This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Neiman Marcus has added over 5,000 pieces to its online clearance section, with prices up to 65% off — and while there's a lot in all price points, the “premier designer” section is always fun to look through. I like this stretch flannel dress from Belstaff — I'll bet the fabric is ridiculously lux, and I like the suede details. It was $1695, now marked to $593. Belstaff Camborne Stretch-Flannel Dress
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
momentsofabsurdity
Sigh. My parking lot is so poorly plowed (and so covered in ice) that one car parked and completely blocked one entrance, requiring that I back out to the other entrance (too much snow and ice to turn around), and as I was doing so, TWO cars backing out of their own spots, ran into me. Luckily, in both cases we were each going slow enough that there was no damage, but OMFG, one of those mornings. I want to complain to my landlord.
Miss Behaved
Yikes. I’m glad I take the T because there aren’t enough parking spots here. People are driving round and round and stalking spots.
momentsofabsurdity
Yeah, I really wish public transit served my office better! I definitely would have opted for it. I’m disappointed in how poorly plowed the roads *still* are today — my parking lot backs into a smaller side street and its not really plowed at all, the snow is just packed down, and it’s limited to one lane now. I may leave work earlier than usual so I can get into my parking lot before dark and I can hopefully see all the ice!
Em
Why can’t you complain to your landlord? You might want to check your state/local laws because where I live the landlord is required to remove snow/ice accumulation within a certain time period (usually by end of day). The situation you described would violate my local law and put the landlord at risk for fines or an expensive lawsuit if there is any personal/property damage.
momentsofabsurdity
I can but because the lot is a lot for the whole block of buildings, when I’ve asked him about snow/ice in the past, he’s waved his hands and mentioned something about the whole association taking care of it/he doesn’t have any control. The problem is they *did* plow the lot – they just left a 1-2in layer of snow (so they didn’t plow to the pavement), which because of the rain and warmer temperatures yesterday, is now ice. They didn’t put down any salt or sand though so three or four cars have gotten stuck (that I’ve seen today and yesterday). Argh. If it’s not better by tomorrow, I’m going to give him a call and see if there is something that can be done, or buy some salt myself.
Olivia Pope
It’s not your job to buy salt, it’s your landlord’s. You got hit by two cars because of their sloppy job! If it is out his control, bringing these accidents to the attention of the association certainly is. If a pedestrian falls or gets hit, they are out some serious cash. They need to deal with this pronto.
Em
I agree with Olivia. The laws in my area require both plowing and salting, if it’s icy. Based on your comment, I ‘m assuming that you rent a unit directly from a condo owner and the condo association is in charge of maintenance. Your landlord should be complaining to the condo association himself. They are responsible for providing a safe living environment, and an ice slick of a parking lot does not meet that standard.
Winter-into-Spring legs
I never thought I’d give up hose, but I did last summer. Yay! And now it is black-tights-for-winter time. But I’m tired of it. And I feel that it limits my shoe choices (black black and more black). Just suck it up until it’s truly very warm? I don’t want to backslide, but I feel like style boredom can’t end well. Maybe someone can give me some pointers (grey tights?) Get the tights + boots all out of my system at the same time by going into overdrive? Thanks!!!
NOLA
I love charcoal gray tights. A good alternative to black, I think. Or a subtle pattern?
Of course, we in the south have the opposite problem. It doesn’t stay cold enough for tights long enough!
Winter-into-Spring legs
:) I was going to comment on the dress, but I got distracted by the black boots and bare arms (so what would I wear on my arms if it is black boots weather? a cardigan would not do the dress justice). And I couldn’t really wear a sleeveless flannel dress in warm weather.
Need garanimals with legware options. No time in the morning to think until I am out the door and it is too late!
AIMS
I love gray tights. Also brown and navy. I also like black patterned tights for when I need to liven it up a bit (in my own mind, at least). Curretly, I am on a quest for gray suede shoes to wear with gray tights; I also really like the combination of brown tights and dark red shoes.
Cb
Charcoal are the best! I recommend the heathered DKNY ones.
KC
I can sympathize. I was so excited when the weather turned cool and I could wear tights, but after wearing black tights 3 days a week I’m starting to get bored. I’ve considered only wearing tights for the commute and/or wearing hose on the warmer days. Would it look weird to have bare legs inside in February?
Winter-into-Spring legs
Where I am (mid-Atlantic? northern part of the south?), you’d freeze outside and in a good many offices in bare legs. I wouldn’t wear shorts in this weather, even inside. So while it might work, visually, in anything but a below-the-knee skirt, it might look funny to people.
And my legs would look very funny: pasty, too many broken capillaries (maybe it’s time to consider zapping them with a laser???)
CKB
Charcoal or heathered grey tights. Patterned black tights. These help me with tights boredom in the winter. And sometimes I wear red or purple shoes with my black or grey tights to keep things interesting.
MB
I don’t have the same problem. Since I’ve discovered Commando tights, the only outfit I want to wear is black tights and my insanely comfortable mid-heel black leather boots. I still wear colorful stuff on top, but that bottom is so warm, cozy, comfortable and snow-and-slush proof that I actually hate to wear pants in the winter.
But, if you’re bored, change up the tights color. Navy tights with brown boots would be cute. Grey, patterned, brown, even a loden green could work with a grey or blue skirt and brown boots.
Tights
I thought I was wearing grey tights this morning. They’re green, and I just figured it out about an hour ago. Note to self – pack gym bag at night from now on.
Amelia Bedelia
I am a patterned tights fiend.
especially small nude weave fishnets. love.
Em
In addition to the previous suggestions (grey, patterns, etc) eggplant tights are another great option. They’re dark enough that they don’t scream COLOR, but a welcome change from black, black, and more black.
S
I think the neck of that dress would make layering hard.
AIMS
This sort of neckline always looks terrible on me. Honestly, for $600, the whole dress feels a little shlumpy. But on a day like today (rainy and slushy in NYC), I can certainly appreciate the idea of a cozy flannel fabric. I’m wearing tweed, but wool flannel would be even better.
Anon
Agree. It looks schlumpy and makes the model look lumpy. Pass on this one.
Also, does it seem like each day’s first post keeps appearing later and later? Didn’t they use to appear around 9:30 and now, it’s like 10am and later?
Kat, those of us who arrive at work at 8am need to be entertained, too! ;-)
OK, enough whining from me!
Diana Barry
It looks like it is too small in the b**b area for the model, and the way the darts end in the skirt makes it look lumpy/wrinkly. Blech!
CKB
Yes, what’s up with those darts? They should have just made the skirt princess seamed & be done with it. Oddest dart placement I think I’ve ever seen.
However, I do just want to touch that fabric – I bet it feels fabulous!
Bonnie
This. Does not fit the model well at all. How do I make it through the weekend well and wake up Monday morning sick? Blah.
Jen
I actually tried this dress on and it definitely laid weird on the waist-hips area, made even worse by the pockets jutting out. This would probably work well on someone with a narrower waist. I also wasn’t a fan of the chain around the neck. Looked weird and cheap. The suede fabric felt really nice though.
a passion for fashion
i think it is just how the dress is styled. picture it with heels instead of slouchy boots. Im tempted to buy this, as i think it would be super versitle.
Brahbrah
Not to mention the zipper in the back. I don’t usually care about exposed zippers, but isn’t the pull on the zipper gigantic? It looks kind of odd.
Anonymous
Dear Designers,
Please make exposed zippers go away. They do not look edgy, they look sloppy.
Signed,
Sick of this Ish
petitesq
+1. Over it.
Niktaw
Cosign.
saacnmama
I think they’ve been “edgy” since the 80s. When I know a fashion thing is bad, it’s really bad!
Transition to Vegetarianism
I’m thinking of becoming a vegetarian. It’s a choice I’ve been mulling over for a few years, and I think I’m ready to take some gradual steps to get there. I want to start slowly, but one of my biggest concerns is possibly feeling like I’m not “satisfied” after eating, since I’m so accustomed to eating meat. This is compounded by the fact that I try to avoid eating carbs at night (beans, tofu, and seitan are all high in carbs). For those of you who became a vegetarian, did you encounter this issue and any tips to combat it? Smaller, more frequent meals?
momentsofabsurdity
Can you ease into it by becoming a pescatarian to start? Or just eating chicken and fish? That’s what I do. That might help you with the transition.
I’m not sure how you would do low carb and vegetarian, to be honest. Maybe drinking a lot of milk/eating a lot of cheese? Following some sort of intermittent fasting diet so you aren’t eating anything at night?
Transition to Vegetarianism
Thanks. Yes, I definitely think reducing my meat consumption is the first step. I’m not ready to go cold turkey! I do eat carbs, but usually for breakfast or lunch. I’m thinking I might just have to do a bowl of veggies for dinner and front load my protein/carbs during the day.
Winter-into-Spring legs
I am mostly vegetarian for health reasons and b/c in grad school I only had a microwave instead of a real kitchen. I am a big starch and cheese lover, so for me, I always have cheese with my beans (or beans + rice + cheese). I find that cheese rounds out the density of a meal and heads off the starch coma. Bonus of calcium, too.
LilyB
I try to make lunch a bigger meal than dinner so as to front-load my carbs. I also eat a lot of dairy products. Lentils may be lower-carb than beans, I’m not sure. But yeah, you need to get over your low-carb thing if you’re going to be a vegetarian. Try to eat complex carbs and whole grains.
Transition to Vegetarianism
Thanks – I agree about front loading the carbs. I eat carbs, but just try not to eat them at night. I’ve heard that lentils are lower carbs than other vegetarian protein sources, so I might give that a go.
darjeeling
if you don’t mind processed food there are a lot of soy products that are low-carb and I once successfully navigated the Zone diet (remember that?) as a vegetarian, but it was pretty boring. I’ve been veg about 20 years now and have never had a problem feeling satisfied after meals as long as there’s some fat in there.
Ellie
It’s really tough to do low carb vegetarian. I have tried
To cut down on pasta but this means I eat a lot of
Tofu and beans– my new goal is eating the least processed food possible. So beans are ok and better
Than pasta. I don’t have a problem with the fullness aspect because I’ve been veggie for so long but DH who has always eaten meat with every meal often complains about it when I cook. I added shellfish back into my diet which has helped a lot. Big salads and soups are your friend. I’d second the suggestion of transitioning in phases.
GirlMeetsWorld
Is there a particular reason as to why you avoid carbs at night? Or are you low-carb in general? Because yah, a healthy vegetarian diet is hard without carbs and you want to be careful about compensating with a lot of fats, esp. cheese.
Transition to Vegetarianism
My trainer has said that eating carbs at night is not necessary, because you don’t need the quick energy that carbs provide because you’re just going to go to sleep shortly thereafter, and so the carbs will just be stored as fat. Right now I eat some sort of protein plus veggies for dinner, and get my carbs in during breakfast and lunch.
Yvi
If you don’t need them, carbs eaten during the day will also be stored as fat. It really doesn’t matter when you eat them.
Bethany
Agreed. Your trainer is not a dietician, honestly s/he sounds like a bit of a nut. Your body needs calories at dinner, and you can get them from carbohydrates, proteins, fats, and/or alcohols. Whatever you eat that you don’t burn off will be turned into fat — protein included. There is no need to stop eating carbs entirely, especially if you’re only cutting them out at certain times of the day. Just don’t overeat. Also, unless you are having dinner right before you climb into bed, this seems like a silly thing to worry about.
Diana Barry
Your trainer is wrong. It all depends on calories in/out within a 24 hour period. It doesn’t matter when you eat carbs.
Calibrachoa
Soups are amazing for making you feel full even when they are low in carbs – and there are so many gorgeous vegetable soups out there!
shortiek
vegetable ramen with a ton of mushrooms: mmmmmmm
anon
You could eat yogurt or some other dairy product for dinner, but that probably wouldn’t be satisfying. You could look into the Low-GI Vegetarian Cookbook, which won’t have a lot of starch, sugary foods in it, but you’re still going to be eating carbs. Carbs include things like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, etc. You’re probably not going to find vegetarianism that satisfying if you stay away from all of those things.
saacnmama
Wish I could help–I’ve been a vegetarian for a couple decades, but eat a lot of the things you’re avoiding. Also, do you eat fish, shellfish, eggs, dairy or similar? Also, what do you feel about processed faux meats like veggie burgers? Do they have a lot of carbs (I don’t eat them, because I like my food to look like what it is and be less processed)
I guess there are always nuts. Seems a little boring to me, but there are things like nutloaf you could make. We had tacos for dinner last night–black beans for me, and corn tortillas, but most of mine were made up of other, lower-carb stuff.
Don’t give up easily. If this is important to you, you’ll find ways to nourish yourself according to the precepts that are important for you. Once you do, they will become automatic and not anymore difficult than the things you’ve done in the past.
AIMS
I can’t comment so much on the low-carb aspect of your question, but as to how to stay sated, I think the trick is to change the way you look at food as mains vs. sides. I eat a mostly vegetarian diet with fish and only occasional meat, my SO eats everything, but when I cook meatless/fishless dinners he doesn’t seem to mind at all even though he’s the type of person that would only order a meat main when we go out to eat/order out. What I generally do is a lot of veggies plus some kind of healthy, filling grain/bean – usually quinoa, lentils, farro, buckwheat. Those are all very filling.
For some very satisfying grain/bean free options, I really like to make ratatouille or pisto manchego (awesome recipe here: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/21/health/nutrition/21recipehealth.html?_r=0) or large veggie sautes. I posted this here before, but I have basically been living off of a saute of beets & carrots with garlic and onion, with spinach or kale and toasted pumpkin seeds thrown in at the last minute. So good in cold weather.
Frittatas also make a nice easy veggie + protein dinner.
Anything with spinach or other leafy greens tends to be very hearty and filling.
As for the transition itself, I think making it gradual would help. Maybe you could first cut out red meat, then pork, then chicken, then fish. Or you could limit yourself to meat once a week and then once a month… Etc.
carbs
unlike fat and protein, not at all necessary for a healthy diet. in fact, the human body doesn’t need carbs at all! some might say that the healthiest diets eliminate carbohydrates almost entirely, except those found in fruit and veg…
I know it’s super annoying when people push their dietary opinions on you. and I do apologize. But a little part of me dies every time I come across the belief that fat = bad, meat = bad, but carbs = good.
MB
Ummm, the human body absolutely needs carbohydrates. It may not need bread, but it needs carbohydrates.
I don’t know what legumes are higher / lower in carbohydrates, but to my body, not all carbohydrates are equal. I tend to be fine (not gain weight / not feel sluggish / not feel bloated) when I eat lentils, peas, chick peas, quinoa, whole wheat pasta and brown rice. These things all make me feel full and satisfied. I try to avoid white breads, sweets and white rice.
carbs
no, it doesn’t! as a technical matter, carbs are entirely unnecessary to sustain the human body. you can survive and be perfectly healthy never eating a single drop of carbs (you will go into a state called ketosis. it’s often used to treat people with epilepsy). but–you will die if you don’t get fat or protein.
anon
This is interesting, but it doesn’t sound that healthy when I looked it up:
High protein, low-carb diets can cause a number of health problems, including:
Kidney failure. Consuming too much protein puts a strain on the kidneys, which can make a person susceptible to kidney disease.
High cholesterol . It is well known that high-protein diets (consisting of red meat, whole dairy products, and other high fat foods) are linked to high cholesterol. Studies have linked high cholesterol levels to an increased risk of developing heart disease, stroke, and cancer.
Osteoporosis and kidney stones. High-protein diets have also been shown to cause people to excrete a large amount of calcium in their urine. Over a prolonged period of time, this can increase a person’s risk of osteoporosis and kidney stones. A diet that increases protein at the expense of a very restrictive intake of plant carbohydrates may be bad for bones, but not necessarily a high-protein intake alone.
Cancer. One of the reasons high-protein diets increase the risks of certain health problems is because of the avoidance of carbohydrate-containing foods and the vitamins, minerals, fiber, and antioxidants they contain. It is therefore important to obtain your protein from a diet rich in whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. Not only are your needs for protein being met, but you are also helping to reduce your risk of developing cancer.
Unhealthy metabolic state (ketosis). Low-carb diets can cause your body to go into a dangerous metabolic state called ketosis since your body burns fat instead of glucose for energy. During ketosis, the body forms substances known as ketones, which can cause organs to fail and result in gout, kidney stones, or kidney failure. Ketones can also dull a person’s appetite, cause nausea and bad breath. Ketosis can be prevented by eating at least 100 grams of carbohydrates a day.
Mpls
MB – I think you’re looking for the simple/complex spectrum in talking about carbs. I believe legumes fall into the complex category, which means it takes you body longer to break down the carbs, so they hit your system slower and don’t get the blood sugar spike that you do with simple carbs.
Also – inducing a state of ketosis may be a helpful treatment for epilepsy, but that doesn’t mean it is good advice for the general public that does not have epilepsy. While it may be possible to subsist on a diet of protein and fat, that doesn’t mean it is necessarily healthy. Fruits and vegetables (which are carbs) contain a lot of the vitamins and minerals that protein and fat can’t provide. Also – your large intestine is going to be a lot happier if you don’t limit your diet to protein and fat.
TBK
I’ve heard that traditional diets in some areas (some native Arctic groups, for example) eat no carbs, at least in wintertime, and have no adverse health effects. So you don’t actually need carbs to survive.
Anonymous
Diabetes is RAMPANT in the north. Just saying.
TBK
But I thought that was because of the addition of refined grains/sugars to the traditional diet, not the traditional diet itself.
RD Says
Your body needs diversity of diet — a bit of everything. This includes carbs, which includes grains. Also, where are you hearing that people should eat no fat and no meat, but bajillions of carbs? I’ve never heard of that diet, unless you are talking about the American high school diet of vending-machine food.
The Slapdash Sewist
I’ve been veggie for about 20 years. I do remember being really REALLY hungry for the first year, but I was also 18 and still growing a bit. It is definitely a transition to feeling full.
I think vegetarian low carb is different than meat low carb. The simple low carbs (“white carbs”) are easy to avoid–I don’t eat a lot of bread, pasta, rice, or potatoes. I don’t count the complex carbs, like beans, as carbs-to-be-avoided. They don’t spike your insulin, they don’t need to be used by the body immediately, they provide amino acids needed to create complete proteins, and they come with a healthy serving of fiber. I have oatmeal for breakfast (my major source of carbs), and have a bean/veggie soup for lunch and generally beans/veggies again for dinner. I usually do not have cheese with lunch, but often have it with dinner (as a topping, not as a main dish). For example, this week it is black bean chili for lunch, and last night I roasted brussels sprouts and red/yellow/orange peppers, plus Tofurkey Italian sausage (I don’t eat a lot of fake meats, mostly because they’re expensive, so this is a splurge week) to have for dinners. One of my favorite dinner options is what I call “Fast Food Dinner,” which is oven sweet potato fries (cut up sweet potato into fries, toss in a tbsp or so of olive oil plus some cayenne pepper, roast in oven), refried beans topped with a little cheese, and hot sauce. So delish.
I don’t do eggs for dinner because I don’t love them, but they are an excellent no-carb high-protein option. Quinoa is a higher protein grain, if you want a grain serving. It’s great thrown into soups to bulk them up. My other secret for soups is a handful of okra–it gives a thicker, more satisfying texture.
You’re not going to be able to do Atkins-level low carb as a vegetarian. But there is a low-simple-carb middle ground that can easily be met with a vegetarian diet.
roses
FYI, Tofu only has 2g carbs/serving – not high in carbs at all. Cottage cheese and greek yogurt area also excellent low-carb sources of protein.
But yeah, the no-carbs at night thing is BS if you’re just doing it for weight purposes. I do know some people though who say that not eating carbs at night helps them get to sleep better, but this is purely anecdotal.
And for “carbs” above – yes, it’s true you could live without carbs, but it’s not optimal. Carbs give you a more readily-available energy source than fat or protein, and excessive consumption of protein is not good for your kidneys. Additionally, it’s likely that if you’re eating a mostly fat/protein diet, you are eating it from animal sources, which can cause additional problems like high cholesterol. It’s not that any source of energy (carbs, protein or fat) is “bad”, it’s just optimal to have a healthy balance of them all.
n.
Yeah, this was my first thought — tofu is not a high carb food! Nor is seitan, or tempeh. So there low-carb vegetarian options that you could eat for dinner (eg, a salad with baked tofu or tempeh), but I agree with others that it’s in general hard to combine low carb and vegetarianism.
Transition to Vegetarianism
Thanks, everyone. I appreciate all of the insight! Obviously the low-carb thing is a bit of an issue, and it’s been one of the factors that has held me back from pursuing this more seriously. And I’ll have to look at the nutrition labels for tofu and the like, maybe they’re not as high in carbs as I previously thought.
Elysian
Depending on why you want to go veg, maybe you could ease into it by trying it for just one or two weeks. Then see how you felt and what problems you may have had, and reevaluate from there. I was veg for a little over a month, and learned a lot about my eating habits in the process. If you have concerns, I would jump right in and try it, and then re-evaluate later. At least for me, I find that I can spend time “preparing” to do something that just ends up being procrastination because I’m scared it will be hard. Going veg doesn’t have to be a life-long end-all decision if you don’t want it to be. No one will (should) judge you for changing your mind later or “cheating” a bit, if that is what makes you happy. My advice is to jump in head first, and see how you feel about it then, instead of trying to predict how you will feel now.
SpaceMountain
http://www.nealbarnard.org/pdfs/Diabetes_Recipes.pdf
Here are some good (and free!) vegetarian recipes that include carb info. I’ve tried a number of these and liked them, so I printed the whole thing and put it in folder to use as a mini-recipe book.
Senior Attorney
I have actually embraced the carbs. I discovered Dr. McDougall’s starch-based vegan diet a few years ago and never looked back. You can read all about it here: http://drmcdougall.com/free.html. I don’t stick to it 100% (can’t give up my sushi!) but when I do I feel better and it’s amazing how flat my tummy is when I’m eating this way!
SunnyD
Travel pillows: I saw this article in the WSJ:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323539804578264243240244364.html
Has anyone tried the Travelrest? Comments? Any other suggestions for travel pillows that are easy to pack and really do help you sleep?
ITDS
I have a SkyRest pillow! Back when there was more room between rows, I used to be able to sleep with my head on my arms on the tray table, and it gets close to simulating that posture. It doesn’t help me sleep completely on its own, but in conjunction with wine and sleeping pills it helps me really zonk out. The only problem I have had is a slight tendency to topple sideways onto the person next to me. That was OK when it was my husband, not so OK when it was a stranger. Also, I am 5’1″ – I’m not sure how it would work for a taller person.
cc
omg is that the big inflatable one that you like lean on? I always wanted one of those! Is it easy to pack? Do you get weird looks from people?
ITDS
Yup, it’s the one you lean on. It is not easy to pack – it doesn’t fold up all that small. If you are carrying on a large tote you will be OK, but not if you are trying to travel really light. People generally look at it with envy and some ask about it. I slept all the way to Dublin, and woke up refreshed enough for a full day of touring, so I think it’s worth the hassle to drag around.
Prabal for Target
Did anyone else pick up any pieces from the Target & Prabal Gurung collaboration? I’m embarassed to admit I woke up at 2:30am to snag the blazer which is now selling for 2-3x the original price on eBay. Craziness!
Emme
I stayed up late, too! Ordered the white flowered dress, the black panels/neon flowers dress, the neon flowers sweatshirt, paint tote and black flat sandals. I’m hoping something will fit and the tote isn’t cheaply made.
KC
I ended up ordering two shirts, two pairs of shoes, and a blazer so that I could try on different sizes and return what doesn’t fit. Hopefully at least one item works :)
Divaliscious11
I picked up a T-shirt. I wanted the pencil skirt and matching sweater, but I didn’t like the “feel” when I stopped into Target. But I picked up the other Target pencil skirt in orange, and it will be a totally fun outfit when its no-tights weather!
saacnmama
I have a Thread Jack, right off the bat. It’s that old question of balance/the Juggle/ doing it all.
I’m a single mother who is getting back to work after taking a couple years off for a family matter. I am realizing that I need to make changes in how I handle my multiple roles. I’m well aware that I can’t have it all, all the time, but there are several things I must do well: the house must stay decently clean so that we can have people stop by, my son needs parental attention, I have to get publications out and be diligently looking for a job.
My natural inclination is to do these things one at a time: I took time off and really focused on the family matter when there was a major problem, but now that I’ve stepped back up to the jobs market, I find that when there is a flare-up with the family issue, it knocks me off base and I drop everything else to deal with it. When I was writing my dissertation, I would get the house and all my clothes clean, cook a bunch of food, and dig in for 10 or 11 days, working all the time until I dropped and had nothing to eat or wear. As a professor, I’d spend several days writing up the next unit of a course–all the lectures and ppts, quizzes, reading questions, exercises, everything. It worked to an extent, but was frustrating for longterm projects (there’s no way to cook enough ahead to write an entire dissertation!)
That way of doing things is not sustainable, and my responsibilities now require me to spend some time every day (see: parenting, keeping the house basically in order, research and writing projects). I’m trying to shift my way of doing things to devote a portion of my time every day to each task, roughly in proportion to their importance, adjusted for what’s going on in the moment–extra time on the family matter when it flares up, extra work time to prep for a conference or lecture, projects in the house or “fun” things on weekends, without throwing everything else aside entirely. It is hard for me to switch channels. When I’m working, I take a while to get into it and do not want to be interrupted. Having a child means the house doesn’t stay presentable without a daily pickup or two, but we don’t need a major project every day. (Right now we still have CHAOS–Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome, but my son is on board with working through the house area by area and keeping those places in order with our nightly pick-ups. He’s old enough that the state of the house was embarrassing)
One thing I’ve found that helps is trying to keep less of my work in my head; in the past, I’d spend a lot of time pouring over things and getting it all worked out before doing a “dump” and writing it all down. I’m trying now to write sections of research articles while I’m doing the research. I’ve also instituted a real structure to our week at home which helps lots of things, including my son’s peace of mind. But I’m looking for more.
THE QUESTION: what tips and tricks have you found to help yourself keep going on all your responsibilities on a regular basis?
Tia
saacnmama
Sorry that got so dang long!
goldribbons
Identifying all of this sounds like you’re off to a great start. I keep a To Do list on my desk, as well as lists of “AM Routine” and “PM Routine” to help keep me in check. Every morning, I work through my AM Routine (brush teeth, gym [rarely happens], shower, breakfast, prep dinner, etc.) and then every evening, I work through my PM Routine (pick up bedroom, choose tomorrow’s clothes, make tomorrow’s lunch, brush teeth, stretch, etc.). It helps having something taped to the wall to remind me how to stay on track. My PM Routine is very focused on making tomorrow morning easier, and so when the morning rolls around, I’m able to take some time for getting ready for after work. This prevents me from spending (as much) time worrying through the day. Hope this helps!
frugal doc
I hear you Tia. I can relate to your situation. You have touched on some of the things I do.
Write things down – to do list/check boxes.
Routine/structure is key.
Ask for help. Kids, family, colleagues. Learn to say no. Learn to delegate.
Accept that many things will not be up to your standard. Compromise.
Throw some things aside. Simplify cleaning (hire help, kids help, accept lower standard) and cooking (cook in bulk once a week, then have simple cooking options other nights including things your son loves – pizza night, a salad night, a take out night, and/or find the place near you that makes healthy prepared food that you can pick up occasionally).
Do you really want the house acceptable to be able to have a social event at the drop of a hat? Doesn’t sound necessary or practical… especially if you are so busy, then your social time like that will be pretty nil. And if your friends don’t understand, are they really the type of people you want as friends?
Find a mentor in your academic realm, if possible, for some support.
I also have a very complicated and at times urgent family issues that have overwhelmed all aspects of my life. It is very hard to balance a career, family and life when you have caregiving and/or unusual family responsibilities. It is impossible, actually, so only you can decide what will have to give.
Hang in there.
saacnmama
Social event at the drop of a hat, no, but it also isn’t good when an 8 or 9 year old is asking why we don’t clean up!
Thanks for your comments.
Coalea
A child who is old enough to ask why we don’t clean up is old enough to help clean up!
TBK
+1 My mom was a single mom and I had chores starting at age six. It might take longer the first few times while he learns to do it properly, but he’s certainly old enough to be in charge of, say, vacuuming once a week plus emptying the dish washer, and doing his own laundry, packing his lunch, and getting his own breakfast. I was doing all those things by his age. (Plus your future DIL will LOVE you – a man who knows how to do housework!)
saacnmama
I don’t mean my son was asking that–his friend did! Spotless isn’t the goal, just presentable (I think I went overboard on that advice to new parents to let housekeeping go…) and organized well enough that we don’t spend time looking for things. He knows where he’s supposed to keep his things, but there’s other stuff where his shoes should go, so we barely made it to school on time today. That sort of thing happens far too often.
Frugal doc, how do you stay focused on your work when the other stuff is overwhelming?
saacnmama
Funny timing–I just got a call and must go deal with a “flare up”. Unfortunately, there really isn’t anyone else who could take this role. Things seemed good in the fall, but this has happened around 5 times this year already. We are working on ways to get the issue entirely resolved. But after that many calls, I’m thinking of asking–insisting–they try to work it out longer before calling me. I think they’ve figured out I’m not working, so figure my time is entirely available.
mascot
Can you designate drop zones and keep those areas clear? Like a bin for mail, a basket for his shoes/bookbag/jacket, a peg by the door for keys, that sort of thing? That way you aren’t spending time in the morning looking for things.
One of the biggest benefits of having a cleaning service was knowing that every other week, we had to pick things up the night before they came. We are in between services now and we aren’t as good as straightening regularly. Something always comes up that’s more fun/pressing. Trying to entertain more often has helped force us to go into cleaning mode.
frugal doc
Well, I understand the *pang* of guilt you feel about your house…. but honestly, should an 8 year old friend of your son’s really be impacting your opinion of yourself and your dedication to cleaning? That 8 year old might have a stay at home mom, and no complicated family issues like you do. And the child is rude :). And yes, your son should have a “check-list” of his family responsibilities, and perhaps every night he should be making sure his books are in the backpack, shoes are by the door, and his lunch is ready. Continue to teach him to clean up after himself, as you are trying.
I couldn’t stay focused on my work when my situation exploded, and definitely the cleanliness of my apartment was the first thing to go. When the caregiving became overwhelming, I also had to take a break from working as well. It has led to a nosedive in my career that may never recover. You have to accept that if you continue to go down this road, that may happen to you as well. Only you understand your specific goals/situation, your financial options for getting help (for you and for those you are caring for) as well as the flexibility/willingness for those you care for to accept help from others….
I would try as much as possible to not be in the house when you are “working”, as you need to try to compartmentalize your life more to transition back to working. If you are job searching now, get to the library during the day…. like you are going to work… and focus/focus/focus. When you are home with your child, be 100% at home. Then you have to make the decision when you are at home whether you want to carve out a small portion of work time. I recommend 1-2 hours after your son goes to bed, or 1-2 hours before he gets up, and perhaps half a day on the weekend. Sessions must really be at least 1 hour, or it is not productive.
For your family issues/caregiving…. that can be hard to structure. But start trying to structure it, giving more time now while you are not working, and start tapering down. Make a check list for your visits, start setting up more options for help if you can’t come to the rescue.
Although I do not know your situation, I agree that you need to start teaching those who rely upon you more coping skills for when you are not available. I also understand when you feel like there is no one who can substitute for your involvement. Often, that is true, sadly…. It leads to a heavy burden on you.
You may also benefit from a little bit of counseling, as you are probably a Type A that is pushing yourself to the brink and the anxiety will at some point become overwhelming. You may do well with a little bit of training in additional coping skills (and sometimes a little medicine… don’t knock it until you try it).
Signy Mallory
Wow, you do have a lot on your plate.
But, without prying too much, is the “flare-up of the family issue” something that can be a shared responsibility? Or outsourced partially to specialist care-providers? I’ll just make up a scenario : your father has a gastro-related problem, part of a chronic illness issue, and you ask another relative who lives nearby to help so you’re not always the one who takes him to the specialist for tests?
Because, otherwise, it sounds like these flare-ups can be very de-stabilizing to an already precarious schedule.
saacnmama
Funny timing–I just got a call and must go deal with a “flare up”. Unfortunately, there really isn’t anyone else who could take this role. Things seemed good in the fall, but this has happened around 5 times this year already. We are working on ways to get the issue entirely resolved. But after that many calls, I’m thinking of asking–insisting–they try to work it out longer before calling me. I think they’ve figured out I’m not working, so figure my time is entirely available.
Godzilla
As Flylady would say – do you have a timer? Whether it’s an email reminder, text message or actual kitchen timer, you need something to distract you from your hyperfocusing. Trying to maintain structure when you’re at home most of the time can be hard but not impossible. Lots of people gave good suggestions about clutter and prioritizing but let’s actually schedule your day.
Son in school AM: Job hunting
Eat lunch
Son in school PM: Research and writing projects
Son at home PM: Cook and clean and eat together
Set off a timer to go off every 3 hours or whatever time that’s appropriate for you. When you have to handle flares, you make up the missed time. When I have to handle family flares, I take time off from work or the gym or friends or whatever to handle what I need to.
Saacnmama
That points at the problem more clearly than anything I wrote before. The external stuff–bins ‘ timers, etc–I know about. But I can’t switch over inside my brain fast enough. I need to be able to be a mom in the morning, drop him at school, then switch over to work brain and think of nothing else for 6 hours, unless I go work out. Then focus on parenting and house keeping, maybe switch back to work mode after his bedtime. How on earth do you do that? By the time I’d get one transition made, it’s nearly time for another. I don’t have a switch inside of me that trips anywhere nearly as quickly as a timer goes off. That’s what I’m trying to figure out how to develop.
PJ
Saacnmama, you say it’s hard for you to transition from one task to another. Can you identify what you’re actually doing while undertaking these difficult transitions and either stop whatever is an unhelpful distraction, or at least control it as a treat to be rationed out after you’ve completed specific tasks ?
For example – I can’t help but notice that you do post a lot on this site and usually return promptly to respond to pretty much every dissenting view. This must get very distracting if you are trying to work your way down a specific task list and you may well be responding in a similar way to many other marginal distractions. If you are, this is a behaviour which you should try to control – either cut it out or learn how to ration it as a treat for completing your real tasks eg. 10 minutes of internet browsing BUT ONLY when I’ve accomplished XYZ.
Divaliscious11
1. Help. At home, at work etc… Not necessarily constant, but who can pitch in for me in a crisis. For at home, I have my au pair. For work, each person on my team has an area that they can ‘back me up’. Also, we have an unspoken agreement among the 4 women at my level, that we will cover for each other, even if not our area of expertise, because we are all moms, and all know things come up, so even if its just to take notes, we will pick up the phone and say – help.
2. Prioritizing what is a crisis. Do I need to be there in person, or will the phone work?
3. Letting go of stuff that doesn’t matter, for now. My house is cluttered. It is not dirty. I would love, love, love to completely de-clutter, but unless I take a week of vacation time while my kids have school and do it, which I am not willing to do, clean up happens on a rotation schedule.
4. Try not to over commit. You or the kid(s).
5. Realize that sometimes things will fall through the cracks. Its not a reflection of you, personally, its a reflection of a busy schedule. Pick it up, fix it if possible, figure out why, and them move on….
Wordy
I really like Godzilla’s advice for loose time categorization and breaking your day into three hour blocks. What helps me when I have a long list of short- and long-term to dos, is to divide a sheet of paper into four squares (a four-blocker) and sort my list into, say, household chores, bigger projects, errands, and computer tasks/shopping. The list is visually less intimidating, and I can make a goal for a weekend to do, say, three household cleaning chores, one big project (like cleaning out a closet), all the errands in one part of town, etc.
That said, having read your posts over the past few months, I think you need to embrace the saying “perfect is the enemy of good enough.” I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but it seems like your urge to get everything completely lined up perfectly is getting in the way of your accomplishing the things you need to do, i.e. instead of needing a complete system for how you manage all your responsibilities and achieve your goals, you need to just bang out a draft of your resume one morning and accept that it’s a work in progress but you need to start using it when you’re networking … or that you can set up some “drop zones” in your house without having to have an entire cleaning program in place.
Good luck!
Pigeonholed
Looking for some advice from the other lawyer e t t e s out there. I work in biglaw, litigating in a fairly niche area. I’m hoping to relocate in the next year for family reasons to a location where my niche is not very big. Has anyone made a similar move out of a niche area into a more general litigation practice? I’d love to hear any advice on how to sell my skills or insight into hiring practices of firms. I’m a few years out of law school. Thanks!
anon for this
I successfully interviewed as a third year (but did not ultimately accept any offers) for general commercial lit and securities lit jobs even though I worked (and work) as a commercial bankruptcy associate, and I also needed to relocate for family reasons. For non-bk jobs, I had a different version of my resume that was more focused on the skills I have (e.g., discovery, motion practice, client interaction, etc.) than on the substantive law in which I developed those skills. In the interviews, I also steered the conversation in that direction. I think that one thing that helped me was that I have had a lot of responsibility for someone my year (I’ve second-chaired trials, argued and won major MSJs, have my own clients, etc.) In my cover letter, part of my pitch was that I fell into bankruptcy practice due to the economy, but I had always planned on doing more general commercial litigation, and so even though I had enjoyed bk, I was looking forward to moving into the sort of practice I had intended to have.
JJ
I think it’s probably easier to go from a niche area of litigation to a general litigation practice, as long as you are actually doing litigation on both ends. I’m speaking as someone who did the opposite – practiced general commercial lit until I lateraled to a specialized firm. I did the same thing “anon for this” recommends: I used my litigation experience to explain why I would be a good fit. Essentially, I knew how to litigate (I had also argued motions, second-chaired trials, etc), and all that was left was becoming more familiar with this area of law.
Basically, sell your skills and your litigation experience. A good firm knows that they can train a lawyer on the black-letter law as long as you can write well, advocate, etc.
Gone Anon
I posted on the open thread about a performance review, sincere thank you’s to each of the r3ttes who replied–All great words of advice that I needed to hear. Shoveling snow for a few hours over the weekend allowed me to get some stress out, and I do plan to approach the issue with a “going forward” point of view, and a “want to understand what I can do better” tone. It sucks to see on paper, and I’m going to discuss it before signing off, but thank you all for listening (reading?) and the advice.
saacnmama
When I lived in a coldcold place, I’d wear two pairs of tights or tights under leggings with boots and a long skirt all the time. I don’t think anybody noticed or cared.
saacnmama
sorry–this should’ve gone under the next post by ouch, obviously.
ouch
Maybe I’m making a fashion faux paux, but I am wearing leggings instead of tights today under my knee length skirt. I’m also wearing boots so you can’t tell they’re leggings. But my workplace is Business Casual and I am just so, so, so cold.
So I’m now starting the trend of leggings-as-extra-warm-tights. Unless you guys do it too?
Anonz
How would anyone even know? That sounds totally fine to me.
An
I do it all the time.
Blonde Lawyer
I do it all the time too.
ANP
Nope, I do this all the time! Especially when I was pregnant – leggings were way more forgiving than maternity tights.
D
That’s fine… also look into Plush fleece lined tights. They are AMAZING and keep you really really warm.
Senior Attorney
+1 on the fleece-lined tights! I heart them!
Alana
They are great! I am wearing a pair right now. Despite gaining weight, the extra internal leg insulation is not as effective as I hoped this winter.
Anonz
Does anyone here have experience living in the Ft Lauderdale or West Palm Beach area with kids? We’re considering job opportunities there but only know FL from a vacation standpoint. Thanks!
Anon
How old are the kids? The area is known for beaches & night life. Personally, I think both cities are pretty dirty and a lot busier/crowded than something I’d want to raise kids in (unless you’re beach side), then again, a lot of people do it & I’m sure their kids turn out just fine. I’m originally from about an hour away or so away from the area.
So Very Anon
Ladies, I am finding myself in a bit of a conundrum and would love your insights. Short version of the story: I’ve recently started dating (after taking some time getting over my ex) and while the people I have gone on first dates with have been nice, I haven’t felt much of a spark until I met this one guy. We’ve gone on seven dates so far, and I am really attracted to him. He’s a great kisser and he has a really nice, warm, kind personality. However, when I first agreed to go on a date with him, I thought he was at the upper end of the age range I would consider (I’m 34 and I want to have kids). He had said he’s 43. Last night, we discussed the lunar new year and he told me he was born in the year of the dragon. I realized then that he must be 48, and I asked him if he had taken 5 years off his age on his match profile. He confirmed this, and said that he was going to tell me last night. He apologized for not telling me sooner, and asked if I still wanted to date him. I said I needed some time to think about this. Then he dropped the next disclosure on me – that he has an STD (a common one that is not curable but is also not a big deal). I really appreciate his honest and up-front disclosure about this (we have not had any garden parties yet but we were close to it). Now I don’t know what to think. I am actually more concerned about him lying about his age than the STD. Why would you lie about your age in your profile? Is this not a big deal and am I overthinking this? It’s not that I am head over heels over this guy yet, I just kind of like him, am into him physically, and I like his company. Not sure what to do. Did any of you guys go onto successful relationships with someone who started out with a lie like that?
An
To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he wants to have children, so he’s trying to seem like he’s younger to attract younger women who would statistically have an easier time becoming pregnant? There are also men who just want to date younger women, children aside. To me it’s a huge turn-off when men won’t date women their own age, though the baby thing makes it more understandable.
Signy Mallory
Yes, esp. that last point.
Ask him what were the ages of the last few women he’s dated.
That might help you find out why he age-lied. Assuming, of course, he’s not lying about their ages, too.
The two lies together look bad together– they are starting to look like a pattern. What else is he going to disclose once he thinks your hooked?
AIMS
In fairness to this guy, I don’t think the STD is per se a “lie.” I wouldn’t expect someone to put that in his dating profile or disclose on a first date. I’d imagine it’s kind of a big deal to share that so as long as he shared it before they got intimate, I’d say that was reasonable disclosure.
Signy Mallory
Yeah, you’re right about that. I’m trying to put myself in his shoes and I think it’d be hella awkward to bring that up right at the very beginning.
Parfait
Agree. You don’t tell something like that to every girl you go for coffee with, you bring that up when lady garden parties approach.
Parfait
Also agree you should ask about the ages of women he’s dated. My evil ex had never dated anyone over 25 before. And OH how it showed.
Westraye
I think it’s as much of an issue as you want it to be. Is the fact that he’s 48 a deal-breaker? (You mentioned you want kids, and this may make it more difficult) Can you get past his lie? Figure out those answers, and you’ll know what to do. Other people’s experiences may not help you since it all depends on what you’re comfortable with, since others may have different comfort levels.
Fwiw it seems like he’s since been very forthwright and has not hidden anything else – take his reaction into account as well in deciding whether you can get past the lie. Good luck!
saacnmama
I think it’s encouraging he came clean on the other issue when you brought one up. r3tt3s who do online dating will have to comment on whether people actually lie on their profiles as much as the jokes say.
But what are you looking for in dating? I’ve enjoyed relationships with guys more than a decade older than me, but I also have a friend who is frustrated in her marriage because she, in her late 40s, is simply much more interested in s e x than her husband, who is 20+ years older.
ouch
I understand the STD thing 100% as it’s not something you’d advertise publicly and to be revealed when you are getting close to the garden party. But the lying about age thing sends alarm bells in my head. Relationships are built on trust and to have something like that (and that’s pretty major–that’s not “oh I said I did two years in France when I only did one and a half” or something trivial like that) hanging over it…I don’t know. YMMV but alarm bells.
Diana Barry
Hmm. Anecdotally, from the older men I know who are on dating sites (eg those over 45 or so), they ALL lie about their age. And then they complain that the women lie about their age too, or that their profile pictures are not accurate, etc.
However, what jumped out at me from your post was that you have been on seven dates and “just kind of like him”. Maybe I am really fast to make up my mind, but I knew on date 2 and certainly by date 4 that my now-H was going to be a serious long-term relationship. If you’re not super into him now, maybe cut your losses at this point and move on?
anonforthis
My friend dated a guy who lied about his age (10 years!), and they met in person first not through a dating site. So there was no reason for him to lie the first night they met. She didn’t find out until 6 months in, and they still broke up because he broke her trust. I would just be creeped out that he lied about it.
Bea
I don’t see the lie itself as a huge deal. I think it’s relatively common to describe your age, body type, and other similar attributes (the kinds that might be “dealbreakers” for someone browsing online but would be survivable in real life if you otherwise liked the person). It’s a little weird that he hadn’t told you by date #7, depending on how frequent / semi-exclusive the dates have become. But all things considered, it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me (unless it turns out there are other things that have been glossed over as well). That being said, the actual age difference might be a dealbreaker for me, depending on his apparent health, his feelings about having kids, and my feelings about raising kids with someone 15 years older than me.
I also think the STD disclosure is a good sign.
anon
I would probably not continue dating him, not because of his age but because of the lie. Particularly since you have no way to know if he was really going to tell you or not. I don’t see any problem with the age difference itself, but with the lie. I can’t imagine what the valid reason for it would be, and even if there was one it should have been revealed on date 2 at the latest, not when he finally got caught in the lie.
I don’t think not mentioning the std earlier is a big deal, I mean, that’s not really first date convo and you haven’t had a garden party yet, but I just think lying about age is a huge red flag, both about honesty and about how he feels about age and himself. (Is he going to constantly be trying to be/feel ‘younger’? Does he only want to date much younger women? Because I don’t think an age difference is a red flag but I do think men who are scared of women their own age is.)
Has he been married before? Kids?
Ellen
This is SCAREY! There MUST be honesty in a relationship. I would make sure I knew everything about this guy before I decided to MARRY him, or got into bed with him.. This is also why I would NOT take my clothe’s off with him until we were at least ENGAGED. The concept of an STD scare’s me. Does this affect fertility if he gave it to you? Be very careful here. Also, if he is to old, by the time you give birth, he could be very old to chase after your child. FOOEY!
The manageing partner called to say he would NOT be comeing in to the office, b/c he is worried about his HAMTON’s place and is tryeing to get out there today. Some guy from The Town’s EMS called to say his pool house colapsed under the wieght of the SNOW, and did other damage to his house. Last Fall, his boat got trashed by Hurricane SANDY, so he is very SOUR about his Hamton’s place, even if Jerry Steinfield live’s nearby. Margie insist’s that they get a BIGGER boat with the INSURANCE money, but the manageing partner is interested in getting a NEW Number 7 BMW. FOOEY! I wanted to go for a boat ride with Dad.
So Very Anon
Thanks all for your thoughts. I have to decide if I think this is a dealbreaker or not, and I haven’t fully formed my opinion on it. I don’t like starting out with a lie like this, and I think he should have told me a bit sooner (we have been spending a lot of time together, texts/phone calls every night we don’t see each other, and he has brought up being exclusive several times). Yes, when was he actually going to tell me? I had to figure it out myself (thank you, Chinese zodiac).
At the same time, I kind of get it, and I’m not feeling too outraged/deceived. If he wants to have kids, he probably wants to meet someone my age to have some time to get to know them before having kids, and if I had known he was 48 I would not have gone out with him. So he needed that lie to get me to go out with him at first, and then I started liking him.
The STD thing I think he handled fine – that’s not the thing you need to disclose on date 2, but you need to disclose it before garden parties, and he did, and also in a very thoughtful manner (giving me all the info I needed).
He was previously married for 8 years. No kids.
Nope
So he needed that lie to get me to go out with him at first, and then I started liking him. => Deal breaker for me because he felt like he needed to trick someone into going out with him. Every online site I’ve been on has plenty of room to explain what you’re looking for. If you have something to explain, that’s the place to do it, not after seven dates.
If you would not have gone out with him if you had known his age, then that tells you a lot. The bad thing about online dating is you set up these filters that could be arbitrary…but at the same time, they are there for a reason.
I can’t believe people lie so much on online profiles. If a person is really on an online site to find a long-term relationship (I understand not everyone is), then why bother? Annoying.
Jill
I doubt he was going to come clean about his age. I’m already suspicious of people who lie about their age online, since many people have preferred age ranges for a reason, but that’s the kind of information that should be disclosed on the second or third date, not the seventh.
Also, I find it kind of gross if he lied about his age because he needs to date younger women to have children with, because many women prefer not to have children with older men because of the potential for the child-care burden on the woman to become even greater as he ages
Pest
Seriously, I don’t know any women who have lied about their age, but I know lots of men who have. I don’t know how the stereotype of women lying about their ages started.
For this guy, go with your gut. I’m your age. I had a long-term relationship with an older man. While I don’t have any regrets, I would not do it again.
I hope your conversation about STD’s also included a conversation about c*ndoms.
Mouse
I lied about my name but then fessed up at the end of the first date… he still teases me about lying to him.
Brahbrah
Does anyone sometimes have a hard time with tone, especially in emails? I think I have a tendency to be too casual. I’m in a casual office, but I sent an email to my boss (about a work thing, not a personal thing) that I thought was funny, but now I’m kind of cringing. I guess this is just a know-your-office, trial-and-error, err-on-the-side-of-formality thing.
Blonde Lawyer
I have the opposite issue. My emails always sound super formal and adversarial even when I mean them to be friendly. Too bad we couldn’t revise each other’s emails before sending. We could hit that perfect balance.
Brahbrah
Ha, that would be helpful! :)
CKB
I tend to be more formal in email, too. I always proof read my emails and switch out words that sound more formal for words that are less formal. Maybe you can do the same, but opposite? Exchange less formal phrases for more formal ones?
Calibrachoa
One of my teammates has decided that today is a good day to wear yellow-toned gray trousers, a blue-toned gray blazer, socks and sandals in the office. I am trying very very hard to not to visibly flinch every time he comes into my field of vision.
it is DEFINITELY a Monday.
anon atty
if it makes you feel better, there is an associate in my office wearing grey capri leggings (or skin tight pants, but whatever) today.
lucy stone
One of my coworkers apparently has day of the week socks, which I discovered because he is wearing Tuesday socks on a Monday.
frugal doc
Yesterday I watched a couple episodes of “The Good Wife” for the first time. Juliana Margulies’ wardrobe is just so lovely… Seems totally unattainable.
MJ
I read that they have over 600 suits for Diane and Alicia to choose from, and they tailor each one perfectly. Le sigh. I do think that both of them wear heels that are “too high/too platformy” to be as professional as they should be. Such a great show though!
ANP
Thread jack! How do all of you overachieving ladies get to bed early/on time? I know this probably sounds crazy, but I have two kiddos (3 year old and a baby) and I work 4 days per week (80%). I’m currently home on maternity leave but even now I find it almost impossible to get to bed before 11 (or 12!), which is consistent with what was happening before #2 was born. I can nap while I’m on leave but won’t be able to when I’m back in the office, and this kind of sleep pattern won’t be sustainable.
So — what to do? I think some of the problem is that I’m a “do-er” and I seem to always want to squeeze in one more task — folding laundry etc. But I’d appreciate any tips you all might have for streamlining your after-work routine and getting to bed. You’d think I’d have this figured out by my age but I suppose not!
Diana Barry
I found it easier to get to bed earlier when the baby had a more consistent, early bedtime. In the evening I would feed the baby constantly until 10 or 1030 and so couldn’t get to bed before 11. Now that the baby goes to bed early (7) I am in bed earlier too.
I do most of the laundry on my day off (I am also 80%) and whatever isn’t folded by Sunday night just stays that way until the end of the week. Ignore! :)
Diana Barry
Oh, and what are you doing in the evening, specifically? We do things like having the older kid(s) pick up their own toys before bed, etc., so we don’t have to do it later. As above, laundry can wait until the weekend. :)
saacnmama
This sounds close to what I asked about above. I can really relate to thinking you should have this figured out by this age. I’m going to keep an eye on the replies you get.
L
No kids, so take this for what it’s worth. Why not try testing out your schedule when you’ll be back in the office? Skip your nap (or limit them) for a few days and do your chores that you want to during that time and then go to bed earlier. You’ll likely be exhausted the first few days but it will help you mimic being at work?
Merabella
No kids – so I can’t fully comment on everything, but I think having a schedule or to-do list would help you, because you can check things off as you go. Put some stuff in the AM and some stuff in the PM – that way you know you are getting things done, and you aren’t staying up late trying to get it all in. I would work on that schedule now so that you can be ready when you go back to work full time.
I would also try to incorporate exercise – even if it is a walk around the block with the kiddos, to try and get out some of your energy so you can sleep soundly.
And as always – try to create a bed time routine, relaxing after you get the kids to sleep – reading a book, etc – and trying to go to bed and wake up at around the same time every day.
mascot
I am a morning person so that may contribute to my adherence to a bedtime. I just am too tired to stay up past 10 or so and I know that I will naturally wake up early. Other times I put a hard stop on things and go to bed. I need 7-8 of sleep to function so I have to give my bedtime as much respect and discipline as I do getting up on -time with my alarm in the morning.
CKB
This is me too. I also have a cut off time for getting stuff done at night – usually about 9pm – so I have time to unwind before turning off the light at 10. I also have had to work at being OK with the fact that sometimes things just don’t get done, so I try to do the most important things first (kid stuff like baths, dishes & laundry) so if the less important things don’t get done it’s not as big of a deal.
But knowing I’ll naturally wake up at 6am and I’m really unproductive if I don’t get sleep is good incentive for me.
O.
I get up at 5:30 to go to the gym, so that has motivated me to get to bed by 10 every night. I only have one toddler, so your life is more complicated than mine, but what works for us is having a rotation of what major chores we do:
Saturday: buy food, cook in bulk for the week.
Sunday: wash and fold clothes and linens
Tuesday, Thursday: wash diapers
Friday night: clean the house (yeah, my life is awesome!)
Then we have our evening chore routine, which is:
1. First person home reheats dinner and puts away yesterday’s dishes while doing so.
2. After dinner, DH bathes our kid while I clean up from dinner and pack the bag for daycare.
3. Whoever isn’t putting our kid to bed tidies up (mainly putting away toys) while the other person does the bedtime routine.
Research, Not Law
I struggle with this, too. Being married to a night owl doesn’t help. I do find it gets easier as the baby sleeps better and settles into a consistent schedule. Overall, I can offer only commiseration and no advice. At a certain point in the night, I just have to tell myself that I’m not going to finish everything tonight and that I just need to go to bed. Some nights I listen better than others.
Research, Not Law
I agree with others that doing as much pick-up and clean up before bedtime as possible really improved the chances of getting to bed earlier. Divide and conquer the remaining with DH after the kids go to bed. The sooner you get to whatever you want to get done that evening, the better.
Anonz
Wow, you are me! Even with the ages of the kids.
Anonymous
I’m usually not tired in the evening and I don’t fight it. I usually go to bed around midnight, and wake up at 7. If you don’t have to get up super early don’t fight your body’s internal clock.
Anonz
She has a 3 year old and a newborn – she has to get up super early!
Research, Not Law
I have a 3 year old and a baby, and I usually get up around 7 am.
Anonz
You are so lucky! I wish I could sleep that late but my kids don’t let me
Divaliscious11
What time do you put your kids down for bed? When mine were that age, they went to bed at 7:30. That left me three hours, of down time or in your case do time. My kids are older now but I am still in bed around 10…. I am a morning person, so if I don’t go to bed, I am cranky and tired in the morning…. allocate what has to be done during the week, and what can be done on Sat morning and/or Sunday morning. And if its morning work, keep it morning and then take time to spend with your family….
darjeeling
I don’t; I’m just tired all the time and have basically accepted that as the price to pay for having a few hours in the evening to myself.
L
I need to start toting around my laptop more frequently; I’m debating investing in a Lo & Sons bag. I’m thinking the TT or the OMG and am leaning toward the OMG. I like to bring my lunch and ideally would like to bring a pair of shoes to work. Is the OMG too big for an every day bag?
k-padi
I have the OG and can barely fit my computer, shoes, wallet etc., and lunch in it. I must have a big lunch…
I don’t think the OG is too big for daily use when I have a lot of stuff to lug around. So I wouldn’t hesitate to use the OMG for daily use.
L
Awesome, thank you.
zane
I have the omg and carry it to work every day, with at least an umbrella, wallet/phone/etc, and my lunch. When I go to the gym I keep a workout outfit plus sweatshirt in it as well. It holds all that easily and would fit a pair of heels or sneakers on top if it needed it to– love how it has the separate expandable compartment for shoes/stinky workout clothes.
the only thing I don’t like is the zipper, which is kind of sharp/scratchy and on which I’m constantly rubbing my knuckles when I try to dig things out.
anonypotamus
I have the OMG and use it for work frequently. It gets a little stuffed when I have my running shoes in there for after-work gym sessions, but it generally accommodates my laptop, lunch, and a pair of heels or flats very easily. I don’t think it is too large – go for it!
rosie
I don’t think the TT would be big enough for you. I have a MacBook Pro, and when I have my computer in the TT, I wouldn’t be able to fit my lunch (I have a Built lunch tote with multiple containers). Shoes would fit if packed just right.
Seattle Freeze
Suggestions for coping with night sweats? Mine are a side effect of medication, rather than hormonal – still, waking up 3 or 4 nights/week drenched with damp sheets is no fun. We keep the bedroom pretty cool, but are there other things that help, like different pajamas, sheets, mattress pads?
anon
I think you’d want to find bed linens that are 100% cotton percale, not sateen. A lot of the high thread-count sheets actually feel clammy to me because they trap moisture. A light, crisp, cotton sheet will absorb liquid more easily and dry faster, which will feel lighter. Another suggestion from hormonal night sweats – a fan. I always like sleeping with a light breeze on me and a fan can help move the air around and dry you out.
Laura B
I don’t know if you’ll see this, but try linen bedding as well. I’m always cold and my husband is always hot,s so even at the in between temperature he sometimes sweats a lot while sleeping. I switched to a linen duvet cover and that drastically cut down the damp sheets from my husbands sweating.
This is the one I got:
http://www.thecompanystore.com/Comfort-Wash-Solid-Linen-Comforter-Cover/du18-ps,default,pd.html?start=4&q=linen
O.
Ok, my comment got eaten in a way I’ve never seen before, so sorry if this posts twice.
I get up at 5:30 to go to the gym, so I’m a stickler for getting in bed by 10:00, and usually earlier. We only have one kid, so our life is less complicated than yours, but what works for us is having a set schedule of doing the major chores:
Saturday: grocery shop and cook for the week
Sunday: wash clothes, linens and diapers, and put them away
Tuesday and Thursdays: wash diapers
Friday night: clean the house (my life is so exciting!)
Then, on weeknights, our schedule is as follows:
1. First person home reheats dinner and puts away yesterday’s dishes.
2. After dinner, DH bathes our toddler while I clean up from dinner and pack the daycare bag.
3. We play with the kiddo until 9:00.
4. At 9:00, one of us puts our kid to bed while the other one spends about ten minutes picking up (mainly toys).
O.
This was for ANP, sorry.
Gail the Goldfish
BF and I both have a citi credit card which we each use pretty much only on restaurants and amazon (b/c of rewards points). Citi has certain categories where they will occasionally offer 5x rewards points in. This quarter, I got a 5x points offer for electronics, clothing, toys, and department stores. BF’s categories in the same quarter were grocery stores, gas, drug stores, and commuter transportation (which would be infinitely more useful for me). Because of what we use the cards for, I know these categories can’t be based on previous spending habits. Am I overreacting if I think my category selection was based on the fact I’m female and they’re horribly stereotyping?
goldribbons
I would agree with your (over?)reaction and I think that’s terrible. I would probably call Citi and ask for the same categories as BF (unless the categories you have make sense for you).
Research, Not Law
It’s possible that they base the categories off your spending habits and give the extra points where you do not already spend money. They only make money when you spend money, so it’s to their advantage to encourage you to use the card outside of your typical areas.
CW
I don’t think you’re overreacting. I’d be really annoyed too, and agree with goldribbons’ suggestion. Call them.
anon prof
I have that card, and my caregory this quarter is drugstores, i think b/c i rarely go to them
goldribbons
DH & I are starting the TTC conversation and I’m looking for book recommendations — books I should read before TTC, during TTC, before a baby, and any other baby/child-rearing books you found helpful. I know Taking Control Of Your Fertility is popular here, and The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant has also been recommended. Any others? Thanks ladies!
Anastasia
It depends on how type-A you want to be about it… I didn’t read much (other than TCOYF) before I got pregnant, and then when I found out I was pregnant and started checking out all the pregnancy books, I found that most of them have a TTC section. They all kind of say the same thing, so it’s more a matter of finding a tone that you like than anything with unique content. I did kind of the firehose approach and have just been picking up a book or two every time I’ve gone to the library for the last 6 months. That way I don’t feel bad when one turns out to be a dud. :)
One thing you may want to give some thought to while TTC is your medical provider — OB vs midwife — especially if you think you might be interested in natural birth, or anything outside the current American (I’m assuming you’re American- sorry if that’s incorrect!) trend toward hospital births with a lot of medical interventions. To that end, books about childbirth may be helpful (again, I didn’t start reading these until third trimester, whereupon it dawned on me that maybe I should have considered it earlier). There are oodles of them, but one I just finished and thought was fairly good is “Natural Hospital Birth” by Cynthia Gabriel.
I’m probably in the minority of all women, but I really didn’t like the What to Expect books much; they were way too cutesy for me, and highlighted a lot of alarmist complications that I really didn’t feel the need to scare myself with. I do like Penny Simkin’s books. I am fascinated by early childhood development, brain development, and nature vs nurture studies, so I’ve been reading a lot about that recently, but you might not want to get too ahead of yourself. One book I particularly remember being interesting and very readable was “Bright From the Start” by Jill Stamm. Also Dr. Brazelton’s books, although they’re a little dated.
Diana Barry
Ditto, I hated the “What To Expect” book – way too worry-ful. I liked “The Mother of All Pregnancy Books”.
anon for this
I didn’t read too many books – just used an app to chart my cycle and relied on medical providers for advice. One blog that I discovered after i got pregnant has some good resources on TTC, including some sort of a TTC kit? http://www.bumpitupstyle.com/bumpitup/blog/category/pregnancy-style/ (I know the name of the blog says style but it does have TTC stuff)
OCAssociate
Pre-/During Pregnancy:
The Mother of All Pregnancy Books – Ann Douglas. Has a TTC section, and has tons of information, presented in a calm, non-cutesy way.
The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth is a good read if you’re interested in natural/home birth.
Post Baby:
The Happiest Baby on the Block – great sleep tips
Baby 411
Healthy Sleep habits, happy child
Touchpoints (Brazelton)
I’ve heard good things about NurtureShock but haven’t gotten to it yet.
Good luck!
Pest
I used a Nordstrom personal stylist this weekend and wanted to review it here because a lot of people ask about that service on this blog. When I called ahead I said I needed a bra-fitting and to get new suits and told them what sizes I might be. They set up an appointment for me with a terrific associate in the l!ngerie department. When I was done, I went up to the personal stylist area where they had set up a room with suiting and tops along with shoes and jewelry and other accessories to try on. The stylist spent a lot of time looking through the store for things while I tried things on.
I think it was all very worthwhile. The bra-fitting was very overdue. I was wearing bras that were three sizes off from what actually fits me. If you go to Nordstrom for a bra-fitting I recommend calling their personal stylist department and having them set up an appointment for you. They will set up an appointment with a manager or experienced associate. That is better than walking in and getting helped by whoever is available. The personal stylist picked things out that I would not have picked out for myself, either because they were a higher price p0int than I would normally buy or I would not have thought the style would work for me. A lot of these things I ended up loving and buying. The stylist was on the younger side and I had to explain that I can’t wear suits with cinched sleeves, etc., but you can’t expect someone to know what your personal style is before you meet them. I would definitely use a stylist again and now know better what to look for when I shop.
BTW- this is pricey but if you are very curvy, this is a lovely blouse.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/classiques-entier-ruffled-silk-blouse/3403128?origin=category&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=8794
k-padi
Yay! I (heart) my Nordie’s stylist too for all of the same reasons (and I was also wearing the wrong bra size).