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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 204 Comments · by

Coffee Break – Puck’s Garden Mushroom Post Earrings

Coffee Break· Under $150

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Elizabeth and James Puck's Garden Mushroom Post Earrings Personally, I'm really not a fan of post earrings, primarily because I find them uncomfortable to wear while talking on the telephone — but even I couldn't pass up these cool “garden mushroom” earrings in rose gold vermeil. The organically shaped stud is a chic, minimalist update on a classic look. They're $55 at ShopBop (also available in sterling silver and gold plated). Elizabeth and James Puck's Garden Mushroom Post Earrings (L-4)

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Comments

  1. Artie

    Hi everyone, long-time lurker and infrequent commenter.

    I gave blood around 2 months ago, and I was just notified that they found anti-E antigens in my blood. From what I can tell online, anti-E antigens are usually caused by, a) pregnancy, or b) blood transfusions, and could make future pregnancies high-risk.

    But, I’ve never been pregnant or had a blood transfusion. I am 23 and in a committed relationship, on the pill and use backup if I miss it (and just had my period). I’ve tried to find out other possible causes, and am seeing my doctor this week, but my Google-fu has lost to the sheer number of pregnancy discussion boards on which my search terms appear! Have any of you had experience with anti-E? How did it affect you? Any help is greatly appreciated, thanks in advance!

    • Batgirl

      I haven’t, but stay away from the internet! Just wait to talk to your doctor. Google will, at best, make you freak out and, at worst, make you make poor health decisions. Your doctor will have way more accurate information for you! Good luck and try not to worry!

    • anti-E help

      Long time lurker here too but I had to reply because I had the so-called Big E antigen in my second and third pregnancies and I had a hard time getting info about it. The theory with me is that my first child had a minor blood type that I didn’t carry and it crossed into my bloodstream causing my body to create an antibody. What this meant for subsequent pregnancies was that I was labeled “high-risk” and the docs monitored my blood and did plenty of ultrasounds to make sure that the antibody wasn’t spiking (which could be a sign that the baby had the opposite blood type). Obviously a perinatologist explains this much better. Near the end of both pregnancies (37 wks), the antibody happened to increase quite a bit so I was iinduced. I have three beautiful, healthy kids now! The only issue was jaundice – which is common with Big E – so the babies had to spend extra time under lights in the hospital. Anyway, long answer but I hope it helps. The bottom line for me was lots of monitoring and being induced a few weeks early.

    • Artie

      Thanks for sharing ladies. My PCP didn’t have much information and has referred me to a haematologist. Hopefully they’ll be able to help me out with this – another of my concerns is that immune disorders run in my family, so I think it is important to follow up on this (especially since it has arisen as a result of an unknown cause). You’re definitely right about Dr. Google though so I’ll be staying away from now on!

  2. a.

    Love those. Want those. Would buy those in a second if I was in America. I always seem to reach for post earrings in the morning, no matter how many dangly or otherwise cool ones I accumulate.

    • Ellen

      I do LOVE earing’s but the manageing partner does NOT want me to wear them at work b/c he does NOT want me to put my hair behind my ear’s when I am working. I think he think’s I look cuter when I have alot of hair around my head, IN the FRONT as well as on the side’s. He also does NOT like me putteing my hair in an updo, even in the SUMMER when it is hot out and it is stuffey in the OFFICE. He also OBVEOUSLY will NOT reimurburse for them b/c they are NOT clotheing. FOOEY!

      Myrna brought a BOX of cookie’s over from CRUMBS and Frank ate most of them b/c I was out of the office at Lord and Taylor LOOKEING for something for my mom and dad. I am NOT buyeing anything for my self unless the manageing partner tells me to.

      I had to walk to work today, and it was SOOOOOOOO cold, but I got over 5000 step’s on my FIT bit which I will be abel to show my dad tonite when I turn on my MacBook and it synks to it. My tuchus is actueally getting tighter and I got into a dress today that I could NOT get into in December. YAY! My dad will be thrilled b/c I am visiteing them next weekend. Mom is bakeing a pie for me! YAY!!!!!

      Dad said I should NOT withdraw from my 401K to join the firm b/c of the “miracle of coumpounding”. He did NOT explain about that and beside’s I do NOT have $100K for the manageing partner in their to begin with! So if I am to be a partner, it may have to be at another firm b/c My dad does NOT want to loan me the money either. He say’s he is thinkeing of moveing to North Carolina with mom where he might take a professorship at DUKE. I told him forget that, stay on LI, and be close to me.

      If I go in house, it will probabebly be in NY, and if I become a judge, it will HAVE to be in NY, b/c I am admitted here and am an expert ONLEY in NY Law. I do NOT want to have to learn another law. FOOEY!

      Some jerk keep’s calling me and hangeing up. I wonder if it is that jerk David or mabye the fish guy. I don’t even remember what his name was, if he had one I don’t know it now. It is so strange that men do NOT want to say anything, just breatheing in the phone than hangeing up. FOOEY!

  3. anon

    LOVE these earrings but wish they were a tad bigger – 1/2 a centimeter is tiny!

    • Research, Not Law

      That’s the perfect size for me!

      I’m adding these to my birthday wish list :) I love them.

  4. KC

    The name makes me think of a Midsummer Night’s Dream, and thus I’m a huge fan (and I guess the design is pretty cool too).

  5. NOLA

    I guess my ears must sit close to my head because I cannot comfortably wear posts at all. They constantly poke me in the neck.

    • TheoSTL

      Maybe my ears stick out more than I realized then? I only wear post earrings. Otherwise, I have a tendency to lose them.

  6. Photo organizing?

    Has anyone ever used the services of a professional personal photo organizer? This is like a personal organizer person, but they specialize in helping you deal with all the photos you have jammed in shoeboxes or buried in your computer somewhere. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the fact that I am like 6 or 7 years behind in putting my photos into albums, and the more overwhelmed I feel, the further behind I fall, and yada yada yada. Over the weekend it occurred to me that maybe I could hire someone to do much of the legwork, and lo and behold, a google search turned up something called the Association of Personal Photo Organizers, which certifies people to do this. I once hired someone to organize my basement and it was money very well spent, so I’m thinking this would be the same but wondered if anyone had done this. I know this is something I could do myself, it’s just that I never manage to find the time to do it, plus I feel resentful that it’s somehow my “job” and DH never offers to help.

    • MJ

      I didn’t, but one of my babysitting families did. The woman organized and scrapbooked the photos and charged by the page. Their albums came out darling. It was pricy. My two cents–it’s kind of weird for someone else to determine which photos are important. Like, it’s not hard to figure out your kids, but what about which photos from a birthday party, etc. If it woud make you feel better, and you have the money, do it.

  7. Houston Attny

    I would love to know your random, tried and true ideas for saving money (and thus, in my case, paying off student loans). Whether it’s a few dollars a week or a few hundred a year, what have you cut from your life to help you save?

    I’ve been on Weight Watchers for several years but was thinking of dumping it for something like MyFitnessPal or another freebie. This got me thinking – are there things I spend on just because I always have and wonder if you have any good suggestions besides the usual “take your lunch to work” and “make your coffee at home.”

    Thank you, Ladies!

    • Anon

      The old rule of paying yourself first really works. Have automatic transfers or direct deposit to a savings account and just work with what’s left over.

      • a.

        Word. Back when I had an actual salary (such as it was) I never set up automatic transfers because I wanted to have total control of my money at all times…but as soon as I got a paycheck I manually moved x% into my IRA and y% into my savings account. After it went into my savings account touching it was verboten, aside from emergencies or things I was specifically saving for.

        Other than that, the things that motivate me to curb my spending are:
        +Having a goal, like a vacation or paying back a debt in a certain amount of time. Every time I consider a non-necessary purchase I ask myself, “Would I rather have [random thing] or make [dollar amount] of progress towards my goal?”
        +Writing down everything I spend money on. After some recent budgetary wobbles (everything in Spain is on sale!) I recently reinstated this one. I love being able to put a big fat 0 under “daily total.”
        +Learning to say no to invitations to comparatively expensive activities, and/or proposing lower-cost or free alternatives. Most people are totally understanding, and if they aren’t you probably don’t want them as friends anyway. Friend: “Want to go to a hot yoga class for which you will have to pay some dollars?” a.: “I’m actually trying to save money right now, but I’d love to hang out! How would you feel about going for a hike instead?” Friend: “Sounds great!” Bam, done.

        Things that I have saved money on:
        +Not having cable. With the Internet, who needs it?
        +Learning to cook, with the goal of cutting the F back on eating out. Food is one of the things I tend to spend big bucks on (the others are boots, clothes, my dog, and traveling), so it’s an easy place for me to trim expenses. Do I really need to pay someone $15 to broil me some salmon, roast me some potatoes, and make me a salad, when I can get two-three meals worth of salmon at the store for $7, a bag of potatoes for $3.99, and multiple meals’ worth of salad fixin’s for under $5? Nope I do not. And if you crave the social aspect of group meals, try inviting people over to your house instead for some iteration of a potluck. That’s one thing my friends are really great about here, and it’s so much fun, plus a fraction of the cost of going out all the time.
        +Not drinking alcohol in restaurants or bars. Sucks if you’re into that (I definitely am!) but with my home state’s liquor tax, it adds up fast and can easily double the price of a meal out.

        • JJ

          Word on not drinking alcohol in restaurants or bars. Especially if you enjoy wine and/or “top shelf” booze. You can easily go through $100+ for two people in a night, whereas you can drink WAY cheaper at home.

          • CW

            Yes, absolutely. I can’t tell you the number of times my and DH’s restaurant bill comes back and half of it is for alcohol. And the kicker is that we have a ton of liquor and wine in our apartment. We’ve recently switched to a cash system for going out, and it was a huge motivator for staying in to make cocktails. Why pay $15 a drink when you could have the same at home for the price of a few lemons from the grocery story? And the bottle of liquor, while expensive, is a much better value than if you were to drink the equivalent at bars and restaurants.

            Separately, restaurants/takeout/bars have always been my and DH’s biggest variable expenditure. Switching to a cash system with a fixed dollar amount has really focused and motivated us to be smarter about what we buy and where we spend our money. But we also had to be realistic about how much we were spending and what was reasonable for us to expect to spend.

            For clothing, I generally find it easier to just not buy/look. It’s easy to turn away from things that are well above a price range that I’d ordinarily feel comfortable at, but it’s harder to reign myself in when there are adorable things like these earrings for only $55. Cute! Great price! Could totally use some simple earrings! In those instances, I ask myself what I want more: whatever item it is that I’m craving, or putting that money towards something that I really want (more savings, vacation, bigger splurge, etc.).

    • Penna

      I focus on whether I _actually need_ something. If I don’t, and simply want it, I rarely buy. It has taken me a few months to really get into this mindset. I recently cut my spending down to the bare bones, and I began to see how frivolous I had been in the past when it came to things that were only $5, 10, 20 or whatever. Those things add up like you would not believe. I use mint to track all my spending, but I’m on such a tight budget in order to pay down debt that I really don’t need it. I am very goal oriented, so knowing that i want to have $x at the end of the month to make progress toward paying off a loan helps me to have more self control with small things throughout the month. Self control is like a muscle in my experience. I have to exercise it in order for it to be strong. A few things I do that help me stick to my tight budget:

      I plan my meals and go grocery shopping every two weeks. I get tempted to go more frequently because I want something in the moment, but I always have enough food – so I know I have no legitimate excuse to shop more. This helps me stick to my food budget.

      With clothing, I find a complete ban on shopping to be a more effective tool than a low budget. I shop my closet to find new combinations.

      I’ve found I can easily do without cable and other similar monthly payment type things.

      I use the amazon subscribe and save program. I recently made a concerted effort to figure out all the beauty products and some household products that I consistently use and how long it takes to use them. They come in the mail according to my subscriptions, and I don’t waste time/money by going to target or other stores (which also have the added pitfall of seeing other products that are tempting).

      I build weekly/monthly treats into my budget so I have something to work toward.

      • Anon

        Amazon subscribe and save to avoid Target is a brilliant idea. I’m going to get on that immediately

    • AIMS

      A friend of mine has BoA and enrolled her account in a Keep the Change program which basically rounds up all her debit purchases and puts the “change” into automatic savings.

      But more specifically for student loans, I find it helpful to round up payments, so that if my payment is say, $640/mo, I pay $700. Only hitch with this is that most student loan companies don’t make it easy and will often advance it to the next month’s principal. With ACS, you have to send them a letter specifying that you want this done everymonth and how you want to have it applied. It’s amazing how much of a hassle they try to make it, but I think it is really worthwhile.

    • Cat

      I often take issue with personal finance advice for the reason you mentioned – repetitive, low hanging fruit type advice. Here’s what worked for me to pay off ~175K in 4 years:

      1. Minimize fixed expenses. For me, that meant purchasing less home than hubby and I could afford (a 1-br condo in a not-glamorous building, rather than the 2-br in the brand new tower), not buying a car (we rent occasionally), and keeping a careful eye on subscription type expenses like cable.

      2. Spend in a way to maximize your enjoyment per dollar. I don’t care if I eat a different type of soup every weeknight if I have to, so I don’t choose to allocate money on takeout because I don’t have time to cook a “proper” dinner. I am also a complete tightwad on purchasing “boring” items like cleaning supplies, basic groceries, socks, etc. Like the old diet catchphrase “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,” my spending had to “feel” better than being able to say F YOU! to Citibank that much sooner. (For me, that’s the occasional wardrobe splurge like my beloved Ferragamo heels, or a trip with my husband.)

      3. If you receive a windfall, pretend you didn’t (except for a small portion to be used as a self-splurge/reward – see aforementioned beloved heels) and direct that sucker immediately to the loans. That’s what made the biggest, fastest difference for me.

      • Diana Barry

        YES. Look at your fixed expenses first. Housing is #1, but also look at utilities, cell phones, cable, car payments, insurance, etc. – those will be more big ticket than all of the lattes you may or may not buy.

    • joy

      Pay yourself FIRST! Really! Even if it’s just $50. We have an automatic deposit into an online savings account. That way, we never miss the $$ because it was never in our regular account for very long anyways. Plus, it takes at least 3 days to withdraw money from the online account, which prevents spur-of-the-moment buys.

      One thing that is helping us is planning meals for a whole month. Yes, a month! That way we avoid the “what do you want to eat no what do you want to eat no what do you want to eat” that inevitably results in take-out or dinner at a restaurant. I fill the week with lots of easy meals and make bigger meals on weekends. Our restaurant days are booked on the calendar too. This also helps with the ‘bring lunch to work’ thing since we often have leftovers.

      • joy

        I know it is hard in today’s world, but live below your means. Buy a car in cash or one that has an incredibly low payment. It’s not glamorous, but it works.

        Don’t replace stuff until it’s broken/empty. I have to restrain myself from buying makeup and skin products. I just tell myself that I have 1000 eyeshadows already, and I do. not. need. another. Or that new skin cream I want to try? Well, I already have an open jar of another brand that is only 1/2 empty. My husband drives me nuts when he throws stuff away that still has viable product in it.

        Make goals. We really want a bigger apartment. We could transfer in our building today, but it would cost us $1000 to move before our lease expires. So we set a goal that we would wait until our lease is up, then transfer – and we mapped out exactly how much we were saving by not getting the bigger place now.

        Frugal isn’t a bad word, and frugal doesn’t have to mean stingy or boring. It is a mindset that a lot of people don’t have today because we all love to be instantly gratified.

        • CKB

          Yes – live below your means. And when you get a raise, don’t increase your expenses to match it. DH & I & our 3 boys live in a house that’s pretty tiny by our friend’s standards, and our city’s standards, and when we moved in, I was honestly concerned about the size of the house. But we’ve been there 3 years, and while one more room and a bigger yard would sure be nice, our rent, utilities, etc are SO low that we are able to save a significant portion of my salary (dh’s salary is inconsistent and all savings & major fun stuff – I’m main breadwinner) which will make it easy to achieve our goal of buying a house in a couple of years.

    • Research, Not Law

      Meal planning with one weekly shopping trip has saved us a ton of money (and stress). We also only eat out once per week.

      Re-evaluate your utilities, particularly cable. You may be able to drop to limited basic or switch to streaming Hulu. Also, if you’ve been static with your internet/phone/tv plans, call your providers to see what they can do. Usually you can shift services or have them underbid each other – or themselves, if they think you’ll switch. If you aren’t filling your garbage each week, see if you can go to bi-monthly.

      Set up an account for bills and another for discretionary spending. Transfer bill money immediately and only spend from the one account.

    • KC

      There was a good discussion thread on a similar topic not too long ago that might be worth a read as well:

      http://corpor e t t e.com/2012/09/26/whats-the-best-change-youve-made-to-save-more-money/

      (Remove the spaces above when you copy the link – tried to avoid moderation!)

    • PS

      For me not buying the little things really helps. I don’t buy gum, extra lip gloss, a bottle of water etc. It is really easy for me to not chew gum, fill up my water bottle as needed, use the lip gloss I already have and then I can spend money on take out, clothes (a bit), dinner with friends. I.e. I make almost no $1-3 purchases in order to be able to drop $25 at a time.

    • a.k.

      I swapped weight watchers for a fitbit + my fitness pal and it’s working better for me than WW did. started coming out ahead financially in month 3.

    • O.

      I don’t have time to read all the comments but I’m sure you’ve gotten good suggestions. I’m assuming that you have already reduced big expenses (especially housing) if possible. I paid off $160k in student loans in two years, largely due to having a biglaw salary but also due to being really freaking cheap. Here’s how:
      1. No cable.
      2. Call internet company every time they jack my rates and threaten to leave if they don’t drop them back to original level.
      3. No heat or A/C (live in somewhere warm, so doable; YMMV).
      4. Once per week grocery shopping, and cook from scratch as much as possible. (When I was a student I made bread, crackers, pasta, etc. from scrach but that is not doable on a regular basis as an associate. We still use dried beans instead of canned and do some of our own baking.) Figure out which stores/farmers markets have the best prices for your staples and plan your shopping accordingly. (I kept a notepad where I would write down prices until I figured it out.) Only go out to eat for special occasions. Stop eating meat and reduce eating dairy because these things are expensive. Limit the amount of prepared food you eat. Don’t throw away food; plan meals around things in your fridge that are going to go bad. In law school, DH and I ate healthfully for $30/week for the two of us.
      5. Workout without a gym (again, doable year-round because of where I live).
      6. Reduce your phone plan if appropriate (I realized we had too many minutes and DH had too much data).
      7. Don’t buy things you don’t need. I didn’t buy clothes for 3 years and asked for things I really wanted for gifts. I don’t look like crap though– I am routinely told I am the best dressed woman in the office.
      8. Analyze your insurance and change your policies as appropriate. (I dropped insurance on my engagement ring and increased deductibles on our auto coverage.) Shop around to make sure that your insurer still provides the best price.
      9. Carpool or use public transit.
      10. Drive a fuel efficient car if you must drive.
      11. Make a detailed budget and track your expenses in detail. If an expense seems disproportionate to the value you get for the item, research a way to reduce or eliminate it.
      12. Use the library instead of buying books.
      13. Experiment with generic toiletries, cleaning supplies, etc.
      14. Replace disposable things with reusable things (e.g., bring your sandwich in tupperware rather than a plastic bag; stop using the Swiffer and get a Rubbermaid Reveal mop/sweeper instead; etc.).
      15. Not frugality, but another way I paid down debt: sell things you aren’t using.

      • anon

        Good tips, but somewhat depressing if you try to do all of these things at once.

      • Lila

        O, you’re awesome! I was particularly encouraged by your not having bought new clothes for so long and still being told you’re well dressed.
        (In a list of so many great suggestions, it’s maybe sad that’s the one I was most impressed with. Where are my priorities…)

    • notowot

      I signed up for Mint. com (on the recommendation of posters here) and found it really helpful. My guesstimates for my budget allocations were way off. Knowing where the money was really going made it possible to focus on changes in the areas where it would have the biggest impact.

    • Senior Attorney

      1. Pay yourself first, for sure. I have online savings accounts and the money is transferred out of the checking account before it has a chance to disappear.

      2. Zero-based budgeting. That means every penny has a job to do, so it can’t leak away on something unplanned/low priority. Our budget includes line items for “personal walking around money” and “personal miscellaneous savings” for both Mr. Senior Attorney and me.

      3. Pick up the phone and shop your insurance policies, like, today. There is probably money to be saved there.

      4. Pay yourself first.

      5. This should go without saying, but don’t ever carry revolving debt. In fact, don’t ever incur debt for anything short of a house.

      6. Pay yourself first.

      A couple of books that have really helped me are the classic “Your Money or Your Life” by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez, and “Debt Proof Living” by Mary Hunt.

      • Senior Attorney

        And oh, yes — track every penny in and out of your life either at mint.com or on paper or Quicken or something. I’ve been doing it for 13 years now and it’s amazing how it opens your eyes to what you are spending, and helps you make adjustments. Plus the financial data turns out to also be a diary of our lives, as reflected in our expenditures.

      • Divaliscious11

        Don’t incur debt for anything other than a house? That makes higher education inaccessible for most…..

        • Susedna

          I know, I was getting the same reaction….if it weren’t for the loans I took out in undergrad, I might not have been able to go to college.

          At the very extreme part of this argument (re: not incurring debt), are a number of entrepeneurial types who keep banging on about how how graduate school is all a waste of money, and the more extreme ones say the same of college.

          My subtext translator indicates that they’re saying: “I just like bragging about how smart I am that I managed to make a few billion dollars without going to/finishing college. I just want to rub it in that lesser minds, LIKE YOURS, have to jump through the hoops.” They can gag on a canape.

          Not everybody wants to or is cut out to be an entrepreneur.

        • Senior Attorney

          I should clarify that the OP identified herself as an “atty,” and therefore has presumably finished her education. Although I have very mixed feelings about educatoinal debt, I have to agree that it can be an exception to my “no nonmortage debt” advice.

          I do, however, think that a lot of people take on way too much educational debt without thinking it through, and I wish people were more realistic about student debt on the front end.

        • Divaliscious11

          Debt, if used properly is not good or bad, its simply leverage. Rather than say take on no debt other than a house (which could be extraordinarily bad debt in a number of circumstances), perhaps the advice should be take no more debt that your reasonable post graduation income or that you can reasonably expect to repay upon graduation. If you want to do a career that tops out at $60K a year, you should not be going $60K into debt for that degree because it will take until then for you to make your payments easily, for example. But $20K of debt to finance getting the degree that enables you to do the job? That is good leverage.

    • Lady Harriet

      -Make a list when you grocery shop, and stick to the list. Impulse buys eat up money quickly.

      -Relatedly, make your grocery list based on what’s on sale each week. Don’t buy things you wouldn’t otherwise use just because they’re on sale, but if you use something regularly then stock up during sales if you can. For example, I eat yogurt in my lunch at work almost every day. My local grocery store puts the kind of yogurt I like on sale at least once a month, so I’ll wait and buy 15 or 20 cartons then instead of getting a few every week at the higher price. We buy butter on sale and freeze it. Obviously, this doesn’t work so well for produce, but it’s the way to go for non-perishables or food with a long refrigerator life.

      -Buy generics whenever you can. There are a few things where generics are worse (toilet paper and tissues, in my experience) but most of the time you’re just paying for advertising when you get a name brand. In some cases I like the generics better–I think that the Publix (one of the grocery stores here) brand of ice cream is far better than anything else I can get down here.

      -Don’t buy a lot of pre-made food at the grocery store–this is much more expensive than putting things together yourself (e.g. potato salad or sandwiches from the store deli). I used to work in a grocery store, and it was incredible how high the unit price was on these things.

      -Don’t shop if you don’t need something. I can online window shop all day without being tempted to actually buy anything, but walking out of Goodwill empty-handed is impossible. For some people online browsing is the problem, or catalogs, or the mall. Whatever it is, avoid that place/activity if you’re just looking for some entertainment.

      • anon

        Or in other words… don’t bring your hubby/boyfriend/partner to the grocery store because they will fill your cart with extras! Does anyone else have that problem? I’ve given in because I don’t want to be a tightwad and deny him little extras, but it does add up.

        • Lila

          I absolutely have this problem. I will not let my husband grocery shop anymore. (Neat trick, hubby!) He routinely spends twice as much as I do.

        • Susie

          Yes, mine has a problem with the expensive juices and out of season $6/lb fruits.

    • Anonymous

      I generally agree with the notion of pre-planning your grocery shopping and meals. But I’ve been balancing that with this advice from “The Happiness Project”: Buy anything you want at the grocery store. It will always be cheaper than a restaurant.

      I like to have a few splurges in the fridge so I don’t feel enticed by takeout.

      • Dorothy

        I love this! I do this, too — a few splurges make cooking more exciting than stopping on the way home to pick up takeout, too.

      • Parfait

        Totally agreed. Even if I buy all organic groovy everything, I’m still way ahead of eating that same meal at a restaurant.

    • Houston Attny

      Thank you so much for you great advice. You’ve given me many practical tips and inspiration ($175k debt paid off?!?!), and I thank you.

    • Parfait

      Things I haven’t seen listed among the other excellent tips: Live with a roommate. I could not afford to live in the expensive city I do without one.

      Also, public transit. Even if you keep your car you can save on gas, upkeep, and maybe even insurance if you keep your annual miles down.

      Also also, use your library. I never buy books or magazines.

  8. Research, Not Law

    Downton Abbey (spoilers from this week’s show)

    I’m excited that Edith will do something fun and interesting. I’m glad also that they pulled Sybil back into the story consistently, although Tom’s shenanigans seem painted a bit heavily with an ‘Irish revolutionaries are confused idiots’ brush. I suspect Mrs Hughs really does have cancer, and it makes me very sad. I’m curious about Matthew being put the place of being married to a shallow and difficult woman and facing a stubborn but incompetent father-in-law. I’m looking forward to seeing ‘noses get bent’! It would make up for the lucky-timing way he ended up co-investor in the estate.

    I’m also wondering if Edith’s broken engagement and Matthew’s co-investment are leading up to Patrick’s return with proof of his identity? Wouldn’t it be awesome if he returned, displaced Matthew, and married Edith – but oh, Matthew has the money to run the estate! Now Mary and Edith get to duke it out over who runs the place.

    I am getting annoyed at the writing, though. They are resolving issues too quickly, which doesn’t leave fun cliff-hangers and makes everything seems contrived and convenient to the point of absurdity. They keep dropping things, too, like what happened to Mary’s ex-fiance’s threat to release her scandal? Why did her mother pretend she was a virgin on her wedding day? Why is Daisy not aging?

    • Gus

      What makes you think Mrs. Hughes really does have cancer? Was there some hint of that I missed?

      • Research, Not Law

        After the visit when Mrs Hughes got the lab results, Mrs Patmore told Mr Carson that it wasn’t cancer, but then she and Mrs Hughes had a bit of a ‘did he buy it?’ exchange.

        • AIMS

          I didn’t read it that way at all. Carson wasn’t supposed to know about it and Mrs. Hughes wasn’t supposed to know that he knows, which is why Mrs. Patmore had to give him the news. When you look at how Mrs. Hughes looks at him being happy, it’s hard to imagine they lied about it to him. Not to mention that she went from being totally overwhelmed by a potential diagnosis to being totally content – this would be a very out of character twist. I may give up on the show altogether.

        • JJ

          I thought the same thing! I suspect she does, as well. Probably why she bought the toaster as a gift to herself.

    • Shanghai formerly China r e t t e

      I’ve been watching and dutifully avoiding spoilers from across the pond. I like your idea that Patrick is going to come back with proof of his identity…they really are resolving things a little too quickly for my taste, though!

    • b23

      I haven’t watched this week’s episode, but I agree with you on the quick resolution. The letter from Lavigna’s father was just so perfect. I was hoping it was a fake, and then they found out Daisy had mailed it, and everything was just tied up with a neat little bow. Not my favorite.

    • De

      I do feel like something has changed with this season, and it might be the quick wrap ups–perhaps as the show is more widely known now, it became more typical? I’m hoping it’s just because it’s the beginning of the season.
      Also, I had a sneaky feeling about Patrick too! I hope there’s a good reason Edith is still single, I like her so much better now that she’s a nice person, and I want her to find her Lobster.

    • D

      I’m biting my tongue because I’ve watched the British version already and know what happens. One thing I’ll say is that the American cut is different than the British one — the first episode in the UK ended with Mary and Matthew’s wedding but the American version went on a little longer. I think that is part of the “wrapping up too quickly” feel of the American version.

      • Research, Not Law

        Oh, now that is interesting. I wonder if the pace will improve over the season.

    • IA_Eng

      I agree that the writing is getting annoying – as you said, some things (we’re losing the estate, no wait, it’s saved!) are wrapped up way too quickly and other things like the Bates in prison story line are dragging on way too long. And considered it’s been 8 years since the first season (1912-1920) everyone seems remarkably the same.

      On the other hand, the Thomas and O’Brien battle is shaping up to be fun and the introduction of the new footman looks like it should spark some interesting developments.

      • Research, Not Law

        Yes! They should pull off something terribly evil. I can’t wait!

      • gov anon

        The new footman should really shake up the Thomas/O’Brien rivy. Though I was surprised Carson even considered him. He seems a bit “flashy” to me.

        • eek

          I got the impression Thomas quite fancied the new footman. Which made the “give the ladies something to look at” even funnier.

    • Senior Attorney

      I have always thought that Mary and the Turk were just “fooling around” and that Mary was technically a virgin on her wedding day. I just binge-watched Seasons 1 and 2, and while the Turk was in Mary’s room, he said something to the effect of “don’t worry, you’ll still technically be a virgin.”

      • Cat

        I thought so too – but still thought that the emphasis from Cora on whether Mary had any questions about her upcoming wedding night (and all the chaperone references) were a little odd, given the Turk encounter.

  9. An

    For those of you with walk-in closets, do you do anything special to keep them clean? Mine gets dusty and I’m afraid that my clothes will, too. I vacuum and dust it regularly, but beyond that I’m not sure if there’s anything else that should be done.

    • joy

      I’m not an expert by any means, but an old apartment of mine was excessively dusty because it was very drafty. Could that be your problem?

    • Cornellian

      I wonder if you could run an air filter in there, if you happen to have one around. It would work very quickly in such a small space.

  10. Bunkster

    Did anyone watch The Following last night? I can’t believe it’s not on cable. It was good, but very dark.

    • hellskitchen

      I did. I really liked it – Kevin Bacon is very understated but powerful. And the idea of a cult carrying out the villain’s wishes is a new idea. I have already DVRed the series. BTW, I am also now hooked on Deception, thanks to your endorsement a couple weeks back

    • Nellie

      I’m just not in the mood for any more shows built around murder. I think I’ve reached my saturation point. Don’t know why—dark subject matter hasn’t always been a turn-off for me. But these days, even shows I always enjoyed, like Boardwalk Empire, just leave me exhausted and craving shows that don’t involve watching people die. Too bad most sitcoms are crap!

      Not critiquing your taste in TV, btw. Just commenting on my experience lately.

      • TO Lawyer

        Have you tried Nashville? A friend recommended it and it’s actually really entertaining but has a fair degree of depth to it. And no one has died (yet…)

      • Hel-lo

        The new season of the Bachelor is always around. And it’s not about murder. :)

  11. Nonny

    For those who think 50 Shades is complete drivel, or for those who think they ought to at least know what it is all about but can’t bear to read it themselves, and for everyone who likes amusing and insightful, no-holds-barred commentary, I highly recommend the following blog (text only, but NSFW if anyone can read what you are looking at). Link to follow.

        • De

          Just with overseas calls? Is that like when people are talking to someone who’s first language isn’t English they tend to talk louder?

    • SH

      A related short rant:

      Conference calls. Eating salads. Typing on a typewriter. No.

      • Research, Not Law

        I’m sorry, but I can’t stop laughing about this.

        De, speaker phones are a definite no-no in cubical land. My sympathies. I do feel like there’s a wicked haiku in there somewhere, though.

        • De

          I tried SO hard to make that a haiku, but I just couldn’t get it down to five syllables. I’m glad we’re of one mind.

          Refrigerator.

    • roses

      Office. Next to conference room where conference calls are held. Thin walls. Arg.

  13. Susedna

    @ The Slapdash Sewist

    I checked out your blog over the weekend and it is awesome. I have only the very basic skills in sewing (I can hem my own pants and skirts, can make a skirt, and can fix zippers with a lot of frustration and cursing), but your site has been inspiring.

    When I’ve sorted things out after I move, I’ll want to try some of the patterns you’ve done up. I love the info in your posts- with the photos of what the garment looks like in its intermediate steps, and about what adjustments you make.

    Especially love your post on the Vogue 8827 Drag Collar Wrap Dress. You look fab in that!

  15. D

    Just an update on the Inaugural ball — wore the same dress. All was fine. The ball was not very fun, all told. They serve you pretzels and cheezits if you’re not in the VIP room and you pay $10 for a cheap glass a sparkling wine. Eck.

    • a.

      I bet your dress looked awesome. And honestly, I saw some of my friends’ FB pics of the Inaugural Ball, and it looked like the kind of event where you’d have the honor of paying $10 for crappy sparkling wine, if that makes sense. I’d like to go to one eventually, since in real life (not Spain life) I don’t live too far from DC, but I feel as if it’s the kind of event where you go once, to see what it’s like and to be able to have the experience, and then never go back.

      However, Michelle Obama’s dress was STUNNING. OMG.

    • KC

      I have to admit I’m really glad you didn’t buy a new dress! It’s definitely the sort of event that people go to once, to see for themselves/say they have, and realize that 400,000 people at an event is just too much.

      But hopefully you had some fun, and I bet you looked gorgeous :) And now you can spend the “dress” money on something you’ll enjoy lots more!

    • NOLA

      Glad you didn’t buy a new dress! The superkrewe Mardi Gras balls here are totally overrated. Seriously, you’re wearing a long dress and heels, dragging a cooler on concrete floors. My beautiful dress was ruined when someone left a glass of red wine on a table and beads were flung into it. I also went to a governor’s inaugural ball and it was a little more fun than a Mardi Gras ball, but it was in a big arena on LSU’s campus and the governor and his family were in what looked like a raised boxing ring in the center of the floor. There was no food and I don’t even remember drinks (although, being Louisiana, I’m sure there were drinks). We danced a bit (Rockin’ Dopsie and others) then left and went to Waffle House.

      • Marise

        All I could picture was the boxing ring, and a crew of people in ballgowns hightailing it to Waffle House. Cracked me up.

  16. FP Angie

    Hmmm… those earrings remind me of skin tags. Maybe if they weren’t flesh colored…

  17. Gail the Goldfish

    I’m going to Key West for a few days next month. I haven’t been since I was 12. Any suggestions for restaurants/bars or must-see places? Already planning on going to Hemmingway House, the cemetery, the mel fisher museum (I was obsessed with the kid’s book about the Atocha when I was little), Mallory square and the southernmost point buoy. Is there anything else to see? Any good public beaches? (We stayed in one of the other keys and just went down to Key West for a day when I was a kid). I want to take the ferry out to Dry Tortugas, but it’s expensive.

    We’ll be driving to/from Miami airport if there’s suggestions along the way. Or if there are any suggestions for lunch places in Miami (will be in Miami on the weekend for a wedding, but every meal except lunch is taken care of)

    • De

      I went on a pub crawl around Key West as an excursion with a cruise I took after law school. SO MUCH FUN. Check out key west walking tours dot com, all one word.

    • Herbie

      My impression was that Key West beaches are crappy. It’s surrounded by barrier reef, so no real surf to speak of. For your trip down from Miami, google Bahia Hondo beach. I didn’t visit but wanted to; the pictures looked nice.

      Dry Tortugas is absolutely worth a visit. Take snorkeling gear!

      Re restaurants, check around on Yelp to get off the beaten path. The food on Duval is expensive and not that great. My friends and I had dinner at El Siboney, a Cuban restaurant, and really enjoyed it. Also, depending on your crowd, second the suggestion for a pub crawl. A couple of the gay bars have fun drag shows if that’s your thing.

    • phillygirlruns

      went to key west a few years ago and also drove from miami – i had an awesome breakfast at this place called “bob’s bunz” (yes, with a “z”) on isla morada. the drive was beautiful, if a bit repetitive after a while.

    • buffybot

      I also did a post-law school trip down to Key West with some of my girlfriends — it must be a thing, or something. Some things that we enjoyed, restaurant or otherwise:

      “The Cafe” had really yummy vegetarian food.

      Blue Heaven is touristy, but we thought it was a nice place for an afternoon drink, and there was a place called Kelly’s Restaurant that was blissfully free of raging frat types and had a nice outdoor patio and yummy mojitos.

      If you are driving down from the Miami airport, there are lots of fun random places to stop along the way — the Everglades, the Coral Castle, fruit stands, etc.

      We didn’t do Dry Tortugas, but did do some kind of day snorkeling trip. Pretty amazing, if you’re into fish (it turns out, I am not. Creepy little buggers).

    • AnnonFoo

      Went to key west with a friend two years ago, we drove down from Miami. We camped two nights on the beach at Long Key State park, it is one of the smaller keys. Amazing experience ! sunrise on the beach was beautiful. It was quite an adventure to get the fire started with winds and wet paper. The camp grounds had shower/restrooms, pretty convenient. They also had kayaking and some hiking trails by the beach.

  18. Petunia

    Just want to give a shout out to everyone on here who suggested Payless’ Comfort Plus by Predictions pumps. They are a comfortable basic work pump and I am so pleased with them! The nude patent ones are really cute. I am really tough on shoes – they never last me more than a season, so to have an inexpensive option that I don’t have to worry about nicking up is truly a gem.

  19. Clerk

    Any legal ladies have experience as (federal) judicial externs? I’m supervising a few for the first time, and would appreciate tips on how to make it a good experience for them (without it taking over my life).

    • Anonymous

      I was an extern. I wish I had shorter projects so that I could get more immediate feedback. And I wish I could have seen how my work was used. I wrote one long part of an opinion, and when I saw the opinion (months later), I could not even recognize that my work had been used, which made me feel like they thought I was a nuisance and had to give me busy work. I wish I had more opportunities to cite-check because it was a great way to read the judge’s writing and be helpful. One of the best things my chambers did for me was let me go to any hearing I thought sounded interesting, and let me follow a magistrate around (with his consent) during a settlement conference. Hope this helps!

      • Miss A

        Ditto. I learned a ton from settlements and from writing a full R&R. The comments from my clerk and judge taught me more about legal writing than the course at law school.

        I didn’t mind the longer projects because I can still find my R&R online… but it may just be each judge’s style (to let you keep most of the writing or to change it).

    • rosie

      Yes, in district court. Are they taking on entire cases, or are they doing research memos for you and your cases?

      One thing that shouldn’t be too much work for you is to keep an eye on the judge’s calendar for interesting hearings, sentencings, etc. that you can email the externs about so they can attend. If you and/or the judge can meet with them before or after to discuss, that’s a bonus, but not necessary. If you’re in a larger courthouse, send them info about things before other judges, too.

    • Anonymous

      I was an extern for a federal judge my last year of law school, and most of my experience was being handed a motion and being told to review, research the law, and draft a proposed order to send to the judge for consideration. I think I may have been given more leeway than most based on having some pretty good experience prior to that point, but I thought that was a good introduction. I attended a number of hearings and one jury trial but had no work product associated with them.

  20. Dental Help

    I had some major dental work done and need help thinking of easy things to eat. I have yogurt, eggs and mashed potatoes covered. I can only eat so much soup. Any other suggestions for easy to chew dinner ideas?

    • NOLA

      Frozen mac and cheese. That was one of the few things I could eat after my root canal.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      After my wisdom teeth removal, I had a lot of smoothies instead of meals.

      • De

        I couldn’t eat anything before getting a root canal done, and I second the smoothies. I survived on the slim fast shakes for a couple weeks. And bananas. And oatmeal. Lots of oatmeal.

      • anonypotamus

        this – smoothies were a life saver after getting my tonsils out (right before the bar, derp). you can pack them with protein (powder, or add chia seeds after blending), fruit and veggies (spinach, kale, etc) and i found them really filling.

    • Senior Attorney

      Noodles. I am currently on a chili-flavored ramen food jag, ever since I got back from Asia!

    • Divaliscious11

      – Overcook broccoli and then cook pasta in the water
      – Cottage cheese with apple sauce
      – protein shakes with meals – add whole fat greek yogurt to give some heft
      – full fat greek yogurt with honey
      – cottage cheese with chopped tomato – sprinkle salt & pepper

      • Lady Harriet

        I also like cottage cheese with apple butter, jelly, or peanut butter. I had cottage cheese with raspberry jam in my lunch today and it was really good.

    • Lady Harriet

      Rice or tapioca pudding with curry in it. It sounds weird, but it’s good if you like sweet and spicy things together. I ate a lot of it when I had my wisdom teeth out.

    • PollyD

      Refried beans with cheese and salsa. Polenta/grits with cheese. Pudding if you want something sweet but very cold things are painful – I was (not terribly) surprised to see that the nutritional info for some puddings is very similar to that for yogurt.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      A milkshake. I see nothing wrong with counting it as dinner after a major dental operation.

      • Dental Help

        Thanks ladies! I had polenta for dinner. Will make shake for breakfast and consider the rest for lunch
        :-)

    • Bonnie

      I was on soft foods for 60 days so feel you on getting bored. I learned that you can eat most starches if you overlook them. Rioting with spaghetti sauce was a staple. You can add in shredded tuna or ground turkey for some extra protein. If you’re drinking shakes, don’t use a straw. The suction can impair healing.

  21. Anon

    Question about maternity wear and plus sizes. I am a size 18W give or take, and I’m starting to lose weight. The only downside is that I my suits are becoming loose and it may not make sense to alter them. It ocurred to me that maybe I could wear them if/when I get pregnant, because I would hate to spend money later on maternity suits. Should I keep them just in case or are maternity clothes cut completely different?

    • D

      Most maternity wear is still tailored — it just allows more room around the waist/tummy specifically. Plus size is much different in that it is bigger everywhere, not just the tummy. It could work, but you won’t look as put-together as with things fitting in the chest/sleeve/etc.

    • Research, Not Law

      Not plus size, but I have been pregnant. The suits may be helpful in the first trimester when you’re mostly dealing with bloat, but they won’t likely be much use in the 2nd or 3rd trimester. The jackets could be useful with maternity separates on bottom.

      However, they would be helpful post-partum. I lost all my baby weight both times, but definitely not before returning to work at 12 weeks! I keep a stash or post-partum clothing with my maternity clothes.

    • saacnmama

      Agree with the others. The pattern of weight gain is very different, and is centered around your abs. You might want to do a 3-way price comparison: get them tailored as maternity wear, get them tailored to fit now, and maternity clothes. I never minded the baby belly, but lots of women do. If that’s you, it might feel good to wear “normal” clothes, whereas if you like shopping or see getting new clothes as a treat, then getting them tailored to fit your new, thinner size might take away part of the reward for losing weight. Just my $.02

    • Anon

      Thanks everyone. I will hang out to a couple of them (3 tops) and see if they are useful in the future.

      • Anonymous

        I would hang onto styles you really like. Maternity wear is OK style-wise, but if there is something you like – it may be good through the second trimester :) How you carry your growing baby varies from person to person, especially with a first pregnancy when you are slower to “show”. Pants with forgiving waistlines are great for both expanding AND contracting post-partum. Basic black and other neutrals might get a little more mileage.

        Also, my maternity clothes were size n through month 8.5. After that, I had to supplement a few staples with size n+1.

        YMMV

  22. Merabella

    I told my boss that I had to leave early to put down our beloved cat. She was extremely sympathetic and I’m glad I did it face to face. Thanks again for all your kind words. It really sucks, but it is good to know that there are empathetic people out there who can understand what its like.

  23. EB0220

    I think that I was a bit late to the morning thread, so I am repeating here. Thanks to Dulcinea for the reply to my earlier post! I am looking for general experience skiing at Stowe in VT. I am going with my husband and almost 1 year old in February. Any particular recommendations for lodging, restaurants, etc. would be great! We are looking for something reasonably priced (probably < $250/night). We have never been skiing in Vermont (SLC has long been our go-to), so we are very excited!

    • LF

      Hello! I’m not too familiar with Stowe because, as a semi-local, I don’t really do the resort town thing. Stowe has a lot of expensive but very good restaurants. Our family favorite in Stowe is Foxfire Inn for Italian-ish food, but I’m not sure that it’s one year old appropriate. I’ve seen plenty of family gatherings there but I’m not positive about small children.

      Neighboring Waterbury (home of Green Mountain Coffee Roasters) has a couple of great things — the Ben & Jerry’s factory is right there (you’re likely to pass by it after you get off the highway); Prohibition Pig, if you like inexpensive but yummy restaurants with an excellent beer menu; Hen of the Wood, if you like expensive and very, very delicious restaurants are my recommendations in Waterbury.

      Also — since we’re on a shopping website, if you have time, you might also check out the consignment shops in the Stowe area — you might find some really good, barely-used designer items for very little money.

      • EB0220

        We love excellent beer menus, so we’ll definitely have to check out Prohibition Pig. Thanks for the other recs, too!

  24. L

    Anyone know of a vacation generator website? I’d like to put in where I’m leaving from and my budget and dates and see what pops out.

  25. Anonymous

    Does anyone else find it strange that J. Crew is retiring the coat in the color that Malia Obama wore at the Inauguration out of ‘respect for the family’? It wasn’t made specifically for her, it was purchased off the rack – and frankly, she’s a child. I’m not sure why this irritates me so, it’s not even as I wanted the jacket (with my coloring, I wouldn’t look good in that plum) but for some reason it’s just caught my ire today. I bet it’s because it’s a Monday masquerading as Tuesday :)

    • momentsofabsurdity

      Respect for the family? It’s not like Malia died in that coat. Maybe “to honor the family” would have been better verbiage.

      I think it’s weird, especially since J Crew presumably would have seen an uptick in sales in that color (the same as when Kate Middleton wears something).

    • AIMS

      Are they retiring the coat or the color? I notice that they rotate color season to season, maybe this is just their dumb way to try to make something they would have done anyway seem more grand than it is? Either way, I agree it’s stupid.

  26. Nervous Girlfriend

    So random question – I just found out my boyfriend is going to Vegas with his guy friends for 5 days. His guy friends are um not quite so principled and often cheat on their girlfriends/wives. Plus there’s a good chance they’ll be spending some time in strip clubs. I trust my bf completely but I’m slightly nervous and uncomfortable.

    Would love some advice on how to deal with this. Do I just swallow my feelings or is there a way I can bring this up without seeming like the insecure girlfriend?

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I’ve rarely seen a situation where someone swallows their insecurities so as to seem like the “cool” girlfriend where they don’t end up regretting it. Often because the guy goes and does something, the girl gets upset and the guy’s justification is “You never told me you had a problem with X!” So my vote is communication.

      I know you trust him, but it’s completely okay to say something like, “Hey babe, what do you guys have planned while in Vegas? Because I’m really uncomfortable with the idea of you going to strip clubs/getting lap dances/going to a VIP strip lounge/whatever and I’d like to talk about that if that is in the plan for the week” and open up the dialogue.

      I think if you figure out your limits and open up a dialogue with him about them, any decent guy will understand and either try to abide by them, or explain to you why he can’t to the point that you are comfortable with the situation. It doesn’t have to be “I’m setting down these rules and you have to abide by them” — it can certainly be a conversation, but I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to just swallow your feelings rather than honestly communicating.

    • rosie

      I would bring it up because I think it is the kind of thing that you should be able to talk about, and I don’t think you’re being insecure. I would be uncomfortable if my SO was going on a 5-day tri pwith known cheaters, not because I thought he would cheat, but because I’d just find the whole situation a little unpleasant. Obviously, make sure you don’t frame it in a way that suggests you don’t trust him.

      How often do you guys usually communicate when one of you is away? I think that part of the value in telling him is that he can understand how you feel and be sure that he steps out of the bar to call you to say goodnight and that kind of thing.

      • Research, Not Law

        “I would bring it up because I think it is the kind of thing that you should be able to talk about” – Yes.

        Also co-sign everything momentsofabsurdity said.

    • Anon

      Have you ever discussed what your expectations are in this kind of situations? If not, I would sit down calmly with with your boyfriend and say something.

      One of the tough things about this situation is that everyone’s standard is different. For example, I am not a fan of str** clubs. Some of his friends’ wives really couldn’t care less. For a long time, I worried about saying anything that would make it look like I wasn’t trusting or was insecure or something. In the end, I just explained what my expectations were, and the level of importance I placed on them. We compromised for bachelor parties for example, but otherwise we are now both clear on expectations. I was really relieved to have that conversation. I actually trust him more now because he listened to me and understands where “the line” is (for me at least).

    • Nervous Girlfriend

      You ladies are awesome – thank you! And I love that tumblr post Susedna! This does confirm my initial inclination to have a discussion re what exactly makes me uncomfortable. I usually err on the side of communicating rather than not but I encouraged him to go when he wasn’t planning on it so I don’t want to seem crazy or insecure.

      Plus I really want to be the cool girlfriend – and I probably was at the beginning of our relationship, but now the idea of lap dances and the unsavory encounters his friends engage in with other women make me really uncomfortable. I guess I can’t deny that. If I’m upfront with him, I’m sure he’ll make sure to respect my limits. (hopefully…)

      • mascot

        You ladies are awesome – thank you! And I love that tumblr post Susedna! This does confirm my initial inclination to have a discussion re what exactly makes me uncomfortable. I usually err on the side of communicating rather than not but I encouraged him to go when he wasn’t planning on it so I don’t want to seem crazy or insecure.

        Plus I really want to be the cool girlfriend – and I probably was at the beginning of our relationship, but now the idea of lap dances and the unsavory encounters his friends engage in with other women make me really uncomfortable. I guess I can’t deny that. If I’m upfront with him, I’m sure he’ll make sure to respect my limits. (hopefully…)

        • Nervous Girlfriend

          Ya I have been to a strip club (but not in Vegas, which I’m led to believe is a different environment). Also have received a lap dance (guy friend’s bday). I think I’m probably more uncomfortable with lap dances than strip clubs in general. But his friends have a tendency to definitely buy each other too many drinks/lap dances so you’re right – a boundary discussion is definitely necessary. And yes, I’m also well aware that they will be trolling for girls at clubs and around the pool.

          I actually feel totally stupid because I’m way more uncomfortable now than I have been in the past. Maybe it’s his friends, maybe it’s the fact that I actually see a real future with us and I love him more than I loved other boyfriends but this is really bothering me and I can’t seem to shake it.

          That said, my boyfriend is very strong-willed and trustworthy. Plus he’s very honest with me – I’m sure I’m the only girlfriend/wife who knows of others’ indiscretions because he will tell me the truth so I’m sure I’m just blowing this up in my head.

          • mascot

            Thinking about this some more, perhaps he welcomes the boundary discussion. You can look but no lap dances. That’s reasonable. I wouldn’t love someone else touching my guy either. Having someone to blame it on may make it easier to resist the peer pressure since he is a stand up guy. “sorry guys, promised nervous girlfriend i’d not blow all my money on lap dances.” These guys are adults and I imagine at least one or two other guys is feeling the same way.

    • anon

      I’ve been through this. When we were in college, my husband’s (now, boyfriend then) best friends that he had since high school were that group. It stressed me out to no end when he would even go out with them for a night, and I can’t imagine how I would have reacted to a 5 day Vegas extravaganza. The one saving grace there was there was one other guy in the group, along with my husband, that I also trusted implicitly so it made it better.

      Then again, I did then and do now still trust him implicitly, so while he gets an eye roll and a “behave” when he’s with that group, I don’t worry that much. Then again, we’ve always been big on communication, and I’d get text messages like “wow this is what friend x is doing, I’m doing down to the sports book” so I always felt like I knew what was going on and that he was on the same page as me as far as what was appropriate…or not…

      So communication is key! With that, it all works out.

    • Saacnmama

      I once got in touch with the wife of someone in my BF’s group. They had a band; I think the guy whose wife I contacted was the only married one. I want to ask her what to do about those “insecurities” but by the time she got back to me, I’d found out that my feelings were right on target.

      Not saying your guy’s plannig to cheat, but do think some clear & honest communication might be helpful in the face of temptation. Have him think through responses when the other guys are ribbing him, buying him drinks & lap dances, etc.

      • anon

        It does raise a red flag to me when a guy is friends with guys who cheat on their gfs. My bf just found out that one guy that was sort of in his group has been telling his fiance that some guys in the group cheat. Thats not true at all, and it turns out he is the one that is cheating. I think people of similar morals/values tend to hang out together. I think occasionally there is an outlier (ie 5 out of the 6 dont cheat, but one does) but I would find it rare that everyone else cheats (and is open about it) except for your bf.

    • Nancy P

      I had a somewhat similar situation with an ex — he was going to a bachelor party weekend in Montreal, I knew there would be strip clubs. I am so not down with strip clubs, and he was very dismissive of my feelings until I finally lost it. The agreement we struck was that he would go to the strip club, because it would be rude to bail on his friend’s bacehlor party, but there would be no lapdance for him. Turns out another guy had a similar “restriction” so it really wasn’t a big deal. If it’s a 5-day weekend, hopefully it’s easier for your husband to bail on an uncomfortable situation and say “hey, I’m really more in the mood to win my money back at craps, I’ll catch up with you in a couple hours.”

    • Nervous Girlfriend

      Thanks ladies! I took your advice and talked to him. I told him that I wasn’t telling him what to do but lap dances made me uncomfortable and private lap dances even more so. (Yes apparently there are two types of lap dances in Vegas…) I told him I’d appreciate it if he checked in but I understood we wouldn’t be talking like normal. He had no issues with any of that so I think we’re all good!

      To be perfectly honest, I’m still slightly uncomfortable but I have faith that he’ll respect my limitations and I know he’ll be perfectly honest about everything that went down even if he thinks it’ll upset me so I’m going to try to put it out of my mind so he can have a good time with his friends.

      Thanks again ladies for all your advice!!

  27. Research, Not Law

    Am I crazy for thinking that this could be work appropriate?

    I work in a casual office, but I fear it may be too little girl or too much skin? I’m mostly considering the purple but like all the colors and would change if the color mattered.

    • Research, Not Law

      Link stuck in moderation. It’s the Hinge Metallic Pointelle Mohair Sweater at Nordstroms.

      • De

        Hmmm….I would feel boarderline about it. I definitely like the purple one though, and with that wash of jeans it’s very pretty. Could you maybe toss a blazer over it? I think for me, it’s the see-through-ness of it all that would make me less likely to wear it to work, and you might not notice as much of the transparency if you don’t see the cami’s straps on the shoulders.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I would totally wear it to work in my casual office, probably with dark skinny jeans and brown boots. I might wear a cami the color of the sweater rather than something too contrasting, to un-junior it a bit, but I think it’s really cute and looks cozy.

    • Research, Not Law

      I was also thinking under a blazer or maybe over a sheath dress? A shell or wide strap tank under instead of a cami?

      I really love it but can only buy work clothes now :p

  28. Wannabe Runner

    I am lead counsel in a jury trial this week.

    I have a great skirt suit that is brown and orange tweed. It’s from Ann Taylor, back when they had great suits, circa 2002. Still looks great. I have some brown pumps to wear with it, or I may wear some nude color. Point is, I’m good on shoes.

    But what hoisery? Black doesn’t look great. Nude is acceptable (I have pale skin), but I’m not a big fan of nude hose in the winter. (It’s cold here.) Brown tights? I don’t think any color (eggplant, maroon) would really be appropriate for the situation.

    Brown boots look good, but I don’t really have any that are dressy enough to wear in front of a jury.

    I need some help.

    • Gus

      Brown shoes, nude hosiery. I’m a recent convert to tights (now that I found the Spanx Tight-End Tights), but I think that in any color other than black, they’re a bit casual/funky. So I’d wear a black or gray suit with black tights and shoes in front of a jury, but not brown or some other color tights. Nude hose is more traditional and given that you’re bound to have some older folks on the jury, I’d go traditional.

    • Monte

      Nude hosiery. I think tights in front of a jury would be iffy — I might risk black, but certainly nothing else. Nude hosiery will look natural and not distracting the way colored hosiery would be.

    • Bonnie

      I frequently wear tight for jury trials but stick to sedate colors like black, brown or gray amd match them to my shoes. Brown tights sound like they would work with your suit. I avoid nylons for trial since I invariably snag them within the first hour.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      I do not know anything about this, but I would not wear that at a jury trial. I agree with Gus–black or grey suit, I think even nude tights, and regular shoes with sensible heels, nothing expensive. Some of the people I work with have told me that juries get bored very easily and will fixate on women’s appearances–so I wouldn’t give them anything to focus on.

        • Alanna of Trebond

          I would not think that you want the jury to be picking apart your appearance. I think I would prefer the jury focus on my argument rather than my shoes or my suit.

  29. Janet

    Wow, no one else’s immediate thought was that these look like little tips of a certain part of the male anatomy?

    And now that you can’t unsee that, YOU’RE WELCOME.

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