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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This swingy dress from wool& is having a viral moment, thanks to this recent Ask a Manager post. I’m not sure that I could wear this (or any article of clothing, to be honest) for 100 days in a row, but it looks incredibly comfortable and flattering.
And, as always, I am compelled to let everyone know that it has POCKETS. I’m partial to this dark green color, but it comes in 12 different colorways.
The dress is $138 and comes in sizes S–XXL.
Leota has a swing dress in a black-and-white print that comes in 1X–3X; it's available at Nordstrom for $138.
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Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
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- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
There was a discussion in the comments about this dress not so long ago, the Coffee break post January 13th.
Anon 2.0
Yes, ye ol stinky dress being worn on the daily. The AAM comments are a dumpster fire if you need a good mindless read.
Anon
LOL aren’t they always?
Anon
The comments were just bizarre. Yes, poor people in 1920 had two shirts, but a century later, someone in an office in a middle-class job is expected to have more than a work outfit and a weekend outfit. People acted like there was no difference between rampant consumerism and wearing the same article of clothing every single day for three months straight.
Anonymous
People who wear the same dress daily must be a lot neater than I am. I spill food/drink, get dog fur or crud on me, get salt from slush on my pants hem…
Anon
Same here. I am doing laundry today and the number of garments I’ve had to pre-treat because they have some kind of stain on them is pretty frightening. By the end of the hundred days that dress would look like it had been tie-dyed from all the crap I’d spilled on it (or sat in, waded through, brushed up against, etc.)
Kitten
This dress makes me sad :(
Lyssa
I have the same reaction here as I did when I read the AAM post -I’m completely baffled at the idea that this dress is “incredibly flattering.” It does look comfortable, and I suppose that’s fine for a casual day/job, but from an appearance standpoint, well, it looks comfortable.
And I’m so glad to see people thinking AAM is nuts. That place makes me feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
Anon 2.0
Yes, the commentariat there seems to be living in world in which I do not reside. There seems to be a certain lack of understanding of reality at times and they seem to be scared of everything. Social skills seem to be lacking in so many of the replies. Work is about so much more than work – getting along with your co-workers may not be their strong suit.
Anon
AAM stopped being legitimate professional guidance several years ago. It is now TMZ for cubicle dwellers.
AIMS
I just want to heart “TMZ for cubicle dwellers.”
Anonymous
It looks like it would be very clingy and unflattering unless you have a straight up and down body.
C
Interesting! I have a semi straight up and down body (I confess I have booty) and my reaction to the dress is that it would make my bustline look even more insignificant. So, unflattering but for a different reason.
Anon
This place had a really cute dress last year that I wanted but it was sold out in my size. I am really curious to hear from anyone who has any dresses from here. Especially now that workwear is a free-for-all. Does the fabric cling to tights in the winter? Does it cling to any lumpy-squishies? Anything else of note? I don’t think that this style would work for me, but others might.
Ribena
I have the first-gen version of this dress and other than being too short for me to wear to work it’s perfect. Really comfortable, doesn’t cling to tights or lumpy bits. They have now launched a European shipping option but it doesn’t have their full range yet sadly.
Cb
I don’t love that neckline on me, but do appreciate a dress that can be thrown on and can pack well.
Betsy
I have this dress and it hangs away from the body nicely so it doesn’t really highlight any squishiness. It works well with tights too, no more than average levels of clinginess. Their Clara shirt dress is my absolute favorite though, the material is thicker and it’s really flattering.
No Problem
If anything clings, wear a slip. A slip is essentially the lining that doesn’t come pre-sewn into a lot of dresses and skirts.
Anon for this
Please help me turn into a clean/tidy person. I live alone in a 2 bed, 2 bath condo. I was mildly depressed during covid and am starting to realize how much more cluttered – piles of stuff – and frankly, dirty, my space is. I haven’t mopped, cleaned windows, ceiling fans, any big things in almost two years. The idea of a major cleaning binge makes me tired and I find myself procrastinating or honestly – watching cleaning videos instead of just doing it. I have a professional degree but would be embarrassed to have anyone other than close family over. Anyone have some good baby steps I can take to help tackle this?
Away Game
Initially, if you can swing it financially, hire a cleaning crew to do a deep clean. Make sure they are bonded and insured, and maybe after the first hour when you’re explaining specifics, head outside or to a cafe, library or park. Once you have a base clean, it’s MUCH easier to maintain, and you can put a schedule together. (Lots of them online re: when and how often to clean the ceiling fans, baseboards, etc.)
Cat
+1
If not, tell yourself you only have to do one thing at a time, but I suspect momentum will build when you get going. In that case you might start with purging and putting stuff away so you’re not constantly tripping over it while cleaning, then start the deep clean from the top down (you don’t want freshly mopped floors if you’re starting on ceiling fans!).
test run
+1 to hiring a cleaning crew, but I know that also requires some labor (find them, hire them, etc.) so if that’s too much of a hurdle, I’m a big fan of setting a timer for this sort of thing. Set the timer on your phone for 15 minutes (or 10 or 5) and just clean the thing closest to you or whatever seems least miserable (even if it’s not maybe the highest priority – do you just like cleaning windows the most/hate it the least? do that first). Do that often enough and maybe you’ll get some momentum going.
Anon
We just did this for my MIL, who got depressed and then got sick with Covid, had long-haul symptoms, and couldn’t keep up with the cleaning. It had been about two years since her apartment had been thoroughly cleaned. We called some folks that our eldercare consultant recommended as being “really, no judgment” and they did not judge. They came in, assessed, told us how much it would be for a deep clean (it was $750 for my MIL’s 1 bedroom, 1 bath apartment, FYI, but they brought a crew of 5 people) and then said my MIL and her cat would have to be gone while they did it. We went through and (with my MIL’s help and permission) cleaned out some things to make it easier for the cleaning crew to move through the space, and then took her to our hotel for most of a day. When we came back, the place was spotlessly clean. It was well worth it for her to just have someone do it, and now she’s on a regular cleaning schedule with this service so she can keep on top of it.
OP, things happen. This has been a rough few years for everyone. It manifested in different people different ways. There’s no shame in having qualified professionals come in to help you with this, so you can get back to baseline and start from there.
anon2
Can I get an AMEN on this?
Anonymous
If you have the money, hire professional cleaners to do a deep clean. You will have to do some tidying so they can easily get to areas, but it’s well worth the money to have professionals come in.
Anon
If you have piles of stuff, it’s not stuff you’re likely using. IMO purging is easier than sorting, sort of ripping off the bandaid. Pick a pile, toss with abandon. Maybe give yourself half an hour a day with classic rock or heavy metal or rap (something to propel you forward in this) so it’s not overwhelming. Call someone and swiffer while you talk. Bite off small bits. You can make this better!
anon
+1 on getting rid of stuff. It’s much easier to live in a space, not to mention clean it, if you have less stuff.
Anon
Very confused about what a degree has to do with this.
Anonymous
Maybe nothing, but to me, it read like she may feel some shame or pressure to have things in a certain order. Sometimes we include details about our lives in posts that may not be totally relevant to the “solution” but that feel important to us. I think that’s ok. And I also think it’s ok to feel confused about why some people put details in that we may not think matter. Hope this perspective may help with the sense of confusion.
Anon
…
Panda Bear
+1
anon
You need the Clean Mama routine. Not just for moms, I promise you. If you get into a routine of maintaining, the daily stuff doesn’t take as much time. I also like that she builds in a catch-up day.
That said, if you haven’t done a deep clean in two years, I would either bite the bullet and hire a cleaning service to get you started OR plan on spending a weekend getting back to zero.
Anon
My corollary to this is to do a purge of piles or make it so that your apartment can be cleaned. My MIL has so much stuff that you can’t really even clean her house. So if your place is that bad, consider putting everything on top of the bed you don’t sleep in so that they can vacuum and clean surfaces and baseboards, etc. easily.
anon
Yes, true! You have to get rid of the piles before you can really clean. And remember, clean from top to bottom, left to right!
Anon
Can you start with a deep clean of one room at a time? I always put on loud fun music while I’m cleaning, which peps me up! Or you could listen to a podcast as well.
Start by dusting surfaces and fan (extendable swiffer duster is great for that if you dont have one). If you’re ambitious, you could remove everything from the surfaces first and wipe down with some furniture spray for finished wood or just a clorox wipe otherwise.
Then clean any mirrors or glass.
Then vaccum the floor. Switch to the long thin head that’s designed to fit in tight spaces; run that around your baseboards/crown molding and any other little nooks and crannies.
Then use a wet Swiffer or mop.
If you’re feeling up for it, you can do the windows along with the room or do them all after finishing the rooms. But depends on how much the windows are bothering you–and if they’re dirty on the inside or just on the outside where you cant reach anyways. I rarely clean windows (like once every few years.
Anon
Agree you need to start fresh with a deep clean, but as to maintaining your space, as a tidy person my biggest tip is to have a place for everything and everything in its place. When everything is put away where it’s supposed to go you don’t end up with piles of clutter.
Anon
Make your bed every morning as soon as you get out of it. Then pick one more thing to tackle every day, but I find that making my bed first thing not only makes a huge difference in the cleanliness of my space but inspires me to keep the rest of it presentable.
Anon
I’d recommend getting a cleaner to do a one time deep clean, it’s so much easier to start being clean with a fresh slate!
Every evening I set a 5 minute timer to straighten up. I do things like put away worn but still clean clothes, deal with papers/mail, and generally make sure everything is back in its place. Doing this every day is key for me – but now I never have more than 1 days worth of clutter. If I’m not sure where to put something, or it’s something that’s “hard” to put back, I put it in a bin on my shelf. Every few weeks I go through the bin and find a place for those things.
I truly believe life is too short to spend too much time cleaning so my house is definitely clean but (as I’ve been told) not up to the standards of this board: my weekly cleaning routine takes me about an hour and consists of: throwing in a load of laundry, changing my sheets/towels, sweeping and then swiffering my floors, clearing food out of the fridge, cleaning my bathroom (but not my shower), cleaning the stove and dusting. Some weeks I’ll go the extra mile and mop, clean the oven, clean the shower, etc buy that isn’t weekly for me. There’s a roomba for the kitchen/living room floors and I wipe down the counters and run the dishwasher every night after dinner.
For about 90 minutes a week I have a clean enough house and that’s good enough for me.
Anon
I’ve been struggling with keeping up with basic cleaning, too. I made a list of chores and assigned a low dollar amount to each one. Each time I do a chore I add a tally mark beside it. At the end of the month, I can add up my “earnings” and spend it on something fun. Basically I’m treating myself like a difficult child who won’t clean their room.
Anon
Whatever works!
No Problem
I would suggest taking bite sized pieces, setting a timer for 15 minutes and doing as much as you can in that time. Decide on a room to start with, and focus on a small area. Pile of mail on a table? Take the time to go through it, discard, shred, save, etc., then clean the area of the table it was sitting on. If that overwhelms you because you don’t have a place to put the papers you’re saving, that’s ok. Set up a spot to put things that need a home (a box or bin in your second bedroom, maybe?) and put them in there. If that’s all you can stomach doing, that’s all you need to do. When you feel you can do more, move on to the next pile or small area in that room, sort through the stuff, and clean the surface it was sitting on. Before long, you’ll have cleaned up whole tables, shelves, countertops, etc. and can finish with something like cleaning the windows or mopping the entire floor in one room all at once. Just try to dedicate to doing it frequently if you’re not able to do it every day.
As far as handling the clutter goes, as you’re cleaning you’re going to come across things that belong in your home that you want to keep but they don’t have a home. Per above, designate a place for those items for now and deal with them after you have cleaned enough to create homes. For things that you’re deciding to discard that are still useable, set up a spot for those. Ideally, get them up on Buy Nothing or Freecycle or off to a donation center ASAP, but it’s ok to just let them be in that designated spot for a little while. This idea is loosely based on the Apartment Therapy January Cure idea of setting up an outbox. IMO, you need both an outbox and an inbox (things staying that need a home).
Anon
You need to declutter before hiring cleaners. I watch the Minimal Mom on YouTube and it helps me a lot if you can’t afford or don’t want to pay for a professional decluttering service. Join the buy nothing group on fb for your community if you want to give some things away instead of throwing it out. Rooting for you!!
ALT
I find that just putting things away (even just one category, like shoes) makes a big difference. Shoes all over the floor? Messy. Shoes put away in the closet? Tidier, even if they’re just in a pile on the closet floor.
I tend to really slack on putting things away when I’m stressed and then the resulting tornado is even more stressful so I try to do at least one small thing each night while I’m watching tv. Folding laundry, emptying the dishwasher/loading the dishwasher, vacuuming the rug, etc. It leads to a snowball effect and then I want to tidy everything up.
Anonymous
Hire a cleaning service ASAP. Do not faff about for months over needing to tidy first this is just delay tactics. It’s much easier to focus on decluttering when your toilet has been scrubbed and your floors washed.
Anonymous
Nice to hear “faff”, I thought it was only used in the UK (I live in the USA but from the UK)!
Anonymous
Hiring a cleaning service does more for you than just clean your space. It forces you to tidy before they come. It’s the only reason my bathroom sink counter ever sees the light of day!
Anon
I would hire pro cleaners for the first clean. Before that, remove all the piles of stuff – it would stand in the way and you will feel much better with less clutter.
Then for regular cleaning, develop a routine. Eg I vacuum clean floors, wipe dust, wash bed linens every Saturday. It takes 15-20mins.
Every night, I load the dishwasher, wipe kitchen counters, wipe bathroom sink/shower. Takes 10mins.
I often so 15min challenge: I set a timer for 15mins and do a micro-task (eg declutter and wipe clean ONE kitchen drawer). This way, i managed to deep & declutter clean kitchen and bathroom in 1 month.
Also single, same apartment.
You can do this!
Anonymous
Wanting to do it is a great start!
Don’t do too much at once, that’s overwhelming. I don’t think Unfuck you habitat is active still, but her method is great for your situation. She has great strategies for depression situations.
Set a timer. Max 20 minutes work, min 10 minute break (or stop).
It sounds like you have too much stuff, so getting rid of things will help, uncluttered is easier to clean. Dana K White (youtube) har great strategies. Best ones: do easy stuff first. For clutter, that means finding trash first, putting it in a trash bag and taking it out when you stop (not finished the project, just when you stop).
For cleaning, that means doing dishes every day, and putting away clean laundry.
Deep clean comes later, but if you have the energy, do 10-20 minues, or even 5. Anything will make it better, step by step.
Best of luck!
Anonymous
I’ll go a little against the grain and say you need your “why” first. For my entire family, it was the experience of reading The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. One person had a copy and we were on a cruise, and we all came home to our individual lives and made big changes. From that book, I got into the habit of doing All Things in One Category at once – i.e. rounding up every piece of clothing, including stored seasonal clothing, hanging coats, every last sock. When you are confronted by everything in one category, it’s easier to make decisions about what to keep and also how to properly store it all. It also gives you a sense of accomplishment for getting through that category.
Anonymous
I did a major declutter by just doing one shelf or drawer at a time and then taking a break. Pull everything out, clean, and then decide what to put back, put somewhere else, toss or donate. Move the items to be moved to their new locations. Then you are done for the day or week. Then do another. Once you have freed up closet and counterspace it will be a lot easier to do a daily cleaning task instead.
Anon
I’m sorry. This is a hard place to be. I think you need to get to a fresh start and then implement the baby steps.
First, I recommend scheduling a junk haul (so many to choose from and it’s worth the money–you can even book online). Schedule just a few days or a week out to instill a motivating deadline and start with making a central junk pile. Define “junk” liberally–it’s anything you don’t want, even if it is in good shape. You aren’t going to singlehandedly save the planet so focus on your needs this time. Donations, electronics, trash, furniture you don’t want, clothes to give away–all goes in this pile. And if you feel bad, know that junk companies get charged at the dump so they will donate everything they can to minimize the trash. When the haulers come, point to the pile and they will deal with it in a flash. I put on head phones and an audiobook when working on these major projects.
Second, schedule a deep clean for the day or two after that. Don’t wait. Get that place clean after the hunk haul so you can start fresh. Book yourself a nice hotel stay if you need to so you don’t feel self conscious while the cleaning crew is there. When you return you will have a pile-free, very clean house.
Third, then establish a small but achievable nightly habit and weekly habit (the baby steps). My nightly habit is having at least a superficially clean kitchen when I go to bed. My weekly habit is a power hour or two on Saturday mornings while listening to music, podcast or audiobook for a quick bathroom, floor, and dusting clean. That’s enough to clean (well enough) a 5 bedroom house with kids and many dogs in it. If you can afford it, make your weekly habit laundry and outsource the rest to a biweekly cleaning service.
Lastly, be very prudent on what you bring back into the space so you don’t find yourself overwhelmed by piles again.
You can do this. Don’t feel shame. Refocus that shame on what you *deserve* and give it to yourself. It’s been a tough few years and you deserve a home that brings calm, not regret and shame.
Anonymous
I struggled with clutter while going through my divorce. My ex left a LOT of stuff, and it felt emotionally exhausting to deal with it. I was reluctant to get professional help because I felt embarrassed. Luckily, I listened to a friend and hired 2 very caring and efficient cleaners. Highly recommend! They moved stuff into piles and cleaned around my belongings. After the apartment smelled and looked clean, I had a friend come over (on 3 occasions!) to help me sort items to keep or donate.
anon
The plan at “Unf*ck Your Habitat” is really great for this – they have a gentle tone and mindset that really really helps. I’ll link in a separate post in case this gets stuck in mod.
anon
https://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/
Anon
I’m looking for sharp executive flats and/or current-looking loafers to wear to work. Everything I pull up looks either way too casual (something about the leather finish) or geriatric or just not really work-wear. Does anyone have any recommendations? I get overwhelmed at DSW and local shoe stores just have a lot of sneakers now, so online is OK.
test run
I was just pondering this, too, and was thinking about getting these: https://www.zappos.com/p/trotters-estee-black-soft-patent-leather/product/9716508/color/250188 Would love to hear feedback if anyone already has them.
Anon
Wow — not what I would have expected from Trotters. I have something similar from M. Gemi that I love (and wore with suits in prior times) and Trotters has a reputation for comfort.
Anon
Have these in the nappa black leather, also have Trotters loafers (Leana). LOVE both – incredibly comfortable and to me look nicer than most other flats. Late 20s, work in finance, and these are great for my business casual (true business casual, not casual-business casual) workplace. Great for traveling too.
BeenThatGuy
I have almost exclusively switched over to wearing loafers with my work dresses. I find that suede or calf hair materials look sharper than leather.
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/vionic-willa-loafer-women/5716737?color=BLACK+SUEDE&mrkgadid=3313916575&mrkgcl=760&mrkgen=gpla&mrkgbflag=0&mrkgcat=&utm_content=33067288229&utm_term=aud-1024039079193:pla-260837246583&utm_channel=low_nd_shopping_standard&sp_source=google&sp_campaign=662927176&adpos=&creative=145503081272&device=m&matchtype=&network=g&acctid=21700000001689570&dskeywordid=92700049880236219&lid=92700049880236219&ds_s_kwgid=58700005470152768&ds_s_inventory_feed_id=97700000007631122&dsproductgroupid=260837246583&product_id=31313541&merchid=1243147&prodctry=US&prodlang=en&channel=online&storeid=&locationid=9003646&targetid=aud-1024039079193:pla-260837246583&campaignid=662927176&adgroupid=33067288229&gclid=Cj0KCQiA_8OPBhDtARIsAKQu0gYm4M7IWXI9PmVAgREOWQ-2_pmK53soG9rwmZ45XIL3fOjIXt-Sh3waAvsPEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
https://factory.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/shoes/flats/leopard-calf-hair-smoking-loafers/AA525?color_name=leopard&N=5H+MEDIUM&sale=true&noPopUp=true&srccode=Paid_Search%7CSmart_Shopping%7CGoogle%7CSS_ACQ_XPROD_BESTSLLRxxxxx_EVG_ROAS_XXX_COUSA_EN_EN_A_FACT_GO_SH_SSC_xxxxxxxxxx%2Cshop_bestseller_x_xxx%2CPRODUCT_GROUP%2C71700000074775342%2C58700006443853970%2Cp58598782733&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=Paid_Search&utm_campaign=SS_ACQ_XPROD_BESTSLLRxxxxx_EVG_ROAS_XXX_COUSA_EN_EN_A_FACT_GO_SH_SSC_xxxxxxxxxx%2Cshop_bestseller_x_xxx&utm_content=Shopping&NoPopUp=True&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=Cj0KCQiA_8OPBhDtARIsAKQu0gaPg2OBDEGiLLAvojxKCKCVMsgp6NaFlm-gpig5UwmIxMm7KMAQQvgaAjp3EALw_wcB
Leatty
I have the first ones (Vionic Willa Loafers) and love them. My only complaint is that they aren’t leather throughout, so my feet sweat sometimes.
Anon
I have several pairs of the Vionic Lena flats. They are about as classic as you can get, but they come in some fun patterns too. I have a black and white calfhair pair that get a lot of compliments. https://www.nordstrom.com/s/vionic-lena-pointed-toe-flat-women/5716736
anne-on
I pretty much always wear flats and I find Kate Spade, Boden, Ann Taylor, and Hobbs/LK Bennet are wear I’ve gotten the best options from.
The Poppy flats and Devi loafers are both super comfortable. I pretty much take all my flats/loafers straight to the cobbler though to get heel and toe taps put on, I have a bad habit of ramming the front of my foot onto the city curbs which chews up toes.
https://www.katespade.com/shoes/flats/
anne-on
Oh yes, and I think you’ll notice it if you browse enough shoes but ‘smoking’ style loafers are sleekest/work best with more formal clothes if you don’t want to wear pointed toe flats (which I think read as the ‘most’ formal).
Anonnymouse
I think a pointed toe helps a lot in dressing up loafers/flats. I like these:
https://www.naturalizer.com/product/womens-27-edit-harlie-flat-3020262/black-white-lizard-leather-ec0227542
https://www.naturalizer.com/product/womens-lorna-flat-3019502/alabaster-snake-leather-ec0216162
Kitten
I wear Sam Edelman Gucci knockoffs…”Loraine” and “Lior”
They’re really not bad for the price and I usually find them on sale around $60
Seventh Sister
I have similar Talbots loafers from a year or so ago, and I really like them. They compare favorably in quality to my Coach driving loafers:
https://www.talbots.com/estelle-chain-leather-loafers/P221041370.html?dwvar_P221041370_color=BLACK&dwvar_P221041370_sizeType=M&dwvar_P221041370_size=095M&cmp=dfc-tlb-google-PLA-Shoes%5EShoes&%7B-dsmrktparam%7D&gclid=Cj0KCQiA_8OPBhDtARIsAKQu0gYaZZX8zPjxbxgZKaulSnR9yGqwBsXruCNNy_sEYnsZ5WdLMxW62isaAjxNEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
Anon
Pockets are always a win, but this dress is a shapeless sack.
Z
This style is unfortunately everywhere right now.
Anonymous
Really? I thought it looked dated from all the swing dresses that were in style 4-5 years ago (like the Old Navy ones that were everywhere). I just donated all my swing dresses. Even if they’re in style, I don’t feel good in them anymore.
Anon
Agree, probably just retailers clearing out old inventory, but I haven’t seen this proliferate IRL, thank goodness. It is fugly.
Anonymous
Yeah, I got rid of all my Old Navy swing dresses because they felt dated and frumpy. This is even worse because it is made of wool–so itchy and smelly. And it has pockets to make it even lumpier.
Anon
My daughter still has these and loves them. It’s been hard to get her out of soft clothes, so I’m just happy she has something other than sweats.
anon
The ON ones can look good if you take the time to style them, which most people do not.
Anon
Last year I would have gladly hid behind it though — I needed a no-waist, hip-friendly shape that looked OK in the shoulder area for zooms. This year, I need a bit more of a shift at least for being more on-site than remote.
Maybe with a sweater over and a belt? Agree that pockets rule.
anon
IDK, I think the shoulder line might save it. I can see this being one of those dresses that look stunning on some and awful on others, with very little in between. Love the colors, though.
Anon
Agree. It either really works or really doesn’t. Conversely to what I think the designers think about clothing like this, as a larger (size 14) person with a thicker waist (thanks perimenopause), this style looks terrible on me. It is “forgiving” but not flattering. I just look like I’m wearing a tent, especially from the side. Some of my taller, thinner friends/colleagues can pull off this style and have it look intentional and stylish. I just look like I crisis-gained ten pounds and put on the only thing in my closet that still fit. Which happened to be shaped like a tent.
I agree with other posters who have said that if you like this style and it actually does flatter you, Karen Kane and Old Navy usually have options that are cheaper and not wool, so will be easier to wear and easier to take care of.
Anon
It looks like an “I give up” dress, the kind you wear postpartum. It might look ok on someone with a small chest but reminds me of a slightly nicer Old Navy or Lularoe dress.
anne-on
Ha! This was a trademark ‘what not to wear’ phrase that I used to convince my mom to get rid of her most midwestern mom smocks. A swing dress is fine if styled intentionally but these shapeless shift dresses do remind me of primary school teachers. Fwiw I also wore a LOT of shift dresses, belted above my bump with a fitted cardigan over when I was pregnant ~10 yrs ago (think the Michelle Obama Jcrew belted cardigan look but for a pregnant lady) so I just can’t see them as anything other than maternity wear and very of a time.
Ribena
I think the chest/body proportions are key to this. I’m an extreme pear with a small chest and I find the shoulder line of it works well on me. But if you were top-heavier I can see it would look different
Anonymous
Oh, and see I’ve always thought this shape worked better on somebody who was smaller on bottom than on top. I’m also a pear and felt frumpy in dresses like this because I need to get them to fit my hips but then I’m just swimming in material everywhere else as opposed to nipping in a bit where I’m smaller.
Anon
I think it might help if the model were wearing a more flattering bra; these dresses tend to highlight the one shape that is still visible.
Anon
This is the ugliest thing I’ve seen in ages. If I’m going to bother with a dress in winter and hassle with tights, it should at least be cute. Otherwise, just give me those pull-up pants and a sweater.
Ribena
The comfort of this totally depends on having found comfortable tights – but I find this significantly more comfortable than ‘real clothes’ but more presentable than sweatpants, which I would never wear out of the house. I’m just now remembering that I was wearing mine when an overnight train journey became an overnight bus journey and I was very grateful to have something on that was as comfy as pyjamas but suitable to wear in public.
anon
If I’m going to buy one pair of trendy sneakers to wear this spring, what should they be? I wear skinnies and bootcut pants. All full-length. I don’t really do ankle pants.
Anonymous
golden goose
Anon
+1
Anonymous
Golden Goose, P448, and Veja look better with cropped pants. I’d go with one of the ironically frumpy athletic “dad” sneakers.
London (formerly NY) CPA
I refuse to spend money on Golden Goose. I just don’t get the appeal. I have Veja sneakers in white with natural/beige V on the side, and like them. They’re completely ubiquitous in London, especially in the summer. Bonus: they have removable insoles, so you can replace them if you want more support!
Anon
+1 to P448, if budget allows.
They are not only cute, but very comfortable.
Anon
With full-length pants, something like a Nike AF1. Or Converse Chuck Taylors.
Anonymous
+1. I’m not cool, but AF1s we’re recommended to me here a few months ago. I ended up buying court vision low and I am really pleased with them. I wear them with skinnies and dresses/skirts. I’m always surprised how many of the youths are also wearing them.
Senior Attorney
Agree with the AF1. They look great with pretty much everything and also are nicely supportive for actual walking. I also like the Nike Court Legacy.
Anon
I’m struggling with this too, because I hate what’s currently trendy. I have long wide boat feet, and these huge chunky dad sneakers make me look like an elephant. I want a slim sleek dark solid-colored Euro-style sneaker to minimize my humungous hooves, not these bright white foot yachts.
anon
OP here, and I think the dad sneakers are so unbelievably ugly. Also, at age 41, it’s not like I can wear them ironically. I might as well strap on the Skechers I wore in college.
Anonymous
I think you are looking for something low profile, based on this and the preference for full-length pants. So if you are looking at P448, for example, you should gravitate toward the John style. In Converse, you might prefer the shoreline vs. other styles.
Kate
Bright white foot yachts – got a good laugh.
Anonie
paul green
Anon
For those of you who wear blazers: should I be easily able to raise both arms in front of me up so they are parallel to the ground? I feel some pulling. Cannot remember if this is normal or not. Not my normal range-of-motion for a blazer, but I want to make sure I can drive and navigate all the turns in our parking deck.
Ugh, 2022.
Cat
It will look sharpest and sleekest sitting normally if it fits this way driving… Why not take it off for the road?
Anon
Excellent point! I was going to wear it under a sized-up coat that I bought to layer over outfits (so I look like the proverbial tick about to pop). But I’d rather not burst out of my clothes on the way to work.
Senior Attorney
I note that men always take off their suit coats while driving.
Anon
I couldn’t even tell you about this. I do know that on Law & Order (rewatching from the beginning), the detectives are always in suits and put a coat on over their suit. And have suits they can drive in (or “drive” in). But they are men, so of course their clothes are functional and they can walk in their shoes and even wear socks so their ankles aren’t cold and blisters are prevented.
Maybe I need a pair of brogues (kidding! I don’t like the look but could do loafers).
Anon
Agree that men take off their jackets while driving. One Super Exec CEO friend always has this hanger thing installed on the back of the driver’s seat. He has very broad shoulders and gets the size for his build so the jacket hangs perfectly while he is in transit. I wish I had something like this in my car.
anne-on
With a close fitting suiting material blazer (wool/linen/etc.) probably not. The Jcrew going out blazers and other ponte blazers with more stretch, so those should be able to. Slouchy oversized blazers are the look with the younger folks I see at my office and I would imagine those let you have a better range of motion? But yes, this is why you see people taking their jackets off in the car/on the train. It always surprises me when I wear a full skirt suit just how restricted my motion is – I take big steps and gesture a lot and that doesn’t work well with closely tailored clothing!
Anonymous
Yes, you should be able to raise your arms. Sometimes there is a temptation to buy the blazer one size too small to avoid tailoring, which results in the blazer’s being too narrow across the shoulders and upper back and pulling in this way. Buy the size that fits across the shoulders and have the waist taken in to look trim.
I don’t drive while wearing my blazers, but I do raise my arms to point at things on my slides.
Anon
I can raise an arm, but raising both arms forward at once is just something I do while driving. New Jersey person, so the gesturing isn’t hindered. Just wasn’t sure re driving. I can flip someone the bird, but not two birds, if that makes sense.
Anon
I have broad, swimmer shoulders, so no, I’ve never been able to do this with any blazer.
Anon
You’re supposed to, but a lot of brands cut narrow in the shoulder like JCrew. I always have this problem with blazers. I find that BR tall sizes have wider shoulders, or if you do something stretchy like a MMLF jardigan that works.
Jane
OMG I’ve a new position offer suddenly in Riyadh! I hate my current job and have been dying to move but really not sure about Riyadh, especially as a single woman. Fintech. Please share if you know anyone/anything/anecdata. I’m freaking out!
Ribena
My reaction would be ‘oh heck no’, personally. I would never choose to move somewhere where I’m not a full person, legally speaking. (Acknowledging as I write this the privilege I enjoy as a white middle class cis woman in the U.K. – I know there are plenty of people here in the U.K. and elsewhere in the West who have a much tougher time than I do, and they didn’t choose for that to be the case).
Anon
+1
anon
+2 no chance
Anon
Yep, fully agree.
Anon
+3 and I’m a brown woman.
NYCer
+4. I wouldn’t even consider it.
Anon
100% there is not enough money in this world to make me move there.
Anon
Same. I can’t think of a number that would make me willing to do this.
Senior Attorney
Yup.
Nesprin
+5. Wouldn’t work anywhere where women are so comically oppressed.
Anon
I have lived in 6 countries, some of which I’ve moved to sight unseen, but literally you could not pay me enough to move to SA.
test run
My experience is almost 10 years old at this point, and I know things have changed since then re: abayas and driving, but Riyadh is more conservative than Jeddah so I suspect things haven’t actually changed all that materially. My biggest recommendation would be to find out from your employer exactly which compound you’ll be living in, what type of housing you’ll be in (apartment, house, etc.), how you’ll get to/from work (will you have driver?), and details around your vacation time/who will pay for what (usually when you’re an expat companies pay for a certain number of flights home, etc. etc. and because Riyadh is not a fun place to hang out in when you’re not working, you’ll want this all very clearly hammered out). If you’re in the right job/compound, I think being a single woman there is fine (I was when I was there), but between the transient expat population and cultural restrictions, it’s not exactly an easy place to date, so if you’re not interesting in staying single long term, take that into consideration!
Cornellian
I don’t know if this has changed but I had a friend who worked there as a lawyer about 8 years ago and it was a serious adjustment. Like in a lot of middle eastern cities, she ended up living in an expat bubble (which I would find tiring, but others do not). She had a hard time with the dress code (skirts to at least calves and ideally ankles, carrying a headscarf everywhere she went) and felt that she couldn’t use her skills directly with clients as a woman. She also was frustrated that lots of roles seemed to be given via nepotism, and ended up working with less than competent folks.
Maybe FinTech is different, but I would much sooner go to UAE or something.
BB
What do you do in Fintech? That industry is hiring like crazy right now, so I would totally explore your options. Also, most of tech is offering remote jobs, so you can move anywhere you want (way better options than Riyadh).
Seventh Sister
It sounds like it would be an amazing adventure! But yes, I’d want to know as much as possible about the money and the expat compound/conditions.
Here and Curious!
also I just want to add here that I am fascinated by your post OP. Would be interested to hear where you live currently and how you found the post? did you interview? what interested you to begin with?
Sunshine
I highly recommend talking to some women from western countries who currently live or recently lived in the kingdom. If the job is really interested in you, the employer should be able to provide references or there may be women here. I would think the travel opportunitites could be great and the financial incentives could be huge too.
Anonymous
Friends who grew up in the Middle East and then came to the US for their education and careers tried going back to Riyadh to work. They returned to the US because they could not make their dual career lives work, but they did return for annual vacations.
I worked, as a single person, in a Muslim country for three years and I am so grateful that I did.
A
No way.
Anonymous
Question for the parents of older kids, particularly sons: when did you have the talk about sex? How have you talked about porn with them? Any tips for a mom of a very young 5th grader?
Anon
We had the talk when they were in early elementary. Took their individual leads–when they started asking questions or bringing home hilariously bad info from older kids, we knew it was time to provide facts. I recommend the books “Isn’t It Amazing?” and “It’s Perfectly Normal.” I have a non-binary AFAB 5th grader and this is all they talk about because the puberty is starting for about half the class. My 8th grade son denies having any interest whatsoever (sure, buddy), but it’s all his classmates joke about. My advice is arm them with facts early and often.
Anon
I’ll add our rule is they can’t joke about/reference something they don’t understand or aren’t willing discuss. So as they get the giggles any time I say any phrase that could be stretched to be a euphemism for something gardening-related, I calmly invite them to tell me why they think it’s funny. If they repeat something they’ve heard but clearly don’t understand, the rule is they have to be willing to hear the factual explanation of the term or they aren’t allowed to repeat. Between classmates and the internet the world is throwing lots of term, jokes, judgments at them and I want them to take some responsibility for the words they use and the concepts they reference.
By 5th grade, if you haven’t given them info, they’re getting it from their classmates. That was true 30 years ago when I was in 5th grade and it’s especially true now. And I use “info” loosely, because the misinformation runs rampant.
We haven’t addressed p*rn directly but we’ve talked about respectful representations of intimacy and with an 8th grader I think the rest of that conversation is coming shortly.
Anon
Our son is 15, will be 16 this summer. We started talking about bodies, puberty, porn, sex and consent in the 5th grade, because that’s when they started having the school assemblies talking about “your changing body” and our son had questions.
We never sat down for The Big Talk and made it a big production. We answered his questions about puberty, and I got him a book about it, which he read cover to cover in one evening. My son and my husband would have occasional conversations about masturbation or about things that kids had said in school when they were alone in the car together. There was something in the news – I think it was something related to the Brock Turner case, not the original decision but something else – that he asked a question about, and so then we had a conversation about consent and how that has to be present, bi-directionally, in all his relationships with people. We have parental controls not just on his phone and computer but on our WiFi – we can see all the sites he visits – and a couple of times when my husband checked the traffic, he found sites our son shouldn’t have been looking at (this was when he was in high school) and sat him down and had a talk about that, and then later I made a point to talk to our son about porn and how porn gives an extremely skewed and very unrealistic idea of what really happens in human sexual relationships, and we didn’t want him looking at it for that reason, not because sex is bad or dirty. He told methat there were kids when he was in middle school who had gotten busted for surfing for porn on the school computers after they hacked the blocker software. So I feel like we should have had the porn conversation earlier.
The biggest piece of advice I have is to read up yourself about different genders and sexual orientations. A few months ago, our son told us he feels like he is bisexual but has decided not to date or get involved romantically with anyone, of any gender, until he is probably out of high school – he feels no strong desire to engage sexually or romantically with anyone at this stage, and feels like he may never get there (which they now call being asexual/aromantic I think?). He has felt equal, not-very-strong feelings of attraction to males and females and queer people, but no attraction so strong he has actually wanted to act on it. Which is a completely different experience than I had, and my husband had; we both dated and had relationships in high school, which I don’t think was actually a positive thing but it was such a part of the landscape back then (in the 1990s) that I can’t imagine how it would have been received if someone I went to high school with had just said “I don’t know which gender I want to date so I’m not dating.” I had some inkling of some of the stuff he was talking about, but my husband was not prepared and while he took it fine (and acted loving and supportive, etc.), after the conversation with our son, my husband kind of panicked and had to go research a bunch of stuff to feel like he even understood what was being talked about.
Beyond that, our son has a friend who is nonbinary and another (a kid we’ve known for a long time, who was assigned male at birth) who is trans and has decided to get on puberty blockers. He has friends who are identifying as bisexual or pansexual, and who are dating both boys and girls. It is a whole other world out there. It’s definitely not the world I grew up in, where people fitted very neatly into little boxes: male/female, gay/straight. Which I agree probably was not a healthy situation for everyone. The school doesn’t present information about any of this stuff, but the kids talk to each other about it and some of his school friends have parents who have talked to them about this expanded pantheon of genders and orientations (we were waaayyy behind the 8-ball on that, obviously), and of course there is stuff in the media (like the regular news) about it. So be prepared; we were not. Ultimately my feeling is that people are so much more than their sexual orientation and their gender identity, and I don’t care what happens in the future – I want my son to be who he is and be happy. But when this conversation happened with him I realized that I had stayed very boxed-in and binary in my thinking, and we don’t live in that world any more. I was prepared to have a gay/straight conversation with my son, and talk about consent in his relationships with men or women. I was not prepared to have a conversation about being asexual/aromantic (I know this sounds ignorant, but had not really realized that was a thing to the point of it being an identity) or his being bisexual, or to have conversations about stuff I barely understand like kids transitioning genders, what poly relationships are like (he has a couple of friends who are claiming to be poly) and how to know, from this plethora of choices, where his identity falls. It’s a brand-new world out there and I am still informing myself about the gradations of it.
Anonymous
Thanks for this! I have a 4th grader and hadn’t thought about most of this.
Seventh Sister
I have definitely had to learn a lot about this stuff, and find that my teenager (and her friends) are delighted to explain things to me and/or correct me if I misgender someone. They are much kinder than I would expect about me making a mistake, though I do find myself correcting them from time to time when they teen-splain something like Ellen’s sitcom or don’t ask, don’t tell.
Go for it
Talk early and often. They will try to shut you off~ “oh mom”Stress that porn is not reality based, that people are emotional, complex, and that depth is needed to be with another person intimately.
In every conversation I stated at nauseam
that it is critical to use protection even
when the other person says they will.
Side note~ My brother told his kids not
to sleep with anyone they did not want to marry. That was both regarding emotions and pregnancy.
Anon
Re your bottom sentiment: we stressed that you could be raising a baby for 18 years with whomever you are with and will be extensively involved with that person’s parents and this also means it will be hard, if not impossible, for you to go to college or continue with college, especially in Year 1 of being a parent. That is pretty strong birth control (to which liquor is a strong, if not stronger, cure).
One kid mentioned binders last week and (not where my mind was going) has a friend who wears one to flatten out the chest; said friend was a girl last year but is not this year. TL;DR: someone is talking to your kids about all this, perhaps not maliciously at all, so you should be ready to chime in. [I met that kid’s mom and the mom still refers to the child as a she; totally not touching that aspect of all of this.]
Another anon
This was the (very effective) conversation my dad had with me. Don’t take risks with anyone you dont want to be connected to forever and not all STDs can be cured.
Anon
My parents hooked up in college and my mother got pregnant. She dropped out; they got married; they had two kids and divorced. I’ve known for a lot of my life that gardening can lead to unplanned pregnancies, in a very visceral way. When our toddler is old enough to understand, we will tell him this. I don’t want him thinking this stuff does not happen or only happens to “other people.”
Anonymous
My husband got his high school girlfriend pregnant twice, and she had 2 abortions. He still feels badly about this. He is a very smart person, but they didn’t feel like they could get birth control (small town in the deeeep South) and the urge was very strong. So I think you better arm your kid with protection, regardless of what you are telling them about “don’t have sex with anyone you don’t want to marry.” And frankly, that doesn’t seem very sex positive to me. I’m very happy I had sex with people I did not want to marry!
Anon
But what if his girlfriend hadn’t had those abortions? I think that’s where the advice aimed at men is coming from.
Anonymous
My point is that advice would not have prevented the pregnancies. He said the only sex ed he received was “don’t get her pregnant.” He did not intend to, and yet he did.
Anon
I have elementary age kids and my son is in first grade. We’ve been using proper terms since birth, and he understands sex at a high level, although he thinks the man pees in the woman to make the baby. We’ve also been talking about consent from an early age, and we’ve talked about appropriate things for appropriate places. (e.g. You are naked in your bedroom and bathroom, and not in public places. Others shouldn’t see your bathing suit areas without mom or dad present – like a doctor – and you shouldn’t force others to see your bathing suit areas, so no nudity in public.) Hopefully this is setting the tone for more conversations down the road.
We’ve also always emphasized that they can ask us questions and never worry about getting in trouble. If they see or hear something, they can always ask us. When he asks questions, I try to answer honestly but only what he’s asking, and at a level that makes sense. So when my daughter saw the middle finger on the playground, or my other kid searched for percy jackson and found racy fanfic art, or my son’s class found scary peppa pig photos, we explained as best we could in a matter of fact way. Those started a conversation about curiosity and inappropriate images. It wasn’t perfect, but we tried to explain that it’s normal to be curious, but because anything can be on the internet, at their age they need someone to help decide if internet pictures are okay to view. We can help them check for things like realism, consent, and too scary/ too weird stuff. Again, hopefully that sets the tone for more conversations down the road.
With my oldest, she wants a phone. One of the conversations we’re trying to hit early on is about the way ads are sneaky, and also about the extent of photoshop and filters. There are good videos online that discuss potential plastic surgery, photoshopped photos, and other enhancements that celebrities do to their photos and videos. We’re now starting to talk about deep fakes, and how you can’t trust everything you see even about yourself. I feel like this is helping with the “realistic” aspect of online sex too – sometimes it’s enhanced or even downright faked, and it’s dangerous to think that’s how it really looks or works.
I remember getting one sit-down talk with my parents and never got anything else other than what I heard from friends’ older siblings. I think a better way is a series of ongoing, escalating conversations that help kids navigate this world and all the nuances that come with unlimited access to the entire world’s imagination. Keep that in mind, and it will take some of the pressure off of doing it “right”. You can just use your next conversation to correct or expand on anything you said.
anon
+1 on using proper terms, answering questions, and raising topics like how periods work, how babies grow in a uterus, etc. early and often.
anonshmanon
bathing suit area is using proper terms?
Cat
I think it’s pretty clear OP is using a euphemism for posting purposes… unless you think we all have trowels and hoses in the bedroom
Anon
Exactly, I was trying to avoid mod as much as I could.
But I will add, when they were very young, it was a helpful concept for the kids to understand – the parts of a body covered by a bathing suit or underwear are involved in making and feeding babies, or going to the bathroom, and those are the ones that people sometimes make up names for or treat as bad. Those are also the parts of your body that no one else has a right to see or wants to see without warning, unless mom or dad are with you and say it’s okay.
Anonymous
I just want to thank all of you for having these talks with your kids. I don’t have any kids (yet), but now I have some great tips for these conversations. We had zero conversations about puberty, sex, dating, etc in my family, other than my mom once telling me “Don’t kiss your boyfriend in public. People will wonder, if that’s what they do in public, what do they do in private?” after she picked me up from a bowling alley and saw me give him a peck goodbye.
Anonymous
Yeah, my mother gave me all the clinical information from a very early age and then nothing, even though I had rotating boyfriends beginning in sixth grade and then often had multiple dates in a week and long phone calls other nights with different boys all through high school and college (well, *men* at that point). At 21, the word “virgin” came up somehow and she looked at me and said, totally out of context, “Stay that way.” She was . . . many years late. Don’t ignore your children’s lives. I was totally fine on my own as it turns out, but it baffles me to this day that she was so nonchalant about the whole thing, just assuming she hadn’t raised a sl*t so I was totally clear on waiting until I was married, and just gave out virginity and sl*t-shaming messaging even into my adulthood.
Anon
I also had no conversation with my parents about anything, whatsoever. I think they thought it would all get covered by whatever we were taught in school, but that was very, very sanitized and not really about sex; more about hygiene and puberty. I learned about sex from a book I read one day in the main public library when I was there after school researching for a school project. The lack of conversation made me feel like sex was a taboo subject, and so when I started having sex, no way was I going to ask for birth control. Then I got pregnant, and my boyfriend and I had to try to figure out how to get me an abortion basically by asking one of his friends (who had been through it with his girlfriend) what to do, and then calling Planned Parenthood. I ended up miscarrying before the abortion, and having to go to PP anyway when the bleeding wouldn’t stop on its own. That was a lonely, scary time. I felt like a complete failure and a disappointment to my parents and was also scared out of my wits, and had no one to help me and no one to talk to. I never want my son to have to feel like that. Regardless of what he has going on, I would rather know about it and try to help as best I can. So we talk about sex as the subject comes up and don’t save it up for some big dramatic conversation, and also encourage him to ask questions. I’m hopeful this is the right tactic.
Anon
I’m sorry you went through all that as a teen without adult support. One parent to another, I think your openness with your son is spot on.
Anonymous
I’m so sorry you had to go through that experience alone without adult/family support. Now you have the chance to model different behavior and create support systems that you lacked.
I get it! Sex and reproductive health was, and is, taboo with my parents. I helped my younger sister access abortion when she was in college. She felt alone and unable to talk with our family, and she really had no knowledge of birth control (we went to an abstinence only public high school). Years, later, she is married in her late 30s. Recently, she mentioned recurring UTIs in the group family chat, and my mom said she didn’t want to hear about it. It’s scary how some parents cannot engage in any discussion of reproductive health. For instance, I have no idea when my mom started menstruating or went through menopause, information that could be helpful to share with her daughters. I know to not bother asking.
Anon
When I was in high school, my father told me that every boy, no matter how nice or respectful, will try to get away with as much as he can. Always. I have no idea what he told my brother.
A
Grade 5… basically when he asked me. I’ve always answered all his questions truthfully so he will keep coming back to me for answers. I kept it simple but it was still enough to “gross” him out:)
Anonymous
Speaking of clutter – I am about ready to donate half my closet. I like most of it and most of it fits, but I honestly just have too much. (Example – I wear jeans maybe once a week. I have 43 pairs of jeans. I usually wear the same 4-5 pairs year round. Dresses – I must own 50. I wear about 20. How did this happen!???!)
If anyone has done this level of purge – or drastically regretted it – thoughts appreciated!
Anon
i do not own 43 pairs of anything so i have never done this level of purge, but if getting rid of like 37 pairs of jeans feels scary, i would start by categorizing jeans (maybe by wash/shape/length) and choosing the one i like best from each category. then 6 months later see if you are wearing any of them. with 43 pairs i think it would be impossible to remember what i actually had, so if you aren’t ready to be totally ruthless, can you at least half it?
Cornellian
I know there are wardrobe specialists who you can pay to meet with you, talk to you about your style, advise on what colors/cuts work for you and help you purge (and buy more if you want).
But the easiest way seems like it would be to turn the hangers all the wrong way and after 3 6 12 months throw out anything that hasn’t gotten turned around.
EJF
When I struggle to get rid of things, it always helps me to put what I am considering donating in a box, and give it a few months before actually donating it. I find I’m more willing to put it aside if I know I’ll have a chance to change my mind before it is gone. Then, I’ll take a look one last time before it actually goes to Goodwill. Every so often I decide to hold on to something I had planned to donate, but usually not.
Anon
Get rid of it the same way you acquired it – over time. Get rid of 5 pairs of jeans and 5 dresses this weekend. In two weeks, get rid of another five.
Cb
Yeah, I’d try them on each morning and if they aren’t perfect, put them in the donate pile.
anon
I also do not own 43 of anything, but over the weekend, I went through my closet(s), tried everything on, and since most of it didn’t fit, was very honest with myself that there is snowball’s chance in hell that I am actually going to take the items to get altered since I have been saying that for three to four years now. It resulted in a very very large box of clothes that will be doing to the donation bin. I am still WFH and if anything, will only go back hybrid, so there is no need for me to have 10 pencil skirts, 8 of which need to be taken in. If I have a need at that point, I will fill it, but for now, off they go. This is not quite the same as you, since you say most of it fits, but definitely get rid of everything that does not fit, and only keep what you are actually wearing, not what you think you might wear at some point, or have some emotional attachment to even though you know you won’t wear it. Get rid of it!
Anonymous
I’ve done something similar. This is a bit of a downer but a close family member, the same size as me, died. I was offered and accepted her fabulous wardrobe. But, you know, it was overwhelming and it wasn’t all fabulous on me. I needed to get rid of a lot and it was difficult. I ended up doing it in stages. I did an initial purge of perhaps 25% of what I needed to get rid of. I then institute a one-in-two-out policy. A few months later I felt up to another purge. This is personality dependent but I found it much easier to do it slowly than to do one massive purge.
Anon
If items in your closet are in good condition, I’d be tempted to request some free “Clean Out Kit” bags from ThredUp and just slowly start sending items in as you purge over time. I’ve heard the actual return on sales from sending stuff in is not super great but it’s really convenient compared to using a local consignment store.
Anonymous
43 pains of jeans?!?!?!?!
Anonymous
I drastically purged my closet in March of 2020 then got laid off in March of 2021, so I purged again. I am so much happier with a small closet. Now everything in my closet coordinates and is made of materials I love and feel good wearing. Here’s what worked for me: spend a day going through everything and purge ruthlessly. If you don’t want to wear it tomorrow, it needs to go. Make three piles: 1) trash or donate immediately, 2) maybe I want this, 3) this fits weird or is out of style/season or has some fatal flaw but I love it. Donate pile 1 ASAP. I give you permission to put clothes in the trash, but Goodwill recycles clothing they can’t sell. Ok back to purging. Give yourself a week or month with pile 2 VISIBLY within reach when you get dressed. Anything that hasn’t been pulled (physically worn) in a month has gotta go. Pile 3: I kept most of this stuff but then donated or gave to friends when I realized I was never going to wear it. I have infant twins so I might have gotten a few items tailored if it weren’t for them, but giving them to people/organizations that I cared about was good enough for me at the time. FWIW I shop at thredup a lot but couldn’t be bothered to do a clean out. YMMV. Good luck! Hope this helps.
PS this is not what you asked but I had to put myself on some strict shopping restrictions to prevent myself from immediately going back to 43 pairs of jeans :) After you outfit, you might look into strategies for buying less. Ignore if that’s not a problem for you.
Senior Attorney
+1 to buying less going forward! I am doing no-buy January and am realizing that constantly buying clothes is basically a habit that can be broken.
Anon
Go in with a critical eye for every flaw. Donate anything that doesn’t fit perfectly, or that is a pain to launder, or that is a hassle to style. Make a “yes” pile, a “no” pile, and an “eh” pile. Commit to wearing the “eh” pile until you remember why you’re lukewarm about the garment, then decide if the problem can be fixed. Move to “yes” or “no” as appropriate.
Anonymous
I did this. My husband was traveling for work and I scheduled a charity pick up. I put everything into heaps that I wanted to donate or probably wanted to donate and then I carried the heaps into our living room floor where I sorted everything into stacks–jeans, pants, dresses, blouses, coats, jackets, etc. After that, I went back to my closets and did one last critical review. Then I went back to the living room and tallied and bagged everything. It got easier to let things go once I realized just how much stuff there was. It felt really freeing. And the best part was that because I was home alone that week there was no one to judge. For me, there is a lot of shame and it makes it harder to purge with that shame. The person above making judgment about the quantity of jeans–that’s not helpful. It’s like telling a fat person “3 pieces of toast?!?” It’s been about 10 years now and I need another purge–not as drastic as that first one but still pretty major. But I’m really struggling as I’m fully remote and looking for a new job so not sure if I’ll need my office wear. And husband is home all the time now. If I could do things over again, I’d try to give myself a “in 1 out 1” rule for anything new gong forward.
Senior Attorney
I don’t know how old you are, but for me the answer to “how did this happen?” is “I’m fairly old and I was buying clothes the whole time.”
I am getting close to where you are, although I have plenty of storage space so up to now I have resisted the urge. Back in the day I LOVED having a huge wardrobe and wearing a different outfit every day, but since the pandemic it just seems ridiculous. I will say that I have been getting rid of things here and there and it’s been mostly positive, although just the other day I wished I had my polka-dot blouse back, so there’s one data point for you.
Anon
We lived in the same house for 17 years, and it was an old house with lots of nook-and-cranny storage space. It was not hard for me to end up with dozens of something just by shopping casually over many years and not really ever purging anything. A lot doesn’t have to come in at one time – when old stuff never leaves, and new things trickle in, it can add up to a lot. When we moved out of that house a few years ago, I unearthed clothes from high school that I had put in one of the back closets. I did a gigantic purge when we moved out (like seriously over half of what I owned got donated or sold) and have tried to be more disciplined about purging since then. One rule I made for myself is: if it doesn’t fit where I already have clothes, something’s gotta go to make room. No more “creep” allowed into areas of the house outside of my main closet and dresser. That alone keeps things in check.
Anonymous
I have done this over the past year and I am still in the process. I do not regret it one bit and hope to get rid of just as much this year. I had lost some weight, which helped make some of the decisions. But after that, it was a matter of not hanging onto things I was keeping in the hope of fitting into them again and then, as another poster suggested, categorizing things and narrowing from there. I do like to have variety and have an outfit for the weather or occasion. So, for example, I found I had about 10 pairs of lightweight casual pants for warm weather. Realistically, I am only going to wear about 5 of those in the season, because I have favorites and I only socialize casually about 2-3 times a week and sometimes I wear a dress. So that was how I got rid of 5 pairs of pants. Then I hung those pants together in the closet. I did the same with heavy wool pants, jeans, twill, etc. I still go into my closet on the weekend and try to find 10 things that made it through a purge a year ago and sat untouched. Out they go. I have been more discerning about purchases as a result, because now I know what I have and also know I have plenty so I am only drawn toward something that is really different and of higher quality than what I already have.
Anon
I change my closet over seasonally (warm weather clothes vs cool weather clothes) because there’s not enough room for both. If I’ve not worn something for the whole season, I really have to have a good reason to store it again. Why didn’t I wear it? Obviously if it’s something like formalwear or a suit for an in person presentation, that’s a good enough reason. But for your basic sweater or pair of jeans, if I didn’t wear it this winter, I’m not going to wear it next winter. I just put everything in black hefty bags and take it down to goodwill.
What you don’t want to do is this game
– but it’s still nice
– but I paid a lot of money for it
– but I might still wear it someday
– imaginary me might wear this on vacation
All of those things are lies you tell yourself to justify keeping something you will never ever wear again. Just get it out of your house and never think about it again. It’s so freeing.
Anonymous
I just did this two weeks ago. It was amazing. My husband and I cleaned out our big walk in closet and a closet in another room that holds our work clothes. We donated 10 large trash bags worth of clothes. Much of it was in great condition and still fit, but we don’t wear it – so what’s the point of keeping it and making it so difficult to put away and find the clothes that I do wear? I say GO FOR IT!
Anonymous
Keep the 4-5 pairs of jeans you actually use.
Look at the others and identfy which ones have the same function as a favorite. All those jeans that you could wear but never actually will choose over the 4-5 favorites? Donate or sell. As long as you do laundry you will NEVER choose them first, they are just clutter in closet.
Dresses you will never choose first (or second or fifth) can go as well. Special occasion things may be an exception, but you don’t need thirty extras you will never choose first.
You are well ahead on the declutter thing since you already realize you never use or choose a lot of the extras.
Anonymous
I have done No Buy lists for myself and just stopped buying things in certain categories until I have actually worn out what I already have. Then I started reducing the piece count in those categories by styling the most worn pieces in the category and wearing them out. If you just donate what you currently have without changing your purchasing mindset, you will just end on a cycle of shame donations. I currently still have too many skirts and too many shoes, but the rest of the closet is under control.
More Sleep Would Be Nice
Any PM work-out ladies here? If so, talk to me about your routine please!
It seems like everyone in my life wakes up at 5 AM and works out, but it’s better for me to either a) squeeze it in during the afternoon when WFH or b) do it after kids are down (if I don’t have to work). Maybe it’s a throwback to my 20s when I’d hit the gym after work…
test run
It’s not a particularly well defined routine, but since I WFH and have a meeting-intensive job, I just squeeze in a workout in whatever 1-2 hour long gap I have between meetings that day. I don’t block it on my calendar or anything, I just spread out my mat on the floor in front of my work computer and put on a peloton video (I pick the length of the video depending on how long the gap is so I have time to shower). I have the mindsight of “when will I work out today?” rather than “should I work out today?” and that’s the right combination of flexibility/structure that I need to make it happen.
AnonATL
This is what I do too. I check my schedule the night before and block off an hour when I think it will be least busy. That gives me about 30 minutes to hit a workout or the treadmill, then shower, and back at my desk. I keep my phone with email/chat open on the treadmill and if someone needs something urgently I can pause the workout and go back to my desk.
If I waited until after my son was down for the night, it would never happen.
OP
I needed to hear this framing (“when will I workout today”)! I’m doing it similarly – and also have a meeting/deliverable intense job. I’d rather wake up early to knock out work stuff than workout so keeping that as a back pocket option too.
test run
Same when it comes to getting up earlier to work instead of workout – another nice thing about working out midday is it can really help take the edge off a stressful meeting/e-mail. Helps me reset and not carry it through the rest of the day.
Panda Bear
I go to spin classes at around 5:30pm. I wish I could wake up and exercise first thing, but I’m just not that kind of person! Since I’m still working from home, what I usually do is make dinner (or at least get everything prepped and chopped) around 4:30pm, so that once I get home at close to 7pm, dinner is made or almost made. Then I take a shower after dinner. The only downside is that I tend to stay in my p.j.s/lounge clothes all day, since I know I’m just going to change into workout clothes for spin at 5:30, which sometimes makes me feel like a slob. But I’m glad I’m at least exercising.
Anon
I tried for a lot of years to make myself get up in the morning and work out. Bottom line, I am not a morning person and it’s just not happening. Once I stopped fighting myself about getting up early, I became a much happier person.
I solved the evening workout thing by getting home exercise equipment and working out at home. Getting to the gym in the afternoon or evening is a tall order sometimes, so I have a treadmill, a set of handweights, a yoga mat, some kettlebells, and a TV hooked to the Internet in my bedroom and can usually get an hour or so of working out in no problem in the afternoon or early evening. I also WFH and absolutely take advantage of low-meeting days to get workouts in. Most of my colleagues do as well (I see lots of blocked time for “gym,” “workout,” “afternoon walk,” etc.) so I have no guilt about it, and neither should you. Make the WFH work for you! It doesn’t take a lot of equipment or anything fancy to get in a good workout at home. I don’t even really need the treadmill but it’s a nice-to-have on days when I want a good run/walk interval program.
OP
Yes! This is great – I should have clarified this is all for peleton at-home workouts, not going anywhere. I just bought some adjustable weights, yoga blocks, and a strap. I love the idea of just squeezing it in vs. designating a set time.
Anonymous
I can’t do morning workouts either (unless it’s for a weekend day hike) because I’m a night owl and just don’t function before 7AM. My usual workout routine for a week is Mon – 7PM Orangetheory (HIIT + cardio) class, Tues – rest or yoga on my own before bed, Wed – 7PM orangetheory, Thurs – 7:30pm yoga class, Fri – 5pm orangetheory or rest, Sat – day hike. This means I usually eat dinner pretty late, so I prep on the weekend or rest days, or just eat something heated up from Trader Joe’s. For a snack during the day to get me through, it’s usually some fresh fruit, maybe a slice of cheese to go with it.
Anonymous
I am a morning or mid day person, but DH does well with the evening workout routine. He fits in a few heavy lift sets during the workday (he’ll knock out some DLs, curls, push-ups, or floor presses between calls), and rides the peloton at night after kids are asleep (around 9 pm). It works well for him because there aren’t any real excuses at that time of day (while I sleep through morning workouts whenever a kid wakes me up middle of the night) and he is a night person. He usually logs back on work for a couple hours after so for him, it’s a nice way to wake up a bit (not something I’d want that time of day!).
Anon
I work out while my husband puts the kids down to bed – usually start between 7 and 8. We take turns on who puts them down. I typically just do videos or something.
Senior Attorney
I am lucky enough to be able to leave work at a decent hour, so I generally do my workout (these days, a very brisk walk around the neighborhood) the minute I get home. I’ve also been bringing workout clothes to the office and doing a nice long walk on my lunch break. (Hubby and I are putting the gym on pause during Omicron but I got a Fitbit for Christmas and I am obsessed!)
Clara
I don’t have kids, but I am not at all a morning person and forcing myself to wake up super early to work out is just worse for my overall health. I leave work as soon as possible (ideally before 6) and say I’ll check my email after working out, and try to get the gym done before other social events. I also got a multi-location gym membership so that I can go to the gym near the office or near the house if I’m WFH
Sunshine
I love cardio in the morning (I’m one of those 5am people), but weights are great in the evening. I can’t do cardio after I’ve eaten my food for the day (all that sloshing around in my stomach!), and yet I feel like I need to eat my food for the day to lift. I usually do weights 2-3x per week about 5pm at home.
Gail the Goldfish
I am not a morning person, so I work out late. Like late enough that gyms that close at 10 pm close too early for me. I haven’t been going to the gym for anything but yoga since covid (because I find cardio in a mask miserable), but we usually eat dinner 7:30-8ish, I give it an hour or so to settle, and will do a workout at 9 or 10. I have done body boss workouts at home in the past and need to start doing those again. My husband and I will also go on walks after dark around the neighborhood sometimes (He doesn’t understand why I won’t do this by myself. Oh to be a man.)–we have the Noxgear Tracer lightup vests (we don’t have kids, which makes it easier to take a 9 pm walk). I ride, so days I ride, I leave work about 5, go to the barn and ride, eat dinner about 8, 8:30, then work a few more hours in the evening. The hardest part about evening workouts is fitting in dinner.
roxie
I’m in mountain time but mostly work eastern zone hours – so using a 4pm mountain workout time is a perfect transition from work day to evening. I need it both physically after sitting on zooms all day and mentally to refocus and turn off. The few times I do a morning workout it throws me off for the whole day! There’s something amazing about doing the 4pm workout knowing that (most nights) I can then turn to cooking a fun meal and relaxing for the night.
Rib pain?
This is a long shot, but wondering if anyone has dealt with a rib injury and has words of encouragement or advice. I fell skiing a while ago, and didn’t pursue medical treatment because the Internet suggested there was nothing a doctor could do and that the only reason to get treatment would be if an organ had been punctured. I could breath basically normally so figured my insides were basically intact (the pain is focused in one spot around mid-rib on the left). Also with Covid surging I don’t want to needlessly burden a doctor, ER, or urgent care. Two weeks later, it still HURTS and is interfering with sleep (and exercise is really out of the question). Sometimes the pain is dull and constant, and other times stabbing (like a muscle spasm). I think I just need to be patient, and that it doesn’t matter whether I have a fracture or just tweaked something, but wanted to see if anyone had a moment of “I’m so glad I saw a doctor because….” or just had tips for coping with rib pain. TIA!
Anonymous
What is wrong with you go to the doctor that is how you know it’s nothing major and you just need to rest
Stop being ridiculous and call your doctor
Rib pain?
How is it ridiculous to want to avoid burdening over-worked medical professionals (or waiting hours for care), when the internet is quite clear that there’s really nothing that can be done and I’ve lived for 2 weeks with annoying pain but nothing more serious? To be clear, I’m not worried about contracting covid (vaxed, boosted, and recent infection so I’m basically a superhero for the next few months), but in ordinary times I probably would have had it checked out just for my own peace of mind.
Thanks to everyone who has provided constructive feedback! Never hurt a rib before so it’s really useful to hear others’ experiences.
Cat
Because you don’t know it’s NOT more serious until you go get checked out. Make the appointment!
Anon
You’re insane.
Anon
Where I live, orthopedic practices reserve some appts for “same day” patients. Can you skip the ER or the urgent care and go straight to an orthopedist? This is what my husband did for a knee injury during the pandemic, and it definitely beat waiting hours and hours at an ER.
LaurenB
Unfortunately there is often little that can be done for broken ribs like this other than tincture of time.
Anon
My husband was pushed to the ground after a concert about 5 years ago, and broke two ribs on the right and one on the left. He did seek medical attention, and was told there was nothing to be done. They never healed exactly right and he still has pain if he lies wrong, or even if he just needs a deep breath. He wasn’t even close to functional for 3+ months. You are in for a long haul.
MagicUnicorn
I tripped and fell last summer and my ribs took the brunt of it. Read all the same internet search results you did and decided I had none of the really concerning symptoms and chose to avoid a doctor’s visit due to the covid surge. Took something like 6 weeks before the sharpest edge of the pain dulled, then another couple of months before I could function normally without wincing. Probably about 4 months total before the pain went away entirely. It was indeed miserable and I felt quite feeble the whole time.
If it happened now, I would just mask up and go to the doctor (and our local covid numbers are something like ten times what they were last summer). Even if they can’t do anything, knowing that I was not going to spear an organ with a shard of broken rib while sleeping would provide peace of mind. Caveat that I have decent insurance, am vaccinated and boosted, and have no covid risk factors to consider.
No Problem
You probably bruised or cracked a rib. I have bruised ribs before and it does take several weeks to heal, easily 3-6 weeks. You’re just not there yet. I found that certain movements caused more extreme pain, like turning the wheel of my car with the arm on the affected side. That was the day I learned how much your upper body twists and expands when you do that! Otherwise it was more of a dull ache.
You are right that there is little that can be done about either unless a broken rib is misaligned (which of course you wouldn’t know without an x-ray). However, it’s possible a doctor could prescribe some PT or breathing exercises or something.
Anon
Go to a doctor!!
Cat
what on earth? Go to a doctor! This is what they are for!
nuqotw
Will your doctor do a telehealth visit? It sounds like you are in enough pain and enough concern that you do need to consult a doctor. I completely understand not wanting to go into a doctor’s office, but I wouldn’t worry about the strain on the healthcare system thing. If something is seriously wrong and you don’t attend to it now, whatever is wrong has an opportunity to get worse; then you will find yourself putting more strain both you and on the healthcare system than if you went now.
BelleRose
+1 to telehealth
Senior Attorney
I had some cracked ribs during my martial arts days, and taping them up seemed to help. Or you can get a brace at the drugstore that would probably be easier, especially if you don’t have anybody to help you.
Anon
Not a medical professional but my understanding is while taping used to be the recommendation, it is no longer advised because it can increase certain adverse side effects. I would definitely consult a doctor before doing so.
anon
I fell down a flight of stairs and broke two ribs a few years ago. I went to the ER and had x-rays to confirm, but there was absolutely nothing to be done about it other than tough it out through the recovery. The pain was absolutely excruciating for the first week, and I was pretty miserable for at least a month, alternating advil and tylenol around the clock. It was about 2.5 months before I felt “normal” again and was able to slowly resume exercise.
Skip it
+1
there is little a doctor can do for bruised or cracked ribs and they take time to heal. I support your non-doctor stance OP, but agreed on the long haul recovery.
Rib pain?
Thank you! To be clear I was not trying to say I was “right” or look for validation of my choice, and I’m definitely not anti-doctor. That’s exactly why I was here asking for input! But to call me “insane” or “ridiculous” for the choice I’ve made for 2 weeks based on a lot of internet research? Was not expecting that.
Anyway, thanks again to everyone who provided constructive feedback. Based on that feedback, I called my Orthopedist (does not do ribs) and sent an email to my primary care doc (was trying to avoid bugging her but convinced by the feedback here to try). Honestly even hearing how bad it was for others makes me feel like mine may not be so bad. It hurts for sure but is not excruciating. Sorry to hear how many others here have experienced this — not fun.
Rib pain?
And further update that my GP said not to get an xray or to see her because nothing they would see would make a difference. I don’t think anyone’s reading any longer, but nevertheless updating to say that my instincts were spot-on and that I’m not, in fact, insane or even ridiculous.
Cat
Why did you post then if you were so confident in your self-diagnosis? Don’t you feel at all better for having actually consulted a physician rather than Dr Google? Hope it heals quickly.
Rib pain?
I posted to see if anyone had any experiences that would help me to gauge whether it was worth consulting a doc, and in fact the kind words and experiences people took the time to share were enough to get me to bug my doctor, which I appreciate. My point was not that I was “right” (I wasn’t), but that I’m not insane or ridiculous and those who use those words freely should perhaps reconsider their approach to interactions with internet strangers.
Anon
In case you are still reading this, I want to say that people were needlessly rude to you. I understand exactly where you were coming from with your approach. Good luck with healing.
anon
So I’m not about to do a 100-day dress challenge (that sounds seriously weird, no matter how it’s styled), but it does bother me that so many work-appropriate tops and shells are polyester. They don’t feel great on my skin, and I have noticed that they have to be washed more frequently since they hold onto odors. I’d love to find a go-to work top that is comfy, preferably cotton-based, and still polished. Does that even exist? I’m afraid silk is way too high-maintenance for my lifestyle.
Anon
Depends on what you like. Pendleton has a nice silk/cotton mock neck that washes up fine. Unless you are especially sensitive, good wool isn’t itchy, and it’s my go-to. Talbots had a nice 100% merino sweater that I bought in several colors. I think it’s still available in the sale section and is priced really well. When my office is in an arctic phase (wonky climate control), I layer a wool (Ibex or Smartwool) undershirt, then a heavier sweater, but that’s all about function, not looks. I have a few silk blend tops like the Pendleton one and the Pendleton Colby suit sweater, but my wool stuff sees the most use in all seasons.
I try and stay away from cotton, since I’m in a warm climate and cotton, once wet/sweaty, stays wet and sweaty, so no recommendations there.
Panda Bear
I completely agree about polyester – drives me crazy, but often it is all I can find in tops I like and that actually fit me. For the odor holding problem, pinning in some old-fashioned dress shields (on short and long sleeved tops – not really an option for sleeveless shells) makes a huge difference. I just take those out and toss them into the wash. And for my tops that are silk, I wash most of them on the ‘hand wash’ machine cycle, in a mesh bag, and hang them to dry on a rack. So far, so good.
pugsnbourbon
I’ve been wearing the heck out of this top: https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07YDK27RM/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
It’s 60% cotton/40% modal (same base as rayon) and feels very soft. I wear it tucked into high-waist pants.
I have a cotton-linen top from Target that also looks nice, and Uniqlo usually has simple, tailored-ish tops.
pugsnbourbon
Oh, and for stinky pits try liberally dousing with cheap vodka and don’t use dryer sheets (if you dry polyester tops).
Anonnymouse
I look out for nylon/viscose/cotton tops that have similar feel to light poly but don’t have these problems. I live in a hot area so need breezy stuff for work.
Anon
By silk second hand.
Anon
Oops, I meant buy of course.
Anonymous
For synthetics that hold on to odor, I run a load of them in Tide sport wash (followed by a regular load because I don’t like the smell of the sport wash) and it takes removes all odor and seems to block out new odor for awhile as well. Has definitely saved some garments.
Anonymous
I’m going to buy this! I have some microfleece PJs that really hold odors!
Anon
You might try the Febreze laundry additive. I love the scent, and you use it in conjunction with your regular detergent, not instead of. I used to get it at Target, but now buy on (a maz on) because I can’t find it in stores. It’s AWESOME for pet bedding, too. We actually use so much of it we have it on auto-ship.
https://www.amazon.com/Febreze-Laundry-Eliminator-Detergent-Refresher/dp/B00UFG61UM
Anon
I feel the same way and never wear polyester. I aim for at least 70% cotton and the rest can be modal or spandex. I often end up with 97% cotton 3% spandex or elastane. I also look for ribbed cotton which leads to better tops which are a little heavier and nicer than t-shirts. Lands end and Uniqlo ribbed cotton work for me.
Mm
Etiquette poll: in this day and age, do you send handwritten thank yous? I would typically do so for holiday gifts in the past, but have not done so yet this year and feeling like it’s just not a priority. Fwiw, I have a young child who’s too small to write for themself.
Anon
Depends on the circumstances. Senior relative who loves getting mail? Yes. Senior relative who’s a bit persnickety about that kind of thing? Yes. Acquaintance with whom I should be polite? Yes. Close relative I see/talk to often? No. It’s perfectly fine to take one of Junior’s scribbles and drop it in the mail with a cover note, “Junior loves his Christmas toy and says thank you!” (They don’t have to know it was any old scribble and wasn’t drawn FOR them to say thanks.)
Anon
Yes, for any real occasion “gift, gift”. (i.e. I don’t do it for if someone brings me a bottle of wine for hosting or something).
We have elementary school kids, and we have them do it to the extent they are able to as well.
Anon
Yes, of course. Not sending thank you notes isn’t okay just because you don’t feel like it.
Cat
I replied below but at this point – the most important thing is you say thank you even though it’s belated. Nothing worse to a gift-giver than not hearing a peep via any medium. (Did it get there? Do they care enough to acknowledge??)
Anon
It doesn’t need to be a note. It can be an email or a text or a call.
Cat
Yes in an actual card for-
– Older relatives not present when the gift was opened. For kids too young to write their own but can wield a crayon, kid colors a picture of the gift and parent writes how much they are enjoying it.
– Gifting Occasions like weddings or showers
Otherwise, text or email or phone call. (Like if we give a gift to a friend’s kid, friend will text a pic of the kid playing with it. Or we’d call our siblings to say Merry Christmas and thank them for gift.)
Anonnymouse
Yes, I still do (no kids). I think it’s partly because I enjoy it (stamps, stationary, pens, yay!) and like keeping up with this tradition. But I don’t begrudge anyone who doesn’t.
Also, it’s never too late to send one! I’ve sent thank yous months later and don’t think it matters.
Anon
Same — I could open a stationery store with what is in my house. It sparks such joy.
Anon
I recently placed a large order for custom stationery and it made me so, so happy. I got remarried 4 years ago, and have been without anything with my new name/monogram, and had forgotten how much joy I get sending a pretty handwritten card. I’ve whipped those new cards out for any reason in the last couple months!
Anon
Yes.
I bought a die-cut thingie that punches out “Thank You” and did that on construction paper when my kids were too young to write, they could draw a thank you picture. Now, at 11 and 13, they write letters AND know how to do a return address, address to the sender, and where the stamp goes. Not just b/c it is good manners (and these are often going to an older general who really loves to get mail from them), but b/c sending a letter is a life skill. I deal with a govt agency that often requires certified mail and/or faxes, so just b/c a lot of things are online doesn’t mean there still isn’t a use for paper correspondence.
Anon
gifts for weddings/engagements/graduations/birth of baby/when my mom passed away – yes. bday and hannukah gifts no, but i email or text, which i actually think is nicer in some ways because then it often leads to a conversation with that relative. once my kids are older i do plan on having them write some thank you notes to get used to the practice. they mostly get gifts from grandparents who are often present when they are opened.
anon
Yes. Always and forever. I also send people regular notes and cards. People love it.
Anon
Yes, for all gifts and any givers except those in my or SO’s nuclear family. The biggest pain is just being chill when my husband drags his feet on sending thank you’s to his family and friends. I still get on his case to do it, and usually he follows through but constantly reminding myself that I’m not responsible for his terrible manners doesn’t always calm my frustration :-)
Senior Attorney
I don’t do them for holiday gifts where I have thanked the giver in person (which is basically the only holiday gifts I get). If I got gifts in the mail I would send handwritten thank-yous. I am religious about handwritten thank-yous for dinners at people’s houses (remember those? sigh). And we have had a few parties (birthday, anniversary) where people brought gifts, and they all got handwritten thank-yous. So short answer: Yes.
anon
I cannot think of the last handwritten thank you note I’ve written outside of my baby shower back in 2018.
anne-on
Yes, but in full disclosure a lot of it is demonstratively modeling to my child that everyone should write thank you notes. And frankly, it’s nice to get ‘real’ mail vs. bills/magazines/etc. I maybe write 5-7 or so a year? After big birthdays/showers/weddings adults aren’t usually given gifts any longer. I did have to buy my husband stationary and remind him to write thank you notes after his 40th a few years back but that was the last time I recall having a bunch of notes to write outside of our son being born.
For hostess gifts I tend to default to sending flowers or some food I know they’ll enjoy the day after a party in lieu of a thank you note but either works there.
Annony
Absolutely. When my daughter was too young to write them herself, we’d snap a picture of her with the gift and print it on a notecard to send. I understand why parents don’t send thank you cards for birthday gifts but it still offends me. I’ll even take a text, for crying out loud, but no acknowledgement at all? There’s really no excuse for poor manners. Thank you notes are the hill I will die on.
Anonymous
Yes, I always do a mailed written thank you note for a gift or a kind gesture like writing a letter of recommendation. I love receiving them as well. I have a few relatively unsentimental friends in the medical profession who save every patient thank you note they receive, and really appreciate the notes during this stressful time for healthcare.
Rox
Nope, never have. (I can’t be the only one??)
Anon
You’re not. My family and friends quit doing the handwritten notes in favor of the thank-you texts years ago, bonus if accompanied by a funny GIF or bitmoji. Great by me, because I see paper thank-you notes (all handwritten cards, actually) as clutter – they go straight into the recycling bin after I’ve read them. I hope people are not spending a lot of time and care on the paper notes they send to me as I look at them for about 45 seconds, think “great” and then into the bin it goes. Same with birthday cards, holiday cards (even the ones with the cute photos on them), etc. Some of us are not sentimental about paper goods. And I am unapologetic about that.
Gratitude
As an avid thank-you note writer, I am unapologetic about the fact that your 45 seconds of joy (or derision) is worth the time and care that I spent on writing the paper note, thinking of how to best express to you how much your thoughtfulness meant to me and how much I value having you in my life. I want to say all the things now to the people who matter to me so that, if there’s ever a time that I can’t reach out to them and tell them how much they mean to me, I will know that they already know.
Telco Lady JD
NOPE. We had a baby in November 2020 – at a Covid peak and pre-vaccine. We had a newborn, no help, and were completely isolated. And I (not my husband) was hearing rumbling from certain people about how they hadn’t yet gotten a thank you note, and did they get the gift, and did we enjoy it? Jesus H. Christ. If I had been being honest, I would have said “I honestly can’t remember if we got it, or what it was – and therefore no…we haven’t enjoyed it. We’re literally just trying to survive with a newborn in a global pandemic, k? Thx.”
At that point, I decided I would neither expect nor write thank you notes ever again. A quick text when my kid happens to be playing with a gift she received? Sure. If I remember.
Interviewing question
I have been interviewing for multiple jobs in the same field. I am almost in the final stages of the interviews with 2 companies. Company A 2nd and most likely final interview before they decide is tomorrow. Company B has asked if I am available to speak with the manager for the job on Friday. I am considering telling Company B to schedule the interview for next week instead, incase Company A decides to include a 3rd interview. In case any offers come from both or one, I would like to have had the opportunity to have fully interviewed at both. Asking to schedule the Company B interview for next week, good move or not?
Anon
Keep you our Friday interview with B and if A wants another they can work around that.
No Problem
Wait, what? It sounds like you’re further along with Company A, and you want to ask Company B to move to next week? That doesn’t make any sense at all. Keep both interviews as scheduled and hope that Company B’s timeline for making a decision can be compressed to align with Company A if you’re actually interested in both positions. That way you can evaluate both offers at once rather than sequentially.
International Law Student Question
A distant relative from India reached out to me about practicing law in the US. She is getting her BA LLB in India and wants to get her LLM in the US so she can practice here. Anyone have advice?
Hazel
No real advice, but an anecdotal caveat: I work with several Indian attorneys (in India) who got LLMs overseas and were still unable to secure a visa to work in the U.S. or Britain. A lot of firms are reluctant to sponsor a new employee for a work visa, and the pipeline for a permanent residency application is REALLY long right now (serious COVID delays), so she does need to consider the possibility that she might be forced to return to India after getting her LLM.
anonymous
Yes, it’s really tough to get work visas these days. It can take years – like 10 to 15 to get a company to sponsor you so she would be stuck in the same company while they process the visa. She would have to start over if she moves to a different firm.
anon
I would caution her to look at bar rules to confirm her LLM will be accepted by the bar where she wants to practice, and to only go an LLM program with an excellent track record of placing LLM alumni in that area.
I would also look for a program that offers a lot of practical lawyering skills, preferably with practitioners. My experience is that, to an American transactional lawyer, Indian law practice is very formal and academic. It’s a hard enough transition to write brief, practical emails to clients for new JDs, but I imagine it’s an even harder transition coming from a more formal system.
Anon
I”m trying to buy plane tickets for multiple family members for a big trip this summer. When I look at prices for 4 people on the same flight, its $750 per person. When I look at tickets for 6 people on the same flight, its $900 per person. WTF. Anyone have tricks to get around this (other than to buy tickets for 4, then immediately do a second transaction for the 2 additional people?)
Anonymous
That would have me looking at prices for 3, 2, and 1 person.
Anon
exactly what you said. airline has 4 tickets left at the $750 price
Cat
+1
Anon
+1 Airlines don’t price every ticket on the plane the same. They usually sell a limited number for a lower price. There are 4 tickets left at the $750 per person rate, and you have to pay significantly more for any tickets beyond that. You can buy 4 tickets and then buy 2, but I’m sure the final price will be the same as what you’re seeing for 6.
Vicky Austin
Try clearing your cookies.
Anon
Queue up 4 @ 750 on one device and queue up 2 @ 750 on another device. See if it works?
Anon
Cue
Anonymous
This is what we do. DH on one device and I on another hit book at the same time. Always works.
Anon
I am late to the party and only just delved into the world of joggers, but I bought the Zella Cara based on recommendations here. OMG these are magical pants, I love them so much. My husband is begging me to buy him a pair, too. I love that I get all my best lounge clothing from people on a professional wardrobe b1og. :p
Nylongirl
Hello from a real life Cara. Thank need joggers & feel like this is a sign.
Anonymous
Dumb question, but please talk to me about snow tires — do all cars need them? Do you go to the dealership to change your tires at the start of the season? If I keep skidding while driving is that a sign I’m a bad driver or I need new tires? Thx!
Anon
I think special snow tires are more of a thing in climates where snow is rare. In the Midwest, everyone has all weather tires that drive fine in snow but are also used year-round.
Anonymous
We have two small cars and do feel a benefit with snow tires. When we’ve driven bigger cars, we’ve been perfectly fine with all-season tires in a snowy Upper Midwestern state.
We have our tires swapped by a mechanic shop at the change of season. They bag them for us and we store the out-of-season ones in a corner of the garage. We could have the shop store them, for a fee. If we wanted to spring for an extra set of wheels, then we could do the changeover ourselves — but that gets pretty pricey so we don’t.
No judgment on your driving, especially if you need new tires/better traction — but snow tires aren’t a panacea by any means. You still have to start and stop slowly, steer gently, and generally move slowly in snowy weather.
anonymous
I live in the midwest where we get snowy winters and I don’t have special snow tires. Just make sure your regular tires have the proper amount of air. I notice from the transition from fall to winter, I get the tire pressure indicator and need to fill my tires at the gas station. Also, make sure the tread is good. When you get an oil change they can check that.
AnonMom
I’m in an upper Midwest state with lots of snow and ice, have been driving here for 25+ years in wide range of cars, trucks, and SUVs over that time frame. Never have I ever gone with snow tires, but I do always have all-weather tires (not all-season, there is a difference). I rotate on the recommended schedule and replace when the tread and/or mileage indicates it is needed (whichever comes first). I do not have traction issues unless I’m driving inappropriately for conditions or have let the tread wear too far.
Anon
My mechanic (husband and wife business, I trust them implicitly) recommends a high-quality all-season tire for the tristate area (lower NY, NJ, eastern PA). I’ve been satisfied with those on my FWD subcompact. Can’t speak for other geographies.
Skidding while driving depends on a lot: type of car and transmission, weather, humidity, driving style. Too many variables to say for sure. If you feel your car is acting wildly out of the norm compared to people around you on the same roads, then it could be you.
Anon
My mechanic (husband and wife business, I trust them implicitly) recommends a high-quality all-season tire for the tristate area (lower NY, NJ, eastern PA). I’ve been satisfied with those on my FWD subcompact. Can’t speak for other geographies.
Skidding while driving depends on a lot: type of car and tr@nsmission, weather, humidity, driving style. Too many variables to say for sure. If you feel your car is acting wildly out of the norm compared to people around you on the same roads, then it could be you.
Anon
You don’t need snow tires, no. All weather tires will work unless you’re like, an ice road trucker. But, if you’re slipping and sliding all over the place it’s probably a sign that you do need new tires.
Having to buy new tires is one of my least favorite adult responsibilities. They’re expensive and after spending all that money you have nothing shiny or sexy to show for it, just stupid tires!
Midwesterner
You typically need snow tires if you have a rear wheel drive car and live somewhere snowy. You may also need them if you live somewhere snowy for long periods of winter and want better traction. You will get them swapped on/off seasonally. BUT. You may just need to replace your regular tires due to wearing tread. Or perhaps you have summer tires and need all seasons. Worth going to a tire place to find out but feel free to shop around!
anne-on
Your dealership can change your tires but our town has local ‘tire’ chains that sell and swap out tires which are more popular/cheaper. We put them on both of our cars around thanksgiving every year and take them off in late March. I skidded out into a busy intersection our first year in MA when I was pregnant, in an AWD car, driving slowly, it was just a steep hill I was coming down and there was enough snow on the side street to make it especially slick. If you can afford it I think it’s a key investment in your safety.
Ness
Depending where are you living. If there is snow at least you need snow chains that you put only in the moment snow starts to drive safely. I live in Europe and here, in some countries it is compulsory to put snow tires on winter (think Sweden for example) or you will be fined but in others it is only compulsory to carry the chains just in case they are needed when there is bad weather and in some roads they could became compulsory (traffic police would no allow you to pass without then). Also when it is only light snow there is a spray that can make the trick for a short distance.
But if you are skidding with really light snow go to your mechanic to check your tires maybe you only need to change them for normal maintenance.
Anon
Just pointing out that tire chains are not legal on paved roads in many places (including my US state).
Ness
Thanks,
and in others is compulsory by law, that is why it is important to say where are you located when you give advice.
Anon B
Snow tires make a huge difference if you live somewhere that is prone to black ice, even if it doesn’t snow very often. Strongly recommend snow tires in the winter in such places, not just all-season tires (and I say this as someone who has driven sports cars, AWD sedans, and large AWD and 4WD vehicles). As a driver, it would also be worth practicing driving in the winter somewhere icy with minimal traffic to create muscle memory on how your car responds to stopping, slowing down, etc. on different textures at different speeds to improve your control before and during a skid.
I don’t even bother with a dealership, I just go to a tire place. If your car is still under warranty, though, a dealership might store the off-season tires/wheels in addition to replacing them. I’ve found it easier to keep a full set of spare wheels, not just tires.
Anonymous
I’m in Norway. All cars here have snow tires, and all heavy vehicles have special legal requirements for snow tires and snow chains.
Your insurance or standing in a trafic accident in Norway would be very low without snow tires, it’s considered a serious safety negligence, and could mean loss of licence as well.
Pomme-Grenade
I think this really depends where you live. I live in Montreal, Canada. In Quebec, it is mandatory by law to have snow tires on your car from Dec 1 to March 15.
I used to have all-seasons tires or all-weather tires during the winter until 15 years ago and I prefer by far the winter tires. The winter tires have a better grip on icy road, dry ice and when driving in the snow. I usually buy those winter tires at a tires store, along with the all-seasons tires that we used from spring to fall.
anon
I live in Montana and snow tires are close to essential here. I think it’s more a matter of temperature – regular rubber doesn’t perform as well in subzero temps. All weather tires aren’t sufficient here, even on a 4WD car. Most people keep a pair of snow tires they put on in November and remove when our winter is over (in June, haha).
Shelle
Late to the party but I’m pretty sure this dress and boots are on the cover of an Amy Grant album from the early 90s! Accessorize with a giant heart locket. What’s old is new.
anon
OMG, you are so right.
anon
Oh, I remember that album cover! That’s it exactly!
Vicky Austin
omg it so is! haha!
Cat
Heart in Motion, right? The soft tendrils and crushed mauve velour were total tween #goals for me
Anon
My first CD!
Anon
Rant: I work for a very large national company and we have been experiencing an employee exodus since summer. Hiring has not been able to keep up with the shortage so we are severely understaffed for the foreseeable future. The company is so flat-footed about this issue- they haven’t raised wages in years and haven’t touched employee benefits either, which are also below market. It has to be more cost-effective to raise wages and/or give more than 2 weeks of vacation than to have this kind of turnover, and yet, nothing. Stupid.
Bloedel Babe
Me too. I have a resignation letter drafted. I wanted to get my July bonus but might not make it. I feel like 90% of my role is simply managing around other people’s laziness, incompetence, egos, and analysis paralysis. I am tired of being angry all. day. long.
I think the stress is causing a bunch of weird medical issues but if I *am* on the cusp of a horrible medical diagnosis then I need my medical insurance and therefor my job. What to do?
Anyway, commiseration.