Corporette.com

Updated: Jul 19, 2022 355 Comments · by

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Serenade Silk Top

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A woman with long brown hair wearing a pink sleeveless top, khaki shorts, and gold-tone jewelry

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This lightweight silk top from Banana Republic looks both luxurious and versatile. I want to wear this all summer with skirts, ankle pants, jeans, and shorts.

For an easy, breezy, business casual outfit, I’d tuck it into a pleated midi skirt and add some comfy flats. For a more business formal look, I would wear it with a pencil skirt and blazer.

The top is $130 at Banana Republic and comes in straight sizes XXS–XXL, tall sizes S–XL, and petite sizes XXS–L. It also comes in true red and zebra print (with the latter on sale for $100).

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Emma

    Any ideas on where I can buy a nice gold pendant? I have a lovely gold chain that currently has a pearl pendant on it. It was a present from my ex-MIL and I would like to change it up, both because it’s not the best association and for something a little different. Ideally just the pendant, because I like the gold chain, it’s solid gold and tightly woven so it doesn’t irritate my skin, but I can always get a jeweler to switch chains as long as a the pendant isn’t welded to another chain. Also, any suggestions that would look current but still relatively classic/go with most everything? I could get a small diamond but was wondering if I should go for something more fun. I did check out some local jewelry stores but didn’t really find much.

  2. Baseball

    Good morning. I’m the poster from last week who asked what to wear to a work event at a box at a baseball game. I shopped my closet and have nothing suitable for swampy 95 degree temps except chino shorts which were deemed a no go by this group. Would either of these Jcrew items work – button back linen shift dress or slub cotton midi tank dress? How should I accessorize? If not, can someone point me to something at Jcrew that will? They’re the only retailer who consistently delivers quickly here.

  3. Anon

    Morning ladies! Is anyone from New Hampshire? We’re in that situation where we can move anywhere in the country, and NH caught our eye. (We’ve enjoyed our ski trips up there, but that’s not enough to base a move on 😉) We’re looking for towns to check out during an exploratory trip. We’d love a Stars Hollow-type vibe. (We know the “real” Stars Hollow is in CT, but woo, taxes!) Any recs for towns we should check out? Thanks! 😊

    • Anon

      I live in Massachusetts, and love to visit NH for the amazing hiking and skiing. That being said, the politics/overall vibe is very different than MA in general, and I likely wouldn’t feel happy living there as a primary location besides potentially somewhere like Dartmouth or Portsmouth. There’s no income or sales tax, so property taxes tend to be higher than surrounding states.

      • anon

        +1 For a home of any real size, you are still looking at $10,000/year or more in property taxes.

        • Anonymous

          Ha, I live in Cincinnati with income tax and 7.8% sales tax. We still pay over $12k per year on a 500k home.

    • Anon

      I’m currently reading A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear, which doesn’t really sell me on wanting to live in NH. That said, I went to school in Hanover and loved the area and the state as a whole. If you’re not into the Live Free or Die thing, Vermont might be a better choice. But if taxes are your priority, Grafton sounds like a good fit.

      • Anon

        +1 I would choose Vermont over NH in a heartbeat. I lived in NH (Manchester area) briefly and had a bad experience.

    • Anon

      Good friends of mine moved from NYC to Portsmouth NH and they absolutely love it. Have visited a few times and called it Stars Hollow right down to the town troubadours.

    • Cat

      a blogger-influencer I follow, Stacie Flinner, moved to a coastal NH town last year and often posts about different towns she and her husband are exploring. They shortlisted that area for a mix of small-town living but ease of access to Boston and its airport, plus a mix of political views. (If nothing else, her pictures are always gorgeous.)

    • Anon

      New Hampshire property tax rates are actually higher than Connecticut, slightly offset by lower property values (depending on where you are in the state) and no income taxes (depending on where you work/where your company is based).

    • IL

      Do you want a small city with some amenities or a true small town that is cute but complicated to live in? I lean towards the former and I enjoyed Keene a lot. I would also check out Brattleboro VT, just across the border. The Hanover-Lebanon area is cute but a little quiet – worth a visit though!

      The flavor of politics is a little odd and specific. Also be sure to check out the local internet situation *and the cell phone coverage*. There are mountains that completely block all cell phone service in the neighboring valley, and some of my colleagues in New Hampshire have trouble participating in a video conference with the internet speed available to them at home. But they seem pretty happy with where they live!

    • Anonymous

      So I live in Maine, and the property taxes + fees in NH are the same as the property taxes + income taxes that I pay in ME – it is a complete wash. And we have more services here. Please do more research into the cultures of the northern New England States before moving here – they are not interchangeable at all.

    • Panda Bear

      I live in MA, just south of NH, and went to high school in NH. I second the poster who recommended Portsmouth – its very charming, especially if you wan to be near the sea. Also in that neighborhood, Rye and Dover are pretty. If you want to be more central, Concord has a fairly nice downtown area. Manchester is OK. There are some pretty neighborhoods, and downtown is cooler than it used to be, but it’s no Stars Hollow. Heading up further north, Hanover and North Conway are both nice. Painting with a very broad brush, but Portsmouth will have a much more liberal, Massachusetts-esq vibe. Manchester is a good sized city with a mix of perspectives, but still skews conservative, as does Concord. Hanover is a college town on the VT border, so with a more hippy feel. North Conway locals are more conservative but people come from all over to ski. Overall, I have soft spot for NH but MA is my great love and I’d say you should move here instead :)

    • Anon

      OP here. Thanks for the recs so far – please keep them coming!

      We know we’ll pay about $10k in property taxes anywhere in New England – it’s more about the total state and local tax burden. CT is the second most expensive on that measure in the country and 6% higher than NH; NH is the cheapest in New England. We love CT – it’s just beautiful – but when choosing anywhere, we at least want to start with somewhere less expensive and rule it out ;) (For the record, we don’t object to property taxes as a concept – they power important parts of society!)

      https://taxfoundation.org/publications/state-local-tax-burden-rankings/

      • Anonymous

        I have lived in all these states- CT, MA, NH and NJ. We paid the most in CT and NJ. What you don’t necessarily see in the rate data is that CT’s assessed values are way less than home real estate sale value. In MA they are 1:1. Our tax rate in CT was higher but actual taxes paid were fairly similar for the same market value home. NH home cost less, was appraised lower, and tax rates were slightly higher- but our out of pocket wS lower. Plus, MA has a zillion other things to tax.

    • Betsy

      There’s a lot of towns in the Lakes Region of New Hampshire with that Star’s Hollow vibe. On the flip side, property tax rates vary tremendously from town to town and you will, for the most part, find that the towns with the lower property tax rates have much less of a Star’s Hollow vibe. Taxes=Services

    • Anonymous

      Beware of New Hampshire unless you are a serious libertarian. See link to NY Times article just posted. CT is much more normal in my opinion.

      • Josie P

        It totally depends on the town! Look at Bedford NH for example. I don’t like the ‘flavor’ of CT as compared to NH, particularly when you get south/closer to NY. Portsmouth is also great (but beware the 95 traffic in the summer).

        • Anonymous

          Bedford is EXTREMELY red. Very wealthy, but very, very conservative. Source: my mom lives there.

    • anon

      I got my MBA at Dartmouth, and the Hanover area has a lot to recommend. It’s right off an interstate (clutch for winter travel), it’s not far to Killington, Ascutney, and the Dartmouth Skiway. It’s close to Woodstock, VT (and if you like VT better, you can live in Norwich across the river). It’s close to West Lebanon, which has a real commercial area. Montpelier VT is also a cute town. You can live on the CT River anywhere from Hanover up to Thetford or Lyme.

      If travel is important to you, I’d recommend being in Southern NH, because you’re much closer to Manchester and Boston Logan for flights. But I preferred further North due to proximity to skiing and the “relative civilization” of Hanover–cultural events. Also, Hanover has a Level I trauma center in Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center–a lot of NH and VT does not have good hospital access, and you don’t need a great emergency room or proximity to excellent doctors until you do.

      Also, the no income tax thing doesn’t mean they don’t get you other ways. It was almost $1000 to register my car when I first bought it when I moved there.

      Last–I suppose that you’re remote or retired, but there really is a dearth of jobs unless you’re in Southern NH or near Hanover, and you should keep that in mind.

      I loved it and would definitely move back if I had connections beyond going to grad school there. It was so bucolic and really lovely.

  4. SSJD

    Ladies, I had a fun fashion win last night: I wore a silk Hermes scarf as a halter top. I was out with friends at a cool rooftop bar (something I have not done in many years). My ensemble was posh and sexy and fun! I felt great in my outfit, plus I was excited to use something I already own in a new way. I want to encourage you to take a few fashion risks (this felt risky!) and enjoy it. I can’t really brag about it in real life, so thanks for letting me share here. Any other fashion wins lately?

    • Anon

      Did you wear a bra? And avoid sweating and getting deodorant on it? I love the idea of this and yet fear either a wardrobe malfunction (this silky scarves don’t tie tight for me) or ruining the speedy scarf. I need a thrifted scary and maybe I’m game. It is too hot for clothing right now.

      • Cat

        I did this in my younger days with a not-Hermes scarf and it worked great! No bra because I was young and small of bosom. I used a little safety pin as backup for the knot.

        If you need to clean it because of deodorant or sweat… shrug, better than it sitting unworn in the drawer.

        • Anon

          Would it work with a strapless bra I wonder? Still IBTC member but the girls need a lift up and out of the armpits more and more.

        • AIMS

          +1 – this was THE look when I was in college/law school. I also used to wear mine as a belt. Good reminder to try the belt option again!

    • Anon

      I love this look and I’m sure you looked great! I’m very much not a silk scarf person but might pick up a cheap one to do this with

    • Senior Attorney

      Somebody gave me an Hermes scarf last year and I haven’t busted it out yet. I may have to try this.

      Well done, OP!

  5. Anon

    The Me and Em Kyoto Garden Midi is like what you’d wear to a wedding, yes? Not workwear, even in 2022? My sense of dresses is really feeling ungrounded right now. The dress is so pretty (maybe too pretty) and I’m not historically a person who likes green (but it and navy seem to tone down my rosacea, so bring it).

    • Anne-on

      I think the fabric is what really makes it a wedding/bridal shower/brunch type of dress. The print is a little twee for work but would not be totally out of place in a more casual office, but the all over print PLUS satin fabric definitely makes it not a work outfit in my book.

    • Anonymous

      It’s beautiful! Whether it’s appropriate for work depends entirely on your office and your personal style. Is this the kind of thing people around you are wearing to your office? I can see how it might fly in a creative field where people dress with more personal style and freedom.

      It would be a million miles too dressy in my office and would never be work appropriate for me. But for my work, a suit or sheath dress wouldn’t be appropriate either.

    • Ribena

      Oh that’s gorgeous! I see lots of similar dresses in my work life – I’d expect to see it with a (shortish) blazer and dark court shoes for work it also wouldn’t be surprised to see it at a wedding. I often can’t tell from photos though, it would depend on the handle and ‘glossiness’ of the fabric in real life.

    • Anon

      Oh I’d wear that to work. Have a lot of similar dresses that are part of the summer rotation. It doesn’t look fun enough to me to wear to a wedding, personally. It’s a weekend or work dress – my office is casual.

    • Cat

      This looks like something Duchess Kate would wear to a morning wedding IMHO – something about the sheen of the fabric and the sharp V. Beautiful dress!

    • Anon

      I think we are twins. ha. I had this same debate about the same dress last week before unfortunately deciding it was not work appropriate for my finance office. :(

    • cookie monster

      I love this and would wear it to work if it weren’t satin. I regularly wear matte jersey dresses in colors and patterns like this.

  6. Ribena

    Fellow accessories hounds, I’d love to tell you about the present I bought myself for getting my new job… I’ve always loved the whimsy of Anya Hindmarch’s designs but they’re way out of my price range… except in the sale! I got the XS tote (really a crossbody or shoulder bag but styled like a tote bag) from her I Am A Plastic Bag range in a gorgeous claret/ burgundy colour, and I’m in love with it.
    I know there’s some people here who buy jewellery with bonuses – it feels like a similar idea to me!

      • Ribena

        This is the first time I’ve bought a n expensive ‘fun’ bag – the last time I had a new job I got a tiny little tan leather crossbody for smart events but now I have everything I *need* I thought it would be fun to choose something for the pure joy of it

  7. Anti-Sweatshop

    How do you not give up on society? I was talking to a colleague and she literally took the pro-sweatshop position in our discussion. It just seems like people are beyond saving and I don’t really have much hope if someone can argue with a straight face that WOC being abused is a good thing because they produce cheap sh*t. I’m just so sad, I hate that what I thought was a sensible take is actually ‘radical’.

    • Anon

      IDK re sweatshops but I am eating a burger for lunch because of a blood donation appointment I have coming up. Be the change.

        • Anon

          Hah?

          I think that the “sweatshop” issue is complex. Ban any low-paid sewing labor and you can feel good about yourself but how will these people eat? Do they have even basic literacy? Could they do any other jobs? Any other jobs that pay better? Can they retrain? Who will do that?

          Can we make these jobs pay better? Maybe, if you can get someone to pay that and not go elsewhere where wages would be later. Then where are these workers?

          Ban child labor. Again, easy for me to argue for. But if these kids are needed by their families to work, what will become of their unmet needs?

          I don’t have the answers. I see the complexity. I am not “pro sweatshop” but don’t want to make things work by doing making a problematic thing go away without a plan for dealing with the harms potentially done by that.

          • Anon

            “Made in China” was a great book that I read in undergrad that really illustrated some of this complexity for Chinese women.

    • Anonymous

      To be honest, it sounds like people who disagree with you are ‘beyond saving’. I feel the same way but I think it’s important to guard against this impulse. A belief that people who disagree with us are not just wrong, but immoral, is what got us into our current ultra-polarized political situation.

      • Anon

        But there are some beliefs that go beyond simple disagreement and that ARE immoral. I don’t think we should use that term lightly. But there are issues today that cross that line to me. For example, I will never be able to be friends with someone who says a 10 year old should have to birth her rapist’s baby. I truly think that’s an immoral position.

        • Anon

          What about the friend who says “how can I reconcile this with the baby who had no say in this and has an interest in continuing to exist”? I am politically pro-choice, but I do strongly believe that the baby/fetus has an interest in continuing to exist. And I think that I can get past it in the mere embryo stage (or up to 12/15 weeks), but what I can’t wrap my head around everything. [I can also see how many 10YOs are tiny and I don’t see how they could physically carry a pregnancy or birth a baby.] Say I got a Tay Sachs diagnosis at 30 weeks gestation — at 30 weeks, a baby can survive if born early. Do we just snuff that life out because the baby would have a short life? We don’t get to kill people with cancer or the disabled (and to me, dealing with disabled people is a big and sticky issue and I see a lot of slippery slopes ending in the valuing of life that isn’t seen as “perfect”). I don’t think anyone wants to see a pregnant 10YO (and what pregnant 10YO is pregnant due to a joyful fulfilling peer relationship and not something exploitative if not forcible???) no matter how the pregnancy came about.

          • Anonymous

            Acting as devils advocate on behalf a child rapist and their cell clump, yikes.

          • anon

            What are you trying to say here? That someone shouldn’t judge you for not being able to say that a 10-year-old shouldn’t be forced to carry a baby?

            It’s telling that you can’t unequivocally say that one thing is worse than the other.

          • Anon

            No one is getting an elective abortion at 30 weeks. If anything they can get an induction of labor but I don’t think they’d find anyone willing to induce at that stage absent something tragic like anencephaly or the mother’s life being endangered by the pregnancy. Don’t swallow the fairy tales the so-called pro life side puts out there – it’s all made up.

          • anonshmanon

            I think I would remind that friend that in addition to hypothetical future people, there are living breathing people right here that deserve just as much compassion and protection from suffering. Their life is not of lower priority to anyone else’s. Ultimately, people are capable of making good choices if we let them, such as using contraception if it’s accessible to them, and getting an abortion as a last resort.

          • Anon at 10:20

            You’ve missed my point, Anon at 10:47. I specifically called out the 10 year old example, not a third trimester abortion. And yes there are people who want the 10 year old victim to birth a baby, in case you are behind on the news. Nothing you’ve said indicates in any way that it’s a moral position for someone to take that she should have to give birth (and you seem to agree that position is immoral). My entire point is that there ARE positions that are immoral and it’s ok not to be friends with people who hold those beliefs. I’m not sure where I fall on the original sweat shop issue, but there are some that are cut and dry.

      • Anti-Sweatshop

        Isn’t it immoral to value a cheap dress over the health and safety of the women who were forced to produce it?

        • anon

          Am I being naive to think that even if it’s a complex issue wrt sweatshop employment enabling workers to support their families, it’s a moral imperative to not prop up this system? In my mind, by buying these cheap clothes (or whatever items), I enable human rights violations by multinational corporations that exist to line the pockets of their shareholders and owners. The sweatshop workers and I both benefit also: I get cheap crap and they get money. But we also lose greatly in the bargain. Obviously, this process is environmentally destructive, which impacts all of us, and the workers are abused and trapped in a terrible system that devalues them as human beings.

          If we collectively refuse to support these practices, then yes, that industry falls away and leaves the workers without jobs. But maybe it will also open up room for another, more humane and self-sustaining system to emerge? Yeah, typing it out sounds naive. But child labor in the US was determined to be a negative, even though those children’s wages contributed to their families’ well-being. I think we’re better off without that, and I want to believe that the areas that rely on sweatshop labor will be better off without it, too.

    • AIMS

      I am less bothered by the things people say in this kind of situation because I just view it as a chance to talk to them about it. I remember so many views we accepted as a given even when I was in HS/College (and I’m 40 but not ancient, exactly) that would be utterly unacceptable in most professional/progressive circles today (not using the word progressive politically as much as literally).

      What does make me feel hopeless is reading about what people actually do (not what they think). The human capacity for cruelty is just soul crushing sometimes. And the only thing that helps with that is just trying to remember that many others are doing heroic things every day, too, and trying to be part of the “better” on this planet in whatever small way i can.

      • Bonnie Kate

        +1 to your first paragraph. I also think that people are very unlikely to change their view mid-conversation, however something rationally and calmly said during the conversation (assuming it can be avoided devolving) may stick with them and when they’re thinking about it later may change minds. I very, very rarely ever engage in political debates anymore, but mostly just calmly state what I believe to be true or right, and move on from heated conversations if the other person is trying to have some grand debate. No one wins in a heated conversation, but rational comments are what stick with people.

        Also +1 to the second part of your first paragraph! Culturally we’re at a way different point than we were 20 years ago. DH and I are started watching NCIS from the beginning, which starts in the early 2000s, and it’s astonishing how terribly one of the characters (Tony) behavior and personality has aged. Even my DH, who isn’t super progressive, is really turned off by the immature womanizer comments and stories.

        And I agree with your second paragraph too.

        • anonshmanon

          yes to all of this! If you want to infuse a bit more optimism in your view of humanity, I recommend Rutger Bregman’s book Humankind.

          • Anon

            Oh I’m still part way through Dawn of Everything, but Humankind looks good in a similar vein. I will add it to my list, thanks.

    • SaveYourself

      I have actual problems to worry about and fix. Changing people’s minds about things is not on that list. Seems like a waste of energy. How about instead of debating your colleagues on this, protest, call your legislators, make donations to the cause or solicit donations?

    • Anon

      A lot of the economic arguments that made sense 20 or 30 years ago are absurd now.

      We are drowning in cheap crap. We have too much stuff. An entire generation of people thinks MORE STUFF is good. It’s exhausting to explain to Boomer parents that we don’t want their cast off crap or something because it is cheap. No, I can’t always use another throw blanket; I have five and they are all nice. I neither need nor want an old crummy one or a $3 new one.

      Against that backdrop, it isn’t “sweatshops versus being unable to afford basic household items.” This isn’t a debate. Less stuff, less badly made stuff, fewer sweatshops = win all around.

        • Anon

          :)

          It’s not just “consumer culture.” Generations of people grew up when things were hard to come by, even things that were needed. Places like Goodwill were a godsend to those who couldn’t afford to buy new. So in their minds, cheap stuff is amazing and innovative; there is no downside to buying, because “someone can always use it.”

          Now we have a tsunami of cheap garbage. Our homes are filled to the brim and storage units are filled and Goodwill can’t even send the stuff overseas anymore, let alone sell it in America, because overseas is awash in stuff.

          “You can always use another” was valid thirty years ago. Now? We all have a lifetime supply of cheap water bottles, cheap throw blankets, random mugs, random tote bags, souvenir t shirts…. No, people do NOT “always need another” whatever. They actually might need to stop buying “cheap.”

          To continue ranting, I’m not even a minimalist and people think I “need another” whatever. I have four very nice running jackets (ex, Brooks) – why the BLEEP do you think “more” is remotely wanted, let alone needed? People actually think we are trying to say we can’t afford more. Trust me, I can afford cheap garbage or even a collection of nice things; I would actually pay good money to not have it.

          • Anon

            I’ve noticed how often I buy a thing instead of hiring a person. It would be so much more environmental to hire somebody to scrub my bathroom or trim my lawn than to own all the supplies myself. But then I have to store all the stuff, make time to use it, etc. It’s just so much more expensive to pay people… but if I can afford it, I’m starting to think I just should.

      • helloanon

        I agree that there is too much cheap crap, but you are kidding yourself if you think this is only a Boomer problem. The younger generations are perpetuating the nonsense through social media, which is essentially a platform for constant merching.

        • Anon

          Valid point. I’m a late Gen X, maybe early Millennial, and despite having y members who have literally rented Dumpsters to clean out the influx of crap, remain 100% convinced that “someone can always use this thing once I am done with it,” or “You can always use another water bottle.” Idiot influencers gonna influence, but what excuse do people my age have for not getting this? Haven’t we moved enough times and thrown away enough crap to understand how much crap people buy? Do basements full of mountains of stuff not convince people that maybe things don’t need to be bought? That maybe stop giving people weird looks when they say “I already have a closet full of blankets,” rather than ***pushing more blankets***?

        • NW Islander

          Gee, its almost like the Boomer generation passed their materialism on to their kids.

          Don’t know many younger people in packed 5,000sf homes with packed 3-car garages. The Boomers manifested that level of consumerism and yes, a lot of their children are now infected with it.

          I’m not rampantly consumerist because it has fallen to me to deal with my elder parents’ junk. My brothers, OTOH, are all about spending money they don’t have on toys exactly like our Boomer dad (not just one boat – 3 boats and almost zero for retirement).

          • Anon

            Of course, it’s always the Boomers’ fault. And they are always 100% in lockstep with each other in every way. I am bewildered by how people can think this ageist approach is more acceptable than ranting against people because of their race or religion, but on this list, it happens with regularity.

          • Anon

            Not every older person fits the Boomer stereotype. It’s more of a “if the shoe fits” thing.

    • Anonymous

      You lose me when you make it an issue about WOC. Sweatshops are bad for everyone working in them, and the goods produced in sweatshops frequently have a terrible environmental impact. It is also true that people support themselves and their families by working in sweatshops, and they are one of the reasons for the decline in global poverty over the past decades. So, not an easy issue and one that will only be solved by countries developing alternate economic opportunities. But, when you reduce this to the impact on WOC, I think you are less concerned about sweatshops (many employing children FGS) and more concerned with beating the drum of your favorite issue.

      • roxie

        oh sweetie. Tell me you don’t understand capitalism, colonialism, and and globalism without telling don’t understand capitalism, colonialism, and and globalism.

        • Anon

          I think you should use the world globalization here (meaning, the process characterized by an accelerating interconnection of goods, services, and peoples across borders).
          Globalism has become a term of art that describes the position that goods, people and services should be able to cross borders without restrictions. It is often employed by right wingers specifically to promulgate conspiracies about forces driving global interconnectedness (‘Globalists’).

        • Anonymous

          What is the point of a comment like this? It’s not smart or informative, and seems to serve mostly to make the poster feel superior. It’s not even correct, as pointed out in the explanation of globalism versus globalization.

          I don’t see the entire world from the perspective of WOC. If you do, that’s your choice and I don’t really care about your opinion.

      • Anti -Sweatshop

        Er, I’m an environmentalist (dyed in the wool hippie), I’m also a white lady, but WOC are the primary victims of sweatshops and arguing otherwise is obtuse.

    • Anon

      I have no idea. The pandemic especially and US politics seem to have broken a lot of people I know. It is scary to me to think of the kind of societal movements that followed the 1918 flu and wonder where we’re all heading. “Every man for himself” responses to to the pandemic, to climate change, to housing, etc. feels like such a step backward from the ambitions we used to have as a society.

  8. Cali Qs

    I’m interested in taking a Thanksgiving weekend trip to SoCal with my husband. We had holiday plans that fell through. Two questions:

    1) Will we be cold? This sound silly because of course I can and have looked up weather averages, but it’s still hard to get a sense of what it really feels like. Is late November a pleasant time to visit and spend time eating outside, etc. or will we feel chilly?

    2) Recommendations for things to do/places to go outside of the big cities? We’re hoping for a quieter trip. Considering a resort in San Juan Capistrano. Thoughts or other suggestions?

    • NYCer

      In coastal areas, it won’t be beach weather, but late November is usually still pretty nice in southern California. You will definitely need a jacket in the mornings and evenings (it is chilly), but you could end up with days in the mid 60s or low 70s. YMMV if that is outdoor eating weather. Lunch is probably more pleasant outdoors than dinner.

      I would probably pick Laguna Beach over San Juan if you’re looking to stay in Orange County. Surf and Sand is a nice hotel that is right on the beach and walking distance to the main “downtown” area of Laguna Beach. Not sure what else you are looking to do, but there are some decent hikes in Laguna Beach and Crystal Cove, Balboa Island in Newport is cute to walk around (great Christmas decorations, but you might be a tad too early for that), rent a duffy boat in Newport Harbor one afternoon.

    • Anon

      It won’t be hot and could be chilly if you go coastal. You don’t say where you’re coming from, but CA is overall nicely mild. Even if it’s foggy and chilly by the coast, you don’t need to wear ski wear. I love that time of year for a trip like you’re talking about, but don’t expect to sit by pools or go to the beach in a bathing suit.

    • Nudibranch

      Depends on where you are staying. Central Valley is coldish in November. You would not want to eat outside without a heating source nearby. And don’t ski resorts/ski season often start in November?

  9. N&R

    Anybody use Havenly? What was your experience? Pluses, minuses? What pricing plan did you select?

    • relatively zen

      I did and was a big fan! We did finishing touches on a bedroom in our apartment because I wanted it to feel more pulled together and less “we furnished this by combining our furniture and buying some extra stuff on Craigslist.” I thought the decorator did a great job accommodating our preferences and coming up with ideas that made a big difference even with only a few changes. My one caution is you have to be conscious of your budget. If we’d bought everything she suggested all at once, it would have put us over what we said we were comfortable spending. However, the designer was very responsive when I asked what she would prioritize and I think she gave me good answers.

    • Auburn

      We’ve used it twice – we did whatever the full plan was for a home office, and liked it okay. If you have a gift card to a specific store, you can’t buy the product through Havenly (which is what you’re supposed to do so the designers get commission). It felt like the designer didn’t REALLY listen to us or what we wanted, but we did buy most of the recommended items. When we did the mini package for our living room, it was a complete waste of money. The designer recommended things we hadn’t even asked for, like ceiling lighting (our living room doesn’t even have wiring for this – only lamps). She also didn’t help us solve the very specific design challenges we had asked for help with….I think if you’re starting from scratch it’s okay, but would not recommend the minis.

      • N&R

        Very helpful, thank you! Is there a designer discount if pieces are bought through Havenly? I’ve had friends work with interior designers and they got 20% discounts on the suggested furniture as the designers had relationships with the stores.

    • Anon

      I’ve used Havenly. It was underwhelming. It seems to be very green interior decorators who just need a paycheck and don’t give anything more than suggestions on paint and furniture.

  10. Handbag help

    I would like to buy a handbag, something I could wear to a city stroll or a nice dinner. Needs to be black leather, so that it is universal. Does not need to be big in size – I plan to stuff just phone, card holder, lip balm, hand gel. I was looking at 2 that would fit the bill: Pinko Love Classic Icon chevron and Tory Burch Kira Chevron. Anyone has one of these by any chance and comment on the quality of leather, how they wear, any feedback? TIA

  11. Anonymous

    I’m in a serious long distance relationship. My partner has a “big job” in a country which is collapsing. I’m terribly worried about him and miss him. I’m frustrated because our communication is limited—we touch in by text daily but rarely speak—time zones, exhaustion and super busy on his part. I have a lot of trauma from past silent treatment, gaslighting, and being ignored. I try to be empathetic but it’s difficult and I get triggered. The other day, not at the best moment; he was going home from a funeral, he messaged, among other things, he missed me. I replied I didn’t have that feeling that he missed me, the connection as it were. Then, among other things, I messaged him saying that maybe he wasn’t capable of being who I need and I have all this trauma (first time stating it point blank) and I understood no response to be a response and that I wouldn’t put myself in a position to endure the same as I had in the past. No response. I’m gutted. I know he’s busy dealing with all this but no response is a response, right?

    • A

      If he’s literally in a country that’s collapsing and that’s the text you sent as he was returning from a funeral – then yes, no response is a response. Wouldn’t have hurt to show some empathy for him.

      At this point, maybe therapy? You sound very needy.

      • Anon

        +1

        It sounds like communication is difficult for him for outside reasons, not because he’s ignoring you! If you can’t handle that, don’t have a long distance relationship.

    • Anon

      I feel like “among other things” is doing a lot of work in the story above.

      I would not say that no response here means that he doesn’t want to be with you in the abstract, but honestly if I had a stressful job in a collapsing country and I texted my boyfriend I missed him on the way home from a funeral— I’d be incredibly hurt by a response about it not feeling genuine and kind of an ambiguous break up text. I’m not sure what you wanted his response to be in that moment.

      It might be that the two of you are just not well matched at this time, which is totally fine, but that particular moment was not a good way to handle the conversation.

    • Anonymous

      Omg why are you sabotaging your life? Get professional help before you ruin more good things. He’s trying not to die and you’re saying “I know you literally just took time out of your terrible day to say you miss me but actually that’s not good enough.”

    • Anon

      It is a response, as was your reaction to a positive, emotional text that he sent to you at a difficult time, under challenging circumstances.

    • Lily

      I think it was a big mistake to unload these feelings/information on him when he was coming back from a funeral, assuming he knew the deceased personally. If I were him, I’d be pretty annoyed. It sounds like he’s giving you what he is capable of giving at the moment. If that’s not enough for you, I’d break it off. International long-distance for someone who is anxious about abandonment/silent treatment seems like a recipe for disaster.

    • Anon

      I guess I’m struggling to understand how you define “serious long distance relationship” when you rarely speak. I would also struggle to feel connected to someone if we texted but never/almost never saw each other and rarely speak. Can’t offer advice from experience, but from what I’ve read on this site, LDRs seem to only work with (1) a timeline to no longer being long-distance, (2) regular trips to see each other, and (3) regular meaningful communication. At a minimum, you need to have more regular video calls, and he needs to deal with his schedule to prioritize that. You should be a key priority if you’re in a serious relationship.

      • Anon

        I don’t know many people in failing countries with big jobs who can video chat and/or rearrange their schedule to make time for those calls…

        I’m assuming big job is related to country’s stability (so like maybe he’s in the military or government in Ukraine), in which case I’d say the job + trying to save the country take priority over this relationship… which I’m sure I’d happening frequently There now

    • Anon

      Gently, he lives in a country that’s collapsing, has a big job and is attending funerals (I’m sure more than one). I’m sure it takes a lot for him to get through his day to day. He cannot fill the role of an overly communicative and demonstrative boyfriend right now. Either you understand his situation and take that as price of admission or you realize you can’t be in a relationship with someone living the challenging life he’s living right now and you break it off.

      Honestly expecting more from him now sounds really tone deaf. If I were him I’d be pretty ticked off after your messages. He’s going through lord knows what and you get mad when he says he misses you because you don’t feel adequately appreciated?

      • Vicky Austin

        +1000. Sorry, OP, I’ve been there, but it’s really not about you right now.

      • Cat

        yeah, OP, you need to apologize if you want to salvage your relationship.

        Not that it’s remotely the same thing, but have you never been in the thick of it at work, buried in a huge project, on back to back calls… and can you picture a needy text from your partner arriving in the middle of it complaining that you were too slow at responding that day?? Now multiply that by their entire life right now.

    • Anon

      Re-read your question. Seriously, he is going through all sorts of stress and sh!t right now and you’re mopey because he’s not being responsive enough? Get a grip.

    • helloanon

      Oof. It sounds like you are both working through a lot but my sympathies mainly lie with him here. I think your timing was way off – he is coming home from a funeral and your response to “i miss you” is to essentially tell him he is a bad boyfriend? Also, you explicitly told him no response is a response. You can’t get upset with him for taking you at your word.
      If you want to fix this relationship, I think it is on you to reach out next. It’s also ok to end things if it is not right for you. I know this gets suggested a lot here, but I really recommend therapy to help you work through your trauma.

      • Anon

        OP, I hope your apology is accepted and you find peace, whether this continues as a relationship in its current form or not.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, this sounds like you don’t get it.

        in the future focus on what you want (to talk to him and feel the connection) so say that. “I miss you so much too, when can we make a time to talk or Zoom? I’d love to hear your voice.”

    • Anon

      From what you’ve posted, it doesn’t appear as if either of you is capable of meeting the other’s needs right now. That’s okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person. I think you need to reach out apologize for your last exchange and break things off like a grown-up.

    • Anon

      It sounds like you essentially sent a text saying you should break up, without wanting to actually break up. Did you want him to beg and convince you to stay? Did you want to threaten him into doing what you want? It sounds also like it was more about your feelings than anything tangible he’s doing. IE, you were using him as an emotional punching bag, berating and borderline breaking up with him, and then feel devastated when he retreats.

      If you want to break up because he can’t give you what you need right now, do so in a mature and responsible way. If you don’t want to break up, it’s inappropriate (and borderline emotionally abusive) to threaten it because you’re feeling upset.

      If it were for more than a couple of months, I couldn’t be in the relationship you’re describing either. Texts for me wouldn’t be enough, and it sounds like they aren’t for you. You have every right to end things if it’s not working.

      But please please get therapy. You’re not behaving appropriately and “I have trauma” isn’t an excuse to hurt people you love. If you constantly engage in this type of behavior without apologizing, it’s going to be impossible to maintain a healthy and loving relationship.

      • anon

        All of this. This relationship clearly isn’t working for you, but you owe it to yourself and future partners to work through your trauma so that you don’t pull anything like this again. This is completely out-of-bounds behavior.

    • Anon

      Wow. You are not ready to be in any relationship until you work through your issues because your text was completely out of line.

    • Anonymous

      You unloaded that in him after he’d been to a funeral and said he missed you?! Poor guy.

    • Anonymous

      Wow. You set him up. I get where you are coming from, and so do you, which means you need to check yourself before acting on those impulses. I hope you can reconcile if you want to and then do better.

  12. Anon

    I feel like my back is always uncomfortably tight; I’m currently very uncomfortable sitting in my office at my desk. I have a chair/desk set up by an ergonomic specialist. I wear good shoes for commuting (sneakers or birks), I exercise abc stretch.I get massages somewhat regularly. I’m only 28! I don’t know why I’m always tight and always feel like I need a giant back crack.

      • Vicky Austin

        +1. I like Down Dog and there are lots of mobility/stretching workouts available for free on Nike Training Club.

      • OP

        Oh shoot you’re right. I find yoga so boring so I never do it, but I went to a class with my friend for her birthday over the winter and I do remember feeling really good after it.

        • Bonnie Kate

          yoga teacher here…try different types of yoga with different teachers. I’m not saying yoga is for everyone, some people totally don’t like it and that’s okay, but there are so many different styles. Some yoga classes are boring AF to me…80% of the time I’m not going to a slower flow or haha class, and I’m not returning to a teacher who plays spa music the whole time. While some yoga students and teachers would be horrified that I play fun music in my vinyasa flow classes. Another style of yoga, Buti yoga, is half dance party. Some power yoga classes are the same sequence ever time which not my fav either, but I love some teachers who love this. So, what I’m trying to say, you’ve got options. Personally I love vinyasa flow classes with teachers who mix it up every time and have a good playlist, it keeps me in the flow.

          and also, side rant – f the teachers who say there’s a “right” or “correct” or “one” way of doing anything. they’re just yoga teachers, good lord. avoid the studios that think they know best and act like a YTT certificate gave them infinite insight into all of humanity and what’s best for students in all aspects of life. You’ll come across those types and I just nopeeee all over that.

          • Anonymous

            Not OP, but since there’s an expert in – is there a type of yoga, that’s just not breathing/meditation, that can be almost guaranteed to have no music? No spa music, mood music, music music anything? I’ve tried some classes, but cannot handle the noise, so would love some advice.

          • Bonnie Kate

            Anon @ 1:38 pm – well, Bikram (sometimes rebranded as Power 26) doesn’t play music. Idk if I personally recommend Bikram yoga to anyone really, it’s a pretty intense power yoga sequence of 26 postures in a super hot room with mirrors and nasty sweaty commercial carpet founded by an extremely problematic teacher who the studios and teachers have to give a bunch of money to…its just a very different yoga class environment than my yoga practice and not for me. But no music.

            I’ve noticed a power yoga studio I go to has started playing less music and quieter since the pandemic because they now stream all of their classes online and there is not a great way to stream a live class that has music playing in the class.

            You’ll have the best luck sending a message asking the yoga studio or teacher what type of music is played in the class. I wouldn’t be phased at all if someone messaged me asking about the music. I also try and make it very clear on my website what type of music I play, because I know it’s not for everyone and I want students to be able to opt out (or at least be fairly warned).

          • Bonnie Kate

            I was stuck on studio classes, but Anon at 3:50 pm makes a perfect point – most YouTube or online streaming classes aren’t going to include music. Yoga by Candace is a lesser known YouTube yoga teacher I very much like.

          • Silent yoga person

            Yoga with Adriene has been my fallback, but it’s not as good as being corrected in person.

            Thanks for the reassuring asking about music before committing, Bonnie Kate. I’ve been hestiant because music is so personal and wanting no music can feel like just critizing someone’s taste.

    • Bonnie Kate

      It is decidedly not popular on this site every time I bring it up, but….I’m gonna suggest a good chiropractor. :) Get the giant back crack your body is telling you it wants. Everybody in my life (parents, sisters, inlaws, coworkers, friends – like everyone) goes to the chiropractor when they have acute musculoskeletal type issues. My chiro is very good about staying in his lane and will refer to a specialist or doctor if needed, but there’s so much that he can just adjust and fix right away.

      But also vinyasa flow yoga will would likely help. It’s different than stretching since you’re moving and stretching at the same time; getting your body warm, strengthening the core, and lengthening through the spine.

    • Anonymous

      Sounds like you’re doing your best! For me, moving around or changing positions (whether seated, standing, leaning back, whatever) throughout the day helps a lot. It’s the staying in one position that tends to tighten me up.

    • Anon

      Consider strength training in addition to stretching. Strengthening can make it easier for your back to do day to day activities so it isn’t overworking and tightening up. (I’m not sure if I’m explaining this well, but a yoga teacher suggested it to me.)

      • Curious

        +1. If you do a desk job, you likely need more mobility in your thoracic spine and ribs, stronger and more flexible glutes and psoas and transverse abdominals, probably to get traps out of over flexion, strengthen lats and smaller mid back muscles. Half of the people at my PT are doing this. And vinyasa yoga alone actually isn’t great for it, because it has a lot of pushing without pulling and can exacerbate tight pecs. My apologies if that’s clear as mud. The point is: this region has a lot going on, and it can be very helpful to have a PT help.

      • Anonymous

        This is good advice. I used to have chronic neck pain. Stretching helped but never seemed to do the trick. Going to rehab where I was taught exercises to strengthen my back finally fixed things. Can’t remember the last time I had an ache .

    • Anonymous

      Have you considered trying a different kind of mattress or pillow set up? It could be about your bed.
      On a similar note, I found myself with a lot of neck pain over a long period of time. I had to take multiple breaks each day to stretch my neck or I was miserable. I was having trouble driving because my neck mobility was so limited I was not really safe on the road. Oddly, I fixed it by sleeping a lot over the course of about two weeks. A lot. After the two weeks, I haven’t experienced the neck pain again and it has been years.

  13. Quick money question - Large gifts

    My bf is gifting me $30k to go toward my down payment. What’s there best way he can effectuate the transfer? I am thinking a simple cashier’s check but is there a more efficient way? Also, I understand he’ll have to report the gift on his taxes. Is there anything else I am missing or need to look out for?

    • Anon

      Why get a cashier’s check rather than just doing an electronic transfer? It will take a few days to clear, but is more secure than walking around with a $30K piece of paper.

    • Anon

      He could gift you $15k in 2022 and another $15k in 2023, to avoid the gift tax complication. But this size gift from a boyfriend? Unless you are seriously committed to the point of shared finances (and it does not sound like you are), I would not entertain this.

    • Anon

      If you’re using it in the next few months, your bank will want a letter from him stating that it’s a gift, not a loan.

      • Anon

        That was my thought/concern – you’re definitely going to have to explain where the check is coming from if you’re looking to get financing for your home. In my last purchase, I got questions about $1-2K checks from family for gifts.

    • anonshmanon

      If you are receiving the gift, don’t you have to worry about your own taxes, rather than his? Also agree with the first anon – this amount of a gift with no strings attached is unusual from a bf – make sure you two have really talked about whether he has certain expectations in return.

        • anonshmanon

          I would not have guessed that… most countries would count that as income. You learn new things every day!

    • SSJD

      Lawyers can help with this.
      Agree with the advice to avoid gift tax by gifting the max allowed this year and the rest in future years. We handled this when my in-laws gifted us downpayment money by structuring the transfer of funds (beyond the one year tax-free gift amount) as an interest-free loan. They wrote a note forgiving a portion of the loan on Jan 1 each year (portion corresponded with max tax-free gift per year) until the whole loan was gone.
      Also agree that your mortgage company will want a letter from the gifter attesting to the nature of the transfer. I would just be honest with them about it and explain the intention and that you have no obligation to pay it back.

      • Anon

        This is so shady, even if it’s legal. It wasn’t a loan, it was a gift and you knew it. You should pay gift tax like everyone else.

        • Anon

          Nobody pays gift tax. There is no gift tax! You just have to report it toward the maximum exception to the estate tax, but it’s millions of dollars and anyone with estates that large can mostly work around it anyway.

          • Anon

            My parents paid gift taxes on a $20k gift they gave me ~15 years ago now. Maybe it’s one of those things where the super wealthy can avoid it and normal people pay it, but I don’t think that’s the defense of avoiding it that you think it is…

          • Anon

            That’s because the exemption for estate and gift taxes are combined and it’s something like 12 million dollars. So unless you’re getting very generous gifts, nobody owes taxes. Though you’re right, I guess it’s possible that you could get a 12 million dollar gift from someone who doesn’t have you as an heir. If that’s you, congratulations!

          • anon

            anon at 12:19, one can file paperwork to just count a gift against one’s lifetime estate tax exemption. why would anyone pay a gift tax instead of just electing to have the gift count against their lifetime exemption (which, at $22 million for a couple, hardly anyone will actually end up owing)?

        • NYCer

          This is actually super common, except the interest rate on the loan is often set at the AFR vs. interest-free.

        • anon

          +1 A family that is gifting their adult child downpayment money isn’t likely to be in estate/gift tax territory. A married couple has to give away/have an estate worth $22 million before US estate tax starts to apply.

          A family with that much wealth would have worked with professionals to transfer wealth in a tax-efficient manner starting very young. The adult child is not likely to need down payment money.

    • Senior Attorney

      I just did this with my dad’s estate and the easiest way is wire transfer. It costs like $20 but happens in a day.

      And he’ll have to file a gift tax return but this is well, well, within the lifetime exclusion so so tax should be due.

      • BB

        Actually, depending on your bank and account type, wire transfers can be free. They can also be as easy as filling out a form online. And agree that it’s the best way to do it logistically.

    • Anon 2.0

      Before you do anything you need to talk to your lender to ensure a boyfriend is an acceptable donor source for gift funds. Non-related parties are not always allowed, even with a gift letter, so you need to ensure this is permissible in the loan program you intend on using.

    • OP here

      Thanks, all, for the helpful advice! Just signed the contract in the house today, yay!

  14. Anonymous

    I need a pair of 3-4” heels in nude or navy. I’m a bridesmaid and will be wearing a floor length dress with a slit up one side. I have to navigate stairs, walk a half mile scenic river walk from ceremony to reception (guessing more than once) and just found out I’m in charge of carrying centerpieces to/from cars to tables. Trying to say: I need something with lots of straps or not-flimsy! I wear an 8.5, generally buy wide but can manage heels in a normal width. A wedge is OK but I haven’t seen any I like yet. As comfortable and sturdy as possible is the goal! Budget – I may only wear these once so would prefer not super expensive, hoping under 100 but willing to go up for a highly recommended shoe. I’ll check back tonight – please feel free to share links even though they get stuck in mod! :)

    • Anon

      I’m looking at a few different pairs of Soludos heels for a wedding I’m a bridesmaid in in the fall. I’m specifically interested in the Hazel and Gemma in nude, but you might also be interested in the Colette (higher heel). Block heel + ankle strap so I’m thinking they’ll be secure, stable ahd comfortable. I have not yet bought, so can’t weigh in on that though.

      They’re all $149, but are all styles I’d wear in my normal non bridesmaid life

    • Anon

      Could you change shoes for the half mile walk – even just changing into flats would be better and you could stash those someplace before the ceremony or even ask a friend to hold? Just a thought!

    • London (formerly NY) CPA

      I started buying shoes from Sargasso & Grey, a British brand who specializes in wide-width shoes. They ship to the US for a fixed fee and offer free returns from the US. I have the Carrie sandals in gold (also come in a nude/pink tone) which I love and found surprisingly comfortable at a recent wedding. They also got lots of compliments! The Sally might work as well, but I dont have those.

    • Anonymous

      Oh no this is dumb. Wear sneakers for all the nonsense except walking down the aisle

    • Anon

      Way over your budget, but I’d look into Margaux heels.

      For a shorter heel, I have the Clark’s Caroleigh Anya in cognac but I see they have a navy. These are my go to shoe – I commute 2 miles to work each way in them, I wear them to weddings and can dance all night, I wear them on cobblestones (so would probably be fine on your terrain too). Very sturdy abc comfortable! And they’re only $70 at DSW. They’re cute and on trend – it doesn’t feel like I’m wearing Clark’s!

      I think they’re versatile too – I wear them to work, to weddings, out to dinner, etc so you might get more than one wear out of them too. They are only a 1.75 inches heel though.

      • DeepSouth

        Who are you people and your switching shoes? Where is she going to stash her heels on the walk?!

        I agree with the Clark’s recommendation. if you choose ones with the front platform, they are truly all day shoes.

        Also look at Cole Haan. 6pm dot com usually has some options that should keep them in your price range.

        I regularly log 4 miles walking around meetings in my marble building in both of these and do fine.

        Have a great time at the wedding!

        • Anon

          She can walk with her shoes in her hands, right? She can put shoes in the car when moving decorations from car to reception venue.

    • Anonymous

      I would maybe get wear something practical for any carrying of centrepieces then switch to heels? If that means the dress would drag on the ground I’d consider being in charge of moving things to mean being in charge of getting a few groomsmen on the day to do the moving!

    • Cat

      girl, you need two pairs of shoes. There is not a pair of heels in the world that will keep you at all comfortable literally walking miles(!) of what I’m guessing is concrete.

      I’d wear a pair of platforms or espadrilles to keep your dress off the ground while you’re doing the grunt work.

        • Cat

          oh, I like that option for the “walking around” pair, I just think they might be too short for the actual event – as OP requested 3-4″ height, so probably wants something higher & more formal than those.

      • Anon

        Agree. I would probably wear something like Birkenstocks for the carrying (because who cares how my feet look?) and a beautiful pair of heels for the actual event.

        • Anon

          She’s probably doing the walking and carrying in the same dress though so flat shoes won’t work as she’ll have the dress hemmed to heel height. That’s why I recommend good, sturdy/comfy heels that are shorter than she wants but can do everything she needs

    • Anon8

      I’ve recommended these here before, and will continue to sing their praises forever: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07CVS872Q/

      A basic, no-nonsense shoe I bought for a wedding in 2020 and have worn to pretty much every formal event since then. They’re incredibly comfortable and easy to walk in, honestly doesn’t feel like a heel to me. Not the most exciting shoe in the world but a total workhorse.

    • Vicky Austin

      I’d say look at Naturalizer for something comfy with a block heel – the Vera is good; the Tiff seems to come in navy; maybe the Thena? Also slightly over your budget, but I find Naturalizer to be worth the money, and you never know, you may wear them again!

    • Anon

      I cannot scream from the rooftops loud enough how much I love the Lifestride Parigi pump. It comes in so many colors and feels like you’re wearing dance shoes. I also wear a 8.5W. All under $100. I have five pairs from Amazon.

    • Anon

      Lifestride Parigi Pump – I’m also an 8.5W and have 5 pairs. It feels like you’re wearing dance shoes. Comes in tons of colors.

    • Anon 2.0

      You need a good pair of sneakers or maybe a Birkenstock sandal, whatever is comfy to you. Maybe consider something to pin/hold the dress up as well if its floor length in heels. Do not wear heels for this part. The regret will be strong if you do.

  15. Anone

    Kid friendly resorts or destinations (ages 3 and 5 almost 4 and 6) next March in Europe? Looking for a place that would allow us to still enjoy ourselves with young kids that can’t appreciate museums or history and do large amounts of walking etc.?

    • Anon

      Florence! We went in March of this year with a just turned 4 year old. The city center is so compact, it’s easy for kids to get around. There are great museums but not so much stuff to do that you’ll be overwhelmed trying to fit it all in. And it doesn’t get more kid-friendly than Italian food. Weather was great (upper 60s) and we ate all our lunches and dinners outside. We did a day trip to an agriturismo in the Tuscan countryside and did a pasta making class and wine tasting there and that day was a highlight for all of us.

      We also just went to Mallorca and that was great too. The main city there (Palma) has more interesting history and architecture than I was expecting so the trip wasn’t all beach as I was fearing. We rented a car and drove around and it was less stressful than I’d anticipated. No different than driving in the US really. It won’t be swimming weather in March but you could play on uncrowded beaches and enjoy all the quaint towns.

      • Anon

        I love Italy. Sienna is also lovely and compact. Agreed about getting out of the city and seeing the countryside.

        • Anon

          After our trip to Florence, I jokingly-in-earnest informed my husband that I must go to Italy no less than every other year for the rest of our lives. Every trip there has been wonderful, but Florence and Tuscany are especially good for little kids. I think you might get FOMO in Rome with little kids and the Amalfi Coast and Cinque Terre regions have too much walking. I haven’t been to the Lake District or Puglia and I think those places could be kid-friendly also.

    • anon

      Ireland! A very kid friendly, kid oriented place. All the hotels outside of Dublin had playgrounds on the grounds and the rooms were configured for families traveling together. It’s a country that expects you to be traveling with a little one and it shows.

      • Anon

        My husband is a frequent business traveler to Copenhagen and we’ve never made it out to Legoland despite going to Copenhagen twice with kids. It’s quite a trek to get there, I think it’s 3+ hours away by car or bus from Copenhagen. Personally, I would much rather go to Copenhagen, Stockholm or other Scandinavian cities, which are all pretty kid-friendly, than a Legoland resort, since we have Legolands in the US.

  16. Yesterday's OP re: mastectomy

    Thank you for all the advice yesterday. They were very helpful and helped calm some of my anxiety going into the procedure.
    For the anonymous who offered to email more tips, my burner is AnonBurner2022 at gmail. Thanks again.

  17. DallasAnon

    Someone here told me about Calibrate and I now have (after 2 months) my medication name although no medication. Now they are sending the prescription to my pharmacy and making sure they aren’t going to overcharge me. Hoping I might have meds by August. I think you said that you are a member of some Facebook groups or something discussing the experience, is that right?

    • AZCPA

      Unfortunately Calibrate is a mess right now – they just had major layoffs, and have other internal issues from the sounds of things.

      But as far as meds, there are several FB groups, specialized by medication that you can join and learn all sort of helpful tips.

  18. Anon

    Michelle Singletary is on NPR right not in my city. That woman is doing the lord’s work re personal financial literacy.

    • anonchicago

      I have been reading her column and chats in the Washington Post for years. Agree, she is great.

  19. Panda Bear

    Recommendations for hotels in London? I’ll only be there for two nights, and am open to any neighborhood in the general zone 1 circle. I love hotels with character and a sense of history, but it doesn’t have to be fancy schmancy (ideally would love to keep it to about $500 per night, but am flexible).

    • Ribena

      The Standard (opposite Kings Cross) is iconic and much more modern in design than lots of the other ‘interesting’ hotels.
      The Mantis Draycott looks pretty recently refurbished and is much more traditional – while still having the service standards you get in the Accor group. In that group also is the Mondrian Shoreditch which is fun.

      Lately for work I’ve stayed in the Mercure London Bridge which is pretty boring but has a great location, the Hilton Metropol Edgware Road which felt anonymous and huge (in a bad way), the Point A at Kings Cross which was okay but very cheap, and the Ibis Shoreditch which is great and convenient for what I need.

      A food recommendation that I’m obsessed with however is Pilpel, a falafel chain in the City.

    • Anon8

      I stayed at Dukes London in May with my parents. Very old-money vibe, apparently Ian Fleming used to go to the bar there. Service was incredible, rooms were understated and very elegant. It’s located on a quiet, tiny street and is within walking distance to lots. We are not a particularly fancy schmancy family (my dad is just obsessed with hotels, haha) but had a great time there.

      • Anon

        Not the point but I love that you travel with your parents. I just took a trip with my parents and I think it’s such a great thing to be able to do as an adult.

    • Anon

      I have enjoyed the Zetter Hotel on Clerkenwell Rd, has a nice vibe, great service, was a comfortable location for me [walking distance to the agency and to the city]. Also – quiet and close to some nice cafes.

    • Anonymous

      Hazlitt’s in Soho is both historical and extremely central. I’ve been eying up the Rosewood at Holborn, but I think it’s above the budget without a deal.

      Look at the Mr and Mrs Smith hotel page for inspiration, they have great boutique hotels.

  20. Bye-bye Texas

    I posted late yesterday about moving to a new state as a lawyer, but I worded my question poorly. So here’s my do-over.

    For lawyers, if I’m applying to jobs out of my licensing state, should I transfer my UBE score pre-job offer and start the bar admission process in the target state, or wait until I have a job lined up? I’m targeting maybe 2 or 3 states, so it would be easier to wait until I have a job to start the process. But since I have no ties in any of those states, I’m wondering if I ought to just pick one and start the admission process since my hunch is that it will work in my favor in the job hunt to be admitted or in the process of it.

    I’m too new of a lawyer to waive in anywhere, so rather than the “eligible to waive into State X” language suggested yesterday as a resume line, what about a line that says something like, “UBE score high enough for bar admission in State X”?

    • Anon

      I would figure out what state you really want to be in and take the bar there. I’d do it now, it’s easier to get a job if you’re on the path to being licensed in that state and it makes you a more viable risk as an out of state candidate to hire.

    • Anon

      I see a lot of postings, more so in-house than firms, asking for current admission or eligibility within 6 months. If you are able to figure that out for the state where you are applying (I know that might not be possible) maybe you could say eligible for admission within 6 months.

      • Anokha

        If you’re going in-house, you might be able to become Registered In-House Counsel. But if you’re targetting law firms, I would just go ahead and take the second bar.

  21. Calistoga

    Any hotel/Bed & Breakfast recommendations for Calistoga? Traveling with kids and want a nice home base from which to explore the surrounding area.

    • Anokha

      Indian Springs in Calistoga — the last time I went, there were a bunch of kids in the pool.

    • Greensleeves

      We stayed at Brennan Cottage Inn in Calistoga a few years ago and it was lovely./

  22. Anon

    I grew up sure that there was a bagpipe part on Thunderstruck. And as an adult, it is clear that it is some sort of special guitar effect or something. In Scotland or where there are bagpipers — do they ever play Thunderstruck? A girl can dream . . .

    • Anon

      There are bagpipes in It’s Long Way to the Top If You Want to Rock and Roll. Also, if you’re in to the Scottish Games scene, there is usually a rock band with pipes or didgeridoo. Brother was one such band.

  23. Help w/ Spouse B-Day

    Looking to find a good weekend trip destination for spouse’s milestone (over 35) birthday. Context: Ideally within driving distance or very short flight from Houston. Will likely require to bring baby that will then be around 8 mths. Time: late August.

    Alternatively, has anyone planned a real adult birthday party (that would likely involve 20-30 close friend guests) and if so, what did that look like – was it at a venue, a bar, home, catered, potluck?

    I’m pretty low on ideas here. He’s general fine with low-key or party atmosphere.

    • AIMS

      Austin? We went to a wedding there and stayed in the Driskill and had the best time. If he’s any kind of history buff, the hotel has some great stories to tell.

    • Vicky Austin

      I follow a lowkey influencer who lives in northwest Arkansas and is always staying in super cute BnB’s and glampgrounds in the area: @sarahfortune.

    • anon

      Austin; hill country towns like Fredericksburg, Boerne, Johnson City; New Orleans; Texas beaches like Port Aransas, Rockport, North Padre Island, or Galveston; and my favorite: San Antonio.

      I’ve planned three similar parties in recent years and hosted them in houses. For one, we prepared the spread, which was heavy appetizers. The other two I had catered (one by a fancy caterer, and one by a nearby Mexican restaurant) and served food buffet-style. A venue like a restaurant’s back room or a small bar would be nice because you don’t have to clean up, which is huge.

    • NYCer

      Not sure what qualifies as a very short flight, but if 2.5ish hours qualifies, Chicago or Aspen could be fun. If your budget is (very, very) high, Blackberry Farm is also amazing (~2 hour flight to Knoxville).

      I have not had a birthday party for myself or my spouse, but have attended a couple 40th birthday parties recently. One was completely over the top (think, destination wedding, but it was a 40th bday party), but most have been hosted at a bar or restaurant in a private room or patio. Drinks and apps were paid for by the hosts (the person whose birthday it was). If you have a large home or garden, I think hosting at home with catered food and a bartender would also be nice. None of these options was particularly cheap though!

      • Carrots

        I just did something similar to what you mentioned in your second paragraph for my last (non-milestone) birthday. Private room in a restaurant in my city, I covered food and wine/beer (anything else, folks had to go out to the other bar to grab), and then we just socialized for like 4 hours. I think only invited like 25 people and 15-16 showed up, so filled the room, but it wasn’t so crowded I felt like I couldn’t get to everyone. I think my cost was inflated by the fact that my birthday is in December, but otherwise, didn’t feel too pricey for what I was getting (though definitely not something I’ll do every year).

    • Anon

      I’m guessing if you live in Texas you have a higher heat tolerance than I do, but Maine is about the only part of the continental US I can stand spending a lot of time outdoors in during late August. You could probably fly non-stop to Portland from Houston but I don’t know if it would qualify as a very short flight (I’m guessing it would be about 3 hours?).

    • pugsnbourbon

      We had a big party for my wife when she turned 30. We catered Mexican food and had lots of beer and drinks. Some people brought their kids, which was fine (they tended to leave a bit earlier). It was a very loose, open-house type feel.

    • Senior Attorney

      We did a charter party boat for my 60th and it was amazing. Everything was included including dinner, bar, DJ, cake, and we all flew to Manhattan and cruised around New York Harbor. Turned out to be way cheaper than buying out a bar or restaurant. I feel like you could do something similar anywhere that has a lake or river or whatever.

    • Anonymous

      My husband is really big on getting friends and family all together at the same time, so for his milestone birthday I threw a party for about 50 guests and sent out the date 6 months in advance so people could make travel plans. Nearly everyone made the effort to attend. It was a dinner with food stations (as opposed to a buffet or plated dinner) at his parents’ country club, which is pretty low-key as far as country clubs go. We piped a playlist over the speakers and everyone chatted and toasted him. It was great. If I’d had a bigger budget, I would have hired a pianist (he loved the jazz piano at our daughter’s father-daughter dance) and a photographer to take photos of all the gathered family members.

  25. "Summer casual"

    Fashion advice please. Going to a wedding weekend in Chicago. Welcome party is on the Hotel Lincoln roof deck, early evening. Attire is “summer casual.”

    Nap dress (black swiss dot, if it matters) and espadrilles?

    • anonchicago

      That sounds perfect!

      I used to live near the Hotel Lincoln and think it has one of the best views in the city. Enjoy!!

    • FormerlyPhilly

      You and everyone else there will be wearing a nap dress. Accessorize to set yourself apart in photos.

  26. Anon

    My 20 year old daughter has decided to switch from thongs to 100% cotton undies after watching a couple of OBGYN t1kt0ks. Recommendations for good quality cotton undies that won’t break a college student’s bank? (I told her I’d ask for recommendations here)

    Also, she wears a size 6 pants, if you are about that size and can include the size you wear in the undies you recommend, that would be really helpful thanks!!

    • Anon

      Gap Cotton Hipster! They are often on sale and last forever (once they start to be a bit faded, I use them as peri*d underwear [not in an absorbent way, more as don’t care if they get stained.) I’m a curvy size 2/have a mom stomach and wear size small.

    • Vicky Austin

      I’d just go for a pack of Hanes from Target if cotton + cheap is what matters to her. They come in various cuts.

    • Anon

      Either Hanes or FOL in the 3 or 6 packs at Target are just fine. Worn ’em for years.

      • Anon

        All of my underwear comes in multipacks. I don’t understand spending $$ on underwear

    • Anon

      I like gap underwear, and they do specials frequently. I wear a size 2/4 and wear XS; I might size up to S for a size 6.

    • FormerlyPhilly

      I prefer Jockey 100% cotton — they are running a good sale at the moment (or search online for coupon code)

    • Anonymous

      I buy from Jockey online. There are frequent sales and lots of selection. I wear size 6 pants, and buy size 5 cotton bikinis.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve found Victoria’s Secret regular cotton bikini undies to be quite good. And they’re currently doing a 5 for $32 deal which is budget friendly. Size 2/4, wear an S for undies

    • anonshmanon

      I minimize buying from Amazon, but the Amazon Essentials Women’s Cotton Bikini Brief Underwear have been better than what I’ve been able to find elsewhere.

    • Anonymous

      M&S
      Bonus points to them for not being terrible on ethical scores, if she care about that.

      I wear Gap size 6 jeans and wear a woman’s UK 10 or girl’s size 16 years for undies. (M&S has great cotton hipster shorts in the girl section, the ones with folded top edge).

  27. Anon

    Looking for a dress to wear to a bridal shower next month, under $50. This is the first bridal shower I’m going to that’s not just held in someone’s parents backyard, so not really sure what to wear. It’s in PA, the wedding is black tie and I expect the shower to be traditional and somewhat fancy. It’s a a Sunday afternoon with a “tea” theme. Should be hot and humid. I am a bridesmaid in the wedding.

    I’m a 5ft4 pear, late 20s, size 6, haven’t yet lost my COVID 20lbs. I prefer above the knee dresses but would be open to midi. Would love a dress I can repurpose for other things too.

  28. Anonymous

    Do physical therapists ever deal with people with the express complaint of being deconditioned? I know for younger people, you’d just go to the gym and get a trainer. I’m asking for an older person though – age 75+ who has really slowed down but all drs. say physically all is fine so he can work out. Seems not a great idea to go to a 25 year old trainer as IME they are usually just about pushing the person, which is more ok with a young deconditioned person than with an older one who has some limitations. Is there any way to do this under some “medical” oversight?

    • pugsnbourbon

      If you carefully vet the trainer, I think you can get someone who’s not pushing Grandpa to bench press two plates. You could check with his doc for recommendations, or look into your local YMCA – mine has some workout programs specifically aimed at older folks.

      • Anonymous

        I second the recommendation for the YMCA. Also look into group exercise classes aimed at seniors. Our church actually offers several each week. A senior center, the Y, the JCC, etc. may also have them.

        And what about walking? That doesn’t require a trainer or instructor.

    • Anon

      PTs do this for people who have been hospitalized for various conditions, so I’m sure they’re capable of doing it, if you don’t mind paying out of pocket. But you might be able to find trainers who specialize in working with older people who would be just as good. I think the big thing here is just finding the right person who clicks with your parent (or whoever it is), as the personal relationship will probably matter a lot here.

    • Anon

      If you’re the same person who is always posting about their dad I think you need to give him a break and stop pressuring him to exercise if he doesn’t want to.

      • Anonymous

        This is my grandfather and also the first time I’ve posted this but thanks.

      • Anon

        Why do people here think only one person has each problem? Elder care is a real thing that lots of people deal with, and there are many professional women caring for fathers who are over 75!

        This is really dismissive, invalidating, and unhelpful in response to a perfectly reasonable question.

        • pugsnbourbon

          I think sometimes we pick up lingo from each other. I keyed in on the “deconditioned” phrasing because this is the only place I’ve heard that term.

    • helloanon

      Look for health centers attached to hospitals/medical centers. My 78 year old neighbor works out twice a week with a personal trainer at a health center associated with a major hospital system in our city. It’s also where people go to rehab about heart/major surgery, and the trainers are well equipped to deal with older and deconditioned clients.

    • joan wilder

      Yes, absolutely. This is my parent’s issue due to their Parkinson’s. Her primary care and/or neurology gave her an Rx exactly for this. Unsolicited advice–consider new doctor either gerotonologist or primary care more clued into the concern’s and needs of aging (I know easier said than done).

  29. MI UP Recommendations

    My vacation plans got completely tanked due to flooding and we are looking for new ideas for next week. Thinking about maybe Michigan’s UP. Kids ages 5, 7, and 8. Any recommendations of places to stay (prefer cabin but definitely not picky at this point) or things to do? Not sure which area would even be best

    • Anonymous

      Check out Mountain View Lodges near the Porcupine Mountains. They are cabins on the beach. Also, Keweenaw Lodge in Copper Harbor has a fun putt putt golf course and a restaurant that serves the best whitefish I have ever had!

    • Anonymous

      My response is in mod but check out Keweenaw Lodge in Copper Harbor and Mountain View Lodge in Porcupine Mountains

    • Anon

      I would recommend Mackinac Island. I went with my parents when I was 7 or 8 and really loved it. It’s more of a schlep because you have to drive + ferry (no cars on the island) but it’s worth it IMO. I don’t think there’s much on the UP for kids that age unless your kids are very precocious hikers.

    • CHL

      Sorry to hear that! I love the UP but I think your options are probably just going to be dictated by what’s available for next week. Anywhere close to the water will probably be great.

    • MI UP Recommendations

      Thanks all! If I don’t use these next week, I will definitely keep in mind for next summer, when there is more time to plan.

  30. Worried

    I read yesterdays post late, but I wanted to thank the poster for recommendations for the silent vloggers on YouTube. I discovered Nami’s life channel a while ago, and it is so peaceful to watch her find joy in the everyday and strangely enough, reminded me to take time to enjoy making meals or tidying, even when I’m rushing to get things done. It’s as though there is a soundtrack in my mind when I do the same things she does, and it is a strangely relaxing mindset. I don’t always watch in entirety, but my husband actually saw me watching and says it is strangely calming for him too— we both marvel at her love of all the iced coffee!

    • Anon

      I’m the OP from yesterday who posted about Nami. So glad you are enjoying her, too! I find that the gentle reminder to slow down, be deliberate, make my home a haven, and treat myself with the same reverence I’d treat a guest is so helpful. And yes to the iced coffee love! I enjoy all her fun beverages, from peach seltzer to the butterfly pea tea. A fun reminder to mix it up even with everyday beverages.

      • Anon

        I was in that thread yesterday too and was trying to remember what other youtuber I enjoyed — it was corori_life.

        I’m so glad I’m not the only one who loves these!!!

      • Anon8

        I was too late to respond to the thread yesterday but I’m another devoted fan of Nami’s Life! My husband thinks I’m insane for watching someone do her laundry and clean for a half hour but I find it SO enjoyable. Part of what makes me love her so much is that she doesn’t live in a particularly beautiful apartment or have a super instagrammable life, but she makes a point of cherishing everything. Whenever I’m on a kick of watching her I tend to elevate my everyday life and as the T1ktok kids say “romanticize my life.”

      • Worried

        Thank you again:) there is something so serene for me watching her appreciate and elevate her day to day life. I have to try some of the teas and sofas too! They look intriguing.

  31. Sloan Sabbith

    I have COVID for the second time in just over a month and wow am I not a happy camper. Way more miserable than the first time around. It’s definitely not just still testing positive, either, I’d tested negative on PCR in the interim. I assume it’s BA.5 and seriously, everyone, mask up and get boosted if you can.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      I commented this and it disappeared so I don’t know if it will come up or not- edited to add that I had super mild symptoms early last night that developed late afternoon and tested just to be safe. Mild sore throat, mild stuffy nose. Test came back with a strong positive line within ~7 minutes even on day one with mild, mild symptoms.

        • Senior Attorney

          Largely over the COVID, but the (non-contagious) pneumonia is still hanging on and I’m still on a lot of drugs so I’m all higgledy-piggledy with side effects. Looking forward to finishing in another 10 days or so and getting back to myself. At least the really scary blood work resolved itself so that was a big win. Back to work and so happy to be out in the world!

          • Sloan Sabbith

            I feel that. After COVID round one, my lungs did not bounce back at all so I was actually on 3 antibiotics before I even got the COVID diagnosis this time. Felt like crap (and in pain) from those meds + now feel like crap from COVID. And Paxlovid is just as gross as it was round 1. Blech. Glad I can take it, but ugh it’s gross.

          • Anon

            Anecdotally, quick re-infections seem way more common among people who took Paxlovid. I wonder if somehow you don’t form as strong an immunity because you took it? I assume they’re studying that and hopefully there will be more info about it soon.

          • Senior Attorney

            Paxlovid is the WORST. I finished it on Sunday and my taste buds are still all messed up.

          • Sloan Sabbith

            I also just assume that with all of the stress I’ve had going on, the antibiotics, my lungs not being in great shape….my body was not in the best shape to ward off a COVID reinfection.

          • Anonymous

            Because of the Paxlovid, could it be a rebound instead of a new infection?

          • Sloan Sabbith

            No, it’s been over a month with a negative PCR in the middle and a completely new set of symptoms.

    • Anon

      Damn, I’m sorry. The thing about these B variants is that each variant produces next to no immunity for the next variant, and even the immunity to the same variant wanes quickly, as little as 30 days. I’m so sorry it got you again.

    • anon

      I’m sorry you’re not feeling good. Thank you for the PSA, though. I got Covid a month ago and have been contemplating letting down my guard.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        I flew for the first time since COVID on Thursday/back on Sunday because “I had COVID a month ago, I should be fine!” Masked up in a KN95 on the plane and in the airport…Apparently not. I assume that’s where I got it, although who knows. I would not let your guard down. I am way, way more miserable than I was first time and getting sicker rapidly. Fever is over 100 with ibuprofen. Fatigue is absolutely INSANE, I have to take a break leaning against the fridge when I walk from the next room I am just so shot. Not short of breath, just completely and totally drained. I have a chronic lung condition, so I’m probably a poor anecdotal sample but I had a very easy first go of this…

        • Anon

          Ugh. We’ve been flying all over in KN95s without getting it, but I guess BA5 is different. We fly 4 times in the next 3 weeks and all the trips involve visiting 70+ year olds. I’m getting very nervous.

  32. Anon

    I saw a post the other day where someone referenced a 1.75% savings rate – where is that??? We use Ally and I think my current rate is 0.9%. I think it would likely be worth moving over for that big of a jump. If anyone has any recommendations let me know!

      • Anon

        +1. I get an email from them every couple weeks about rate increases, and expect that to continue as the Fed continues to raise rates.

    • Anon

      My credit union has 3% on checking account balances up to $15k. Savings account rate is 0.1%, but goes up to 0.5% for balances over six figures.

    • In-House in Houston

      AmEx just went up to 1.15%. It’s gone up every 2 weeks or so for the last few weeks. 1.75 would be great!!

    • Late reply

      Citizens Access. Just got the email this week that it’s going from 1.25% to 1.75%. We have over 300k in there so maybe it’s somehow tied to my balance?

  33. Anon

    Y’all, I am sad. I have a job I really enjoy and the people on my team are phenomenal, with one exception. We have an internal transfer who took a little time getting her feet under her but is finally starting to hit her stride as far as her work responsibilities are concerned. However, she has also turned into a fount of toxicity towards several of us who she perceives as competition (that is not at all how our office politics work). She masks this all well enough that people in authority over her are only seeing her good side right now. I assume she will not be able to hide it forever, but in the meantime it feels like any attempt at addressing interpersonal issues with her (either directly or with authority figures) just makes me look like a sour, jealous biddy.

    I know my office well enough to realize she will eventually get what she has coming, but in the meantime it is so hard to deal with her poison ever single day.

    • anon

      Why don’t you confront her directly instead of dealing with her vitriol? Really! Sometimes bullies stand down when you look them dead in the eye and say, “I see you. I see what you’re doing. Please stop it.”

      • Anon

        OP. I’ve tried, but it backfired. She acted like she had no idea what I was talking about and put on a show of being horrified I would misinterpret her that way, then realized how much it bothered me and doubled down.

  34. Anon

    Because I feel like s*it, finally have time to comment on some recent book recommendations.

    Recent favorites:
    – Upgrade, Blake Crouch. This is near-future science fiction. If you liked Project Hail Mary, you’ll probably like this. The premise is that in the near future, gene editing has advanced significantly. The main character’s genome is hacked, and it’s part of a much larger and much more dangerous plan. It’s much less science-heavy than Crouch’s prior books (which I also liked) and so I found it more approachable.I had it in hardback but carried it around so I could read it in down moments I liked it so much.
    – Under the Whispering Door, TJ Klune. This is VERY different from House in the Cerulean Sea. YMMV, but as someone who lost someone recently I actually found this to be very uplifting and I actually feel like it helped e grieve my dad’s death in some ways without being preachy, grief-y or sad. Premise is that the main character dies and goes to the space in between life and death. After death, he becomes a better person than he was in life.
    – Lessons in Chemistry, Bonnie Garmus. I thought this book was going to be literary fiction based on the name. It is not. It definitely has some heavier themes (and some content warnings for assault and misogyny) but I loved the characters and how fresh it was to see a woman-focused book set in the 50s about a single mom with a child and a career.
    – Maybe in Another Life, One True Loves, and After I Do, all by Taylor Jenkins Reid. I hadn’t read any TJR before and really liked these contemporary fiction novels. I liked After I Do the best, but all of them are relatively easy reads, although all of them have heavier themes.
    – Something Wilder, Christina Lauren. Honestly, not my favorite work by them but it was a quick, light, fun summer read about a treasure hunt in the American Southwest. if you liked this, you’d probably like Chasing the Thrill by Daniel Barbarisi, which is a nonfiction treasure hunting book.
    – Like a House on Fire, Lauren McBrayer. I LOVED this book, and did not expect to. It’s about a mother who goes back to work as an architect when her kids are young and becomes best friends with her boss.
    – The Cartographers, Peng Shepherd. I also loved this book, which is mostly set in the New York Public Library. It’s a little bit fantasy, but it’s fantasy in the way Harry Potter is fantasy- it’s believable enough that you can suspend disbelief even if you’re someone that usually doesn’t “do” fantasy.
    – To Night Owl from Dogfish, Holly Goldberg Sloan. Yes, for anyone following along, many of these are Modern Mrs Darcy summer reading guide picks. And yes, this is actually a middle grade book. But it’s just really a cute read that doesn’t feel middle grade. It’s about two middle school girls whose dads fall in love and send them to summer camp together. They’re not thrilled but end up bonding and having many adventures. I loved it.
    – The Stars are Fire, Anita Shreve. This is an older book, but I read it recently and loved it. It’s set just after WWII in Maine and it’s about a couple who do not really get along, a wildfire, and the mother’s ability to survive with her kids.
    – The Love Hypothesis, Ali Hazelwood. If you liked The Kiss Quotient, you’ll probably like this. It’s about a student and a professor who are in a fake relationship which turns into a not-fake relationship. No neurodiverse characters, but the STEM aspect is there which is why I compare it to the Kiss Quotient.

    Bonus: If you liked The Kiss Quotient, Susannah Nix has a series of romance books (“Chemistry Lessons”) that are all STEM focused romances that I read and loved last year.

    • Anon

      “Lessons in Chemistry, Bonnie Garmus. I thought this book was going to be literary fiction based on the name. ” Based on the name I would have guessed this is a romance novel, not lit fic!

      • Sloan Sabbith

        I honestly don’t remember why I thought that, it might have been a combination of the title + a description I read somewhere? I’m glad I gave it a chance, though!

    • MagicUnicorn

      You have the best book recommendations. I really hope you are feeling better soon, and am so appreciative that you take the time to put good stuff out there for all of us to benefit from.

    • Vicky Austin

      I have been trying to find The Stars Are Fire somewhere for what feels like weeks. So interested in that premise. Great to hear you loved it!

      • Sloan Sabbith

        I tried to find her other book, The Pilot’s Wife, and haven’t been able to find it in any bookstores. I read The Stars Are Fire on audio from my library.

    • Anon

      I love everything Anita Shreve has written. Sadly she passed away a few years ago.

    • Anonymous

      I loved The Cartographers too! I would classify it as magic realism rather than fantasy.

      If you enjoyed the TJR books, I highly recommend Daisy Jones and the Six and Malibu Rising.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions