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Updated: Jul 12, 2021 301 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Sleeved Envelope Neck Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | · ·

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Karen Millen is a really fantastic brand for well-tailored, elevated basics. This sheath dress has several of my favorite design elements — a notched neckline (flattering, but not too revealing), bracelet-length sleeves (provide coverage, but I’m less likely to get ink all over the cuffs when I’m taking notes), and perfectly-placed ruching at the waist.

This rust color is so beautiful, but not so bold that it’s going to be too much for the office. Perfection!

The dress is $154, marked down from $308, and comes in sizes 14–20.

Tahari has an option in sizes 2–16 that is $128 at Nordstrom.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Cora

    I started at a start up about 6 months ago but the situation has become untenable and I’m going to start looking for another job. Should I refer to the short stint at all in cover letters, or refer to my current role at all? I can figure out how to explain it in interviews but it seems aggressive to say anything (even “looking for a more stable role”) in a cover letter.

    • Anonymous

      I would leave it off your resume and cover letter and then explain if you get an interview. That is what I did in the same situation. Right now I imagine no one will bat an eye at a seeming gap in your employment.

      • Anonymous

        As a hiring manager I would be very suspicious and disinclined to hire you if I found out you left your current job off your resume. You don’t need to mention it in your cover letter, though. The cover letter is about why you are a good candidate for the job you are applying for.

      • Cora

        Oh off my resume as well? Isn’t a 6 month gap a lot – I would definitely have left it off if it was one or two months. On the other hand, my previous job is one that people often take like a sabbatical after, so it might work.

        • Curious

          Definitely don’t leave it off the resume. No need to address in cover letter. Speak to it in the interview.

          • Anonymous

            + 1. Keep on resume. Start ups are such a mixed bag, no one will be surprised to see you looking. They hire in waves when they have funding, reshuffle jobs when their business plan changes, etc. It’s fine to say something vague like they weren’t a good fit.

      • Anonymous

        I disagree. It’s always better to look currently employed. I’d focus the cover letter on why you’re a good fit, include it on your resume and explain why you want to leave once you’re interviewed. Lots of reasons for six months. It’s weirder to have a current unexplained gap.

        • Anonymous

          It’s not even about the apparent gap in employment. It’s about lying on your resume. There’s a difference between leaving off very old irrelevant jobs, like waitressing in college, and leaving off your current position. Some employers also ask for a complete employment history and require you to attest to its completeness.

      • Cora

        Well, I used to work on political campaigns a while back. So you may think I’m crazy either way.

    • anonforthis

      What is going on in the world right now, I posted the same issue last week and have seen others have similar problems. Has COVID made all employers crazy?

      • Cora

        Idk if this is covid. My boss is just irrational, contradictory, and doesn’t know how to talk to people. I obviously would not say any of the above in an interview, but I know my strengths/weaknesses based on former bosses, current coworkers etc and this situation is not great.

      • anon

        There are a LOT of bad managers and bad working environments out there and IME/IMO, CV19 has really caused people to evaluate what they are willing to put up with and priorities generally. Hiring is mad right now and we are losing people left and right because we are perpetually understaffed, we stink at putting standard work instructions and succession plans in place, and have high upper management turnover. I truly hope this is the begining of a real shift in how workplaces treat employees and also how long they retain bad managers.

        • editor

          I would add to anon @10:30 that I have never understood the mania for an uninterrupted work history. (I think it’s easy to check state records to see if someone’s been incarcerated.) But other than that, so what? If they took time off for whatever reason–and I don’t think I have to list them–again, so what?

          I am slightly biased because my work can be episodic and project-based. But I’ve had plenty of captive jobs. Most of us, and I am one, have to work continuously to pay the bills, but if you can take a few months off between jobs for whatever reason, what business is it of theirs?

          • Anonymous

            It’s because employment is seen as a sign of employability, and lack of employment is taken as a sign that something is wrong with the candidate.

          • Anon

            I think it just shows you may have other things in your life that matter to you more than work. Whether it’s a hobby, care taking for loved ones, travel, or your own health, you don’t live to work and that’s a mark against you with some employers.

          • Anon

            “you don’t live to work and that’s a mark against you with some employers.”
            This is really it. A lot of senior-level managers in companies got where they were by overworking and neglecting other aspects of their lives, and believe that any person who wants to be successful must be the same as them and make the same (poor) choices. It’s like hazing in fraternities/sororities: I was hazed, therefore you must be hazed, otherwise my pain and sacrifices mean nothing.

            Also, some companies intentionally look for what are called “insecure overachievers” – people who didn’t work out their “mommy/daddy didn’t love me enough” issues in therapy and are willing, therefore, to nearly kill themselves in pursuit of praise, advancement, etc. The combination of high performer + nearly-insatiable need for praise and recognition is seductive for managers in dysfunctional organizations because they can basically work those people to death for a few crumbs of encouragement thrown to them here or there.

            Bad news for those employers: many of us are now onto the scam/game and know enough to run away from it. That, and it seems like 2020 is the year workers finally figured out that when companies have no loyalty to workers, workers in turn need to demonstrate no loyalty to companies. Let the “invisible hand of capitalism” sort it out (which is what’s happening now with lower-wage workers finally being able to make a living wage).

        • Anonymous

          Yes. The media is calling this the great resignation. Everyone is resigning and looking for greener pastures.

          • Anon

            I have a question about this. I keep hearing that it’s a great time to find a job. Like so many, I’m looking for my greener pasture. I have a good resume, no gaps, long stints at reputable employers, high degree of education. I’ve sent out 15 or more resumes starting in late May and have gotten nothing, not even an interview. Is it really a good time to find a job? I’m starting to get very discouraged and am trying to figure out what’s going on.

          • anon

            Anon at 10:30 here – I think, like anything, it can be industry dependent. For reference, we are losing engineers, product managers, sales people, quality people, manufacturing people, etc. I have not had an issue getting phone screens or interviews for the niche specific attorney positions I am interested in, but of coruse YMMV.

            I don’t think it’s quite as prolific as the media is making it out to be – I recall seeing the actual stats and they were aligned with another similar period in the past – but I can say that the company I work for is experiencing it and we have lost out on several candidates that I am personally aware of because we are too slow in setting up screens/interviews and making offers.

    • Anonymous

      Particularly since it’s a start up, I’d say leave it on. If you are looking at other startups, you’ll want a clear story on what didn’t work out, because they will likely ask and you’ll want a clean, professional answer (“didn’t get the big partnership/funding/launch/etc we expected” “change of direction opposite my function” or whatever.)
      If you are looking for a not start-up, I think it’s an easier sell. “Was recruited for XYZ at a startup and after 6 months have determined I need a more traditional role.” (pertinent details).

      • Cora

        I’m not looking for a startup so I agree that it’ll be easier to explain that I want a more traditional structure or more organization or something like that.

  2. Awkward

    Is there any way to get away with not eating at a business lunch? I’ve been invited to tag along to a team lunch with a group of colleagues I would like to get to know better, but it turns out they are going to a place where I would never eat. It’s a really bad restaurant with low quality food, and for a variety of medical and mental health reasons I just can’t eat what they serve. I am planning to have a scheduling conflict, but I thought I would check here to see if anyone had better ideas.

    • Ribena

      “I have a late breakfast/lunch planned to catch up with another colleague I haven’t seen for months, so I can come but I’ll just have a soft drink and a little salad, will that be okay?”

      • Anon

        Yeah it’s weird to join a lunch with coworkers if you’re not going to eat.

        Surely you can find something acceptable on the menu

        • Anon

          Invite them to catch up separately or plan another informal group lunch elsewhere on another day

    • anon

      I have food restrictions so I understand medical reasons for not being able to eat at certain places but you just sound kind of snobby. Clearly you think you’re above this restaurant but that doesn’t make it a “mental health” issue.

      • OP

        This is a little harsh. I don’t think you’re in a position to understand my mental health issues which are no less valid than your medical reasons.

        • anon

          They are less valid. A medical issue that causes actual physical harm is more serious than you being afraid of their vegetables because you think the kitchen isn’t as clean as you want. Just don’t go. I skip lunches all the time because my -valid- celiac disease means I can’t eat there.

          • Anon

            +1. I am also celiac. If I eat the wrong food it can make me very sick. That is not the same as being squicked out because a restaurant isn’t serving “high quality” food. Mental health is important but a “mental health” reason for not eating at a restaurant is nowhere near as valid as someone who has a bonafide allergy or medical condition that will make them physically sick, to the point they may have to get medical care. I would not bring up your “mental health” as a reason for not eating if you do go; at best it will make you look extra and at worst you will seem unbalanced.

          • Anon

            Yay, someone’s here to be a jerk about mental health! Here’s hoping you get just as much sympathy as you’re giving the OP the next time you’re trying to make sure the food you’re being offered is gluten-free.

            Signed, a person with severe food allergies who manages not to be a jerk to people with other medical conditions

          • Anon

            +1. I have struggled with anxiety so I am sensitive to the fact that mental health is health, but someone who is Celiac literally cannot eat at certain restaurants. You are choosing not to. It may be a reasonable choice to make, but don’t pretend you’re forced into this the same way a Celiac is. Also saying “low quality food” sounds extremely snobby, there is no way around that fact. Anxious people can still be snobs – I freely admit I’m snobby about hotels and resorts, but I don’t blame it on anxiety.

          • Anon

            Food poisoning is a medical issue! If I know multiple people who got food poisoning from a restaurant, I’m not ordering there.

          • Anonymous

            If I knew multiple people who had gotten food poisoning at the chosen restaurant I’d be warning my colleagues about it!

      • Anon

        Being charitable to the OP, I read “mental health” issue as something relating to eating disorders.

        I was brought up to clean my plate, even when restaurants started serving far too much food for one sitting. Sometimes, unfinished dinner was unheated breakfast the next morning, which was really sucky. Couple that with an emphasis on thinness, and it’s a minor miracle that food merely stresses me out instead of causing a full-on eating disorder. The result is that when a restaurant serves me a massive pile of food, I actually find it to be really stressful.

        • Anonymous

          Order an appetizer as your meal! I do this all the time just because the appetizers tend to be more interesting than the entrees.

          • Anon

            I am a big girl and don’t need to be told what to order at restaurants, thanks. I also have a weird quirk about wanting to eat an actual meal, not mozzarella sticks or nachos.

          • Anonymous

            Wow she was trying to help. Be a big girl and don’t be so defensive. I’m sorry you’re stuck eating at bad restaurants with no good appetizer options.

          • Anonymous

            I’m always a little confused by this suggestion. The apps at most restaurants are a lot worse for you than the entrees. I’ve been to lots of lunch-friendly places that have literally no apps that aren’t breaded, fried, contain lots of cheese, etc. It’s just really really hard to eat out if you have any kind of food sensitivity.

          • Anonymous

            Oooh, found another one of the people with disordered eating who makes business travel so. much. fun.

          • S in Chicago

            Wow. Way to be awful to someone trying to be empathetic. In my opinion, “a big girl” wouldn’t be asking this question to begin with, much less introducing all of the drama as people try to brainstorm with you. If this is your M.O., I suspect you’re going to be off-putting to your coworkers over time for reasons that have nothing to do with what you deem acceptable to consume or not.

          • Anonymous

            What kind of garbage restaurants are you all eating at that only serve nachos and fried cheese?!?

          • Anon

            This entire thread is about eating at restaurants that other people want to eat that, that are not the ones that the commenters would have chosen if left up to their own devices. Often the restaurants that replace quality with quantity are the ones where all the apps are deep fried cheese and bacon; if not, they are also completely huge because everything they serve is completely huge.

            I’m certain that the people here getting mad at the women who don’t want to eat potato skins for dinner are the same ones calling the OP a snob for not wanting to eat at a place with bad health standards.

          • Ellen

            But a bad restaruant has bad appetizers that are not appetizing. Why get a greasy plate of cold pasta salad that reeks of mildew, just to push it around your plate. What I do is eat before hand and then order a Perrier in the bottle, which they can’t spoil.

            Very simple solution– Ask them to bring the bottle to the table unopened so that it retains it’s fizz when YOU decide to open it. Other plus– no lemon or limes, which are often recycled when you get them in the glass. PTOOEY!

            It is great to be able to share my experences with the hive. One extra plus! NO CALORIES to go on our tuchii from Perrier.

    • Trixie

      Eat beforehand, and order a beverage and either soup or a salad or something along those lines. Explain that you just ate, and change the subject. Don’t even explain! Just say “That’s what I am in the mood for.”
      Of course, this assumes that you want to go, and it is worth attending. If it is, for example, Hooters, or Chick-fil-a, or similar, weigh the value of the lunch against your valued colleagues. Don’t get too caught up in the politics for just one lunch.

    • Anonymous

      Eat lunch beforehand and order a beverage. Not water. Casually explain that you already ate but you didn’t want to miss the chance to spend time with your colleagues.

      Do NOT make a big show of perusing the menu and interrogating the waiter and then declare that you can’t eat anything from the menu. People will think that you’re a jerk, you have an eating disorder, or you are a jerk with an eating disorder.

    • Anonymous

      Would you be comfortable drinking something in the restaurant and spend time there, even though you’re not eating?If so, you could say, cheerfully, in advance that “I’d love to join you for a coffee during lunch! I have some food restrictions, so can’t eat today, but I’d love to spend time with you at my break”.

      If they ask what the restrictions are “oh, it’s boring, but I’m used to it”, if they push “oh, it’s boring, some medical stuff, but I’m used to it”.

      You have to stay very cheerful, though, and signal that you’re very happy, this is ordinary, you cannot express any sort of disdain or negativity about their food or restaurant choices. (I’d also say tip very generously, as if you’d had a small meal as well.)

      • Anonymous

        Yes to all of this. If you are confident and relaxed and don’t make a big deal out of your choices, no one else will either. If you are uptight about it you will come off as high-maintenance and obnoxious.

    • Anon

      Just get a salad with dressing on the side – sometimes you gotta suck it up. Where are they going?

      • OP

        It’s a locally-owned restaurant. I didn’t want to get into the why, but I have concerns about the salad too as I don’t think their food handling practices are adequate. This is where the medical and mental health issues come in as I immunocompromised and I am in therapy for anxiety.

          • Anonymous

            Yeah, you need to sit this one out. You will be an obvious basket case the whole time.

          • Anon

            Absolutely don’t go. Don’t risk your reputation with your colleagues by putting yourself in a situation you know you can’t handle. FYI I have had to make a similar choice in the past regarding a team visit to an escape room that I knew had a small, dark enclosed space (I am seriously claustrophobic).

        • anon for this

          Under these circumstances, I don’t think you should go. I can’t think of a way to decline gracefully without outright disclosing your medical/mental health issues (which I assume you don’t want to do). Absent those, you’ll come across as snobby.

        • Trixie

          oh my. This is tough. If you want to go, order something hot, like soup and coffee, and just enjoy the lunch. If it is not that important, just skip it.

        • Ellen

          So many places don’t wash their salad ahead of time, just cut it all up with insects in it and rely on the salad dressing to cover it all up. I dated a guy who was a mater dee and he told me stories that made me cringe. PTOOEY!

      • Anon

        This is what I would do. I am very picky and have learned to move food around on my plate (eventually try to move a lot to one corner or side of the plate so it looks like part of the plate is clear). People don’t really pay that close attention to your plate and if they do, just say you aren’t that hungry or just wanted something small etc

    • Anonymous

      Don’t go. You’ll forever be known as the girl who went out to lunch and wouldn’t eat. And if you are asked at all why you aren’t eating and you let it slip at all that you have an issue with the restaurant and its food handling and its effect on your health, then you’re forever labeled as a snob. I mean it sounds like you’re getting to know and impress these people so impressions matter. I do go out with coworkers and they’ll get lunch while I’ll go get coffee and we’ll meet back up and sit together and eat, but I’m talking a food court with established coworkers who eat lunch at 11:30 am while I roll into work at 10 and am just waking up then and my lunch time is more like 2-3 pm. But would I have done that as a 1st yr associate going out with partners, definitely not. Find other ways to catch up with these people ideally not over food.

    • Anon

      Just say you ate before. Or get a small appetizer to pick at. Or say you’re in the middle of testing different dietary changes by recommendation of your doctor so you packed a lunch to eat beforehand at work. Or that you’re suddenly having indigestion. The thing is, if you don’t make a big deal of it, they won’t make a big deal of it. Speaking as someone who’s had their own share of mental and physical issues around food, there are very few instances where workmates would really care what I was eating or not at a lunch as long as I didn’t seem particularly down about it or anxious. If you present you not having lunch as just a normal thing, and don’t bring it up unless questioned, they’ll respond in kind. If anyone presses, imply it’s some kind of physical condition (gastroparesis is a thing) without giving details. If you stay upbeat and personable and don’t act like it’s a weird thing, they won’t either. Just don’t look like you’re suffering to be there.

      • Anon

        I don’t think “I already ate” works for a lunch that’s planned in advance. If someone stops by your office and asks you to join them, it makes sense that you had lunch but still wanted to come.

      • Anon

        I’ve had a colleague come out w/ us and say she was just getting a soda because she was fighting off a migraine and didn’t feel up to eating. No one seemed to care.

    • Pass

      I think you need to sit this one out. At best, people will find it mildly weird and slightly awkward that you came along to lunch and didn’t eat. Worse, everyone feels extremely uncomfortable as you sit there watching them eat and try to figure out what the issue is. Or even worse, they figure out you disapprove of their restaurant choice and feel like you’re silently judging them while watching them eat. None of these are great options. Just don’t go.

    • Anonymous

      Given the rest of your clarifications that you wouldn’t even be comfortable ordering a salad, I would either not go, or if you’ve already accepted, do a “omg you guys I’m so sorry, something just popped up”.

      Adding on to the rationales already stated, it’s not even that I’d judge you for not ordering, but I would personally feel uncomfortable eating in front of someone not eating, and for that reason alone I would suggest you skip. Even if other people don’t think anything of you not ordering, you might be making their break uncomfortable.

    • Anon

      This is something you’re going to have to find a work-around for as this is not the only time you will be expected to share a meal at a restaurant not of your choosing over the course of your career. In fact, if you move up in most careers, there starts to be a client entertainment aspect and it happens more often, not less.

      I’m sorry to tell you but yes, if you refuse to order something at lunch people will notice. Just in case it’s not obvious to you, do not explain to them your concerns about the quality of the food/restaurant while they’re enjoying their meals.

      Order something cooked and you’ll be fine. Pick at it. You can ask for it to be cooked extra well or extra hot if you’re really worried about kitchen issues.

      • OP

        Luckily in my chosen path I do not have to entertain ever. I know that there will be times such as this one where it is beneficial for bonding which is why I was asking for tips, but unfortunately I just got a lot of responses that I am being snobby which is not helpful. I have gone to this type of thing in the past and ordered a salad or something simple to pick at, but there are some places, like this one, where I don’t feel comfortable doing that. I have a lot of hang ups around food in general which is not really the point of this post, but they are mostly related to unhealthy attitudes and feelings around intake, germs, etc., and not to me being a snob. I will just sit this out.

        • Walnut

          You’ve gotten plenty of helpful responses too, FWIW. I totally get not wanting to go to a crummy restaurant with crummy food safety issues. Plenty of people said to sit it out. If you REALLY want to go, then this is where you order a drink, something that has been well cooked and then pick at it. You could also scour the menu in advance to find something that likely isn’t scratch cooked, but rather dumped from a food service bag and re-warmed.

          There really isn’t a magical solution here. You’re better off skipping lunch at the dicey mexican+pizza joint that gets written up by the health department every third month.

          • Anon

            I just had to laugh at this because my city had a restaurant at one point that was a Chinese and Mexican buffet. It was such a weird combination but somehow it worked; probably because the food was fantastic.

    • Anon

      I do this all the time. I have severe GERD and gallbladder problems, so even a “once in a while treat” is not a thing I can do. I have to eat a certain way, all the time, and restaurant food does not meet that criteria. I just have a glass of water, say I’m on a medical diet, and act matter-of-fact. People will follow your lead, so be low-key.

      • Anon

        I’d suggest ordering something other than water. I’m a big water fan too but it comes off as cheap to not order anything that costs money. Can you drink a ginger ale? Iced tea? Juice? I think you need to get something that costs something to be a customer.

    • Anonymous

      To answer your general question, yes it is possible to decline to participate in the central activity of a business event, but you’ve got to have a very good reason. For example, it’s Ramadan and you’re observing your religion by fasting during the day. I would even generalize this to non-food events. If you’re going to the company softball game then you’d better be prepared to participate in some way unless you have a broken bone or something, and even then you can at least cheer. People react very, very negatively to someone who doesn’t go with the flow and do their best to fit in. Especially if you’re a woman. Especially if you’re a POC. If you cannot enthusiastically participate in the activity, and you don’t have an excuse they would think is a good one, then don’t go.

      From your description, I don’t think you’d be your normal happy self while watching other people eat food you find repulsive in an environment you find repulsive. I also don’t think they are likely to find your excuse to be a good one because they’re apparently ok with eating there. I agree with your instinct to have a scheduling conflict. Maybe you can organize another lunch somewhere else?

      • Anonymous

        FYI – even Ramadan isn’t a good excuse for going out to lunch and not eating at least it wasn’t at my very “open minded” and cosmopolitan firm in DC. I’m Muslim and don’t fast/fast only a few days of Ramadan so it wasn’t an issue for me. However, by the time I was a senior associate there was a devout Muslim summer associate and Ramadan fell that summer. Given that summer lunches were a big bonding/getting to know you activity and she knew that partners weren’t otherwise going to go out of their way to give a female POC Muslim summer associate chances to get to know them outside of planned activities, she used to go on lunches and not eat. And did everything here – act upbeat, NBD, explain etc. Got her labeled as that Muslim associate. Sure people weren’t rude re her faith and they understood BUT they’d later be shocked/amazed (in both good and bad ways) that she could just sit there and watch others eat and not want to grab some food herself. MANY people at the firm told me this story (I wasn’t DC based so they’d tell me when they saw me; I’d explain, but at that point impressions were set because this had happened 2-3 months earlier).

        Point being — in many environments they do not want you to stand out in any way NO MATTER WHAT YOUR REASON is and how valid it is. You already do stand out if you’re female and if you’re non white or of a minority faith (IDK if OP is she may be a white woman). But one sure way to stand out negatively is to go to an eating activity, not eat, and even hint any sort of judgment re other people eating/the place not being good enough for you.

        • Anonymous

          That’s awful. As I was writing the “excuse they think is good” part, I was thinking about summer associate events where summers were expected to wear bathing suits (and you know no one else will). If they think that’s appropriate, then sorry but “I don’t want to be gawked at” or “I don’t feel comfortable being half naked at a partner’s house when everyone else is fully clothed” is not an excuse they’re going to think is valid. You have to just not go to that event. True story: the (women) summer associate coordinators at my first firm banned bathing suit events and the (male) attorneys were all super salty about it and took it as a personal affront.

          • Anonymous

            Wait, what? Summer associates are literally told to wear swimsuits to the partners’ homes? WTF? Also has no one ever heard of coverups?

    • Senior Attorney

      I agree that given the unique facts here, you should sit this one out.

      That said, people really don’t notice how much or even whether you eat if you don’t make a big deal about it. When I had weight loss surgery years ago, I couldn’t eat more than a bite or two. I would literally put a bite of food on my fork, wave it around a little, put it back on my plate, put another bite on my fork, wave it around, repeat. Swear to goodness, 99% of the time nobody noticed. (Or they noticed and had the good manners not to say anything, which is functionally the same thing.) If anybody ever did say anything (I still get sad faces from waiters from time to time), I’d just say “oops, looks like my eyes were bigger than my stomach today!” and that would be that.

      • Senior Attorney

        To clarify, it’s less noticeable if you order something and don’t eat it (pretend to eat it) than if you don’t order anything.

      • OP

        Thanks SA! This is the type of advice I was hoping for and very helpful. I think I’ll still sit this one out but this will be really useful for next time. I bet you’re right that no one would even notice.

        • Anonymous

          You literally said you weren’t willing to pick at a salad because you thought the lettuce was unhygenic.

          • Anon

            It’s different to eat a little of a salad vs. literally eat none though. I’m not OP, but for some reason it didn’t occur to me to order and just not eat any.

      • Anon

        I definitely have done this and don’t notice if people don’t eat what they ordered. But I’ve been at a lunch with someone who declined to order anything and it made me very uncomfortable. I felt like we should leave or not order anything ourselves, or hurry up since they were just sitting there.

      • Anonymous

        I would absolutely notice somebody shuffling food around instead of eating it, but would also not draw attention to it in a work setting. I would notice and assume that you either were 1) not hungry and trying to be polite 2) not enjoying your meal and trying to be polite or 3) having an eating disorder or other medical reason for not eating and trying to be polite. Either way, I’d assume YOU are trying to be polite, not wanting attention, and take that as a hint.

        If however you just let down your silverware and not making any attempt at shuffling/hiding, I’d assume your food was very wrong in some way, and that you were debating whether to complain about the quality. If I was the “host” or the person who suggested the restaurant, I’d feel bad in all of these scenarios.

      • Anonanonanon2

        This. I have Crohn’s and sometimes don’t feel like eating and don’t want to have to explain myself. As stated, ordering something like a salad and stabbing it and moving it around is rarely noticed. If you’re breezy about it (which, honestly, it sounds like you might not be able to do in this situation?) people don’t usually interrogate you.
        Outside of that, you could try:
        -My doctor has me on a weird elimination diet right now to identify a food allergy so I’m only eating stuff from home, but wanted to join!
        – Order a salad, poke around at it, and if someone asks say “I didn’t realize it has X on it and I’m not a huge fan of X, but it’s totally fine! My bad for not reading!”
        -Im meeting a friend at a restaurant tonight and we want to try as many dishes as possible, so I’m saving room!

    • Anonymous

      Every time one of these eating issues comes up I am baffled. Grow up and own your choices and don’t make a big deal, and no one will bat an eye. What I think is really going on is that people are deliberately engaging in attention-seeking behavior with their ostentatious presentation of dietary issues but are trying to figure out how to make it less obvious that they are trying to get attention (but not at all less obvious that they aren’t eating what everyone else is eating).

      I see this type of behavior from my relatives all the freaking time. Every time I host a family gathering I have to prepare separate dishes that are gluten-free (with no medical indication), vegetarian (I am happy to accommodate the vegetarian because she doesn’t make a big deal out of it), and vegetable-free (aren’t you supposed to outgrow toddler food by age 30?). Depending on the crowd, I sometimes also have to provide “plant-based whole foods.” And then I have to spend the entire meal listening to people evangelize about their restrictive diets, except for the vegetarian who just smiles and nods along with me. She is my favorite relative.

    • Anonymous

      I’m assuming based on the fact that you not you are immunocompromised that you are on an antimicrobial diet or something similar where it’s not just WHAT foods you eat but also how they are prepared/stored/processed that matters. Food preparation/storage/processing can create risks of food poisoning, etc. which can be catastrophic depending on how immune compromised you are.

      Anyway, I was on a similar diet for almost a year due to an illness and would either (a) not eat and explain that I have food restrictions due a chronic illness or (b) order something small and not really eat it if I didn’t want to call attention to myself. Option (b) was usually easier.

      Good luck – it was hard managing this diet without anxiety so I’m sorry your going through this with the added burden of anxiety.

    • Coach Laura

      I think you should go and have a Pepsi or Perrier. Agree – don’t discuss, don’t look at the menu. Say you are not hungry, already ate or are on doctor’s orders not to eat out.

      I have celiac and won’t eat anything in Specialties or Panera (their websites both say that nothing on their menu is safe due to cross-contamination), can’t eat at most Asian restaurants without interrogating the server, and can’t eat at 99.9% of pizza restaurants. If I eat out, most places I still get sick from cross -contamination. (Exceptions are PF Changs, Chipotle, Taco del Mar, Red Robin, Maggiano’s – and several local chains.) So I have gone to many many events like this and had only a canned soda. I refuse to miss out on meeting friends, family or coworkers. Good luck.

  3. Anon

    Any experiences with the Drybar Single Shot hair dryer brush? Do you think it is worth the higher price compared to the Revlon dryer brush ($150 vs. $50)?

    • Anon

      If you’re looking for a high end hair dryer, GHD is the best. My last one lasted a solid 6 years of near daily use. Dries quickly and doesn’t leave your hair fried. People also seem to like the Dyson version but I haven’t tried it.

    • anon

      I don’t have the revlon but do like the drybar one. One thing I like is it has two heat settings and a cold air setting so I don’t feel like it fries my hair, which I know some people complain about the revlon one

      • Anon

        Pretty sure my revlon also has two heat settings, and it definitely has a cool setting.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve had both and prefer the Drybar. I have straight, fine hair and it seems to do a better job gripping my hair and not letting it slip right through. It also doesn’t seem to get as hot and has a much longer cord that I prefer.

      • BeenThatGuy

        I have both and prefer Drybar. The Revlon get so so so so hot and damages the ends of my hair. Yes, it has a lower setting but that setting is so low, it doesn’t dry my thick, coarse hair.

    • I like it

      I am pretty sure I have the Double Shot one and I like it. I have thick, wavy hair and find that it does a great job. If I actually focus on using it (versus sort of 1/2 a**ing it), I don’t need to run a flat iron through afterward. I can’t speak to the Revlon.

  4. Small Office Chair

    Thanks to everyone who recommended small office chairs for me! The consensus seemed to be the Herman Miller Aeron Size A and the Steelcase Leap v2. Unfortunately the Aeron A had armrests that were still too wide and it doesn’t work for tall people, but it was very comfortable and nice looking. The Leap was comfortable and a bit more traditional looking, but the armrests were kind of weird in the way they adjusted. I was able to try the Steelcase Gesture and it had arms that moved a bit differently and actually went in narrower than the Leap’s arms. I’m going to order one today and will report back for other narrow ladies looking for a chair.

    • Anonymous

      I also recently purchased a chair at Corporette ladies’ recommendation and got the Steelcase Leap, so another thank you to the office-chair-recommending ladies of Corporette! Just going to add my thoughts since presumably anyone interested in OP is interested in office chairs: I’m really loving it even though it was a splurge. I find it a lot comfier than the Herman Miller Aeron at my firm’s office. I am 5’4″ and have (what I think are) broad shoulders /a broad ribcage, and everything about it works well for me.

  5. Maria Killam color services

    Anyone used Maria Killam’s e-Design Services? Thoughts – worth it? Need to find paint colors for a living room that leads into dining room (not a full open concept) for a 100 year old house with a lot of white moulding and chair raile and trim. Overwhelmed with all the colors…. with pinterest, instagram, general internet searches, design books, going to the paint store… feel like I’ve wasted hours.

    • Veronica Mars

      People seem to like it but I prefer ordering Samples via Samplize and seeing how it looks in each room. Just go on Pinterest and get the top Benjamin Moore colors. Clare Jeffries (or Jefford?) on Youtube is a color consultant and talks about the different colors.

      • Anon

        Same here. If you want foolproof colors, get farrow and ball – every one of their colors is gorgeous. It’s more expensive, but worth it. Benjamin Moore also color matches them and a lot of designers have done the work already of finding the BM dupe for FB, just google it.

    • anon

      If you’ve already mined the web and are feeling overwhelmed, I think it’s worth hiring a pro to get it right and make sure whatever you choose works with your existing stuff. However, with Maria specifically, I would caution that she probably isn’t going to sugar-coat it, and if she sees a major issue that’s going to cause everything to clash or make it impossible to find a color that blends with everything, she’s going to recommend that you change it. Are you up for that?

      • Aunt Jamesina

        She also has very, very specific ideas about The Way Things Should Be that I just don’t find to be universally true. I might be unfairly prejudiced since I’m not really into her aesthetic.

    • Allie

      I actually found the free e-consultation from Sherwin Williams to be really helpful. You have to sign up kinda far in advance but the help was great.

    • Senior Attorney

      Or you could just do what I did and ask the ladies here for specific paint color recommendations. That’s what I did for our rental unit and it worked out great.

      • Anonymous

        Love the Alabaster! We just moved and I’m in the process of painting the entire place in it. It’s very calming for me.

  6. Anon

    COVID weight gain strikes again. I’m going to a wedding Friday and need to find a dress *today* because, you guessed it, nothing in my closet fits. (Outdoor, afternoon, west coast, will be in pics as part of the bride’s family.)

    Seeing as how I am neither a Little House on the Prairie extra nor channeling Sporty Spice, where should I spend my limited shopping effort to best find something pretty and normal?

    I’ve checked Macy’s and Nordstrom online for pickup today – everything seems to fall in the above two categories. Does that feature match pretty well what’s actually available in store or is there more in store not listed online so it’s worth my time to go in? Talbots is all Athleta for the Social Security Set right now. Brooks Brothers has nothing. J.Crew seems to have given up nice clothes altogether. I’m in NoVA, closest to Pentagon City mall (hence the Macy’s and Nordstrom above). HALP.

  7. Leatty

    We’ve officially been told we are going back to the office in September (ugh). Most of my pre-COVID clothes don’t work any more since I had a baby and I stress ate my way through the last 15 months. My workplace is business casual (but on the more formal end of that), and I prefer dresses to pants. I’m a cusp-size hourglass, and I’m flexible on the budget. Any suggestions?

    Also, I’m in the market for some comfortable and supportive leather flats. My Rothys aren’t cutting it, and I don’t know that I can go back to wearing heels. Suggestions?

    • Dame Judy

      There is a fairly long discussion on flats that are comfortable and supportive on yesterday morning’s post. Might be a good starting point.

    • Anonymous

      Yes. Go to stores and buy the clothes they sell there. Same stores as before the pandemic. It’s not that complicated.

      • Anonymous

        +100. Clothing has not changed that much. At a lot of places, you may get away with something more casual, but I’m still shopping at the same places I did pre-pandemic (no big stores went under of which I can recall). This should not be so hard.

        I am also truly amazed at (baffled by…) the universality of the weight gain.

        • anon

          I’ve been back in the office a few days a week, and nothing has really changed about how people are dressing, despite what is being pushed on the interwebz.

          And yeah, weight gain seems to be nearly universal. Looks like I’m in good company. :/

          • Anonymous

            A gentle plug for intuitive eating – I started IE several years ago, weigh more than I would like in an ideal world (am in the overweight category by the flawed BMI metric), but I didn’t gain at all during the pandemic despite being under an immense amount of stress and having most of my main hobbies taken away. IE is the ONLY approach that has ever helped me manage my emotions and stress response around food and stay balanced, no matter what life is throwing at me. I don’t mention it because weight loss is a good thing, but because the peace/calm and lack of anxiety around food has been an amazing thing, whatever my weight.

          • Anon

            Intuitive eating only works if you don’t need it. If you listen to your body and eat appropriate portions naturally, you aren’t overweight. It’s Instagram nonsense.

          • Anonymous

            It’s not Instagram nonsense – if it was, I wouldn’t know about it because I’m not on Instagram. The original book Intuitive Eating (which is a bit old now) was very helpful to me and it was also helpful to 2-3 friends. I listen to my body, eat appropriate portions, exercise, and am overweight – and I’ve never been happier. People who didn’t go through what I went through as a teen/young adult probably can’t appreciate what a radical change it is.

          • Anonymous

            I’m in the office today (we’re back sort of on a “when you want” basis) and one of the partners on my hall is wearing shorts, so… I don’t know what office attire is anymore.

          • Anonymous

            11:35, I don’t think intuitive eating is about losing weight. It’s about learning not to care about your weight. This is not for me, but maybe it makes some people happy.

        • Anon

          Eh, I’m one of the people who is trying to update her look. My rationale is: most of my clothes were bought 2017 or earlier; since then, stores like Ann Taylor have gone to hell; and if I’m going to be re-purchasing a postpartum wardrobe, it would be nice if it were all current and would look good for another five years, rather than on the verge of being outdated by the time it’s on my doorstep.

        • Anonymous

          I lost a bunch of weight without trying at the beginning of lockdown and kept it off for an entire year. Then I got vaccinated and started eating takeout again, and it all came back. Not happy about that.

        • Leatty

          No, but the selection has changed. For example, Boden was one of my go-to stores for work clothes. All of the dresses on their site are casual, which won’t work for my workplace.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          “I am also truly amazed at (baffled by…) the universality of the weight gain.” Why is this baffling? Many people were tied to their desks at home and didn’t have as many occasions to get out of the house during a highly stressful year.

          • Anonymous

            I mean, I lost weight. I wasn’t eating restaurant food, I was running (my exercise before the pandemic) but also taking more walks, and didn’t stress eat. The idea that the american public can’t hold it together and not gain 20 pounds when given access to cake is ridiculous.

          • A + Fed

            OTOH, I have several co-workers that have lost substantial amounts of weight, so I don’t think weight gain is universal. One co-worker, who I’ve only seen on Zoom so far lost over 125 lbs. For some, the WFH was enough to allow some time for exercise during the day in place of a 2 hour commute, and healthier eating habits than a cafeteria and a vending machine. It will be interesting to see what happens when we return to the offce.

          • Aunt Jamesina

            Anon at 11:33, obviously people handle stress differently (and had different levels of stress) and lead different lives. One of my coworkers started a weightlifting and biking regimen and got super fit during the pandemic. Another one of my colleagues is a single mom with two kids, was helping out her elderly parents, and could no longer go to her gym.

            We ALL have coping mechanisms that might not be healthy, it’s just that our coping mechanisms aren’t always physically apparent to others in the way that weight is.

          • Anon

            I initially lost weight, and then gained weight from an issue with my thyroid meds (which were recalled for being subpotent, and then I had to sort out my dosage on a new formulation). There was a lot of random stuff going wrong last year for a lot of people!

          • Anon

            For me, back-to-back Zoom meetings with no breaks in between didn’t help. Some of these Zoom schedules have to be a blood clot risk, let alone a weight gain risk!

        • Anonymous

          1) I read the OP as asking about style recommendations as much or more than stores. Pretty sure OP still knows clothing stores exist. And regardless of whether they were asking for styles or stores, they were asking in the context of having gained a lot of weight. Some stores and styles are better than others for larger sizes. They didn’t say anything about thinking the clothing stores they used to shop at have been magically changed by COVID.

          2) How are you baffled by the universality of weight gain? I hope I’m reading wrong, but that sounds so judge-y to me. If you didn’t mean this in a judgmental way, my apologies, but I’m still going to respond to that because I have seen so many comments where people express ~utter confusion~ over people gaining weight during COVID: People went from having reliable, everyday routines, to suddenly having their entire world turned upside down. People went from just grabbing lunch and cooking or ordering a healthy dinner to suddenly being stuck in their homes, with their kitchens, all day. While dealing with the stress of a pandemic (which we didn’t know for months how dangerous it would be). Gyms closed. Swimming pools closed. Lots of places workout closed. People had the additional stress of figuring out how to work from home (that was a *lot* harder for some people than others). People stopped being able to see their therapists in person. People had to deal with the stress of having their kids run around their homes 24/7. Often while working. And, surprise, people tend to emotionally or stress eat. That’s why weight loss is a multi-billion dollar industry. You add all of those factors together, and it’s almost baffling anyone *didn’t* gain weight during this insane last year.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, I don’t know that I agree that clothing hasn’t changed that much. Standard retailers are a bit confused right now as to what women want. I think it always was harder for women to hit the mark on business casual (vs guys) but it is even worse now. AT, BR, Jcrew–the old stand-by companies have weak offerings right now. It isn’t easy to try to replace a full wardrobe, which is why we are seeing so many people express frustration.

      • Anonymous

        In OP’s defense, in my experience at least, shopping in person becomes much harder after you have a baby. I really moved to online shopping then, and my son is 9 now and I still mostly shop online. But OP, given that your body shape has probably changed due to the pregnancy as well as your size, I do think you’ll be less frustrated if you can go shopping. If it were me I would head to Ann Taylor or maybe Talbots depending on your age and style.

    • anon

      For shoes, look at the Sperry Seaport penny loafers. I have unearthed mine now that I’m going back to the office, and they are very comfortable and look fine with my business casual clothes. TBH, I’m still getting used to the idea of wearing loafers with dresses, but depending on the style, it can look OK. I just know that I’m not willing to make my feet uncomfortable anymore!

    • Anon

      My office went from business formal to casual-casual since the return to in person work — I would buy the minimum and see how things shake out, dress-code-wise, when you return. There was no announcement– everyone just started showing up in jeans and after a couple of week the bosses started doing it too and now there’s no going back.

    • Anonymous

      Take a look at Talbots website. Look under suiting and dresses. You can order misses and womens and see what fits better. Lots of crossover in sizes. Misses goes to 18 and womens start at 14w. Stores don’t always carry these end sizes so worth looking online. You can return at the store.

    • Coach Laura

      Leatty, my go-to for office dressing is a ponte sheath dress (prefer with sleeves) and a non-corporate blazer (that is, not part of a structured suit), swacket, jardigan or structured cardigan over it. MMLaFleur jardigans are so useful and you might be able to find them on sale or on Poshmark once you know your size. The JCrew going out blazer is great for this. Nordstrom Halogen brand often has some good jackets. Other swackets I’ve gotten are from Talbots and Pendleton. Try the Notched Collar Sweater Jacket at Talbots. I like sheaths from MMLaFleur (poshmark, new with tags) Lands End, Talbots, LLBean, Macy’s and Nordstroms. Get 3 or so sheath dresses, an A-line or shirt dress for variety, several jardigan type jackets, and then mix in some pants/skirts and sweaters and that should get you through a few months.

      This blogger talks about re-entering in-office work, what to buy. I’m work from home perm now but even I am tempted by this Ann Taylor seasonless stretch dress. https://thewelldressedlife.com/a-dress-to-rebuild-your-work-wardrobe/ Here she talks about wardrobe building. https://thewelldressedlife.com/category/style-challenge/
      The Vivienne Files has a lot of capsule wardrobes. This post from this week has some ideas. It starts out “The Call Came… and she’s expected to be in the office 2 or 3 days a week, starting in September…” The Kate Spade dress looks a little expensive to me and I think I’d prefer the Ann Taylor one in the welldressedlife post above, but this is the type of dress that would be a workhorse in a wardrobe. https://www.theviviennefiles.com/2021/07/start-with-art-locus-87-by-susan-osgood.html/ This post talks about dresses and many would work for early fall. https://www.theviviennefiles.com/2021/06/weekly-timeless-wardrobe-13-a-summer-dress.html/

  8. CB

    A little positive news – my mom has booked tickets to come in September. Fingers crossed the borders remain open (Portugal and the UK seem to alternate taking each other on and off lists). She was last here in March 2020, and we cannot wait. My son has changed so much and we’ve moved house, and just have missed family so desperately. For complicated reasons, my parents can’t come together, but that just means more grandparent time!

  9. Anon

    My daughter wants to start taking piano lessons. Does anyone have a recommendation for a keyboard that is good for beginners? I don’t want to spend a ton but I also don’t want to cheap out and have to upgrade too soon. I’m in Brooklyn, so if anyone has a recommendation for a friendly store that can help us pick something out, that would work too!

    • Anonymous

      Where we live, you can easily find a real piano free or nearly free on FB Marketplace. You just have to pay to have it moved.

      • OP

        Thanks for the suggestion. I would love that, but we’re in a moderately sized apartment and the keyboard may need to be tucked away at times. If she really gets into it, I will figure out how to make space for a real piano in a few years, but I also don’t want to get stuck with one if she decides she hates it in 6 months.

        • Anonymous

          Also in Brooklyn, and if I were you I would definitely post on my neighborhood listserv asking for a used keyboard. They seem to come up pretty often. (We’re all in the same small space boat).

    • Anonymous

      Get an electric keyboard that will work with headphones! Better for everybody, including your neighbors.

      Would get a full size, not one with kid’s size tangents, or she’ll learn wrong finger placement.

      • Quail

        +1. Headphones make a huge difference in feeling comfortable practicing in a small space. We actually have a “real” piano with a silent mode for this reason. And find a keyboard with weighted keys so that the action is the same as an acoustic piano. They make great full size weighted key keyboards now – search on the web for reviews.

    • Anon

      Costco.com generally has good prices on full-size keyboard + stand + bench + headphones bundles at a variety of price points, with free shipping. I don’t believe you have to be a member to order online.

    • Anonymous

      I was able to rent a keyboard from my local piano store — it was great because I could get back into piano for a while without needing to commit to having to make space for something long-term.

    • Anon

      Piano teacher’s daughter here. :) My mom always recommended Yamaha keyboards with full-size, touch sensitive keys. The touch sensitive part is important to learn forte/piano/crescendo/etc.

      • Anon

        Very late reply, but yes. if you want your daughter to learn piano and not keyboard, then it needs to have action that is as close to the action of a real piano as possible. Yamaha has cornered the market on this with their Clavinova.

  10. Veronica Mars

    Long shorts for summer– last week we were discussing where to buy cute shorts. I got the cuffed twill paper bag shorts from Loft and I love them. As an hourglass, they’re super flattering and the waistband is so stretchy and nice. I’d definitely recommend picking them up.

      • PolyD

        I’ve found a couple of pairs of nice shorts at Loft, too. Both are longer and are linen-rayon blends, so they are lightweight and flow nicely. One kind has a regular button waistband, the other has an elastic waist which actually does not give me terrible diaper butt.

  11. anon

    Now that we’re going back to the office, I am reminded of one of my eternal battles with business clothes. My body type (generous hips and thighs) vastly prefers the ease of trouser-cut pants. However, my poor feet vastly prefer comfy flats or just a slight heel. I have a hard time pulling off trousers with flats without looking dumpy or unpolished. How can I get the proportions of trousers right so I can wear the shoes that I want? Or is this an impossibility? If so, it’s probably time for me to accept it and move on!

    My office is on the business side of business casual; there’s really nothing casual about it, IMO, but I don’t have to wear a suit every day.

    • Anonymous

      The answer is loafers. They are more substantial than ballet flats and will balance out the wider line of the trouser leg.

      • PolyD

        Or, low-heeled oxfords? They are usually pretty comfortable and have a more pointed toe, which would work better with trousers.

      • Anonymous

        Totally agree with this. Find a loafer you like and buy a couple of colours. I have a number of pairs of Franco Sarto and have worn Ecco with pants as well.

        You didn’t ask, but if you haven’t tried Talbots curvy fit pants, give them a try. Sounds like we have the same body shape and they are a great fit for me.

    • Anonymous

      This is what tapered ankle trousers are good for, if your shoes can be no-socks, or no-visible socks.

      Add something interesting at neck or shoulders to look more polished.

      • Anon

        I agree, this is a classic look and as close to universally flattering as you can get.

    • Anonymous

      Are your hems just too long? Maybe I’m just dumpy but I don’t think flats with trousers look inherently unpolished.

      • Anonymous

        This. If you wear flats, you need to hem your pants for flats. I personally prefer ankle length trousers, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with flats with pants. Men do it.

      • anonymous

        Agree. If the pants are hemmed correctly to just above skimming the ground, I think that would work. Also, point toes elongate the look. Or try more of a boot cut.

      • Anonymous

        +1. I think it’s just about the right hem. Maybe try purchasing your trousers at a store with free alterations (like Nordstrom) and bring in the heels/flats you plan to wear most often with them. Really a kitten/low heel with a properly hemmed trouser shouldn’t look that different than a high heel with the right hem.

      • anon

        OP here, and weirdly, I hadn’t thought about it. They seem okay, not drapey by any means, but it’s possible that slightly shorter would be better for flats.

    • Cat

      Pointed-toe flats or low heels, and the absolute perfect hem, are what you need here.

    • Anon

      I find that round toed flats, particularly those with a rubber sole, plus wide legged trousers come off as looking very ‘intern trying to dress up for their first office job’. I don’t think it’s a polished look. (Many thanks to the Grand Dame professor who told me I was dressing too ‘student-y’ and helped me realize that button down shirts + too long wide legged trousers + round toed flats were not a polished look for me.)

      Almond toed or pointy toed flats, loafers, or even oxfords are a much more polished look. I’m also going to give a plug (especially in the winter) for a simple black low boot with a wedge heel. I have my winter pants hemmed for this height and it’s one of my favorite looks.

      I’ll also note that I realized that what was often happening with my outfits was the the proportion was off. (Thank you RuPaul’s Drag Race). It wasn’t that it didn’t fit or the individual items weren’t good on their own, it was the proportion of the whole outfit. Take an honest look – maybe a higher waisted pant would give you more balance? Maybe something more tailored on top would give you the proportion you need. Maybe your pants are just slightly too long and it’s weighing you down.

  12. Netherlands bike tour

    Has anyone done a bike tour that they’d recommend? I promised my husband a big trip for his 40th but Covid intervened, and I thought that a bike trip through the Netherlands next year would be good for enthusiastic but not experienced distance cyclists.

    • Ribena

      People on my online cycling groups are really enthusiastic about the trips run by Skedaddle – I haven’t been on one myself but I plan to.

    • Anon

      Not personally (because my definition of hell ;)) but I saw a lot of bike tours in Provence, and absolutely love the French countryside.

      • Anonymous

        Businesses don’t really want employees that have the freedom to takeoff for a few months. They lose leverage. That’s one reason they like current employment – it implies you need to be employed.

    • Cat

      We are eyeing a bike tour through the Loire in our future plans — bonus is that because you’re following a river, not as many hills :)

    • AnonATL

      I have been eyeing trips on the clymb but haven’t tried one yet. You can sort by activity type
      I have ordered gear from them and been very pleased with customer service

    • editrix

      I’ve had a great experience with Discovery, and look forward to touring with them in Scotland.

    • Ness

      I cannot recomend a company but my friends family (teenagers & people over 50) went in a bike&boat trip and they love it. Easy ciclyng during the day and at the evening the boat was waiting for them in the ending point of the route to sleep there sailing along the channels.

    • Panda Bear

      I don’t know if they have one in the Netherlands, but I recommend the cycling tours run through Exodus. I’ve done Greece and Italy, loved them both – and my husband has done their tours in about half a dozen other countries. He raves about how great they all were.

  13. Anonymous

    Has anyone in Boston tried Glamsquad? It was on Boston mag’s “best of” list (for best in home services, I think), and I generally trust their recommendations. I need a haircut before an in office day this week (lest I go in with my only haircut since covid began – spoiler alert! I did it myself…) and I’m struggling to find anyone with last minute evening availability. Having someone just come give me a haircut at home sounds either fabulous or like a recipe for disaster.

  14. BeenThatGuy

    Has anyone had to remediate asbestos floor tile? Long story short, I’ve lived in my 100 year old house for 10 years without one single water issue in the basement. My luck ran out on Friday (along with what seems to be the rest of the neighborhood after looking at the trash pickup piles). After removing almost 400 gallons of water, I called Servepro to help with the rest and pull up the carpet tile. In certain areas of the basement, there is asbestos tile. Pieces were sent out to be tested to determine the level of asbestos. Once that comes back, I have to decide to remediate or not. I’m hoping someone has experience and can give me some pointers.

    FWIW, yes, asbestos tile was disclosed during the sale. They were in good condition/not chipped at the time. They are common in my area. This is my 3rd home so it didn’t deter me from the purchase.

    • Anonymous

      So my understanding is that if it’s been damaged or you have to do any work in the area, you will have to remediate.

    • Anon

      Isn’t asbestos mainly a health concern if it’s airborne? Can you cover it with new tile to keep the asbestos contained? Or was it so damaged that after removing the carpet, fibers were release into the air?

      I’m actually curious because I had a similar (but probably less severe) water incident thursday involving carpet over tile that I assume contains asbestos.

      • BeenThatGuy

        The basement was partially finished. The utility area, that took on the most water, had exposed asbestos tile that is now chipping. The rest of the basement had carpet tile covering the asbestos tile. The carpet has been removed and I don’t believe that area has chipping.

    • Anon

      Can you cover it with another flooring? That’s usually how it’s handled in my area.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      Asbestos is only a problem if it’s friable (airborne). We have asbestos tile in our basement and simply laid a floor over it, problem solved. It becomes a problem either when it’s crumbling or when you remove it. I’m not sure of the extent of your water damage, but if you need to have this flooring removed, you need an asbestos remediation company to do it. If it doesn’t need to be removed, leave it and put new flooring over it.

      • BeenThatGuy

        Luckily I’m working with a remediation company. Currently they are testing to measure the level of asbestos. If it’s unsafe, I will hire them to remediate.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          Gotcha. I don’t think the level of asbestos matters, if it’s present in the tile and you want it removed, then you’ll need to use them to do it.

          • pugsnbourbon

            +1 the amount of asbestos doesn’t matter. If it’s present and you want to remove it, it needs to be done by a remediation company.
            Depending on where you are there are probably a handful of remediation companies; depending on the size of the job you might want to shop around.

      • Anonymous

        +100 this – I used to be an asbestos inspector for commercial properties and if the tile is not crumbling, then you can lay new flooring over it. If it needs to be removed because the tile can be easily crumbled by hand pressure, call an asbestos remediation company.

    • Anon

      I think asbestos tile remediation is no big deal because it’s fairly stable. They can remove tiles (I think they use water to prevent anything from becoming airborne) or it’s also perfectly fine to leave it there and encase it.

    • Anonymous

      You don’t say where you are, but wherever you are, check you local codes. And be prepared to pay properly for safe removal, with correct equipment, if the asbestos is damaged to the extent it has to be removed. You don’t want cancer-inducing airborne dust in your home.

      Where I live (Scandi), you can legally put your own health in danger on your own property, but not other people. So I could theoretically remove my asbestos myself if it’s a small amount, put it safely in specialty layered covers in my truck and drive myself to an official public asbestos drop-off point and pay a hefty fee to have them accept and destroy the asbestos. The authorities strongly advice that no private individual ever does this, but it’s legal. For anybody else doing it for you, or for money, there are strict regulations, including training, certifications, equipment, and special permits from the public authority in control of safety laws for workers, including a written notice to the authorities that the works will take place at least a week beforehand, and it’s illegal to buy services from a company not following code.

      As long as the company you are using are certified and do things properly, trust them, and pay what it actually costs, don’t do a budget asbestos removal. (Not saying that you would, just that this is not a DIY situation – all the extra steps they need to take, including changing equipment/clothes and showering on the clock will be your cost.)

  15. Anonymous

    Asking for a friend: any recommendations for a good divorce / custody lawyer in Charlotte, NC?

    • Anonymous

      If they want to go on the attack/offensive – Greg Hatcher with Hatcher law group.

      For a more measured approach – I also recommend Caroline Mitchell from James McElroy and Diehl- I know her from law school and she’s always been incredibly smart and very good at everything she does. Any lawyers from JMD or Sodoma Law are good as well.

  16. Aunt Jamesina

    Yup, asbestos is only a problem if it’s airborne. We have asbestos tile in our basement and simply laid a floor over it, problem solved. It becomes a problem either when it’s crumbling or when you remove it. I’m not sure of the extent of your water damage, but if you need to have this flooring removed, you need an asbestos remediation company to do it. If it doesn’t need to be removed, leave it and put new flooring over it.

  17. Hollis

    Before this summer, I didn’t realize people might own more than one pair of sunglasses. Now, I’m in the market for another pair. What’s your favorite pair of sunglasses? Do you prefer polarized or not polarized? Do you have a different pair for different situations like driving, outdoor sports, etc.? Any advice on finding a good pair in a huge sea of choices?

    • Pompom

      For relatively inexpensive and not hideous sports/outdoor sunnies, I like Tifosi. The nose and ear stems have a lightly grippy thing on them that gets grippier as you sweat (rather than slide down your face), yet they don’t catch on your hair!

      • Ribena

        Yes! I just got a pair of Tifosi sunglasses for cycling and I really like them.
        When I used to drive I had a pair of sunglasses that lived in my car as well as one that I carried around.
        I now have a pair of Polaroid aviators as well as a slightly more ‘waspy’/chunky pair from & Other Stories.
        In the past I have had sunglasses that were too big to fit in a standard glasses case, so I wouldn’t have put those in my bag for a day out, for example. Both my current pairs (as well as the Tifosi pair) fit in a standard glasses case that I might use for my reading glasses.

    • Veronica Mars

      Maui Jim, and always polarized. You can find select styles for $99 at Costco.

      • Anonymous

        Another vote for Maui Jim. They also have great customer service–I once sat on a pair and broke off the arm. Sent it in to be repaired for a very minimal cost and I swear they sent me back a new pair (the lenses appeared to be in better condition when I sent them in)

    • Anon

      Pick up another pair the next time you’re at Target! They have both polarized and non-polarized (though the polarized tend to be in more unisex/athletic styles) at good prices. I cannot be trusted with fancy sunglasses, I will either lose or break them, but my Target ones have held up for several years apiece.

    • Anonia

      Someone here recommended Goodr, and I love them. I got an all black pair so they go with everything. They are particularly great for water sports/ hiking etc because they do not slip.

      • emeralds

        That might have been me! I love Goodrs. They don’t slip on my nose and I’ve never had them fall off, and I’ve worn them for a pretty wide range of outdoor activities–hiking, paddleboarding, marathon training, hanging on a friend’s boat, driving, etc.

    • anon

      I have two pairs: one for everyday wear, and one for outdoor activities like hiking and kayaking. I actually spend more on the outdoorsy ones, which seems counterintuitive, but for those I prefer polarized. I don’t know that I have a favorite, but the Goodr ones seem to be comfortable for my outdoor activities.

    • Anom

      I’ve got a small head so most standard sunglasses look huge on me. I like warby Parker. Their app for virtual try on is fun, too. And pretty accurate, I think.

    • Anonymous

      I have sunglasses with prescription, and sunglasses without prescription, to use with contacts. All from the optician’s.

      With very strong sun, walking by the sea or snow, or long exposure, I need much darker lenses than seems to be made with prescription, so the darkest lenses available is my preference for those days. I have very light eyes, though, so little natural protection. For walking around in less bright light, prescription sunglasses.

      I normally go for a sunglasses brand like Ray Ban, Polaroid or Persol, not fashion brands, but have been happy with H&M ones as well, for pairs that are just fashion accessories.

    • Anonymous

      I prefer polarized lenses because they reduce glare, but it’s impossible to see your phone screen in them. If you have one of those high-tech spaceship cars with a screen display I think polarized lenses would also be problematic.

      • anon

        LOL. We literally call our Honda Odyssey “the spaceship.” And yeah, its control panel is pretty sweet! :)

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, I came just to comment that polarized makes it hard to read phones/screens. I like polarized if I am out on the water or snow, but if I am driving and need to rely on my phone for directions, non-polarized is the way to go.

    • Anon

      Ran Ban Wayfarer Folding Sunglasses. They are the only pair of sunglasses I’ve had for years and they are indestructible. They fold up small, so you can throw them in your purse and you never lose them. I’ve dropped them innumerable times, given them to my friend’s toddlers to play with (and chew on) as a distraction, and they are still in perfect condition 5+ years later. In googling to find out their actual name, I saw that Kate Middleton has the same pair I have, which I feel like is a pretty good indication of their quality. So many of my friends have bought these because I’m such an evangelist for them, but they are the perfect pair in my opinion.

  18. Anonymous

    Has anyone had luck getting color transfer out of light colored suede? I just bought a Bottega Veneta light beige suede bag. I asked if I needed to treat it first and the store said no. The first time I wore it out, I wore a purple shirt, and now the bag has a big purple stain on it (I swear it’s the shirt and not wine!). I contacted the store and they’ve been no help, so it looks like I’m on my own. I’ve tried stuff from online – I rubbed it gently with a white towel and that got a lot of it off, I used a suede eraser and that took a bit more off, I blotted with white vinegar and it took a bit more off, but I can still see the stain. There’s a cobbler down the street that I’ve successfully used for shoes but idk if they do bags. Is there anything else I can try? Who is the correct professional to take this to?

    • Anonymous

      I have never tried it on suede, but I’ve had success removing color transfer from fabrics with rubbing alcohol.

      Can’t hurt to ask the cobbler.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      My shoe guy also does small leather goods even though he doesn’t really promote it. It’s worth asking.

    • Digby

      I would try Rago Brothers in New Jersey – you mail stuff to them, they call you and tell you what they can do and how much it will cost. If the price is too steep, they’ll mail the item back to you. I haven’t had them do suede cleaning, but they did really good work fixing leather goods that my dog chewed on (replaced shoe heels, a shoulder bag strap, and leather jacket cuffs).

    • Anonymous

      Cobblers usually do bags. I would try there first and see if they feel confident with the task.

  19. anon for this

    We are gearing up to do a renovation. Scope is still being decided but depending on the quotes it will either be a complete gut or a partial gut + addition. Either way the kitchen and 2 bathrooms are being completely redone and the exterior is being redone (siding, roof, gutters, windows). Obviously this is a major endeavor. My question is how do you properly check references on a contractor? I realize no contractor is going to be perfect. One guy did a bunch of work for a neighbor and they are really happy with the final product but had a lot of drama in the middle of the project. Another contractor has extremely polarizing reviews online — either absolute raves or threatening lawsuits. The contractors themselves will provide recent projects and we can contact the homeowners, but of course those will be favorable references. I don’t want to go on a witch hunt, but I also don’t want to make a bad choice. If you’ve done this, please advise!

    • Anon

      I don’t know the answer for this besides look at what you can re: references and previous work, and trust your gut. Am about to embark on replacing windows and the 2021 construction sticker shock is real!

    • Anonymous

      I ask for references and check them. If you have a friend or neighbor who’s had work done who has a similar personality to you, follow their recs. I’ve found that different people have different expectations and standards.

    • Anonymous

      Ask for references and check them. it’s really hard to find someone great. We got a reference from a friend and the contractor was fine with them but a disaster with us. Ask the contractor if they have their own subs (electrical/plumbing) In hindsight, I should have asked:

      – what was the best thing about the contractor
      – what was the worst thing about the contractor
      – were there any delays? How did contractor deal with the delays
      – how would you rate their communication on a scale of 1 to 10
      – what do you wish you had known prior to your reno
      – will you be hiring them again

      These help to determine how communication with the contractor was. Our biggest issue was a lack of responsiveness to issues raised and a lack of time on sight. DH ended up dealing with a lot of the subs directly which was not ideal.

    • anon

      I’d also separately post to your neighborhood online bulletin board (NextDoor, FB, whatever) and ask if anyone has used XYZ and to reach out with their experiences.

    • Anonymous

      I recommend architect + contractor, rather than just going straight to a contractor.

      After going through 3 contractors for quotes on a significant addition to our house, consider finding an architect first, and using the architect to get the contractors. It’s a better way to manage costs compared to a design build firm or a straight contractor. Architects also tend to have contractors they work with frequently and the contractor has more incentives to get it right when working with the architect (the architect can send repeat business – you likely can’t send as much business to the contractor). There are all sorts of articles online about how to do it.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      Unless it’s work that truly needs to be done now, I would wait until the construction madness dies down. We have a family friend who’s a very sought-after contractor, and he’s solidly booked for almost two years out. I think it’s going to be slim pickings (and crazy high prices) right now.

    • Anonymous

      We did a massive reno. I would use the contractor’s references to ask things like: what do you wish you had differently? How did he deal with changes in scope? How also you best communicate with the contractor? What did he sub out and what did he do? How did he communicate when your space would be invaded and any changes to that schedule? Did he / the architect go to bat for you as needed with your local permitting boards? Treat it like an employee reference check. They will all be good, but it will help you suss out fit.

      Our GC was great but I wish someone had told me how to communicate efficiently with him, because it too my 6 months and some frustration to figure that out.

    • Anonymous

      You can see what other permits he has pulled in your town. Talk to the town and see if he’s on the naughty list or generally a good contractor. Call up anyone for which he recently pulled a permit and ask them directly even if they aren’t listed as a reference.

    • Walnut

      Are you in contact with any realtors in your area? They generally know all the local contractor success and horror stories.

    • Anonymous

      I would ask for 3-4 references for projects of a similar scope and size and ask for a couple from the last year and a couple from a few years back. That will enable you to determine if his work had longer term issues (like my kitchen cabinets that started to peel after a few years).

      And I agree with waiting if you can. A renovation company I do some work with can’t find carpenters to replace a couple who have retired. As their wages go up so will your price and the quality may not be there.

    • Anon

      I am looking at that dress, too, and wondering if what sort of topper would work with it.

    • AZCPA

      What are you thinking of wearing it for? It does read pretty casual to me, so as like a brunch dress with slip on sneakers, I think it would be cute.

    • No Problem

      I feel like this kind of material shows anything that is underneath it – the outline of your bra, panty lines, etc. This would be a no for me since I hate tho ngs, but you do you. Also be sure you’d be ok with the length. From one short person to another, 43 inches is really long on a short person.

      • Anon

        43 is long! I’m 5’11” and that’s in the magic length territory for me.

        I don’t see how you could hem this dress at all without it looking really terrible. As a knitter, I can tell you that hems are almost impossible (there’s a way to do them, but not for a <$40 alteration feel).

    • anon

      I’m 5′ 2″ so it will be super long on me. this is the sort of material that can’t be hemmed right? I don’t know what I’d wear it for, honestly. casual definitely, maybe for a casual day in the office if I had a jacket?

  21. Senior Attorney

    Pin a medal on me! I just Did The Thing: submitted $1200 worth of claims to my health spending account for reimbursement. (I’m not saying the receipts had been in my bag for a long time, but they may or may not have had coffee stains on them…)

    I challenge the rest of you to Do The Thing and report back. It feels great!

    • Aunt Jamesina

      Are you in cahoots with my husband? He reminded me this morning that we need to dig up a few documents for our mortgage refi. FINE I’LL DO IT.

    • anon

      Gawd, now I’m going to have to dig up all the Target receipts that I’ve misplaced and the husband is hounding me about. ;)

    • Curious

      Omg I should do this! Probably after sorting the three garbage bags of baby hand me downs I keep tripping over.

    • Walnut

      Yesterday I booked like a half dozen doctors appointment and today, I swear, I’m going to take care of growing pile of Target returns. Soooo many returns.

    • ArenKay

      Thank you, Senior Attorney. Am currently Doing The Thing–a last-minute task that feel to me because a man did not hold up his end of the work bargain: less said, the better–and it feels good to be getting it done. Also am going to a friend’s house for a drink and probably feminist griping later on as a reward.

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