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This shade of green is one of my favorites. If I hadn’t spent this past weekend organizing my closet in rainbow order (is anyone else obsessed with The Home Edit on Netflix?) and realized that the green section is a little overpopulated, I would probably be adding this one to my collection.
The sheath silhouette is super classic, but the tie neck adds a little something special.
The dress is on sale for $96.99 at J.Crew (marked down from $138) and is available in sizes 00–24. It also comes in bronzed ochre and neon violet. Right now you can get an extra 40% off sale styles with code SALETIME, which brings the price down to $58.19. Ruffle-Front Sheath Dress
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon789
When do you update your LinkedIn profile after a job ends and you are yet to find a new one? I have read of discrimination against the long-term unemployed, by recruiters and potential contacts one reaches out to. Is it wise to update one’s profile if that would mean showing the last job ended months ago? LinkedIn now has an “open to work” badge but I doubt that helps in the current climate where so many have lost jobs. Advice?
Anon
I would update Linkedin because you might want to add more details to your profile now that you are job searching. And use the “open to work” badge because it attracts recruiters. I don’t know your field or your circumstances, but I would not consider a few months to equal long-term unemployed.
Anonymous
Suggest that you don’t add an end date for at least three months after you leave. Depending on when you left that job, you might try to wait until the end of the year, and then update your LinkedIn profile to be the years you worked there (2012 – 2020, for example), without months. LinkedIn is meant to showcase your accomplishments and skills, it’s not an application or a background check.
I would not use the “open to work” badge, especially if you are at all senior. You should use the LinkedIn option that shows you are looking for work only to recruiters. It is more important that you have a good LinkedIn profile using the right key words, and that you make a minor update to your profile at least once a week. My experience is if you are active on LinkedIn, more people look at your profile.
There are some people who prefer to recruit people who are already employed instead of unemployed, but I believe this has been decreasing, probably due to HR pushing back on it. In current environment, I think people will be more understanding, and it helps to have a good, somewhat positive response when asked, especially if you were the only one on your team to be laid off.
No Face
I would update the profile to add more details so that it was more appealing, but I would not update the end date for your most recent job. I would, of course, be honest about the end date on your actual resume when you apply to jobs.
Run
I would first check out your headline. If it says VP at XYZ you’ll want to change that to industry leader on widget making. There’s lots of advice on crafting a headline. You’ll also want to make sure your intro paragraph sells you
And agree that I think a few months is ok to leave. Some companies have internal guidelines on this
Not sure the open to work badge helps or hurts but do make sure your recruiter settings are set appropriately
Anon
If it’s at all possible, get a contract gig.
Lila Fowler
Having been in this position, I did not update my end date until I was 90 day into my next role. In my case it was 12 months and I would use that same approach in the future. Also agree with ensuring my profile showed I was open to recruiters.
Mm
You all are so good at talking through job options, so I’m seeking your thoughts. For some background, I’m an attorney, living in a LCOL city with spouse and one child in daycare (pretty sure we are one and done). Spouse works long hours. We have a nice nest egg. These are my two options, and I’m really conflicted:
(A) In house at a big company. Traditional 40 hour weeks expected, with a lot of flexibility (I know in house can be more but am familiar with this option). 6 figure pay. I highly doubt I’ll ever love this job or company, and honestly wouldn’t be proud to work here, but it would provide more of a balance.
(B) Public interest lawyering for a well known org. less money (~60k) and more work (~50 hours/week, sometimes more). But despite the cons, this is what I’ve always wanted to do, and my idealistic side thinks I could really make some meaningful change. Might also open me to cool future opportunities.
What would you choose? Comfort or passion?
Anon
Option B, hands down. I’m a single parent in a VHCOL city and am personally option B — I don’t take as many nice vacations as I’d like, and don’t outsource as much as I’d like, and some days I hate my job (it’s much more emotionally involved and thus draining), but overall it is so so worth it. The personal fulfillment of doing something you really want to do, and knowing that this is the example you are setting for your child, are so so worth it.
Batgirl
I would like to say that I’m not sure those are your only two choices, though maybe they are in your city. I am a lawyer working for a well known, national organization but work remotely full time. I make a little over $150K and very rarely work more than a 35 hour week (which is considered full time at my organization). The work is challenging and it’s an issue close to my heart. That isn’t to say it’s an easy gig to get, but when I left my firm, I was convinced that my choices were like the ones you outline in your post. There are plenty of non-profits that pay low salaries for lawyers, but that’s changing and most of the larger ones don’t try to get away with that any more. (Admittedly $150K may be high but $60K is extremely low; at least, for a national org.)
Anon
How did you find this unicorn? I’m not looking now but probably a strong candidate for a national org and would love to be remote…
Anon
+1, would love a remote job like this.
Batgirl
I don’t want to say so much as to out myself, but I came in through the litigation department and moved over to a hybrid legal role after a couple of years. It’s a unicorn job, but even unicorn jobs have their downsides!
Anonymous
I would chose A and then volunteer with an organization I care about every week. You have at least ten extra hours a week with job A, you could volunteer one evening a week or a half weekend day. More financial security and the ability to find/change a volunteer position to suit your needs.
I work in enviro law and honestly it can be really hard sometimes. The effecting meaningful change part sometimes gets lost in the millionth contract review.
anon
This is what I would do too. Whenever I’ve chosen passion, I’ve been disappointed. Filling your free time with volunteer work is a great way to get that satisfaction.
Anonymous
Ditto.
Anonymous
More money and less time spent working? A 100%.
Anonymous
This. And more $ to spend on causes you care about. OP could donate like 10K a year to charity and still be ahead financially of Option B.
Plus Option B will likely require additional child care costs if her DH is working long hours.
Anon
+1000. Nothing kills a passion like being underpaid and overworked. Volunteer on the side.
Anon
Same. I have a boring job and find my fulfillment through family and volunteering. I really like that my boring 40 hour/week job gives me so much time to pursue volunteer opportunities. In pre-COVID times, I easily spent 10-20 hours/week volunteering for causes I care about.
Maybe this is cynical, but I know quite a few people who chose Option B only to be disappointed by the organization or the management, and ended up not finding the job as idealistic as they expected. I’ve had the same experience at some volunteer gigs, but those are much easier to change than a job.
Another thing to think about is would you and your child be comfortable on a $60k salary if it came to that? I realize of course that many people make less, but when you’re used to a certain lifestyle it can be hard to downgrade. Even if your marriage is totally happy now, I always think it’s good to think through how things would look if you had to be a single parent on your salary. I’m also in a LCOL city and even here I feel like things would be tight for me and my one kid on $60k – daycare alone is $20k.
anon
Your second paragraph is spot-on. Passion is great, but it does not outweigh being part of an organization that is poorly run. Not saying that’s what is happening here, but “do-good” orgs are just as prone to dysfunction as any other. Keep your eyes wide open, is all I’m saying. I work in higher ed, which I’m very passionate about, but I speak from experience when I say that sometimes this place drives me crazy because my idealistic self wants the process to be different, less convoluted, less political, etc.
The original Scarlett
+1 – the frustration of work often destroys the passion. Besides volunteering, I’d look into getting on boards for what you’re passionate about
anne-on
+a million. I have read WAAY too many stories on ask a manager/heard horror stories from colleagues/friends that chose the ‘passion’ role and discovered HR at a lot of these places was a joke, they were extremely disfunctional/run by boards who could not be questioned/expected BIG additional sacrifices of time and/or money ‘because the cause!’.
anon
I’ve worked at the kind of not for profit org that when you mention the name people are like “awww you must be such a good person!” Getting to feel proud about how other people perceived me for working there was one of very few good thing about it.
The work environment was bizarre and unprofessional. Fundraising permeated everything– everything involved cozying up to and pleasing the board (prominent people in town who raised a bunch of money), we were always desperate for grants, working on reports to prove how great the outcomes were (they were not) to keep the grants, etc.
I thought they did good work, I still do, and I would donate to them, but it was not really a job I did and felt like I was personally making a difference. The people who actually made a difference to the work of the org were the board members who were raising hundreds of thousands of dollars. Working in an nfp really opens your eyes to how vast the need is and how little an individual can actually do. That doesn’t mean you stop trying, but it can be very disillusioning.
NYCer
+1.
Vicky Austin
I’m not a lawyer, but B all the way. You said yourself: “I wouldn’t be proud to work at A.” Since you have the choice, it seems obvious to me that you should not work at a place you wouldn’t be proud of.
Anonymous
I worked as a grocery store cashier and discount store cashier. They were jobs. I was proud of my work. My feet ached every day. What can’t people have mere jobs that pay well, don’t require childcare in excess of 40 hours a week, and have flexibility. That is what I wanted as a cashier. Why take a job that pays poorly and ups your childcare needs when you don’t have to?! If you donate, maybe another person will be better-compensated for the sacrifices they are making.
Anon
I don’t mean to snarky, this is a sincere opinion. Why would you take a job that pays less but requires even more working hours than option A? In your shoes I would take option A and find time to volunteer in organisations that support causes I care about
anon
Because job satisfaction really matters. I can tell you that when I worked a job I was truly passionate about, my 60 hour work weeks for $52,000 seemed a lot shorter than the 35 hour weeks at a firm doing work I didn’t care about.
counterpoint
Counterpoint: I now hold a giant, undoable grudge for my passion, having been now on the inside of an org that is a nationally recognized change agency in Passion’s space. I was over worked (50-60 hr weeks at least) and we were constantly called on to do more “because it’s for The Cause”. Martyrdom for my cause was not enjoyable, certainly not at the expense of my well being, and certainly not at my $55k salary. Sometimes mixing passions with employment/making a living is not a positive outcome.
anne-on
OMG yes, this x a million. I had plenty of friends in my 20’s who were overworked, underpaid, and expected to donate even more time/money to their workplaces ‘because the cause!!’.
Plus I don’t want to say every org is like that, but often HR is a joke or highly dysfunctional as they are so small/homegrown.
Anon
Agree with this.
Also, you know what’s fun? Spending time with your kid. More money AND more time is almost always the way to go when you’re a parent – get emotional fulfillment from flexible volunteering hours and your family, and your job is what you do for 40 out of 168 hours in a week.
Batgirl
I posted above, but I also agree with a lot of this. I like working for my non-profit and the mission is important to me, but not as important as the financial well-being of my family and having time with my kids. If I were made to choose between them, I’d choose the job that allowed me those two things instead of the “passion” job.
Anon
Also there’s the concept of enough. I work in option B, make 90k in a VHCOL area. I have paid off all debt, max out retirement accounts and take modest vacations. I spent $1k a year on clothes, and about the same on books. I eat out in expensive restaurants (pre-pandemic) but once a month. I live in a beautiful apartment in a not-trendy neighborhood full of family owned cafes, restaurants and stores (almost no chain stores) in an older building with no roof deck or pool. I have enough.
Why would I want to work at a job I didn’t enjoy or find fulfilling, just so I could have an extra pile of cash in my bank account? I frankly can’t imagine what I would do with the extra money, other than donate it. Last time there was a thread of what you would do, pandemic-friendly, with an extra $10k, I honestly couldn’t think of anything. That means I have enough.
Anon
Unless you come from “nesting yacht money” (lol, I learned about nesting yachts here) you can NEVER have enough for retirement. I agree with you that I have more than enough for my day-to-day lifestyle now, but I watched my grandparents each burn through hundreds of thousands of dollars a year for the last years of their life because they needed 24/7 care for dementia. And the “last years” were long, up to 10 years in some cases, because dementia doesn’t typically kill a person and my family has good genes for physical health so the women especially typically live past 90. Charity is also a very worthy thing to do with your money if you truly feel like you have enough for retirement. But most people don’t.
Anon
I will never be able to save that kind of money for that kind of care. That would be a spend down and go on Medicaid situation so it does not change my calculus.
Enough
No one in my family has yet lived past age 75 — perhaps with improved medical care I’ll be lucky enough to break that record. By my projections of what I’ve already saved and my savings rate (assuming modest growth), I will have enough to retire while withdrawing 4% at age 55, though I will likely work (and save) until 65. I’m not willing to work 50 years at a job I dislike so that I can accumulate as much money as possible. Different people have different risk tolerances though, so YMMV. My point is that accumulation of money does not HAVE to be a primary goal.
Anon
I don’t know, if you were able to save say an extra $30k a year for decades that is quite a lot of money to accumulate for care later in life since it should grow as you invest it.
Anon
You’re acting like the only options for end of life care are you drop dead at 65 or you’re in assisted living for 10 years.
The median amount of time in assisted living is 21 months; the average (mean) is 28 months. It’s entirely reasonable to want to save up enough money for, say, three years of assisted living and six months in a nursing home, knowing that in most situations, that would be more than enough.
Anon
The difference is you are single and/or childless on 90k, which is not only a substantial 30k more but also leaves you with much more freetime, while OP would have a family and child to partially support and have less time to spend with them. Your life is a unicorn and honestly sounds like a romcom in the making. I’m happy for you, but it is highly unlikely OP will get anything close being overworked at $60k and little time for family and friends.
Enough
I am actually a single parent on that 90k
anonish
I struggled with a similar situation. Was in Job A that paid really well ($160K–not an atty–in a MCOL city) but was in a field I didn’t see myself staying in forever (billable hours, client-facing). Job B came along and was a “passion” “do-gooder” type of job at a fed agency with the chance for cool opportunities but the pay was abysmal ($50K in a HCOL city). I ended up going with Job C ($125K base in MCOL city) but at a company with “name recognition” and good benefits. First position at the company wasn’t great but I recently transferred to another team that allows me to sort of split the difference. I’m not working at “do gooder” job but I’m on a team where I think my work has impact, the hours aren’t too insane, and I didn’t have to take a ridiculous pay cut to achieve it.
TL;DR: maybe a “Job C” is the best option? This is provided there are other opportunities in your area.
Anonymous
If these were my options I’d keep looking.
Anon
For me, doing something as a job kills my passion for it. I can only enjoy my interests when they’re hobbies. I know not everyone feels this way, but I think a sizeable number of people do. So I would choose Option A and pursue my passions through hobbies and volunteerism.
Anon for this
A for sure. Agree with everyone that you should volunteer your time or donate money for the passion causes. Also, you say that you won’t feel proud to work a the big company – how do you know? Big companies often donate a lot of money to worthy causes, and honestly, what makes a job great is often the people and your manager, not necessarily the stated mission cause.
Anonymous
This isn’t something someone else can answer for you. At your core you either value your belief system or money. Hubs and I have always been save the world types and it makes us incredibly happy.
Anonymous
Wow, I’ll quibble with this. It’s possible to use your money to further your beliefs. There’s a reason all the save-the-world organizations send out mailers for money, not volunteers.
Anon
My eyes just rolled out of my head. Here’s a different take – you either value time with your child or your job.
Anon
This isn’t fair and is the kind of thing that pits SAHMs against working moms.
Anon
It’s not fair in a vacuum, but it’s fair as a reply to a sanctimonious take that people who don’t choose Option B only care about money. Choosing to work 40 hours so you have more time with your family IS doing good in the world. Kids benefit from having their parents around.
No Face
I say take B if AND ONLY IF:
– You are very familiar with the ins and outs of being an employee with this specific organization. My mother worked in nonprofits and man she had some awful bosses and co-workers at certain times. I also have friends with some serious horror stories; worse than my firm jobs. But, there are nonprofits that are truly great places to do meaningful work.
– You do not mind work working long hours with fewer resources
– You derive a lot of your identity and satisfaction from your work
Otherwise, keep looking for other options similar to A and B, but better. If you take B or a B-like job, negotiate for flexibility and vacation. One of my friends made ~$70k in a VHCOL area doing public interest work, but negotiated for 5-6 weeks vacation per year. I was so jealous!
Artemis
I agree with much of what has already been said about the dangers of working in your passion, especially for “low” pay. More on that–I work at a job that is a set 40 hours per week and I make $60k. I’m a lawyer, married to a lawyer who makes a six-figure salary and works about 50 hours a week. I took the job several years ago to give us more flexibility with our kids when I was getting crushed in mid-law and my husband was working in biglaw.
Money isn’t everything. We have enough. We’re doing fine. Many people make much less. I know all that and believe it.
But also? Even though I only work 40 hours a week, I manage a significant team of people, which is exhausting. And I work in local government, which is exhausting–change is so slow. And there are no merit-based raises, no bonuses, no promotions–no larger goals for me to work towards, long-term, and I think that can happen at a lot of smaller government/non-profit orgs. And honestly? At this point, making $60k for the level of work I do, given that my husband works not that much harder for much more money, is its own kind of soul-sucking. Sometimes I can’t believe I bother to do the level of work I do for what comes home in my paycheck. That’s going to sound snotty and entitled to some, I get it. But it’s how I feel, and I’m working on it. Be careful of choosing option B.
Anonymous
Option A- no question. When my kids were little I chose a similar Option A and never regretted it. What you are weighing here is time with your kid and flexibility (which is really priceless) vs. less time with your kid and possibly more satisfying work. The money is not the key factor – you can make that up later on but you can’t make up time.You know that A would give you more time with your kid and more flexibility. I agree with others that option B might turn out to be less satisfying than you had expected, so B is more risky for possibly a lot less reward. FWIW my grown kids both have told me that they were happy I was able to spend time with them as they were growing up- it made a big difference to them to have their mom available when they needed me. And I would never trade that time. My career has not suffered at all for this decision.
anon a mouse
This x1000. Time with your kid while it matters. The job at Option B will be there (in some form) if/when you are ready to take it, but I suspect it would be harder to go from B to A if you change your mind.
Anon
For B, I would really really dig into how this org is run. There have been SO MANY stories in the last year about just terrible internal dynamics at otherwise well-regarded nonprofits. Ask why the person you are replacing is leaving. If there is high turnover, take that seriously. Ask current employees what they’d change about the job if they could.
Obviously private companies have their own share of problems but there is something uniquely awful about working super hard for little money at an org that mistreats employees.
Anon
A, hands down. I would choose to spend more time with my child, my spouse, my friends.
Doodles
Yep. I don’t know how this is even a question. Once you have a child, there’s no job that’s worth less money and less time with that child. If you don’t derive enough passion from time with your family and friends, then use the extra time to volunteer with something you’re passionate about. Unless option A is the NRA or something, I don’t need to love the mission statement of the company I work for. I need it to provide stability, benefits, money, and flexibility so that I can be a present mother while also contributing financially to my family. And I need it to support me and my children should anything happen to my husband and/or marriage. Option B is something I may have done when single and in my early 20s. Friends who took that route also often regretted it because the passion orgs were so poorly run.
Anon
So obviously this is an incredibly personal decision and people are going to make different choices. I would choose B because I know from experience that having a meaningful job is very important to me. Or rather, than when I don’t have a meaningful job I get pretty depressed.
Anon
Any suggestions of breakfasts that are milk-free, meat-free? I’m so tired of every possible version of eggs or toast with nut butters, so I’ve been eating a whole lot more pastries and granola bars than is ideal.
Cb
I’ve been eating coconut or oat milk yoghurt, all bran, and frozen blueberries on repeat. There is something really satisfying about the combination. I think overnight oats are disgusting but we eat a lot of porridge with bananas or apples.
Vicky Austin
Overnight oats are vile! I’m so glad I’m not alone in this.
Cb
They look like snot. My son likes them but I can’t even see them in the am. I’d rather spend 10 minutes making porridge than look at those.
Airplane.
+ 1 I hate overnight oats and oatmeal. Gross.
Sloan Sabbith
My colleague’s wife made them one time and he told a white lie to her that it “looks really good!”
She made a week’s worth for him while he was on a camping trip the next weekend, in individual jars. He was horrified.
Anonymous
Oatmeal, cold cereal with non-dairy milk (there are a million varieties of both cereal and milks – oldest kid is currently into shreddies with chocolate coconut milk (bleech!)), various bagel varieties with vegan cream cheese, smoothies.
Also, non-‘breakfast’ foods – the idea that a set group of foods are for breakfast is a western thing. Have leftover pizza/noodles/whatever if you don’t feel like cooking.
Alina
Oatmeal with fruits that you put in your self (much more satisfying than the instant ones)
LaurenB
Is there a medical reason you need to adhere to these guidelines? Because if not, why not just relax them if it gets in the way of your eating enjoyment?
Could you eat “impossible burger” meat on top of a muffin to give you protein? Or black bean burgers? I know a bit unorthodox but why not.
OP
I don’t eat meat in part because I don’t like the taste/texture — so fake meats are also off the table for me (I’ve tried them and don’t love them). I am also lactose intolerant when I’m stressed (it’s weird, I know) so I haven’t been able to have milk/cheese since March without stomach issues. I miss cheese! I eat beans every day for lunch or dinner because I love them but it’s a bit too much for me to have them for breakfast too!
I think some healthier muffins and oatmeal are good ideas. Thanks for the suggestions so far, I would love to hear more!
Anonymous
Lactose free milk doesn’t work for you?
OP
You know what I haven’t tried it in years and completely forgot it existed. That’s a good idea! I will pick some up at the grocery store next time and try it out. Thank you.
Sloan Sabbith
Lactose free milk tastes like regular milk to me!
During normal times I eat a double fiber whole wheat English muffin with a thin layer of mashed avocado, and a slice of tomato with Trader Joe’s everything but the bagel seasoning, and a Siggis Icelandic yogurt on the side. It does have lactose, but I’m somewhat lactose intolerant and it doesn’t bother me.
Anonyz
I had to quit dairy and soy, but almond milk is a great substitute. I love some whole grain cereal with vanilla-flavored almond milk.
Bonnie Kate
+1 to vanilla-flavored almond milk as a great substitute. I also like certain brands of oat milk too. I will say that I’ve found there’s a big difference in different brands of nut milks, and I don’t like many brands almond or oat milks – but the ones that I do like I LOVE. So if you tried one and thought it was too thin/not good – it probably was but not all of them are that way.
Hollis
Bonnie Kate – I am new to the world of almond milk. Which brands do you prefer over the others?
Bonnie Kate
I like Blue Diamond Sweetened Vanilla Almond Breeze Milk – has to be sweetened for me. It’s pretty easy to find in my rural area groceries stores, so I’d think it’s easy to find most places. Silk Almond Milk is good too.
My real favorite milk right now is Chobani Oat Vanilla Milk, Sweetened. This is a tougher find for me but I have one grocery store that stocks it although it’s regularly sold out. It was this weekend, so I was “forced” to buy Starbucks Non-Dairy Caramel Macchiato Creamer for my coffee. Of course that’s no good for cereal, but I’m mostly using it for coffee creamers or London Fog tea lattes.
MKB
I love Oatly oat milk, fwiw. I can consume dairy but prefer Oatly in things like oatmeal and my coffee. (Still prefer dairy milk in my afternoon tea, though….)
I eat roasted veggies for breakfast some days – a mix of something like broccoli or brussels sprouts and a sweeter thing like carrots or squash, plus something like tomatoes or onions. (Roasted in a big batch on the weekends – I eat them cold for breakfast.)
I also sometimes do a grain like farro, cooked earlier, but reheated with some honey and oat milk. Quinoa can be a good option for this, too, if you want a little extra protein.
Anony
My favorite is Blue Diamond Unsweetened Almond & Coconut Milk! The taste is decent and it doesn’t have a weird texture; very similar to dairy milk. I eat Bear Naked Cacao & Cashew Butter granola with almond/coconut milk and blueberries every day for breakfast.
Anon
Wait what? I’m sure the OP has already made the decision about whether she can “relax” her requirements, and that’s why she mentioned them in her post.
The impossible burger idea for breakfast is good though.
MissK
I do the following combo on some days – 1 boiled egg, half avocado, blueberries. No idea where this idea came from, I would not come up with it on my own
anon
I do a Spanish omelette (potato, egg, onion) with avocado sometimes. Or oatmeal and banana. Or PB&J, or PB&banana.
Anonymous
I don’t like overnight oats with regular milk, but I really enjoy it made with almond milk or oat/almond milk.
I add seeds, nuts and fruit.
Cottage cheese oat scones are great for breakfast, especially with savoury topping (sandwich stuff).
Hash browns (or bubble & squeak) with baked beans.
AnonATL
Baked oatmeal is my favorite right now! Many of the recipes call for milk, but I’ve used almond milk as a sub without issue.
There’s a peanut butter banana baked oatmeal on joy food sunshine that is super good. I usually add about a half cup of extra oats to make it more bar-like and less liquidy.
anon
Baked oatmeal is delicious! Budget Bytes has great recipes (banana bread & carrot cake are my faves).
anon
I like seeded crackers/crispbread w tomato and smoked salmon. If it’s a Saturday, shakshouka. Green smoothies if its an on-the-go day, i add protein powder.
anonshmanon
Also avocado toast with tomato and herb salt/steak seasoning.
Anon
Chia seed pudding with coconut milk.
Anonymous
That is even more snot-like than overnight oats.
anon
Hey don’t yuck someone else’s yum!
Anonie
One thing to keep in mind is that you don’t HAVE to stick to traditional breakfast foods just because you are eating in the morning. If your lunch and dinner options are relatively healthful and make you happier, eat lunch or dinner food at breakfast-time!
Iron
This! This will out me but I in law school I used to eat a max veggie loaded minestrone for breakfast. And now that I’m reminded of this I may start it again… (In case you’re curious it was the Skinny Taste minestrone with extra of the veggies I like, most times no noodles because if you long term store noodle-soup the noodles get gross)
No Face
My favorite breakfast is leftover dinner food.
Anon
Yes, this! Long-time vegetarian here. Huevos rancheros is a great quick breakfast if you make a pot of beans in advance. Heat a tortilla in the microwave or in the skillet where you fry an egg. Add beans and a fried egg, top with kim chi (yum, tastes great with this) or salsa for a more traditional approach. Add greens if you have them, cilantro if you have it and like it, tomato slices if you have them. Serve with rice or some other grain if you wish. This is my favorite breakfast.
You can also, of course, buy cooked beans rather than cook them yourself, to save time.
Monte
Yes! I was really into eating pho for breakfast for a while after going to Vietnam. I may have to start up again now that it is cooling off.
Anonymous
Japanese composed breakfast with fish and tofu? Congee?
Anon
I’m GF and DF and I make an egg sandwich on gluten free waffles every morning for breakfast. I use earth balance for butter. I have an electric skillet I toss the eggs on and cook them over medium and I toast the waffles in the toaster. It takes less than 10 mins to cook. I change up the seasonings to be sweet, savory, spicy, etc. One day I’ll put maple syrup on the waffles. Another day I’ll put siracha on the eggs. The possibilities are endless :)
NY CPA
Avocado toast? Breakfast veggie hash?
anon
I love making hash brown skillets (I buy the frozen shredded ones from Trader Joe’s) with sautéed veggies. Top with a fried egg if you need more protein. I include bacon and cheese in mine but you can use vegan subs or leave out entirely — delicious either way!
Kodiak
Kodiak high-protein muffins
kk
Yes, I was going to suggest kodiak eggo-style waffles.
I also like the Shalane Flanagan superhero muffins- the pumkin version from her second cookbook are my favorite.
Anon
Smoothies, hash browns, nuts and seeds, fruit snacks, protein waffles, bean burritos, crackers and veggies with hummus, cereal without milk, peanut butter crackers, whatever your favorite healthy snacks are
techgirl
Breakfast burrito, avo on toast, frittata, smoothie bowl, fruit salad, vegetable hash, dates and banana with nut butter, eggs with potato cakes/homemade hash browns.
Duckles
Avocado toast, tomato toast, bean and rice burritos or bean and veggie omelets, egg sandwiches?
I am also a freak who loves vegan chili for breakfast.
Anon Probate Atty
A smoothie with protein powder, low-cal fruit juice (I like Ocean Spray Cran-Mango), frozen mangoes and fresh berries. If you can tolerate half and half or cream, that would make it even nicer. I make myself something like this every morning, but I use greek yogurt plus a splash of half and half, and no fruit juice, unless I’m out of yogurt.
Anonymous
I rent an apartment that is mostly plush carpet. The only hard surface floors are the tiny galley kitchen and small bathroom – even the entry has carpet. I have a cat and hate putting her litter box on carpet. I recently tried removing the doors to the bathroom vanity and putting her litter box under the sink. I love the location but frankly, the bathroom smells. Any solutions? Where do small apartment pros hide litter boxes and stop tracking?
Anon
Mine is on the floor in the bathroom, and takes up about 1/3 of the empty space. I use a flushable litter and scoop and flush at least once a day. It’s not perfect, but not awful either.
Hazel
Use litter mats. Several big ones, especially if you have a cat like mine who loves jumping out of the litterbox and dashing around madly, scattering litter everywhere. We’ve got a couple of litter mats, including a double-layered honeycomb one that really helps catch litter and prevent it from scattering. Floors aren’t perfectly clean, but they’re much better.
Anonymous
Mine is on the bathroom floor on a litter mat. I scoop every morning, evening, or if I notice a stink during the day when I am home. I have a litter genie right there so it is easy.
Anonymous
We put ours on the bottom of our linen closet, on top of a litter mat and scoop multiple times a day. The closet has sliding doors and we just leave it a little bit cracked open so the cat can fit through.
Anonymous
We got an end table that holds a litter box and put an air purifier in front of it. Something like this: https://www.amazon.com/ecoFlex-Litter-Loo-Cover-Table/dp/B008KYHH6S
Anonyz
I use very large litter mats, but when I’ve fostered litters and needed to shut them away in a carpeted bedroom, I nested the litter box inside a large plastic storage bin. The kind you would use to store sweaters under a bed is the perfect shape and height.
anon
Thankfully my apartment has laminate flooring but I wasn’t able to prevent tracking either. My cat liked to dig around before he went in. Then he would madly kick the litter to hide the poop so there was always a pile next to the litter box which he proceeded to track everywhere. My friend swears by pine litter. She has multiple cats and claims she doesn’t have any tracking using pine pellets. You’ll need a double tray system though.
aBr
Multicat litter + thick nobby bath mats instead of a litter mat. From someone whose cat is determined to move all the litter from one side of his box to the other to hid his presents for me.
Alina
Love this dress!
I’m going to state my very simple, quarantine-is-getting-to-me goal: I’m going to go on a walk every morning, of at least 1.5 miles. There’s a path near my house of that length.
Cb
That’s a great idea, it’s amazing how 20 minutes outside helps your mental health.
Saguaro
Me too! I am on my second week of a 2 mile walk every morning. Still forcing myself to go, but I am going.
Anon
I have so loved being home and going for a daily walk around lunchtime when the sun is high and bright! I generally do a lap of our cul-de-sac street 3 times and it takes me 30 minutes and I feel so refreshed afterwards!
Alina
The lunch time point is a good one! I was doing HIIT videos inside but I realized I needed the fresh air+sunlight, even if its less of a fully body workout than the videos.
pugsnbourbon
+ a million. This is going to be extra essential once we fall back. I’m looking for better walking boots than my big Bogs so I can at least get around the block once it’s cold and snowy/slushy.
Shanananan
I’ve gotten very sucked into the insta videos for Huberman labs, and one of the things they talk about a lot is the importance of getting sunlight in the early part of the day to help your body regulate sleep and seasons, and since doing that, I have to say my sleep has been so much better.
Sloan Sabbith
Yes! I wasn’t walking much in March/April/May even though I walk a TON in normal times. My psychiatrist recommended at least a 15-20 minute walk in the mornings. It helped with the low level depression in a few weeks. I like doing Stepbets, which give me some motivation and accountability.
LaurenB
I like the dress too but hard for anyone with a bust to wear bows in the front.
Btw speaking of dress, what do we think (sartorially speaking ONLY) of Amy C-B’s outfit at the Rose Garden? I was somewhat surprised it wasn’t a sheath dress with jacket or a skirted suit, but I’m an Old here.
Anonymous
A- I have a generous bust and DJ not find wearing bows hard
B- no I’m not wasting time dissecting the fashion choices of a woman who wants to take away my freedom at an event that spread a plague to dozens so far
ElisaR
good point….
Mina
+ 1,000 with respect to point B. I enjoy fashion but I had/have zero interest in fear clothing choices.
Mina
Her not fear boo to auto-correct.
ElisaR
i was suprised it was brown…. i never see brown anymore which made me think it was a dress that was about 10-15 years old.
Anonymous
I don’t think we should be dissing something just because it’s old, we should all be wearing our classic pieces like the men do theirs, until they are worn out. Also, she has been a law professor not at a firm so her mix of pieces is likely more casual.
Anon
Agree on both counts.
Further point: she has seven kids. Her husband is a partner at a small firm; she’s a federal judge. While they are obviously quite comfortable, college tuition times seven, plus the costs of a special needs child, might mean that old but nice shoes get worn.
Senior Attorney
I’m just gonna come right out and say if I’m ever nominated to SCOTUS, I’m totally buying a new outfit, including shoes, even if I have to charge it.
Anon
Thank you!
Is it Friday yet?
Same. But also, couldn’t she have gotten the money for it from whoever paid off Kavanaugh’s mortgage, credit cards, and country club fees? A new pair of Manolos is pocket change in comparison!
Mina
I TA!
Anonie
With brown being hot in interior design (urbane bronze and all) right now…maybe it’s making a comeback in clothing simultaneously?
Anon
She wore a suit for her appellate court confirmation hearing and for several other meeting at the White House. Most or all of the pictures I’ve seen of her in suits are in pant suits; I wonder if anything with a pencil skirt (sheath dresses included) don’t fit her correctly.
The dress was nice. It looks a bit weird from some angles, but very lovely for others. She may have been going for something that worked for accepting the nomination as well as a reception afterward.
Anonie
I think her outfit was a prime example, for me, of letting my opinions about people get in the way of whether or not I like their style. If Michelle Obama had worn that dress, I probably would have thought it was elegant and interesting…on Amy, I am not a fan and think the sleeves and bodice detailing look awkward. Granted, I like plenty of Melania and Ivanka’s fashion choices, despite my dislike for them as people. So I guess my theory only goes so far :)
As for bows and busts ha: I LOVE bows, so I wear them freely despite being a D cup. I wouldn’t wear that particular dress because it is so very fitted. I’ve noticed that dresses/tops with bows and ruffles near the bust look best in looser, flowier fabrics that skim my chest rather than clinging to it.
Anon
I took it as a bit of sartorial signalling to MAGA-world that she’s not like those “other” powerful women and that she can be a lady-justice while still being feminine, demure, etc.
Anonie
Good point, absolutely. No Clinton-esque pantsuits for the MAGA ladies
Anon
I am shaped a lot like Ivanka and also love her fashion choices though I dislike her as a person.
Vicky Austin
Someone mentioned here a few days ago how dated her shoes were, and they are, but I thought they would have been fine if not for those weird front platforms. What was going on there?
Anonymous
Nude for you patent leather shoes are super dated.
Cat
Yeah those nude patent heels were ubiquitous a decade ago. I donated all of mine other than a suede pair.
Jeffiner
My nude patent leather shoes are the only heels I own, and I haven’t had a reason to need to wear heels in years. My shoes are super nice though, and in great shape since they’ve only been worn a couple times. If I got invited to the White House, I’d probably wear them. Well, I’d probably decline the invite, because ick, but if I really had to go, I’d wear the shoes.
Anonymous
That was a thing a while back, the mini platform. I hated it at the time and only bought one pair. It’s now been out for so long that I have seen signs it’s coming back.
Anon
I always thought of them as mullet shoes. The front didn’t match the back.
That was a trend I thankfully skipped.
Anonymous
Dress was fine. Shoes were awful. Same shape in a different color and matte leather would have been fine.
Cat
+1
I liked the dress. I feel like it was channeling The Fold and in my dream back-to-the-office world I’d be placing a massive order.
Accessories, not so much. I would have preferred no necklace (the one she chose was too fussy), a bold cuff, and matte or suede heels.
Anon
Her shoes were bad – worn, out of date, just like her political views.
Dress was fine, but she needed a blazer.
Anon
I think her dress was fine – not great nor awful. I think the bow would be pretty awkward on anyone with a bigger bust – it was kind of wedged in between them. It seems like she’s not into fashion which is fine.
Anon
I thought the dress was beautiful and professional. Also very appropriate for the setting. But the shoes were dated. Melania looked spectacular though. I’ve rarely seen a fashion miss step from her (although I admittedly don’t follow every outfit choice, just the ones from well publicized events).
Anon
“I don’t really care, do u?” wasn’t a fashion misstep to you?
Anon
Ha yes, that’s what I was thinking when I wrote “rarely”. I was about to say “never seen” but then was like o wait…
Anon
She also wore that awful lime green dress for the RNC event at the White House, which clashed with all of the red and served as a hilarious green screen for the Internet.
Anon
I didn’t notice it at the time. I went back and looked and I think the dress is ok, but not right for the occasion. I don’t understand the shoes or the necklace.
That said I don’t give a crap how she dresses. I care about how she rules.
Anonymous
I think the dress was a deliberate choice to present herself more like a wife and mother and less like a judge.
Anon
That makes me sad. Though I do like the idea of telling young girls that you can be feminine and powerful.
Anon
I suspect sheath dresses and pencil skirts do not work with her body shape (as someone of roughly the same age I have the same problem). And I thought her dress was perfectly appropriate for the occasion (at least it had sleeves).
I cannot stand her political and judicial philosophy but I think nitpicking her shoes for being “out of date” is a bit silly. And I really wish that women’s professional shoes did not change every few seasons. Among other things, buying shoes only to trash them/give them away a few years later when they are still perfectly usable is incredibly wasteful. We have long discussions here about environmental concerns and sustainability and then buy into what is essentially fast fashion.
Anonymous
It’s not fast fashion when styles change every decade. Those heels are not last season. they are last decade.
TheElms
Perhaps she has been too busy with her career and her kids to care about what shoes are fashionable for the last decade. Lots of people don’t care about shoes. They weren’t at all inappropriate, move on.
Anonymous
No one said they were inappropriate. They weren’t inappropriate. Just ugly. And just because women have kids doesn’t mean we all stop caring about how we look.
anon
Seriously. I’m not a fan of this particular judge, but can we stop the nitpicking about her nude heels? Geez. They may not be high fashion, but they’re very inoffensive.
Anon
OMG it’s a whole thread about her fashion choices. If you don’t want to read it, collapse the thread.
anon
I think she was dressed in classic doormat for the GOP and Patriarchy fashion from head to toe.
Anonymous
Thank you, you win best comment!
Vicky Austin
Good morning Hive! I’d love suggestions for the following two very going-into-the-office problems…
1 – I have to wear a badge at work. Once in a while my boss orders us all cheap matching lanyards off Amazon or something, but they inevitably break or their sequins come off and are literally all over my purse, desk, etc. Very annoying. However, I like wearing it on a lanyard (easier than remembering to clip it to some part of my outfit every dang day). Any suggestions for something lanyard-like, without bits and pieces that will come off, and that is neutral enough but still pretty?
2 – I have a gorgeous fisherman’s sweater, but it was a hand-me-down from my mom, which means it’s from LLBean and also two sizes too big. I wear it with jeans and it looks fine (leaves plenty of room for layering in our cold winters), but I’m wondering if it has any more workwear potential. It’s a dark blue that I think Crayola would call Cadet. Would you style it differently?
OtterMom
I have a Kate Spade lanyard that may fit your bill. Link posted below to avoid m0d (though I seem to get stuck there regardless).
As for the fisherman’s sweater, if I’m picturing it correctly, I’m not sure I think workwear, unless you have a very casual-side-of-business-casual office. If you do, maybe with a pencil skirt?
OtterMom
https://www.katespade.com/products/spencer-lanyard/PWRU7919.html#q=lanyard
Vicky Austin
Ooh, that’s unexpectedly lovely! Thank you!
Senior Attorney
That is fab! I’ve been using a hot pink lanyard I got on Amazon and that is so much better!
Anon
Try wearing the sweater with a kilt or another coordinating plaid or tweed skirt. An oversized sweater with a narrow-ish or pencil skirt can look adorable.
Anon
Oooh no, I would not do this. Maybe on Halloween.
Anonymous
Channeling Velma from Scooby-Doo?
Mrs. Jones
I ordered a couple of lanyards off Etsy. They are chevron print fabric in neutral tones.
Anonymous
Brahmin has lanyards. I have one in a sort of blue toile pattern.
Pink
1 – university lanyards are popular at my office, but that might be a bit masculine/twee for your taste. That Kate Spade option is lovely. Brighton is also popular in my neck of the woods.
2 – Maybe try it over a navy (or black) midi-length dress? Or +1 to pairing with a tweed skirt.
anonshmanon
Is the lanyard of an educational institution too masculine for an over-achieving chick? Cause, you know, schools are for boys…
Vicky Austin
I actually have an educational institution lanyard for my keys, but wanted the thing I actually wear to be prettier. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Eh
I think the comment that they can seem masculine was more a reference to university football teams, which, in my region, is inevitably the reason behind someone wearing a university lanyard (SEC country here). Of course, many women also like football! But in this region women tend not to wear “team swag” unless it’s gameday, unlike the men who often wear a Dawgs polo or whatever on any given day.
PolyD
I’m way too old for H&M, but still look every once in a while (thanks, Facebook ads!) and saw a model wearing a midi-length pleated skirt with an oversized wooly cardigan with sparkly buttons. I really liked the look – kind of 1980s (I wore a lot of big sweaters with longer skirts back then!) but a bit more modern.
Not gonna lie, if we were going back to our offices this winter, I’d wear that look. Probably with ankle boots. But my office has no real dress code to speak of.
pugsnbourbon
Team belt reel for badges, unless you’re required to have them front and center. I ordered some moderately-expensive ones on Am@zon and they hold up for about 2 years of daily wear before the mechanism gives out. Will follow up with link.
pugsnbourbon
They’re actually cheaper than they used to be, so the quality may have suffered accordingly: https://smile.amazon.com/Yueton-Chroming-Plastic-Retractable-Holder/dp/B018FMP3OC/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=metal+badge+reel+chain&qid=1602083736&sr=8-2
NY CPA
If you like the look of Vera Bradley, they have some. They’re cotton, so nothing to fall off. https://verabradley.com/products/lanyard-24159r33?variant=34471076855852
Anon
How formal is your office? I’d wear the sweater with slim black or grey pants and booties.
Vicky Austin
Not very – I’ve been thinking this. I actually have a pair of booties that very closely match the sweater in color, so I thought maybe I could even be more adventurous with the pant color.
Anonymous
I was shopping for lanyards recently, and realised that places with nurses’ equipment have lots of options. The same places that sell scrubs with different patterns and colors also may have lanyards, clocks, socks etc.
So if you want cute and cheerful, that’s an option.
Cb
What is everyone reading?
I’m finishing This Mournable Body by Tsitsi Dangarembga on audio and reading The Shadow King by Maaza Mengiste, both Booker nominees. The new Elena Ferrante novel is also on my bedside table but I just need a few hours to really allow myself to be immersed in it.
ANON
I’m reading Hamnet and really enjoying it!
Anon
I’m about 30 pages in and I know the little boy is going to die and I’m worried it’s going to be too sad!
Anon
I just finished My Autobiography of Carson McCullers, by Jenn Shappland, which was spectacular. Highly recommend it, as well as all of McCullers’ novels.
ElisaR
ooh haven’t heard of this but i love carson mccullers!
anonchicago
Reading My Brilliant Friend and listening to Untamed on Audible.
AnonATL
I just discovered the Libby app (I may be late to the game there) and have started eviction after seeing it recommended here. It’s a little heavy for the current world though…
Looking for some more light hearted recs. I read a lot of biographies and history but also really like historical fiction.
I just finished The Extraordinary Life of Sam H*ll. it was ok. Nothing special but a quick and easy read
Vicky Austin
I finished Trust Exercise by Susan Choi last night. Not a light read, but SO good.
Currently listening to The Six by Laura Thompson about the Mitford sisters.
Silly Valley
I think I heard about Trust Exercise on here and agree with your assessment. Very thought-provoking and the evocation of the 90s was great.
MagicUnicorn
I just finished The Tortilla Curtain, am starting Five Smooth Stones, and have a stack of RBG biographies waiting their turn. Sometimes I think I need a filter to stop me from rage-ordering library books when I’m in a funk, or at least to require a trashy novel to go with each heavier topic.
Anon
I just finished The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined (very, very interesting, albeit a bit tedious at times). Now I’m rereading my James Herriot childhood favorites. Then I’m reading Call the Midwife. I find British feel-good stories soothing these days.
Cb
Meet You at the Museum might be a more contemporary British feelgood. Written in letters and really gorgeous!
pugsnbourbon
Ohhhh I LOVED James Herriot as a young teen. I’d probably love the books even more now as an adult, thanks for putting the idea in my head!
Anon
You’re welcome. His brand of humor is the actual best for me right now.
kk
You might like Maisie Dobbs books!
Airplane.
I devoured A Sky Painted Gold. Reminded me of all the feelings I have when I read I Capture the Castle.
No Face
Station Eleven. Dangerous move reading a novel about a global pandemic, but I am really enjoying it!
Up next I’m reading New Suns: Original Speculative Fiction by People of Color.
anne-on
How long till Black Future Month was EXCELLENT if you like SciFi/Fantasy – by NK Jemisin who I adore. Ted Chiang’s new book of short stories was also fabulous. I am really having a hard time reading anything ‘heavy’ these days, but short stories are helping as you can dip in and out of them.
No Face
Thanks for the recs!
Is it Friday yet?
I just finished The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett (4/5 stars, I liked it more than The Mothers). Before that was Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh (10/5 stars, I love Allie and am so glad she’s back!). Upcoming are Piranesi by Susanna Clarke (so excited for this one, loved JS & Mr. N), Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi, and the new (and last!) Queen’s Thief book by Megan Whalen Turner. All the new books coming out this fall have been a bright spot in the heckscape we’re living in.
Is it Friday yet?
Why am I suddenly back in moderation???
anonchicago
Transcendent Kingdom was good, not as good as Homegoing but an interesting portrait of the immigrant experience and compelling read.
I enjoyed The Vanishing Half as well!
Senior Attorney
I really enjoyed The Vanishing Half.
LOVED Piranesi, as I posted yesterday. Best read in a while.
Just started And Now She’s Gone by Rachel Howzel. And on deck is Leave the World Behind by Rumaan Alam (just nominated for a National Book Award), about which I am very excited.
MWT fan
I too love Megan Whalen Turner! That series is so good!
Anon
Know My Name by Chanel Miller and See No Stranger by Valarie Kaur. Both are incredibly powerful and inspiring and exactly what I need right now.
cbackson
Courtney Milan’s The Duke Who Didn’t. It’s a historical with a Chinese-British heroine and a biracial Chinese-British hero, and like a lot of Milan’s work, combines swoony romance with historical realism, which is why I love her. She described it as her lowest-angst book ever, and that’s true – it might actually be TOO low-conflict for me, but I love the Extremely Type A heroine and the funny, laid-back, secretly-a-duke hero (no spoilers, he’s a POV character so you know he’s a duke from his first appearance on the page).
The Only GenXer in the Office
OMG I loved The Duke Who Didn’t! I stayed up all night reading it. It was a little low-conflict, but it was just the kind of book I needed right now. And the descriptions of the food made me so hungry!
I just finished The Tiger: A True Story of Vengeance and Survival by John Valliant, which was incredible! It’s about a tiger in Eastern Siberia who starts tracking and executing villagers and the team of trackers that is dispatched to hunt it down. That part is very gripping and the writing is excellent, but it also covers Russian history, Communism, the political and economic change of perestroika, Russian-Chinese relations, poaching, extinction, the Siberian tundra and taiga, and, of course, the physiology and psychology of tigers. I learned a lot – and it really does read like a thriller.
Anon
That sounds fascinating. I’m going to check it out immediately!
anon
I loved The Duke who Didn’t – and that there are recipes! I saved it for after a particularly draining criminal trial I was running that week and it was exactly the book that i could handle.
I’m listening to We Ride on Sticks and it’s fantastically sassy and full of ’80s tropes.
Anon
Just finished Elena Ferrante’s new novel, which, just like the Neapolitan Novels, I could not put down. I can’t believe I got it from the library so fast. I must have been the second person to place a hold.
Anonymous
Reading Anxious People, Fredrick Backman’s latest, and The Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes. LOVING Giver of Stars; less sure about Anxious People although I loved many of his other books. I just finished The Glass Hotel and really enjoyed it.
Sloan Sabbith
I ended up loving Anxious People but it took me some time to get into it.
kk
I just finished the Vanishing Half and loved it- I’m now reading Luster which is tough to read but really well written.
Anon Probate Atty
It’s a little late, but I loved the Vanishing Half!
Now reading Never Let Me Go, which is really, really good.
Next up will be A Tree Grows in Brooklyn – a classic I’ve never gotten around to reading.
kk
I loved never let me go- what a beautiful book
Anon
I’m a youngish midlevel associate in biglaw and overall love it. We just had performance reviews and I got a strongly positive eval (and have billed 2400 every year here), but I’m questioning moving firms due to my practice group’s intolerance of associates with young children. All of the partners had children after making partner (most after equity) and refer to this as the “right” way to do it (among other stylistic things that convey this attitude). There have also been a number of associates with young children that have left or not been promoted in the past few years which makes me think this is a barrier to advancement. The hours inflexibility for young parents during COVID also hasn’t helped. I’m hoping to TTC in 2ish years, and have been wondering if moving to a different firm now might be advantageous since I can build a reputation over a year or two before going on leave. I realize that having young kids is hard in the firm culture no matter what, and there are strong benefits at my current firm, including responsibility and flexibility (in terms of day to day, not overall workload). I’ve also built trust from both my group and firm management, which I realize I wouldn’t have anywhere else. I realize a lot of this is cart-before-the-horse analysis, but I guess my question boils down to: for those that have done it (“it” being having kids as a biglaw associate), what do you consider necessary from the firm in order to make it work?
Anonymous
Does your firm have a part time work program? We have people go on and off part time for a variety of reasons including parenting and elder care. I was an early participant in the program and still made partner. If your firm doesn’t support that I would move.
Cat
Counterpoint- going part time is not a great option at many firms. My three friends that have done it regretted it- felt like they basically took a pay cut but still didn’t get control over their day to day schedule. (They might have been staffed on one less deal, but if the deal they were on was active, it’s not like they could say “oh I work 8-4 on my part time schedule, sorry can’t be on the 6pm call.”)
OP, I think staying put is the best bet. Your reputation at your firm currently is way more valuable than 1-2 years’ lateral work.
Anon
Don’t do this. At most firms (not all but so many), going part time will kill your career advancement and you won’t have set hours anyway. So many people I know are on part-time and work nearly the same schedule with a 25% pay cut (because the client’s needs demand more than part-time work). It’s not worth it.
Anon
Don’t have kids and not in a biglaw environment, but just a spitball from reading your post – could you, with the goodwill you’ve built up, change the firm for the better?
Anon
I get you are saying you don’t have kids but I first read this as advice to “don’t have kids,” which, if you want to be successful in law, sadly, isn’t bad advice. We still have so far to come.
Flats Only
Stay where you are! You have “trust from both my group and firm management” right now, your current firm has “strong benefits…flexibility” and you sound like a rising star. If you start TTC in 2 years, it will be at least nearly 3 years before the baby is actually born. By then you’ll have been at the firm 5 years, 6 years? At which point if work + baby is untenable you’ll be well positioned to go in house or to another firm. Since it’s really hard to tell what the culture actually is while you’re interviewing, I say stick with the devil you know and don’t wind up in a similar culture but without the long history of great performance.
Diana Barry
+1. Really hard to build up goodwill as a lateral when you have a lot of it already, and then if you need to move as a midlevel/6th year it’s not too late!
Anonymous
Completely agree.
Anonymous
I’m a fan of the devil you know. Definitely never start networking. I can home from my honeymoon to find that my group was leaving and of course I was pregnant. It is always good to have lots of friends elsewhere because you never know.
Anonymous
Never STOP networking. Need caffeine!
Anon
+1 to all of this. What you described is basically true at every firm and you’re going to have no way of knowing if it’s actually different until you’re there. I had kids as a biglaw associate and I having goodwill/trust is worth 10x more than whatever nonsense a firm will try to sell you on when recruiting. No firm is going to set boundaries for you or make being a parent easy, you have to carve it out yourself and the best way to be able to actually do that is to be somewhere where you have goodwill built up.
My biggest piece of advice is build up a war chest of a healthy savings that gives you the ability to outsource as much as possible and pay for more childcare than you think you’ll need.
Former Biglaw Partner
You are smart to be thinking about this ahead of time. I had two kids as biglaw associate and made partner, though I was one year “delayed”–most likely due to two maternity leaves and the fact that I returned to the firm at 80% after having my first child.
My biggest piece of advice is DO NOT wait until you’re made partner to have kids. Almost nothing about being a young partner in biglaw is easier than being an associate (and in fact, I found the demands to be exponentially more as a partner), and trying to adjust to motherhood while also adjusting to the demands of being a young partner would be a lot. Plus, putting a contingency that is ultimately out of your control (i.e., being made partner) on such an important life decision will, in my opinion, result in regret.
For me, what was most helpful as an associate mom at my firm was flexibility, including the ability to go to a reduced-hours schedule (80%). I still had to have full-time childcare and some weeks were still 70+ hours (while others much less), but at the end of the year, billing 1700 vs. a full-time hours requirement was key. Going over my hours wasn’t a big deal because they paid out pro rata per billable hour over the minimum, so I didn’t feel cheated during the years I went over due to case demands. Trust and autonomy were also key necessities. Babies go to bed early, so if I stayed at the office past 7 (a regular occurrence pre-kids), I would have missed my son / daughter for the day. I had a lot of goodwill built up with the partners in my group, and they knew I would get the work done on time (even if I left the office at 4:30 to get my baby from daycare).
It’s hard to give you advice on your current situation without knowing more details, but usually our hunches about these things are correct — and if you see senior associates with kids leaving in droves, that should tell you something. I’d also pay attention to where they went. Did they go to other firms with better balance? Or did they leave to go in-house or to something totally different? If the former, that may indicate the issue is with your firm and not the practice of law in general. I’d also consider whether billing 2400/year is necessary to remain on the partner track and in good graces with leadership at your current firm. In my experience, that would be very very difficult to do while also having time to parent young kids and maintain any sense of healthy living (mentally or physically). And while it sounds like you have goodwill built up at your current firm, will you be able leverage that into flexible arrangements (whatever that means for you) once you become a parent? If not, then I’d start looking sooner than later. Good luck – this is tough stuff.
Anon4this
I am a senior associate in AmLaw 10ish firm and have a young toddler and a significant other (with a more demanding job than being a senior associate) and things are meh at best. Its fine when at least one of us is slow. When we are both busy its basically awful. The single most important thing for making kids in biglaw work is having a group that supports you and your decision to have kids and will actually take concrete steps to support your choice. So what does that mean in practice? That when you tell them you need to leave at X time because daycare closes or the nanny’s day ends they don’t penalize you for leaving at that time. ( I suppose if you have a partner that deals with 100% of kid issues this is less of a problem.) That no one panics when you don’t respond to email for 90 minutes in the evening some days when you are doing dinner/ bath/bedtime. That when you say you want to be 80% (if you do something like that), partners will actually give you less work, respect boundaries when you say no to assignments, and not penalize you for saying no. My firm generally does all of this but at the end of the day I’m still less available and appear less committed than my childless colleagues or colleagues with spouses with less demanding jobs and its definitely hurt my career. I don’t get the same opportunities I previously did despite never turning down an opportunity.
That said I think very few firms are actually good at this, so I’d probably stay and use your reputation and good will. If it doesn’t work you can move firms at that point. If you move now there is a decent chance you end up at a place that is no better and you lose your built up reputation / good will.
Anonymous
At this point I would mostly focus on keeping your network strong so that you are well positioned to look for options when you decide you are ready to move. In the current economy/uncertainty I would plan on staying put for at least another year minimum.
cbackson
Former biglaw nonequity partner, now in-house. A couple of thoughts:
-Don’t leave before you leave. You have no guarantee that things will be better at another firm and that’s something that is VERY hard to assess during the interview process. If you are successful where you are, stay there until your life choices become incompatible with job success. Don’t move prospectively.
-In general, it is very hard to have young kids in biglaw if you are also the default parent. It is hard, but doable, if you and your partner carry the family workload more evenly. I had my son after leaving, but when I was supervising associates, it was much harder to ensure an associate stayed on track career-wise if every time the baby was sick, the associate was the one who had to pick her up from daycare and stay home or if the associate could never (even with advance notice) take a 6 PM call because her spouse was never able to do daycare pickup. So it depends a lot on your partner’s job and how you all plan to allocate parenting responsibilities.
anon
I think having a group that is sympathetic is key, and I also think a lot of communication matters. I had three kids in biglaw as an associate, and what made a big difference was that my partners cared about what and how I was doing and I tried to be as flexible as I could be. I was part time but more in the one fewer deal vein, not the I don’t work on fridays vein (which I don’t think works for a transactional practice, by the way). I tried to leave at 6 every day and not work until 8:30, which worked most of the time, but my husband definitely shouldered 50% of the load (as he should…). If a call happened at 6:30, I would either stay, or leave early to dial-in, and most of my partners were accommodating. (FWIW, I’m a biglaw partner now and find it hard to imagine havimg kids now, but obviously it’s done.)
Anon
Let’s do an election action update. How are things going? I’m chipping away at Vote Forward letters and donating as much money as I can ton to key races. Let’s keep momentum strong!
Anonymous
Ugh. Cal Cunningham. John Edwards 2.0?
Anon
Unless his wife was dying of cancer while he was cheating, he can’t be as bad as John Edwards. (Grew up in NC and was shattered by the John Edwards story, but haven’t lived there in years – Cunningham’s wife isn’t dying of cancer, is she? Cause, man, that’s a record low.)
Anonymous
There is no baby (at the moment). Also no pants-less mistress on the cover of People. Yet. His kids are teens and are at home. It sounds like they hooked up IN HIS HOUSE, he then ignored her, she complained to a friend, apparently she isn’t the one who leaked.
Lesson: treat your hookups better, especially if you are married and running for office.
Anon
Oof.
Senior Attorney
Ugh. Boys are gross.
Anonymous
Right? I’m in the don’t really care, I’m voting for him anyway camp, because a vote for Tillis is a vote for McConnell/Trump, but come on. Why are male politicians so bad at NOT SLEEPING WITH PEOPLE WHO AREN’T THEIR SPOUSES?! (I mean, unless their spouses approve, in which case, fine).
Anon
I read a book once that says there’s only four basic personality types that run for office – sadly, only one of them was the do-gooder who wants to change the world for the better. The other three were I think – the insecure mama’s boy trying to make good, the power crazed, and I can’t remember the last one…maybe the “the world owes it to me” type? But yeah, reading the personalities made it make sense that politicians are often the jerks they are.
Anonymous
Cal makes a big deal re his military reserves status. And now it looks like marital infidelity if you are in the service can get you brought up in charges. What a dumbass. How is NC so good at youthful attractive high profile politicians with good hair who can’t keep it in their pants?! It is like a crop we are good at growing. SMH.
Anon
He is not attractive at all. Barf.
anon
Everyone I know is still voting for Cunningham. But ugh, men is too headache.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, I would still vote for him too. But I still think he’s super gross.
Z
I was phone banking last night and had a man start singing, saying he was practicing his America’s Got Talent audition song, and if I listened and gave him honest feedback he would answer my questions. He did not answer my questions.
Anon
Keep fighting the good fight.
Gail the Goldfish
But was he any good at singing?
Z
He was not lol
Senior Attorney
Fun fact: Once I was in traffic court and William Hung (remember him singing She Bangs on American Idol?) was a defendant, too. I love living in So Cal.
Anon
What are you doing for the election, Senior Attorney?
Senior Attorney
Writing postcards to Kentucky. 150 to go.
Senior Attorney
And contributing variously, of course.
OP from last time
I’m the OP from some time in the past (last week? a few weeks ago?) that posted about where to donate/what we’re giving. Your post just inspired me to refresh — $250 to NDRC, $500 to Swing Left, and a nudge to my partner (who manages our DAF) to take care of all the 501(c)(3) donations that are on his plate, and which now include the 501(c)(3) arm of Black Votes Matter, which I think someone on this slte introduced me to — $500 to them hopefully today.
Anon
That’s awesome! Keep it up and keep posting here to motivate us!
Anon
What are y’all doing for home security systems? I’m moving to a relatively safe DC suburb and I’d like to keep costs low. Between all the other new home paperwork and policies, I’ve reached decision fatigue on this point. Help from the hive?
anon
I live in Philadelphia- not a safe city- and don’t have a security system.
Anon
Do you need one? We’ve lived in the DC suburbs for years without one. (I didn’t even have one when I was living alone in the suburbs.)
Anonymous
Same.
Anonymous
I have a big dog as my security system!
pugsnbourbon
Simplisafe all the way. Easy to customize for your needs and affordable. We’ve used it since 2014 and it’s thwarted at least one break in (broke a window but fled once the alarm sounded). My neighborhood is usually quite safe but we get a rash of property crimes every now and then.
Anon
Agree on Simplisafe, which we just installed, and it was incredibly easy, plus it also has the option of monitored service, which not every DIY system has. I also like the fact that it’s really modular, so you can get a basic system, and then add on parts later if you want to spread out the investment a bit. It’s very easy to use. Big fan.
Cat
SimpliSafe is good for a basic system- it’s $15 per month or if you want more bells and whistles, I think it’s $25.
Similar system through Comcast was $40 per month, so even with the upfront equipment cost (varies based on how much you need), we broke even quickly.
Airplane.
If you are OK with a system that you monitor yourself, buy a DIY kit for smart home – sensors, cameras etc. Simplisafe, Ring, etc. that connect to an app that you install yourself and you monitor activity yourself. If you require a monitored system (i.e. a central station that triggers dispatch of police in case an alarm is triggered and you don’t respond) then you need the traditional professional install guys with higher monthly fees, your ADT, Vivint, etc. The latter usually comes with a term contract so you are locked in for 2 years etc.
Anonymous
we dont have one (in portland, city proper) but we do have a doorbell camera, and two cameras around the outside. we’re good about locking up at night and checking windows etc. but dont really feel the need for an actual system.
Anon
Go with a security company that costs very little for monitoring. I use Smith and I think it’s 50 bucks per quarter. They call before calling the police (so you don’t get police coming if you accidently tripped it), and the system has a loud siren when tripped while armed, and a jingle for door and window opening while disarmed. I like these features because you get advanced notice of entry into your home in all cases.
If the house has a prewired security system, it’s super easy to have it connected to a security company’s. If not, there are self-wired systems that you can install in windows and doors.
If you don’t want an alarm system, just get door bars and jams for exterior doors (available on Amazon) and remember to always lock your doors.
AnonMPH
We live in DC on the edge of the more and less gentrified parts of Capitol Hill and we are using Google/Nest. So far we just have the doorbell, the alarm box, and two motion sensors, but will probably add more motion sensors in some upstairs back rooms which supposedly had a break-in under the former owner. It’s just self monitored, so hypothetically if something happened and we were not looking at our phones it wouldn’t do much good, but it would make an extremely loud noise. It feels like a good compromise for us between cost and needs. Depending on what DC suburb you’re in, agree with the below that it may not really be necessary at all? My SIL lives in McLean and I’m pretty sure the only theft that has happened was when someone went through all the unlocked cars on the street. And in Reston my MIL doesn’t have one at all.
Anon
I live in Berkeley and have a perimeter alarm. I also have the stickers on key entry points that say I have an alarm. It gives me peace of mind that I would hear the alarm if someone broke in. I can also say from experience that the police do come if the alarm goes off and I don’t disarm it within x time.
pugsnbourbon
Good morning hive, my wife just walked in behind me while I was on a video call, did a little wiggle dance, and handed me a Reese’s Halloween egg before I realized what she was doing. *facepalm*
How’s your day?
Vicky Austin
that’s freaking adorable.
Cb
I’ve just been appointed Deputy Director of my organisation. Academia so it is not accompanied by job security or more money, but good recognition of the work I’ve been doing.
pugsnbourbon
Congrats, that’s awesome!
My wife, along with her small team, recently won the highest-level award her org offers. So even though she’s oblivious to my video calls, I’m pretty proud of her.
Anonie
Reese’s Halloween eggs for the win!
My day is off to a good start that includes a fried egg and applewood bacon sandwich I made at home, but a coffee I picked up from a nearby local coffee shop drive thru.
Anon
I love your wife.
Microbiologist
In news that made my day, two fabulous women won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry this morning for developing CRISPR, the gene editing tool. They’re only the 6th and 7th women of 185 people to win the Chemistry Nobel. It’s also work that originated from studying basic microbiology that nobody thought would have application beyond fundamental knowledge, but turned out to completely revolutionize molecular biology and have major potential to improve human health!
Anon
That’s very cool! Reading about the Nobel Prize winners this week has been a breath of fresh air given every other piece of news out there.
PolyD
Right there with you! Best news in a long time!
Anon
SQUEE!!!!
Anon
Happy to be a Berkeley alum today!
Alanna+of+Trebond
The award seems super weird that it excluded the people from the Broad. Anyone know the full story?
Anonymous
The team that won the award we’re the team that discovered the technique. There is a fight between Berkeley and the Broad about who gets the patents to application in humans.
Anonymous
I wish I were gay sometimes
Anon from Yesterday
Thank you all for your commiseration/suggestions/kicks in the pants from yesterday. I’m the one who has a staffer who basically refuses to work.
Well, I agreed that both he wasn’t going to change AND I was giving up to easily on him and needed to follow up more diligently for team morale. So okay, cool. Yesterday I set really clear expectations, made sure I was clearly documenting things that he needed to do, providing direct feedback. Well, I had sent a chart saying ‘update this’, asking for specific timelines, giving very clear next steps. He… hadn’t done that. Instead, he did something that wasn’t what I asked for in some new format that I can see took time but was kind of… pointless?
So I call him this morning to have a really pointed conversation and… he’s in the hospital! And this is exactly what happens EVERY TIME and why I feel like I’m losing my mind any time I try to address the issue. So, must crack on.
Scottie
I’ve worked in government previously and it is just really tough to manage certain long-standing low-performing employees. Do your best to keep on top of him and keep your manager/director up to date as well. I find this helps when the issue needs to continue to be elevated if they are well-aware of this continuing issue and the 15-25% of your day that is spent managing this individual. Best of luck!
Anon
That’s too bad. We work with a consultant who is ALWAYS suddenly in the hospital whenever there’s a deadline. It’s uncanny how bees sting her and she sprains her ankle and her daughter is having kidney stone pain right when it’s time to submit a deliverable.
Anonymous
Can you get him backfilled? Even on a 13 week contract? Then you can document his replacement doing the exact work you are asking him to do. Great evidence when he comes back and claims he can’t do the tasks you are asking.
If he’s back tomorrow, I would just resend him a reminder that the Tuesday items are still unfinished and must be done that day. If he isn’t well enough to complete them, he needs to take sick leave.
Anon
Keep posting for commiseration. I’m the one that sent the list of how I am micromanaging my assistant and I’m still getting super annoyed at how difficult she makes things. I also had her set up a deadline chart for me for a very specific issue (cases in litigation that needed a particular item done still) and she instead of a giant chart of every one of my cases and all deadlines which took her 10 times longer to do and still did not give me easy access to the information I wanted. I had her re-do it.
One of the keys for getting us to a point where we are functionally able to work together is I had to stop just fixing things myself because it was faster. If it wasn’t due to the court in the next two hours, I make her fix every last thing she does wrong. In part, that teaches her the right way to do it but the reality is, it is showing her that sloppy work doesn’t get her out of doing work faster. It will keep going back onto her plate until it is done right. I also don’t just “set it and forget it.” I follow up frequently with specific questions. Not just “how’s it going.” More like “how many pages do you have done?” “What roadblocks have you encountered?”
This sounds exhausting and it was but the more I did it, the more I found things improved and I could micromanage less.
Anon
Also, I did all of this super kindly and super politely so there is no way my employee could complain I am harassing her. I did most of it via email so there is a paper trail.
Anon from Yesterday
Oh, you are where I am, sister. I am also using lots of email that are time stamped, so I can prove that there’s no way he’s even working 10 hours per week.
And honestly, thank you guys. This has been… really cathartic. FWIW, my boss knows about it and the track record of ‘wow, he’s bad but they’ve tried to fire him and he does juuuuust enough to not get fired’ goes back at least 10 years.
I inherited this staffer and can see why there was somebody who flat out refused to manage this team. FWIW, not even my biggest headache of a staffer overall!
Anon
I had some bumps today with my assistant and thinking about your post really helped me keep my cool. I just kept repeating “I’m not the only one dealing with this” under my breath while sending my 10th “don’t forget to do X email.”
Anon
F/U to yesterday’s sorority post… Have yall seen the photo shoot of black sorority sisters dressed to Stroll to the Polls? Powerful! https://www.instagram.com/p/CGBoKbegxH7/
HW
Thanks for sharing. Those women look awesome!
Senior Attorney
OMG that makes my day.
Anonymous
This made me smile. I didn’t weigh in yesterday but I’ve often seen AKA paraphernalia in judges ‘ chambers here in NYC and in the offices of higher- up women at work. I’m not sure if this is regional, but 100% of the time that a non-college aged woman has mentioned her sorority to me, it’s AKA.
Scout knots
Any good recs for learning scout Knots? I have no frame of reference — the explanations are all in relation to climbing sports or boating, two things I don’t do. I can sew a bit and tie scarfs, LOL. If I can’t remember or teach myself, my scouts probably won’t fare much better.
notinstafamous
Can you assign each Scout a knot to learn and then teach it to the group? That’s what we did in Guides, and these days they can easily pull a Youtube video on how to tie the knot, learn it, and share. Means you don’t have to! It retrospect, that was definitely what our Guide leaders were doing. Otherwise, I have an old SAS survivalist book that has good pictures and just uses sticks to hold the ropes as necessary.
Anonymous
Don’t they make scouting specifc knot books/kits/flash cards/websites/instructional videos? I think they have “practical applications” as well.
Anon
Falcon guides?
Girl Scout leader
Youtube is your best bet, but there are also tons of books and scout videos/pamplets too. If the scouts are younger, it’s hard to translation 2-d flashcards or diagrams into what they see in front of them with ropes. YouTube can walk you and them through it step by step. If your meetings are in person, you can all watch together and practice. If virtual…you can all watch together and practice too. Make sure they have good ropes (and long enough) to practice with. If the scouts are older (4th-5th grade), the scouts can learn the knot themselves then teach it. It’s a good basic leadership experience for them.
Shananana
I get to be a key player on the team to redo our organizations PTO and sick time policies, most likely splitting out our corporate policies from the hourly warehouse population. What things do you like/dislike about your current companies PTO and/or sick policies. We are not in a position to move to unlimited (too big a leap from where we are, possibly in a few more years). Do you get lump sum, accrue, can you rollover? Looking for other perspectives as we start the brainstorming process. I’m thrilled. Just joined this company earlier in the year and the current plans are terrible.
anon
When you say “splitting out our corporate policies from the hourly warehouse population” what do you mean? Do you mean that you’d have different PTO/sick time for white collar vs. blue collar workers? (“population” is a bizarre way to phrase “workers”) And if so, why would you have separate policies?
Anon
No comment on leave policies, but I’m an employment attorney in the US and “population” is a really common way to refer to workers. And it’s also extremely common for hourly workers to have different policies than salaried. Maybe these are less common elsewhere, but totally normal in the US.
Anon
Yeah, sounds like white collar folks have an opportunity to get better benefits and the blue collar folks will be stuck with the currently awful plans?
anon
This happens even in white collar offices. I work at a law firm and the lawyers have a different set of vacation and sick time benefits from the paralegals and secretaries. Everyone has the same health insurance though.
Aunt Jamesina
Yeah, I’ve worked in multiple organizations that split groups like this, it’s very common. It’s terrible for morale and understandably leads to resentment and low morale from the group that gets the less generous policies. The sad thing is that many on the side that benefit from more generous policies have no idea that other workers have a different set of benefits. I’ve had one workplace that was equitable across the board in terms of leave time and benefits, and it was by far the best employer I’ve had (for this and other reasons).
OP, do you have any leverage to push for more universal policies?
Anonyz
My company has no choice but to separate those groups for benefit purposes, because the hourly workers are union.
Anon
Whatever you do, definitely separate vacation from sick time. I vote for unlimited sick time (with an eventual trigger to review the case and see if moving to disability is appropriate) and 3-4 weeks of PTO to start. If you don’t trust your employees to not abuse the unlimited sick time, then you have a personnel problem, not a sick policy problem.
My reasoning: this is an equity issue. If you lump sick time and vacation together, you ensure that your sickest employees get less vacation time than your healthiest employees. Vacation is supposed to be vacation and any good policy should strive to promote equity. Combined PTO policies cater to the youngest, healthiest employees and it’s gross. Moreover, whenever you have combined PTO, you get people coming in with the flu since they don’t want to use up their days on being sick. I’ve seen this happen WAY too many times to count.
You should be able to rollover your vacation time with a generous cap.
Anon
+1 much preferred when our vacation and personal/sick time was separate. It’s lumped together now and I do not like that.
Flats Only
This! I worked at one point at a place with stingy combined sick/vacation, and they really did make people cancel vacations if they had used up too much time being sick earlier in the year. It also penalized parents, who were allowed to use sick time to care for sick kids. The policy was universally hated and a big reason for the departure of many valuable staffers. Even if you have separate policies for Corporate vs. Warehouse, make sure the warehouse folks also have separate sick and vacation for the same reason.
Anon
ours is lumped together. PTO and sick…which means people come to work sick all the time. we temporarily have been given a week’s worth of sick days due to covid, but it might be eliminated post covid. you can roll over a year’s worth (which i love) and you accrue it, so don’t get a lump sum, but you can take some before you’ve accrued it with your manager’s permission.
anon for this
Concur with others not to lump sick and PTO together. A friend who is dealing with a chronic health condition basically can never take a vacation because she feels like she has to hoard her time in case she gets sick.
Last year I moved to a place that front-loads your annual leave each year. You get your year’s worth of leave in your leave bank instead of accruing a few hours each pay period (sick leave is still accrued this way). It solves the mental gymnastics for new employees of having to wait to earn leave. We can roll over 360 hours of leave to a max of 720 total. If you leave before the end of the year, you owe the unearned leave back (either deducted from your leave bank/cash out value or as a cash payment).
Also, everyone gets two floating holidays per year in addition to annual leave. They have to be taken as full days off, and it’s a really nice benefit.
Anonymous
+1 our vacation leave and sick are separate and it’s great. Im also able to use sick time if my child is ill, which is new and very appreciated. Sick days are approved by my supervisor after I take them. I’ve never had an “unapproved” sick day but understand a certain amount are permissible. I also have something like seven hundred hours of accumulated sick time, but I need to have approval from hr to use more than a few days in a row. All this means I feel comfortable taking a sick day when I need to, but it’s difficult to abuse. Also the time is there if, heaven forbid, I have a major medical issue or event. My vacation increases with tenure which I think is a nice perk. Oh also, unlimited vacation =no vacation in my experience.
I also have four floating holidays but my company is super stingy with what qualifies as a “holiday” otherwise. The day after Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve and MLK day are not holidays here, so it’s a wash.
Anon
Yes to floating holidays.
I much prefer when vacation is given out at the start of the year, with some amount to roll over every year, and a requirement that it be paid back if you’ve taken more than you accrued.
Sick leave separate from vacation, and I prefer it to roll the way FMLA does (i.e. a certain number of days in a 12-month period). Let’s say you get 10 days of paid sick leave. If you use two days this week, then you would have 8 days left until the beginning of October, 2021. It’s harder to keep track of, but ultimately, ends up working much, much better for employees.
anon
In my jurisdiction, one should really be talking to employment counsel about this. Even in U.S. states without much employment law, there are still federal law considerations.
Anon
It sounded like she’s asking for an informal popularity poll. I’m sure her employer will make sure it’s legal.
pugsnbourbon
Current job: accrue, can roll over, separate vacation and sick leave. I prefer this over previous job: lump amount allocated at the beginning of the year, rolls over, all in one bucket.
If there are separate PTO plans for hourly vs. salaried staff, I’d be careful to be crystal clear about the reasoning. It’s common to do this, but I think it’s important to be transparent with staff about it.
Finally – do employees feel like they can actually use their PTO? In my previous job I had a ton of PTO on paper but my workload was such that I never felt like I could use it. That may be outside the scope of your team, but something to think about.
Anon
Accrue and we can roll over to a point. There is a certain amount we have to use in a year. I personally like combined sick leave/vacation as a relatively young and healthy person, but I totally understand the arguments against that system and would probably not pick it if I were in charge.
NY CPA
My firm offers 10 holidays + about 4-5 weeks of PTO that carries over until the end of the following year (so this year’s PTO “earned” carries over until 12/31/21 and expires). We accrue about 8 hrs of PTO every pay check. I think everyone who’s salaried earns the same amount since my accruals haven’t changed as I’ve been promoted.
I would hate “unlimited” PTO because then I would feel like I could never use it vs. everyone at my firm knows it’s use-it-or-lose-it, so it’s very common for people to be like “I’m taking off 2 weeks before Christmas so I don’t lose my PTO” or to take multiple week-long vacations at random points during the year.
Having separate sick leave would be nice, but our PTO is also very generous, so I can’t complain.
Anon
Agreed on the unlimited PTO policy. Google the reaction to EY’s leaked rationale for moving to that policy.
Is it Friday yet?
I have unlimited PTO and I fuhreaking hate it, especially this year when all my vacations have been cancelled. It would make me feel better if it were rolling over or something, but anything I don’t take essentially disappears.
Anon
Mine is:
*separate annual leave (amount is set, with a one week bonus for very long term employees), generous carryover permitted with limited cashout permitted only upon leaving employment
* 14 days of sick leave earned per year, with unlimited carryover, no payout
It’s not perfect—I lose annual leave every year and never use sick leave, but it is generous and I feel like it provides both respite and a decent safety net.
Anonymous
Accrue yearly with additional week after 10 years. Given as a lump sum once a year. Unlimited rollover (which I actually hate because it means more pressure to not take or cancel vacations because the days are not lost). I’d prefer generous (like 75% of leave) rollover.
Shananana
So, the issue we are trying to solve involves a high turnover manual labor portion of the organization (half of which is union) and then all the other roles. So, if I hire in a director of sales, they have the same pto policies as say an order picker in the warehouse. In general, that makes us not as competitive in hiring on say the sales side, while still being inline with/generous compared to market on the warehouse side. One solution raised was to separate it, but is not the final decision. It is somewhat different, at least to me, then separating like secretaries from lawyers, but I totally get the concern.
Anon
My company has PTO that is the same across the board, but hiring managers have the flexibility to give more senior people more leave.
Everyone starts off with 2 weeks of PTO (combined). Every five years, you get another week. But people have gotten hired on with 4 weeks of vacation.
Anon
1) make sure whatever you decide, your payroll and benefits department can actually administer it. You’d be surprised what causes problems. 2) if you do this mid year, you will have issues. And if you have carryover, you still need to figure out what to do with last years if you change separate vacation and sick to PTO. If one population has separate and the other combined, what happens to those banks when someone moves to the other population? Also, different states have different rules about carryover and payout.
Anonymous
Do you work at Dunder Mifflin?
Shananana
different product, larger company, but the similarities are definitely there lol
Anonymous
Not in the US.
Leave starts at 18 days a year and goes upto 25 days with seniority / length of service.
You can rollover 15 days.
Unlimited medical leave.
X days per year childcare.
Must do better... vent
A brief vent post: I’m a new-ish associate at my firm (about 9 months in) and only two-ish years into practicing. One of the partners just had a constructive feedback session with me – she did it in the nicest way, starting with saying that my work product is good, I’m developing good relationships with the clients, etc. but that I really struggle with time management and deadlines. And she’s right! There’s a chance I think I have minor ADHD (probably like most people in the world…) but as we got busier this fall, I just couldn’t seem to keep up with all the tasks that were coming in. And I hate to say no! I know it’s something I need to get over and need to learn how to say no or be more aware of my workload capacity. She was super supportive, said that they are happy to work with me or support me as I find a system that works. Ugh, I feel so frustrated with myself! This feels like a basic thing I should have gotten a handle on by now, but I just don’t have a good time management or tracking system. Trying not to get to down on myself and just focus on finding a way forward. If you have had similar challenges, I would love to hear from you. (Now, 5 deep breathes and back to work!)
Anonymous
The first step is to identify why you’re having this issue. Procrastination is a big problem for a lot of junior associates. It’s 6 pm and you have a research assignment due tomorrow that you think will take 2 hours, you only have 4 hours of work for the next day, so you figure you’ll do it tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes and that 2 hour assignment takes 4, plus the partner asks for follow up research that needs to be done that day, and the 4 hour assignment takes 6, and you get a rush assignment that needs to be done immediately, and now your day is totally gone and you couldn’t finish everything.
Don’t fall into these traps:
– Doing work on the due date. Things will take longer than you think. Emergencies come up.
– Trust the partner when they say an assignment will take an hour. It won’t (but check in with them before billing more time to the client).
– Assume that your work will be complete on the first try. There will be follow up questions and edits. You need to build in time to turn around that work right away.
Do these things instead:
– Any assignment that can be done early must be done early. Aim to complete the assignment at least the night before it’s due, then review with fresh eyes on the due date.
– When you get an assignment, take an hour (or so) to get your arms around what you’re being asked. Do some initial research. Prepare an outline for a draft. A little bit of prep work will help you figure out how much time the assignment will actually take.
– Think critically about your assignment to try to anticipate follow up questions. If you have questions about properly completing the assignment, ask them before the due date. If you have proposed follow up research, raise those issues as early as possible. Build in some time for follow up discussions and work.
Anonymous
Not OP but this is super helpful. Thanks.
OP
Thank you for this! Really helpful – I’m working on getting my arms back around my workload and this is great advice as new assignments come in. Thanks again.
Anonymous
Can they provide a coach?
Anon
Anyone else infuriated that Facebook is only just now taking down all QAnon accounts??!?!? I mean, seriously, it’s not like they’ve only now been a problem. Thanks a lot, Zuck, for your sterling contributions to our democracy.
Anon
Yeah, I’m actually furious at Facebook and have been for about two years now. I think it took me that long to realize just how much damage, disinformation, and hate speech is allowed to flourish – but it’s only selectively. Facebook, Twitter, and Reddit have been extremely quick to shut down the accounts of feminists discussing male violence, but they’ll let men do literally anything they want, including promoting genocide during active conflict, without consequences. If consequences ever do come, it’s after the damage has been done. I could not be more disgusted. I deleted my account two years ago and have never regretted it. Now I just need to get rid of Spotify.
Anon
Agree. Facebook banned a group of women for posting “men are scum” but lets election and vaccine disinformation run wild.
Anon
And lets not forget that Twitter did not take action against death threats against the Squad, but banned people from wishing Trump dead from COVID. Funny how threats are okay against women….I am seeing a trend here…
Kate
Strategies to manage email/anxiety related to the constant barrage of email that I’ve tried so far:
– Shut off sound and pop up notifications – less interruptions
– Turned off email notifications on my phone (I have to click the app and it doesn’t pop up every time I get a new email)
– Set up rules to folder association emails (not urgent stuff)
– Online scheduling tool that syncs with my work calendar so clients can book their own appointments without emailing back and forth just to find a date
Any others?
givemyregards
– If you’re working on a concrete task that doesn’t require access to your e-mail, close outlook (or whatever application you use) – sometimes I’m tempted to click over to e-mail in the middle of something because I know I’ll have new e-mails to distract me
– This will depend on your industry, but I had to stop checking e-mail on my phone in the evenings/weekends when I wasn’t actually working and was just killing time in the grocery store line or whatever. The e-mails would be marked as read, but I wouldn’t actually respond/complete the task associated with them and then it’s easy for them to get lost.
– I also setup rules so e-mails will filter into specific folders, meaning I have three “inboxes” for different groups I manage/report to. Otherwise, I don’t spend a lot of time filing e-mails – I just archive them into one folder and am good at searching for things. In a previous job I had a very organized filing system, but in my current one the volume of e-mails makes it not worth it to dedicate a lot of time to filing.
pugsnbourbon
It’s late and you may not see this, but you can adjust an outlook shortcut to change an email back to “unread” with a swipe. I do the same thing, I’ll glance at it over the weekend and then poof! it’s gone forever.
Anonyz
A month ago, we paid five figures to replace our very steep driveway, and I don’t want any delivery trucks on it. They have gouged my driveway in the past by bottoming out (which wouldn’t happen if they didn’t speed recklessly).
This is the most effective way ever to get me to stop buying things online. I’ve brainstormed how to keep them out of the driveway (mailbox-style receptacle at the street? parking to block it off?) but not really come up with anything viable long-term.
So, if you’re looking to reduce spending or do a no-buy, I highly recommend purchasing a bunch of asphalt. (Also, God give me strength, because the Sephora F&F sale starts this Friday.)
Anon
I also rent a large-ish post office box, so that all of my financial mail is delivered to a secure space. I have packages shipped to the post office box, or, depending on the shipper, to the street address for the post office. I am fortunate that the post office is close at hand and the staff are friendly and helpful.
Senior Attorney
Can you put a gate at the foot of the driveway and not give the delivery people the code?
Senior Attorney
Alternatively, you can resolve to let it go. Some years ago when I was re-doing my house, my son was living with me and a friend of his spent the night and his old beater car dripped oil on my brand new concrete driveway between the time it was poured and the time it was sealed. I was SO UPSET. Tried everything to get the stains out and couldn’t. I even talked about it in therapy and my therapist recommended that I concentrate on how lucky I was to have a brand new driveway and a car that didn’t leak oil. It sounds stupidly corny but after that I used those oil stains as a reminder to count my blessings.
Anon
It’s great that you finally figured it out, but being upset about oil stains on a driveway is a new level of privilege.
Senior Attorney
Thanks for your kind comment, Anon at 2:29 p.m. It was a brand new multi-thousand dollar cement job, but I appreciate the thought.
Anon
Senior Attorney, not helping your case. But I suppose I should just let you continue rambling on about the “privilege” of people living in poverty in Appalachia (which you’ve done) while parking Maseratis and Audis in your brand-new driveway.
Airplane.
That’s a nice resolution taht you use it to count your blessings now! I like that mentality.
Anon
I get this. My parents finally splurged on adding a garage and paved driveway after 30 years of saving, and my brother’s car leaked oil on it. My dad was crushed. He’s gotten over it now, but for a while he would bring out a piece of cardboard to put under my brother’s car every time he would visit.
NY CPA
Gate or cones? Or at least a speed bump at the start of the drive?
I think only USPS is allowed to leave things in mailboxes (so not UPS, Fedex, or Amazon, unless they partner w/ USPS for the “last mile delivery”), so I don’t think that would help.
Anon
Get packages delivered to your office!
Anonymous
We had porch surfers who stole three incoming packages. We now have a box at UPS and have our mail and packages sent there. They scan everything as it comes in so we know what is there and can time pickups.
Anon
I have a high school friend that was having issues with Amazon repeatedly driving over their lawn when turning around to get out of their driveway despite having a big space for turnarounds. My friend somehow complained to Amazon a bunch and there is something in his delivery instructions now for the driver to not enter the driveway. The driver now walks up the driveway with the packages. You could also get those (ugly) mesh netting gates that parents use when their kids are playing in the driveway.
Bonnie Kate
I’ve seen people have little box huts at their driveway entrance for packages – like a little doghouse, but the opening is a hatched door on top. You could add a sign on the front that says “Please leave deliveries here”. However I think the only way you can guarantee that all the delivery drivers will use this is if you put a gate so they drive up the driveway so then stop and see the delivery box. I’ve been the receiving person for deliveries at my office and my experience is while you can train your regular delivery people to do it how you want, it’s common to get a different delivery person (which duh, the regular people get to take vacations) and they don’t know your system and do it however they like. I will say a big sign on our back door stopped a lot of deliveries from getting left in the wrong entrance.
anomanom
My parents live in a very rural area with a long driveway in a snowy climate. All of that to say, they get a lot of deliveries that no one wants to deliver to their door. They built a large wooden lidded structure and put it next to their mailbox to have packages put in. Their UPS driver loves them for it. That combined with delivery instructions stating please leave in box by mailbox may help?
Anon
We paid a lot for a driveway install (pavers over what used to be very messy, muddy dirt) and the first time the gardeners parked in the driveway and left a huge oil stain I wanted to cry. I do my own garden now. (Not only for that reason but because they only showed up about 50% of the time I was paying them for.) Yay for more exercise I guess.
Anon
I am not, in fact, obsessed with The Home Edit on Netflix. I made it 20 minutes into the first episode with Reese Witherspoon and the giggling and squealing and “Oh my God!”ing and fangirling was just too much for me. I started getting a headache and turned it off. I can’t believe grown professional women talk like that when they’re being recorded. Also, what’s up with the business owners apparently only hiring assistants that meet some kind of unspoken physical appearance criteria?
Senior Attorney
I agree. It makes my teeth hurt.
Anonymous
Reese Witherspoon’s job as a grown professional woman is literally to giggle and squeal and be Reese Witherspoon. You’re not in her target market, but that market definitely exists. I believe it is the same people who buy wooden signs painted with “Live, Love, Laugh” and “In this house….”
Anon
Last year around this tame my daughter and I went to target and made fun of all the word art, then bought a seasonal pillow that says “gather” because we thought it was so hilarious. (We also listen to Watch What Crappens, for anyone who gets that reference – we definitely say “gatha” in Ben’s Gina voice.)
I don’t think anyone else would get that it’s supposed to be ironic but hey, it’s 2020. No one’s coming over.
Anonymous
I thought I was the only one. Ugh. I did not Marie Kondo my home. I refuse to arrange everything in rainbow colors and decant perfectly good groceries into other containers. I’ll just live in my filth, thank you very much. I’m very happy though.
Anonymous
I am with you, I think too many women used the Marie Kondo thing as an excuse to get rid of perfectly serviceable things and go on obsessive searches for expensive replacements for them. My socks will never spark joy and I will never spend an hour when the laundry is done rolling them into perfect order and that is totally fine with me.
Anon
That’s how I feel about Emily in Paris, which I had high hopes for. I had to actually turn it off just to cringe with secondhand embarrassment. I’m trying to enjoy it for what it is and to appreciate the Paris cityscapes, but I am not exaggerating when I say I could barely physically get some of the scenes.
Anon
I’m confused about this show. It’s massively focalized through Emily, and yet it repeatedly shows us that she and everything she stands for is awful. I never watched S** in the City; was it like this too?
It also made me wish Whit Stillman had gotten his Amazon show. (I’m confused about him in a similar way that I’m confused about Emily in Paris, but I think his movies are great.)
Anon
No, Sex and the City was a million times better. It was sharp, funny, aspirational and yet realistic, and a beautiful example of lasting female friendship. Emily in Paris is just this clueless, self-centered American “influencer” (if you can call someone who posts trite one-liners on Instagram to be an influencer) who thinks every last piece of drivel that comes out of her mouth is a sage gem that the dumb smoking French people just don’t get.
Airplane.
Also Sex in the City was one of the first times television showed women working living alone not needing a man and having strong female friendships where the women candidly discussed sex and men and relationships and work. People who nowadays make fun of SAtC forget how revolutionary it was in depicting that on TV.
Haven’t watched Emily in Paris but agree that right now is not the time for a weird display of American exceptionalism.
Same girl
I was so disappointed! Friends I trust loved it but I just found her so annoying!
Anonie
Ah bummer! I started the first episode of Emily in Paris and (though it didn’t start off strong) was hoping it would be a good, fun little series.
The Home Edit, on the hand, looks extraordinarily boring to me. I don’t enjoy cleaning/organizing and watching a show about it sounds nearly as tedious.
Anon
I made it through the show but it was almost a hate-watch for me. A few gripes to add:
(1) I understand labels for kids or covered momento boxes, but I don’t need to write the name of my item on a clear plastic bin that is full of only that item.
(2) I love having food expiration dates and nutrition information available. Cutting it out and taping it to a plastic bin just for the cosmetic effect of having a plastic bin in my pantry/fridge is unnecessary work.
(3) The color-coding books issue — we all know that one. (Although I’ll admit it’s a smart system for kids to put things back.).
(4) The whole program and their method feels like an ad for The Container Store.
Vicky Austin
I can stomach the squealing when they’re doing the real people ones – like the family with the garage or adorable Lucy with the Paris skirt. But man, I wanted to knock Rachel Zoe’s lights out. I don’t even know anything about her, but that level of decadence was so hard to watch.
Aunt Jamesina
I haven’t seen the show, but I have seen their work on Instagram. For me, the point of home organization is so I can easily see and use what I have and avoid waste. I can’t stand “organizing” that involves hyper-specific (usually plastic) containers that won’t actually help someone maintain order in their home. It looks good in a picture but is completely impractical. And yes, I’m totally judging your for being wasteful if you go out and buy a billion matching plastic containers to store all of your stuff, especially when you’re just decanting things that already come packaged.
Anonymous
I have a billion matching plastic containers in my pantry for two reasons: moths and ants.
Aunt Jamesina
Okay, a caveat for those with pest issues (although I like using glass jars for this purpose when possible!).
TheElms
Sometimes the plastic stuff really helps. I have awkwardly spaced shelves in my closet (7 inches of space between each shelf) that are not adjustable and are also slightly rough so clothing doesn’t slide well on them. I could get the shelves redone or do it myself, but neither appeals at the moment, so instead I bought plastic bins and my clothes are organized by type in the bins and its so so so much better because I can pull out the bin and see what is in there rather than trying to pull out a stack of t shirts and having them unfold because the shelf is rough. But in general I agree, the hyper-organized look isn’t practical.
Aunt Jamesina
I really think we need to re-think storage solutions that involve buying more stuff, especially when it’s plastic. I like Marie Kondo for this reason, since she advocates for repurposing old boxes and other items for storage.
anon
Yes, this. But I’m storing my hair product in the cardboard box that my 6-pack came in, so … yeah.
I’m also a fan of repurposing plastic ice cream containers. :)
Anonymous
I think they seem like nice women who have been surprisingly successful doing a random niche thing they are good at. I’m a very disorganized person, no way am I ever doing my whole house like them. But the rainbow thing was a good way to organize my medicine cabinet, does look cute, and is easy to maintain.
Anonymous
It also makes me cringe. The people still have too much cr*p just now it’s colour coded cr*p. It doesn’t address the root problem of consumerism.
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
This. Marie Kondo may have taken it a bit far but most people’s organizing problem is not a lack of acrylic containers – it’s have way way too much cr@p
People do not need acrylic boxes to color organize their multiple of straws. I do not need a drawer full of straws. Unless you are running a summer camp, no one does.
cbackson
I hated it. On my TV I was watching grown women make a parking area for a toddler’s fleet of miniature luxury cars, and on my iPad I was looking at a picture of people waiting in food bank lines for hours in Texas. I am all for escapism, but the show – particularly the Khloe Kardashian episode – came across as deeply tone deaf in this particular moment.
Senior Attorney
That’s my main objection. I feel like it is Totally The Wrong Thing For The Moment.
anon
I’m glad it’s not just me who was seriously bugged by this show. I thought I’d love it, but ugh, such a turnoff. It’s like a grown-up sorority.