ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Round Mini Shoulder Bag

Five shoulder bags in white, yellow, pink, purple, and blue

Like many other women between the ages of 30 and 45, I spent the last few years relying on the Lululemon Everywhere Belt Bag to haul my necessities around on the weekends. Yes, it was great to be hands-free at the farmers market or kids’ sports games, but now I’m finally ready to admit: It's too small.

I’m not a minimalist. I’ve tried. It’s not my vibe. I need my hand sanitizer, AirPods, receipts for things that need to be returned, and a snack — but I don’t want to carry around my bigger, bulkier shoulder bags all the time. 

Just as I was trying to figure out what my bag options were for the summer, my best friend magically appeared at my house to exchange long-delayed Christmas gifts. (It’s been hectic, OK?) When I unwrapped this bag from Uniqlo, I knew it was precisely what I had been looking for. It’s lightweight, not huge, but still manages to carry so much more than the belt bag.

I’ve been wearing it crossbody style and it’s absolutely perfect. I used it this weekend and it easily contained all my necessary items without me having to stuff it and rearrange it a dozen times. 

The bag is perfectly priced at $19.90 and comes in nine colors. It also comes in a crocheted version for $10 more.

Sales of note for 12.5

143 Comments

  1. I’ve been thinking about moving in with my boyfriend and the only thing was giving me pause is that my father is very religious and I knew he would be furious. I had my mom break the news to him this morning that I was “thinking of moving in with boyfriend” and he completely blew up. Went on a tirade. Said I needed to “stop thinking about it.” Said he would not help me move, wouldn’t come over, would not acknowledge it in any way. Said that God would not bless me. I’m 31 years old and I’m ready to move on with my life, but it feels as if my relationship with my dad will pretty much end if I do this. Not sure what I’m asking, just very upset and venting. This isn’t a cultural thing either – he’s a white, Christian evangelical.

    1. I don’t necessarily recommend lying, but I have several friends who lied about living with a SO.

      Some who rented a 2BR and lied about having separate bedrooms. Some who technically rented a cheap room or pretended their friend’s spare room in a separate apartment was theirs but really lived with a SO. Some lived far enough away / always went home to visit / their parents never came to them and they just flat out lied.

      1. I have friends who did this and weren’t even from a very evangelical background. Are your parents local? Are you planning to get engaged soon and then marry? Most friends kept separate places and moved in, possibly on the QT, once they were engaged. That bothered traditional people much less: a ring, a date, a promise.

    2. “Christian evangelical” – it’s absolutely cultural. This is not a normal response at 31.

    3. It sounds like it IS a cultural thing if he’s a Christian evangelical. You don’t have to be non-white to have a culture.

    4. Isn’t it 100% a “cultural thing” with him being a white, Christian evangelical male?

    5. why are you thinking about moving in? if it’s to save money i would not do it under these circumstances. if it’s to “better know your boyfriend” i’d only do that with a wedding date on the books.

      i didn’t technically live with my now husband before marriage, but he rented a room from a friend and more or less stayed with me 100% of the time. but i paid all the bills, the majority of his clothes and stuff lived at his apartment (still in boxes, and the mattress was against the wall the entire time). I do think he had a key and a drawer or two. I liked that setup because we got to see what being together a lot was like but without any of the commitment — if we had a fight or broke up there wasn’t anything tying us together, he could always go to “his” place while we sorted it out.

      1. As a counterpoint, I would never marry a guy I hadn’t lived with. I think there are so many issues that can arise when you share a physical space and have to manage your finances together.

        2. Absolutely! And live with them long enough for the shine to come off and their true self to show.

      3. I would always leave an out. I’ve seen too many of my friends burned by having nowhere to go. I was engaged and married for about a year before I put my condo on the market. The world’s most expensive closet? Sure. But it was priceless knowing I had a safe way to make the transition into equal decisions after being independent for a long time.

    6. I’m sorry! My parents are also religious, and they were less than enthused about me moving in with DH before we were engaged. My dad asked me why my then-bf would “buy the cow when he can get the milk for free.” Ultimately, they got over it, and we got engaged less than a year after moving in. We did, however, adopt a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy with my even more religious and traditional grandparents.

      All that is to say, don’t let your parents dictate your life choices! Their values don’t need to be yours, and if you cave every time they don’t like one of your choices, you are setting yourself up to be unhappy.

      1. +1 live your life and “don’t ask, don’t tell” worked really well for me in a similar cultural context. And it’s definitely cultural.

    7. Please just live your life. My mother disowned me when she had a boyfriend that didn’t want kids; she disowned me when I chose to go to college, when I left my hometown for the nearest city, when I later moved to a new state … it was painful every time, but are you noticing a pattern here? If I was truly disowned, it would’ve been final the first time. But also, now I just don’t speak to her anymore (my choice) and life is grand. None of the very good decisions I made that got me “disowned” were mistakes & I can’t imagine how terrible life would be if I never made them.

      1. This, 100%. At a certain point, you have to become the adult, which means making your own decisions. You can’t control your dad’s response, and you can’t be held hostage by it, either.

    8. That does sound upsetting but part of growing up is learning to be independent from your parents and living your life regardless of what they think.

      He won’t come over, won’t help you move…so what. Is that supposed to be a threat? You don’t need his help. He doesn’t need to come over – why would you want a nasty person in your house anyway.

      Next time, don’t tell him you’re “thinking” of doing something – just do it.

        1. Agreed! Internalizing that I don’t need my parents approval to live my life was extremely freeing. His needs/desires are not more important than yours, especially when the decision is about *your* life.

      4. Bingo. You are an adult. In order to live a happy life you’re going to have to disappoint your parents a little bit, as one of my favorite Internet maxims goes. Better to make your peace with that now.

    9. I went through this and lied about it when I was younger. I don’t lie about it anymore because I’m not doing anything wrong and I’ve overcome the religious shame and trauma from my youth. At this point in my life I’ve lost all patience with evangelical Christians and I don’t value their opinions on literally anything, but it took 30 years for me to become that detached.

      But to come full circle on this, I actually don’t think it’s always a great idea to live with a bf if your intention is to get married, lol. If I could go back I wouldn’t do it until we were engaged.

      1. I feel like this might be generational, I know a lot of people say that on this board. However, 0% chance I get engaged to someone without living with them. 100% of my friends lived with their SOs pre-marriage.

        1. I’m 40 and would never marry someone I haven’t lived with. I don’t think it’s really generational – my Boomer parents lived together before marrying! I think this board is just weirdly puritanical about certain things, and this is one of them.

          1. Surprised you said this. Most of the board clearly favors moving in together before marriage, and even before engagement. Always has.

          2. I agree that the majority here are pro-living together before marriage, but there’s a sizeable and vocal majority here that is against it. In my real life I literally don’t know *anyone* who didn’t live with their spouse before marriage (including many friends who are from more traditionally conservative backgrounds), so relative to my real life circles this board seems comparatively against it.

          3. I think this board is both puritanical and practical – sure “garden” and play house but be able to be free and independent before you are bound together legally and financially and with kids and it seems easier to stay in a bad situation than to get out

            So a thing I recently learned about as I go through a divorce is “cohabitation agreements” drawn up by family and estate lawyers. My next relationship will definitely have one, whenever that is.

        2. I did not live with my husband of 37 years before we were married. I had lived with two men before that, and did not want to give up my apartment until we had decided about marriage. Living with someone does not provide certainty. After we got engaged we moved in together. It is very possible to get to know someone very well without living together: we talked about money, shared our financial situations, saw each others spaces in all versions of clean/messy. BTW, I am in my late 60’s, so no, my parents were not happy, but they got over it and life went on.

      2. Every time this comes up people misrecall or misrepresent the advice. It’s actually don’t make bad financial decisions because you wanna play house with your boyfriend. If you are established and own a home or rent a place of your own on favorable terms, moving in before marriage can be a bad financial call if you break up. If you are young and just starting out and in the life stage where you’ve got roommates and moving in is essentially just swapping roommates, go for it. No one is puritanical or clutching their pearls at premarital s3x, they’re giving financial advice. The TL/DR, life stages and context matter here.

    10. He just told you what to do. He’s not going to talk about it. Move in with your boyfriend, don’t ask dad’s permission, don’t talk to him about it in the future.

      1. This is how I deal with a lot with parents and one sibling who wants to critique all my life choices.

    11. Your dad does not get to decide whether God blesses you or not. That’s his problem. Not yours.

      That the arrogance of a lot of so-called Christians talking.

      1. All of the things said here are great, but this one is really sticking out to me. Dad doesn’t care about OP’s spiritual well-being. Dad just wants control.

    12. Hugs. A lot of things:

      1. Find a good counselor. There is a saying that many people are in counseling because of other people in their lives who wouldn’t go; that applies here.

      When you take a big step forward with a romantic partner and your parents flip out, it will cause enormous strain on your romantic relationship. It will also make it hard to properly evaluate your partner, because “less controlling and cruel than Dad” is a bar that is on the ocean floor.

      I didn’t live together before marriage, but my super controlling, enmeshed family of origin was Not Happy that they were no longer pulling the strings.

      2. Per other posters, ask yourself what you hope to gain from living together. There are pragmatic reasons to not live in together “just because it’s the next step.” What’s the plan?

      3. Put up boundaries with your father. He doesn’t want to talk to you? That will actually be a relief.

      I am also very religious (see, didn’t live together before marriage), but I’m a big believer in explaining the why behind the rules, and also keeping myself out of other people’s lanes. You’re 31; your dad needs to let go. He hasn’t been in charge of your life for over a decade. If, years from now, my kid moved in before marriage, I would hopefully think that I had decades to say my piece about that. Nothing said at that juncture hasn’t been said before, you know?

      4. Related to all of the above, brace yourself for this all to crop up again when you get married (to this guy or a different one), and if you have kids. Boundaries now will help you later. Is he going to hit the roof if you have a secular backyard wedding? If you don’t have your kid baptised? Will he say nasty things in his father of the bride speech? (Ask me how I know about this.)

    13. I would say “I’m sorry you feel that way. If you change your mind, our door will be open.” Puts the onus on him to make things right.

    14. I agree with all the comments saying you’re old enough to make your own decisions. I had the same conversation (though not as extreme) with my mother when I moved in with my significant other. She got over it fairly quickly.

      However, this will apparently genuinely upset your father based upon his religious beliefs. You have to decide how important that is to you in making your decision here.

    15. I moved in with my now-ex husband on a September 1 and married him, as planned, on September 20.

      His dad was incensed, and when my ex’s older brother subsequently moved in with his girlfriend and lived with her for the next 5 years, the dad said “look what you started” to my ex for a solid 5 years.

      We just learned not to hear it, even though it was ridiculous and frustrating.

    16. Unless there’s some real good reason, like you’ll get cut off of a massive inheritance or something, go live your life girl and stop telling your parents your every move.

    17. Live your own life, and get started in counseling to help untangle his historic control of you. Just don’t talk about it, just move in and carry on. Don’t have them come to your house, meet them for dinner somewhere or if invited and it is not uncomfortable, go to their house. And this is a cultural thing: white, evangelical, Christian men belong to a culture that controls women, believes they should be virgins until marriage, have and raise children, and defer to their fathers or husbands. Many men would not flip out about a daughter moving in with a boyfriend.

  2. Can someone please dumb this down:
    My personal Gmail account has way, way too many emails. I’ve had it for 10+ years and every company I’ve ever purchased from seems to have sent me an email a day … How do I efficiently delete and unsubscribe? I’m fine if I delete past order information. When I search by “unsubscribe” its like i can only delete 50 at a time. What am I missing? Then I also have to individually unsubscribe? Is there a service I can pay to …do this?

    1. following! i’m the same. i use a service that i forget the name of to help me filter my email but then new things (like today’s message from the summer camp director) get funneled to folders i don’t look at. i feel like unrollmeisn’t very helpful. i’ve started doing all new purchases that are one-off or whatever to a hotmail account i never look at.

    2. I unsubscribe ruthlessly. Any time I get an email from a company I’m not interested in hearing from again, I hit unsubscribe before hitting delete.

    3. So you need to do two things:
      – Every time you get one of these list/ad emails, unsubscribe (look for wording, often at the bottom of the email that says something like “No longer want to receive these? Update your preferences”; if you don’t see “Unsubscribe” itself)
      – Bulk delete: put something into the search bar like “from: Amazon.com” that will get the emails you want to delete. On the search results, click the top check box, which will select all 50 matching emails that have shown up on the first page of search results. A message will appear that says “All 50 conversations on this page are selected. Select all conversations that match this search.” Click that second sentence – that’s how you’re going to be able to delete more than 50 at once! Wait a minute or two so gmail has a chance to actually find and select all of them, and then click the trash can

      1. +1 to this method, especially bulk deleting amazon, target, nytimes, hellofresh, etc. I also bulk delete every email in my Promotions and Social inboxes every 3-6 months – not by sender, but the entire thing.

        1. And responding to myself to say – you need to do this in a browser, not the app.

    4. Do you really need your old emails? Is there personal correspondence mixed in with all the crap?

      I’d search for the names of people you know and put those emails in a folder called Personal. Shove the rest into a spam folder or delete it.

    5. Unfortunately it’s just time consuming and annoying. Sit with a TV show and your laptop and select 50 at a time until you’ve made progress. There’s a button at the top to select all — I do that and then scroll down and double check there’s nothing I need to save, then hit delete.

      Then commit to sitting every day and unsubscribing from every single new marketing email you received. If you want to get a head start by clicking through and unsubscribing the first 50-100 before deleting, that works too. After a week or two they should start to dwindle. I went through this a few years ago and if I don’t stay on top of unsubscribing, the numbers start to creep up scary fast.

    6. in the settings, you can increase the 50 to 100. Unfortunately not more than that!

    7. Look at this video from Dana K White: the information you want is at around five and a half minutes, but it’s worth looking at the whole thing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7t14zShf1s

      It will allow you to delete ALL emails from the same sender address at the same time, by giving this sender it’s own label, making it easy to single them out, even if way more than a 100. (Do remember to do an unsubscribe from one email before deleting.)

  3. I have the light crochet version of this bag and can confirm it is great for summer!

  4. I have this bag in the blue and I really like it! It’s lightweight and fits a fair bit. I don’t carry it every day, because I am a minimalist when it comes to my purse, but it’s great on the weekend or a trip if I need a little more than just my phone, cards, key, and chapstick.

  5. Is the larger Apple Watch now the fashionable size for small, athletic women? I have tiny wrists and have always worn the smaller size, but lately have noticed that many other women with small wrists suddenly seem to be wearing the larger size. My smaller watch now feels frumpy even though it’s enormous on my wrist–the even bigger ones seem to look more athletic. Is this a thing or am I mistaken?

    1. 1) most people are larger than you, so the bigger size is less overwhelming; and 2) many need the larger size to help with the font size for reading as eyes age. You should wear what works for you.

  6. I can’t find the post right now but someone mentioned that they tested sunscreen using beads or something? What product did you buy to test? Thx!

    1. It was me. I used UV beads my kid got at a science camp, but you can buy them online at A-zon and the like, which I assume is where the camp got them.

  7. Thoughts on Bridgerton, especially if you’ve read the books? Is Francesca’s season next? I’m really surprised that they didn’t set something up for next season. Benedict’s masquerade ball is a while away, and it seems like they’re going totally off book with Eloise… The new actress who plays Francesca is beautiful but I’m not sure she’s got enough personality at this point to sustain an entire season.

    1. My guess is they do Benedict next. The time jump in the last bit of the last episode would put them into the next year, So its kind of all queued up. They did as much set up as they’ve done any other season.

      B has to go before E, because I think some of E’s story will be about all her older siblings being married and gone and finding herself at loose ends. I think that was the vibe of the book as well (though the specifics might be different).

      1. SPOILER ALERT: since the show is so strongly committed to modern diversity, I fully expect Benedict to move in with his new male partner and raise babies together as two dads.

    2. It’s never been a particularly great show, but this season was just bad. Poorly written, awkward acting, cringy moments, and don’t get me started on the modern makeup and acrylic nails!!

      I am extremely disappointed that they turned Michael Stirling into a woman and Francesca will now apparently be gay. It completely ruins her story, which is my favourite of the series.

      I think it will be Benedict’s season next season, with a time jump.

    3. I wonder if they’re going to condense B, E, and F into the same season. I’d heard some guesses that Benedict’s partner (who in the books, he meets at a masquerade ball and then finds out she’s a maid) might be a trans woman.

      I don’t mind Michael turning into Michaela — I wonder if the malaria storyline in the books would have held up — but it bugs me that they reversed it, with F falling for M first, when in the books she’s wildly in love with her husband.

    4. Not what you asked, but I’ve been dying to get it off my chest — I don’t think Nicola Coughlan is very good! I think every one of the scenes she’s in is so stilted. Her Irish accent comes through so often they should have just had her speak in her normal voice. Her dialogue coach was clearly not worth whatever they were paid.

  8. To continue the theme, let’s talk about prenups. Bf and I are discussing getting engaged and what finances would look like. We are mid 30s, would be first marriage for both of us, no kids but we want them. We agree we’d prefer to have combined finances after marriage. He has at least $500k more assets than I do from inheritances (which is a significant amount for both of us) and threw out that he always assumed it was fair that each person keeps pre-marriage assets and everything during the marriage is 50/50. I make $100k+ more than him per year, have much higher long term earning potential and own the house where we plan to live which I bought at what in retrospect was a great price and interest rate. It doesn’t seem fair to me that our marriage would enrich him at my expense when he’s already more financially secure than I am. Am I thinking about this wrong? What should I ask for? Trying to think about it early so there are no surprises later.

    1. You absolutely should have a prenup. He sounds as though he will not balk if you approach him about one, and given your earning potential over time, it is a wise approach from your perspective. I recommend contacting an attorney and discussing your options.

    2. Get a prenup. Keep your 401ks separate if at all possible to avoid a lot of hassle and resentment if you do break up.

    3. We tried to look at the prenup as “people in love choosing what happens to people divorcing.”

      That said, put your house in the prenup. Maybe agree that you can save up to ($500k + 7% average returns or whatever) in an account that will remain 100% yours. But if you buy a summer house with his money then who owns the summer house? It all gets very tricky.

    4. How convenient that his view of 50/50 is one which he profits off of your income and does not have to split his existing assets. I wonder if this would be his position if you had the inheritance and lower salary… (I doubt it)

      I would only do 50/50 if all assets were combined. Otherwise, get a prenup that protects the wealth you generate during the marriage the way that he wants to protect that 500k.

      2. Maybe I’m jaded but this jumped out at me. Mine is mine, and yours is ours isn’t a fair setup. I’m also suspicious at the idea that he’s going to do the bulk of child rearing and life maintenance. You mention wanting kids. Does he plan to compensate you for each pregnancy out of his inheritance ? Surrogates make >$50k. I say this tongue in cheek, but don’t make a prenup for the ideal marriage you anticipate. Your prenup should cover you if you divorce because he’s unsupportive

        1. “Mine is mine and yours is mine” is a great assessment. He feels it’s fair to keep his own assets, and feels it’s fair to split yours.

    5. He keeps his inheritance, you keep the house (do you actually “own” it or are you paying a mortgage?) — would that be about even as a starting point? I think he’s right that $ earned post marriage is usually considered shared. Perhaps you have a retirement account that would also remain yours?

      1. Yeah I would do this: pre marriage assets belong to whoever had them (his inheritance, your house, individual retirement accounts) But anything in the marriage is split.

        If you don’t think this is fair, maybe you get the difference between the value of your house and his inheritance in cash before you two divide up marital assets? This gets complicated later though; what if your house increases in value so it’s now more than his 500k? Do you now owe him that delta? You two sell the house and move, putting the proceeds of your house towards the new house purchase, so you get to keep the new house? Even if it’s worth more than 500k?

        I am admittedly touchy with inheritances – I believe strongly whoever received the inheritance should keep it. I don’t like splitting them in a divorce. I received a decent but not huge (25k) inheritance from a grandparent and felt like it was my responsibility to be a proper steward of that money – my grandfather worked hard his whole life (son of very poor immigrants) to be able to leave his grandkids, who all grew up middle class, a financial legacy.

    6. I strongly agree with him that premarital assets should be kept separate (which includes your house). I am flexible about how couples split their postmarital assets, and that is something to work out in counseling and with a lawyer—but neither of your positions seem crazy to me.

      Viewing this reasonable discussion with two reasonable viewpoints as meaning that your “marriage will enrich him at my expense” is not a mindset that I would want to enter into marriage with—either as the person with that mindset, or the poorer person marrying you. Whatever you all decide about the assets, that can’t be how you think about this once you’re married.

      1. Yes. The mindset is a red flag. I am pro-prenup, but nothing during marriage should be to help one person at another person’s expense. You’re a family, if he’s being enriched then you’re being enriched. Nothing is done at your expense – even if one person takes a set back (lean out job, for example ) it’s still done with the betterment of the family in mind.

        1. This. Whether it happens on purpose or not, one spouse’s career inevitably ends up getting prioritized at the expense of the other. The prioritized career is usually 1) the higher-earning spouse’s career, 2) the less flexible career, and/or 3) the man’s career. If you earn more and are going to expect your husband to be the one to pick up kids, take off for appointments, leave work promptly at 5:00, etc. so that you can be fully present at work without distractions or interruptions, then your career is being enhanced at the expense of his. Each of you contributes to the family finances in a different way–you through your earnings, and he both through his earnings and by enabling you to earn. Income earned during the marriage therefore becomes a joint asset, even if you insist on keeping separate bank accounts. If you believe everything you earn during marriage is solely yours, then you don’t really want to be part of the economic unit that is a marriage.

          1. This assumes that OP’s partner is going to go above and beyond with housework and childrearing and will prioritize her career over his. She’s made no mention of this being the case, and it is unfortunately very, very rare that men step up in this way, even if they are the lower-earner partner.

            This board is full of women out-earning their husbands and still doing the bulk of the domestic labor and childrearing.

      2. I was trying to put my finger on this, too. I have always been the higher earner but DH has been my ride-or-die along the way, keeping the house running with no complaints when I was traveling for months in Biglaw, etc. I don’t see him as getting “enriched” by the lifestyle our joint incomes afford.

      3. That mindset was a red flag to me too. DH and I have taken turns being the breadwinner and we both would have been hurt by the “enriched at my expense” attitude.

        That said, I think if he keeps his pre-marriage inheritance, it’s fair to want to carve out your existing equity in the house.

      4. My partner makes 3x what I make. I’d be hurt if he thought I was enriching myself off of being with him.

      5. OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I completely understand how it came off that way, and I would never say “enrich” if he actually had less money than me. As it is, he in fact has much more money than me and a much wealthier family and has been pretty direct bringing up multiple times that he feels the need to protect his substantial assets from me. That’s been hurtful to me too and put me on the defensive, so I’m trying to figure out how to navigate that. And if it matters I’m certain I’ll be doing the vast majority of the domestic work as well. Not to say I disagree that it’s all a red flag, it’s something for me to seriously consider.

        1. “And if it matters I’m certain I’ll be doing the vast majority of the domestic work as well. ”

          Oh girl, run. Don’t marry a man where you make the vast majority of the income and you’re “certain” you’ll be doing the vast majority of the domestic work! Especially not if you want kids. Housekeeping can essentially be fully outsourced if you have enough money; it’s more complicated and much more emotionally fraught to outsource childcare.

        2. This is yucky. He really talks like that? Does his rich family think you’re a gold digger or what?!?

          Why do you want to marry this guy?

          Definitely talk to a lawyer for pre-nup advice.
          And reconsider the marriage.

          Why the h3ll are you bringing in most of the income and doing the vast majority of the domestic work as well?

        3. I think you guys may want to consider premarital counseling if you’re struggling to talk about these financial issues on your own. Money is a major reason people divorce, and right now it seems that neither of you have a team mentality about finances. Practically speaking, there’s a lower earning partner in every marriage, and you need to be okay with that being him.

        4. I’m sorry. This is a tough situation to be in. It seems like he wants to protect an inheritance, treat you like you’re after his money, get half your income, and benefit from all the unpaid labor you do. I hope you can discuss how he sees you and this relationship in terms of money. I understand what other posters are saying about protecting an inheritance and honoring the labor of grandparents. I don’t understand not extending that to honoring your own labor

        5. Red flags all over here. First, if he’s this insistent on protecting his assets from you, absolutely do not combine finances. Have fully separate finances, full stop. Otherwise he is living off of your income while maintaining his own independent nest egg you have no claim to. You can build wealth and save the money you make, rather than share it with him.

          If he is someone who you already know will allow you to do all the domestic labor and is so clear about keeping his assets from you, I would seriously consider if this is someone I’d want to partner with. Selfishness is really corrosive to a relationship and inevitably leads to contempt and disdain. It’s also a pretty fundamental character trait someone has to actively want to change on their own (i.e., not as easy a topic to broach as requesting someone not be late). It also sounds like you already resent him and feel like things are unfair (which they are) which means you should talk to him about how you’re feeling about all of this asap.

          1. You can have “separate finances” but divorce court won’t care that you lived that way unless you memorialize it with a prenup.

          2. And don’t anyone forget that debt acquired during the marriage is also community property!

        6. So here’s some perspective for you:

          His family is loaded and probably quite well connected (those usually go hand in hand). Despite this, your house is nicer and you out-earn him.

          Yet he doesn’t see your drive and savvy as valuable to the marriage as his rich family.

          I know entitled (emphasis on entitled) fund babies. They made for garbage spouses, not to put too fine a point on it. They never saw their spouse’s contributions as meaningful, because nothing is as meaningful as Daddy’s money. Their family of origin came first because their family of origin pulls the strings.

          Seriously consider that this dude isn’t all that.

    7. If you are splitting everything during the marriage 50/50, maybe he buys into the house at half its appreciated value at the time you get married and put his name on the deed and use those proceeds to fund and investment vehicle in your name only. He still benefits from your savy purchase and interest rate.
      Definitely a preup. But also a sophisticated financial planner.

      1. +1 that was what I was thinking as well. It’s fair to split post-marriage assets, but either you should keep your house or he should buy into it with his inheritance.

    8. I would get an appraiser for your house to estimate your current equity. Sorry, dude, that is not yours if you want to keep your inheritance separate.

      That said… a prenup, written and negotiated by a good attorney, can protect your assets. However, if you two are stupid in love and he’s already trying to horn in on your house + salary while keeping his stuff his, I would have serious doubts about tying the knot. He isn’t even talking a good game!

      1. I don’t see that he’d be angling for the house? He said it makes sense to keep pre marital assets separate, that includes her house being hers.

        With such a large gap in salaries, I would imagine that he works less hours than her OP. Sure, he’s now richer based off of her high salary, but presumably they’re splitting household duties accordingly.

        1. I don’t see where it said he was working shorter hours and would be doing more housework?

          1. Yeah, people are really jumping to the conclusion that her partner is going to magically be super-husband and super-dad just because he makes less than her. We have no way of knowing that he will pick up the majority of the household chores or that he will de-prioritize his career to prioritize hers.

          2. I’m probably niave or lucky that 95% of the men in my circle are actually equal partners. So, I guess I just assume that of course a man would step up at home.

            Stop marrying men who aren’t equal partners!!!!

          4. You’re very lucky if 95% of the men you know are equal partners. I have a great husband who pulls his weight (although I’d say we’re not quite at 50-50), but the majority of my straight female friends have marriages where the husband does less than 25% of the parenting and housework. A horrifying number are close to 0. And these women are doctors, lawyers, tech executives, etc…. not SAHMs.

    9. I promise you that if you divorce, you will want your house to be yours. So I agree that a prenup that keeps the house as your separate property (regardless of whether he contributes to the mortgage or in any other way) is probably a good idea.

    10. Ok, there is alot of misinformation in this thread. First of all, in a divorce, inheritances are separate, unless they were added to a combined account post marriage. In other words, you do not need a prenup to do this! Same is true of the house. If the wife bought the house before marriage for $400K and put $100K down, then that $100K is hers if they divorce, even if he contributed to the mortgage while they were married. He would share in the appreciation of the house during the marriage-so as some one says below, perhaps you want to get a valuation on the house now. Also, even if your 401K’s are separate, anything that was contributed to them during the marriage and any appreciation since the marriage will be marital property. So, if you have $200K in your 401K now, that is yours. If you add another $200K during the marriage, and the account appreciates by an additional $100K, then those amounts are marital property subject to equitable dissolution by QDRO (qualified domestic relation order). I am not necessarily pro or anti prenup, but please do get some concrete legal advice about prenups and marital assets before anyone panics. I don’t necessarily think that what he’s proposing is off base. If his grandmother died and gave $500K to her grandson before you two were married, why should half of that be yours? I would not have expected my husband to share an inheritance with me-and I knew both of his parents before they passed!

      1. It is a little tricky keeping prior monies/inheritances/401K separate. If possible, make new accounts just for these monies, so that all of the gains on them are also kept separate, and for you alone. Your spouse is not entitled to the gains of your 401K contributions from before your marriage either…. if you keep it separate.

      2. Doesn’t this all depend on state law? I don’t see how you can say with certainty what the court will do when you don’t know where she lives.

      3. People are saying get a prenup… no one dispensed legal advice about what assets would or wouldn’t be hers if they get married. Most of us understand inheritances aren’t joint unless put into a shared account; we still think she should get a prenup.

    11. So he keeps the 500k, you keep your house. Then will he pay you rent? He wants to have his cake and eat it too.

  9. I ordered this bag instantly. I hope it works! My regular cross body is leather and as such a little heavier than I would like. It’s really been hurting my neck lately.

    I’m also gonna try that UPF parka some of you recommended the other day.

  10. How convenient that his view of 50/50 is one which he profits off of your income and does not have to split his existing assets. I would only do 50/50 if all assets were combined. Otherwise, get a prenup that protects the wealth you generate during the marriage the way that he wants to protect that 500k.

    2. But if they’re keeping premarital assets separate, then doesn’t she keep the house?

      1. She said his assets are worth 500k more than hers (presumably even with the house).

  11. is anyone here earning passive income? i see so many headlines about it — sounds nice, but does anyone do it in practice?

    1. A small amount — I have a blog that earns a few hundred a month from ad revenue.

  12. Uniqlo has a corduroy version of the bag which looks less sporty, to go with darker neutral clothes.

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