ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Sculpt Knit Indra Top

A woman wearing a green long sleeve knit top

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Our post a few weeks ago asking what we would do if we won the lottery got me thinking. I’d probably try to keep it quiet, but you’d be tipped off that something had changed because my entire wardrobe would suddenly be from The Fold, starting with this green knit top. The asymmetric draping looks so chic, but still comfortable — a significant upgrade from the basic crewneck sweater I’m wearing today.

I’d probably have to buy the matching trousers, too, because, well, why not? 

The top is $375 at The Fold and comes in sizes XS-XL. 

P.S. Make sure to vote! In case you missed it, we shared lots of Election Day resources yesterday.

Sales of note for 12.5

246 Comments

  1. For the person looking for the best underwear for working out yesterday, you want the Icebreaker merino wool options. They are literally the only underwear I have ever owned where I don’t get a wedgie while being active. They don’t retain odors and are light enough to hand wash and dry while traveling. Very worth the price – and for merino wool, mine have stood up to some serious abuse, including being hung on tree branches to dry.

  2. My entire wardrobe would also be from The Fold, starting with the Belleville top in every color. Like a lot of British brands, though, The Fold seems to run short in the torso for me. I am only 5’6″ so it is not a height thing exactly. I have the same issue with Draper James, not a British brand of course.

    1. My body would need to be from The Fold also, which ain’t going to happen. Trying Wool& as my next move. At least you can see more realistic women in daily driver clothes. I’m not always getting deposed, but get and tailor The Fold for that.

    2. That’s good to know. I always have that issue with Boden and have been wanting to try The Fold.

    3. So interesting, I am not drawn to this brand at all. Akris, on the other hand….

      1. Akris is the bomb. I have a cashmere moto jacket found at a Junior League thrift shop and it was the luckiest find ever.

    4. I did an all Eileen Fisher wardrobe for a period where I was traveling for work all the time. Everything looked great right out of the suitcase.

      It was during a period (mid 2010s-2020) when EF started to do less boxy styles for a while. I really loved having everything work together so well, like Garanimals for grownups.

    5. The Fold is too long in the torso for me, I’m 5 f 6, but short-waisted. Boden is also too long unless it’s petite sizes.

  3. Winter plague season question – does anyone have a hand sanitizer that they like? I can get the gallon of plain purell but was wondering if there is something out there that might be a little luxury.

    1. Plain purell is my favorite. The scented ones are pretty much always disgusting and leave your hands smelling vile even after you wash them.

      1. I would get plain too, and instead stock up on mini bottles of moisturizer everywhere (work, car, purse, gym bag, every bathroom in your house).

    2. I stock up on the Whole Foods brand lavender scentedspray/wipes. Purell leaves a weird coating on my hands, these sprays/wipes are much less filmy.

    3. I grabbed one of the popular touchland sanitizers and like it! I think it is the aloe scent, so not too heavy.

    4. I buy the cute little scented ones from Bath and Body Works and leave them everywhere.

    6. I like the mini spray ones from TJs or Everybody – nice scents and not too strong.

  5. Can we do a real life low stakes gossip thread to distract us? Updates to past gossip or questions also welcome!

    2. There is this school/scouts mum who snubs all of us and we can’t figure out why. We said hello at the sleepover pickup and she actually turned her head. My son’s best friend parents said the same. My husband’s on the board, our kids are friendly at school, but nada. The friend’s mum reached out for a play date and she said she didn’t think the kids should spend more time together.

      2. Right? My son’s best friend is a lot, but is ultimately a sweet kid, and I feel so bad for her. And just be a normal person and tell fibs if you don’t want a playdate?

      3. I had a similar situation with a kindergarten classmate’s mom. I can be sensitive and I thought it was all in my head, but my husband and some friends noticed it too. Then this year they ended up in the same class again and the classmate told my kid “my mom hates your mom.”

        So moms — your kids are listening when you talk. LOL.

    3. I would love to find out if the person with the uncommitted boyfriend followed him to India and what happened.

    4. Backstory – there are a lot of young families on our street we’d regularly get the kids together to play and the adults would chat. One mom seemed kind of loony but we all gave her the benefit of the doubt (it’s hard having two small kids, being at home full time, adjusting to a new city, etc). Unfortunately she shortly thereafter proved that she is full on banana pants crazy and we all used covid as the excute for a polite fade. The parents on the street still do the hello/goodbye at the bus stop but no more 1on1 playdates or hang outs. A new family just moved in and this mom is trying desperately to befriend them. We’re all watching from afar and debating on whether to let it play out or warn them…

      1. What makes her banana pants crazy? Does she believe in conspiracy theories or is she just neurodivergent?

        1. She is weirdly argumentative/aggressive over pretty inocuous things, has zero social boundaries (took her boob out to show us how she had thrush from nursing), and gets CRAZY angry over perceived slights. I shared some unhinged texts I got from her with my direct neighbor to confirm that I wasn’t somehow in the wrong. At that point 4 of us families compared notes and realized she’s been insane in various (different!) ways to all of us. We’re a street of working parents who are mostly busy/chill and thought it was a one-off or a bad day until that point. Now she’s facebook posting over how ‘sad’ she is that she doesn’t have a community but nobody is willing to take the bait again.

          2. Yeah… Sometimes mentally ill people do come across as insane or as banana pants crazy. I know someone with some pretty severe mental health challenges who comes across this way.

      2. Leave it alone. Maybe the new mom is what you call “crazy” too and they can be friends. The prospect of moving into a new neighborhood, being lonely, and having the other moms warn people off from me because I don’t conform to their idea of normal is very mean girl.

      3. Oh, her poor kids…. now they are getting shunned too? I can imagine how hard it is for them. My father was mentally ill.

    5. A little snark? My husband’s cousin found fundamentalist religion in college and is now married to a fundamentalist preacher and raising their three daughters fundamentalist. Homeschooling them, of course.

      Ya know what happens when you choose that life? Your 18 year old daughter – who anybody can plainly see would be an amazing physician but is limited to being an EMT because other avenues – including COLLEGE – would interfere with a “woman’s role” – gets ENGAGED to another 18 year old…to garden, to get out of your house? Idk, I just know that girl is smart as hell and doesn’t deserve the “a woman’s place is having babies” schtick that’s been forced on her. In any other family, she’d be on her way to college and med school.

      My husband’s family is sweet. Yes, they’re religious, but in a church every week, let’s say grace kind of way, not in a fundamentalist “women shouldn’t be outside the home” way. There are five sisters/aunts, and all of them worked while my husband and his cousins were growing up, a few went to college, and a couple got divorced and remarried – just a nice, normal family – all of whom are now looking at Cousin like, “Yo, see what you did? Life is long. Did you really mean to push your daughter into getting married at 18?!”

      I’m sad for the daughter, but I also know she’s smart and gutsy and if she can ever move out of their small town, hopefully she’ll break out of the circle and see the bigger world.

      1. At least she is educated in something and getting out of the house. Work will widen her world and EMTs see it all. Our city’s first same-sex benefits were largely for their female sheriff’s officers and public health / EMT employees. I don’t think you can be more progressive, actually.

        1. +1 yeah I understand being disappointed but this seems very, very far from a worst case scenario for a young girl from a fundamentalist Christian household.

      2. I hope things work out for her!

        I definitely know accomplished people who married young and had babies young. I know people who became doctors and regretted it as well as women who delayed starting families until new health factors complicated things before they ever had a chance.

        It’s scary knowing how much the choices we make at 18 can shape our lives, but it’s also really hard to know what the right choices are. But a supportive family is an incredible safety net to fall back on.

    6. I’m a social pariah in my wealth, suburban, right wing neighborhood because I’m a single working mom and not white. The SAHMs literally cross the street when they see me because they don’t want to be seen associating with me. On Halloween, one of them got drunk and confessed that they’re jealous of me because I travel the world and people “listen to me”. It was one of the saddest, most validating moments of my life.

      2. Oh no. I’m sorry, that’s both validating and infuriating. I wish there was an IRL working moms meet up because I’d love to buy you a drink after hearing something like that!

        2. I used to try to organize working moms meetups after work (happy hour) but the moms were always bailing to rush home because their husbands couldn’t possibly watch the kids for a couple of hours.

          So I was the lone working mom in my big group of single and married but childfree friends! My husband was perfectly capable of parenting for an extra couple of hours.

        3. My neighborhood in a HCOL area of our city has a working moms group. It is full of Chief ___ Officers, law firm partners, finance executives, etc. etc. We started a spreadsheet where everyone lists out their details and how they can help others, and I was SO impressed by everyone. I highly recommend doing this for your hood, or your industry, or whatever. I am also in a mother attorney group in my City and it’s an amazing source of referrals.

          1. OMG the spreadsheet! Right up my alley as a working mom! I wish I lived near you to join!

          2. wasn’t there a murder mystery with that setup? I can’t remember the name but I enjoyed the story!

      4. Commiseration, I’ve been on the receiving end of similar drunk confessions and it’s a lot.

        1. Yeah, it made me sad. They give their whole lives to their husbands and kids and probably are on the receiving end of a lot of contempt.

      5. For years, I got so much sh*t from the Queen Bee SAHM at my generally-very-liberal-hippie Episcopal church because I worked full-time and my kids were daycare babies. Queen Bee’s husband left her…for a guy who was like 20 years younger. Suddenly Queen Bee had to get a job with benefits and think about stuff like retirement and selling “her” house because we’re in a community property state. This is a few years old but I’m super petty and it still makes me smile.

    7. Could we get an update from the woman whose boyfriend’s female friend wanted him to go in on buying a house with him? Was curious how that one turned out.

    8. My ne’er do well cousin who is good looking and charming but actually lives with his mom because he can’t hold down a job just got engaged to his long term girlfriend. She’s wearing a GIANT diamond in all the photos. Family gossip: is it fake? If so, does she know? Did she buy the ring herself?

      1. Or it could have nothing to do with money and be mossanite or lab created because of ethical concerns.

          1. Yeah I would say cousin would have more of a cubic zirconium budget, if he’s the one who bought the ring.

            His mom spoils and coddles him, but not 3-5 carat diamond spoils him.

    9. Not exactly gossip, but I keep getting spam email from Elon Musk trying to sell me a space heater. I snicker every time I see one.

      1. I got a wonderful spam email from Warren Buffett recently. He wanted to give me money because I’m very deserving. To familiarize myself with his story and philanthropic endeavors, I was directed to his Wikipedia page!

    10. My beloved neighbor is 82 and starting to fade into dementia. He’s been sort of an adopted grandfather for 2 really nice neighborhood kids (5 and 8) – mom’s something of a mess and going though an ugly divorce. Found out the other day that he’d loaned her a quarter of a million dollars so she could keep her kids in her house in the divorce.

      She made a joke about how if she couldn’t pay him back she could pay him back in other ways (insert eyebrow wiggle).

      1. Oof, this isn’t cute… Someone might be taking advantage of him and that’s elder abuse. You might want to look into adult protective services if that’s the case.

    11. New gossip that is SO confusing to me, via my sister’s BIL and his wife(?). We’ll call them John and Jill.

      John is a quirky fellow in his late 20s who has been married to his equally quirky wife for 1 year. They lived together for 3 years before getting married. They live on the East Coast.

      Apparently, she came home 6 months ago and declared that he “didn’t fulfill her”. He doesn’t know what that means, and then she left to visit a friend on the West Coast… for a month. He wasn’t sure when she was coming home.

      He told his parents that he and Jill are separating. They’re not really sure what they’re doing. Their apartment lease is coming up in December, so he thinks maybe he’ll just get a 1br in the same apartment complex, or go month-to-month with Jill. They had dinner for their anniversary, but didn’t celebrate her birthday. It’s unclear if they’re separated but working on the marriage, separated and pursuing divorce, or living together but basically roommates. Between his travel for his job and her randomly staying with friends and family, they “haven’t had a chance to talk about everything”.

      This would be fine, except for the fact that John’s grandparents recently passed away, and there’s a decent sum of money and possessions available from the estate. So, things that are up for grabs, like nice furniture, were meant to be divided among the grandkids. The plan was for John and Jill to get a lot of the nice furniture because they were going to buy a house within a year. Jill showed up to the funeral service, but otherwise, the family hasn’t seen or heard from her in 6+ months, and there’s no word on whether she’s coming to Thanksgiving, let alone Christmas.

      In sum, John and Jill apparently have no idea if they are divorcing, and John is giving zero direction on what should be done about the estate, just telling his parents that he and Jill are separated. WHAT ARE THEY DOING?!?

      And fair enough that it’s not really anyone’s business, except John and Jill have a history of kind of just rolling along, and there’s a bit of urgency due to the estate.

  6. I want to watch a fun movie tonight as the polls close. Something hilarious. Any suggestions?

    2. Recently watched Thoroughly Modern Millie with Julie Andrews – it’s an oldie (1967) and very lighthearted and funny.

      2. Victor/Victoria is probably my favorite Julie Andrews movie. It’s aged shockingly well.

    7. Noises Off is my favorite laugh out loud funny movie. I also plan to re-watch old Eddie Izzard specials tonight to cheer myself up.

    8. I like Life of the Party, where Melissa McCarthy goes to college with her daughter.

    9. For funny it depends on your sense of humor I guess – but Best in Show always gets me.

      The Sound of Music is most def not ‘hilarious’ but I can never turn it off if I encounter it!

      1. I have longed to go to a sing-along with the sound of music since I learned of the concept.

          1. I’m currently watching (while recovering from my Covid booster) and it is 100% a sing-along right now.

        2. I have been to two and they are fabulous. At the last one I had a member of my city’s choral group that performs with the symphony sitting beside me.

      2. They have a sing along tour of the sights in Salzburg and it’s one of my favorite touristy things I’ve ever done.

      3. Best in Show is the best movie ever.

        I like silly movies so I’d probably watch Nacho Libre or Talledega Nights, or maybe Blades of Glory. Those are movies that get quoted in my house all the time.

      1. This is a deeply under talked about movie. I think it’s hysterical and we’ll be watching it tonight.

    14. Romcom rather than straight comedy, but 10 Things I Hate About You will always and forever be my favorite romcom.

    15. Not a movie, but I watched the middle of Season 3 this weekend where Ross and Rachel broke up. It was both funny and engrossing, and a good escape.

    16. For me, I’m wanting to watch Season 2 of The Diplomat. I watched episode 1 of season 2 but I was lost so now I have the pleasure of watching Season 1 all over again so I can figure it out.

      2. I binged watched The Diplomat Season 2 this past weekend — very entertaining, but not as good as Season 1, so I don’t resent watching it all at once rather than savoring the experience by stringing it along. Enjoy!

    17. Election with Reese Witherspoon – very funny dark comedy about a much more low-stakes election.

    18. The Devil Wears Prada is a go-to for me. The older I get, the more I admire Miranda Priestley’s wardrobe.

  7. I have so many older jeans where the short rise is bothering me a bit. I’ve been looking around and Mother denim is stalking me online. Excellent production value on the ads, by the way. I’d upgrade from old mall-brand to them but my fashion challenge is that I’m a pear, with a tummy, a healthy butt from hiking, and thighs. Maybe this isn’t the denim for a 50ish pear? If not, what is? I can wear to work and am now mainly wearing dresses casually, so can justify something spendy for a wardrobe refresh.

    2. Mother actually sounds like it could be good for you. I also recommend, at about half the price point but good quality, Kut from the Kloth boyfriend jeans. Both feel reasonably current but not like I’m pretending to be 22.

      1. FWIW, I took my same size in Mother as I do in rag & bone and AG jeans and JCrew bottoms. Kut from the Kloth, I sized down one.

        1. The last time I tried Kut, the rise was around my ribs and there wasn’t enough room in the tummy or seat. I feel like its proportions just didn’t work for me. Worth a retry in this model perhaps?

          1. The Catherine Mid Rise Boyfriend are my go-to. The pairs labeled High Rise are uncomfortably high for me.

    4. I used to love Mother jeans, but the last two pairs I had fell apart within a few washings. I think it’s because they started putting polyester in the denim.

    5. I have a different body style, but I like Mother denim a lot. Most styles have some stretch, which I appreciate, but not too much they they look saggy. I am 5’9, and I will say that their “ankle” length jeans are much shorter than ankle length on me though. But I still wear them!

    6. Also a member of the healthy butt club and generally like Mother denim. It also has a decent number of styles that are still hemmed and not distressed. In fact, I’m wearing a pair today. If you aren’t ready to pay full price, Anthro carries them and depending on the style you can find them on sale. Rag & Bone is another brand that works well for me.

    7. I have a similar shape and like Talbots and NYDJ. They aren’t as cool as Mother but they fit the best.

  8. Is anyone getting back into sheer nude-for-you tights? Or something else besides black? I love black but even my inner goth needs a break from so much black in winter.

    1. I have considered wearing pantyhose again, yes. With summer lasting so long these days, I don’t feel like inflicting my bare flesh on my workmates any longer. Not that I was ever tan, but bare legs just seemed more acceptable in July. So if I’ve thought it, and you are thinking it . . . it’s out there in the universe.

    2. I also get bored with black, and I own a lot of navy blue clothing and just don’t wear it in winter because it clashes. I was watching old Gossip Girl reruns and kind of missing the bright tights of the mid 2000s. I think pantyhose makes my legs look nice but it definitely feels dated to me.

      1. I like using navy tights/thick navy “pantyhose” with a navy skirt + top to create a column of color, usually with a jacket of a contrasting color. Or sometimes all navy with some contrasting textures and a pop of color in the shoe/boot.

      2. I would wear them again in a heartbeat! They make my legs look so much better and also provide that little bit of extra warmth.

        2. Agreed. I never totally gave them up. They provide warmth and make wearing shoes more comfortable. But I’m old.

  9. Any favorite sources for inexpensive gardening attire for a size 14 pear with a long torso who is a card carrying member of the IBTC?

    Had a hilarious fail with a no-brand Amazon lace teddie. The lace that was supposed to cover the girls was more like a hint of suspenders that stopped far below them, and that was with the straps still tight enough to give an atomic wedgie. Y’all, I’m only 5’6”.

    1. Watch the sale cycle at Anthro and – from a fellow long torso who’s the same height as her 6-inches-taller husband when seated – by all means, give teddies, like jumpsuits, a wide berth.

    2. Sounds like a babydoll is going to be the best style for you. Natori makes some beautiful chemises. They may be a bit sedate for you.

  10. my lovely and generous boyfriend bought me a barely off white very fancy pocket book. What does one wear with a white bag? do i save it for summer?

    1. Depends on the material – is it ‘winter white’ and luxe leather? Would look great with chocolate brown, holiday metallics, etc.

      1. yes, like a winter white,but very light definitely a long way from beige or saddle. it’s a chanel bag. like it’s beautiful i just don’t know what to do with it!

    2. You can wear it year round.
      You can use it with casual outfits as well as dressy ones.
      I like to have something light in my outfit to balance out the coloring a bit, but it’s not required. You may like the drama of a black outfit and a white purse. Or, if you want to blend the colors a bit, you could wear a white shirt or a print with white in it. But it doesn’t have to be that blatant. It could be sneakers with white soles. A silver cuff or other jewelry. Light gray or taupe shoes. Or, if you have high-contrast coloring or dark hair and pale skin, your own coloring provides the “goes with” contrast that a dark outfit/white purse would have.

    3. I’d go not fancy with the rest of your outfit. I’d wear it with a jeans and leather jacket look.

      Make sure the jeans are well worn in and washed so the indigo doesn’t rub off on the handbag.

    5. I’d be careful wearing any light/white handbag with dark jeans. The indigo can rub off and stain the leather.

      Otherwise, I’d say anything goes! Dress it up or go casual – sounds like a very versatile piece!!

      1. Yes be careful of dye rubbing off and discoloring the bag. It’s happened to me.

  11. Who here has been to Tofino? I would love recommendations for things to do there. We’ve been once before, but this is the first time with kids. They are 6 and 8. We love outdoor activities, scenic drives, good food, especially seafood, and I am interested in buying a piece of art to commemorate the trip.

    1. Oh, and relatedly, we’ll have one day and one night in Seattle on the front end, and one day and one night somewhere else (maybe Vancouver) on the backend. What would you do in those cities with only one day and one night, with kids visiting for their first time?

    2. We did the Inner Harbor boat ride, and it was amazing. Bears flipping crabs on the beach were a highlight.

    3. We just stayed there a week in May/June and loved the Wickaninnish Inn. The Inn was very helpful scheduling a bear tour and the dining options were great and very accommodating to my partner’s food allergies.

      We live in the PNW and drove there via Victoria on the way there and Vancouver on the way back.

  12. Has anyone bought an instant camera as a gift for a young kid? Instax seems too expensive at $1 or so a print. But then you’re in the wilderness of no-name brands and I’m lost. Thanks!

    1. Not what you asked (sorry), but we have a polaroid and don’t let the kids play with it for the reason you list. My kids love their little digital cameras though. I would suggest going for one that recharges, rather than takes batteries, but otherwise I don’t think the brand matters. They wear them out, taking pic after pic and videos as well. My kids have ones designed for kids, which have little games on them too. I’d skip the polaroid for that reason – for young kids it is often quantity over quality.

    2. We bought an instax last year for our 10 year old and she adores it. We gave her 5-6 packs of film with the gift, but then talked about how much film cost and said that when that was gone, she’d need to use her allowance to buy more. Depends on the kid of course, but that seemed to work well. She’s gone through maybe 4 packs in the last year, we’ll give her more this Christmas.

    3. I bought my son a CampSnap camera which is a digital camera that looks disposable – he liked it and it’s approved to take to camp/other places where phones are not allowed! I couldn’t get behind wasting the film of the Instax.

    4. Not sure how young of a child you are buying for, but my 3 and 6 year olds each have one of these and love them. They can save photos and videos like a digital camera, print out black and white pictures, and there are also a few games they can play. The camera is really durable and the rolls of paper “film” are inexpensive.

      https://www.vtechkids.com/kidizoomprintcam

    5. My teenager informs me that Instax is out and old-school digital cameras are in. No film!

    1. Agreed! Has anyone had luck finding this brand on any of the second hand sites? There doesn’t seem to be much of it on Poshmark.

    2. I usually buy them on sale for closer to $250/$300. Still expensive but they are my most impactful pieces and I appreciate that a lot of their clothing can be washed.

      1. Have you tried this top? I’m intrigued by it. How much give does it have? Will I be relegated to working like a T-Rex?

        1. I have another top in this material and it is quite stretchy but has a lot of ‘body’ (it’s similar to old school Herve Leger – it is structured but comfortable). I can’t wear this neckline without looking like I have no neck but it is beautifully made and looks very luxe IRL.

      2. Me too, and I try to think of it as I would rather have one top from The Fold than five or six from Ann Taylor that I am not excited to wear. They are so beautiful and special.

    3. I wish someone would do dupes of the clothes from here. I wouldn’t expect them to be anywhere near as nice but I’d be willing to pay half price or a little more of these prices.

      1. There was a post on here about a dupe of one of their most popular tops on…. Amaz0n.

    4. I do if it’s well constructed. I am neither highly compensated nor do I come from real money, but I prefer quality over quantity and will cheerfully wear the same outfits every week so long as they are nice and I like them.

    1. Bringing home our adopted kitten in December last year was 100% the best Christmas gift my son has ever received.

      1. Aw, we have an adopted Christmas kitty too! We got him a little early after a rough couple months (our previous kitty died, our household got COVID and couldn’t attend my beloved family Christmas). It was the best

    2. My first semester of university I was incredibly homesick and not having a good time. When I came home for Christmas my mom had surprised me by putting up a tree with my favourite ornaments in my bedroom and decorating my room. It’s been 20 years but it’s still my favourite.

    3. My current wedding ring, which is not the one I got married with, was a ring I admired at the neighborhood jeweler when we dropped in for me to point at earrings I might like for Christmas – the jeweler keeps a notebook that’s like a gift registry. I expected the earrings but when I opened the box, it was the ring! It is a band style set with diamonds, some square set at a 45 degree angle so they’re “diamond” shaped, and some are rectangular. I love it so much.

      We are celebrating our 25th anniversary in a few months. :)

    4. Best gift I was ever given was DH surprising me with Christmas at a fancy cabin, just us. I was so maxed out with family time and keeping a brave face, so the surprise cabin made me sob, finally silence and not having to manage other people and their emotions.

    5. The full size, rectangular trampoline that my parents bought when I was about 5 years old and in kinder. No nets other than to cover the springs. I spent hours on that until I went to college.

      1. I was also going to say the trampoline my parents got us when I was in grade school!

        Ours did have a net (this was the 00s) but was similarly used regularly til we went to college.

        My parents still say it was the best money they ever spent

    6. This is a very old story, and I may have told it before: When I was a very little girl, there was a new kind of toy called Liddle Kiddles — very small dolls and they each came with a very very small doll-sized toy of their own. I asked for just one of them and Santa brought me the whole set of 5 or 6, plus the clubhouse. It was super magical!

      Best I’ve ever given: On two separate occasions, I was able to have a bridal bouquet delivered to an eloping bride, and both times it was really special.

    7. If travel/non-physical gifts count, I took my mom sailing in the Caribbean for her 70th birthday and it was one of the best trips ever. I turn 40 next year and she’s giving me the same gift and we’re both soooo excited.

      For physical gifts, a friend had a watercolor painting made of my bridal bouquet and it came with a paper doll of me in my dress and veil with the bouquet. I really love that. Our venue also gave us a watercolor painting of the venue and nearby scenery that we treasure (we got married in coastal Maine so it’s a gorgeous painting even without the emotional significance).

    8. A bit clichéd, but a Mickey Mouse watch from a favorite uncle when I was about 6 years old. With a red strap!

  15. What are your favorite vegetarian nachos?

    Also, what do you put in the oven vs not? Cheese, of course in the oven. But beans? tomatoes? Feels like those could go both ways.

    1. I love nachos but I’m lazy, so I use Amy’s refried black beans (the only refried beans I will buy – they are so delicious and not a weird texture) and shredded Mexican blend cheese, and usually just throw it all in the microwave for a minute 15. Delicious! If I wanted to add salsa (including just chopped tomatoes) or guac, I’d add it once the nachos are cooked.

    2. Beans in the oven, tomatoes not.

      For “loaded” nachos, the chips and cheese go in the oven, other ingredients are cooked stovetop (one pan) then dumped onto the chips when they come out of the oven. Tomatoes and scallions and cilantro are fresh toppings added last. Salsa, optional sour cream, mandatory guacamole on the side.

      Now I’m asking myself why we don’t have nachos for dinner more often. It seems like a nutritionally complete meal now that I think of it….

      1. “Optional sour cream, mandatory guacamole” made me laugh — am going to try to figure out how to use it as a phrase in regular conversation.

    3. I always put refried beans on my nachos first and then top with cheese. Then all into the oven. The pico, guac and maybe sour cream get added after they get pulled out.

  16. I have a history of toxic jobs and abusive managers. I’m in a great job now, but I really struggle with performance reviews. I never know what to expect going into them, so I’m always expecting the worst and any criticism makes me fall apart (even though I know my manager is trying to help me and I do appreciate their feedback). So yes, I need therapy obviously, but does anyone have any advice? I get the sense my manager is frustrated during performance reviews because I get upset. It’s hard to explain that I’m not actually sad – it’s more of a nervous reaction. My boss assures me that I’m doing very well, but I can’t help feeling like every time I’m going to be fired!

    1. Can you ask that written feedback be shared with you a day or so ahead of the call? That might help you process your bigger feelings offline and then come to the call with more impactful action items (how can we work together to help me improve on things) or questions (can you give me more context around this piece of feedback) vs. being in reactionary mode.

      1. That’s a really good idea, thank you. I did ask for the latest review to be in the morning instead of the afternoon so I’m not stressing all day.

        1. OP, I was coming here to say the same thing. the firm where my daughter works does this. She can open up the review, read it, cry a bit if needed (especially in the early years when she was learning), but then by the time she meets with the team, she has reflected, calmed down and can be constructive. She has gotten great feedback on how constructive she is, and it is all down to this.

    2. I try to look at facts. Most firings don’t happen during performance reviews, in fact I’ve never heard of a case like that. Most firings especially performance related, any reasonable manager will have had several increasingly serious discussions and might have even documented stuff. If you haven’t had those sit downs and documented “improvement plans”, I’d say you’re safe.

      For the performance review, I look at it like managers are expected and almost obligated to try to find *something* to say to improve, however minor. I’d try to pivot into focusing on how to implement the areas for improvement. Like let’s say she wants you to be a better public speaker: rather than focusing on “oh I failed” focus on “okay, can we brainstorm some ideas on how I can improve? what opportunities might be in the pipeline next year?”

    3. I always do a few mid-year check-ins with my employees where I just hit them with anything that I think will come up on their review and tell them how I think they can improve it (or congrats on it if it’s good.) Literally zero surprises on performance reviews is one of my personal goals for myself as a manager.
      Maybe you could do this from the employee side? Do you have regular one-on-one meetings? You could put “check in on performance targets” on the agenda at the 6 and 9 month marks.

    4. This is hard as you’re basically having a trauma response. Can you reframe this with a growth mindset, ie you are going to have areas where you excel and areas where you might be able to improve? The critiques ideally are coaching, an outside coach helping you brainstorm what you could change to move forward and have better results. You could also ask for feedback, but say you’d prefer to think it over and respond to it in your next 1:1.

      Can you challenge yourself to just take the feedback and not get upset? Imagine it’s like an internal job interview where you were one of two final candidates who didn’t get the offer. The hiring manager offers you feedback. You know the meeting could suck going in, so part of the Win is being gracious in the moment.

    1. Is it normal to have get out the vote activities on Election Day itself or is this new for Harris? In past elections I had heard there used to be people driving others to polls esp in places where there isn’t Uber or the person can’t afford it – often senior citizens. But I’m not sure I had heard about calling or texting the day of. But hey at this point whatever gets it done.

      2. If not now, when? I’ve heard anecdotes of people who didn’t know it was election day, unbelievable as that may seem to those of us who do or talk about phone banking. That’s the reason for it.

  18. Where on earth do campaigns get their voter contact information?

    I just got a text for a candidate I’ve never, ever heard of. “You haven’t voted yet! Will you be voting for Susie Senator?” Who? I keep reading, and it’s a campaign in a state I haven’t lived in for 17(!) years! I also frequently get texts for a state I’ve never even lived in!

    Yes, I reply back to opt out, but really, whatever sources these campaigns are paying for are terrible. Meanwhile, I never get texts for races in the states I live or have lived in, ha.

    1. I think it’s kind of close to random. I get more texts and emails for democrats but I also get texts and emails for Trump, and many of them think my name is Jason. Some of the democrat texts (which are more accurately directed my way) have my daughter’s first name.

    2. I don’t understand this either. I appear to have been targeted by the trump campaign, and while I’m registered as an independent, I’m also a long time D donor and volunteer and I’m in a D+23 district.

    3. I also recently got a couple texts for a swing state I haven’t lived in for 6 years, though I never got anything (not even mail) when I actually lived there. The only political ads I’ve seen for my current state (not generally considered a swing state, but close enough that it was considered possibly competitive earlier in the year) were a few brochures at my door a couple days ago. On the plus side, my current state is so much better at voting than my old state. In and out with only a few minutes of waiting instead of having to stand outside for hours. Guess which neighborhood is mostly white and which is mostly Black?

    4. I don’t know. I got some texts about the Florida abortion rights amendment and I’ve never lived there. I think maybe they were encouraging me to talk to others, not to vote myself, but it’s weird because I don’t really know anyone who’s lived in Florida.

    5. I have a theory that they target all of the phone numbers, full stop. Do you have a number with the state’s area code? I got my first cell phone 20 years ago when I lived in a swing state and I get *all* of the calls and texts despite moving out of said state 19 years ago.

    6. I’ve only ever lived in 2 states — both solidly blue. My cell phone number is from the 2nd one. I get texts and phone calls about elections from multiple different states, for elections I have no idea about.

    7. I get political texts for someone names Hugo all the time. If I ever find him, he’s getting a stern scolding. LOL.

  20. I was surprised yesterday that a number of commenters yesterday did not think chucks were signaling Kamala. Check out the #chucksandpearls trending on social media today.

      1. Yeah, but they are pretty common shoes. There’s a difference between wearing Chucks with your jeans, as commenters were suggesting, and wearing Chucks with a suit and pearls.

    4. Honestly I’m on social media and I haven’t seen it. I’m not extremely online but I’m still fairly online.

    5. I like Kamala, but I feel like I’ve been wearing chucks for so long that I can’t cede the coding.

  21. My colleague had a meeting with a firm in Austin and who was there but the “Pookie looks Fire” Tik Tok guy Jett. He is a legit attorney with double degrees from Penn. I feel like as women we worry about how much toe cleavage is too much for court and this guy behaves like a total moron all over social media and is still taken seriously professionally. Do you ever do social media searches on firm principals prior to engaging them?

      1. Oh, wait, I didn’t realize there was a real Pookie and Jett account. I follow the parody guy apparently.

    2. Why would they care what he does on TT as long as he helps them sell their dental practice?

    3. Lol I went to law school with Jett. Don’t remember much about him from back then except that he seemed kinda dumb.

    5. I mean im gen x adjacent so all social media feels a little cringy to me but his content is pretty wholesome right? He just says his wife looks pretty and they tell you about their clothes. He has a southern accent and is super doting on his own wife but I don’t this that makes him look stupid.

  22. I want a black leather jacket. It will be the “edgiest” thing in my wardrobe. I’m very much a Jcrew-loving, skinny jeans wearing elder millential who is waiting for this current set of trends to go away. That said, I feel like I could really benefit from adding this piece to my wardrobe. I’ve found myself putting outfits together more than once recentl and thinking “a leather jacket would look really great with this.”

    So, I have no idea where to look. I think… think?… I don’t want a lot of crazy hardware. I’m a size 12, 5’8″. Somewhere between apple and pear shaped – probably a hair more pear. Any types of cuts to consider? Terminology to know? I’m starting at zero.

    2. there’s a super popular one that is always at madewell. a a j crew loving girl i feel like that might be a good place to start!

    3. Real leather: Allsaints
      Fake leather: Blanknyc

      Try them on and see what you like. The ideal length varies per person. Make sure you can comfortably reach into the pockets if that matters to you and it zips up far enough for cold weather.

      1. And pay attention to whether it squeaks and if it does, can you live with it.

        I inherited an amazing beauty of a leather jacket but it was SO LOUD I soon realized why it was in such pristine condition. You couldn’t blink without that thing creaking and squeaking.

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