional, independent women – but it’s not like that everywhere.

            I took a senior citizen friend to see Barbie and right after the monologue she whispered to me “we can’t let the men see this, it’s subversive!” She was delighted.

      4. Will Ferrell gives me the total icks. I don’t know why, I’ve never heard anything to suggest he’s a bad person in real life but I just get a creepy feeling in my spine when I see him.

        2. I get that Will Ferrell often plays a jerky oblivious white guy character but I’ve only ever heard good things about him IRL. I’ll also give him a LOT of credit – his new documentary film at Sundance is about his ongoing relationship with a writer, Harper Steele, who is trans. It’s a ‘comedians in cars getting coffee’ vibe but 100% less problematic. Will also seems to make it a point of championing and producing female focused films like Booksmart/Hustlers/May December.

          1. Yes, I did hear about that! It sounds lovely. I’m sure he’s a good person in real life. I just rarely enjoy him onscreen.

          2. I know someone who dated him a long time ago and says he’s a good guy. I believe her.

      1. Me too. I didn’t initially understand her casting as Sharon Tate, but I understood it when I saw it; she can light up the room.

    8. On the other hand, Annette Bening and Jodie Foster were both amazing in Nyad. If it was a choice between Margot Robbie and Annette Bening for that last spot, I don’t feel at all bad about it going to an ultra long distance swimmer instead of Barbie. Robbie was good, but her acting wasn’t the most interesting part of the movie for me- Ken, America Ferrera, Weird Barbie, the production design, and music were all much more memorable for me.

      1. I would have had Kate McKinnon over America Ferrera for supporting actress. I loved her scenes and I thought she did more with less meaty material. People loved America’s monologue but I feel like that’s mainly credit to the writers, not the actress.

      2. I should say, I actually didn’t especially love the monologue, for the same reasons others have mentioned, I just found the character more interesting than Barbie, who I felt was just sort of bland. Pretty much everyone in the movie was more interesting than Barbie! But I agree, Kate Mackinnon was great.

    9. Im just supper happy that “Robot dreams” past the cut. Please see it (specially if you need something to cheer you up).

    10. I enjoyed the movie, but I felt like it just didn’t “flow” in the way that a comedy I think of as “perfect” (e.g., Clueless, Wayne’s World, Legally Blonde) all flow. It wasn’t the women’s college discourse asides, it was the pacing and the time between setups. I thought Margot Robbie was absolutely perfect as Barbie, but she’ll get nominated for something else.

    11. This whole Oscar talk reminds me that if your library has access to Hoopla streaming, you can now watch Everything, Everywhere, all at Once for free. It was a big success last year but I never got around to seeing it – so amazing!

  6. I do plan a celebratory happy hour with a friend on Feb 1, but in general, am hoping that completing DJ means I drink less when I do drink, more mindfully, and less frequently. I am sleeping better and my skin looks better, but there has not been any miraculous “I feel so great” moments that I was hoping for. Some days I still feel cruddy; I am just not blaming it on the 2 or 3 glasses of wine I would have had the night before.
    Also finding it interesting that I am finding it harder as the month goes on. Through the first two weeks would be hardest; in fact they were a breeze. Strong desire for a glass of wine the last couple of nights. Think I will be gritting it through the rest of the month.

    2. I’m one of the folks who commented in the earlier thread about having quit for good a while back. I don’t look younger, haven’t gained or lost weight and still have a face for radio. I suspect that’s the norm, not the social-media documented glow-ups.

    3. This was my experience. No big glow up. Still had bad nights of sleep and tired days. Just had to give up the fun hobby of learning about and trying new wine with my husband on the weekends. I’ve mostly stopped drinking more than a few glasses a night so maybe that’s the difference? Obviously I can’t party like I’m in college anymore.

      1. I had a really bad sleep (or attempted sleep) night last night and haven’t had a drink since maybe 2 weekends ago. It seems to be a thing right now to blame everything on alcohol consumption but that isn’t always it.

  7. Planning an mid April visit with my sister to NYC for a long weekend. We’ve both been plenty of times,so have done the typical things: shows, museums, major tourist experiences etc. This time, we do have tickets to And Juliet but we are at a loss for other things to plan. What are things that are just a bit off the beaten path, or a bit deeper, that we should try to do? Can be a really unique shop, class, experience, etc. We will be doing this once or twice a year going forward, so hit me with all the ideas – I will keep a list for future reference. Relatedly, what publication (online or print) is the best for knowing what events, shows, etc are coming to NYC several months in the future?

    Speaking of which , for a future trip, is getting tickets to a taping of one of the nightly comedy shows worth it? colbert, etc?
    Love your ideas here.

    1. The Cloisters
      Hamilton’s Grange

      FDR’s Hyde Park is quite a ways out of the city (it’s parallel with Hartford), but if you’re a history buff…

    2. There’s a scavenger hunt in the met
      Check out the TikTok of Katie Romero (probably IG too)… she always posts interesting things.
      Not that unusual but I’ve always wanted to do the ancient baths or Korean day spa experience.

    3. The Cloisters, and PS 1 in Queens are wonderful museums you may not have hit yet.
      Dim sum in Chinatown plus Tenement Museum or Museum of Chinese in America is a great way to spend a day.

      1. PS1 is only good if you really like contemporary art… I personally hate it. Went once because it’s free for residents, and it was like watching angsty teens’ Tiktoks (well, at the time it was Instagrams. These days I suppose it’s tiktoks). So check their website and see what they have before you head out there.

        (Agree with all the other recs, though)

    4. I don’t know if it’s off the beaten path, but that’s a beautiful time of year for the Brooklyn Botanic Garden, which many people overlook because it’s not in Manhattan. I’m visiting NYC the weekend of April 21 and will be there :)

      I’ve only done the late night shows in LA, not NYC, but it was definitely really worth it!

    5. If you plan to keep coming in the spring, there is generally a lot of new high profile theater – that is awards season. There are usually spring and fall arts preview-type articles in the NY Times and other publications highlighting exciting new shows opening. Here is one for this spring that just ran: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/01/arts/tv-movies-music-picks-2024.html
      And some theater coverage from Time Out: https://www.timeout.com/newyork/theater/the-25-best-off-broadway-shows-to-see-in-spring-2024
      https://www.timeout.com/newyork/theater/upcoming-broadway-shows-coming-to-nyc-2024
      I’m particularly excited about Stereophonic; everyone I know that saw it Off-Broadway loved it.

      Mid April is prime cherry blossom season so you might enjoy visiting the NY Botanical Garden or Brooklyn Botanical Garden; the latter has a very popular (crowded) Cherry Blossom Festival. In general visiting the outer borough museums is worth doing if you haven’t been, especially the Brooklyn Museum and MoMA PS1.

      If you haven’t been in the crown of the Statue of Liberty, that is amazing. Ellis Island is also fascinating. The Museum of Art and Design often has interesting shows – somewhat more craft-oriented than other museums. If you like visual art, going to galleries is free and that is where you will see the newest work.

      1. Also look at Wave Hill in the Bronx – lovely garden with very interesting exhibits of work by emerging visual artists.

    7. DH and I used to go to the major museums but really slow down. We’d go to the Met on Friday evening and just pick one gallery or one room and spend an hour there, have a drink at the bar, and then go out to dinner. Or we’d join a tour of a special exhibit at the Whitney or Guggenheim or MOMA, if we found one. It’s not that these are off the beaten path, but that with repeated visits, you can take time to really appreciate them.

      I would skip the nightly comedy shows and get tickets to The Comedy Cellar.

      Other ideas that are just off the beaten path – a guided tour of the UN building, Governor’s Island, tickets to an annual event like Fashion Week or a film festival or the US Open, NY Transit Museum.

      One of my favorite things about NYC is how there’s a niche thing for almost every conceivable interest, whether it’s a certain type of performance or food or history. I love the fact that there’s a pickle store on the Lower East Side, even though I don’t particularly like pickles. It’s been a while since I’ve lived in NYC, but I experienced a couple of weird shows, went to restaurants with no sign and no visibility from the street, and walked around the finance district with a pair of engineers who explained the Fibonacci sequence in the architecture. Whatever your “thing” is, you can lean way in.

      1. Ooh, does the UN still allow the public to dine at its buffet lunch, or has covid (or something long before) put an end to that? I used to do that with work friends 25 years ago – it was at the top of the UN building, with a fabulous range of food, and really interesting UN folks having lunch. It did require business attire at the time, though, but worth it if still available.

      2. That sounds like such a great way to “museum” – most of my museum-ing has been when I travel and not in my hometown, so you get one day to see everything and it just isn’t enjoyable for me.

    8. Also think about branching out into Brooklyn. I’ve done a great pizza walking tour there, also the Brooklyn Museum of Art is very good and includes Judy Chicago’s iconic The Dinner Party.

    9. If you haven’t been yet, Little Island on the Hudson is a fun spot to wander around. We spent some time at a flea market in DUMBO a few Octobers ago, and really enjoyed that – it went well with a walk across the Brooklyn Bridge after dim sum. I second the Tenement museum – really enjoyed that on a trip a year or two ago. St. John’s Cathedral on the UWS near Columbia is fabulous, and checking out the Columbia campus is worthwhile if you’re up there anyway. (I think V&T’s is still open if you want to try the pizza that’s fed Columbia students for generations.) I’ve looked at the Time Out New York website for info on happenings, tho current New Yorkers might have better ideas.

    10. Have you ventured out to Flushing? It’s the best Chinese food and Asian shopping.

    11. Brooklyn Museum, High Tea at the Plaza, Walk along all of Brooklyn Bridge Park, PS1, go to a baseball game, get Italian food on Arthur Ave in the Bronx paired with the Bronx Botanical Gardens, K-Town for dinner, karaoke, and/or spa, Dim Sum, go hear live music, go to a stand-up comedy club.

    12. Sleep No More or if you’ve done it, Speakeasy Magic, both at McKittrick Hotel

      QC Spa at Governor’s Island, and generally hanging out on Governor’s Island for the day

      Tenement Museum

      Take a unique or viral fitness class if that’s your thing/not available in your city – something like Taryn Toomey’s The Class, Dogpound, Body by Simone, if that’s your thing (Taryn Toomey’s The Class, in person class at Peloton Studio (hard to book), SLT, Dancebody, etc.).

      Go out to Blue Hill Stone Barns in Tarrytown (outside the city) to take a farm tour and have lunch

      If you want to check out stuff in Brooklyn, the Transit Museum or the Brooklyn Museum of Art (which is next to the Brooklyn Public Library main branch which is cool and near Prospect Park)

      If the weather is nice, you can actually rent bikes and ride them all the way around the island of Manhattan – on the west side bike trail there are some places you can stop for drinks/lunch

    13. The Neue Galerie on the Upper East Side near the Met is one of my favorite “small” museums, and it has an excellent Viennese Cafe/Restaurant for a slice of Sacher Torte or some Wiener Schnitzel.

      1. +1 to the Neue Gallerie and the cafe inside. Chamber Magic at the Palace Hotel is also a fun activity for an evening.

  8. Reminder to check your smoke detectors, follow space heater best practices, and come up with a a fire plan. Bonus if you can help older relatives do the same. A dear friend just lost her mother in a house fire, and the pain and grief is unimaginable.

    2. Oh my word. I can’t imagine.

      My mother lost everything she owned to a faulty woodstove. My uncle had spotted the problem but didn’t mention it on a visit shortly beforehand. It’s been 20 years and he still blames himself for not speaking up.

    3. That is so awful. We finally, FINALLY moved a relative with dementia into an assisted living community and the immediate improvement to her emergency safety is one of the biggest loads off my mind.

    4. Make sure you have a fire extinguisher and everyone in your home knows how to put out an electrical or grease fire.

      Carbon monoxide detector too, in the kitchen and all bedrooms. Mine went off once due to stove issues. The effects are so subtle at first that you really won’t notice until it’s too late.

      1. Yes. My 35 year old sister had a grease fire and it destroyed her apartment and half the one next door. She had a fire extinguisher and smoke alarms. She used the extinguisher but it was either faulty or she didn’t use it right. She ran next door to get a second one and subdued the fire a bit before the fire dept arrived. It took down the wall in her kitchen which was adjacent to the apt next door.

      2. In mod, but a fire blanket is an excellent thing to have if you’re at all nervous/unsure about using a fire extinguisher.

    5. It is also a good idea to sleep with your bedroom door completely shut as a fire safety measure.

        1. There are some stories about cats waking people up in case of fire so maybe it cancels out (I can hope…)

        2. My two brother cats got over it. They hated it at first but my husband has developed mild allergies/itchy eyes from the cat fur. He can live with them but he can’t have them on the bed. There was lots of meowing at first but they did adapt pretty quickly.

          I feel better knowing it’s closed for fire reasons too.

          1. It probably helps that they have each other!

            How is the ventilation with the door closed? I can’t handle the air quality typically unless I turn on the whole house fan.

          2. It’s an old house so shutting the door doesn’t really seal anything. Drafty everywhere. We often sleep with a window open.

    6. What is something you have/use/do that is totally worth the hype and why?

      I have a few
      1. My Stanley cup. I feel so basic, but it keeps my water at the perfect temperature and something about it just makes me better at staying hydrated.

      2. Hero cosmetics rescue balm. Not sure if this counts as hype, but I’ve seen tons of ads for it. It is excellent at canceling out redness without looking or feeling like makeup, which is exactly what I want these days. Haven’t found anything else nearly as good.

      3. Using a standing desk. I have a little walk thing underneath and it helps my focus having the ability to incorporate a little movement into my work day.

      1. People here convinced me to get a single purpose kitchen device: an egg steamer. I wish I’d gotten one sooner since it’s so convenient; I never buy already boiled eggs anymore, and the yolks come out just the way I like them every time.

        I have one of the really nice garlic presses (Epicurean, I think?) that genuinely doesn’t require peeling. I hate peeling garlic but use it a lot in cooking, so I’m glad I upgraded.

        A real knotted wool rug. So much easier to clean up accidents or spills than with the typical synthetics, and it doesn’t shed like wool rugs that aren’t knotted in back.

        1. I bought the egg thing based on recs here & it gets used a lot. We don’t use the other features but it’s perfect for hard boiled eggs!

          I am a lifelong fan of real wool rugs – my favorite is a tribal Shiraz. It’s pretty old.

          1. Dash, the cheap Amazon brand. I kind of love the simplicity of the design, but the “eggs are done” beep is a little assertive.

        3. I love my new Dash brand egg steamer, too — so convenient, not to have to watch the boiling water, set a timer, etc.

    7. Oh no, that is truly awful. We just checked out smoke detectors/carbon monoxide detectors and filters this weekend (filters get gross quickly with pets/kids in our house). I also just ordered a fire blanket for our kitchen (my tween reminded me after the fire department visited his school).

    8. Not one but TWO different friends have a parent who lost their house to a fire this winter. I’m so glad I spent $$$ over the summer to fix our chimney before my wood fire loving husband could light a fire in a chimney that wasn’t venting properly. (FWIW the chimney sweep and mason both said it was safe even before the fix, which is why DH wanted to keep using it, but no amount of expert opinions will ever make me feel safe when I’m watching smoke billow into my house, not to mention the air quality issues).

  9. Any recommendations for a medium weight comforter or heavy blanket/quilt? Budget is under $100, closer to $75. In store or online recommendations are both fine. I currently use a thick polyester comforter with only a sheet and find it’s not quite warm enough, but when I add a quilt or blanket I’m too warm. I’ve tried multiple blankets or quilt types (cotton, fleece, 2 cottons) and get tired of fighting multiple layers. I’ve also tried switching my pajamas as I sweat too much with thicker winter ones (flannel, thick cotton, polyester, etc.) Wearing summer weight items (short sleeves, thin cotton, shorts, etc.) is a solution, but I’m not liking needing to sleep in summer weight pajamas as it’s too cold out of bed. For context, I live in Southern US. Thanks in advance.

      1. I should mention that while it’s over your budget, it’s Macy’s so there are always sales–I think I paid about $100 for queen size

    2. For me, what’s working right now is sherpa blanket + light quilt – pajama pants (I just leave them by the bed and put them on again when I get up). For you, the sherpa by itself or with a sheet might be warm enough, it’s a pretty cozy layer. I think the one I have came from Kohls (“The Big One Sherpa Throw”).

    3. I think you’re going to need to raise your price. $75 is not enough for that kind of thing.

    4. I got a fabulous lightweight comforter at Ikea for under $100 for king size. I find there is more in stock earlier in the season, but it’s worth a try.

    5. Down is the answer. It is breathable which is what makes it great. You may need to pay a bit more but it is worth it.

    6. I bought a down blanket from Target in a California King size for about $75 earlier this fall and am very happy with it when used with a cotton blanket. I find polyester-filled anything to be too hot for all but the coldest nights (and I’m in the upper midwest).

      1. We also like a down blanket for our overheated apartment. But I also sleep in summer PJs and put on a fleece or sweatshirt when I get up.

    7. You could try using a wool throw blanket on top of a a quilt — that works for me, year round, and allows me to push the throw toward the foot of the bed if I wake up a bit too warm. Throw blankets just cover the top of a Queen size bed, and are less expensive that a full-blown blanket that is tucked in and drapes down the sides of the bed.

  10. Pet question:

    Our shy, sweet, cuddly female cat passed unexpectedly on Sunday early AM. We have two cats. Our other cat was a (probably) feral kitten an ex bought from someone on the street, had for a few weeks and then was going to dump at the pound. I took the kitten in a moment of soft-heartedness and my now-husband and I raised him. He’s now 9 years old. No health issues.
    He’s just…challenging. He’s intelligent, high energy, and ULTRA food motivated, but not cuddly or a lap cat. He tends to be the classic “pet me twice…and I’ll nip/swipe at you if you try a third”. He begs for food almost constantly–even though he’s well fed and approaching overweight.
    He also bullied our female cat quite a bit, although they played and cuddled together every day and were very attached.
    So now we’re left with this difficult cat, and my husband especially is struggling. The Feliway collar/plug in did zip and this cat is 15 pounds of sheer muscle so a daily pill of some kind seems unlikely (although maybe we could hide it in food?) We do play with him but no matter how much playtime he gets, it seems like it’s never enough–and he hasn’t calmed down much with age. He is neutered and we don’t have other issues (aggression, spraying, etc). but he’s just a little…jerk sometimes, ya know? He’ll chew on cords and scratch up papers when he wants food/attention, cry if we’re in another room and he wants to play (but of course won’t come into the room we’re in…sigh.), and stuff like that.
    It felt like the energy was balanced with our angel kitty and our naughty cat and now we’re dealing with Mr. Naughty, who’s also likely traumatized and lonely.
    Any tips on finding compassion, patience, love, and handling our complicated feelings here? Thanks ‘Rettes.

      1. Both my husband and I aren’t there yet–but he is *very* territorial. He was a tiny kitten when my other cat was an adult and I suspect that’s the only reason they get along at all. I would be genuinely concerned he’d seriously injure a kitten or smaller cat, and constantly fight with any cat.
        But leaving that aside, the pain is just too fresh. We both feel like it will be years before we’re ready to face the inevitable loss by bringing a new pet into the fam.

    2. He probably needs a friend, I also have a challenging boy, but I call him less nice names, lol. I got him a girl cat who is a strong personality, she has no problem swatting him and putting him in his place. They play, rumble, and snuggle.

    3. I am sorry for your loss.

      I know that this is hard.

      I tried the “get him a friend” approach, and I fell head over heels for the new young cat we brought home; we adored each other. It felt like I was finally healing from losing my previous cat. But our difficult cat became increasingly anxious and hostile. He liked all the play time with the newcomer, but the new cat was too friendly for him! Difficult cat would completely freak out if he tried to cuddle or hang out in any way that didn’t involve attacking toys.

      After trying everything (seriously does Feliway ever work?), on veterinary advice we gave up the new cat to his rescue to be rehomed because of course the difficult cat was here first (and I personally wanted to “give up” while the new cat was still young and adaptable and not wait until anyone got hurt). So the cats are all fine, but I am still sad about it months later (missing my cat who died, and missing the cat I gave up, even though all the actual decisions made have been mine!).

      Anyway I would have loved the “get him a friend” idea if it had worked out, but I’m heartbroken that it didn’t. The veterinarian said I might want to try again with an older female cat, but it sounds so stressful to even try again right now, so we’ll see.

      As for managing the high energy, high intelligence cat, there are some wonderful robot toys these days (actual robots they can chase; wands that move under covers so they can pounce; look up Potaroma and Bentopal), and that helps in our household. Harness training and leash walks can help, but I’d probably hesitate to introduce that with an already demanding nine year old cat! They can become very demanding about walks. Catios can help. Do you have a bird feeder set up anywhere? A suet cage + some peanut suet is a cheap, fast way to get some birds coming that he may want to spend time obsessing over. I would try to think like a zookeeper and increase the “enrichment” since he’s going through a hard adjustment right now too.

    4. I know this will get me flamed but he sounds like he needs to be an outside-during-the-day cat.

      1. I had that thought too, but he’s a senior. I don’t think it’s the right time for a major life change like that.

          1. You kind of don’t sound like you know a lot about cats. (What kind of fence do you think keeps cats in?)

          2. We don’t, we’re in a high-traffic apartment complex alongside a pretty high-traffic side road. I would be *devastated* if we let him out and he got injured or killed or caught something from another stray. I’ve considered it and my husband has too, so *maybe* it’s time to revisit some solution like a catio or something? Leash was a huge fail, almost comically so.

          2. I wouldn’t let a pet cat of my own outside to roam, but my neighborhood has birds to spare. (And I’m fine with my neighbor’s outside cats, who are doing great year after year.)

      2. Oh I take it back NaoNao. If you’re in an apartment that’s not a good outdoor environment for a cat. Sorry!

  11. Fellow straight-hair-havers: What are your tips for curling your hair and having it stay? I personally gave up long ago and just have straight hair always. When I want to try, I use a curling iron and a ton of hairspray. My 10-year old now wants curls/waves. We tried a no-heat curler (the long spongy tube that you braid/twist your hair around, on damp hair, worn overnight) and the curl fell almost immediately. Is there a better method that doesn’t involve a ton of hairspray?

    1. Very straighty straight person here. And the answer is no. Aqua Net or some other cheap spray, about half a can, is the only way anything has ever worked (outdoor wedding on humid day). Also: undercladding matters. Teasing, boby pins, they all actually do something for those of us bound by gravity and otherwise-limp straight hair.

    2. You might have more luck with smaller curlers if the tubes you used were large. Maybe try something like the Conair spiral curlers. Wrap it tight and sleep in them, maybe drying them a little with the hair dryer first. Heat-wise, the thing that works best for me though is the Babyliss Miracurl. I have very straight hair.

    3. Not unless you want to pay for a professional perm that may or may not stay in very long…

      1. I tried a perm (not the OP) and it became just fuzzy bad hair that wasn’t straight. And then developed a million split ends. Still a fail. If I am in Miami or New Orleans, it’s hot and humid enough to induce some wave and volume and it would be just so much better if I just moved there.

      3. I beg you, as someone who did this as a kid MANY times, do not do this. Perms are not pretty, if they stay in at all.

    5. Nope. My hair has never held a curl, and my daughter is on the same path. I curled her hair for family photos, upon her request, and I could actually see the curls falling as the session went on! And that was with a ton of product.

      In high school, I used foam rollers on damp hair and old-fashioned hot curlers on dry hair. The results were better than what I could get with the curling iron but still mixed. It looked okay but never great. Plus foam rollers aren’t fun to sleep on.

    7. Start with air dried hair that’s 100% dry. The curling iron should have a 1 to 1.25 inch barrel maximum. Use a high setting and let it preheat for a few minutes. Ignore the clamp and wrap smaller sections of hair around the outside of the iron. Divide your hair into six sections (right underside, right front, right back, plus the same on your left side) and twist each section into a big coil while the hair is still warm. On humid days I tuck the coils under my jacket so the curls don’t drop on my way to the office.

    8. Pin straight hair here- I’ve had good luck with washing my hair without conditioner, tons of mousse, hot rollers over a curling iron and a full bottle of hairspray.

    9. I have super straight hair. And it is fine, and I have a medium amount of it. The only thing that sort of works for me is shampooed hair, no conditioner, styling mousse, let it dry or rough dry it, and then set it on hot rollers. Wait until they are cold. Take them out, and then don’t do anything other than style with your hands. It will still fall some, but it helps with body and some curve action.

  12. What is something you have/use/do that is totally worth the hype and why?

    I have a few
    1. My Stanley cup. I feel so basic, but it keeps my water at the perfect temperature and something about it just makes me better at staying hydrated.

    2. Hero cosmetics rescue balm. Not sure if this counts as hype, but I’ve seen tons of ads for it. It is excellent at canceling out redness without looking or feeling like makeup, which is exactly what I want these days. Haven’t found anything else nearly as good.

    3. Using a standing desk. I have a little walk thing underneath and it helps my focus having the ability to incorporate a little movement into my work day.

    1. I love my Stanley cup! I drink a huge amount of water so I’m always on the hunt for the best water bottles, and this one is perfect.

    2. Laneige lip mask. I understand the pain of spending $25 on what’s effectively just lip gloss but gdi, it works

      2. I love it and have never understood objections to the price. It’s wonderful and does what it’s supposed to do. It’s $25, which is a bargain in the beauty world. Treat yo self!

      3. But it lasts a very long time! That said, mine actually seems to make my lips more dry…unless it’s a correlation issue, and I only reach for it when the air is especially dry. I still like how it feels going on; sometimes I wear it during the day like a gloss

    3. Yeti tumblers. Didn’t understand the hype AT ALL until I went on a boat trip where we each got one for the week and I came home and immediately bought two and will probably buy more in the near future.

        1. I like how easy to clean the lid is, but it is not spillproof! A little spills out when I take a steep turn in the car or hit a pothole. I hate having to pick it up from the cup holder to hold it upright in my hand while I’m driving to keep it from spilling. The other day my colleague was holding his YETI gesticulating while telling a story and spilled coffee on the carpet. If I were drinking my coffee at home then sure, but this is a TRAVEL mug. Aint no rambling happening with a lid like that.

    4. My Kindle. Love it so much. Love having my whole library on my person when I travel, love being able to read in bed without turning on the light and bothering my husband.

      1. Which one do you have? I have a little USB-chargeable yellow-light book light that I can use IF I come to bed at the same time as my husband, but if I’m later (and I often am), even that light is too bright for him, and I’m limited to my phone on its lowest brightness under the covers.

        1. Not SA, but I read on my iPad mini with the kindle app on dark mode so the screen is just black. You could at least try dark mode on your phone instead of decreasing brightness.

          2. Would your husband wear an eye mask? DH and I usually go to sleep at the same time, but if I’m addicted to a book, he’ll put an eye mask on and go to sleep easily next to a lamp. I can do the same thing.

        2. I have the Paperwhite 10th generation. I love it — I can adjust the brightness and the font size according to the light in the room and whether I’m wearing my glasses or contacts or bare eyes.

    5. One – Heated mattress pad is life changing. I am always cold, my husband is always hot, so piling blankets on top of me didn’t really work for either of us, as they’d slip over to his side. Our mattress pad (sunbeam brand) has two zones, so his can be completely off and my can be on high and then we are both happy!

      Two – Vuori brand clothing, especially bottoms. Their Daily leggings are pricy, but are the only full length pair I’ve found a with a drawstring and pockets. I’ve tried all the other recommended leggings and a multiple sizes and just need the drawstring to keep my leggings up.

      Lake PJs- the quality is just so much better than anything else I’ve found.

    6. Lansinoh (or any genetic lanolin) for lip balm. A lot like Elizabeth Arden 10 hour cream, but without the smell, and way cheaper.

    7. My Apple Watch. It’s new to me. I had a neurological event this fall and my new cardiologist recommended it to monitor for atrial fibrillation, which is does in the background without me having to do anything. It’s amazing to me that I can run a quick ECG on my watch if I’m worried. I wore a Zio (stick-on) heart monitor for 2 weeks and once that was off I had to mail it back in and my doctors had to wait for results from it. The Apple Watch takes care of all of that in real time.

      It’s also keeping me honest about movement and exercise and how much sleep I’m really getting. I don’t need to take my iPhone on walks, solo or with my dog. It’s just made a lot of things easier.

    8. Period underwear. Life changing! I love Knix brand. I use the dream shorts with nothing else for overnight, and the heavy ones with either a tampon or nothing else during the day, and the light ones for those days at the beginning and end when I just need a little protection just in case.

      1. Speaking of Knix, I just got a bunch of Knix bras and I love them. No more underwires for me in retirement, but the Knix still give me a decent shape while feeling comfortable.

      3. How’s the odor control? I have minor incontinence and was thinking of trying these out while I get that medically sorted.

        1. Not the OP here but there are similar underwear made specifically for this. I have Thinx, which I wear for running.

    10. Blow dryer brush

      Period underwear, though I wear them all the time, not just for periods

      Fitbit. I resisted them for a long time, but now that I am WFH it is a helpful reminder to get up from my desk once in a while

    11. Stroop waffels that sit on my coffee until the caramel layer is gooey. I used to roll my eyes at the hype but it’s now such an integral part of my relaxed weekend morning cup, that I make extra sure to catch the one month when Costco has them and buy a year’s worth of them.

  13. A really random question but one that is driving me bonkers.
    I use a Thinkpad laptop for work, and it has a very handy F! key – when pressed, it both mutes my microphone and the sound coming in to my machine. So, am on a zoom call and the boss walks into the office and starts talking to me; with this single button I can make sure my conversation with her is not broadcast to the zoom meeting, and mute the sound from the meeting. It is smooth and quick, although I know how to do these two functions separately if needed..
    Question: when I dock my laptop and use my external monitors and keyboard, I can’t find an equivalent function button on that external keyboard. I can’t leave my laptop open when I dock; my space is such that I have to close it up, so I don’t have easy access to that F! button on my actual laptop keyboard. I’ve googled, experimented, and yes, even checked what passes for a manual from Lenovo (maker of keyboard) to no avail. Does anyone have an idea?

    1. Can’t help you, but now that you’ve described this, I really wish my macbook had it. Can you write some kind of macro that turns both of them off, and assign the macro to a keyboard shortcut?

    2. the problem is your external keyboard. it doesn’t automatically align with your computer functions so you have to shop around for a keyboard that has a mute button you’re looking for.

      I’m just like you in that my crutch is 1) a calculator button and 2) music controls on my keyboard. had to find out my special snowflake keyboard for it

      1. I think she fat fingered “F4”, which is the mute key on my Lenovo laptop. I like your train of thought, though!

    4. I have a wired Microsoft keyboard for my docking station and it has a row of audio buttons above the function button row that I think should do the same thing. Maybe you could just replace your external keyboard?

    5. People will laugh at how ridic it is, but I have an external Thinkpad keyboard, because I like the little red nipple mouse driver. It has the function key. It’s from the Lenovo website. I LOVE IT.

  14. I’m leaning towards inset cabinets in our kitchen but seeing that they can require reworking over time. I don’t want to sign up for a ton of maintenance even though I love the look. Anyone have any experience to share?

    1. I had to look it up because it’s not a term I’d heard before, but we have inset cabinets and haven’t had any trouble with them. Ours are about 12 years old and going strong.

    2. I don’t know that they really require any more maintenance than others – go forth, I’d say!

    3. I live in an old house and a lot of the built in cabinetry has inset doors. They can get a little wonky as your house settles or if the wood used for your inset doors is too new, so you’d have to get a carpenter out to adjust the hinges or plane a little off one of the edges.

      We had to do a quickie remodel of our kitchen and ended up not going the inset door route mainly due to cost and availability, but inset doors would have been more appropriate to the age of the house, which bothered me at the time. But I’ve never really been bothered about it since!

  15. If any of you have written speeches or scripts for your bosses, what resources did you use to become a better script writer? I am a strong writer in general, but my weakness is coming up with the niceties and filler language that’s needed to move the talking points along. The other part of my writing-heavy job is very much the opposite: just the facts, ma’am. I know part of effective speech writing is learning your person’s turns of phrases, which I’m working on, but she’s new to the role and I haven’t had much 1:1 time with her yet. I’m frustrated because I feel like I’m turning in B-level work rather than A-level. Nobody has complained, but I’m not sure if I’d hear about it unless I wrote something truly abysmal.

    2. 1. Chat GPT — take your draft, ask Chat GPT to add light transition phrases, then edit what it does. 2. Notice the re-writes. See what gets rewritten and try to see patterns — does the speaker want to say stuff more/less forcefully etc.

  16. based on recent experience, how many hours a week is a teenager likely to get for a summer job at a retail store? A bajillion years ago when I worked at the GAP it was probably about 20 week, nowhere near full time but not sure how much the landscape has changed…. my rising senior son wants to get a job this summer and otherwise be home and i’m trying to get my head around what percent of summer is likely to be work and what percent is likely to be staying out late and sleeping in….

    2. I mean this totally depends on the store and location – don’t think there’s a general trend

    3. I don’t really know, but anecdotally the teenagers I know have had trouble getting many hours at their jobs, and some could only find “seasonal” (holiday) positions. It seems more adults are taking retail jobs that teenagers typically held a generation ago. And those newly hired teenagers are likely to get the early or weekend (aka bad) shifts.

      The exception might be if he finds a job at a small mom-and-pop through some sort of local connection. They don’t seem to hire as many people and offer more hours (that’s what I did, and they took me back every summer.)

    4. If it’s an option, he can take a lifeguard training class in the spring and be a lifeguard in the summer. The demand can be quite high and the hours are normal. (When I scooped ice cream, closing time was 11 pm, which meant late nights.)

    5. This is going to depend on the place and his willingness/availability to work. If he goes in looking for 40 hours, I’m sure that there are places that need the help and would hire him. If he only wants to work 20 hours and is not willing to work nights/weekends, then he would probably be able to find that, too, with the right employer.

    7. Super dependent on the place but you can ballpark it at more than 15, less than 35. If he works more than 40 hours a week, they have to give him benefits so it’ll always be a few hours below that at the maximum. Thinking back, my summer job in high school (ice cream parlor) was usually 3-4 shifts per week, and 6-8 hours per shift.

    8. This is going to vary tremendously depending on the market in your area.

      When I was a teen, I got paid for 39.5 hours a week while in reality worked more like 45 to 50.

    9. If you want him occupied regularly as in almost full time, he’ll need 2 jobs most likely.

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