Splurge Tuesday’s TPS Report: Dalmation Print Cotton Jacquard Pencil Skirt

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Sonia Rykiel Skirt - Dalmation Print Cotton Jacquard PencilI love this skirt. The contrast hem, the high waist, the matching belt — gorgeous. The pattern reads more “abstract” to me than “brown dalmation” (do such things exist?) but either way it looks fabulous. One minor complaint: for the price you’d think they could afford to throw a zipper in the mix, but perhaps the pull-on style is just fine. It’s $640 at Bloomingdale’s. Sonia Rykiel Skirt – Dalmation Print Cotton Jacquard Pencil

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]



  1. Pretty for a night out.

    I currently trying to purchase something on the JCrew website and it keeps telling me my size and color are ‘out of inventory’ even though both the size and color appear in the drop-down boxes. Oh well. It’s probably a sign that I don’t need yet another pencil skirt!

    • Try chatting with customer service? They have a good instant message feature for this.

    • PharmaGirl :

      I’ve had that happen quite a few times on the gap website recently when something sells out as I try to buy it.

  2. There’s something very Auntie Mame about this skirt, but I say that as a good thing. Fun pick.

    • Charlotte Peloux :

      Yes! I do love me some Auntie Mame. Great philosophy: “Yes! Live! Life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!”

    • Really pretty and feminine, especially with those shoes.

      • Agree. Normally not a huge fan of strappy peeptoes, but they really go perfectly with this skirt.

    • Not a huge fan of the tie-belt, but love it otherwise (well, except for the price, of course).

  3. writergrrl :

    Love the skirt, but I’m not feeling the belt. It looks like a robe tie to me.

    Ladies, I could use your help. A dear friend got accepted into her dream graduate school recently. She’ll be leaving for the US in a little while, and it will be her first time both in the country and in a Master’s program. I’d like to put together a little care package of odds and ends for her, but I’m stumped as for what to add beyond spice packets (we’re both from India and learnt that lesson well on previous trips abroad) and her favourite teas.

    I’d love some suggestions, especially for stuff that’s cheap and and/or small, since she won’t have much spare luggage space. DIY stuff and/or things that require a bit of time are fine, since I have some time before she’ll leave. Oh, and generic product ideas versus specific brands would be great, since I don’t live in the US/Europe.


    • How sweet of you! This might be sort of obvious…but what about school supplies? And pictures of home, of friends, family, put together in maybe crafty picture frames? My college roommate/best friend gave me a picture of the two of us in a crafted frame before I moved for law school (almost 5 years ago (GOOD GOD REALLY?!)) and it’s still sitting on my night stand to this day.
      What state is she coming to? That could make a difference as to what would be available there, or what she might need when moving here (Maine vs. Florida would be very different, for example.)

      • Oh, and any candy or treats that are specific to India? I know there are times when I crave brands or restaurants you can only get back home, and I imagine it’d be even moreso coming from out of the States!

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I love the idea of some cute craft picture frames (or even a cute ribbon-bulletin board with some pictures tacked in — a friend gave me one before I left for a college and I had it up all four years). Also suggest homemade spice packets, but most of the premade ones will be available in Indian grocery stores here, depending on where she is moving.

      Also – India -> US, I would definitely include (if you know them) some of her favorite toiletries, like nice shampoo, conditioner, etc – of course, we have all those things here but her favorite brands likely won’t be available. Additionally, though I don’t really recommend using them, she isn’t going to find any (or at least, will find very very few) fairness creams here. If that’s something she uses, that might be something to include.

      This is a big one but – my mom has complained that an Indian style pressure cooker doesn’t really exist in the US, and still uses her one from India. That might be way too big but would be something to warn her about?

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        Oh also this is weird but – – maybe a drying rack? Not sure if they sell the foldable ones, but I know when my friend (who grew up in India) came here for college, she was weirded out that we wash all our clothes together once every one to two weeks, rather than washing our undergarments and laying them out to dry every day and said she was annoyed there was no place to hang clothes to dry them except the communal laundry room. That whole thing might depend on where you guys are from, though.

        • Drying racks are pretty easy to find at Target and other similar places, though. AND, I’d think that they’re rather large to put in luggage.

          • momentsofabsurdity :

            Yeah good point. I don’t even know if that’s true for all of India or if it was just true for my friend or her region. I think they do sell smaller foldable ones, but if luggage space is at a premium, which it sounds like it is, it’s probably not worth it.

    • I second the picture thing, something tiny to place on a desk or a bulletin board (particularly if they are living in halls or crappy rented accommodation). Does her computer have a built in webcam? Wireless mice and those little baby speakers are nice too as are headphones (which I somehow destroy on a monthly basis and hate having to replace).

    • writergrrl :

      Wow, so many great responses already! She’s going to CA, but not very near Silicon Valley/Indian expat central, which is part of why I’m stumped.

      The picture frame idea is brilliant- I need to go poke at some of our mutual friends and ask for pics. And conspire to get one of the pair of us. (There goes my evil plan of studiously avoiding any cameras…)

      momentsofabsurdity, very good call about the fairness cream- I hate them with a hatey hate, so I’m very conflicted about whether to include some or not. And I remember getting a mini drying rack from Ikea when I was in France, so that shouldn’t be an issue.

      I’ve heard that getting any kind of pain meds in the US is a PITA, and my friend gets horrendous cramps every month (I don’t remember the name of her meds here, but think triple-extra-strength Advil rather than Tylenol.) Would a few strips of her go-to meds be overdoing it, or will she be fine with what’s available over there?

      • Yes, include drugs. You want what you are comfortable with (says the girl who is seriously considering buying some Tylenol PM off of Amazon UK and is hoarding Excedrin). I also stock up on fancy homeopathic drugs when I’m on the continent (yes, total placebo effect, I know)

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        Totally include drugs – she will likely find *something* here, but it will probably be more expensive and it may not be as strong as what she’s used to. That said, if you do include drugs, make sure you tell her what they are in case customs searches her bags!

        • Definitely let her know. Also – be sure to check with US Customs and Border Security (they do have a website) regarding what medications you are allowed to bring with you into the US. If it requires a prescription in the US (even if it doesn’t outside of the US), you may have issues bringing it into the US without planning ahead and having certain written documentation.

      • Ibuprofen (Advil) generally comes in 200mg dosing over the counter here and you can get bottles of generics for pretty cheap. If you get a prescription, they give you 800mg doses. But its the same medicine, just a bigger pill. Getting narcotics and muscle relaxants will require a prescription. Short answer, she will probably be fine although she may have to play around with a few different doses to figure out what works.

    • Yes! I take sooooo many bottles of shampoo and stuff with me when I leave the country for an extended period of time.

      On the “school supplies”–this has always been an issue for me moving between Germany and the US because they use binders the way we use file folders. For a few years I took along folders and files, but eventually I got into their system (tricky, because their hole punches have 2 holes where ours have 3)–just in time to return to the US. These days, I mostly use magazine file, because those are available in both places and the difference between A4 and 8.5×11 doesn’t matter with them. Anyway, point is to find out if she wants to use the system she’s familiar with or go native, and then figure out how to be of assistance there.

      If she’s going to an area that doesn’t have an Indian community, she might like decorations for holidays or just for her room. Small or foldable, obviously.

      A box you’ve packed would be really special, of course, but if practicality is what you’re going for, you might want to call/text a few times in her first couple weeks to hear her impressions and what she’s missing. Then you can hop on line and pow! the UPS driver will be dropping off a package of just what she needs.

    • GirlMeetsWorld :

      Definitely yes on drugs (incl. homeopathic.. all that is way cheaper in India plus some prescriptions in the US are OTC in INdia) and local foods/snacks! Maybe a calling card to call India? (Dial 011 91.. from the US). How about Bollywood dvds/cds? Pin/voltage converter? Laundry detergent (only b/c it can be expensive here and she might want to do laundry right away?) Very nice of you to do this!

      • GirlMeetsWorld :

        One more thought, depending on where she’s going.. a list of addresses/phone numbers/maps of important local things? Ie, local library, coffee shops w/ free wifi, closest Indian grocery store and reg grocery stores, cell phone stores, restaurants, etc.

    • I was an international student in the US more than a decade ago but my mind is going completely blank on what stuff to get from India. Indian pressure cooker definitely helps to make big serving of daal when you are student and don’t cook often, both healthy + cheap. I still use mine from 10 years ago. Spices and all are fine, especially the basics, but don’t really need to load up on tons of turmeric/cumin etc, small quantities are sufficient. Indian snacks are a big hit, especially packaged namkeen, again you get them here too but helps to have some initially.
      For clothing, Indian shawls come handy as wraps and scarves.

      I still remember my second day in the US, getting myself to a Walmart by public transportation and hauling back a ton of everyday stuff to the dorm — I was all by myself and felt a huge sense of accomplishment after coming from a pampered environment where I never had to do a single grocery shopping. Next day my American roommate drove me around to all the stores to get stuff I needed, said I should have just asked her before, she is still one of my closest friends to this day.

    • Alanna of Trebond :

      Don’t know what what part of India you’re from–but the things I usually get from India are:
      1. snacks (like Haldiram’s, but the better varieties from local stores)
      2. sweets
      3. Good lord no fairness creams. And you can get them here–I think even on Amazon.
      4. Body oils/hair oils (esp. almond or coconut oils)
      5. Real pashmina scarves/shawls, because the ones they sell here are no good. Silk scarves–again, way better.

    • hellskitchen :

      Based on my experience, I’d say beauty/makeup items that she’s not likely to find here would be good things to pack. I’d say no to stuff like shampoo, shower gel etc because the tiny bottles you get in India don’t last too long here but take up valuable space. Basics like that are very cheap in the US. Instead I’d suggest stuff like nice face masks, especially those with Indian ingredients like sandalwood, neem etc which you can’t easily find here. Or makeup if you know her shades, because as a student I wouldn’t want to spend too much money on niceties like that. You could buy a nice going-out clutch and fill it with makeup or beauty stuff so she can use both.

      And a big yes to photo frames or even other reminders of home… they really mean a lot when you are away from home. Perhaps small cloth wall hangings that don’t take up too much space. If she’s a grad student and ends up being a grad or teaching assistant, she may be assigned a desk that she may want to decorate.

    • Desi snacks!

  4. Love the skirt, but if it’s a pull on style there’s no way it will fit both my waist & my hips/thighs.

  5. I’m having a baby at the end of July, and my hubs has a big presentation at work in the first week of June. I’m wondering if y’all think it would be safe to plan a babymoon in the middle of June, which would be about six weeks before the due date. I should be safe to fly, but will I feel like it? I am in the south, and I was thinking of a trip to either Colorado or Maine. Thoughts?

    • I thought most airlines were pretty iffy about people flying that late in pregnancy.

    • SpaceMountain :

      Your doctor might not want you to fly in the last trimester. Plus, flying at that stage sucks. You have to get up to pee every half hour, and you are so big you can’t squeeze past anyone in the aisle.

    • Is this your first baby? My OB recommended against flying when I was that close to my due date. I also think you’d feel more comfortable and more in the mood for a babymoon if you pushed it up to well in advance of your husband’s presentation.

    • My OB was fine with us driving 5-6 hours away for a trip 6 weeks before my due date. But, she suggested that we check to see if there was an accessible hospital with a NICU near where we were going. I was pretty uncomfortable by that point in pregnancy (also had a summer baby in the South). Would you consider something closer? We did a weekend in Asheville with a spa day at Grove Park. It was a great babymoon and got us some cooler temperatures.

    • Diana Barry :

      Is it possible to go earlier – say, in early May or late April? I had brief (long weekend) babymoons at 27 weeks and at 16 weeks. The 27 week trip was fun, but I was already big/tired and didn’t want to do too much. By 34 weeks I wouldn’t have been good for much. The one at 16 weeks was much better – we went hiking, I had lots of energy, wasn’t too big to be uncomfortable, etc.

      Also, YMMV obvs, but I wouldn’t want to travel after 32 weeks. I had a baby at 36 weeks and have friends who had theirs at 30 and 33 weeks. These were all first babies and so no history of complications, etc.

    • I thought you couldn’t fly at 8 months? I guess that it would be more like 7.8 months but I know my sister was not feeling up for a flight at that point in time. And I think you’d have to get certification to fly right? To prove you weren’t 8 months? I think it might feel more relaxing to treat yourself at home or a close drive for a bit.

    • You probably CAN travel by then (per your doc of course) but I’m in week 39 of my second pregnancy and will chime in to say that I really didn’t want to be traveling by that point. I concur with other posters who say “go earlier!” Then you can really relax and enjoy your trip without being uncomfortable, tired, etc.

    • I think you and your babe will know if you’re ok to travel better than the doc can tell you, but that’s mostly my attitude talking. I do remember helping Mom clean out her closet when I was in college or a couple years after and coming across a kit my dad had assembled to take with them on a plane in case she went into labor early (He’s an MD and had delivered babies before) She did not–I was born 3 weeks late.

      But if you decide not to go that far…CO and Maine sound like you’re avoiding the heat. How about going up into the mountains or out into the ocean on a boat big enough that it has a doctor on board?

    • Have you been to CO before? Or do you already live at a high altitude? I went to CO when I was about 12 weeks pregnant and the altitude did a total number on me. I had problems catching my breath, I was exhausted, and I couldn’t walk more than a few blocks (slowly) without needing to sit down. Just something to consider.

      • [insert clever name here] :

        I second this. I was in CO when I was 18 or 20 weeks pregnant and it was tough. I’m in relatively decent shape otherwise, but did really have a tough time catching my breath at times when we were hiking or walking around. [I have been in CO or other moutainous areas when not pregnant, and there was a noticeable difference.]

        At 32 weeks, I was pretty uncomfortable. I couldn’t even sit through an entire theater production and left at intermission. The baby was kicking in really painful places, my back and joints were throbbing, I had to pee, I was burning up, and the list of compliaints went on and on. As a result, I’m not sure I would recommend a long flight where you can’t move or do anything to make yourself feel better. At least a car trip, you could get out to stretch or adjust temperature if you need to. Plus, you don’t have to worry about getting around in a cramped plane.

        Just my two cents.

      • Counterpoint :

        I went to Colorado at 26 weeks, and while I had more trouble with the altitude than I normally do it was not unbearable. (and FWIW, we stayed at 9,600 feet and did very light hiking around 12,000 feet).

    • My doctor “grounded” me from air travel around 32 weeks for my first pregnancy. For second, I wasn’t “grounded” until 34 weeks, but that was only after an uneventful first pregnancy that went to full-term. I’d try to schedule earlier.

      The other thing to keep in mind is, even if you & your doctor decide you are up for flying at that time, you probably won’t know for sure until a few days before you step on the plane. Booking an earlier trip will save you any hassle & cost associated with last-minute cancellation/rescheduling.

    • Check your insurance. Some health insurers will not cover the birth at an out-of-network hospital (depends on the type of insurance you have) if you elect to travel out of your network area that close to your due date. I know mine wouldn’t.

    • If you’re okay to fly, highly recommend Maine. Fly into Bangor and drive down to Bar Harbor. Gorgeous.

  6. I love this! Too bad it’s so expensive. I’m always curious how many of the r e t t e s buy these early-week items.

    • I’ve never bought anything recommended on the site, but that’s about 70% Kat and I having completely different taste and 30% the price of many items.

    • Cornellian :

      I’ve always wondered that, too. I’m not sure I’ve ever bought a recommended piece, although I do like hearing other peoples’ experiences with products.

      I think I have a couple of Wednesday-price point items in my closet, but mostly Thursday and Friday, for sure, as a first/second-year big law associate.

      • but I do like it when people offer alternate suggestions, like with the sequin skirt not too long ago.

    • I’d never spend my money that way.

    • Diana Barry :

      I bought one Leifsdottir blouse that was featured at $75, but I think that’s all.

      • To me, a $75 blouse is different than a $640 skirt. The blouse is at the high end for me, but if it was “special”, I could reason that most of it had to do with quality. But prices in the hundreds? Not happening, even if I could.

    • a passion for fashion :

      I’ve purchased way to many things recommended, or on the website of the recommended item.

    • MaggieLizer :

      I’ve purchased a bunch of the lower-priced items but never one of the splurges. I really like it when the recommendations come from somewhere I never thought to look for work clothes (Target or Lands’ End come to mind) or a site like Amazon that’s just overwhelming (to me) to browse through. I’ve also bought a bunch of stuff recommended by the commenters here, like the Dress and the Skirt.

  7. Soooo, some of you may remember that about two weeks ago I mentioned that I was planning on opening an Etsy shop. Well, it’s officially open! There’s not too much up for sale at the moment, but if it goes well I’ll definitely start making more stuff to add.

    So check it out (and tell everyone you know) (I promise this’ll be the only time I plug the shop here)!


    • You make me long for my days of creativity! I might have to keep an eye on your shop Jess, cute stuff!

    • Ooh! I’m glad I saw this. I just emailed the “Let her sleep” sign to my sister. I want to buy it for my nieces’ room if it matches what she’s doing in their room.

    • Cute stuff, love the bright colors. Maybe when I’m settled into the new place, I’ll see if one of these signs would suit.

      (Oof. After lots of packing and shuffling off to the storage place to drop off boxes for the past 3.5 days, I’m finally back at work. And so glad to be working and not packing stuff in boxes. )

    • Welcome to Etsy!

  8. Diana Barry :

    Interesting article about Google’s data-driven retention policies!


    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Very interesting! The idea of using data to drive HR policies seems entirely reasonable, and I’m surprised Google is alone in it.

      I think the point in the article is fair though – it’s a reasonably unique case, in this economy, to be thinking of “we have X amount of money to give away, how do we do that in the most effective way?” when most companies, or even whole industries, are less concerned with retention than they are with how to continue to afford the people they already have.

    • Research, Not Law :

      Oh, I love this! Thanks for sharing. I adore this sort of thing. Not only am I a data head myself, I work for a company that attempts this on a much smaller scale. It’s interesting to perhaps catch a glimpse of the future.

      My coworkers and I have several times discussed and agreed on the advantage of base pay increase vs bonus. I think there are lessons for companies without Google’s unique money issue.

      It’s interesting to me about the effect of encouraging large retirement investments rather than smaller, manageable ones. That strikes me as counter-intuitive.

      I enjoyed the cafeteria learnings. Notable that none of them revolved around the food offered.

      I solidly agree about the cost effectiveness of ample maternity leave, as I’ve seen high quality and highly experienced women leave the workforce for an extended period ‘only’ because they struggle the first few months or want to be part-time for the first year. Hiring and retraining someone is a huge drain in cost and productivity – and not good for morale.

  9. It is Dalmatian, not Dalmation, unless the good folks at Rykiel patented this term for yellow spots on black.
    I like the skirt a lot, but if I dropped $640 on an item, it better not be misspelled :\

  10. I am sure that this has been discussed at great length before, but I’m hoping you ladies can help.

    If a person needs a basic black pump, should she ideally have both suede and leather? I got the Cole Haan Chelsea (the high one) in suede and Ivanka Trump Janie in patent. The Ivanka Trump feels a bit more manageable in terms of heel height. But the suede ones are really pretty, and they’re (sort of) comfortable, and they were on sale. I have a hard time finding pump-style shoes so feel a tiny bit reluctant to take them back if they (pretty much) work.

    Thanks for listening to this pressing problem.

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      I have two pairs – one patent (Jessica Simpson, who knew they would be SO comfortable) and the other regular leather (Ivanka Trump). These are the plain ones – I then also have another couple of pairs which are not just plain pumps, but I think this is enough so it isn’t necessary to have suede ones. I have Ivanka Trump suede ones in teal (which I love) and I think that’s enough.

      I don’t wear black shoes that often, I have more coloured shoes, yet I still have more than one pair, so if you wear black a lot, why not? Keep them both if you will get wear out of them!

      • Thank you for the advice! I love colored shoes but don’t wear them much in the winter because I wear a lot of dresses and so there is the issue of tights. I can’t wear patterned tights or anything too ambitious color-wise because I have chunky legs and it’s not good. What do you wear in winter with your colored shoes?

        Also, I am WAY into Ivanka Trump shoes. I have Linear (the suede wedge) in three colors.

        • Woods-comma-Elle :

          I LOVE Ivanka shoes, I have only the two pairs, but I want more, they are so lovely.

          I do tend to wear either plain black opaque tights or just regular nude hose with my coloured shoes. I’m not sure where you are geographically but this might not work as well if it’s snowy! Today I’m actually wearing black shoes, so I have black tights, but it is fur-reezing in London today.

    • Sidenote on Cole Haan – apparently Nike sold them (I don’t remember where I heard that rumor), so the continued use of the Nike Air technology that some people like (or hate) may be in question after the transition period is over.

    • locomotive :

      I have black heels in 3 types: patent, suede and regular leather (plus variations of heel heights…I do have a shoe problem). But the way I see it is that both patent and suede are a bit dressier/more informal than regular leather. So for work I typically wear a regular leather heel but wear the suede or patent ones out a lot more.

    • a passion for fashion :

      keep them both if you like them; you will wear them. I’m not the best person to ask about black shoes, given that i have 36 pairs of all black shoes, at least 12-14 of which could be considered a “basic” black pump

    • When I think of a BASIC black pump, I think non-patent leather. But if you like them both, keep them both. I have black pumps in patent leather, non-patent leather, and suede and I find that I wear them all.

    • I guess this entirely depends on how conservative your workplace is because, despite the fact that I own about 80 pairs of shoes, not a single pair is plain black pumps. In fact, I needed “funeral shoes” and ended up with pointy-toed black lace pumps.

    • I do NOT like suede and niether does the manageing partner. They get very dirty and he does NOT want me to look ruffled with sloppy shoe’s especialy when I am in court. So I have 9 west pumps in Black, and I also have black patent leather pumps for the winter that can be cleaned with a tissue. He reimbursed me 20% when I bought these LAST fall before SANDY! FOOEY!

      I have been SO busy this morning that I did NOT even get a chance to say HI to the HIVE! But its not my lunch break and I did NOT go with the manageing partner to Lambs Club b/c he uses that place to get cleint’s. Yay!

      With the free time I have here, I can RELAX and NOT worry about impresing peeople. I have 17 cases I am workeing on for Roberta so I asked her does ANYONE in your company actualy work and NOT get injured?

      She laffed and said that a book fell on her foot so mabye she would be my next case! FOOEY! I like Roberta and would NOT want to make MINCE MEAT of her in court! That would NOT be nice.

      Some doofus keep’s calleing me up at work and then hangeing up. I do NOT know who it is and my office has NOT invested in caller ID phone’s. The manageing partner say’s the building is NOT wired for it, but I am NOT sure he is right. The other office I went into had better phone’s then this one. I do NOT think the manageing partner want’s to invest in phone’s. FOOEY!

  11. Dominican Republic TJ! So, my girlfriends and I are planning a 30th birthday girls’ getaway in early August. There are differing levels of comfort w/ roughing it and traveling abroad in the group, so we’re thinking somewhere warm & tropical & with a resort feel to keep everyone happy. Since we’re coming from all over the US (and some abroad, where getting a US visa is a huge pain) we’re thinking the DR could be nice. Any recommendations for a fun resort that’s not crazy expensive? Or a fun, chill town that’s not too difficult to reach for some of the less experienced travelers, but that has beautiful beaches? I know the DR has a more small towns & local culture + beaches side, and then a side that’s all resorts. Thanks ladies!

    • A lot of people really like the DR. I did a girls trip there last year. We flew into La Romana and stayed about 20 minutes away. The beach was nice, but we definitely needed to know some Spanish. Not sure how much Spanish you would need for other resort areas. It was fun because I was with my friends but overall, I wouldn’t go back to the DR. We were relegated to the resort and the terrible “snorkeling excursion” which didn’t include any snorkeling, and had to eat the bad resort food. But, a lot of people really like it so YMMV.

    • Cabarete is beautiful and is a mecca for wind and kitesurfers. It gets a fun mixed crowd from around the world.

      I haven’t been in about 5 years, but we used to go every year.

    • Senior Attorney :

      A friend really enjoyed the Hard Rock all-inclusive resort in the DR. I can’t really speak to the price, but they are having a special right now: http://www.hardrockhotelpuntacana.com/special-offers.aspx?phonalytics=93c&gclid=CJb5xqfO_LQCFWlxQgodEGIAaQ

  12. PSA: Wellies and narrow staircases are a recipe for disaster. I am currently bruised from head to toe and can’t turn my neck. Be careful in the snow, people!

    • just Karen :

      oh no! I’m so sorry – ibuprofen and tea and cookies?

      • Thanks! I had a coffee date afterwards and had some hot cocoa which helped a bit.

    • Yikes! I have slippery hard wood stairs and have slid down them once and slipped and fell another time. I now go down very carefully and always wear socks with grippers.

      That said, you will want to take some ibuprofen tonight or you may wake up unable to move tomorrow. I got lucky when I slid down most of my stairs – just one deep bruise, but that can be worse the next day.

    • Yikes! Get a good night’s rest and maybe see a chiropractor tomorrow to make sure nothing’s been majorly thrown off alignment? *hugs*

  13. Spanish magazines, etc. to read :


    I learned Spanish in school and have not had many opportunidades to practice. I used to think I was just bad at conversing with native speakers, but that I could read OK. No es verdad! I picked up a copy of Hola recently and was amazed at how much I strugged to read it. It’s not Cervantes — it’s a celebrity magazine with pictures. Ayyy!!! Is there anything a bit simpler that I could subscribe to that might help me get better? My chidren are beginning to learn it in school and it would be OK if it were not aimed at adults. Where I live doesn’t have a lot in the way of things at local newsstands.


    • No recs, but my thought is that celebrity mags are probably harder than classic literature, if you are coming for a school learning background. Idioms and colloquial slang don’t always translate well, and probably aren’t covered in HS.

      • OMG yes. The slangy stuff in the celeb magazines is impossible. Do not feel bad. I almost cried the first (and still the only) time I tried to read Hola.

        One of my favorite magazines to read here is called Mujer Hoy. It’s a weekly written in accessible language, and has a decently interesting mix of current events, women’s issues, and beauty- and fashion-related stuff. They’ve got a website (http://www.mujerhoy.com/), so you could scan that and see if you think it would work for your purposes.

        • Whoops, didn’t see that you were okay with kids’ stuff. I’ll ask the teachers at my elementary school tomorrow if they have any recommendations, and will post back if they know of anything good.

          • Spanish magazines, etc. to read :

            I was thinking that my Spanish was so bad that perhaps I read only at a children’s level (I know that People comes in a Spanish version, but am shying away for now) :) But the website looks fun — maybe that for mama and Iguana por las muchachas? I had a penpal in high school and really enjoyed looking through the magazines she sent. This may be fun for everyone. Gracias!

            I will share with you all my favorite memory aid: “abrazo” means a hug — “a bra so snug invites a hug” [I hope I am not misremembering or getting this just wrong, wrong, wrong.]

    • I bet you can download ebooks in Spanish, or magazines like the one you just found challenging. When I was first learning German, I read children’s picture books.

    • There’s a children’s magazine that has no ads and is all in Spanish.
      It’s called Iguana and is from Cricket, publishers of BabyBug, LadyBug, Spider, etc.


    • I’m reading the Harry Potter books in Spanish. There’s vocabulary I have to look up, but it’s not bad since the original is aimed at younger readers.

    • If I can piggyback on this — does anyone read any particular online sites in Spanish that would be helpful to non-native speakers hoping to brush up? Recommendations for newspapers, blogs, etc. that I could add into my RSS would be great.

    • I also find it really helpful when you have the article written side by side in English and the other language. I always force myself to read the French version of the articles in the Air Canada magazine, and just look over at the English side by side to check when there’s an idiom I don’t understand. So maybe you could find something like this for Spanish. Also, there’s a great podcast called “News in Slow French” and I think they have the same in Spanish. It’s real news events from the week broadcast in French (or other languages) but they speak much more slowly than a native speaker would. It’s helped my understanding of the spoken language a lot.

    • I grew up speaking Spanish in the home and I can’t really read People en Español. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t understand many of the words and can’t figure them out from context. Might also be because I don’t know anything about the stories covered (I flip through it at my aunt’s)
      So I agree to try something more familiar

    • lucy stone :

      I’d love this also – 8 years of Spanish in school and now whenever I have a Spanish speaker in court I am saying “mas despacio, por favor” over and over. I wonder if there is a Spanish version of Highlights.

  14. CravingMusic :

    What are your favorite JAG Jeans? Specific style names and/or links would be appreciated.

    • I have 2 pairs. One is good, the other one (mid-rise, straight leg) is almost-Holy Grail. I think it’s the Sydney style but cannot verify this right now. If you have a Nordstrom in your area, I recommend going to the store and trying on a bunch.
      My body type is hourglass with a bubble b^tt.

  15. CravingMusic :

    Ladies, I have a pregnant friend who has recently been placed on bedrest. I want to do something nice for her like send a care package, have meals delivered, or send a cleaning service. She lives in Midlothian near Richmond Virginia and I am not within visiting distance. Recommendations?

    • No recommendations but chiming in to say how thoughtful this is.

    • Does she have an Amazon prime membership? That could be a nice gift — then she could order things she needs (everything from paper towels to shampoo to baby stuff) without having to worry about a trip to the store. Plus it would come in handy when the baby arrives for diapers and such. And it comes with streaming video to keep her entertained while she’s on bedrest, and the Amazon lending library if she has a Kindle.

      • Yup – was going to suggest things she can either watch or read. Maybe pay for a few months of Netflix and Hulu Plus if she doesn’t have them.

        A lot of people think to send dinner, but maybe sending some nice breakfast food would also be appreciated. Does she knit? Or want to learn how to knit?

        How pregnant is she? I read the other day a suggestion that while on bed rest, you can address and stamp all your baby announcement envelopes and that seemed like a great idea.

      • Diana Barry :

        Oh, this is an AWESOME idea if she doesn’t already have it.

      • Don’t forget that new parents get 3 months of Amazon Prime membership for free.

        • The “Amazon Mom” prime does not include the streaming video that you get with a paid prime membership.

    • Anonymous :

      I’m in Midlothian and the cleaning service I use is the Mid-Atlantic Maid Service – they’re great! I don’t know their price for a one-time clean offhand, but they let you dictate the terms of your cleaning. And I work from home, so I know for a fact that they aren’t bothered by the owner being home during the cleaning either!

  16. Ladies, I could use some recommendations for good winter walking shoes. After two separate incidents of foot pain after walking 4-5 miles in my Frye riding boots, I realized that I need something that will keep me warm but that is a little more comfortable. Thanks!

    • locomotive :

      Teva or Sorel winter boots. Mine are teva, water resistant on top and have a thick rubber sole and are fleece lined and SO toasty.

    • Aquatalia (Sweetie boots) – I walked in them ALL day when I was playing tourist in December.

      • Patent Pending :

        I think aquatalias are the absolute best. they are waterproof, well made, and comfortable. Check out sierra trading post for sales.

    • Merrells. I primarily wear their fleece-lined clogs in the winter, but I also have a pair of suede mocs that are a little nicer looking and several pairs of boots. All very comfortable.

      • darjeeling :

        another plug for Merrells. I have a pair of boots and they are the best- they look good over or under jeans and with tights/skirt and I can walk all day in them. Not cheap at $175 but I’ve been very happy with them.

    • La Canadienne

  17. Asheville, NC :

    I’m planning a long weekend getaway for my husband and I the first week in April to Asheville, NC. We’ve never been before. Does anyone have any recommendations on places to stay, eat, things to do, etc?

    • Go to Barley’s. I still have dreams of their veggie pizza. And you have to go to Salsa’s. The story behind the place is awesome and it’s a very interesting combo of Mexican/Carribean flavors that totally works.

      We did the Biltmore which was a lot of fun. The thing I liked was you could go one day (say Sat.) and if you purchased tickets for a special tour or activity for the next day, you could roam around the whole property again. We did a wine tasting and had a blast. The gardens were amazing.

      I’d skip the little village outside of the Biltmore – there were some shops but nothing so amazing/different. I much preferred wandering around downtown.

      Finally, you have to go to the book and wine bar. You can read books while drinking champagne and eating cheese. Nothing more glorious in my humble opinion.

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      I have no helpful suggestions except that I remember having one of the best breakfasts of my life in Asheville – I’ve tried to find it on Google Maps but I got nothing! In fairness it was almost to the day four years ago, so it might not even be there anymore, but I still remember that breakfast!

    • At Cumberland Falls B&B is a lovely place to stay. Do you like beer? There are some great brewpubs and breweries (Wedge, Jack of the Woods, Green Man, etc) We also really like the spa at Grove Park. There are a bunch of good places to eat in Asheville and plenty of shops to wander through one afternoon. We’ve done several long weekends there and love the area.

    • Tupelo Honey has a fantastic breakfast, including the best biscuits I’ve ever eaten. It’s good for dinner, too, but breakfast is the best. It’s fun just to walk around that downtown area, which has a bunch of interesting shops. If you’re at all interested in architecture, here is a bunch of information you can use for a self-guided tour: . I didn’t find this until after I went to Asheville so I haven’t done this tour (and it looks pretty long), but I wish I had.

      • For some reason the link to the architecture stuff didn’t work; just google “asheville mountain magic architecture” and it’s the first link.

      • In-House Optimist :

        This. For breakfast. :)

      • Their grilled cheese is divine. Mmm. You are making me hungry!

    • Just spent my birthday there last month! The Biltmore is great but definitely was expensive and took up a lot of time, so that’s something to think about if you’re on the fence about it at all. We did dinner at The Admiral which was phenomenal, though definitely out of the way so it’s not like you would be able to stumble upon it. Curate was also wonderful – it’s a tapas restaurant with amazing sangria. We stayed at The Residences at Biltmore (not associated with The Biltmore other than proximity) and it was great – condo style with huge bathrooms and kitchens, and very very clean and cozy.

      Another side note – if you’re into J.Crew shopping at all, check out the clearance center in Arden, NC. I got a few steals! It was about 20 minutes away from Asheville if I recall.

    • Brooklyn, Esq. :

      We looooved Asheville. A couple things to keep in mind: it’s pretty quiet on Sunday nights and during the week at that time of year (I assume–we went late March), so plan accordingly. The downtown area is cute and walkable. We wished we had stayed right there so as to avoid drinking & driving (instead one of us was DD, which can be kind of a bummer if you’re celebrating). The Admiral (recommended above) was fantastic. Highly recommended for a nice dinner, though the atmosphere is casual. 12 Bones Smokehouse was amazing bbq–try the blueberry chipotle ribs. Loved Early Girl Eatery for breakfast and The Wedge Brewery for a fantastic place to hang out (and great locally brewed beer)–Wedge is particularly great for people (and dog!) watching, plus they have peanuts! Walking around in the River Arts District was a lot of fun. Asheville has lots of great bookstores–we especially liked a couple on North Lexington Ave. (plus a great record store on the same block), Battery Park Book Exchange (a bookstore/somewhat swanky cocktail bar), and Montford Books (used books, a little out of the way–chat with the owner, she is fantastic).

      Re: the Biltmore, as a fan of historic houses, I loved it (especially the downstairs area–a great look into the American version of Downton Abbey). And my husband loved walking around on the grounds. We skipped Biltmore Village.

      Enjoy it! I can’t wait to go back.

      • Brooklyn, Esq. :

        Almost forgot–you must do Sunny Point Cafe for breakfast/brunch. Incredible biscuits and a real local hangout since it’s over in West Asheville. Great scene.

    • Take a tour of the Biltmore but don’t stay there. The hotel is beautiful but expensive and quite isolated from everything.

  18. Has anyone here sold china dishes? My Mikasa set is no longer being made. I know I could sell it to Replacements but am wondering if I’d get more money elsewhere.

  19. Downeast Basics :

    Anyone know anything about this brand? What do you think? Would you wear any of these to work?

    • Don’t know the brand, but most of them look fine to layer under a cardigan or whatever.

    • I have a bunch of their layering tees and I like them.

    • lucy stone :

      I’ve seen them in person and they aren’t the worlds highest quality but they’d be just find for layering. I’d wear some of their fun tees to work under a blazer on a non-court day for sure.

  20. Relationship TJ :

    So question for all you ladies in long-term relationships. How you do deal/adapt with a partner who has different emotional needs than you do? If your partner is trying but ultimately can’t meet your emotional needs, is that a sign to move on? Or do you think it’s possible to need less if you know your partner still cares but isn’t great at showing it? Any insight?

    I know the 5 love languages is often a recommendation to questions like this and is definitely on my list to read ASAP.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I think the key is here – if someone is trying but “ultimately can’t meet your emotional needs,” IMO, that is a sign to move on.

      If you look at your emotional needs objectively (and I know that’s hard) and can say “Yeah these are rational” (eg, wanting him to tell you he loves you as rational versus wanting him to step out of a big presentation with his boss to call you just to say hi as irrational), and the you’ve expressed what you need to your partner, and they still can’t/won’t meet those needs – I think that’s a sign it’s not meant to be.

      That is not to say you may not be failing to recognize that your partner is showing he cares in other ways (that’s what 5 Love Languages is good for IMO – helping you to recognize that different people *show* their feelings in different ways) but I still think the kicker is – if you need X [and X is reasonable], you have told him you need X, and he is not doing X (because he can’t, because he doesn’t think it’s important, etc), then I would move on.

      This strikes a bit close to home for me, since I recently ended things with someone for complicated reasons that boiled down to: “you can’t meet my emotional needs, through no fault of your own, and I can’t be in a relationship with someone who can’t.”

      • Woods-comma-Elle :

        Awww not the no-furniture guy? I’m sorry to hear that :(

        For what it’s worth, I agree with this, although agree that the objectivity part is hard.

        • Woods-comma-Elle :

          Apologies for the most ridiculous non-sentence ever.

          For what it’s worth, I agree with this, and yes, the objectivity part is hard.

        • momentsofabsurdity :

          Yeah the DWNF. It sucks but as I told a friend today, I guess that’s all dating is – seeing someone until a red flag comes up and deciding whether you can live with that red flag. I didn’t, so I ended things.

          I’m bummed but I honestly do hope he finds peace, and unlike most relationship endings, where I’m looking back and thinking “Ugh, I should have done x or y differently,” there’s really nothing I think I could have changed so as not to end up in this situation.

      • Relationship TJ :

        I read your account of the ending of your relationship with no furniture guy and it also hit a little close to home. My boyfriend has real issues dealing with emotion – he often shuts down and can emotionally disconnect very easily.

        I think part of his problem is that he is unable to express/feel emotion (due to a little bit of a troubled childhood). I can understand his limitations logically which is why I can’t quite wrap my head around walking away at this point.

        • momentsofabsurdity :

          Is he seeking help for this? Does he recognize that shutting down/emotionally disconnecting isn’t healthy, and is he trying to work through that? I think for me, it does feel different if someone recognizes a problem and is honestly trying, to the best of their ability, to change, versus if they aren’t trying.

          I definitely understand the feeling of “I can logically understand those limitations” and the impulse to quash your own feelings by saying “Well he’s doing the best he can – shouldn’t that be enough for me?” But I would caution you on holding onto the feeling of wanting to believe it’ll get better. If it stays the way it is right now, forever — could you be happy? You’re not a bad person if you say no, and I think it’s important to understand that. You’re not a bad person if you say “You know, I know you are trying your hardest but it is still… not enough for me.”

          I’ll assume you’re at a point in your life where you otherwise feel emotionally stable – but as I’m sure you know, life is topsy turvy. I think in a serious relationship, where you’re looking at someone as a potential lifelong partner, you have to think – if things get a lot worse – is this trait going to make me seriously unhappy? If one of us is laid off, if my parent or one of our children dies, if we have to move and start over in a brand new place, is his lack of showing me that he cares going to lead me to resent him? Is it going to make a bad situation worse? Is he or can he address it?

          All that said, you’re in it, and you know best. It’s a really rough situation and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with it.

          • Relationship TJ :

            He refuses to get professional help for this, because he’s done it before and it hasn’t made a difference. He claims he is trying (and I have noticed some incremental improvements).

            Something else that is also conflicting is that I know he would be good in bad situations. If a stressful situation emerges, like a parent being sick, it’s likely that I would be really emotional whereas he would be able to stay calm and rational and deal with business.

            I know he cares about me (and probably does love me) – I can see it in his eyes, in his actions, and he’s decently affectionate. But he can’t tell me he loves me. I’ve told him that this hurts me and so we’ll see if there’s an improvement in the next few months. I believe that even though he can’t show it, he cares about me enough that he’ll make an honest effort. FWIW, a few months into our relationship, he had trouble telling me he missed me when we hadn’t seen each other for a while. Now he can say it unprompted.

            We have a lot of issues to work through – or rather I do, because I need to decide if I can live with this. I just don’t know how to make this decision.

        • Been there :

          My very honest answer is that any reason for his inability to meet your needs in a relationship is not your concern. Your concern is only if he is or is not providing what you need. Frankly, if you have not married him yet, then see the red flag for what it is and leave. You can feel sympathy for what he has faced in his life, but you don’t need to (nor should you) take it on as your cause.

          I spent years and almost married a man who could not seem to feel empathy. He disregarded my feelings to extents that were grossly inappropriate (such as not being loyal and feeling that it was justified; ridiculing me in private and in front of others for minor errors or even his own mistakes). I knew his sad history, felt sorry for him, and made excuses for him. Little oddities grew into huge issues. It put enormous stress on me and made me subject to an emotionally abusive relationship. Don’t do that to yourself, please. Walk away now.

          • Senior Attorney :

            This times a million. Breaking up with him is a punishment you are doling out, so whether or not there are mitigating circumstances is beside the point. It’s just you moving on because you aren’t getting what you need.

    • Anne Shirley :

      For me, it’s a sign to move on. Meeting my emotional needs is one of my top relationship priorities. But I think Carolyn Hax’s advice is beat here- if nothing changes, are you okay with just this for the rest of your life?

    • My DH has/feels no emotion whatsoever. He does not understand emotion, and it’s been a huge issue in our marriage.

      With that said, I’ve tried to look at my emotional needs objectively, and there are some areas where I truly do expect too much. There are other areas where he does not give enough. With that said, we’ve both had to make adjustments. He tries more, and I am working on needing less.

      In our situation: it’s working. We’re both adjusting: we love each other enough and are determined to make it work. I think that both partners have to be committed to meeting each other’s needs, and recognizing that sometimes we both will fall short, and that’s life.

      With that said, it’s not always going to work, in every situation. Even if you both love each other deeply, sometimes it just doesn’t work for one reason or another. Anne Shirley’s advice is good here: Do you want to live with this for the rest of your life, or do you want someone/something else that will better meet your needs?

      • Relationship TJ :

        Your husband sounds exactly like my boyfriend – he just doesn’t understand/feel emotion. If you don’t mind me asking, was this an issue before you got married? Why did you decide that you could live with this for the rest of your life?

        I guess in my mind, I’m deeply conflicted. I love him (and know he loves me even though he can’t show it). Further he knows this is an issue of mine. He is trying and has made progress over the past few months. I know he’ll make a great partner and in many senses, our weaknesses complement each other. That’s why I can’t decide to cut my losses and leave him. I want to believe this will get better over time, but I don’t know if I’m being delusional.

        • Anne Shirley :

          I guess I don’t understand how he can love you if he feels no emotion. By “he’s trying” do you mean he sees this as a problem he has and is getting professional help to change? If not, I’d be wondering how he’ll be a good father if he can’t experience an emotion, and if I’d want to be a co-parent with someone who won’t share that with me, but you may not want children of course.

        • Mini novel ahead:
          It was to a point, but not a major issue during dating. We lived over 2000 miles apart, and somehow he still thought I had zero emotions when we got married (even though we had experienced several fights by this point, etc.) We had a short dating/engagement time though, so it’s possible that it would have become an issue had we waited.

          With that said, I knew that he felt zero emotion and did not understand emotion prior to getting married. What I didn’t know is how it would effect both of us. I decided I could/would live with it before knowing that.

          We both got married for the long run, and neither of us want to divorce: we’d rather work it out if possible. This is not to say that there haven’t been rough patches (I mean, who doesn’t experience tumult in marriage/relationships?) where I have actually thought divorce would be easier.

          Again, considering all of this, I would have still made the decision to marry him, and live with/work through this issue. As you said, he complements me in so many ways, and I do the same for him.

          The 5 Love Languages is a good start, but I will warn you that my DH took the test online and was none of them. I sat there with him, and he went through and said that none of the answers applied to him. (I really believe this is the case too, not that he was just being difficult.) It was more beneficial for him to see how I need to be loved than for me to show him love. My love languages are gifts and quality time. He’s made an effort to spend time with me, and he’s scheduled gifts/flowers on his calendar so he has a reminder to do these things for me. I know it sounds slightly ridiculous, but it works for us.

          When we first got married, we fought a lot. After we got married, he never said “I love you,” and so I thought, “Since we’re fighting, he must not love me anymore.” I voiced this to him, and he thought it was the most ridiculous thing ever. He told me: “I told you I loved you. If it changes, I’ll tell you, but until then, I still love you.” That opened my eyes a lot to how he thinks. Everything is a decision, not an emotion.

          How is his family? Emotional? No emotion? Way too much emotion?

          It’s definitely improved in the years that we’ve been married, and he’s actually exhibiting (and I think feeling) more emotion. Again though, it’s different for every couple, and you have to think about how YOU will do in this situation. I’m much less emotional than many of my friends, and so I think I have minimal emotional needs anyway. I think if DH would have married many of my friends, it wouldn’t have worked out, because they need something different than I do.

          • Relationship TJ :

            We’re also long distance and I think that makes it harder because when we’re apart, none of the markers that demonstrate his affection for me exist, because he can’t voice it.

            Everything is a decision with my boyfriend too, not an emotion. And nothing affects him – if we’re having an argument, I’ll think about the implications and probably get upset/emotional. He probably won’t even react, which is hard sometimes because I feel like he doens’t care. I think he does – he just doesn’t know how to show it. He went from being a teenager with a lot of anger to being a very calm and rational man who seemingly can’t express any emotion now.

            Thank you for sharing this – it helps to know that other people are in the same situation.

          • Have you thought about things that would make you feel loved when he can’t express it? Maybe if you can tell him specific things that would make it better for you, he could do those.

            I absolutely understand what you’re saying happens to you in arguments. DH drives me insane during arguments. We’ve just recently started to discuss this more. I hate that he will only think logically and he hates that I let my emotions show. I feel like he couldn’t care less that I’m upset, think about implications like you, etc., and it makes it that much harder to control my emotions and actually discuss something that is bothering me.

            If you ever want to chat, feel free to email me: required2remix (at) gmail (dot) com.

          • Relationship TJ :

            Thank you so much Leigh! I will email you because I really appreciate your insight and advice!

  21. Any favourite veggie lasagna recipes? Cooking dinner for a guy friend this weekend and figure veggie lasagna is simultaneously idiotproof and impressive.

    • This is a family favorite from Cooking Light – not your usual red sauce lasagna, but elegant and delicious http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/roasted-butternut-squash-rosemary-garlic-lasagna-10000000780383/

    • This one is also amazing, but a bit time consuming:

      I’d be interested in a good red sauce recipe though.

      • The Real Simple broccoli lasagna: http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/broccoli-and-three-cheese-recipe-00000000025215/index.html

      • This sounds really good! I just made spinach butternut squash pasta over the weekend and it was delicious. Maybe it’s time to experiment with a lasagna form? :)

    • I have ruined a veggie lasagna (it was soupy), so I don’t consider this dish me-proof!

  22. Anonygross :

    Okay, so kind-of-gross threadjack about acne, everyone. Anon for this, because, well, it’s not the most savory topic…. but I am hoping some of you can shed some light on this and maybe point me in a direction.

    Background: I’m mid-thirties, and I have struggled with some mild/moderate acne ever since puberty, but it’s gotten worse in some ways now because, I guess, of hormones, maybe some mild food sensitivities. But this is an issue that may be apart from this? I have these small areas on my face which appear to be normal pimples, but they do not act the same way. Occasionally, they are filled with some sebum which can be drained, but the “zit”/raised area never actually goes away. It heals, but then the process starts all over again. It’s like a pocket that keeps refilling. I have one on my forehead, two on one cheek and one on each side of my nose. I once asked my dermatologist about it (a few years ago), and she said that it (I had just one at the time) would just have to be drained periodically, but that it might not go away.

    I have been thinking about this for a long time, wondering if this is actually something that can be lasered or treated in some way. Surgery? Has anyone had a similar issue? I ask, because they don’t seem to be going away, and in fact seem to be increasing. Thanks, guys!

    • I am no expert but I would recommend going to a new dermatologist. They’ve come up with all kinds of acne-fighting treatments now.

    • GirlMeetsWorld :

      No real advice but can you run the issue by a good health food store or homeopathic/alternative medicine doctor? Maybe they can pinpoint a cause if it’s related to diet/body chemistry?

    • I had reappearing acne into my late twenties. I now use proactiv and never have a break out. It really works. I wish I had paid attention to those awful commercials earlier! The key is to be super consistent with the washing/lotion process. I never skip it ever. Also, just as warning, my face started peeling pretty bad when I first started using it, but it evened out after a week and was better than ever. This may not be the solution for you, but I hope you find something! Don’t give up yet. I think that was my problem. I just thought there wasn’t really a cure because nothing had worked for me, so I stopped looking for solutions until a friend recommended proactiv.

    • It may sound extreme but if this is a continuing problem and bothers you, consider accutane. I’m about to go on my second course of it (I did one course in college and my face completely cleared) even though by most measures my acne is pretty mild. Topical meds never worked on me (nor did proactiv, it just made my face all peel-y) and I don’t like the idea of being on antibiotics long-term. As long as you properly monitor your health (which anyway is mandatory on accutane) and aren’t planning on getting pregnant, I see no reason not to consider it as a treatment option if your acne isn’t responding to topical treatments.

      • I just saw my derm a few weeks ago, and he will not prescribe accutane at all. It is now being linked to chron’s and colitis, and many other serious health issues. There are others, like spironolactone, that work well for women with acne, especially if it could be stress / hormone based. I know it’s just my opinion, but the risks of accutane far outweigh the benefit when there might be other solutions.

    • Double Boo :

      Go to a new derm. I’ve had a handful of different ones before I finally found someone who was able to prescribe what I needed. It’s possible you have an ongoing infection that could be resolved with a course of antibiotics and some topicals. I’m usiing something called Avar-E at the moment, and it’s literally changed my life. Don’t let one bad or useless experience keep you from getting it resolved. Life is too short to have to worry about your skin (and possible scarring) all of the time.

      • You know, you have me thinking now. I’m now wondering if the places on my face are related to the little warts I have on my hand, which my derm tried to burn off with liquid nitro. But for all but a couple, they were impervious! Warts on my face? It just gets better and better….

    • Thanks, guys… I have tried Proactiv and Murad and Accutane (2 rounds!) in the past, with no long-term success, so I think that my true cause is hormones/food. The regular acne issue aside (I can control that pretty well), my main issue is these recurring places on my face. I guess I will try to find new dermatologist. I am hugely skeptical of topical treatments (for myself), as the only thing that ever worked completely was a combination of antibiotics and Retin-A Micro, but without the antibiotics, the other stuff doesn’t work.

      The reason I was hesitant to see yet another derm is that I have been to 3 in my area, and there aren’t many more to try, as I live in a small city. Plus, the waiting for an appointment as a new patient can be up to 6 months.

      Thanks for your responses, and I would still love to hear, though, if the problem I have described rings a bell with anyone. I feel like I should be going to some sort of aesthetician for zapping. : D

      • They may be cysts. I have one just below the bridge of my nose and it “refills” every few weeks. My deem said she could try to lance it, but it would likely come back. Alternately, you may have “bad pores” which are due to prior acne scarring. I would def make an appt for a better derm the next time you are in a bigger city.

      • Try googling large amounts of vitamin B-5. My cousin had similar problems (large raised bumps of recurring cystic acne) and vitamin B-5 cleared it up literally within a week or two. I hadn’t seen him for a month and his skin went from terrible to completely clear. He’s been taking 10 grams a day (20 pills of 500 mg each). No side effects or anything — it’s crazy. Apparently some people have some sort of issue with the way your body processes fatty acids and the megadose of vitamin B-5 clears it up. Anyways, I haven’t done the research, but definitely worth some google-fu.

  23. espresso bean :

    How do you handle running into people you’d rather not see at social events? Two specific examples are on my mind:

    1. Guy I went on a couple dates with that I met through a friend. Haven’t seen him since, and we’re both invited to a party there in a few weeks.

    2. An old college friends that I phased out of my life (no drama or major falling out, but we had little in common and just stopped initiating plans) that I worry about running into at alumni board events. I’ve actively avoided events because I think she might be there.

    In both situations, no one did anything wrong, exactly. But I still dread seeing them. What’s the best way to handle these situations?

    • I like to head off the experiene by approaching the person right away and then having a quick exit. E.g., “hey, how are you? I am on my way to the bar, but just wanted to say hi. Good to see you!” Then you move on. I just treat it as a political exercise. It generally works.

    • Just make yourself go. The first time you encounter people like this is always the worst, or at least it is for me.

      Once you get to the event, I’d do like AIMS said. Say hello preemptively, and then move right along.

    • Like someone you are glad to see/hope are doing well, but you don’t need to engage beyond that. Dreading seeing them is probably worse than seeing them. (I had a friend like that who didn’t actually do the phase out, but then it was fine, because when were in social settings, it wasn’t as if we disliked each other, so treated it like, you are a good friend of a good friend of mine so we are going to be cordial and friendly but no longer besties)

      • espresso bean :

        Thanks, all — great advice. I need to just suck it up and do it!

  24. What to wear? :

    Meeting someone for drinks tomorrow night. He’s a law student & I’m coming from work. What to wear? I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard but want to look cute (haven’t been excited for a date in a while!). It’s in a major US city at a semi-trendy bar if that matters.

    I was thinking either (a) sheath dress that I wear to work, (b) jeans & a fitted tee or (c) jeans & a white tee/black blazer. I’ll probably wear 3-ish inch heels either way.

    • For what It’s worth, you do NOT want to wear JEAN’s. If you want to look cute wear a black pencil dress with a white or red silk shirt. This is how I met alot of guy’s and it should work for you unless you have a fat tuchus. GOOD LUCK!

    • espresso bean :

      The nice thing about coming from work is that you can get away with anything (so if you feel more confident dressed up, you can just blame it on work and it won’t seem like you fussed about your appearance for him!). I always feel more best in a dress, so I’d probably wear one, but it depends on what you feel best in. Go for something you always feel confident in that you know fits well so you have one less thing to worry about!

    • just Karen :

      Sheath dress and knee high boots might be a good compromise, would dress it down a little…

    • Lady Enginerd :

      Option C. My go to first date outfit has always tended to be funky blazer (orange velvet), tee shirt, skinny jeans, ballet flats, and a fun piece of jewelry (often a statement necklace). If this is no longer a good first date outfit, someone please let me know. I’m tentatively gearing up to get back out there and clearly the clothes are the most important thing for me to consider!

      • Lady E, I’d totes try to take you home if you showed up on a date wearing that ;)

        In all seriousness, I think that sounds like a great outfit, if you can rock the orange!

      • Merabella :

        I think this sounds adorable, and I personally am really proud of you (even though I know you only through the internet). You got dealt a really hard blow and getting up the courage to get back out there can’t be easy. You wear that funky blazer with pride!

        • Merabella said much more eloquently what I was thinking, so I’m just going to ditto the “You wear that funky blazer with pride!” sentiments :)

      • Sugar Magnolia :

        I love the jeans/T/Statement Necklace combo!

      • LadyEnginerd :

        Awww. Y’all are so sweet! I’m taking it one step at a time and trying to be careful, but I’m starting to get excited about the fact that there are, in fact, fantastic men who are not my ex out there. De, I’d want to make sure you like me for me and not for my blazer before you take me home ;)

        And, of course, rereading this sub-thread made what will be my new first date anthem pop into my head:
        “wear that funky blazer, white girl…. wear that funky blazer riiiight”

        To the OP: my only real advice is to wear whatever makes you so confident that you have your own personal funk soundtrack playing in your head as you strut into that first date.

      • Love this combo. :-)

      • Suddenly I really really need an orange velvet blazer.

  25. Merabella :

    This may be too late for this but I need some advice.

    I think we are having to put our cat down tomorrow. How do I tell my boss that I need the time off? I want to tell her face to face, but I don’t know that I can keep from bursting into tears. Thoughts?

    • Just say you need a personal day. Is there a reason you want to do it face to face?
      And I’m so sorry.

      • Merabella :

        I guess because I’m already planning on taking a day off next week, and it is so last minute I feel the need to explain, but I guess I don’t really have to.

        • That makes sense…I guess it depends on your boss and how you interact. That’s what a personal day is for, so you don’t have to explain, and usually they aren’t predictable. So don’t stress too much on it.

          • Merabella :

            Thank you so much for the support. This is my first real pet. I had always heard people talk about how hard it was, but I really wasn’t prepared at all.

          • So this past thanksgiving I got a bit tipsy with my sister and we were talking about my childhood dog (golden retriever, had her from 7th grade until I left for college.) He Who Shall Not Be Named (my father) gave her away within a few months of me leaving for school. I was talking about when I had to say goodbye to my dog, and I started crying again telling that story, and it was 10 years ago. Pets hold a special place in our hearts. So even if you DO have to tell your boss what’s going on, I hope she understand if you get a little emotional. Lots of love sent your way!

    • Is there a reason for telling her face to face? I think that it is perfect for an email. Hi Boss- I need to take a personal day tomorrow. I’ll be available by email in the afternoon if any emergencies come up. thank you

    • S in Chicago :

      Just wanted to say how sorry I am and sending kind thoughts your way. I called my boss when my dog was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was incredibly touched by how kind he was. I suspect your boss will be the same. Be prepared that it could go that way–I think I was so caught off guard that it made the conversation even harder to get through. I started just sobbing and telling him all too much about how helpless I felt. Maybe have a few sentences written down to get through it easier. I really wish I had done that. Absolutely would have made a difference in keeping things from trailing so much of course.

      I wouldn’t hesitate to say why you need the time though. I think people are more understanding if they get that it isn’t just a medical or dentist appointment or something. I would want to know, so I wouldn’t inadvertently say the wrong thing if it were one of the people reporting to me or a colleague I was suddenly having to cover for. I guess it depends on your relationship though.

    • Senior Attorney :

      My thought is that it’s not essential to NOT cry when making such a sad request. Just be as brave as you can and don’t beat yourself up if you get a little teary.

    • This totally depends on your relationship with your boss…but I would let her you know you “have to take a personal day, that it’s a family emergency of sorts in that I got the news that I will have to put my cat down.”

      My former boss would have started welling up immediately; my current boss is actually based in a different office, but I know she’d be fine with it. One of my direct reports just took a random personal day, and come to find out a few weeks back that it was to put his dog down. I would have been way more supportive (ie- asked him if he needed anything, etc) had I known…I just assumed he was interviewing :)

      If it happens that you’re bailing on a big project/deliverable to do so, I’d follow up the above phrase with how you’re going to handle the work you owe. JMHO.

    • I am so sorry that you have to do this.

      I think you have gotten good advice, and I am sure your boss will understand. One thing I wanted to add, and that I hope would be helpful to others with pets, is that some vets now make housecalls for this sort of thing. I never knew about this before, but glad I found out. When the time comes with my cat, this is what I plan to do. Not sure if this is an option in your area but just thought I would mention it.

      • I want to second the housecall. It’s what my ex-H and I did with one of our cats and I wish we had done with my beloved boy cat. I couldn’t let go of him in a cold office, but having him die in the middle of the night with us was awful. Having the vet come to our house was so peaceful.

    • I’m so sorry :(. We almost had to put my kitty to sleep a week or so ago and I pretty much LOST it. (She has since had a miraculous recovery, but unfortunately is old and having kidney issues, so we will probably have to deal with it again soon). You are in an incredibly tough spot, and I wish we could take away some of the heartache for you. I think the advice above is perfect – take a personal day. Your kitty is part of your family, and you’d have no question about taking a personal day to mourn or take care of a family member, right? Allow yourself to have your feelings. For your own heart, and for your kitty, [calmly] tell your boss in person, or send a short e-mail. E-support, hugs, tissues, and whatever comfort food/drink works for you :(. So so sorry again.

    • Hugs and good luck. Take the day off, and send a short email to your boss explaining. I had to put my dog to sleep within my first year of my job, and was a complete mess – and everyone at work was so kind about it. You’d be surprised how many people have such a deep, personal connection to their pets, old or current. I’ll also second/third the suggestion for a vet housecall – our vet came to our house and it made the day just a lot more calm and peaceful. It’s worth it. I can’t imagine having to get myself home after that.

    • The others here gave great advice. I’ll just add my sympathies and *extra hugs*

      (Just remember that your cat had a great life with you!)

    • Tired Squared :

      Everyone else has already given you great advice, so I’ll just second/third/fourth that I think your boss will understand whether you (a) take a personal day or (b) tell him/her in person and end up crying. Extra hugs to you this evening.

  26. hellskitchen :

    Recommendations for prenatal yoga classes in NYC? Ideally anywhere on the west side or downtown or midtown. Yelp gave me Prenatal Yoga Center in UWS but their policies seem very rigid and I couldn’t find anything else specifically for prenatal yoga.

    • i am not and never have been pregnant, but i go to sacred sounds yoga on bleecker street. it is a great studio. they offer prenatal classes and i feel pretty confident recommending them, plus i’ve noticed that it is always a full house of pregnant ladies right before a prenatal class starts. good luck!

  27. anon for this :

    threadjack — am hoping someone on here knows a good therapist in San Francisco (preferably male) who works with people with severe depression. Recommendations appreciated. thanks.

  28. Has anyone visited Stowe before? We are going skiing there for a long weekend in February, and I am trying to book a hotel. I have never been, so I’m having a hard time deciding on the best option. I’ll be traveling with my husband and almost 1 year old. The adults will ski, and the baby will be in the daycare at Stowe for part of the time. Would love any and all experience with Stowe (any season)!

    • Hi there! My BF won a weekend trip to Stowe in a raffle and we went about 5 weeks ago. Random thoughts:
      -We actually stayed at Stowe Mountain Lodge (which I gather is normally very pricey but like I said, he won it). The staff are obsequious, the service is good, and the parking is mandatory valet ,$20 per night. The heated pool is AMAZING especially at night; you’re surrounded by snow but swimming through warmish water with beautiful mist all around. They have a ski valet who takes care of all your gear.

      -We ate at The Whip bar and Grill one night and the food was very good.

      -We went snowshoeing at the Trapp Lodge and that was fun; they have a bar/restaurant where they serve beer brewed on the premises and it’s very tasty.

  29. Exactly how would you be capable of develop this kind of wonderful audience of commenters to your site?

work fashion blog press mentions