ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 232 Comments

Weekend Open Thread

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

black embossed leather knee-high boot with pointy toe and block heel

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

At some point in my online browsing this week, I came upon these gorgeous boots — bestsellers at NET-A-PORTER. $900 is a bit steep for something that does feel a bit trendy, but something tells me this trend (with a stiff but loose boot shaft) has staying power, so I was excited to find these much more affordable Schutz boots (pictured).

(Isn't that always the problem? One hates to buy the must-have boots (I'm thinking the Weitzman 5050 boots, the Rag & Bone Harrow, etc.) after they've been popular for a few years because who knows how long the trend will continue? And every time I've hesitated they've been around for a bazillion years.)

ANYWAY: The Paris Texas boots at $900 are gorgeous — but these Schutz boots, pictured, are much more affordable, at $278.

Reviews are mixed — apparently sizing is off in some of the colors — but the reviewer's pictures make the case. They're sexy but in a fresh way.

Schutz also has many different options with the same shaft, including matte leather block heels, low kitten heels, and tall stilettos. The shoes are $258-$278, available in sizes 5-11; the pictured version comes in four different embossed colorways, and that's just at Nordstrom — you can find even more options at Bloomingdale's, Shopbop, and Zappos.

Sales of note for 9/4 (Happy Labor Day — see our big roundup!)

232 Comments

  1. What do you think one should do if you encounter a lost dog in your suburban neighborhood? I saw one that was obviously not on a leash or with someone and moving across several yards. I was on a walk and a pretty tight timeline to get back to my house and then pick my son up. So I took pictures. I couldn’t post to FB because I blocked it on my phone, so it had to wait until I came home about 30 minutes after seeing the dog.

    Fortunately, the situation resolved itself, and the neighbor was reunited with her dog. However, in an ideal scenario, what would be the best course of action if I had more time? Should I have approached the dog or checked for a collar?

    1. If the dog appears to be friendly, I always will approach the dog, check for a collar, and call the owner if it has a tag. Obviously if the dog is aggressive, don’t approach. I typically will call animal control if there is a loose dog being aggressive.

      1. I’ve carried dogs back to their homes–often an address or at least a phone number is on the collar. I once spotted a very large basset hound on the on ramp to an expressway on a day when it was like 95 degreees. I couldn’t lift him, so I encouraged him to get in my car. I brought him to my kitchen and gave him a big long drink and then drove him to our police station (I was headed out for a conference that night). They were able to put him in boarding while they tracked his vet through his rabies tag (only tag he had). I got a call the next day from the vet letting me know that the owners were picking him up and were profusely thankful. I seriously about cried knowing I probably saved his little (OK, pretty big) life. I now carry a leash in my trunk next to all my emergency supplies for cold weather, etc. One thing I would have done different is post the location and time and a photo on NextDoor.

    2. My husband and I have spotted several loose dogs and sometimes been able to catch them. Some with homes. Some without. We get pictures so we can accurately report what the dog looked like, where it was, and at what time. We approach the dog to catch it, but abandon that plan if our efforts cause the dog to start leaving the area. Never chase the dog. Even dogs that are loving pets can become skittish and hard to catch when on their own. If someone is looking for the dog, they will have the best chance of catching it if they know where the dog is and therefore where to put out food, a trap, etc. If we are able to catch the dog, we look for tags with owner info and contact them. Belts, shoelaces, and bag straps can be used to fasten a slip leash to help you control the dog while you have it. Even if the dog doesn’t have visible owner contact info, it may have a microchip and vet clinics will scan for chips for free. So we’ll head to the vet and post the dog online while we’re driving there. If the dog has a chip and the owner answers, many vet clinics will hold the dog until the owner can pick it up later that day.

      1. If there is no microchip, what happens next?

        The last time we encountered a loose dog someone else stopped to help and recognized who it belonged to. I was glad for the dog, the owners, and also relieved for us because I wasn’t really sure what we would do with a sudden dog in our midst if we weren’t just transporting it back to its home.

      2. If there is no microchip, what happens next?

        The last time we encountered a loose dog someone else stopped to help and recognized who it belonged to. I was glad for the dog, the owners, and also relieved for us because I wasn’t really sure what we would do with a sudden dog in our midst if we weren’t just carting it back to its home.

        1. In my experience, a vet will only hold a dog if the owner is coming for it. Therefore, if the dog doesn’t have a chip, the contact info on the chip is out of date, or the owner doesn’t answer, the dog will usually have to leave the vet’s office. In that case, we’ve either taken the dog home to wait to see if our online posts connect us with the owner or taken the dog to our county shelter. If you are comfortable keeping the dog at your house but don’t have supplies, don’t feel weird about asking to borrow a crate, collar, leash, etc. from someone in your community. We’ve lent crates to people we’ve seen asking to borrow things on NextDoor.

    3. What we’ve done in that situation is approach the dog, check for owner info, bring it home, post on Facebook. Keep the dog safe and findable until the owner is identified and comes back.

    4. I have a well loved dog who is the world’s greatest escape artist. She is Magellan in canine form – she wants to explore everything.

      So thanks in advance to people who spot dogs that probably aren’t where they’re supposed to be and who contact the owners! (As my neighbors have now done a few times with her.)

  2. End of year performance self evaluations

    If you use a system or service provider, how long do you have to complete your self evaluation?

    Trying to guage if 1 week is standard, unreasonable, or fair?

    I’ve been slammed this week and everything that could break has either broken or threatened a break….including my favorite sunglasses. I completely blanked on this evaluation due early next week, and Im too frazzled to do any kind of reflection work right now.

    I get that they need the evaluations to get
    started on YE comp. numbers but damn, a week in October feels like an aggressive turn around.

    I did a thorough mid year self reflection that will have to do the heavy lifting for me.

    1. A week doesn’t seem like enough notice to me. If they told you a month ago they’d be sending it out and then once you got a link it was due within a week, that would be one thing. But out of the blue “hey you have to do this in a week” is too short imo.

    2. It’s a really busy time of year for so many people. I run this process at our company and we tell people the timing the last week of August and then there are 2 calendar weeks to do it. I would rather do three but the reality is that most people wait until the last minute no matter what we do and then we get a whole lot of ‘it was such a busy week can I have an extension’ and it’s like you knew about it for a month. It’s just not a priority and it’s not fun to do. I get it. Knock it out and then have a big glass of wine – you probably wouldn’t want to do it more if you had another week.

    3. We have 1 week, which is far too short (especially if you are on leave during that week). However, they announce it a month prior and the process is very predictable for anyone who has been there more than a year, so it is not difficult to plan ahead and stage responses ahead of the system opening up. Not that I actually do that, but I tell myself I will each year…

    4. How big is the company, and how many direct reports do you have? And are you expected to also give feedback to your peers? In my case, my team ranges from 6-8 people, so I’d have to write more than 1 review per day to fit it into 5 business days, which seems unreasonable (especially because I ALSO have to write manager feedback for my boss AND a self-assessment, so effectively 8-10 reviews).

      A week feels very fast to me, but I work in a huge company where the performance cycle is months long to accommodate giving peer feedback, writing a self assessment, writing the reviews for all of your direct reports, going into meetings to make sure everyone is rated fairly, discuss promotions, confirm the comp, etc. etc.

      We only get 2 weeks to have performance conversations, but that’s only after the ratings and compensation are confirmed in the months-long process noted above.

    5. If these self-evaluations are pro forma with no real effect on compensation or career, then by all means lean on your October eval. But if this matters to your comp or promotability, it is priority #1. Don’t skimp on it. Don’t let your desire to to your job right at any price interfere with your right to fair comp and opportunities! Giving you a week is a jerk move but just let that go and focus on yourself.

  3. I need help finding a rug for my bedroom (yes, I’m the same poster who posted about the living room rug, which I bought). I’ve always had carpet in my bedroom but my new apartment has hard floors and I need a rug. My bed is black metal, other furniture is white with black metal knobs, plus a gold metal shelf. Comforter is floral black and white with a light pink bedspread at the end of the bed. Curtains are the same light pink. I don’t want to get a pink rug because my pink items are more of a dusty blush and I think it will be too hard to match. I’m not huge on color (see the black and white room). Should I just get a black rug? I’m no interior decorator so I’m kind of at a loss. Looking for 8×10, polyester (I have found this to be the softest, but a polyester/polypropylene blend will do). Absolutely no wool. Only want to spend a couple hundred. Links to any ideas?

    1. If you’ve never had a black (or dark colored rug), I would suggest you don’t start now. the amount of lint that shows (even when regularly vacuumed) is a NIGHTMARE. Never looks clean.

        2. Not at all. I think a stark white rug would be too much. A soft white rug looks more natural, and as others have said, is a neutral anyway.

    3. No don’t get a solid dark rug. It will always look dirty. This is why patterned rugs are so popular.

      Can you get your second runner up from your prior search?

    4. If you decide on a lighter neutral, I bought a subtly patterned and textured wool rug at Costco a couple of years ago for my bedroom and I LOVE it. For a light color, it’s very forgiving, and the wool is very pleasant to walk on barefoot. Not sure if they still carry that exact pattern, but I recently saw they still carry the brand, Nourisson.

  4. I know this group is always looking for travel inspiration and likes to visit slightly more off the beaten path places so I thought I’d share in case you haven’t heard that United is starting non-stops next summer from Newark to Greenland, Madeira and Sicily (the latter is pretty touristy but was relatively hard for Americans to reach before).

      1. Report back if you go! It’s been on our list for a while but we haven’t gotten around to it. We’re AA people but all these United route announcements have made me extremely jealous. AA’s international routes suck by comparison.

  5. Could you share your favorite bean/lentil dishes that are carby side dishes? They’re so healthy and I’m trying to incorporate some into a biweekly dinner I host, but all I can think of is your basic rice and beans. (This would be to take the place of like a rice pilaf or pasta side.)

    2. Ohhhhhh I love beans so much (Rancho Gordo poster from a few weeks ago!)

      One of my favorite things lately is making a “dense bean salad.” Currently I like to make any bean (you can use a can!), put in some roasted fall squash or sweet potato, kale, and maybe tomatoes or whatever other veggies are in the fridge. Then mix with olive oil, mustard, and balsamic vinegar. You can find tons of recipes if you look for dense bean salad on social media or Pinterest.

      Also, confit beans are amazing. You can just search for that phrase + Rancho Gordo. The recipe recommends using large white beans, but it’s also good with cannellini’s or pinto beans.

      1. Omg I love mujadara but cutting and caramel using all those onions is absolute hell on my eyes. I don’t typically have a problem with chopping and sautéing a single onion (which I do almost daily since I cook 95% of what I eat) but omg that pile of onions will do me in.

        And I’d never skip it on the mujadara because it’s the best part!

    4. Bean soup makes a nice cozy side in the colder weather. We also like bean-only chili (call it a stew if you think chili should be beanless), and kale & white bean salad.

    5. I regulary cook a grain and beans and turn them into side dishes and salads. I’ve posted this before, but farro and white beans, brown rice and black beans, lentils and quinoa, farro and chickpeas, etc. I toss in whatever veggies I have handy or scoop them over a bed of greens and add a dressing or sauce. Tonight we are having this with a generous scoop of chickpeas added to it: https://frommybowl.com/roasted-broccoli-quinoa-salad/

    6. All kinds of Indian dal. I get a lot of recipes online. People here have posted tons. My favorites are red lentil and yellow split moong dal, but I also like Indian style blackeyed peas.

      In addition, I like to make southern American style blackeyed peas, and I make a clean out the produce drawer regular brown lentil soup when I need something warming like that. Nothing super fancy about it, but I do start with a good amount of crushed red pepper flakes.

    7. In the summer, a salad from a can of drained chickpeas, chopped tomatoes, and diced cucumber. I like it with a red wine vinegar vinaigrette made with minced shallot. Feta and parsley or basil optional.

    9. Italian-style tuna chick pea salad, which is basically a rinsed can of chick peas, a drained can of albacore tuna, dressed with olive oil, vinegar, garlic, salt, pepper, paprika, and whatever combination of fresh or dried parsley-basil-dilll is handy. Sometimes I add in a dab of Dijon mustard and some mayonnaise and/or plain Greek yogurt for a creamier dressing. You also can add in a tablespoon or two of minced red onion, either soaked and drained or sautéed. Yum!

    10. Butter beans and potato, cauliflower or celeriac mash. Half veg half bean.

      Lentil salad: green or puy lentils, feta cheese, spring onion, cucumber and pomegranate, lime vinaigrette and leafy herb.

      Ottolenghi confit chickpeas

    11. The New Yorker article about Steve Sando and Rancho Gordo made a very good point that sometimes (oftentimes?) beans are best when you eat them as just beans, and not try to turn them into something else. If you have good beans you can just serve them by themselves.

      1. Agree. I became a bean convert at a restaurant in Italy that served the most amazing white beans with garlic and olive oil. The restaurant was literally called Del Fagioli and the dish was on every table so I figured I had to try it and it’s by far one of the most delicious things I’ve ever eaten & I still remember it many years later.

  6. Talk me into or out of getting back on the dating apps (I’ve tried them all at one point or another). Was last on them last January. I’d like to find a good man, but I’m not sure I’m prepared to talk to/go out with 80 bad ones just to find one semi-decent one who is also not “the one.” I’m pretty jaded (I’m sure you can tell), but I feel my biological clock ticking and I’m not successfully meeting men in real life.

    2. Get back in but have a strategy. Find some of the Instagram accounts about this – matchmaker Maria is a good starting point!

    4. I agree to just do it. Make it easy for yourself by going on a date for just drinks, even just one, after work. You’re already dressed and it can be very easy to take a work dress from day to night (or at least it was for me) and I can mean just a quick drink, under an hour. Unfortunately, it does take A LOT of bad dates but that’s part of the game, unless you are incredibly lucky. Also, if biological clock is really a factor for you, look into egg freezing if you can swing the cost.

    5. Please look up the Burned Haystack Dating Method on FB. It’s amazing and empowering.

      you don’t have to go on 80 dates. Because you shouldn’t waste your time with men who don’t meet your criteria.

      1. +100 Burned Haystack! Of all the advice I’ve seen it’s the only one that fully takes into account the toxicity on dating apps, and gives you a way to shield yourself while still being open to finding someone great.

    6. I felt the same way, and was feeling so blah about the whole thing that I almost cancelled the last date I went on so I could hang out on the couch with my dog and continue being grumpy and jaded in peace. We’ve been together for for 4 years now (the dude, not the dog). The apps can *really* stink, but IMO the best way to view them is as just another way to meet someone that you might not otherwise meet. Be discerning, don’t accept nonsense, take breaks when you need.

    7. From 5+ years on the apps and an unfathomable number of dates I had 2 relationships- one a couple of months and one who’s now my husband. Both times I was excited about them/their profiles and wanted to meet them. I’d encourage you to sign up but give yourself a high bar to respond to messages and go on dates.

    8. I would consider putting whatever is most divisive up front in the bio or even in the pics. (Like if you have any kind of alternative lifestyle, have someone grab pics at the Ren Faire or the CosPlay Con and put them up front). If you want kids, I’d find a way to keep it cute but be very frank, maybe something like “Looking to build a beautiful family with the right future dad” (or I don’t know, something like that!) basically do NOT be afraid to own it and be loud and proud. The right guys will be excited and interested and the wrong ones will flee (hopefully).
      Trust your gut. My gut was never wrong. If I felt weird, anxious, upset/angry or the ick, I didn’t respond or engage.
      You’ll get tons of men blowing right past your bio but you can generally weed them out with a first-answer “hi! Before we chat, are you on the journey to marriage and kids with the right woman? If not, let’s leave it here and best of luck.” like just be DIRECT about it.

    1. Yeah, I think that means a suit, although a very structured dress might do. (Like some of those beautiful dresses from The Fold that I cannot afford.) This dress is nice but not formal enough, IMO.

    2. Either a sheath or a column of color (usually black) with a non-matching blazer is pretty common for women at business formal now. A matching suit is more ‘courtroom’ than ‘event’ for us IMHO.

    3. Yes, dress with jacket or jardigan should be appropriate. It’s fine if you look like you came straight from work. Have fun!

    4. That is a very cool dress! PSA for anyone who’s considering buying it: I bought a shirt made from the same fabric, and trying it on felt like being encased in plastic bottle material. To calibrate, I have a similar shirt in the solid navy satin which I actually like the feel of.

  8. I have a long weekend with no plans! I deliberately said no to some plans w friends coz am feeling weirdly anti-social and would rather nest/dwell/ get some me-time. DINK. Most I could come up with is doing some small creative home project to feel satisfied/ accomplished and not like i “wasted” the whole time in bed scrolling. Not even feeling like a hike etc. Any ideas? I was asking organizing questions in the tops thread from the AM but my closet probably needs some structural changes first (like adding some new built ins to take advntage of the high ceiling but am not handy.)

    1. I got overeager with library holds and have about 20 books that are due in the few weeks so I’d just read.

    2. Visit a pumpkin patch, orchard, or corn maze? Paint your nails, cozy up with a good book? Do a puzzle or play some board games?

    3. It sounds like you need down time and you need to rest. Would you be open to putting your phone away for an entire day and just unplugging? Get offline, get out of bed, shower, get dressed in your comfy lounge clothes — read a book, sit on your couch and do a movie marathon, cook something or order in, take an afternoon nap, go for a stroll, and then nap / movies / read some more. Maybe a hot bath, if that’s your thing. But no scrolling. Not even a real need to be productive. Go ahead and “waste” time. Just put the phone away.

    4. Ohhh this is me this weekend! I’m getting one of my favorite meals for take out tonight and have a bottle of white in the fridge waiting for me when I get home. Other than that, I’m cleaning as much as possible, changing my sheets, reorganizing my office, going to yoga, possibly running and reading.

    5. I’m planning to knit. If you knit, fall is the perfect time to start a new project. Christmas ornaments are easy, quick projects, through crocheting may be better. I made some fine lace snowflakes and keep them shaped that way by soaking in a mix of water and liquid straight, then wet blocking the heck out of them.

    6. I am planning to do some closet purging! I find this very satisfying to the soul.

  9. I was reading on the morning post about how no one seemed to take executor commissions. Is that mainly to keep the peace? Or because you may also be a beneficiary (so what you get as a beneficiary is tax free and a comission is income and taxable)?

    TBH running my mom’s finances as her POA is a ton of work (between finances, retitling, and health appointments) and there is no commission. Versus being my dad’s executor (where I hadnt thought to take a commission because I want more money available to my mom). Not taking a comission does benefit my sibling, who is just a spiteful piece of work and always trying to get more money and making insane demands (send me 50K now! Dad promised me!). IDK. I don’t have to decide for a while. Needing to get lots of paperwork signed and lots of medallion guarantees (a new phrase for me).

    1. It’s for both reasons. If you’re a beneficiary and want there to be more money in the pot for everyone or one sibling is particularly litigious and taking a commission just isn’t worth the potential fight.

    2. My husband didn’t for my mom’s estate because he knew the reason my mom picked him was that he would be 100% fair and my dramatic sibling wouldn’t argue with him. She probably would have pitched a fit if he’d taken a commission, and we are not hurting for money so it was fine with him not to take one.

    3. I’ve never known anyone who has asked for payment in “close” families. In estranged families, with no close relatives, I knew a distant relative chosen to be executor (because no one was involved with the deceased) paid himself. In that scenario, the distant relative was left money as well.

      It is shocking to me how much people suggest charging for doing the estate settling. I have done it twice, and while this is not fun and takes a lot of time — it is not rocket science. Almost nothing is urgent, the lawyer/accountant do a lot, and I guess…. it is up to you how much drama you want to add to the family by demanding such a high hourly fee. Yes, you wind up making a lot of phone calls and waiting on hold in your precious free time. And it is not fun. But come on…

      You have siblings? You could ask them to assist. Are you being left an inheritance? Well, you are being paid. If your parent wanted you to get more, I guess they would have left you more. Maybe they chose you to do it because they thought it was the right thing to do, you would do a good job. But also – don’t you know life isn’t fair?

      I encourage you to take some time off if you can to just organize, as it can be pretty overwhelming after a parent dies.

    4. My sister will be my parents’ executor when they pass and I don’t see why I should complain or tell her not to take the commission. Even if the distribution isn’t equitable, they moved to her city and she’s had to do a lot,

  10. What kind of dishes do you use to heat things up in the microwave, that are truly “safe”.

    I’m embarrassed to admit that I am using things that I got from my parents decades ago. Although they are labeled for the microwave, they are plastic-something and I’m not so sure.

    What are your microwave favorites, and “rules” for microwaving that perhaps I would know and be more careful with if I had kids (I do not)?

      1. Pyrex here too, covered with a porcelain or glass plate (not the Pyrex plastic lid, because those warp.

    2. You need to use glass if you want to be “truly” safe. Microwaving plastics is a no-go and has been for a long time. You definitely need to throw away ancient plastics from your parents! They will contain BPA, for one, and plastic degrades significantly over time. You’re leaching microplastics into your food every time you use them.

    3. I was surprised to read that Corelleware before a certain date is not considered microwave safe — so we got rid of all my college-era stuff from the 90s.

      I usually still do (newer) Corelleware or glass snapware. If I need to cover something then I usually use another glass bowl or a plate to cover it.

      As for rules – I would never microwave plastic unless it’s one of those freezer meals. I hate microwaving chicken breast leftovers, but am ok with chicken thighs, ground beef, and more. After the TikTok salmon from Emily (Mariko?) I stick an ice cube in any rice dishes to add a bit of extra moisture. I have no compunctions about microwaving frozen vegetables, but my husband thinks it’s gross and prefers stovetop.

        1. oh my goodness! I was gifted a bunch of Corelle in 2002 and still use it daily, off to throw it out! holy crap

        3. The secretlifeofmom comments are not reflected in Corelle’s current guidance about lead in their older products:

          “The small amount of lead used in decorations pre-2000 was encapsulated in glass before and after the decoration was applied to product and fired to above 750C. The Corelle manufacturing process has always encapsulated decoration in glass, using extremely high processing temperatures to ensure the glass decorations are sealed, which prevents food contact and intentionally decreases the extent of any lead migration to food. The testing confirms that the vintage products tested comply with current FDA lead-safety regulations – so feel free to use them for everyday dinnerware.”
          https://corelle.com/pages/frequently-asked-questions

          I’m not a materials scientist but I’m really not seeing how any hazardous amount of lead is going to leach out of the decoration — which is already a tiny portion of the surface area — on a piece of Corelle. Am I missing something?

    4. So traditional dinner plates/bowls are bad too? Just glass?

      And no covers except a paper towel to prevent splatter?

      1. What do you mean traditional plates and bowls? I think ceramics are ok, but I’ll admit I haven’t done any research on it. I’ve just assumed that they’re much better than plastic.

          1. Check the labels to see if your regular dishes are microwave safe. If they’re a thick ceramic like stoneware and the plate or bowl gets really hot when you microwave, I’d use something else.

      2. Take a look at the bottom of the dishes you’re using, they should tell you if there’s microwave, oven, dishwasher safe.

        If it’s not microwave safe I’d reconsider using it

    5. Pyrex or my Mikasa every day white dishes. Or the egg carton style cardboard takeout container my leftovers come home in.

      And sometimes if it’s like a roll I’m heating up for 10 seconds? I’ll plop that bad boy right on the microwave carousel au naturel.

      1. I think the takeout containers often have a coating to make them grease proof so I avoid that and just use a glass or porcelain plate/bowl. I even have those for work microwave use (an ‘orphan’ bowl from home that was too nice to throw away but didn’t go with anything and a pretty plate I saw at a thrift store that I bought for like a $1).

        1. I know what your mean by the grease proof coating; the ones I’m talking about don’t have that. They are almost dissolvable, like reconstituted cardboard. It’s the same stuff my egg cartons are made from, sort of a pressed cardstock pulp.

          1. If you’re thinking of those compostable containers, I still wouldn’t because they have chemicals in them and some are made of bio plastics, but you do what you want. I just feel like I am already getting so much chemical exposure I don’t need to add more where the convenience is so minimal.

  11. Hopefully a fun question –

    If your heritage is all or part non-dominant US culture, which dishes from your heritage do you incorporate into big meals like Thanksgiving?

    I’d love to give some of them a whirl.

    1. My grandmother’s family was Polish/Russian and so we would often have kielbasa or another sausage at Thanksgiving. Not quite what you were asking for…

    2. I’m a big fan of Chinese sticky rice for this. My partner’s family sometimes has it. It’s kind of an everyday dish for them, but special occasion food for me since I only have it at the holiday they host. It’s good with turkey, mashed potatoes, etc, so if you’re doing traditional foods it’s a nice extra.

    4. I am German living in CA, and I do a German Christmas dinner. In my family, that means roast duck or goose with gravy, a kind of bread or potato dumpling and red cabbage, maybe brussel sprouts. I super love this meal and usually replicate it for Friendsgiving, and others bring potluck additions.
      When it comes to US dishes, I really like a sweet potato casserole, and mac&cheese, although the one time I made it from scratch it wasn’t really worth the effort.

      1. Hello fellow German!

        We also make duck for Thanksgiving, first because we’re a small family and a turkey is too big, and second because we think it tastes much better.

        Also, we always grill German bratwurst from Aldi (Deutsche Küche Brand, in the fridge section) when we do a BBQ.

        We also buy Stollen and other German Christmas sweets and cookies from Aldi – those are legit and actually the same as in Germany.

        1. We got Stollen for a few years reliably from Trader Joes, then last year completely struck out and finally had to learn how to bake my own!

    5. Toast dry rice-a-roni and fideo cut spaghetti in a pan, add a lot of butter, then bake it in a casserole dish mixed with canned french onion soup. I don’t know if this is traditionally Jewish but it’s delicious.

    6. Indian – potato patties – served as an appetizer or a side. In a restaurant it would be served as an appetizer called aloo tikki. But what we serve at home is much much less greasy than any Indian restaurant food.

    7. I’m Japanese/British, and for Christmas I make a glorious Japan-England fusion rum-soaked fruitcake. I simmer the rum with dried fruit in the rice cooker on okayu rice porridge setting, and flavour the cake with yuzu extract.

      Any rice we cook in the rice cooker for a few days after tastes vaguely like Christmas and I am here for it.

    9. I struggle with the concept of dominant American culture given the melting pot area of the country I live in. But if you mean non Anglo Saxon cuisine, we have tamales at the holidays, and a stuffed pepper dish with a walnut sauce.

      1. For this purpose I suppose I meant dominant in terms of Thanksgiving, really. The whole turkey-potatoes-stuffing-cranberry thing is pretty culturally dominant in most of the US, which is why I was asking about other dishes.

        I am part native & overall a mutt, personally.

    10. Italian – my grandmother and mother always made a lasagna at Thanksgiving (in addition to traditional Thanksgiving dishes). It’s always a big hit.

    11. Lebanese rice stuffing (hashweh) in addition to traditional bread stuffing. We add chestnuts to ours to make it more hearty and “holiday”.

    12. Sauerkraut & dumplings using the recipe handed down from my German great-grandmother who emigrated here in the 1880s. It’s delicious!

      1. Sauerkraut for Thanksgiving is very common in the Baltimore area, lots of people of German descent around those parts. When I was a kid, we always had lefse because we did Thanksgiving with our Norwegian-American neighbors.

    13. I know a few people from the Paccific NW who do a whole salmon instead of a turkey – more regional than cultural I guess.
      Wonderful question and fun to read the answers!

  12. Another rug/carpet question — my son hates the beige carpet in his room, and really wants red. Does anyone know where to find red (or other jewel toned) carpet? I feel like a rug over carpet would be a tripping hazard, but maybe not?

    2. Wayfair and lot of other places let you search by color. And not a tripping hazard at all. layering rugs is actually a good and popular look.

    3. Just to warn you – layering a rug over a carpet will discolor the carpet over time. Once the room is cleared, you will have a big 8×10 rectangle that is lighter in color than the rest of the carpet because the rest of the carpet was exposed to getting dirty. Just a thought in case you plan to resell.

    4. Get a big rug that goes near room edges and is held down by furniture and it won’t be a tripping hazard. I wouldn’t do red carpet personally. Sometimes the cheaper, rigid rugs would be more likely to lay flat anyway.

      1. Also a circle rug might be a nice option since it doesn’t have corners to get in the way.

  13. For nylon pocketed bags in 2024: MZ Wallace? Le SportsSac? Something else?

    I have a bag that has no pockets and even though it’s not huge, I need to dump it out to find anything. No bueno. Pouches aren’t helping because I need to be able to peek in, so pockets would be a better fix. Currently debating using ziplocks before I lose my damn mind or keys or chapstick again.

    2. Splurge on Tumi. It cleans much better and lasts well. eBay is still better than most other brands new.

    3. I’m a big fan of Bagallini & learned about it from someone else’s recommendation here

    4. Stay with me here, but Vera Bradley. They have a bunch that don’t sport cheery patterns and are really reasonably priced.

  14. Sorry to be vague, but sometimes you are feeling really annoyed with how your boss and junior male coworker are treating you, and you meet with EEO, and then you discover that you do, in fact, have the basis for a legit claim of gender discrimination for doing all the work that your junior male coworker is getting credit for. I am so looking forward to filing a formal claim after the next trigger event. Did I forget to mention I work focused on promoting diversity as part of its official duties? And, yes, I know this is burning bridges and I am comfortable doing so.

    1. Honestly, sometimes a little confirmation goes a long way. I’m happy you have a way forward in what sounds like a crappy situation.

    2. Good for you. I hate the frequency of the “don’t make waves/they’ll just retaliate” advice here. Some things are worth burning bridges for.

      1. Agreed. I burned bridges at my first job 8 years ago by filing a sexual harassment claim. Totally worth it.

  15. What is your favorite soup? I’m going to a soup party and my friend is already making my go-to soup (to be fair, she is the one who gave me the recipe.) so I’m looking for inspiration. Ideally the soup would be vegetarian and nut free and something that I could make the day before and reheat in a microwave or put in a crockpot.

    1. Hungarian mushroom soup. Lots of mushrooms with Hungarian paprika, dried dill, soy sauce (sounds weird but it works). Stir in sour cream and fresh dill for each serving. I will find a recipe similar to mine and post a link.

        1. Also, I just use water. Chicken broth is not necessary. Double or triple the paprika, and I’d do 50% more mushrooms, so three packages. White mushrooms are fine. I like them cut in quarters rather than sliced.

          The important thing is getting some fresh Hungarian paprika. Don’t get smoked paprika! Look for Hungarian on the label.

    2. Cookie and Kate Best Lentil Soup Aor the Greek Lentil and Spinach soup that the Washington Post featured a few years ago.

    4. Tortellini soup, if you want a broth soup. It’s basically chicken soup, but with tortellini added.
      I use Italian bread dipping seasoning so it has a little bit of kick and lots of flavor. If you want it to be vegetarian, just leave out the chicken and use vegetable broth.

      Broccoli & cheese soup or potato soup for something creamy

      Lentil soup for something hearty and healthy

      1. We ate a lot of soup in our house growing up, and my brother and I were pretty over it. I remember the afternoon my mom said we were having pasta for dinner, and she served tortellini soup. Because we were expecting bowls of pasta but my lawyer mom hadn’t lied about the dinner menu, my brother termed the meal Deception Soup. And the name stuck.

        My beloved mom died last winter after a long illness. I haven’t thought about Deception Soup in years. Thank you for the smile this afternoon.

        1. This is a really sweet story and it made me smile this afternoon. Thanks for sharing a bit of your mom with us.

          1. +1, I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s passing but glad my lazy dinner brought you a smile at a sweet memory, Annony

            My daughter is with you and your brother- she does not like tortellini in soup, but she does like pasta. I have to fish hers out with a slotted spoon and serve it on a plate to keep the peace.

    5. Pumpkin or butternut squash with habanero or similarly hot pepper.

      Cauliflower and blue cheese

      Cocunut, ginger and lentil

      1. cheesy leek soup is a cousin of broccoli cheddar! Man I can’t wait for soup weather!

      2. I recently ran across a redd1t thread where many people responded that the only #2 accident in their lives was precipitated by brocooli cheddar soup, so…

    8. Ribollita — it’s better the next day, just add the bread before you serve. If the bread sits in it overnight, it still tastes delicious, but soaks up too much of the broth, changing the texture

    9. Ina Garten’s lentil soup is delicious; I also really ike Portuguese caldo verde and African peanut stew.

    11. Potato and Leek. Recipes usually say chicken broth, but you can easily use vegetable stock. I never add cream to mine, but if you want to, just use a non-animal unflavored milk.

  16. Paging Bay Area Bleph w Dr. Rosenfield–
    I left you a comment on your post from a day or so ago. TL:DR: – I did upper only, needed 2 weeks to have zero bruising, 4 days for no swelling. I did upper only. I’m 5 weeks out and my eyes look awesome. I look way more awake. I’m 45.

  17. After having a full house to ride out Hurricane Milton, everyone, including my DH, is gone for the weekend. Looking forward to alone time to decompress. Thankfully, we are in the center of the State and had no damage.

  18. Do you know anyone who has been on a reality tv show? Because I am so curious. What their experience might be like and if you think they’re portrayed the same way on TV that they are in real life? No names required.

    1. I had a not-very-close friend who appeared on a real estate show. While the show made it look like it took them soooooo long to decide on a house, they were already in contract on one when the cameras arrived and the narrative was edited to fit the plot the producers wanted. The show did capture their personalities, though.

    2. I once met someone shortly after he was on the first season of a reality show pretty early in the explosion of the reality show genre. He expressed that it was a very traumatizing experience, more than was depicted on what is an intentionally traumatizing show, because apparently what happened off screen was worse that what happened in front of the cameras. I believe he used the word “kidnapped.” He seemed like the same person on screen generally, but it seemed like the aftermath was worse than the real time trauma.
      Guy friends used to hang out with some of the early contestants on The Bachelor and they seemed mostly like they were on the show, but again it was early days with less drama and these were generally the “nice” and “popular” women from the cast.
      I used to know a reality show host. That’s different. He had some issues at the time, which he directed at me a bit, but overall he was a pretty affable guy with the talent projected on screen, maybe more.

      1. ETA: I know someone who now deals with the host in a professional capacity, and he has been a jerk to her. So maybe it wasn’t just me and it wasn’t just that he was going through something

    3. A friend of a friend went on the Jerry Springer show with her best friend. The story was totally made up. I watched their reactions (topic was “I have a secret”) and you can 100% tell they’re trying not to laugh. They just wanted a free trip to NYC. Early 20s friends.

    4. My sister’s friend was on Property Brothers last year. Apparently she and her husband had to pay tens of thousands of dollars, if not six figures, for them to renovate just a few rooms in the house.

    5. I know somebody who was on Big Brother in an early season. He’s a great, slightly goofy. down to earth guy and thats pretty much how he came across on the show. He’s also wicked smart and of course they downplayed that part.

    6. I loosely know someone from the first (only?) Joe Millionaire. She’s nuts and super toxic but also will be part of an upcoming doc on how they were all lied to to go on the show.

    7. My husband’s best friend went on two seasons of the Amazing Race and won the second time. He’s a wonderful person! They definitely played up certain aspects of his personality on the show, but he was also younger and goofier at the time. I know another couple who won an earlier season of the show, and they are great people, too. I feel like the Amazing Race doesn’t cast total crazies like some other reality shows.

    8. My client’s case was on Dr. Phil after they were convicted of murder. True to his nature, all he did was screw over my client and the survivng family members. Dr. Phil is never there to help anyone.

  19. My brother just got engaged and I feel sorry for his fiancee. Our dad was abusive to our late mother, in the opinion of most FEMALE relatives. I have good reason to believe my brother will treat her similarly.

    Any tips for appearing sufficiently happy about this? I know I am supposed to be happy and supportive.

    1. I’m a little confused about why you think your bother will be abusive just because your dad was, and why you’d maintain a relationship with a sibling you believe to be abusive. But I think generally in situations like this, the less you say the better. Over the top congratulations will appear fake so just do the basics like congratulating them when they announce the news, sending a wedding gift, attending the wedding and being polite, etc.

      1. Why would you be confused? My post said I have good reason and I have known my brother my entire life. Isn’t that enough? Do you need me to recite a bunch of very specific events spanning 30+ years? Because I certainly could, but I would rather not.

        1. Not the Anon above; however, your one stated reason is not fair to your brother.

          I was abused and I wouldn’t hurt a fly. If your brother has abusive tendencies, then consider what he does, not what was done to him.

          1. My entire opinion on this matter is based on my brother’s own behaviors spanning 30+ years.

          3. The one specific thing you said was that your father mistreated women. That isn’t your brother’s fault.

            Do you want advice or do you want to attack people? Choose.

          4. OP, you’re fine. Your post was fine. There is someone on here who sees vulnerability in a post and chooses to needle the vulnerable person about their language or tone instead of responding empathetically. It’s been happening daily for weeks now. I’m sorry they did it to you.

        2. None of that answers the question of why you want to maintain a relationship with this person.

    2. Have you ever, as adults, had a talk with your brother about your upbringing? It can be very enlightening, and healing.

      1. It won’t be. My brother treats the women around him like servants. The older he gets, the more defensive of our father he becomes. He fully expects me to sacrifice my life, money, and energy for our father. He treats extended family who are women similarly.

        I guess this isn’t the place for advice anymore. It has become a place for women to question other women about their entire life’s experience. That is a shame.

        1. Sadly there’s usually not much you can say to a woman in or in danger of being in an abusive relationship. I’d just keep my distance from them to whatever extent possible. It sounds tough— I’m sorry.

        2. The internalized misogyny is strong here. People are so quick to defend men. But has been pointed out to me before, it likely comes from a place of defensiveness.

          1. I don’t think anyone is defending the brother. But the reality is there aren’t a lot of options here – cut him off, or don’t and accept that things aren’t going to change at all. Or do the hard work in therapy to try to fix things, but OP seems uninterested in that, which is her prerogative. There isn’t a magic easy solution. And OP seems defensive and hostile to what is really benign and well-intentioned advice, like the 6:54 post. I don’t read that post as defending the father or the brother at all.

          2. This is to Anon at 4:03 pm — the OP didn’t ask for your assessment of whether her lived truth is accurate or could be tweaked. Believe her. She asked for how to react appropriately to an engagement she believes will turn out unhappily for the fiancee. Sadly, the only thing one can say in this situation is congratulations ot the prospective groom, and best wishes to the prospective bride. And repeat. It probably is not productive to express any opinion unless asked — it is not your life, and what he does is not a reflection of you, and his intended is an independent adult living her life. There is no need to get involved in their lives. Do show up at the wedding, if invited, and so forth — attendance does not imply endorsement. Good luck!

        3. That’s too bad. So it sounds like you haven’t ever talked about it. I come from a family of childhood abuse. I have two brothers. All of us turned out differently because of it.

          Sorry you don’t like my “tip to be happy”. Unfortunately, life is not simple like that. There is nothing we can say to try to make you happy about this.

          For me, saying what I needed to say to my brothers made me more at peace, so that I’ve had more happiness later in life. I’ve also accepted that I can’t change people.

          You can’t do anything about the marriage.
          Perhaps distance yourself from your brother. That would be the other option.
          You could ask a therapist for advice. You sound very angry.

          1. The OP’s tone is completely fine, and telling women “you sound very angry” is not really the vibe in 2024.

          2. Eh, there’s really nothing wrong with pointing it out when someone sounds angry. OP has posted about her family a lot and clearly has a lot of resentment and anger about it. She may have very good reasons for being angry, but it doesn’t make therapy a bad suggestion.

    3. Tips for appearing happy: fake being happy. Smile. Say congratulations. Send a card.

      Is that really what you’re asking, though? In your shoes, I would get to know his fiancée really well. Girl time! Be a rock for her. That doesn’t mean you defend your brother to her; you welcome her, a presumably decent person, into the family. Be normal. Stand up for yourself when your brother tries to steamroll you.

      Or cut off your brother and father, because being around abusive people is bad, and let the chips fall where they may.

      But as someone so evocatively said here the other day, you can’t ride two horses with one tush. Do you want to keep the family peace and support your brother, or do you want standards for family members?

    4. Do you think he’s currently treating her this way? Or do you think she’s been love bombed and is in for a rude surprise?

      Either way, I think I’d lean in to getting to know her and her bridesmaids, and maybe passing along a quiet word like “yeah, Luke and I grew up in an abusive home, and I know I’ve had my own adjustments to make as I navigate my own adult relationships. They seem really happy, and I hope they never have to navigate those waters.”

      If I heard that from my BFF’s future SIL, I would absolutely be able to read through the lines of what she was saying and would be closely leaned in to my BFF moving forward.

    6. I’d befriend her and be someone who is there for her when she needs another woman. Make it clear that you are on her side, not your brother’s. But I’d also explore this in therapy, because these seems a bit more complicated than what we can provide for here. Good luck!

      1. Agree with this. And if you position yourself as someone she can come to when times get tough, mean it. Be there for her.

    7. I belive you. I think you are right to be wary of how your brother will act, this is a trust your fear situation. If you feel it, it’s there.

      What to do? Welcome your new SIL as a person in her own right. You don’t have to express excitement about the marriage, tell her that you are delighted to get to know her better. Be a friendly and safe person. If the time comes that she needs to escape, be a safe person. Make sure to see and value her, to help counter his devaluing.

      What not to do? Don’t laugh at her and play along with him. Never be a silent voice accepting that he puts her down. One of the bad things that keep people in abusive relationships is everyone else accepting and looking the other way. Don’t be part of his actions.

    8. Chiming in late with hopefully positive perspective. Same family dynamics initially. But over time both my father and brother have softened and improved in their behavior towards all of us. I’m not about to forgive my father any time soon. But my brother has been a wonderful husband to my SIL. She and I aren’t besties, but I love and appreciate her, and frankly never would have predicted how happy and more relaxed my brother could be.
      All things in time. Sometimes people really are good at selecting a partner – and this is usually when that partner doesn’t match existing dysfunctional family dynamics (for example, my mother has definitely been a victim, but also has martyr tendencies. My SIL refuses to put up with BS, on the other hand).

    9. Be the person who she can talk to! I could complain to my MIL about my DH because she knew his faults. I just like that I could say something like “you know how stubborn he can be.”

  20. Anyone in the “billable time” world and have advice? My firm (I have 8 direct reports) has a billable goal for some staff of 50%, some 65% and others (mostly associates) 75%. During Covid, we struggled with staffing immensely, so most billable % conversations got pushed aside. Now we need to push for more accountability, as most are 5-10% below the goals. Some have a reason, but others definitely do not. We’ve been instructed to start conversations around the topic, but most staff say “uhhh I don’t know why it’s so low”… what other ideas could I throw in the pool of managers to address this?

    1. Address timekeeping habits and remind people what they can bill for. If you know someone is busy and their time is low anyway, encourage them to bill more often

    2. Firmwide memo that you are returning to prior expectations on January 1, and that people should discuss with their managers if they are concerned about their targets.

      Billable are a lagging indicator, and it’s not super fair to spring the “why aren’t you meeting these expectations we haven’t enforced in years” conversation on employees before the “we are going to begin enforcing these expectations again” conversation.

    3. I’ve only worked at firms that measured billables in flat # of hours, not percentages – what are the percentages OF? Time billed that’s ultimately collected? An 8-hour business day? It may be easier for people to work against hard metrics. Like with a 2000-billable hour requirement, I had a spreadsheet with what being on track for the year meant each week (i.e., 2000 divided by 52) and then each week, after I finalized my time, entered it so I could track what kind of buffer or deficit I was facing.

      If there’s a collectability component to the %, or actually in any event, I suggest talking to people about (1) communicating about the amount of time something should take, lowering write-offs, and (2) teaching them that detailed billing, while a PITA, both captures time that you forget about later and makes it way easier for clients to push ‘pay.’

    4. If it’s been nearly 5 years since the firm really paid attention to this, do your people actually know the concrete actions to take that will help them track their hours against their targets and do they know how to adjust what they’re doing in order to meet those goals? If not, is there someone on your staff skilled in a coaching approach who can be available to people?

  21. I have an employee who is not working out. For reasons, I am past the point of believing further coaching will correct the issues. Most coaching until now has been verbal, although there are circumstantial emails from which performance problems can be pieced together. Tips on how to manage going forward? I’m not sure how obvious I should be that I’m creating a paper trail.

    2. Is your company large enough that you have HR? If so, this is where you loop them in.

      1. +1. If not, I find a follow up message works: As we discussed, the XYZ needs substantial work. Do you think you will able to get the new draft to me by (date)?

    3. Meet with HR to see what your options and timeline are. Depending on how extreme their behavior is, you may need to work through a PIP which can be a month to a quarter or longer. However there are other options that HR may be able to share. On your end, start sending summaries of your 1:1’s to them by email, which also counts as documentation. Check in on tasks in writing/email.

    4. Don’t worry about being obvious, it should be obvious to the employee that their job is in danger. They can try to improve dramatically or start searching – both options are fine for you.

  22. I love this style of boot but have 18” calves. Any leads on where I can get boots that fit?

    1. Look at the Wardrobe Oxygen post on the “best stylish wide calf boots” for some ideas.

    3. This particular boot comes in a wide calf version on their website with a 20% off coupon code.

  23. LA-area folks, how long is the drive from Anaheim to LAX on a weekday morning? Google says 45 minutes but that’s not factoring in rush hour traffic. Is allowing 1.5 hours enough or is that too risky?

    1. If you go into options on google maps, you can set it to “Leave at” a time & date of your choosing, and it will give you a range that reflects typical traffic.

    2. Risky. Anywhere from 45 to 3 hours. I’ve done that and regretted it. Only way to be reliable is to leave really early in the morning.

  24. I decided to do some research because people keep saying Trump will be better for the economy. Motley Fool has a detailed article showing stock returns are better under Democrats. We know the jobs creation data is better under Democrats. And if you read up on Trump’s tariff plans you will find economists are explaining that they will raise the costs of consumer goods and give us 1970s style stagflation. There’s no there there.

    1. If you’re really wealthy ($400k+) his tax plans may be more favorable. But yeah for the average middle class/upper middle class family, Democratic economic policies are better, and markets definitely do better under D presidents.

    2. Facts are less important than feelings and memories are short. People “feel” like a man who has declared bankruptcy, run multiple businesses into the ground and been convicted of fraud will be better, therefore they will vote for him.

    3. Bringing back high risk pools for health insurance will hurt a lot of people financially too.

Comments are closed.