For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.
You may or may not have noticed it on the site, but we have a bunch of these little blocks (see the one below) that are usually a rectangular collage of different clothing items. They’re great because if I change the block on one page then it updates everywhere on the site. But: I often fall down little rabbitholes updating the widgets when I find something new… sometimes the update becomes a new post, sometimes I re-date the older post, and sometimes it’s just an afternoon post.
I’m still trying to decide what I should do with our old post on washable suits for women — but there are a TON of new options, while older ones seem to be petering out. (RIP to Banana’s extensive collection of washable wool suits).
IN ANY EVENT: Brooks Brothers, of all places, now has an “Icons” collection that includes — dunh dunh dunh! — washable suiting. I found it while doing our roundup on the best blazers for women in 2023 — I’d been hunting for something washable and lightweight for summer.
The Brooks Brothers suiting is made from a Cupro/Viscose blend, which I tend to like — washable, drapey, lightweight, and not as prone to all those wrinkles like linen — but it is definitely a softer look. It’s part of their new collection that revisits best-sellers and reimagines them in the softer, drapey fabric.
We revisited some of our most sought-after women’s pieces, including the navy blazer, the pleated chino, the button-down shirt, and reinterpreted them in a soft, flowy Cupro-blend fabric that drapes and tailors like washed silk, and is easy to care for.
“I always love the idea of riffing on our famous icons and pushing them in a new direction. It makes you see them in a new, modern way,” says Brooks Brothers Creative Director Michael Bastian. “In this instance, removing all of the structure and stiffness from these women’s classic pieces really transforms into something more languid and sexy.”
The blazer is available for $348 in sizes 0-14 (16 is sold out), and the pants come in 3 colors for $228. (Bah, cuffs.)
Looking for something similar for less and/or in plus sizes? Madewell’s Drapeweave suiting is a close contender (no cuffs, at least, but the pleats remain); J.Crew also has a bit of suiting in Cupro (in white, kelly green, and a blue floral that is a Lot of Look); they both come up to size 3X.
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Workwear sales of note for 6.02.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off select styles; extra 20% off sandals & sneakers
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- Express – 30% off all dresses, tops, shorts & more; extra 50% off clearance
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event: extra 30% off
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 60% off sale
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 40% off; pop-up sale up to 30% off
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses (Reader-favorite brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Up to 25% off in-stock furniture; up to 60% off clearance
NOVA Ladies - let's schedule a coffee
NOVA Ladies – It’s been talked about a couple times that there are several of us in the area. Is anyone else interested in a meetup? After three years of COVID and work from home, I could really use some new friends! Thanks.
Katie
I’d be interested!
Carrots
I’d be down for one!
Anonymous
Sure!
YoungandDumb
Me!
I'm in.
Yes, please!
Anon
What’s your opinion on Goop-style approach to wellness? I’m thinking of lifestyle brands that tout movement, meditation, etc really emphasize trying to make optimizing wellbeing a central part of your life. I feel like there’s so much hate against them but I don’t understand why.
Anonymous
Movement, meditation = great.
Hawking $$$ stones to put in your vagina = not great.
Also Gwynnie is orthorexic/anorexic.
Anon
All of this.
I’m into skincare and wellness but I follow the science. Not the woo.
Anne-on
Movement, meditation, a focus on women’s health = good!
Junk science, elevating ‘experts’ who have no credentials or overstate their expertise = bad
Promoting harmful attitudes towards food/eating = bad
Pushing the narrative that if you just follow all these ‘experts’ buy the snake oil all of your problems will be solved! = bad
Those types of attiudes also reinforce the idea that if you just did everything right you wouldn’t have any mental or physical health issues. I could buy everything that GOOP sold and I’d still have chronic health issues that need ongoing care and treatment from MDs. I don’t appreciate being made to feel like I’ve failed or that I should distrust western medicine ‘just because’ or that it’s ok to discourage people from seeking out sometimes very needed medical care!
Anon
“Those types of attiudes also reinforce the idea that if you just did everything right you wouldn’t have any mental or physical health issues. I could buy everything that GOOP sold and I’d still have chronic health issues that need ongoing care and treatment from MDs.”
All of this, times a million.
I tried everything for my migraines over the years, including woo stuff like acupuncture, mindfulness, meditation, etc. Turns out, I really just need some prescription meds, and I do way better with those than I did with any of the woo stuff. If the woo stuff works for other people, great. Did not work for me, and man, I really did try.
I understand that some ailments can be cured with lifestyle changes, but not all of them. Gwyneth has apparently lived a very charmed life where she never had to deal with migraines, rheumatoid arthritis, juvenile diabetes, ulcerative colitis or any of the other chronic ailments people get that can’t just be solved with crystals and the power of positive thinking. I am a big proponent of good diet, proper sleep, exercise, etc. But it cannot and does not cure everything. My maternal great-grandmother died young as she had rheumatoid arthritis that was basically untreatable at the time. Eternally grateful we have better options now for people who need them, besides prayer and just trying to push through it, which is what she had to do.
Anon
For most of my life, a good diet and exercise is why I’m healthy. That time that I got a breast tumour though… medical intervention was definitely necessary.
Just because *some* things can be cured or prevented with diet and exercise doesn’t mean that *everything* can be.
Anon
.+ 1 there’s already a lot of patient-blaming that goes on and adding this to it puts added pressure and blame. on people with chronic illnesses who are doing their absolute best to look after themselves.
(I use the same IVs as Gwen because my body is failing me, but it has done so much damage to my veins, is painful and costs $800 – $1200 each time so I’d much rather my body was able to use food.)
Anon
This. She has a raging eating disorder evidenced by her recent interview where she states she drinks alkaline water for breakfast, bone broth for lunch, and veggies for dinner. But, don’t forget, she “loves a good IV”.
Anon
That is …. sick…
Anonymous
She meets 100% of the diagnostic criteria for orthorexic
Anon
Why? Vajayjay scented candles, for starters.
Senior Attorney
And misinformation and overpriced products that don’t do anything. E.g. alkaline water with lemon. Sheesh.
Anon
Don’t the “alkaline”-ness and the acid of the lemon cancel each other out? Or am I thinking too much about scammy woo products.
anonshmanon
you are spot on. Put lemon in alkaline water, you just get salty water.
Anon
I feel that way about a lot of the “natural” household cleaning recommendations too. Baking soda, white vinegar, for instance. “But I don’t want to use chemicals!” Oh, you mean NaHCO3 and CH3Co2H are not chemicals?
Anon
I never know what the word is for “Products I cannot easily hurt myself with by skin contact or inhalation or combining them with other products.” The “everything is a chemical” discourse doesn’t give me a good name for products that never existed until recently, that I may not have good intuitions for, and that have a lot of fussy safe use instructions.
Anon
https://kids.britannica.com/students/assembly/view/233555#:~:text=Mixing%20baking%20soda%20(sodium%20bicarbonate,well%20as%20carbon%20dioxide%20gas.
Senior Attorney
That’s exactly my point.
Nesprin
Alkaline water is a personal pet peeve. pH9 water meeting your pH2 stomach acid equals pH2 stomach acid.
anon
It’s all fine until they start peddling pseudoscience or things that are of limited value (but cost plenty of money).
Cb
I feel like I’m a bit woo … like meditations and gongs and stuff but hate so much of this stuff. I think women are often failed by the medical system, are desperate for answers to really real problems, and are preyed upon by companies that promise a solution. I have lupus and the number of times someone has told me about going gluten free or essential oils…
Anne-on
I went nuclear on a family member who tried to tell me that my kid’s ADHD/ASD could be ‘cured’ by changing his diet and some oils. I truly feel like the most dangerous part of all the ‘woo’ is the attitude that you are morally responsible for your health and that you are doing something wrong if you are ill or have a chronic condition/mental health issue/neurodivergence.
Anon
I absolutely hate the health supremacy garbage.
But I’m also pretty angry at the physicians who miss more Celiac disease than they diagnose. No WONDER gluten-free diet helps so many people with neuro symptoms! I tested negative for Celiac, and my doctors didn’t even notice that the test was invalidated by my baseline IgA levels.
I think the medical neglect (especially of children and ND patients) and the woo feed into one another in the worst way.
Agurk
wait … celiac tests can be invalidated by IgA levels? tell me more!
Anon
Or like if we just “try harder,” the autism will go away.
Wheels
So true. If one more person suggests Medical Medium to me…
Nudibranch
So so true
Anonymous
I’m not totally familiar with goop but I really dislike a lot of the rhetoric about food that comes from the “wellness” space. I applaud anyone who wants to eat whatever food makes them feel good but I don’t think it’s helpful to tell people that perfectly safe food is “toxic.” Likewise, no amount of coconut oil or moon juice is changing your life. It’s scammy to me.
Anon
My pet peeve is “clean” eating. A brownie may not be good for me but it is not dirty nor am I.
Anon
The Goop world is prohibitively expensive. It’s obnoxious. It also coopts Eastern culture in a predatory way. Remember when GP took credit for yoga? The principles of modesty and humility are lost. The hate comes from the superficial and exclusionary consumerism
Anonymous
Trash. They prey on women to sell stuff that at best does nothing and is often harmful. They want you to be afraid and feel bad about yourself so they can fix it
Anon
1. They’re duping people into spending money on items of no value.
2. Their suggestions can be actively harmful. Remember when Goop recommended steaming your “swimsuit areas” and women ended up burning themselves?
3. Goop in particular casts judgment on women who don’t have the time and money to provide organic homemade meals or spend 1.5 hours a day exercising. Gwyneth once said she would rather die than feed her kids toxic Kraft mac and cheese. Understandably that didn’t go over well with busy moms. I recall an “easy” recipe that took two hours of active cooking time and dirtied half a dozen dishes. Goop’s suggestions are out of touch with the average person’s resources.
Anon
“Gwyneth once said she would rather die than feed her kids toxic Kraft mac and cheese”
This is a dumb statement on so many levels. Mac and cheese can be a pretty complete meal if you stir in some veggies or serve it with a side of fruit.
Anon
Cannot imagine the Rumspringa her kids will be on in college — ramem (the 5/$1 kind from Wal*mart), boxed food, pop-tarts.
Anon
I’m a pretty healthy eater, but unfrosted strawberry pop-tarts are delicious and not that bad for you!
Seventh Sister
I love the idea of Food Rumspringa – college was when I got to try all of the terrible sugar cereals my parents would never buy. And my mom wasn’t even a Gwyneth-level nutrition weirdo.
Anon
Please give me the frosted pop tarts.
Cerulean
Lol that’s not the part of Goop that’s problematic. It’s the pseudoscience. And that video of Gwyneth sharing her diet the other month was 😬
Anon
Her diet is wild. I have no idea why a cruise line (Celebrity) picked her as their ambassador because she’s obviously not eating cruise line food.
Anon
Okay, Gwyneth.
Anon
snort
Anon
Sadly, the nailed the Idaho trial look and I suspect this really raised her profile. I wish she’d go away.
Nesprin
In addition to cost and heavy adjacency to misinformation (i.e. the growing scourge of antivaxers, or the folk who quit taking insulin because of green coffee extract), quite a lot of wellness culture is ableism adjacent. You’re depressed? you must not be doing enough yoga. You get cancer? It must have been that you followed the wrong diet.
Anonymous
This! The number of times I have been asked about my diet when I’ve told people I have cancer is shocking. I promise no matter how much kale I eat, this wouldn’t change things. :/
Anon
My formerly slightly plump friend lost a bunch of weight when she was on chemo and got scarily skinny. People kept complimenting her skinniness and asking her what diet she was on.
Don’t comment on people’s bodies, please!!!
Anne-on
This +million. As noted above I have chronic illnesses that result in weight fluctuations (typically I lose weight when I’m ill). Being told ‘wow you look great!’ when it’s the result of vommiting/nausea that lasts for days on end doesn’t feel good.
Anon
+2 I got super skinny when I had untreated Graves’ disease (hyperthyroid). I was also ~6 months postpartum (pregnancy triggered it) so people would not stop talking about how fast I’d “lost the baby weight.” A female coworker stopped a meeting to talk about how great I looked and made me talk about my “exercise routine” to the whole group. It was so awkward and I didn’t know what to say…uhhh I barely work out but I have an illness that can be fatal if not controlled? Now my thyroid disease is under control, I’m 25 pounds heavier and much healthier.
Nesprin
That is deeply aggravating.
(Am a cancer researcher and tell everyone the best things you can do to reduce your cancer risk are pick your parents carefully and don’t get older.)
Anon
It smacks of classism as well. It is reserved for the wealthy and privileged, for people who have solved all of their real problems already, or didn’t have any to begin with.
Yoga
My opinion about this approach to wellness is the same as my opinion about people who think you can cure cancer with turmeric and yoga and that they are “naturally” immune to COVID: they are wrong.
Anon
I don’t get the hate. I love Gwyneth. She’s confident and doesn’t care what you think of her. My kind of girl. I also think there’s a lot to the idea that how you think manifests in your health. Is it everything, not at all. But there’s something to clean living that does work. Do I do it? Not even close, but I feel great when I do. I think people are too easily offended and take something that’s an idea as a judgment.
Anon
Come on, what she says goes so far beyond “eating well and exercising is good for you.” This is a straw man.
Anon
Just in: Elizabeth Holmes’s reporting to prison is on hold pending some appeal or other. I think that everyone else just has to go straight to jail. WTF.
Ellen
She has always gotten a brake b/c she was blonde and very cute, like my sister. My Dad thinks that if she looked like a bull moose, she’d be in the slammer by now. Dad knows alot of people who got sent to jail over the years on white collar crimes, so I respect his opinion. I think that because she found a new man to impregnate her, that could have kept her out of jail for a while.
Anon
Isn’t it an appeal of a sentence with an automatic temporary stay? Balwani filed the same type of appeal of his sentence and thus had a small delay of reporting date. I think the practical effect is only a few weeks, and she isn’t getting different treatment.
Anon
I haven’t been following super-closely, but she was to report within 48 hours and I think already had a stay for childbirth. I’m not sure what new has popped up, but something recent upended things. IIRC a vanilla motion for a stay pending appeal is much earlier in the process.
Anonymous
Dear HR person
If you cancel an initial screen interview the same day and then blow off the time you rescheduled for, it doesn’t set things off on a great note. So frustrating after all the prep work I did and hoops I jumped through to clear time in my schedule twice now. And I would have been a great employee with more than 15 years of experience and national recognition in the crazy niche area that you serve. I would bet anything the hiring manager would be in a rage right now if they knew.
Grrr.
Anon
Can you find the hiring manager? Know anyone in your network who knows them?
Anon
Sounds like a place you really don’t want to work!
Anon
I mean, things happen. Perhaps there was an emergency and the reschedule dropped from her calendar. I’d assume some positive intent here, or at least not jump to conclusions.
Pumping at jury duty?
Help: (not a lawyer) I have jury duty (county court in a major city) and will need to pump at least once or twice during the day.
Do I need to tell someone my bathroom breaks will need to be longer? Should I ask to use whatever facilities the staff has?
My past experience at this courthouse is hundreds of prospective jurors have to wait in a huge room to be called, then you go to a specific court room for a given case. I don’t want to miss the cattle call and get in trouble.
Anon
There is usually a # you can call in advance if you need accommodations (you do; a bathroom is not an accommodation). There *could* be a special room they give you access to. Or they may just postpone your service. I just got a summons (and am a lawyer, but not a litigator) and wouldn’t hesitate to call for this or other reasons in the medical / personal need department. They are usually nice people (if busy). This would probably be a good time to call over (vs first in the morning or on either side of lunch).
Pumping at jury duty?
Thanks! I called and they do have facilities in the basement. It’s no problem while I’m in the “holding area” but after I’m assigned to a court it’s at the judge’s discretion of bathroom/lunch breaks.
I don’t want to reschedule because other than pumping this is a good time to do it.
Anon
In that case, there is usually a court clerk or other judicial helper you can put on alert and ask for guidance. If there seem to be several court officials, start with the female ones. You don’t have to go directly for the judge and it’s usually a lot of hurry up and wait.
Anon
I am 99% positive when you tell them you need longer breaks, you will be excused. Especially if the judge and lawyers are all men.
Anonymous
Call today to give them notice. If they don’t let you out or you don’t make contact, let them know when you check in. Then follow their directions.
Trixie
I don’t know where you are in your pumping journey, but you can request to reschedule due to medical needs. I’ve rescheduled and relocated (in Massachusetts) and it has been very helpful.
Curious
+1. In Washington, you can postpone up to twice I think, just through a web form.
Anon
In my state you can postpone once with no questions asked. But tbh I’d be hesitant to do that just because of pumping (unless you’re talking preemie/newborn which once a day pumping probably is not) because what if you have a bigger conflict the next time and you’ve burned your free postponement? Just make them give you time and space to pump. It’s the law – they have to do it.
Anonymous
This. Unless you’re dying to get your jury duty over with now, I’d request rescheduling. Jury coordinators can be very helpful people if you reach out to them.
Anonymous
Tell them when you check in for jury duty. Our courts have rooms specifically designated for this.
Seventh Sister
And even many courts that don’t have a designated space will have an extra office or room.
Anonymous
If for some reason you have missed the deadline to write for accommodations, show up with a letter outline what you need and why you need (or why jury duty now isn’t a great fit for you). i did that and when i gave the guy checking people the letter he was like, yeah, go home. in retrospect, if that happens, make sure you get the guy’s name or something.
Anonymous
In my city you can be exempt from jury duty if you have a child to take care of. It’s on the form. No judge is going to hold up a trial so you can go pump.
Pumping at jury duty?
Because I am full time employed, I cannot claim childcare as a reason. Doesn’t matter that jury duty ruins logistics of pick up/drop off, etc
Anon
I got out of jury duty for years because my kids’ school started at 9 and jury duty started at 8:30. I would have had to find some sort of childcare arrangement for that hour + (when you consider how long it would take me to get to the county courthouse, park, etc) and I had so much on my plate, I couldn’t figure it out. I figured that’s what the excuse was for.
I’m not generally trying to get out of jury duty – I’ve served before, and I’ve served since – but during those years it was just a no-go for me. I clicked the “I have childcare responsibilities” and got on with my life.
Anon
That’s lucky. In my state this would not excuse you. Childcare can be a potential excuse but it has to be much more complicated than jury duty starts half an hour before public school.
anon
In my jurisdiction you can get postponement if you are nursing (I would think pumping would be treated the same way?).
Anon
if you happen to be in IL, you will likely get deferred, fyi.
Travel splurge
Can you recommend a place for me to go for a relaxing travel escape? Middle aged, single.
I will be traveling alone. I am exhausted, and just want to rest. This is not an exploring/walking vacation. I don’t sit on beaches in the sun. I’d rather not travel around the world. I don’t even have a passport….. I do love the water and/or natural beauty. I want to sleep, eat, read, rest. I love music. Budget is flexible, as I never travel and am willing to splurge.
Beautiful location
Temperate weather (dry, 60’s to 80 degrees would be great)
Amazing food
Nice place to stay. I wont do AirB&B.
I don’t need a Spa. I’m not a massage/facial type of person. I wouldn’t mind if there was some sort of yoga/relaxation/exercise option though. I love music – especially classical music/chamber music/opera.
Part of me wondered about things like staying somewhere in the Santa Fe and going to the opera. Or Banff and going to the international string quartet conference. But maybe I don’t want to be that busy….
Anon
I know you said you don’t care about massages and stuff, but I still think a spa resort like Miraval might be the right fit. “Spa” is kind of a misnomer, it’s more about healthy food, exercise classes and outdoor recreation than massages and facials. Arizona sounds like the right fit climate-wise if you go in spring or fall.
FYI passport processing times are really long right now, so depending on when you travel you may be limited to the US.
anon
Enchantment Resort, Sedona. Idk about the music angle but it’s lovely and checks a lot of your boxes.
Anon
I was also going to recommend AZ. I stayed at the Four Seasons in Scottsdale once for a conference (back in my Big Law days, le sigh …) and it was lovely.
Anon
I have liked every large resort hotel I’ve been at in the SWUS and you can indeed just lounge by the pool and read. Santa Fe, Tucson, Phoenix, etc. All lovely. Pick your spending level and you should be able to find something you like. I like Phoenix’s Desert Botanical Garden (but it is getting HOT in Phoenix, which is a plus for me, possibly not for all). Tucson will be maybe 10 degrees cooler than Phoenix. And it can be cheaper to fly to Phoenix, and the drive from there to Tucson is beautiful if you go through the ponderosa pine forest. You can rent covertibles (a plus for me, possibly not for all).
Anon
Desert Botanical Garden is nice but pricey compared to other botanical gardens in the US. We got two of our tickets comped through a reciprocal membership but I think I would have been disappointed if we’d paid the full price for it (something like $30/adult and $20/kid).
Anon
Good planning point
It is so stunning to me though (from the East Coast).
Anonymous
I would look at Ojo Santa Fe. It’s outside of the city and super peaceful and quiet, rent a car so you can go to a couple operas it’s a stunning venue, good food, doesn’t need to be busy.
Anonymous
I went to Ojo and loved it! I really want to go back…
Anon
YES! This is the way!
Anon
Miraval Austin!
Moose
I was going to recommend Santa Fe! Go in the summer – I believe it will check all your boxes.
pugsnbourbon
As I was reading your comment I thought “Santa Fe is exactly what she needs!”
In addition to the opera, there’s the Lensic theater – here are the upcoming acts: https://lensic.org/events/ The Jean Cocteau Cinema also has shows, mostly comedy but some music: https://www.jeancocteaucinema.com/ If you stay close to the plaza, you could walk to both of those venues.
As far as food – we recently had a great meal at Coyote Cafe (not the Cantina). I’d sit at the bar. We also really like Horno and Casa Chimayo.
Unfortunately I don’t have recs on places to stay, but there’s no shortage of luxury spots around here.
Anon
I went to Santa Fe last September and loved it. This is perfect for what OP wants. I stayed at the Hotel St. Francis. It was located within walking distance of pretty much everything in the city center. The staff was great, and the room was very comfortable.
Anon
Santa Fe is just lovely. The art galleries alone are worth the trip.
Anonymous
If this is what I needed, I would look at Big Sur, Carmel, and Asilomar. On the other side of the country, take a look at Serenbe outside of Atlanta. It’s very overpriced but fits your parameters with a few things to do like goat yoga (check for any special events), farm animals, little shops, and restaurants on site, and a state park with an easy walk to a waterfall nearby, but mostly just respite.
Anonymous
Serenbe also has arts presentations on site occasionally – ballet, music, theater, etc.
Anonymous
I’d look at Santa Barbara. Stay at the Rosewood Miramar. It’s really expensive, but you’ll get the beautiful location, temperate weather, amazing food, access to the water, and nice place to stay.
Anonymous
The Loews Ventana Springs in Tucson is lovely.
anon
Kripalu checks a lot, but not all, of those boxes. It’s a delight.
Anon
I came to suggest Kripalu. And Tanglewood is nearby if you like music. Western Massachusetts is really beautiful.
Anon
This place looks wonderful!
FP
Canyon Ranch in Lenox, MA and go to Tanglewood?
Anonymous Canadian
Banff is divine. But you will need a valid US Passport, Passport Card or Nexus card to come here. It’s worth it, though. Can highly recommend the Rimrock Resort and Spa – great public (free) transportation into town and also to Lake Louise.
Anon
You need to go to Ojo Santa Fe! Beautiful, relaxing, lovely hot pools to dip in and out of. The spa is awesome if you want a massage but you don’t have to do spa things. The restaurant on site is delicious and easy. You could drive to other beautiful places in Santa Fe or explore some galleries but I went for 4 days and was never even tempted to leave the resort. Great complimentary yoga in the morning. Kiva fireplaces everywhere. Just do it!
Anon
aspen during the summer music festival
Anon
I’d do Santa Fe. You can go out if you want to, you can stay in if you want to. You can drive to Taos for a day and see the pueblo. Or not! But it will be warm and lovely, and in my personal opinion, New Mex > Tex Mex, so great dinners await! (You can also get something not tex mex, plenty of fine dining available, but I don’t know how anyone could pass up a chile relleno with Christmas sauce.)
Trish
Brooks Brothers has abandoned the petite ladies.
Anon
This makes me sad, because they were such a reliable fallback for “looking like an actual adult” as I lived through so many the twee fashion trends while occupying about the same amount of space as I did in the 5th grade!
Anom
Geez, who hasn’t? Even Nordstrom has considerably less. I’m petite and have a small frame as well. There’s so little out there.
Anon
I double-down when I can get anything cropped (blazers, sweaters) because they are just regular items on me. Also, children’s sizes are still fair game when nothing else is. I have a cute sweater dress from Hanna Anderssen in their largest kids’ size. But if you need a suit . . . BR or Talbots or Imma going to have to learn to sew.
Shelle
Oh no! I’m nervous other brands will follow suit. knock on wood…
Anon
Has anyone used a Vitamin C serum to lighten birthmarks? A rep for Dr. Dennis Gross products said their serum lightened birthmarks on her face to the point that they are no longer visible. I have a couple that I cover with makeup. Is there any other OTC product that lightens or removes birthmarks, spots, etc?
Anon
I think birthmarks are different than sunspots that may lighten with retinoid + vitamin c use over time. I’d just go straight to laser in your case.
Anon
If they are birthmarks, I would recommend having a consultation with a dermatologist about laser. My Mom had very prominent birthmarks on her face that she covered with heavy make-up for years. She waited until very late in life, and then had them treated with laser. Because the type/size, she had to undergo several treatments. But the effects were miraculous. I wish she could have done it sooner, as I never realized how much they impacted her self-esteem.
There are some topicals that are supposed to help, but I think the popular ones back in the day (especially for sun damage) are less favored now due to side effects. Nothing ever helped my Mom’s.
You could see a dermatologist for a skin check (which most of us should be doing every year anyway, and your insurance will cover it), and ask them for options on your birthmark.
Anonymous
Looking for your opinion as adult women, even though this is a kid question.
My 9 year old keeps asking me about college (where she should go, what she should study, et c). Obviously the answer is to chill out.
However, it is apparently a hot topic because her best friend is the youngest of four and college is a hot topic in their home, where my kiddo spends a ton of time. BFF’s oldest sibling is a senior and headed to Michigan; another sibling is a rising junior. Then there is an 8th grader and then BFF in 4th grade. Parents went to Michigan and an Ivy and BFF has declared she wants to go to Harvard or Michigan. She suggested she and my daughter can be roomies at Harvard and write childrens books together ;).
I shut down all college talk when they are at our house, reminding them that they have lots of time and if they want to have food options just keep on doing what they are doing since they are both smart well rounded girls. Also, I advised not focusing on any specific school until they are older since they have a lot more to learn about themselves as they get older.
Suggestions? I know this is nuts but it isn’t going to go away. We live outside Boston so when we do things near college campuses I point them out so kiddo at least knows what a college *is.*
Curious
Have you asked her why it’s important to her? Maybe you can turn it into a conversation about her values or worries. Does she admire this family and want to be like them? Is she worried she won’t succeed? Is she just really into the idea of a cozy dorm room she decorates?
pugsnbourbon
+1. She might just want to daydream about it! I think you can talk about the fun parts of college – learning about things that interest you, making friends, living in dorms, etc. Those are part of the experience at almost any college, so those topics get you away from the idea of a “best” school.
anon
and as part of that you can take her to a softball game or a musical at a non-harvard school. If you’re outside Boston you have lots of options. I grew up attending things at my parent’s tier-2 TX public and because of that I was never UT-or-bust which helped with the stress
Anon
Man, this crap is just in the air and water. I had a sixth grader not go to scout camp one summer because her life was too stressful and it was the only thing she could cut out. OMFG I feel bad for that kid. I get the culture though, but what made Bill Gates successful wasn’t Harvard or dropping out of Harvard but what was intrinsically within him and what he did with it (he is also Problematic, so maybe find a better example). I read somehting on Twitter recently that the guy who has the most strikeouts as a MLB pitcher also has thrown the most walks — is he a big success or failure or are these metrics really beside the point? What is success? And who decides — you? An admissions drone? The most successful person I know is a high school graduate (through a chain of car dealerships). The next most successful person I know went to a local party school. I know some people who went to Ivy League schools (I went where I could graduate with a BA and no debt), so State U, but in terms of whatever “success” is, we all wound up in more or less the place we wanted to be.
OOO
I appreciate how you are trying to support your daughter’s interest while making sure she does not put too much pressure on herself, esp at this age. I wish my parents talked to me about the cost of college. If I had known I would be paying student loans for years after graduation, I may have looked for a place that offered more scholarships or a full ride. (BRW I graduated from Michigan!) And if her education will be paid for by her parents, how much will it cost you? Also, I thought your major in college dictated your career path – I didn’t know it was possible to major in Philosophy and then work in finance. Encourage your daughter to talk to adults about their college experiences and career paths.
Anon
Also Philosophy major (also finance-adjacent).
I would love for my kid to go to my alma mater (State U in neighboring state). 4 years there = cost of 4 years at Local State U but I could throw in a 2-BR condo purchase and still be ahead financially. My money isn’t infinite and what I don’t spend on school could be spent on something else. If you are going to be a nurse or an accountant, does it really matter where you go (within reason) if you can pass the licensing exams? [Serious question for schools. If my kid wants to experience “prestige,” I am happy to send them to some Oxbridge school for a summer program.]
Anon
while i agree conversations about the financial aspects of college is useful as is conversing with other adults about their experiences, but not at age 9! OP – I’d maybe try to reframe with your daughter, and talk about how things she liked/didn’t like at age 1, 2, 3, etc. are probably very different than what she likes as a 9 year old, and so majors/colleges that look like fun right now, might be different in 9 years and that there are even some careers and majors that will probably exist then that don’t exist now.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
OP here, and we are fortunate in that our kids will have college paid for, so it’s a bit of a different discussion.
Anon
Gently I think you’re overthinking it. I don’t think you need to “shut [college talk] down” …at this age it’s just daydreaming and they’ll change their minds a million times between now and when they actually go to college. My 5 year old talks all the time about how she’s going to go to the local State U my husband and I work at, become an occupational therapist, and marry her (male) BFF and have three kids. Oh and he’s converting to Judaism so they can go on Birthright Israel together. I expect at the very most only the State U part of that will come true, and even that who knows, but it’s still fun (and harmless imo) to talk about.
I get that at age 9 things are a little more grounded in reality than at 5, but saying she’s going to be roommates with someone at Harvard and write children’s books together is clearly just daydreaming and I don’t think it’s at all problematic. When she gets into middle school and high school you can talk more seriously about college costs and admission requirements. Kids usually follow their family’s lead so if you’re not putting undue pressure on her come high school she’ll probably be fine.
Anon
that’s adorable. by the way there is another trip called Honeymoon Israel, where only one person of the couple has to be Jewish, so he doesn’t have to convert :-)
Anon
Hahaha I will let her know!
Anon
Same Anon again. Also just as a data point …when I was 17 and a senior in high school, my best friend and I were still talking about how we were going to move to New York City from our tiny Midwest hometown and be waitresses and live together like Monica and Rachel on Friends. I went to MIT and my best friend went to a different college on the east coast and neither of us has ever been a waitress. So sometimes talk is just talk, even in kids who are much, much closer to the college admissions process than your daughter is.
Anon
I think it’s normal to wonder about college at that age, at least if people around you are taking about it. Thing is, kids don’t really know what they are talking about – they know you’re supposed to go to a college and supposed to have Opinions an out which college, but they have no basis for those big opinions except what they hear from other people. (Also from the Boston suburbs.)
I am verrrry involved in my alma mater. What I would convey to a child that age:
Things have really changed; it’s harder to get in now and a lot more expensive that it used to be.
I cried when I didn’t get into MIT, and it was ultimately not a bad thing. Clearly I love the school I ended up at, got my engineering degree, and had a joyous four years that changed me for the better.
To that end, we are going to try to find a school that is as good for you as Alma Mater was for me.
Don’t waste your youth worrying about the future. Literally nothing you do now matters for college – just enjoy reading and school and having fun and sports.
anonshmanon
I feel like you might as well engage, since stemming the tide seems unrealistic. Talk about values, how she likes spending her time, what she wants to be or do in the world. And just reiterate at every opportunity that it’s fun to think about these things, but that changing your mind as you learn is completely fine and maybe share how you imagined yourself and how unexpected turns lead you somewhere.
But also, even if she does have big dreams about college now, I wouldn’t sweat it too much. There is so much time even after college to change directions and careers.
Annony
I have a freshman and I sympathize and am taking a similar approach in trying to keep things chill. But I also think starting to envision your future is a good thing to start doing! I bought my daughter the Fiske Guide and said, peruse at your leisure. I loved reading college guidebooks and just daydreaming myself into different schools. It really helped me figure out what I wanted when it started to count.
anon
What?! Encourage all dreams — being a garbage lady, a professional babysitter, a princess, going to Harvard, what’s the harm? This isn’t career counseling, this is daydreaming.
Anon
Agreed, it’s daydreaming and is likely much more about the BFF than about Harvard.
Anon
I talked all the time about college at that age, but not in a competitive “I must go Ivy League” way. I would just think about how many years of school I had left, and I counted grades all the way to 16. I thought I would go to the local community college for grades 13 and 14 and then maybe 60 minutes away to a school that offered 15 and 16. That’s not what happened! I went to one university for 13-16 and then did another year for, I guess, grade 17.
I think it’s good to be in the mindset that you’re going to college after you’re done with high school – just like I always thought there were 16 grades. It’s also OK to fantasize about where you might go. One of my daughter’s friends has told everyone since she was a tot that she was going to go to UCLA someday and now she’s at Northwestern! No one will be crushed that plans change. The world is an exciting place with lots of options and possible future paths when you’re 9 years old! How fun.
Anonymous
Can anyone recommend a good source for Korean sunscreen recommendations (or a PA++++ sunscreen that’s good for dry/aging skin)? I used to swear by Fiddy Snails but she barely posts anymore.
Anon
She’s on instagram! I use one of her recommendations – Rohto Skin Aqua UV in the gold bottle. It’s dewy. If you want a more matte finish, go for the white bottle. I find the white bottle slightly better under makeup, but they’re both so great.
But you should definitely follow her on IG. She’s good about answering questions, too.
Anonymous
oo35mm
Anon
For those of you who are unhappily single, why do you feel this is? Is it just there aren’t enough good men out there? Or were relationships toxic? I’m single now but am worried about winding up unhappily single down the road and want to know what gets a person there.
Anonymous
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vmin2mik6E
Anon
I’m unwillingly single but not unhappy single. I spent 12 years in an unhappy marriage (ex-husband is an alcoholic), and now a dearth of suitable men. I reframed my thinking about it. We can’t choose whether we will be single or not (for the most part), but we can choose how we feel about it. Good luck
Anonymous
Is your question “how do I not end up long-term single?” or “how do I find contentment in singlehood if I don’t pair up?”
Explorette
You get to unhappy single by putting the fate of your happiness in other people’s hands.
Anon
Aside from people can be truly happy living like a hermit in a cave in the woods, I think most people’s happiness in other people’s hands to a pretty large extent!
anon
Anecdata but this is not at all true for me. I’m single and sure, sometimes I get lonely, and sometimes I get frustrated at work or whatever, but I strongly believe and live that I am the only one who is in charge of my feelings. No one can make me feel anything I don’t want to feel. No one else is responsible for my happiness. That’s on me.
To the OP, as a single person in my 40s, I am generally happy because I have a job that I like, I set boundaries and don’t work nights or weekends, I have great friends, I pick up whatever hobby or activity interests me whenever I feel like it, I practice meditation and yoga, I journal, exercise regularly, and have many many years of therapy and therapy homework under my belt to help me be able to manage and communicate about my feelings in a healthy and productive way, recognize what I want and need, and then try my hardest to live my life so that my needs and wants are generally met and acknowledge and accept when they can’t be.
I also am (obviously) very privileged in life, so that helps a lot too.
Anon
From what I have seen:
*Really wanting kids and not being able to have them. (Not a comment on SMBCs; that path doesn’t work for everyone.)
*Things wear you down. Just like it’s easier to be broke at 25 (not easy, just less bad) than at 50, other things just get harder the longer they go on.
*The one people have the most control over: what else is going on in their lives. Those with great friends and other things going on in their lives are doing better as singles than those who don’t really have anything going on. Again, better is relative.
*Regret. There are some people who made genuinely terrible decisions. I am the first to say that you can’t kick a person of bad character to the curb fast enough, chemistry matters, and it’s better to be single than unhappily married. But I know a handful of people whose expectations were just beyond unreasonable.
Anon
There is definitely a lack of decent men. I was single and dating for 4 years in NYC and it was horrible but I also had a great time! I traveled solo, went to Broadway shows, the ballet, workout classes, ran a half marathon, etc. Basically what helped me was accepting that I might be single forever and still demanding that I love a fun happy fulfilling life. Try to figure out what you enjoy doing and what will make you happy without a long term partner, even if that does happen down the line.
Anon
Light question for a warm afternoon –
What is your favorite peachy pink lipstick that has some pigment? Barely tinted balm is too light on my face (dark hair, pale skin) so I want some color, but all of my muted browny roses are feeling a bit wintery and a new lipstick would be a cheery purchase! Prefer something moisturizing.
Anonymous
Here are 3 of my favs – all more pink
Revlon glossed up rose (thank you to the poster who recommended this one last year)
Bare minerals – honesty
Mac mehr
Anon
I probably recommended the Revlon. It’s discontinued! Stock up.
Anonymous
I like Bobbi Brown Blush, it’s a very warm pink.
AIMS
Dior lip glow. They have peachy tones. I rarely wear any other lipstick.
AIMS
Oh & it’s currently on sale at Nordstrom.
Anon
Check out Huda beauty. Lots of great pink lippies.
Anonymous
late but: i just got 2 from the sephora sale. both the #stories lipstick or whatever. Spring Break is more peachy than I normally like but it looked great on reviewers so I got it and am shocked how nice it looks. I also got one called something like “oui” that is described as a baby pink but reviewers said was MLBB – it truly is the perfect MLBB for me.
Anon
It feels like my manager is AWOL. The last few months our main interaction is him emailing me “[Big Boss] is anxious to see X, Y, Z project.” He keeps canceling our one on one meetings. This is bad managing, right? I’ve had bosses who micromanage before and I know that can be annoying too, but this feels like too far in the other direction and I’m not sure what value he’s adding to the org other than saving Big Boss the time of emailing me (but couldn’t Big Boss’s secretary do that?) Mostly a vent but if anyone has been in this situation and has advice, I’ll take it.
Anon
I’ve been there. It’s super frustrating. I also felt like I had to keep extremely detailed notes on my day to day work so that come performance review time I could over document that I performed well because I had almost no conversations with my boss all year. Luckily in my company management and organization structures change often. I hope it’s the same for you.