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Updated: Dec 16, 2021 271 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Smocked-Neck Ruffle Top

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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A Black woman with short natural hair wearing a black floral top and black jeans (legs cropped out)

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

As a '90s kid, I can’t help but be drawn to the smocked blouses I’m seeing everywhere. This floral-print chiffon top from Madewell has just a bit of smocking at the neck and a blousy fit everywhere else.

To balance the proportions of the more voluminous top, I would wear this tucked into a pencil skirt or a slim-fitting pair of pants.

The top is $98 full price — but code HOLLYJOLLY gives you 25% off today — and comes in sizes XXS–XXL.

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Sales of note for 9.30.24

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Nylongirl

    Good morning & Hello Hive, thank you all for going out of your way to add books & tips. I appreciate your kindness so much. Here are all the wonderful book recs: Motherless Daughters (and their FB group), Motherless Mothers, The Dead Mom’s Club by Kate Spencer, Healing After Loss by Martha Hackman, The Loss that is Forever, and Year of Magical Thinking.

    • Anon

      I’m not sure that I’d recommend these two books to someone who had just lost their mother, but two books I really liked this year were Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner and Seeing Ghosts by Kat Chow. They’re both memoirs about daughters losing their mothers which intersect with their experiences as Asian-Americans (both also talk a lot about food). They’re raw enough that they might be hard to read for someone who just dealt with a death, but some people might find it comforting to hear other people’s experiences and they could be helpful when there’s a little more distance. And they’re good books overall, for anyone else looking for something to read.

        • anne-on

          I cried my eyes out while reading Crying in H Mart and my parents are still with me. I can’t imagine reading it while having just lost a parent.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Reading this reminded me of a book that was unexpectedly about grief – H is for Hawk. On one level it’s about the author’s attempt at falconry; on another it’s about the loss of her beloved father.

    • A Nonny Mouse

      My mother died when my daughter was a baby, and Motherless Mothers was a real anchor for me in the first year or two. Highly recommend.

    • Anon

      Crying in H Mart (the article; I haven’t read the book) and H is for Hawk have both really stayed with me since I read them.

  2. Anon

    Has anyone successfully revived a faux fur throw? I have one that was ultra soft and luxurious when new, but now it’s just as clumpy and bad looking as if it had been cheap to begin with. Is there some trick I’m missing, or are these basically never the same after they’ve been used and laundered?

    • Anon

      It’s synthetic, so unless you dried it at too hot of a temperature or got something in it/on it in the wash, it shouldn’t be looking rough after one wash. If you dried it too hot, it’s toast (as some of the fur partially melted). If you got something on/in it, I’d hit it with a degreaser, then wash again.

    • Anon

      Try soaking in water with hair conditioner and combing out the fibers while still damp, then air dry or dry with a hair dryer on low. Don’t tumble dry.

    • anon a mouse

      I’ve not laundered mine yet, but I would try putting it in the dryer on no heat (air fluff) with 2-3 dryer balls to help give it volume.
      If that doesn’t work, dry cleaner.

    • anon

      Hmm, I wonder if it was dried at too hot of a temperature. I have several faux fur throws, from various price points, and none have done this.

    • Anon

      I’ve never washed or dried it with heat, and I’ve tried the conditioner, but I’ve never combed it out while wet; that’s something I can still try. Thanks!

    • Elle

      I air dry my faux fur blanket and it has looked great for years. I definitely ruined an older one in the dryer.

    • Anonymous

      It sounds like it may have matted and melted from being dried at a high temperature. I had this problem with a puffer that had a fur trim. I couldn’t figure out any way to fix it, and fortunately it zipped off.

  3. Allie

    Hi – any recommendations for a nice couch blanket that is: mostly natural fiber and machine washable? I’m getting a bit lost in options when I google search for it.

  4. OP

    Favorite Boston restaurants please! I would like to venture out to cuisines other than Italian here (although I did a few really good ones). I’m here another two weeks for work and am looking for cafes, lunches, dinners… Everything! Have a car and can drive out of the city for good food!

    • anne-on

      Have you hit Tatte and Flour yet? I slightly prefer Flour but they’re both great. I’ve enjoyed Buttermilk and Bourbon, Barcelona wine bar (Spanish), Lolita, Mistral ($$$ but good), Neptune Oyster Bar, and Bostonian Public House. Scampo (at the Liberty hotel) is great and a super fun place to go in general. If you’re going over to Cambridge I’d suggest walking up/down cambridge street, I haven’t been in a while but I’ve had great Thai/Italian/Dumplings there.

      • Anon

        +1 for Flour. Also if you’re a chocolate person LA Burdick has delicious drinking chocolate.

        • Anonymous

          +2 to Burdick’s! I love getting a hot chocolate and walking around Harvard Sq. to enjoy the season.

    • Anonymous

      It was 2019, but my friends and I went to Double Chin for dinner and it was fun for Chinese/HK comfort food with a slight American twist. (Friends and I are all second-gen Asian American kids so it catered perfectly to our tastes ;)

    • Pompom

      Not helpful to you, OP, but I must now take a moment to mourn Eastern Standard, which is where I (and many others, likely) would have suggested among the offerings.

    • Anonymous

      Thai: Brown Sugar in Boston, The Similans in Cambridge, Rod Dee Thai in Brookline. If you feel like exploring further afield, Little Duck in Quincy, but it’s a little bit of a trek (I live south of the city).
      Authentic Sichuan mala dry pot: Five Spices House (locations in Cambridge and Chinatown in Boston).
      Dim sum: Winsor Dim Sum, Chinatown.
      Basically everything at Bow Market in Somerville. Time Out Market in Fenway is fun as well.
      Japanese: Cafe Sushi in Cambridge. Fuji (lots of locations). Shojo.
      Vietnamese: Dorchester is your go-to: Saigon Chicken House for tender free-range chicken dishes, Pho Le Restaurant for lots of interesting and unusual dishes, Pho Hoa for pho.
      Israeli brunch: Cafe Landwer on Beacon Street in Kenmore.
      Mediterreanean: Sarma in Somerville ($$$) and Oleana
      Quick bite if you’re in the area: Banh Mi Ok near Downtown Crossing – great banh mi. Love Art Sushi (locations downtown and Fenway near Berklee) – sushi burritos, poke bowls.

    • Anon

      South End: Barcelona, B&G Oysters, Figs (but this is Italian / pizza), Buttery for coffee and baked goods, ilona, anoushella
      Beacon Hill: Figs (but this is Italian / pizza), used to like Tip Tap too but haven’t been there in years
      Back Bay: honestly… most of Back Bay is overpriced and under-delicious tourist traps, some exceptions are the steakhouses like Grill 23 (my fave, but there’s also Abe & Louie’s and a few others that are good too), Oak Room for drinks, tea at the Boston Public Library, Contessa is really popular right now but I didn’t love the food but did love the atmosphere
      Fenway: Sweet Cheeks
      Multiple locations: Flour, Tatte, DeLuca’s Market in Beacon HIll and Back Bay has a deli counter with great sandwiches, Formaggio sandwiches as well
      Outside the city: Rosenfeld’s bagels in Newton , Sarma in Somerville, Campania (Waltham, but Italian), Il Cappricio (Waltham, but Italian)

      • Anonymous

        Can we be foodie friends? Newish Dorchester transplant. I’m in awe of your recommendations!

      • LT

        Tip Tap is still on point! And open/serving late, which is not always a given.

    • joan wilder

      For something different (and delicious!) Moldova restaurant in Newton, which serves authentic Moldovan food, which I find super comforting in the winter.

    • Anonymous

      Years later, I still dream about the soup dumplings at Gourmet Dumpling House in Chinatown.

    • LT

      I also +1 to the Flour & Tatte recommendations (I say try them both!!)

      For an amazing wine experience I HIGHLY recommend Haley.Henry downtown. Woman-owned, ever rotating seasonal menu and a really descriptive wine list packed with female-produced and generally interesting, off-the-beaten path wines (mostly, if not all natural). All of the servers really know their stuff and I’ve learned so much about wine and my personal tastes from going there! Their sister restaurant in Fenway, Nathalie, is also really great/similar concept.

      Grand Tour on Newbury St. seems to be flying under the radar somehow, probably because they opened in the pandemic. It’s usually easy to get a reservation. Really inventive dishes and especially good for ordering a ton of small plates or if you skew vegetarian–lots of interesting veg-based options. All of the servers & hosts I’ve encountered there have been really great.

      Also +1 to Ilona (Georgian food, mentioned elsewhere in the thread). Great food & great service there.

      People LOVE to recommend Mida but IMO it’s…fine. Would not go out of my way to go there.

      enjoy!

  5. Anonymous

    I just got a $95 charge for a credit card I don’t have — turns out Chase signed me up for a fee-based card without my consent or any action on my part? Now on hold for 20 minutes to figure out WTF.

    Related Q: do you have your credit checks frozen? I did a few years ago during a big breach and unfroze them to refinance my mortgage, but @#$ like this makes me wonder if I should keep them frozen.

    • Anon

      I do have my credit frozen, yes. But I’m not sure that would prevent a company from “upgrading” you to a fee-based card. The credit check is for their peace of mind and if they’re willing to waive it I don’t think it’s necessary.

      Chase has great customer service. If you call then and ask for a refund I’m sure they’ll give it.

    • Anonymous

      Did Chase sign you up or did somebody else apply in your name? The second one is a bigger issue and you may have to be very diligent because it means somebody has enough information to get through a credit card sign-up process and will do it repeatedly. This just happened to me with bank accounts – people have enough info to open new bank accounts all over, and to compromise my personal bank accounts, and fund their new accounts. my bank keeps putting the money back in my account but we”re talking tens of thousands of dollars and 6 banks so far over several months. And no real way to stop it except opening new accounts whenever they hit one of mine. The fraud bankers I have talked to have said this is become a real problem during the pandemic as they’ve tried to move everything to online approval and they are now more reliant on credit check services when people set up accounts

      • Anonymous

        So Chase sent me through to the fraud department and said it was very common — even though i got the email and the new cards and the bill for the card. One of the cards we got had what I thought was a typo of my husband’s name (think Greg instead of Reg) and they think that was who applied. So I’m off to freeze my credit.

      • HSAL

        Yeah, that seems much more likely (and concerning) than Chase just adding a card.

    • LaurenB

      Yes, absolutely have my credit frozen and same with my young adult children.

    • Cat

      I keep my credit frozen and un-freeze for a few weeks at a time as necessary (like your refinancing hypo).

        • Friday, please

          Yes, unfreeze only for a few days when needed and I unfreeze right on the Experian app when I am at the place I know they will check my credit (e.g. the car dealer). You can also put in the date to freeze again, so you don’t have to go back in and freeze/lock it again.

          • Anon

            That is some amazing adulting and I’ll be downloading the Experian app right now. Thank you.

    • Anon

      I have mine frozen after a lifetime of fraud (my info is definitely out there on the dark web) and it has been so freeing! We refinanced so I did a temporary un-freeze, then re-froze.

  6. Just venting

    [Pointless COVID vent to follow, obviously scroll past if you don’t want to partake in the pity party]

    I am so over trying to navigate different comfort levels associated with COVID. The Holidays are really bringing it to the forefront, but since my husband and I have different risk tolerances anyhow, it feels like it’s been never ending with no resolution in sight. Now on top of our own disagreements about what a reasonable set of actions is, we’re also balancing what our respective families are comfortable with and trying to craft these complex plans to match. I am not even that bothered by COVID itself anymore – just the constant negotiation to try to find solutions that work for as many people as possible. UGH.

    • Anon

      I feel a bit of this, too. Mostly we are on the same page, but my husband seems to think that the rules don’t apply to two members of his family who are in the nightclubs and the bachelor parties, etc.

        • Anon

          Oh, they can do all the things they want. I will not be part of having them around our unvaccinated toddler and my immunocompromised father.

    • Anokha

      This. We cancelled our 30-40 person Christmas get-together, because I couldn’t figure out a way to fashion it to everyone’s comfort levels. I’m over this.

      • Anonymous

        I’m just not doing it anymore. I’m throwing a party Saturday inside. All the adults I invited are vaccinated, kids under 5 aren’t. I told everyone invited these two facts and that’s that. Some people are not comfortable, so they RSVPed no, and that is perfectly fine!

        • Anokha

          I hear you. I think that part of it was that my immediate family was hesitant to attend a gathering that large, and I didn’t want to have a big family party without them. I’ve been planning for months and I am disappointed, but so be it.

        • No Face

          I think making a plan, telling everyone the deal, and then letting them pick is all you can do.

          It’s tricky when you love some unvaccinated people though. I would love to have a giant party with my whole extended family, but there are too many unvaccinated people. Maybe next year.

          • Anon

            My 90-year-old great-aunt is dying (it’s not all that sad; she seems very ready to go) and disputes have already started about how and when to have the funeral, and who’s going and who’s not going, because her grandchildren and their spouses and children are all unvaccinated. This is going to be fun times, let me tell you.

          • Anonymous

            Anyone in my family who chooses not to be vaccinated is sending a clear message that they don’t love me. I have no desire to waste my time on those people.

        • AnonMPH

          I think the hardest part of the current moment is that the Covid situation will be very different on Christmas than it was when we were all making our Christmas plans, due to Omicron. A boosted holiday gathering was supposed to be MOSTLY safe from breakthroughs, in a Delta world. In an Omicron world, which is where we will be by 12/25, a gathering with a bunch of people with only two doses of vaccine will be very little protection against catching Covid. If everyone is boosted, fewer people will catch, but still could be a lot of breakthroughs. The Christmas parties in Scandinavia where >50% of people all caught covid were all vaxxed, had taken a rapid test the day before. Some were boosted. That is the situation we will be in. If everyone understands that risk, and is comfortable with taking a chance of catching a (probably mild) case of Covid. But if they think they are signing up for a Delta level of boosted risk, then folks are in for a rude awakening.

        • Anon

          I’m not hosting anything but if I were, this would be my attitude too. However, our whole family already had COVID (including two unvaxxed toddlers) so I am less concerned than many.

      • Seventh Sister

        It’s terrible, but I’m sort of hoping my in-laws will decide it’s too dangerous to visit us for Christmas. We’re all vaccinated (finally) and the ones who can get a booster have been boosted, but they are hardly rational. E.g., hey go constantly to the grocery store in their anti-vax hotbed of an exurban town, but won’t attend their grandkids’ concert in a venue where everyone is vaccinated.

    • anon

      In some ways, this stage is harder than when the blanket answer was (ok, should’ve been): stay home. Our reserves have been tapped, too.

      • Ribena

        Absolutely. There were no risk/benefit analyses to do then, because we weren’t taking any optional risks.

    • Lily

      I think the only way to manage it is to have something reasonably safe, require everyone be vaccinated and if applicable boosted, and then whoever comes comes. If you can arrange to say see grandma outside before or after the main event try and do that, but at some point someone has to make a decision.

      • Anonymous

        Yup. If people are not comfortable being inside with fully vaccinated people, that’s fine. I’m not cancelling my life to accommodate that.

    • Anon

      I’d been in denial about the holidays, but my doctor checked in with me and laid it all out that no, unvaccinated family members with “natural immunity” from 2020 really aren’t equivalent to vaccinated especially given the situation with new variants; and no, my own vaccines aren’t adequate protection given my risk factors and the current rate of breakthrough infection; and really I should be wearing masks around fully vaccinated people as well as this point. So I’m locked down again.

      (And yes, I wish my family would just get vaccinated, but they are the family I have. I wish they had better healthcare access, since I think if they had trusted doctors to consult, things might be different, but they have had limited/often negative experiences seeking healthcare historically, and as it is they are just too scared of the shots.)

      • Formerly Lilly

        My oncologist has told me in no uncertain terms to stay masked around the unvaccinated, if I can’t avoid them. I can’t. Because that includes my office due to about half the coworkers, ditto for family, court, and every single frigging place I go in my very red locale. Everywhere but inside my house and a couple of friends’ houses, and inside my car. Because the vaccine is “unsafe”, “changes your dna”, “changes you into an alien”, or “[insert idiot theory here]”. Honestly, I kinda hate people right now.

        • joan wilder

          I can’t imagine how frustrating that is. I hate people just reading your description of their views. Wishing you the best.

        • Anon

          Sometimes I feel like I hate the people I love even, or I’m losing my mind that they apparently have so little respect for me and the entire healthcare community that has kept me around thus far. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and having to mask up so much.

    • Anon

      Yeah, its exhausting. Triple vaxxed here and having to cancel plans this week because of Omicron is particularly grating. It feels never ending.

    • Anon

      I bought more fleece-lined bottoms for outdoor walk-and-talks with friends and an otherwise resigned to masked inside things (not frequent though) or going through all of the Law & Order episodes while tearing through my yarn stash. I will feel very Brigadoon (or like a cicada) when I reemerge in the spring.

    • anon

      Yes, so much. We’ve settled on a lowest common denominator approach – everyone must be vaccinated (unless you can’t be for medical reasons), but beyond that we aren’t judging your choices out and about. Our family (including some high risk/high anxiety members) are fine with this approach. My DH is also acknowledging that he is using “but, COVID” as an excuse for things he doesn’t want to do. Once he started just saying, “I don’t want to do that” things got easier to manage.

      • Anon

        What do you think of teens who are 6 months out from their shots but aren’t yet eligible for boosters? I have one at home with me and I’m starting to think: here is our potential vector (she eats inside at school, which ends tomorrow for the year). I’m just wondering now that “fully vaxxed” means 3 shots, if she’s going to fall out of groups that are welcome at inside events. It looks to be a dicey spring again (Cornell just went remote; Princeton too I think). Stick a fork in me — I’m done!

        • Anon

          Fully vaxxed obviously doesn’t mean three shots for people who aren’t eligible. It’s also likely that younger people’s immunity holds up better than older people’s, though the fact that she’s around more people does probably mean she’s more likely to get it than someone who never leaves the house. If evidence suggests teens really need a booster and omicron hits hard, I suspect approval will come before too long.

          • Anonymous

            No, it won’t. The FDA’s processes are designed to look only at the risks of taking the vaccine, not to compare them against the risks of not getting it. There is no way on this earth that the FDA will authorize boosters for teens with zero testing, and no booster trials are currently underway in this age group.

        • Anonymous

          Same here. My 15-year-old is going to bring home Omicron right after winter break. They aren’t even studying boosters in teens yet, so she’s just going to have to wait until she turns 16 for a booster. That’s a long wait.

          • Anon

            I really hope that the folks deciding things realize that now that they’ve waved-in 16/17 YO kids, they ought to do the same for 14/15 YOs, on down to 12/13 YOs, all of whom are probably 6 months out from their second shot (my theory: people get their kids vaxxed asap or never, so 6 months has passed for the 12-17 group already; IDK anyone getting kid shots recently except for the 5-11YO group). Otherwise, starting MLK weekend and ending on Valentine’s Day, a huge wave may hit us as kids to back to school and eating lunch inside (and they try to spread out, but I have a kid to gets to school at 9:15 and then has a class and then goes straight to lunch around 10 so as to have more lunch periods throughout the day; kiddo is actively hangry when she gets home).

          • Anonymous

            They aren’t going to just “wave in” kids under 16 without testing, though.

        • Anonymous

          Please for the love of matt Damon stop harping on your anxiety about this. No. You do not need three shots to be fully vaccinated now. That is not what the CDC says.

          • anon2

            I really can’t understand why the fully vaxed and boosted adults and fully vaxed teenagers are worrying about covid, absent those who are immunocompromised or have children under 5 at home or immunocompromised parent/adult/child in their life. I spent March 2020 to when I became vaccinated Feb 2021 fully masked, online Christmas shopping, grocery and hardware store delivery, not seeing my elderly parents or adult children indoors, cancelled Thanksgiving and Christmas, substituted zoom and WFH. And I didn’t complain. But now, yes, I am fully vaxed and boosted, my parents, adult kids and my extended family, siblings, nieces/nephews are all fully vaxed. The respected immunologists MD/PhD researchers I follow say that everyone will eventually get Delta and yes, probably Omicron. Yes, there is long covid but if everyone is eventually going to get Delta/Omicron, then standing on our heads and not seeing anyone and not having normal life – vaxxed or not – forever is not rational. The only caveat to that is that I don’t want to get covid and have to be admitted to the hospital if the hospital ICUs are overloaded with covid patients. That is not the case where I live, though it was during parts of the early and mid summer, so then I was more careful and that was pre-booster.

            If you stay home forever and are still going to get covid/Delta/Omicron, how is that logical? I have friends who have so much anxiety about getting covid and they are not 60+, not battling cancer, no under 5 kids at home and they still won’t go to church/temple, won’t go on a road-trip vacation to a private house, won’t go to their doctor. It’s literally a mental health breakdown (I’m not going to say insanity, but it is not rational).

            I’m not out to catch covid but after almost two years, it’s time to say the pandemic is now an endemic and – save for the immunocompromised, elderly or worried parents of under 5yo kids – we need to get back to real life. The immunocompromised and elderly should be protected. Immune impaired people or those with immune impaired family should be allowed to work from home, without question. Parents who want to protect their under 5 kids can have their kids wear masks and not see people or do things that their parents think present too high of a risk.

            And don’t get me started about mandatory masking of elementary and pre-school kids for 8+ hours a day, when it’s pretty clear that masks for this age group are of limited value to prevent the spread. If parents want their kids to wear masks, then they can but other kids shouldn’t be forced to.

          • Anon

            It sounds like it’s different where you are, but where I live, we are definitely not past the “flattening the curve” stage of this. In general, people who are able to isolate are still helping by almost eliminating the chance that they will be vectors to someone else or the hosts of a new viral mutation. Meanwhile new treatments are coming out so catching (or spreading) the virus now could end up very different from catching it after we have better treatments available.

            Maybe your friends are just irrational, but I think there are rational reasons out there to make the choice they are making (and I think a lot of people really underestimate long COVID if they aren’t close to someone who has been through a similar chronic illness).

            As for mental health, I know one person who experienced so much more anxiety wondering if they caught it, wondering if they spread it, that their mental health team advised them to go ahead and get a WFH position for mental health reasons (which they did and they’re doing much better now). So if they do struggle with mental health, I don’t think it’s a slam dunk conclusion that “getting out more” would be the solution either.

            “Endemic” has a real definition, and what’s happening right now doesn’t meet that definition.

            I do think it’s absurd to put so much focus on making kids wear masks in schools while adults do nothing to improve ventilation.

        • Anonymous

          Please don’t look at whatever teenager lives with you like that. I guarantee she can sense it.

          • Anonymous

            What on earth? No one is looking askance at their teenagers for being unboosted. But the teens themselves are worried, at least the ones with any brains. Mine is asking lots of questions. The academic and social impact of quarantine is real, not to mention the health risks of catching COVID.

      • Anon

        Unfortunately supply of that anti-viral will be very limited for months, the way vaccine supply was in early 2021.

      • Anonymous

        That’s all very nice for the people for whom the EUA has been requested (adults with risk factors for severe outcomes), but teens aged 12 – 15 who are not eligible for boosters will really need it and won’t have access.

    • Betsy

      While we’re talking about Covid, I’m starting to wonder if it’s time to stop trying to avoid exposure. I have been extremely careful all along, never stopped masking, got my booster as soon as I was eligible, etc. But it seems like omicron is changing things and like we’re all going to get exposed and likely have breakthrough infections at some point in 2022 unless we just stop leaving the house. Given that, I’m starting to wonder if the best move is actually to get exposed as soon as possible after your booster has kicked in, so your immune system has the best chance of fighting it off. I’m certainly staying careful through Christmas, and hoping by then that we have some more data available. It doesn’t seem like anything is coming to stop the omicron wave so there’s nothing I see right now to work towards. But right now if I get exposed my immune system is still well primed from my booster – that may be less true three months from now. Curious if anyone else who has been very cautious the entire time is starting to consider a change in tactics.

      • Anon

        I have a teen >16 that I can send you.

        My household betting pool is now 1/17-2/14 for when it hits us. And I’d rather have it hit us than do endless rounds of 14 week quarantines, which is also disruptive.

      • AnonMPH

        I do think that the options during the Omicron wave will be going back to 2020-style lockdowns (no time indoors with other people unmasked) or accepting that we will be likely to get it. Many people will decide that it’s not worth it for them, as boosted younger people, to lock down. And that seems, at this moment, to be a reasonable choice. But the unknowns right now are how Omicron will impact kids, particularly under two, how ill will older/high risk boosted people get, etc. Until we know that, many people who are in those categories/spend time with people in those categories may not feel comfortable with the risk. As a 30-something boosted person with no pre-existing conditions, after I make it through Christmas with my elderly boosted parents, I would probably put myself into the- take some precautions but continue to gather with small groups inside and assume significantly more risk of a breakthrough infection camp. However I am in the middle of fertility treatments, and hope to be pregnant after an IVF frozen embryo transfer in the next few weeks. If that is successful, I will struggle more with how severely I need to lock down than I would have otherwise. But hopefully by that point, we will have a little bit more information to inform my risk assessment.

        • Anon

          “I do think that the options during the Omicron wave will be going back to 2020-style lockdowns (no time indoors with other people unmasked)”
          Regardless of whether this would be a good idea from a public health perspective (and depending on how sick people get with Omicron, it absolutely might be) I just don’t think there’s any political will to do this. I know in my state, my governor is going to get primaried by another Democrat who is going to campaign on a platform that lockdowns and school closures were harmful and either shouldn’t have happened, or shouldn’t have gone on for as long as they did. I was surprised when Biden made that statement immediately after Omicron hit the news saying there wouldn’t be lockdowns – I felt like we didn’t have the necessary information to decide that at that point – but then I thought, this is all about the 2022 midterms and not losing control of Congress (not that having control has helped us all that much). Even if blue or purple states go into lockdown, we know the red states won’t (and won’t really do anything to mitigate spread), and people won’t stop traveling. So even local lockdowns wouldn’t really help and that’s the only way lockdowns happen at all, at the local level. I think we’re all going to have to make a choice between getting Omicron or individually going back into hunker-down mode, except in this case the rest of the world will be moving along without us. I’m feeling like getting Omicron will be inevitable for me regardless if I try to isolate myself, as I have a kid in school (and our governor has said flat-out schools won’t close again) and a husband in an essential job who goes to work in an office every day, and has since April of 2020.

          • Anon

            I wish we would at least work on school ventilation. People are pointing out that a lot of schools aren’t well ventilated enough for baseline health, so it would be a win/win to invest in CO2 monitors and ventilation strategies, and the evidence is piling up that it matters and can help.

          • Anonymous

            Proper ventilation costs money. Instead of fixing their ventilation systems so students don’t catch as many viruses, schools just adopt draconian attendance policies to force parents to send their kids to school sick and cause further spread. Or at least that’s how our district does things.

          • AnonMPH

            Agreed, I meant individual level choices to lock down vs accepted that we will all get it. And I think, exactly in your description of your own decision, most people will not decide to individually lock down to that level. And so most people will get Omicron, and boosted people will likely be just fine.

      • Anon

        I guess. Covid is endemic now and likely will be around for the rest of my lifetime. I am concerned about new variants cropping up at some moment when my vaccine wanes. So boosted and peak immunity is at least a better time than other times?

        • Anon

          COVID is not already endemic (this is still a pandemic). It’s also not clear whether it will reach high endemicity (this could be incredibly bad) or low endemicity (what most people envision as “endemic”). Public health measures can still affect the outcome.

          • Anon

            Public health measures could affect the outcome, if there was any desire to participate in them, which unfortunately, in large parts of the country, there is not. Republican politicians are staunchly against lockdowns and mandates, and Democrat politicians who want to win their next election are not going to endorse lockdowns (or school closures). In many states, the ability of public health officials to act independently of elected officials has been limited by law (meaning, a public health official couldn’t call for a lockdown or enact a mandate without the approval of a governing body, like a city council, county commission or state legislature). I don’t know when people are going to snap to this if they haven’t already, but public health officials are not calling the shots anymore and they are not going to get to call the shots. Regrettably and unfortunately, even if what they suggest is the right thing to do, or a good idea. There’s no political will for lockdowns and there’s very little public sentiment in favor of participating, even among people who took the pandemic seriously, and got vaccinated. (BTW, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to encourage people to get vaccinated so we could “get back to normal” and then have to backpedal on that almost immediately.) People trying to plan around Omicron should make their plans based on what they can do themselves and what they have control of, because I think it is really, really doubtful any kind of major governmental action (at any level of government) is going to happen to limit spread.

      • Anon

        Emotionally, I feel this way. Like if I just got it and were over with it, life would be better.

        Rationally, I know that there are people who did fine with the virus the first time they caught it, and then were hit very hard the second time. Or who recovered the first time, but never recovered the second time. Some are hypothesizing that the odds of complications are increasing with repeated infection. If the low risk will slowly become higher risk with repeated infections, so as long there’s mutations, vaccine escape, breakthrough infections, etc., it’s not going to be “over” even for people who have had it.

    • Anon

      100%. I’m living my life like normal – fully vaccinated, no vulnerable household members, but it is EXHAUSTING tiptoeing around people’s preferences. I’m happy to accommodate them, and I appreciate that different people cna have different risk tolerances, but still – sick of it!

      • anon

        Same. I am tripled + had Covid at least once possibly twice (one pre-vacc eligible confirmed after being around two others at Xmas and one suspected pre-knowledge it existed here) and even with some long-Covid stuff (asthma worsened), I am living my normal life while abiding by any requirements for masks and such. I’m traveling internationally next week and my only concern is not being able to get on a plane to get back but I’ll have my laptop so is it that big a deal really? Meh . . .

      • Anonymous

        And we are all sick of having to deal with your recklessness without offending you.

        • Anon

          You don’t seem terribly worried about offending people, based on your comment.

        • anon

          Hardly is triple shot + following requirements (and in my case advising indoor gatherings of my status and general activity level) reckless. I respect if someone tells me they are uncomfortable with me being there and I don’t show up (spoiler alert: none of mt friends and family have bc they too are vaccinated and if there are unvaccinated kids around we stay outside). It’s seriously not a big deal. I don’t get my you know what in a twist if they say thanks but no thanks, I go do something else with people who have the same risk tolerance.

        • Anon

          Yeah, being triple vaxxed and following requirements isn’t being reckless. If you think that, well, I can’t help you. I’m 32, with no pre-existing conditions, no vulnerable family members. If I were seeing an immunocompromised person or a newborn baby, I’d wear a mask, take a test, and try to be cautious in the lead-up, just like I’d try to do during cold and flu season. COVID-19 is endemic and we’re far better off treating it like the flu or a cold if you’re vaxxed.

    • Anon

      I ABSOLUTELY hear this. I am 3x vaccinated, but I really shouldn’t get covid because of work reasons (spread it/needing to pause work), so while I (don’t worry much about my health, I DO worry about how covid would temporarily upend my life.
      So following the news has been exhausting, after things seemingly improving in the fall, now this latest omicron news. I also have not seen my family and some close friends since 2019, who I plan (planned?) to see over Xmas/NYE. Just exhausting.

      • Anonymous

        Why are you contemplating skipping seeing family and friends for the first time in two years over a job? The job doesn’t love you back.

    • Anon

      We went to a party of fully vaccinated people that was a lot more crowded and maskless than advertised – think a dinner party with twice as many chairs crammed around the table. Fortunately we didn’t get sick (yet), but my husband and I have been following the Omicron news, and in hindsight think it was pretty risky. That’s our last party for a while.

      I’m much more worried about long covid at this point than dying. We are only scratching the surface on what long covid means, but the thought of lifelong cognitive deficiencies is terrifying to me.

  7. Anokha

    This. We cancelled our 30-40 person Christmas get-together, because I couldn’t figure out a way to fashion it to everyone’s comfort levels. I’m over this.

  8. JTM

    Are there any places to rent fancy dresses that also carry plus size besides Rent the Runway?

    A friend is having a Christmas party last week and the requested dress code is “formal festive”. The options on Rent the Runway in my size are…fine. But I wanted to see if there was anything else out there before I pull the trigger on a rental.

  9. Anon

    I have a pair of Acquitalia Rhumba boots that I wore in before times with knee-length (and black tights). Dresses now are either much longer or shorter. Is anyone else wearing these boots in 2021? And with what? I will probably wear them vs heels, but the heel height means that they will be for a day of lots of in-office sitting as I try to get my sea legs back.

    • anon

      These would be cute with sweater dresses or whatever you wore them with before the pandemic. Really, we don’t all need to completely revamp our wardrobes.

      • Anon

        I get that. And yet, I have a closet of sheath dresses. Even if they weren’t still about 5 pounds or a good pair of spanx away from fitting, I am not sure I’d rush back to wearing them b/c I see them being worn with heels and I’m not in a rush to re-wear heels. OTOH, I got some combat-type boots and I’m pretty sure they don’t go with sheath dresses either (but it’s 2021 — maybe I just don’t care if the on-camera zooms won’t capture it). My feet got spoiled with WFH. I’m trying to wear what I have (or re-style things) before I rush out and buy new things b/c I can’t figure out what Tim Gunn would want me to try first: Make it Work.

        • Cat

          just wear your clothes with more comfortable shoes. I promise, we’re all in the same boat.

          To the specific question – knee high boots with a midi skirt or dress is definitely a look.

          • Anon

            I think high heeled boots with a short dress can work as a party look. For day, maybe stick to longer flowy dresses. Everything after sweats and slippers seems like OMG tryhard to my eyes now (which is mean, I know, but I don’t vocalize that).

          • Cat

            @10:17 – I agree boots & a short dress can be a party look, but not Aquatalia Rhumbas. Those are daywear. For the “suede OTK and a sequin dress look” we are talking about an entirely different pair :)

        • No Face

          I wore sheath dresses without heels for years before the pandemic (too much travel and court appearance to totter around). If you ever want to wear your sheaths again, you can!

          • anne-on

            Same. I have issues with heels and I have a large collection of pointy toed flats in formal materials (leather/patent vs. Rothys) that I’ve always worn with formal business attire. You don’t need to wear heels to be professional, but it is a bit harder to hunt down professional flats (fwiw, Boden and Kate Spade are my two go-to places along with Ann Taylor).

    • No Face

      Those are beautiful boots. I think they would look good with both longer and shorter dresses, personally.

      I’m not wearing my heeled boots because I just don’t feel like it, but my tall flat boots are back in rotation now that it is cold. I am wearing knee length dresses with them.

      • Anon

        I have some flat boots and they are just too wide to be as tall as they are. Like a bad extra from Hamilton? I think I need the elastic-backed ones that are more snug. But I don’t need that expense, so I’m just hiding them under very long dresses where it’s not as visible. If it’s still bugging me, I may try to snag something good on sale after xmas. My feet do love the flatness.

        • No Face

          I have giant feet and skinny legs, so that’s how boots always look on me. I’m used to it now.

          • Anon

            This may seem like an odd place to look for boots for big feet, but I think that Extra Petite did a piece on boots for those with thinner calves. Since most boots come in a full run of sizes, you might find something that works for you.

        • Anonymous

          I actually think tall boots that don’t hug the calf are more fashionable now, so yours are perfect.

  10. Career Soul Searching

    DH is having some career trouble and has sought my input/advice. He’s in a highly toxic work environment with a direct manager who is just horrendous. It kind of came to an impasse this week with a one-sided performance review (her of him) and it’s just a mess. He’s been at the company 6 years, has had 5 different bosses and 4 boss’ bosses, and long periods without one or both. He’s really proud of the company but the team is inept. He’s owning where he made some missteps – mostly emotional reactions to the s h i t storm above him vs just putting his head down and powering through, but this is bigger than him. He needs to exit (I’ve thought this for at least 2 years), which he now realizes fully.

    He’s 38 and feels lost in his career. He could on the one hand just apply to the zillions of jobs out there with his same title and would likely be hired relatively quickly but he’s not even sure that’s what he wants. Is this what a career coach is for? He wants to hire a resume write and outsource as much of this as he can but without knowing the end goal/job target (and maybe it is the current job function… but maybe not?) that doesn’t seem like the right first step. He’s very in his head about this and doesn’t quite know what the next move is.

    FWIW, my job is stable and income is quite strong. He could honestly be a SAHD with our 3 year old and we’d be fine, though I know that’s not what he wants. We’re on his benefits currently but if he leaves we can do a life event open enrollment and hop on mine. He’s in online marketing in house at a great company. I’ve proposed just picking up some contract work for 3-6 month stints for a while but his world is very different than mine (finance) so I’m not sure that’s a good call. Any advice? TIA.

    • Anon

      No advice on the career front, but if he doesn’t want to be a SAHD he shouldn’t be. It’s tempting to think “oh it would save us so much on childcare” but that’s not a good reason because it’s likely detrimental to your long-term financial situation, and defaulting into that role is a recipe for him getting bitter and resentful. I think being a SAHM or SAHD can be great, but the person in question has to really want to do it.

      • OP

        I really only added that so to illustrate that he has a lot of flexibility (especially in terms of income) in what he can do if he just wants to abandon this current career path altogether. SAHD isn’t what he wants and I’m not pushing him there, but your point is a fair one and I agree.

    • Cat

      I can’t answer on suggestions of where he might tr-nsition, but I do agree with you that working with a career coach is the best next step.

      Yes on holding off on the professional resume assistance until he figures it out. They could help you tailor your resume to best position yourself for where you want to go.

    • Anonymous

      If he does online marketing, surely the world is his oyster right now? I’d advise him to get a different job so that he buys himself space to consider whether he wants to make a career change. He could stay at the new place for 1 or 2 years while he is exploring and thinking through what he might want to do next.

      And yes, he could do contract work, but for someone who is already in his head, and is already at a point of confusion, taking away all outside structure and going fully self-employed and “futureless” right now could send him further into that space and make it even harder to get out of it. Unless it turns out that he’s really genuinely able to structure himself and his time, go after contracts, stay motivated apart from a workplace, and use internal initiative to find his own path forward. That’s a LOT of internal motivation needed, and it doesn’t sound like he’s in a good place right now to leap into that kind of lifestyle. That’s why I’m recommending an actual job over floating around in that ill-defined space.

      Yes, a career or life coach can help with this kind of thing.

    • No Face

      Toxic environments mess with your mind!

      In the past, I spent too much time thinking that whatever decision I was making was a decision for the rest of my life, when that really isn’t true. Your DH does not need to figure out his entire career trajectory before he leaves this toxic place. In his shoes, I would apply to a bunch of jobs, try to get as much time off as possible in between roles, and then start the next job while thinking about long term goals or desires.

      He could love his current job function at a different place, or he may realize that it is time for a career pivot. I think that is too hard to figure out in the midst of a toxic place.

      • Anonymous

        I was just thinking the same thing. I’d recommend getting out of the toxic environment ASAP and moving to another job, and using that as a chance to do some long-term processing. I think he’ll discover that the whole world is a different place once he’s out of the toxic environment.

        • Anon

          +1 to this. I was in a toxic environment last year and got so emotionally exhausted, I thought about quitting without having another job lined up. I figured, what the heck, I’ll see what’s out there before I quit, and started applying to other jobs. I was pleasantly surprised that I got several interviews, one of which was with a great company I had never heard of, hiring for an amazing (fully remote) role I was really interested in. I took the job, took three weeks off between jobs over Christmas/New Year’s, and then in ramping up in my new role, had some time to process and decompress, while still getting paid and maintaining job continuity. He doesn’t know what’s out there until he looks, and it’s a great time to be looking right now, for many roles. He can negotiate time off between the old job and the new one if he gets a new job, to give himself some downtime.

      • No Problem

        I completely agree with this advice. He should get another job doing what he’s doing now, in a place that isn’t a toxic sh!tshow. Once he’s settled, he can start working with a career coach on next steps. It could take 6 months to a year (or more, depending on the significance of the pivot) for anything in a new direction to pan out, and he should not spend it with a terrible boss.

        On the SAHD front, another option would be to do that on a temporary basis, say 6 months. If by the end of 6 months he hasn’t figured out his pivot to something else, he needs to get a job doing what he already does. He can explain the resume gap as wanting to really bond with his kid while kid is still young. Not totally a lie, and definitely plausible enough.

      • Anon

        Agree. I left a toxic workplace during a not great job market, which made my life hard. Leave the topic workplace, decompress at a new job, and figure things out while making money and keeping up with your career.

      • Anon

        Yep. 1000% this. I left a super toxic job in January and am now in a job that I like but don’t love, but it’s healthy and not toxic. My ideas for what I want to do are drastically different now. Before, I was reacting to the toxicity and aiming to get out of that rather than making rational decisions.

        He also has financial flexibility – so identify a less toxic same-level job, slide into that, and sit for a bit to figure out what he wants.

        Never make a major life decision in the middle of a crisis.

    • Anonymous

      I was in a toxic job and now that I am in the same role in a different company work and life is so much better. I would try to take advantage of the job market and find something new.

    • anonlawyer

      Agree that working with a career coach is a good next step – they can help him think through his likes, dislikes, and strengths at work and get “unstuck” in that regard. Your instinct on waiting for a professional resume writing service is on point; I offer this service to attorneys/legal professionals and the best resumes are tailored to job descriptions and postings of the kind to which the applicant intends to apply.

          • anonlawyer

            There are a number of orgs that give coaching credentials, which does add some legitimacy, although not all professions really need that. In the legal world, my experience has been that being an actual lawyer with work experience is most helpful to getting and retaining clients. I’m not sure about marketing. Two prominent orgs offering credentials are the International Coaching Federation and Professional Organization of Resume Writers and Career Coaches. Both orgs have websites you can search for credentialed coaches. Word of mouth is great too; if you know anyone who has switched jobs lately, you could reach out to them and ask if they worked with a coach or counselor.

          • anony

            I’m training to be a career/life coach. If you want to find one, I’d use LinkedIn, type career coach in the search box. I got a result with about 20 2nd level connections who are coaches. Ask your connection if they’ve used the coach or how they know the coach and if they would recommend the coach. Then narrow it down by experience and certification/membership in the ICF (International Coaches Federation), though lack of certification does not have to be a deal breaker if the coach has the right references and experience. He could also contact his undergraduate institution and ask if they have referral names.

    • Anon

      A variation of this (toxic environment + not great performance review) has happened twice to me in my career and I chose both times to take the best opportunity that got me out reasonably quick and was a company with a great culture and reputation. The idea was to buy myself time while I figured out what was next, but the “next” thing has been at the new company both times. Being willing to make a lateral move to a sane work environment allowed me to recharge and really make an impact in that very next role. Best of luck to him, it’s so much better on the other side!

    • another marketer

      I’m also in marketing and just worked with a career coach to talk through some promotion challenges. Her name is Nancy Bue and I thought she did a great job asking good questions and walking me through some exercises. If you search “Nancy Bue coaching”, she should be the first search result. I did all my sessions virtually, and she gave me homework with each session and then we’d talk through it. She’s quite low pressure about booking more sessions, but she’ll hold you accountable for doing the hard work.

      Marketing as a field is really hot right now, so unless he absolutely hates every aspect of the work, I’d encourage him to find another job. I’d encourage him to start by writing down all the tasks he likes and all the tasks he dislikes. It doesn’t matter if the tasks he likes are currently in his job description or title, does he like doing that type of work? Then go to LinkedIn and search around for ANY job title that has those tasks. Make notes about which titles keep popping up with descriptions/tasks that he likes. Then he can make a shortlist and go through the resume writer if he wants to tailor his resume to move into an adjacent opportunity while he decides if he wants to completely switch fields/industries.

      I’ve also used a weighted decision framework in the past to kickstart these types of decisions. Steps:
      – Make a list of the top 5 things that bring you satisfaction in your life. Could be career, family, church, hobbies, whatever, but broad enough that they mostly stay the same over time.

      – Give each a weight for how much they impact your satisfaction (ie: Family = 50%, Career = 20%, etc. until they sum to 100%)

      – Give each a percentage of satisfaction currently (ie: Family = 75% satisfied, Career = 10% satisfied, etc.)

      – Multiply ’em and sum ’em to see overall satisfaction and also where to focus your energy. If the career is very important to life satisfaction but current satisfaction is poor, then it will have a low overall score. But he might find that hobbies and/or family life is also scoring low, in which case, he might need an overall reset on mindset, priorities, etc.

  11. Anon

    Purchased a silk dress recently that doesn’t fit. I was getting ready to return it and noticed a tiny ink stain on the bottom of the skirt. I didn’t notice it before, and am not sure if it was there the whole time or if I caused it. WWYD? I think I’m going to contact the company and explain but I’m sure they’ll respond by not accepting a return?

  12. Anon

    I have absolutely nothing left, y’all. Lost a parent in August after a graphically gruesome years-long illness (not Covid), changed jobs in September after a major blow-out (harassment and clear gender-based salary discrimination), unexpected major surgery in October. Now I’ve had a bad mammo and bad ultrasound, so I will spend Christmas worrying about my follow-up appointment. Can this year just stop shitting on me?

    • pugsnbourbon

      Oh man – that’s so much to carry. I’m so sorry. I hope your follow up appointments bring good news.

    • Anon

      This year has taken a giant dump on me, too. Solidarity. Only way out is through. Wishing you some good fortune and better health in 2022. We are both due for at least that much.

  13. Anonymous

    For the person yesterday who was looking for non-food rewards: this is an ongoing struggle for me too. I want to nourish my spirit not my stomach, and no, consuming products I don’t need doesn’t fit the bill either. Someone here posted this mantra a while ago: you are not a dog, you do not need treats for a job well done.

    I like sensory things that can be enjoyed quickly. At home – petting the cat, lighting a candle, sitting on my deck in the sunlight for a couple minutes, fuzzy slippers. In the office – nice smelling hand lotion (which for me is unscented because I hate strong smelling lotions), a soft cardigan, and pictures of my latest adventure. Music works too.

    • Anonymous

      The thought of unscented hand lotion as a treat has made me a very sad. I want to buy you that cupcake.

      • Anonymous

        Ha! Some of the “unscented” ones still have a scent (to me), but I’m really scent sensitive. I like the supergoop one.

    • Anon

      I feel you on strong-smelling health and beauty products. My sister asked for some Lush products for Christmas, and my husband had to wrap them because I felt ill just handling them.

    • Anonymous

      This is the OP from yesterday – and thank you, these are great ideas! I like the idea of lighting a candle; that is something that definitely would work for me. (Immediate gratification, not something that is part of my regular grooming rituals, purely fun.)

      Substituting food, even healthy food, even small portions, is just not an option for me.

    • Anon

      LOL at “you are not a dog, you don’t need treats for a job well done.” Too true.

    • Kate

      Can we please retire this dog phrase? I find it so demeaning and crude. It is not some base behavior to enjoy eating food. Food is culture, home, sustenance, history, geography, community. Preparing good food can absolutely be a pleasure and a way to nourish and care for yourself.

      “I want to nourish my spirit, not my stomach” just no.
      nourish: transitive verb
      To provide with food or other substances necessary for life and growth; feed.
      To foster the development of; promote.
      To keep alive; maintain.

      Julia Child would roll over in her grave.

      • Anonymous

        You’re being intentionally obtuse. No one is saying you can’t enjoy food. Some people struggle with eating that is purely emotional and not enjoyment-based. I will enjoy my cupcake because I want to enjoy a cupcake. Not because I “deserve” it. Not because the only thing I have to look forward to in life is my next meal/snack. Not because food is my only friend. If you can’t relate to any of these statements then consider yourself lucky! But some of us need a reminder that we are thinking feeling beings who can seek rewards in things that will lift us up, not just give a dopamine hit that we’ll later feel guilty about.

      • Anon

        I agree with this… which is exactly why food shouldn’t be used as a reward. You always deserve to eat good food, it shouldn’t be a treat. And good food shouldn’t be thought of as just cupcakes and sweets, but all of the amazing tasting food out there, which definitely includes cupcakes sometimes but also many other things.

      • Anon

        Food is all of those things. For some of us, it is also an addiction, or something we use to soothe or reward ourselves, which is not healthy behavior if we consume far more calories than we burn, or consume food that will make us sick (i.e., diabetics eating sugar). I spent a lot of years in Overeaters Anonymous unpacking my emotional relationship to food, which came from some really terrible messages and reinforcements I experienced in my youth. If you didn’t have an experience like that, congratulations – you’re very lucky. Putting your nose in the air and acting like anyone who doesn’t treat themselves with cupcakes is anhedonistic or disconnected from their soul is obtuse, and also callous. Go watch “My 600 lb Life” if you want to see what the end result of disordered, addictive, unchecked “nourishment” looks like. I could have ended up there myself, had I not recognized the patterns I had around food were hurting me, and gotten help.

  14. Anonymous

    What are your favorite holiday traditions? I want to enjoy the holidays this year after last year was so lackluster.

    • Anonnymouse

      Driving through the fancy neighborhood in our area to look at Christmas lights, playing festive music in the car. Bonus points if you have cozy beverages.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Our neighborhood (and several others in town) do luminaries one night. Everyone lines the sidewalk in front of their house with luminaries and we all walk around the neighborhood and look at the lights/decorations/etc and there’s usually someone that has set up handing out hot chocolate.

    • Anon

      We do a backward Die Hard countdown each night from the 20th to Christmas Eve. Dinner those nights is light snacky stuff, heavily featuring popcorn.

    • lifer

      Playing my favorite Xmas music –

      the Peanuts Xmas soundtrack
      the Pogues Fairytale in NY
      Corelli’s Xmas Concerto

      I hate all other Xmas music. Everything.

    • Anon

      Watching the Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia Christmas special while wrapping presents for the kids late on Christmas Eve.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Similarly, drinking bourbon while wrapping presents (by myself, so I can do them how I want to) and listening to the only six Christmas songs I like.

  15. Dogs

    I loved the TIBAL project for clearing A-mazon lists. Is there a way search to see what nonprofit wish lists are available?

    Anyone want to throw some in the comments? (If allowed?)

  16. Horse Crazy

    Thanks to everyone who commented on my wardrobe post yesterday. Follow up – can any Bay Area ladies comment on the best thrift stores for work clothes?

    • Anon

      Get thee to Sacramento Street. Goodbyes is my fave but there’s a lot of really good ones there.

  17. Anon

    Polyester crepe — this is a daytime fabric still?
    Satin — still not a daytime fabric?

    Seeing some clothing that is making me question what it is for (also, it is 2021 — do I care if it fits)? I just don’t want to show up managing to frump up a perfectly good outfit b/c I’m trying to pair new pieces with old (again: should I even care? Can I not be some sort of brightly colored multilayerd circa 2001 Olsen Twin?).

    • Anon

      Are you the person who is constantly on here having an anxiety spiral about clothes and style? Please relax. It’s excessive.

    • Anonymous

      I can’t speak to whatever frustrations you’re referring to in your final paragraph, but my simple answers to the first two lines are:

      crepe – yes.
      satin – depends. I’d not wear a shiny “prom-dress” satin to a professional office (but lots of rules are ‘broken’ for more creative fields), but there are some more “matte” or rumpled satins that I would wear this way.

      • Anon

        Same here, I ditched all my polyester crepe stuff years ago because it was so uncomfortable to wear. Wearing those close felt like I was punishing myself. No stretch OR breathability? I’m out.

  18. Cold Home Office

    My home office is freezing. What are your favorite comfortable warm outfits for WFH video calls? I would appreciate links or names of specific items.

      • Anon

        Not OP, but my office is the northern corner of the house, where the wind whips around and the garage isn’t there to cushion it. Cranking the heat makes the first floor intolerable before I get comfy. Zoned heating is my “next time we buy a house” goal.

        • Anon

          There are options if you don’t have zoned heating. If your house doesn’t heat evenly it’s usually fixable by closing vents on the first floor to redirect airflow upstairs. You can also get smart vents that open and close on their own, like these: https://flair.co/ . I have the Flair vents and they really work.

      • Anon

        I enjoy being warm but I also enjoy not having a $500 heating bill. If some folks don’t have to worry about their utility costs, good on them, but that’s not my life.

        OP: I got a small space heater that I cycle on and off during the day, and I am all about the cardigans right now. I’m wearing cardigans I haven’t worn in years, just because I don’t want to be seen in the same ratty one on Zoom all the time. Cardigans with turtlenecks is working for me pretty well. No surprise, I feel warmer in a thinner shirt + a cardigan than I do in one heavy sweater. So any thin long-sleeve t-shirts or sweaters you have should work, with a cardigan or sweater jacket on top.

        I also dug out my Minnetonka Ugg knock-offs and those really do a good job at keeping my feet warm.

    • anon

      Not what you requested, but an electric blanket works wonders and no need for a new wardrobe.

    • Cat

      If they have it again this year, the Talbots fleece funnel neck looks 100% like a cashmere sweater on video – in dark colors anyway!

    • Anon

      Blanket and heating pad really help. After that, I find that 100% merino wool is really much warmer than anything else appropriate for work, as long as you’re not sensitive to wool (I can’t handle cashmere or anything at all scratchy, but merino is usually okay). Unfortunately, I’ve often found it hard to find good thick sweaters- most of the ones I’ve gotten from places like Banana Republic are super thin and get holes right away. I’ve weirdly had better luck with sometimes buying men’s sweaters. Even though I’m very short, I have some from Banana Republic that fit reasonably well and are much better than the women’s version. I have some I’ve bought years ago from LL Bean and Gap that work well too.

      • Anon

        Look on Poshmark for Ibex. I love the thicker merino sweaters. Also, try the Everlane felted merino wool 1/4 zip, so soft and yummy, although it does pill a bit.

    • Anon

      Lands end silk long underwear, top and bottom. Snuggly cashmere sweater in a camera-friendly color. Duluth NoGa pants. Wool socks. Sheepskin slippers. The advantage of this outfit is that I just swap the cashmere for a merino wool layer from Ibex or Icebreaker, change from slippers to hiking boots, grab my outerwear and hit the trails.

  19. Elle

    I’m 100% over thinking this. Those of you who have hired an interior designer- how much did you iterate with them? For example: our designer suggested a scone from one company and looking at their site I found a very similar one that I like slightly better. Is it rude to ask her if we can switch to the slightly different design? Or she suggested $600 stools and I just got a sponsored ad for a $200 stool that looks identical to me. I don’t her to feel like I’m second guessing her or invalidate the work she has done.

    • London (formerly NY) CPA

      It’s your house and you have to live with it LONG after she’s gone. Also, her job is to help you curate ideas into a cohesive design, and it sounds like you appreciate her ideas and are looking for fairly minor tweaks. I wouldn’t worry about making changes like that at all.

      • Senior Attorney

        THIS!! It’s YOUR house and you call the shots in the end.

        And I say this as somebody whose designer is SUPER snooty and gives attitude about things like this and I do it anyway.

    • Anonnymouse

      You don’t need to worry about swapping items or changing the design to fit your needs and budget. They are working for/with you to come up with the best solution for your home, which you have to live in. They’re not artists whose “vision” needs to be respected at all costs.

    • Anonymous

      Yes on the sconce change. On the stools, some random thing from Wayfair is unlikely to be the same quality.

      • Anon

        OTOH, not the OP on this, but no designer would believe our ability to ruin things. So I don’t need something precious or pricey. The nicest piece of furniture I have has silver glitter nail polish on it. I need stuff I won’t cry over at first scuff.

        • anne-on

          This. I bought crate and barrel plexi stools for our kitchen because fabric is a no-go for us in a house with a VERY messy kid/pets. I wipe those down every day and the gunk I get off them is shocking. I laught to myself when I think of our designer who swore performance suede would work for us. No. Just no.

      • Anon

        Sometimes more expensive online stores like Lulu & Georgia or Studio McGee sell the same stuff that Wayfair sells at very different price points. Even places like Pottery Barn are sometimes just reselling things like American Standard plumbing fixtures. A lot of it is not the same but some of it is.

      • Anon

        Sure, but do you need $600 quality for a foot stool or would $200 quality work?

    • Anonymous

      It’s my understanding that this is how a lot of designers make their money. They basically get a to the trade discount and then upsell you. They also coordinate the production and delivery of custom pieces and can order from places you cannot; so it’s not a trick but it is built into their business model. They’ll tell you the retail items you’re spotting are much lower quality, which they may or may not be. All this is to say, sure it’s your home but if she’s annoyed, I’m telling you why.

      I say this as someone who is considering staring an interior design side gig where I recommend retail furnishings and price transparently by the hour and/or project. Please disregard my first paragraph if your designer is only recommending retail items.

  20. wedding guest help

    Reposting because I was at the end of the day yesterday:

    Please help me budget for being a wedding guest! Multiple 2020 and 2021 would-be weddings are happening in 2022 for my friends. I’m expecting 5-7 weddings in 2022 and 3-4 each year after that for the next few years.
    I don’t know how I made it to my late 20s without figuring this out (Perhaps the combo of coming from a family without many wedding traditions and my friends who got married younger had fewer, smaller events?), but I need help estimating what it’ll cost to attend each wedding so I can plan now rather than being thrown off by unanticipated expenses. Could I ask the hive to please share expenses I should expect and approximately how much is reasonable for things like gifts, bridesmaid dresses, etc.
    This is what I’ve got:
    For the wedding itself: travel if applicable (flights, hotels, rental car if needed), re-wear as many dresses as possible or use Rent the Runway, $100 gift if giving cash or something of similar value from the registry, meals out/incidentals if it takes up an entire weekend
    For weddings where I’m in the bridal party: travel to the bachelorette weekend, entertainment/food expenses during the bachelorette, potentially those #BrideSquad t-shirts that everyone is posting on Insta nowadays, bridesmaid outfit (do I need to be ready to pay for hair and make up? I’ve never even had my own done professionally so I have no idea what the norm is),
    if MOH: I know I’d be expected to help day of wedding with helping things run smoothly and maybe help plan the bachelorette… am I missing anything?

    One response yesterday mentioned bridal showers. The only one I’ve been to was for my cousin, so I thought those were only for family of the bride and friends go to the bachelorette. Should I expect to attend and give gifts at both events? I come from a less wealthy family than most of my friends so I’m afraid of doing something wrong and offending my friends or their families.

    • London (formerly NY) CPA

      I have been to showers for both family and close friends. I attended both those and the wedding, and gave gifts at both. Something smaller at the shower (about $50-75) and something bigger at the wedding ($100-200 depending on how close we are).

      • Anonnymouse

        Agree with London. What I would do if I were you is call these friends and ask them to give you an idea of what events they’ll be having surrounding your wedding if you feel comfortable. In my circle, we don’t have elaborate bachelorette events because that’s not really our thing (and your friends might feel the same). However, I know that for those who do, there is sometimes the expectation that the Maid of Honor plan the bachelorette, so maybe consider that as well.
        My best piece of advice would be to keep lines of communication open and not to assume anything. A good friend should be able to understand is you can’t, for example, fly to a shower, bachelorette, AND and wedding if it’s out of your scope, especially if you have so many weddings back to back! Ask these questions early so you’re not surprising the bride when the wedding gets close and she’s probably ant her most busy and stressed, and I think you’ll be fine.

        • Anonnymouse

          Also, I don’t stress too much about how much I spend on gifts, as I usually buy off their registry so I know they want the item even if it’s $25, and only the worst kinds of people will judge you for not forking over hundreds for the Vitamix.

    • txblue

      Reach out to people you know going to the weddings about sharing rooms at the hotels. That can be a big money saver.

    • Anonymous

      Most bridal showers I’ve been to have either been a certain groups of people the bride knows, or a mix of people from across groups. So, a friend group might give a couples shower, a relative might throw one that has lots of relatives and some friends invited, a group of friends from an activity or church might go together to throw a shower — or a shower might have a huge guestlist that draws from all these settings.

      As far as how much money to spend at one, that would surely be subculture dependent. People on this board give very expensive and large gifts, compared to the kind of thing I’m used to and can afford. (I don’t even spend these amounts to buy Christmas presents for close relatives.)

    • Anonymous

      If you’re a bridesmaid then you should talk to the MOH/bride about what you’ll be expected to pay for. Everyone will be grateful if someone initiates that conversation early. Yes you should expect to attend/maybe help plan the shower. Yes you should expect to pay for your hair and makeup. Prices vary a lot, but set aside at least $150 for hair+makeup+tip.

      Expect scheduling conflicts. You cannot be at someone’s bachelorette and someone else’s wedding on the other side of the country on the same weekend. Everyone is going to be in a similar boat. Expect people to feel hurt but remember that just because someone’s feelings are hurt doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. People are entitled to their emotions but they are not entitled to make you deal with their emotions. If budget is an issue then it’s ok to come up with blanket rules like I won’t get on a plane for a shower. Good luck!

    • Anon

      If being in a bridal party is a financial hardship, PLEASE just discuss it with the bride. I know it’s uncomfortable, but just be honest. I had a friend wait until the week before my wedding to drop out, claiming she couldn’t afford it. I had to eat the cost of her dress, alterations, hotel room (we prepaid for a block), and two plates because she didn’t even show to the wedding or reception. I would have been more than happy to cover her costs, just to have her be a part of our day. Instead, she made things as difficult and chaotic as possible, creating a boatload of stress. She basically dropped out of our lives after that.

    • anon

      Prioritize the weddings. Anything else — showers, bachelorette parties, etc. — are a nice bonus, and only if they fit into your schedule and your budget. Honestly, so many brides seem to have unreasonable expectations of their wedding parties. It baffles me.

      • wedding guest help

        Thank you, this is my plan. I’ve already told one friend I will be missing her bachelorette in Feb for another friend’s wedding. She was obviously disappointed, but said she understood given just how many weddings are happening in 2022.
        My general approach is to make a sincere effort to attend everything, but I won’t fly from place to place within the same weekend to make multiple events and in the case of conflicts to prioritize the actual wedding over events leading up to it.

    • Anon

      The challenge is that, with the exception of the gift and your attire, this is going to vary WILDLY. I’ve been to weddings in Mississippi where I could spend very little on accommodations and flights, and weddings in Napa where I spend a boatload. If you have a rough idea of time of year and location, you can get a better idea of costs.
      Would second what the poster above said about the wedding being the priority. If something doesn’t fit your budget/schedule, prioritize the wedding.

  21. Curious

    I would just like everyone to know that I ate a muffin this morning and I thought of the hive.

    It did, indeed, help my mood.

  22. Anonymous

    Ugh, I wrote out a whole long post but my internet died.. long story short, I think I have discovered the magical lip balm that actually WORKS: Flexitol. Apparently it’s the only with urea, but I don’t even know what that means or why it would help… all I know is, day one, and I am already loving it. If this keeps working this well, I may literally scream its praises from the rooftops.

    Also loving Lashify, the DIY lash extension that glue under your lashes. If anyone has been considering pulling the trigger and trying them – do it!

    • Anon

      A urea balm for lips?? Urea is magical; I don’t even have chapped lips right now (weirdly warm weather where I am), but I am bookmarking this right now.

  23. Anonymous

    A urea balm for lips?? Urea is magical; I don’t even have chapped lips right now (weirdly warm weather where I am), but I am bookmarking this right now.

    • editor

      Oh, thanks for the prompt! I’ve been wondering where to get a spa gift card in the Leesburg/Purcellville VA area. I’ve spent some time searching and then just can’t decide.

  24. nuqotw

    Is cold a state of mind? I am freezing. I am home where it is 66 (a perfectly comfortable outside temperature for no jacket in the spring time in my opinion) wearing a down jacket intended for actually cold out of doors weather. What is wrong with me?

      • nuqotw

        I had never seen that – thank you!

        Okay, thanks all, I guess that covers it. (We’re don’t turn up the heat because if we do our upstairs gets insanely hot. Spouse was on phone calls upstairs so I was working downstairs.)

    • Anon

      For me it has to do with activity level. If I get up and move around frequently, I’m fine or even hot, but I’m perpetually freezing when I’m sitting still.

      • anon

        +1. 66 degrees when I’m cleaning the house? Great! 66 degrees when I’m sitting at a desk? Please give me heavy layers and maybe a heated blanket.

    • Anonymous

      The sun isn’t shining directly on you. Also it may not be 66 where you are, just where the thermostat is.

    • Anon

      I have terrible circulation and my thyroid is garbage. My endo swears my numbers are great, but I still never feel like my body regulates its core temperature correctly.

      • Anon

        I’ve had endos who only cared about numbers before. Switching doctors improved my life significantly (new doc got me on combination therapy and raised the dose). I had no idea that treatment approaches varied so much from doctor to doctor.

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