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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Stripe Sweater

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Nordstrom’s Halogen line is always a good bet for inexpensive work sweaters. I love this short-sleeved black-and-white striped crewneck. I would wear this with a bright pencil skirt on a more casual day or to liven up an otherwise boring suit. Nordstrom recommends hand-washing and laying these sweaters flat to dry, but I’ve had pretty good luck washing Halogen sweaters on the gentle cycle in large lingerie bags. The sweater is $69 and available in regular sizes XS–XXL, petite sizes XXS–L, and plus sizes 1X–3X. It also comes in six solid colors and a navy stripe. Stripe Sweater This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

251 Comments

    1. This week has beat the heck out of me already. When I discovered it was Wednesday this am, I almost cried.

      1. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it was Thursday, and disappointed when it turned back into Wednesday.

    4. It is also 9/11. I am suprised that no one has brought up 9/11. When I was in college in DC, the plane went down into the Pentagon, which was not that far away from me in Foggy Bottom. We all did not know what to do or where to go so we just went back to the dorm. The guys were generally as shocked as I was, and one guy went around getting hugs from the women. All in all, a very strange day. I just wanted to go home until I learned that NYC got hit twice at the World Trade Center. FOOEY on the Talaban! They did this to us and they are still doing it so many years later. Why can’t this country put an end to all of this killing by these nasty people?

  2. Shopping help! I’m looking for a basic V-neck tshirt that helps conceal a bit of a belly – so nothing ribbed or clingy. Bonus points if from river s i t e.

    2. Try on a men’s cut shirt (or boys if you’re petite). The extra room around the stomach from not being fitted is nice.

    4. I have more than a bit of a belly (ugh) and I just bought and wore the H&M Basic t-shirt with the stretch in it. It works well as it is not clingy (especially over the belly) but still has a bit of a shape to it, unlike a regular boxy t-shirt. And it was $5! They have it in scoop neck and V-neck. I am going to buy more as I think it will be nice under a jacket this fall.

    5. Daily ritual on the river has been a good find. Casual, and I do a half-tuck. Not sure how it will hold up long-term, but so far, so good. I would size up.

  4. I am in temporary housing sans couch due to tight stairs. I have an IKEA in my city. What is a good put-together sofa that I might actually want to keep that is not too hard to make? I haven’t shopped IKEA for furniture in a while, just house stuff and their awesome bags.

    2. Surely someone was able to get a couch in the apartment/house before, despite the stairs. If you can’t do it yourself can you hire some movers? Pay for in-unit delivery?

    3. Check out the KLIPPAN. It comes in 4 pieces — arms, seat, and back. You will need two people to assemble it. Assembly is easy. Add pillows and/or throws. We have one in our basement playroom via tight stairs. Make sure that the length of the seat and back (without arms) can navigate your stairs.

      1. OP here — that would work, but the online inventory turned up nothing in my city (so handy!). So now I am just checking for what is in stock.

        The Floyd/Campaign options are nice, but I really need to get something in place this weekend (I’d be fine with none, but my family is not into Really Spartan Living), so local is what will work. And it looks like good futons are just as pricey as sofas.

        [Now I am less concerned about reuse b/c the color scheme is just hard for me to visualize. So I am resigned to it being donated to a local org that can use it (schools like them for cozy reading areas, refugee resettlement, habitat) once I am done with it and can be in my house again with my existing furniture.] [Why all this? don’t have an upstairs neighbor have a pipe burst.]

        1. Just to say I am so sorry this happened to you! Something similar happened to me, and it is not. fun. The damage in our place was extensive and it took about six months to move back in. It can be a long, slogging road through construction. And if insurance is paying for your temporary housing, keep tabs on how quickly you’ll run through the ALE money. We thought construction would last three months, we used up all our ALE in that time. We had to move in with relatives until construction ended.

    4. I would buy a nice wooden futon with a good mattress and cover. That’s easy enough to sell if you want to get rid of it, converts into a bed for overnight guests, and isn’t a complete eyesore.

      2. +2
        We’ve gone through two ikea couches in our extra bedroom/media room, which is at the end of a narrow hallway with a 90 degree turn into a door, and has been problematic furniture-wise.

        One thing you should know is that when you try to get rid of an IKEA couch on Craigslist free, no one will come pick it up. No one wants a used IKEA couch. So build in the cost of 1-800-got-junk having to come pick it up.

        Finally we got a futon. It’s a nice wool and cotton one from an organic futon shop. Nice wooden frame. Perfectly comfortable as a couch and the occasional sleepover guests have given it good reviews. (If sleeping on a futon makes them keep their visits to 3 days or less, even better!)

    5. I need a dresser from Ikea that an be assembled upstairs as well. That is, not necessarily from Ikea, but I’m assuming they’d be the only ones to have one. Any suggestions? Thanks!

      Hoping this gets posted–I has postings the past two days that never saw the light of day.

      1. Well, now that I got posted, I’ll correct the “I has postings.” Ugh! That’ll teach me!

        1. Whether there are any specific recommendations (model names) for ones that can be assembled upstairs (narrow staircase with a bend in it.)

          1. I just got a Hemnes dresser from Ikea that was assembled upstairs (though I had a whole bedroom set so I just task rabbit-ed the assembly). My parents have had theirs in their guest bedroom (which spent at least a year storing all my stuff and a bunch of indian wedding outfits) for several years and it’s held up pretty well, all things considered. I like the grey and brown colors best personally.

          2. I have two low and one high Malm. Got them years ago – like probably 10+ years – and they are still in good shape, with the caveat that I don’t have children hanging on them or banging the drawers. There was a safety issue with them, I think they tipped? But again, I have never found this to be a problem.

            They weren’t too bad to assemble, either. I like them because they are a very simple style. I have the light wood color (beech? birch?)

          3. I’m confused by this question. I have only ever bought furniture from IKEA that has to be assembled, so where you do it is entirely up to you. The boxes should be able to be carried up most staircases, and if this is a problem carry the pieces up in multiple trips.

    6. I had the same issue. I didn’t do ikea. Instead, I got a sectional with a (relatively) low back that had removable legs. The “body” was shorter than a typical couch, so easy on the twisty stairs. Easy to disassemble and move again later.

    7. I would also suggest Floyd – the furniture startup from Detroit. They have fully modular pieces that might work if their aesthetic works for your style

    8. I would look at Campaign, which is a slightly higher quality flat pack brand. Designed to be taken apart and put back together multiple times if necessary.

    9. Literally everything from IKEA is very easy to assemble and can be assembled anywhere you like. Source: all of my furniture is from IKEA.

  5. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night feeling like something was tapping the bottom of my feet, and then can’t go back to sleep for a long time. There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with my mattress, but this seems to occur only in the winter or during when seasons change. What can be the cause of such sensations? Please don’t say ghosts haha.

      1. My dad has this, and he gets it when he eats Mexican or other spicey foods. Evidently there is something in the spice that causes him to itch, and it is focused on the bottom of his feet. If you eat spicey food, check this out to see if this happens. Rosa also gets itchey all over when she eats spicey food, so I personally do not eat spicey foods if I can avoid them, as it is not lady-like to be itching, especially in court! FOOEY!

    8. I wear socks to bed most nights, especially in winter and when the skin on my feet feels especially sensitive, like I can’t stop feeling the sheets or whatever.

  6. I need some career advice. My boss severely micromanages everyone, and I really feel like my career is not only stagnating but is also getting hurt under him. I’m obviously in the process of looking for another job, but I don’t know how much longer I can take it here. He has had no women that are successful under him (I am about the 5th woman in a very senior role that is struggling), and honestly most of the men under him are struggling too – there is one guy that is very similar to him that is doing well out of a team of 12 of us.

    I’ve always been top rated and every manager I’ve had has loved me – this is new territory for me. I’m trying to scale back a bit to focus on finding a new job, but that is making my boss more hostile as things aren’t getting done as quickly/thoroughly. Does anyone have any advice?

    1. Don’t scale back to the point where your boss thinks your performance is lagging, since that will get your more negative attention. Detach your self worth from your job performance – repeat to yourself “I am not this job” over and over.

      I was in that spot a year ago. I decided that I gave only 1 f*ck. I would do enough to coast along without the boss noticing that I was coasting along, but that was it. I stuck it out, found a new job, and enjoyed throwing the boss under the bus in my exit interview. I have no reason to need her as a reference, and it was very satisfying.

      1. Unfortunately my boss works about 18 hours a day, 7 days a week, and anything below that is noticeable to him. But I’m really looking forward to getting the eff out and not using him as a reference!!!

        1. Eek! You have my sympathies. Just remember, your worth is NOT what this jerk says it is.

    2. I had this job and now have a new one and let me tell you, it is so much better on the other side!!! Do everything you can to believe that it is not you, it’s your awful boss – look back at reviews from former bosses, go for a drink with a colleague from a past job that loved you, recount specific workplace encounters with friends and watch their eyes big out – whatever it takes to keep your perspective.

      1. Same here. I set a date when I was going to quit, even if I did not find another job. I know this is not advisable in general, but I had reached my breaking point. I ended up finding a job about a month before X date, but I would have quit regardless. Consider this approach if you can afford it, but ymmv. I was coming from an industry segment known for being very brutal (BigLaw). Several of my colleagues at my SmallLaw firm joined after prolonged funemployment/travel (years in some cases) and no one thought much of it aside from thinking it was awesome they look the time off to recover.

  7. On last season of HTGAWM, I was admiring a green velvet blazer that Annalise wore so I looked it up on wornontv. It was the Max Mara Ticino blazer and selling for $2795 (!). I set up a saved search on e b a y figuring it would never happen. But ONE result came up, and it happened to be a size 12, and it eventually went down to below $200! It apparently has a small flaw on the sleeve but I honestly haven’t been able to find it. It fits like a dream and it is absolutely stunning. Now I can’t wait for it to drop below 90 so I can actually wear it…

    6. I searched on Poshmark and they seem to have several of those Max Mara blazers for sale. If you’ve never used Poshmark, use my referral code (merrpg) and get $10 off your first purchase (I get the same thing for the referral). I hope you find something!

  8. OK so is this normal? I work in a small open-plan office with my back towards the centre of the room. I’ve noticed when people come in from other offices to speak to me they walk up behind me and either scuff their feet to try to get my attention or just stand behind me and wait for me to notice that they are there. I find this so irritating because people are walking behind me all the time so I tune it out when I’m concentrating don’t necessarily realise they are there to speak to me. So they are basically standing there watching me work until I feel their presence and turn round! Why can’t they use their words and say ‘Hi Azera, do you have a sec’ or something?! Am I crazy for being so annoyed by this? How can I encourage people not to do it??

    1. That sounds annoying. Next time this happens, just tell them that they need to announce themselves.

      “I don’t always notice when people come up behind me. So next time just say hi or tap me on the shoulder. (if you’re okay with tapping)

      I work in a pretty large building so if I need to talk to someone in person I’ll sometimes IM them to make sure they are free.

    2. I hate this so much, happened a few times in one of my old cubicles when I was between a few executive offices and the HR coordinators, so people would either assume I was also a coordinator, or they thought I was someone’s assistant – both roles would have had me in a “ready to help” mode, but since I’m in a research role, I’m kind of “in the zone” most of my workday and you do need to actively get my attention. This one guy stood indignantly outside my cube, and when I finally turned to face him he just said “service awards!” Not “Excuse me, do you know who I talk to about service awards” or “Hi, I’m here to pick up my service award, the name is John Smith?” he just barked the keyword at me like I was some kind of Human Google. I had nothing to do with those, I certainly didn’t have them, or access to them, or any idea whatsoever who was to be getting one, so I had to direct him to the actual coordinators across the way.

      1. What the actual ?!?! That’s so rude!

        My office is open plan and headphones are ok/encouraged. I don’t mind when folks tap me on the shoulder but more than once someone has firmly POKED me between my should blades and pushed me towards my keyboard as a means to get my attention. What is wrong with people?

        1. I would FLIP OUT (very strong startle response) if anyone even touched me when I was in the zone, so many of you are ahead of me in the acceptance of this messed up situation department. I also +1 the mirror idea – perhaps it is weird but a workspace plan that is so awkward is even weirder. Plus I think there’s inconspicuous ways of getting a mirror on your desk or computer (or what about a REALLY shiny object that ISN’T a mirror but reflects like one?)

    3. I think you probably can’t change people (or at least not everyone) so I suggest getting a mirror so you can see when someone is behind you.

      2. No no no on the mirror. When people at my office seated at cubicles added mirrors, we all thought it was SUPER weird. It became quite the topic of discussion.

        1. That’s on you, thinking it was weird. A mirror in the OP’s situation is the obvious solution.

          You need to find other, more interesting things to judge people for.

    4. I walk softly and quickly (not on purpose I swear). I try to find a solid surface near-ish to the person and lightly knock or tap. Would you find that less or more annoying?

    5. Please don’t get angry at the people — they have no way of knowing what to do in this kind of situation. I have freaked out so many people by standing behind them and speaking or touching them — some people have a very high startle factor, and I don’t know the best way to get their attention. Say something? Clear my throat? Touch them? Or I can tell someone is in the middle of concentrating — do I wait until they finish the sentence they’re writing?

      If I were you, I’d get a small mirrored something (photo frame, vase, standing mirror, etc.) and put it on my desk so I can SEE the person behind me.

    6. Can you change your setup so your back isn’t to the room? That would drive me nuts anyway. I like to be able to see people coming, at least in my peripheral vision.

    7. It’s not people’s fault your desk is angled weird and they are trying to be polite. You should get a little sign and prop it up on the edge of your desk that says something like “if you need me, knock on my desk” or “if you need me, just tap my shoulder”. I wouldn’t do the mirror thing as that would be super distracting to you as you work and not useful if someone waits for you at the wrong angle.

      1. I would find a sign strange. Knocking on some surface and asking, “hi Anon, do you have a moment?” is polite. I do not want to be invited to tap someone’s shoulder. And the next time someone stands waiting for you to notice or clear their throat, i would say casually, “oh and btw, if you need me, just knock, i’ll turn around” at the end of your conversation.

    8. I would find this maddening as well. I have a private office and I have a coworker who refuses to knock lightly on the door frame to get my attention like everyone else and instead just stands silently and awkwardly in the door until I happen to notice him lurking and staring at me. GAH it drives me insane. You have all my sympathies.

    9. I have seen people use mirrors in this situation, meaning you could prop up a mirror in front of you.

    10. +1 for getting a small mirror. My manager at a previous job attached one of those round convex mirrors on the edge of his monitor for this purpose. You know, the small ones from the automotive section that people stick on their side mirrors.

  9. Any easy vegan food? I have a vegan house guest for two weeks who I don’t know well. I’ll definitely take her to the grocery store to stock up on whatever she wants, but I’d like to be hospitable and welcoming and have some good options in the house. More looking for breakfasty/snacky things than full meals.

    1. Whole fruits, snacking vegs (IMO baby carrots, sliced bell peppers, etc) with hummus/dip, nuts?

    2. -whole wheat toast and peanut butter or avocado
      -fresh, frozen, and dried fruit
      -granola
      -nut milk
      -nuts

    3. I’d find out if there is a non-dairy milk she prefers in advance and have that in the house with some cereal. Not sure which cereals are vegan, but I’m sure there are plenty. Otherwise, fruits, vegetables, vegan granola bars.

    4. Hummus, fruit, chips and salsa, veggies, nuts, pb&j. They probably have a favorite non-dairy milk or yoghurt, but I would enquire before buying.

    7. Ask her for a list.

      Honestly there is a huge variety of vegans out there and it’s hard to guess.

      I’m have a killer vegan dish called the Iman Fainted that I used to whip out for vegans but most of them refused to eat eggplant (lol). So be wary that a lot of vegans have other food hang ups.

  11. Posting again in the hope of getting more responses…thank you to the 2 who responded yesterday afternoon :)

    I have been offered a campaign manager position on a local water district campaign for 2 candidates. I have worked on campaigns in the past, including managing another campaign for the same water district. Last time I managed the campaign, I was a grad student, lived at home, and got paid $650/month for part-time work. Now, 5 years later, I have a full-time, $60k/year job (not doing campaigns, but related work) and am being asked to manage the campaign part-time again. I’m trying to figure out how much I should ask to be paid this time. I’m terrible at figuring out how much I “should” be making from this. It will probably amount to about 15-20 hours/week of work. Should I ask for an hourly rate (I would have to learn to “bill” my hours if I did this ), or a stipend, like last time? There aren’t really a lot of other people around who do this work part-time like I would be doing, so I don’t have anyone to ask or relate to.

    1. I mean, you’re kind of your own control here. What were you paid for doing the same work per hour before, add some increase for COL adj and your own ability to better manage, and see if that feels right.

    2. How much do you want to make to make the investment of your time worth it. How much money do people spend on a campaign for water board? What do the campaign finance filings from prior election cycles show?

    3. What is the average amount raised for these types of races?

      Are they typically staffed by professional campaign staffers or volunteers?

      What is the overall cost of living in your general area?

      I think there are a lot of factors here which influence this amount. Campaigns are usually a lot of hours and little pay so I would not think that you should take your current hourly rate at your job and use that to estimate your wage (unless this is LA and these are going to be multi-million dollar races.)

      I think a good place to start would be to look at previous cycle campaign finance disclosures.

  12. Any attorneys on here familiar with the Florida Commission on Human Relations? I found an article that says they are basically employer friendly and can make a no cause finding within 180 days, thus barring employees from court. Is this true?

    2. FL employment lawyer here. While the FCHR is more employer-friendly than the California DFEH or NYSDHR, I would not describe them as employer-friendly. They try to reach a determination within 180 days to be consistent with their statutory mandate, but it doesn’t always happen. If they reach a no-probable cause determination within 180 days, the employee can either request an administrative hearing or, if their employer is covered by federal employment laws (typically 15-20+ employees), file claims under federal law. If a timely determination isn’t reached or the FCHR finds probable cause within 180 days, the employee can proceed to court.

  13. How do you make time for business development when you’re overwhelmed with billable work? I’m a senior associate in biglaw. I was up for partner last year and didn’t make it because I don’t have much of a book. I knew that was a problem going into the process and I’d developed a business development plan with the help of several excellent mentors.

    My problem is I just don’t have time to go to events, write articles, organize and speak on panels, etc. I’ve managed to do a little bit but my mentors are telling me to do more. I’m billing 200-300+ hours a month. I’ve tried to push back on taking on more work but then I get – you’re up for partner this year is this really the time to say no? Or I’m given more responsibility in my existing cases and I can’t very well turn that down. Some partners agree I should say no to work (but not their work). I’ve asked for help in offloading more junior level responsibilities like overseeing filings but then I get pushback from the associates and the partners don’t want to push them (btw who are these associates who say no to work?). I feel stuck.

    I feel like I’ve spent my career doing excellent work, getting experience, and even working hard to get opportunities to, i.e., first chair a trial and an appeal. And all of that good work breeds more work. By contrast, I have one peer in particular who does terrible work, the partners assign me to oversee his work and frequently ask me to redo it, and the partners are always grumbling that he’s never in the office because he’s always at some event. He’s up for partner for the first time this year and based on his book, I have a feeling he might make it over me. I think I’ve been doing it wrong. How do I change course now?

    1. Your leadership is setting you up to fail. I don’t have much advice, because I’m right there with you. Just realize that this is an indictment of their lack of planning and leadership, not anything that you’ve done wrong. Is there someone you can have a candid conversation with about your prospects of becoming partner? Is there someone who has your back on doing less billable work so you can focus on the book of business? Absent that, you are going to have to take things into your own hands and really, truly saying no and letting the chips fall where they may.

      1. Your firm’s leadership s*cks. I know that’s not helpful advice but you’re being set up to fail and it’s really unfair.

        1. Agree. I don’t have much detailed concrete advice but on the whole, I would stop trying to make people “happy” with you and do what YOU need to to accomplish YOUR goals. Channel the useless dude. Sad, but I think it’s the reality.

    2. “but then I get pushback from the associates”

      Maybe someone more familiar with law firms can revise, but: tough luck for those associates. Do not frame this as a request. Part of being a partner is being able to assign work.

      1. I agree. As a senior associate, you should be assigning a significant amount of work down. If these associates are truly overworked and already billing 250+ hours a week, that is one thing. But if not, it doesn’t matter that they are pushing back – their job is to do the work assigned to them.

        2. I don’t frame it as a request, I assign work, and get told no. When I tell the partners, they’re kind of like, shrug guess they can’t do it. I ask the partner to find someone to do it but they don’t.

          The firm culture is wanna-be lifestyle so there isn’t any pushback when someone says, oh but I have these family responsibilities so I can’t be on a call at 3 pm on a Tuesday. It’s great for the people it benefits but it super sucks that no one seems to be available when I need to push work down.

          2. I guess I still don’t understand – they still must do it. I’m sorry you’re going to have to push and be a hard *ss. The answer to “I have a family commitment at 3 pm on a Tuesday” is “I don’t care – unless it’s a funeral or dependent health emergency or something similarly weighty” you need to get this done. This is your responsibility now” – and walk out. And then follow up with an email to the partner, cc the associate and inform the partner that cc is taking on X part of the work.

          4. When they tell you no, don’t accept that answer. They are associates– this is their job.
            You: Hi associate, here is an assignment– please get this to me by Friday. Thank you!
            Associate: Sorry, I can’t, I’m busy.
            You: Oh, yeah, we’re very busy these days! I can give you til Monday. Thank you!
            Associate: I really don’t have time.
            You: I am sure you’ll figure something out– noon on Monday will be great. Thank you!
            THEN LEAVE and leave the file on their desk.

          5. Agree with the above posters; insist on it. There’s no reason that junior associates should be dictating their own workloads to you.

        3. I wonder if the partners are not shutting down associate push back because those associates are busy on their work? Might be a good idea to have a conversation about resource allocation (ie associate time) and see if there’s a way to ensure (or at least document that you tried to ensure) you get adequate associate support.

      2. Yes, that’s the easiest bit of time you can save here, I say, as another senior associate.

    3. Associates saying no to work from a senior associate are either 1) not team players/lazy or 2) have been told by the partnership that they do not have to accept your work (probably so they can do their thing and make the clients they already have happy). Sounds like the other guy is in category 2.

      1. As a mid-level associate that has been attempting to shove off work from a senior associate– is there a possibility that the work that you are having a hard time distributing really isn’t urgent and the firm isn’t staffed to do it? There is a senior associate at my firm that recently has been given a lot more responsibility in his cases, so he wants all of the i’s dotted, t’s crossed on all his files. He recently dropped a bunch of depositions he wanted summarized on my desk without asking if I had time to do them– he has already done deposition reports on these and just wants them summarized so that he can “supplement” his mediation report. So now, I am dealing with trying to get these done, which don’t need to be done, in addition to about 10 things on my own cases and cases for partners that are actually urgent.

    4. As you get closer to partnership, you have to start thinking of the issues as “work for firm” and “work for you.” Work for you, on building a book, is valuable to both the firm and you, but more valuable to you because your book gives you control over your career, including the ability to leave if you want. Work for the firm, doing billable work on others’ matters, is also valuable to both the firm and you, but it’s value to you is in keeping you employed at that firm (and possibly comp). It may make you a partner, but it won’t progress you past low level partner stage. And, eventually, it will dry up because associates are cheaper.

      So, you have to find a way to prioritize work for you, which means saying no to work for others to some extent. Put your big client development rocks in first and make them non-negotiable barring extreme emergency. If that’s not doable, you are setting yourself up for failure at this firm.

    5. Been in your exact shoes. Honestly consider quitting and go to small or midlaw. You’ll likely bill less, your ability to manage cases will be appreciated assuming the firm is busy, and you’ll have time for BD if you want to do that.

  14. This looks like a good piece to invest in, I hear the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time . . .

    1. Yep, they’re pretty versatile. However, I would not do this with a bright bottom as suggested–that seems like that would be very loud. I’d lean toward olive green, khaki, gray or navy on the bottom.

      1. I actually like the solid color options better than the stripes. Too bad Halogen is one of those brands where I am solidly between sizes, so it never quite fits me correctly.

    3. Agree! I’d put on the striped one with black pants and some easy shoes and feel so comfy all day.

    4. I have 12 striped tops in my closet. I feel about striped tops the way my husband feels about bicycles: The appropriate number to own is N + 1, where N = the number you currently own.

  15. I have an internal interview for a promotion today. Please send all the good vibes my way–I’ll need them!

  16. Ugh — I have been a mediocre tennis player my whole life (never higher than a 4.5-type player at my peak; several decades trying not to move up to 3.5 now). I love the game. I am happy playing it. I am not very good and have no interest in spending weekends at tournaments until I am much older. And even then I have fun. It’s not everyone’s vibe but it works for a lot of us (maybe also in golf, running, swimming, other lifetime sports).

    I am struggling to find this for my kids who enjoy activities but are not Promising Athletes. I get that there is tennis for the best of us. But I feel like there needs to be good outlets for tennis for the rest of us, even for kids (so no: you must have a parent who can take you to practice at 4 3x/week or you can’t be in our youth program; no your kid can’t be in our program b/c they aren’t a tournament player; weekend lessons are for grownups only). I *think* I finally talked a coach into letting us practice with a team (on a court for all of the bad players who won’t get to play matches unless they improve). It’s like they keep forgetting that not everyone is a prodigy and the only way to get better at tennis is to . . . play tennis (and maybe watch others play to get ideas about what is possible); but anyone can go out and have fun.

    /endrant

    1. I think this is a problem in many youth sports, not just tennis. My kids are active and moderately sporty, but they’re dabblers. Our family will never ever devote our lives to travel teams and the like. Once you get into the upper elementary grades, there is a steep dropoff in the number of recreational options available. Or they’re available in theory, but in practicality, there will be 1-2 kids from your kid’s school on the team. I think youth sports have been spoiled by adults and organizations who are making a sh!tload of money off parents who are willing to pay to participate in this system. My kid is only in 4th grade and it already looks like a (sports) race to nowhere. I’m actually glad that he doesn’t have a burning passion for one sport in particular.

    2. I’m not sure what you are asking for, or how old your kids are- but my middle schooler is a mediocre tennis player. She started playing at our gym (which has a youth tennis program) in kindergarten. She did clinics 1x/week for 4 years. She did a couple sessions at tennis camps over the summer. She doesn’t do tournaments. We have a town swim and tennis club where she takes swim and tennis lessons over the summer. Almost everyone there is mediocre.

      Are you looking for your kid to find another friend at a similar level and just…play? Maybe try a country club or tennis/racquet club? Or does your town have rec tennis?

      Any more intense than that and I think you *will* be in weekend tourneys.

      1. I have seen some tennis-crazed parts of the US. Like every kid has a bag with >1 racket in it (IMO, signature of a Very Serious Tennis Player with Aspirations). I have played for 30+ years and still have a racket. Singular. It works for me, but if you are the person with a racket in a world with multiples, that crowd has expectations about how your life yields to tennis and not vice versa and kids are not exempt.

        IMO tennis is a friendly game and I am not a fan of exclusionary tennis.

    3. I would be super surprised if you live in a major centre and there isn’t something like drop in for kids or a casual kid league. Try calling gyms or just asking other parents.

      I used to work reception at a gym and we had thriving squash leagues for casual players.

    4. “It’s like they keep forgetting that not everyone is a prodigy”

      Cynically, they know this, but parents are used to hearing that their Little Johnny is a prodigy, expect to hear that Little Johnny is a prodigy, and then pay a lot more money for Prodigy Little Johnny, so the coaches have every incentive to set up sports for “prodigy” children and not parents with reasonable expectations.

      1. I guess that is part of it: if you are a coach, you may prefer a kid that comes 3x/week to one who comes 1x/week

        And the grownups who come on weekends have $ to spend.

        OTOH, it’s like plus sized clothing: there are a lot more plus sized people out there than size 000s, but the marketing and options don’t line up with a lot of underserved people who just want clothes or to play some tennis.

    5. I feel you on this. As my kids move into middle school, I can foresee them getting shut out of school sports entirely because so many kids have devoted their lives to it (or their parents have). I don’t want to take anything away from the kids who are playing at an elite level, but it’s kind of a bummer that my kids can’t realistically expect to try out for and make any middle school sports team because the kids on Sport Team here go on to play at Division I schools in college, and my kids are mediocre.

      On the other hand, mediocrity means much less money and time now, so that’s cool.

      1. I agree it’s a bummer that kids are being shut out of sports in middle school, and I’m very disappointed to see the rest of the kids’ sport world follow swimming/gymnastics/ice hockey into pushing kids into year round intense club teams from a young age. I was an elite swimmer in the ’90s, and I was often envious of the three sport athletes.

        What I’m trying to do with my own 6th grader– who is a middle of the road athlete — is encourage her to try sports that weren’t routinely available before middle school and may be less popular (like volleyball in our area). Another option is to pursue sports that are much more flexible about numbers, like swimming or cross country. I think that’s a big part of what the OP is facing with tennis – it’s a very resource intensive sport. There are only so many courts available, and only 2-4 kids can play a match at one time.

    6. I see this in particular with dance and gymnastics, locally. They push and push the kids until they burn out or get injured. There is too much concentration on grinding for results and glory, and not nearly enough attention paid to proper form and correct ergonomics. One of my former coworkers even broke two vertebrae on the balance beam in middle school.

      I really regret my own participation in youth athletics, since my injuries caused permanent cartilage damage. Many of my friends and colleagues feel the same way, and are guiding their kids away from sports as a result.

    7. Where I live, tennis has far more low-commitment/low-skill options than virtually any other sport. Our HOA, the county parks and rec department, and a private company all offer beginner and intermediate classes for a variety of age levels. You might have to look outside the fancy clubs, but there are definitely opportunities to learn and progress and have fun without playing in a league.

      The other sports that offer low-key options are running and swimming. Every neighborhood has a summer swim team for kids up through middle school age, and anyone can participate.

      1. Theres also crossfit for kids that may be a nice middle ground. It’s more about building a friendly community and activate kids than trying to create pros. I always disliked sports as a kid and was never good at it but I feel like I would have liked this.

    8. Did you read the Slate parenting column where the Dad got his daughter private catching lessons for her travel softball team? She was not even 10 years old at that point. People be crazy.

  17. How long would you allow for a layover if you’re trying to do the Global Entry interview on arrival thing? We can’t get an interview at any nearby airport, so I think we have basically no chance but to do it after arriving from our next international trip (Mexico, if it matters). Flying AA so we have a choice of arriving in Dallas, Charlotte, Miami or Philly if anyone has any experience with customs/global entry interviews at those airports. Family of three but our child is a toddler so I can’t imagine that “interview” is going to take very long.

    1. When I did it, it didn’t take long and the appointment was on time, but it was really hard to get an appointment- I think mine was scheduled several months out. It might have calmed down, this was a while ago, but you might want to check on appointment availability first.

      1. This is the thing where you don’t need an appointment – you just do your interview as you’re clearing customs. It’s relatively new I think, and is only available if you’re just arriving back in the US off an international flight.

    2. I did my interview in Philly, but not through the interview on arrival thing. There was no one else waiting when I did my interview and they took me more or less on time, maybe about 5-10 minutes late. The interview was quick. I would say I was in and out in under 30 minutes. I was by myself.

      I would allow a minimum 3 hour layover, and imho that’s tight. This accounts for flight delays (Philly is almost always delayed by about 30 minutes), deplaning, picking up your luggage, going through the interview, going through security again, and boarding the next flight. I see you’re traveling with a toddler – I would probably allow minimum 4 hour layover to account for toddler-related delays.

    3. At least two hours, if not more? Honestly something can always go wrong like flight delays, lost luggage etc. Both happened to us on a recent flight from Europe and we missed our connecting flight that had a 2 hr layover.

    4. The “interview” itself was done by the Customs officer at the counter and took less than 5 minutes, FWIW. You don’t wait in the regular Customs queue for it – they take you to a special one.

    5. Avoid Philly, the officer that did mine was a jerk and insisted on entering my last name after my first in the given name spot, which I later had to get corrected.

    6. Contrary vote: I did this on arrival at IAD and even with only 6 people in the line in front of me, it took well over an hour. They had one officer assigned to the interview on arrival and he was s.l.o.w. (like 25 minutes per person interviews). Once they switched officers (right before me) my interview was like 5 minutes. So it really depends on who is doing the interviewing.

    7. Toddlers are expected to attend deportation hearings without attorneys so I wouldn’t be shocked if they tried to interview your toddler for 30 minutes. You’ll have better luck if you are white, sadly.

  18. I’ve been restocking for winter and was hoping that the “so tight your elbow can’t bend” sleeve trend was dead, but apparently not. I’m a small person, I should not have to size up to an XL to be able to squeeze my scrawny biceps into a sweater! And forget layering for warmth, I’d be lumbering around like Ralphie Parker.

    I eagerly await sci-fi jumpsuits for everyone.

    1. Where are you shopping? I wear a size 14/XL/38D top and have been finding nothing but giant sleeves when I buy my size, even though the item fits nicely in the body – both in sweaters and in blazers. My arms are proportional, but not muscular, and I’ve had to have blazer sleeves taken in so they don’t look ridiculous.

      1. Tell me where you’re shopping, because I’m looking for the giant sleeves. Even after losing weight my arms are way oversized compared to the rest of my body so I end up having to size up from a 10 to a 12 or 14 for things like blazers. Would love to find something with more generous sleeves.

        1. Talbots blazers in a 14P – sleeves were the right length but very wide. Uniqlo ultra fine merino sweaters – body of sweater in a Large is fitted without being tight, but the the sleeves are quite roomy, especially at and below the elbows. Lands End trench coat in 14P – correct sleeve length, but sleeves very wide. Had the blazers and the trench tailored. Figured the sweaters would be OK as is.

  19. My awesome secretary has been written up for BS reasons that have nothing to do with her performance. She was told she’s going to get placed on a PIP if she doesn’t improve soon. What can I do to support her? I’m a senior associate, I’ve been told I’ll make partner this year, but I don’t have enough of a book to pay secretary on my own. She supports other associates, no partners, though she does significant work on other partners’ cases because I run them. She’s asked me to not say anything to support her because she’s afraid of rocking the boat. Is there anything I can do here?

    1. Can’t you go to whoever runs the admin side of your firm and tell them, “I understand Catherine has been written up. I don’t know the full circumstances [I assume you don’t know the other side of the story], but she has my full support and confidence and I would hate for anything to interfere with her work here, which is critical to my and the firm’s success”?

    2. Make sure she knows that if the worst happens she can still rely on you for a good reference.

    4. Rather than support her on the issue at hand directly, can you send an email to the head of admins praising her work generally (copying her)? Obviously, clear it with your secretary and make sure you know the full story of why she’s on the PIP before doing so.

      Good secretaries are hard to come by, so I understand wanting to do everything you can to retain her.

    5. as an employment lawyer, i would caution you from getting too involved. often i see do-gooders (and i don’t mean that pejoratively) getting involved with employee disciplinary matters that they know nothing about. It is not helpful to the employee, and it doesn’t actually help in the long run. fwiw most disciplined employees feel that the write up was for BS reasons. i would stay out of it, at least as long as you don’t know the other side of the story.

      1. +1 – when I was at a firm, I worked with HR on employee disciplinary matters, and I’d say 9 times out of 10 matters involving legal secretaries related to time reporting or other policies that are very important to protect the firm but wouldn’t necessarily impact the lawyers being supported. To take one example, you might think it’s BS if your assistant is getting in trouble for staying 10 minutes late to help you get a filing out the door — that’s great service! — but, if she’s not reporting the time properly, the firm is violating wage and hour laws and could be exposed to huge penalties. Or another: it might seem really stupid that your assistant needs to go to a training on some seemingly pointless topic when you’re in the middle of a crunch on a matter, but the firm may need to certify to its malpractice insurers that all staff has been trained.

        None of this is to say that you can’t share positive feedback with your assistant’s supervisor if your assistant is okay with it– but acknowledge that you don’t have the full picture.

  20. I am wondering if anyone who lived in a tiny apt with their partner for years before moving into a house can give some perspective. DH and I (and our dog) live in a 3rd floor walk up that’s about 850sq ft. Our appliances are not full sized, so we always have dishes and laundry piling up. We have 1 small front closet for coats/storage. We share 1 standard size closet and dresser for our clothes. The recycling and trash bins for our building literally fill up halfway through the week. What I’m getting at is our little apt is in a constant messy state- not dirty, just messy. We are thinking of buying a house, but DH’s hesitation is, if we can’t keep a 1BR apt in order we can’t handle a house. My position is the lack of space is what is making it messy. Has anyone experienced this transition that can comment? TIA

    1. I suspect you have more stuff than storage. Can you rent a storage unit for a while, put some things in it, and see if it helps? I also found it helpful to spend 10 minutes a day cleaning – it really helped with the dishes and other small jobs. (It takes me 2-3 minutes to empty the dishwasher; before timing it I always put it off because I thought it took 15 minutes.) Source: I lived in a similarly sized condo with a spouse and a dog.

    2. It’s both. There’s no reason for laundry and dishes to pile up. Wash your dishes by hand every time you finish a mean and do laundry more frequently. But it’s absolutely easier to keep things sorted with a little more wiggle room.

    3. It’s both. A bigger house is more work to keep tidy but it also gives you more options for storage. Whether apt or house, the key is for each item to have a place it belongs. And don’t own more stuff than you can fit in your space. If you are messy in a 1 bedroom, it will not magically get better in a larger space. DH and I started in a small 1 bedroom apt then a small house, now a largish 4 bedroom with three kids. We were messy when we owned less stuff and blamed it on the lack of closet space. Now we blame the kids but really we just own too much stuff and we need to konmari it all because the mess does not bring me joy.

    4. 850 sq ft is plenty of room to have full sized appliances and much more storage. Unless you guys simply don’t have a cleaning schedule, the issue is the apartment structure, not the size of the home. I’m having this issue now – nearly 2000 square foot home with half size stacking washer dryer, smaller size fridge, no linen or other storage closets, and no built in shelves – and it results in the same problem that you have. We just don’t plan to stay in this home for that long enough to do remodeling.

      1. +1. Our house is 2000 sf with a bunch of tiny rooms, ridiculously small closets, and no laundry room. We had more storage space and an actual laundry room in the 1200 sf apartment we lived in before buying the house, which was a lot easier to keep neat and clean.

      2. This. I have lived with my husband in apartments/condos ranging from 600-1000 sq feet. We never had storage or cleanliness problems, and always had full size appliances (albeit stackable washer/dryer). You may need to buy some storage solutions and simply do dishes/laundry/trash more often. You may also have too much stuff – we admittedly have very little stuff.

    5. I’ve lived in a 350 sq foot apartment (no laundry on site) with a partner and a cat for 3 years and had minimal problems keeping it clean and tidy. You need a better routine and maybe to declutter some stuff. Try writing down a list of all the chores that need to be done and figuring out when they should happen. Adjust as needed. I keep a checklist in my kitchen for mornings, evenings, and weekends. It really helps.

    6. This seems like a very narrow focus. Is cleanliness so rigidly important to one of you that you’re willing to stunt your life progression (if this is how you define it) until you figure this out? There are so many reasons to want a house, I’m worried that the cleanliness is being used as an excuse for other issues. For two young professionals, I would expect to eventually be making enough money to hire a cleaning service.

      That said, DH and I bought a 3300 sq ft house in our early twenties with our two dogs. It was a complete disaster, way more space than we could ever use or care to furnish. We had three rooms and a basement entirely devoid of decorations or furniture. Our mentality was decidedly not a nesting one. I never had a stable (in terms of location) home growing up and the idea of buying furniture just to spend effort getting rid of it during a move was ludicrous. DH always defaults to me on big decisions so he didn’t do anything about this either, so we just lived with empty dusty rooms. At one point we discovered some dog poop in the basement that was maybe years old. Fast forward to now and I would LOVE a 3300 sq ft house now that we have kids. So plan for the right season in your life, but maybe have a deeper conversation about what you both want out of it.

      1. I really agree with your first paragraph, even more so knowing that this is the same poster whose husband doesn’t want her sleeping on the couch. He sounds like he has some issues.

    7. So… a mess in a small apartment is really untenable. My DH and I live in about 500 square feet, and everything has its place, because if anything is out of place, it will be in the way. I would work on training yourself to immediately put things where they belong. It was difficult for me at first–we downsized and I am *not* a tidy person, but I’ve habituated myself to it.

      If it’s truly that you have too much stuff, get rid of some of it. For clothes, I have a “one in, one out” policy.

    8. I suspect you need to get rid of some stuff and do laundry and dishes more often. I’ve always lived in small spaces (850 square feet for two people is huge to me!) and the key to happiness in my space is a) not acquiring stuff and b) ruthlessly getting rid of stuff. It also helps to occasionally reorganize.

      I don’t think more space will fix your problem.

    9. It’s definitely harder to keep things tidy when you don’t have a lot of storage space, but it’s also sometimes the case where you get a house big enough for what you do have, but then you keep getting more stuff because hey, more room for it all! I would give him practical examples of why a bigger place would be less cluttered – more closets, more room for shelves and drawers and other furniture used for storage, ability to build shelves into the walls in some rooms or mount them to the walls without angering the landlord, plus a basement and attic for long-term storage of seasonal items, etc. But maybe gauge if he’s worried that you’ll accumulate too much stuff and face the same problem you have now.

      But I would also ask him for clarity on whether his concerns have to do with clutter or actual dirt. I would be concerned if we could barely keep the floors clean in our space, and wonder how we would manage even more floor space. If we could barely find the time to clean the one small bathroom we own, how would we manage a bigger bathroom, or two bathrooms?

    10. You sound like the OP from yesterday whose husband took calls until 4 a.m. and resented you sleeping on the couch. If that’s you, I encourage you to buy a house. The peace of having more space to keep sleeping and working separate will make a huge difference even if mess is stressful for you.

        1. OMG MOVE! There is no amount of Konmari’ing or organized storage that can help. Your DH needs a home office with sound proof panels on the walls (buy at home depot) if he is taking conference calls until 4am on the regular.

        2. Oh hi! I was going to suggest yesterday that you get a bigger place but I figured it wasn’t an option. DH needs an office! If he’s working from home until 4 am he needs a good set up to support that.

        3. You guys definitely need a house and it’s weird that your husband is so opposed to it.

    11. This is not so hard. Wash your dishes after every meal and put them away. Put all food away after every meal. Put all your clothing away every evening. If it will not fit in the bureau and closet, get under bed storage bins. If it still won’t fit, get rid on some of it/put it in storage. If you don’t have time to do these things, find the time.
      Do more loads of laundry, and don’t let it pile up, and fold and put it away.

      If a small apt is messy, a big house will be messy. Declutter aggressively, and then be neat. It is a habit, not a talent one is born with. My husband and I have lived in small spaces, and the need to be neat gets old, but it is the only way to go.

    12. I lived alone in a 2000 sq ft house and it was so clean because I didn’t own enough stuff to mess it up. You need space.

    13. I do think you need some more space, but not too much more. 1200 sq feet? Some good storage solutions, purging, and room to move a vacuum between furniture so cleaning is not a nightmare is crucial. That said, a bunch of unused extra rooms is wrong on many levels. Also, consider your tolerance for maintaining a yard and outdoor space and get a right-sized property.

    14. I live in a 200 square foot apartment I don’t have dishes, laundry or junk piling up. You need to be better at tidying. “A place for everything and everything in its place” really takes on new meaning when you live in a small space. But that said, it’s perfectly reasonable to want a house and it’s not like you need to go from a small apartment to a McMansion. There’s a happy medium.

    15. We did this recently and it was great, yes the house is more work but having a home for things has cut down on so much clutter. I felt we used to need to move things around to have visitors staying etc. It was some work to declutter before the move and then to allocate a home for everything but it’s made a huge difference.

    16. It’s both. I lived in a 275-sq-ft apartment with my SO for 3 years. Then we moved to a 1000-sq-ft apartment, and it felt like a mansion, until we had a kid. Now we have a kid and live in a large (2700 sq ft) suburban house, where we hope to stay forever.

      TBH, the hardest place to keep clean and tidy was the 1000 sq ft apartment. The 275 sq ft apartment was so tiny that we didn’t have room for much stuff and pretty much had to keep up with dishes and laundry just to be able to eat the next meal there. In the 2700 sq ft house, there’s tons of storage, so there’s a place for everything and enough space to set up systems to keep the house from getting too messy. In the 1000 sq ft apartment, we weren’t as ruthless about stuff as we were in 275 sq ft, but we still had tiny closets. Adding a child and losing an “extra” bedroom meant we had too much stuff crammed in, and it was very stressful for me.

    17. More space absolutely makes it easier to keep things both tidy (less clutter) and clean (less dirt.) If you have one closet for stuff and one for the vacuum, it’s easier to put things away and get the vacuum out when you need it. Yes, you still have to manage clutter, but I’ve lived in shoeboxes where the place for everything was visible and it sucked.

  21. K. I’m wondering how those of you (particularly those of you who work mostly with men) deal with stripper talk etc.

    I find the vast majority of people I work with (men) are 100% against anything to do with strippers at least publicly because we live in a pretty Mormon area. And I see that being respected. But I feel like it is completely different for women.

    A few days ago someone called me before work about a weekend party at a strip club out of town which I shut down pretty fast with a “this is inappropriate, never call me again about this”. And a few people are super offended about it.

    Any thoughts? Like is that where society has now reached? That when a man from work invites me to a strip club at 9 AM I have to politely decline?

    I’m just really annoyed but I don’t want to make it a bigger deal that it already seems to be.

        1. Lol. It’s the Internet. You do you.

          I don’t have anything against Mormons. My Mormon coworkers maintain boundaries that I’m comfortable with for one thing and that’s super nice.

    2. You being uptight about strip clubs is old fashioned, but wtv, right for them not for you.
      Being asked to go to a strip club by a colleague is inappropriate in all work settings unless you work at a night club.’
      Snapping at a coworker and hanging up on them for being asked to go instead of politely but FIRMLY declining is also inappropriate. They asked you to attend, not strip at work. Your response should have been “no I don’t want to go and I really don’t think that is the sort of thing you should ask a coworker about. If you want to connect over coffee or something during work hours, let me know”. Instead you yelled at them like a child, you both were in the wrong here, you only slightly less so than your coworker.

      1. I firmly disagree that it’s “uptight” or “old-fashioned” not to want to be invited to a strip club by a co-worker. It’s incredibly inappropriate and he deserved the response. She wasn’t in the wrong at all.

      2. Hmm.

        I’m not stupid. There are strip clubs where I live so someone must frequent them and odds are many of the men I interact with do. And I know that guys from work go to them sometimes.

        However I really don’t want to have these discussions with people I work with. I get that it seems immature but I still don’t want to discuss going to the strippers at 9 AM. I definitely should have handled it better just for self preservation purposes. I had honestly forgotten about the party and was just super annoyed in the moment.

        1. I think that’s fair to say. “You know how some people don’t like to mix business and leisure? I’m one of those, especially when it’s THIS kind of leisure. Please leave me out of all of these kind of conversations and events in the future and don’t have the conversations around me.”
          Never ever mention it again.
          If it gets brought up around you, then take it higher (manager, HR, whatever) but if this is a one-off, then you’ve shut it down.

    3. What now? You are being invited to strip clubs by men you work with? That’s….not acceptable.

      I worked for a couple years as an associate on a case involving a dispute about the ownership of various business, including a strip club, and I was never invited to said strip club.

    4. To make sure I understand the situation…a coworker invited you to a weekend party at a strip club? Even though you live in a conservative area where this would be highly frowned upon? I DON’T live in a conservative area and I have never, in my 10+ years in a male-dominated profession, been invited to a strip club by a co-worker. Nor have I even heard co-workers discuss going to a strip club. I don’t think this has anything to do with societal decline – I think it just means you know someone who is an inappropriate jerk. And you handled it fine.

      When you say that people are offended, do you mean that they’re offended by your response or by Strip Club Guy?

      1. It’s a birthday party at a club which is a high end strip club out of town. Like, you would know from googling the location in about one second that this is a strip club.

        There were invites set out through Facebook messanger and I basically ignore those kinds of messages. Like, I don’t respond. I do that on purpose because I feel like one day everyone involved in this will get into trouble and I can just say I never engaged.

        I’m assuming there were many non replies or something because someone started calling about it two days before the party the same way you would call you to confirm RSVPs at a bowling party.

        And I was super rude but I was annoyed that this was at 9 AM lol. I was trying to get my kid dropped off at school. I’ve also never gone with them to a strip club in town. Can’t even remember the last time I went out with work people for drinks.

        Anyway the birthday guy and the guy who called both aren’t speaking to me and I know the girlfriend of birthday guy is furious with me. Oh well.

        I dunno, I feel like I’m entitled to make it to 9:30 AM without talking about strippers. Like a lot of the outrage was why are we having this conversation at 9 AM with my kid in the car kindly go away lol.

      2. What? Where do you work? And in a high Mormon area? Is this a joke? That is disgusting.

        1. Yeah. I’m not surprised most people declined (it sound like three people out of like twelve invited went). The distance also was an issue probably.

          One of my good work friends declined immediately (he’s not religious) and no one is mad at him so I feel like this is somewhat unfair.

    5. I can’t imagine wanting to see anything raunchy with anyone I work with or why anyone ever would but I’d probably laugh it off and say “not for me” rather than be acutely offended. But I’m not super woke on feminism, I’m sure I’m missing the offense.

      1. It was 9 AM and I was dropping my kid off at school on day two. TBH there were a lot of issues going on with my kid not wanting to go to school etc and the call was kind of like the stupid straw that broke the camels back.

        Like I get that many people have nothing going on before work but it’s my most hectic time.

        I would have probably handled it better at 11 AM. At least I didn’t swear because my kid was in the car lol.

    6. Good grief. I would just laugh incredulously and scream “OMG THAT IS SO GROSS! NO!!!”

      I feel like anybody who extends such an invitation deserves whatever response he gets, you were fine, the people who are offended are weird, and it will probably blow over.

      And… ew.

      1. Lol right? I 100% believe in RSVPs and whatnot and politely declining but like I feel like anything involving a strip club doesn’t involve the rules of etiquette.

        Like on some level I feel like I didn’t agree to be part of this kind of discussion just for working at a job and that this is just gross.

        Like it’s not the same as a work BBQ or golf or something.

    7. The only time I’ve been invited to a strip club by a coworker (a woman, fwiw) was during a conference in a party city at about 3 am when everyone was extraordinarily drunk. The group (including me) attempted to go… but going anywhere with a bunch of drunks is basically like herding cats; everyone just sort of wandered off before we could successfully walk to the strip club.

      TLDR I would not be offended by a spontaneous, drunken, very late night invitation to a strip club. I would absolutely be offended by a planned, sober, daytime invitation, and I have never received such an invitation.

    8. Nope that is insane.

      At a more lax workplace a woman was getting married and several coworkers threw a bachelorette party for her at a male stripclub, I thought that was where your post was going. Lol.

  22. What are your go-to side dishes for fall? I’m having friends over (11 adults and 5 kids) in October and I can’t think of what to serve on the side that pleases everyone, is easy-ish for me, and at least comes close to checking the Veggies box. Thanks for any ideas!

    1. Not a vegetable, but I recently made Pioneer Woman’s “The Bread” (halved the butter and it was still amazing) and it was a huge hit and so cheap & easy. I also like her lemony green beans.

    2. Roasted brussels sprouts is my go-to. But I choose my veggie based on what else I’m serving.

      1. FYI, green giant makes a microwave-in-the-bag version, in case you’re as lazy as I am.

    5. Do roasted brussels with olive oil, salt and pepper in oven at 450….for the kids, also do some roasted sweet potato wedges….

    7. google real food whole life sheet pan sweet potato hash. i often subsitute butternut squash for the sweet potatoes because i can find that cut up and i dont do recipes involving lots of cutting. it tastes like a better version of thanksgiving. even my mushroom hating husband and kids loved it

    8. My absolute favorite is delicata squash halved lengthwise, then scoop out the seeds, chop into half inch wide slices, toss in olive oil, roast at 425 until they get good and brown and melt in your mouth. Even my picky picky SD will eat this! They are amazing.

    9. Squash in the slow cooker with a little bit of butter and real maple syrup yum

  23. You’re both right. It will be easer generally to have more space. However, your house keeping habits will also follow you to a bigger home. Gently, it might make life better to work on your routines. Why are your dishes piling up? It takes five to fifteen minutes to unload a standard dishwasher. There is no need for dishes to pile up. Same with laundry. It shouldn’t matter the size of the machine; you do laundry until it’s all clean on laundry day. If it’s piling up you need to do it more than once a week. Also this garbage situation is bad, but you’ve talked to your landlord/manager I assume.

  24. I’m traveling across the country tomorrow with my husband to meet two of my best friends and their SOs for a long weekend. While I should be excited I’m feeling incredibly nervous and guilty for leaving my two little kids (1 and 3). They are staying w grandparents and I know they will be safe and have fun, so that’s not the issue. I already traveled to a wedding earlier in the year without them for a long weekend so I’m feeling guilty for leaving again and not at all like I “deserve” this trip or a break. Advice for getting over it and enjoying the weekend? I known I’m lucky for even getting to go and having child care I trust but I’m struggling and want to be able to enjoy the trip (since we we definitely going at this point)

    1. Time away from your kids allows you to come back to them in a positive and happy headspace and can revive your parenting energy. Enjoy your mini-holiday. They will have fun being spoiled by grandparents and everyone will be happy to be back together in a few days.

    2. It’s only a long weekend. They will be fine. Enjoy your trip and try to remind yourself that you are still an individual with interest and goals and needs that have nothing to do with your kids.

    3. You have literally nothing to feel guilty about. Bet your husband doesn’t. You’re a mom – that does not negate everything else in your life.

      So just go. Get boozy, dance, have loud sex and do not worry about your kids. Worry about yourself.

    4. Re-frame this. My kids are going on vacation/staycation to visit their grandparents. How great that they get to spend time in this special relationship. They will have so much fun and it’s awesome that they have so many people who love them and want to spend extended time with them. It’s great that we can schedule our trips at the same time.

      2. +1

        My kids BEG for a long weekend with their grandparents. At 1 and 3, they preferred the comforts of home (and especially their grandparents house) to any vacation we could have taken.

    5. Don’t feel guilty!! It is healthy for your kids (and you) to have some time apart. While your kids are probably too young to remember, it shows your kids that it is normal to have a life outside of being a parent. You’re also giving your kids a very special gift – time with their grandparents (who won’t be around forever).

      And if you feel like a terrible parent, my 2 year old daughter has spent 3 weeks with my parents in another state this year alone (1 week just because my mom wanted to spend time with her, and 2 weeks because my husband and I went on an international vacation without her). This doesn’t include the 2-3 weeks she spent with them last year so we could go on two international vacations. The first time we traveled I felt guilty, but now? Zero guilt. My marriage and my mental health needed these breaks, and my parents (especially my mom) needed that time to build a relationship with their only grandchild.

  25. I was surprised to see someone comment yesterday that the J Crew Going Out blazer wasn’t formal enough for an interview, if paired with a matching skirt. Really? I just bought one and really like it and it seems plenty formal. What does everyone else think?

    I do have a question about the bracelet sleeves, though. What’s the difference between bracelet-length sleeves and sleeves that are just too short? My immediate thought was that they are too short, but maybe it looks intentional? Wearing with a short-sleeve shell as I type and wondering if I shouldn’t have taken off the tags.

    1. I think the lack of formality relates to the textured fabric more than the style. The same style in a suiting fabric would be plenty formal.

      1. +1, the black and white tweed isn’t a traditional interview fabric. I didn’t actually realize the other non-patterned-styles had matching pieces. The gray is slightly less formal than the navy or black given the texture of the fabric, but if there is a coordinating piece in the navy or black, 100% interview appropriate.

      2. Yes, I was the one who said I wouldn’t wear it for an interview. The style is fine, but I would only wear a wool suit to an interview. At least in law and finance. Can’t speak to other industries.

        1. I think even the stretch twill is too textured for an interview. I am less concerned about the bracelet sleeve unless you have really long arms that turn it into a 3/4 sleeve.

          1. Thanks! I think I will go for an actual suit to be on the safe side.

    2. The 3/4 sleeve length also reads more casual. It’s just not an interview suit for most offices. In a place where you’d expect to interview in business formal, I would not.

      1. Didn’t even think of the sleeve length! Thanks! Guess I will need to get an actual suit just to be on the safe side (plus it never hurts to have one on hand). This is why I need this comment section.

      2. But it doesn’t have 3/4 length sleeves. It has bracelet length sleeves. The photos are a little misleading, as they have them pushed up on most pictures of the model. But if you look at the last picture, you can definitely see they’re (almost) full length. I did a search of old comments on this site and some people loved bracelet length sleeves while others didn’t.

      3. Yeah, it’s definitely bracelet sleeves unless you have really long arms. I find I fit right in wearing them at formal meetings. I actually prefer having my “own” style of jacket rather than just wearing a smaller version of menswear.

    1. I’m not into it. But shrug, I’m a Point or nothing person because I hate the way totally round toe flats look. And if I was a sneaker I’ll just wear nike flex contact or something like that. A lot of people seem to like Chelsea shape in general though so if that’s you I think you’ll prob like them.

    2. These don’t read like Chelsea boots to me at all. They look like sneakers, and they’re cool sneakers, but calling them a boot seems odd.

  27. I bit the bullet and bought a going out blazer and…I am deeply disappointed. The material and stretch are great, but the blazer has made me realize how much I hate bracelet length sleeves and an uncloseable jacket. Also even though I’m petite, the petite length on the sleeves is way higher than bracelet length – I feel like the jacket shrunk but I have not even worn it. It’s an awkward not bracelet sleeves and not 3/4 sleeves.

    Is there a J-crew option that is similar but with full length sleeves?

      1. wow! I love this Gibson blazer…what size did you get? I wear a 10 or 12 – would you suggest Medium or Large?

        1. I would get a large. Same size as you, and I find that Gibson runs on the smaller side.

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