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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Sana Dress

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A woman wearing a dark blue midi dress and white slides

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

It’s been a while since we’ve featured a Diane von Furstenberg dress around these parts, but this collared wrap dress really caught my eye. A fabulous basic like this can be a secret weapon that you keep in your closet for days when you need to be on your sartorial A-game, but don’t want to spend too much time thinking about it.

Add a great shoe and your favorite jewelry, and you’ll be ready for anything.

The dress is $378 at Bloomingdale’s and comes in sizes XXS-XL. 

Sales of note for 5/29:

173 Comments

  1. this dress would be ankle length on an average person and it’s expensive and tricky to hem knit.

      1. This is the worst length on me–it cuts my leg at the calf and makes me look blocky because of it.

        1. Me too! Anything mid-calf makes me look SO frumpy. Either right at the knee or ankle length, midi does not work for me.

  2. This reminds me of the modern version of the Issa dress that Kate Middleton wore for her engagement announcement ~15 years ago!

    (Also, great example of how styles have evolved – hers being knee-length and worn with round-toe platform pump originally. Though… can’t say I recommend the featured shoes on the model, either.)

    1. I immediately thought of that dress too! The model’s shoes are giving shower slides…

    2. Although this model looks even taller than KM. I feel that the shape is accurate — I’m a pear and couldn’t make a DVF wrap dress work for me despite really wanting it to.

    3. I believe hers was silk jersey. DVF used to make silk jersey wrap dresses. Don’t know if they still do.

      1. I still covet those dresses! My wardrobe was half DVF wrap dresses and it was so easy to put a flattering outfit together.

  3. How do you politely at work ask why someone is added to a meeting. They work in a different department and are at the same level as me.

    1. If you can’t ask directly, you probably just have to wait and see. If you can, something like “Hi! Why is X on this meeting thread? Let me know if you need me to add anyone if this is a broader meeting on the subject.”

    2. Unless you think it’s an autofill error for someone else or you’re senior to the meeting organizer, you don’t. Not your meeting, so policing who joins is usually a bad look.

      3. I would advise against this. I have colleagues with similar names, think “John Smith” and “John Smithe” in different departments, who are the respective subject matter experts on various projects often. The number of times one was added accidentally to a meeting when it should have been the other one is surprising, and it creates tons of issues when we need their input quickly. Most email programs have an autofill from the directory, so this is happening somewhat often.

        I will say though, having a meeting agenda or topic in the calendar invite helps a lot with correcting this issue, because both Johns can then check their relevancy directly, or others may notice.

        1. Only if this is a known situation in your office, which it likely isn’t or OP wouldn’t be asking this question.

    3. Are you presenting at the meeting? If so, request the context around including that person so you can tailor your materials to ensure they address the audience’s needs.

    4. “hey, saw you added X to the meeting – can you give me any context so I can best prepare?”

      1. Yup. “Hey, wanting to make sure I am fully prepped for this meeting so I am not holding anything up. I see we have Susan from Socks joining – can you provide some context so that I can prep anything that would be helpful.

      3. Yeah, unless you’re actually presenting or the person presenting reports to you, this reads kind of petty and really obvious about what you’re getting at. Looking nosy and potentially gate keeping is even worse than a direct ask.

        1. See, in my field I totally disagree. People are often pulled in to meetings that are close in order to discuss a related topic. This wouldn’t come off as nosy at all – my department is a lot of Gen X/Millenial managers who really work to avoid meetings for the sake of meetings. It should have a goal, an agenda, and people should come prepared.

          Goes to show it’s a ‘know your office’.

    5. If it’s somone unexpectedly showing up from HR, usually a horrible harbinger of something.

      “If Jan from accounting is coming, do I need to prepare any slides for that?”

    6. I commented above regarding my colleagues “John Smith” and “John Smithe” who get mixed up in meeting invites all the time.

      If you have any active role in the meeting (organizer or presenting contributor), it’s ok to ask the organizer, your boss or a trusted colleague who attends whether you should prepare for this person’s input/questions.

      If you are only a listener, fair to ignore, I guess.

  4. We are headed to Banff in the fall; would welcome recommendations on places to stay and activities to plan. Any specific feedback on the Peaks Hotel and Suites extra welcome!

    1. I assume you’re already planning Lake Louise and a hike to the tea house? If not, then for sure that!

  5. How often and how (dry clean, hand wash, delicate cycle) do you wash silk tops? I just noticed a silk shirt of mine has darkened from accumulated body oil and/or products.

    1. Handwash, I use the soak detergent for silks/wools/bras. I’m incredibly sensitive to smells so I typically wash after every wear unless I’m wearing a layer underneath.

    3. Hand wash with Eucalan or top load machine wash in a lingerie bag, air dry, then steam press.

      1. Posted too soon: I wash in one of these ways after every wear.

        For machine washing: the perma press cycle spins at a lower RPM and thus doesn’t result in quite so many centrifuged-in wrinkles. I usually press while the fabric is still damp. Since wrinkles come out easily with pressing, I don’t usually bother with the perma press cycle and just wash my silk on regular with the rest of my laundry.

    4. I wash silk every 2-3 wears. Just in the sink and hang dry. I personally don’t dryclean anything (the curse of studying Chemistry in college, I know too much, which just makes more labor for me.)

      2. Dry cleaning will cause your white cotton to yellow, and it will cause your sweaters to shrink. It’s just terrible.

    8. Hand wash with a drop or two of Ivory or Seventh Generation dish soap: Cold water, let it soak about five minutes, swish gently. Cold rinse, swish gently, repeat until water is clear. Lay a towel flat on the floor and the item flat on the towel. Roll it up. Apply gentle pressure. Unroll, and either hang to dry or dry flat. Steam or iron when dry or nearly dry.

      1. Adding to above: I wash after every wear. I have even done this multiple times in a day when I was fresh out of college and interviewing in the summer in the SEUS. I’d put the freshly washed top on a rack with a fan on it to speed up drying and then iron it dry while it was still decidedly damp. Admittedly it was a very well made Balanciaga silk twill shell that I lucked into at Steinmart.

    9. Silk program on my machine – one item wash, in a mesh bag – with wool/silk detergent, hang dry.

  6. How have you reacted to “low/no effort” family – family members who won’t make any effort to see you or ask how you’re doing but may sometimes swing by if it’s convenient for them or reach out if they want help with something? Picture the grandma who always has an excuse for why she can’t travel 15 minutes to see the grandkids or the father who can’t help in a tough situation because he “might” have plans that day with someone else. Doesn’t feel like it’s necessary to fully sever ties but there’s really nothing meaningful there…I already know I can’t/won’t try to force anything more meaningful.

    1. I have some family members like this. Basically, your last sentence is how I’ve reacted. Not fully severing ties, appreciate the interaction when it happens, but set my expectations realistically and don’t put in more effort than will be reciprocated. My father is one of these people and it was tough to accept that he’s just never going to be more willing to put effort into see me or ask how I’m doing than he is. But it’s not a reflection on me, that’s just how he is. And I’m still sad about it sometimes, but at least I’m not longer blaming myself or fighting an uphill battle pushing for something that won’t happen.

    2. A long time ago, somebody put it to me this way – If somebody comes up and kicks you in the shins, how would you react? It hurts physically, but also – what did you do so that this person kicked you in the shins? Is it something on purpose or a weird accident or what? Is this them or did you deserve it?

      Okay, now what if a 5 year old kicks you in the shins. It hurts the same physically, but you’re not going to worry too much about it because – they’re 5. Like, sometimes 5 year olds do weird things.

      Some people are just 5 year olds. That’s how I deal – I don’t think too deeply because it’s who they are.

      1. Sure, don’t think too deeply, but what you *do*? Do you say yes to their rare tepid outreach attempts when you know there’s a 75% chance of flaking because rain is in the forecast? Do you bother to call on Christmas (when you know they won’t be calling you?)

        1. If it works for me, I allow it but I don’t go out of my way. So Christmas phone call? Probably a text unless I’m stuck in the car driving somewhere and want to. They’ll be in town and want to get lunch? If I’m free, sure – but I’m also not going to be surprised or actively plan around it because 75% of the time they’ll bail.

          I realize this is not specific framework, but the biggest thing that helped me was a shift from doing what I thought I was ‘supposed’ to do to accepting that they were going to kind of suck no matter what I did. I won’t call if I’m going to be berated or if they’re downright nasty – but for the people who just will never prioritize you regardless of you prioritizing them… I live my life and it has been so freeing.

        2. Not the above anon, but here’s what I do: I say yes only if what they’re proposing is actually convenient for me, and if I’d want to do what they’re proposing alone/with my partner if they flake. I live halfway across the continental US from a couple of folks in my family like this, and I do not travel to them for major holidays (despite repeated asks) because when I have in the relatively recent past, I’ve been left alone/flaked on/not included in plans. That’s all OK – some families just aren’t as close – but I’ve learned not to put myself in a position where I will feel bad about myself because we just don’t function like the families my friends have.

          I’m not a big caller (elder millennial), but I do text on major holidays. I pick up or say yes when one of my parents wants a phone call rather than a text, but keep it light, the way that I would talk to an acquaintance about what’s going on in my life.

          I do have good relationships with many members of my family, and love my in-laws. These kinds of strict boundaries aren’t the norm in those closer relationships for me.

      2. Yes. There’s a lot of untreated ADHD in my family, and I swear they have legitimate issues with “out of sight, out of mind.” They’re never going to change (or even go on meds). I’m aware that they’re like this in every context imaginable and that it’s not directed at me.

    3. To me it depends a lot what our history is. (Am I only alive today because this person took care of me? Or have they always been pretty peripheral?) If they were essential at some point and aren’t actively damaging now, to me that’s still a meaningful connection.

    4. I think you just stop initiating. And when the person does reach out – when it’s convenient for them or they want help with something – you get to decide if you want them to swing by or help them at that time. This is who they are. Don’t be angry or hurt about it because it’s not about you. It’s about them. But you don’t need to put forth effort here. Sometimes I think the Let Them theory applies and sometimes I don’t. It sounds like it applies here. Let them be who they are and you can respond accordingly as it works for you when they do appear. The hardest part, I think, is reminding myself emotionally that their lack of invovlement isn’t about me and being hurt or insulted or rejected doesn’t accomplish anything.

      I wouldn’t put forth any effort, but that’s very different from severing ties. Just ride the wave.

      But remember you do not need to drop everything and accomodate them when they do appear. If you want to see them or help them when they appear and it works for your schedule, do that. If you don’t or it’s a bad time for you, decline in your most cheerful voice and say maybe next time!

      1. This is good advice in general, but I don’t think “don’t be angry or hurt” is very reasonable or helpful – it’s very natural to feel hurt when family won’t see you, especially if it’s a “won’t drive five minutes” situation. It’s good to find a way to process that hurt and anger and can be harmful to deny it.

        1. Better said than I did. I agree. Don’t deny the emotions if they exist – work through them to get to the point of realizing it’s not about you and so you’re not hurt by them being who they are.

    5. My brother is/was like this. After years of twisting myself in knots trying to see him only to have him ignore my texts trying to plan or for him to leave 30 minutes after we finally managed to meet up I decided to drop the rope. I haven’t reached out to him in more than a year and I haven’t heard from him. Like you I didn’t feel the need for a full severing of ties and the door is open if he ever wants to reach out, but I’ve stopped putting any effort into the relationship until he does.

    6. I am an Old and have worked my way around to trying to meet people where they are. It does not come naturally to me. I have a low effort sibling and I just interact with him on his terms. I love my brother and am not interested in some sort of power play or for punishing him because I don’t think he is doing it right. Letting go of my resentment and just taking him as he comes has done wonders for my emotional state where he is concerned.

      2. Very well said and this is how I approach my own low-effort brother. I’ve reframed him as a distant cousin in my mind, since there’s so much less baggage and expectation for a more distant relative.

    7. kind of sounds like you’re only asking for them if you need childcare?

      I think many (many) grandparents are not the ideal grandparent you imagined in your youth. I barely knew my grandparents because they were of the “children should be seen and not heard” generation (and my grandfather was heavily medicated to deal with my crazy grandmother, ha).

      Some people you need to take as they are. Don’t change or make plans around them.

      1. Nope – no kids. The grandma was just an example (borrowed from a friend’s life, actually).

    8. My mother (who did not raise me) is like this. I haven’t cut her out of my life, but I know she will only show up when it’s convenient for her. It’s best to just let them exist in their own lives separate from yours.

    9. In my larger extended family, the younger generations travel to see the older generations. Grandma is never expected to come to my house; we always go to hers. Maybe an exception if the “tough situation” is something like a plumbing emergency and dad is being asked to bring his DIY expertise over to help. Otherwise we recognize that the older generations are doing us a favor by providing childcare or helping out, and thus we minimize how much they have to go out of their way.

    10. I don’t go out of my way for them in a way that would leave me feeling bad if it’s not reciprocated, because I know it won’t be reciprocated. I invite them when I feel like it, call them when I want to talk, give gifts if and only if I feel moved to do so, visit only when it works for me.

      I think it’s kinder to do what one has to do not to feel resentment than to do a lot for someone and feel resentment.

  7. In my 20s, I watched money closely. I didn’t have much and had high student loans. Since I paid them off, I have been too loose with my finances. I’m in the black and saving for retirement every year, but I don’t really know where my money is going. YNAB seems really overwhelming. Is it worth it? Anything that is easier just to get a handle on? I’m victim to subscriptions and online shopping without really feeling it.

    1. I prefer to just take money out of my spending rather than trying to drill down and understand where it’s going. Increase your retirement savings or start investing a little bit every month. Start with $100. If you don’t miss it then bump it up to $500. Then bump it up to $1000. You’ll get a pretty good feel for which areas feel “tight” when you decrease disposable income like this and you can then determine if it’s worth it to you.

    2. When I was that age I just set aside money to go into savings automatically. Then spent the rest.

      If you are not able to pay your bills then this method won’t work but I found it to help me save while not micro managing my budget.

    3. Many credit cards can break down your spending. It’s not a perfect filter but it can be eye opening.

      1. This is the approach. Look at your last 3-6 months of credit card statements and see where your money is going. Then decide whether you’re happy with how you spend your money. If you are, then change nothing. If you’re not, then identify what you’d like to spend less on and where you’d like that money to go instead. If you want to make a change and that change is to go to saving or investing or retirement, then have that money transfered out as soon as your paycheck hits. If you want to make a change and that money is to go to something like travel, then figure out how to remember next time you’re shopping that you’d prefer travel and then actually spend money on travel. Or, maybe if you want to spend more money on travel, then also have that money immediately transfered out of your account into one that is for your travel budget and then book trips.
        This sounds like a recognizing your priorities issue rather than a you can’t afford how much you spend issue.

    4. Five years ago we needed to do a big home repair and I felt our money was tighter than it should have been given our income. I thought YNAB was too finicky to get started with and it had trouble syncing up with one of my financial institutions. I instead found it to be really helpful to review all of my transactions daily for a few months and note them down (first by hand in an actual notebook, then by month two or three I made a spreadsheet to fit my needs). It helped me identify where my money was going and catch a few subscriptions I didn’t need any more.

      I don’t do this daily now, although I have turned back to it for a month or two each year if I feel like our spending is creeping up as a reset. I now enjoy the challenge of minimizing the number of posted transactions each month!

    5. We used YNAB for a couple years and found it useful – it was motivating to set savings goals, and it helped us recognize when our spending didn’t align with our values/priorities.
      Eventually our “savings” bucket got robust enough that YNAB wasn’t worth the effort – you do have to regularly sort/classify transactions. However we’re looking at a few big-ticket purchases (a car, kitchen reno) and I’m planning to re-start to keep our savings goals at the fore.

    6. I just used ynab for tracking the first year I used it. The only reason I stopped doing that was because my husband ended up with a big travel job and it really shortened the time needed for budget conversations. It’s not designed for pure tracking, but you can easily just leave everything in “ready to assign” and just sort transactions into categories, topping up categories as you go. Honestly, I think that’s a better way to start than they recommend because you can get a few months of data and base your budget off that.

    7. Monarch money is a much easier way to keep track of where the money is going. You can see all your accounts, including credit cards, in one place. I think that the more active management of YNAB would probably help me more to be deliberate in spending but I also just am likely never going to actually DO it, and even if I would do it I would never get my husband to do it. So this is a more passive process that actually let’s you track a budget and see where things are going wrong.

    8. I love YNAB and evangelize for it whenever I can, but I admit that it is sort of my hobby – I leaned in to managing my YNAB vs. online shopping or posting here so much when I need a little brain break during the day.

      I do feel like YNAB is the perfect way to figure out how you really want to be spending your money.

    9. Some years back I sat down with printouts of my card statements and a handful of highlighter pens and categorised my expenses into broad categories. I could see which categories were higher than expected, and which were lower. I found a baseline for what I spend on XYZ necessity like housing, food and transportation. With information about what habits and expenses I had, it was easy to make a zero-based budget to allocate all income, including savings and fun. I used paper for my initial work, and then a simple spreadsheet.

    10. I would look at credit card statements and identify the payments. Most banks let you download a .csv file which you can open in Excel. Filter the table for the subscriptions and online shops, and you’ll have an immediate impression of your spending there.

      For online shops, my advice is to let each shopping cart marinate at least over night before you click “order”. Many many urges to buy something solve themselves after a night’s sleep. Unless of course your shopping habits are an outlet for something else (mental health?), in which case I’d dive into that.

  8. I had a big work deadline about a week ago that took a ton out of me. I took some time off Friday and purposely kept my weekend open to rest and recoup. By last night, I felt OK-enough but definitely not fully recovered. This morning, I was greeted by a new problem to solve, and I still need to get caught up on all the projects that didn’t get much attention while I was working toward this other deadline. I have accepted that this is part of the nature of my job, but it is exhausting. I feel like I’m not handling this as well as I used to earlier in my career. Is there ever any real cure for burnout? It sure doesn’t feel like it.

    1. i hate to say it but there’s a reason why some jobs are best for the young’uns – biglaw, consulting, i-banking – and it has a lot to do with the pace of the office and the all-encompassing nature of the work.

      if i were you i’d be looking to step back especially if you’re well in the black financially.

    2. Agree with the above poster. You need to figure out what type of job is best suited to your personality and needs. Some people truly thrive in these sort of very busy high pressure and never ending environments. I did. Until I didn’t anymore. So I left.

  9. It’s time to buy a new mattress. Any recommendations or tips for the buying process? I’m feeling overwhelmed by the process and afraid I’ll invest in one and then not like it.

    1. I’m a fan of the hotel mattresses. My favorite (we have guest rooms too) is the Westin Heavenly bed, and you can buy direct or through Pottery Barn. We also have the Four Seasons bed but it’s a little less plush so I moved it to the guest room and moved the Heavenly to ours. Our guests always rave regardless.

      1. Yes, I don’t know OP’s timeframe, but I just checked tags on the mattresses I liked when traveling. Naturally my favorite was a stratospherically expensive luxury brand mattress in an AirBnB, but I was at least able to figure out what its components were and find a similarly constructed mattress at a lower price point.

      2. Our Westin Heavenly was absolutely terrible. It was fine at first but never seemed like anything special, and it wore out very quickly. It probably should have been replaced after 1-2 years because it was in such bad shape but we couldn’t justify the cost and kept it longer than we should have. We finally replaced it and it’s been life-changing. Before this we always had good luck with Sealy so that’s what we replaced it with and so far we’re really happy.

        1. You’d think that a hotel mattress would at least last a while!

          I’ve never been comfortable on a hotel mattress in a hotel room (including the ones other people like), so I figure I’m just a statistical outlier.

          1. Apparently hotels replace their mattresses often (compared to the average residential household) so I think they aren’t really made to last.

        2. Same. Bought from the website during the pandemic. Angrily replaced it only two years later.

    2. I hate all the mattresses I’ve tried that are the kind that can roll up and be shipped in a box. They just have no support and I feel like I fall off the edge of the bed when I sit on them. Memory foam topper is fine, but I need a mattress with actual support in it. Innersprings are just superior for me.

      2. Agree! I’ve bought a few that roll up because they are sooooo convenient, but they’re not the same as a good innerspring mattress.

      3. We had the serta version of the roll up mattress in queen size and loved it. Used it in our own bedroom and guest rooms for years to universal acclaim. Upgraded our bed to a kingsize and got another serta in a box. It was the absolute worst. I don’t know if the king size was simply too big to handle the compression, if the quality got worse over the years, or if that was a one-off problem. But I am no longer the evangelist that I once was!

    3. i just bought one at matttress firm. they have a trial period, you can return it if you’re unhappy for some not crazy amount of money.

    4. My most successful mattress purchase involved going to Macy’s and laying on a bunch. We’ve had that mattress for 10 years now and are still really happy; it’s how I’ll approach things when we need to buy another.

      3. +1 – have had the mattress for almost 12 years and it’s still going strong. It’s been so long I don’t remember the exact one, but I think it’s in the Serta perfect sleeper line.

    5. My last two mattresses have been sleep numbers. Before that every mattress I tried would start to get that divot from body weight. They are pricey, but so far have lasted very well for me.

    7. Trying in person is absolutely essential in my experience. Spending more money upfront tends to result in a much better bed, and over time it costs about the same as a less expensive mattress which doesn’t last or contributes to back pain. I spent $8k but I’ve already had it 5 years and it’s been a great experience and the mattress will likely last another 10 years still in good condition.

  10. For a married couple where the younger woman is the higher earner, if the man retires early and takes social security at 62, my understanding is that he takes it based on his earnings. Does he ever get to claim higher benefits based on her? Like if she dies without starting SS, can he claim higher survivor benefits based on her?

    I understand that the basic math is always wait until 70 to claim, especially if you expect to live past your early 80s. But there are so many other scenarios to think through.

    1. This involves talking to a financial advisor and maybe a marriage counselor for a lot of reasons.

      1. Wut? This is actually a math question, most FAs would probably fail and there is no reason it should involve a marriage counselor.

        Signed,
        Someone in the midst of this decision right now.

        1. I would not employ someone as a financial advisor if I didn’t trust their ability to do math. That’s a major part of the job.

          1. Every FA I’ve ever met hasn’t done the math and would recommend waiting until 70. That’s the standard advice and is most likely mathematically correct but it’s not necessarily the correct answer for everyone.

        3. I’m not sure I’d trust chat gpt with much. I used it to try to estimate some retirement stuff and it missed adding some things together correctly. Plus it gets other stuff wrong all the time – today it told me that Friday was May 17th.

      3. Not seeing a single marriage counselor reason here. Whut?! Literally someone thinking about how to best sort out the future financially as a couple. Not OP. Is it because traditional gender roles or age assumptions are rubbing someone wrong? Literally not seeing the reason for pushback.

        1. Because having the lower earner retire when the younger one is presumably still working often causes headaches.

    2. Short answer yes. He can claim on hers once she files. Correct answer, role play in opensocialsecurity dot com for the best claiming strategies for each person and as a couple.

      1. OP here and thanks — it’s just a math problem. Our elders all had pensions, but even then, I had parents who waited until 70 to claim, but had some very lean years to do so. They also wisely chose to take pensions over joint lives and that turned out to be a very fortunate choice for them. With no pensions and just SS as the only guaranteed payment, we want to choose wisely since we may be facing an involuntary “retirement” at a less-than-ideal retirement age.

    3. I think it’s automatic to the higher spouse’s earnings once she starts claiming.

  11. pillow recommendations. both DH and my visiting father in the past 48 hours have complained that our pillows are too thin. anyone have any suggestions?

    1. if you’re using down pillows, they are sold by weight – the denser/larger, the more expensive. So, if yours are thin and flimsy, try medium or firm instead of soft?

    3. I buy some every time Costco has big sales and try to keep a variety for guests to choose.

    4. I like my Casper pillow, although it did need significant time out of the compressed packaging to fluff up. I bought it when they only had one style so it must be the Original.

    5. I really like the Casper pillow that’s like a two in one (outer and inner). I’ve found it easy to wash and it stays fluffy. It fluffs up a lot too when washed which I do every 6 months or so.

    6. Personally, I like a firm down pillow. But for guest use, I got several shredded foam pillows from my local supermarket’s bedding aisle (the firmer of the options they had) and those have had surprisingly good reviews. My college kid even stole one for dorm use because it was so comfy; it just came home last week and is going strong.

  12. My 20th college reunion is coming up, and few of my friends are attending. We didn’t have a 15th due to COVID, so we haven’t gathered for 10 years.

    Most of my friends/old roommates aren’t attending. Tips on how to navigate networking and making new friends with classmates I didn’t know, or know well?

    And a bit of a vent – I bought tix for DH and myself, and we have a toddler who is too young for the reunion-provided childcare. The organizing committee have recently sent an email that the evening events aren’t child-friendly, so ok, but I wish I’d known that before making travel arrangements and buying tix.

    1. at my 20th it was mostly alumni-only (few spouses) for this exact reason. Maybe sell DH’s ticket and have him stay home with your kid?

    2. Does your hotel have sitters? I had to bring my kids to a work conference once and it was a life-saver. It’s usually a retiree in the area or a college kid who isn’t a big festivities person.

    4. I’d probably skip it and consider the ticket purchase a donation. I only go if my friends are going too.

      1. I applied up-thread about leaving your husband at home, but tbh, this is probably what I would do too. I would have zero interest in going to a college reunion if my friends were not going.

    5. I can’t say that any of my reunions included children, and I went to a women’s college

    6. I really like just introducing myself to lots of people, regardless of class year. I really enjoy not treating it like professional networking, but just getting to know lots of people. I ask for parenting wisdom/advice from the folks with older kids. I ask questions about what people do for fun, how they like living in Y place, etc.

      OP, I don’t think this is you, but in case anyone is reading who does need some more basic advice: I think it helps to feel good about living your own life, or at least not feel competitive with others. Trying to outshine others seems like the best way to make a reunion not fun for oneself and others.

    7. This was me at my 20th…a bunch of my close friends couldn’t come and tbh a few of them were a little dismissive/mean about people even trying to go. I wound up hanging out with some people I knew from college but didn’t know all that well and I had a great time! When more of my friends have come, we’ve done more hanging out together, but for my 20th I did things like go to more lectures and school-organized events. TBH I always get nervous/anxious that I’m not “good enough” before these things and then I wind up enjoying myself.

      FWIW, I vastly prefer college reunions to my law school reunions because we all do such different things for work, live all over, and have a lot of different family configurations (single/married/kids/no kids/etc.).

    8. I found myself in this situation at my 10th reunion. Like Seventh Sister below, I hung out with people I was friendly with (but not necessarily super close with) in college and some of their friends. I think people are more open to socializing at reunions, especially if they didn’t plan to attend with a specific friend group.

  13. My parnter and I are headed to Rome at the end of September, and while we’re generally good travelers and have overseas experience, it’ll be the first time in Rome for both of us.

    Does anyone have good experiences with staying in a particular area of the city, or at a particular hotel? We’re hoping to stay under $700/night (would love less, but we understand that it’s high season), and would like to be close to some attractions, though we don’t need to stay right by anything.

    For reference, in Paris we typically stay in the 9th so we’re close to attractions, but not necessarily walkable. We like it because it feels a little less busy, but there are still bakeries and coffee shops, etc, and we can catch the metro/other transport to get where we need to go in a reasonable time.

    We’re also doing a bunch of research, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask if anyone had good experiences.

    1. we stayed a parlamento boutique hotel. Was walking distance to spanish steps and trevi fountaion, including delicious breakfast. we weren’t there in summer but it was much less than 700

      1. This looks right up our alley, and is way less expensive than we had feared. Thank you!

    2. We just got back from the Marriott Flora, which is walkable to the American Embassy (and just about everything else where we needed or wanted to be). If you can pull that up, it’s a great location and you can see what other options are close to it.

    3. Rome isn’t that pricey, unless you want 5 star luxury you should have no problem being well under $700.

    4. Aventino for being in a more quiet area but still very easy striking distance to everything.

    5. I liked Relais Clarisse in Trastevere. Easy tram access to most tourist sites and lots of good restaurants etc nearby. They had a decent breakfast in a nice courtyard and prices were very reasonable when we were there.

    6. Our most recent trip to Rome (earlier this year) we stayed in Ponte and loved it. It’s not close to the metro so we took a cab from the station with luggage. But otherwise it’s very walkable to everything and the neighborhood is so lovely that it was a pleasure to come back to each evening. We stayed at Residenza Brama which was perfect for us (traveling with kids and need multiple rooms).

      1. Seconding the Ponte recommendation! We’ve stayed on Via Giulia in that area and its so beautiful and quiet in the evenings, while still feeling central and close to most things.

    7. We stayed at the Sofitel Rome Villa Borghese (via Costco Travel, so I’m not sure how much it was) that time two years ago and it was absolutely beautiful. Not 100% centrally located but we walked almost everywhere and if I recall correctly, it was somewhat nearby the Spanish Steps. The room was large (with a fresco on the ceiling!) and a nice restaurant/roof bar type configuration. Highly recommend!

  14. Does anyone else with sensitive teeth feel like sensitive toothpastes don’t get your teeth really clean? Any recs for sensitive pastes that do?

    3. Abrasive toothpastes damage enamel and teeth, so no sensitive toothpaste is going to be high abrasion.

      Electric toothbrush is what my dentist recommends.

    4. I brush with regular toothpaste and then afterwards, brush again with a little prevident for sensitive teeth.

    5. My teeth were a lot more sensitive before I started using a Philips Sonicare brush. Braun style brushes do nothing for my teeth, but the Sonicare was a revelation.

      If I use sensitive tooth paste and manual brush, it feels a little grubby.

      If I want to feel extra squeaky clean, the sensitive one from the Humble Co. works well.

    6. Ask your dentist about trying Boka. It uses different ingredients to manage sensitivity.

      My dentist suggested it for me as in struggling with weak teeth. There are some warnings on the back, so I would ask your dentist before trying it.

  15. I received a photo card of an extended family member’s (A) daughter (B) commemorating her graduation from college. There was no message and there doesn’t seem to be a party. We are not close (I barely know B) but for example, my family and I went to A’s father’s funeral a few years ago. A and B attended my sister’s baby shower. But we’ll go years without seeing them and we don’t talk regularly.

    Should I send a gift? A card? Or just smile at the photo on my fridge and move on? I feel like I should acknowledge it in some way, but I don’t know what to do.

    1. How many relatives in that same relationship tier do you have? Begin as you intend to continue. If this is the first in a line of upcoming life events for this cohort, perhaps stick with a simple text “It’s Auntie Sue – congrats on your graduation! So proud of you!”

      I have many, many cousins of various degrees. For random announcements like this, I just smile and move on. I wouldn’t recognize the person on the street. I don’t spend holidays with their family. I am not a group texts with them or their parents. The only realistic interaction point we will ever has is at a funeral.

      1. yeah, my extended family is sprawling. Most do not send this type of announcement out to the whole clan (like, second cousins once removed) because tbh it comes off as a gift grab when the only time you hear from them is gift-receiving occasions for their family members.

        However, A & B attending one of your close family’s showers implies that you’re in the ‘major life stage gift acknowledgement’ relationship level so maybe send a card & check along the same price point as the shower gift?

  16. Another post reminded me that I needed to ask this: what do you give your least favorite MAGA cousin’s daughter for her college graduation? I haven’t seen the girl in a decade maybe, but my mom is insistent we send a gift because this aunt sent one to me 20 years ago and we need to repay the gesture. Mailing a check feels like the dark ages, but is that the answer? The graduate is taking a gap year, then going to get a master’s in therapy/counseling/something.

    1. Your mom can send a gift if she feels so strongly. Leave your mom out of the loop of what you do (or don’t) get. “Thanks for the reminder, mom!” And done.

      If you want to give a gift, cash (in whatever amount you want to give and can reasonably afford) is king for graduation.

    2. Yes, or a gift card to somewhere that sells professional clothes – Loft maybe? I’d do cash or an equivalent gift card.

    4. Your mom is free to send whatever reciprocal gift she wants. Assuming your finances are separate from your mom’s, do whatever you like.

    5. Donate to your favorite progressive candidate in her name.

      Just kidding — either send a check, put a $50 or $100 bill in a card, send a Visa gift card or a gift card elsewhere. Most importantly: don’t stress or spend too much time on this.

    6. If I’m reading the relationships correctly, I think it’s pretty normal to give a gift to a niece/nephew and not to one’s cousins kids. I would never think that I have to mail a gift to my cousin’s kid whom I have met once just because the kid’s grandma (my aunt) gave me a gift for my graduation.

      My cousins have never given my kids a gift and neither have I given their kids a gift, absent a host/hostess gift situation.

    7. the reciprocal gift is your mom sending something to your cousin’s daughter, not you also sending something. Cash is great, if she’s asking you for advice on what to give.

    8. Even though you got a check from your aunt, that has nothing to do with the next generation.

    9. In my family/circle, high school graduates get gifts from pretty much everyone, but college graduates only get gifts from very close family members. I wouldn’t have dreamed of sending an announcement to anyone for college (and certainly not for law/graduate school). Assuming you gave a gift at high school graduation, I think you can let this one go. If your mom wants to do something, she certainly can.

  17. Another travel question: going to Paris with my 10 and 6 year old in the fall. Any recommendations for where to stay? We are sticking with central attractions and would like to walk most places. I’m thinking 5th or 6th, but where? Open to big hotels, boutique hotels, or B&Bs. Not considering AirBNBs or similar. Thanks!

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