Coffee Break: Skyline Pencil Holder

106 Comments

1. Has anyone ordered jeans from Revtown before? I forget where I saw the recommendation, but would love any reviews you all have and/or a referral code!

2. Did your parents get to an age (or maybe it wasn’t their age but yours) where you became affirmatively annoyed by their views on most everything? I’m sure this is a generation gap with people who’ve been retired and home for 10+ years (so no longer exposed to new ideas, young people etc) but it’s to the point where it’s like uh just don’t share your views on anything please. They have gotten so conservative (not politically) and act like they are back in 1950s India with their views — all that matters in life is family/parents, women are wrong about everything etc.

   For example Harry and Megan yesterday (just an example – I don’t care about them either way) — to hear my parents tell it omg she’s from SUCH a low brow family and she brain washed him/made him leave the best life ever. Uh last I checked he’s an adult male — if her family background was unsuitable he could’ve not married her; if he didn’t want to leave the royals he could’ve been like his dad – sorry this is our life, I’m not leaving, you can stay or go. Oh and btw maybe he wants to be a good husband because he loves her — they roll their eyes because they don’t believe in love. To them marriage is about the RIGHT families in the right social class coming together and the male having the right earning power – bride and groom can like each other or not, doesn’t matter; if love doesn’t grow after the arranged marriage – eh so what, love is NBD.

   I mean it’s these types of views on everything which only grow more “traditional” with age. Anyone else’s family?? It’s to the point where I don’t want to discuss anything besides like weather because I don’t want to hear it.

   1. I’m not from the same culture as you but my mom never stopped thinking all of my unmarried girlfriends just needed to stop scaring men away by being so clingy. (They are the least clingy people I know)

   2. Other than horrifying human rights topics (like pro-Trump, anti-women’s and POC rights, etc. – which would pretty much make me sever relationships to all but the most shallow interactions, if that) I just roll my eyes and avoid these topics with parents.

   3. My parents are hitting this age, I think (early 60s). They raised me as a kind, compassionate person and were generally pretty positive. Now they seem so bitter about everything. Immigrants are lazy and stealing our jobs. Women are complaining about rape because they are whiny and enjoy taking down powerful men. Etc etc. It’s exhausting and such a weird disconnect since again, that isn’t how I remember them in my childhood/teens. I might be more liberal now than I was then, but they also veered more conservative.

   4. not specifically about this, but yesterday a friend who has a two year old with some development delays and i were talking and she said her mom (who i’m sure means well) is driving her crazy bc she told her that she did some ‘research’ and thinks her son has autism…um, her mom is not a medical professional in any way shape or form. so she told me she can’t talk about anything substantive with her parents these days and just facetimes them with her kid so they can say hi/bye. just know you aren’t alone in not really being able to have substantive conversations with parents

      1. Oh this is annoying but so common. My 3 year old walked really late (but had no other delays) and multiple teachers and friends volunteered a “helpful” diagnosis (cerebral palsy, autism etc.) Most of these people were under 40 so it’s definitely not an age thing.

      2. My nephew has sensory processing disorder and has been evaluated for autism, and my mom has been less than helpful in her responses. She goes too far in the other direction and feels like too many diagnosed problems are not actually problems at all unless they are so severe that they’re unmistakable to everyone around the child. I know it’s been very frustrating for my sister. And, my own kid has ADHD, which she of course knows about, but I simply don’t discuss his treatment at all. She believes he has it but can’t quite conceptualize the idea that we have to parent him differently than maybe we were parented ourselves. Sadly, I think this is really common among the boomer gen, from what I’ve heard from friends and acquaintances who are dealing with conditions that flew under the radar in the 80s and 90s.

         1. Ugh, this. We’re having my kid evaluated for an IEP and I just refuse to discuss it with my parents because I know their response will cause me to have a rage stroke.

         2. My son had sensory processing issues and my sister, who IS a medical professional, would not STFU about how he had autism. His behavioral pediatrician (a specialist in diagnosing these things) showed us all his test results and he couldn’t have scored more strongly in the opposite direction. But my sister is a nurse so obviously she knows so much more than the specialist. /s

            This is an ongoing issue with my sister on any and all medical topics and is only getting worse as we get older.

            By the way, my son basically aged out of the sensory stuff by the teenage years, though he still likes a strong touch and doesn’t appreciate sudden loud noises. Hope this helps you. Occupational therapy was hugely helpful when he was 5 ish years old.

            1. My childhood pediatrician told my parents I might never walk and I walked like two weeks later. General practitioners (and that includes pediatricians, who are general practitioners just specialized in kids) don’t actually know that much about most medical conditions. Their main expertise is identifying when something might potentially be a red flag and referring the patient to the experts. My ped has said this herself, btw. She said peds screen for autism and other behavioral health issues and refer to specialists, but should never diagnose it themselves because they don’t have the knowledge.

            2. I’m not sure if you’re agreeing with me or not but I did take my son to a behavioral pediatrician, a specialist, at our regular pediatrician’s referral. The pediatrician did as you said, a basic screening, then referred.

               My sister is an RN in an eldercare setting so about as far from a pediatric specialist as you can get, but of course she considers this (and everything) her business, and has a chip on her shoulder about being a nurse and not a doctor. Therefore doctors don’t know anything.

            3. Yes I was agreeing with you! Even medical professionals shouldn’t be casually diagnosing their friends’ and family member’s kids with autism or conditions like that that are only diagnosed by specialists. I find it even more annoying than when random non-medical people offer opinions, because they play the “But i’m a medical professional!” card even though they don’t know anything about the particular condition.

      3. i mean, you don’t know what you don’t know — when someone told me firstborn had “core problems” i sarcastically asked the doctor if they wanted me to have my 3-year-old do planks

         my second son is autistic and has SPD — three years post-diagnosis for him it’s been a HUGE learning experience and now i value PT, OT, SLP, and more.

         so I’ve gone from giggling at the idea that core strength can be a problem for any children, ever
         now to believing my kid could be disturbed by the sound of electricity and specific wavelengths of light. sounds crazy but… you don’t know what you don’t know.

      4. I don’t know if it it’s any better if they ARE professionals. My MIL is still a licensed psychologist and has a lot of crackpot ideas about what is (and is not) wrong with our kids. I finally had to tell her and her son that if she started running psychological tests on her grandkids I was reporting her to the licensing board. She’s also convinced that our 9yo cannot possibly be depressed after a year of lockdown because she knows everything even though she never interacts with him.

         1. Oof this sounds hard. My MIL and SIL are also psychologists, who specialize in early childhood development no less, but fortunately they’ve been lovely with my kid. They do run little experiments on her but they’re always really positive and upbeat about it and she loves playing their “games.” But your situation sounds really tough, and I empathize.

   5. My FIL became this way in the decade after he retired. I saw it as very sad and frustrating, and I definitely didn’t want to engage on much of anything. One example: We nearly came to blows about his ideas regarding maternity leave. As a former business owner himself, he just had a much much much different perspective, and of course it never really affected him. I think his retrograde beliefs were a complex combination of reacting badly to changing norms, no longer knowing how to read the room (e.g., his daughter-in-law who had maternity leave with his two grandbabies), romanticizing the past, and just not being exposed (or open) to new people or ideas. You have my sympathy, OP. Not every person becomes like this, but I do think a combination of isolation and fear causes some people to regress in their later years.

      1. I do think the ability to read the room and consider someone else’s perspective is lost once they no longer have to read the room/be polite re others’ views even if they disagree — because they’re home 24-7 with family and can say what they want. Your views can be anything – that maternity leave is too costly to employers or that Meghan brain washed Harry into leaving or whatever it may be – but when you’re a working adult dealing with coworkers – not family/friends – you learn to keep your view to yourself or say it once politely/hinting disagreement with the majority view and then move on — because you understand that beating others’ over the head with your view will ruin coworker relationship, which could then ruin your day to day work environment — over a hypothetical thing like policy arguments for mat leave or the royal family.

   6. Kind of. Also not politically — they are quite liberal and have continued to evolve on issues like LGBT rights, etc. But they are super conservative about certain things, most especially about people’s attire. My mother will openly gawk at someone showing cleavage and announce that it is okay because if the person didn’t want her to look they would have covered up. Interesting shoes are also a sign of a woman’s promiscuity. My stepfather shouted at women in a foreign country dressed up somewhat scantily to go out about how awful they looked. They also openly fat shame (and none of us are thin). Other things. I cannot with any of it and have gotten up and left a restaurant before.

      1. This is my parents 100%. They are pretty liberal politically (though they have their limits), but my mom especially is very conservative in her behavior, and the phrase “live and let live” is not in her vocabulary. Tight clothing, crazy colors/prints, flashy jewelry, too much makeup – she is appalled. I put a blue streak in my hair for my (otherwise very sedate) wedding and she was horrified. (“You paid someone to do that?” Yes, and I tipped him well, too!) In my 20s and early 30s I did get super annoyed by this. But as I’ve gotten older, (early 40s now) I’ve mellowed about it (or gained confidence in myself, maybe?), and I’ve learned to say “shhhh, let people enjoy things.” Maybe you don’t like that woman’s clothes, but they’re not hurting you.

   7. She has changed her views, but my mother previously viewed marriage as an exchange of different types of labor. The result would be that when I argued and won by first big motion in court, her immediate response was being scandalized that I didn’t cook my husband dinner that day. She’s changed that view over the years, because she sees that my husband and I genuinely value each other’s company.

   8. I’m not sure our parents’ attitudes have changed that much over time, but ours sure have and we no longer have any patience for their nonsense.

   9. My parents both worked in jobs where their salaries were public knowledge and raises were predetermined. The longer they’re out of the workforce, the more entrenched they become in trying to force bad job advice on me: don’t ask for raises because you look greedy, keep your nose to the grindstone and quietly wait to be noticed, negotiating instead of meekly accepting what you’re offered makes you look spoiled and entitled.

   10. You know how we talk about the liberation of not giving a f about what anyone thinks as we get older. Some of this behavior by older people is just another step along that path. I think only the natural empaths among us will know where to stop.

       1. Love this take on the issue!

       2. ACTUALLY – “theory of mind” is a psychological concept of being able to put yourself into other people’s shoes, see things from other people’s perspectives. this DECLINES as you get older, apparently.

   11. Not the same situation, but my mother has blocked all negative memories of our childhood and just recalls it as a very rosy time. My sister and I recall it very differently… Sigh, it’s frustrating.

3. My office brought in a bunch of truly powerful women for an International women’s Day presentation and wow it was just so good. They picked women who are senior enough that they can’t be taken down and the honesty was truly amazing. Nothing to say just a little rave about some awesome women.

   1. Love that! International Women’s Day is a much bigger holiday in some countries (compared to the U.S.) and it’s always great to see women get the attention they deserve – at least on one day a year.

   2. I love that your panelists were honest!

      I was part of a panel like this ages ago and my fellow panelists and I talked ahead of time about the stuff we would cover. Then all the male bosses came in to attend the presentation and every one of the women backed down. I didn’t, but not to pat myself on the back too hard, I didn’t report to any of those men. So there I was talking about perception differences, micro-inequities, and just being my honest opinionated self, and my fellow panelists were all “just work hard and you’ll be recognized.” Total BS

4. WWYD — someone my family knows decently well and is in the next county over to us just got a diagnosis of ALS. We know both adults and the daughter (who has babysat for us; the mom formerly taught both of our children). I am just devastated for them. These are the best of people — loving, active in their community, great role models, great assets to their employers, etc. My husband knows the dad (who has it) because they are in the same field and cross paths and are very friendly with each other outside of the former school situation. Given the pandemic times when they are not down the street but close by, how can a former-parent and not-quite-co-worker be of meaningful help? I think the work community may try to do something, but I am feeling sad and helpless (so leaning out to you all b/c if I feel this way, I truly cannot imagine how much in shock the family is).

   1. A family member of mine had ALS and I think the biggest help was actually supporting the spouse. People forget what a long hard road it is to be thrust into a role of caretaker like that, often for years on end.

      1. Yup. Focus your support on the spouse and kids. My grandma had ALS, and it is such a wicked disease. I’m not joking when I say my grandpa was a wonderful caretaker but was also traumatized by what was happening, as were the rest of us. Based on your description, I’m not sure what age of people you’re talking about, so it’s hard to offer specifics.

         1. OP here — thanks for all this. The daughter was about to go to college (but for corona times making that a no-go this fall, and now but for dad being sick). I hope she goes this fall and yet I know her mom is glad to have her home a bit longer. The parents here are young (like my age or slightly younger due to me having kids very late).

5. Does anyone have any favorite calcium supplements? After that Living to 100 quiz I’m rethinking them. I thought they didn’t do much, and were already in most multis? (My Costco multi only has 200 mg though, hmmn.)

   1. I hate it in supplements b/c they all seem to be huge. I just eat Tums, etc., and that seems sufficient and easy.

      1. I get all my calcium from a daily yogurt and a near daily Pepcid Complete, which I take not for calcium but for reflux. Plus eating a wide variety of foods in all colors.

   2. I took the quiz and I’m horrified as I think about how unhealthy I am (even as it says I’ll live to 90?). My total approach to multivitamins is to eat one of my kid’s vitamins mindlessly in the mornings sometimes. Is there an adult version? Something chewable?

      1. Gummies! I take a probiotic, a multivitamin, and Vitamin D every night before bed. They are almost like a bedtime treat!

   3. You’re much better off getting calcium through diet. Calcium supplements have been linked to colon polyps, kidney stones, and can potentially contribute to heart disease/attacks especially in dosages exceeding 500mg/day.

   4. Do you really need extra calcium? The quiz also asked about iron supplements and, presumably knocked me back a bit (to only 101) for saying that I don’t take them, but it didn’t know that my iron levels are at the very high end of normal and have actually been above normal so I really should not be taking an iron supplement.

      1. I also got 100+ on the quiz and don’t take any supplements.

   5. It’s kind of cracking me up that a life expectancy quiz is the newest thing the hive is competing over.

      it’s an actuary’s dream

   6. We take the Adora brand chocolate calcium supplements, buy them at Whole Foods. They genuinely taste like a piece of dark chocolate and its the only reason I will actually take them! Buy them in stores, the amazon ones are older/chalkier.

6. My apartment had a sewage overflow last week. I have to replace a bunch of furniture including dining furniture. When I first moved in, I bought bar chairs that are too low for my bar and it’s been annoying ever since. I’m looking for super tall bar stools- seat height ~36 inches, slightly taller ok. Ideally with a full back that isn’t metal. I’ve looked at all the normal sites and most of the “extra tall” options are either the ones with a half back or aren’t tall enough.

   1. I don’t have advice on chairs, but surely you have dealt with enough already?? I’m sorry this happened, Sloan!

      1. My reaction, as well. You are due some good luck, Sloan Sabbith.

      2. Agree! Big distanced hugs to you!!

   2. 2021 is not shaping up to be better than 2020, that’s for sure.

   3. Man, I’m so sorry!
      Wayfair lets you search by seat height and has about 150 options in the “extra tall” category (34″-40″).
      These are pricey but they fit your bill: https://www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/ivy-bronx-tamiko-bar-extra-tall-stool-w001958715.html?piid=2070413829&_pageId=drnJwa4C7V0%2Blgg9YBCATA%3D%3D&_isPageRequest=false

   4. What about the “Boraam Broadmoor Swivel Barstool” 50 inches tall, that has a 36 inch tall seat.

   5. Oh geez Sloan, what a mess!

      Check out Home Depot or Lowes – they both, surprisingly, have really tall bar stools.

      1. Yes to Home Depot! I have had the best luck with chairs from there.

      2. This was the best spot I looked! Thanks!!

   6. Sending virtual love, Sloan. You are definitely owed some good luck.

   7. I like the Pottery Barn bar stools.

7. You guys, as I type this it’s 9:15PM in London and the brits are 15 minutes into Oprah’s interview. My twitter app is open and ready!

   1. I participated in the morning thread to debrief the interview. And tbh I’m exhausted now. As a WoC who has experienced suicidal ideations before, way too much of what Meghan said last night resonated with my own personal experiences being abused by my in-laws. I’m under no delusion that she and PH are perfect, but I frankly don’t care if she is as petty as a high school mean girl in the interview – she survived – despite them not doing anything to help! She so very nearly didn’t and when she said she felt like her dying would have solved all their problems, I had to get up and leave the room. That’s exactly how my in-laws made me feel. People saying her allegations aren’t credible or that she threw Kate under the bus, just say you’re a white apologist and go.

      1. I 1000000% agree with you.

         I sincerely hope you’re in a good place now.

8. I can remember when my first friend came out, by phone, to close friends before beginning to date women (she is female). I wouldn’t say I was surprised but that I hadn’t given it much thought that people would have different orientations than originally stumbling through (like with this friend in particular, I’d known gay people before but they were much older adults who had always been out or who had had a “special friend”), but wanted to be supportive (to the point of asking her what was supposed to be the response because prior manners training had skipped over this, and when the friend said to say “congrats” did just that and have bee supportive as they wanted me to be ever since as various friends have gone down this road. This was in the 90s.

   At any rate, my kids’ friends are doing this now (but in middle school) and wow — those kids have a lot to deal with (like back in the day, there may have been a spectrum of loves and identifies, but it was mostly L or G, not the rest of the alphabet). And then to deal with it on places like FB and insta (which many of these kids are too young for, per their terms of service). Oy. I am not envying the Youngs. [My kid is not interested in that way in anyone yet, other than a crush in kindergarten, but puberty and bad skin are happening and I think that she has been relieved to have been remote for the past year although she relished her recent week of in-person school. But it it is interesting that kids are feeling comfortable enough to vocalize this — my friends who came out came out as grownups post-college and were very nervous about revealing that to their good friends.]

   Not a question. Just an observation from the field.

   1. I think kids these days are lucky there’s a greater vocabulary to express themselves and this post is weird.

      1. Same. If I have a kiddo who happens to be LGBTQA, I am glad he or she will have the language to describe it. Our culture is not perfect in this regard, but it’s much better than it used to be. I hope my child won’t feel like they need to hide who they are until they’re well into adulthood.

         1. My SO’s 13-year-old daughter openly identifies as pans3xual and apparently nobody has batted an eye anywhere in her life. She has a few nonbinary friends, and apparently one of them is a super popular kid in her school. We do not live in a famously progressive place like San Francisco or whatever. In this regard, at least, I think our culture really has changed for the better.

            1. when i was 13 i identified as a communist. things change.

      2. I think your first clause is absolutely true, but I also get what OP is saying about social media. I do not envy kids at all today and really worry about my kids’ teenage years. That has nothing really to do with gay/straight, I just think social media, the internet and the availability of things like texting and camera phones make teenager life soooo much more complicated than it was when we were kids. I wasn’t even really part of the social media generation and I cringe thinking I did in college, like giving my then-BF nude photos w/my face in them. I’m just lucky he didn’t send them everywhere when we broke up.

         1. It also gives them so much access to the broader world and that is the reason why they have a better vocabulary around these issues.

   2. I think a lot of kids spend way too much time on the Internet when they’re in vulnerable positions/going through difficult times. Not only are many of them too young per the terms of service (as you mentioned) for some of the platforms they use, they get exposed to a lot of adults who don’t have their best interests at heart, but will act like they do (and who will act like they have the perfect, easy answers to all the kid’s problems). I think that can be very damaging to lonely kids who are more susceptible to a “kind word” that is actually more like grooming. I find it very alarming that there are large groups on Reddit and Tumblr that encourage kids to keep their Internet lives secret from their parents and to make life and body-altering changes without input from any real-life friends or family. It’s even worse when it comes from the “MAP” community – the “minor-attracted person” community. I’m not a strict parent about most things but I plan to be when my daughter is old enough to use the Internet.

      1. why say “map” when pedo works even better?

         I’m not arguing with you, just trying to point out that “MAP” should not be normalized.

         1. That’s what I say in my own life, but I used their terminology here to illustrate how they hook youth with euphemisms. It’s really freaking disturbing.

            1. yes, totally agree.

   3. I think we need to re-normalize puberty as a natural, challenging, and sometimes embarrassing process. I see a lot of posts on certain social media sites where fairly young teens are convinced something is wrong with them, but the thoughts they are expressing and the fears they have about growing up and identity are the exact same as the fears that we all faced growing up without smartphones and Internet. IMO, we need to stop pathologizing puberty and help provide kids with the tools to deal with it in an age-appropriate, resilient way.

   4. This is a weird observation. SM is just in this generation’s every day life. People can find community via social media and yes expand their minds and vocabularies beyond their small town if that’s where they are from. More in terms of LGBTQIA is better not worse than this odd description of the 90’s that you are bringing. There’s nothing inherently better about coming out to your BFF on a landline than picking from a drop down of several options for sexual orientation on tiktok of Facebook.

   5. FWIW, as a lesbian I don’t think this post is weird at all. While coming out in the early 1980’s wasn’t easy, it seems in some ways to be more complicated now due to social media. Like many aspects of our lives, the internet helps this in some ways and hurts in others.
      I sometimes wonder if the coming out process would be easier for me now or not.

      1. Can I ask a personal question? Do you think if you came out today, you would face pressure to transition instead of accepting yourself as a lesbian? This is something I’ve heard from more than a handful of lesbians I know both IRL and online.

         1. WHAT?! A person can be a lesbian and not be trans, sexual orientation and gender identity are not the same thing. Please please read up on this and don’t pile this onto people!

9. If you haven’t gone back to the office yet, will you be soon? And how are you feeling about it? It sounds like I have roughly four months left at home, at which point I will have been vaccinated if all goes well. I vacillate between being happy to finally have some separation between work and home, because I’ve found that difficult, and yet I’m dreading going back to all the BS that one must deal with in an office setting. I will also miss the flexibility I’ve had in my schedule. But man, I am READY to not be on zoom several hours a day. I didn’t expect to have such conflicting feelings!

   1. I have enjoyed the extra sleep vs. commuting, and the chance to take pleasant neighborhood walks and get things done around the house during the day. I am not looking forward to the time crunch that comes with being in an office 5 days a week. I am reassuring myself that being back in the office will be part of an exciting time when things are opening back up again so there will be more to look forward to than just a tight schedule.

   2. Not looking forward to it. Being home for the last year has made it pretty clear that my physical presence in the office is unnecessary, and I prefer the stop-and-go timing that working at home provides (e.g., focus hard on an assignment, then unload the dishwasher, a couple calls, then go for a 15 min walk). I’m also not looking forward to going back when we’re still wearing masks, socially distanced, etc.
      I expect my office will “reopen” on a limited basis (with people working half-time in the office and/or voluntarily in the office) in the summer and then return to some expectation that everyone be present at least half-time in the fall.

   3. I’m so happy to be back in my office. I hate working from home and always have, but I certainly wouldn’t expect everybody to feel that way!

   4. I’m finding myself filled with a sense of dread. My law firm has a no-plan plan, meaning everyone was told that we didn’t have to come in but we can if we want. I assume this will persist until the summer when the expectations will slowly but surely change to having everyone back in. WFH is not easy for me in a lot of ways — unresponsive and vague partners, ADHD, hate working in my 1 br apartment, I thrive on in-person energy. So I’ll glad to be back in the office from that perspective. But I like being able to work on my schedule more, having no commute, and more time and flexibility to exercise and do self-care/errands/spend on relationships. My workload was also lighter for a while and that seems to be coming to an end, too. So all I can see is all the gains I’ve made in my personal life about to slip away. :(

      1. Same with the no-plan plan, a 1BDR, and an extrovert’s personality. On the other hand, I think work-life balance has gotten way worse during wfh. You’re on ALL THE TIME. Im excited to be back, once I’ve had both shots. I’ll admit I also have free floating apprehension about going back, but I think it’s just the change.

   5. I’m never going back and I’m not happy about it. My situation is a bit odd in that daycare is at work, so I’m not saving on the commute – I’m actually commuting more now than I ever have before. But beyond that, I just hate working from home full-time because I feel like I have no separation between home and work. In old times I WFHed a couple days a week but somehow it’s different now. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that everybody is home or what, but there seems to be much more expectation about being responsive 24/7, being available for 4:30 pm meetings, etc. That and the fact that I *never* go into an office makes the line between work incredibly blurry and I hate it. I’m getting my second shot in a couple weeks and am going to start parking myself at a library or coffeeshop near my old office at least a couple days a week.

      1. Is that even an option? I don’t think libraries or coffee shops are doing in person stuff yet where I am. You can go in to get a book or to order a coffee but you can’t stay.

         1. Yes, most libraries and coffee shops are open where I live.

            1. It would be great if people wouldn’t be so coy and just say “in my state, XX, libraries and coffee shops are open.” I think it’s been easy during this pandemic to project what one sees in one’s own neighborhood / city / state to the rest of the country (I know I’ve been guilty of that, because I spent half of last year saying – who doesn’t wear masks, everybody I know does) and being incredulous that there were actually parts of the country that were different on that dimension.

      2. I feel you. Yesterday my mom commented that it seems like I’m living at work more than working at home and that’s it exactly. The work is tedious and difficult and absolutely around the clock now.

         I really miss the downtime that commuting to and from court appearances allowed me and the visibility and collaboration that being present in the office allowed. I can’t believe there are jobs where the hardest part is literally leaving your house.

         1. Yes, feeling like I live at work is exactly it.

   6. Not going back and really glad my boss is allowing that. I’m high-risk and am not ready to go from basically 0 hours of exposure to 40 hours of exposure EVERY WEEK, especially when I have to take the subway to work and our office doesn’t have a modern ventilation system. I also do really well working from home and I strongly prefer it.

      I also don’t have any issues with feeling “on all the time.” Same as when I was in the office, I don’t check email or my phone after work and it’s been fine. I know it’s been a struggle for some women, but that part has been super easy for me, fortunately (there have certainly been enough other challenges to go around).

      1. Same. Grateful I won’t have to return. Thankful to my boss. I’m high risk, not yet vaccinated, not sure when that will happen, but it doesn’t look like it will be soon. Super happy to lose the commute. My work has the same ebbs and flows it had when we were in office. I have some super intense weeks where I work extra hours, but for the most part, I turn off my computer at quitting time and not turn it back on until the morning comes.

   7. I am vaccinated and honestly I’m hiding it from my boss/colleagues. My company is a dumpster fire in regards to Covid (their Glassdoor is like a CDC-inspired soap opera, complete with super spreader events and cover-ups) and I’m hoping my job search will yield a fully remote position before I have to go back.

      If I do have to go back full time, I will lose my ability to visit my dad, who is in dementia care with very strict visitation requirements.

      1. That’s reason enough to request a special accommodation at work.

   8. I don’t know my company’s plan yet. They renewed the lease on our office space, but we’ve hired a lot of people since this time last year, so we definitely won’t all fit, even before you plan for social distancing (which in my non-medical opinion should be in place for a good while longer). I like being in the office, and I think I work better there. But I have a 45-minute commute, and I don’t miss that or the early wakeups. If my 10yo goes back to in-person school in the fall (PLEASE OH PLEASE) I may be more willing to go back to the office just for some company. All that to say – yes, conflicted here as well.

      1. I am only hear to say that up here in MA our governor has mandated a return to in person learning and ALL THREE OF MY KIDS WILL BE BACK 100% FULL TIME by the end of April. They are warning families that the remote option (eg 100% remote) may be off the table entirely to give them time to look at private school/other options.

         My youngest (#4) will be entering K next year and I am crying tears of excitement. I would have sent her to private even though that would mean my kids would be in 3 schools (private K, public elem, public middle)

         1. Yeah unless something horrible happens with variants, I think there will be in person school for everyone in the fall. It’s happening safely in lots of places now, and hopefully with ~70% of the adult population vaccinated and vaccines for kids on the way things will be even better in the fall then they are now.

   9. I’m partially back in the office, somewhere between 50-75% of the week. It’s fine. I like the reduced capacity of people in the office but I also like knowing there are other people in the same working space even if I’m not interacting with them. (I currently live alone, no pets, etc and am an introvert but I know from past experience that being in my own head 100% of time leads to depressive episodes.)

      I also realized how much I miss being able to pop over to someone’s office to ask a quick question instead of the whole rigamarole of setting up calls/zooms to discuss something that could be easily solved in-person. Technology has helped in showing plans, but there are times when rolling out a large sheet of plans and marking it up as we talk makes way more sense.

10. Can we girl-crush on Jen Psaki for a moment? I’m just loving her, and I’m so happy to see someone who dresses like professional women of today dress, not the dolled-up Kayleigh McEnamy look which seems so artificial.

    Also, there’s a great article about Pete Buttigieg and how he is establishing himself early on in a leadership role and will (hopefully) transform the Transportation Department. I had the honor of meeting him last year and I was sooooo impressed by him. So thoughtful and strategic.

    1. 3 things:

       1. No, we cannot crush on her “for a moment,” we can, however, absolutely crush on her for always. :)
       2. We can also celebrate her awesomeness without taking appearance sh0ts at KM… especially since KM gave us so much to dislike that had nothing to do with her appearance.
       3. I think there’s lots of greatness potential in Pete, plus I love that society can see a gay man who is as non-terrifying to their sensibilities as possible, as is his lovely husband. Representation and proximity matter!

       1. +1 to all this.

    2. Look for the article titled The Un-Glamming of the White House Press Secretary.

       Your point re KM is fair, I’m just so tired of seeing the obvious false-lash look. Especially during a pandemic when we know these are being professionally applied.

       1. Just because you can’t apply false lashes without a trained professional doesn’t mean that everyone is that way.

          1. False lashes always look false. You may be used to how they look but you’re not fooling anyone.

             1. +1. Also KM definitely had a makeup artist.

          2. If “you can’t apply false lashes without a trained professional” is your version of a burn, well, then … consider me scalded, I suppose.

11. After some recent weight loss I’m on the cusp of being out of plus sizes. Later this week I’m going to have a mastectomy with reconstruction using my own tissue from my lower abdominal area. By the time I heal and go back to the office, literally every article of clothing I own will be too big.

    If you were going to create a new work wardrobe from scratch, what would you get (and where would you get it)? I love the idea of a capsule wardrobe where everything is interchangeable and (very important) machine washable. I work in a law office that is pretty formal, although I really only wear suits when I go to court. Thanks!

    1. I’m sorry to hear about your upcoming surgery. I think your final size will still be uncertain for a while so I’d concentrate on stretchy separates in a base color or two (black, gray, navy) and then use a jacket or structured cardigan to add color. This is my capsule concept for business travel (in before times) and it never let me down.

    2. I bought some new office clothes at Uniqlo of all places! Everything is easy to wash and very conservative and comes in a neutral palette so very easy to mix and match. I’m short and the ankle pants fit me like regular pants and everything feels as comfy as sweatpants.

       Good luck with your surgery!

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