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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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FormerlyPhilly
I haven’t had to deal with this until now — what approach would you take? Boss asked team out for celebratory lunch in next few weeks. I haven’t eaten indoors in a restaurant during pandemic and I wasn’t planning on starting to do that. The only way I would feel comfortable with this is outdoor dining. Seeing increases in cases with BA.2 variant in my state (northeast metro area).
How to respond to email invite? I can’t ignore it forever :-)
Anon
Go to the lunch. You’ll be fine.
anon
Agreed.
Long Covid
Disagree. Heard of Long Covid?
Anon
+1
anon
This.
Long Covid
You don’t know that. I caught it eating out and now have Long Covid and can’t work full time any more or play with my kid.
Emma
Do you know if it is outdoor dining? You could casually ask around, or if you have a good relationship with Boss, bring it up directly with them “hey boss, I’m excited about the team lunch. I was wondering if it was going to be indoors or outdoors? I’m still more comfortable with outdoor dining”.
Cat
if your office has generally been Covid cautious, I think Emma’s response will go over perfectly fine.
I am getting the general sense that the public – even in the NE – is going to respond to this variant with a giant shrug at doing anything severe about it, which may mean if your office was less cautious to begin with (such as- was already been “back” through Omicron, etc), people’s level of tolerance for others’ risk tolerances may REALLY not be generous. (Not saying that’s right or wrong, just something to consider as you decide what tone to take with the question.)
Anon
OTOH I read yesterday that Philly just brought back masks. How are things going, Philly peeps?
Cat
the population is reacting with kind of raised eyebrows like – who asked for this? It’s not that the numbers are bad or hospitalizations are up, just a precautionary move.
I don’t really mind slapping one on for the grocery store again since testing positive can screw up life logistics, but the move was not prompted by public outcry for safety, lol.
Anonymous
wow even Cta is finally getting that the government is not driven by health considerations!!
PhillyAnon
From what I see, there’s a very vocal minority of cautious people who are using this to say “see! We never should have gotten rid of masks”, most people are annoyed but will comply, and there’s another vocal minority of people who hate it (I’d say 50% of people who always hated it and 50% people who are new to hating masks, because they’re just fed up).
I think there will be a lot of blowback, as even my very, very, very cautious friends are back to indoor dining and not masking up. I’ve seen lots of comments that this has handed the Republicans the state races on a platter.
As Cat said, our numbers aren’t bad so it’s very precautionary, but I think most people are over being very precautious after 2 years.
Anon
“I’ve seen lots of comments that this has handed the Republicans the state races on a platter.”
This is going to happen many places. People who are not actually Republicans, but who are sick of masking and other controls being put on their lives because of an illness that is now not that serious for most people (especially vaccinated people) are going to vote Republican in the midterms, or just sit out voting.
PhillyAnon
I think moderate dems (of which I am, and Philly historically was full of) are in a tough spot because there’s immense pressure from the progressive wing to be more progressive, but so many moderates, moderate republicans (many of whom are looking for a political “home” given the craziness in their party), and even moderate dems have no interest in progressive policies. Pandering to the progressive wing will absolutely cost the Dem’s several races. Of course, this applies to many other policies and is not COVID-exclusive, but continuing COVID mandates even as it’s no longer life threatening for many people is not helping…
Anonymous
Anecdotally, this is me. I’ve been a loyal dem my whole life but I really don’t want any more lockdowns or restrictions. I’m fully in favor of strict vaccine mandates but I’m done with absolutely everything else.
PolyD
I love that people are going to vote for the party that wants to take away your reproductive rights (and yes, your local GOPers are part of this, even if they seem “nice”) because they don’t want to wear masks anymore.
I mean, I don’t want to either, and I’m not upset that people aren’t, but talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face!
PhillyAnon
Oh, I am blue no matter who/what but I know a lot of people who have no interest in belonging to a progressive Democratic Party. This obviously is not limited to COVID restrictions (funding/reforming vs defunding the police and canceling vs “fixing” student loan debt are two that come to mind)
However, being from a very Catholic circle,I know lots of people who are politically liberal and pro-choice but personally very pro-life that I dont think ending up voting for a pro-life candidate would be the dealbreaker for them that it is for many of us.
Anonymous
Numbers for Philly have gone up 50 percent in the past 10 days.
Cat
up 50%, yes, but as far as *actual hard numbers* it’s gone from like 80 cases to 170 cases. Stats can make it sound like half the entire city currently has Covid… I don’t think all precautions are ridiculous but people’s risk analysis, in general, has shifted a ton.
anon
I plan on not patronizing any Philly businesses and doing my shopping/eating/etc in neighboring Montgomery County. Enough is enough. My neighborhood FB moms group is filled with posts about how there are very long wait times for speech early intervention and a huge increase in the number of kids who need it. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
Anon
It’s probably because healthcare services were limited during the worst of the pandemic and/or parents delayed seeking services during the pandemic. More kids back in in-person school also means more kids are getting flagged by teachers who are often the first to identify an issue. There are crazy wait lists for physical therapy too, and I don’t know what that could have to do with masks.
Cat
omg believe me, it’s not the Philly businesses’ fault. Don’t punish them more than they’ve already suffered!
Anon
Agreed with Cat. Most Philly businesses are reeling about this. Do not take this out on them!
anon
Eh right or wrong I’m not interested in wearing a mask anymore and will choose to patronize places where I don’t have to. If Philly businesses don’t like it, they could be a bit more vocal.
Anonymous
I wish I had known two years ago that we were signing up for perpetual if intermittent masking. I hate it.
Anon
When I said that a year ago, I was insulted and degraded as a conspiracy theorist who watched Fox News. It’s real and it’s heartbreaking.
Anonymous
@ anon at 10:41. i (personally) literally told you/this Board so and got flamed for being a Qanon person.
Anon
I also think its a fascinating look at the dynamics between the “old school” dem stronghold in the city and the newer, vocal, progressive faction (both in government and among the citizens). As a lifelong Philadelphian and former city government employee, it’s been very interesting to watch but I will spare you all the boring details.
Seventh Sister
I live in a different city and the conflict between the newer, more vocal progressives and the “old school”/moderate faction is fascinating to me. Everyone is nominally a Democrat in a super blue state in a super blue district, but you’ve got the people who want to tear up the school parking lot to build workforce housing v. the people who would really, truly like to fix the non-working streetlights. As a GenXer, I’m also surprised at the reflexive, “it’s just capitalism so f- them” attitude towards any kind of business. I know it’s lovely for people to ride their bikes to the bakery, but do you want the bakery to fail because there is no parking at all in a car-dependent city?
Anon in PHL
My hair stylist tested positive on Sunday the day after I saw her. We were both masked during the appointment. Been quarantining since Saturday and tested negative this morning. Going to continue to monitor my symptoms and re-test on Friday. Case counts are on the rise, so I fully support the mask mandate.
anon
Super congratulations for you but the rest of us are moving on with our lives. Have fun being alone though
Anon
If you’re vaccinated and asymptotic/testing negative there’s no need for you to quarantine
Anon
But how can she be a holier than thou martyr if she doesn’t quarantine??
Anon
When I was stationed overseas in the 90’s I thought the little old ladies who wore masks in the shops were weird/paranoid. I stand corrected, as I should have back then when I think about what they’d lived through to make it into old, old age. Pretty sure they were on to something.
Curious
What an odd Anon pile on for an actual exposure.
Long Covid
What an odd Anon pile on for an actual exposure.
KJ
@Curious, It’s a ‘close contact’ no an exposure by the CDC definitions, and quarantine wouldn’t be recommended under the guidelines even if it was an exposure.
Anonymous
I would just go. But I think you can also just reply with “sounds great, how about XYZ local and suitable restaurant that has a great Outdoor patio?”
Lawsuited
+1 I’d respond with some version of “excited to see the team! I assume we’ll be dining outdoors”
Anon
That would be so annoying. It’s in a couple weeks in the northeast. Most sensible people would assume it would be indoors. OP can, and should, push back to her comfort level, but her approach is more cautious than the average person.
Anon
Nope. If she’s not comfortable she doesn’t go. I thought that was how this was supposed to work. No one tells you want to do and you don’t tell other people what to do.
Anon
Yeah, I agree. When I wrote “push back” I meant she doesn’t attend if it’s indoors
Anonymous
This is possibly the worst phrasing recommended in the chain. Manages to convey “my opinion is universal” with no recognition that it is far from it.
Anon
I tell you, the “scripts” people come up with here can be sooo bad and out of touch sometimes. Makes me wonder what kind of world people live in.
Anon
“Makes me wonder what kind of world people live in.”
Many people posting here don’t work or are in low-level jobs. That becomes apparent when managers post asking for advice on managing people and they get attacked for not rolling over and giving their direct reports everything they ask for, with a cherry on top.
Anon
I’m not doing indoor dining either. I just tell people at work that. I’ve missed some stuff over the last six months. I hope there will be more opportunities to gather outside as the weather warms up. It hasn’t been a big deal.
Anon
I agree that if OP is not comfortable dining inside, the answer is to skip the event. If my employer suggests things that are not related to my work performance and do not relate to firm policy but that are violative of my personal code, I decline. This is the personal responsibility stage of the pandemic.
Anon
I would think twice about how you define work performance. Being part of a tram and contributing to the culture is a part of many jobs.
Long Covid
If your “tram culture” means getting long covid, no thanks.
Anon
That’s where I am with this too.
Anon
I’m not saying I’d view you this way, but I think a lot of people are viewing the still very COVID cautious as holier than thou, unless there’s a known reason (like my uncle currently undergoing chemo). Unfortunately, I think this is perpetuated by several COVID-cautious people (I know a few…) who do act like it’s the suffering Olympics and do act like they have the moral high ground because they are taking xyz precautions that most people have given up. I am sure you are not coming off this way, but from my experience many who remain very cautious are being painted as self-righteous or overly anxious.
Anon
This is a weird take. I have an autoimmune disease few people know about. I shouldn’t have to disclose my health condition to decline work social events I’m not comfortable with.
Anonymous
It’s not a weird take it’s a realistic take.
Anon
Exactly, it’s realistic. And while you shouldn’t have to, if you’re taking OPs stance, you should because people will judge.
Anon 2.0
Agreed. This is realistic and 100% has become an competition of virtue signaling.
Anon
I’m definitely seeing people who decline work/work social events being seen as “not a team player”, unless the team knows there’s xyz reason they have to be cautious. And, depending on what their reasoning is, there’s still some side-eye (like one coworker who has young children/has been pregnant during the pandemic has refused to come in for any reason, even during an all hands on deck emergency meanwhile three other women worked in-person throughout their pregnancies)
Anon
Same here. We incentivized people to get vaccinated and sent out home test kits before the government started offering them, and did other things to try to accommodate people’s anxiety. Patience is wearing thin up at our executive level, for the folks who still refuse to do anything that puts them in contact with other humans.
Anonymous
The fact that the three other pregnant women got badgered into working in person is the problem.
Anon
Anon 9:43 here, they were not at all badgered. They were all offered to go fully remote (technically most of my office is still fully optional to come in, baring emergency) and they all chose to keep coming in.
One of them is a close friend who I thought would be fully remote but she honestly comes in more than most coworkers! She still masks in the office when not at her desk, which no one else does but also no one bars an eye at, and was fully wfh from mid December to mid January when cases were high. But, otherwise she’s in, full steam ahead by choice.
Anonymous
I am tired of seeing the term “anxiety” applied to rational apprehension about catching a debilitating disease that can usually be prevented through a layered strategy that includes vaccination, proper ventilation, AND two-way masking with high-quality masks. You don’t need to have an indoor lunch to meet with your team in person.
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/09/well/heart-health-after-covid.html
https://www.npr.org/2022/03/25/1088720620/we-know-about-long-covid-should-there-be-a-medium-covid
Anonymous
Totally agree, Anon @12:57
Anonymous
People in my office say “I have a vulnerable family member I see often” when I’m pretty sure the “family member” is them. There’s no need for you to say “I have x disorder” to use this excuse.
Anon
Agreed. You can be very vague and “blame” a family member if you dont want to disclose why you’re unable/unwilling to dine inside but being unwilling/unable to dine inside without a “reason” is definitely viewed as weird now.
Long Covid
Yes, it is a weird take, I agree.
Not wanting to live with a permanent disability is not “holier than thou”. It is sensible.
Anonymous
I agree with this.
Anon
ok so OP to appease this person, just say that your doctor advised you against doing indoor dining right now
Anonymous
Agree. People with autoimmune diseases never hid in the house before and there are plenty of thing out there to catch besides Covid.
Anonymous
Weird take. A lot of us did, but society just didn’t see we were doing it.
Anon
Why are you not respecting other people’s comfort level abs health concerns just because they are not the same as yours? I know multiple people who are very high risk and being very cautious still. If you don’t have health complications consider yourself lucky but don’t say other people are unreasonable. It’s not hurting you in any way. Try to be a little understanding and have some compassion.
Anon
LOL yes they did, and do. My mom has SLE and has been a shut-in during flu season for over a decade.
Sounds like you’re just oblivious to any health need that doesn’t affect you.
anon
Agree with this. The super Covid cautious are being seen as a bit precious princess now.
Anonymous
I see the people who demand indoor lunches as precious princesses. You can easily have a regular masked meeting or an outdoor lunch, but OMG it would be so terrible for you to be denied the privilege of spreading the virus while eating at a mediocre restaurant with people you didn’t really want to have lunch with anyway.
Anon
Then go be a hermit and live under a rock. Nobody will miss you.
Anon
Believe what you want, but be aware you are in a shrinking minority and that will continue to be the case going forward.
Long Covid
Believe what you want, but be aware you are in a shrinking minority and that will continue to be the case going forward.
Anon
Agreed. It’s been 2 years. It’s weird to miss team lunches unless there’s a known health reason. And even then, people with autoimmune diseases didn’t hide in their houses for flu season before covid. My office is back 2 days a week and has been for a while. You’d be seen as not a team player if you refuse a team lunch because of covid. People have been dining indoors for a while now…
Anon
Two years into the pandemic, and there are still people who don’t understand that covid =/= the flu.
I agree that people who take the precautions recommended for their risk factors will be judged because of others’ ignorance.
Anon
At this point, the flu is more likely to cause serious illness than the Omicron variants. Go look at the data instead of just relying on your feelings.
Anon
+1 to the ignorance
Anonymous
but the flu doesn’t cause retinal degeneration
or heart attacks in healthy 42 year olds
or brain changes to gray matter
or increase (5x) the risk of DVT (or increase the risk (33x) of a fatal blood clot on the lung)
or increase your risk for diabetes
this is a mass disabling event. i understand there is no political will anymore (R or D) but taxpayers will pay for this for years and years and years to come. on a personal level people aren’t wrong to be cautious, especially with good outdoor dining weather right around the corner
Anon
“this is a mass disabling event.”
There is no data to support this incredibly bold statement. I have looked for the data, from the WHO, CDC, and many other sources. The available statistics about how many people have actually been disabled by Covid and how disabled they are are extremely thin. Just because people here keep talking about people getting disabled by Covid, or getting long Covid and not being able to work any more, does not mean that is actually happening in any kind of statistically significant percentage of the population. Please, go look for some actual data on the number of people who are now disabled (to the point of being unable to work) from Covid-19 infections. There are lots of articles out there about how that may be happening or it might happen or it’s probably happening. Actual statistics indicating some significant percentage of the population is now disabled due to Covid – not so much. And given how scrutinized those statistics are, by multiple factions both inside and outside the government – if there were really a “mass disablement event” going on, that would be tough for someone to deliberately conceal.
Anon
CDC is specifically not tracking this, so how could they have any data on this? But peer reviewed research on long term outcomes of mild infections is being published regularly, and no, these outcomes are not comparable to the flu.
It’s strange that you would define “disabled” specifically in terms of being totally unable to work. There are concerns over the impact long COVID may have had on people’s ability to return to work, but you must know that many significantly disabled people work, and that it’s hard, and it’s not something most people would volunteer for if they could avoid it? People facing new limitations may have to leave a more competitive career path to take a job with lighter demands — just because they’re still employed doesn’t mean they didn’t lose a lot!
Anon
Yes, some of them (us!) did. A lot of you enjoy talking out of your anuses about autoimmune diseases. Watching House or some isht does not make you experts.
Anon
I’m with you. Reading this is so frustrating.
I did have to attend an indoor dinner for my work Sunday and I’m still in the waiting period to see if I develop any symptoms. My doctor had repeatedly said it could kill me so
Anonymous
Hasn’t been two years since the pandemic is over. What a bizarre take. it’s been two years since it started and it’s still ongoing. Levels are lower now but they keep rising and falling and their rising again in my city. It’s not like the pandemic has been over for two years which is what you’re trying to apply. That’s just not correct.
Some people need to learn patience and to look outside their bubble.
Anon
They said two years into the pandemic, not that’ its been over for two years. What a bizarre take on your end to assume that “into” means “since”
NYCer
Honestly, I would assume that it will be an indoor lunch. You can of course ask if it will be outdoors, but I would expect that it will be indoors. If you are not comfortable dining indoors, you can decline.
Anon
+1 I think most people would assume lunch would be indoors and that everyone would be okay with indoor dining. In my professional and social circles (I’m in Philly, funnily enough!) I only know of one person who is not regularly dining indoors and it’s because they’re getting chemo and thus are currently immunocompromised. We’re a liberal crowd, several of whom work in healthcare, and we’ve always followed all of the COVID rules (I even know a few people who never stopped masking) but everyone, and I mean everyone, is back to indoor dining to the point where no one even asks anymore, we just assume.
Honestly, if a coworker declined a work lunch because they don’t eat indoors, I know my team would think it was weird.
anon
Yep, same. Also a liberal crowd. You’d need a really good reason to not be viewed negatively for refusing to dine indoors. Also, not sure where you live, but IMHO outside dining is kinda miserable unless the temperature is perfect, it’s not windy, etc. I’d be salty if a coworker insisted that I eat outdoors on a chilly spring day, which is still the norm in many parts of the country.
Anonymous
Thank you. Dining outdoors during New York winters has pretty much turned me off of outdoor dining unless the weather is absolutely ideal. I’m always perplexed that people want to pretend that dining outside when it’s less than 60 degrees or windy is a fun idea.
Anon
Same, my team would think it weird that someone didn’t come to a team lunch because they didn’t want to eat indoors.
Anonymous
It’s interesting to me that the demographics on this website is so cautious. Not judging honestly. No one I know is doing anything different than in 2019. We are eating in restaurants, travelling for work and pleasure, having in person meetings in conference rooms full of people. If anyone at our Fortune 50 company in the NY metro area said they would only eat outside at a work event they would for sure be looked at askance.
Anon
Same here. My midsize company headquartered in Chicago is planning an all-hands in-person meeting next month and we have gotten so much feedback from people saying “I am so glad we are doing this in-person vs. virtual” and “I am vaccinated and ready to be back with people again, thanks for planning this.” We canceled an event that was supposed to happen in February, because of the first Omicron wave, and got a lot of feedback from employees who felt like it was the wrong call. The vast majority of those folks said they were vaccinated and sick of living like they weren’t. Everyone I know personally and professionally is back to normal operations – indoor dining, going to movies, going to concerts, traveling, etc. Coming here and seeing that there are still people who haven’t been in a restaurant since early 2020 is jarring. I just don’t know anyone IRL who is living like that.
Anonymous
NY metro area = Buffalo? Albany? I wouldn’t say those are markers for what big city businesses are doing.
Anon
LOL at this comment. You might need some Ben-Gay after reaching that far for a reason to dismiss her perspective.
Anon
Ok, this made me LOL.
Anon
There’s no way I’d read NY metro area and think Buffalo or Albany before, like, right across the river.
Cat
sounds like IBM to me, they have offices in the NYC commute range
Anonymous
OP here – It’s Northern NJ not Buffalo.
Anon
+1 I work at a Fortune 50 company. We did shift to permanent hybrid work, but other than that we no longer have mask requirements, are holding in-person events and meetings, and permitting travel. That’s nationwide.
In my personal life, things are almost entirely back to pre-pandemic life except that you see some people mask in stores/at church and masks are required in doctor’s offices. All social and kids activities are back. No more masks in schools either. I expect to see more elective mask wearing and maybe a temporary mask requirement at my kids’ private school if we get another surge. I’m in Atlanta.
Long Covid
My government department of 4000+ people has indoor masking unless seated at your desk; upgraded air circulation; all meetings bigger than 2 are virtual (as the 4 square meter rule means rooms aren’t big enough).
Work lunches are not endorsed by management and are sparsely attended.
anonymous
OP, this likely won’t be helpful for your particular situation, but I just need to ask the legally-inclined on the board to weigh in. Is there any potential for legal recourse against OP’s boss or similar authority figures who are literally risking the lives of their employees and others in the midst of a raging global pandemic. It’s scarcely an exaggeration to say attempted murder or reckless disregard for the lives of others! Look around the globe, people. I know cases are (allegedly) down in the United States, but with BA.2 (and other variants emerging), we are far, far from done with the virus.
Anon
*snicker* This is a major exaggeration. Grow up.
Anon
Doubtful. And most are not “literally risking the lives” of their employees.
Anon
No.
Cat
do not feed pls
Anon
oh FFS, stop trying to stir sh!t up. Indoor dining or return to office mandates are not attempted murder. I agree that we’re not done with the virus, but I do think we are (at least for now) done with many COVID precautions. We’re currently able to return to a mostly-normal existence and that includes returning to work lunches and the office. I’m not advocating anyone do anything downright risky, but I also wouldn’t call returning to work risky given the current situation.
And, as a public servant who was never able to work from home, I really roll my eyes at these types of comments. Many of us (healthcare, public service, grocery workers, truck drivers, mailmen, etc, etc, etc) did not ever have the luxury of wfh and back when COVID was very dangerous, we had to risk our health every day for the greater good. I’m sure this is just a troll, but knowing the sacrifices so many of my friends and coworkers went through during the first 2 years it’s really divorced from reality to make comments like this.
Anonymous
Totally agree, my experience was the same
Anonymous
Hahahhahahahhahahahahahhhahah
Anonymous
I’ve survived an attempted murder. If you think a swanky dinner with a low risk of catching a disease that has a low risk of killing you is AT ALL analogous to someone putting a bullet in someone’s head, you need to seek professional help. Possibly need to be institutionalized. Genuinely, one of the most offensive things I’ve ever read online.
anon
I’m so sorry that you had that experience. I’m very curious- what happened and how has it affected you? (If you’re willing to share with internet strangers)
Anon
I’m sorry this happened to you.
anon
Oh FFS, inviting employees to a team event is not attempted murder. Get over yourself.
Anon
” literally risking the lives of their employees and others in the midst of a raging global pandemic.”
This is not what’s happening, at all. Go look at the statistics on the NYT website regarding hospitalizations and deaths now, and even back in the first Omicron wave. No one who is under 75 and vaccinated is “risking their life” to go to a business lunch.
“we are far, far from done with the virus.”
Sweetheart, in most of the country they were “done with the virus” at the end of 2020. Most states have not had distancing or mask mandates in place for well over a year. People are done. The most fearful among us are not going to get to dictate how the rest of us live our lives in perpetuity. You can either get right with that, or stay stuck, but if you choose to stay stuck – that’s going to be an increasingly lonely place.
Anon
Lol that this country would have labor laws that protective of employees.
Anon
It varies by state but there are some “presumptions” in workers’ compensation laws that front line workers who contract COVID are presumed to have gotten at work and it is therefore covered by workers’ compensation. The presumption typically would not extend to people required to attend meetings or lunches/dinners indoors, but if you could prove that’s where you got COVID, then you could have a case. They would cover your medical expenses and a portion of your time lost from work (generally not a generous %) and then possibly a permanent disability award for any related permanent injuries (this doesn’t mean you are permanently and totally disabled, it can be that you are a small percentage disabled) but again the awards are not generous, you wouldn’t be set for life.
Since workers’ compensation is an exclusive remedy, you can’t sue your employer for negligence except in extreme, extreme circumstances. (Like if your employer tried to murder you, that might be an exception)
Anonymous
have you graduated law school yet?
LaurenB
Oh come on now! That’s like saying that they are risking the lives of their employees by making them drive cars to a team outing.
Anonymous
lol!!!!! there is zero legal recourse for OP being asked to go to the team lunch in her stated scenario. she can decline the lunch or quit her job if she doesn’t want to go. (also, @the rest of the board i told you this would happen).
Anon
I just started indoor dining recently and am feeling much more relaxed about it — I was definitely the last holdout among many people I know. That said, any time I make plans with others I always ask about their comfort levels, and I am not upset about it if they prefer to dine outdoors, etc. I think this is a know your office thing — my general thought is to go for honestly, but if you know that even bringing up the idea of eating outdoors would not go well at your office, I would feign enthusiasm for the lunch and then have a last minute stomach bug the morning of.
Anon
Same here. I dine indoors with people I know well and who I know have been safe and sane throughout the pandemic. My vocally anti-vax coworkers are not among that set.
Anon
Ask if the lunch can be held outside. If not, don’t go. Dining indoors is one of the easiest ways to catch Covid. Literally nobody will care if you don’t attend an indoor lunch.
Anon
If everyone else from her department or team is there and she’s the only one who is not, people will notice, and they absolutely may care.
There’s a recession coming late next year or early 2024, folks. I would not want to be developing a reputation as “that weird person who refused to do anything with the team long after everyone else resumed normal life.” The next several months are when we should all be setting ourselves up as essential contributors and valuable team players. Otherwise, be ready to job search when the recession hits – and good luck to you, if at that time you’re still in a place where you refuse to be around other people.
Anonymous
But she will find a better job! Businesses that are stuck in the old ways of doing things are going to find themselves left behind. This is an employee market.
Anon
So you think you’re going to be able to find an employer where they never organize a lunch? I’m not sure what you think the new normal is going to include, but I’d be very surprised if it didn’t include lunch.
Anon
It’s funny, my company recently instated a 3 day/week return to office policy and my VP thinks that many people will leave because of it. On the other hand, I have three friends applying for jobs at my company because their jobs are still remote and they dislike wfh and can’t wait to get back to the office. I hardly think that team lunches are the “old way of doing things”, but YMMV.
Anon
Honestly, I’d be disappointed if the new normal doesn’t include lunch!!
Anon
If skipping lunches causes her to lose her jobs in*checks your comment* two years WHO CARES? She can get a new job now. She can get a new job in the future. It’s an employee’s market. Literally nobody should do things that they feel extremely uncomfortable doing at work. Especially when these things have nothing to do with the actual job.
Yes, people will judge and side-eye. So what. People judge and side-eye all kinds of stupid things.
Anon
“It’s an employee’s market.”
Spoken like someone who didn’t have to job-search in the 2008/2009 recession.
Some of the younger folks here are due for a serious reckoning and I’m starting to hope you get it. It was really something, to experience what it’s like when 10% of the country is out of work and you’re competing for not-great jobs with literally hundreds of other people. Some of y’all are going to have serious difficulties when the tides turn and it’s no longer a seller’s market for talent. I wish you the very best of luck with what’s to come.
Anon
“It’s an employee’s market.” It is. Present tense. Not future tense. Those of us who remember the misery of 2008-2011 or thereabouts aren’t keen on thumbing our noses at employers. Time to bunker down at a good job, kick butt, and cross fingers.
Anon
“I wouldn’t want to be known as that disabled person in a recession “
– that is how you sound to me
Anon
Doesn’t make it not true . . .
Anon
“Disabled” =/= “Reasonably healthy, but still so scared of Covid I can’t live normally.”
Anon
Yikes @12:08
Anonymous
+1 about the likely recession.
Anon
This is nuts. I haven’t worked anywhere where not attending a lunch is a big deal. Nobody cares. And in a pandemic, people get it.
Walnut
As a manager, I would assume that you’d respond to the invite as “tenative” and then mention in our next 1:1 or over chat or something that you’re monitoring the new variant and will make a call last minute on if you’re comfortable dining indoors or not. I would not hold this against you nor would I need any additional explanation.
Anonymous
+1. This board has gotten so rude/nuts whenever anyone has a more cautious approach to this than they do. It’s amazing how many people are not only eager to take health risks but completely angry at anyone who may be in a different set of health/personal circumstances than you are during a pandemic. It’s really pathetic how many people are willing to expose themselves and their loved ones to c*vid just to get some brownie points for going to an optional team lunch. Congrats? I’ll be over here enjoying my big new promotion while declining indoor dining invitations and trying my best to avoid long c*vid and exposing my unvaccinated kids to something that could land them in the hospital. Not even the slightest bit worried about what people think of my choices because my health will be with me a lifetime even if this job isn’t.
Anon
“ It’s really pathetic how many people are willing to expose themselves and their loved ones to c*vid just to get some brownie points for going to an optional team lunch”
Has it occurred to you that some of us WANT to attend these things? I’m not doing it for brownie points I’m doing it because I’ve desperately missed normal interactions and my team and things like this. I’ve done my own risk calculations for this (and things like concerts/bars/parties) and I’m more than okay risking Covid to have normal social interactions again. Frankly I don’t really care if you come or not, I’m just happy to finally be back living life.
Anonymous
If you choose to expose yourself to risk, go ahead. But don’t pressure others to attend indoor maskless work lunches, especially not after you’ve been at a bar.
Anonymous
That’s fine, I don’t care if offices organize indoor lunches and I don’t care if you go. But the response to this person saying they aren’t comfortable with it is SO over the top angry and rude. So feel free to do your own risk calculations, but why is everyone so defensive when someone else does their own and comes out with a different conclusion? The vast majority of the responses are not “but I love team lunches!” it’s “if you don’t go, you’re a precious princess who will be fired (which is discriminatory if you have a health condition)!”
Anon
Literally everyone who goes to bars, except those posting here about being very cautious, is back at bars.
Anon
LMAO at you getting your back up at people “being rude” and then posting the rest of that comment. Check yourself.
Anon
Anonymous at 1:11pm, I completely agree. This board has been insane about covid. Let people do what works for them and their family given their own unique circumstances. It’s so disappointing to read so many comments from people who simply don’t give a shot. (Purposely used shot instead of what I really mean)
Anon
This whole thread is so sad to me as an immunocompromised person. For those of you who are super super angry that other people are more cautious than you are, think about why that is. Particularly when they are making decisions for themselves that affect you in no way, why does that piss you off so much?
OP if you’re concerned about eating indoors, make contact with your manager and discuss your concerns. I have found that to be the only way, and it’s disclosing more personal medical information that I would ordinarily like to disclose, but here we are. So I have been telling people I work with what my disease is, how it’s treated, how it doesn’t affect my ability at all to do my day to day job because it’s well controlled with immunosuppressants, but it does mean that COVID is more dangerous for me than most.
In the face of all of that, either moving the lunch outdoors, or being understanding that I can’t attend is an easy choice for the manager.
Anonymous
Thank you for this comment. I totally agree, and I’m so sorry you have to go through what you’re going through right now. It’s become clear that people are so resistant to any level of personal sacrifice that they’ve gone so far as to get angry at anyone who is in a different situation than they are — or who has a different risk calculus.
Anon
And the Suffering Olympics continues…
No one is “super super angry” about anyone taking extra precautions. People are simply pointing out:
A. Not everyone feels that avoiding indoor dining is still a necessity. Since we’re all living in the real world, and not the world we’ve invented inside our own heads, being aware of how other people feel and what other people think is important;
B. Someone wanting to take extra precautions for themselves is okay, but many of the immunocompromised/extremely cautious people here (and I swear, we must have a greater population of these folks than any other place on the planet, because I straight-up do not see these ideas or behaviors IRL) also try to blame/shame people who don’t have similar problems and therefore don’t need to be as cautious. I have seen people be called selfish, pigheaded, ignorant, callous, reckless and a whole lot more just for saying they don’t like wearing masks. The judgement has flowed copiously from the more cautious and it’s really disingenuous for the same folks who cast epithets at others to cry foul when anyone offers a countering viewpoint to them. Sow the wind and reap the whirlwind.
P.S. I will also say it’s gotten really old and significantly frustrating to see people continuously put themselves at the center of conversations so they can be a perpetual victim and the center of the conversation. We’re all affected by the pandemic; some more than others. We have people here who are dealing with substantial grief due to losing loved ones. We have people here who actually have had significant impacts from getting ill during the pandemic, including people who are dealing with cancer or other serious diagnoses. We all have struggles. I am really disappointed and dismayed that no matter what the conversation starts out being about, we have a couple of people here who are intent into turning that conversation into being about THEIR issues and THEIR needs and oh-poor-me, everyone look at me and feel pity for me. It’s sickening, frankly, and I’m beyond over it.
Anon
+100, especially to the first sentence of part B.
If you have a certain circumstance where you have to do XYZ, then by all means do it (and you should not be judged for doing so). However, most people do not have your very specific circumstance and therefore should be allowed to live how they see fit given the current status of the virus. For many people this means eating indoors, going to bars, going to wedding receptions and the like without taking extra precautions.
I think my take on this all is “you do you, but don’t expect others to bend over backwards to accommodate you” (much like how my dating advice is that you can have whatever deal breaksers you want, but you have to accept that they might limit your dating pool). Basically, you can control your actions but you usually can’t control others’ actions, or their reactions (so if your team is annoyed you won’t attend an indoor lunch, they can be annoyed).
Long Covid
We don’t talk about it in real life much because of these nasty attitudes we are seeing from some people on this board.
It’s super hurtful.
Curious
Best to you, Anon.
Anon
Thank you. It seems like wall to wall a-holes here sometimes.
Anon
Confirm that it is outdoor dining before accepting, people understand.
Anon
The Duchess of Sussex wore an off-white dress like this when Archie was born. I think the press called it a “trench dress” then. To me, the heavier fabric and tailoring clashes with it being sleeveless. Not my cup of tea then or now, but to each their own.
Anon
I hear you. It is like the sleeveless turtleneck (which I had in sweater form once and wore all the time before I became a person who is always cold). It is a concept that makes me a bit stabby, like MAKE UP YOUR MIND — warm or cold? PICK ONE! Mullet clothes, with a foot deeply planted in each world.
Anon today
Or toeless boots.
Ribena
Also the cropped turtleneck. I just… what?
Anon
Oh but I love a sleeveless turtleneck
Anonymous
So do I. There is something about the proportions that is flattering for my body shape.
Anne-on
Oh my gosh I wore a LOT of sleeveless turtlenecks in the early aughts in my first office job (with pencil skirts and mule heels, natch). It seemed professional at the time. The early 2000’s were peak random and useless layers though – shrugs and oddly shrunken sweaters, dresses over jeans, layered tanks, ties over t-shirts…
Cat
I picture Meredith Blake (98 Parent Trap) rocking this dress on a poolside terrace where the sun still has just enough warmth for sipping wine before dinner.
Anon
OMG yes — you are so right that she would rock this.
anon
Nailed it! And I like that vibe, though this dress would be for my fantasy life, not my real life.
Anon
It is a bit odd, but I really like seeing the modest arm holes and modest neckline. For so long it felt like everything sleeveless was a gaping mess on purpose to make women buy tons of layers. Seeing something intentionally structured gives me a bit of hope that fast fashion hasn’t ruined everything.
Anonymous
Yes, it’s a sleeveless coatdress. A fashion statement for sure.
Anon
I have something like this which is a vintage piece from the 30s. It’s sleeveless black double breasted linen and while it’s very structured it breathes really well and holds its shape in humidity and throughout the day. I have short hair and petite frame and it works great for me.
Anon
Can I get a primer on nap dresses? I am a native English speaker. I was expecting this to be some sort of thing maybe you’d use on maternity leave, where you are in glorified pajamas all day and this is maybe a hair more presentable. But it seems that it is just a name for a dress with a smocked bodice? And maybe the point is that you go braless underneath? But they also come in lace and are fancy? But some people use them as swim coverups (different ones, I guess)? And they are expensive? But they are not office-wear, even if you throw on a blazer over top of them? Are they just a 2021-2022 version of the caftan? [And this is not a cold-weather item? Or maybe there are velvet ones for xmas?] I do not understand clothes (and am currently wearing a free tee with words on it; I will wear this momentarily into my office shortly where I will wet-sign some items and then go to the grocery store and IDGAF b/c it is my kids’ spring break but at least they went to school this year).
Anon
Or I want to know — is this the sort of thing that one could wear for Easter or is it just not that sort of dress (it is either a day dress or evening dress but not a church-and-brunch dress; but possibly I do not understand this item). Does one wear heels? Flats? Spendy non-athletic sneakers sans socks?
Anonymous
I am wearing mine to Easter! (Lavender Bridgerton Ellie with coconut Ollie). I wear them with sneakers, sandals, and for church with heels.
But again feel free to simply not buy them!
Anon
“Lavender Bridgerton Ellie with coconut Ollie”
This is like a Starbucks order.
Cat
ha did you set an alarm to log on to buy the Bridgerton version? I was only casually interested in that pattern – not my colors – but couldn’t believe how fast they sold out!
Anonymous
Yes Cat I always calendar a meeting with a friend at another firm for launch times so we both remember.
Cat
9:25- no judgment here- I learned to do the same thing myself. Thankful the launches are at lunchtime for me ;)
Anonymous
Oh I didn’t feel judged!! I figured you would approve
Cat
omg if you don’t like them don’t wear them, but they aren’t this complicated. They’re like any slightly-pricy trend that’s not officewear. They are comfortable, floaty dresses that you can wear with sandals, espadrilles, or – if you’re younger and cooler than me – street sneakers. In winter, you can wear the cold-weather styles with a turtleneck under, or by themselves the way you’d wear a c-cktail dress to a party. Or maybe you live in a warm climate, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want Stewart plaid for Christmas wear :)
You can wear them to brunch, dinner, social events, out and about generally the same way you’d wear cute jeans, as a swim coverup, or just for feeling fancy around the house. Those less well-endowed than I am go braless, but they accommodate a bra with straps without fuss.
The Nap Dress specifically (trademarked! fun read if you’re interested in IP) is so named because the company that first really marketed the style, Hill House Home, was known for bedding, and the comfortable dresses branched off from that.
Anon
I am not sure that this is the product for me, but I do love that there is an IP angle and will dive into that.
FWIW, I read that the reason that that the Jenner that recently had a baby that was recently unnamed Wolf has not released a new name yet is because . . . they want to trademark the name (or something — maybe secure adequate domain names). IP is everywhere.
pugsnbourbon
The way I understand it – the original Nap Dress is made by Hill House Home. It became a surprise pandemic trend – you can hop off your Zoom meeting and right into bed – and many retailers followed suit with similar items. Paired with a general swing toward looser silhouettes, more and more places are putting out relaxed, ruffly dresses at various price points – from Target’s rufflepuff dresses all the way to Sue Sartor.
In my Midwestern city I don’t see them very often. I think in more fashion forward places people wear them as day dresses with sneakers or sandals. They don’t work for my life or style but I see the appeal.
Anon
See, I wouldn’t wear a smocked-bodice dress for a zoom meeting as it’s not “meeting” material, but I swear I’m not around people enough regularly except dudes (polos) and SAHMs, so I truly do not know what is work attire even vs cute/trendy mom wear.
I sort of fear making myself into Edina Monsoon as I re-enter the world, but I do tend to wear way too much black, which is not a great spring / Easter look (but does work during Holy Week).
Long Covid
Please Edina Monsoon it up!
Anonymous
Omg this is absurd. A nap dress is a term trademarked by Hill House Home to refer to a dress that’s comfortable enough to nap in, largely due to elastic aged shirring. You do not have to go braless, although some people do. They’re not obvious work wear but might be fine in a casual office. In winter you wear with a sweater or bodysuit and tights.
It’s not that deep bro. If you’re suspicious and hostile just move along.
Anon
IDK — it’s reminding me of when I felt bad that a lady had dirty scuffed converses and only later realized that they were hella expensive sneakers that somehow everyone (SAHMs in my city) knew about but me (finance) and it was like a code that it was clear I wasn’t in on.
Anonymous
In defense of my golden gooses- I love those things. They are the perfect sahm or wfh mom shoes . No one wears heels anymore (especially me!) so it’s a fun splurge (they’re handmade in Italy) and they’re already scuffed so I can’t ruin them (I’m a slob who ruins everything). If labels aren’t your thing it’s cool but these make more sense for my life than the ferragamos I had my eye on 2019.
Anon
Same here. And frankly I love the price tag because I can wear them to the office and people know they’re expensive and not an old trashed pair of sneakers
Anon
Anon at 10:20, this is literally why I have Allbirds. I don’t love the look, but at least people know they’re Allbirds and the weird-looking sneaker is intentional. I have a few pairs of other sneakers that are similar-is that I like better, bur if I’m not sure I can pull off sneakers I stick to the Allbirds so they’re recognizable.
Anon
10:20 here, yep I have a lot of allbirds too – I find those comfortable and maybe this is just a sign that I’m easily influenced but I actually love the look of GGs with everything. They’ve got an interior wedge that makes the look longer and cuter when worn with dresses.
Curious
It’s not deep! But I had the same questions as OP and am grateful for the explainers lol.
Bonnie Kate
Me too! I’ve clicked over to Hill House Home multiple times and tried to figure out what I was missing, because I don’t really get it either. It’s not my cup of tea but I’m sincerely enjoying the explanations.
anon
This really isn’t that hard.
I think smocked dresses are for children but to each their own!
Anon
Saaaaame. I think it’s bizarre that grown women want to walk around dressed like toddlers.
Anon
I think it’s too sundress / nightgown-adjacent for me, but I suspect it might be a bit scratchy. On my last WFH day, I walked the dog in the park while there was a lot of people there for a kids’ soccer lesson and from the adults, it was like Regency London — everyone on blankets in long floaty Laura-Ashley-esque dresses and what I think were padded headbands. It’s like everything from the 80s is coming back.
Anon
“what I think were padded headbands”
Oh no. Please, no
Anon
Curious as to why looking like a sundress is a negative? I live in sundresses in the summer so maybe I’m missing something?
Anon
I think that a sundress is like a maxidress — it’s fine, but not for the office. For brunch?
anon
I think they’re only really a thing in the South. My IG feed is filled with my southern sorority sisters wearing them to brunch, private nursery school events, and baby showers. I have yet to see them look good on anyone.
Anonymous
A- that’s false, they are all over NYC
B- that’s rude
NYCer
Not just the South, I see nap dresses all the time in NYC for the same events you listed.
Cat
I see plenty of them around Philly and I think they’re flattering on most. (The Nap Dress, that is, as opposed to rufflepuff dresses generally. I think the massive ruffle bishop sleeves are more southern, but see tons of Nap Dresses and lookalikes – i.e., simpler straps – in the NE.)
Anon
They’re also huge among the preppy East Coast set. You definitely need a nap dress if you go to Nantucket.
Pompom
I read this as “You definitely need a nap if you go to Nantucket” and I agree
Anon
I haven’t seen them at all where I live either, and I’m with you 100% on your last sentence. Truly it feels like an emperor’s new clothes situation here. They’re so ugly.
anon
It sounds like you don’t like the style, so don’t wear them.
Anon
They’re just casual dresses that are hypothetically comfy enough to nap in. They’re mostly worn for things like bridal/baby showers, brunches, etc. and would be perfect for most Easter celebrations. They’re expensive because they’re trendy, especially for a certain crowd (a crowd that wears a lot of Tuckerneck). It’s probably an excellent dress for pregnancy/mat leave.
Monday
I own 5 of them and I wear them to work!!!!!!! Call an ambulance
Anon
Help me pls! How do you style them for work?
Cat
so I haven’t worn them to work… yet… but I’d prob do it on a low key Friday. Wear a neutral, waist-length cardigan on top (to mitigate the ruffly shoulders a bit) and flat espadrilles. TBH my worries about someone thinking I’m not “omgprofessional” enough have somewhat gone out the window given my performance throughout the pandemic.
Curious
With a professional water bottle and a hair tie on the wrist.
anon a mouse
A+ deep cut throwback to the longtime readers
Bonnie Kate
But can she keep the water bottle on her desk?
Lawsuited
+1
Monday
On a colder day, with a blazer or denim jacket and boots.
On a warmer day, with slip-on sneakers and my shoulder/bicep tattoos.
Working through Covid in health care has changed my attitude permanently about professional presentation. At this point, my work (really, even my presence in the job) speaks for itself, and focusing on how any of us look seems ridiculously out of touch.
Curious
Monday — joking aside, thank you so much for lasting as long as you have doing what you do.
Seventh Sister
I bought one in a conservative plaid/color, thinking I could wear it to work with a navy blazer over the ruffly sleeves. Turns out that I hate the length and have been too lazy to get it altered. Anything that hits mid-calf makes me look like I live on a polygamous compound, especially if I’m wearing sneakers.
Sybil
I also find them confusing. And largely hideous. Honestly, when I first read about them here and looked them up I was shocked. Never see them in my large Midwest city.
But I do think they could work for Easter!
Anon
Or like a hangover brunch where you need to look nice for your aunts but have a raging headache and are bloated and just need a Gatorade and a Goodys.
anon
I’m chuckling at your post. I don’t understand why women will pay so much for an tween looking dress that isn’t even tailored. Maybe they are great, maybe not. They certainly aren’t an item that’s appeared in my friend circles, so their popularity may not be as far reaching as the fans would have you think. Join me in just skipping this trend.
Anon4This
I love them, I have two and then a few similar silhouettes from ON (including the puffed sleeves…) I’ve always loved a good, ruffly summery dress, and my style skews feminine/bold. DH detests them and thinks they are unflattering, as do some of my friends’ partners (I started calling it the husband repeller). I always get compliments on mine from other trend lovers – mostly women, love wearing them with sneakers, and they are SO comfortable!
Anonymous
OP – I’m with you. Also shuddering at the recent-ish trend of prairie style dresses, but maybe it’s just because I hate the silhouettes of these types of dresses. Loose jersey dresses yes, but I just can’t with nap dresses. They don’t actually look comfy to nap in.
Senior Attorney
I know I’ve posted this before, but back in the mid-70s when I was in high school, you could buy the shirred-on-top fabric by the yard, and then all you needed to do was sew one seam and ribbons or fabric cut from the bottom to make shoulder straps, and voila! A dress! (The term “nap dress” is new this go-round.)
Jules
I might or might not have made a couple of tops this way myself …
CKB
I saw this fabric at the fabric store this weekend, but short, so meant either for short skirts for grownups or for little girls’ dresses
Anonymous
This week’s comments are really fucking with my head. First the massively pro-nap pile-on yesterday, and now nap dresses? Where is all this napping coming from???
I had to google the dresses, since this apparently is a thing, and I would say just skip this trend along with me, especially since it’s causing you this levels of fashion confusion. I just say no to the nap dress, no to the prairie dress, and no to the no wash dress…
Yesterday’s LK Bennet was lovely, though.
Anon
Does anyone know if the Metropolitan Museum of Art is doing food service on the roof? I did this once with a visiting relative and they loved it. If not, is there a good but casual place to eat near there for lunch or afternoon nibbles?
Anonymous
When are you going? The roof garden exhibition doesn’t open until Saturday according to the website – it is open open seasonally. I can’t tell if they are going to have food when it opens, although I remember it being more snack-y than lunch-y in the past. It’s still kind of cold and rainy here. The American Wing Cafe has been open throughout the pandemic and is in a relatively pleasant part of the museum – sculpture court in a large atrium with huge windows and park views.
Anon
Just wanted to say I barely got any work done yesterday because I was constantly refreshing the comments on the morning post. Was that a new commenting record?
Anon
No, there used to be 600 comments on a thread regularly.
Cat
There was one Friday thread years ago where we were about to crack 1000 before the weekend even got started!
Anon
Nordstrom tells me that I got these sandals back in . . . 2017. They have been fantastic and I have worn them into the ground. They were one of the things I’ve gotten that is spendy but actually worth the $ (and yet proof that I will cook in a comfortable sandal and inevitably have a sauce accident but in the red ones, who really cares that much???). Anywho, for 2022, I’d like a new pair of sandals for graduations and such (the worn ones will stay in the closet as daily drivers and for red-leaning outfits). Same but metallic? Do these read too 2017? What is current and cute and comfy? These are like sneakers and I can walk for miles in them.
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/eileen-fisher-sport-platform-sandal/3620624
Go for it
My vote is that if my feet are happy, I am happy. Rebuy for sure! In all the colors.
I am not a trendy gal so YMMV.
Anon
To me these look dated and are definitely an older/less hip look.
For comfy sandals you can walk all day in (but aren’t at all dressy; though I wouldn’t consider yours dressy either), you can’t go wrong with Birkenstocks.
Anon
What is pretty though? I feel like Birks (which I love) wouldn’t fly at a graduation with a dress or something fancy-ish.
Cat
FWIW I’d wear the Birks. Life is more casual now.
anon
Eh, I am with the OP. I love my Birks, but I also wouldn’t wear them to a graduation party.
Anon
I’m wearing my above discussed GG sneakers to a graduation next month. I’m totally over killing my feet.
Anon
Anon at 9:15 here! I wouldn’t wear birks (traditional Arizona style) to a grad party either (but I do plan on wearing them to happy hour tonight! Pre-pandemic, they were solely comfort/errands shoes, now I wear them socially), but honestly I wouldn’t wear the shoes you posted to a grad party either! I think flatform sandals are very comfy and a little cuter (and certainly on trend). Birkenstock also makes wedges/flatforms that aren’t too ugly. I think the Samira and Sibyl are passable for grad parties. The Samira actually reminds me a lot of the pair you posted.
For me, sandals are usually uncomfortable when there isn’t enough padding/material between my foot and the ground, or when they’re difficult to stay on my feet.
Here are a few ideas:
https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/cole-haan-original-grand-wedge-sandal/502204?activeColor=200
https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/lifestride-riley-sandal/513809?activeColor=201
https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/dolce-vita-grasa-sandal/523973?activeColor=273
https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/journee-collection-lavine-sandal/454091?activeColor=400
These are my favorite of my suggestions: straps make them secure on your feet and it looks like there’s enough between your feet and the ground to be comfortable, plus they’re cute. https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/journee-collection-lyddia-espadrille-sandal/480788?activeColor=200
pugsnbourbon
Oooh I don’t need them but the Grasa sandals are cute.
Anon
Anon at 9:15 here: I have a comment in mod with a few suggestions! I would make your birks your daily drivers and look for a flatform/wedge for grad parties/nicer dinners as I find those to be more comfortable than most thin sandals. Birkenstocks even has a few decently cute pairs (the Samira is similar to what you already own).
anon
The sole still makes them look current to me. Rebuy! A good, comfortable sandal is worth a lot.
Seafinch
Agreed! I think these look very on trend with the platform like sole.
Anonymous
I vote rebuy.
Doodles
Nordstrom Rack has these on sale in a few colors. Or at least something very similar called Eileen Fisher – Sally Wedge Sandal.
A
Nice to see a south Asian model for once…!
Anonymous
+1!!
Anon
Anyone here noticing that the theme of ‘lots of people are struggling with mental health right now’ is bleeding into their work?
I’ve had to have several ‘hey, something seems off. What’s going on.’ Discussions with staff lately and… I’m hearing mental health over and over. And ironically not tied to work! Different stressors, different generations, etc. I’m doing all the normal stuff – understanding that they may need extra time off, encouraging them to utilize resources, etc.
Any other resources for managing through this? Honestly, it’s really challenging for me right now just to make sure things get done when multiple staffers have admitted they’re working at about 50% right now and still be patient and supportive.
anon
Work from the assumption that it was probably very hard for them to tell you what’s really going on. If multiple people are struggling, I would start looking at what’s essential to get done now, vs. what can be postponed/isn’t urgent. Work with people to set priorities. Push back on unreasonable demands, if you can.
I hear you, this is hard. I see the stress among my team members, and I had to have a similar conversation with my boss a few weeks ago about how I’m not doing great right now. Multiple stressors in my personal life, plus some work stuff that was building up. I came to her, rather than the other way around, knowing that mental health is not something we’ve ever talked about at work before.
Anon
Thank you. I know it was hard to discuss, and appreciate the trust my staff has in me.
I myself have had ups and downs, but some of what I’m dealing with are issues which I’m going to have to address directly at some point, regardless of cause. Think: the person who has already shifted their schedule so they come in quite late and is still struggling to come in reasonably on-time-ish.
Anon
I guess first ask yourself if the person not being on time actually causing problems?
Anon
Yes. That’s one of the first things I asked myself. ‘Does this actually matter.’
We’re not talking ‘oh, they’re coming in at 9:15, not 9.’ We’re talking, ‘staffer is supposed to come in at 9:30, we don’t schedule meetings with them until 10/1030, but now it’s become unpredictable whether they will be available for an 11/1130 meeting.
Anonymous
Speaking personally, it’s been a really traumatic two years that my boss *thinks* she acknowledged by giving me a week off for an immediate family member’s pandemic-related death.
But I never got over it, not really, and I’m a fundamentally different (worse) person for it. If the 2019 me is in there somewhere I don’t know. I can’t find her anymore. My boss seems to want that performer back but therapy, gratitude, exercise, time off, have all failed me. So if youre my boss I’m sorry. I’m doing my best here.
anon
I’m sorry for your loss, 10:04. My FIL died from Covid, and it was absolutely traumatizing. Much different from any other death of a loved one that I’ve experienced. I am not the same person, either.
Anon
I am not your boss, but I know that in my case, I wish I could make things better.
The last couple years have changed many of us… and also forced many people to carry on with other stressful things (elder care, physical illness, relationships ending) without many of the supports they had in the before times.
If you can think of anything your boss could do to help, let me know.
Anonymous
I am right there with you, friend. My dad died of covid and work …gave me three days of bereavement leave. I am barely keeping my head above water.
Anonymous
I am sorry for all of your losses. I really hoped we would have some kind of collective memorial to how the world has changed over the last two years. Even though it’s not over by any means, and it seems even Biden, who is known for his public grieving, just wants everyone to move on and pretend the pandemic didn’t happen.
I shudder to think about the long-term consequences of putting our heads in the sand and pretending these things didn’t happen.
roxie
I’m struggling with this too and a little bit at a loss about how as a manager I am also supposed to function. I can’t continue to absorb the undone work of my team and also receive and support their emotional needs. It’s getting to be way too much.
How are other managers doing it?
Anon
How much room do you have to push back on the workload? Doesn’t sound like it’s a reasonable or sustainable level.
Anon
Op here.
Same place, I’m literally burning myself out to help make sure the mission critical work gets done. And… if anyone has solutions, that’s why I posted.
Anon
Don’t kill yourself for your job. Stop burning yourself out.
anon
For some teams where there is a known impact of the pandemic (logistics, customer service), we’ve aggressively expanded those teams and made a number of hires. Everyone is still clearly stressed, but it has helped.
But if your team is just running at 50%? It may be out of your hands soon. I’ve started to see the odd performance related layoff here and there, about one a month in my department of 100 people. You, as a manager, can’t let them not perform forever or your own job will be on the line.
Anonymous
My most recent coping strategy as a manager was to demand an immediate promotion for an incredibly high-performing, undervalued staff member, for which I’d previously been told to wait. She got the promotion and has not cried on me since then.
anon
I know they’re saying it isn’t tied to work, but some of it probably is. The stresses of the past two years are cumulative. I’ve been working at home for two years with little in person contact with my team, our workload has gone up, we’ve had massive turnover, etc. Everyone is exhausted. And calculating and managing risk in every aspect of normal human behavior has been tiring while people have still been expected not just to do their normal jobs, but more than in the past. If people aren’t showing up or having major performance issues, yes you need to address this. But also think about the fact that something might be wrong in the workplace if so many people are struggling.
Ribena
This last sentence is key. My employer has been pushing ‘resilience’ messaging hard since 2019 and honestly do they not just wonder why they’re finding the need to push so hard on it? Could they not identify some of what’s making people feel cra ppy at work and, you know, change it?
Anonymous
For me it’s also that I’ve lost the in person support I had in my busy office. I don’t want to go sit in the ghost town of an office but wfh is super challenging for me mental health wise- even if it’s convenient. There’s nothing my boss can do – even if she incentivized people to come back they’d probably quit. I’m also 100 percent convinced if she could see my on a daily basis she’d be so much more sympathetic. The wfh life is super popular but it’s not great for everyone’s mental health to work alone in a small bedroom for 6-8 hours a day. For some the video conference is as good as in person interaction, but for some it isn’t and we’ve really been left behind by this shift.
Anon
+1 i don’t want to force a single person to work from home if they don’t want to, but I’d love to work in an office of people who like working in the office.
Anonymous
+1. Add to that the fact that we are all doing at least twice as much work as before but have half as much time to do it because we are on Zoom all day in useless meetings that never existed before.
Anon
Pre-Covid I was starting to realize that I can’t expect myself or my team to give 100% at work every day. I’m in an industry with a lot of emergencies so my goal became to schedule our average day in a way that everyone was giving 80%, knowing that at least once a week something would come up and we’d have to go the extra mile and give more. Covid has just re-enforced how needed this is/shifted the percentage down even more.
Big picture it means hiring more people, lowering our volumes, accepting different standards, pausing innovations etc.
It’s just a different world now. So far my company doesn’t seem to recognize this but everyone is struggling so much that our strategic ball dropping is keeping us on par with other teams who are trying to keep up business as usual and are accidentally ball dropping.
Anon
This sounds so reasonable and refreshing. Thank you for acknowledging that people can’t and don’t give 100% to work every day. Expecting them too is foolish at best and will probably create a lot of stress in the work environment – which adds to the amount of mental anguish the employees may already have due to everything else that’s going on.
Ribena
What you’re doing is fantastic – I’m so impressed that you’re managing that way. And a bit jealous!
Anon
Yes, I was going to suggest strategic ball dropping or just reprioritizing. Even with mission critical work, there are things that just don’t matter. I have regular meetings with my team to reorder and refocus what people spend time on and a culture of it’s okay to say no to that extra ask/it’s okay to escalate and check if we want to spend staff time on that thing.
Curious
You still have to manage performance, including underperformance, including PIPs etc. Not doing so ad infinitum creates a downward spiral for everyone. But it’s a terribly hard balance when the whole population is suffering. It’s not like there’s a pool of workers somewhere who didn’t experience the pandemic or a set of jobs where people aren’t exhausted to send your struggling people to.
Curious
Note that this is just *on top* of the good managing upward/ expectation and pace setting that people are mentioning above. Just in my harsh harsh experience, once a person truly can’t do their job, they are often better served by medical leave or even leaving their job than struggling to keep that afloat and knowing they’re failing at that. It would be less hard to say this if we had universal health care and better safety net in general (because losing your job can mean losing access to therapy, chemo, insulin). But I have still found it to be true in the white collar fields where I have worked.
Curious
Again to avoid m0d:
Note that this is just on top of the good managing upward and expectation and pace setting that people are mentioning above. Just in my harsh harsh experience, once a person truly can’t do their job, they are often better served by medical leave or even leaving their job than struggling to keep that afloat and knowing they’re failing at that. It would be less hard to say this if we had universal health care and better safety net in general (because losing your job can mean losing access to therapy, chemo, insulin). But I have still found it to be true in the white collar fields where I have worked.
Anon
just a rant into the void. so my MIL has covid. she wasnt feeling well last Thursday and accompanied my FIL (who is a doctor) to conduct disability exams (she serves as a witness or something) and waited until after the workday to test, which was positive. g-d forbid she inconvenience herself and actually test when she started feeling poorly so she doesn’t potentially expose a whole bunch of people. at least they were masked i suppose. the reported numbers are clearly so much lower than actual numbers bc of all of the at home tests. a friend of hers attended a wedding and 75 guests got covid. my MIL is also pretty sick, not like needing to go to the hospital level sick, but if she actually worked a full-time job, would need to take two weeks off of work kind of sick. rant over.
Anon
Wow, just wow. She exposed all those disabled people. Ugh.
NYNY
My father, widowed two years now, has started dating. I’m doing my best to be supportive, because I adore him and want him to be happy and these last two years have been really lonely for him, but wow it’s weird. And it’s bringing the loss back hard. I’m going to meet his new girlfriend soon, since DH and I will be visiting our homestate for a memorial for his father, who passed last month.
Middle age is not a cakewalk. I’d appreciate any advice or stories from the hive on similar situations.
Anonymous
Ohhhhh so my dad (widowed 4 years) is also dating again. And I hate it!! It makes me feel super alone in my grief. And intellectually I love my dad and want him to be happy but also I hate it so much!
anon
I don’t have any sage advice, but I want to reassure you that this stranger thinks it’s completely normal to feel this way. No matter how much you want your dad to be happy, it’s a BIG change.
Anon
My mother dated and remarried after my father died. She was in her 50s, met a lovely man and spent 10 years happy with him before he, too, died. Their relationship was very different than what my mother had with my father. She was happy in both marriages, but the second marriage was less burdened with childrearing, caring for aging parents, financial stress, etc. All kids from both second marriages were pleased to see parents happy and not lonely. The transition is tricky, but try and keep an open heart.
anonshmanon
Hey, you sound like my stepcousin! My grandpa started dating quite soon after my grandma died (within 1.5years, maybe even sooner). I personally don’t remember my grandma, but his new wife became my beloved grandma growing up, gave me 4 extra sets of aunts and uncles and many cousins, and they had a very happy 20 years together.
I don’t have advice on processing the grief, but just wanted to throw out there is SO MUCH potential love and affection that could blossom here.
IL
I hope you don’t find this suggestion glib, but there are some episodes of Golden Girls that deal with this topic. There is a particular episode where Blanche meets her father’s new fiance and struggles with it. Maybe worth a watch?
Sorry I don’t have any real advice – I would struggle to be supportive too!
anon
Watching the Golden Girls is always good advice!
pugsnbourbon
+1. Thank you for bein’ a friend.
NYNY
+1. Thank you for bein’ a friend.
Anonymous
Yes, my dad did this three years after my mom’s death, and it was weird, weird, weird. What helped was a) time and b) acknowledging that my dad’s relationship/loss and mine were different. We both missed her, but in different ways and for different reasons. I lost a mother with whom I had a unique, lifetime relationship. He lost a wife, an adult with whom he had chosen to spend his life. As he was dating, he wasn’t “replacing” my mom (or marrying someone who was expected to become my mom); he was considering sharing the next season of his life with another adult.
That said, it was very very weird. Going to my dad’s wedding was weird. Having this new woman’s friends giggling and chatting about her relationship with my dad was weird. It was all weird, weird, weird. Even though she was (and is) lovely, and I am totally in favor of their new life together.
NYNY
May I ask how long your dad dated before he remarried? I know intellectually that senior relationships can move quickly, especially for those who have been widowed, because they know the future is uncertain. I guess I’m trying to prepare for this brand-new relationship to escalate quickly.
Anonymous
FWIW my dad is dating a widow. Her husband died in 2015 and she and my dad have been together since 2018. They live together extremely separately.
She owns three properties. One of them is one she bought in my dad’s neighborhood after they started dating. It’s furnished with all her stuff but that is their shared address.
My dad kept his home, a two family which he owns, and he rents out one half and uses the other half as office space/guest space. It’s all his furniture.
So I guess he’s living at her house, if that makes sense? They will not marry any time soon (possibly ever); they are two adults in their 60s enjoying life together who realized they probably ought to sleep in the same place.god forbid either one of them die, their lives and finances are entirely separate (in practice and on paper).
Life
I hear you.
My mother died of a terrible and rapidly progressive cancer. not long after, my 60 something yr old father mysteriously said a”friend” was coming to visit and stay with him. Like.., 2 months later. He didn’t have any out of town friends that we (the kids) knew of. He wouldn’t tell us anything more and we didn’t ask. A woman arrived with so much luggage we quickly figured out she was there to stay. So we learned this was a woman my father had had a secret affair for years. My brother was relieved thinking it was going to be a Russian mail order bride.
Senior Attorney
Wow that is crazy. Not sure it’s all that preferable to a mail order bride…
LawDawg
My mom died suddenly 10 years ago when my parents had been happily married for 52 years. My dad started a multi-year relationship within a year of her death. He had someone to travel with, go to museums and concerts with and enjoy his retirement. Even though I wasn’t a big fan of the new woman, I was happy that my father wasn’t lonely. He moved into a new home two years ago and met someone new there (a little bit of drama because it wasn’t clear if the two relationships may have overlapped…I guess he was a playa at 85). The pandemic hit and this new woman was his lockdown partner and has been great for him. Neither of these women had any issues with him talking about my mom and expressing his belief that he will never have another relationship like that. I guess what I am saying is that, as harsh as this sounds, a lonely dad won’t bring back your mom and he isn’t looking to replace, but he also deserves happiness. It’s good for people to have friends…of whatever sort.
NYNY
This hits home. Thank you for sharing your experience.
My parents married in college, and had been married nearly 54 years when my mother died suddenly. He has gone through most of the pandemic with two dogs and a handful of close friends in his bubble, but the loneliness must be staggering at times. My siblings and I all live far away, and although we call and text, that’s not the same as having a close witness to your life. I want this for him, although the want is more intellectual than gut.
I appreciate that he is being transparent about it. He let my siblings and me know as soon as he started seeing this woman. I would be more troubled by it if he had been sneaking around. But it means that I’m watching him date for the first time in nearly 60 years. He’s a little goofy and smitten, which is sweet, but also makes me feel protective of him. Which is weird, because he’s my dad.
Anon
I don’t think that’s weird at all! I think all your feelings here are perfectly reasonable and normal, not that you need my anonymous validation!
Anonymous
While their content can sometimes be hit or miss, one of the hosts of Forever35, Kate, lost her mother in her late 20s. In a few episodes she has answered questions about how she processed her father dating again, remarrying, etc. While I haven’t been through it personally, it might be interesting to check out those episodes. I think they have transcripts posted of many episodes now so you may be able to search. It will include both stories from listeners and Kate.
I’m sorry for your loss. Grief is hard.
Anon
My father began dating within a year. I can only think that he was grieving the loss of my mom all through her illness and was through processing sooner than me. Plus, he doesn’t do great on his own. We were on our own separate grieving journeys and I grew to accept that this was ok. Not great. But ok. Years later, it was a non-issue.
Anon
I also just think men move on sooner than women, just to make a bald-faced statement. I’ve seen it over and over IRL. I know widows who are still single years after losing their spouse but most widowers I know are re-partnered within, at most, two years. We could speculate all day as to why that is, I guess.
anon for this
I lost my mom as a teen and when my dad started dating again it was really rough. I read an essay at one point (probably from my therapist) that talked about how this new love is not “instead of” but “in addition to.” That his love for my mother and my now-stepmother can peacefully coexist, they are not competitors or the same. My therapist also talked about how loving my dad was, and how it would be a shame if he never had another chance to share his love with another adult, or be loved in return.
Good luck, it’s really hard. I recommend the book Motherless Daughters, which has helped me immensely over the years.
Anone
+1 Lost my mom when I was 18 and I love that book.
My dad started dating again very early and although it was hard, I was actually okay with it, because I knew he needed someone in his life to take care of him. I didn’t exactly love my stepmother, but she loved my dad and they were married for 25 years, until my dad passed away in 2020. She took care of him up until the end and we were grateful to her for that.
NYNY
Thank you, I will check out the book! I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you, and I know that my situation is not the same.
KS IT Chick
My mom passed away 6 years ago in July. My dad recently asked me how I would feel about him dating. I told him that I was good with it and a bit surprised that he hadn’t already done so. Then he admitted that he had gone out a few first dates over the last few years, but he didn’t feel the right way about any of the women to have more than lunch or dinner.
My brother is far more weirded out by the thought of him dating. He just doesn’t want to think about it. Given that the housekeeper who comes in twice a week really has pushed hard to move in (my dad has made it clear that is Not Happening), and he is a healthy, good-looking man in his 80’s, I figure we at least need to acknowledge the possibility that dad might meet someone who he wants to have a closer relationship with.
Anon
My husband swears I am his last wife (#1 was a doozy; I am #2). We have kids together. His possible quick remarriage I think would possibly leave our kids with nothing or very little and I feel very strongly about this. I doubt I’d remarry but would be open to dating if I were widowed, esp. if I were still young.
Anon
I’m sorry for your loss. My parents were married 33 years before my father passed. 3 years later, my mom met the man who is now her second husband. While I was was glad when she started dating him since it helped bring her out of a really sad place, it is hard that she now adjusts our interactions, reminiscences, etc so her new husband feels included (and so we don’t talk about my dad much at all). I was happy that she found someone to be happy with when they got married, but I was a mess at the wedding!
No advice, just… sending support.
Anon
This is so hard. My mom passed away 5 years ago and my dad started dating probably 6 months later. He ended up moving extremely quickly with the second woman he dated. We found out she moved in with him when we went to stay with him for Christmas and she was there the entire time, including Christmas morning. She’s nice and makes him happy, which is great, but it’s difficult to endure the constant PDA when there was no such thing with my mom. He also gave me a talking to for being too cold and unwelcoming to her. I keep telling myself that this is for the best because he has a companion and is not lonely. But I will never get over losing my mom and will always be a little sad when I see him with his new lady. Hugs to you, internet stranger.
NYNY
Wow. Thank you for sharing that, it sounds really hard. Hugs back at you. <3
Anonymous
My dad remarried; my step mom is really sweet and has been a great addition to the family.
Backpack
I’m returning to the office and will need to carry my computer each day on my public transit commute. Any recommendations for a professional looking backpack that can hold a computer, lunch, and maybe a change of clothing? I would like to spend $150 or less
Anon
There was a Cole Haan one featured last week? The week before? That looked really polished and practical.
Anon
I asked this a few weeks ago and was basically told no such thing exists and that I carry too much, but I think computer/work stuff, lunch, and gym clothes is a very normal amount to carry :)
I am still on the lookout, but have just been using a tote bag from Target in the meantime and it’s been fine, but I understand carrying that much on one shoulder is not comfortable for everyone.
Someone recommended a Nordace Sienna backpack to me, which I might pull the trigger on. I’ve also heard good things about the Dagne Dover ones and got some good suggestions to check out Lululemon/Athleta bag offerings. I think the Lululemon City Adventurer bag is probably good for carrying everything you need.
curlsallday
I have a bit of a bag obsession so take this with a grain of salt. But when I was traveling for work consistently I bought 3 of these….I still use them all the time. https://www.ebags.com/backpacks/laptop-backpacks/pro-slim-laptop-backpack/117775XXXX.html?dwvar_117775XXXX_color=Heathered%20Graphite&cgidmaster=backpacks
For the pricepoint I don’t think you can beat them, and they for sure take a beating.
Anon
I have a bigger ebags backpack for traveling that I’ve had since college, and I feel the same way about it.
Coach Laura
Curlsallday – I have two of that exact backpack. I adore it! Bought for use on a transit commute, now use it for any/all travel (car or airplane) and visiting relatives in the hospital when I have to work remotely (unfortunately very common in my life).
Anon
I have a tumi backpack for this and it is amazing. It gets many positive comments!
Anon
+1 I have the Tumi Carson and love it. That one might be a little small for including gym clothes but you could size up and it should work. I know it’s out of your price range but it’s a gorgeous bag.
Sasha
The Sienna Nordace–I was a tote girl for years and recently switched and loved it. It’s always on sale for $99 so wait a bit if that’s not the price right now. Comes in a bunch of colors, holds a ton, but keeps its shape when it’s empty or only has a laptop on it so it doesn’t look “jan sport”-y.
KP
Again I wonder why this computer carrying is necessary. I’m a retired teacher, so I schlepped home papers to grade, but I cannot see why people need to lug laptops back and forth every day. Just curious.
Anon
Probably to late for you to see this, but it’s because i wfh 2 days a week.
Anon
Hope everyone in NYC is safe!
Anon
From what?
Anon
Subway shooting.
anon
Nap dresses, I think
Anon
LMAO
Anonymous
Ha! Apparently we are not judging on comments above, but I have yet to see them in the wild in my circle. It’s too damn cold for one thing.
My son’s school is “sheltering in place” due to the shooting, even though it is 2 miles away, and half of my coworkers were very late. Grateful that is not my stop/subway lin as I was just getting on the train at 8:30.
Anonymous
Nap dresses?
Anon
Subway shooting with smoke bombs, suspect is still at large.
Southern Brooklyn Native
Safe over here — thankfully I was running late and missed it but I had to turn around and go home and it was sobering. Different timing and I could have been on that train. Thankfully no one I personally know was hurt but a lot of us are shaken up.
The specific area of that train station is a very working class Hispanic area, and the train that was targeted passes through a heavily Chinese immigrant area right before then. The possibility that the suspect was intentionally targeting lower income immigrants has me even more upset. The comments on Citizen this morning were a cesspool of racism against every imaginable group and that was really sad as well (though not surprising).
Southern Brooklyn Native
Oh and my child’s school is on a “soft” lockdown — meaning no outside recess and security is on high alert but otherwise everything is normal.
anon
What should I wear on Easter? (Not a nap dress, thanks.) We’re going to church in the morning and having dinner with the extended family. The church runs fairly casual, as does the family. It’s supposed to be 55-60 degrees, which feels too chilly for floaty, springy dresses. My in-person options are Target, Old Navy, Dillards (similar to Macy’s), WHBM, and a local department store that has higher-end brands.
Anonymous
https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/flutter+sleeve+midi+wrap+dress/570324846?color=2296&catId=cat210002
anon
https://www.dillards.com/p/kensie-textured-knit-boat-neck-tie-waist-short-sleeve-blouson-sheath-dress/510894479
Anon
Channel the Duchess of Cambridge and wear a great coat over a dress.
Pep
This will out me as an “Old,” but I fondly remember the days of my childhood when the women of my family (Grandma, Mom, and me and my little sis) wore what were referred to as “spring coats” – lightweight wool coats in bright springtime colors like pink, yellow, robin’s egg blue, etc. It’s always very chilly here Easter morning and I feel very un-springlike in my black coat.
Anonymous
My church and family run casual. I’ll probably be wearing white jeans and a spring top. A cardigan or denim jacket for warmth. If I wear a dress of any kind, I’m definitely in the “bordering on over-dressed” category.
aBr
Dillards or local department store is the place to go. I’d get a dress with a bit of structure + jean jacket + wedges to address the temperature – mostly because I feel weird wearing jeans to church no matter how casual. Channel your inner influencer-blogger look.
anon
Does anyone use One Medical, and can comment on if it’s worth it?
Anon
Yes, I love it. It’s a one stop shop for easy issues with same day appointments and great referral network . Highly recommend.
anon
Huge fan. They were super helpful when my cat bit me on Christmas Eve, and the drop-in lab hours are also great.
buffybot
Yep, love it (in NYC). Unfortunately my primary care physician left and I haven’t replaced her officially but I thought it was good personalized care (although recognize that individual doctors may vary in quality). The interface for booking appointments and getting quick online consults has always been very helpful to me (e.g., getting a prescription for a UTI at 4 in the morning to fill as soon as the pharmacy opened = life saver).
Anon
I use them in DC. It’s so Convenient and they actually take time with me. With my prior clinic, I would see the doctor for a few minutes at most. At one medical, my whole appointment is with my doctor and I don’t feel like they are rushing to get done. It’s well worth the price for me.
Anon
My employer provides this as part of our health benefits and everyone loves it. I have yet to use it but I’m glad we have it.
Anon
I use it. It was worth it to me during the height of the pandemic because I could get tested fairly easily. Then I started liking my doctor there and now it’s worth it for me to pay the $199 a year to see her. They do take my insurance so it’s basically the same as seeing a non one-medical doctor +$199. I also appreciate that they have their own lab.
I have RA so the doctor I see most is my rheumatologist. I wish he were part of One Medical!!
Anon
Endorse 100%. Great for routine things, easy same or next day appointments, often with your own PCP. I’ve also gotten help for depression that was very nicely handled, and when I went in with what turned out to be Plantar Fasciitis the NP I saw had 10 years experience in a podiatrist’s office and treated me expertly. They also helped me track down a hard to find yellow fever shot for my husband when we found out we needed it right before a trip. Didn’t make him get a membership, just saw him as a courtesy and charged us the cash visit amount plus the shot.
Anon
Absolutely. I found a great primary care physician in DC. But, I’ve also gone to several other of their doctors or NP’s for minor things in the other DC offices, and have been very happy with all of them. You can almost always get in same or next day for urgent things. The app is super helpful too.
Anon
So–my feelings are mixed:
— convenience is 100% worth it. So worth it, especially if you are busy. You are in, out, get your script, have your problem solved.
— Always book with MDs–the quality of their “not MD” providers has not been great.
–I have had mixed success with how competent the staff/doctors are. I went for a very comprehensive physical a few years ago, had _paper_ copies of my prescriptions from another state (asthma drugs, very common) and somehow the DO (not an MD) who did my physical messed up the dosage for every single one. Like I got a child’s dosage of one med. It was like he didn’t know how to put in scripts.
–They are rampant overbillers and upcoders. I have been charged for up to five different things in one 15 minute visit. It’s all covered by my insurance, but I don’t like it. I’ve queried this with them, and they claim it’s above board–if I need a script for acne and asthma, then that’s two consults. Even though virtual and no one examined me. Seems fishy.
–Even with covid testing, if you saw a medical assistant, they were billing it as a doctor’s visit for a while.
–Every time I see a PA, I get billed for a doctor’s visit for a doctor I never met.
–My friend worked there in Finance and confirmed I am not crazy/it’s part of their business model.
All that said–I’ve had an eye infection on vacation, an emergency visit–their telemedicine and same-day appointments are 100% worth it, fully covered by my insurance and save me so much time because they run on time.
Oh, also, I got put on some special list (different friend of a friend) for high-risk people for covid shot extra doses when they first were becoming available. I got a covid vaccine from an end-of-day extra dose in Feb 2021. Once the county found out about this (SF), One Medical literally _erased_ my medical record and claimed there was a mixup, so they wouldn’t get caught/to cover their tracks. There were four of us that this happened to–our second done shot three weeks later got screwed up. We all showed up and One Medical has no record of giving us the shots, even though they had put the vaccine sticker on our cards and booked follow ups. It was fraud. Straight up.
Anonymous
All of my PA bills have the supervising doctor’s name on them. I have never been to One Medical.
Telco Lady JD
I’ve used them basically since they opened in DC and recommend them to everyone I know. I’ve never had anything but a fantastic experience with them.
Curious
Just wanted to give a quick update that I finished my last cycle of chemo. Barring the cancer coming back, which is possible but not probable, I am done with hospital stays and poison for now. I can focus on rehab for several months before going back to work (thanks for that advice). Thank you so much to everyone here who has been a cheerleader on the journey. Much love to those in their own cancer journeys right now, whether for self or loved ones. I know not all end this well.
Auburn
So happy to hear this, Curious!
Walnut
So thrilled to hear this. Hopefully any side effects you have dwindle quickly and there is some gorgeous PNW sunshine to color your days (at least maybe around 4/5PM for an afternoon walk??)
Curious
This made me chuckle :). Thank you, Walnut.
Cat
wonderful news!
Anon
This is such a great update, Curious, thanks so much for sharing! I know this has been a long road for you. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
anon
So happy to hear this! I don’t use a handle anymore but read regularly, and I’ve been following your updates. Wishing you well on your rehab/recovery!
Anon
Congrats on this big milestone and wishing you all the best!
Vicky Austin
Hurrah hurrah! You must be so relieved. I hope the next few months are rejuvenating and joyful!
Anon
This is great to hear – wishing you the best!
Anon
Yay! Congratulations, Curious!!
anon
Yay!!! I hope your rehab goes smoothly!
Senior Attorney
This news makes my day! Hooray, Curious, and thank you for sharing your journey with us. Big hugs to you and your little family as you move forward.
NYNY
Congratulations Curious! Here’s hoping for better days.
Bonnie Kate
Yessss way to do the hard thing!! So happy to hear this and that you’re moving on from this stage of life!
Jules
Wonderful news!
Anonymous
Great news, Curious! Glad you are on the other side of chemo. Best wishes to you in your rehab, and thank you for sharing an update. (I was curious about Curious!)
Anon
Yay, so glad to see this update! Hope you are able to get some rest.
Curious
Thank you, all :)
Coach Laura
So happy for you! Wishing you a wonderful time at home with baby and family and good rehab! And good Seattle spring weather – we can hope, right?
CapHillAnon
Yay, Curious!! So happy to hear it!!
Another Anon
So happy to hear!
Ses
Thanks for letting us know, that’s so wonderful! Best wishes for smooth recovery.
Horse Crazy
Yay! Really happy to hear this good news :)
Estate sales for furniture
We bought a new house (going from 950-square-feet condo to bigger house) and I keep reading recommendations to look at estate sales for food furniture. I have no idea how to go about finding the kinds of estate sales where we might find such furniture. Does anyone have any advice how we can find estate sales like this and in general about furnishing a big house when you own a smaller amount of furniture? We definitely plan to take it slow at first, live in the house for some time before going crazy buying a bunch of furniture. Thank you!
Anon
Estatesales.net. Set up a weekly email for your zip code and scan the photos to see if there’s anything that looks interesting.
Anon
Oh, and CTbids.com. They’re a national estate sale company that has franchises in different locations – not sure if there’s a franchise near you, but they do online auctions, and I’ve gotten some absolute steals there because there’s not always as much competition.
Anon
If you are in the Northeast, Auction Ninja for online estate sales. I’ve gotten some incredible deals. Also check the garage sale section of Craigslist, which a lot of estate sale companies list on in my area.
Anon
I don’t know what food furniture is but I definitely want some.
anonshmanon
big block of cheese in the entryway?
AnonMom
big block of cheese in the entryway?
Anon
I bet she means “wood.”
Anon
Or good.
Anon
Everything but the house is a great online source. Otherwise I like going to antique shops (if you post where you are, people may have suggestion).
Senior Attorney
In most areas there is one person who runs all the good sales. Find out who they are and get on their email list. (Your realtor will probably know.)
anon
It’s not a bad suggestion, but our realtor definitely did not know. Your part of the world seems exceptionally well networked!
Bonnie Kate
Estate Sales pop up frequently on my Facebook Marketplace. You could also look at local auction houses – many of those have actual online auctions as well.
Coach Laura
I stalk my local consignment stores. Much of the furniture is higher end, some was used by house stagers and most is fashionable. In some cities there are multiple good ones, some places it’s hit or miss. This is my fave. https://www.foryu.com/items-furn.htm
Formerly Lilly
In my area, mid-range antique malls are a good source for high quality newer-than-antique furniture at excellent prices. YMMV.
Back to work
Need blazer recommendations! Looking for spring/summer blazers that can work with black/white/navy and go with either slacks for a business casual or jeans.
Prefer to keep us below $250 but can splurge for something truly amazing.
Thanks!
anon
I popped into Ann Taylor for an emergency blazer and liked a lot of their tweedy type stuff! Ended up with this one which I wore with navy slim ankle pants https://www.anntaylor.com/plaid-fringe-tweed-jacket/587084?skuId=32597202&defaultColor=9056&catid=cata000017
Vicky Austin
Ooh, tres jolie – how’s the quality? I feel like commenters here have been bemoaning the downward slide of Ann Taylor lately.
anon
I haven’t bought anything there in a while so don’t have a benchmark, but it seems fine. Would I have rather waited for a sale? Absolutely. But unfortunately I needed it the next day.
Anon
Very cute! Just ordered, thank you!
Anon
Talbots produces this blazer in a rainbow of colors every season. I have quite a few and it’s one of my faves. (Check the sale section for clearance colors.) https://www.talbots.com/casual-linen-blazer/P221019515.html
Anon
Check out ShopOneThird! Woman-owned small business focusing on blazers only.
Anon
Oh I absolutely love them, too – one of my favorite blazer brands. Very Veronica Beard at lower price points. Their rain jacket is amazing too if it’s still available.
More Sleep Would Be Nice
I love getting my nails done but I hate the time it takes and need to go to the salon regularly. I usually go for gel because the regular chips too fast for me. Does anyone have any low cost, starter, at-home recommendations? I know the market is flooded with them.
Abby
dazzle dry! Comes off with regular polish, doesn’t chip for ~7-10 days for me and I am very hard on my nails. Dries in 5 minutes after the top coat. I want to say the full kit including a full polish is $60. They frequently have 20% off. I started last July and haven’t looked back.
Abby
oops I meant it comes off with regular polish remover.
Anonymous
Normal polish
Anon
I do Dazzle dry (full size is not low cost, but a trial kit is $35) and I also do gel at home (cost for gel lamp + polishes was about $40 I think, purchased from Amazon). I am very hard on my hands and get about 5 days from both those options, but friends who are not bulls in china shops get 7-10 days. I cannot wear normal polish, it chips in like 2 hours for me.
OP
Normal polish literally chips for me the second I’m out the salon door, so I get this!
Anon
I just ordered a dip powder kit and a gel kit from Amazon (feel free to assign me my penance, y’all); tracking tells me they will arrive tomorrow. I like having pretty nails and toes but the time and the expense involved in salon visits is too much for me. I got the dip kit for my fingers and the gel kit for my toes. I’ll report back after I try them. Both kits are from Modelones, had good reviews.
Last minute Easter food
Joining my brothers family for Easter lunch on Sunday. I want to bring a side or dessert that isn’t too much work but really tasty. No dietary restrictions.
Also prefer to avoid the standard casseroles because we are in the south and eat that every family gathering lol.
Any fun recipes to share? I’m a moderately good cook/baker, but I have a super busy week.
Vicky Austin
Ina Garten’s peas and pancetta?
Vicky Austin
https://barefootcontessa.com/recipes/peas-pancetta
buffybot
I love roasted glazed carrots on top of a limey garlicky yogurt, sprinkled with pistachios and fresh herbs like mint or parsley. Kind of like “morrocan roasted carrots with garlicky yogurt sauce” on Girl and the Kitchen although I kind of do my own thing with it. You can keep the elements separate and assemble there? Dinner a Love Story has a great salad with arugula, snap peas, and radishes. Or I also love Claire Saffitz’s cornmeal cake with whipped cream and strawberries. Food 52 has something called “absurdly addictive asparagus” that I think I”m going to make for our holiday. A really great orzo salad filled with chopped veggies (including pickled things and olives), feta and fresh herbs is also easy, keeps well, and goes with everything.
IL
Honestly? Fruit salad. I’m always excited to be at an event where someone brings one, and it disappears virtually instantly. If you want to dress it up, top it with pomegranate seeds and mint leaves.
KS IT Chick
I will add ambrosia salad to that. It’s worth using real whipped cream instead of non-dairy topping. I have never taken home leftovers when I make it.
Senior Attorney
Will there be kids there? If so, you can’t beat an Easter bunny cake!
https://www.the-girl-who-ate-everything.com/easter-bunny-cake/
Bonnie Kate
Well that’s adorable! I was planning on making a simple strawberry poke cake to bring to our family Easter dinner but now I’m wondering how ambitious I want to be…
anon
CUTE. Man, I kind of want to make this, even though it’s probably a Pinterest fail in the making.
Anonymous
Based on a salad from How Sweet Eats. Arrange on a platter:
Arugula tossed in balsamic vinaigrette
Chopped mini cucumbers
Goat cheese
Rosemary marcona almonds from Trader Joe’s
Blueberries
Quick-picked red onion
So easy, so fancy, so good.
helloanon
Any privacy lawyers here? I’ve been thinking about studying for the CIPP/US, mostly for fun and because it interests me. Any recs for study guides or books? Should I focus on a different credential if I ultimately do want to pivot to this area? Currently do lit/investigations work for big companies.
Anonme
Mike Chapelle (Certmike dot com) has a good book that includes an online outline and test bank of sample questions. I got it on Am*zon. He also has a video series on LinkedIn Education that you need Premium to use – but you can get premium for 30 days for free so you can finish the course before you get billed (he advertises to his users to sign up this way). He also has a 90 day study “group” that walks through the process – with reminder emails. I felt 90 days was too long a timeline – I studied/crammed for 30 days and then took the test. IAPP also sells a sample example of 25 questions. You should probably get the recommended book but its pretty dense – I really struggled with it.
anon
I think all you need is the book. I work in privacy so I already had some background, but I only studied for probably 20 hours total. The CIPP/US is a great credential as it is well recognized in the industry, and it’s a nice to have if you’re looking for another job that has some privacy aspect to it.
Senior Attorney
Sir, this is a Wendy’s.
NYNY
lolol
Anon
#couldnthavesaiditbetter #theperfectresponse
buffybot
lololol
Anon
Brava!
anonshmanon
I don’t know which is more hilarious – #womenbrands or #boohoo?
Senior Attorney
For all you boohoomians out there…
Anonymous
Boohoo is actually a brand of really awful fast fashion.