This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I certainly don’t want to wish away the summer, but I’m definitely starting to get excited for all things fall. Jewel tones, long sleeves, boots? Let’s do it.
This “plum purple” blazer from 1.State will look gorgeous with charcoal, navy, and black pieces as we get into the fall and winter. If I were eager to wear it now, I’d try it with a white or ivory top and light gray trousers.
The blazer is $139 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 00–18. It also comes in black and “ponderosa pine.”
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Anon
I have never had this come up before and of course am a manager with no management training (my job is more of an individual contributor but I try to assign tasks in hopes that I can identify a promising person to be a regular person and have a team). I gave someone who said they were fully available for work a task at 8am that was due by 5. 5 came and went with no response. The task was the sort of thing that could have taken an hour if done very in-depth but takes me a few minutes. No response overnight. Everyone is remote but in the same city. Can someone help me word a response? Person is not fresh out of school or anything. After Labor Day we should be back in the office 2-3 days a week, which might help with more casual checking-in or actually talking face to face, which I think would have been more helpful here (but I don’t schedule because apparently people find calls to be intrusive).
Anon
Just email them and see what happened to the project. For future reference, this email should have gone out last night to avoid setting the expectation that deadlines are inherently flexible.
MagicUnicorn
Did you clearly communicate that the task was due by 5pm? If not, your response needs to be different than if you did lay that out.
Anon
It seems like that was communicated. But even if it hadn’t been, are we expecting 2 year olds to use their words and not adults? How hard is it to say, “Could you confirm that this is due by 5 today?” as CYA insurance?
MagicUnicorn
I’m assuming you are the OP for this; apologies if that is not the case.
Sure, a non-entry-level employee **should** know to ask if they weren’t given the due date up front. But it is disingenuous to expect them to read your mind, even as adults and not 2 year olds. You say you have no management training and this sounds like a good learning opportunity for both you and your report. You can make a note for yourself to be clear with your expectations, and you can teach your reports to ask for that information when they don’t have it. Asking if they have availability is fine but useless if they think you mean sometime this week instead of EOD.
Anon
OP here: I was clear re the deadline and named a specific time vs something like “end of day” or “close of business.” I used my words. Frankly, ghosting a person who gives you work is never Ok and I am struggling with absent them getting religion about their job, this is just someone not to give anything remotely critical to.
Anon
OP, calm down. I would not jump straight to “ghosting” before you’ve even communicated with this person. Somebody messed up! It probably wasn’t you! The world will not end and now you have a crucial piece of information about this person to use going forward.
MagicUnicorn
OP, you seem very frustrated with this missed deadline. That is understandable. But just from the information in this thread, you also seem to think you are communicating clearly and unambiguously, when the reality is more vague. There very likely is more going on than what you shared here, but your responses are over the top reactive based on the situation you described.
Especially since you are new to managing people (and I am making another assumption that you do indeed manage these people and are not conflating a title like “Manager of Topic ABC” with actual employee management responsibilities), it would be a really good idea to seek out some basic information on the basic do’s and don’ts of managing people.
Anonymous
“JohnSusan, just checking in on Project Y? Since it was due at 5 and you indicated you had availability I was hoping to have received it yesterday. Please let me know the status asap. Thanks.”
Anon8
Perfect response IMO
Anon
Expecting, not hoping. If you made the deadline clear and you are managing this person, don’t downplay it.
Anonymous
Eh I think the message is clear and it’s a first strike
Anon
I agree that “expect” is the better verb. Hope is not much of a plan or management tool.
No Face
I agree with expect. Otherwise perfect.
Anon
I would leave out the word “just” in ” just checking”. You gave the employee a task, communicated clear deadline, employee confirmed availability. If they had an emergency or saw they will not be able to deliver on time, they should have let you know ASAP. I would not tolerate such behavior on my team.
anon
Maybe a pet peeve? I try to avoid using words like hope, believe, think in communications or presentations for work. I try for more concrete words like expect, know, the data indicates, etc.
I’d say I was expecting the document by 5, but may not have adequately communicated that, and in the future I will be more clear on the expectations.
FWIW – I’m about to have to go figure out what the breakdown was with a newer hire who hasn’t done anything I’ve told him to so far. But so far I’m avoiding engaging for a variety of reasons, including that I’m annoyed and don’t actually like this type of interaction. Yay.
Good luck to you, I hope it’s just a one off issue and you two can get back on the same page without further issue!
Anon
I agree with this. Women are conditioned to sound passive and “nice.” You can be a wonderful, warm, and kind person who nonetheless communicates quite clearly and without wiggle words.
Anon
This is a good email but if do this by phone – better to have an actual conversation
Anon
I supervise this employee. What has been effective for me:
John, checking in on the task that due at 5 p.m. yesterday. Can you provide the status and reason for delay?
And then I’ll do a follow up meeting (or during regular 1:1) John, I’m open to your feedback about establishing a deadline – but once it has been set my expectation is that the deadline will be met. Was this a one-time mistake, or is this expectation going to be an issue for you in the future?
Anonymous
For a first offense? Yes on the first part. No on the second. (So the expectation is never missing an email or taking longer with a task than anticipated, especially on a first strike?)
Anon
I would say “once it has been set my expectation is that the deadline will be met unless you reach out.” As in, things come up, but you need to communicate that.
Anonymous
I would have set a meeting for 15 minutes at 3 and also set that as the deadline. Gives you wiggle room for and re-dos needed. As you work with people multiple times, you build trust (or not) and adjust the level of supervision required.
Anon
I’ve noticed that since perhaps January I really don’t like the taste of most dairy items that I used to love. Cottage cheese, sour cream, cream cheese and most yogurts all have an unpleasant sour taste to them (sour cream moreso than normal, obviously). Milk itself and 0% greek yogurt don’t have the same effect. I have come up with two possibilities: I had a baby in February, so maybe it’s that? Or (and probably more likely) I had covid in November with a week of lost taste and smell. Both senses returned with no changes and I didn’t notice anything different until early this year. Any thoughts before I start really scoping this out? I guess it’s not changing my life in really meaningful ways, but I do miss bagels with cream cheese very much.
Anonymous
Sounds like Covid nothing to do but wait
Anon
I think a baby can permanently change your taste buds. I used to love fish and now it makes me nauseous.
Curious
+1, I don’t like the same fruits anymore.
Anon
I will never eat bananas again
Anon
I had ice cream 2-3 nights a week when pregnant and now I have no interest for it. Same with yogurt – I never had it that much before but the thought of it grosses me out now. Besides those two, I don’t really have other dairy products.
Anonymous
I’d blame the pregnancy. My “baby” is now 15 and I still have a heightened sense of smell and aversions to certain foods.
NYNY
A friend had covid early on, before we even knew it was a thing in the US, and she found that goat cheese tasted awful for a long time afterwards. I think she’s gotten her taste for it back now, but it took at least two years.
anon
Funny you mention that. I just threw out some goat cheese that wasn’t particularly old because it tasted so sharp and sour to me. I usually love goat cheese! Now I wonder if it’s a residual covid thing.
No Face
Covid sounds like the culprit here.
Can you switch to dairy alternatives? The vegans have really upped their game lately.
Anon
That happened to me from having a baby and nursing, hormones affect taste and smell.
NotANewYorker
What’s the best way to sell a barely used mattress near NYU/LES? Not really looking to make money. More interested in getting it taken away.
Anom
It’s illegal to resell a mattress (at least in NYC). But Craigslist or Buy Nothing is great for giving away things for free. Otherwise you need to buy a mattress bag for about $10 and put on the street for trash pickup. You’re not supposed to leave a mattress that is it appropriately bagged up for trash pickup in NYC.
Allie
This. I’d just buy the required mattress bag, put it out for trash and put a sign on it saying — barely used, no bedbugs, feel free to take.
Anonymous
If you are buying a new mattress, folks will usually take away the old (or will do so for a small fee).
Anonymous
How are you woke — and how are you not? I saw a clip of DeSantis talking about he was going to fight woke culture so I started thinking about it.
Woke: Respect people’s pronouns (even if I don’t always get they). Abortion is a personal choice (including third tri). ACAB. Cancel student debt (or at least the interest on student debt, and put a cap on interest rates for student debt). Universal health care. Caps on prescription drugs. Trust school librarians. Smaller ways: enjoy new foods and cultural experiences. Very COVID cautious to protect others in my life.
Not woke: Shop at Amazon. Take all tax cuts available. Take state money to send my ND kid to a private school. Don’t have solar panels, a heat pump water heater, an electric or hybrid car. Drive my kids to school instead of the bus. Give less than 3% of my income to charities or campaigns. Probably a Karen.
Anonymous
Sigh this is such an annoying post but allowing public school to meet its obligation to educate your child by them paying for private school instead of creating an in district environment that is suitable doesn’t make you “not woke.” But congrats on your pot-stirring not terribly humble brag.
Anon
So, this is true when there has been a determination that a public school cannot provide FAPE (Free Appropriate Public Education) to a particular student. Some states, however, have systems in place that allow any student with an IEP to opt out of public school for any reason and take state money with them. There are a lot of arguments for and against these programs.
Anon
Let’s not do this.
Anon
I don’t think most of those are what the conversation is talking about.
anon
Agreed. “Woke” is not a synonym for “progressive” when DeSantis uses it in that way. Doesn’t have anything to do with “enjoy[ing] new foods and cultural experiences,” your views on prescription drug pricing, or even abortion. His national support is coming from, and he is referring to, a particular strain of left political/cultural activity, largely relating to tr*ns issues, intensive language policing, and “CRT” (by which I mean a specific type of antiracism education that is heavily influenced by CRT, not actual critical theory in any of its forms).
Anon
The CRT variant in primary schools is often toxic and poorly presented and honestly, this shouldn’t be a surprise when you look at how schools do with basics like math and reading. Not teaching kids to read and do math entrenches the remnants of actual and systemic racism that has accrued over centuries.
Anonymous
Yep. The “CRT” taught in schools (and workplaces, for that matter) has nothing to do with actual CRT and is super toxic.
Anonymous
ok then what do you think it’s about?
Anonymous
OP here – I kind of think woke to the right-wing is anything that makes them feel guilty about past behavior or encourages new thinking, especially if it challenges the patriarchy. As a progressive I define “woke” as “doing better when you know better,” of not resisting change just because it was always done another way.
anon
You are not defining it the way that DeSantis is, nor the way that most of the right does. Many of the things you listed are things that conservatives would oppose but they wouldn’t use “woke” to describe them. If you want to start a thread where you and others can post about how progressive you are, knock yourself out, but that’s not what woke is to the folks who use it in a pejorative sense.
Anon
“I kind of think woke to the right-wing is anything that makes them feel guilty about past behavior”
Whose behaviour? I wasn’t alive in 1620 or 1850. Most of that stuff was done by dudes – do I get a pass because I’m a woman or am I forever guilty because my skin looks like their skin?
Anonymous
If you acknowledge that it’s a historical fact but don’t want your children to learn about it in history class because you don’t want them to feel guilty, then yea, you’re guilty.
Anon
If you acknowledge that it’s a historical fact but don’t want your children to learn about it in history class because you don’t want them to feel guilty, then yea, you’re guilty.
Anon
I planted deciduous trees in front of the west facade of my northern hemisphere house. That to me is very green. But it makes solar panels shaded and unusable, so I’m the bad guy? You sound very Karen.
Vicky Austin
Why would you post this? It’s blatant pot-stirring. Not to mention weird. Nobody is giving out Woke Report Cards.
Anonymous
I thought a big conservative goal was to drain state money from public schools to subsidize private schools.
Anonymous
it is. that’s the end game, it’s why devos was secretary of education.
Seventh Sister
Frankly, I think some of the “banned books” ridiculousness is about trying to turn moderates away from public schools because a whole lot of people actually *do* want their kids to learn actual history and read actual literature. Also, plenty of R politicians send their own kids to schools that have pretty progressive curricula and/or reading lists.
Anon
Tallahassee-based Floridian here. DeSantis’ choice of language is nothing more than a dog whistle to his base. It has nothing to do with real people living their lives.
He is a bully. He punches down and mocks people who do not have the advantages he does, or who look/act differently from him and his base (but aren’t hurting anyone). Is that who you (general “you”) want as a leader?
pugsnbourbon
+1. The cruelty is the point.
I am terrified that DeSantis has a shot in 2024.
Girlonawireless
+2 the cruelty is very much the point. Willfully misinterpret the issues to scare and mobilize the hardcore members of your base and scare and sway moderates who are gullible or unwilling to unpack the platitudes, and then cash in on that outrage and fear at the polls.
Lincoln was correct, you can fool some of the people all the time.
Anon
So you are woke when other people pay the bill…..
Seventh Sister
In my very, very progressive town, the people with trust funds, big houses, and no discernable experience with the job market are always right there to shame people for driving to the grocery store. Also they don’t have kids in school, so shame on current parents for complaining about unhoused community members setting up camp stoves along the path to the school complex.
anonshmanon
I have never seen environmentally conscious choices described as woke. To me, woke is about social justice, civil rights and other societal issues.
Anon
This is some top-tier tr0lling, great job OP. (I’m assuming you posted this because you wanted to start an argument and/or deal with your own insecurities by posting something that would help you feel superior to others.)
Anonymous
Very woke: zero waste, vegan, car free, work for the betterment of society, will use any pronouns (so long as you haven’t invented any new worlds), generally respect anyone’s lifestyle choices as long as they aren’t harming others or the planet, don’t use Amazon, don’t shop a Walmart etc.
Not woke: actively took the lead in dismantling the drug den down the street, there was just too much crime and I couldn’t deal with it so I wrote all the reports and contacted all the people in power to get it dealt with.
Anon
Darn, it’s too early for popcorn
Senior Attorney
Never too early for popcorn! It’s just breakfast cereal without the milk!
Anonymous
We’re really going to pretend here that not owning or owning solar panels is somehow what is meant with the term “woke.” Right.
Just stop already.
Anon
I’m woke enough not to use the word woke or call people Karens.
Anon
You win!
Hypatia
‘Woke’ is always reminding me of Mike Myers as Dr. Evil. “I’m with it, I’m hip!”
Anonymous
Woke seems to be the 2020s term for PC Police. People don’t like being told they’re bad people for unintentionally using the wrong word to describe people, especially when the vocabulary was socially acceptable (in their circle) when they were young (and may still be). Boomers have been mad about this for decades. Funnily enough many of them have no problem latching onto a new word to call OTHER people. But that doesn’t mean they’re all awful, they’re just very ignorant and their ignorance has little to no bearing on their daily lives so there is no incentive to change. It’s possible to be racist in the sense that the existence of people who don’t look like you is sort of an abstract concept and therefore “race in America” doesn’t make your top 5 list of societal problems, but not be racist in the sense that you hold really problematic views about POC.
Josie P
Hi ladies, I need help organizing my desk. I finally got a big monitor so now a lot of my central desk real estate is taken up by the monitor (thunderbolt, sitting on a dictionary). I have a lot of makeup on my desk in various containers (pencil cup, two makeup bags, and then a box that used to hold electronic peripherals). Then for desk stuff I have a square flat organizer w/ compartments that holds my paper clips and binder clips, and a magazine and flat folder, which usually don’t hold anything because I have all my folders/work papers out and I’m using them all the time. It is a standing desk so no drawers. Should I get a box with drawers that can fit on the side of the desk, or maybe a little under-desk drawer unit? Other ideas? TIA!
Anonymous
Why is any makeup on your desk? You shouldn’t buy anything else stop using paper and get rid of the doodads and put your makeup away.
Z
I’m assuming the OP is working from home – they may only have one desk and it also serves as a vanity. Maybe they have limited counter space in the bathroom. We don’t need to be judgey.
Anonymous
Omg chill with the tone policing
Josie P
Yup, WFH and I only put on makeup for zoom calls so a lot of it lives on my desk!
Anonymous
Well if you want a clean organized desk, stop that! Clean it up and put it away.
Anonymous
+1
what a judgy answer- no need for it!
I have 4 roommates, share a bathroom and have a small bedroom. I had to cram a desk into my bedroom (which otherwise was never part of the plan!) thanks to Covid so now my desk does triple duty and serves as storage for non work things!
And some people just prefer paper.
Cb
I’d get one of those IKEA drawer units or one of those rolling carts, it’s nice to tuck things away. But I only have lipgloss and hand cream at my desk, make up lives in the bathroom/bedroom for me.
Woods-comma-Elle
Can you get a stand for your monitor so it is mounted from the back of the desk, rather than having it sit on the desk? This is a game changer as then you can still put stuff underneath it.
Alternatively, there are laptop stands you can get that have space/drawers underneath.
pugsnbourbon
+1! My wife has two huge monitors on adjustable arms. They weren’t cheap but they make the space so much more workable.
Anon
Totally agree. I got arms for my monitors (like the fully Jarvis arms) and it’s awesome. So much space under there now.
Anon
I should add that I also have wall mounted storage. If you have wall space, one of those rail systems could hold your pencil cup, makeup brushes, etc.
ANON
My ADHD brain needs to see all the things. I use a wire holder for folders that hold papers that I need available and other papers are put in milk crates that I can move around as needed. I have two monitors and still print papers out as needed.
Bonnie Kate
Replace the dictionary with a monitor stand with drawers, store the makeup in the drawers. Just search for “monitor stand with drawers” and find one you like. I would think that should hold all the makeup, and perhaps have a leftover drawer you can use for paperclips, etc. That will clean it up a ton while still having the makeup be very accessible, but hidden out of the way when not used.
I do have a small under-desk drawer unit that I use for all of the office things that I don’t need out all the time, but need handy (like a stapler, paperclips, envelopes, checkbook/receipts, etc.), it’s very helpful and I think generally is needed for the little stuff. Mine is from Ikea, similar to the ALEX drawer unit. I definitely think that might be all you need, after the monitor unit.
Anonymous
Yay! I have a single (very large) monitor and have set it up in the center of my desk. My laptop is docked to the right, and I have a wireless keyboard and mouse. Less my coffee or water, I try – very hard – not to keep any other trinkets on my desk during the workday, and with the size of the monitor, it feels overwhelming (to me). I have a small side table where I organize my notebooks, pens, hand lotion. Less is more with a giant a$$ monitor. Welcome to the club! one big monitor improved my productivity over two moderate ones.
Anon
I definitely need drawers so I would do that at a minimum. I am currently using three nicer looking file boxes for over follow – one under my desk and two stacked next to the reading chair in my office. They serve as a side table but hold printer paper and supplies like accordion folders.
Have you considered keeping your makeup in nice cases like the ones from Trish Mcevoy? Then you can keep it in a drawer or even stacked on top of one of your boxes/sets of drawers until you need it.
I agree with getting as much as possible off the top of your desk!
AnonMD
Saw the request for recommendations on how to find a good PCP too late yesterday. Here’s what I came up with. Frankly, it’s really hard.
The best advice I have is to ask a doctor (if you see a specialist or know one socially). We have OPINIONS about each other’s work.
Figure out what you want in a PCP. I don’t have evening hours, I’m often running late, I bill annuals and problem based visits separately, and I won’t call in a prescription without you being seen. But- I love medically complex patients, will cite evidence all day long and will spend as much face to face time as we need to get you sorted out. I could be a great PCP for you, or not a good fit. I’m okay with either!
Getting recommendations from family/friends/here etc will also be helpful but that’s more for bedside manner than skill level.
There’s been studies that having a doctor similar to you in demographics leads to better outcomes (specifically race, but also gender and age have been found to be true).
I think there’s also things you can do as a patient that can be really beneficial to your relationship.
– Insurance and medical billing are the absolute worst (I could go into a whole rant about this), and they severely limit what we can get paid for and when. We’re usually seeing 20-30 patients per day. We don’t get paid for anything other than appointments. I completely understand the frustration surrounding multiple appointments/billing separately/not just calling in a prescription etc, but not doing those things mean we’re not getting paid for doing a decent amount of work (and taking on the liability). It’s NOT a sign of a bad doctor if your doctor does these things, that’s how the crummy system works.
– Please arrive early, come prepared with your questions (lists are great), prioritize what’s important to you in case we can’t get to everything and be understanding if we don’t. Please be understanding that we’re usually running late and we hate it. It’s not because we’re out golfing, I promise.
– Please tell us what you’re worried about! I can’t reassure you that your headache isn’t cancer if I don’t know you’re worried it could be cancer.
I don’t have time right now to come up with coherent thoughts about how to advocate for yourself with doctors/in the medical system (very important!!!! This should be a partnership! You’re the expert of your body! But also please be respectful of our decades of training and expertise), but that might be able to be a future post.
Anonymous
I would add to this that you want to find a good *practice* for you not just a PCP. Make sure the billing office is decent. Make sure they remind you of appts how you want to be contacted. Make sure docs don’t frequently cancel week-of if that drives you batty. If it’s a solo practitioner, what is the vacation coverage like?
Walnut
Question for you – I’m a medically complex patient and I’ve struck out on a couple of doctors who don’t meet the level of depth of discussion I’d like. I have an annual physical booked with an internist who was a referral from another doctor friend of mine. Should I ask the office to book me for an additional time slot adjacent to my physical for a lab work discussion deep dive? I’m totally fine with being billed for a couple of appointments, I just want to kick off on a good foot. I arranged for labs to be pulled in advance, so that data will be available at the visit.
AnonMD
Definitely ask the office and see if they can do this for you! Policies vary a ton from office to office so they may not be able to, but it’s so nice for both of you when you can. It’s a win for everyone when the appointment is scheduled for as much time as it deserves.
Anon
So, a prospective patient who thinks HER time is as valuable as yours would not be a good fit for you. You repeatedly state that you are always running late because you’re saving lives or whatever, but your patients need to (1) be early, (2) be prepared for you to run late and (3) be prepared for multiple visits–definitely no calling things in!– that take only 20 minutes of your time but take hours of hers. Oh, but it’s okay, ’cause you’re not playing golf! Your patient, however, is probably doing something frivolous with her time, like working at her own job or taking care of kids. Definitely not saving lives.
Anon
I wasn’t going to be quite so harsh about it, but that stood out to me too. WHY are you always running late and why can’t you/haven’t you done anything to address that? I don’t think that should just be an accepted thing.
AnonMD
It’s a very fair and valid criticism! The short answer is that I have 15 minute appointment slots and literally go from 8-12 and 1-5 with back to back appointments. If an appointment (understandably) runs more than 15 minutes, I start running late. This is a pretty standard schedule, unfortunately it’s how primary care works in our country.
Anon
Then it doesn’t make sense to me that you’re encouraging people to bring in a long list of complaints because you obviously do not have time for it!
Anonymous
You say you schedule 15-minute slots, but I get 2 minutes max and it’s billed as a much longer appointment.
Anonymous
Yep. After yesterday’s discussion of multiple appointments I calculated that I burn two weeks of PTO every year just for all the routine doctor and dentist appointments for myself and my kid. The pediatrician insists that she come in every 3 months to have a routine Rx refilled. That’s four half-days right there to talk to the doctor for 90 seconds each time. Tell me why you can’t just review the Rx once a year during the regular checkup? Or at least do telehealth? And we wonder why our health care system is so expensive and it can take months to get an appointment for an urgent issue.
Anon
This is pretty much why I don’t do preventive care any more–the half-day I burn for every stinkin’ appointment is a half-day for which I do not get paid. Three kids, me, doctors, dentists, optometrists? Nope. I personally have not seen a doctor in I don’t know how long–over 10 years? Maybe since my post-partum visit with my kiddo who is about to leave for college. My kids stopped getting well visits when the pediatrician fired us for not getting well visits. We do see a dentist because he has 7 AM appointments. And I just forge contacts prescriptions and camp and sports physicals until the kids were old enough to drive themselves.
anonshmanon
Thanks for sharing your perspective!
Anon
You sound like a great doctor!
To the posters commenting about doctors not respecting your time… concierge medicine might be a good fit for you.
Anon
LOL okay, anybody who thinks the way “primary care works in our country” is ridiculous should just go see a fancy, expensive doctor instead. Sure.
Anonymous
If you want me to be respectful of your decades of training and expertise, you need to be respectful of my preferences and risk tolerances, as well as my actual experience. Don’t tell me that it’s not possible that hormonal BC makes me gain weight constantly when every time I go off it the pounds magically melt off. Don’t make fun of mothers who choose to “Lamaze it” because we don’t need or want drugs. Don’t yell at me when I tell you that no, the local did NOT work and I can totally feel those stitches. And respect my time. You are getting paid for your time; I am losing pay for the 90 minutes I spent in your waiting room and the 60 minutes I spent waiting in the exam room.
Anon
Thank you! I just saw this on the late side, but I’m the one who asked, and I’m so grateful you came back and posted. I’m taking notes!
New to winter
I just moved to the mid-Atlantic this year from a place where it is summer year-round, and I realize that I am completely unprepared for winter. For my kids (elementary and preschool), I plan to buy them a puffy jacket, a lighter weight jacket, gloves, hats, and warm boots; anything else I’m missing? Any particular brands that you recommend?
Also, how in the world do you dress professionally when it’s cold? I’ll be commuting via train + 10 mins of walking, so I know I’ll need to dress appropriately for the weather and can no longer rely on my usual uniform of a dress, cardigan, and low pumps. Will I need to pack up my dresses and wear pants, or are there tights that are warm enough to do the trick? What brands of coats and shoes are great for cold and wet weather, yet professional enough to wear in a stodgy workplace?
Cat
No kid advice, but just keep your office shoes at work or splurge on a brand like Aquatalia or La Canadienne that you can wear for both. People do the winter commute in sneakers, lined winter boots, and / or rain boots. (You want waterproof boots bc the issue in most mid-Atlantic cities isn’t snow… it’s slush puddles at the corners.)
Anonymous
The kids will need snow pants for playing in the snow!
I commute (30 min walk or 10 min walk + train) in tights in the cold unless it’s absolutely freezing (like in the 20s or colder). I have a knee length wool coat that I wear most days, but will also wear a knee length puffer. I actually prefer dress + tights + coat in the winter because I hate having exposed skin between my pants and boots. I usually wear ankle boots, but if it’s very cold top of calf boots are good for an extra layer with the tights.
Anon
In places with truly terrible winter (I’m in Canada) nobody cares how professional you look when it’s -30 and you’re wearing a giant parka. I leave all my nice shoes at work.
Anon8
Fleece-lined tights! Also, at least in the before times, it was common to wear snow boots and change into work shoes at the office, or even leave a couple pairs of shoes in the office.
Personally I find good socks to be important than insulated boots. I wear Blundstones all winter with thick socks.
YMMV, but where I’ve worked in the Northeast no one expects you to wear a dress coat to work in the winter. Maybe for an important meeting but for a regular day you take it off once you’re in the office anyway. Most people wear a dark color puffer jacket. If you are walking for part of your commute I would opt for a long puffer.
Anonymous
+ blundstones are my favorite sh!tkickers. Sometimes I wear them all day and sometimes I change into nicer shoes at the office. Definitely wear wool socks!
If it’s just cold but no precipitation I wear a wool coat that’s knee length. If there’s precipitation I wear my black puffer that is just below the knee.
Anon
For tights: pile-lined tights from Uniqlo (heattech, might not be available yet) or fleece-lined tights from Loft (also a bit early). Uniqlo’s pile-lined leggings also work if you are wearing boots.
Vicky Austin
I got through three North Dakota winters in Uniqlo’s pile-lined heattech tights. They also had leg warmers a few years ago and I bought two pairs and wore them with no shame, at least on the way to work. Agree with Cat’s tip for office shoes stay at the office. Just take your big clompy boots off when you take your coat off.
Anon
Ok, well, mid-Atlantic where? NJ’s weather is significantly colder and snowier than DC’s weather.
For commuting in DC, I generally wore dresses/skirts with fleece-lined tights and either riding boots (which I wore all day on dry days) or rain/winter boots (on wet days and put my real shoes for the day in my purse and changed when I got to the office).
Get a knee-length puffer coat like this one: https://www.macys.com/shop/product/cole-haan-womens-box-quilt-down-puffer-coat?ID=2813247
If you live further north, you may want a longer one like this: https://www.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-faux-fur-trim-hooded-maxi-puffer-coat?ID=12459485
Literally every other woman commuting will be wearing some version of those coats.
Remember you aren’t outside for hours – other than when you’re waiting for the train, you’ll be briskly walking, so you don’t need to be toasty warm – you just need to be decently warm enough to get from Point A to Point B. It’s vastly more uncomfortable (and annoying) IMO to be bundled up like you’re going on an Arctic expedition. It’s just a few minutes outside.
Anne-on
It isn’t super trendy but I swear by lined tights and knee high boots for winter. I vary what I wear them with per what’s more or less in fashion (knee high boots with maxi skirts feel more current, but I’ve worn them with wool pencil skirts back in the 2010’s) – boots are easier to wipe down/weather proof vs. having to get pants dry cleaned from slush or salt marks.
anon
Lands End has great deals on kids’ warm clothes.
For adults, I cannot sing the praises of Eddie Bauer’s Sun Valley down parka enough. It comes in petite, regular, tall and plus. It is WARM. It was my coat every day for walking to work (and dog walking) in Boston.
For adult feet, I love Blondos–they are cute boots that are waterproof.
I also highly recommend flip-top mittens over “touchscreen compatible” gloves. Way easier and nearly as warm.
I also second the rec for fleece tights, and highly recommend that you layer with camisoles under regular shirts–having a next-to-skin layer really helps with warmth.
Also–switch from cotton to warmer fabrics for sweaters–wool, cashmere, polar fleece will keep you significantly warmer.
Enjoy the seasons!
Anonymous
Second Eddie Bauer outerwear and I live in Canada, where it can get bitterly cold (and have a dog so we are out every day). Look at both the length of the coat and the warmth factor. For boots, if you are worried about ice, get a pair with ICEFX on the soles or ice grippers (pajar and olang have them).
Anonymous
For kids, they’ll need hats/gloves/boots/snow pants in the winter if you are anywhere that gets snow.
pugsnbourbon
And sleds!
Anon
IMO, dressing professionally means dressing for the weather over style. If it is truly cold or windy or rainy or whatever, wear the actual coat you need, and not something that looks pretty but leaves you freezing and soaking wet. And even more so for footwear.
Anon
For the kids, make sure that you have sweatshirts and the like as well. For the fall/spring, they won’t need the coats, but they will need another layer.
Anon
I think your kids are set. You can buy all sorts of gear and high end products but that is about what most people have. If your preschooler can’t put on their own gloves yet, daycares often ask for mittens. My kids only wear snow pants and boots when playing outside in our yard, so their necessity is mostly for play. If you have a local buy nothing group it’s worth joining . Everyone seems to trade sizes on snow pants before big snow storms.
For yourself, a longer puffy coat, boots, and tights are fine for commuting in a dress. I am not a huge fan of fleece lined tights so I usually wear spanx, but sized up so they’re not compressing much. They’re nice and warm. You can get a balm to weatherproof leather boots if you don’t want to buy fancy waterproof ones.
Anom
Does anyone have Ruggable or other washable rugs? Curious as to your thoughts? I’m thinking about what to put under the daily use dining table that my kids won’t destroy and that will prevent my newly refinished floors from getting destroyed. I dislike buying more plastic but I think this is one of the occasions for artificial fibers?
Anon
I use a $20 indoor/outdoor rug from ikea. Easy to clean. I spot treat spills and hand scrub it probably twice a year with dish soap and the garden hose.
Anonymous
The main advantage of rugable is being able to pull it up and wash it. No point if it’s going to be under a table.
anon
If you are open to it, cowhide rugs work great for this and are surprisingly durable with easy clean up. There are plenty of options that are less country ranch than you’d expect. Also, ikea has some really good synthetic rug contenders. Otherwise, we have ruggable rugs in our entry way that I am decidedly meh on the concept. They wash ok but not perfect – and, for a dinning room, you would need a fairly large capacity washer. The covers are pricey enough that you could get a RugsUSA option for around the same price. We mostly just use them so I can swap out the covers to suit my love of holiday decor.
Seafinch
I have the largest size available Ruggable under my four kid occupied dining table and I regret the purchase. Part of the regret is my fault. I chose a rug with too much cream in it and there is also a lot of traffic in the room. The edges curled and frayed immediately and while the company was responsive and first gave a discount then sent a replacement, I just wanted a decent product. It washes okay but is really difficult to relay back down on the pad due to its size. There is a lot of fussing and it takes forever. I would possibly consider the product for a small rug in only dark colours. But nothing in the largest size and nothing light coloured for kids in a dining room.
Anon
I have a 3 year old ruggable and feel it’s “ok” but not great. I have a 8 x 10, they make larger ones now. It was a pain to load into a front load washer. Top load washer without agitator, it’s fine. It is nice to be able to wash after a wine spill or sick pet, etc. I get frustrated that the edges curl up. It also just feels kind of cheap compared to my other non-washable rugs. If you do buy one, I would recommend never putting it in the dryer and only letting it air dry, if you can.
Anom
OP here. Thanks very much for these detailed comments! Will keep looking for a different idea.
Anon
I do not have kids but I have old animals (and I am messy), and I love my Ruggables. I have them as entry way mats, hallway runners, living room and office area rugs, etc. I manage to get the back on the pads by myself including moving furniture so it’s not impossible. You just have to get the hang of it. Roll it up and then roll it back down. Mine have all been washed and dried multiple times with no issues.
Anon
I will say that my edges haven’t curled up and I have had some if then for years so YMMV?
Of Counsel
Yes – I have several Ruggables (because of my pets) and wash them regularly. I love them and am honestly surprised so many people have issues. They are certainly not plush underfoot, but for a utilitarian rug in high traffic areas that need to be cleaned regularly, mine work perfectly. I second the recommendation to air dry.
I have never had an issue with the edges curling (although I use the little pockets in the corners) or putting them down straight (I either roll or fold them, line up one edge and then unroll/unfold).
Minnie Beebe
I have a Chilewich rug under my dining table. That style may or may not work with your home/interior design, but I’ve had mine for probably 12 years now? Maybe more? It still looks great and is very easy to clean– both dropped kid food *and* cat puke. It’s plastic, sure, but it cleans up nicely and will most certainly last for many years to come.
I have a Ruggable kitchen runner– I dislike it. It’s (for some reason) impossible to vacuum. I clean it with a damp sponge (can’t be bothered with putting it in the wash, tbh.) Will be replacing at some point, maybe with FLOR tiles.
Anon
I have Ruggables in entrances and the kitchen. They’re fine for those purposes but one big enough to go under a dining table is going to be a huge pain to get back on the pad. The big ones are so hard to line up straight. It’s not worth the hassle. If you make sure the chairs have felt on the bottom that will do a lot to protect the floors.
First periods
My ten year old just got her first period and I’m feeling a little unprepared- I wasn’t expecting this for at least another year. She seemed pretty sanguine about it, so I guess reading “The Care and Keeping of You” was a good move.
I would love to hear all the “this is how to handle your period” type advice people have for a tween. Anything that you felt your parents did especially well (or not well) when you got your first period? Or period stories in general.
Also period products that people feel are good for a ten year old? FWIW, I have pretty light periods and use period underwear- i don’t know if this is the best option for her to be changing at school.
My big worry is that she is an avid swimmer. What are her options? I feel like ten is a little young for a tampon. But maybe not? Thoughts or advice?
TIA!
nuqotw
If she wants to use a tampon to go swimming, please let her. True, teens are at a higher TSS risk but a short time in the pool should not be a problem. My mom would not let me use one because of the elevated TSS risk but wow I felt left out when my sisters got to swim. Also, I didn’t like basically having to tell her I had my period. I generally didn’t like pads and when I got the opportunity, I bought tampons myself and hid them in my room.
Anne-on
+1 to this. I got my period at 11 (which was early back then) and my mom made me sit out swimming for years during the summers because she refused to let me use tampons till I was 13 (ugh).
Vicky Austin
+1. I wore tampons only for swimming the first few years and never had an issue. Just make sure she understands to be careful with how long she’s wearing one and TSS should not be a problem.
anon
Yes, TSS is a risk but the guidelines to avoid it are pretty clear and easy for even a 10-year-old to understand (i.e., put it in right before she gets in and take it out when she gets out, and she should be fine). I definitely recommend making tampons available, explaining how they are used, and letting her use them if she wants to. At the same time, if she is not ready yet to try them, don’t push her. Many girls at that age are a bit frightened by the prospect of inserting something and pressuring then to do it is also not good (and sends bad messages about bodily autonomy).
I think there is period swimwear available at least for teens, which could be an option.
Anon
+1 I really do not like tampons, but acknowledge their necessity for activities like swimming and the backup protection of heavy days (tampon and pad are hard to bleed through in short order). Finally, in my early 40s, considering getting a period cup or disc.
For a young woman, I would look to tampons that are slim and have rounded, plastic applicators – think Playtex Sport. One of the tricks to getting tampons in is to try a variety of positions; women are angled differently and you have to figure out how you are shaped. The whole “foot on the toilet” thing did NOT work for me.
Invest in high-quality (read: EFFECTIVE) period products for her. While it might sound very nice to have her in period panties, if she’s a heavy bleeder, that’s going to be horribly embarrassing. Young women’s cycles are really erratic at first, too, so think in terms of what she can stash in her backpack. (My first cycle was five weeks long. My second was three weeks long, so cue up me buying pads from the $0.25 bathroom dispensers at camp.) I use the Always Infinity pads – I know they’re a little more expensive, but they really work.
Nesprin
Tampons are a ton more comfortable for me than pads. I’d highly suggest getting a couple different brands+ sizes of pads and tampons and let her figure out what’s comfortable.
DC pandas
+1 inform her and guide her on tampon usage so she has options.
I needed to use tampons due to gymnastics- we weren’t allowed to wear anything under leotards. It was pretty common for the younger group to use them, but my grandma was outraged that I had access to them. I wish my parents and family had encouraged me to explore all options.
Anom
My daughter is 2 months shy of turning 10 and you are scaring me! I am not ready for this!
Anon
I got mine when I was 8.
Anon
OMG. I was 16. It’s crazy what a range there is.
Anon
Period underwear works pretty well for swimming on all but the heaviest days. If you buy a black pair it looks like a bikini bottom.
No Face
There is period swimwear now! I think Knix sells them.
Anon
The moms where I live talk about Ruby Love a lot. No experience with them, though.
Anon
So does Period. I haven’t tried them yet, but I *love* their other products.
Sybil
How does that even work? How can the underwear absorb blood but not water? I’m envisioning swim diapers – we all know there’s pee coming out, it’s just to hold on #2.
Anon
I didn’t want my parents thinking or talking about it all. It was my business and I was perfectly capable of figuring out how to handle it. I was a couple years older, but I think that’s even more true now, given the internet and social media. Obviously kids vary on this, but don’t think you need to anything, just let her know you’re happy to help as needed.
anon
Hard disagree on this, but is probably kid dependent. I had so many embarrassing situations because I was not prepared with supplies. I got mine at age 11 and just wasn’t responsible enough. I finally learned after several years to stash supplies everywhere – my backpack, my sports bag, all 2 purses I used, etc. It would have been nice if my mom had tracked my cycle with me and reminded me around that time of the month, at least for the 1st couple of years. I was not at all comfortable with it so it never occurred to me to ask a teacher for help.
Anon
My mom gave me a really comprehensive puberty book and just let me know she was available for questions. I’m the type that likes to do my research so reading books helped me. I got my period at 12 and started using tampons right away (this may be TMI but I had already lost my hym3n from horseback riding so I didn’t have any physical difficulty using them, just needed a hand mirror to figure out where it went haha). Teach her how to treat blood stains on underwear/sheets and give her grace as she figures this whole thing out!
Cat
You’re lucky! My periods went from “starter period, light, easy to manage with a pad” to “horrendous and vomiting from cramps” within a year. Mine started as a very new 11yo.
Parents did well- very matter of fact about purchasing supplies; it did not feel like a “big deal.” Was put on the pill at 13 to eliminate the debilitating periods and it was life changing.
Not as well- the mechanics of how exactly to use a tampon. For the longest time I thought you sat on the floor to insert, which obviously doesn’t work, lol. I figured it out when I was sufficiently motivated (a day at a water park with friends). Also, the concept of using a super+ tampon plus an overnight pad for the heaviest flow days, along with the steady drip of 3 Advil every 4 hours (it prob never occurred to my mom to do that bc she’d never needed to herself).
Anon
Recommendation is just to use Aleve so they have pain management throughout the school day. Periods may not be cramps at first. Also, we have month-at-a-glance calendars so they can help anticipate and track theirs. Summer camps are different now — make sure kids are comfortable talking about opting out of water activities if they are caught off guard or don’t want to use tampons at first (many kids hate them then slowly accept and I. Our house I offer but don’t push).
Cat
oh good point about the school day. Aleve and Midol have both upset my stomach so I guess I would have gotten creative about where to hide my midday dose!
Anon
Pay attention to the school rules about taking medications, even OTC, to school and self-administering. At some schools, this is an automatic suspension. I know, I know.
Anon
Yes — that is why we are in Team Aleve. It is just crazy but I’m not risking getting my kid expelled for this.
ANon
wow. it happens so young these days! get her something to hold the products in her backpack, like a makeup case or pencil case if she prefers not to carry the product openly around her school. anyone recall the show 7th Heaven? there is a rather ridiculous episodes of one of the daugthers getting hers. i also used to get TERRIBLE cramps, like debilitating. so offer meds if needed
Anon
“These days”? There are several posters on this thread alone who got theirs at 8 and 9, which isn’t as uncommon as you think. It’s not like girls are getting them “younger and younger” as time goes on, as you imply.
Anon
I think they are. Some is genetic (I was 5-4 and 100 pounds and got mine at 11) but as childhood obesity rates rise, something about that triggers puberty hormones in girls and you are seeing 8s and 9s that you didn’t 40/50 years ago. It’s rough out there for girls — periods are helpful if you want to have babies and otherwise I feel like they are such a nuisance when the average woman has fewer than 2 kids.
Anon
I’m one of the posters who got it at 9, and I remember my pediatrician then telling my mom that there was concern that hormones in our food – the doctor specifically mentioned the hormones given to dairy cows – might be triggering earlier puberty. This was in 1990 that they were suspecting this. I’m sure google has lots of info on whether this has been confirmed or refuted by now.
Anon
Omg I’m the poster above who got hers at age 8 and I was nowhere near obese; in fact, I was a very small kid.
Anon
They still do talk about animal products the same way, Anon. My niece has precocious puberty and was told to eat less animal protein.
Anonymous
I didn’t eat any meat or dairy products as a kid, and I wasn’t overweight, and I got mine at 11.
Anon
11 isn’t considered early puberty. It is right in the expected age range.
Anon
They are actually getting them younger. My pediatrician said the average age gets approximately one year earlier in every generation. It was ~13 in my mom’s generation, 12 in mine and is 11 now. Obviously in any generation there are many people who get it earlier or later than average.
Anon
Actually they are.
anonshmanon
It’s not that outlandish when you think about how average height and life expectancy have changed over the last 100 years.
Another Anon
You are so very wrong! https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/19/science/early-puberty-medical-reason.html
Anon
My girls started using tampons immediately once they menstruated (at 11). They had no problems. I had been casually letting them see me insert them for years, and they had no difficulties at all. They also told me that they taught all their friends.
Seventh Sister
My kid ended up starting during a beach vacation, so it just seemed easiest to start with tampons. The period underwear is good too.
Anonymous
Ten is not too young for a tampon. Buy small ones and teach her how to use them.
NYNY
I got my first period when I was 9. This was long ago, and my mother got me pads with a belt (!), which were horribly outdated at the time, but still available in some stores. I quickly read the instructions from her tampon box and started using those instead, since I could not deal with wearing the contraption she got me or having what felt like an entire beach towel between my legs. I think she figured it out by my third period and we got some tampons just for me. But we didn’t really talk about it, and that’s where it all went wrong.
My niece got hers at 11, a little over a year ago, and my sister talked with her about her options. They went with period underwear to start with, but they made the decision together, which seemed really important and respectful.
anon
Oh Lord. I remember pads with a belt from when I started my first period at 9. It was a big fight getting my mom to let me switch over to adhesive backed pads and an even bigger one when I wanted to start using tampons. I think I had my dad take me to the drugstore and bought some with my babysitting money and taught myself how to use them. Wish I had the options of cups and period undies when I was younger. What ever you do, don’t be like my mom.
Senior Attorney
Heh I started at 12, back in 1970, and back then pads with belts or tampons were the only option (they didn’t even have the pads with adhesive yet). I hated the former so I snuck tampons out of my mom’s bathroom and taught myself to use them. Which was fine until she got her period and I’d used all her tampons. Oops.
pugsnbourbon
The first time I used a tampon was in the locker room of a very rural high school, at an away volleyball game. The pads in the vending machine were marketed as “beltless” in 2001 so I took my chances on the tampon. Figured the adhesive on the pad wasn’t going to last the game!
Anon
I got mine at 9. While wearing white shorts. At camp. It was a joyous time.
Do they make a smaller menstrual cup that would be appropriate for her size? Because they are 900 million billion times better than disposable products. I was visiting my mom this weekend when my period started and I didn’t have anything with me, and she searched through the back of her closet and unearthed one of those old phone book-sized pads. I grudgingly wore it for the drive home back to my place, and was honestly kind of revolted that that – a mass of fibers that stay wet – has been how we’ve dealt with flow for most of human-time.
Also, it’s better for her to insert her own tampon/cup than for her to freak the EFF out when a male gyn comes at her for her first exam when she’s 14. I was sobbing hysterically and actually crawled under the exam table because I felt so violated. My mom meant well by keeping me from using a tampon because I was “too young,” but having the first person ever down there be an adult male stranger was traumatic.
Alanna of Trebond
+1 — I have never used a tampon, but I love my menstrual cup + period underwear. Life changing. I think it makes my periods lighter too.
Anan
That does sound really scary and horrifying! I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Anne-on
I think you’re already doing better than my parents as my mom simply wouldn’t talk about it or answer questions – she stuck a box of pads in the bathroom and called it a day. Prepare your daughter that her cycles may be very irregular for the first few years, and that some pain/cramping is normal but LOTS of pain isn’t (I have PCOS and regularly went home in middle school after throwing up/almost fainting from period pain). Normalize talking about period stuff with your other children and your partner as you don’t want your daughter to feel like she can’t talk to her dad about her body and needs. My dad was/is squeamish but would buy me menstrual supplies/give me pain meds as needed.
Also check with her pediatrician – I didn’t see an OBGYN until I was 16 and went on pills to manage my horrific periods but I think the recommendation is to see a gynecologist earlier now.
Anon
Really? I don’t have a kid, but all the guidance I’ve seen has decreased the frequency of recommended gyn exams and paps. Obviously see one if she’s having issues with anything or wants birth control, but my PCP prescribes birth control for me now and I would imagine a lot of pediatricians could too, at least if they focus on teens.
Anon
I agree that tampons should be an option if she wants to try, but don’t push it if they don’t work. I’ve just never found tampons comfortable and have only ever used them when absolutely necessary. Luckily I’ve been on various forms of birth control that mean I’ve rarely had a period since my early twenties, but that doesn’t seem great for a 10 year old unless she’s having a lot of problems. Period underwear or swimwear seems like a decent option when she doesn’t want to use pads.
Anon
Ditto. Tampons have always been very uncomfortable to me. I used pads when I swam…they don’t show, amazingly enough.
Anon
My five-year-old caught me in the bathroom the other day while I had mine and had ALL THE QUESTIONS. So, I just explained it to her, she said ‘oh, ok’ and went along her merry business. Hopefully makes the conversation easier when she actually does get hers!
First periods OP
Thanks so much for all the comments! This is super helpful to hear about everyone’s thoughts. We are off to Target to find options other than what I could scrounge from the back of my bathroom cabinet… I’m sort of glad it’s summer and she’s at home this first time.
I’m really reassured that a tampon is not a horrible idea. I’ve always had issues using them due to the shape of my anatomy so I don’t feel like the best person to advise her.
I’m curious about the birth control option- I would never had thought of even asking the pediatrician about this.
NYNY
One more thought: there are really different shapes of tampon, depending on brand. I could never use Tampax, because they’re too long, but I loved OB, which are really compact. Applicator-free is probably a lot for someone new to tampons, but maybe look for brands on the smaller size?
Aunt Jamesina
I was an OB person from when I got my first period at 13 since they were what my mom used and I had ballet class in a few hours (no undies allowed, so no pads). They’re not as rough as other brands and I feel like you can more easily maneuver them than ones with applicators, and when I finally used a tampon with an applicator I got from a friend I was so confused! I actually practiced before I got my period with lubricant as recommended by my mom. I had no idea KY jelly had other uses, hah!
My mom (a retired biology teacher) was absolutely awesome at puberty and sex conversations growing up, although I rolled my eyes sooooo hard at the time. Everything was thorough and matter-of-fact, zero shame. She also gave me a copy of the What’s Happening to My Body Book for Girls to read over around ten or so. Hearing about my friends’ and husband’s puberty and sex talks they had (or didn’t have) growing up has been really eye opening.
I’m now an annoying cup evangelist, and while I love mine, I think they have a bit of a learning curve for insertion. Some practice with tampons might help if she is eventually interested in a cup.
Anon
My mom gave me the same book – What’s Happening to My Body Book for Girls – and it was an invaluable resource. I remember in particular it explained abortion in a very factual way as a necessary medical procedure, which I’m really grateful for in retrospect because it helped form my pro-choice views at an early age.
Anon
I started out on OB as well. They were easy and much smaller to stash.
Curious
I love OB. They’re very common in Europe, and I became a convert quickly when I lived in the Netherlands for a bit.
Cat
I find the Tampax Pearl collection to be great – the smallest size actually is too small for me, but the applicator is super smooth so user friendly for starting out.
Anon
I always loved Playtex as a teen as I felt they were the most comfortable and hated Tampax.
Anonymous
Late, but definitely advise her that differ people’s bodies fit differ products. Unlike the posters below, I found on PAINFUL. Tampax for life!
Anonymous
I got mine at age 10. As long as your husband hasn’t “congratulated her on becoming a woman” then she’s having a better experience than I did.
I used tampons at that age, at least for swimming.
Anon
I got my period at 11 (at sleepway camp, ugh!) and used exclusively tampons without issue. I think she needs to know what to do if she gets her period somewhere where she doesn’t have access to pads/tampons, especially as the cycle is irregular when just starting out. Teach her how to fasten toilet paper into a makeshift pad.
Lastly I would be very careful of brand when considering period underwear as the major brands, Thinx etc, are facing lawsuits for the material used having very high PFAS levels (which is an endocrine disruptor).
Anon
Put a variety of products in a cupboard or a drawer, keep it stocked, and let her come to you with any questions. Include tampons in multiple sizes, pads of various thickness, and something like midol for cramp relief. Maybe a heating pad. She has the book so she knows what to do. I’m suggesting you keep your judgment out of this and let her do it on her own unless she has questions. Preteens and teens are so sensitive to anything perceived as criticism, and you already sound critical of tampon use. Period panties are also not the solution for a pre-teen.
Anon100
I like the color of this blazer!
Anon
I like the color, also, but when I clicked the link, the reviews were so bad that I passed.
Anonymous
TW weight loss.
In today’s edition of why is it so easy for men to maintain/lose weight: a male colleague explained that he had started to mix 3-4 tbsp of chia seeds in a glass of water as an appetite suppressant. Of course I just gave a neutral response – oh how interesting – but I’m thinking to myself, I thought chia seeds were kinda high in calories? Yep, about 75 cal per tbsp. That ~300 calorie “appetite suppressant” is literally a meal for me when I’m trying to lose weight, and not much less than a meal for me when I’m just maintaining my weight. Sigh.
PolyD
The dude doing this – did he actually… lose weight? If he subbed 300 calories of chia seeds for a 500+ calorie meal, it could work.
No Face
Depends on what he was replacing! If he switched from burgers and fries, that is much less.
anon
It’s so annoying. My DH can make pretty minimal changes and drop 5 pounds in a couple of weeks. It takes me about 2 months to lose 5 pounds.
Anon
Muscle. Men have more muscle than women do, and muscle burns more calories than fat does.
nuqotw
Favorite professional looking men’s or gender neutral backpack? (Are there men’s and women’s backpacks?) Spouse is looking for a backpack he can wear to court instead of carrying a briefcase/shoulder bag. He has a bad hip and uses a walking stick; he finds a briefcase or shoulder bag throws him off balance. He’s looking at Timbuk2. What other brands?
Anon
Tumi.
nuqotw
Thanks!
Cb
My husband has been using a timbuk2 for 8 years and it looks new. It’s the all black one and really good.
Anonymous
I usually have a very strong stomach. Very, very rarely do I have any issues there. Last week I got a 24 hour stomach bug that seemed to have resolved fully by the Friday. Everything felt normal over the weekend. But the last two days I’ve been super nauseous and crampy for no particular reason. Definitely not pregnant. It’s been so long since I’ve had a stomach bug I can’t remember – is it normal for symptoms to sort of linger like this?
Anon
Are you still a bit dehydrated? I don’t think I’ve ever had a stomach bug, but I get lingering nausea from pretty much everything- not sleeping or eating enough, Covid vaccines, lots of respiratory infections, etc. I’d give it a few more days before getting at all concerned, as long as those are your only symptoms. Make sure you’re eating and drinking enough, though.
Anon
Yup pretty normal.
Anonymous
Can take awhile. That said, some Covid infections are starting to show more GI issues than traditional respiratory symptoms. Just had someone at work with a teen who was vomiting for a day with no other symptoms. Might not hurt to do a home test to rule it out.
Anon
Having only GI symptoms with Covid is much more common in kids/teens. Adults usually have non-GI symptoms as well.
Anon
There are other diseases besides covid. 2020 didn’t magically get rid of all the other viruses in the world.
pugsnbourbon
I’ve had a couple occurrences where I’m just nauseous as hell for about a week. No other symptoms but fatigue and no actual vomiting. Just that awful feeling. I got by on toast and, weirdly, McDonald’s french fries. I think someone on here mentioned the potassium in the fries might actually help with nausea. I hope you feel better soon!
Nesprin
Yeah- carbs and grease are great for settling stomachs.
Anon
Can anyone recommend a female bankruptcy lawyer in Northern Virginia? This is for personal bankruptcy.
Anonymous
Picking up on yesterday’s post on dressing for a promotion, what bag(s) are must-haves? In professional contexts, I usually have my laptop and maybe a redweld with me, so I’m carrying a Tumi or Lo & Sons laptop bag. I’m struggling to think of what purse I should carry when I can leave the laptop behind. I’ve started to pick up one or two small designer bags from resale sites but they feel a bit casual to me (think, Chloe Marcie and BV Jodi). Suggestions for what brand, size, style, or specific bag is best?
Anne-on
Most women i work with carry a small wristlet for running to grab coffee/lunch at work – something small enough to fit in the larger bag, not a separate bag altogether. I see a lot of chain wallets – YSL, Chanel, Feragamo, or Valentino are the ‘brands’ I’ve seen but there are also plenty of people with Coach/Kate Spade ones.
Cat
+1, a small clutch or wristlet bag (enough for phone, ID, wallet) is standard IMHO.
rugs and runners
Ideas for a large front doormat or rug? I have a huge black double door and need some inspiration. I also want some kind of tall plant or some kind of object by the stairs that you can see from the front door. I dont know why this is so hard.
Similarly, what kind of rugs or mats do you use by the stove and sink in the kitchen? I have some very comfortable not aesthetically pleasing ones from Costco, but wondering if there’s a nice alternative.
Finally, on the same note, rugs/runners for the master bath? I have a large master bath with a lot of marble and high-end finishes and my pottery barn bath mats just look worn, but before I replace them, wanted to see if there’s a nice large runner option I should look at. My only concern with the runner is that it wont go all the way up to the sink so maybe it wont be as comfortable? Also, how do you store your sonicare toothbrushes on the counter? It wouldn’t fit into a toothbrush holder?
TIA
Anon
I’m an a firm no on kitchen rugs. They just get gross. If you really feel like you need a mat to stand on, fine, but I’ve never stood still enough for it to make sense. They just seem like tripping hazards. As a grade A klutz, I want the kitchen as minimalist as possible.
Anon
Oh man, I think the foam ones meant for standing for long periods of time make a huge difference and I’m not spending hours slaving over a hot stove or anything.
Anon
I definitely understand that they might be needed for some people, but I always wear supportive slippers (basically shoes) at home. I just don’t stay still enough to understand how I would use one. My kitchen is pretty small, but I’m almost never standing still in the same place for more than a few minutes- I’m constantly back and forth between stove/oven, sink, fridge, and the one tiny counter (I’m one of those people who’s compulsive about cleaning as I cook- the kitchen is usually spotless by the time I’m done). It’s only a few steps in between, but I’d need a mat that covered my entire kitchen floor for it to make any difference.
Anonymous
i like a padded mat in front of the sink for when I’m washing a larger number of dishes, or prepping a bunch of vegetables, anything that keeps me there for a while. If I’m cooking something with a lot of stirring, I’ll move it to by the stove.
Anon8
Try the LL Bean Warthog mat for the front door. The reviews speak for themselves, they’re fantastic and worth the price.
I second the other poster about not having mats in the kitchen. I’d rather wear comfy slippers than stand on a mat.
Electric toothbrushes are stored standing up in the medicine cabinet in my house, only left on the counter when they’re charging.
anon
I have a cheap Target rug in front of the sink because they get grody after awhile. And I have zero qualms about putting a cheap rug in the washing machine and it usually holds up just fine. Just be careful to not get the foamy backing stuff; it sticks like crazy to my wood floors. I do not put a rug in front of the stove; I would just trip on it.
I personally think PB is fine quality for bathroom mats. Mine get replaced every 5 years or so.
Cb
I have a survival of the fittest philosophy in my house. I want things to survive the washing machine.
Anon
For exterior front door mats, I like a double-width coir mat. I often get just a plain one and layer a seasonal one on top – that may or may not work with your set-up.
In the kitchen, my mom uses those rubber cushioned ones – probably also Costco. I think Williams-Sonoma sells fancier variations.
For a master bath, if your bath is particularly large and it’s your style, an oriental rug can look gorgeous. Otherwise, I’ve been pleased with my fluffy rugs from Target’s high-end line (Fieldcrest? idk).
Lily
House of Noa kitchen mats for in front of the sink. They feel nice underfoot and wipe clean. They also make runner styles if you want one long mat.
I think rugs look nice in the kitchen but I only use ruggables there so that they can be washed. I have a ruggable runner in a persian print and I think it makes the kitchen look more homey and luxe than bare floors. You could also use any sort of very flat, washable rug.
AnonForThis
Looking for resources to learn more about menopause/ perimenopause, since no one in my real life seems to talk about it. I have general questions and specific questions (like whether hormone replacement helps to battle the redistribution of fat toward the waist—does anyone know?). I’d love any guidance, thanks!
Anony
I am 7 years out from menopause (i.e. last period). I did HR for about a year to help manage the symptoms (mostly really bad hot flashes). It did not help with the redistribution of fat in the waist and that is my biggest problem now. It helped the hot flashes maybe 25%, so not a lot.
I follow a few menopause-related doctors on IG, and a few blogs. One of my favorites though is Stacy London from the What Not To Wear show (I loved that show back in the day) and she bought a menopause-related product company, so she has a lot of great info on menopause and links to other resources.
Anonymous
The book “Next Level” is helpful for training and weight management questions. I don’t follow it entirely (it recommends a lot of rest days and honestly I’d rather be a few pounds heavier and maintain my sanity with my workouts). I can’t do HRT because I had hormone positive BC and I am definitely gaining a lot of weight in my mid-section.
Anon
Dr. Jen Gunter’s Substack and her book, Menopause Manifesto
Anon
+1. She’s also on tik tok.
Anonymous
I’m working my way through the Menopause Manifesto by Jen Gunter right now and highly recommend.
Anan
I read Menopause Manifesto and I wish it had been more informative and less a manifesto. I felt like she spent a lot of ink raging against the patriarchy and blaming them for the lack of good information there is out there on menopause. She’s not wrong, but it was just not a helpful as I wanted. Though perhaps her Substack is more informatics.
Anon OP
Thank you!
Anon
Does anyone use an exercise l-specific journal? I need to track my exercises to share with doctors/PTs and I’m trying to find an aesthetically pleasing way to do it. The ones I’m turning up in my search seem kind of blah.
Anon
I’m not sure where that l- came from :)
Anon
https://commit30.com/product/fitness-journal/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw9ZGYBhCEARIsAEUXITUCaMLcPeoFLfYA0IgRsK6pWyLG8dV4qq-O0ww4-k0RC9ez8TykxSEaAnk9EALw_wcB
Anon
May Designs might be a good option. They have a health + wellness inside pages option for tracking exercise and other habits. The notebooks are personalized. So it would give you more flexibility on the cover and size, etc.
Anonymous
I use something like this but I got it from a random Facebook group. You could use a different color for each kind of exercise.
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1140537208/workout-log-exercise-tracker-workout?gpla=1&gao=1&
Anonymous
I’ll be going back to working in an office full time soon, and I’m thinking of getting a small Nespresso machine for my office as a treat. Does anyone have thoughts on these? I know there’s waste generated by the pods, but I think it’s probably less than if I purchased a coffee at a shop (we don’t have a coffee maker in the break room at my office). Other things I should consider?
NYNY
Nespresso pods are recyclable, so they’re less wasteful than Keurig. If you’re in NYC, the used pods just go into regular recycling. For other places, Nespresso provides you with envelopes to mail them back for recycling. It’s not perfect, but it’s something.
No Face
I learn the most random information here. I didn’t know that at all.
Anon
When you order Nespresso pods, Nespresso also sends you the bag to send them back to be recycled. The bag is pre-addressed and has an easy peel-off seal. You take the bag to any UPS store. I have a UPS store right around the corner from me, so it is somewhat convenient. I did get a reusable stainless steel pod to go in the Nespresso, but it did not work very well, because part of the Nespresso process is that the machine reads barcodes on the pod, and based on that barcode, the machine uses different amounts of water. You can get pods that only dispense two ounces of very strong espresso, or pods that dispense up to eight ounces, and the barcode on the pod determines what the machine does.
Anonymous
I love my home Nespresso machine and think having one at the office would be a wonderful treat!
joan wilder
I (pre-COVID) kept the smallest model (Essenza, maybe?) in my office, and bought nice ceramic cups for espressos and lungos and got endless enjoyment out of making myself and a coworker a coffee when we had a meeting. I use the bags they supply to send them back for recycling. It’s very easy to keep clean. Keep the box it comes in and it packs up nicely with a handle if you change your mind and want to bring it home
pugsnbourbon
Back in college I worked a holiday season at Sears selling small appliances (which I was good at bc I just lied).
I helped a woman set up her Nespresso sampling station (the machines were new then) and every day after she brought me a cappucino.
Nespresso Lady, wherever you are, I hope you’re doing great.
Anon
I did exactly this when I was in the office and second all the advantages. I’ve been known to pack the mini if I’m checking a bag for a long conference or vacation without convenient access to espresso (which is much easier on my stomach than coffee).
Senior Attorney
Another option, if you are happy with your coffee-making setup at home, is to make coffee at home and taking it to work in a thermos. I started doing that during the height of the pandemic when I was the only one in the office (so the person who normally made coffee was gone) and I’m still doing it and loving it because the coffee I make at home is way better than the coffee they used to make at the office.
Anon
If you want more options, maybe an Aeropress?
Anonymous
Shopping help – favorite workout leggings that have a drawstring? I have two pairs from old navy from maybe 7+ years ago that are fantastic and I’d like to get another pair of drawstring exercise Leggings. However, stores don’t seem to have this as a feature. I have found that the drawstring is the only guarantee that the leggings don’t start to creep down my body as I move. I’ve tried all sorts of non drawstring ones from lulu lemon, athleta, gap, target, under armor, and they all result in me having put pull up my leggings every few minutes. The reviews on the drawstring ones I’ve seen indicate they are more like sweat pants than workout leggings. And, FWiW, I am NOT doing HIIT/ jumping work outs. These are falling down during walks, Pilates reformer, and weightlifting free weights. TIA!
Anon
IME if leggings are rolling down, they’re too small.
anonchicago
I have this problem too no matter what I buy. I blame having a smaller waist and larger hips. Pulling up my pants every 5 minutes when running is the most obnoxious thing.
I look for mention of a drawstring or draw cord when ordering leggings. Some of mine from Athleta including the Rainiers have a loop drawcord. I have Champion leggings from Target and Peloton leggings that do this as well. I used to cut the drawcord and use it as a drawstring, but recently started just putting a hairband around the drawcord and tightening it as much as I needed. That works similarly and I don’t have to worry about a string getting lost in the wash, which happened with a pair of Lulus.
Anon
Are you wearing high waste leggings? If not, that might help.
Anonymous
Op here- yes I’ve tried wearing high waisted, ultra high waisted, some compression, no compression, lots of compression, and they’re still falling down just enough to be bothersome. And, I’m not jumping or running so it doesn’t seem like it should be happening either. I also need to always wear a belt with pants or jeans!!
Anon
I don’t think they make them anymore, but the Athleta run free 7/8 tights have a drawcord. I’ve been buying them on Poshmark because they’re my faves.
anonypotamus
I have the exact same issue and my go-to is lululemon wundertrain leggings. They are pricy (as with everything LLL) but totally worth it and last a long time. I have not had issues with pilling or them losing their shape, and I am tough on my workout leggings.
Anonymous
This always happens to me too especially with Zella. Less with Old Navy. I’ve heard good things about CVG for this reason and opacity.
Anon
Vuori had a drawstring. Wearing them right now.
Shelle
I’m an extreme pear with this issue. I buy Athleta workout leggings with the infinity loop drawstring at the waist. They might be phasing out this design in their leggings. If you have trouble finding them on their site, I buy them on ebay or poshmark and search the pictures to make sure it has the drawstring.
Anonymous
I have some from Gap that have an internal drawstring.
Anonymous
Thanks all! I think I was having trouble because I was searching for “drawstring” when I should have been searching for “drawcord”. That’s possibly why
I was coming up empty. Glad to know there are options out there.
Lily
New suburbanite here. Has anyone had their house/deck treated for carpenter ants? We appear to have them, and had a pest control company come out to look at it this past weekend. They are recommending a spray treatment for the perimeter of the house, deck, and inside our unfinished basement (no where else inside the house, but note that our cat eats and uses litter box in that basement). We have a cat, dog, and two young kids, and I’m feeling freaked out about chemicals. The company says that’s the only option they provide and the only effective all in one treatment.
Has anyone used this type of treatment, or some kind of more natural alternative that actually worked and didn’t need to be applied constantly? TIA!
Anonymous
One thing our pest guys told us to do was put a perimeter of mulch around the house, and to avoid having any muddy/sandy spots near the house and deck. Apparently the ants don’t like to go through mulch, so once you’ve sprayed once to kill the ones already there, more should be prevented from coming in.
Anonymous
You should not put mulch around your house, it’s a fire hazard. Some home owners insurance companies are refusing to insure houses with mulch, and I would expect this will become common.
Anon
Lol we were told to nix our mulch next to the house because of termites. If it’s not one thing it’s the other I guess.
IL
I understand carpenter ants are trickier than normal ants, but I’ve had success using Terro products to treat ants and establish a perimeter around the house. It ended up being far cheaper and more convenient to pick up a few products at Home Depot and DIY it than contact a pest control company for this, although I do use pest control for other issues.
If you want something that isn’t a poison, look at diatomaceous earth.
anonchicago
My skin is very sensitive towards metals and my ears in particular have gotten worse over time. I’m now 6 months pregnant and I swear I am more sensitive now than pre-pregnancy.
I’ve gradually started buying nicer jewelry but even stuff like sterling silver and gold plated earrings have started to make me itch or cause pain. Basically the only earrings I can wear lately are platinum diamond studs and I don’t want to wear them veyr often. I learned about Tinilux’s hypoallergenic earrings here and finally bit the bullet and bought a set of hoops. When wearing them yesterday, I felt some pressure in one earlobe and today, after having them off for probably 15 hours there is still a scar bulb in that hole.
At this point I am out of ideas – Tinilux earrings supposedly have the safest metals and they still cause issues. Is there anything I can do with rubbing alcohol or hydrogen peroxide to help with this? I’m thinking about how I cleaned new piercings. Could I see a dr for this, and if so what kind? I think most derms specialize in acne or botox now.
Anon
Have you tried painting a pair of your cheap, older earrings with clear polish to see if that makes them wearable for you? For itching now, what about cortizone cream?
Tina
I’m allergic to nickel and have had some luck dipping the earrings in vaseline before putting them in so that there is a coating between the earring and my ear.
Anon
Stop wearing earrings?
Anonymous
Everything made me itchy while I was pregnant, I pretty much stopped wearing all jewelry. It may go away once you have the baby.
Anon8
How often are you wearing earrings? I find my ears are sensitive and get irritated when I haven’t worn them in a couple months but if I ease back into it the irritation goes away.
Anon
Try Blomdahl earrings. They make medical grade jewelry – plastic and titanium (they also have necklaces and rings). We used them for our daughter’s ear piercing. The styles skew younger in the plastic ones because they’re targeted at those just getting piercings but you can find some simple studs that may work. At blomdahl dot com or you can find them on the largest online retailer.
Anonymous
I have very sensitive ears, and I have had best luck with gold filled earrings with brass inner, and 14 carat or more gold on the outside. Sterling silver or gold vermeil with silver doesn’t work at all, but gold plated brass does.
Anon
I can only wear gold in my ears. Not plate, not surgical steel, not sterling silver. I have not tried platinum (some day) but only gold. If you have favourite earrings, try buying 14k (or higher) gold wires to swap out or re-set the stones.
Sr Assoc w/ Itchy Ears
My ears used to always itch whenever I wore earrings, regardless of what they were made of. What I have found that helps is:
1. purchased earrings for every day wear from a local store that specializes in no irritation jewelry (willing to take it back and work with you to figure out a different type of metal if you have a reaction type store); and
2. before putting in the earrings: taking an allergy medicine (Allegra is my go-to), then cleaning the earrings posts and backs in rubbing alcohol and cleaning my ears with rubbing alcohol. Once my ears are dry, I rub a smaller than a pea sized amount of lidocaine onto my ear lobes (its usually just my lobes that get itchy, my cartilage piercings rarely get itchy). Then I put in my earrings.
I also found that my ears weren’t itchy when I was wearing my earrings every day (not at night) for a 2 week period while travelling for work. So maybe wear them more?