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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Slate Mulberry Pintuck Blouse

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A woman wearing a floral blouse and white pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

A gray-and-white top can be paired perfectly with just about anything. This flowered, long sleeved blouse from Oliphant would look gorgeous tucked into a pair of darker gray trousers for a more monochromatic look, or with a jewel-toned maxi skirt for a bolder vibe. For the office, I would wear this with my favorite eggplant blazer and a black pencil skirt.

The top is $258 at Tuckernuck and comes in sizes XS–XL. (Update: Unfortunately, this blouse is now sold out.)

A more affordable option is from Ann Taylor; this top is $64.50 and available in XS–XXL. Here's another from Ann Taylor; it's $98 and comes in XXS–XXL.

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
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  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
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  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

272 Comments

  1. I’m in the divorce process (no kids) and this will be my first holidays solo. I have plans with my family for thanksgiving, but it looks like I’ll be doing Christmas solo. I come from a Jewish family so Christmas isn’t particularly important to me, but I’m trying to come up with something to get excited about instead of getting gloomy. Does anyone have recommendations for what to do? I’m near Atlanta but am up for literally anything—visiting a cool international city, beach resort, etc. I’m most concerned about being somewhere that I won’t feel like the *only* single solo traveler over the holiday. TIA!

    1. Can you enlist a friend to go on a trip with you?

      Alternatively, what about volunteering somewhere like a soup kitchen or a meal delivery for the homebound? So many organizations need help that time of year! I find nothing makes me feel as good as not thinking about myself for a bit.

      1. Look at a high end Caribbean hotel/resort. I love Grand Cayman. If you travel just before Christmas and come home Christmas Day/the day after, it can be surprisingly affordable. All the Christmas families want to travel between Christmas and New Year.

        There are more singles than you think that will be at the bar/pool during this time. You’re not the only one.

        1. Yes, early-mid December is considered low season in the Caribbean. Tail end of hurricane season + kids still in school. Although I will say that prices typically kick up the week or so before Christmas because most kids are on school break by then. Looking at this year’s calendar, I would be surprised if rates don’t shoot up around the 17th-18th December. Certainly by the 22nd or 23rd you’re going to be paying holiday prices. And the holiday rates are INSANE. Like easily triple what you would pay in early December.

    2. Being in Atlanta – Can you take a week off and fly somewhere in western Europe? So many direct flights, not particularly long, and city vacations solo are just wonderful. Porto, Barcelona, Seville, Madrid…

    3. I don’t know how they fit in the solo traveler category, but if you want something low key just for the weekend that’s not too far of a drive from Atlanta, Jekyll Island’s Christmas lights are gorgeous in the live oak trees/spanish moss and the historic buildings of the Jekyll Island Club Hotel are cool (though not nearly as fancy as they think it is based on the price because it’s um, historic. Though the rooms in the “cottages” are nicer than the main building, and the ocean resort is new, so it’s nice). Good place to relax and bike around and look at the lights and wildlife. (or Sea Island Resort, 1 island up, if you want actually fancier and a little busier).

    4. I went to Venice over Christmas in 2019 and it was incredible. On Christmas Day I essentially had the city to myself. It’s your only chance to see St Mark’s without a crowd. Most museums are open (some are closed on 12/26 – the info was easily accessible online).

        1. Cold and clear, but not so cold I couldn’t spend hours strolling the streets. The air was so clear I got amazing views of the Dolomites.

      3. Rome is great over Christmas too. No crowds at Trevi fountain or any of the other outdoor things.

    5. Lean into Jewish Christmas traditions – fly on that day (empty airports), eat Chinese food and go to a movie, or go skiing (empty slopes).

      2. I’ve mistakenly thought airports are empty on Christmas and found instead it’s one of the most crowded days. Otherwise, co-sign the advice.

        1. Did you fly in the morning or evening? Ime it’s completely dead in the morning but it picks up as the day goes on. That will probably be the case this year since the holiday falls on a Sunday and people might need to be back at work on Monday or Tuesday.

        2. Yeah, airports used to be empty on Christmas but recently there are a lot of people taking early flights trying to get to family by mid-day. Same with Thanksgiving.

    8. I’ve traveled solo on Christmas a few times. It is not exactly a common thing to do, so you may be the only one no matter where you go. However, I had a marvelous time and people were exceptionally warm and generous. Portugal was particularly hospitable and cheery. If you want even warmer weather maybe try the Azores. Look for bed and breakfasts if you want to feel less solo. I’m of the opinion that, even if you feel a little lonely, it is better to feel lonely on an adventure than on your couch at home.

    10. The Christmas after my divorce I went to New Orleans. I had a great time. Did some shopping, ate good meals, went to Bourbon street and made new (temporary) friends.

    1. Well-seasoned cast iron. I also have an enamel-covered cast iron Dutch oven that gets pretty heavy oven use.

      1. +1 to both. I’ve also used my all clad with no issues but they’re such a pain to clean that I tend to stick to the Lodge and Le Creuset.

      2. +1 My Le Creuset pans/dutch oven are great for braising/baking/roasting. Less expensive but equally good are my Lodge cast iron skillets for going from stovetop to oven, although those are not enameled so I avoid cooking fish or anything acidic in them.

        1. I also have three Cuisinart LC knockoffs that I got at TJMaxx about 10 years ago and I like them just as much.

          1. Great point! I am lucky to have inherited several vintage LC pieces, but I also bought a relatively inexpensive Martha Stewart brand dutch oven at Macy’s and its going strong 10+ years later.

        2. +1 to enameled cast iron. Wirecutter says Lodge is pretty much just as good as Le Creuset for a tiny fraction of the price.

          1. I made potatoes au gratin for my kids a few times when they were young teenagers, and I mentioned that they make special gratin pans for this. That Christmas they pooled their money and bought me the Lodge gratin pan. Kind of a broad hint to make more haha.

            Anyway, the Lodge seems just as nice as my Le Creuset, I agree.

    2. I’ve bough a few le creuset large skillets/dutch ovens over time and they really are wonderful – with proper care they seem to last for ages. The lodge ones also seem great and I’d likely start with those and then see if it’s worth upgrading later to you.

      1. Can I ask…. why upgrade from Lodge to Le Creuset? What is better about the Le Crueuset dutch ovens?

        I am about to buy my first one, and am debating which to get.

        2. My Lodge is going on 3+ years with no chips or cracks, but I don’t put it in the dishwasher. I definitely didn’t think you could do that with any Dutch oven, LC or otherwise.

          1. Oh you can absolutely put a LC in the dishwasher, I’ve done that for 20+ years several times a week and not a crack or chip.

          1. Now that’s an aspirational website if I’ve ever seen one. Never knew a piece of cookware could be so beautiful, lol.

    3. I have a Le Creuset knock-off enameled Dutch oven from Walmart (Pioneer Woman brand) and we use it for so many things that I am buying DH a second one for the holidays.

      1. I think we have this version and have gotten good use out of it. Unfortunately it’s starting to chip.

        1. Good to know!

          Ours is 3, maybe 4 years old (can’t recall for sure, but it predates covid). We use it daily, sometimes several times a day, so even if it kicks the bucket tomorrow it has been well worth it. I thought when we got it that the lid handle seemed like it could be a weak point, but that hasn’t been an issue. Other than curry stains on the enamel, it’s in great shape.

          1. Oh ours is older than yours and has moved houses twice. I am also very hard on things.

    4. Another Le Creuset fan here. My husband is a cast iron fan, but I don’t like the babying required to clean it and keep it seasoned so that’s his project. I’ve been known to put the LC in the dishwasher many many times and that is an absolute must for me. I also think food cooks better in it consistently every single time. I’d get the braiser, I make about 90% of all dinners in it and it’s replaced almost every other pan in the kitchen.

      1. PS – start with one of these and not a knock off. The knockoffs chip and don’t last. My LC is about 21 years old and looks new. Time to toast her for a drink. Just be careful about the color you go with, make sure you like it because she’ll be with you a long time.

        1. Ah yes, mine are all red but for a while they had a green that turned my head. It was too late to switch!

        1. I mentioned a low pan with two handles that I use in lieu of a skillet in another comment. I didn’t remember the name. But seeing your comment, yes, it’s the braiser.

          I think a 5 quart Dutch oven is probably the essential purchase so you can make soups, stews, beans, etc. But I use the braiser far more often. I use the bottom to make a roast chicken just about weekly, and any sort of dish that requires a braise (pot roast etc, and braised fish is surprisingly good) plus just about any dish where you finish pasta in the sauce. So, make the sauce in the braiser, boil the pasta in another pot, then scoop the dripping pasta into the braiser on top of the sauce and let it meld for a few minutes. The braiser is pretty enough to bring to the table, too, so it saves on dishes.

      4. I’ve got a 32 year old set of LC. I’m a bid fan of LC for your slow cooking and searing needs, and of random metal pans from a restaurant supply place for cooking where you might need a quick temperature change. Both last forever.

    5. Le Creuset. Allegedly my All Clads are oven safe, but I’ve always been too scared of screwing them up to try it

    6. Dutch oven all the way. I use both Le Creuset and Staub. My favorite is a low shallow Le Creuset that has two side handles, which I can use like a skillet on the stove and then put into the oven. If I put a skillet with a long handle into the oven, I am definitely going to grab that hot handle with my whole hand minutes after it comes out of the oven. The two small side handle setup prevents that for me.

      1. Per the comment above, this shallow pot is called the Braiser. I believe they sell two sizes. I have the larger.

  3. Other than just pulling the hair out occasionally, how do you clean your hair brushes/combs? I’ve got a good routine for cleaning my makeup brushes but realized my hair brushes are kinda nasty and it seems a waste to just throw them out and buy new ones.

    1. Clean from hair, soak in warm water with shampoo, scrub gently with a brush, rinse with water, air dry.

    2. There is a tool for pulling the hair out (google, you should be able to find it, there’s a pick side and then a small brush). I’ve then used an oil cleanser to break up the hair oils and after rinsing soaked it in water and dawn. That got it 90% cleaner than it was before (though for a much cheaper brush I’d likely just toss and rebuy). For plastic combs scrubbing with dawn dish soap after soaking for a few minutes works well.

    4. I pull the hair out every time I use a brush because I can’t stand to see built up hair in it. I don’t do anything special to clean them unless I see product buildup, but I don’t use leave in products to they stay pretty clean. I use Denman brushes. I’ve had one of mine for over 20 years.

  4. I live in an apartment building and WFH. My next door neighbors had a baby a few months ago and the baby cries a lot during the day. I’m not a parent, but I completely understand that the parents are doing their best with the baby and the crying is no one’s fault. However, they’ve recently started walking the baby up and down the hallway outside of their apartment, which means the crying sounds a lot louder than it does when they’re in their apartment. Would I be the AH if I asked them to not walk their screaming baby up and down the shared hallway during work hours? I truly get that they’re going through a lot, but it’s hard to focus and/or take calls when they’re in the hallway.

    1. Honestly, I would not. Get some earplugs and noise cancelling headphones. If the baby is colicky there’s really not much they can do. NO ONE wants this baby to stop crying more than they do. It will probably grow out of it within 4 months.

      1. Oh good I didn’t know colic usually resolved by 4 months or so. The poor baby has been having a hard time since August or so. I hope for all our sakes that he/she turns the corner soon

    2. I think this is one of the downsides of WFH (which I otherwise enjoy). There are residential noises to deal with, just like there are loud talkers in office cube farms.

    3. Yes.

      This is temporary. Everyone wants it to get better. It will. It’s a sound of daily living that comes with apartment life.

      1. Thanks for the reminder :) Obviously I understand when they’re in their own apartment. Just needed a gut check on the shared hallway piece. Somehow this is my first next door neighbor with a baby despite years of living in apartments

    4. Yes, you would be the AH. This is a consequence of apartment life and working from home.

    5. +1 to what others have said. I would let this go. I promise they want the baby to stop crying more than you do!

      1. Plus you might regret asking that they stop doing the hallway walks – it might be loud, but it also might calm baby down faster than whatever else they’ve tried! Maybe you can work in a coffee shop or something to give yourself a break?

      2. +100. I’m getting shivers just thinking about the period where one of my kids wouldn’t stop crying. Those parents are up ALL NIGHT plus the day. They want to make it stop more than anyone and they feel horrible about it.

    6. You’d be the AH. Don’t do that. They are doing their absolute best, these months are horribly brutal on body and mind for most parents, and by about 16-20 weeks this will hopefully subside. I understand it’s frustrating but it’s also apartment living.

    7. Yea, I wouldn’t. They have a right to use the common areas of the building. Thankfully it will be temporary. I agree, this is the price of admission for living in an apartment building and working from home. I’m working in my office, but there is very loud construction noises right on the other side of my wall, and the office next to mine also often has loud boisterous meetings during the day. I would treat the crying baby the same– basically just find strategies to make the noise less bothersome without expecting the other people to change what they’re doing.

    8. Ehhhh, opposite take. Asking them to stop in the hallway seems reasonable because that’s much louder than in their own place. It’s beyond the normal use of hallways for coming and going.

        1. Agreed as well, it feels very fair to mention the hallway issue to them, if you do it kindly and if it’s been happening regularly.

          1. And I’m sorry you are dealing with this! Noise is really bothersome and distracting to me so this situation would be really challenging for me.

      1. This is unnecessarily unkind. I asked for advice here because I am not a parent and I don’t want to hurt these parents or make their lives harder. I have heard the masses here and obviously won’t say anything ( though I did drop off a plate of brownies when they brought baby home). I appreciate the constructive advice but this ain’t it

        1. Yeah, OP, it was totally reasonable for you to ask. Thank you for asking and being open to feedback. Anyone who’s ever had a colicky baby knows this isn’t easy for you/ neighbors either.

      2. OP here (and sorry if this double posts) but this feels unnecessarily unkind. I asked this question here because I want to be kind and empathetic to the parents and I wasn’t sure how the request would be perceived. Hearing form parents of formerly colicky babies, it is clear that saying something could make a difficult situation even harder for the parents, which I do not want to do. I appreciate the constructive feedback folks have offered

    10. Try a white noise app (or machine if necessary). It will probably help, including with the issue of the crying being heard by others if you’re in a call or meeting.

    11. I don’t know, I get that living in an apartment you have neighbor noises, but to me walking a screaming baby up and down a shared hallway is a bit disrespectful to your neighbors, because the noise is no longer confined to your own apartment, you’re taking it into a truly shared space, especially if they are sort of hanging out in one section of the hall where the noise would be really concentrated. I don’t think you’d be an AH to ask nicely if they maybe keep moving while they walk the baby so that the crying isn’t right outside your door while you take work calls from home. That seems like a reasonable request to me.

      1. You are why people don’t like people. They are keeping moving. She literally already said that. No one is walking over to a neighbors door and just standing outside it. Be better than this.

        2. OP here! Not going to say anything to the parents, but just to clarify, the hallway consists of my door and their door (weird shaped building) so even thought they’re walking the whole time, the sound doesn’t move very far

      2. YMMV, but that would have ended with me in tears. The crying is awful for the new parents. I might try the noise machine and maybe put a rug and a plant (both of which absorb sound) near your door. Best of luck, and may that baby grow out of it soon.

        1. Or, the flip side is that it might make the parent realize that taking the baby for a ride or walking down to the lobby still gets the job done without disturbing umpteen other people…? Frankly, I don’t think the parent should even have to be told this to begin with. Keeping noise down in hallways as much as you can is part of being a good neighbor in apartment life.

          Yes, it’s awful when babies are crying and no one wants it to stop more than the parent.
          But that’s sort of a false assumption that this is the only way to soothe or that someone’s delicate emotional state (which is another assumption) should outweigh the fact they are impeding on the comfort of all of their neighbors by how they are dealing with it.

      3. I think you’ve gotta pick your battles. If she’s walking right by your door when you’re on an important call, I think it’s okay to stick your head out and say, “I have a 30 minute call w/ my boss – is there any way you could stay at the other end of the hall just for now?” Otherwise go with what others have suggested for soundproofing and wait it out.

        1. Yeah that’s what I meant, not a complaint or confrontation at all. I might even take it as a “meet the neighbors” opportunity. Next time they are in the hall, introduce yourself, tell them the baby is adorable, ask how old, do all the nice things. Then say something like “if it isn’t too much trouble, would you mind walking a bit further down from my door during the next half hour? I work from home and have a call coming up.” Something like that, whatever is relevant. They might not even realize she is working from home during the day.

          That said, if the walking is only a few minutes a day or something, I’d probably just leave it alone. But if it is truly disruptive, I see no harm in nicely asking that they move down a bit from your door. It is a shared space after all.

      4. Crying babies are just a fact of life. But the parents can control standing outside someone’s door. It’s just as easy to walk through the hallway and take the baby into a space that’s not disturbing all of your neighbors.I haven’t done apartment living in a long time, but this seems incredibly rude to me. So many people wfh or work evenings. I don’t think the fact it’s daytime hours is the same pass it used to be. Would you all still feel the same if the parents were doing this walk at 2 a.m.?

        Folks need to give grace to each other. But that also means being respectful of others’ space as well. I’m an animal lover. But f I had a barking dog that needed to zoom to burn off energy, I wouldn’t be hanging out with him in the hallways.

        1. Yes! People seem to be missing the fact that we’re talking about the shared hallway, not whatever is going on inside their own apartment. Apartments have walls and sound proofing. Hallways/doors are different. Sound carries differently there. It’s a shared space.

    12. I was you this spring and summer with a neighbor whose baby screamed for hours in the morning and evening for months. Tips:
      Take a walk outside for a break
      Headphones
      Breathing excerises and tell yourself it wont last forever and send sympathetic thoughts to the parents

    13. Maybe poke your head out the door when you hear them hallway walking, smile and say “Mama, you’ve got this.”

    14. I wouldn’t. It’s one of those things you deal with living in shared spaces. If it were a howling dog or something I think you could, but this is different. I think you are looking at a worst case scenario of 6 months but it’s likely much, much less than that.

    15. I was that first-time mom who was crying along with the screaming baby since the crying got to me, I couldn’t figure out what to do, etc. Do not do this. Please be kind to the parents. This will pass, I promise.
      My baby grew out of it in a few months and is now a happy, helpful preteen.

      1. Yes, this. I struggled with PPD/PPA and the crying was a huge trigger for me. There were multiple times I would be wailing on the sofa as the baby cried. I’m so glad all my neighbors pretended they never heard the baby or me cry. I am eternally grateful for their graciousness towards our family in a very very dark time of my life.

        1. I very nearly became a parent who shook my baby. The crying is so triggering. And I don’t think I had PPD/PPA, just exhaustion.

          1. Same here. I think I had mild PPD but it also could have been that our son cried nonstop – there were days where he only slept for maybe 2 hours in 15-minute increments, and the rest of the time he was crying – and after awhile I felt like I was living in an alternate reality (which I very, very much wanted to escape from). I had my mom come stay with him for a couple of days (he cried so much when he was with her she ended up calling in my dad as backup – if my dad had needed backup, not sure who we would have called!) We went to the pediatrician multiple times, went to the emergency room once, urgent care a couple of times. I was breastfeeding, and I cut my diet down to like, five non-allergenic foods and then tried him on hypoallergenic formula and nothing helped. It was “just colic” and they said he would grow out of it – which he did, almost magically, at 4 months old. One night it was the usual screamfest and the next night he slept 12 hours and was (mostly) fine after that.

            So OP, your grace and patience is a balm to your neighbors at this time. And this hopefully won’t last much longer.

      2. It’s funny/not funny how there’s no instruction book! We are all just supposed to know what to do.

        Narrator: we did not

    16. My parents would drive me around when I had colic. Their circumstances might vary, however.

    17. I’ll go against the grain here and say that I think it’s a little inconsiderate to bring that sort of noise into a shared space like the hallway. I wouldn’t make an issue of it, and if the apartment is small or the weather makes it difficult to walk outdoors, I might not say anything but otherwise I’d leave a gentle note.

      1. Yes, they might be so tired they aren’t thinking straight so a short kind note will keep them away from your door. I’m sure they don’t want to disturb you and might not realise how noisy it is for others.

        1. Asking honestly — do any parents in this situation not know how noisy they’re being? I remember how embarrassed I was bouncing around the block with her in the carrier because outside in the cold was the only way she could calm down. I was sure everyone could hear us for a full block. I guess it’s possible they don’t know but gosh I would guess they know.

          1. They might know but I’d they’ve done it a few times and no one has complained they figure it’s okay with OP or OP isn’t home during those times. I can very well imagine my husband andI debating whether the hallway is okay when we need more room to pace and figuring – well if no one is complaining then maybe this really is an okay way to deal with this very tough situation.

            I had two colicky babies and it is hard and anything that gets you through it is what you do. It ends! I’m sure they’d be mortified to know it was such an issue it became a blog question. That said if you have an especially critical call or interview coming up, you might knock on their door and tell them what you need to get through this period too!

    18. I would give this a week or two and see if they stop doing it on their own. They may just be trying for a temporary change of scenery, but like lots of things, if it doesn’t work they’ll move on to something else.

      It may also help YOU if you set a timer as soon as you start to hear the baby in the hall, then notice when they go back inside: put a concrete number on it, how long are they really out there? Is it 5-10 minutes? You’ll probably feel better about it in that case, as 5-10 minutes isn’t that big a deal.

      If it’s an hour or more and the baby is crying the whole time, I think you have more grounds to say something, esp if it goes on for a couple weeks consistently. A hallway is not meant to be a place where people hang out and make noise; it’s a place for getting from the elevator to one’s apartment. It’s reasonable to expect it to be unoccupied and quiet most of the time. Yes having a crying baby is hard, for sure. But that doesn’t make it ok to use public spaces inappropriately, just like it wouldn’t be appropriate for a resident to have loud, hours-long phone conversations in the hallway, or for someone to practice their trumpet in the hallway. (Creds: am a mom.)

      1. +1 I wouldn’t say anything if the weather was bad. But if the weather was OK and they were out there for more than 10 minutes, I think it would be reasonable to say something. (As a mom who’s dealt with this, I’d probably offer to hold the baby and try some of my tricks (football hold!), but I assume you don’t have the same experience.)

      2. The timer is a great suggestion. FWIW, any kind of crying/fussing from a kid or baby made me panic/get completely on edge before I had kids because it’s such a sad sound!

        When I sleep-trained* my kids, listening to them cry for 5-10 minutes was torture. It felt like an eternity. It got better. And I hope it gets better soon for all of you!

        *Yes, my kids are completely devoid of empathy and kindness because I forced them to sleep in their own cribs.

      3. That’s true, the timer makes sense. I used to just look at the clock and be like it’s only been five minutes it’s only been five minutes. It felt like eternity.

        She barely cries at all anymore.

      1. “Ever” seems a little dramatic. OP doesn’t give details but if there is a crying baby right outside your door for two hours a day every day for weeks, surely there are more AH things in the world than asking if they could step into their own apartment for a few minutes so OP could take an important call

    20. As the mother of a formerly colicky child who is now 21, believe me when I say the parents are going through hell. You saying something is not going to stop the baby from crying, but you might make the mom cry. The baby will grow out of it, but it probably feels to the parents right now like that will never happen.

    21. I’m on team let’s give some extra understanding and kindness to people who are going through a lot and are probably trying their best.

      One of the biggest kindnesses I ever experienced was when I lived in an apartment with thin walls. Our newborn wouldn’t let us sleep, despite us trying our best. The neighbors not only didn’t complain, but denied being able to hear our baby. I was (and remain) so grateful.

      As for you, have you tried some extra insulation for your door? Maybe a blanket rolled up by the bottom of your door?

      1. Yes but this isn’t about the baby crying in their own apartment. I agree it would be very uncool to complain about that. Or to complain about y the crying itself in general, obviously that’s just gonna happen, it’s a baby. This is about them walking the crying baby in the shared hallway space outside OPs door. It’s the location that is the issue, not the crying.

      2. When my first was born, her room was a small second bedroom that was right next to my neighbor’s bedroom. We had just moved in a year before. Once time I saw the neighbor and apologized to her for the noise and she said, don’t worry I’ve lived here for 30 years and there’s always a baby in that room! A couple of years later we moved out and a couple with a newborn moved in, so I guess she’s right :)

    22. My kids are older and I don’t know your neighbor, but it really, really sounds like the kid has colic or reflux. My SIL’s kid had it and it was miserable. There’s basically nothing they can do to stop the crying and walking the hallways may be the only thing that even half-works. The parents probably aren’t getting a lot of sleep either, and are not in a great place for even (fair! constructive! reasonable!) criticism. When my eldest was a baby, I complained about my neighbor’s a-hole dog and that neighbor hasn’t talked to me in 15 years. I have no recollection of what I said, but it wasn’t pleasant.

      If I was in your shoes, I’d stick my head out of the door and wave, compliment them on the baby, and try to find some noise-canceling headphones/ear pods/devices. They may not realize you’re home during the day, and may find another hallway if they know you’re around.

    23. I agree with most of the comments above. I think if you’re presenting to 200 people and the baby is so loud that noise-canceling headphones don’t work, it would be ok to nicely ask that they refrain for a short time window.

      Also, try the app Krisp. It does great noise canceling with any headset and has a decent free trial.

    24. It’s not unreasonable but I suggest you don’t if you can avoid it. This is such a tough time. Consider getting a carpet or a portable white noise machine for the hallway and also for inside your door that should help.

    25. You would not be the asshole. In their apartment and you can still hear? Well, that sucks. Bringing a screaming baby outside your door in a common area: they are the overtired, thoughtless assholes. They should take the baby outside altogether or walk within their own apartment.
      I’m sure you are a considerate neighbour to them and wouldn’t wake the baby with loud noise, so they shouldn’t subject you to the screaming by bringing it unnecessarily close.

    26. Do you know if they are walking the baby outside in the hallway to make the apartment quieter for the other parent who is WFH in the apartment? If that is the situation, 100% say something.

  5. Help me plan our family trip to Hawaii at the end of March/1st week of April.

    Five family members (including 3 kids age 7-13) traveling from the Midwest. I’ve been before (spent two weeks on Kauai) but no one else has. This is a more-blowout-than-normal trip for us; my husband’s grandmother left us a modest sum of money with the instructions that we do something like this with it.

    Considerations: We want to stay under $20K max for this whole thing including airfare. We probably won’t go back anytime soon, though possibly at some point in the farther-out future. Our kids are good travelers. We typically like a combination of Doing Stuff and Being Lazy. Open to AirBNB-type options as well as hotels/resorts.

    Husband wants to spend most of our time at Aulani, which would really stretch the budget and feels like a bit of a waste when there’s so much more to see. At the same time, I love the idea of the luxury and service of just plopping down in one spot like that.

    Help. I already have decision fatigue and we’re at the very beginning of this process!

    1. Honestly, if I were you and could afford to indulge, I would keep it super simple for myself and stay at Aulani. The kids will like it.

    2. Do not stay at an AirBnB in Hawaii. Native Hawaiians have been very clear that they are problematic and take much needed housing away from locals. I would absolutely use a travel agent for this and do a night in Honolulu on arrival and departure, then two other resorts in different islands.

    3. Have you thought about a travel agent? I think this is what they do best – give advice on hotels/activities and they can pass discounts/upgrades along to you if they are a ‘virtuoso’ travel agent (it is some sort of designation that the more luxe ones have which allows them to offer hotel credits/room service credits/upgrades).

    4. We stayed at the Waimea Plantation Cottages on our honeymoon, and it felt very fancy to us. There was enough space between the buildings that it felt private (probably good with kids). There weren’t a lot of food options, though, in that area.

    5. I did a similar blowout trip a few years ago (but no kids, just treating my mom). We spent the first half of the week in a cheaper hotel in Waikiki, where we spend almost no time in the hotel room and did all of the regular tourist stuff in Honolulu, including two days of car rental so we could go around the island – the Dole Plantation and Kualoa ranch would particularly appeal to kids I bet. Then we spent three days at a fancy hotel plopped on the beach, which was a good time split in my opinion. With kids that age I’d do Oahu because of the number of activities available. Have a great trip!

    6. Unless you plan to really rely on things like room service and other services that a resort would offer, I would try to rent a house or condo, rent a car, and spend money on experiences like surfing lessons, boat trips, etc. There are tons of really unique and personalized small tour companies in Hawai’i. You can hire a grocery delivery service or personal chef to deliver prepared meals. Maui would be my pick if you are going to stay on just one island or, if you can, spend a week on Maui and a week on another island.

    7. FWIW, I’ve seen people’s pics from Aulani, and while it looks pretty and well-maintained and run like you’d expect any Disney property to be… it doesn’t look like the kind of thing that’s “only in Hawaii” amazing.

      When we went when I was your youngest’s age, we stayed in a small apartment and drove around exploring. We also did a day trip by plane to another island (I don’t know which one it was, but I remember the plane views being mesmerizing and the black sand beaches!)

      1. Aulani itself isn’t unique to Hawaii, but it’s setup well for families and is a good base for exploring Oahu, which is an underrated island imo. Also the Aulani beaches are really good for young kids since they’re very sheltered (though OP’s kids may be old enough that that doesn’t really matter). Snorkeling at the Aulani beaches is decent too. I would stay there but rent a car and plan to get out and explore.

    8. I don’t think Aulani is worth Disney money or the flight to Hawaii TBH (having stayed there). If you want Disney, do DL or WDW. If you want a beachside resort that you’re not planning to leave, go to SoCal or FL and save yourself the additional 5 hours of flying. If you want Hawaii, fly to Hawaii and stay at comfortable but basic lodgings and get out and go see volcanoes, caves, unique beaches, jungles, sea turtles, gorgeous coastal drives, etc.

    9. Grand Hyatt Kauai would get my vote. We got to Hawaii fairly regularly and that is the nicest resort I’ve ever been to.

    10. Have traveled to Hawaii often (with and without kids) and have stayed at Aulani. Frankly, Aulani was my least favorite resort. It’s a nice property, but had more of a mainland Disney park vibe (including crowds at meal times) and felt less chill than other, non-Disney Hawaiian properties. For pure luxury, I would look at the Four Seasons on Maui and the Big Island. The Hilton Hawaiian Village on Oahu and the Hilton Waikoloa Village on the Big Island are sprawling but offer lots of f activities. The Grand Hyatt on Kauai is very nice.

    11. Highly recommend Napili Kai resort on Maui. It’s old school, not overly fancy, but has beach, pool, walking paths to Kapalua, a nearby supermarket and is close to Lahaina. It’s heaven.

  6. Recs for a messaging platform to connect neighborhood parents of kids attending the same K-12 school?

    I just attempted to connect about 40 families with kids attending the same school as mine by sending an email to set up a coffee date and it went over really well! We can plan monthly get togethers, etc. via email, but talked about how nice it would be to be able to send out an “SOS can anyone pick up my kid at X time today” or “my 9th grader wants to go to this week’s football game. Any driving neighbors willing to carpool?” message to the whole group. It has been a while since I’ve used GroupMe or WhatsApp. Are those the best platforms to create this kind of group? Other communication suggestions? Thanks!

    1. Definitely recommend groupme for this! Everyone in my area uses it and it is very easy.

    2. WhatsApp definitely, if people are ok with Meta owned products. We have a year group and class group one, and it’s super easy and nice to be able to connect with the other parents’ and send out an SOS if you’ve forgotten something or are running late.

    3. My daughters’ classes always use WhatsApp for this purpose. We also have a WhatsApp group with parents on my older daughter’s school bus route. Full disclosure, I generally keep these group chats on mute though! ;)

    5. My elementary school parents use WhatsApp for every sort of group imaginable.
      I’ve never heard of GroupMe.

    6. WhatsApp is common near me, but also some parents don’t participate because we’re uncomfortable using Meta’s services. We’re just a few miles from Meta’s headquarters and those who are uncomfortable tend to be deeply uncomfortable.

      1. Yeah, it’s a tension here, too. The most popular alternative is Signal, but adoption is much lower outside of the tech crowd.

      2. Same here, I avoid WhatsApp but it’s hard — ever harder than avoiding FB! People look at me like I have 2 heads, and then I grow a 3rd one when I say I’m not on social media at all…

  7. Reposting for more thoughts!

    My boyfriend has a friend who’s been a womanizer and makes fratty, degrading comments about women often. He just got into a relationship and has been official for 6 weeks. Apparently, he’s very committed to her.

    Do guys like this change once they settle down? I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone like that, but the girl seems nice. We’re in our late twenties, so wondering if this is something people grow out of. The friend has been really actively searching for a GF, since all of their friends are in relationships and I think he’s a bit competitive…

    1. I don’t mean to be rude, but what more thoughts could there be than what people said yesterday?

      1. +1, are you actually the new GF here? Hoping you’ll be the one he magically changes for? I have seen those types marry and have kids, and proceed to treat their wife like the Peloton ad lady from 2 years ago.

    2. In my experience (I am in my 50’s) these types of men do not actually ever settle down. They might have a long term GF or get married, but they do not ultimately stop the poor behavior. In fact, it seems to get worse once they hit the 40’s in what I guess would be called a mid-life crisis.

    3. So my brother was a total womanizer in his youth (although not very drafty), and now he’s been married for fifteen years to a lovely and very no-nonsense woman. There’s no universal answer to this, I think.

      1. This. I hate that everyone has to fall into a bucket of “once an a-hole, always an a-hole”. People DO change. It’s hard work but it’s possible.

    4. I feel like we did this and don’t understand why you care so much. Not your business or your problem.

    5. What are you looking for here? Permission to tell the GF to run? Permission to bad mouth him.behind his back? Permission to announce this relationship will never work so you can say ” I told you so” one day?

      1. All of the above, honestly. He’s said some things that are horrible and I guess I feel a bit weird about the whole thing… It was one of my biggest fears to get catfished by a guy who presented as nice but was actually kind of sociopathic and I feel bad for the girl but don’t know if it’s just my trauma/black-and-white thinking. Obviously I am overly concerned with something that isn’t my business though and that’s on me to work on.

        1. Deal with your actual problem. Which is that your boyfriend is friends with a bad guy.

        2. Just stay tuned and see what happens. Unless she actively asks you for insight or information why would you tell her anything?

      1. It continues to gross me out that some men don’t view women as anything other than objects until they have daughters. Who are also objects to them but in a different way.

    8. Anecdote that is applicable to you, not to the boyfriend: I dated a guy who was notoriously gun shy: years prior, his engagement blew up shortly before the wedding. A lot of mutual acquaintances treated me like the flavour of the month and made some quite snide remarks about him being single and available and our relationship not being “serious.” Neither my husband (he’s now my husband) nor I have much of anything to do with those people any more.

      Lesson in here for you: saying that someone else’s relationship is not real, committed, etc., is a nasty business. Treat her like a part of the group. Get to know her. Respect her. Reinforce to Fratty McBroFace that this is a woman worth respecting. And then shut up.

    10. I’ve seen guys like this drop some of the degrading comments, at least in public, because it ticks off their spouse/partner. Some of those comments stem from insecurity, and these guys feel way more secure when they have a long-term relationship.

      As for the womanizer part, some settle down, some don’t. I’ve seen people split who seemed to have great relationships, and seen people stay together for decades where I thought the expiration date about <18 months.

      1. I know somebody like this who is close to my age (mid-60s) and he still makes gross comments like that, to the extent that it’s quite hard for me to be around him for any length of time. That said, he just married a REALLY lovely age-appropriate woman so I guess she sees something in him that I don’t (and I hope it’s more than all the money he made when he sold his chain of tire stores).

      2. Your last sentence is so true. You can never tell what BS people are willing to put up with. Or how much someone might grow and become a better person.

    11. One of my friends married this guy. He’s had one hell of a midlife crisis, running for 10+ years now. He cannot handle no longer being the hot young guy.

    12. You also need to remember that just because something isn’t acceptable to you in a relationship doesn’t mean it isn’t acceptable to others. We all have differing degrees of what we accept and what we find tolerable in a relationship. Maybe she isn’t bothered by this? Just let it go. We all likely accept things in our own relationships that might be deal breakers for others. Also, this board tends to “lean picky”, i.e the advice given is to have high standards, make sure you are fully compatible, don’t tolerate certain behavior, etc. Not to make this a whole discussion, but in general (not this specific situation), working/lower middle class class women don’t get to be as picky. If you NEED 2 incomes to barely survive- sometimes good enough, is well, good enough. You tolerate certain behaviors, talk to your friends/aunties/mom about it, and then deal.

    13. It sounds like you’re thinking of telling the new GF about this guy’s old ways. I vote for stay out of it. (Unless he has done something truly awful like SA). You can’t know if he’s going to change or not. If he doesn’t then that will become clear to her eventually. If you tell her, though, you’re risking more than just your relationship with the AH, other friends and acquaintances will think you’re a busybody who wants to blow up other peoples relationships and they will distance themselves from you. This could blowback on your relationship with your BF too.

      I know a guy who made really degrading comments about his now-wife when they first started dating. Four years later, now he appears to be a doting husband. I have no clue what changed or if the change is sincere but they both seem happy. If he still makes those comments about her then he has the good sense to not do it around her girlfriends. I didn’t tell her way back then because I didn’t really know her or feel it was my place. But I’m glad I didn’t, because I think other friends would have sided with him over me because “he’s not like that” and based on how things turned out maybe they’re right.

  8. Could use some advice on how to handle a coworker situation.

    I could write a novel about this but will try to just boil it down to essentials: my coworker has decided that in absence of direction from our manager (who is a nice person, but not a strong leader, and is stretched very thin managing multiple groups), she is going to take on the task of determining our work plan for the next year and try to get “everyone moving in the same direction,” which also involves instituting some project management techniques no one is currently using. Couple of problems with this: 1. since my coworker is not our manager, you can imagine that her go-getter take-charge attitude is not landing well with some folks and 2. the work our team does is not inherently collaborative; we do what we do individually or in teams of two (very rarely, three) people, and large-group collaboration is actually not necessary and can actually be a hindrance to completing projects. My coworker is not early-career, but she’s new to our field (just got her Ph.D.) and doesn’t seem to be picking up on cues, or even assimilating some information people have told her outright.

    My coworker keeps trying to enlist me in her efforts to “get everyone rowing in the same direction” and I am trying to be emotionally supportive from a distance, but she’s pushing for more and more of my time and energy, which I both don’t have to give and don’t want to give. I have learned from past experience that if the directive to collaborate and track project tasks/outcomes isn’t coming from the leader, it’s unlikely to be followed. So I see what she’s trying to do as kind of futile, and something our manager should be doing. Also, this person has already rubbed several coworkers the wrong way with endless exhortations that they need to be doing something different than what they’re currently doing (which they’ve been successful with long before she ever arrived in the organization). People have called me venting about her and I feel like I do not want to be caught in the middle of this. I don’t want her to fail, but I also am not invested in what she’s doing and frankly don’t have time for it. She keeps calling on my personal cell to talk about her ideas, and each conversation lasts at least half an hour before I can beg off and say I have a meeting or have to go do something else. Is the answer just to let the calls go to voicemail and decline meeting requests where I know she’s going to want to talk about this project of hers? I don’t want to seem unfriendly or uncollaborative.

    1. Can’t you just be more direct with her? Tell her basically what you’ve said in this post. Based on your past experience with your department, you don’t think the initiatives she’s proposing will be well received or successful unless they have the explicit backing of your manager. She needs to stop discussing them with you, and work on getting your mutual manager’s sponsorship.

    2. Hey coworker, I get where you’re trying to go and sympathize with your frustrations! That being said, I think you should talk to Boss about this as you really need them on board to make big changes.

    3. Be direct with her. Tell her the staff aren’t going to go along with her plans, you each row your own race, and that she’s not in a position of authority.

      Does the think she’s suddenly senior to you all because she got her PhD? I’ve been in a similar situation, except in my case it was a career changing military officer who thought all the “kids” should answer to him when we were all at the same level as him, and it did not end well for him. His resignation letter was so unintentionally hilarious we passed it around amongst ourselves for years.

    4. “Look, Susie, your intentions are good, but I think you need to realize that our department will not work the way you’re envisioning. [Specific examples.] If you still feel strongly about it, take it to Manager, but I’ve got Project to finish and need to stop spending so much time talking to you about ideas. Also, please stop calling my personal cell phone about work matters.”

    5. You need to collect yourself here! You can do it. Do not concern yourself with everyone else but stop lying to her. “Brielle, I don’t like this idea.” Explain why.

  9. Would I be a total grinch for bringing an actual green salad to an office “Thanksgiving luncheon”? I also plan to make pumpkin pie bars or something akin to that, but even if nobody eats it but me I’d like to have the option to eat a vegetable. Link to follow for the kind of thing I’m thinking of.

      1. Ooh, I’ve been looking for a Thanksgiving salad for a potluck and this looks so good! Have you made it before? Some of the reviews say it’s too much salt?

        1. I did make it for Christmas a couple years ago and I don’t remember it being too salty!

    3. As the person who always brings cookies, I say yes, totally bring a green salad. I bet it will be one of the first trays to go empty.

    5. Opposite of grinchy. People will love a cold, crisp contrast to all the mushy potluck casseroles.

    6. I work in a politics-adjacent place and people are bringing in cookies, ordering pizza etc today – I’m planning to bring in fruit, a break doesn’t hurt.

    8. Of course not! That sounds delicious. In today’s more health-conscious world, I think people appreciate having a green option to balance out all the unhealthy.

    9. Not at all. I always appreciate something like this. I also love a good relish tray – pickles, olives, etc for an added bit of tang.

      1. I love a relish tray! Why don’t you see those anymore? I remember them from my parents’ parties.

      1. The iceberg hater in me says perish the thought! Good salad it shall be. Thanks all.

    12. Bring the salad. My potluck secret for years was two bags of romaine hears, a box of croutons, pre shredded Parmesan, and a bottle of Newman’s Own Caesar dressing. I brought my wooden salad bowl and a knife and a cutting board and did everything in the office kitchenette right before the potluck.

      People started saying “Is Anon bringing her famous Caesar salad this year?” like it was some secret family recipe, and it was always got eaten up immediately. It still makes me laugh to think about it.

  10. Is anyone starting to worry about layoffs? I worry that what is happening with the tech industry is going to spread. At first, I thought Elon was just being…well, Elon, with mass layoffs at Twitter. Then Facebook/Meta went from a hiring freeze to announcing large scale layoffs this week. Netflix also had a small layoff this past summer. I personally think Google, Amazon, Apple, etc. are going to follow suit in the coming months. Now is the only time they can cut costs without (as much) public blowback and I think they are going to take advantage of that.

    I work in banking and I’m actually job searching and looking at joining a very large bank. Right now, I’m at a medium sized bank. My brain tells me that if layoffs happen in banking then it won’t really matter where I am, but my anxiety is telling me that the big banks will do layoffs without a second thought. How are you all feeling about layoffs in your industries?

    1. Haven’t economists been predicting a recession for a while now? Layoffs are normally part of recessions.

      1. Companies with record profits aren’t laying off workers because of a recession. They’re doing it to cut costs.

        1. I tend to view this as the correction after the hiring frenzy (“Great Resignation”) during 2021 and early 2022.
          Companies will take the chance to do housekeeping to right-size teams (and to reconsider some of the massive salary jumps in that time)

          1. Out of curiosity, how/where were there massive salary jumps? I must have missed out.

          3. I saw a lot of hiring during the “great resignation” that seemed to be about “monkey see, monkey do” or “follow the leader,” vs. people looking at their real business needs and thoughtfully adding positions where it made sense. A lot of layoffs are going to involve folks who were just hired in the last two years into positions where there was no clear need for their labor.

        2. Tech companies don’t have record profits right now? OP specifically mentioned Meta which is down in profits.

    3. Yes, definitely. We’re a double tech household and one/both of us could certainly be laid off. We’re holding more cash and analyzing the budget for low hanging fruit. We’re not making drastic changes, but we know what our action plan will be if needed.

      My perspective is that once layoffs start, it is a good opportunity for others to cut costs and pile on.

      1. I’m sorry to hear that, Walnut. How did you make an action plan? Is it just your emergency fund + cutting extra costs, or something more than that? I wasn’t an adult in 2008 so this is my first time encountering a recession.

        1. We know exactly which re-occurring costs we will cut or put on pause that ensures we can pay the mortgage, etc.

          I’ve been lazy about tracking our spending lately, so I pulled the last three months from all accounts, classified by expense type and my husband and I sifted through it. We went through the various purchases I’ve made through the year for Christmas and confirmed that we’re done shopping. We need to scale WAY back on takeout and dining. Inflation is hitting the grocery spend too, so there is opportunity to scale back and also utilize Aldi for basics.

          We know the order that we’ll cut or pause kids activities (for example, the process to pause swimming lessons is one phone call effective immediately. Gymnastics is paid through the end of the month and they will move us back to the first waitlist spot.)

          We have planned vacations for next year, so we did the math on what travel insurance reimburses, what is paid in full, what can be canceled, deposits, etc.

          For various reasons, I think we’ll be okay in the early phases of layoffs. We’ve gone through these cycles before and I’ve never regretted the advance planning. Best case scenario, I end up with more cash on hand than I need.

      2. Same here, except we had the plan in place already from when I was not working on medical leave and we were concerned my husband would have to quit.

    4. At a big bank that is doing well (so well!); also know that a RIF is coming next week.

    5. My very large bank already did them, and they were major, so I don’t think we’re looking at more unless things get much, much worse. So if you’re looking at joining us, you’re probably fine!

      My husband is a biglaw partner and expects strategic layoffs, not 2008-style bloodletting, starting this review cycle. Low performers who have coasted on good times will be let go, and bonuses will be targeted to high performers (his firm doesn’t lockstep most bonus comp). Expects most impact to of-counsel who aren’t covering their seats and 2-4-year associates.

    6. Higher ed. Layoffs tend to be pretty rare. My husband is a tenured prof in engineering at a school that has had record engineering enrollment each year for the last decade or so, so he’s about as layoff proof as it gets. I’m staff and could be laid off much more easily than tenured faculty, but it’s still fairly unlikely. We could get by on his income alone if necessary, so we’re not making any special plans.

      1. There have been some higher ed layoffs within the past month in my region, with more rumored to be in the pipeline.

  11. I have two sweater dresses made of a thicker knit material that cling to my belly pooch and emphasize it. The rest of the dress fits ok, but I am small on top so it makes the belly cling worse.
    Is this something tailoring can solve or do I have no option except get rid of the dress (or the pooch, but that’s not happening anytime soon).
    Could I cut the sweater dress in half and make it a tunic or top? No crop tops, please. What if the tunic has a slit on each side for more hip/belly room?
    Could the tailor cut off the midsection and then re-attach the skirted portion (flared, so wider than midsection) back to the belly? This will make the dress shorter and add a waist seam, but that may still look ok?

    1. I have a belly and I don’t wear dresses like this. I would cut your losses, donate, and move on instead of trying to Frankenstein something new.

      1. This. Sweater dresses always cling to the most unflattering parts of my body or are so tunic-y and shapeless that they wind up looking sack like.
        Sweater dresses, wrap dresses, wrap skirts/tops – all things that look lovely on other people but are firmly NOT for me.

    2. Have you tried tights with a little compression, or also a half- slip to help the fabric not cling so much?

      1. I first read this as “tights with a little compassion,” and hell, that’s not a bad thing to try either!

        1. Which I then read as “tits with a little compression” and hey, sometimes that’s what you need.

    3. The tunic thing might work if you add side vents. Cutting and pasting them sounds like it would be less successful.
      Is shapewear out of the question? I wear a high-top thing from Target when I wear my sweater dress.

      1. This is what shapewear is for. I’m wearing a sweater dress today and my Yitty belly/thigh shaper. I’m very comfortable and I look great.

    4. Two pairs of spanx, but then you might get a roll of flesh at the waist. If you don’t want to wear a girdle all day (I know no one likes that word, but this is what a girdle is) then sweater dresses are not for you. This is not a tailoring issue.

      I feel you. They’re not for me either, as I have both a belly and “hip dips”.

  12. I used to be a petite pear but now I am more of an apple-pear in siz 14P. After an insane search, I found pants that fit and hang so nice that I thought I would share!
    https://www.google.com/search?q=petite+investments+pants&oq=petite+invest&aqs=chrome.2.0i512j69i57j0i22i30l7j0i390.5278j1j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#oshopproduct=vc:31242560609686166,vsc:269579117044389507,oid:3981964275824058936,iid:9961745998278359995,rds:UENfMTgwNTI0MDYwNTY1NTg4MzY2NnxQUk9EX1BDXzE4MDUyNDA2MDU2NTU4ODM2NjY%3D,pvt:a&oshop=apv

  13. Has anyone done one of those pay-to-play concerts at Carnegie Hall? A friend is conducting one and I feel guilty for opting out. On the other hand, I find the whole idea of paying to perform vaguely humiliating, especially since once upon a time I used to get paid to perform, and it is so expensive. And I can’t even imagine who buys tickets to hear these things. Is the whole thing as sad and lame as I suspect?

    1. I’m not familiar with Carnegie Hall, but a friend of mine rented a local concert hall to do a violin recital and it was fun and exciting and everybody had a great time. And my husband paid $2,500 to conduct the National Anthem at our local POPS concert over the summer (in front of 5,000 people including pretty much everybody we know), and it was thrilling and exciting and we were walking on air for weeks.

      So I’d say “sad and lame is in the eye of the beholder.” I definitely think you should stay away because it will be fun and exciting for your friend and your negative energy will bring the whole thing down.

      1. Hasten to add the $2,500 was a donation to the symphony and POPS, but I imagine the rentals help keep Carnegie Hall in business, too.

        1. I have no problem with those fantasy conducting things. I have been on the other end of those in the ensemble and it’s tons of fun for everyone, precisely because everyone knows it’s for fun and to raise money for a good cause. What I don’t like is being asked to pay to do something I used to get paid to do, just to make money for a for-profit company.

      2. So this is a little different than what you describe. There are “production companies” that rent out the big auditorium at Carnegie Hall, hire a conductor and a few professional musicians, and then charge a lot of amateurs to perform in the concert. For high school kids or true amateurs it can be exciting to be part of a big ensemble at Carnegie Hall. But musicians in the know typically look down on this as a way for the production company to make money off the performers and the audience at the same time. It’s a big deal for my friend to be invited to conduct because he will actually be working. It just doesn’t seem like a big deal to me. Wondering what the experience has been like for others.

        Renting out a hall for a recital is not the same thing at all, unless it’s one of the recital halls in Carnegie Hall and you are planning to go around bragging about your “Carnegie Hall debut.”

        1. No, he was a tuba player in high school and college and the actual conductor gave him a little lesson (“can you count to three? just do that!”) and he got to rehearse once with the orchestra the night before. SO FUN!

          1. Oh, and a few weeks later he was in court and after they were off the record the judge said, “Mr. Senior Attorney, was that you conducting at the POPS? You did a great job!” Made his day, week, month!

          2. Wow I would love that. I would think at a minimum you’d need to be able to read the score, so I’m sure the tuba playing came in handy.

            If I may suggest a gift for your husband, Dover sells all the Beethoven symphony complete scores in a set of three volumes.

            Symphonies Nos. 5, 6 and 7 in Full Score (Dover Orchestral Music Scores) https://a.co/d/hkv35NS

            For me, listening to the music and just reading along to the score is a joy (particularly for the 9th!) but he may enjoy “conducting” as well.

    2. I’ve not heard of pay to play concerts at Carnegie Hall.

      I would do a lot for a close friend that I wouldn’t do for someone not close/treasured. For example, if a close/treasured friend self-publishes a book, I’m buying the book. Maybe even the upgrade package if it’s a kickstarter. I would also contribute to a close friend’s charity fundraiser, even if it’s for a charity that’s in no way my priority (as long as the charity does fine work in my view).

      Routine presents aren’t a thing in my social circle, so I basically view this kind of support as, would I spend this much on a gift for this friend? If so, I’ll buy/donate. My friends really only ask for support for something that is deeply meaningful to them. I’d be shocked and put off if someone I considered a friend pitched me an MLM.

    3. I definitely don’t think it’s sad and lame, anymore than any other hobby people pay to be part of. It’s not sad and lame to pay dues to rec league soccer even though MLS players get paid to play. Opening a concert hall costs money. If people are willing to pay to participate, who cares. But it’s also fine that it’s not your thing.

    4. Wow life must be really sad for you! Idk why you’d be this nasty and judgmental
      About something that literally harms you not at all and likely brings many people great joy. Reflect on that.

      1. I am being asked to spend several thousand dollars on this, so it does harm me.

      2. That’s harsh. I imagine it stings OP a bit to have to pay to perform, and reminds her of her past performances.
        It’s ok, OP. Worth doing it if it will bring you joy from the practicing, honing, and performing to a crowd.

      3. OK, I believe my question has been misconstrued. I am being asked to spend several thousand dollars to perform. I am leaning towards opting out. Has anyone been part of one of these things and had a good experience which would sway me towards participating?

        1. Who is getting the money? Why is it so expensive?

          Who is asking you to do it?

          Why are you even considering it?

          It sounds like a once in a lifetime thing that is potentially wonderful. Who cares if there is an audience!

          If the $ is going to the Arts, how wonderful!

          I suspect you can afford the thousands of dollars fee or you wouldn’t be considering it….. How odd of you to say that participating would “harm” you. Well, why are you even considering it if you can’t afford it? Why didn’t you post this relevant detail in your original post if you couldn’t actually afford it?

          I was also a professional musician and now have a much more lucrative other job (being an artist is rough, and once your passion/love is your work……) but I would certainly enjoy such an event. Especially if it was with friends! Especially if it benefitted a good cause!

          But I’m not you. It sounds like you are pretty sore/bitter about your musical past. That is rough, and I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you can get past that one day. And I hope you are still playing.

          1. I’m mean…. did you used to get paid to play in Carnegie Hall?

            Shoot, Midori and Yo Yo Ma would be happy to play a free concert for a good cause.

    5. What seems important here is that you used to get paid to play. I can totally understand from going from that to this would feel sad and lame. Not because it inherently IS sad and lame, but because it highlights some kind of “then vs. now” change for you. I totally felt that way when I went from a prestigious position in my field to a mom-and-pop version of it; it was pretty humbling.

      This doesn’t mean you should or shouldn’t do it, just that I recognize it may hold connotations for you that it wouldn’t for other people, and that’s OK. You get to decide how you want to approach it.

  14. My husband and I will be spending part of the 2nd and 3rd week of December in Venice. Looking for recommendation for activities, food, shopping, walks, anything really. Thanks

    1. We ate at a wonderful restaurant called Riviera Ristorante. Two thumbs WAY up. Also Harry’s Bar, though famous for other reaons, has surprisingly fabulous food. We stayed at Hotel Saturnia and loved it, also they have a fantastic restaurant on site. Highly recommend Tours By Locals dot com for finding private guides to take you around the major tourist attractions.

    2. Any of the major s!tes will be so much better after day trippers leave the city. We toured the Doge’s Palace about an hour before closing and had entire rooms (including the one with the famous giant painting) to ourselves.

      1. I don’t think there are many day trippers in December. It’s cruises that really cause the tourist population in Venice to swell during the day, and cruises don’t operate in the Med in December.

  15. What would you do if you won $1.9 billion in the lottery?

    I’d quit my job, move into a passion-oriented career field (journalism or organizing), and spend a lot more time doing yoga and going into steam rooms…Maybe also get a house in Tahiti.

    1. Delete facebook and lawyer up
      Build a big house/compound north of here
      Buy two (three?) beach houses
      Build my parents a new house
      Make sure our siblings have everything they need and set up trusts for our niblings
      Make it rain on the organizations I care about
      Do whatever I want for the rest of my life

    2. I’d quit my job, move within my city but keep the house I’m in, and buy places in NYC and in Hawaii as well.

    3. In my head, I would probably pull a Mackenzie Scott and donate large sums of money to causes I am most passionate about (climate change, reproductive rights, education). And I would go to cooking or baking school – maybe the University of Gastronomic Sciences in Italy. In reality, however, I think winning that kind of money would be awful. It would create such a disconnect between your friends and family – I have some dear friends who I would love to help buy their first home, or pay off student loans, but where do you draw the circle of who or who not to support? My dream would be to fall into $2-5 million so that I can bank on an early and cushy retirement without creating TOO wild of a distance (or a sense of expectation/obligation) between loved ones.

    4. I play this game a lot with smaller numbers (like 20 mil).

      First of all – my parents, sister and I have an agreement that if anyone wins the lottery we split it 4 ways (in the game I play I get 20 mil to myself).

      – get a lawyer and a finance person. Put at least 10 mil in a trust. Live off the interest. Never touch the principle.
      – assuming my parents buy my difficult uncle out of his share of my grandparents beach house and fix it up (they will), I will buy a condo down the street. I’ll mostly stay with my parents, but it will be nice to have the condo for overflow, the winter, etc. This should be about 1mil. If they forever reason don’t buy/fix the house, I will.
      – buy a rowhome in my current neighborhood with a great deck, 2-3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and parking. Make any cosmetic changes I want, furnish it well. Probably between 500k-1 mil.
      – buy a condo in south Florida (Miami Beach/Ft. Lauderdale for proximity to airport for weekend trips, Miami for things to do and hospitals for my parents who are only 61 but thinking long term here) for winter getaways. 600k-1mil.
      – buy myself a new car (hybrid). I drive a 19 year old Honda CRV so this would be nice. I’m not a car person so maybe I’d go nice car but honestly I’ve loved my Honda and would do that again.
      – I’ve paid off my loans, my sister can clearly take care of her’s so I’d make sure my cousins’ student loans are paid off, my uncle’s medical debt is paid off, and donate to each of my cousins’ kids 529s (there are 8 of them, I’m sure most are currently well funded so I’d top off to 300k if they’re not there yet). Most of my cousins do very well so honestly this shouldn’t be a huge outlay.
      – Take a few really nice vacations each year.
      – figure out a way to treat my friends and family without being patronizing but also without people only being friends with me because I treat them.
      – set up endowed scholarships at my high school, college, and grad school.
      – Donate heavily to a few organizations that I really care about.
      – go on a shopping spree: find someone to teach me how to dress my body, do my makeup and control my mane. Replace my old Mac and iPhone SE. Get a peloton and a fancy gym membership. Get Invisalign. Get a pair of diamond studs. Mostly just upgrade what I already have. I seriously lust over Theory, Cuyana, Anthro, Madewell (aka not even that expensive) but wear Old Navy.
      – Get a new road bike. And probably an electric bike.
      – Regular facials, massages, pedicures, manicures.
      – get a regular cleaning service, prepared food delivery, personal trainer, etc. I actually do enjoy cooking and cleaning quite a bit but I don’t need to do it every day!

      I’d have to figure out what I’d do career wise. I don’t love my current job but I do like working and love the field I’m in. But, I’d need to work so where with a lot of vacation time so I can travel. Im only 29 so giving up working is not in the cards (and is a family splitting lottery winnings stipulation).

      Everything not spent in the initial outlay would go into the trust.

  16. Has anyone tapered off omeprazole before? What did you do? My doc is being pretty lackadaisical about the specifics but now I fear I don’t have enough pills left to taper off for as long as the internet tells me… I’ve only been on it for 7 weeks.

    1. Yes, I did, and I didn’t do it slowly enough and threw up for a few nights. In hindsight I would have cut the pills in half for a while, then in quarters. And I would have done this over the course of weeks if not months.

      I use those chewables now that have famotidine on them, brand name Pepcid Complete, though I use the CVS brand. I take them as needed and bonus, they take care of my calcium needs too.

    2. First time I went too fast, with a doc who similarly didn’t give good enough instructions, in my opinion. I went back to the previous dosage, then decreased the dosage by taking the OTC pills at the Rx schedule (the OTC were lower dose per pill than my RX), then taking the OTC ones every other day for a few weeks, etc. I ran this by the doc who said it was fine w him.

      I was on famotidine as well, so kept that up while I tapered from the omeprazole. I’d say it took me about 6 weeks. Then I started tapering off the famotidine, which took about a month, and now I’m an as-needed Pepcid user. I have also figured out my diet triggers, so my Pepcid use is always when I’ve just said f’ it, I’m having this meal for this reason, and will manage the consequences.

  17. If you’re looking for a good coat, Land’s End is running a 50-60% off sale.

    1. Try APPLE and TOTE for the promo codes and see which one gets you a better price.

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