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Updated: Mar 9, 2021 207 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Puff Sleeve Foil Dot Top

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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I love the color of this chiffon blouse from Ted Baker London. The deep green would pair beautifully with just about any neutral, and the metallic dots make it feel just a little bit special.

I would wear this with a navy skirt suit for a more formal look or untucked with a long cardigan and some ankle pants.

The top is $175 at Nordstrom and comes in Ted Baker sizes 0–6 (roughly equivalent to sizes 0–18).

This Boden top in “deep forest” is a nice option for something more affordable — it's $50 and comes in sizes 2 to 20/22.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Anyone have a recommendation for a professional resume reviewer? Looking specifically for someone with the in-house Legal perspective.

    • Cat

      No advice but here’s some freebies from someone who interviews for in-house hiring- assuming you’re coming from a firm?

      -Try to demonstrate that you’ve taken on new stuff outside your core specialty. Unless you’re applying somewhere with an army of in-house counsel that specializes, you’ll take on “well no one here has done this before, but Anon’s experience is closest” type work.
      -Don’t just highlight the huge cases or deals you worked on as part of a team, include the smaller projects that you just handle. At least half my workload is day-to-day commercial contracts that never go to outside counsel (or involve any other legal review). So showing that you don’t need handholding (once you understand corporate policy) is good.
      -also try illustrate that you can work as part of a team and can provide legal advice from a practical perspective. Coming from a firm you will often face a presumption of wanting to outshine others or letting the perfect be the enemy of the good/done. For example, highlight a deal that required a creative compromise to get to agreement.

      • LawyrChk

        I’m in house and completely agree with this. Would also say personality fit is huge for in house (much moreso than for a firm), in large part because you’re expected to be in most roles long term instead of the 2-4year up and out most firms experience.

    • MJ

      Have you looked at goinhouse.com or spoken with a recruiter? Recruiters will give quick advice for free, and you can action it. For instance, I was told to collapse some of my pre-law-school work experience, and batch some of the rest, and this was helpful for shortening things.

      I also think that The Lawyer Whisperer blog and Barker Gilmore (all of their webinars are archived) have great advice. Start there.

      Lastly, if you are a member of the ACC, they just did an “ask a recruiter anything” for in-house counsel about two weeks ago, and it should be available in their webinars, free, as it was internal. Recommend.

      I know you think your experience is different, but it’s really not–show you’re versatile, a team player, independent and willing to roll your sleeves up. You’ll get hired. GL!

  2. Fire Pit

    Does anyone have a favorite propane fire pit for the back yard patio to recommend? There are way too many options out there… TIA.

  3. anon

    Good morning.

    My auto correct on my i p h o n e has gotten even worse recently. Is there a way to remove certain words from its knowledge? My life would seriously improve if it could unlearn the words tou and fir.

    • Anon

      I turned off my autocorrect entirely and just use predictive text. Way fewer mistakes in my experience

      • Cat

        I was today years old when I learned you could turn off autocorrect. Day made!

    • anon

      Ugh mine is like this too. It takes words that I spelled correctly and changes them to nonsense.

      • Anon

        Yup, I even had it change a word to a slur that I have never used. I don’t know if the word has a non-hate crime meaning. I had typed kick, maybe misspelling it typing quickly and when I (thank God) proofed the text it had changed kick to a slur for Jewish people that also begins with a K. The only thing I can think of is I do employment law and it’s possible I had a discrimination case that was about that slur so it “learned” the word from my work emails but I don’t recall such a case off the top of my head.

        Can you turn off autocorrect but still have spell check on? That would be my preference and then I could manually change the words it highlights red.

        • Anon

          ohhhh I just thought of another explanation. I have more than one language active on my spell checker and maybe the word means something else in another language. I need to switch it back to English only since I’m not taking language classes anymore and not traveling.

    • Anonymous

      You can manually enter autocorrect replacements. I do this for recurring typos and things that my phone refuses to learn for some reason (like my name). Also works for words autocorrect likes to correct incorrectly, like the f word. Click General –> Keyboards –> Text Replacement then click the plus sign at the top right to enter your words.

    • No Problem

      My landlord’s last name starts with the same three letters as “basically.” So every time I go to type “basically” (which is surprisingly frequently) it suggests his last name until I type more letters. He is a contact in my phone but I’ve probably typed his full name in a text…never? Once? Why does it keep doing this?

      • Anon

        By brother in law’s contact is in my phone in all caps. His last name is EVANS. Very often autocorrect will try to change my ever or every (just did it there) to EVANS. I changed his name in my contacts to Evans (not all caps), then deleted his contact (sorry, bro), but my phone will remember him forEVANS I mean forever.

    • Ses

      press and hold on the word where it appears in the autocorrect bar above the keyboard. It will prompt to ask if you want to delete that word from autocorrect.

    • Of Counsel

      Thank you so much! I cannot tell you how many internet posts (including some on this board) have contained cringeworthy errors because auto correct thought it knew what I meant better than I did.

      And I can finally stop spelling my sister Kate’s name as Ceight.

  4. Anon

    I have kids on iPhones and use outlook a lot for work. Is there an easy way to do a family calendar that I can see at work, on my iPhone, and on theirs? I’d like to put things on their / our calendars the way I do at work (so if I “invite” them, they will see it (so if I know there is a dentist/orthodontist/tennis thing on the calendar, they know, too). Trying to make more things in their lives theirs to keep up with (vs solely mine) now that they are old enough to have phones (middle schoolers).

    • anonchicago

      Google Calendar and sync it to their iPhone calendar, and have it forward to your Outlook

      • Cb

        You can add your google calendar to your outlook, so you can toggle it on and off.

      • Anon

        I will be the voice of disagreement. Adding a google calendar is just another calendar to manage. Your built in calendar on your iPhone has the same capabilities.

        My husband kept trying to make the google calendar a thing for our family and no one used it. He would get mad that something was on the calendar and no one knew about it. The only way to get my kids to remember something is to send them a text (not email) with a calendar invite that includes a reminder and then remind them to accept the invite.

    • Anon

      If they have an icould e-mail will that not pop up on their iPhone calendars? If not, how on earth do you get that to happen?

  5. Anonymous

    I’m thinking about leaving my firm. I’m 31, single, no kids. Any success stories about job transitions to give me a push that it’ll all work out?

    • AFT

      What are you looking to do? I went from firm to in-house and it’s been great – supportive boss, more functional and less competitive organization, and workload that is more reasonable and gives me time to have a life outside of the office. 10/10, would recommend.

    • January

      Sure. I left my firm at 33, single, no kids. I wasn’t going to make partner, and it wasn’t the best fit. Am now at a smaller firm, benefiting from better mentorship, and getting much better performance reviews. And, I’m married!

    • Anokha

      I left the firm at 30 and went in-house. Eight years in, I am mostly glad that I made the switch. On one hand, I am envious of the salaries of friends who stayed in Big Law and made partner. On the other hand, I am happier in a more relaxed environment where I feel more authentically like myself, and I am so grateful not to have to bill.

    • Anon

      I left big law for in house around the same age and circumstances and it was the best decision I could have made for my mental and physical health and overall well being. Go for it and good luck!!

    • Ellen

      I think it will depend on what you want to do. If you want to remain single, your options may not be as good, b/c you will have to support yourself. If you have a boyfreind and will get married, you have more options b/c he will come with the possibility (good or bad) of impregnating you and creating another mouth to feed. You will have to decide soon on whether you want kids and if so how to get impregnated, if you are to remain single. If you are LGBTQ, you have other decision points to resolve if children are to be in the picture. In short, give us some more information and you will be able to get crisper answers from the hive, who I am sure have women here from all backgrounds, viewpoints and sexual identities.

    • anon

      My track was a bit of a mess, but it has worked out really well . . . left the firm at 30, went to state gov’t, did a mess of random things due to relocation, went corporate as a contracts professional, have been promoted four times in five years and now am in-house and identified as a high potential employee in our law department. 10/10 would recommend.

    • Anon

      I am also 31, no kids, and just left my Midwest “Big Law” firm a few weeks ago for an in-house position in my specialty area. I was promised partner within two years and I loved being a litigator, so this move was really bittersweet. I’m still settling in, but I already feel a huge sense of relief, which I didn’t necessarily expect. Turns out, there is life after you leave a law firm.

  6. anon

    I missed yesterday’s post on Jen Psaki, but YES, I am loving the vibe. She is not glam; she looks like most professional women I know. And I really enjoy that she’s unafraid to wear color. IDK, in a sea of neutrals, it’s refreshing. And truth be told, I’m a bit of a magpie when it comes to color. It makes me happy. I always think an all-neutral outfit looks so sharp but I don’t feel quite like myself when I’m in straight-up black, white, gray and cream all the time.

    • AnonATL

      I have very different coloring than her, but I do love the red hair and bold colors. Seems like redheads frequently shy away from color.

    • Ellen

      Yes, it is very refreshing to have a press secretary that:
      (1) actually answers questions;
      (2) is competent;
      (3) is not a ditzy airhead; and
      (4) was hired for her brain and not her boobies and tuchus.

      While she may need some assistance in the fashion and makeup department, she will learn as she has good credentials. I just have to learn how to pronounce her name, which is not easy. Good luck to her!!!!!

  7. anon

    Any recommendations for Sedona? We like everything. We are staying at Amara and renting a car, so recs for restaurants, hikes, etc. would be awesome!

    • anon

      I loved Sedona! Do try out Slide Rock State Park. It’s gorgeous, and the slides are fun (freezing cold, but a fun adventure). Jeep tours also were a blast. I can’t remember specific hiking trails, but they’re everywhere?

    • Ellen

      I was there years ago with Mom, Dad and Rosa before she got married. We played Tennis at a resort and went walking in the red rock canyon, which was very hot, but NOT humid. I picked up a few rocks from the road side which was permitted that I still have. I would dress for the heat but you will like it. There were very few men there who were interested in women, but that could have changed by now. Good luck!

    • Sedona lover

      Elote for dinner, though there are many great restaurants (as of the last time I was there two years ago). Jeep tour is also a good way to get to places you won’t easily reach by hiking.

    • Velma

      We have a state mask mandate. I’m in higher ed, and given the difficulty of keeping student behavior in line, there is no “declining” for staff. No mask, no campus access. Most professional staff are still WFH, in any case, so a decliner would be in the last group to return. If being in-person on campus were a job requirement, then mask refusal would be a serious HR offense.

      • Anon

        Similar boat here – higher ed, state has a mask mandate but campus mask rules are even stricter. I’ve never seen anyone on campus indoors without one (except in a private office with the door closed) and the vast majority of people wear them outside too. There’s no “declining” – if you refuse to wear one in a public, indoor campus space you will be terminated.

    • Anonymous

      They are barred from entry and if they cannot do their job from home they are either placed on unpaid leave (if they cannot wear a mask due to disability) or fired.

      • Anon

        This likely would violate the ADA – unpaid leave if they can’t wear a mask due to disability. You would have to try to otherwise accommodate them like moving them to a different segregated spot in the building. If they are just refusing to wear it because freedom, sure, fire them. In my state, if someone needs to read lips you are supposed to take off your mask for them but personally, I’d try other avenues first like email/texting.

        • Anonymous

          Yes thanks this is only for people who have jobs that cannot be done either at home or isolated from other employees.

        • Anonymous

          Re. lip reading, that is insane. Requiring someone else to remove their mask, risking COVID infection, lifelong disability, and death, is not a reasonable accommodation. Ordinarily, ADA accommodations might be slightly inconvenient for others but they don’t infringe upon other people’s right to stay alive.

          • Anonymous

            +1. If someone in your office needs to lip-read, the company can provide clear masks or provide alternate communication mechanisms. Removing masks is not an option.

          • Anon

            You are preaching to the choir but our executive order specifically says that masks should be removed for individuals that need to read lips. I think the idea behind it was for situations where other accommodations aren’t easily accessible, like being pulled over by a police officer or talking to your doctor. The order is at least written with somewhat ambiguous language -“should” instead of “must” – that I think anyone facing a public accommodations suit could defend it. I also agree with your ADA analysis but the governor messed that up in the wording of his executive order. There is an exception for “medical conditions” no proof required and then the line about lip readers.

          • SWprof

            There are clear masks that allow lip reading. If anyone is going to be interacting with people who need to read lips, they should get one of those. My department (multiple Deaf faculty) ordered a bunch the moment mask-wearing became a thing.

    • LaurenB

      When answering this, it would be helpful for people to say what state they are in, as this will surely run the gamut from “they have no choice but to comply, and anyway everyone wears masks anyway” to “they laugh and throw their own masks in the trash.”

    • Anonymous

      Kept them as CEO and it pisses me off. Literally the company was holding indoor bingo with lunch before Thanksgiving with folks giving high 5s. Freaking nuts.

    • Jeffiner

      I’m in a red state with no mask mandate, but our CEO clearly said “work from home, wear a mask, take vacation, or find a new job.” Most of the office staff are WFH now anyway, the mechanics have to be on site, and its up to supervisors to do the enforcing. I don’t know how the policy progresses from being written up to being fired. Mask compliance is actually really high, even if some are emblazoned with phrases like “Worn by force, not fear!”

      • Anon

        OMG I saw the “worn by force not fear” skiing recently and I was like (in my head) “really dude? Everyone wore masks skiing before the pandemic. No one thinks you are wearing it out of fear.” And they call us snowflakes.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Man, I have my insecure moments, but at least I’ve never needed to tell everyone around me I’m only wearing a mask because the big bad gub’ment is making me. Good lord.

      • Anonymous

        This is one of the main reasons I want to WFH. I simply don’t want to wear a mask all day long, fight my glasses fog, or be around other people who will be wearing them under their noses or taking them off “just to eat” as they snack all day long. It’s just a lot of mental energy I’d rather spend on other things.

    • Anon

      My firm advises clients to treat it like an ADA issue. If they have a disability, make reasonable accommodations (e.g. work from home, move their workspace away from others, etc). If they do not have a disability, feel free to fire them.

    • Anonymous

      They are sent home. They can work from home if their job can be done from home, otherwise they have to use leave.

  9. Anon

    We want to do the a trail along the New River that seems to be like the Virginia creeper trail (flat, rails-to-trails path) on bikes. It is still cool to the point where just bike shorts for me won’t cut it. I *need* the cushion of not just a padded seat, but also the lining of legit bike shorts. Hot pink chafed thighs are a thing for me now without them and I need a cool weather equivalent. Or do people just wear leggings and then put bike shorts over top? I guess I only bike in the summer or warmer months than this (or in warmer places — the New River Valley has its own weather pattern that is generally colder than what is around it).

    • Cat

      Just layer leggings with the bike shorts. No need to buy special capri-length bike “shorts” for the few weeks you need longer pants when biking.

    • anon

      FYI, you’ll want to put the leggings over the shorts, not the shorts over the leggings. Otherwise the chafing risk is high.

      • Anon

        Yes. Also with most bike shorts, you’re not supposed to wear anything underneath at all.

    • Jeffiner

      No advice, but I grew up near the New River and am smiling from the memories of the trail.

    • AnonMPH

      I’m a bit confused by this question. Are you asking if there are such a thing as dedicated pants for biking? They make bike pants that are either full length or cropped, and have the padding (called a chamois) inside. I wear the full length ones when I bike all through the winter in the DC area.

      As someone else mentioned, if you don’t want to spend the money on a dedicated pair of bike pants, you can wear a pair of leggings over your bike shorts. You want to keep the chamois on the inside, and just as an FYI you are not supposed to wear underwear under the chamois.

      They also make bike pants/shorts that come with a removable chamois, which can be nice if you’re going for multiple days in a row so you can wash one and let it dry for a day while you wear another one.

    • Anonymous

      It’s in the 60s in the New River Valley these days. Wear shorts and don’t overthink this. It’s okay for your legs to be cool while biking.

  10. Anon

    I don’t know if I’m looking for a vent or advice. I’m struggling to stay focused and don’t know how to fight my way back. I held it together pretty well until late 2020, even with kids in virtual school and trying to work more than a full day of work, some loved ones getting Covid, and the struggles of isolation as an extrovert. The kids went back in person in January, the loved ones recovered, work finally backed off a bit, and the weather is getting nicer so people are out in the neighborhood again. You’d think I would be able to rock it, but I’m in a slump. Making stupid mistakes at work, not doing any fun engaging things with kids, skipping family/ friend zooms because I just don’t want to be on screens. I see a therapist for anxiety and she sees this as a normal recharge period after such a long time of stress, but I still hate feeling like I’m failing at all these things. Have other people figured it out by now? My work seems to think we should all be above our regular productivity levels and has zero mercy for mistakes, but I’ve lost sense of whether that’s realistic or masochistic. I feel like I should have let it fall apart last summer when it was more “accepted” and now I’m just screwing myself over, the time for mistakes or lower output is long past. Is anyone else feeling similarly?

    • Ribena

      I think lots of people who were mostly holding it together are really struggling as we reach a year of this. “Groundhog Day” sums it up best.

    • Anon

      actually yes. it’s almost like you held it together for so long and now that you have a moment to breathe you are falling apart. last night i was watching a tv show, which admittedly was a bit sad, though ended with someone recovering from covid, but maybe the music got to me, and i was crying. my mom passed away right before covid started and while i have missed her tremendously over the past year, it is also kind of like in a way life has felt on hold, but now that things are slowly opening up it is like another reminder that she won’t be there. and i have so much anger – yes i am biased, but most people who knew her would agree that my mother was a wonderful person, and so it seems so unfair to me that there all of these covid deniers who are still alive after all this, while my mother would’ve happily work a mask or done anything to have her health back (yes i realize this does not make any logical sense)

      • Anon

        “you held it together for so long and now that you have a moment to breathe you are falling apart”

        I have always been this way. I powered through HS and college as a high achiever, but got severely ill every single year over Christmas break. For seven years, I spent the holidays fighting either the flu or a horrible respiratory infection.

        Right now feels like an extended version of living that way.

        • Anonymous

          I’ve always been the same way! Always sick over winter break. Even as a working adult, I usually take the week between Christmas and New Year off and am usually sick. This does feel like an extended version of that. l am completely exhausted. I know I need to take some time off. Hopefully soon.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Bingo. The bill’s due for everything we had to shove down to survive this year.

        • Anonymous

          This is such a brilliant way of putting it. The bill is due. Either pay it along the way, or wait until the end.

        • Anonymous

          Thanks, that makes so much sense! My husband is ready to drag me onto a video with my doctor because I am so tired, but oddly enough I think I just need to rest! Thanks.

    • Anon

      Yes, I feel the same way big time. Major sympathy and hugs from me. I also get the feeling that work expects us to be carrying on like everything is fine, but I’m not fine. None of this is normal. Just because it’s been a year shouldn’t mean that we are over it. I have also found myself making stupid small mistakes and beating myself up about them.

    • Anonymous

      Yes and punishing yourself doesn’t help. It’s very normal for people to push through difficult times bc you have to survive, and then to crash. I suggest taking a week off while kids are in school to just chill – you need a break.

    • anon

      I could’ve written this whole thing. Now that the stress has abated a bit, I’m hitting a lull. I think your therapist is totally right, though — this is a common post-stress response. To the extent you can, lean into it a bit. Definitely get your most important work done, but take the pressure off to be a fun mom and participate in family zooms. (I’m completely over being on screens for socialization, too. I would rather have a phone call.) When I was feeling really weary on Sunday, I took a walk to the park with my daughter. She blew off steam, and I was a lump on the park bench once she settled in. I forced myself to just sit and be, and not scroll through my phone. But we still had time together during our walk there and back. Would something like that work for you?

    • Anon

      For me, this is the hardest time. People are getting vaccinated, things are reopening but the CDC is still warning about spread and strains. I’m afraid we will do too much too fast and be back at square one. I also realized I have some serious FOMO that most of my friends and family are vaccinated and I am not. I consider myself higher risk (asthma) but my doctor doesn’t consider it high risk enough to get me any sort of vaccine priority. I am happy and relieved that the people I love are vaccinated but they are all starting to plan fun things and joking about me staying at home/outside. I’m not the one that posted about this a bit ago but I totally sympathize with her.

      I think part of what concerns me is that the few people I did see this whole time are going to become unsafe for me to be around when they fully return to the world, or they won’t want to do the things we’ve been doing this whole time, like taking a walk in the woods together, because they can get back to their “regular” activities like visiting their vaccinated family.

      • Anon

        Also, reflecting a bit on what I just wrote, I also recognize that I am a person that is terrible with change and uncertainty. I’ve become used to my COVID world at this point. Of course I want to go back to normal but we don’t know what normal looks like and that brings me anxiety. What will return to the office eventually be like? Can I still WFH a few days/week? I’m a litigator and while I’m very busy, I haven’t had any trials scheduled since March 2020. What is my caseload going to look like when these restart? ( I recognize that criminal will go first and it will be awhile until I’m on the docket yet my court keeps scheduling and cancelling things making so much more uncertainty.)

      • No Problem

        What state are you in? When I pre-registered last week with Virginia, they ask you all the questions about where you work and whether you have any underlying health conditions. I’m 99% sure asthma was on there as a condition that would qualify you for the 1b category (ages 16-64 with underlying conditions). They have also made it clear that they’re not going to be asking for proof of your disease when you go for the appointment. If you’re worried about that, just bring with you all your prescription medication. Your state may be similar with their pre-registration system if it has one.

        Also, what is with doctors not considering their patients’ medical issues to be serious enough to get vaccine priority? I would think they would want all of their patients with any kind of heart, lung, or other serious disease to get vaccinated as quickly as possible. I don’t have any conditions to qualify me for priority but I want everyone who does have those conditions to be ahead of me in line!

        All that said, it sounds like the difference between the 1b category and the general public will be a matter of weeks to at most a month or two, not several months as it seemed until recently.

        • Anon

          I’m in NH. 1A was healthcare and first responders. 1B you have to have 2 underlying conditions from the CDC or 65+. The process is doctors have to submit lists to the state and then the state contacts you to schedule your appointment with an eligibility code. 2A is teachers and child care. 2B is 50+. 3A is one underlying condition from the CDC list. 3B is everyone else. I’ve even tried to get on the lists where you get called if there are no-shows but they are only letting people in the currently eligible category get on those lists. We are just about to wrap up 1B and 2A should be in the next couple of weeks.

          My doctor’s healthcare group (Dartmouth) has reportedly drawn the line that you have to be on a daily steroid inhaler to get any priority. I’m on a daily pill w/ a rescue inhaler. I tried to plead my case that while I don’t have bad everyday asthma (though bad enough for a pill) it gets BAD (requiring prednisone) anytime that I am sick so I am extra worried re: COVID. I think part of why I’m not getting a lot of consideration is my long term doc left and I’ve only been with the new one a year. She never treated me during one of those bad illnesses, though they are clearly in my chart.

      • Anon

        I understand all your fears, as a fellow person who struggles with uncertainty. One small thing that struck me above was the worry that your friends won’t want to continue doing activities that are safe for you. I’ve had the same fear because a lot of my friends are vaccinated, but they’ve all been great about continuing our outdoor walks and hangs. Sometimes they’ll talk about the more normal stuff they’re doing and I do get a little jealous, but I haven’t had anyone ditch me because they can do other things now. I’m actually hoping that even after COVID is over, people will keep hanging out in these more low key ways and we won’t have to be always going out for drinks or doing something huge.

        • anne-on

          I would LOVE it if walks/coffees/hikes become more of the standard than going for a drink….

      • Anonymous

        I don’t know if this will help at all, but there is no evidence that asthma puts you at higher risk. There was an assumption at the outset that it would, since Covid attacks the lungs, but it has not actually played out that way. Of course you should take precautions just as everyone should, I just thought this might give you a little more peace of mind.

        • Anon

          I know that asthma was removed from the “risk factor” list a while ago. I honestly hope this is based on science, rather than the worry that asthma affects such a huge percentage of the population that it would be difficult to prioritize or accommodate so many people (similar to the “masks don’t help” position). My state has very, very high asthma prevalence; it is not listing asthma as a risk factor. Having watched family members with asthma my whole life, I have a hard time imagining that those who have not be at additional risk from COVID-19, but I presume that the CDC is following the science. If someone knows otherwise, please share.

          • Anonymous

            That is a reasonable concern, but I will add that asthma was taken off the risk factor list long before there was discussion of a vaccine rollout and certainly before there was anything but optimism about a vaccine rollout. I am not saying the public health community might not have been thinking about it then, but they do not seem temporally connected to me.

        • Anon

          OP here. I hope the science is right but I struggle to believe it when simple head colds turn into bronchitis for me. To the poster below re: too many people having asthma, that is why Dartmouth is requiring daily steroid inhalers as a criteria. I know I just need to wait my turn.

          • No Problem

            I feel you. I only get asthma from allergies (thanks, tree pollen!) but now that my body understands what wheezing is, I also get asthma and need my rescue inhaler whenever I get a cold and my frequency of bronchitis is way up (from zero times in my life to nearly yearly). I fully expect it to be pretty bad if I’m unfortunate enough to get Covid.

    • Anonymous

      I am not over the pandemic, we are opening up again right in the face of new very infectious variants with vaccination coming too slowly. So I am in the fourth wave is likely camp, and we are personally at the end of the vaccine queue, so I am going to restock my larder, etc. this weekend. Another case of us shooting ourself in the foot.

    • No Face

      I held it together through December, then crashed HARD in January (my kiddo had been back in school for months at that point). I stopped social zooms ages ago. I am burned out, but I am showing myself grace. 2020 was a hard, hard year after a couple of hard years. I am only human.

      In February, I took a full week off of work – literally billed 0 hours. It was so nice to just focus on spending time with my kids and relaxing. I bought premade meals from the deli section at Costco for a month. I went to bed very early (8pm). Basically, I spent February recovering, the same way an athlete takes a break after an injury. Now, I finally feel more normal. I’m back to cooking and working full days.

      At the end of the day, my workplace is not more important to me than my well-being. If my two bad months of low productivity during a global pandemic is a dealbreaker, I can just go find another job at some point.

      • anon

        I like your style. It is so important to give our bodies time to rest and recover. After a disastrous burnout period a few years ago, I was forced to become much better about putting myself — not my employer — first.

    • Walnut

      I feel this post. My husband and I are starting to think about what a LOA might look like for our family this summer. He’s finishing a masters degree in May, I’m hopefully finishing chemotherapy around the same timeline, our oldest goes to Kindergarten in the fall and we’re both just exhausted after it feels like life turned upside down in every possible way last year.

      There’s a lot to navigate – can we financially swing it? What would we do with the time? How can we ensure that it’s restorative? Is there anything we’re hoping to learn about ourselves and the family during the time off?

      • Blair Waldorf

        You sound so thoughtful about this – I hope you can find a way to make it work.

      • Anonymous

        Thinking of you, Walnut. Take the time you need with the cancer treatments to recover. Let me tell you, the post-chemo/survivorship part is way harder than I realized it would be. It messes with your mind to no longer be in active treatment. If you can swing some time, I highly recommend it.

  11. Anonymous

    Where should we honeymoon in June? Preferably driving distance of Philly but also we’d like to scuba dive somewhere with clear water. I have a lot of week long local trips in mind but none involve diving, or at least not diving where I can see colors and not just brown and green murkiness (yuck). We hope to be vaccinated by June but who knows. I think the answer might be, go to the Poconos for a week and plan a trip to the Caribbean for the winter, but I figured I’d ask you ladies if you had any ideas!

    • Anon

      I think if you’re vaccinated, travel away (unpopular opinion here, but I’m going entirely back to my old life, within reason, post-vaccine). The Seychelles are allowing vaccinated travelers, and Turks & Caicos just requires a negative test. I’d imagine a lot of places will switch to a vaccine requirement shortly.

      • Anon

        I 100% agree with going back to your old life, but personally I’d be hesitant to spend a lot on international travel until this is over/herd immunity just because I’d want to experience everything being open/normal. I don’t really want to go somewhere just to dine outside and have attractions closed. For a honeymoon, I like the cheesy/old school nature of the poconos or similar.

      • Anon

        or you know follow CDC guidelines since presumably they know more about this than most of us on this board do.

      • Anon

        I don’t think this is really an unpopular opinion here? I agree w/you from a safety perspective, although there are external limits that will prevent me from immediately going back to normal life after the vaccine (e.g., daycare has 14 day quarantine if anyone in the household travels internationally).

    • Anon

      guess it depends on your risk tolerance. your second sentence is totally contradictory since i dont think you can drive anywhere with scuba diving. even in non-covid times due to life circumstances we did a minimoon and a honeymoon around our first anniversary. in your case, i’d plan a local trip and then to the the Caribbean when it is cold in Philly and you are eager to escape to the warmth

    • Anon

      Personally I would go to Hawaii or the Florida Keys. I think international travel is probably not going to be worth the logistical headaches/quarantines for a while. It would also be comforting to know that in a worst case scenario where you do get severe Covid despite the vaccine you would be in an American hospital. My mom and I are fully vaxxed and are planning a Hawaii trip soon, but I doubt I’ll leave the country until 2022 at the earliest.

      • Anon

        Adding that both Hawaii and the Keys have great diving/snorkeling (if you didn’t already know).

        • Anon

          I was underwhelmed by diving in Key West, but didn’t go anywhere else in the Keys.
          I thought the diving out of Punta Cana, DC was lovely, as was St. Thomas in the USVI, both of which are open for travelers (USVI w/ negative test)

          • Anon

            Oh yeah I should have clarified – Key West is a total dud in that area. You want Key Largo or Looe Key or maybe other spots I haven’t heard of but definitely NOT Key West.

    • Anon

      I would probably drive to the Finger Lakes since I really enjoy the vibe there. I’m sure you could dive in them if you realllly wanted to, but it is probably not ideal. :)

      • January

        We did the Finger Lakes for our mini-moon, and I think it would be quite nice in June! Not a bad drive from the Philly area at all.

    • Anonymous

      Bermuda? Not driving distance, but less time on airplanes than some of the other suggestions.

  12. cara

    If you have weekly therapy appointments . . . when are they? Many of the appointments I see are either before 9am, which is great for work but not really a time I want to talk therapy at, or during the work day. I wish there were more evening appointments Right now I have an appointment during the work day but at a less-busy time, and its on my work calendar as a recurring 1 hr block. I guess people can probably figure out what it is (I just said it was a medical appt) but my office is fairly liberal so who cares. I wanted to ask though – how do y’all handle weekly therapy appointments, or I guess any weekly medical appointment?

    • Anon

      Following b/c I have a kid who fell apart during lockdown and am so grateful for having appointments via zoom, but once school restarts in person, she won’t be able to do them as she gets on a bus around 8:30 and returns home after 5 and school says they can’t give her a private room to do them in. Ugh. Driving her in-person would be about 2.5-3 hours out of my day and just driving to school so she can do them from my car is . . . not ideal. I am not sure how people do it (other than that kids who aren’t yet old enough to drive are just massively undertreated).

        • Anon

          In theory, yes. Per local friends, YMMV and if a kid has a good relationship with a trusted person, I’d add the school counselor but find a way to continue with an established relationship. With some things, I feel like I do get what I pay for (and vice versa) and this is one of those areas (sadly).

      • TeKi

        I hope your daughter is doing better. I would ask for a meeting with school principal, grade level teacher, and school guidance or school psychologist and talk about where your daughter is and what her needs are. It’s been a difficult and unsual year.

        I would directly ask that your school think more flexibly and generously about the needs of kids — your kid — under these circumstances. (There’s all the legal obligations for accomodations, too — but you can hear about that in other places).

        I say this after a (pre-pandemic) year of picking up a child from school, driving to therapist, missing 2 hours out of his and my day, every week. I am glad I did it, but it made that day very difficult. Looking back, I wish I had pushed the school to handle it differently, but I made the best decision for my kid that I could at the time.

      • pugsnbourbon

        That stinks and I’m sorry. I had bi-weekly therapy for a while when I was 14 and we did them late on Friday afternoons (3:30 or 4). Minimized the amount of school and work time missed, but still not ideal.

      • Anon

        so my sister was in almost weekly therapy starting around 3rd or 4th grade. there was one therapist she saw who had some weekend appointments. this was in a pre-Zoom world. i think my mom just took her after school and yes i am sure it was quite stressful for my working mom. could kid do evening zoom appointment? in normal times, many therapists who work with kids have after school appointments bc that is when kids are available. i know that it is a really long day. also, depending on how your kid is doing – can you switch to every other week?

    • Anonymous

      I do all appointments before work if possible. For therapy, I understand not wanting to start your day off that way, but it’s better than having it hanging over your head all day especially if you have to work after. You’re also more likely to be seen on time first thing in the morning. I’ve had to wait an hour at my PCP’s office if I go during the day or at the end of the day (and yes I’ve tried to find other doctors but they all seem to run behind schedule to some extent).

    • Anokha

      Right now, I am doing them over Zoom — and I hope that even post pandemic, providers continue to offer them virtually (for all the reasons you mention re commute). When I was in Big Law in NYC, I would schedule them during the lunch hour and never shared where I was going. I hoped that if someone needed me, they would assume I just ran out to grab lunch.

    • Anon

      I’ve been doing them virtually at 4:30 pm so at least it’s at the end of the work day and since we’re WFH it hasn’t posed a problem yet. Not sure what I’ll do once we have to go back to the office…

    • Anonymous

      Mine are at 8am. Waterproof mascara and straight to work. I’ve done them at 7pm in the past too.

    • Anonymous

      I am shocked that you are able to find a therapist with any availability at all, let alone weekly appointments at your choice of time.

      • cara

        Well its over Zoom which I think helps, and I do get back online afterwards. It took a few weeks to wrangle the look at Psychology Today / call several places / do intake appointments but it did seem like there were options in NYC. This therapist also takes insurance, which a lot don’t.

      • Anon

        Having availability to do them during the day is a big help when trying to find somebody who can fit you in.

    • Anonymous

      Book lunch time approx (like 11:30-12:30 or 1-2pm). Don’t justify – lots of people have hair/nail/lunch date/shopping errands at lunchtime. but I book like 4 months in advance to get the good slots. As long as I cancel in the cancellation window I don’t get charged and therapist doesn’t care because her cancellation list is always full. In Feb I booked for April and May. I’ll book this week for June.

    • Anon

      When I was doing twice-weekly PT I had no choice but to use PTO. It was absolute BS, and that attitude is a big factor in why I left that place.

    • shananana

      Yeah, I have mine scheduled mid morning on a less busy workday, but they are via zoom, and my hope is to continue them via zoom indefinitely as it makes scheduling much easier. I am on the east coast and do a lot of work with the west coast though, so my mornings are usually the least meeting heavy time.

    • AnonMPH

      My mom is a child psychologist and she’s always seen her patients during the after school hours. So she usually has appointments at 4, 5, and 6pm most evenings per week at her office. The kids are usually picked up at school by their parent or babysitter and brought to her office, although the oldest/high school age can sometimes come on their own (this is in Manhattan so no one is driving, the are walking/bussing/subway-riding/Ubering). While Zoom has made other things possible, I would imagine that in a return to in person school (and in person therapy, eventually), you’d probably see a return towards this schedule.

    • Anon

      I currently see a therapist who has weekend appointments. I go every other Saturday afternoon. For a long time she only had weekdays available, and I was lucky enough to get a recurring lunchtime appointment. I would bring touchup makeup and try to make sure that there weren’t any meetings scheduled for those afternoons.

    • Anony

      I have a few monthly appointments – my bi-weekly acupuncture is very easy to schedule, so I typically do it around lunch. The time is blocked off in my work calendar and I put up a “Appt 2-3” note on my Skype. Depending on my workload, I either use PTO or make up the hour (either same day or during the week). My monthly OMT is amazingly hard to schedule. She only works on M, Th, F and has limited openings. I take whatever I can get, although I try to take her last appointment of the day so she can spend extra time with me. It goes in my calendar also. My workplace is very lax about what hours we work and appointments during the work day which I am so thankful about.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      2 PM during covid. Before that, it had been at 5 pm for years and years. I left work early. It was never a problem.

    • Anon

      During the work day. In the before times my therapists office was within walking distance of work and I’d take a long lunch break whenever the appointment was. I was doing weekly for a long time and I don’t think anybody noticed.

  13. anon

    My office has a wall of built-in bookcases. They are dark wood, moveable or removable shelves. Now that I’m ocassionally back in the office, I’m reminded of how much they annoy me. There are too many shelves to fill! I have some framed photos and a few vases currently, but I don’t know what to do about the rest to keep it from looking barren. Ideas?

      • anon

        Oh I forgot that I used to have plants there but I took them home when the pandemic started! It did help but there are too many shelves to completely fill with plants–it would look like a greenhouse haha. Other ideas for stuff to mix in?

    • Anon

      Let me store my book hoard at your house? I seem to have the opposite problem – too many books and not enough shelves. I’d live in a library if I could.

      My suggestions depend on your lifestyle. If you have kids or are into history, what about a set of old fashioned encyclopedias – they have new ones each year or you could find an older one from say, the year of your birth. If you’re into design, what about some beautiful coffee table books or fashion books? Or if you’re say, a lawyer, what about vintage law books, or if you’re an accountant, vintage ledgers? Or even just collect hardcover versions of classic books that you find at thrift stores or estate sales.

      Non-book ideas – sprinkle in some paraphernalia related to your alma mater, like a replica of one of the buildings or a branded beer stein. Add in travel themes, like vintage suitcases and a globe and a model airplane. Add some nature or greenery to add color – succulents, fake plants in interesting pots, a large piece of colored glass or rock, even a vase filled with different colored layers of sand.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Can you mix in some storage boxes or bins? Functional and they take up space.

    • Anonymous

      What about small art pieces leaned against the wall? Or can you do a shelf of attractive, matching or coordinating organizer boxes, even if they are empty?

    • Anonymous

      Can you remove a couple of shelves to make room for just a few larger items? Might be easier to “fill” that way.

    • Anon

      Get a houseplant that has trailing bits and put it on one of the middle shelves to the side. It’s trailing bits will cover a lot of real estate over time. Pothos and Philodendron are easy to care for. If the trailing bits get to long, give them a trim as you would your bangs. (Which in my case means after a glass of wine but I don’t really recommend that at work)

    • anon a mouse

      Can you cover the back with contact paper or a painted board cut to fit to brighten them up at all? That would help, visually.

      Also, look at the Crate & Barrel bookcase stylings — they always have a good mix of objects, plants and books. If you look for example at the Beckett 5-shelf, they have gold decorative objects on a few of the shelves to make it visually cohesive without being completely matchy or symmetrical.

  14. anon

    Renovation question: We are adding a window in our kitchen. I also want to paint the kitchen and adjoining living room. Should I paint before or after adding the window? I know the window addition will kick up a lot of dust, so not sure which piece should come first (probably the window?).

  15. shananana

    Has anyone transitioned into a self employed consulting role who has any words of wisdom to share? Contractor is most likely my next step regardless, but am leaning towards wanting to do it myself and not go to a firm to allow more flexibility in jobs I take. I work in a fairly specialized technical area within the HR function. I run a brick and mortar business with family that is still too new to be pulling enough of a profit to pay me what I would need to allow that to be my only job so am familiar with the many ins outs and pitfalls of running a business, but am curious if anyone has any contracting specific thoughts.

    • Anon

      I have so many thoughts. I just did this a year ago myself and it’s going swimmingly.

      1) form an LLC. It’s pretty easy and not too expensive and protects your personal assets. I used Legal Zoom. I literally did the initial steps on my iPhone.

      2) set up a domain name and at least an email account. I have yet to set up a website but my business domain name (which is LastNameProfession.com) is there ready for the website if I need it someday

      3) buy professional liability insurance – many contracts require it

      4) understand your taxes. You need to charge enough to cover your healthcare, SEP IRA, and both sides of payroll tax – you’re paying the employer side as well as the employee side, not to mention covering all the expenses of running a business. A rule of thumb I’m following is charging twice as much as your hourly rate while employed.

      5) set up a separate bank account for your business and use a small business bookkeeping system. I’m using quick books self employed. It’s just ok. There are better ones out there and I should have researched more. Keep track of every dime of your business related expenses.

      6) use your contacts! Make a big splash on Linked In about your new company and call or text or email people you know regularly. They may not be the direct people who end up using your services, but they will think of you when they hear about something. 100% of my work has come from word of mouth and professional contacts I made while employed.

      7) give it at least a year. Plan for low income as you get started. It’s an investment in you

      Good luck!

  16. Anon

    After what feels like a lifetime of foot problems and being on a first name basis with a podiatrist, I have discovered two things – 1) it’s actually arthritis in my feet and not an assortment of different foot maladies, and 2) wearing slippers and birkenstocks and the occasional Naot flat for a year has made my podiatric treatments unnecessary.

    So I conclude I will probably never wear my closetful of heels again. Most of them at this point were already low or low-ish heels due to the ongoing foot problems.

    What would you do with a closet full of gorgeous, high quality, painstakingly curated beautiful shoes?
    I am not lying when I say it was an obsession collecting these. I have everything from vintage Fluevogs to Ferragamos.

    • anon

      Sell the heels on posh mark or ebay?

      I don’t know how I’m going to go back to office shoes after a year in birks and slippers and running shoes. My feet feel better than they have in years. (I quit wearing heels a long time ago. I have never met an office shoe that has the support of regular shoes.)

      • Monday

        If there’s a permanent post-Covid shift toward comfort in all apparel, I am fine with that. I like fashion and clothes, but I don’t see why regular working people should have to perform professionalism/competence in ways that are physically uncomfortable or can even cause injury.

    • Anony

      You could sell yourself on Mercari, Posh, ebay, etc.

      Or you could go the consignment route – The Real Real, ThredUp, etc.

    • UHU

      I’d keep a few favorites and put them on display. Sell or gift the rest. Can you imagine how amazing it would be for woman who needed to use Dress for Success or those prom dress/outfit places, to receive such amazing shoes? I think that’s the route I’d go, if I didn’t need whatever consignment money would bring.

    • Anon

      You could sell them as others have suggested. Or, might feel great to give them away – either to people in your life or to a worthy cause (like dress for success). I do an annual professional wardrobe purge and give to the recent college grad paralegals at my office and they are so thrilled to have “real” office clothes to take off to grad school, future interviews, etc

    • Silly Valley

      Jalie is a Canadian pattern company that has some patterns for figure skating and gymnastics – they might be a place to start if the dresses are as fitted and stretchy as that one looks in the picture.

    • Anonymous

      I recommend you start by learning on woven non-stretch fabrics. Dance dresses are typically very challenging to sew and require lots of experience due to the non straight seams and stretchy fabrics.

    • nom

      I don’t know this type of garment making very well, but my impression is that there aren’t a ton of commercial patterns readily available in this style. The Jalie recommendation above is a good place to start. But overall, I think this will probably involve a good amount of pattern alteration. Basically, I’d find a good “base pattern”, do an initial fitting process to get it well-tailored, and then work on changing up details like hem length and shape, necklines, etc. Obviously fabric and embellishments make a big difference to the final look as well.

      You might also look for a “sloper pattern” that creates a basic pattern block fitted to you, and serves as a base for drafting new versions. I’ve used slopers for woven fabric patterns before but not for athletic/high-stretch/performance fabric. (I know I’ve seen slopers for knits but never looked for high-stretch fabric.) There are also tutorials for drafting your own sloper and fitting it, if you can’t find a basic pattern for one.

    • BB

      Second the recommendation to start with sewing something in a woven fabric – maybe a cute sundress or something. Slinky or stretchy fabrics are not the easiest things to work with. As for patterns, I would browse McCall/Butterick/Vogue (it’s the same company, and wait for a sale because they go down to like $4 each), but pay attention to the line drawings, not the photos. As mentioned above, you might have to think creatively about what elements you take from which patterns. Like you may take the top from one and the skirt from another to get what you want. Or maybe a pattern is perfect except for the neckline that you have to draft yourself.

    • Anon

      Not to be discouraging, but this isn’t a beginner project. My mom actually sewed me some ballroom costumes when I was on my college team. It will be challenging for a beginner because a dress like this is likely 2 way stretch knit, which is very hard to sew. Most people will use a serger to sew this fabric. Sergers are expensive and hard to use. Before worrying about patterns, look up videos on how to sew 1 way and 2 way stretch knits, buy some cheap fabrics to practice on, and make sure you have the right tension and sewing needle. Otherwise, you will poke holes/snag your fabric. You’ll also have to learn how to do a rolled edge hem with your regular machine.

      For patterns…I don’t even remember. I think she used skater costumes and maybe some Vogue patterns. For context, I’ve been sewing since I was about 8 but would not attempt this project. Knits are very hard and frustrating to sew. I don’t have a serger (she does).

    • Agurk

      I’m going to disagree with everyone who says to start with wovens. I started with knits and it went just fine. Just make sure you have a walking foot. Also I third the Jalie recommendation.

  18. shananana

    House question – am looking down the line at a major exterior fresh on my house – new siding, roof, gutters, and porch and residing the garage as well. Am not 100% sure I will be able to swing it all at the same time as one project. If you have had to do similar and had the choice, would you do roof or siding first? The roof is nearing the end of its life but no major problems yet and feel like the siding will make the most immediate impact, but it probably makes more sense to go top down right? Going to be calling some contractors to quote out the whole project and get opinions, but looking for any first hand experience.

    • Anon

      I’d select both materials at the same time, but go with the roof first since the risk is higher. (Make sure whatever siding you select is by a major manufacturer and is unlikely to be discontinued in the next however many months you need to afford both projects.) The wrong shingle color is a bear to deal with. A shingle sample can have what appear-to-be-subtle undertones that turn into “OMG my roof is avocado colored” once installed.

    • anon

      Pick out all your options at once so that you know they coordinate, but yes — do the roof first.

    • Anonymous

      It will depend on your market but we did both. New siding (cedar) was $85k. New roof was $15k. If your siding is vinyl it will be closest to even.

    • long life

      Roof first, because sometimes roof work can damage siding, depending upon the structure.

  19. Actively job seeking

    So I signed back into LinkedIn.. .and there’s a couple of dozen messages in the LinkedIn inbox. I’ve re-set my notifications to let me know immediately or daily about these. But some of these go back a few months…. some are people I know, some are recruiters in the past couple of weeks or so. Any language I can use to write back? Should I include a resume (can’t they see it on my linkedin site, anyway?) “Hi Name, I had my notifications turned off to focus on some personal issues but I’m back on LinkedIn and ready to be in touch. Here’s my offline contact information: email, phone number. Let’s set up a time to talk.”
    Is something like that OK/acceptable/do I need to say anything else?

    • No Face

      I would leave off the part about “personal issues.” Going months without logging onto LinkedIn is perfectly normal. “Just saw your message” is more than enough. I have sent and received that note many times.

      • Anon

        I was going to write exactly this. I think missing LinkedIn emails is very common, & adding detail about how your notifications were set or indicating that you had personal issues (which implies negative things that some may just want to avoid rightly or wrongly!) is way too much for this situation.

      • AFT

        exactly this – and only for people you need to reconnect with. E.g., if a recruiter cold emailed you last September, I wouldn’t bother responding. If it’s a friend or a contact, then yes, a message saying “sorry I missed this…” works well.

    • anon a mouse

      No need to mention why you turned notifications off. Just say whoops, had my notifications turned off and didn’t check the site frequently, sorry about that!

      • Curious

        Yes! And I got a job that way — recruiters are used to it and so excited to get good prospects!

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