Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Silk Collarless Blouse

287 Comments

1. This blouse is SO up my street. And I love the colour – great pick.

   Last week I had the most hilariously bad StitchFix box, including a pair of jeans that were multiple sizes smaller than jeans they sent me in November, and two tops in neither a colour nor a style that I would ever wear. I have had to wrestle with SF so hard to apply my styling fee as a credit, and they have been using the logic that it’s a processing fee rather than a ‘styling’ fee (my argument was that clearly no styling had taken place, since it was so far from my stated and proven preferences in my profile, four previous boxes, etc). Just a word of warning…

   1. What’s your budget for SF? I used SF a few years ago but never really got much out of it and I either sent everything back or bought something but never really wore it again.

      1. Higher than the items they sent me! The last box had everything under £40 but I’m happy to go 50-75% above that.

         The last few boxes have each had a couple of wins and a couple of very near misses. I had assumed that over time the picks would get better with the data and feedback from those… and I certainly play Style Shuffle enough!

   2. Yeah this is how Stitch Fix broke up with me. First it was things that weren’t close to my style. Then it was items in the wrong size (always a smaller size… grr). The final straw was a black and orange striped hoodie in the summer. No one wants to dress like Halloween (period?) when it’s 100 degrees out, why is this even in stock?

      The problems started when I bought only one or two things from the box. I think perhaps they don’t give you a real stylist if you don’t buy a lot, they just sort of throw whatever in there.

      1. Maybe I’m a pessimist but I actually don’t think there even is a real stylist. I’m pretty sure it’s an algorithm based on your choices and it’s balanced against what other people with your choices have purchased from their boxes. I remember loving everything in my first Box so I bought all, or most, of them. Then in my subsequent boxes, they kept sending me the exact same thing but in different patterns or cuts. I finally cancelled when I realized everyone I knew who used the service was dressed exactly like me.

         1. My neighbor is actually a Stitch Fix stylist. She is … super stylish. Maybe it’s just luck of the draw? But I do know there are actual people – not sure if it’s an actual person for everyone.

            1. Very interesting. Thanks for sharing this.

         2. Yeah I know somebody who is a SF stylist so I can vouch that they exist.

         3. I know a couple of people who have worked as SF stylists, so I know they exist – but I also know that at least as of a couple of years ago, they were required to style 4 clients per hour. That’s 15 minutes to review the profile, make the picks, and write the note that comes with your selections. So – not enough time to do a lot of actual “styling.” The few boxes I have ordered made it clear they did not really look at my profile. They even sent me the exact same pair of pants more than once (black skinny jeans, which I think it’s highly likely got sent to every single client).

   3. Yes SF is awful. I got a couple of good pairs of jeans from there years ago, and had an actual stylist who listened, but then it seemed like computers took over. The stuff I got was comically bad/ugly.

      I have had much better luck with TrunkClub. Especially if I’m on the hunt for something specific. Last time I wanted a rain coat with a hood and white sneakers and they sent me like 4 pairs of shoes to try and a couple of rain coats plus one or two “fun” things to try that were my style. I’m not a Pinterest fan, but I do keep a Pinterest board for trunkclub and I can tell they check it.

   4. Ribena, this is unrelated, but I saw yesterday that you can’t eat avocados! I got oddly excited because I can’t either. Everyone reacts like it’s the most terrible thing! But the stomachache is not worth it. Is that what happens to you?

      1. Aha well… my mum really really can’t eat them. She will chuck up dramatically if she does. There are some things she can’t eat that I can (Eg I have recently introduced – carefully – mushrooms into my diet).
         When I was studying in Germany I picked up a can of deodorant from my usual brand – Nivea – without paying much further attention to it. Grocery shopping in your second language is tiring so I relied a lot on brand names where I recognised them! I got a weird rash under my arms and realised that the deodorant had avocado oil in it!
         So I try to avoid avocado now. If it comes with a dish I will usually scrape it off and give it to whoever I’m dining with, and any tiny traces left on my plate don’t seem to give me a problem – but I steer clear! Before the deodorant incident I did try avocado once or twice and didn’t get what the fuss is about, so it’s no big deal to avoid it for me.

         1. Ah, got it :) Glad you can eat mushrooms!!!

            Now I have to check deodorants, too :) Watch out for Nuun hydration — they use avocado oil , too!

            And thank you for sharing your SF experience for our vicarious enjoyment/ horror.

            1. I missed that post but I’m allergic to avocados too. I ended up in the hospital with severe “food poisoning” several times and the common denominator was avocados. Thank you for the heads up on Nuun. I didn’t know that and have never tried it.

   5. One of my friends used to be a stylist. She’s very stylish and I would totally let her pick my clothing. She said the challenge was that depending on timing, the “good” picks, or picks that line up with the client’s profile, were always gone. So that’s probably what’s happening with the dud boxes – the stylist’s timing was such that there weren’t that many options left.

2. I have the opportunity to speak with the incumbent of a government affairs job in which I am interested. I have experience with government affairs, but it is not a part of my current position. For those who are in government affairs, what questions might you ask? For all who have done informational interviews like this, what questions did you find most helpful? Any tips on questions and making a good impression would be appreciated.

   1. Would this position be working at a local, state, federal or international level? Would the employee be at risk if there is a change in the political party in power at the local, state or federal level? What has been your biggest challenge in the position? Are there expectations that the employee support political candidates or positions personally, or are all fundraising tickets, etc. paid for by the employer? What are the expectations in terms of attending fundraisers? (Most GA folks have lots of evenings and some weekend time eaten by these types of obligations.) Depending on what level, would you need to relocate to be in another city for the legislative session? Lots more, of course, but these are some practical considerations.

   2. If this is an in-house or association type job, I’d want to know how this role fits within the organization’s strategy and priority development. Who is setting the agenda and objectives and how does government affairs fit within that dynamic? If an association, I’d want to know a lot about the membership dynamics and how the association navigates that. If in-house, how does government relations advise the business team and vice versa?

      What sort of resources will you have to do your job? In addition to paying for fundraisers as the other comment suggests, what about tools to do the day to day job? I’m thinking like legislation/regulation tracking programs and hiring consultants.

      Also, what is the vision for the organization moving forward in the current health/economic climate and how are they supporting doing the job? The typical tools of government affairs – meetings, events, conferences – are on hold, so what is filling in?

   3. I’ve done government affairs in a government agency, law firm setting and now in house. Happy to talk off line. You can email me at only4shopping1 for google email.

3. I live alone and have been WFH 95% of workdays since mid March. I’m visiting a retired couple in a small town this weekend (we used to work together, they’re like surrogate aunt/uncle – too young to be grandparents). We planned to cook and talk and sit in their pool….well, I planned that, but I just got a call from another former co-worker telling me they planned a surprise party for me and at least a dozen people will be there.

   I would love to see people – But I am not sure if they’ll be in masks, social distance etc. How do I talk to my hosts about this? I really don’t want to cancel but I also want to be safe.

   1. Oh man. This might not be the right play but my initial thought is that in your shoes, I’d cancel. The surprise party is just what you found out about – what else might they be planning? Possibly nothing, but that would be on my mind all weekend.

   2. well, this is the risk of planning a surprise party – the guest can’t go! Why don’t you tell your coworker that and keep your plans for the weekend safely?

      1. ohhhhh I just realized the retired couple is ALSO former co-workers. So your hosts for the weekend are planning a party. Yikes. No, I would cancel in your shoes.

   3. “Hey I heard you planned a surprise party for me! That’s so sweet but I’m not comfortable attending a party with 12 people. Do you have a plan for how everyone will be staying distant? If not this won’t work from me and we will need to cancel.”

   4. Can you put your coworker who broke the news in charge of requesting covid compliance from your hosts? It’s a nice gesture but your concerns are perfectly valid.

   5. do you mean that your coworkers are hosting this surprise party at your retired couple friend’s place? If so, I would reach out to them if you trust them and ask about details. if they’re of retirement age I imagine they also want to be playing it safe.

      If it’s not happening at their place, I think you would still be well within reason to reach out to the coworker who called you and frame it as, oh just wanted to make sure that you’ve told everyone to wear a mask, etc.

   6. Yikes this is tricky! I would consider calling the hosts and telling them that you found out about the party, thank them for their “thoughtfulness” and how much you appreciate it and then talk about safety measures. Could you offer to bring extra masks for the guests and is the party going to be outside? If it is inside, do they have space? If you do discuss with them, I think you need to be prepared to tell them you can’t come if you are not comfortable. We hosted a party at our house last month with about the same number of people and it was fine. People didn’t wear masks but it was with a group that sees each other all the time so we all felt comfortable. But if it seems too risky to you, I would cancel your visit (soon so that they have time to contact everyone to tell them the party is cancelled and before they make food preparations etc). Good luck!

   7. I personally wouldn’t jump to cancelling the whole get-together. Though I respect those who draw tighter boundaries and there are obviously far too many variables to make a “one size fits all” approach, I’ve found a system for social interactions that I feel comfortable with. I intentionally space out my limited interactions with friends and family members by 2 or more weeks so that (aside from the people I pass at rare trips to the grocery store and my “quarantine pod” of my 2 roommates and my fiance) I am not having more than 1 social interaction in any 2-week period. Could you adopt a similar approach and plan out grocery deliveries etc so that you are not around anyone else for 14 full days after the surprise party?

      Also, I agree with those who recommended asking the friend who “tipped you off” to run interference for you. She or he can “casually remind” the hosts that you, as the guest of honor, will not be comfortable unless everyone is masked, everyone remains outdoors, and the group doesn’t exceed 10.

      1. But not everyone is doing that —- this is the core issue. Not everyone is spacing out interactions on the same timeline. Hence, vectors of transmission.

   8. I say you go, but be upfront with them and ask them to cancel the party. I’m sure you can come up with a script as to why, and honestly anyone who doesn’t understand why someone would potentially feel this way in this environment has their head in the sand.

      You’re getting a lot of suggestions here about asking about socially distant plans for the party, but honestly I am a skeptic that real social distancing happens at a party. Combo of likely booze & some people there that just don’t care about it. Now, I’m not necessarily saying that’s wrong – maybe the numbers in their small town are so low it’s fine. But it clearly makes you uncomfortable (which is also not wrong!) so I fear you have these socially distant party conversations to get a false sense of security ahead of time, then that doesn’t play out at all and you regret it (or worse).

      1. +1

      2. +2

   9. I would contact the hosts and tell them you heard about the surprise party, and while you honestly appreciate the kind and thoughtful gesture, you have some concerns. Ask about masks, ask about social distancing, and communicate what you are and are not comfortable with, not just for your sake but the sake of your hosts. It would be absolutely reasonable to request that the party be canceled, if you’re not comfortable being around so many people.

      I always feel like acknowledging and showing appreciation for people’s intentions go a long way, especially when setting boundaries and asking people not to do stuff.

4. Help me out with silk and linen. I feel like people who wear them enjoy them soooo much. I always feel like a wrinkled mess about an hour after I get dressed, especially if its hot, which is when linen appears to be the most advantageous. Also, I end up taking these items to be dry cleaned as I can’t seem to get them to look nice if I wash myself (on delicate, with woolite, hang to dry). If I don’t iron them, they are a non-starter to wear and even after ironing, they don’t always look “fresh”. What am I doing wrong? Buying the wrong type of silk and linen? I have purchased garments from Talbots, LL Bean, the Bay (Canada), etc. Is the quality not high enough? I have not bought any Eileen Fisher, as have never found her styling flattering on me (5’5″ and size 16/18). Help please!!!

   1. Same, girl, same. I swore off linen. I am sometimes tempted by linen online but my left hand swats my right hand away from the mouse.

      1. Lol – I am the same way!!

      2. +1 I don’t do linen.
         I do silk for special occasions and not when it’s hot out. Sweaty silk is not a good look on me.

   2. I stopped wearing 100% linen dress clothing years ago when someone commented on my wrinkled sheath dress. I would wear casual linen shirts and maybe skirts for casual occasions when no one expects a perfectly put together look. For dressier clothing, a blend of linen/rayon or another synthetic looks just like linen but stays fresher. But if polyester is in the blend, it won’t feel as airy.

      I don’t think it’s you, I also find linen and silk difficult to iron in a way that looks professional.

      1. ^excellent point. I only wear linen for casual occasions.
         Also, unpopular opinion.. but it’s just not that cool and breezy to me? I get back in the 1800s when Linen or wool were your options it was probably a lovely summer fabric, but I have never thought “wow I feel so light and breezy in this linen”

         1. Curious about this too! I love the rumpled look of linen but I don’t think I’m actually cooler. I just bought a linen duvet cover, and one of the main marketing points is temperature regulation in hot weather. I’m not sure if I buy it though….

            1. I have just been through an un-air conditioned humid heat wave in the Bay Area. Linen was the winner.

               It doesn’t stick to you like a t shirt would. It should be worn loose so that it doesn’t cling to the body. It breathes.

               It really kept me so much cooler than anything else in my closet.

            2. I just bought a linen-cotton blend top from JC Penney’s closing sale and I really like it – felt nice and airy. I’m super pale so always on the lookout for long-sleeve tops I can wear when it’s hot!

   3. I’m with you on silk so no advice there.
      For linen, how are you hanging it to dry? I have to use a drying rack and really spread out my linen clothing, kind of tugging at it to make sure it’s completely smooth before I leave it to dry. Also have to take it out of the washing machine right when it’s done. I find those two things make all the difference.
      I spray downy wrinkle release spray on my linen and kind of smooth it out again before I put it on, too. I’m sure there’s some reason you’re not supposed to do that, but I’d rather it wear out because I wore it than rot away on a hanger because I’m too busy treating it perfectly to wear it!

   4. Steaming is great for silk. I have a handheld steamer I use after washing and while hanging to dry.

   5. No, I think linen is supposed to be creased, that’s the look! I mostly enjoy linen trousers, because zero people outside my house are looking at my bottom half these days, but I am not a starched and ironed person to begin with…

   6. Linen: I wash and dry by machine, remove from dryer and hang while slightly damp, smoothing the wrinkles. Before I wear, I spritz with a de-wrinkling spray. Then, I lean into the rumpled look. I am naturally a Pig-Pen (fashion icon), so this suits my style aesthetic.

   7. Fabric softener really helps with the linen.

   8. Linen: I only wear this in casual clothes. However, I have a hard time figuring out how to wear linen dresses. I am pear shaped with a small waist, and since linen dresses normally don’t hold their shape well, it just looks awful. I also found the style more appropriate for like a garden party or something than my daily life. I have had good luck with separates like pants/tank tops that can be fit to my shape better and that I can still have a waist in. I typically pair a linen separate with jeans or a fitted top that looks more polished, but these clothes are still not what I would wear for dressy casual wear.

      Silk: Had some silk tops that I never wore because they were so high maintenance. I would get deodorant, etc. on them. They also were much more formal than what anyone else at my office wore. Also, it is really lightweight and breezy but also shows sweat stains– I buy silk blends now but not actual silk.

   9. I don’t actually wear much silk when it’s hot – I sweat and it’s gross. I do wear silk pretty regularly in other seasons – I wash it on delicate and hang to dry, and do a quick steam if it’s a formal outfit. I find it comfortable and it helps me feel put together. It might wrinkle a bit by the end of the days but it’s not a massive deal.
      For linen, I have either tops or pants, and just a few casual dresses – no formal dresses. I think most of the creasing happens around the hips when you sit? To me linen is never going to be super appropriate for formal occasions, but you can embrace some amount of wrinkles for casual and semi-formal outfits, it’s part of the look.

      1. Agree on silk in the summer. It gets wrecked. It’s lovely in the winter when I don’t get sweaty.

   10. I love my linen-cotton blend loose shirts from Gap (so much that one just fell apart after four years of frequent wear). They do get a little wrinkly but not nearly as bad as straight linen, and after a few washes, they are the softest things.

       1. Yes, seconding the linen/cotton blend thing. I have a gorgeous linen/cotton blend top from uniqlo (which they put Maya Rudolph in in Wine Country) and it wears beautifully.

       2. Yep, linen blend for the win.

   11. Thanks for the commiseration and the helpful comments. I will try some of the laundering tips. I have a steamer, but tend to forget about it and use the iron.

   12. You have to buy linen styles being okay with them being wrinkled. You can steam them before you wear them, but then you have to be okay with the wrinkles that come from wearing during the day.

       I don’t have much problem with silk wrinkling.

   13. If you’re going for a casual look, the answer for linen is linen KNIT fabric instead of woven. Doesn’t wrinkle at all. Usually marked as linen t-shirts. Like this: https://www.jcrew.com/p/shops/50_off_summers_greatest_hits/tshirts_tanktops/linen-rolledcuff-tshirt/L4596?color_name=bronzed-olive
       or this:
       https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=530320112&pcid=999&vid=1&searchText=linen+tee#pdp-page-content

       1. +1 for linen knits!! I have these J Crew light cardigans from years ago that are my favorite thing in linen jersey. They are perfect for summer evening cover ups when the temperature drops.

   14. Wrinkled mess is kind of the look. Don’t dry clean linen. Let it wear in. You should not be expecting to look crisp and pressed in linen.

5. I’m looking for a replacement phone case. I’ve had my old beloved Lodis one for 8 years, but it doesn’t fit my iPhone XR and they don’t appear to be making anything similar anymore. Things I love about my old case:
   1. The phone slid into a pocket and was kept in place by a snap. I don’t like having a case attached all the time.
   2. It was small and very low profile – other than the phone pocket, it had a small zip side pocket and a small card case.
   3. It had a small wristlet strap.
   4. It came in a bright color so I wouldn’t lose it.

   Any one seen anything like this lately? I got a recommendation for Bandolier, but don’t love the look. I like this Dagne Dover one (https://www.dagnedover.com/collections/piper-phone-sling#AshBlueLeather) as it is pretty close, but it only comes with the crossbody option and not as a wristlet. This Bellroy clutch (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07KQKFDTD/ref=ox_sc_saved_title_1?smid=A3CSAYA4MI36OG&psc=1) is also close, but I’d love something a little smaller.

   Thanks!

6. Curious after yesterday’s discussion – how much are law/accounting firm buy ins? And (anonymously, I’m guessing this is usually secret) where/how big?

   Former firm -$100k. Due Jan. 1 of partner year in a lump sum. Firm guaranteed a five year, 1% interest loan offered through two banks. Midwest, small town, 15 partners.

   Current firm – $30k. Firm financed, no interest, payable over three years (set off against earnings, 10k/year). Midwest, big city, 50 partners.

   1. Regional MidLaw — <$50K, you had to personally guarantee the lease (along with your spouse, if married; I would have put my foot down over that had I been the non-partner spouse) of a big fancy office that had recently been built-out

      BigLaw — Something like 40% of comp, all could be financed, 50% could permanently be an IO loan (non-amortizing); you used to get it all back when you left; to avoid bank runs, you get paid out over a number of years unless you retire/go in-house etc. I *think* you get it all back right away if you die (it was not at all clear; verbal assurances do not a partnership agreement make). IDK what you do if you leave Firm A and immediately need to do a buy-in at Firm B. You can opt to to back to being income partner and get your $ out (which I guess is what I do if I ever lateral, since it seems to work; this is often done by partners on their way to retirement).

      FWIW, we have tiers of partners — many are partners in name only and are W-2 employees who make no capital investment.

   2. Big 4 in Toronto. I had to contribute capital as I was allocated more units (units determine income allocation). Was not firm financed, but easily financed with one of the major Cdn banks. Some partners pay off their capital loan and then use the money they get back from the partnership to fund retirement. Others just wait to pay off loan when they leave/retire. Loan is not a mortgage so no principal repayments required. Firm pays you interest on capital loan and you pay interest to bank, so that is a wash. I think my capital in the firm when I left was about $400k. That was a number of years ago.

   3. Not a partner (yet), but husband is–his firm is $30k, paid over 5 (or maybe 7?) years. It’s a local, one office firm–50ish lawyers (of which I think 35ish are partners)

   4. US Biglaw second year equity partner. Buy-in is tied to unit allocation. Every first year partner is generally awarded the same unit level so the buy-in is approx. USD$180K. It is payable over three years (but at the end of the firm’s fiscal year rather than before). The firm does not finance it but has relationships with financial institutions to assist with financing. Unit increases are not on this schedule. My units went up as a second year, so I had to cash pay (or finance) within 30 days the buy-in for my increased portion (which happens in the middle of the Firm’s fiscal year). Still get two more years to pay the initial buy-in.

   5. My firm is only $12K or so. 20 partners. Paid in over the first year you are a partner.

   6. My former firm (80 lawyers, in a red fly-over state) had a partner buy in of $1. All partners were W-2 employees, and instead of traditional bonuses associates got a tiny percentage of the quarterly profit draws (that percentage increased slightly upon hitting certain billable targets). For partners, the profits were allocated based on units, which were calculated annually using a formula that considered business generation, hours worked/billed, seniority, etc.

7. Does anyone have the Feather Friends Bavarian down comforter? Is it worth the money?

   1. I don’t know about their comforters, but I have a down sleeping bag that turns into a blanket and a down jacket from them and they’re amazing! I got the jacket used and it’s dramatically warmer than anything else (comparing Patagonia, North Face, etc.) for sub-zero camping trips.

      Probably a good sign for a comforter if you’re looking for warmth & durability?

   2. I do! It’s the 700 light weight because I sleep hot. It is amazingly fluffy — much fluffier than my down comforter from the Company Store. I think it was worth the money because it really is cloudlike and is holding up very well – no leaking or stitching coming undone, etc. The only complaint I have is that it didn’t have loops or ties on the corners to secure the duvet cover, so I had to sew my own.

8. My husband is interviewing for a promotion/position that would put him on night shift indefinitely, and I’m curious how this works for people. I’m WFH on a regular schedule (8:30 – 5:30). No kids yet (and not TTC yet), and I’m in an industry with very heavy busy seasons. On one hand it seems like the perfect time to take a hit to our lifestyle to advance his career, in the hopes that he can move back to day shift over the next few years before we start trying to expand our family. On the other hand, it sounds like a major pain to deal with, schedule-wise. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s experienced this kind of schedule disparity!

   1. Is your living situation set up so that one of you can take calls without disturbing a sleeping partner? If that isn’t possible, this seems unworkable. If it is, then it seems possible if you are both committed to sharing quality time during the 8 hours (or less, depending on your career commitments) that neither of you will be working. It’s only for a few years, and you will probably not be doing much socially for the next year anyway.

   2. I did it while my husband was in residency, and it was not great for our relationship. It was like we were two ships passing in the night. But his night shifts were super super long because of residency, so we would literally not see each other sometimes or only for a minute. I guess you’d have to see how long his shifts would be. Also, my husband was very grumpy working nights.

   3. Things I have seen from friends/family members whose husbands worked nights:
      -Husband had a very hard time adjusting to being awake during the day on the weekend and was pretty grumpy then
      -They (my friends or family members) started being less and less available for friends or to do anything (hobbies, etc.) because they had such little time with their spouse, they wanted their whole weekend to be time with that person. I get it, but the rest of the world isn’t going to work their lives around your husband’s schedule.
      -The people it worked well for had breakfast together every day, like some couples would dinner. Night spouse would come home, eat breakfast with day spouse, and go to bed and day spouse would go to work.
      -A lot of the women had a much harder time sleeping alone in their house than they anticipated.
      -I’ve seen this more where it’s the woman who is working nights, but the biggest problems seem to be when day spouse doesn’t grasp that the person needs to sleep. There cannot be any “just popping in to grab something!” and sneaking in and out of the bedroom while the other person is sleeping.
      -Shift work truly does do things to your brain chemistry. I would not recommend it for longer than a year or two.

      1. Your second to last point was one of the keys in the demise of my relationship while I worked nights. I LOVED working nights when single. 10P-6A worked really well for me. My system adjusted well to it, and I had good friend relationships. I did a lot of morning things on weekends. Grocery shopping at 7-8AM during the week is bliss.
         Once I was moved in with my now-ex, he just. did. not. get. it. He would literally ask, “What do you have planned all day?” or get pouty if I couldn’t do something with him on a weekend afternoon, among other things.
         Of the friends whose relationships did work, the night shift was a part of their family plan for a myriad of reasons, though probably the most common was to avoid putting their child in daycare. That usually also involved one of the partners taking weekend shifts as well. The big thing was that working nights was something that furthered a joint goal and they were both invested in it working.

   4. My cousins are nurses where they could work overnight weekend shifts and be considered FT employees and they both did this when their kids were young so that they would be home/free during the week while their spouses worked busy jobs. Daycare costs would have been crushing, so this is how they stayed in the workforce for the very early years. They each had 3 kids and are still married even thought the kids are now 10-21, so not as parentally needy.

   5. That sounds like misery and a last resort.

   6. I worked nights for several years. The specific hours and your circadian rhythms will matter a lot. I worked 4-12 and I was always home by 12:30. DH (then BF) was a night owl and would happily stay up to greet me, we’d have an hour together and then he’d go to bed, and I’d go shortly after. When he worked from home 1 day a week, we’d have lunch together. I also had weekends off, which helped — will your husband have weekends off or is he expected to shift his off days as well? I’d also think long and hard about whether it’s realistic that he will move off nights — at some places it can be hard because night shift develops its own culture and it can be hard to get the notice of the day shift folks. Every situation is different.

      1. I think you worked evenings, not overnights?

         1. I mean, maybe? I certainly did not have my nights free! OP didn’t specify her husband’s hours, so I thought I’d offer one perspective. Night shift can mean different things at different places.

   7. Its incredibly difficult once you have kids but doable before then. We did it for several years, including the first 18 months of our child’s life. I’m a tax accountant and also have a cyclical job. His schedule is why I ended up moving to a smaller firm with a much less intense busy season.

      1. You are going to manage everything in the household that has to be done during business hours.
      2. Vacations are going to be terrible because it’ll be like he has extreme jet lag if you want to have him on an “awake during the day” schedule. Weekend trips are not going to be feasible.
      3. If you are independent and happy to manage your own social life by yourself, it’ll be much easier than if you’re one of those people who cant or wont socialize without your husband.
      4. If your husband is a very social person it’s probably going to be extremely hard on him. His social life will be very limited.
      5. You are going to have to be very intentional about spending time together and working on your marriage. By the end of the time my husband stopped working nights our marriage was strained nearly to the breaking point. It took a while to recover from that.

      The only good thing about it after having kids was since he was used to being up all night, on the nights he was not working, he would stay up with the baby and let me sleep. It was very very very hard on the nights he was working and I was 100% alone in the house with the baby all night long. And during the day I had to keep her quiet when he was sleeping. We spent a lot of time shut in her bedroom on the other end of the house or me pushing her around in the stroller at target or the mall. It was the actual worst.

   8. I’m not sure there is any possible career advancement or even money that would make this worthwhile for me and my husband-to-be. I would only recommend it if this is truly a dream job that only comes around once or twice in a lifetime, or if you have a significant financial goal that you need to achieve in the short term (with the understanding that he would find a new job once the goal has been met).

      1. Yeah to me this is, frankly, what you do when you’re too poor for other options.

         1. Not in health care.

         2. My police officer husband worked midnight-8 for several years and made $110k a year so no, it’s not because you’re too poor for other options.

         3. Husband was in an tech role that required 24 hour coverage. Also made significantly more than I did as a CPA.

            1. My dad worked nights in telecom for several years when my siblings and I were young – 3 small kids made the pay bump extra appealing. Mom freelanced and was able to work from home, which was the key to the whole thing.
               I definitely don’t think it was easy, but they’re still married.

         4. To add to the above, I guess ER doctors must be too poor for other options?

   9. The two people I’ve known personally who worked night sheets or off-shifts suffered a lot of ill health effects. Their hormones both seemed to go haywire – one gained a lot of weight and had issues with sleep, the other went through the craziest menopause I’ve ever seen (it’s possible this wasn’t a cause, but there does seem to be a correlation) and had disturbed sleeping patterns for years. My point is that unless this is truly a dream opportunity, it should probably be a last resort.

      1. This is what I was thinking. I know someone who has a completely different circadian rhythm that means they thrive on night shifts and suffer surprisingly serious health problems if they are awake and working during the day. I suspect at least some people who happily work nights are working with a biological predisposition.

   10. My SO is a health care worker (as am I) and works exclusively overnights. He’s fully adjusted to it at this point, and appreciates the pay differential. He also sometimes signs a quarterly “weekend contract” for which he agrees to work every Fri and Sat overnight, in exchange for a bonus. He has kids, and greets them in the morning before going to bed, and then makes dinner for them before leaving for work. He is also available to them if they need to wake him up for any reason during the day, but they understand not to do this casually. They’re old enough to hold down the fort while he’s gone, but he also works near home and can get there quickly in case of emergency. He works 3-4 long shifts per week, and the rest of the time he’s free.

       I agree that one key to handling this is respecting the overnight person’s sleep needs. I don’t ask him to do things the day after a shift any more than he should ask me to do something at 2 am on a weeknight. I enjoy time alone, and then if we have plans they usually start at 4-5 pm after he has worked. We don’t always do sleepovers on his nights off, because often when I’m ready to go to bed he’s still wide awake with lots of energy, so we just part ways and he stays up until maybe 3 am on his own. I feel I’m actually more available to friends/family on days he’s sleeping, because there’s no question of whether I might be doing something with him. That said, I have never been a “let’s do everything together” kind of partner. If I were, this would likely be a problem.

       1. So he just leaves his kids alone all night?

          1. “kids” can be 17 or even 20…

   11. I did overnight shifts for nearly three years. It was hell on me. Hell on my husband. Hard on the dog (we don’t have kids). And it nearly ended us. It also did some pretty intense damage to my health — four years after going back to a normal work schedule, I still cannot sleep through the night.

       I was fortunate that my job was seven days on, seven days off. So my off work weeks I tried to have a normal schedule. If I had not had that, I literally would not have seen my husband. We have an incredibly strong relationship and we are both very independent but this brought us to the brink. I would not recommend it to anyone. I just don’t see how it can ever work well.

   12. My ex husband worked a variable schedule, including nights, for a while when we were married. It was mostly hard on him because of the impacts on his sleep and overall health. It didn’t help that his particular schedule wasn’t consistent (so he’d work a mix of days and nights in the same week, and the days he didn’t work at all were basically just devoted to catching up on sleep).

       Relationship wise, it was not fantastic but not as difficult as I expected. We didn’t have kids and would spend time together at the ends of our respective workdays or whenever our off time overlapped. That said, we didn’t travel (too complicated and someone was bound to be exhausted) and had basically no regular social commitments together. When he got a new job with regular daytime hours, our whole life got better and easier.

   13. My husband did 11pm-7am for 2.5 years. He worked in a 24/7 military operations center. We made it work but we were both ready for him to be off that rotation. We tried to have breakfast together (8am), he’d try to go to sleep around 12pm, I’d wake him up when I came home from work (7:30pm) so we could hang out a bit before he left at 10pm. I ended up skewing my work schedule to 9:30am-6:30pm so that we could get more consistent time together. It is unfortunate but better for their health if night spouse stays on night schedule even if not working. This means you need to be really good at doing social activities on your own (guess not an issue this year!) and being on your own at home a lot. Overall, he would try to do fun things on weekends but just didn’t have a lot of energy. We did not have children at the time and have two now–I am not sure our marriage would have made it with kids in the mix.

       We are 7 years out from the end of night schedule. Husband continues to suffer from insomnia and has some health problems which have been attributed to his wacky circadian rhythms and inability to turn off his brain at night. He also gained weight over those years that he has not been able to lose, which affects his overall health. I feel that job aged him prematurely though this could partially be attributed to the stress from the fast paced role. Unless there is a large pay increase (that increases your family safety net over long term) or a guarantee of an awesome/stable job at the end of those years, I would not recommend. Good luck.

9. Has anyone tried the Hanacure “all-in-one” facial that is all over IG? Supposedly Drew Barrymore and the Kardashians use it. Gosh those IG ads are good. It’s so easy for met to get sucked into them. But wanted to ask if anyone here has tried it. TIA!

   1. OMG I know nothing about this but I would trust NOTHING about what the Kardashians say they use. They slap their name on anything and get paid huge to do so. They do not care about your skin.

   2. The SKIN1004 Zombie Pack is supposed to be a good and cheaper dupe for Hancure

   3. I used it once. It was…fine. There was absolutely nothing special about it. I have no idea what the fuss it about.

      1. Same. Fine but not worth the $.

10. Is anyone else weirdly emotional watching the Democratic National Convention? I’m not even a democrat, but I started crying during the roll call. Seeing so many different people around the country talk about how they want to make the country better was so inspirational. I also loved seeing the different geographic areas, and I miss being able to travel domestically for the fun of it.

    1. I loved the roll call!

    2. This format worked so much better than it did in Before Times.
       I wasn’t sure I’d sit through the whole thing, but it’s kept me interested (and yes, I’ve shed a few tears too).

    3. The roll call was great!
       Also loved the video about Jill before her speech. She will be an excellent First Lady.

    4. Yep, me! I cried a bunch last night. I think it’s because things are so awful in so many ways and the convention is making me hopeful that there is at least another option. Biden was never my first or second or even third choice but he strikes me as a fundamentally decent person and I have been really missing that lately.

       1. This. Biden is far from perfect but I believe he is a fundamentally decent person who genuine wants to make this country a better place for everyone vs. current occupant of the office who just wants as much money and power for himself and his family and the country doing well (not that it is), would just be for his own glorification not because he actually cares about other people on any level.

       2. +1 It is so nice to take a break from having our Bully-in-Chief screaming at us. I would vote for a potted plant in order to get 4 years of peace and quiet. But apart from that I think Biden and Harris will be a really good team.

    5. I was emotional. I was struck by the beauty and diversity of the country ( I’m 100% a cheeseball like that) but also by the way the current administration’s policies have impacted the people the people in this country in different ways. The racist murders, the senseless gun violence, the utter failure on the pandemic, on climate change. It was whirlwind of pain but also hope that just really got to me.

       Also, the sunglasses are cute. There I said it.

    6. I am not watching it because I am asleep by the time it starts. What is with the 10:00 p.m. kickoffs? I know they are trying to accommodate the west coast crowd, but it could still be an hour or so earlier.

       1. It starts at 9pm eastern technically, but yeah all of the big speeches are after 10pm.

       2. I am not watching any of it live. I watch the following morning.

    7. I definitely shed some tears when Matthew Sheppard’s parents represented Wyoming, I was not expecting that at all.

       1. I agree. I loved the roll call– seeing who was chosen and seeing where they chose to do it was such a breath of fresh air. I feel like I haven’t traveled to that many US states and last night was like a cool postcard tour! This is definitely an odd year but I have been impressed with the DNC making the best of this format and in fact taking advantage of it in some cases! Not only was the states’ roll call way better in situ, but I think hearing tragic stories (like the woman who lost her dad to COVID) from someone’s home was more intimate and fostered a better connection instead of being toted before a crowd of thousands and blinding lights of a hyped-up convention crowd. Or the woman speaking literally from her lobby elevator! Or putting actual context and humanity behind “Amtrak Joe” with the delegates at the Amtrak platform. Dr. Jill in a classroom at her old school! They really made the best of it.

11. Are we ever going back to accessories? When I leave the house, I just bring my iPhone that has one of those card wallet things stuck on the back (ID + a card). No one wants to touch cash, so IDK where my wallet even is now (probably in the purse I last used in February, gathering dust on the floor of the closet). Are we ever going back to purses, laptop totes, pretty clutches, etc.? Every week or so I put in earrings so that the holes don’t close up. I only wear my Qalo ring now.

12. On your coffee break thread yesterday, you mentioned that there are several malpractice suits filed against the firm and that there are some shady things behind the scenes. If you think the suits are well-founded, is this a reason not to make partner? As partner/owner of the firm, you’re on the hook for claims against the firm. I know that your professional insurance plays a role, but could you end up being caught up in the suit. Even from a nuisance value of having to respond to communications or could it potentially impact your own insurance coverage somewhere else in the future? It seemed like a red flag, but I don’t know the answers to the questions I raised.

    1. Lawyer-ly answer right here – it depends. A malpractice suit does not necessarily mean there are problems with your firm or the attorneys. Stuff happens, mistakes get made. Obviously, the type claim and basis for the claim is important. If she thinks “shady” stuff is going on, that’s way different in my mind than defending a claim. As far as responsibility for the claims, insurance generally takes care of that. As a partner, it may mean that the pie is reduced to pay the deductible or for future premiums, but it’s rare that they would be personally on the hook so to speak. If the claim isn’t against you personally, it would be surprising if it would impact future coverage, but it may be something that needs to be disclosed.

       1. As a legal malpractice attorney I second this. Lots of lawyers get sued for “there but for the grace of God” stuff. The kinds of mistakes that can and do happen to every attorney (particularly outside Big Law where the clients are paying for multiple layers of review to be sure mistakes don’t happen). Things get calendared wrong, busy people let things slip ,and sometimes an attorney suddenly comes up on a surprise situation and does not have time to research before making a decision. In other words, sh*t happens and that is why we have insurance.

          Multiple lawsuits over sloppy errors and cases involving mishandling of client trust funds or conflicts of interests are another matter altogether and are red flags. However be aware that you cannot necessarily judge what happened from the complaint. Those get filed by attorneys who are relying on what their clients tell them and are often virtually fiction.

13. If anyone is interested in purchasing Fitness Blender workout programs, they are having a sale for 70% off some of their programs on their website. I’m not really a gym person, or a workout person in general, but I’ve been able to complete a couple of them since I’ve been WFH full time.

    1. I love Fitness Blender — just discovered them during this time and I’m on my second program. Have you done any of the programs that are in the sale? I’m doing Sweat right now but can’t figure out if/how Blend is different. I was doing Orange Theory in the Before Times, and I’ve found this to be a pretty good substitute (obviously no treadmill, but my favorite part of OTF was the HIIT aspect).

       1. I have done FB Low Impact Round 2. It was the first program I tried from them and I would recommend it. There is a good combination of workouts for the entire body and some videos with weights mixed in.

          If you want to do all weights, FB Strong is great.

          I noticed FB Bodyweight is part of the sale. I am currently doing FB Bodyweight Round 2 and am enjoying it so far. I’m finding these to be more cardio focused, which is something i need.

          1. Bodyweight R2 is the one I started with, right before Sweat, and I loved it. It was very challenging, but great cardio and I think I built a bit of strength with it. Sweat incorporates dumbbells, which I missed from Orange Theory. When I saw the sale, I was hoping Strong would be part of it because I was thinking of doing that or Fit next.

       2. I agree that it’s a great sub for Orangetheory!

    2. I LOVE their programs!!

14. Since there are so many questions daily about masking, social distancing etc, allow me to offer a foreigner’s perspective. I live in a small country that has virtually zero community transmission, and less than 30 deaths (55000+ cases).

    1. Compulsory masking at all times, no exceptions unless you’re running, Swimming, eating etc
    2. Heavy fines if you are caught without a mask
    3. Compulsory contact tracing through phone app, no exceptions. No app, no entry
    4. No, it doesn’t matter if you’re alone on the road. You still mask up. Since you don’t know who was there a minute ago and might have coughed particles into the air.

    The guiding principle is that the health of all depends on each of us. No catering to special snowflakes.

    Schools have opened with full attendance. Social distancing in classrooms, all kids are masked.
    Most offices are wfh. All essential services take precautions etc. You can’t enter the post office if there are more than 5 pax there, that kind of thing. US embassy workers are still going in though, we have a few of them as neighbours.

    BUT it means we can function again, more or less. Less closures, less unemployed etc.

    The whole point is – Societal good above individual “freedom”.
    Sounds draconian, I’m sure. But it works.

    1. Where do you live and can I move there?

       1. Singapore…and it loves expats :)

          1. I have friends in Singapore and heard that one woman was anti-mask/thought the virus was a hoax and she was put in a mental institution. When I was reading what you wrote I thought, hmmm sounds like Singapore.

             1. I don’t want them institutionalized, but I wish there some way to get my QAnon conspiracist family into therapy or whatever it is they need.

             2. +1 Anon at 2:55 PM

    2. In my city, a large reason why schools are closed was that many of them had big issues with a small % of kids acting out in Before Times. The thinking was if those kids now unmasked and spat or licked another kid, you’d have to exclude them, but do you send a kid acting out to the office (where the oldest staff seems to work) to await a parent picking them up for home detention? Those sorts of risks are non-trivial to those encountering them. And my city doesn’t have the best record with vaccinations (not antivaxxers, just no one seems to care much), so it’s sort of a sicker / underserved population making up a big % of students. Do you not have concerns like this? Adults being compliant and masking doesn’t really help with these issues.

    3. Of course draconian measures work! But there is a balancing act to be had, or at least a conversation, no? I follow all the rules with masks, etc., but I feel deeply uncomfortable with the lack of privacy in many of the measures that have been taken in other countries. It’s not that different from any other debate – whether it’s about nat’l security or even speed limits. I think there is a range of valid perspectives and I certainly think that we in the US have mucked this up as much as we could have, but I also don’t want to compulsory phone apps from the govt on my phone.

       1. Yep, I agree with this. I also think people continue to skate over the point that making decisions is a lot easier in a smaller, more homogenous country like Singapore. I also think there would be massive outcries in the US over heavy fines for not masking up (I’m not a big fan of cash bail…isn’t that just more of the same)?

       2. Well, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I am just sharing what’s worked here to totally extinguish community COVID transmissions. And if you think that the Govt here has nothing better to do than monitor my checkin/ checkout status at the mall, pharmacy etc…then I don’t know what to say!

          I’m more uncomfortable with FB having access to my stuff vs my Govt having access to my whereabouts for contact tracing. Anyway, they probably already know it all:)

          1. I am uncomfortable with both! And I think that the idea that ‘they already know it all so what’s the point’ or the notion that ‘I have nothing to hide so whatever’ is incredibly dangerous. Your right to reasonable expectations of privacy erodes with every bit of information that you give away!

             Anyway, I get that not everyone cares about that but I am certainly not trying ‘to have my cake and eat it too’. I am expressly saying that I don’t think that eliminating the virus completely is worth giving up all privacy rights, never mind that you are only talking about community transmission. Just like I don’t think that making the speed limit 10 MPH everywhere is worth eliminating all car accidents. Reasonable people may differ but that is the opposite of having your cake and eating it too.

             1. “I am expressly saying that I don’t think that eliminating the virus completely is worth giving up all privacy rights,”

                Exactly. In America, we have a strong cultural worry that the rights we give up “for an emergency” will never reappear once the emergency is over, or that privacy rights given up to avoid a million deaths will be used to avoid a hundred thousand deaths, then five hundred deaths, and then it’s so close to zero and we’ve given them up already so those rights are gone.

             2. Well, as long as you’re fine dying or causing the deaths of others for your beliefs … shrug

             3. Dictatorships have caused a hundred million deaths, Anonymous at 11:08.

             4. Well said, AIMS. There’s always balance to be had. We can pretend nothing is worth any loss of life, but that’s simply not how any of us ever have or ever could live.

       3. But both the government and private companies already have the data required; they just aren’t using it to help stop the pandemic (partly because they don’t want people to realize how much data they already collect).

          1. +1
             Target already knows when you were in their store, they just don’t want you to know they know.

       4. Yeah, I was with you until government mandated tracking for all. No thanks.

          1. If you live in the U.S and have a smartphone., you’re already getting tracked everywhere you, but by private companies (and prob the feds too via backdoor). No one wants to acknowledge it, but it’s true. People have decided targeted advertising and location services are worth it to them.

             1. Sure, but private companies are going to try to sell you things. They’ve always been trying to do that. Government has the power of compulsion, which is why people react more strongly to government tracking.

             2. yup, so true.

             3. In the US there is coverage of how the police and government entities avoid having to get warrants for information by simply buying it from private companies rather than subpoenaing. None of your data is truly safe, sure use a VPN but leave your phone at home if you need to do something off the radar.

          2. You have the option to opt-out. I turn off all of my location services and sacrifice connivence for privacy – that’s my CHOICE. I think there’s a big difference between the bargain we make now vs. the government mandating it. Also, we talk about not trusting Trump’s administration all the time, and there were definitely some problematic elements of the Obama administration (even if I’d take him back in a heartbeat). I don’t agree with giving our government that much access over the table.

             1. Yeah, that doesn’t work: https://www.techrepublic.com/article/your-smartphone-can-be-tracked-even-if-gps-location-services-are-turned-off/

                I agree about the risks of government mandates, but I also have significant concerns about private companies tracking us with so little oversight.

             2. I just think we have the worst of both worlds (they have the information, but aren’t using it to help us in any way).

             3. Bingo, Anon at 11:38.

          3. The government could pretty easily pass a law allowing public health department contract tracers to get a warrant for someone’s phone data if they’re not cooperating–or even if they are cooperating depending–and then it could be used properly and kept the same way the health department keeps similar medical data private.

             This could easily be done in a way that doesn’t infringe civil liberties. A more expansive version could be set to expire in three years with a more restricted version left necessarily on the books (if it isn’t already). This would unfortunately involve actually funding the health department and unemployment benefits for anyone who has to isolate. Ideally we’d have quarantine “hospitals” where people could safely isolate away from their family if they’d been exposed–this would be tremendously helpful even if it were voluntary before a positive test result. Again, this would involve funding hotels to house people.

       5. This. I’m extra wary of giving up rights for safety in frightening times. It seems temporary, but there’s no guarantee of that. I think the pandemic was horribly mishandled in the us, but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to give up individual rights as a concept. Sure, the pandemic would have been controlled more easily if we sealed people in their homes like the Chinese, but it’s not an acceptable approach for me.

          Im also not willing to live in a country where the government canes people for misdemeanors as a policy. I’m upset enough about the extra-legal violence of law enforcement here as it is.

          1. Yep, exactly. I’ll take a few extra pandemic deaths (yes, including among those close to me, or myself) if it means not forfeiting individual rights or sliding toward authoritarianism like China. I’d rather die of COVID than live in China – have you seen what’s happening in Hong Kong or to the Uyghurs? It’s an absolutely horrible trade off, but here we are.

             1. this is a super false trade off. Phone apps are one part of the equation in OPs description. You could and should do everything with manual contact tracing if you have zero community transmission.

             2. Totally agree Anon@11:31. AnonMPH, “If you have zero community transmission…” I think the commenter you’re replying to is saying she doesn’t accept authoritarian measures like blanket surveillance tactics e.g. a mandatory app or blanket restrictions like strict stay-at-home orders (“sealing people in their homes like the Chinese” in the comment she replied to) regardless of the degree of COVID community transmission. Even if that’s not what she’s saying (in which case apologies to her), it’s definitely what I’m saying.

    4. Interesting regarding point #4! I don’t generally wear a mask for walks around the neighborhood because it is easy to social distance from anyone I encounter on the sidewalk, I’ll only put on a mask for more crowded outdoor spaces. About 50% of folks seem to wear masks in my area outdoors when you can social distance. Maybe I should mask up though? Thoughts?

       1. I think it’s a personal choice like wiping down your fedex boxes. Sure, in theory there is a chance your delivery person has Covid and also sneezed on it in the exact spot you touched it and you will get sick even though you briefly touched it and then washed your hands. But for me a mask is less comfortable and if there is no one around me outside, I am not wearing one. I will go for more longer walks this way and it will almost certainly benefit my health a lot more to get air and exercise in greater quantities than I otherwise would if I had to wear a mask.

          1. Same. The benefits of masks (keeping your breath to yourself in areas where others might inhale recently-expelled droplets) are way, way less in outdoor air. Let’s say someone infected coughed in the street (not wearing a mask) and you walk that same block a few minutes later. The odds that enough of the droplets and virus are hovering around exactly where you happen to walk in the open air? Negligible.

             1. It depends on the amount and the weather conditions. I wouldn’t have trouble believing that the risk is non-negligible in hot, humid, no-breeze conditions when someone has sneezed or coughed and you walk through on the sidewalk (i.e., in the same place) a few minutes later. If someone has coughed once on a wider road or trail on a breezy, sunny day, I would feel differently.

       2. If the air is still, or I am on a path behind another person I mask up.

    5. In Australia, people who were under quarantine order (actual quarantine, not “teehee quarantine”) for being exposed to someone with COVID had officials knocking on their doors to make sure they were home. On average, 25% have not been at home and they were referred to the police and face steep fines. I’m mostly okay with that…mostly.

       1. I feel differently about this. If you have been ordered to quarantine at home because of exposure, then yeah, keep your a$$ at home. That’s the point of quarantine!! I’d rather have this than government location surveillance.

       2. Yeah, I think this is different. Though I question how you can verify someone is home – like what if they were sleeping? I also dislike fines by the government generally – disproportionally punishes the poor and working class.

          1. I have friends in Hong Kong who had to quarantine after they returned from the US-they had to wear a monitor bracelet.

    6. I like this a lot.

       I was reluctant to wear a mask when the CDC started recommending them, mostly because we didn’t have masks yet, nor did we have bandanas or anything we could use to fashion temporary ones. Now I’ve amassed quite a collection of fashion masks, soft florals and metallic athletic masks, a rose gold sequined mask, even a black crystal-studded mask I haven’t had an “occasion” to wear yet. I leaned into it, and I honestly feel like unless there’s some reason your face can’t be covered, it should be covered.

       I also don’t really mind contact tracing. We had to give our numbers before going to a restaurant, and honestly, if that means they’ll call us if we may have been exposed, that’s a good thing! I’d appreciate knowing if I need to go get tested.

    7. As a resident of a different country with very few cases I am completely baffled that so many Americans are okay weighing privacy above the lives of fellow citizens. It’s really sad that people would rather others die than install an app and wear a mask. This is why Americans aren’t allowed into most countries.

    8. Can I move to where you live? This has worked for other countries and in the US we are in a major dumpster fire because “omg my rights my liberty” and “who cares if 170K+ people die … it is what it is”.

       1. Nowhere in this thread did anyone object to being asked to wear masks when near others. Calm down with your obnoxious handle.

          1. It’s nowhere near as obnoxious as not wearing a mask because “waahhh it’s uncomfortable” or going to the gym to deal with vanity weight. I’m tired of babying assh*les and being sensitive to their drama.

       2. Or yesterday’s conversation: “Who cares if 170,000+ people die, I have to go to the gym!”

    9. My state had a 0.37 transmission rate yesterday (10760 tests, 40 positive) and 0 deaths. So it’s doable even while maintaining your privacy.

    10. Didn’t read all the comments but I don’t get the point of posting this. Basically every western democratic country is doing better than the US. More freedom for citizens than Singapore but a significantly reduced covid situation compared with the US. Heck, my Canadian Province has like 2 cases.

15. Has anyone been to a regular (in office, primary care or specialist) drs appointment in the last few months? I’m in Philadelphia if it matters — so things are “better” as they are in NY, NJ etc. Wanted to ask what the experience was like. Obviously I’d be masked and they would be too probably with eye protection etc for the dr. But did you feel drs/nurses otherwise acted like they would have in Jan or did you feel it was more — talk fast, get out of this room quick, don’t give the person time to ask too many questions, nah we don’t need to check your blood pressure. Don’t get me wrong I can see if they’re treating it like that as it is risky for them going from one tiny room to the next all day with people breathing on them. Yet I’m debating whether an appt is worth it if it’s like that or whether I should just wait out the pandemic though that could mean like 6-12 more months. No telemedicine option as they would need an EKG. Recent experiences?

    1. Go to your doctor! No. They are not skimping on medical care and attention because of Covid.

       1. Yes! Go!! I went in June and it was a totally normal appointment. They are absolutely not skipping things or trying to get out early.

    2. If you’re the one who was having heart palpitations yesterday, yes, you should go immediately. I’m high risk and have been for essential screenings. Waiting is dangerous.

    3. OMG GO

       I have had two outpatient surgeries, follow-ups, and a dentist visit since COVID. They check your BP. They weigh you. Just masked. Surgeries required that I get tested and quarantine before, which I did. They are being serious about your health and their health. You do the same and stay well.

    4. I’m in Philly and have been to about a dozen doctor’s appointments at Penn since June (thanks IVF). Totally normal experience, just masked.

    5. I have been to dentist and regular primary care visit. I’m in Boston, both visits were late June. Dentist was super heavily gowned and very similar to normal procedures except they didn’t use one of the power tools, so slightly longer/more painful plaque removal. PCP visit was a little more tweaked: she didn’t do anything that had me remove my mask (no light down the throat), and maybe not even anything that had her right near my face (like the eye test or something – can’t remember). More conversation based but still did b r e a s t exam and heart and blood pressure checks. The height and weight with the nurse was done out in an open area rather than an enclosed room but the doctor visit was still in a small room. I had to check in in a slightly different procedure. Both doctor and dentist had less frequent visits to clean the rooms more between use. My rationale for the visits was that if I put them off to the fall and then things got worse, I wasn’t comfortable effectively going 2+ years without a visit. I will definitely go to either practice again if and when needed.

    6. Go. Everyone in the medical field is taking this seriously, and no one wants people to skip medical care or not go to an appointment when needed. I had an echo cardiogram and only saw the tech, who was masked, eye protection etc. I was masked the entire time. The tech washed their hands several times, the equipment was cleaned between patients, patients only passed in the hallway and did not occupy the waiting room at the same time. My appointment with the doc to discuss the results was tele-med.

       I’ve also been going to 2 different but regular labs for bloodwork each month. The phelbs are masked and gloved. One does allow 2 people in the waiting room at a time. The other has you wait in the car until called. Gloves, goggles, etc. It’s very safe.

    7. Your primary care doctor isn’t seeing potential C-19 patients, they are routed through Emergency. He or she will have the time to see you.

    8. In center city. Have been to dentist & dermatologist. Everything went smoothly and the standard of care was the same. Only downside of the dentist is they are not using the water jet tool for cleaning… only the little scraper.

       Go to the doctor!

    9. I’ve been to my PCP and dermatologist. I had to wait in the car and call when I arrived. Everyone wore masks and there was hand sanitizer everywhere. I felt the appointments went as normal and I had enough time with the doctors. I’m in the midwest. You should go to the doctor for an EKG. Don’t wait.

    10. Yes. I had a bunch of screening questions before and a temp check when I came in. And they had new pens for everyone to use. The nurse was a little rushed but my doctor took as much time as always. It was actually great. Normally I have to wait a month for a check up appointment and I had my pick of times the week after I called. Go!

    11. My doctor called me in advance to discuss questions, to reduce time time in the office. Pre-screening on symptoms. I was told to text when I arrived. I received a text telling me when to come into the office and I was taken immediately into an exam room. Everyone was wearing masks and shields, including on the lab side. I felt that operations were more efficient and safer than in Before Times, where I often sat in a germy waiting room for the better part of an hour.

    12. I’d much rather go to a PCP’s office than the ER right now…..

        GO TO THE DOCTOR. I’ve been to the derm twice and RE countless times in the last four months (hey there, fertility treatments/monitoring!). No skimping on care whatsoever. In fact, I’ve felt far safer in these places than even in Target’s checkout line.

    13. I’m in Philly and I’ve taken my kid to the doctor a few times – they’re taking necessary precautions like having you wait outside/in your car, having staff wear appropriate ppe, scheduling well visits in the morning vs sick visits in the afternoon, having you call to reschedule, etc. They’re not skimping on the actual care once you’re in the office. You should go in.

    14. I went to the dermatologist about 2.5-3 weeks ago and it was totally normal. Everyone was masked, though I did have to take off my mask temporarily as part of the check-up. They did a temperature check when you came in, you had to sign something saying you hadn’t had any symptoms recently, etc. But as for the actual appointment, I felt like the doctor and nurse spent as much time with me as is normal, went through all my options, explained the treatment plan, etc. I definitely didn’t feel rushed or like they didn’t want to spend time on my visit.

    15. Please go! In NYC and I go to my doctor appointments at a large academic hospital and while not everyone is masked properly, it is a “risk” I’m willing to take. (I.e., receptionists moving their mask below the chin, patients in waiting rooms moving the mask below the nose, etc etc). Did not feel any more rushed than usual.

        I had to get a COVID test to see my dentist at an academic hospital—I don’t know if private practices can offer or require this. DH is an attending and they do not let known COVID positive patients into the regular clinic, they are all sent to the ER. Further, anyone getting any sort of surgical procedure is tested prior to it and not allowed to continue until they test negative. I would call your practice and ask about their procedures!

    16. Go to the doctor. I’m currently fighting cancer, which makes me high risk, but I’ve got three doctor’s appointments this week and one next week. And have been roughly 50 times since the pandemic started. As far as I know, I’ve never had Covid or been exposed. Your body and health does not care about Covid – every other disease is still happening.

    17. I’m in PA also, although not Philly and my GYN appt on Monday was exactly the same as it always has been. I didn’t feel any rush and all of the normal steps were the same – weight, BP, and, inevitably, waiting for the doctor to acupuncture arrive in my room.

        1. Nice weird insert autocorrect!

    18. I had great experiences. I had to go to the doctor because of a lump that had to be needle biopsied, another appointment with a specialist, then I had to get an MRI, then I had to get real surgery at a surgery center. (I’m fine, thankfully.) Then a follow up to remove stitches. These were all at different offices.

        I also finally went to the podiatrist for a steroid shot in my Morton’s neuroma because it got to the point that it was limiting my mobility.

        Every experience was extremely comfortable. The offices had basically empty waiting rooms. Once office had a series of chairs 6’ apart in the hallway outside so that no one had to wait in the waiting room. The office staff were all masked. The rooms were sanitized between patients. I didn’t catch COVID.

        I am one of the more paranoid people on here because I have an autoimmune disease. I get all my groceries delivered and have done so since March. Other than the doctors appointments above, I really haven’t left my house much at all. I haven’t been to any kind of a store except for a couple of curbside pickups of wine and gardening (literal) supplies, hashtag priorities.

        But going to the doctor was necessary for me. It’s necessary for a lot of us. It’s necessary for you. Go.

16. I need some new yoga pants and Alo Yoga and Fabletics have some leggings in colors calling my name. Can anyone speak to the quality of their clothes and if they’re worth the price? (especially Alo Yoga, which seems expensive even by fancy workout clothes standards. And for fabletics, I mean the normal, buy one thing price, not the sign up for our vip service and we’ll charge you when you forget to skip price.)

    1. I’ll say I love my Fabletics leggings, but I’m a member and have no issues skipping. I’m less keen on their shirts and bras. I’ve only ever gotten my initial offer, and then bought on sale, never paid the actual price.

    2. I have some Alo moto leggings. They’re super thick and feel nice but I have also noticed some pilling that I wouldn’t have expected. I got mine on Poshmark and felt good about them at that price, but have a hard time stomaching their full price stuff.

    3. I love my Alo leggings for yoga. I wash them on hot and hang to dry and they look great.

    4. another vote for ALO! Love their clothing.

17. Question for the feds: I received an email stating that I “have been referred to the hiring manager” for a position I applied to a few weeks ago. What if anything does this mean? Simply that they didn’t reject me outright? Or that an interview is forthcoming? I have no fed experience so I’m not sure how much weight to give this email.

    1. Sounds like you passed the minimum qualification screen. Whether the hiring manager interviews all qualified applicants generally depends on how many applicants there were.

       1. +1
          The hiring manager will see your resume, but may or may not reach out to you for an interview.

          1. Oh, and also – this is the time to use your network to put in a good word with someone in that office (ideally the hiring manager), if you have any connections. It doesn’t do any good until someone past the first screen has your resume.

    2. I’ve gotten this email a half dozen times and never heard anything. USAJobs is a racket and I gave up years ago. That said, I do wish you luck and hope you are contacted.

18. Any recommendations for an at-home elliptical? Lots of models are sold out at the moment, but I’ll continue my outdoor walks until the weather gets too cold. Looking for an exercise option during the winter, as I don’t anticipate heading back to the gym anytime soon. TIA!

    1. No recs for an elliptical, but I got a rowing machine for the same reason (a decision I was glad to make when I glanced out the window this morning and saw a pack of 10-15 maskless runners running three abreast across our narrow public walking right-of-way). We can’t have nice things collectively so I did a nice thing for myself.

       Btw, I tend to google “best ellipticals 2020” and read articles from gear magazines to get an idea of the best recs – I find that more reliable than Amazon reviews.

       1. I’m in that similar boat and I’m looking at getting a Peloton, eek.

       2. Good idea, thanks. My usual go-to for reviews (wirecutter) doesn’t have any for ellipticals, so I’ll look for some gear mags online. Glad you enjoy your rower! I’ve never tried rowing so figured I would start with my tried and true. And I just cannot get into spinning, but Ribena – several friends LOVE their Pelotons and are so glad they bit the bullet and bought one.

    2. I got a NordicTrack one. Didn’t sign up for the integrated on-line workout feature, but it does have that. It was less than $1000, and is really nice and quiet – DH can use it for 1/2 and hour and I don’t even know he’s on it.

       1. Thanks! I was looking at a NordicTrack online – it did look very user friendly. The on-line workout feature looked cool (ride your elliptical through Paris streets!) but not cool enough to drop $400+ to subscribe.

          1. FWIW – I subscribe to iFit for my NT treadmill and, for me, it is worth the cost (although you can always get a discount) beacuse it takes the treadmill from a boring AF slog and I hate it to this trainer is teaching me about the geography and history of the area, including how to protect it and honor the native people or this trainer is teaching me about pysio or whatever. I LOVE the iFit stuff!

    3. Look at Octane Fitness. Not cheap, but they have several types of ellipticals – they have adjustable strides as well which is helpful if you have people of different heights using the equipment.

       1. Thank you! I’ll check them out.

    4. I bought a ProForm in 2004 (at Sears, lol) and it’s still going strong. Would buy again.

       1. Oh man, Sears was a great place to buy fitness equipment. My parents bought a treadmill there at least 20 years ago, and it still works! Albeit very, very loudly. :)

19. Anyone recently (by that I mean over the last 6 or so months, not just the last few weeks) been having issues with Nordstrom returns? I used to order everything from Nordstrom that I could. I’m also a pretty heavy returned – I’ll order 3 sizes of a dress on sale, and send the two back that don’t work (I know, the environmental impacts…I try to condense orders as much as I can, but I’m not close to many stores).

    But lately, I’ve been sending things back…and waiting, and waiting, and often never getting credited. I’ll put in a request, they’ll say they’ll check, and they’ll never find the item and not credit it. I’ve also had two instances where they credited something that I DIDN’T return, so clearly a mess all around.

    Is it just me?

    1. Everything has been going fine for me, but taking a little longer than normal (by that I mean a week, not months). One return actually never made it to Nordstrom (I kept the tracking number and checked when I didn’t get a credit after 2 weeks) and they credited my account for the return via their live chat after they verified the package status.

    2. I had a really messed up order with them– I order a pair of Birks. They “shipped” but there was never actually a package sent. I contacted customer service, and they sent me another pair. However, they apparently did this under a different order number that they charged me $0 for, and the first order was never cleared out. They ended up being the wrong size, so I returned them– but since they weren’t linked to the order I paid for I never got the refund. I contacted customer service, and they confirmed everything in the system was a mess but just refunded me on the initial order. I would just contact them– it sounded like they are starting to figure things out again and will help you but they def had some bad months.

    3. It took me about 8 weeks between receiving an email saying they received my returned item to actually getting the refund (prob 3-4 weeks to even acknowledge receipt of the return itself). This was back in May/June.

       I used to just drop boxes off for delivery with the prepaid label and not get a receipt, but I refused to do that with them or anyone at this point given all the noise around delivery and generally increased mail volumes.

    4. Nordstrom has always been very slow and inaccurate at processing mail-in returns. Now they are even slower, and the post office is also losing or delaying a lot of packages. I was able to get credit for some missing returns by contacting customer service, but I don’t know how many times I will be able to do that.

       I used to avoid the mail-in return hassle by returning in the store, but my local store is permanently closed. I’ve always been a loyal Nordstrom shopper, in large part because of the great return policy, but now I am avoiding shopping there as much as possible because I don’t trust mail-in returns. The store closures and return issues are really going to hurt Nordstrom in the long run.

    5. I also had an unusually long delay (in May) between shipping back returns and seeing a processed return online. I got very worried, because it was a lot of merchandise. It did finally process. Good reminder to always keep my tracking numbers straight!

    6. Last month, I returned two items that I had ordered in May. It took several weeks before they sent notification for processing the returns but I did eventually get them. Normally, I did in-store returns since I live next to one but I have been avoiding the malls since this spring.

20. I want to send my grandpa some books to cheer him up, since life in a nursing home especially sucks right now. He’s a very smart guy, who likes to read about science and religion. I want to mostly steer clear of politics because his doctor literally prescribed “turn off the news”. Anybody have suggestions?

    1. Evolving Brains, Emerging Gods: Early Humans and the Origins of Religion by E. Fuller Torrey is a fascinating read!

    2. Either of the books by Yuval Harari, one is a lookback on humankind (Sapiens) and the other is futuristic (Homo Deus).

    3. I’m reading Steven Pinker’s book The Better Angels of Our Nature. It might be perfect for him!

       1. I read Tom Bissell’s Apostle: Travels Among the Tombs of the Twelve a few years ago and it was fascinating. A combo travel/religion book that looks at the historicity of the twelve apostles.

          1. The Book of Strange New Things by Michel Faber is also great. A sci-fi novel about a pastor attempting to teach aliens on another world Christianity.

    4. If he’s into fiction, I highly recommend The Sparrow, by Mary Doria Russel, which is about jesuits who go to space to discover another world (so both science and religion!). It’s long and beautiful and sounds so so random but is truly one of the best books I’ve ever read (and I’m a voracious reader, so that’s saying something).

       1. Love to see this book recommended here! Heartily, enthusiastically agree. It’s stunning and beautiful and wrenching and true. A must read.

    5. Any of Mary Roach’s books are super interesting and fin to read.

    6. “Bad Blood” by John Carreyrou. I couldn’t put it down.

       1. Bad Blood was so good!
          Does he like Bill Bryson? His books are entertaining but also very informative.
          For fiction – a bit of a wild card, but the Wolf Hall trilogy by Hilary Mantel might be good. It’s historical fiction, but you dig into the religious conflicts in England during the reign of Henry VIII.

    7. Two recs my musician husband adores:

       This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science of a Human Obsession by Daniel J. Levitin
       (Rock-musician-turned-neuroscientist explores the necessity of music in human evolution; discusses how and why we prefer certain chord progressions, get earworms, etc. This is a Los Angeles Times Book Award finalist.)

       Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain by Oliver Sacks
       (About “musical misalignments”: a man struck by lightning who suddenly desires to become a pianist at the age of forty-two; an entire group of children with Williams syndrome, who are hypermusical from birth; people with “amusia,” to whom a symphony sounds like the clattering of pots and pans; and a man whose memory spans only seven seconds-for everything but music. Good mix of science and anecdotes, doesn’t get heavy or sloggy.)

    8. Radium girls!

    9. Chris Hadfield’s An Astronaut’s Guide To Life On Earth. I have been recommending it to EVERYONE

    10. Ed Yong, I Contain Multitudes

21. Since we are talking about silk and linen, I just got an order from Quince and am really happy with the quality and fit. The silk tees are very Zoom appropriate — not too low cut, fairly long, and with darts for the busty among us. The washable stretch tees in the lighter colors are ever so slightly see-through with more of a sheen, but it’s nothing that would make me feel like I would have to wear a camisole underneath. I also ordered the premium silk tee (same price) and they are more substantial with less sheen and I think I prefer them. The only thing that is going back is the linen tank. It’s a very substantial linen and a very square cut, and it just looked weirdly square on me at the armholes. I was very happy with the quality, price, and fit in general. So thanks Elizabeth for the recommendation!

    Johnny Was has a lot of really beautiful silk scarves on sale for $29 which I plan to throw over my cotton tees to fancy them up for virtual meetings.

    (I steam my silk and iron my linen).

    1. Seconded! I ordered a tee and a tee dress in the stretch silk and am quite pleased with the construction and feel (all french seams! I’ve never bought something at this price point so nicely finished). Thank you for sharing about the “premium” versus “stretch” silk, I’m planning another order and was curious about the difference.

    2. Ooh thanks! I was so excited to discover that brand the other day.

       1. Same! Thank you for reporting back!

22. I am officially WFH until at least August 2021 and so I am splurging on a sit/stand desk, because I miss mine from the office desperately. It needs to be a max of four feet long / two feet wide and ideally aesthetically appealing because it’s going in the nook off the main area. Our condo is a mixture of older Scandinavian and MCM style pieces – mostly wood, glass and linen. Don’t really want to spend more than $2,000 and would like to be able to fit two monitors on it. Any recommendations?

    1. I found a nice, simple sit/stand desk at Ikea. It is stable and sturdy, comes in two color options (white and natural wood). Should fit Scandi style.

    2. The 2 feet wide is going to be tricky, but the 4 feet length is common. I got mine from stand up desk dot… and was also looking at Fully brand, but they didn’t have the exact finish instock when I was ready to buy. Both options are less than $1k

    3. I got mine at Costco, and saw them there again a week ago. Sleek and simple, 4 buttons to save height settings, and 3 USB ports. I think they were around $300? If you have access to Costco it’s worth looking!

       1. +1 to Costco! I got an awesome standing desk there last summer and I love it. I doesn’t even look like a standing desk, which I love.

    4. Mine is a Jarvis with the bamboo top from fully dot com and I’m very happy with the quality (I had one at work too and missed it). I put it together myself and there was a point that was confusing in the instructions and they were super helpful on the phone. There are quite a few customizations you can do Including hardwood tops and I think you could get something that suits your style for well under $2000. The memory module is worth it, now that I have 3 heights for standing, sitting, and “zoom standing.”

    5. Have you considered putting a Varidesk on top of a regular desk? I like mine as a monitor stand when seated, and for standing. Some models will accommodate dual monitors.

    6. I got an Autonomous standing desk for $500. I’m very happy with it. I think they have bamboo and white options, which would go with a Scandi style.

    7. I recently bought a Jarvis desk from fully and really like it. Get the Jarvis arms for your monitors and you’ll have so much space.

       1. +1 I have this setup & love it.

23. I need some help, ladies! I am supposed to give the “inspiration” (formerly known as the “invocation”) at my online Rotary meeting today and I am out. of. ideas. Normally I’d do a quote from Susan B. Anthony in honor of the centennial of the 19th Amendment, but having been reading about the racist leanings of the early white suffragettes, I’m out of the mood.

    Does anybody have a secular inspirational quote or poem or paragraph you can share to help a sister out?

    1. I don’t have it in front of me right now, but how about Joseph Campbell’s “follow your bliss & you will find doors where you did know there were doors.” (I’m paraphrasing here)

       1. No offense, but I’m gagging at “follow your bliss.”

          How about “Surely, in the light of history, it is more intelligent to hope rather than to fear, to try rather than not to try. For one thing we know beyond all doubt: Nothing has ever been achieved by the person who says, ‘It can’t be done.’” – Eleanor Roosevelt

          1. I like this one a lot.

       2. Oops, that’s “doors where you did not know there were doors”

       3. Truly no offence meant, but following your bliss sounds a little tone deaf in our Current Times, when I think most of us are just trying to hang in there, at best.

          1. But also you gotta look for joy wherever it may be found because your life isn’t getting any longer.

             1. That’s all fine and good but “follow your bliss” has a very different connotation.

    2. Eleanor Roosevelt in the lead so far. Any other suggestions?

       1. “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” –Maya Angelou

       2. Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high….
          The Geetanjali. By Tagore.

    3. We are thankful for plenty of good, hard work and the strength to do it.

       1. I’m thankful every day that I don’t have to break down my body in physical labor just to afford food and shelter the way my grandparents did. My grandma had arthritis at my age just from the wear and tear.

          1. Hard work can take many forms – it doesn’t have to be physical.

             1. It’s just hard for me to imagine being thankful for work itself or the need for it. It seems more like a necessary evil to me. My dad worked 12+ hour days at an office job, and that was really harmful too. I guess the “strength to do it” includes not being harmed by work, but work is so often harmful.

             2. Wow… I had no idea this was a controversial sentiment. I am very thankful that I have enough work to make decent living, that it helps others and I have the mental and physical faculties to do it. Likewise, if I didn’t need to work for a living, that I am hopefully somehow working to leave the world a bit better than I found it and have the ability to do so.

    4. What about a John Lewis quote in honor of his passing? This one seems good but you can google others: “You are a light. You are the light. Never let anyone — any person or any force — dampen, dim or diminish your light … Release the need to hate, to harbor division, and the enticement of revenge. Release all bitterness. Hold only love, only peace in your heart, knowing that the battle of good to overcome evil is already won.”

       ― Lewis on being human in Across That Bridge: A Vision for Change and the Future of America

       1. Personally, I find “hold only love in your heart” type of stuff to be veering dangerously close to toxic positivity these days, even if it came from John Lewis. There’s a reason why racist white people are always much more interested in feel-good platitudes like that than they are in the writings of Malcolm X.

          I do like this quote from Lewis’s moving final essay: “Democracy is not a state. It is an act, and each generation must do its part to help build what we called the Beloved Community, a nation and world society at peace with itself. Ordinary people with extraordinary vision can redeem the soul of America by getting in what I call good trouble, necessary trouble. Voting and participating in the democratic process are key. The vote is the most powerful nonviolent change agent you have in a democratic society. You must use it because it is not guaranteed. You can lose it.”

          1. Woo! This is certainly timely, particularly on the possibility of losing the ability to vote.

             1. I love this but I led “We Shall Overcome” as the opening song in tribute to Rep. Lewis the week he passed, so I feel like I should do something different today.

    5. What about a Malala-quote?
       You could tie it into the centennial if you like.

       For example:

       I raise up my voice – not so I can shout but so that those without a voice can be heard

    6. Thanks for the suggestions, everybody. I will file them for the next time I draw a blank. This is what I ended up with:

       American poet Ogden Nash was born on this day in 1902. He was famous for his light verse and clever limerics. In these trying times most of us are still under one form of lockdown or another, and I feel like we all could use a little humor, so I am pleased to dedicate this Ogden Nash poem to those of you who are socially isolating in downstairs apartments:

       The people upstairs all practise ballet
       Their living room is a bowling alley
       Their bedroom is full of conducted tours.
       Their radio is louder than yours,
       They celebrate week-ends all the week.
       When they take a shower, your ceilings leak.
       They try to get their parties to mix
       By supplying their guests with Pogo sticks,
       And when their fun at last abates,
       They go to the bathroom on roller skates.
       I might love the people upstairs more
       If only they lived on another floor.

       And a more serious but still stair-related note, I give you this from Vlaclav Havel, the first president of the Czech Republic: “Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs.”

       1. Haha, I love this.

       2. I feel so seen.

    7. “The work of today is the history of tomorrow, and we are its makers.” Juliette Gordon Low (founder of Girl Scouts USA).

24. Havent gotten a pedicure in 8 months and I need to remove some calluses that have developed on my feet. Under my toes and on the ball of my feet. Any product recommendations that are not too harsh? I am thinking of pulling the trigger on a pumice scrubber and a foot spa that warms the water for a nightly foot soak. Do those work?

    1. If the Ped Egg is still around, I recommend getting it! I know it was kind of a joke at the time, but it’s honestly very effective and super satisfying to use.

    2. I’d start with just rubbing with a damp washcloth after showering & using lotion and putting on socks. May require repetition, but is so much gentler and easy too.

    3. Try peeling socks first. They are soaked in acids, which will loosen the hard skin and you have a good chance you won’t need any hard work. The peeling will appear 3-5 days after you wear the socks, so be patient. If this doesn’t work (well enough), I would pour a shallow bath, soak feet for a few mina, then remove hard akin with a foot file. No gimmicks needed. You can also try Scholl Cracked Heel cream – it can help with hard skin formation.

    4. A pumice stone does work – and you an just do it right after you’ve showered, since your feet will have softened. I’ve also heard the Diamancel files are good.

       1. I have a file (not Diamancel, just one from Target I think) and it works pretty well. Use it on wet feet and go lightly, follow up with lotion and socks.
          But also, whenever it’s safe to get a pedicure again I’m giving a 100% tip.

    5. The foot peel, soaking, lotion, stuff did not work for me. What has? Sand paper, like from Home Depot.

    6. Ah my area of expertise! Either the Prolinc callous remover, follow the instructions on the bottle, or Amlactin foot lotion. The Amlactin is more gradual and you should stop using it once your feet get back to normal, but it works

       1. Absolutely a liquid callous remover. Something that softens the callous so you can remove it effectively quickly. Cuts down on the amount of time you are manually sloughing with a scraper. I use Gena Fast Acting Callous Off.
          I go to Sally Beauty Supply for my home pedicure needs. The employees know what people repurchase and they have great recommendations.

    7. So this is not chemically harsh but the foot scraper things like they have at the salons… looks like a veggie peeler… work wonders on a couple recurring callouses that i have. You do have to go slow, don’t want to slice your foot open, but they really do work. Then slather with lotion and put on socks.

    8. I have a Pedi Perfect and think it works great! It had been languishing in a cabinet until March, when I realized I wouldn’t be getting a spring pedicure as planned and pulled it out. I use it once or twice a week, rinse, and follow with lotion and socks. I don’t find it harsh, unless you push really hard and/or hold it in one spot too long. It’s definitely made a difference on my heels and the balls of my feet.

    9. Late reply but the best foot file is the one made by Microplane. It’s available on amazon.

       Be careful! You can actually go too far with this thing.

    10. The $7 green and white pumice stone at Ulta works for me…I use it towards the end of my shower. Afterwards I moisturize with my regular body moisturizer (Kiehls).

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