Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Stripe Tech Knit Skirt
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Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
- J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
Relocated to a new higher cost of living city for my job, and we’ve decided to rent for at least a year because we are unsure how long we plan to stay here (maybe only 2-3yrs but maybe longer) and housing values are a little unstable in new city (you’re not “guaranteed” to make a profit as a seller here, like you are in some markets). I finally sold my home in the low cost of living city we moved from, and I’m at a loss for what to do with the cash proceeds from that sale (~$130k). Just stick it in a money market account with the highest interest rate I can find in case we decide to stay longer and need to buy in short term? Put a small amount in a vanguard fund with the principal kept in cash? If we do stay in new city, we would need to access ~$100k for a 20% down payment on new home, so I could put 100k in a money market and the rest in investments? We have no debt and retirement accounts are all in a healthy place for our age (mid 20s).
We have house proceeds that are in short term CDs right now while we’re lining up everything to build. Short as in one month at a time because we’re not sure exactly when we’re going to need it for financing. We’re not making much on it at all actually, and if it was just me I honestly might have just left it in the savings account, but my broker took care of everything and there was no fees so I figured sure I’ll make $75 (or whatever it is).
If you invest it be careful how that will be taxed on any gains when you pull the money out to use it for the down payment. If it was me I would stick it in a high interest savings account (Goldman Sachs Marcus, for instance) and just let it grow a little bit until you need it.
I’m about to be in exactly the same situation and will probably put the proceeds in an Ally no penalty CD, at least until we have a better idea of how likely it is that we’ll be buying a house in the new VHCOL location.
Per our FA’s advice, The Hubs and I have cash amounts that are on a six month to two year “need horizon” in a tax-free bond fund that is generating nice returns. Bonus: our FA does not charge a fee for management of these amounts as he would on money in equities/equity funds/other amounts.
This reads “circus tent” to me. Definitely a pass.
I was going to say it’s the perfect skirt for attending the local 4th of July activities in your area!
Funny you should say that! I spoke with my friend Myrna who says it look’s like a clown suit to her. She would never wear this even to a picnic on July 4!
I feel like any time the model is wearing tennis shoes, it’s questionable whether the clothing is appropriate work attire. I take my cues from how the professionals style the item.
Dang girl, use your imagination a little!
Perhaps you don’t work at a video game company like me. That’s work. It’s just not your work.
Agreed. I can’t believe that someone would buy it for $250. You would need to pay me at least that much to wear it.
Ha, I actually like it! Statement piece for sure, but the multiple blues keep it from being too “loud.” I can definitely picture it in the office with a black or white top as described, but feel like it’s for taller ladies only – I’d be overwhelmed.
I love it! I’m tall and midi styles look great on me. I also have a bold and colorful style and don’t work in a conservative office setting.
+1
I really like it too, but I’m on the shorter side and couldn’t pull it off.
I am short also, and do not want to call attention to my tuchus, which is what these pajama type skirts tend to do. Dad calls me parachute tuchus nowadays so I would not buy this one.
I’m on the tall side, and I think I could rock this look (no tennis shoes, though).
I’m going to say that I really don’t like it, and then I’ll probably want this in a year.
Signed, someone who has a tendency to dislike new trends and then gets on them mid-cycle because she’s overly influenced by culture. :)
This is me 100%. I swore on my life I’d never wear a jumpsuit and now I have two and am considering adding a third, more “formal” option.
I do this all the time. I came across an old social media post where I said I’d never wear open-toed booties because they were weird. I LOVE open-toed booties!
Me too! All the dang time. Usually I start liking them about mid-cycle, hem and haw for a while, and then pull the trigger just as they’re about to go all the way out.
I see circus tent as well but for some reason this one doesn’t strike me as much circus tent (maybe due to less repetition of color) and more “fun swirly” skirt:
https://www.lulus.com/products/end-of-the-rainbow-multi-striped-midi-skirt/735072.html?utm_source=Connexity&utm_medium=PLA&utm_content=735072
I like this option a lot better because it doesn’t have the black waistband, which looks cheap to me.
I’m in Silicon Valley, and I’m always looking for clothes that say both “professional” and “young and not stuffy” (without straying into “mom clothes,” always a hard line for me because I am actually a mom). This looks like a great option.
I also bought the red dress from yesterday —- Elizabeth, you’re knocking it out of the park for me! I am not Kat’s body type so her recommendations never worked for me.
Please report back on that dress!
I wanted to second this! Elizabeth, you’ve done a great job with your picks, and I have liked almost all of them!
This looks like something a younger woman might wear in a somewhat lowkey office (tech startup, maybe a marketing firm, fashion magazine, etc.), I agree it’s not really what this blog’s target audience typically shops for.
Interesting. I am old and think it would be fine worn with a classic white blouse, the stacks of pearls I wear in summer and some classic pumps.
How do you negotiate a raise when you know your boss is going to point out that someone else (who does not have the same qualifications) happily worked at the current salary you are at? It’s also a nonprofit environment without a ton of room to negotiate. Any ideas would be welcome .
Well, you just explained why to us (it’s because you have qualifications they didn’t have), so will that not get through to your boss?
Agree, plus do you have any market data for similar roles at other companies? Hard data on your performance/additional responsibilities taken on since agreeing to current salary? Have you not even received cost-of-living increases — thereby getting an effective salary cut each year?
Thanks for the responses so far. It doesn’t seem like it will – in such a small nonprofit environment, there seems to be an expectation about accepting below-market (even below non-profit market) salaries. It’s also a low COL area and the boss has said that people don’t need a lot of money to live there. Just need to figure out how to handle the negotiation given those constraints and the fact that the other guy was indeed willing to settle.
It sounds like the other guy is no longer there, so it sounds as though the employer found him unsatisfactory or he did not, in fact, settle but chose to move on.
Do you have information about what others in similar positions at other orgs make, i.e. what the going market rate is for your position, that you can cite? Just because your colleague was willing to accept below-market pay doesn’t mean that you are or should be. And it carries the implication that if your current employer won’t pay you appropriately, you can find another position that will.
Ask a manager deals with this.
I will add….Gently, while you strategize the ask, you embrace a plan b to exit. If you are met with a hard no, your plan b can be enacted more easily.
+1
Ramir sethi has great YouTube videos on how to negotiate. I’d try to start away from comparisons and focus on the value you bring- why should you be beholden to someone else’s crappy negotiating?
This is why retention at non profits, and especially small nonprofits, is so low.
Do your qualifications mean you can perform the role better or have more responsibilities than the peer without them? If I’m your boss, I don’t know that your qualifications mean as much as your output. So, if you and peer are doing the same job at the same level, then what is the argument for paying you more?
+1000
I’m having so much anxiety about work. Without going into too many details since I don’t want to out myself, I am able to do a lot of different types of work, which is probably why they’ve kept me around so long (I’m not a lawyer). I do not specialize in any one thing, but you can throw me on a project and I’ll get it done and done pretty well. My reviews have always been excellent. But I am not a star, and I’m scared I’m going to age out of what I do well or become irrelevant. I’m not sure how much of this is based in reality and how much is just swirling around in my head. I have plenty of savings, so even if I lost my job I’d be okay for a few years. Yet the anxiety continues.
I don’t see the point in applying to another job exactly like this one and sacrificing the goodwill and political capital I’ve built up here just to say I’m doing something different. There is a certain type of job that I am interested in transitioning into, but my career trajectory doesn’t necessarily match what the hiring managers would be looking for. I feel lost and frustrated. On the surface, I have a good job and I don’t want to waste time worrying about something that hasn’t even happened yet! I can’t tell how much of my anxiety is grounded in reality and how much is just my crazy brain. Has anyone gone through something similar?
Yes, and therapy and anxiety meds helped me turn those thoughts off.
I’m in a similar boat. Lots of soft skills, but not really any hard skills that will guarantee a future comparably compensated position.
That said, have you looked to see what job openings there are? I felt a lot better when I actually found jobs that I felt like I could apply to. You could take it a step further and actually apply. Then you’ll know whether this is a real issue or not. If it is a real issue, you can take steps to mitigate it. Maybe it is getting a certification or taking a class at the local community college.
+1. Start looking around. See if you have any connections to someone working in that job you want – an informational interview might help frame your experience to emphasize transferable skills. Also think about what attracts you to that kind of position and see if those elements are present in other types of jobs.
Can you angle for projects that are more adjacent to what you want to do?
Posting here b/c the moms’ site seems to skew towards the diaper crowd.
My kids are in elementary school. B/c I work, they go to day camps in our city. We haven’t done sleep away camps yet (in our area, some are super-expensive, so that would cover a week or two at most anyway, not the whole summer). Day camps top out maybe at 6th grade for campers.
After that, do they become counselors-in-training (or something similar) or is that for high school kids? I’m not sure what they do in between 6th grade and being old enough to get a job (which I think is 14). I’m in BigLaw, so I am the women attorney here with the oldest kids (another scary thought: who will talk me through puberty? learners’ permits? the millions of magnet programs for high school in my city? the stakes will only get higher), so no one exists who is really a resource I can ask about these things (there are dads and grandfathers, and while not ill-intentioned, have no clue and talking to their wives doesn’t really help (e.g., a church program that their kids volunteer with that is 9-2, M-TH really doesn’t help out someone who works FT every week)).
So a few things. Day camps do not end at 6th grade. Maybe the ones you are in now do, but there are certainly enrichment programs, sports programs, etc through high school when they can just be left alone. Or you hire a nanny.
My 13 yo is doing an overnight camp again this year. All of our museums and art organizations have day camps for kids through high school. Have you looked there?
YMCA day camps have a program for middle school kids that is sort of like a junior counselor in training. They can also be a program aide at Girl Scout camps. Our local private school also has a full-day enrichment program for middle school kids.
Since you are in Biglaw, you can probably afford a summer nanny.
A couple options, which may or may not work for you/your kids, but ideas on the table:
– Volunteering as counselors-in-training at a camp — e.g. I managed 12-14 yr old volunteers at a mountain bike camp for years, they act as assistants to the 15-18 yr old counselors for the younger groups, check to see if your local camps have something similar? Or better yet, make your kids look around and check. In my case, you got a free season’s pass to the ski hill for the winter after you volunteered so there was some incentive. Some of the away camps do CIT programs but I think those you have to pay for.
– More generally, look into finding them a full-time summer volunteering gig. Why do they need to go to a camp? Just keep them active and engaged for the summer. Do they have any interests? YMCA? National parks? Libraries? Food banks? Community gardens? Habitat for Humanity? Church? A local political office? A local little league of whatever sport they play? A local hospital – the children’s hospital near me has a candy striper program for 13-15 yr olds. What about volunteering as tutors at a refugee office for kids?
(This is assuming you don’t need the kids to bring in money, but I assume you’re ok with that if you’re in BigLaw)
– In Canada, there are exemptions for younger teens working in specific areas. My local library growing up would hire 12-15 year olds as shelf stackers. I also had a couple of flyer delivery routes as a 12-13 yr old, no idea if that’s still a thing. Dog walking? Mowing lawns? Golf caddying? Housesitting?
– If you’re in Canada, the cadet program is great and has full-time away camp that actually pays a small stipend to the campers. Not sure if that exists elsewhere.
I remember when the Baby-Sitters Club girls were CITs. I thought it was the COOLEST THING EVER. Camps were definitely not a thing were I grew up.
OP here.
Thanks — 12-16 (driving age here) is a big black hole as far as my knowledge goes. My mom was a teacher, so I didn’t live this growing up (and we moved somewhere where we have no local family) and I’m not from this city to have a sense of what my friends with a summer working mom did. Once kids can drive, the logistics are theoretically better (can lifeguard or volunteer or work some hours at a job and then not need a ride mid-day), as are the “job” type options (no, they wouldn’t need to work, but I want them to want to work and have some of their own $ and learn real responsibilities; you learn a lot waiting tables, etc.).
We tried hiring a summer nanny, a local college kid home for the summer and she flaked with a week of warning. With a camp, you can sign up in December and it’s a commitment you can count on. So maybe now that we know some high school kids who will be college kids soon, we will have better luck with them / their friends / word of mouth, but it was so frustrating b/c I signed up for a ton of half-day camps that year (at that sitter’s request) and it was a beast to backfill childcare.
It is just a slog sometimes.
You can also look into an aupair for the summer. Lots of European teenagers take a gap year before university to travel a lot. They look for short term jobs like summer aupair to offset travel costs.
Flipping this around — do you have any friends that would hire your kids to babysit for them? When I was that age, I regularly babysat for 3-5 year olds for a few hours at a time, like mom needs to go run errands or go to some social event. The mom would normally come pick me up and take her to her house and then take me home.
That may be a thing! We have neighbors with toddlers and babies now, which is promising for the future. [Bad for my kids now, who’d prefer playmates next door, but good for future jobs.]
Or who need a mother’s helper? My 12-year-old is spending the summer as a mother’s helper to her adult cousin, watching cousin’s toddler while cousin works on her master’s thesis.
Right– but like they could watch the kid for a few hours and get $ to use to go see movies with their friends, etc.
Yeah, I would be surprised if a decent sized city didn’t have organized volunteer opportunities for middle school kids. I did a “Zoo Teens” program when I was that age. It was great – we did things like hold animals at the petting zoo for little kids to come up and pet.
Wow, I wish they had this program for adults!
I started staying home by myself (and most of my friends did also) around 7-8th grade and normally babysat my brother. I was also babysitting other kids at that age. I normally had a few weeks every summer where I would go to overnight camps, but generally I was home by myself with my brother. This was in the mid-2000s. I really don’t think I would have enjoyed going to camps all the time at that age tbh.
not to make any assumptions, but if you are in Big Law, an 8 week sleep away camp might save you a lot of headaches and might not seem as crazy expensive as you think once you factor in cost of day camp + part time nanny to get them to/from day camp, food, etc. there are also some day camps for older kids. where i grew up there was one where each day involved some kind of field trip. my parents would not let me sit home doing nothing for more than a week or two in the summer and i guess were lucky they could afford for me not to do that. i usually went away for a month and then did a day camp for a week or two and then some kind of volunteering.
I know I said BigLaw, but I’m not in a major market (and hoping to be at .75 FTE in a year or two). IIRC, sleep away camps seem to be something like 2K/week per kid, but there are minimums of 2-4 week sessions. The Y-affiliated ones are not as high as the Illahee / etc., but when 4 weeks might cost $16K for two kids (15 months apart) for just 4 of the 11 weeks of summer, I stop and pause. That is a ton of $ and I really just need for them to be a bit loosely supervised and transported, especially before they can drive themselves (and the transportation piece of the summer may be the major hurdle).
Our scout camp is very cheap, but that is a week (and b/c we are girls in boy scouts, I also have to go as a same-gender parent for now); I’m sure if all adults had to be hired that the cost would be much higher.
$2K/week is high. There are plenty of super fancy camps that run $1K/week or less. Also look into Girl Scout camp instead of Boy Scout camp. In our council, it’s less than $300/week for middle school girls to be program aides (junior counselors in training), and parents do not attend camp.
I was looking at Illahee for the $2K/week, but Y ones (Cheerio, Sea Gull, Thunderbird) are more like 1K/week.
My honeymoon was not 4K/week for me and my husband. Yikes!
Y sleep away camps in Los Angeles are less than $500/wk, and there are some really cool ones like caravans and surf ones… maybe check out other ymcas.
Is this camp at the Ritz!? My daughter has gone to three different sleepaway camps and all were ~$1k/week. And I don’t think of these as “budget” camps.
Not everyone wants to be away from their kid that long either.
It seems to be a regional thing. I cannot imagine sending my kids off for a whole summer, or longer than a week or two. I understand that it is commonplace in other areas.
For older kids, the options are often either 2 weeks or 4 weeks.
Yeah, that was NOT a thing where I grew up (mid-size West Coast city). I always assumed full-summer sleepaway camp was an East Coast thing.
I think it’s a very Jewish thing as well (I’m raising my children Jewish with a Jewish husband, so don’t flame me). I grew up in a major East Coast city and it was easily the Jewish families who sent their children off to camp, and it’s the same here in my major Midwestern city.
Yeah summer camp is a cult-like thing for Jewish families and families go to the same camps for generations. When my daughter was still in utero, my husband had figured out the year she’d be eligible to go to camp and was emailing his camp friends about it. The thought of sending her away for 8 weeks makes me sick to my stomach (I may change my tune when she’s a tween though). We’re going to start with 1 week when she’s a rising 3rd grader (the first year of eligibility) and extend from there if she loves it.
Yup, California Jew here and summer camp was like, everything. I can’t stomach the idea of my girl going now, but she’s still a baby… and her older cousins are going to start this summer, so maybe in the next few years (assuming we can get the $ together). Though I will say, when I was going, it was common for the younger kids to come for a week or two, and the full 8-week thing was for teenagers/counselors-in-training, etc.
There are a few options:
1. Enrichment camps tend to cover middle school. Things like STEM camps at a local university or science center or sports camps. Look for camps that cater to your kids interests, instead of just a general summer camp. They may be harder to find and more expensive, but they exist.
2. Sleepaway camps. I don’t make BigLaw money so can’t afford to send my kids away for multiple weeks. But we find a one week camp that she is interested in.
2. Let them stay at home alone. I wouldn’t leave my 13 year old home alone all summer, not because I worry about her safety, but because I think all she would do is watch tv. But I do think it is a good learning and growing experience to give them 1-2 weeks when they stay home. I will try to cut my days a little short, and be home by 4 or so. Since she is not getting uo till like noon, that is not that long at home alone.
3. If they have a camp they really like, you can look in to a CIT program. But I think this requires a certain type of personality, and isn’t right for all kids.
I grew up in a city and basically everyone I knew did sleepaway camp at that age. Camps have a range of prices and you can send your kids far away if you need to find a cheaper option.
Ugh! This is my life as well. First world problem for sure, but that middle school/early high school years are tough when they are not driving. I also realized that when my high schooler can drive, I will still need a babysitter/drive for the younger two since the older one has is own activities at different times. I pay a neighborhood young lady who we are family friends with to babysit/drive the kids in the summer. I also try to take some 1/2 days as well so I can be around more. That being said, I will still have to do day trips for client meetings that involve 14 hour days of flying/meetings. I tell myself the juggle is for real for us women. My male colleagues don’t even have to think about this. For what its worth, my husband travels for business as well so I handle the home front. He will pick up the slack when he is here as well. Summer is tough, but I like having the kids at home so they are not at school/extended care from 7-5 like they are during the school year.
I hear you — I was gone for 3 days last week and then had to work late one night.
I mean, I’m sorry if I’m missing something, but isn’t 12 years old old enough to stay home alone? I remember many looooong boring summer days at my house with just my sibling and me. There were strict ground rules – don’t leave (there wasn’t anywhere we could get to without parents driving us, nor did we have friends in the neighborhood), don’t open the front door for anyone, don’t tell anyone on the phone you are home by yourself, and my mom always left us a list of chores to do. This scenario wouldn’t be ideal for the entire summer but if you need a week here and there, it would also save $$$. I read lots of books. We didn’t have cable so we didn’t even watch that much tv so we were forced to entertain ourselves. Lots of playing cards together.
My son is 11 and this will be his first summer at home during the day alone. He’s been miserable at the day camps for the last several years so I figured this was the year to stop. I have enough mom friends around that can pick him up and take him to the town pool now and then (at 10 they can be there without supervision if they pass a deep water test). Or he can meet his buddies at the park in town. It might be boring for him at times, but he feels so empowered by having this freedom and responsibility.
It really depends on the kid. If I left my 12-year-old home alone all day, she would spend the whole time in front of a screen and would be a horrible cranky mess by the end of the first day. I can’t even imagine what a terror she would be by the end of the summer.
Ditto.
Maybe some kids can do that and be fine. My kid isn’t one of them. He needs structure and he needs to be around other kids – he’s an extrovert (no idea where he got it, neither my husband or I are) and he gets bummed out when he can’t be around people.
Yes. 11-12 weeks of nothing is . . . not ideal. Unless you are in a city, your kid may not be able to get to a pool, the library, a friend’s house without someone to drive them. I grew up in a city, so I could safely walk around. My kids are in a car-dependent part of a city where pedestrians and bikers are routinely killed by cars b/c drivers just don’t watch and are busy texting. I’d feel safer with them driving than walking since the first big street they’d have to cross routinely has people driving 40-50 MPH on it even though it has bad lines of sight (but you have to use the starbucks app to place your order so it is ready when you pull in). Ugh.
My two sons were both home alone starting at age 12 for the summer until they were old enough to have paid jobs in high school. Fortunately my office is a ten-minute drive away and I have the flexibility to come and go at will. With ground rules and the knowledge that I would come home and check on them unannounced (which I did-nothing like not knowing when mom might show up to keep you on the straight and narrow.) there were no issues. Yes they got bored but it taught them some good life skills- how to deal with boredom. how to find things to do to keep yourself busy and how to manage the logistics of activities independently. I personally think at this age, less structure is not a bad thing as long as an adult can monitor the situation and respond quickly if there is some kind of problem. Not possible for everyone when work conditions don’t allow it, but if you can do it, I’d say do it.
My older kids flat out refused to go to day camps after finishing 6th grade. And none of their friends went either. Some went to sleepaway camps, but many just stayed home.
They freaking love it. They sleep until noon, play hockey in the driveway with their friends, play computer games, read on the front porch, go on the bus to meet friends at the mall (over age 14), and I make a list of what needs to be done by the time I get home (their laundry, empty the dishwasher etc) or I turn the wifi off.
The older two are 15 and 17 now and I are both hoping to get part time jobs, and they will also get some volunteer hours (required to graduate) at the local food bank. Their little brother (10) will do 4 week long day camps. The weeks he is home with them (2 or 3), he will probably read and watch TV until they wake up, and then they will all torture each other until I get home.
Its not ideal, but the years between 12 and 14 go fast.
I love this because it reminds me of my own teenage summers that were spent mostly doing little or nothing–and were great.
***The Kid still is in “many day camp option” territory, so no advice on that. But if you want advice on the tween years and beyond, come on over to the Baby Bargains Board. I would have lost my schmidt long ago without the help and wisdom over there (plus, mostly snark free!).
My eldest is 11 and starting sixth grade next fall. She’s in a FT daycamp run by the school district this year, but next year, I’m hoping she can do something that’s more part-time (like just mornings or not every day) then just be on her own/with friends for a few hours. She’s done a bit of that this year – walks from school to piano or dad’s office (a few blocks away) on her own, then sometimes walks home on her own (also close). It’s a safe neighborhood though we live in a big city. I was not ready to even think about this before a few years ago, but she’s perfectly capable of this now.
I was a latchkey kid from @ 4th grade on, and had to watch my younger sister as well. Without cell phones, in a rural-ish area where we could call my mom when we got in and put leftovers in the oven. The only rule that got broken was no TV.
I’m living this right now! I have an almost-13-year-old who aged out of his preferred summer camp this year. He ended up back at our local JCC camp, where this will be his last year as a camper. Next year he can be a CIT, at that camp or a “volunteer assistant” at the camp he aged out of. Around here no one will hire kids until they’re 16 so we are thinking we have at least 3 more years of figuring out summer activities as his birthday is in August (so he’s 12/13 this year; next year 13/14, year after that 14/15, after that 15/16…unless we can find someone who will hire him at 15 there won’t be much point in him getting a “summer job” at 16 for 2-3 weeks).
We’re figuring we’ll do the CIT thing for two years and then they may let him be a camp counselor…or we’ll try to find him an educational program at our local university. As far as I’m concerned him staying home all summer without camp, classes, volunteering, a job, etc. isn’t an option…number one, that’s not real life (he will have to work summers in college to help us pay for it; when he starts working you don’t get summers off) and number two, summers are a great time to learn something, meet new friends, have growth experiences, etc. I do think kids who stay busy during the summers end up with advantages the kids staying home watching TV all day don’t have.
Look for an activity-based camp. Dance summer intensives run for all ages and you can definitely find one that will run from 9-5ish depending on the studio, etc. If they become interested in sleep-away camps, ballet summer intensives are a good place to look. Then they are doing something they are passionate about, instead of just feeling like they are “killing time.” I don’t know about other activities, but there must be summer programs for them as well.
Last night I realized that my spouse is probably having an affair. I’m just … paralyzed. It’s a busy time at work, but I’m sitting at my desk numb and almost in tears. Not sure what the point of this post is. I just don’t want to tell anyone I know in case I’m right and we can somehow get through this.
Hugs. I’m sorry. You will get through this and leave this time in the rearview mirror.
So many hugs. Can you leave work today and go get some fresh air and a coffee or do some other self care type activity?
You will get through this. Prioritize caring for yourself (and children if any).
I’m sorry, I hope you’re wrong but hugs to you.
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Big hugs to you. Perhaps an early leave is in order today.
Hugs from an internet stranger.
Hugs from this internet stranger. You will get through this, no matter what you find out.
Sending love over the internet to you. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. xxx
Hugs from me, too!
I vote mental health day today. Tell them you’ve been taken ill and have to leave.
Agreed. No use toughing it out. This will work out, either way, and you will have a lot to deal with in the middle.
I’m so sorry. Agree that you should say you’re sick and go home for the day.
A close friend wants to make partner next year (January 1). Generally speaking, her firm requires a certain number of years (tenure) at the firm before an associate can make partner. She’ll be 6 months under the norm when the partners vote this fall. Per my friend and the numbers she has been given, she is bringing in many more clients than the average associate (and in fact, more than most partners) and her collected billings are just below the average partner billings YTD. Most associates at her firm are delegated work, but she is bringing in her own clients. She’s nervous they will deny partnership based on the tenure rule, and she is inclined to become partner at a smaller firm (her clients will follow her). Anyone have any luck getting exceptions to tenure rules or other ‘this is how things are done here’? I’d like to encourage her but I’m still a couple years away from partner.
Not in law and I’m way too far away from making partner to comment from experience, but could she build support for herself among people who make that decision? Is this something that she could address with them? That’s probably what I would do a t my firm, but again way too young and not in law.
I don’t have a definitive answer to this, either, but she definitely needs to address this with someone at her firm who would know and be honest with her. Ideally she has a partner mentor or sponsor who will be able to help guide her through the process.
We’ve had this exact situation at my firm in recent years. She needs to get a partner mentor to champion her. And she needs to start that process now, not in January.
This.
Yes. And in addition to talking about waiving the tenure rule– which may prove unbendable- she should figure out what else the firm could do to make her happy. What does making partner get her that she doesn’t already have? Negotiate for that. If those needs are addressed, getting the title on a business card a year early is not worth moving firms.
Is there a reason she wants to make firm this year? Does she like the firm she’s at? Careers are long and if I were a good shot at making partner next year, I’d rather stick around at the shop I was at than jump ship to an unknown new firm just for a year extra as partner. My old firm would definitely have skipped the tenure requirement for a candidate like this if she’s that good. Current firm, no way.
I’m really confused by the idea what either she makes partner this year or she leaves the firm, when there is a “rule” that would explain why she didn’t make partner this year and it sounds like she would make it next year. Either she likes her current firm and wants to be a partner there, or she doesn’t. Leaving over a one year wait seems shortsighted.
Having said that, she needs to talk with her mentors and see how strongly the firm views the tenure requirement. And, if they may overlook it, have her mentors and supports starting backing her strongly right this moment.
Is she sure the “tenure” rule is literal 12-month periods and not class year status? Most firms don’t start associates on January 1, so typically it’s class year, not literal elapsed time at the firm, that is relevant.
Wow. She seems really short sighted. Hope she’s not up at my firm!
Vaguely on-topic with today’s post, I guess. My office culture heavily favors very bold prints. I would prefer to wear them on pants and skirts, because I’m built top-heavy, but that seems hard to find, especially pants.
Has anyone seen any lately? TIA.
This is something Boden tends to have, but not sure if they do now.
This is where you can get scarves somewhere like Uniqlo or ebay and throw on a print and not be stuck wearing it when you leave the office. You could leave the scarf at the office and maybe it will always work if you are neutral-heavy.
I don’t see why you have to wear a bold print just because other people in your office do.
+1.
+2
If I said I moved to the SEUS and it seemed like everyone was wearing cheery colors instead of dark neutrals, would you say the same? It’s similar KYO matter of fitting in vs. sticking out, but very localized.
I would still say the same thing. You should dress appropriately for the office, but you don’t have to match personal styles with your coworkers and are allowed to be your own person. Not everyone in the south wears cheery colors, either. If your workplace would penalize you for not wearing bold prints, you should be working on an exit strategy because that’s bananas.
If you can’t find bold prints (which I agree are going to be hard to find for pants, might be easier with skirts), then try for bold colors and mixing them. So bright pink pants and yellow shirt with a colorful scarf/necklace. Might give a similar feel to bold patterns.
If everyone else was wearing cheery non-neutral colors, but you could only find neutrals in the clothes that fit you and you liked to wear, what would you do? Find the types of neutrals that read as bright/cheery (blush pink and navy) instead of black and cream.
Tucker has pretty print skirts.
Anyone had their tonsils out as an adult? Mine are permanently enlarged to the point where any sickness interferes with my ability to swallow, so I’m getting them out in August or September. I’ve heard it’s just a terrible recovery for adults. Any tips?
My stepson had this done when he was . . . 16? 18? They gave him a narcotic painkiller and I think he needed it for the first day or two. I don’t know how it is for kids but he was much better the next week than the first couple of days.
One of my co-workers had hers out in her late 30s. She said it was worse than her 2 c-sections pain-wise.
I had mine taken out right after law school, about 3.5 weeks before the CA bar exam (obviously not ideal timing, but every time I went off antibiotics, I got sick again and my doctor didn’t want to keep me on them that long). I basically did nothing but sleep the first 3-4 days, and did not feel great for a few more after that, but it was not as awful as I was expecting. I got back to studying after about a week. Eating was obviously difficult initially and I got super tired of smoothies/soups/ice cream after a while. Oh, and be careful about eating crunchier things before you have fully healed. I though I was in the clear, but ended up with a post-tonsillectomy bleed which required a super not-fun ER visit. All that being said, however, life on the other side is SO much better. I used to get 2-3 bouts of strep or sore throat every year where I couldn’t function as a normal human and now, I rarely get sick.
I had them out at age 27 and it was totally worth it. It was pretty awful, but partly because I was allergic to the pain meds and throwing up (so horrible). I was not able to eat very much. Ice cream gunked up my throat and made me sick to my stomach. I tried to go back to work about a week later and got sick at work and had to come home. If you can get comfortable, take pain meds and sleep and eat popsicles. Don’t go back to work too soon. Even after all of that, it was decidedly worth it. I used to have constant infection and yucky tonsil stones, since I had acute tonsilitis at age 20 and my tonsils were a torn up mess. I rarely get sick now and I don’t think I’ve ever had strep as an adult.
No experience, but I have been pondering this option for a long time and holding off for the reasons you cite. I will be following with interest . . .
I had mine out in my mid-30s (a few years ago) and it was fine.
My ENT said that many people in my age range actually should have had their tonsils out as children but at that time there was a backlash against tonsil removal so it wasn’t done much. I do get sick less than I did before but I also have other health problems so it didn’t help as much as I had hoped.
That said, I took the narcotics for a few days and ate soft foods and I was fine. I didn’t lose any weight – so clearly I even managed to eat ok. It was easier than having all 4 impacted wisdom teeth removed. The throat numbing gargle was really helpful for taking less heavy pain meds.
I’m now looking at possible surgery to correct a deviated septum that leads to endless sinus infections…wondering how that will compare
My brother has the deviated septum surgery and the recovery was super quick- he often says he wishes he had done it sooner.
Good to know – thanks!
I got mine out in my early 20s, so a bit on the younger side, but it was nowhere near as bad as I anticipated. Much MUCH less painful than getting my wisdom teeth out. It may be worth it to read up on the differences on after care recommendations between the US and the UK – IIRC, the UK encourages patients to eat toast to help with scabbing which I think I did.
Hi all, I’m starting grad school and expecting to meet a lot of people at lectures, internships, networking, coffee meetups etc. Since some might be helpful down the road, I want to capture their information incl their field, how we met, points discussed etc. Any recs on a contact manager? Is it worth paying or is a Google Doc sufficient? TIA
I write it on the back of the business card.
+1 There is probably a better electronic way to do it, but this is a tried and true way I will actually keep up with.
I think a google doc or spreadsheet would be sufficient for this. I worked for a firm that required a CRM and I did not find it any more valuable than a simple list. The key is to pick a strategy that works from the beginning and that you keep up with over time because it is a HUGE pain to do this on the back end. Ask me how I know ;)
My preferred method is a spreadsheet and outlook reminders.
My melasma is coming out in full force this summer above my upper lip. Looking for natural solutions. Has any tried apple cider vinegar to lighten skin tone with success? Any other tips?
Why not try azealic acid and/or niacinimide if hydroquinone doesn’t work for you? Those are the 3 most trusted treatments (aside from lasers) most dermatologists would suggest. Paula’s choice has options for all 3. That plus sunblock to ensure no new sun exposure should help.
Or sure, you could play around with your fridge, but why?
N-O to Apple Cider Vinegar. Tretinoin + PCA Pigment Gel (the one with hydroquinone is best, but lots of people are scared of using HQ, so there is an HQ-free one too). Also, I’m sure you are wearing SPF daily, but in case you need to hear this, SPF! I’ve been using Skinceuticals Physical Fusion (tinted version).
Apple cider vinegar has a long scary chemical name as well. Don’t be one of those who thinks that happy easy names = “natural” and complicated chemical names = “chemical.” Everything’s a chemical.
+1 – all vinegar (whether its apple cider or not) is a 5-7%-ish solution of acetic acid in water. (so not that long and scary) That’s the FDA definition of food-grade vinegar.
My dermatologist prescribed a combo cream that our apothecary pharmacy mixes -like Tri-luma (which I think is the only FDA approved cream for melisma) but with an added ingredient to moisturize maybe?
Anyway, I found the Rodan & Fields hydroquinone toner (Reverse, i think) to be more effective. The creams clogged my pores and made me break out but the toner is light. Derm also said to only use anything with hydroquinone for 3 mos in a row then take a break.
You can also do laser treatments, depending on your skin tone. I have light skin so my sun spots and melisma responded well to laser.
I also use rentin a and (obvs) all the sunscreen all the time.
I’ve had two laser treatments with ehhhhh results. Now on Tri-Luma at night and a Vitamin C cream in the morning. Always, always sunscreen.
I bought so many things from BR, ON, and Gap with 30% off or 40% off online coupons. I’ve been waiting for a similar coupon for Athleta, but haven’t seen one in the last couple of weeks. Does Athleta not have regular discount coupons like BR and ON?
Correct, they do not. You’ll want to just scan the sale section regularly.
They occasionally do 20% off, but I haven’t seen that regularly. If you sign up for their email list, you’ll get an email notice.
They pretty much only do the 20% off for Black Friday.
Sad but true. These pieces are the workhorses in my wardrobe, though, so I will pay full price now and then.
What would you do with a girls weekend in DC? Half of us our local to Md and va? Spa and restaurant reccs please!
Not sure when you’re planning it or your group size, but I had a great time at Maydan and Compass Rose (compass rose has a private room for 8-10 people called the Bedouin Tent where they do a tasting menu for $70 pp, which I’ve always thought would be super fun).
Mandarin Oriental for spa.
LOVE that spa.
Ambar for restaurant
And ambar does an unlimited small plates menu for $35 (or $50 including all you can drink) which is nice for a group — we did this for a friend’s “bachelorette” and it was a hit!
Jaleo. Call ahead to arrange pitchers or punchbowls; they are regularly on the menu at the Las Vegas location, but you have to ask in advance for the other locations.
For those of you who crate-trained your dog, do you keep them in a crate during the workday, or just while sleeping, or did you stop crate training once the dog was housebroken?
I did not stop crate training ever. Mine no longer sleep in their crates at night (they sleep with us), but they are still there during the work day at ages 4 and 7. The 4-year-old would find “some” way to get into mischief if left all day and the 7 year old would stand on guard for the house during the whole day and bark at every living thing that dared to set foot on the street out front. Bonus is that they still love their “beds” and we have them available as an option for travel because they are still used to them. For shorter times we are away during the day they are now out of their beds with no problem. Caveat: they are small dogs who get a 1 hour walk every morning and another at night. Vet says they are perfect weights and we have no other issues with them.
I crate-trained. My dog was in the crate during the workday (I came home over lunch to let my dog out) and then also at night. I kept him in the crate both times until about a year old. At that point, not only was he housebroken but he was also past the adolescent puppy chewing stage. We gradually started letting him out of the crate in longer and longer increments and used baby gates to keep him confined to specific areas until we got more comfortable. Full reign of the house was given about 3 months after we started.
Once we knew the dog was fully trained and were confident that there wouldn’t be any accidents, and we were also sure that they wouldn’t get into any trouble (dog-proofing!), we stopped keeping them in the crate during the work/school day. For one of them, after a while we removed the crate altogether because she didn’t care for it. For the other the crate is still out because she likes her crate. She doesn’t sleep in it (though she sometimes naps there), but it’s her safe space.
Same. My little guy hides in the crate during scary times (thunderstorms, the vacuum).
We have a 4 year old lab and still have her in the crate at night (she puts herself to sleep in there at night, and for all naps). If we let her out (and we’ve forgotten once or twice) she wakes everyone up barking since she ‘guards’ the house all night. She also totally naps on couches (and tables once or twice) when I don’t crate her and I’m gone during the day, so the crate keeps her out of trouble. No worries about indoor accidents, it’s more to remove the chance for mess/trouble. At this point the crate is her ‘bedroom’ and safe space, so I don’t worry about it, and our trainer also strongly suggested it as a best practice behavior-wise for large breeds.
This. We crated our lab mix during the day and at night for the first 8 years of life or so. I was less concerned about at night, but as anne-on says, he actually crated himself every night, so I know he liked being in there. At some point we started leaving him out during the day and he had no issues – he just sleeps (although sometimes on the couch, but we’ve sort of given up on that). He’s now 13 and we just started leaving him out at night about a year ago. He seemed like his joints were not as good as he got older and he had more trouble getting comfortable in the confined space.
There is no more crate “training” but we do maintain the crate as the dog’s comfy safe space. Instead we keep the crate where they stay during the day, a closed off part of the house (via baby gate) so they have some space to stretch but not enough to get in trouble. For the most part they sleep in the crate all day.
I kept him in a crate at night and during the day when I was out. I was still in law school when I got him though, so it wasn’t a full workday. By the time I started working he was house trained but I kept him in a pen till he was about a year old. Then we moved and I gave him the run of the place. He likes his freedom and he’s never had any accidents, so it works for us.
For the first several years, they (2 puppies @ the same time) were crated at night, during the workday with a break on my lunchbreak, and for hours during the day even if I was home. After a few years, 1 dog still sleeps in hers most of the day, the other used his so little I folded it up and put it away.
We crate train when our dogs are young, but stop crating once they can handle the freedom. For us that meant the dogs were in the crate when they were alone in the house and at night). I think when they can handle not being in the crate really depends on the dog. Dog 1 (medium size mutt, maybe cattledogish?) could be left out of the crate around 1, Dog 2 (part lab, part hound) couldn’t be left out of the crate until he was 3!
I always start with letting the dogs out of the crate for short periods of time, then increase the time until I feel ok leaving them out all day. So if you leave for a short errand, leave the dog out and see what happens. If they do ok with 15 minutes of freedom, try 30. Once they can be out all day, we don’t use the crate at night unless the dog continues to go in the crate. Out of 5 dogs I’ve had as an adult, only 1 wanted to use the crate at night after we stopped crating during the day.
Our dog slept in the crate at night until around 1 or 1.5 years old, which was when he was finally completely housetrained. It took him a few more months over waking us up most nights for a bathroom break to get to the point where he can sleep all night with me or the kids.
If we are gone for long stretches, we put him in the crate pushed up against the doggy door. If he is left free in the house for too long he gets nervous and potties in the house. He’s getting better for longer stretches. But the crate against the doggy door also was the fix that finally solved our potty training issues – if left only in his crate he would even potty there.
I’m trying to find cute sandals that I can actually walk a distance in. I commute by foot about 5 miles total a day, so they can’t be super thin. Any recommendations?
I think the leather styles from Chaco are cute enough for commuting and comfy to walk in.
Rockport’s Cobb Hill line has arch support. I can walk for several hours in the Hollywood Pleated T Strap.
I’ve been wearing Naot Kayla sandals for a few years. So comfy.
Really enjoyed the video and the article on Eugene Lee Yang (tTy Guys) coming out. Find it on HuffPo.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/eugene-lee-yang-of-the-try-guys-comes-out-in-hauntingly-beautiful-music-video_n_5d07b8f8e4b03eb73ef831ba?utm_campaign=hp_fb_pages&ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000050&utm_source=qv_fb&utm_medium=facebook&fbclid=IwAR35ZPBpk5e0YjqpMJNOVUxTAa00MHgyDfSI6b5RiL9W628s93QA3LFYLoM
Need help with accessories (shoes jewelry etc) for these 2 dresses- going to a fancy wedding.
For the wedding-
https://m.shop.nordstrom.com/s/city-chic-sweet-love-off-the-shoulder-dress-plus-size/5059778
This is for the rehearsal dinner –
https://m.shop.nordstrom.com/s/city-chic-dolce-rose-embroidered-corset-dress-plus-size/4608315
Pretty! For the wedding I would pair the dress with either silver or rose gold accents.