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Coffee Break: Gem Trio Stud Earrings

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Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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115 Comments

  1. I realized that (by chance) every book I’ve read so far in 2018 is written by a female author – I’d like to continue the trend for the rest of the year. Any recommendations? I like contemporary fiction, memoir, and a lot of non-fiction, especially anything related to science/technology, travel or food.

    1. i just finished and loved I Am, I Am, I Am. It’s a memoir of sorts, about the writer’s 17 brushes with death.

    3. Ruth Reichl’s food writing is wonderful — Comfort Me With Apples and Garlic & Sapphires are both great culinary reads.

      You might also enjoy Mastering the Art of Soviet Cooking by Anya von Bremzen.

      Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson is wonderful.

      I assume you’ve read Octavia Butler given your interest in science and technology.

      If you want a different spin on current events, check out Sarah Kendzior’s The View From Flyover Country.

    4. Pachinko and/or Free Food for Millionaires by Minjin Lee

      I actually did a female author only thing in 2017 and loved it. Of course, I don’t read much because #biglaw so it wasn’t terribly difficult.

    5. This Must be the Place and This Is How It Always Is. Currently like The Woman in Cabin 10. Wild is a good travel(ish) memoir if you haven’t already read it.

    6. Check out /Homecooking/ by Laurie Colwin’s–it’s a collective of essays about food and cooking, including a personal favorite: Alone in the Kitchen with an Eggplant

    7. I joined Book of the Month Club specifically to find books by women and minorities. Every month they seem to have at least 2 books that fit the criteria, many months even more. Maybe search the archives of past month offerings (or search their Instagram feed) and see if there’s something that jumps out? I really liked Lillian Boxfish, Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, Last Equation of Isaac Severy, City of Brass, The Windfall, and The Sun is Also a Star.

    9. – Big Little Lies (Liane Moriarty)
      – Everything I Never Told You (Celeste Ng)
      – The Vegetarian (Han Kang)

    10. Oh (wo)man, I have so many recommendations here!

      Lab Girl, everything by Terry Tempest Williams, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, An Unnecessary Woman, Birds of a Lesser Paradise, Almost Famous Women, The Power, The Portable Veblen, History of Wolves, Queen Sugar, everything by Rainbow Rowell, Diving Belles and Other Stories, and The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks are all recent favorites by female authors that sound like they’d fall within your wheelhouse.

      P.S. this is a really great idea and I hope you find so many amazing books.

    12. Little Fires – Celeste Ng
      We Are Okay – Nina LaCour
      Akata Witch – Nnedi Okorafor
      The Hate You Give – Angie Thomas
      Prairie Fires: The American Dreams of Laura Ingalls Wilder – Caroline Fraser

    13. The Namesake – Jhumpa Lahiri
      What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding – Kristin Newman
      Bel Canto – Ann Patchett
      It’s What I Do – Lynsey Addario
      Everything You Ever Wanted – Jillian Lauren
      The Night Circus – Erin Morgenstern

    14. I love this! I try to read female authors and am working my way through a list the New York Times put together. Here are some books I recently read and would recommend that I think fit your criteria.

      – Radium Girls
      – Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
      – anything by Barbara Kingsolver (one of my all time favorite authors—I especially like Animal Dreams)
      – A Separation by Katie Kitamura
      – Outline by Rachel Cusk
      – The Power by Naomi Alderman
      – Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng
      – Wild by Cheryl Strayed
      – The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas
      – Pachinko by Min Jin Lee
      – Sing Unburied Sing by Jesmyn Ward
      – Binocular Vision by Edith Pearlman

  2. What should I get my mom for Mother’s Day? She doesn’t drink wine or coffee, isn’t a big reader, not physically active, loves her cat and watching TV. I’m leaning towards chocolates but I’ve gotten her chocolate for just about every holiday last year. I live far away so I was going to either buy something where I live and ship it to her myself, or order it online and have them ship it to her.

    3. I do flowers or See’s candies pretty much every birthday/Mothers Day for my mom. I feel a bit bad about the repetition, but she really enjoys those things and I can’t think of anything else she’d really like. I think a lot of older people aren’t into anything that’s not consumable or if there are specific material things they want then they just buy them themselves. That’s how my mom is, anyway.

    4. Apple TV/ Chromecast/ Fire Stick plus a Netflix subscription?

      A “fancier” Harry and David tower with other kinds of food?

      One of those gimmicky (but loved by people who prefer food gifts) things like Cookies by Design or Edible Arrangements or even a deep dish pizza or Florida grapefruits or (insert non-local cuisine) in the mail?

    5. As a cat lady couch potato myself, perhaps cat themed lounge pants or pajamas? =(^..^)=

    6. Since she loves TV, if she doesn’t already have a Tivo or similar, that could be a nice gift. Or something fun related to a favorite show of hers? Or, if she gets a kick out of cat-related things, you could find some fun art or throw pillows on Etsy with a cat theme (I know this is always a good gift for my cat-loving aunt).

    7. I am going to make a donation in my mom’s name to a charity helping Syrian refugee mothers and infants. I figure she doesn’t really need anything else, and that is a motherhood-related gift. I think my mom will really appreciate that other mother’s are being helped.
      I might also buy her a few nice chocolates to go along with it since she’s a choco-holic.

    8. Flowers.

      Donation to a charity in her name

      There are some cat themed mugs on mugempire dot com – the site navigation isn’t the best, so just search for ‘cat’. I know you said she doesn’t drink coffee, but I often use coffee mugs for drinking water too.

      For Christmas I got a cat shaped cell phone holder

    9. If you have a particularly stately photo of the cat, how about a painted portrait of it? Either actually painted or one of those online services that will make a photo look like a painting. I’ve seen some really funny adorable ones. They are meant to be tacky in a good way.

    10. I just discovered the s1te that’s perfect for this! StayHomeClub dot com! (I’m spending all my money on prints from there currently. Such a shame that art with n1pples on it won’t fly in my office, tho.)

    11. Get a cat hammock that sticks to the window with suction cups. My parents bought one for my DH and it was a hit with him and our DC (darling cat).

      1. I’ve been eyeing those! My feline might need one as a belated birthday present.

        He adores his heated cat bed – KMH is the brand, I think.

  3. I have a daughter in grade school. She has ADHD and isn’t on the autism spectrum. But she has a lot of issues with social interactions with people. She can be a bit socially anxious and doesn’t look people in the eye (or even make much eye contact at all). She also chews with her mouth open (you’d think she had never been talked to, eaten at a table with others, reminded, etc.), which doesn’t help make friends at the lunch table. She has a couple of other traits (some impulsivity issues; nail biting and finger-picking; not picking up on social cues the best (like you just don’t walk up to someone and hug them)) that I know strike others as weird.

    She does have some close friends. With new people, she does better with boys and anyone who is older (like 3-10 years older is fine; her age or younger and she tunes out). She is starting to get teased and picked on by others. She feels bad that people say she is weird and it breaks my heart when she asks me “am I weird?” I answer by saying no, but that people who don’t know you may think you don’t want to play with them when you run around on the play ground with your mouth open (a weird ADHD manifestation that meds haven’t helped with and Girls on the Run hasn’t done away with).

    I feel that social skills are learnable and that I really need to help her with them, but I’m not sure where to start. I’ve read the ADHD book on girls recommended here, which was great. [I have another child wired very differently.]

    We’ve tried some theater camps and choir, but neither is really hitting the mark. I am considering a gifted/test-in middle school in the hopes that she may more easily make friends there (academically she’d be OK in our neighborhood school also) or that the school might be more used to kids like her who aren’t the standard issue kid.

    1. What about something like rock climbing or art, that may attract parents who are a little more alternative and may have alternative kids? The kids’ group at my rock gym is full of little weirdoes and is pretty mixed age-wise.
      Personally I always liked dance because I never had to really talk to anyone in class, though the teacher will probably correct her a lot for any quirky behaviors – not sure if that would be good or bad.

      1. +1 to rock gym. A climbing club is a great way to build a group of friends, and no one cares if your mouth is open if you can climb a V8 or a 5.12. And everyone smells bad and looks messed up but you still have to interact somewhat closely unlike many other sweaty sports. Plus the huge confidence boost from having muscles that do something useful instead of just looking pretty.

    3. So no personal experience, at least not yet, but a friend had success with the table manners stuff by recording her daughter eat and showing her what it looked like. YMMV but it’s an idea.
      Also, amazon sells card “games” about social behavior. Maybe this would be helpful?

    4. You’re good to be looking into this. I know a family that was in total denial when their son was young and even now – and they seem to think him making $$ and being a dr is all that matters. So they’re holding their breath for his med school admission next year with no thought to – how will he interact in a people centric profession?

      Instead of focusing on extracurriculars – why not find a social skills class? Having a teacher talking about eye contact, how to interact, chewing with mouth closed may register more than just mom saying it. At some point these things will become mechanical habits and THEN she’d benefit more from rock climbing or whatever because she’d be able to make friends or at least friendly acquaintances.

      1. The good news for your friends’ son is that there are plenty of medical specialties where interacting with people is not a big part of the job. Radiology, anesthesiology, and pathology are the classic examples but I am sure there are probably others.

        1. I know some radiologists who do teleradiology and literally never see or talk to a patient.

        2. Also, my FIL has ADHD and some awkward social behaviors, and he’s a doctor. It turns out that he’s absolutely amazing with kids and geriatric patients. He went into a pediatric sub-specialty. So, even doctors who don’t seem that great with people may find a niche with certain populations. Or, as Anon@4:02 points out, there are specialties that don’t require much interaction with patients. Another relative of mine is a pathologist, and she never saw patients.

      2. In all honesty, if there were ever a kid of mine that I might get a pageant coach for, it would be her (and not do any pageants). They are the only people I have ever heard of who make you practice making eye contact and interview skills. [Maybe law schools and college career offices do that, but she really needs these skills now.]

        In my area, a middle ground might be cotillion (middle school co-ed group classes where they teach etiquette, table manners, and how to shag (the dance, not the british shagging)). She would do well, though, to have something more one-on-one before that to take advantage of it better.

        1. Pushing back on this a bit – she doesn’t really need those skills now. She is a kid. She is not interviewing for jobs and she has lots of time to learn interview skills. Most colleges and grad programs do offer some coaching in interview skills.

          I was socially awkward, pretty similar to your daughter. The middle and high school years were rough but I have done fine in my life since then, job-wise and relationship-wise. Are there employers who haven’t hired me because I couldn’t schmooze the way they wanted? Possibly. But I have found plenty of people who appreciate what I do bring to the table as have all the other smart, kind, shy people I know. (Is there a point at which you’re so socially awkward that no one will hire you? Sure. But I’m not convinced your daughter is at that point and even if she is there’s a lot of time to fix it).

          I truly believe one of the best things my parents did for me was just accept me for who I was. I was pretty friendless in middle and high school (one close friend but she was more of a frenemy then although we are very close now in our 30s) and some days the only thing that got me through the school day was knowing that I would get to go home and have dinner with my parents and they would be nice to me and act like I was fun and interesting. I understand you’re coming from a place of love and want to set her up for the best possible future but I really don’t think pushing her to do cotillion or meet a pageant coach is the solution.

        2. Just a TJ but the ONE (32 year old) lady I know who went to cotillion chews with her mouth open. It drives me nuts.

      3. IMHO, sitting still to learn behavioral things that she will then have to pay attention to seems like an exercise in frustration for a 10yr old with ADHD and all else involved.

    5. You need to get her some therapy on learning social cues and acceptable behavior ASAP. You don’t say she has any learning disabilities and you specify that she is not autistic, so that means she CAN learn acceptable and accepted behaviors, you may just lack the training to teach her. And just because she doesn’t have autism does not mean that she does not suffer from some other behavioral disorder. You are doing her a disservice by thinking that a camp will help her with the specific issues you list above. Your daughter isn’t run of the mill “weird” (as in likes different things or is a bit quirky) she is not understanding what socially acceptable behavior is – you need to get her the proper help.

      1. Is there a standard name for this sort of therapy? And a standard type of provider?

        I have a kid like this and we have IEP meetings annually and parent/teacher conferences and if this were a standard thing with a standard provider, you’d have thought it would have come up after a couple rounds in K and 1. But I get that the schools are overstressed and underresourced, so if this is a thing, how can I read up on it? [I swear, with schools, if it won’t be on the 11:00 news and your kid is at least doing grade-level work, there is no bandwidth to care one bit more.]

        1. A big issue for schools is if they recommend it, they have to provide it. I.e. if they say your kid would benefit from X type of tutoring or therapy, they’re on the hook to find and pay for it. You’ll have better luck with asking for recommendations for kids in similar situations that could help or referrals to therapists they like than asking what your kid needs.

        2. Applied behavioral analysis. Often used for tx with autism spectrum and for more high-intensity behavioral health needs, but also helpful for the kind of social skills learning described above. Lower level practitioners (BA level as opposed to masters or higher certifications) may be called “Behavioral interventionists.”

          Sorry for the late post, hope this helps!

    6. I think you need to be working with a child psychologist about this. Whether her diagnosis is ADHD or something else, she isn’t meeting development milestones and it’s negatively impacting her.

    7. As an adult with ADHD, who had major issues with social interactions with kids of my own age growing up (and oh, also the poor impulse control, the weird picking at myself and other manifestations that also weren’t fixed with medication), I totally sympathize with your daughter. The social skills are definitely something that can be learned – I gradually got it together in HS and was reasonably adept in college, but it took me a little longer than many people (also because I had less interactions with my peers until college, partially because of the learning curve). It was a weird disconnect – I was always bright and articulate, so I got along well with adults, but not so much with my own age group. As an adult, I’ve managed to be reasonably successful, both professionally and personally. Have faith, she’ll get it together eventually (if I did, anyone can, I was f-ing WILD in grade school).

      I really like the rock climbing idea, both because it’s a different group of kids, and also because it’s a great activity that’s both cerebral and physical. I have always found that having a physical outlet has been hugely helpful, because I just have too much energy to sit still all the time (I swam competitively year round as a child). I picked up rock climbing recently, and it’s a fantastic activity with a lovely community around it. The rock gym is, I’ve found, pretty much the easiest place to make friends as an adult, and everyone’s supportive and accepting. I would look into having her try that – I think a lot of gyms have kids teams – or some other non-team sport (also great for me was/is riding horses, as you have the social aspect and also the interaction with the animal who is not going to judge you for stuff that other kids do – but finding a barn with the right social mix can be tricky).

      Just be supportive, and gently guide her without making her feel bad (for me, the impulsive and weird manifestations got worse if I felt uncomfortable or judged about the fact I was being impulsive and weird). She’ll get it eventually. :)

      1. Thank you — this is great to read.

        A part of me is very like her — I was on the math team in high school. But I am also very cheerleader / sorority / Junior League (maybe it’s also a southern thing, by family background, even though I was a military brat who was in the NEUS most of my life), so I see how it is so, so helpful to have people skills even if (especially if?) one is also book smart.

        I work in finance, so while I’m good with numbers, I also hold my own in a very bro-tastical world largely b/c I have figured out how to work with people who are not like me.

        1. You’re welcome! And the ADHD is not all bad – when I hyperfocus (either due to interest in a subject or a deadline), I can get huge amounts of high quality work done in an amazing timeframe. Or go on a complete tangent, and get absolutely nothing useful done, haha. Figuring out how to channel the energy was key, as was accepting the fact that I’m wired a little differently and that’s ok.

          And I think that having to be more cognizant of your social skills allows you to own them in a way you wouldn’t if they came more naturally. Also, I developed a very thick skin being teased as a child, so pretty much nothing bothers me at work and in casual social settings (especially helpful working at a law firm with a toxic environment).

          1. Can you speak more about how you progressed? Did you just decide do try different things one day?

            Did your parents intervene? Would therapy have helped (or would that be stigmatizing more — I believe that people are all wired differently and that I can see how things like this might telegraph that one’s wiring is bad, not merely different)? [I’m not sure what therapy is like — role-playing? Practicing ordering at a restaurant or talking on the phone? Eating in front of a mirror or taping you eat a meal?]

          2. I just gradually figured it out and got more adept. No magic fix or sudden epiphany. Maturity probably helped a lot, especially with the impulsive behaviors. The weird picking and manifestations got better as I got more comfortable in my own skin. Again, partially maturity and partially an environmental thing. I was worse at school (MS and HS were both exquisitely miserable), because I was so unhappy and stressed socially. A large part of that was because I acted out so much when I was younger that I was a pariah – it was also a very small, affluent, snobby place and I was never really going to fit in. I remember coming home from school senior year of HS and realizing I hadn’t spoken to a single person all day. I went to a sleepaway camp for nine years that was honestly the saving grace of my entire childhood, and my closest friends are still the girls I lived with every summer for years.

            College was really where I got it together. Freshman year was sort of rough as it was essentially when I learned how to interact normally with my peers (camp was helpful too, but was also a bit of a fishbowl and all girls) – especially with guys. It was sort of a weird realization that I was conventionally attractive as I was suddenly no longer ignored, and that people were actually interested in being my friend. Again, a gradual process, and I had to figure out what the correct coping mechanisms were for me – both socially and academically (and now professionally). I still say weird or inappropriate things occasionally (generally because my mind is working faster than my mouth, usually when drinking), and my close friends just laugh at me because they understand and know I mean well.

            My mom was a pediatrician, and did take me to therapy when I was in early grade school (my younger brother was seriously ill for several years, and the disruptions to my home life were very detrimental to my behavior). She was also just generally supportive, and was a good shoulder to cry on when I needed it. As far as therapy, I just remember the therapist having lots of toys? And I didn’t know it was a “therapist” or that I was weird, I just knew that on Wednesday nights, I went to Kathy’s office and she let me play with clay. I suspect the focus would be more on impulse control and developing coping mechanisms via play, rather than talking things out the way one would as an adult. I don’t think therapy for children is going to focus on life skills – and she’s ten, she doesn’t need to be perfect at ordering takeout or whatever.

            Finally, there’s also definitely a line between gentle correction and making her feel bad about her behavior. Remind her, but don’t harp on things, and pick your battles, because you’re not going to be able to instantly “fix” her. Don’t make a big deal out of things, just casually remind her to close her mouth when she chews with it open. Make sure she knows you’re on her team, and that while you love and accept her as she is, these skills will help her be happy in the future. And she’s probably going to always be a little different, make sure she knows that it’s not a bad thing!

          3. Not the same poster, but similar diagnosis and experience- hyperfocus is the coolest thing and when it clicks its amazing. Getting my diagnosis really helped, because then I wasn’t just weird, I was weird in a way that other people were weird in too, and that there were strategies and drugs and stuff to deal with the weird, and the weird wasn’t something that was my fault or that I chose. It helped to read the ADHD books/papers myself and see what people with the same diagnosis struggle with and how to compensate.

            I had a horrible time in middle school, since I was a late bloomer and thus picked on. One reading of ADHD is that its a executive function delay, so that you act younger than your age. I would have appreciated a safe space to talk about what I perceived I was struggling with at the time, and to think about how to respond to the same sorts of situations. High school was better than middle school as I found a decent group of nerdy friends, college was better than that, because coursework focused on my interests. I came into my own in graduate school and now work as a independent scientist.

    8. Definitely try rock climbing like others have suggested. It’s accepting, confidence boosting, fun, and social. Plus, it’s a great way to get exercise without it feeling like a chore.

    9. We had way weirder stuff among friends at my GT elementary. She might be happier in that kind of environment. One of us! One of us!

    10. I understand why you want to help her build social skills and I think others’ recommendations here have already pretty well covered different ways to do that, but also, I’m wondering if it would help her for you to embrace her weirdness a little more. She sounds like a smart kid. She’s aware she’s not fitting in. It’s great that you want to help her get better at doing that, but when you’re telling her she’s not weird, you’re basically telling her she’s wrong about her own experience in the world, and teaching her not to trust her own perceptions. That can’t possibly be helping her when it comes to building self-confidence, not to mention the fact that a large part of social skills depends on accurately interpreting the things that are happening around you and in your interactions with others.

      Also, honestly, while she can certainly learn social skills, there is a nonzero chance she will never be fully “fluent” in social skills the way someone for whom those things come naturally will be, and I worry that by refusing to acknowledge her “weirdness,” you’re inadvertently teaching her it’s unacceptable or somehow “less than” to differ from social norms, which could lead to long-term self esteem problems for her if she isn’t able to (or decides she doesn’t want to) rise to your accepted level of “normality.”

      1. +1 – Maybe it would be better to say “yes, you are a little weird. But that’s okay, because a lot of people are weird in their own way”. Because honestly, most people are weird about something. Have a conversation on ways it’s okay to be weird (types of interests) and where it might be better to fall in line with social norms (like table manners). You can talk about the kinds of weird that people that make people avoid you, vs the type of weird that people find cool.

        Also, she’s 10 – it feels a little early to be pushing hard on it, but not a bad thing to keep an eye on.

        1. +1 also. I know quite a few 10 year olds who sometimes chew with their mouths open. Admittedly the majority of them are boys but I do wonder if there’s a little sexism/gender stereotyping here. It might be the references to cotillion and pageants and junior league but I kind of get the vibe that you wished she were more ladylike and that’s honestly kind of gross. I think you need to do some serious thinking about whether you’d be as concerned about the same behaviors in a son.

          1. This is a yes and no thing.

            Yes, I would be equally concerned with the same behaviors in a boy, but as a parent who wants to rear a functioning grownup. And since I eat opposite the lefties, I don’t want to watch that as I eat. You do not put food into your mouth when there is already food in your mouth.

            But I do think that boys get more of a pass socially with their peers and a boy doing this would not be judged by peers the same way that my daughters girl peers judge her. Less of a sting at school for boys doing this particular behavior (the others seem to be more equally disadvantageous).

      2. I get it. I’m totally OK that she is wired differently. What breaks my heart is that she really wants to not be noticeably different enough to draw attention (as it kids tease her and make fun of her for sticking out) and doesn’t either understand exactly what makes others perceive her in this way or can’t pull it off (intellectually, she knows that you shouldn’t chew with your mouth open, and yet . . . ). One girl hit her at school a couple of times this year and I was very impressed that my daughter was able to stand up for herself and tell the girl to back off (it took a couple of times, but ultimately it worked and she did it herself).

        She’s fine being BFFs with other kids in the GT program, the boys obsessed with Legos, and teen sitter we have who is also obsessed with Hamilton. But she wants to be more normal on the surface, if that makes sense.

        [e.g., she needs to wear deodorant now; she understands that and takes care of this on her own; the other things are more subtle, but I had to teacher her what do to and take her to the store to pick it out; maybe this is like this where she has to do the work but needs adult help also.]

    11. As a grown up version of your daughter, the impulsivity + the expectation that girls are hypersocial get can be a whammy especially if she’s entering the tween phase. Some schools of thought hold that ADHD is a developmental delay, e.g. a sixth grader with ADHD has the executive function and social skills of a 4th grader. The tween years are when differences between people become more apparent- they were hellish for me. That being said, I came into my own in college and grad school.

      If you don’t have a psychologist on her team, she could benefit from one. She’s also hitting the age when she can read material on her diagnoses without your help, which I would recommend- she’s going to have to take charge of her treatment decisions sometime soon, and understanding and recognizing maladaptive behaviors in herself will go much farther than from the outside.

      For me, martial arts, swimming, running team or other individual sports, because exercise is ridiculously useful for symptom relief of ADHD (as good as drugs in some analyses) + forced, but structured interactions come with these sports, esp martial arts, where you’re expected to learn then turn around and teach. I see suggestions for dance and climbing which I can totally see working, or yoga but she may be too young. I would advise against team sports, as being excluded in a team is oddly easier.

      Cotillion/ interaction coaching would have been mortifying and horrible for me- those skills do not come naturally, and focusing on behaving a certain way would distract me from learning or enjoying the experience.

  4. Favorite run-to-lunch wristlet? Now that the season of coats is coming to a close, I find myself pocketless once again, and juggling my wallet and phone when I go out to lunch. I was gifted a Coach one with big ole C’s across it that was the right size, but couldn’t bring myself to use it. Would prefer to not have to remove my cards from my wallet as I currently do, so it needs to fit my: wallet, iphone 6s in an otterbox, lipstick, badge.

    2. I did this hunt recently at Nordstrom and ended up with a Rebecca Minkoff one. It’s bigger but a bit narrow so it may not fit your entire wallet. I just have a card case with a pocket and zip for change so it fits in there fine with my keys/phone/lipsticks.

      1. There were a ton of other options though so I recommend going to Nordstrom and being very picky and trying to fit everything in the proposed wristlet.

    3. Are you super in love with your current wallet, or would you consider a wristlet/wallet combo? I’m a Hobo evangelist and I love the Danette for this – I can use it as my wallet in my regular purse, but it has a retractable wristlet strap and a pocket large enough for the iPhone 6 – although it might be tight depending on which Otterbox case you have. The badge would be no problem, but I’m not super confident on the lipstick. I had to stop using mine when I switched to the iPhone 8+, and I miss it (I use the Hobo Lauren for these purposes during the day now, and I wish it had the wristlet strap).

      1. I actually use a notebook/wallet combo with a slot for a mini pen, which is about the size of my cell phone, because it is a defining facet of my self-identity to always have paper and pen with me.

        Yes, I know how weird that sounds.

      1. Or Kate Spade also has a bunch of really fun ones, if you wanted one with more personality!

  5. There was a question yesterday about a lawyer wanting to open a business. Here’s a poll – any of you know any lawyers with businesses (besides opening their own firm)? In over a decade of practice plus law school, I know tons of lawyers – I can think of 2 that opened businesses. (Many wanted out – they all went into HR or other JD preferred jobs.) The 2 businesses – a swim school and an organic juice company (and I was super excited the first time I saw the juices in my grocery store because to me that meant, she “made it”). Any other examples? Is cbackson right – we’re more risk averse than MBAs? I even know more doctors with their own businesses (not solo practices – different businesses) and my sample size of doctors is under 5.

    1. My friend Lorrie gave up law once she got a divorce to open a doggie grooming/ day care busness with the settlement she got. She loves dog’s so it made sense for her. She is not making a lot of money, but with her 3 kids, she is getting a lot of money from her ex-husband for child support and she funnels some of that money into her busness. I told her I did NOT think that was ethical, but she said that she did not think her ex’s having s-x with strippers was ethical either, but HE did it and must pay the price for doeing so. I did NOT have a good comeback argument for that one, b/c if I ever get Married, and then found my husband doeing any of that stuff, I would be furius and would soak him for as much as I could get. FOOEY on men like that!

    2. I am in BigLaw and have two rental properties (both of my former places that I didn’t sell when I moved out). Am using them to help train my children about money, serving others (the tenants), lease terms, etc. They have to help when it’s time to re-rent.

    3. I’m a lawyer and have a very small food business that’s a side hustle. I’d like to grow it, though.

      I do think lawyers are generally more risk averse. Also, growing my side business is quite doable, but it would be quite time consuming (and intellectually consuming), and I’m not quite sure how to balance those two.

    4. I used to be a photographer. It was hard (on top of BigLaw)! I did a lot of weddings at first b/c they didn’t directly compete with my day job. But I’d be completely exhausted by Sunday night. My feet were throbbing. And it was super stressful. It let me know that I could leave BigLaw to work in my area’s related government agency and that I could hack it as a photographer. But also that it was just as brutal and stressful as BigLaw (without the payoff). I eventually decided to put all of my energy into practicing law for a few years and photograph as a hobby and eventually found that I’d be a good pro bono counsel to an art museum that worked a lot with film as a medium (and became a good exempt org lawyer as a result, with lots of knowledge re boards, employment law, copyright law, insurance law, risk of loss, etc., etc.). So it helped me as a lawyer in the long run to have had a non-law side job.

    5. I know a few lawyers who opened bakeries and yoga studios. I know of several more who own restaurants.

    6. The women who run the podcast Pantsuit Politics are lawyers and one has a coaching business.

  6. Tomorrow (Friday) morning I’m interviewing for a contract position at a company whose dress code is business casual, but the interview is located at the parent company’s office, whose dress code is business formal. Should I wear: black sheath dress with pantyhose (is sleeveless so will have to wear a jacket) or black pants, a white shell, and jacket? Will wear heels with either.

    1. Why not a suit? I wear jeans to work most days and I interviewed in a suit. Only place I know of where suits are not standard for interviews is Bay Area tech.

    3. Sheath dress and blazer is fine if you don’t own a suit, as long as they’re both conservative in color. Pantyhose are not necessary.

      1. I’d wear pantyhose unless you’ve been to the corporate headquarters and/or know that they’re not required. Many companies still require hosiery.

    4. What color jacket can you pair with the black sheath? If your choices are
      black sheath + non-black jacket vs black pants + non-black jacket, I think that the former reads more suit-like than the latter.

      1. My jacket options are: black poly (Target), black Linen (J Crew), or light tan in some sort of scuba material. The tan one would look more interesting/is the most Springy option but I think all black is more formal? The problem is I own nice poly dresses but the poly jacket is a bit cheaper. It would be less obvious that they don’t match if I wore the pants. Then again I’m interviewing with a man so he most likely won’t notice that my poly dress and poly jacket won’t match. I’m probably overthinking it.

        1. Whether you wear the pants or the jacket, wearing non-matching black poly will look like you’re trying to diy a suit. And while the man you’re interviewing with might not notice, you’ll likely encounter other people as you enter/exit, and you never know who will have influence in the hiring process.
          Without seeing it in preson, I think a linen blazer is too casual for an interview- I’d wear the tan one over a black dress, with black heels and otherwise clean/spiffy formal accessories. Personally, it’s less about checking the boxes (black jacket, black pants, pantyhose, etc) and more about having an overall polished and professional appearance.

          Stand up straight, smile, and go kill it! Good luck!

        2. What’s the texture on the linen like? Is it different enough that it would look like an intentionally different thing?

          (But I think you’re right, that you’re unlikely to get really close scrutiny.)

          1. It has the potential to look intentional, with the added benefit of being a “summer weight” fabric. I’ll test them together tonight. It’s a bit oversized so I’m afraid it will look like I wore my dad’s blazer. Maybe I’ll tell him I’m channeling Murphy Brown, ha!

  7. Looking for music/playlist tips! My husband’s parents are turning 60 and his siblings are having a joint birthday party for them on Saturday. It will be a casual party at their home, both indoors and outdoors (weather permitting) with 75-100 people during the afternoon into evening. I’m hoping we can use a few Amazon Echoes as speakers to have music throughout the party areas, or we have a couple of other Bluetooth speakers available (a big Jambox and a UE Roll). What would you choose for party music (in terms of music services and also specific playlists)? I don’t have a Spotify or Amazon Music subscription, but I could get one for this month to avoid having ads playing. TIA!

    1. My friends did something really cute with the playlist for their wedding reception: they started around 5PM with 10 songs from the 1920s – think big band, and then continued with 10 songs from the 1930s and so on, until around midnight when we reached the 90s and everyone was dirty dancing. This might be a fun way to do it – you obviously don’t have to progress to “baby got back” but why not pick some songs from the 50s, then 60s, and work your way through the night?

    3. We had a 70s party for my husband’sbirthday and the music was a huge hit. If they are turning 60, that is their music so that is my recommendation.

  8. Tips for dealing with situations where 1) you feel like hitting a punching bag, but 2) the best (and most professional) approach is clearly not to engage? I am the primary lead for a piece of written work product. I drafted the product, working closely with my boss. The document was then given to two other people at my level, who suggested line-edits (that I incorporated, making sure to get my boss’s permission beforehand). My boss approved the final version, as did the bosses of the two coworkers who were responsible for editing it. I then sent a final version to all involved.

    Someone in a different department received a copy and noticed three typos. These are all minor things – no misspelled words, but an extra space in one area or a technically incorrect citation for the style that we use. Instead of reaching out to anyone involved, he contacted an admin and asked whether it was OK to edit to something that came from a different department. The admin said that she would run it by my boss and I first. I just received that correspondence, including the email he sent to her.

    Obviously, errors suck, I’m happy to incorporate changes, and none of this matters that much. But c’mon, dude. I wish that he had just sent me an email or an instant message over our internal system rather than trying to make changes through an admin. We also have a very specific editing process, and so this person is in no way responsible for proofreading that document.

    I should let it go, but I’ve been feeling grumbly for the last hour about it. If you want to make me feel better, share your similarly petty stories of coworkers overstepping (and I’ll validate you). :)

    1. That is some petty stuff. The only thing I can offer is to breathe and let it go. This other person is probably feeling incompetent in their line of work and feels the need to overcompensate and/or show off to a boss who belittles them.

      My story about petty work situations:

      I have a boss that assigns me work late at night and demands it be done before the next day. This is work that he knows about well in advance of the due dates but still waits until last minute to assign it. He follows up these ridiculous last-minute assignments with multiple follow-up emails where he CCs multiple people, just to ask if I have finished the work he assigned and to reiterate that I need to be working more. He refuses to accept that I have a life outside of work or acknowledge that I am not only meeting, but ahead of schedule, on all my deadlines. Even his emergency tasks are done ahead of the due-dates and he waits to review them until they need to be filed and makes us scramble last minute to incorporate his edits. He just wants me to sit and bill until 8pm everyday until eternity.

      No I do not work in Biglaw and get paid the equivalent of an administrative assistant’s salary.

      2 more weeks to bar results

      1. Crossing my fingers and my toes for your bar results! That sounds absolutely miserable, not petty, just awful. But it is a “c’mon dude” situation as well, in that he could just …. assign your projects earlier? I don’t get how this is an efficient or a humane way to get tasks done.

        1. Thanks!
          Unorganized and likely trying to get me to quit before my bar-result dependent raise

          Hope you’re feeling better about your situation too. It’s almost the weekend! Could you send the person an IM and say, thanks for spotting the issue. In the future, could you please just directly IM me if you notice any minor typographical errors? Admin is busy and I’d hate to waste their time further with such minor issues.

          Signed,
          minor minor minor

          1. I thought about it, but I’d rather not say anything at all. I’m grateful that he caught them, but it is very much not his job and I don’t want to invite further suggestions in the future.

    2. I’m not getting why what he did is so terrible. I’m an incredibly good proofreader. I would have noticed the three things. I would have wondered if i should say something or how to go about pointing it out without making a big deal about it. If I’d decided to point it out, yeah, I probably would have gone through an admin as well, thinking this was really small stuff, buy maybe the people who did it wanted it to be perfect, and the admin would probably just go in and make the changes.

      Yet it sounds like you feel he was making some kind of judgment about your competence level,

      I’d just let it go.

      2. Our editing process is such that the admin is not supposed to make any changes – no matter how small – before sending it out without prior approval, and he would know this. He is not on this project, not in this department, and has zero responsibility for proofreading anything. I would never go to the admin directly under these circumstances and ask them to change something for me, rather than contacting the person responsible for the product, no matter how small.

      3. Just adding: this would be totally inappropriate at my job as well. Even if you are a fabulous proofreader, it’s important to keep clear who is responsible for what, particularly if there are a chain of people who have to sign off on the document (and you aren’t one of them). My admin is great and totally has authority to make typographical changes, but I’d also want her to contact me and let me know if someone outside of the department was asking to edit a document. It sounds like your admin did the right thing.

  9. Just for fun: How can you tell if a particular law firm is “Big Law” or mid law or whatever? I love working with our external counsel, and for no reason other than pure nosiness, I’m wondering how her law firm would be classified and if she works the insane hours that everyone on here talks about. Is there a list or something?

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