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Updated: Mar 4, 2019 312 Comments · by

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Ruched Waist Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This sheath dress from Eliza J looks really cute. I like it in the pictured navy, but it also comes in a lovely teal color in both plus sizes and regular sizes. I love the ruching details and the crossover waist — a flattering look, but not an unforgiving one. The dress is easy-care, too: machine wash, tumble dry. If you're considering this, do read the reviews, because it sounds like the sizing may be a bit off. But if you can get the right size, this looks like a great dress. It's available at Nordstrom for $118–$128. Ruched Waist Sheath Dress This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected].

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Ellen

    Happy Hump Day (Wednesday) to the HIVE, that is! YAY!!! Kat, Eliza J has some very cute dresses for plus sizes at Nordstrom’s. I showed my mom and she is going up to Weschester today to spend the day with Rosa and the kid’s and also to go see these dresses at Nordstrom’s! I am so done with living out of a suitcase and can’t wait to get back to NYC. I have all the wrong clotheing for cold weather, and could not bring my real warm stuff b/c I have been to busy meeting with potential cleint’s. My ex, Alan, texted me to let me know he was dating someone. Why would I care at this point? What a schmoe. I do wish I was dating someone myself. When I get back to NYC, I will call a guy who works in a hedge fund downstairs who said we should go out. Grandma Leyeh says to give him a chance, so I will. YAY!!!

  2. The Straw(man)

    Does it irk anyone else that straws are used as a distraction from the real problems of ocean plastic? Its overwhelmingly fishing gear and nets. Do any other of you ladies take real concrete actions in your every day lives like veganism or being zero waste? I try not to get grumpy about token gestures, but my god I can only politely congratulate someone on their small steps so many times before I lose my mind.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, I’m irked. Straws are actually a legitimate tool to assist people with disabilities drink/eat. Why would you make straws harder to get for an already vulnerable population? I think you rightly point out that the whole straw thing is being used as a distraction from companies dumping toxic waste into rivers and oceans and all the other terrible environmental damage that goes on. Forego that straw if you so choose, but don’t let patting yourself on the back distract you from the bigger contributions to environmental damage. Take aim at those instead (or in addition).

    • Anon

      Perfect is the enemy of good. By taking small steps people learn what things they can do without and hopefully it inspires a larger journey.

      • Anonymous

        This is exactly the opposite of how I usually see things work. More often, the easy, convenient change gives people a moral high that allows them to defer real change.

      • Anon

        Talk about a straw man. None of the bans prohibit straws when asked for, particularly by a disabled person.

        • Anonymous

          This. Or restaurants could use silicone or glass straws when people are eating in.

        • The original Scarlett

          Please read the article, it’s more nuanced than that. As the focus shifts to banning straws, they become less available.

          • Anon

            But the conversation yesterday was about individuals telling their waiter they don’t want a straw. That’s not a ban.

          • The original Scarlett

            I wasn’t taking part in yesterday’s conversation, I’m responding to the OP today.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t really understand why straw bans mean there are no more straws. Why aren’t reusable or paper straws a thing? I have both hard plastic and stainless steel straws at home. I don’t understand (nice) restaurants that don’t have nicer straws or diners, etc. that don’t have paper straws.

        • Anon

          I generally think of straws as a downmarket item, like fast food or a greasy diner that doesn’t wash dishes well. I wouldn’t expect to have a straw at a nice restaurant. Why are the necessary?

        • rosie

          Some restaurants & coffee shops now have “straw on request,” and if you request, it will be paper. I am guessing they are more expensive, so the restaurant would prefer not to freely distribute. Also, one waiter was telling us (after we requested a straw) that he couldn’t keep them in his apron because they weren’t as sturdy–I guess more likely to get bent or water-damaged.

    • Houda

      I never talk about what I do because it either 1) sounds preachy – like implicitly judging anyone else who doesn’t do what I do, or 2) invites preaching from people who think whatever I do is too small
      In general:
      Whatever plastic I use, I read the label and make sure it is recyclable. I put it all in the recycling section.
      Also, I will not make my own cleaning products and toiletries. That is extreme for the lifestyle I chose so I don’t go there
      I physically walk to a store to buy things when time allows, so I use less packaging and transportation. When at a shop, I never get a shopping bag. I have my reusable ones or carry things in my hands/pockets.
      I buy from farmers so I bring my small cloth bags to get produce and reuse the same cartons for eggs.
      At work:
      I don’t do much takeaway as it was never part of my culture growing up so I don’t have much to reduce there. The stores I go to for lunch use carton containers. I don’t get utensils as I eat in the office.
      At home:
      I use microfiber towels for household cleaning instead of paper towels.
      I would buy juice every now and then and recycle the glass bottles. So far nothing broke.
      I drink tap water water or use a Brita caraffe if I’m feeling fancy. We have filters at work and gym so I only have 3 refillable water bottles that I use.

    • Cb

      I think my concern is that the burden is being passed along to consumers when in reality, the vast majority of waste comes from industrial, manufacturing, and retail processes. Yes, we should all do more to reduce the usage of plastics but corporations need to play their part as well.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah the action I take in my every day life is doing political work to reduce militarization (the US military is the number 1 polluter in the world) and increase regulations on the corporations that cause major pollution. No choice I make as an individual will have more of an impact than working to change regulations and limit the environmental impact of large institutions.

      • Anonymous

        +1. I also think this is at least partly a municipal/government issue — if our trash is currently ending up in the ocean, how do we prevent that and find better solutions for our trash?

      • Owl Lover

        Yeah, if you’ve ever worked in retail, its insane how much plastic waste there is. Even just getting an order form the Loft or Nordstrom you are inundated with needless plastic bags. And there is no reason that tissue paper wouldn’t do.

        Oh well, we just have to make an effort to shop at places that use less waste. The real problem is that we have no control or ability to access information on how much plastic waste a company such as proctor and gamble produces. :/

        • Anonymous

          I don’t have a porch, so packages just get left on the front steps in my rainy climate. The plastic wrapped packages are a help to me.

      • Anon

        +1 I think any small steps taken by individuals should be encouraged but the big gains can really only be realized at the corporation/government level. I worry that the popularity of small individual steps distract from this. That said I think we should all do what we can I do individually while not letting corporations/governments pretend that environmental issues are About individuals

    • rosie

      I agree that I think straws are a distraction. I mean, great if you can do it (and I try as best I can), but it’s not going to save the world.

      I am pescetarian largely for enviro reasons (try to only get sustainable seafood). Working on reducing plastic/waste. Some things that we are currently doing (& would love to hear ideas from others): milk in glass bottles that we return to the store (we have a toddler so go through a lot of milk); skip a bag for produce or use a reusable one if needed, and get things like mushrooms in bulk using my own bag instead of the ones that are in trays and plastic wrap; reusable shopping bags; reusable snack bags, etc., just bought Trader Joe’s beeswax wrap and we’ll see how it goes. Trying to get set up with a composting service–we live in a city and don’t feel we can do it ourselves.

      I am struggling with how much take out I eat, mainly lunches but also some dinners. All the containers seem very wasteful, although some at least we can recycle. And if we get composting going, the service should be able to take the compostable packaging that many places have.

      • Owl Lover

        I wish more stores offered paper bags for veggies and bagels and the like. The paper industry is also problematic, but paper bags also degrade and can be used as composting, and paper tree farms exist, providing lots of oxygen for the atmosphere.

          • rosie

            For sure. But why are companies not leading on this? It would be more effective vs on an individual consumer level. A corp like Whole Foods could be a leader in this area (but seems unlikely given the owner). But really, why does WF have large plastic bags for baked goods? Yes, I could bring my own container for this, but the impact of WF providing better options–a small, recyclable paper bag, for example–so you’re not getting a huge plastic bag for 1 cookie would be much greater.

      • Anonymous

        I think you can now have a green burial in some places.

        Interestingly, you can be cremated, too, but apparently you just can’t sprinkle the ashes anywhere you want to.

    • Anonymous

      Think of the token gestures in a group. I’ve been a vegetarian for years. I know skipping a hamburger here or there isn’t stopping deforestation and erosion from cattle ranching. But if I can picture all of the burgers together, it helps in recognizing that it is still far, far better than nothing. Yes, fishing nets are the problem. But it doesn’t hurt to have fewer straws. And if it gets folks even being a little mindful, then hopefully the fishing nexts get tackled soon as well.

    • Anon

      The plastic straw thing was always objectively bizarre. Any product used by 325 million people is going to cause waste, in a way that generates eye-popping numbers. However, that does not mean that the percentage of pollution or waste generated by that product is material.

      If you believe that every little bit helps, power to you, but there are other ways to reduce your plastic waste by orders of magnitude.

      • Anon

        To continue in a slightly different direction:

        I looked up the world’s largest producers of ocean plastic and mismanaged waste. The United States is the third most populous country in the world and is not in the top 10 for waste.

        I firmly believe that we ought to be leading the way, but China creates thirty times as much ocean waste as we do. Small reductions from many other countries will result in far larger overall improvements than we would by somehow going to zero.

        We can only ever fix ourselves, but it’s important, I think, to understand the scale of those improvements compared to the problem.

        • anon

          ^ this. National Geographic did a good story about ocean plastic that talks about where it’s coming from. It’s mostly in 2nd world countries that dont have good waste management systems.

    • Anonymous

      Eh, I agree the straw thing is silly but I don’t feel compelled to congratulate people on it and I think small steps lead to bigger steps. It’s not “vegan no waste” or just burn the Earth to the ground.

    • Anonymous

      Part of being zero waste is not using one time use disposables like plastic straws.

    • Anonymous

      Glass half empty? Over the course of the last few years my state has dramatically reduced the use of plastic bags, outlawed those plastic beads in toiletries and my town has taken styrofoam clamshells out of the waste stream. By your logic we should not have done that because we don’t have jurisdiction over international fishing waters?

      • Anonymous

        Outlawing plastic beads in toiletries was a distraction from less visible microplastics in toiletries, which are everywhere.

    • Anono

      I’m so frustrated that companies make so many things gs virtually impossible to get plastic free and/or sustainably!!!

      I go to a pretty crunchy grocery store and there’s still so many products you can only get in plastic containers. They still offer plastic bags!! There’s a huge bulk section and I BYO glass jars but most people seem to use the plastic bags they provide.

      I’m realizing I have way too many glass jars (I’ve just been washing and reusing jam/pasta sauce/salsa/etc jars) and aside from tossing in the recycling there’s no way to recycle them!! I wish someone would take them and reuse them! My kitchen is tiny and I can’t keep them all!!

      I’m very excited about the prospect of Loop but also concerned about the impact of the transport of everything (and porch pirates)

      • Anon

        I think this perfectly illustrates the problem with putting the burden on individuals. Most of us don’t have the time, energy or reseouces to go about reducing but would if it was the default choice offered by stores

      • Anonymous

        How do you figure out the tare weight with a glass jar? They are pretty heavy.

        And I like to think I’m that cute French girl who can tuck a baguette under her arm and walk home, but in reality I’m chucking it in my car where it will land on something icky probably (or of questionable cleanliness). And after some news channel’s report of how re-usable bags are a breeding ground for salmonella, I’m not sure if there is any good option. Bake my own bread? B/c I have time for bread to rise in my day (non!).

        • Anonymous

          Don’t use the reusable bags for eggs and meat. Use them for the rest of your shopping.

        • rosie

          Haven’t tried at a larger chain, but when I shopped at a smaller grocery, I’d take my reusable container to the deli counter, they’d mark a weight on it, then I could use it for bulk goods and the cashier would adjust accordingly.

          • Anon

            Anon from 9:48 here- at Sprouts (my usual store) you get them weighed at the checkout before you fill them! I’m lucky bc I work a nurses schedule so I can go food shopping on a mid week during work hours so there isn’t a line for this. If I was a salmon swimming upstream grocery shopping on a Sunday morning it’d be so much harder to do so. This also isn’t really advertised- I asked an employee how it worked and he actually had to go ask a supervisor

    • anon

      To respond directly to the OP: any step is a good step and small steps often lead to larger changes, but if you’re unimpressed with someone’s small step, don’t congratulate, or congratulate effusively.

      “Friend, look at these awesome silicone straws I got!”
      “Oh, uh huh, cool. How did that work meeting go last week?”

    • SC

      I agree the emphasis on straws is silly, and I am concerned about the impact on the disabled population. It does seem to be bringing awareness to an issue and generating discussion, so there’s a silver lining.

      I can’t say that I’ve done anything like zero-waste or a specific diet, but overall, I try to reduce buying or buy used items. I shop consignment for my kid’s clothes (which he outgrows before he can wear them out). DH and I buy clothes for ourselves pretty rarely and tend to wear them out. Our furniture is mostly from relatives, estate/garage sales, and Facebook marketplace. We need cars, but I drive a 17-year-old car, and we drive our cars until they’re past the point of repair. We replace phones and computers when they’re no longer useful, not when the next shiny thing comes out.

      Also, we live in a very hot climate, and for both financial and environmental reasons, we do what we can to reduce our AC usage while remaining comfortable (smart thermostats, servicing the system annually, re-caulking windows and replacing worn weather stripping in the spring, etc.).

    • Anon

      I find it cynical to say that not reducing straw use won’t do anything. While I agree that we need larger action from international actors, including corporations and governments, the only thing that is guaranteed to do nothing is…doing nothing. I also don’t find it compelling that because some people are disabled and require straws to drink that everyone else should get a free pass on reducing consumption. Plastic straws can be kept on hand for the customers who require them and many people will opt for special straws anyway (not all disabled people can use the default, cheapo straws available in most restaurants). We all share this planet and we can all do our part to be mindful consumers, lobby for laws and regulations that protect the environment, and stop using “well this doesn’t tackle ___” as an excuse to not take action.

      • Away Game

        I think blaming corporations is a really easy way to distract from the real problems and abdicate personal responsibility by individuals. Corporations want to make money. They can’t make money without individual consumers. Pretty much everything corporations do is designed to entire consumers to make more money for the corporations (and that means bonuses and salaries for their employees, work for their lawyers and auditors, customers for the suppliers and transport people….we are almost all part of that chain). SO if an individual stops buying straws, the corporations stop making so many straws. And there are fewer straws to package, transport, and sell. People need straws but don’t want plastic? Corporations will innovate so they can sell a different product. (Who say bamboo straws in the local store in 1993? Me neither.) Want to encourage fewer plastic bags? Convince individuals to stop using them. Less demand = reduction in supply and the attendant waste. Way to easy to claim “my little bit is so unimportant let’s not pretend I make a difference when it’s the fault of those corporations!” Baby steps matter, and the game we are in a long one.

        • Away Game

          Ugh. “entice” not “entire” and who “saw” bamboo straws not ‘say.’

        • anon

          Consumption in general (not just of items that quickly become literal trash that winds up in the ocean) is a key driver of environmental harm/resource depletion. Consumption is also a cultural issue, and cultures place values on consumption. Americans value consumption. Right below this thread is someone asking for ideas on what material objects she wants or needs for her birthday– the definition of needless consumption. (I’m not bashing her or making a moral judgment, just illustrating the point.) That’s the ultimate issue here, and being mindful of trash generation (which is all going straw-less really is, being slightly mindful of how much plastic you use) is a *part* of a more environmentally-friendly set of values surrounding consumption. Is it super effective? No. But fixing those values is the consumer’s role.

          But consumers will always want something. And this is why the answer isn’t just consumer choice but also a comprehensive, effective regulatory scheme that requires corporations to take responsibility for their pollution/resource depletion rather than simply foisting those externalities on the populace. I’d rather see a corporation make 1,000 widgets and properly dispose of the waste, install the correct air scrubbers, use ethically source materials, and not spend their time and money lobbying for less strict regulations or undermining the Waters of the United States Rule than see a company produce 500 widgets and fail to comply with environmental laws/ lobby for less restrictive laws.

        • Anon

          I agree that baby steps add up but as many posters above illustrates sometimes you can’t even make a personal choice to opt out of some waste. I’d love to buy in bulk using my own containers but that’s not a thing at any stores in my area. I personally would like some regulations that at least change the default option offered to consumers to the more environmentally friendly one

  3. Anonymous

    I need birthday gift ideas…. for myself! I have several family members who like giving physical, wrapped gifts and always ask me what I want (I value the physical gift tradition so this isn’t a situation where I’m fighting against that). It usually works best for me to say a category or type of thing I’d like and then they pick out the exact item. For example, in the past I’ve asked for things like bedroom slippers, pretty stationary, and bath salts.
    For some reason, I can’t think of anything this year! What category of things would you ask for?

    • anon8

      I have heard good things about the Barefoot Dreams cardigan. I think it is at Nordstrom. That’s not something I would spend money on for myself.

      Do you like cooking? Knives, or something from Le Creuset.

      Maybe a mug that will keep your coffee warm.

      Wine, wine glasses, other alcohol – if you drink.

      • Housecounsel

        Size up one if you go with the Barefoot Dreams cardigan. It’s a little tight in the shoulders/arms but other wise wonderful.

    • Momofboys

      Ideas:
      Fantastic scarf for spring
      Fancy gloves
      Museum print umbrella
      Your favorite scented candle

    • Vicky Austin

      I keep a separate Amazon wishlist for exactly this purpose, and here’s what’s on it at the moment:
      -super fancy tea kettle that somebody here linked to recently
      -a really nice yoga mat
      -the exact Le Creuset Dutch oven I want
      -a boxset of some favorite books

      • anon0306

        Same here (I really hate getting gifts, but my family & my inlaws are insistent)- I have duralex tempered glasses on it, and lots of upgraded kitchen tools.

    • TheElms

      I like upgraded basics for these types of gifts —

      A fancy insulated tumbler, like a Yeti or Hydro Flask. I think they are a lot of money for what they are but they do seem to function better than many cheap alternatives so that would be a great physical gift in my opinion.

      A work pashmina / wrap in cashmere or silk to keep at your desk for when its cold.

    • anon

      A nice throw (or two) for the living room. Because I live in athleisure (I WFH), a nice spring-weight sweatshirt or similar.

    • Law mama

      Really nice socks, fun clutch, Penzey’s spices, bookends, picture frames, good raincoat, little humidifier for office if it’s dry, card case if you are in a job where people regularly want your business card, good ice scraper for car (that’s kind of boring), nice lotion, personalized book plates, special plates just for eating birthday cake, good colored pencils and coloring book, guidebook to your state or city, anything from Zabars…the list goes on!

    • Jules

      I recently received as a gift an inverted umbrella and love it an unreasonable amount. Amazon has them in plain colors and in nice patterns.

  4. Thanks for the votes

    Sorry for the suuuuuper late notice everyone, but I DID win engineer of the year! YAY! I started traveling last Friday and haven’t been on Corporette since, hence the delay. Thank you all SO MUCH for your votes, I am sure that is the only reason I won! Bonus: Another ‘rette is at my conference and I am inordinately excited to have met someone else through Corporette. =D

    The article about the winners of the award is here, https://www.3dincites.com/2019/03/a-race-to-the-finish-announcing-the-winners-of-the-2019-3d-incites-awards/, and tonight is the awards ceremony, teehee. =3

  5. Anon

    I’m in desperate need of a vacation, but my time and money is very limited right now. I’m in NYC area and would probably be meeting my sister. Any suggestions for a vacation that would be under $1000 all in and somewhere warm and beachy? I was maybe thinking renting an Airbnb in Dominican Republic (they have a lot of cheap good options and I lived in the country years ago) but would also love an all inclusive because I love that you don’t have to *think* at all, everything is just there. I know for my price I won’t get anything luxurious. Looking to spend maybe 4-5 days there. Any suggestions of places to look into?

    • anon8

      You may be able to find some deals for Cancun. There is a website called Cheap Caribbean where you might be able to find some package deals.

      • Anonymous

        seconding cheap caribean, you can search by price on their website! there will definitely be some options in your price range.

      • anon

        My sister and I did a VERY cheap four day Cancun trip in mid December. Used a combo of points and cash. We didn’t stay at an all inclusive and it didn’t look like a “resort” online (more like a large hotel) but we only left the property once for dinner about a five minute walk away. It was super easy and chill–exactly what we both needed.

        • Ellen

          congrat’s, and WHILE i’m sure we in the HIVE helped you acheive your goal who knows, you may have been a good engineer even without our collective support and help. Now Just make sure you live up to the robust title which has now been bestowed upon you by CORPORETE and this worthy organization, and before you know it, you may really get to be on the top of your game, Dad says. Good luck to you as you pursue your carear in Engineering! Yay!!!!

      • Anon

        I’ve used Cheap Caribbean twice– once for Cancun and another time for Riviera Maya. Had great trips both times. I think this is exactly what you are looking for.

      • Pompom

        I’ve used and like Cheap Caribbean, but just be reaaaaalllly sure of the flights/accommodations. They charge a change fee on top of the airlines’ fee. Found this out the hard way (…by not reading the fine print or expecting to need to make changes).

    • JB

      Probably 10 years ago I did a package deal in Punta Cana, DR. It was a week with flights for about$800. Even with inflation, I bet you could get something in the $1,000 range for 4 – 5 days

    • Anon

      There are some sketchy looking travel agencies in NY Chinatown that have cheap cruises to the Caribbean area. They have crazy discounts though most of them primarily speak Chinese. There is one right opposite Hong Kong Market that you can visit if you don’t mind going there.

      • Ellen

        You need to not go jump into a place like that, b/c they will take your money and could set you up with a place that is gross, and you have NO recoourse when you get there but to stay at the dump you paid for b/c all the good places are booked. My friend Laurie got stuck and wound up having to stay over at another place with some schlub from Hempstead she met at a local bar. Her place was full of ants and fleas, so she figured how much worse could it be at a nice place with a schlub? As it turned out, she was able to enjoy herself with this schlub, who to this day has probably never slept with a cuter woman!

    • Anon

      Are you open to a cruise? You should be able to do a weeklong cruise out of Miami for under $1000, including airfare (sharing a cabin with your sister, obviously).

      • Flats Only

        Yeah – check vacationstogo, they have a listing of cruises in the next 90 days, which have heavy discounts. They are perfectly fine to book with.

        • Pretty Primadonna

          Seconding this and suggesting GroupOn. They have several flight/all-inclusive resort deals for cheap, cheap.

  6. Spring/Summer wardrobe

    What are you all wearing this spring/summer? I was looking at my clothes this morning and all of my off the shoulder and cold shoulder tops were feeling tired and dated. Thoughts?

    • Anon

      I’m currently wearing rainboots and cycling though all of my umbrellas. Hello from NorCal.

      • Housecounsel

        For casual wear? Cropped jeans from Mother. Blouses from Anthropologie. Dresses from Athleta. None of the above at the moment. It’s 14 degrees out.

      • The original Scarlett

        Heh, same here. Just debating which sweater to wear today and what boots.

    • Never too many shoes...

      It is -21 with the windchill today (-6F), so I probably will not be thinking about this for a while :)

      • Mpls

        +1. I’m going to just be happy to be the other side of freezing. And wearing my lighter winter coat.

        Of course, spring doesn’t really start until April or maybe May around here.

      • Magic Unicorn

        I am happy that we made it to the positive side of zero today! Still wool sweater weather for us for a while, I’m afraid.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been looking to some brands that have an aesthetic that I like for inspiration. I’m not buying them head to toe, but remembering to pull out pieces that are similar, buying the type of shoes/accessories they feature, and of course buying 1-2 pieces.

      My main references right now are n:philanthropy and Hudson jeans for casual, and Akris Punto and Vince for work.

  7. BB

    I just realized that I totally forgot to tip my house cleaners yesterday, and I feel horrible. But I’m not sure if there’s anything I can do here to “fix” it. I use a service that is owned by one person, but she doesn’t actually do the cleaning. She has a team of cleaners and it’s not the same people who come every month, so I don’t think I can just leave more next time. I usually leave the owner a check and then cash for the tip for the cleaners, but totally forgot to leave cash yesterday. Would you do anything here? Or just write it off as a screw up and not forget for the future.

    • Anon

      If it makes you feel better I do not tip my house cleaners except at the holidays. If I were to leave a cash tip like you describe, the owner would just pocket it, because she drops off and picks up the crew, and takes the check when she does drop off.

      • BB

        Hmm…I hope she’s not just pocketing it in my case because she does drop off too. I used to be around when they cleaned and would give it to the cleaners personally. But either way, thanks for allaying my concerns!

    • anon

      I wouldn’t worry about it. I think it’s not 100% common to tip house cleaners to start with. I don’t know anyone IRL who does so, so it could be a regional thing.

    • Anonymous

      You don’t need to tip for every service if you tip at the holidays.

      Also, whenever these conversations come up I’m so surprised that people have enough cash on them at all times to leave tip! I never have more than $20 on me – and that’s a paranoid holdover from my childhood. I definitely am not making a special trip to an ATM to make sure I have enough cash on hand to tip the cleaning people.

    • anon0306

      I also don’t tip house cleaners… they see the check I leave, so they know how much the main lady is making, and it’s always the same people (it’s the main lady that coordinates but never comes + the same 3 cleaners), so I’m hoping they get a fair hourly wage (maybe naive of me?). For the holidays this year I left a tip in cash equal to 1 cleaning/divided by 3 to give to each of the ladies ($50/each- did not include the owner in that).

  8. Thanks

    Thanks to everyone who chimed in on what middle school kids do in the summer.

    Not knowing this (or having people to ask locally) brought home how while I know other parents in BigLaw, they are either fathers with SAHW or mothers of younger kids than mine (and I mean much younger — no teeth, diapers, etc.). If I counted the local BigLaw women with kids who can read, it might take both hands. I still don’t know one BigLaw mom who has kids old enough to drive.

    This is sort of depressing for us as an industry.

    • Anon

      I’m a newish mom in biglaw and this makes me so sad. I just realized I also don’t know any moms with middle school aged kids and very few with elementary school kids

    • anon0306

      Not on the topic of moms in big law (fwiw, my husband also left big law when our daughter was born, because if you want to be an involved parent, it’s probably not impossible- but challenging)- but want to plug your local YMCA’s camps for that age group. I grew up going to Y camps (both day & sleep-away) and they are economical, unique and so much fun.

    • Middle school moms please stand up!

      If you are a BigLaw mom of a middle-schooler or beyond, pls send in your hints for not losing your mind and hanging in there. What are your secrets — I NEED them!

      • anon

        We have quite a few at my biglaw office. Their answer on how they hung in there … husbands are stay at home dads, work part-time or have jobs with a lot of flexibility.

    • Ms B

      It is profoundly disturbing and it’s not any better here in MidLaw. Taking into account all the women in private practice in my mid-sized city in my practice area, there is exactly one that is older than me with a child. She did the single mom gig after a divorce and her daughter is now grown, out of the house, and getting married this fall. I would not wish what she has been through on anyone. Everyone else has either moved in-house or to government jobs.

      There are a few women junior to me by 10+ years who have children, but those are few and far between, and they fall into the “really young kids” category. The most accomplished woman in that group has three age seven and under and just went in-house when it became apparent that she was not going to make partner at her BigLaw office.

      The fact that this is the case is part of what keeps me in private practice. Someone has to show it can be done . . . the hard part is figuring out how!

      • Mrs. Jones

        Agree it’s not better in midlaw. All but one lawyer mom left my firm within a short time period.

      • Anonymous

        Just so you know it’s not all hopeless, I’m in a large mid-law firm and we have lots of female partners with older kids, including several in firm leadership positions. I think it takes a lot of paid help, but is possible.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yeah I left mid-law for government when my son was going into high school. I know one woman who stayed at that firm the whole time her kids were growing up, but her husband (who was also a a partner at the firm) left law and became an elementary school teacher when the kids were preteens.

    • avocado

      Not in BigLaw, but I am in the same boat. My husband and I know exactly one other couple with two full-time, non-teaching jobs. Both are doctors, the husband is in some cushy specialty where he seems to work part time and is almost never on call, and they have multiple nannies. All the other non-teacher working moms I know have stay-home husbands or teacher husbands. And when I say “teacher,” I am talking about K-12 teachers who have school breaks and summers off, not college professors.

      Summer child care for middle schoolers is hugely problematic. I am fine leaving my 12-year-old home alone for two hours after school, but not all day every day during the summer because she would just spend the whole time on her iPad. And she needs someone to drive her to sports practice, which is always held in the morning during the summer because why on earth would moms need to work all day?

        • avocado

          That is one possibility, but $$$$$$$. Neither of us is in biglaw. The default answer here is “just throw money at it, but for people who make normal middle-class salaries that requires huge tradeoffs.

        • Anonymous

          Maybe that is the answer.

          I could leave my kids alone, but doubt that they would read, color, bike, rollerskate, or go to the library (the one thing they can walk to besides the ice cream shop). I think it would be 100% screen time.

          A driving nanny person could perhaps enforce screen time limits and drive them somewhere where they could participate in athletics / swimming / something better than screen time.

      • Anonymous

        The two career families I know who have made this work have kept their nanny part time for the afternoon or found some else to work part time, and handle the drop offs by a mix of carpooling, and working a flexed schedule where they log back into work before and after soccer.

    • anne-on

      Not in law (Big consulting – yay travel!) and yeah, all the women I know with kids either have small babies, or are overseas with better childcare/leave policies. There is also a HUGE dearth of women between their early 30’s and late 40’s. It is really depressing and get remarked upon by every single female intern we’ve had. I am getting increasingly frustrated by just how hard it is to make this whole 2-parents working demanding jobs thing work. We pay for care but I don’t think my kiddo is going to want a live in au pair from 11-14…but they also need supervision at those ages, especially in the summers/breaks/during parental travel. Ugh.
      I truly truly identify with Anne Marie Slaughter article about how women can’t have it all, esp. as their kids age. Yes, it’s really really hard to leave tiny babies/small kids but daycare was SO much more workable than the elementary/middle school calendar.

      • Anon

        I’m curious about the dearth of women between their early 30s and late 40s, because I’ve observed that too and I’ve worked in several different industries. What’s the career path of the older women? Did they lean out with young kids and then ramp back up to a bigger career when kids were older? You always hear about how that’s so hard to do, but the fact that I see almost no late 30-somethings with young kids in Big Jobs, and yet many 50 and 60-somethings with grown kids, strongly suggests to me that it’s possible to lean out at some point and still end up in a really high-powered career.

        • anon0306

          Anon @ 12:17, yes, this is what every professional woman that has a successful career at retirement that I know does- my mom, my mil, my friend’s moms… all professionals, all leaned out (either by taking off completely, doing pt work, or by moving into more flexible careers) while we were younger, then ramping up hardcore after we were in hs/college and retired in really great places, with amazing resumes. It’s what my plan is as well and I think it’s really the only realistic way to be successful at home & in work- the saying is true ‘you can have everything, just not all at once’. I worked hard as hell before having my kid to make as much $ and get as high up as I could- then as soon as I started ttc, I looked for a job that I could coast in (flexible, pays well, etc) and hope I can stay in this job for a decade, and then ramp up later. My husband has done the same- even if it wasn’t as planned as my goals (he went from big law to gov- pay cut, but the flexibility is priceless). We are both lawyers and we make it work between the 2 of us, but it has taken trade offs.

          • Diana Barry

            Not in biglaw! Small firm (just under 50) but I just made equity and have 3 kids in elementary. :) We do have a nanny.

  9. rosie

    I recently got a dress from Gap in this wrap/ruched style that is a little heavier material (light sweater), cap sleeves, and hits me (5’8”) below the knee. So far very happy and would recommend, if anyone is looking for that kind of thing.

  10. Anon

    I’m worried that the small firm I joined recently from big law does not have enough work and is badly managed. I’m planning to give it another 4-6 months before talking to recruiters. What are my options if things don’t work out here?

    • Anon

      Find another job. But you might want to read some posts on here, too – over the last couple months there have been several people saying they did biglaw to small law and it’s a struggle to adjust. It can take a long time for small firms to adjust to a new person, trust work product, etc. They might have enough work and just aren’t delegating it yet. Of course, bad management is a slightly different story, depending on what that means!

      • Anon

        Thanks. I’m worried that it would be difficult to find another job since I just lateraled here. Has anyone successfully exited from a small firm to something else after finding it was not a good fit?

      • The original Scarlett

        This. I’m all for leaving a bad situation but I think you have to know if it’s a bad situation first. I’ve never liked any job in the first 6 months, but have ended up finding them amazing. There’s growing pains on both sides, especially with a small firm.

        • Anon

          Thanks. I’m afraid that it won’t be an option for me to stay given how slow things are for everyone. Also, the only other female associate warned me that the firm is badly managed and that she has been told to leave the firm soon.

          • The original Scarlett

            Doesn’t hurt to start looking then. Also, though, try to make sure your source is a reliable narrator.

  11. Anon

    How do you maintain a friendship where you don’t see eye-to-eye on a big issue? Many of my friends manage their money differently than I do, but one of my closest friends has changed a lot in the last few years. The hardest thing for me is 1) it’s impacting her relationship with her family, who I’m also close to, and 2) she complains to me about it. She borrows money from family for things like rent and car payments but then uses it to finance vacation trips. Then she’ll call me and talk about how hard it is to save money while posting instagrams of her meals (she eats out every day in an area of the country where it’s definitely less expensive to cook/take meals). I know some of the frustration is that I handle money differently and I disagree with her choices, but I’m starting to resent both her choices (lying to family, spending choices) and I’m having a really hard time listening when she tells me how hard it is to save money.

    I’m trying really hard to listen, not condone things, but not sound judgy – although, let’s be honest, I am. I’ve mentioned that if she ever wants to talk about some money strategies, I’m open to talking with her, mentioned she could talk to her banker about budgeting, etc. She says thanks and then keeps complaining. But I’m at the point where I think I need to say “I can’t listen to your money decisions anymore.” Based on how she’s treated some family lately, I could see her being angry/sad/ending the friendship, which isn’t my goal. Has anyone successfully retained a friendship after that type of conversation? Or found a way to be a supportive friend without talking about money?

    • Anonymous

      I dont think there’s much to save. You don’t respect her because she’s basically lying to her family and stealing. So why not try saying “I can’t listen to money talk anymore. Let’s change the subject.” And see how that works.

    • anon

      Honestly, I’d probably pull back from the friendship for the time being. It doesn’t sound like she’s in a place to have an honest conversation about your concerns, even if brought up in a loving/caring way. I would have a very hard time not being judgmental in this situation, too. This goes beyond bad money management; she’s actively treating people poorly and lashing out when they call her on it.

    • anon

      I know you said you don’t want to go this direction, but I would distance myself from her. Especially because you’ve already given her some hints that the money complaining is wearing on you. Just because you spend (even dramatically) less time with her doesn’t mean you have to cut her off completely. Cutting your time with her may automatically cut out all of this talk because it’s not the first thing either of you is inclined to catch up about if you haven’t talked in a week versus talking every day.

      I’ve found myself more willing to let friendships go and start new ones as I’ve gotten a bit older (I’m 36, and single so friendships are still a big part of my life). Yes, people change, but generally on their own timeline, not because of anything I do to push them there.

    • Anonymous

      I would have a really hard time being friends with someone who is actively lying to and stealing from their family. Especially if I was close to the family. I agree with others that this isn’t really about the money, or the constant complaining. She’s being a bad person and that’s understandably upsetting to you.

    • Anon3

      Is your friend my sister? This describes her to a T (including cutting off family members who call her out on her terrible spending that impacts everyone else in the family). It seems like your friend isn’t interested in actually changing herself. Some people have to hit rock bottom before they realize they need to change. Not sure how to be a supportive friend without talking about money, but following for suggestions.

    • good luck

      I think your question is, how do you end a friendship when you don’t trust your friend and don’t approve of what she’s doing?
      Sometimes my advice is “she’s not your friend” but I think in this case it’s “you’re not her friend”.
      Just, don’t be her friend. Don’t be available. Don’t listen. Don’t engage. End it. She doesn’t sound like a great person and you’re judging and not supporting her. That’s totally ok. Don’t drag it out. Don’t fake it. End it. No relationship. Cold butterball (Cold turkey.)

  12. Anon

    Hoping for some motherly advice – Had tests done at a hospital and got the results after leaving. What type of physician would you visit for blood+protein in urine? FWIW the hospital’s follow up instructions were written before this was know, and I haven’t been able to reach a real person since…

    • anon

      Caveat: I know little to nothing about kidney issues, but have navigated a variety of health issues over the years.

      I would start with your primary care doc. If it’s mild enough or a one-off thing (that only requires more monitoring, for example) you may not need a specialist. If you do need a specialist quickly, your PCP should be able to point you in the right direction.

    • Anon

      I would not worry about big stuff until you’ve crossed the little stuff off. I’d visit your primary care doctor for a suspected urinary tract infection (very common) and take it from there.

    • Anonymous

      Your GP. That’s often something that isn’t a big issue. And be persistent with follow up with the hospital!

      • Idea

        This. My first thought is how close were you to your period. Your GP would know if it’s A Big Deal or a little deal or maybe a Medium deal.

    • Anonymous

      When this happened to me and followed for a couple of years I was told by a urologist that it sometimes occurs in menopausal women.

  13. Anon

    Any recommendation for tv shows that focus on the lives of professional women? I like shows like Lipstick Jungle and Cashmere Mafia. The next ones down are Madame Secretary, the Good Wife, and Younger. But now that I’ve caught up with all of them, are there any more like them?

    • anon

      I just found Workin’ Moms on Netflix. It’s…interesting. I do like that it confronts some really difficult issues, but it does so in almost a cavalier way. Interested to hear other’s viewpoints, though.

      • anon0306

        I really really really enjoyed it- I think it takes on mothering issues in a way that didn’t make me cry (some other shoes, like the british one that was popular last year- can’t remember the name, just made me weepy to watch and I couldn’t do it). I suffered from ppd and never got that ooey gooey post birth feeling (that came many many months later), and feel like the show has many aspects I relate to, especially wanting to advance in my career and balance travel+work.

        • Lana Del Raygun

          The Let Down? I started watching that while I was pregnant and it was too depressing.

          • anon0306

            Yes! That’s the one… same… the depressingness of it all just hit too close to home. I prefer to laugh at my most horrible moments :) I’m also pregnant atm and in the phase where literally everything makes me start crying.

      • anne-on

        It is a VERY specific commentary on (rich, well off, connected) working motherhood…but given the subject matter of this blog and the moms on this board it rang pretty true to me as an ‘older’ (30’s) mom working a ‘big’ or even full time corporate job.

    • Ness

      If you like “The good wife” then you shoul watch the spin-off “The good fight”. I also like “Halt and catch fire”.

      • Monday

        Halt and Catch Fire is hugely underappreciated. It ends up being much more about the female characters beyond season 1, so stick with it. The later seasons I found especially relatable as they get into their 30s/40s. (I recognize that relatable isn’t officially a word, but it should be.)

        Also Good Girls Revolt.

    • Anon

      The Bold Type. They’re very young (early 20s) but they work in publishing and the show tackles work issues as well as romance and friend issues. It’s a lot like Younger, but I like it more because I think it’s a smidge more serious. Younger is fun and entertaining but basically 100%.

      • Anon

        Interesting. I watched an episode of The Bold Type but found the characters spoiled and totally unrelatable. I prefer Younger actually but mostly because I love Sutton Foster.

        • Monday

          +1 on The Bold Type. I felt like it was more for high school or college women to fantasize about what their early careers might be like, but completely unrealistic and sensationalized.

          • Anonymous

            I loved it. It’s not realistic but neither is the good wife, and I think the friendships have a lot of truth in them.

          • Anon

            It’s definitely unrealistic, but in the same way most TV shows about lawyers and doctors (and presumably a lot of other professions) are unrealistic. First year reporters don’t get personally mentored by the magazine’s editor in chief, but first year associates don’t go to court and first year residents (I assume) don’t do independent surgeries, and those things are depicted on TV all the time. As someone who actually worked at a Glamour-like magazine before law school, there’s a lot that rings true about it work-wise and I think it’s probably more realistic than the average lawyer show. The Good Wife wasn’t bad either, you actually saw Alicia doing doc review and other grunt work and given her name and age, it makes sense she’d have more public-facing opportunities than a typical junior associate. But shows like Suits and Boston Legal are way less realistic than The Bold Type, imo.

          • Pretty Primadonna

            I like The Bold Type. Good Trouble is also about two young women starting their careers (law clerk for a federal judge and IT at a startup). It tackles a lot of issues we discuss here.

      • Stars

        Which streaming service do you use to watch The Bold Type? I’m a huge Younger fan & have been meaning to start watching TBT!

    • Arundhati Roy

      I really enjoy “I’m sorry” written by a female comic about her life as a femal comic: very realistic yet light, funny and woman-centric!

      • anon0306

        Yes! Also really liked ‘I’m sorry’! Found it super funny and relatable (also, once again- a show for fairly privileged working moms). Also, the husband in it (& her hubby in real life I believe) is a lawyer.

    • anon a mouse

      Good Girls Revolt on Amazon – dropped after 1 season, but that season is great.

  14. Anon

    Decided this morning that I’ll be giving up plastic for Lent (so no buying anything with plastic, but if I already own things with plastic I can use that). However, since I got the idea this morning I didn’t have a chance to prepare at all. What are your best tips?

    I already do the basic things: reusable water bottle, shopping bags, produce bags, k cups, baggies, coffee mugs etc. I pack 2.5 meals a day on work days so lots of food being packed.

    I’m in philly if anyone has any recs on plastic free options. I already go to Sprouts for my food shopping but even so a lot of what I buy there (berries, yogurt, salad greens, etc) is packaged in plastic!!!

    I’m also on a budget which will make some of this quite interesting

    • Anon

      Unrelated, but what is everyone else’s resolution for Lent (it observing)? I’m not a serious Christian but like the idea of exercising self-restraint, so my goal is simply to not touch Instagram for this period.

      • Anon

        I’m resolving to write at least something (sentence or two or pages and pages) every day in a journal. No restraints on topic. Just write. And to make a conscious effort to not think about work when I am not working. My aim is to make room in my life (mind) for things that are not work.

        • Anon

          Yes we did, and by the way if you don’t go to church every Sunday and some Wednesdays (Catholic Church only please!) you’re gonna get a slap down from the church lady for even saying the word Lent.

          • Anon

            Haha this is probably an unfair characterization but definitely made me chuckle

          • Anon Catholic

            I don’t treat other religions’ sacred days like a new trend on Instagram, and I expect others to have the same respect for my religion.

            Sorry that being a grown-up is hard for you.

    • PhillyAnon

      Philadelphian here–try Mom’s Organic at 11th and Market. I don’t know for sure about their produce, but they have a big focus on sustainability so you may find success there. I do know that they have several glass bottles in their dairy section, so at the very least you could get plastic-free yogurt.

      • Another Phila Anon

        Reading terminal market for fruits and veggies and you can bring your own bag. BEST produce around. And, its relatively inexpensive. Berries and such are going to be difficult to get plastic free without going to a farmers market. You could check and see when the Pretzel Park farmers market starts up in Manayunk. Or go out to Lancaster for some real farmers market fair. Moms organic is great for herbs and spices or bulk buys like flower, etc etc. You can bring your own containers.

    • Lana Del Raygun

      I don’t know what Sprouts is but what I think of as “regular” grocery stores (like Safeway and Giant; maybe Sprouts is regular too and we just don’t have it around here? no idea) all sell lettuce in unbagged heads, usually with a twisty around them.

      If you get milk in glass or cardboard you can make your own yogurt. It’s a bit of a hassle but not difficult — harder than cake but easier than candy and less work than bread.

      Do you have a farmer’s market where you can get berries in those cardboard pulp containers? Probably not this time of year.

      I suspect that there’s no way to keep buying all the same foods without plastic, though, which adds an extra dimension to your resolution, both in terms of penance and in terms of being conscious about your purchases — what’s in season, how much does convenience cost (especially externalities), and so on. This sounds like a really great practice!

  15. Anon

    I know this has probably been asked a lot, but unfortunately, the search function isn’t really that great. I’m turning 39 this week and didn’t notice how extreme and bumpy my 11 has gotten. I’ve been seeing myself only in softer lighting until recently and am now horrified. I am way too young for a furrow this severe (I’ve been ill recently and have also lost about 20 lbs) and I’m guessing that Botox won’t even work…and filler there can blind you? To complicate things, my forehead is broad and my eyebrows are low so I can easily look too masculine with a bad Botox job. What to do? Will Frownies work? Those rollers? I hate this birthday already.

    • Anonymous

      You’ve just been very sick! Focus on loving your body for getting you better. As you gain the weight back your face will settle in again. In the meantime, lots of hyaluronic acid. I’m so glad you’ve recovered.

      • Anon

        +1
        I also suffered from an illness that left me with dramatic weight loss (underweight) and even though I’m healthy now and at a healthy weight, my body did age in interesting ways (skin, gray hair, etc.). I’m so glad you’re ok. Give yourself time for your face to change – mine took a year before it’s been it’s current shape (current for the last few years). Not to discourage you at all – but these things take time.

    • The original Scarlett

      Go to someone good who does Botox. That or that family is probably still the solution – you’d be amazed at what it can do.

    • Anon2

      You’ve been ill recently and lost weight. Give yourself time. Also, age happens.

      • Anon

        I had gained weight with the illness and lost when I got better! It stretched out my skin. There was nothing I could do, because it was all inflammation! Worried about eventually getting a droopy brow and receding hairline from the Botox…

  16. Wow

    Random question. Lately, I am freezing when I go to bed, to the point where it is hard to fall asleep. This is not for lack of trying to get warm. I wear yoga pants, socks, T-shirt, fleece pullover, and about 3 layers of blankets. Not exaggerating. Then, of course, in the middle of the night I am sweating and peeling off a layer or two.

    Does this happen to anyone? I’m puzzled. I’m almost 40, if that matters.

    • Anonymous

      I sleep in a winter hat. Warms me up faster than socks. And yes, probably peri menopause (I’m 44, and started doing this—occasionally—about a year ago)

    • Sutemi

      Do you have an electric blanket or mattress pad? I pre-heat the bed before you get in, then turn it off.

    • Anon

      Yes, and it’s definitely not menopause for me. I sleep warm and I have bad circulation in my hands and feet. Moving around before bed helps. Wearing natural fibers also helps. Polyester (fleece, flannel sheets) make things sweaty.

      • Vicky Austin

        Our flannel sheets irritate me no end for that exact reason! Good to know it’s a non-natural fiber thing, thank you.

    • H13

      OMG. I could have written this. I was worried that it might be perimenopause too. Nearing 40.

    • Wow

      Ugh. Not the answer I was hoping for but glad that I’m not alone. :) I understand the night sweats part as being related to perimenopause, but for me, that’s actually more uncommon — it’s more just being really really cold when I am trying to fall asleep. When I looked up symptoms no one mentions the cold issue, so was just curious.

      • anon

        I’ve used a heating pad in the past to warm the foot of the bed. A heated blanket or mattress pad is great if it’s cold all night or if the whole room is pretty cold, but is too extreme for just helping me get to sleep. Might be what you need though–and I would definitely turn it off either when you go to bed (preheat) or shortly after you fall asleep via a timer.

    • Skipper

      This is the sort of problem I solve with technology and completely ignore thereafter. Get an electric blanket with a timer. Set the blanket to switch off about half an hour before you wake up in the night.

    • Anonymous

      Same thing has been happening to me (also 40). I temporarily solved the problem this week by actually turning the temperature in my bedroom UP two degrees before going to bed. You’d think this would make me warmer in the night, but it had the opposite effect. I think because I was chilly when I was getting into bed, I huddled up to keep warm, which eventually made me sweat. The slight increase in my room temp means that now I’m not freezing when I get into bed, so I’m not trying to make myself warm, and I’m not waking up all sweaty in the night. I also wear socks to bed but eventually end up kicking them off.

    • anon

      My GP told me that nightsweats is a symptom of low testosterone and is not necessarily indicative of perimenopause.

        • Anon

          Perimenopause can begin up to 10 years before your periods cease. Most women have periods well into their mid-late 40s, but that does’t mean they’re not in perimenopause.

          • tesyaa

            The average age of menopause is 52, so I guess you’re right, 40-42 could be perimenopause. Most of my friends and I continue(d) to have regular (or somewhat irregular cycles) up to age 51, 52, 53 or older. Complete menopause at age 45 or even 47 is pretty rare.

    • Anonymous

      Happens to me and I’m not near perimenopause. In my case, my entirely unscientific speculation is it’s the fact I have a down comforter and it just traps more body heat as the night goes on.

    • Jules

      I’ve pretty much always been like this – I start out cold and get warmer during the night. I’m post-menopausal/on HRT now, but I didn’t notice any difference during perimenopause or menopause. I do use an electric blanket to pre-warm the bed on cold nights but mostly am just used to going to bed with socks and a cashmere cardigan and taking them off sometime during the night.

    • Anon

      Not nec “perimenopause”, but probably estrogen dominance/low progesterone. I am almost 39 and have developed severe Raynaud’s after taking some supplements that raised my estrogen levels and inhibited my ovulation.

      • Anon

        I’m 27 and it happens to me. I think its just due to the way my body temp changes as I sleep. The blankets absorb the warmth of my body and then its too hot. I don’t wear pajama pants to bed and that helps. I also have a super warm blanket that I can throw on the floor if I get too hot.

        Also, excessive night sweats are a symptom of anxiety. Probably not your problem, but it could be aggravating it.

    • Anonymous

      My Gyn said that there are some hormonal shifts that happen around 40 that affect sleep (night sweats and 3am wakeups here) and that I could expect it to last for a few years before some other shift happened. It’s not necessarily perimenopause, but it is hormone related. So, solidarity that we are all going through this?

    • Anon

      My body gets cold if I’m tired and there’s a direct relationship to how cold I feel and how tired I am – exhausted = freezing.

      Also, if my feet get really chilled, it’s super hard for me to warm back up and the only thing that will help is soaking in a hot bath.

    • anon0306

      I’m a big fan of electric blankets, but they kind of scare me— I bought 2 full sized wicked cozy blankets for our king size bed (my husband and I don’t like sharing blankets) and they are sooooooo wonderful, and indeed- wicked warm.

  17. Fitness trackers

    Any recommendations for a fitness tracker or thoughts on their usefulness? I already know that I’m quite active (I walk 40 minutes each way to and from work, don’t own a car, etc.). On one hand, beyond being a pedometer, a fitness tracker may double as a watch or have other fun features that will allow me to document the activity I currently do and set targets for more. But…I don’t NEED one and am worried it’ll be abandoned after a few months. Is it worth it? Any features that are particularly great? Has a tracker actually inspired you to be more active?

    • anon

      I like my fitness tracker more than I ever thought I would. I’m not much for useless gadgets, but it provides me with a really good reality check of how I’m doing. Especially during the work day when I’m less naturally active. For me, the most useful features are having a heart rate monitor for my workouts, the hourly notification to get up and move during the work day, and getting a weekly report of the number of days I’ve worked out plus my overall step count. I find the hard data very motivating. Oh, it’s also been good for tracking my sleep patterns.

      I have a Fitbit Alta HR. It is less fancy than many trackers, but it does what I need it to do.

    • Anon

      I LOVE mine, and like anon, never thought I would. I started with a pebble, which was a kickstarter brand that got bought up by fitbit and morphed into the Versa. I now have a very pretty Garmin vivomove HR. Frankly I liked the functionality of the pebble better, but the vivomove is a nice-looking piece that blends in with my professional wear and doesn’t even look like a smart watch. It also has a constant heart monitor, which I’ve come to enjoy. It nudges me to get up and move every hour or so, too, which is a nice feature (you can turn it off if it drives you nuts).

      • Shopaholic

        I have the fitbit flex 2 and it just tracks steps. I’ve been wanting something that monitors HR but I don’t really like the look of any of the fitbit watches. Do you also wear your Garmin watch during workouts? This might be exactly what I’ve been looking for!

    • Anonymous

      I have an Apple Watch and find the fitness tracking features mostly useless. It’s reasonably accurate as far as distance run or walked, but fails to recognize all other forms of exercise. During my most recent HIIT workout, it recognized 7 minutes of exercise out of 30. During a 45-minute BodyPump class, it recognized exactly one minute of exercise. The calorie expenditure calculations are (1) confusing because the device separates basic metabolism from additional calories expended on exercise, whereas all other calculations of calories burned during exercise are total calories and (2) also horribly inaccurate. It’s interesting to be able to see how far I’ve walked during the day, but that doesn’t provide me with any actionable information. The hourly stand reminders are inconvenient and disruptive during meetings, so I had to turn them off.

      I do like my Apple Watch for timing and pacing interval runs and timing stretching, using third-party apps. That’s about all I really use it for.

      • Anon

        I find this interesting – I’ve never had a problem with the watch giving me credit for minutes exercised as long as I remember to specify which activity I’m doing (otherwise I don’t think it would realize that I’m doing yoga or strength training because I don’t move much distance wise or get a huge heartrate increase). What version of the Watch do you have? Agree that that the calorie tracking is probably inaccurate.

        • Anonymous

          Series 3 GPS, all software up to date. Telling it which activity I’m doing doesn’t help. And trust me, I am working very hard.

    • Anonymous

      I wear a FitBit in addition to an Apple watch (the Alta HR mentioned above). I find the HR tracking actually pretty accurate, which I like for my workouts and for tracking activity in general. I like FitBit because I really like the App interface. It’s user-friendly and easy to track over time.

    • Anonymous

      Hey swimmers, how do you track laps? I am making progress on my goal of being able to lap swim for fitness and need a better way to track progress.

    • anon

      I bought one on eB*y because I wasn’t convinced I’d use it often enough to justify the price. I did use it more than expected for the first yearish but then got bored with it. If you know you’re moving enough, it may not have enough functionality to keep you charging and wearing it for the long haul.

    • Small Firm IP Litigator

      I’d evaluate what you want to use it for – continuous wear or to track workouts. I recently bought a new fitness tracker and was somewhat surprised that many lack GPS capability, and I had to go pretty high in price point to get everything I wanted. I got the Garmin Forerunner 935 and love it, but that may be more than you are looking for.

  18. Never too many shoes...

    Did anyone see R. Kelly’s string on unhinged answers and hysterical meltdown when being interviewed by Gayle King?

    I know this is petty A F but his tears are delicious and I am here for it.

  19. Miami Help?

    Hoping some of you ladies can help me with a Miami recommendation or two: I’m organizing a bachelorette party (10 women 27-30) and struggling with nightlife options. I’ve never been to Miami and am much more into the chill dive bar scene, but the bride really wants the full big Miami night out. Any suggestions for where we should go?
    I’m willing to spend a fair amount to reserve a table somewhere great, but it’s hard to know where would be worth the spend without having been there before! We have reservations for dinner out in South Beach at 8 on Saturday night, but would like to hit a bar and a club after that. What places would you recommend and at what times? (Do clubs really not get going until midnight? That’s what I’ve heard but it sounds crazy to this 9 pm bedtime lady.)
    Thanks so much!

    • Anon

      Dinner at 8 on SoBe is very early and it’s true that the clubs do not get going until midnight. Story or LIV are probably the top clubs right now. It’s no longer my scene so I can’t say I have first-hand knowledge of this, but it’s what all the guys at work discuss on the topic.

    • Anon

      I feel like I used to see glitter Docs all the time at TJ Maxx in adult sizes. A friend used to have a silver pair.

    • anonymouse

      Oh those are cool! Tell me – how do you style your Docs? I’ve been wanting a pair on and off for years but not sure how to pull them off without looking 90s grunge.

      • Anon

        I’m OP. I basically use them as rainboots or cold weather boots with skirts/tights or skinny pants right now. When I was younger, with anything!

    • Anonymous

      They make the glittery ones for adults! In teal, purple, pink, black, gold, silver, maybe more. Red! Check their website directly.

  21. MRSKBP

    I need recommendations for spring rain boots. I tired Hunter tall boots but they felt…weird? Like there was too much rubber material puckering at the top of my foot. What do you wear when you need to be outside-waling dog, watching kid sports, commuting to work?

    • Ms B

      In the warmer seasons, unlined LL Bean boots (the traditional kind). 25+ years on the current pair and just now ready for new soles!

    • Anon

      I dislike the Hunter boots for being too long. I like the short rain boots that are ankle level high and have a pair from J Crew that I use for rain days. Unless it’s winter time, I don’t think it’s necessary to have tall rain boots.

    • Anon

      I think I must have skinny ankles, but Hunters feel like standing in rubber buckets to me. I wear goretex hiking books in rainy and snowy weather.

    • Anon

      Keds (yes, that Keds) and Cougar (a brand from Canada that I was unfamiliar with until last week) both have rain “sneakers” that are good for that sort of thing. I think some of the Keds rain varieties are only sold on their website, so look there.

      Signed,
      LL Bean mocs will not fit not matter how hard I try

    • Anon

      I’ve gotten good use out of my Lucky rain booties. They look like any other bootie honestly so I don’t feel like it’s obvious that I am wearing rain boots.

    • anon

      My mom (early 60s) likes her Crocs, though she only wears them for working in the yard.

    • West Coaster

      I recommend the brand “Joules”. They sell them in Canada, not sure about the US. I get so many compliments on their fun pattern, and the design is super natural and easy to walk and stand in. Designer Shoe Warehouse had them for a time and may still carry them.

  22. Learning French

    Any recommendations for TV/Netflix shows / podcasts / books /online comics / blogs / tips for brushing up on high school French?

    I studied it for 4 years in high school and would like to brush up again, but don’t want to go the grammar / textbook route and trying to find interesting materials that I’d read/watch for the content. I’d say my level is between B2 and C1 level on the Common European Framework of Reference for Languages for those who are familiar (or between A-level and AS-level French).

    Recently I’ve been listening to RFI (Radio en Francais Facile), TV 5 monde, and Francais Authentique regularly, and checked out a couple of books by Romain Gary and Camus (bit difficult re vocab, but I get the gist). Any advice /recommendations would be much appreciated!

    • BB

      There’s tons of French shows on Netflix – it depends what you’re into. I like murder mysteries, so I’ve watched: Frozen Dead (Glace), La Mante, Witnesses (Les Temoins), The Chalet, The Forest (Le Foret). The Tunnel on PBS is bi-lingual and good too. Netflix used to have this great grade-school cartoon called The Very Long Holiday but they’ve recently taken it off :( It was sort of a B1-B2 level. I also browse Le Monde’s articles every couple of days.

    • Anonymous

      I find it useful to watch TV in French with French subtitles on. My daughter’s French teacher got the whole class hooked on The Miraculous Ladybug.

    • Equestrian attorney

      Call my agent (originally 10 pour cent) is on Canadian Netflix with subtitles and pretty fun. I assume it’s also available in the US? Another good french TV show is Le Bureau des Légendes, but I have no idea if it’s available anywhere. My fave is watching the French Top Chef (warning – will make you hungry) and it’s available on M6 replay but no subtitles so depends on your level of fluency.
      There are also a few blogs that are available in both French and English (Garance Doré comes to mind).

    • Ness

      Are you me? Re-learning french now too after 20 years without using it and same level (B2.2)
      I liked “Les revenants” and “The tunnel” on tv and listen everyday RFI “les nouvelles on français facile”, Duolingo app is being usefull too. I can recomend you the books of Amelie Nothomb (easier than Camus but adult level no like Le petit Nicolas)
      To push myself a bit I have taken the lead in a French group in my city, I organize the movies that we see and the post-talk. I also I have organized my last holidays to countries where I could practice a bit.
      I copy below some links usefull:
      http://www.ohlalalingua.com/
      https://www.francaisavecpierre.com/
      http://filmfra.com/
      http://www.expressfrancais.com/serie-en-frances-valentine-et-moi-episodio-2/
      Last favorite movies at cinema: Elle, Girl, Ce qui nous lie, Jusqu’à la garde, Mon roi, L’hermine, Loin des hommes, 3 coeurs

    • West Coaster

      If you use Spotify or similar, check out “beginner/intermediate/advanced French” podcasts – plenty to pick from! I also occasionally read http://www.lemonde.fr to make sure I can still fluently read French ;) Also if you can get your hands on the movies Bienvenue chez les Ch’tis or Gregoire Moulin contre l’humanite, they’re well worth your time!

  23. Anonymous

    Does anyone know a good headhunter in the IT field in northern Virginia? My husband has been looking for work and is in a bit of a rut.

  24. anon

    I might be having a mid-career crisis.

    How have you learned to be happier at work? On paper, my job looks good enough — say, 3.5/5. The pay and benefits are better than anything else I’ve found in my area. But my daily happiness isn’t great, and I haven’t felt truly motivated in a long time. My largest sources of unhappiness are being a cog in a big system, where change happens at a snail’s pace or not at all, to feeling like I’m not smart enough to have my current position. I constantly wonder whether what I’m doing matters, and then I berate myself for fixating on such a first-world problem. Am I being entitled? I’ve been trying to care less, but honestly, it’s not in my nature to be able to just turn that off. I’m the dutiful, responsible, practical type — which seems less valued in the modern workplace than being visionary, extroverted and ultra-connected. I have some flexibility to craft my job as I see fit, and yet I feel really lost in figuring out that sweet spot between what I like to do, and what my organization needs. (Boss has been zero help, by the way.)

    If it matters, I’m 16 years into my career.

    • anon

      I’m also mid-career, and having many of those same questions. On the one hand, i don’t want to just show up for 8 hours, go home, and never think about my job at all… but on the other hand, caring isn’t helping a lot – there are many structural things that I can’t change, and I’m not sure that I want to spend all my time thinking about work. I’m trying to decide if I should find a way to just really lean out, basically – my parents aren’t getting any younger, and I’d like to be able to spend more time with them, and maybe focus on my friends/husband/hobbies instead of my job. But I have no idea what that looks like or how to get there, because I’ve been high-achieving and career-driven my whole life.

    • Anon

      I mean, to some degree we are all cogs. Unless you’re the CEO, you report to someone and have specific responsibilities, which are basically just tasks, even if they’re management tasks. And then even the CEO reports to someone – shareholders/board/owners.

      I am 30 years in and I just want to tell you we all feel this way from time to time. I haven’t been a job hopper in terms of changing companies, but I’ve done a lot of different roles within the same company and that keeps things fresh.

  25. should I stay or should I go?

    Here’s my situation: I recently (less than a year ago) took a job st an exec at a small company. I’ve decided that it’s not for me – the industry and the functional area were both a change, and I do not like either (also, the company’s owner/my boss is kind of a vindictive jerk). I definitely won’t be here in another year. I have enough savings that I could realistically take at least six months off.

    I’m trying to decide whether I should tough it out until I’ve been here for a year. I could take some time off, either now or after that year is up. I was burned out when I started this job, and it’s not getting any better while I’m here, so I suspect that I should take some time off at some point either way.

    My current plan is to suck it up, continue to build my savings and resume experience, but network like crazy and apply to jobs that look interesting. Downside is that I don’t get to take time off that way, but it does get me to that year of exec experience (I am not convinced that I want to take another job at this level, however – reducing my overall stress is one of the things I’d like to do).

    Also could use advice on maintaining focus after you’ve decided you’ll be leaving.

  26. Mouth Twitching Help?

    I’ve been feeling a tingling/tight feeling in the left corner of my mouth and left lower cheek area generally, with occasional involutary twitching these past few weeks. I notice it most at night when I’m trying to fall asleep, but feel ots presence during the day as well. And I look super grumpy in pictures.

    Should I be worried? Be on the lookout for other symptoms of an illness? Take supplements? See a specialist? I have been under some stress, but haven’t been super sleep deprived lately — getting 6+ hours consistently since switching a few months ago from BigLaw. I had this during BigLaw as well, but chalked it up to tiredness (as did my PCP at the time). I have always taken Vitamin B C D supplements and occasional Magnesium and Iron supplements, and I also take probiotics.

    I had a couple of colleagues who had to take time off due to coming down with Bell’s Palsy in BigLaw, so I’m a bit worried whether it could be an early symptom. Obviously I’ll consult a doctor for medical advice/diagnosis if neede, but would appreciate any advice at this stage.

      • Anonymous

        That happens to me too. I read somewhere that the quinine in tonic water helps.

        I would call 6 hours of sleep a night serious sleep deprivation.

      • Z

        Sometimes my eyebrow twitches randomly, I have noticed it when I’m trying to fall asleep. Do you drink caffeine?
        Any doctor is gonna tell you to get more than 6 hours. Personally I would find a neurologist for this.

      • anon0306

        Mine too- or looking at a computer screen too long (used to happen to me intensely during doc review).

    • Anonymous

      Um yes you are sleep deprived 6 hours of sleep is not enough! Maybe try sleeping, it’s great.

    • Anonymous

      Has your dentist ever asked you about grinding your teeth? Do you snore? Sometimes regular grinding or grinding related to sleep apnea can strain muscles. And you’re more likely to experience during times of stress.

    • Anon

      You obviously need more than 6 hours of sleep a night. Start there. This is what any doctor will tell you before referring you to a specialist.

    • Elegant Giraffe

      I’m late, but I’ve had Bell’s Palsy so I want to chime in. I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but I had zero warning signs. I was, however, stressed and sleep deprived.
      My eyelids twitch (unrelated to the BP) when I’m stressed or tired.
      And I agree with everyone that six hours isn’t much sleep. And even if you’ve been fine with that amount before, maybe you’re not anymore.

  27. lsw

    TLDR, I need help refocusing at work after some tough personal circumstances. My husband’s mom took a very sudden turn for the worse and within a few days went from home — hospital — hospice — passed away. That was about a week where I was very unfocused at work, followed by the next week of funeral/viewing arrangements and attendance, figuring out childcare for all these things, supporting my husband, and being sad myself. The day of the funeral, my closest friend’s father died in tragic circumstances. I’m flying down there on Friday for a quick 24 hour trip to go to the funeral and be with her.

    My somewhat-new job is flexible and they have been great about everything, including taking my bereavement leave for my husband and working from home when needed, but I’m having trouble getting back into the groove at work. I only started at the beginning of December, and so I’m still in building mode (common in my industry for the first year) and it’s just really hard to feel motivated and even to know where to start. It’s Wednesday now, my third day back, and I feel like I have barely accomplished anything. I’m worried the first quarter is nearly done and I feel extremely behind, but I also feel like I’m stuck in mud and can’t get started. I would appreciate anyone’s help on getting focused and also spending less time feeling frightened and worried about how I’m NOT focused at all.

    • Anonymous

      OK….BREATHE. This is a very, very rough stretch for you right now. With what you’ve just described, only 3 days back, and another funeral coming up this weekend, there is NO WAY you’re going to feel focused and energetic about work right now.

      Just get something done and be grateful for whatever small things you accomplish. Ignore the big picture right now. You’re not going to be thinking clearly about it, so don’t even try. Simply do today and tomorrow, try to get some rest after you get back home this weekend, and then give yourself ample time to let all this emotion settle.

      Bottom line: This isn’t about work. You’re fine. Feeling frightened and unfocused is par for the course right now. It will get better in a few weeks.

    • Anon

      Aw hugs, I remember your recent posts on the moms page but didn’t realize your MIL had passed. Honestly, I think just be kind to yourself and give it time. Nobody expects you to have it fully together at work a week or two after your MIL’s death, and the loss of your close friend’s father is just a double whammy on top of that. I know you want to prove yourself, but I really think you just have to give yourself some time here. It sounds like they’re being understanding, as they should be.

    • Anon

      Sorry for your loss!

      My best productivity tip when I am feeling very unfocused is to get some good lists going and start marking things off as I get things done. It always helps me get back into the groove. Especially focusing on small admin tasks that are easier to accomplish. Other than that, keep on keeping on. You will get back into the swing of things.

    • anon

      I had a tough month at the beginning of last year- grandma and dog passed away, 2nd fairly painful miscarriage & everyone got the flu in our family, all in the same week (not saying these are equivalent, it was really tough on me & really challenging to stay focused). The thing that got me through it was to decide each day what was non-negotionably getting done. The list was small, was certainly not 8 hrs of work a day, but helped me feel like I was moving fwd each day. It also was a good distraction. Sorry- it seems like when it rains, it poors.

  28. Style confused

    I work in a super casual workplace, and though I like what I wear, I’m not sure what my personal“style” at work is anymore, if I fit in, or if any one either than me cares, to be honest. Not sure if this is even an issue, except I feel that when I buy clothes, I can pick out anything and wear it to work, but I feel slightly self conscious as my taste is a bit different. I’m 48, and an extreme hourglass if that helps.
    Examples of what others wear at work are leggings with funky sneakers, and an assortment of athletic tops, or Sherpa tops. Swing dresses from soft spin material in dark colours, jeans and nice tops — someone wears horse prints only on her tops, which I think is neat, and a few other women occasionally wear wear eclectic outfits, such as a lace top with an artsy skirt, or printed pants with crazy socks. Most wear darker or more muted tones, except in summer, where more dresses and colours are worn.
    I usually wear a pointe skirt with tights (skirts and dresses are comfier due to unpredictable bloating)— colours ranging from navy to red and pink, and a sweater. In spring and summer I wear much brighter colours and more dresses. At times, I wear black jeans and a top with a colourful geometric or floral print. I love colour and print, but I think I’m in the minority. I like mixing colours, and often receive compliments on how I’ve blended items. I don’t have a huge wardrobe of clothes, but I have lots of variety in terms of colour, texture and print. Sorry for this novel, and not even sure what I’m really asking, but I don’t know if I am out of touch, looking dated, or even what to buy any more when I’m shopping or replacing something. Any help would be appreciated. TIA

    • Anon

      I’m 54 and a tall plus size (1x) hourglass. I’m used to business formal work dressing, and I’m now trying to adjust to the casual side of business casual. Adding to that, most of my coworkers are in their 20s-30s.

      I don’t mind being slightly dressier as the boss lady, but I don’t want to be totally out of place. I mostly wear skinny pants/jeans or ankle pants now, fewer dresses and skirts, and some kind of top with shape, and usually a cardigan or a less formal blazer.

      I have been liking all the wrap tops Loft has been offering for the last year or so. They help with the hourglass thing and also a little tummy-flage for me, which I need. The tie is higher on the ribcage for me than my natural waist – this may be how they’re meant to be worn, or it may be because I’m tall. Either way, I find them fairly flattering.

      I always wear a third piece because I don’t feel dressed without one, and because my office runs cold, and because I like to wear something at least low hip length when I wear skinny pants. I like duster style cardigans and a couple of older knit blazers I own, plus various structured knits I have accumulated over the years (st Johns style but not St. John’s brand) I have always loved a sweater shaped like a blazer, but I hold out for longer length ones.

      Nothing wrong with wearing color. If you look at the photos of street style from NY Fashion week, it was all about the color, and lots of it.

      • Style confused

        Thank you for this. I like the suggestion for wrap tops, and I agree about the third piece. I have some longer cardigans and an olive soft motto jacket too. Many coworkers are my age, and we have a wide spectrum of ages. I will likely retire at this place so interesting food for thought.

  29. Vacation Ideas

    Husband and I are planning a vacation for this summer, probably late July or early August. Where should we go? We’re leaving the toddler with grandparents and anticipate that this may be our last week-long trip w/o kids for a few years.

    We are planning on 7-10 days and have a $5K-$8K budget (but don’t need to spend it all of course). We like to eat well, drink good wine/beer, wander around new places and do a little light adventure (hiking, day-long bike tour, that sort of thing). Will want it to be Zika-free because of imminent plans for kid #2. Recent vacations have included Hawaii, Barcelona, Germany, Bogota, Argentina, Italy and Iceland (+long weekends throughout the US).

    • Anon

      Which of those trips did you like best? That can help people give you better direction.

      My answer may be biased, because I’m a big proponent of traveling with kids (even toddlers) but I think Europe and the cities in South America are pretty doable with young kids – the flights are not that long and the destinations are kid-friendly. If I had a kid-free trip, I’d want to go somewhere like the Maldives, Galapagos or Patagonia that is really not possible to do until kids are much older. All of these trips would probably stretch your budget, but I think would be doable at the higher end of the range you gave.

    • anon

      Greece – we did a trip to Athens + Chania, Crete (hiked the gorge) + Santorini and it was one of our favorite trips. While it is something you could do with kids, I wouldn’t really want to have my kids with me in Santorini. Portugal? You could go to South Africa, though might be a bit of a stretch with that budget. If you want something more naturey, western Canada (Banff/lake louise) is beautiful in the summer, but it is more nature than cities. Morocco? Japan?

    • anon a mouse

      Knowing that it might be your last big vacation for a while, I’d do Japan. There are a ton of outdoorsy things to do, and the food is incredible.

      Or if you want something more European, the Azores.

    • Anon

      We did an 8 day toddler free vacay last summer before trying for kid #2, and we settled on trendy Croatia. Totally worth the hype! We flew into Venice and out of Split and had about 3 days in Italy and 5 in Croatia, although you could certainly do more in Croatia, as we missed a lot and didn’t cover the northern Istria region at all.

      Yes, Europe is doable with kids, but we did things like cycling tours to wineries which are totally not doable with kids (and happened to be one of the highlights of the trip for me). Here’s the link to the tour we took if you go that route – it’s run by a delightful couple who made everything so much fun: http://www.korculaexplorer.com/cycling-wine-tasting-lumbarda/4591178294

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