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Updated: Oct 6, 2020 122 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Mesh Inset Jacket

Coffee Break |

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This light jacket looks like a fabulous one for running errands (now) and going to the gym (when you feel comfortable). I like the reflective mesh insets and quilted faux leather cuffs, as well as the asymmetrical zipper and hood.

It's available in gray (pictured), as well as black, for $179. Traveller Mesh Inset Jacket

(This $37 jacket looks pretty similar — I got one last year on a random trip to Kohl's, but my zipper is wonky. So… FYI!

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Sales of note for 9.16.24

Sales of note for 9.16.24

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Comments

    • Anon

      I have a different cheap desk. Search Zenstyle folding desk on Amazon. I needed something small and wanted something that would fold up so that I could put it away once I returned to the office. (Silly optimistic me thought I would be going back to the office after a couple of months). It’s sturdy enough and was very easy to assemble.

    • Hollis

      Not sure if you are still reading, but we bought two of the Need Computer Desk 47 inches Computer Tables from amazon about a month ago and they were perfect for our needs. Easy to assemble, perfect size, and very sturdy. I highly recommend them.

  2. Anon

    There is way too much going on in this jacket. The all black one is much better.

  3. Cat

    Has anyone tried the Cle de Peau concealer that’s making the rounds with influencers? It does indeed look lovely on them but it’s still $62 even on sale at Nordstrom. My eyes could definitely use a little Zoom help (my normal concealer looks fine IRL but isn’t as good on camera) but not sure whether it’s worth the $ (or which shade to pick for that matter).

    • Airplane.

      Have not tried that specific one but have you tried a thin layer of eye cream before you apply your concealer? if the issue is that is settles too much on camera this might fix it. Or a tiny bit of highlighter on top of your concealer so the light reflects properly on camera.

      • Cat

        I have not- I do have a highlighter but haven’t experimented much. Any tips for applying?

        • Airplane.

          I use powder highlight from a palette and just apply with my finger until it looks right. With a cream or liquid highlighter I’d just warm it with my fingers and lightly apply on top of concealer.

    • Anonyz

      I tried this the first time it was popular, which was maybe 8-10 years ago. It was cakey, didn’t blend well, and was no better than drugstore options. I see no evidence that it’s been substantially reformulated.

      • Anon

        +1, I bought it then and was not impressed. I tried it for my terrible dark circles.

        • Caro

          I love it. Most days I just use moisturizer, primer, and the concealer in certain spots and I really like the look. Best concealer I’ve bought.

          • Cat

            Interesting- do you have any tricks that makes it more user-friendly? I’m realizing I would likely benefit from a more concentrated product than the typical liquid concealer I’m using now… but have little patience for things requiring damp sponges or special brushes, etc

      • anne-on

        Same. I got a sample from Saks? Bloomingdales? years ago and I was NOT impressed with it’s formula and lack of blendability. I would say my go to these days is a combo of the ole henriksen banana bright creme (shimmery, rich moisturizer) and the Nars creamy concealer. You do need to let the moisturizer set/dry down otherwise it’s a bit smeary. On Zoom calls the moisturizer on it’s own is enough of a pop for me, personally.

    • back to biglaw

      I have and I went back to my Tom Ford emotionproof concealer. I’m incredibly pale with giant and dark circles and it also covers up an errant pimple or dog scratch.

  4. Senior Attorney

    PSA: I continue to love my Kindle Paperwhite, and I just finished “Piranesi” by Susanna Clarke (“Jonathan Strange and Dr. Norell”) and it knocked my socks off. It’s short but just delicious.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      I got a kindle oasis recently and also love it.

      I just finished Something to Live For by Richard Roper and liked it a lot.

    • Anon

      Not a new book, but I finally read Pachinko and enjoyed it a lot. I’m in the mood for some lighter reads now if anyone has any recommendations. I wouldn’t mind a good murder mystery that isn’t too gory.

      • Anon

        I’m currently hooked on the Ellie Jordon ghost trapper series on Kindle. They’re easy reading and feel seasonal right now, and they unfold like mysteries.

      • Carmen Sandiego

        For murder mystery I loved Magpie Murders and The Word is Murder, both by Anthony Horowitz.

      • SSJD

        I’m about to finish “Magic for Liars” which is a murder mystery. It has really held my attention.

    • Abby

      I am late to the game and finished Where the Crawdads Sing this weekend and omg it was so good I can’t believe it took me so long to read it

    • BB

      Ooo! I really liked Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell (although it was LONG and heavy because I had the paper book)! I’ll have to check out Piranesi! I love the story about her being a totally late-in-life author who just had this fabulous idea for her first book and had it become a bestseller.

  5. Anon

    My jurisdiction is pushing to start trials again on 10/26, and it looks like one of my cases might be one of the first to go. Has anyone done one post-Covid? What was it like? Any advice?

    • Anonymous

      We have been doing trials since August. Our court did a training for attorneys. You might want to reach out the jury office to see if a training is available.

    • Anon

      My firm did one of these. It was terrifying going into it, but it actually was way less weird/terrifying than expected once it started. Very large courtroom with everyone distanced. All exhibits were electronic, no one was allowed to move around the courtroom. Everyone had temps taken and pulse ox done.

      • Anon

        Pulse ox is a new one to me. Do you know what the cut-off was? I’m frequently at 96-97 due to my asthma.

        • Anon

          Not the person you’re replying to, but 95-100 is the normal range so I can’t imagine the cutoff being above 95.

  6. anon2

    *warning* – TTC issues
    I can’t talk to anyone IRL about this, but looking for any anecdotal reassurance/any reason not to give up hope. After several months TTC, I found out about a week ago that I’m about 6 weeks along. Scan was scheduled for 9 weeks, but over the weekend I had bleeding and freaked out that I was miscarrying. I went for an early ultrasound and baby is visible, but the heart rate was really low – 70bpm. I’m being asked to come in for a follow up scan in a few days because it’s not common to see it that low. Based on all my internet searching, it seems like the outcome is pretty dismal even if everything else and blood levels are developing normally. I’m devastated and can’t focus on anything until the follow up Friday, but I feel like I should set my expectations really low. Not sure what I’m looking for other than commiseration and maybe any anecdotal evidence that things may still be okay. Sad on this Tuesday afternoon.

    • Vicky Austin

      Lots of hugs to you. Don’t try to focus on anything – just let yourself get through the days however you need to.

    • Anon

      Hugs, TTC is so stressful and the early period in pregnancy is nerve wracking. Fingers crossed for you for your next ultrasound.

    • anon for this

      Oh gosh, I remember that particular waiting stage so clearly. I’m sorry you are navigating it. I wanted to curl up in a ball until the testing, but I planned to take the day of the appointment off so I focused on just making it to that. I would try to focus in 20 minute increments. Little by little. You can do this. Hugs from this internet stranger.

    • Anon

      Hugs! TTC is so hard, try not to think about it too much (I know it’s really hard) and give yourself grace. I found reading mysteries good for getting through my pregnancy aghast since they keep my interest and require enough brain power that it shoves other stuff to the side. Trashy reality TV also helped.

    • Anon

      I’d back away from the internet searches for now and just try to remember that there’s nothing you can do at this point to change the outcome. Best of luck to you.

    • Curious

      Thank you for putting this here and making it not taboo to talk about it. I’m so sorry for this news for you. We are also TTC and having much more trouble than our friends and it’s just… hard. We haven’t had a pregnancy yet. The waiting is bad enough when you’re in that stage where you are seeing if your period will come. I can’t imagine what it’s like when you’ve had a positive test and doctor confirmation, and the baby has a heartbeat, and now you’re *still* waiting, and the news might be a loss. Sending STRONG hope that things will be okay.

    • Anon

      Hugs OP – hang in there and know you are doing everything you can. Keep us posted on how you are doing – we are pulling for you!

    • Anonymous

      It could go either way, really. But no matter what happens, it will be okay. If you get bad news, it will be awful and terrible and just something you’ve never even realized can feel so bad. Like, unless you’ve lived this, you don’t really understand what it’s like. But it will pass. Hear me: I promise it will pass. You’ll mourn, and live on, and you’ll get better, and be okay again. Another thing I want to mention is that pregnancies that occur within 6 months after a miscarriage have a much lower rate of ending in a miscarriage themselves. (If you Google, you’ll see several studies showing this.)

      Source: had same thing happen to me in May. I had to wait a week and a half between the two scans. It was the worst. I couldn’t concentrate, either. And it was awful, but I am completely myself and fine now. Hugs to you.

  7. Anonymous

    I am not a fan of this particular jacket, but I am looking for a similar jacket to wear to and from the gym on colder days in the SEUS winter. I have a 5 minute walk to and from and refuse to drive (even though my trainer suggested it!!!). Jogging to and from to shorten the exposure and up my temp is also not an option because I absolutely cannot jog in my gym shoes. I have been looking at the Primaloft shell and Primaloft jacket from Athleta. Anyone have thoughts on them? Or another suggestion? I would likely wear it to walk dogs and run errands on moderately cold but not freezing days, too.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Uniqlo down coats are my go-to winter gym/dirty outdoor activity jackets because they’re warm, but also washable and cheap enough I won’t be upset if they get ruined. The jacket is less warm than the parka. They won’t work for freezing temperatures, but for average SEUS winter days, they’re great.

      • Anon

        I’m the same way with the 5 degrees brand that sometimes shows up at Costco for SEUS winter weather. (I have much more serious winter coats for trips up north!)

    • Anon

      I would get a puffer jacket from Patagonia. That way, you know you’re supporting a company that not only has a superior product, but that puts its money where its mouth is when it comes to climate change and effective outdoor advocacy. I have Patagonia items that are 20+ years old.

    • Anon

      Why not just wear, like, a hooded sweatshirt? This seems like a weirdly specific thing to buy a new coat for.

    • aBr

      One of the lighter North Face fleeces. Depending on where you are in SEUS, you may associate them with over grown frat boys (now men) but they really do work well for the purpose you are describing.

      • OP

        This is appealing except . . . dog hair. I threw away all of my fleece a while ago for this reason.

  8. Anon

    I am plus sized and looking for a hoodie that is about the shape and length of the featured jacket. I saw one on amazon but no idea about sizing or quality.

  9. anon

    How do you know when you’re “done” buying clothes? Is it when you’re out of storage? When you feel like you can shop your closet and look appropriate for any occasion? IDK, I hate how much brain space I spend on browsing and being influenced by new things. (Instagram sponsored ads: not helping things.) The weird part is that I don’t consider fashion a love or a hobby at all — it’s like I can always invent a “reason” to need something new. Or I trick myself into thinking THIS is the item that’s going to meet a very specific need. This jacket reminded me of this particular problem because I have so many jackets. All get worn, all serve a purpose, I have space for them. But it also feels kind of gross to always be looking for that next thing. Can anyone relate?

    • Senior Attorney

      I went through a phase a few years ago where I was buying so many things that I literally had more cute pieces than I could wear. That was definitely my signal to pull way back on the clothing acquisition.

    • Cat

      Weirdly, I end up shopping way less after going through my closet for things to purge. Realizing that I’m donating or selling a dress or top that I wore maybe 4 times is a big chilling effect on spending more money!

        • Abby

          Same here. I went through all my clothes following the Marie Kondo method. After seeing how many things I donated, I unsubscribed from all of the store emails and tried to not shop for a year. This year I am not doing as well, but I do think I’m more thoughtful. I’m slowly upgrading items that I’ve had since college, and curating my work wardrobe (rip)

      • Anon

        Wholeheartedly agree.

        The other benefit is that rummaging through unattractive or ill-fitting clothing makes me feel like I need to upgrade my wardrobe. I would much rather look at, say, 40 pieces of fashionable and flattering clothing than 40 pieces of fashionable, flattering clothing mixed in among another 30-40 pieces that are old, do not fit, or should never have been bought.

    • Anon

      I don’t think I will ever be done. Things wear out, styles change, my size changes (unfortunately). But I’m not really buying anything now that I haven’t worked in an office for months. I’ve replaced some things, like a favorite top that developed a hole, bought more stretchy jeans, and I’ve bought better house shoes, but that’s about it.

      If I were to work in an office again, I believe I would not shop as much, because this whole period has pressed the reset button for me to the extent that shopping is no longer a hobby.

    • Anon

      I basically stopped buying new clothes unless there is a NEED, as in “I can’t actually go running outside if I don’t buy a pair of shorts now that my 15-year-old shorts from high school have finally kicked the bucket.” Same with “I am down to one pair of work pants and need to buy another pair today.” I have two pairs of dress/professional shoes. I find shopping boring and annoying, especially for women’s clothes, and I’m eager to keep it out of my life to the extent possible. My husband and I share a normal-size dresser and one closet (with some seasonal clothes in a hall closet).

      Now, do I look good in my clothes all the time? No. I don’t follow trends and some of my outfits are VERY borderline professional (black hiking pants to work on a casual day, anyone)? It’s been worth it, though, both financially and emotionally.

    • No Face

      I think a long time before I actually buy something. I also keep my clothes organized. When my brain says, “I need a sweater for fall!” I can look in my sweater drawer and see that I do not. I would say that I am 95% done buying clothes, finally.

    • Anon

      I think you can declare yourself done today, unsubscribe from everything and find something else to think about.

      I only buy clothes when I feel like there is a need for something. For example, I bought an extra pair of leggings and some more t-shirts a few months into WFH because I realized I was hitting laundry bottlenecks. I also bought a new pair of casual sneakers and casual jacket for fall when it started to get a little chillier. If I start going back to the office in a week, I’ll go through my closet and see what I still like and still fits and decide if I need more of anything or just something new to refresh. Only when I feel like I have a need for something do I buy it — sometimes a “need” is “2-3 cute summer date outfits”; you don’t always have to wait for things to completely fall apart before deciding to shop.

      You need to put yourself back in the drivers seat of this process, rather than retailers. Retailers will want you to buy until your bank account is empty and your cards are maxed out and don’t care what happens after.

    • Duckles

      I stopped buying anything I didn’t need, with “need” defined as:
      -I need more of this so I don’t have to do laundry more than once a week
      -I have nothing that fits that is temperature appropriate
      -I need to replace something (broken straps on sandals, worn down running shoes, stretched out bras).
      -I am presenting to clients and have nothing to wear bought in the last five years.

      That’s it. I used to shop/see fashion as a hobby and spend $500-$1000 a month on clothes and finally this summer finished getting rid of it all, and that makes you realize what a waste it is. Once you take away shopping as a hobby/ trying to be fashionable, it’s easy to limit what you buy. I liked the book Less talking about it too.

    • Monday

      I can definitely relate. I know what you mean about that “gross” feeling, and at the same time I enjoy fashion and clothes and have always made some kind of space for that in my budget. I like the idea of being “done,” but it has never happened for me. I do enjoy trying new silhouettes, colors, etc. Maybe at some point I will commit to a certain look and nothing else will appeal to me anymore? But I’m already pushing 40, shouldn’t that have happened already?

      One practical idea: you can enter ad preferences on Instagram to exclude clothing (or other categories, I forget all of them.)

    • Anonymous

      Nope can’t relate. I don’t think I’ll ever be done buying clothes- bodies change, styles change, things get worn out. But I’m not constantly shopping! I buy a few new things each season and replace basics. Not a huge time consuming thing unless you chose to make it one.

    • Anonymous

      I keep running shopping lists and the first entry is a list of things I don’t need. My Fall list says No blouses, blazers, tailored pants or pumps. Then I list what I do need, like new ski pants and some washable sweaters. Then I spend most of my shopping cycles on things I actually need. I also went through the email I use for shopping and unsubscribed to all but a handful of vendors.

      • Anon

        THIS is genius!!
        Do you sometimes spend a lot of time figuring out what your need is? If you like tailored pants and have plenty, do you ever run out of shirts you enjoy and struggle with figuring out proportions in the new cuts?
        I just added NO T-SHIRTS, NO-BLOUSES, NO 30″ (flat length) pants to my shopping list (NO shopping list?)!
        At one point I purchased 5 different washes of similar (but not quite, I hate that they all fit a bit different) jeans. While I wear them all and grateful to always have a pair that fits, I’m just… annoyed? bored? disappointed in my-past-self? with the lack of stylistic choices. So in retrospect, I’d have bout 3 or less different wash same style pairs and leave 2 or more for “play”.
        Ode to jeans: I love jeans so much. They are the perfect neutral to everything. Awesome bootcut jeans make you feel sexy while shoveling animal poop and dancing with partners all in the the same day. Oh Jeans!!!

        • Anonymous

          A couple of times a year I throw everything onto the bed and then (1) do a count by category to see what is well stocked and where there are gaps, and (2) assemble everything into little outfits to see what I need to have 15 different outfits, as if I have 15 for the season I can roll without purchasing anything until they wear out. I then make a list of the things I need to make those work where I find I am missing a particular color top to tie pieces together or need shoes with a particular heel height, etc. Then I have a really detailed shopping list that fills in the gaps so I don’t end up with things in the closet but nothing to wear. I then hang the outfits together so I can’t forget the plan. I then try to shop to fill the gaps with good quality pieces I actually like so buying them is a treat. I shop sales, second hand NWT etc. first to keep the cost down. The result is buying only a few things full price.

    • techgirl

      Late to the party but I’ve been losing weight over the last year, so my wardrobe is undergoing more change that usual but my general approach is:
      I unsubscribed from emails promoting sales etc a long time ago
      I do seasonal wardrobe reviews (store out of season, donate/sell/give to friends things which no longer fit or go with my style, swap my shoes and handbags)
      I have spring/summer and autumn/winter Pinterest boards for inspiration for outfit combinations
      I can then see the gaps in my wardrobe and write a list, usually of about 5 items per season, and search for the PERFECT version of that item. Specific researching stops me buying things for the sake of things. For example this season one item on my list was; tan leather/leather look boots with a slim profile and a 2-3” heel, that come slightly higher up my ankle to be worn with jeans but also with skirts/dresses I already own.

  10. Lighting Q

    https://www.westelm.com/products/capiz-zigzag-chandelier-w1145/?pkey=cchandeliers

    We want this for the light at the top of our stairs. Down the hall from where this will be, there is another light. One of those horrid boob-type light fixtures is there now. I can’t buy two of the fancy ones. What are other types of lights you’d put 10 feet down the hall (past an arched entry that would block the view of the second light)?

    I feel like I am not genetically suited to things like this.

  11. Anon

    My teenaged daughter just showed me that LeCreuset is trending on tik tok. It’s so funny to me that I share an obsession with a bunch of Gen Z influencers.

    I’m sure they’ll move on but my obsession is forever.

    • Formerly Lilly

      My Le Creuset pots and pans from a set I splurged on in 1990 are still used daily. I love to cook, and that set plus a big stainless steel sauté pan, a giant stainless steel pot for boiling pasta and making double recipes of soups, a couple of omelet pans, and an inherited cast iron skillet are all I have ever needed.

      • Anon

        Earlier this year I splurged on some Le Creuset pieces I’d been eyeing forever. Turns out I use them literally every day (at least every day that I cook). I’m so happy I bought them.

        • Anon

          I’m OP and I also use them every day. I ha e other pots and pans that I use for various thIngs, like boiling pasta in a stainless All Clad, but while that’s boiling I’m likely making the sauce in my Le Creuset braiser, then I can toss the pasta right into the sauce to finish cooking and serve directly from the braiser because it’s pretty enough to be serving wear.

          • kk

            the braiser is absolutely the best thing we got for our wedding and our most used pa. Crate and barrel calls it the everyday pan and we literally use it every single day- it doesnt even have a designated space in the cabinet because it just lives on the stove.

    • Lyssa

      Hey, speaking of Le Creuset, I absolutely love my enameled Dutch oven, but it got a big chip in the bottom a few months ago, and I haven’t been able to use it. They are supposed to have a lifetime warranty, but we have been completely unable to reach customer service to find out how to use it – no response to email, phone line has limited hours and has given an indefinite hold message every time we’ve tried it (my husband even put it on speaker phone for about an hours a few weeks back, never got anyone).

      So, I’m really frustrated with them. And I really want my giant pot back for making fall braises!

      • Anon

        If you remember where you bought it maybe try that store to help you with the warranty?

    • Abby

      One of my best shopping finds was my 5.5Q dutch oven from Crate and Barrel at 50% off! They discontinued the color and could no longer sell it. I now always check the sale section at my C&B just in case

    • Anon

      This is so funny. My 15 year old was talking about Le Creuset at dinner last night. I had no idea where she got the idea, but now I do!

  12. EM84

    Question to house-planting ladies – are you using any lights to boost growth of sour indoor plants during fall/winter? Grow lights or just regular LED bright cool lights? I am thinking of supplementing my philodendrons, alocasias and remaining 80+ plants with more light over this winter to keep them growing. I read a few articles and watched more YT videos than is healthy and I would like to believe that good LED bulb with 1000+ lumens placed in critical spots will be enough. But will listen to your experience.

    • Plant Physiologist

      The lumens are important, but so are the wavelengths of the LEDs. Some “grow lights” don’t actually have much light in the ranges that plants use (400-700 nm, roughly), so they’re not very useful. If the manufacturer won’t tell you the wavelengths of the LEDs they’re using at the very least, back away.

  13. Zoom Lighting

    Just wanted to share something I found that worked for me. I tried one of those selfie ring lights, but it would dim after 10-15 minutes. Then I tried an LED puck light, but it wasn’t bright enough. The other day at Target I saw battery powered LED under cabinet lights for $15-20 and decided to try one. It’s perfect! Mine is 100 lumens, which is enough to light up my face without being painful to look at. It has adjustable brightness and color and stands on its side under my monitor (though it also came with adhesive for mounting).

    • jan r jeske

      Do you have a link for the LED under cabinet light? Thanks so much for this recommendation!!

  14. Anon

    Have any of you religious women ever had to “break-up” with a faith leader?

    Our church is super important to us. It’s a small church with maybe only 100 members. We’ve been that go-to couple for years at church as the DINKs who are physically able to do various chores around the building and have the time and/or money to make things happen.

    We’re friendly with our minister – she (yep, a woman) married us, we’ve socialized outside of church since we’re close in age, and we’re FB friends. But she’s really seemed to struggle with COVID and quarantine and politics. There was never any doubt that she was progressive, but starting maybe 6-8 months before the pandemic, politics crept into her sermons more and more often. Now? Every.single.sermon is about politics. On FB, she’s become your crazy liberal aunt who posts all the angry rants. She encourages members of the congregation to march in rallies and to pray for Biden to win.

    But what she’s doing doesn’t bother me as much as what we aren’t doing as a church. We’re not collecting food or money for the empty food pantries. We’re not helping our neighbors struggling with rent. We aren’t window-visiting shut-in members of the congregation or local nursing homes. We aren’t even talking about any of those things. We aren’t focused on loving our neighbors. We aren’t talking about God.

    I don’t know how to approach her about this because any version of this comes off as a criticism of her and what she feels her faith should be in this time. We can’t just ghost because we’re vital members of the church. But the disconnect here is pretty severe and we’re feeling uncomfortable.

      • Anonymous

        I think you just start attending another church? Episcopalian would likely be a good fit. If she asks, you say you wanted to focus more on task based ministry.

    • Anon

      I suggest posting this tomorrow for more responses – this is interesting and I’d be curious what others have to say. Is there a way to offer feedback somewhere, perhaps anonymously? Otherwise, I would probably try to find a new church, as hard as that probably is (not a church-goer myself). If you’re not doing the activities you describe as a church, is that really due to her or to long-standing problems?

      • Anon

        I should have mentioned. She’s new. 2-3 years? The church has had a long reputation for serving the community.

    • waffles

      We left a church for this exact reason. I sent an email to the church office asking them to take me off their distribution and mailing lists, as we had found another church home (call it “cost savings” if you like). People change churches for all kinds of reasons, and you are allowed to do that!

      • Senior Attorney

        Yep. Vote with your feet. I have done this several times and it happens all the time.

        If you feel you must, meet with her once and tell her what you told us so that she won’t be blindsided.

    • Anon

      Could you talk with her? Assuming you agree with her politically, you just need more from church than politics, you could tell her that. Make it about what you need/want from church. The world is exhausting and worrying and it’s totally reasonable to want church/a church community that is restorative.

      I’m doing as much as I reasonably can to get Democrats elected, think our democracy faces existential threat from Trumpism, and I wouldn’t attend lectures like this. I know very well what’s going on in our country and don’t need someone to rant at me.

    • all about eevee

      Just start going to a new church and unfollow the minister on Facebook. After awhile, they will realize you left and move on.

    • Anon

      I left the Catholic church (which my computer just auto corrected to Chaotic and that made me laugh) because their conservative politics seeped into the sermons and made me deeply uncomfortable. Stuff like you are not a good catholic if you do not oppose gay marriage. So I moved to the Episcopal Church which was a good fit but still had some political preaching, this time on the democratic side. The preaching matched my belief system but I still would have preferred a church that really kept politics out of the preaching. I guess in some places, they just collide, when it comes to human rights stuff.

      I think you owe her a conversation if you are that integral to the church. Don’t make it about her. Tell her that mixing politics and church bothers you and you suspect it may bother other members. Give her a chance to change. Suggest that you show your values in community service over preaching politics. Don’t shy away from the hard conversation! No one will ever grow or change without constructive criticism.

    • NY CPA

      If you want to leave, fine. But if you otherwise like your church and the community, could you discuss with her? I would leave the Facebook political rants out of it, but maybe say something along the lines of “COVID has been so hard on us and on the community as a whole. I agree with your points about X, Y, and Z, and would really like to find a way to make a difference in our community beyond what I’ve already been doing so far. I was thinking of starting an initiative to do [one of the things you mentioned]. Would you allow me to share this with the congregation, as I think many people would like to live their faith through action in a similar way?”

      • Anon

        But that’s not addressing what OP’s real problem is. If she’s going to talk to the minister, she should talk about what she is actually worried about, not try some wishy-washy way around it that will never get her the result she’s looking for.

    • Anonymous

      You’re this close and you think this relationship is this important, but you can’t say “hey we’d love to set up a good drive”? Sounds like you aren’t interested in doing the work of being the community you want to see either. You really won’t even talk to her about it?

    • Anonymous

      I would start by talking with lay leadership to find out if anyone else has similar concerns. You might also consider whether and when the pastor will be rotated out, if your denomination rotates pastors.

    • Nesprin

      Quite frankly if you think that your church should be engaging in lay ministries that it isn’t, you can start doing that. You describe yourself as a vital member of the church- I’m assuming you’re either a deacon or in a similar position. I am personally pretty grossed out by asking parishioners to pray for political figures for all the reasons that John Locke went into.

    • Anonymous

      I’m too exhausted to cite scripture here, but my church had a biblical basis for leaving a church “in good standing”. Meaning you need to have an adult conversation with the pastor about why you, a member /leader feel spiritually compelled to move on. My husband and I were in that same boat three years ago. Pastor gave his blessing and we moved on. It is difficult in the moment. We also found out who are real friends were through that experience. Maybe make some talking points about why you feel like you do, and ask to leave in good standing? Either in a call, zoom, or in person meeting? Perhaps you were also placed in this position to give a message to a leader that they really needed to hear hard words for their own personal or spiritual growth. Blessings and best wishes,

    • Anon

      This is so interesting to me – as a Jewish person who has attended many temples, it is completely normal and common for members of the congregation to tell the rabbi that you don’t like XYZ thing that s/he is doing or not doing (including style of leading services, sermon content, song choice, religious school teacher selection, you name it). Coming from that background, I’d say you should just talk to this person and say what they are doing is a big turn-off and you’d like the church to return to its practice of community service. Is that sort of conversation not common in other religions?

  15. Anonymous

    The obvious responses are:
    – talk to her about it. It doesn’t have to be a critique, but something you’d like to see.
    -decide whether you can (also) spearhead any of these opportunities. You sound very involved already, but maybe there are others that can assist.

    • Anon

      This. You can do whatever you want of course, but to me it’s weird to leave without talking to her about it.

    • LaurenB

      Did you offer to set up / chair the food drive (etc) or are you just hoping she picks up on your innermost thoughts? Do you have any reason to think she’d say no if you offered to organize a food drive, collection of toiletries for the needy, etc?

  16. Anonymous

    I’ve been donating to senate races with viable Democratic candidates, is it more effective to donate to the campaign directly or to donate to orgs like Swing Left (and others) who distribute donated funds how they see fit? Hesitant because I don’t want my donations wasted on races like Texas where Republican Senator Cornyn is up 10 points, and Kentucky where unfortunately McConnell cannot be beat.

    • Anon

      I donate directly to the races I care about, but Crooked Media has a “Get Mitch or Die Trying” fund that distributes money where they feel it’s most needed to flip the Senate. (“Get Mitch” refers to him no longer being Majority Leader, not about him losing his own KY race.)

    • Anon

      Al Gross in Alaska is a good one if you’re looking for a specific campaign to donate to directly. That race is one of the recipients of Get Mitch, which is also a great place to send your money.

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