ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 180 Comments

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Sculpt-Her Pull-On Flared Pants

A woman wearing a black sleeveless top, black pants, and black sandals

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

If you’re struggling to put on “hard pants” after several years of working from home, I can’t recommend these pull-on pants from NYDJ highly enough. The material is thick and polished, but with some built-in stretch for comfort that’s almost as good as leggings.

I would note that they do stretch a bit after a long day, so if you’re in between sizes, you might want to size down.

The pants are $89 and come in sizes XXS–XL.

This similar style from NYDJ is available in 0X–5X, also for $89.

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

180 Comments

  1. Can you describe a few of your current go-to outfits and what pieces you’ve found feel most “current.” Today I was running late to my casual workplace (in a school) and wore navy blue Toms, black BR Sloan pants, a striped tank top and a taupe cardigan. It felt presentable but entirely devoid of style and very 2019.

    I’m 5’0 and around 115lbs but curvy so kids’ clothing doesn’t work. Went to a mall the other day and struck out at Nordstrom, BR, J. Crew, Madewell etc. so am feeling a bit defeated. Where do 40-year-olds find clothing these days that is stylish?

    1. Following because I’m a little older than you at 44 but feel stuck in a similar rut. I was liking Boden for a while but other than that I’ve struck out.

    2. Billabong Free Fall Wide-Leg Pants + a cropped cardigan (I have the Quince Baby Alpaca-Wool Cropped Cardigan in grey) + black booties (because it’s still cold here). I cannot recommend those Billabong pants enough. They’re high waisted but SO COMFORTABLE, wide legged but they don’t feel huge or too oversized. They were such a wildcard but I love the black ones so much I bought them in white.

      I’m very much here for all the platform shoes. I have pink Nike Air Force 1 Fontanka that have a platform sole that are great and I get a bunch of compliments on and feel updated. If I was buying this year I would get the the marigold/pink color option. I already got the Nike Icon Classic Sandal for this summer that I’m really excited to wear with the Billabong pants.

      1. As a 5’2″ person, I’ve yet to find a pair of wide leg pants that are as flattering as slim or straight. I am also fairly straight up and down between my waist and hips. Any tips to make wide legs works for me?

    3. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments lately on a tank top worn under an oversized button down (unbuttoned), straight leg jeans, and sneakers. Super easy and relatively comfy.

    4. For workwear (I work in a formal company) – Brooks Brothers/Fold/Hobbs/Jcrew. Casual – Jcrew/Jcrew Factory, TuckerNuck and Lilly for casual brunchy type outfits, Evereve and Anthropologie for ‘cool’ or ‘fun’ date night stuff. I’ve also found it helpful to have a clear idea of my personal style – I’m pretty squarely in the classic/preppy camp and have been for most of my life. My figure suits the more tailored side of that continuum (Audrey Hepburn, and Jackie O are two main style reference guidelines) and I’m not tall enough to pull off the flow-y or less fitted preppy looks (think Katherine Hepburn). When I shop with that in mind it makes it pretty easy to sort the stuff that works for my body/style vs. the stuff that’s fun but not really ‘me’.

      1. I agree that figuring out my style has really helped me feel good in clothes, because even when I’m not perfectly current, I’m also not dated — I’m just wearing what I like and what suits me. The Curated Closet book really helped me. My style is quite different from yours — the best I can describe it is European tourists trying to blend in in a Colorado mountain town, or vice versa, with an occasional helping of florals — but it feels so good.

        1. Oh, and for go-to outfits:
          Jeans that fit (I’m 5’8″, so alas no recommendations)
          Top with buttons, narrow V neck, or a pronounced wide V-neck that fits in the shoulders and is loose but not boxy from there. Two are from LOFT (I thought I’d never go back!), one was my mom’s flannel, one from Stitch Fix, a few from Banana Republic or Factory.
          A puffer vest when colder.
          Leather boots when colder. Cute sneakers when warmer. I don’t do white or black anything, so blues/greens/ purples/ browns for sneakers as well as tops.
          Utility or puffer jacket in my colors.

          1. I am almost your height and love V necks. Are your LOFT tops current styles? I would love any specific recommendations.

          2. My LOFT tops both have button plackets and not V’s, alas. I am relatively rectangular with a medium bust and need the V or placket to break things up. If you’re still interested, the blouse is
            “Floral Henley Blouse” and the sweater is “Cozy Jersey Henley Top.” Word to the wise on the blouse — it is a little short if you’re not wearing high-waisted pants and have some bust; you may want a cami underneath.

        2. +1 for the recommendation for the Curated Closet. The Kibbe body type concept has also been helpful in determining what works for me and why.

          1. Me too! I learned I am a dramatic classic and knowing to avoid flowy things and search out structured elements has made me feel more ‘put together’

    5. A pair of wide leg jeans from Paige, lug sole loafers or white chunky sneakers, with either a fitted top in a modern print or loose sweater tucked in at the waist

    6. I recently found Pumps and Push Ups on IG and she has a blog. She is petite and I like her outfit ideas. I WFH, but I found her ideas helpful if I ever needed to go back to the office.

      1. From the name of that blog, I am 100% sure it is not for me, lol. I know my limitations. I love that clothing gives us lots of different ways to express ourselves.

        1. Okay, well at least look at it before writing it off. She has pretty standard outfits on there.

        2. I just started following her and she has nice taste. But everything I’ve seen so far has been ultra feminine. Either dress up, or vacation. Definitely not work appropriate. Kind of Southern in style, if that’s a thing?

          It’s possible that I just haven’t seen very much yet since I’m a new follower. But that’s my take–not really work clothes…

          1. Haha same here. Perhaps it’s the blogger self-promoting here. Seemed like we had it happen before too

    7. I do better at local boutiques than mall stores lately. I do buy some stuff at anthropologie and jcrew factory. I got a cute dress at Faherty the other day. I am reasonably similar in size to you and would suggest you consider trying to buy more dresses. When you are short and curvy, buying clothes is really hard. If you find a dress that fits, you are done. You only need to get that one piece to fit. For the outfit you described, you’d need to get all four pieces to fit, plus work with each other proportionally. So I will even wear a lot of casual dresses from places like REI or prana. I also think toms are too casual to wear with those sloan pants.

    8. I miss the old JCrew look of casual with dressy. A colorful t-shirt and cardigan or blue oxford with a patterned pencil skirt and flats made me feel put together for any event. Midi skirts don’t do that for me and pants and tops are blah for me.

      1. I still style myself that way and so does a Jenna Lyons who originated the look for JCrew, her instagram is a fun follow for more current versions of it.

        1. I will check it out. I quit smoking since that look was popular so I don’t fit in my old skirts. Otherwise, I would still be wearing them.

    9. Wearing straight leg jeans with loafers and a stonewashed-gray button-up top today – I reach for this outfit a lot. Now that it’s getting warmer I cuff the jeans.
      Linen pants with a boxy-ish top half-tucked … and yeah that’s pretty much it. I work in a casual environment.

    10. It sounds like you’re firmly in a preppy/neutrals/conservative outfit habit (navy Toms, black pants, striped top, taupe cardigan). I’d suggest looking up the Trinny London makeover series on YouTube. I’m pretty sure, given your description of your outfit, that her style is NOT what you’d want to wear. But the series will give you a feel for what it’s like to have women who dress very traditionally and are ready for a change be challenged to consider different perspectives and styles. Watching what the women experience helps me have my eyes opened to other possibilities and recognize where I’m personally stuck.

      1. Good suggestion. Trinny’s own style is unique. But the way she makeover styles “normal-ish” women is very good, and often heartwarming to watch.

    11. Extra Petite might be a good resource for you, unlike a lot of influencers she has a more classic style and actually tries on everything and explains in detail why she picked it.

    12. If you’re on Instagram then I recommend following Lydia Jane Tomlinson. Her style is a lot more minimal than mine but she’s helped me update my sad millennial mom vibe with the idea of classic basics combined with elevated accessories. So a striped top and pants are fine! But think about a belt, a scarf, nicer shoes, your jewelry, a more tailored coat. You don’t need to go buy a bunch of designer bags, but you can add polish in a strategic way, which is something I wanted/ needed to do as someone turning 40.

      1. I think the Tom’s are a big problem. Upgrade to more formal/current shoes and that whole outfit will feel better.

  2. I know many, perhaps most of us here are lawyers (I am not). The state of the Supreme Court right now is blowing my mind. I understood that the current majority was going to make regressive decisions that I didn’t agree with and that are unpopular (as in Dobbs)…but the ethics issues coming out right now, and their total refusal to take them seriously, is what surprises me. They seem to truly have no concept of accountability along the lines of, you know, everyone else who works in government? Am I missing something? If not, any thoughts about where this is going?

    1. Why would they? Their party doesn’t. Idk why people are surprised this is why we were sounding the alarm on trump.

      2. I really hate the “why are you surprised” response. It’s neither responsive to what the person said nor respectful of people who dared to hope for better. It’s like it’s trying to one-up the person with “at least I knew it would get this bad, why didn’t you?” Ok, you win…?

          2. I don’t know that every single answer here needs to be considered, constructive and totally immaculate. There are people who have been ringing the alarm for ages about the erosion of these systems, and are tired, and they get to have a human reaction of exasperation. The poster at 9:07 is clearly one of them.

          3. Such energy to be the very first response though, no? Someone who is tired of this topic could more easily just skip the thread.

        3. Thanks. I am quite cynical by nature, but agree that this isn’t helpful. Especially when Trump (and other fascists) exploit people’s lack of morale–their line is usually “sure I did it, but everyone else does too, what did you expect?” This cannot be the last word. The time for being cool and detached is long past.

          2. Maybe it is bad, but I think checking out is a pretty normal reaction when it looks like powerful people are above the law and absolutely free from accountability.

      3. I’m fairly sure Monday has also been sounding that alarm and is still aghast at how bad it is.

        1. Haha, thanks Curious. I’m as exhausted and furious as anyone, didn’t know that I needed to specify that.

    2. SCOTUS is destroying what credibility they had left. When Roberts first became chief justice, he spoke to my law school class about the importance of maintaining the integrity of the Court as an institution. I remember him saying that part of that was deciding cases narrowly and not making any dramatic changes. Obviously he’s failed in that respect, and it’s clear he has absolutely no control over other members of the Court.

      1. I’m not sure that Roberts’ intentions are good either at this point–i.e. he may have as much “control” as he’s interested in. He refused even to answer questions in Congress, and gave no substantive reason as to why he shouldn’t. (Link is below)

        1. I think he declined to testify because he doesn’t want to reveal under oath how broken the Supreme Court is. Pure speculation on my part.

          1. If he was interested in regaining control or any kind of order, it seems like he should have been more than happy to cooperate. It was an opportunity to show good faith.

        2. Completely agree with you. I’m so disappointed by him and the institution as a whole. It’s part of a broader erosion of our democracy, and there is a whole segment of the population that just doesn’t care (or even notice)

    3. You’re not missing anything and if you’re a lawyer who was trained before say 2015 it’s even more astounding, when you actually understand how far from basic legal principles they’re straying, and how utterly flimsy their ground is, it’s hard not to conclude that it’s just raw power without principle at this point.

    4. The court needs a complete overhaul! The conservative judges destroyed all credibility of the court.

        1. There are some 9-0 decisions and some where the division of justices is not along party lines. But those are all cases that are non-political. It’s easy to not take a political position on an issue that is inherently nonpolitical

        2. The reason there are a lot of 9-0 decisions is that those cases have a correct, indisputable legal answer that doesn’t further any particular political agenda. I used to work for an appellate judge and 80% of the cases, at least, were like that. The devil is in the 20%.

    5. I am holding out hope that internally they are grappling with it and keeping a lid on it until they have something to present. Even if that is the case, the glacial pace itself is obviously a great disappointment and shows that the institution has other priorities.

      1. I hope you’re right. I like your optimism and knowing how many judges are (ethical, trying to fairly apply the law, invested in what it means to judge) I hope the current court is an aberration. But it’s what we have now unfortunately.

      2. Here’s an example, the court heard a moot case (a huge, basic no-no) to invent a new doctrine (can do but a very very big deal not to be done on a moot case) to undo decades of administrative law in one fell swoop – https://www.npr.org/2022/06/30/1103595898/supreme-court-epa-climate-change. This is not, by far, the worst, but it’s an example of how much they’re not worried about their legal grounds when making sweeping changes that would have been unheard of 15 years ago.

        1. Thank you for sharing this. I remember feeling panicked when first I read about this decision, and how quickly it disappeared from the news and we returned to our focus on the daily less significant minutia.

          I’m not a lawyer, but the implications of this decision are huge and disturbing, particularly as our politics has disintegrated. It is lock step with allowing a random judge to make sweeping decisions on drug safety and take this out of the hands of the FDA. Why should we have experts on anything be allowed to guide society when we can make everything at the mercy of a dysfunctional congressional system and a minority struggling to keep control of the majority.

    7. I once wrote (unironically) in a school essay that the Supreme Court’s halls were “hallowed.” I cringe to even remember it. The court has consistently betrayed a profound lack of morals (dooming women to die for lack of abortion care with the full knowledge that it would happen) and a deep lack of ethics (see: all scandals). I’m trying to decide if I’m still naive enough to think that this actually upsets John Roberts.

    8. As another non-lawyer, it really looks like they think accountability would be worse for the reputation of the court than accountability would be!

    9. It’s extremely frustrating that literally every other lawyer and judge in the country has ethical standards they are required to follow… except judges on the highest court?? How does that make sense. I was a law clerk for a judge and we, too, had to follow the ethical rules that governed judges. And no one knew us or cared about us! It’s so incredibly frustrating that these 9 people can seemingly do whatever they want and not a single person will hold them accountable.

    10. OT but I don’t think most people here are lawyers. I think it was very biased towards lawyers in the early ’00s days, but now there are so many different professions represented.

    11. I just don’t understand how some of the conflicts are just being accepted. I’m not a lawyer, but I had always thought judges were supposed to adhere to ethical standards and recuse themselves if they had relationships that could be perceived as introducing bias. I’m as pro-choice as they come, but I can at least accept that not everyone feels the same and will make rulings along what they believe is best. It’s the fact that the very people doing the rulings are not holding each other accountable for the normal ethics stuff. My early career was in journalism. I wouldn’t accept more than a cup of coffee from a source out of concern for the appearance of bias. A trip that is estimated to cost $500,000? A spouse involved in the matters being ruled on? It just boggles my mind. The lot of them are just beyond reproach from even each other at this moment in time and that’s so dangerous.

      1. This to me is Roberts’s biggest failure. He seems to think that the justices, just by wearing the robes, will feel compelled to uphold high ethical standards, so hard guidelines and enforcement aren’t necessary. But he’s wrong, and failing to act to restore the faith in the court will be its death knell. Yes, they have lifetime appointments, but that shouldn’t give them carte blanche to act however they want. When he didn’t do anything after Ginny Thomas’s conversations with activists were revealed it was clear that he just wants to “thoughts and prayers” his way back to respect for the court, and it ain’t gonna happen.

    12. I’m so old, I remember Abe Fortas … OK, I’m not old enough to remember Abe Fortas, but I’m old enough that my conservative relatives would yell “Abe Fortas! Abe Fortas!” whenever they wanted to make some kind of point about corruption among Democrats.

  3. Have any lawyers tried to reinvent themselves mid-career? I am constantly getting calls to join different BigLaw practices at an income partner / counsel level. The truth is, I have a few of my own clients, enough to carve out a PT life in another smaller BigLaw outfit as a partner. But I am seriously PT and feel that that wouldn’t fly anywhere else (and only flies here b/c it’s me and my clients). I have two kids, one with serious issues requiring many different therapy appointments each week (and we have never been able to find help with outsourcing this on the books that was reliable or didn’t quit sooner or later for FT work). I am just worried about my clients and ability to support myself, but wonder how on earth I could pull that off. It might make more sense to try to get a job with a government regulator (lots in my industry), but maybe they aren’t hiring or I am overqualified or go in-house, but I have sort of half of my usual business lately and it feels very white-knuckle at the moment. I will probably get a major salary cut but doubt I’ll be shown the door, so I feel like all I do now needs to be paying work or serious business development and taking meetings and going to lunch. I’d love to hear the experience of others though.

    1. Definitely look at going to a regulator. There’s no such thing as too much experience. Perhaps for a particular role, but in general there will be something where your skills are needed.

      1. I don’t think going into government is the right choice if you’re looking for something part time, as opposed to just 9-5. I have flexibility on what hours I work, but I need to work at least 40 hours a week.

        But I otherwise agreed that there’s no such thing as too much experience to go to a government agency, so long as you are willing to take the pay cut

    2. Not exactly a career move, but I’ve bounced around a lot and I’ve finally found a home at my sixth (!) law firm, after having been at 2 biglaw, 2 medium firms, and one of the medium firms merged into a bigger firm. In any case, it sounds like the flexibility you have is fantastic. You may be slow now, but would that be part of the practice area generally being slow this year? If so, I wouldn’t worry about it too much and would stick with where you are for now if the comp, hours, colleagues, are working for you. Yes, you can go somewhere else, but it’s not clear to me that you are actually unhappy with your current situation and you’ve built up connections, goodwill, etc. already.

  4. Just starting to plan a week trip to Germany in December for the Christmas markets. Will be flying in and out of Frankfurt. Any recommendations for where to go, must see/do?

    1. Nuremberg, Rothenburg ob der Tauber, and Freiburg would all be lovely, but you can’t go wrong tbh.

    2. I did markets in Cologne and Munich last year. Cologne was my favorite of the markets I’ve been to! But I’d skip Munich unless you wanted to go for some other reason.
      Strasbourg and Colmar are just over the French border from Germany and were also enjoyable!

    4. Nuremberg is the gold standard for Christmas markets. I went there and a few other places–including Frankfurt– in 2019. Frankfurt is a big, somewhat anonymous city, so its markets were more modern and lacked the charm of smaller towns. I also went to Ulm, which is between Frankfurt and Nuremberg, and it was wonderful and more intimate.

      I was in Nuremberg for the first night/opening of the market, which in 2019 was actually the last week of November. It was a huge community event with a big procession and a lengthy program. I was not cold at all because the crowd was very tightly packed.

  5. I just left a company and during the goodbye zoom people were commenting on things I didn’t do super intentionally but apparently made a big positive impact on them – sending them slack messages commenting on things they said in a meeting (incl small talk stuff), speaking up for my team in general, elevating peoples points if they were talked over in a meeting, being very calm at a time-sensitive time.

    I don’t have a point with this post I’m just very touched.

    1. Things like this have happened to me and now whenever they do, I write down the kind things in a journal (or even just in an iPhone Note) so that I don’t forget them and can look back at them when I’m feeling down about myself. It’s actually amazing and inspiring, and reminds me that the work that I do matters to those around me.

      2. My first assistant when I had just finished school made a file for me the first time I received a letter with praise and told me to add to it every time that happened. She told me that there would come a time when I would need it. Wise woman!

    3. We have a system where you can give public kudos to people for doing a good job. I once casually gave one to a woman for something small and she later told me that it completely made her day when she was having an awful one. Since then, I’ve never hesitated to give kudos if the mood strikes.

      1. I’ve realized that if you have a nice comment to make or a compliment to give – just do it. It may be unexpected but in general people appreciate it.

        1. I know that everyone who’s ever shown me kindness has made me kinder in return. I love the thought of putting that back into the world.

      2. We do too but people want to impress the big boss, so only the big boss’s favorite people ever get kudos and it’s very political and gross.

    4. One of my coworkers (I’m pretty new to my company) makes a point to send me chats when he thinks I’ve done something exceptionally useful or noteworthy or that he appreciates my contributions on back end things that go under-noticed…it’s such a small thing but always gives me a little “glow” of happiness.

      Sounds like you do the same thing and like you’re an awesome coworker! Especially when you’re in a more support staff role, having someone acknowledge your work goes so far.

    5. Good for you!! A similar thing happened to me when I was laid off. My entire team and tons of other colleagues threw me a huge goodbye. i was touched that they were all as sad/surprised as I was and so many of them went to bat for me (some had a drag out fight with leadership about my role; others proactively sourced job leads for me).

  6. Has anyone weaned off of omeprazole and had rebound reflux? I tapered to every other day for two weeks and am now on every third day for two weeks. About two days ago the reflux came roaring back worse than it ever was before. It’s miserable. If you’ve been able to get off of it, have you made dietary adjustments?

    1. After seeing a specialist, it turns out I was getting reflux from low stomach acid. I guess it was too low to prompt some valve to close, but still high enough to cause symptoms? (And still high enough to cause damage, so the short term script may not have been entirely unwarranted, though the GI doc still thought it was counterproductive.) Long term, I’ve had to take other meds and supplements to sort of stimulate the muscles involved (prokinetics) and try to increase stomach acid production or just add acid to try to make things work the way they’re supposed to. I haven’t had symptoms since then unless I eat right before bed.

      1. That’s interesting. I had an endoscopy which was all clear so I was trying to taper off. Were you diagnosed with low stomach acid from an endoscopy?

        1. I was! Apparently they don’t always check, but this was a hospital system that prided itself on gastroenterology, so I guess they were extra thorough? They did not test for why my stomach acid was low (for me it turned out to be an autoimmune issue that wasn’t diagnosed until years later), so I feel they still weren’t quite thorough enough at the time.

    2. I’m sorry, that sucks! I weaned off omeprazole successfully about 10 years ago, and I do think a big reason was that identified a couple of foods that were my personal major triggers (while other technically acidic foods didn’t really cause issues for me unless I ate them in really over-the-top quantities). Could you go back on and do some trial and error dietary changes?

      1. Great idea. (Please, please don’t let chocolate be a trigger!) Did you follow any sort of outline to ID your trigger foods?

        1. I’m not the poster above, but I kept a food journal to identify mine. I found it easiest to just jot in a notebook what I ate (no quantities or anything!) and then I had a rating system for how bad my reflux was after eating. After a few weeks, I was able to see patterns. And some of the patterns I thought I had noticed weren’t actually issues.

        2. I did sort of a modified elimination diet with reintroductions. I started by eliminating the foods I thought were the most likely (just based on when it was worst, etc., this wasn’t terribly scientific) and when I saw that things got much better, tried re-introducing one at a time. Chocolate was, thankfully, not a trigger for me! I was really nervous about that too.

    3. My acid reflux issues were triggered by a viral infection initially but I found that making lifestyle changes helped a lot too. have you tried other lifestyle adjustments? e.g wedge pillow or raised head of your bed, diet changes (less acidic food, fatty food, spicy food, other trigger foods). I found that those all helped me a lot. I did taper off of omeprazole but I was on it for longer than I initially wanted (6 months) which I actually think was a good idea, because I had a ton of esophageal inflammation and the omeprazole + lifestyle changes + healing of the viral infection allowed everything to calm down to a manageable level. When I was reducing omeprazole, I heavily relied on liquid antacids (mylanta) and also a prescription called sucrafalate which I’d take before bed to help symptoms during sleep. I think reducing slowly like you’re doing is the right call. I will say I also accidentally lost 15 lbs during this whole ordeal just from not being able to eat what I normally ate, and personally I suspect it helped reduce the acid reflux too.

    4. I tapered similar to your schedule and avoided a rebound but I have fully cut out tomatoes and it has helped me significantly. The times I cheat and some pizza are notable.

      Come July in NJ this will be a disaster.

    5. Lots of good advice here. What have you done to replace the omeprazole? Other meds or changes in diet/behaviors?

      Because if you stop a medicine that treats a problem (and omeprazole works great for most of us), usually the problem comes back. Did you do this under the direction of a doctor, with a strategy of what to do instead, or this is something you were treating/managing on your own?

      If you have never checked in with a gastroenterologist before, probably now is the time. They can help you decide if you need an endoscopy to see if you have ulcers that would benefit from a course of antibiotics or a hiatal hernia that puts you more at risk for reflux, and to check to see if you have any chronic changes in the esophagus from long term reflux (which puts you at risk for cancer).

      But there are tons of things you can do to treat this on your own, that you may have tried before the omeprazole. Many people make the dietary changes to avoid things that trigger it. Lots of lists of foods online, and everyone is different. Can include everything from tomatoes, greasy foods, caffeine, alcohol etc.. It doesn’t mean you have to avoid everything, you just see which ones seem to be triggers for you. Smaller meals, not eating for 2-3 hours or more before bed, weight loss, quitting smoking can sometimes help. Sleeping on a wedge or elevating the head of the bed can help nighttime symptoms.

      Most of us develop occasional reflux with aging. Probably the sphincter at the top of the stomach relaxes more with age…. But if your symptoms aren’t improving or are severe definitely check in with your doctors. Also, lots of people take meds like omeprazole long term for this. Because uncontrolled reflux has many complications so you want to stop that.

      FYI – if you start taking TUMS for the symptoms instead of omeprazole, just remember that is calcium. Calcium interferes with the absorption of some other medications or other vitamins (like iron). It is annoying but I take calcium and iron everyday and I have to be careful to separate them from each other by 2 or 3 hours or they block each other’s absorption, and I have to separate them from my 2 other medications, which both are inhibited by calcium. Just something you might not know, and doctors never think about or remember to warn you.

      1. Thank you for the thoughtful answer. This was all under the care of a GI and I asked to be weaned off the omeprazole after an endoscopy that only showed a very slight hiatal hernia. Part of what is challenging is that, at first glance, my regular diet should be pretty good for GERD. I have one cup of decaf a day, rarely drink, eat a lot veg and lean protein, etc. I do tend to have a higher fat diet with full fat dairy, avocado, and nuts. I workout 5 days/week and don’t think I can/want to lose weight. I go to sleep 3-4 hours after eating. I do find elevating my head is the best thing at night but I am a stomach sleeper so it is rough. I can definitely cut down on the chocolate (sad) and do notice tomato sauces seem to aggravate things.
        It looks like a rebound after omeprazole is normal so maybe it will even out soon. Just hoping I don’t need to be on it forever, though if I have to, I will.
        Thank you for all the input! Being in my 40s is just wild.

        1. Well, it sounds like you are doing everything right. It is really hard to have to change your sleep position, especially since you are a stomach sleeper, so that really really stinks. Yeah… your 40’s can be rough, and just wait for menopause… ugh.

          I wouldn’t cut down on the chocolate unless you know for sure it is a trigger, and you could just try to eat it in the afternoon instead of at night. You could also ask your gastroenterologist if they think treatment of your hernia could help your reflux. There are minimally invasive surgeries that can tighten up this problem, but usually people only go for that if they have failed more conservative treatments (including omeprazole).
          Only you can decide the pros/cons.

          If your symptoms were well controlled with omeprazole, I would lean toward using that more instead of focusing every day on monitoring my eating etc… But if you were having rare/severe side effects or your doctor think you need to stop it, I would ask them about using one of the other medications (eg. H2 blockers).

          Most of us, with aging, have to be on long term meds for something. It doesn’t mean you are failing or aren’t doing everything right. So much of health is genetics/arbitrary. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Life is short, and sometimes the simple pleasures are worth it…

  7. Has anyone ever tried the Foundation program for lower back pain? I have chronic lower back pain from herniated discs and I am find that I’m hitting a plateau with my daily physical therapy routine. I want to get significantly stronger so I can engage in the sports that I enjoy without fear of injuring everything again. I seem to be in the unlucky group that really gets hit bad with this – I’ll take any recs, Foundation or otherwise.

    1. My dad has been doing the foundation program for years- it’s the only thing that has made a difference in his long-term back issues. Not a quick fix, it can take a few months to really feel it. Search “Foundation Training original 12 minutes w/ Dr. Eric Goodman” on youtube.

      I’ve personally found bird dogs, dead bugs, and other “transverse” core exercises to help more than foundation.

      1. Thank you, super helpful!! I have been doing a lot of dead bugs and I agree that they help.

    2. I have chronic lower back pain from childhood scoliosis (treated with a brace but still present). The best thing I do for myself is a ten minute morning hip stretch and a ten minute evening, close to bedtime hip stretch. I’m NOT good at being consistent, but when I am, it’s like a different body.

      1. Which hip stretch exactly? I definitely have trouble with my hips but I’m struggling to find exercises that really seem to make a consistent difference.

    4. My sports doctor referred me to a personal trainer who helped me get from the sort of lame PT exercises to a more challenging routine. I later found a trainer at my gym who had a bad back, and he was also really helpful when I made it back to the gym.

    5. Have you ever done formal PT in the past? Sometimes I check in with a physical therapist again when my symptoms get worse, to see if they have new recs for me and to get back into a different home program. Some orthopedics clinics a lot of athletes, and often there are physical therapists they refer folks to who work with a lot of athletes and have somewhat different goals. You could look online to see what PT clinics work with your city’s local athletic teams and ask your doctor for a PT referral.

      1. Yep, I did so much that the last physical therapist told me that we had reached the limit of what she could teach me :) I’ve also seen other therapists as well. It sucks that this has to be such an effort but I really want to get better.

        1. I hear you.

          Chronic lower back pain is one of the most common and insidious medical problems in the US. You aren’t alone. You are doing a great job.

          Sometimes it is worth looking into other complementary therapies – everything from yoga/pilates, acupuncture, manual work/massage – or using more anti-inflammatories/topicals (particularly if you are a big athlete). All of those complementary therapies – in addition to continuing exercise/PT – have been shown to be beneficial. Even doing mindfulness/breathing activities can improve your attention and decrease your perception of pain with time.

  8. Hello ladies, I am looking for tips on how to best screen a candidate for in-home childcare. What are some questions to ask the candidate. How do you follow up with references? Is there a script I should follow? I had a sitter last year when I was wfh but they proved unreliable, so I’m hoping to not make the same mistakes again.

    2. Like anything, it’s luck of the draw. Some people will interview well and disappoint. It’s competitive and tough. If you find someone good, pay them well and be the best “boss” ever so they stick around.

    3. What is most important to you? Reliability? Experience? Safety? Experience with kids the same age?

      I would say that no matter how you interview the most important thing is references.

    5. I don’t have a script, but are you looking for part time care (esp after school hours)? If so I’ve found it’s very very hard to find someone reliable for that unfortunately.

      1. Co-sign. Unless you’re a young grandma with a still-working spouse, no one wants this job. Everyone will take it though until something better (i.e., full-time) comes along. I have to pay on the books (um, everyone does, the law is the law, but I’m an outlier here so I don’t lose my license to represent people before the IRS), so that further limits the pool.

        1. Maybe I have unusually ethical friends, but everyone I know who’s employed a nanny, including us, paid on the books…or at least said they did!

          1. I think this varies by geography. In DC, it’s very common to pay on the books because so many people work for the government, a government contractor, or in politics. Some friends in other areas, however, have complained that it’s near impossible to get any willing to work on the books and many candidates don’t have work authorization to work in the US.

          2. Someone signed me up for fancy NYC moms social media group when I was pregnant and wow, people were very very explicit about not paying on the books. It seemed like it was the norm.

          3. +1 to 12:48 as to LA – almost no one I knew (other than gov’t workers) paid on the books.

    6. Honestly the struggles with interviewing and finding someone great are a huge factor in why we switched to center-based daycare. We had a bad experience with a nanny who said she was cool with my husband WFH a lot and then wasn’t. Gender was likely a factor, and I suspect more nannies would have been cool with the mom at home, but I think then you’d run into boundary issues, i.e., the nanny doesn’t realize you’re truly unavailable when you’re WFH. The person we hired had great references, fwiw.

    7. The biggest thing we learned was to check references, and check several. They were hugely telling in a way that interviews weren’t (e.g., one candidate straight up lied to us).

      1. The questions we asked were:
        To make this simple, we just wanted to check:
        Would you hire X as a nanny for your own child?
        Is there anything that you think we should be aware of before we hire X?

      2. Agreed about references. We found that the people who were best at interviewing were generally not the best references. As someone that interviews a lot of white collar people for work, I had some biases but our amazing nanny was quiet in the interview, not self promoting and good but not fluent in English. She was wonderfully warm, caring and reliable and all her references were phenomenal. I was happy to become one after our kids grew.

    8. As someone who is now (mostly) finished with hiring childcare, I assumed incorrectly that I’d find one or two people and they would be my sitters for years and years. But what happened was that I was basically looking for sitters on a rolling basis. Sitters went to college, went back to grad school, got full-time jobs, moved, ghosted, retired, etc. After a couple of years, I went in to each sitter interview/situation with the expectation that I’d be looking for someone else in six months, or maybe six weeks, or maybe (best case!) six years.

      FWIW, I don’t think I was a bad employer or my kids were exceptionally devilish. I paid well and didn’t ask a lot of the sitters (screen time was find, bedtime was at their discretion, food was whatever). It’s just not a long term job for most people, especially as a full-time job.

    9. Be careful of Sittercity. They do not screen for felony convictions. Ironically the nanny I hired from there was pretty good. We became friendly and years later she told me that she liked Sittercity because she has a fraud conviction and only that site did not check. She blamed it on her boyfriend you was in the mob so definite mom fail on hiring the nanny.

    10. We had three different nannies when my kids were little so I have some experience here. We asked our children’s pediatrician for advice on how to find a good nanny and he recommended that we hire someone with some college education because education will go a long way. So, I know that’s kind of unusual, but we did hire only nannies who had graduated from college and we lucked out and had two really good nannies and one who was unreliable (arrived late a bunch of times). Overall, the best way to find someone is to hire someone who comes strongly recommended by another family who has children who have outgrown in-home care. You may be able to find these folks on neighborhood boards, etc. but one of our best nannies we found on craigslist and she was just wonderful all around. Once each kid turned about 3 years old, they really wanted to be in a group setting and I think daycare was not only cheaper but I was happy not to have to manage a household employee.

  9. Had to share that I’m actually wearing The Skirt today, and feel like my outfit is on point. I’ve been trying to both purge and shop my closet to have things I want to wear for my 2 in-office days each week. I’m shopping, but trying to be mindful and see what I already have that works. Today I’m wearing a teal green The Skirt with an oversized black lightweight merino crewneck sweater, bare legs, low block-heel booties, and a chunky silver chain necklace. Something about changing the proportion of the top with it is feeling current.

    1. I have been wearing my old pencil skirts with cropped fisherman knit sweaters and current boots. Glad I didn’t purge them!

      1. What are “current boots”? I feel that I couldn’t wear my combat-ish boots (like what Gwynneth wore at her trial). 70s-ish boots with a heel? I’m curious — I can never figure out footwear in 2023 unless it’s pointy-toe flats or white sneakers. Something seems off for all of my boots that aren’t strictly utilitarian ones.

    3. This outfit sounds so cute! This is why I love skirts in the fall or winter with sweaters. I have always worn this type of skirt ( though in a looser fit) and find it works well for me. With the exception of some thinner knits, most of my sweaters are loose, and work well with a variety of skirts (I favour shorter above knee skirts).

      I find skirts slightly harder to style in the summer, likely due to tops being thinner and having a different cling factor than sweaters, though I am discovering that with an open blouse used as a jacket/ sun protection, skirts are becoming easier to style. I lean more into dresses for the summer, but I love skirts so much, I make them work.

    4. I had The Skirt in a robin’s egg blue (long ago purged as I grew out of that size). I would wear it with a black turtleneck sweater or silky blouse and felt like I was unstoppable.Heck, I was unstoppable. I miss those fashion days. (As I sit here in WFH mode in full matching gray sweats like some sort of convict. LOL)

      1. A particular pencil skirt from Nordstrom’s house brand (Halogen maybe)? It was so popular in these parts a decade ago that it earned the nickname.

  10. Has anyone used Su Misura for made to measure clothes? If so, would you share your experience and what you’d recommend?

  11. For those of you who have had long distance relationships or just relationships where you meet almost exclusively on weekends – How do you manage errands/chores/hobbies on weekends when with your partner?
    My BF lives about an hour away, so we spend most (but not all) weekends together but rarely see each other during the week. For Reasons, currently we are only meeting at my house, though that is likely to even out in coming months. I really value our limited time together. But as a homeowner and dog owner with a full-time job and a couple of hobbies and a full social life outside of my BF, I am struggling to figure out how to manage “life” while trying to dedicate myself to being with him on weekends. Before, my weekends were pretty full of errands and chores plus a Saturday gym visit and often social meetups. The social part I mostly have under control. And I have shifted to trying to get workouts in during the week, though sometimes I’d still like to slip out for an hour on a weekend morning but so far haven’t. I spend Thursday night and Friday afternoon scrambling to grocery shop and pick up the house but some things are too time-consuming to do during the week.I feel like I am getting behind on things like car maintenance and bigger housekeeping items and running some errands. Do you do these things together even if they are just your tasks? Do you split up at times? (We have done this where I had a girls-only social event and he met up with friends in my city and then reconnected later and it was fine.) He is easy-going and I am sure does not want to be a hindrance but at the same time we have really enjoyed cocooning on the weekends. Weekends apart have generally been because I have something going on that takes me away from the norm like travel or a major social engagement, so not a lot of time to pack in all the tasks. Also, we are not looking to combine households so it doesn’t feel like these are “joint” tasks.

    1. I’m a huge proponent of not letting chores/errands be the main events of your weekends. Sometimes things come up that can’t be moved, but in general, you should be able to handle most chores during the week or only after you’ve done something fun on the weekend (e.g., stopping at the grocery store on the way home from the lake). Enjoy the weekends with your bf and let the rest go to weeknights. You get 52 Saturdays a year – don’t spend 35 of them picking up dry cleaning when you can do that on Monday night. Let some dust build up at home. Never say no to a weekend invite because you have to clean the bathroom.

      1. How do you fit it all in? Things like washing the car, a home repair, yard maintenance, in-store shopping and returns, and the like are so time consuming. My weekdays already feel busy, especially now that I am generally not doing any of my actual job on weekends as I used to. And I do clean throughout the week but am not an obsessive housekeeper by any means.

        1. I definitely don’t do everything during the week. Impossible for me. So in your scenario, of course I would do something on the weekend. I mean, you can both drive the car through a car wash together on the way to brunch, yes? You both can do something exercise wise together, yes? You can do yard maintenance together too! Sure, not fun, but for an hour out of an entire weekend?!?!? I honestly cannot imagine you spend your entire weekends doing only fun things every week.

          Because if you are trying to find out if you want to be with this person long term, this is such a part of life I’d want to make sure he wasn’t getting unrealistic expectations of what life is!

        2. Washing the car isn’t time consuming for me. We’re not allowed to wash them in our apartment complex so it’s a five minute drive through at a local place instead every few months. I try to minimize shopping because I hate dealing with packages and returns, but even that should be a relatively quick process. I’ve never skipped weekend plans because I have to go to UPS, for example. It sounds like your job is probably more demanding than mine, but are there any areas of your routine that you can streamline? How often do you need to wash your car, for example?

        3. You can totally go through a car wash on the way home from work, or stop at the store and return something.

          1. Not really. The car wash (the one that is neither a detailing joint or a DIY place) and stores are not at all on my way home from work, they are pretty big detours in rush hour traffic, and I typically have to rush from work to the gym without stopping to make it before close. Sometimes I can work out in the morning, but not if I have a morning appointment. I don’t go every day but I need to go 3-4/week.

    2. At first we treated every weekend like vacation, but that wasn’t sustainable or realistic. Most of the time we did errands together even though it would have ultimately been less total time to do them separately, but it was no big deal that I needed to vacuum or he needed to do laundry or whatever during our time together.

    3. How long have you been seeing each other? Maybe you want to live in the cocoon. Or you could test how you are together in the real world, rather than in the cocoon. Take him along to the gym and let him get a workout in while you do yours. Stop at the grocery store on the way home. (I presume he eats, also.) Pick up an Rx between grocery shopping and home Throw a load of laundry in while you are watching a movie. If he fits well with your life, you will enjoy doing all of these things together. If not, then decide whether the stress of not integrating your life and the cocoon is worth what you get out of the relationship.

      1. We are around the 6 month mark, with some casual dating before that. Unfortunately, he can’t come to my gym. And it is just 2 blocks away so there isn’t anything to do on the way home. But also, that means I can just slip out and back. I definitely do things like laundry and vacuuming when he is here. But I also have things like returning items, making a big Target run, picking up dry cleaning, etc. to work in. Doing those during the week is tough and comes at its own price – not seeing friends or skipping a workout or office happy hour or networking event or even skipping out on work. But yes, you raise a good point about deciding if this is a cocooning relationship or one more to be more integrated. I think we are approaching a tipping point there, maybe a bit unexpectedly

        1. “Doing those during the week is tough and comes at its own price – not seeing friends or skipping a workout or office happy hour or networking event or even skipping out on work.” I mean, yes, sometimes you have to skip happy hour to do chores, that’s normal.

          1. +2 to 2:43. When I was in an LDR with my now husband, I also had to start reducing the time I spent at work happy hours – it was one of the first things to go. I actually realized I didn’t miss them at all and also saved a lot of money I’d spend on buying drinks (often for other people).

    4. Did a LDR for 18 months. We are now married.

      While the first two “dates” (basically, 4 days and then 7 days) were what I call happy fun vacation time, we went into “normal life” mode after that. If our relationship was going to work, it would have to be with normal life stress – work, errands, exercise, social events.

      You can shift your errand running to the weekdays, but don’t be afraid to just do normal stuff together. If you need to be in vacation mode when together, that’s not a great sign.

    5. I am long distance and feel this so much ha. It’s a mix of letting some things go (my apartment would ideally be much tidier) and doing errands I can while traveling (we go to the gym together, I get a lot of paperwork/scheduling done at the airport, etc).

    6. Live life together on the weekends. Like if you need to bring your car in for service, do that together and then grab brunch. Or fold the load of laundry on Saturday morning while he chills and reads the news or whatever. Or go to the gym together. I’d make a schedule for the week and weekend so you’re not having tons of chores on the weekend but enough that you do a couple things each day. Like maybe you wash the sheets on Saturday mornings and he helps make the bed in the afternoon. Or you go grocery shopping together on Sundays and he brings his stuff home with him.

    7. Did this for a few years before we were able to live together. We lived apart during the week and he would come into town and stay at my place Friday evening to Monday morning. I would do various housework tasks in the evenings during the week. Saturdays would be open-ended for fun stuff out of the house, honey-do tasks, or random leftover chores from the week. We would do my grocery shopping together on Sunday mornings.

      To make a joke of “if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best,” if he couldn’t handle seeing me fold my clean underwear on a Saturday night, then we weren’t going to be compatible over the long term.

      1. Laundry and routine things inside the house are not the issue. I do those with him around as needed. And he’s super helpful with things like cooking and washing up, dealing with the dogs, and changing bed linens (actually corrected me on my technique). It’s the disruption of external stuff and larger tasks that is throwing me off.

    8. Is there any way he can join your gym? When I did a LDR going to the gym together was really fun and a regular part of our weekends, YMMV.

      1. No, unfortunately. It’s very expensive, there is no such thing as a “visitor pass”, and he already does Crossfit 4-5/week and has no desire to add another formal workout to that. We do get a lot of physical activity in together, but a joint gym workout is not in the cards.

    9. So you can’t live your life like you’re single when you aren’t any more. LDR or not. When I was in an LDR, I had no issues with my partner doing what they needed to do while I was in town and vice versa, as long as I felt like my QT needs were being met, which required communication. You are going to have to readjust some things – yea, sometimes you have to say no to HH when you have other stuff to do. That’s just adult life.

      I’d say you also need to outsource – hire a handyman for house projects, house cleaners, etc. Buy things you can return by mail instead of in store (can’t remember the last time I returned something in a store).

      There is no magic solution here. You have to be flexible and compromise on some things or an LDR with weekends only isn’t going to work.

      1. +1. It sounds like you don’t want to spend time doing some of these chores at the expense of spending time with your SO, so if you can afford it, I’d start outsourcing. A housekeeper every two weeks, finding a dry cleaner that drops off items at your home or office, hiring someone for yard work, etc. It won’t be cheap but it will make your life easier.

  12. Can someone help me plan a summer vacation in the north east with my husband and my 7 and two year old? I’m not a germaphobe but I get really upset and grossed out by shabby accommodations or even air b and bs that aren’t explicitly for that purpose. I also really want to avoid sharing a single hotel room with both kids. I have plenty of money to spend but I can’t seem to find an an upscale family hotel with suites or an air b and b that looks sufficiently “professional” and kid friendly in the areas I’ve heard of. Help!

    1. Have you had bad experiences in hotels? I know lots of families of four that share a single hotel room. It isn’t that hard, especially once kids are as old as your kids. But if you have plenty of money, why not just book two hotel rooms?

    2. Have you had bad experiences in hotels? I know lots of families of four that share a single hotel room. It isn’t that hard, especially once kids are as old as your kids. But if you have plenty of money, why not just book two hotel rooms?

    3. We love Hidden Pond in Kennebunkport, Maine. All of the accommodations are separate bungalows with two bedrooms and a screened in porch. The resort has a pool and lots of kid friendly scheduled activities. The sister hotel is on the beach (they run a shuttle between the two), so you have access to lounge chairs and umbrellas.

      1. North and south fork on Long Island. Maine. Finger lakes. Any other ideas? i feel like the further I get from nyc the more ick factor in accommodations.

    6. This may be farther south than you’d like, but what about Rehobeth/Dewey Beach/S. Bethany, DE? There’s a huge vacation rental industry in that area, including some chains (e.g., Sea Colony), and while the places vary widely, I’m sure they have some stuff would work. If your kids want an amusement park experience, you don’t have to get anywhere near Ocean City, you can just go to Funland in Rehobeth.

  13. I hear you.

    Chronic lower back pain is one of the most common and insidious medical problems in the US. You aren’t alone. You are doing a great job.

    Sometimes it is worth looking into other complementary therapies – everything from yoga/pilates, acupuncture, manual work/massage – or using more anti-inflammatories/topicals (particularly if you are a big athlete). All of those complementary therapies – in addition to continuing exercise/PT – have been shown to be beneficial. Even doing mindfulness/breathing activities can improve your attention and decrease your perception of pain with time.

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