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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.
Apologies to post two Melani items in one day — but Dillards is having some crazy sales today, particularly if you have a Dillards card. We're liking this creamy “driftwood” gray/beige suit — like the inset waist, the besom pockets, and the nice, slightly wide lapel. The jacket (Antonio Melani “Iola” Jacket) is $119.40 (was $199); the skirt (Antonio Melani “Sian” Skirt) is $59.40 (was $99) — and you can take an additional 40% off if you have a Dillards card. A.ma.zing.
Anon
Threadjack: Any great tips for pulling yourself together in the office when your relationship is hanging by a thread?
happyness
not that I’ve ever done this ;)
BUT tell everyone you think fall allergies are starting early for you.
Duck out and get a good cry in the bathroom – just let it out. Then, lots of cold water and complain about the grass pollens floating around…
You’ll feel a lot better!
Shayna
Second the allergies excuse — seems like everyone either has allergies themselves or is directly related to someone with them, so it’s an easy way to explain any smeared eyeliner and move on (and bonus, unlike blaming it on a cold, you’re not contagious which always looks bad).
Also, if you don’t have kids, and can realistically do so, I would turn off your cell phone as a signal to yourself that you’re at work, and to focus on work. You’re a professional which means checking your baggage at the door. Good luck!
surrounded by lawyers
I’m sorry, Anon. You’ll be ok though.
I’d recommend keeping it out of the office as much as possible. Don’t hash out the issues with anyone from work unless you *really* trust her and you have plenty of time to talk privately.
Generally, consider work as the thing in your life that is not going to change even if everything else might. This is a place where you are valued in a different way than in your personal life, and that can be a positive right now.
Limit the amount of texting, emailing or calling that you’re doing with “him” during work hours. Obviously we all do this anyway, but especially now when it has the potential to be upsetting, try to get some distance. You’ll talk to him when you get home. He must understand that.
Finally, I hope you have an office with a door, so you can close it when you need to. Good luck, and know that most of us have been there in one way or another.
Anon
Yes, it is a him. Hardest part is feeling that it is all my fault and trying to keep myself from picking up the phone every 5 minutes – which will be neither good for work nor good for the relationship. I know he needs space, and I hope that we aren’t over, and I hope that giving him space will let me keep him (in the past I’ve been terrible about giving space after arguments etc. which is never good for us). It just stinks. Thanks for listening :)
surrounded by lawyers
Any time.
P.S. As someone who knows nothing about any of this, I can still guarantee that it is not “all your fault.” It’s never all anyone’s fault. You do your best, and a keeper will forgive your honest mistakes just as you forgive his.
anon
This. Only one time in my dating life did I do something truly requiring of serious forgiveness. I am today married (and expecting my third child with) the man who was able to provide it. If your relationship is the right one, it will survive whatever this is. If not, well, there really will be another one.
CJ
It’s never all YOUR fault. Unfortunately, been there in the worse way. And could not stop crying in the office (fortunately I had my own office with a door). I needed a distraction in a big way. Joined a dating website after I accepted my 7 year relationship was over (even though I had no interest in dating) b/c I had a lot of friends on dating sites and they met a lot of funny guys and well, I NEEDED A DISTRACTION. Also, went to therapy where I explained why it was all my fault (which in the end was not the case at all). My point, at last, get distracted. Find a funny book to read at lunch, throw yourself into a huge assignment, take a five minute walk around the block, text a friend and finally realize if you two are really that great together then you WILL be together.
Suze
Eeep. Sorry you have to go through it. Surrounded’s advice to view work as the thing that won’t change and is a positive is SPOT ON. Hard to stay focused, though, when you are spinning through the emotional turmoil. Can you make a plan with a girlfriend for drinks/dinner/movie – anything that will get you out a little bit and force you to interact with another human (not “him”)? A little perspective might help, and a ‘plan’ will give you something to look forward to.
As far as holding it together in the office, yes, you must, and the less said the better, particularly if this is not a long (LONG) term relationship and/or if you’ve publicly been on-again/off-again.
If you can immerse yourself in a big project, that might force you to ignore the relationship thing for most of the working hours. And if you don’t have a door to close, if you feel a wave of angst/tears coming, get thee to the ladies’ room quickly and also don’t let others eavesdrop on phone conversations re this situation.
Ugh, we’ve all been there, I think – this too shall pass, promise.
Blonde Lawyer
If you find it is really effecting the quality of your work you might want to say something to the person above you like “I noticed my hours are low the last couple weeks. I am dealing with some personal issues that should be resolved shortly. I will work hard to make up the hours.” – something to that effect. A friend of mine started a new job and within a week was facing a divorce (husband was cheating leaving her for the other woman, she had no idea.) To her she would rather her new boss know that this was not the usual her and he could expect better work in the future. She said something to him, didn’t go into details, etc. He responded that he was very please that she said something and that he would consider her first few months not part of her review (or something like that.) He was also glad to know that she was missing work for court etc. and not because was a poor worker. In the end he was pleased that it was a temporary problem.
anon - chi
I agree – try not to say something if you can avoid it, but if the problem is clearly going to affect your work product or cause you to miss a deadline, I would have a short, closed-door conversation with your boss. The idea is to get across that this is temporary and you are trying your hardest to deal with an unfortunate situation.
One caveat: I’m sure this was a serious relationship, but I would NOT have a conversation with your boss unless this was a fairly long-term relationship (maybe a year or more). You don’t want your superior thinking that every time you end a four-month fling your work performance will suffer.
Another Anon
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. There has been such great advice from so many people here, and all of it is true.
I would also like to suggest that if you are truly feeling overwhelmed, please call your doctor because there might be a prescription that can help you. Lots of people think anti-depressants are either a wimpy way out, a quick fix, or will turn you into a zombie. As someone who has battled depression both with and without the help of drugs, I can tell you that it’s actually just the opposite — I was non-functional without the prescription, and once I found one that worked for me, I was able to actually face my issues and deal with them. When the little things of everyday life (getting out of bed, eating, washing your hair, leaving the house) are not overwhelming you, you can actually deal with the big stuff so that you can heal and move forward. Just my opinion – YMMV of course.
Anon
Thanks for all of the advice and support.
The hardest part is that we aren’t over. We’re struggling, and I’m hoping we don’t turn out to be over, but nothing is certain and we are still together now. So I can’t really go to my boss and give her a short version because there IS no short version.
Sigh. I’d say pass the cookies but I’ve lost my appetite :(
A-n0n-lawyer
Awww.. Anon, I’m so sorry.
My husband and I were very close to a divorce last spring, just as I was starting a new job. It was really hard. I did the best I could to put it out of my mind while at work. Whenever I just couldnt stop thinking about it, I would take a walk around the block for a minute to clear my head.
We got counseling and worked it out, and I’m so so so happy that everything is ok with us now.
Good luck, and I hope that it works out right in the end.
anon for this
Strongly seconding Another Anon on antidepressants, from personal experience. After trying to “tough it out” for months because I really didn’t want to go on pills because I thought it was wimpy, I hit bottom and got a prescription. I now wish I had done so months earlier. I was on them for about a year, am now off and doing ok. It was only with the rx that I was able to face therapy.
From that dark experience, I try to be pretty open with friends about having suffered from depression and finding help in medication and therapy. I try to own it because I hate that people are taught to feel embarassed about it, so I try to stand up and say “yes, it happened to me. I’m not ashamed of something that’s not my fault.”
What I learned and what I try to tell people I know (as appropriate) – it’s not one’s fault if one’s chemicals/hormones are out of balance. There is nothing wrong with taking medication to help you, just as you would take medication to help you with high blood pressure. Sure, you could take steps to feel better, but as those commercials say “when diet and exercise aren’t enough, prescription ____ can help.” So too with antidepressants. Sometimes you need help.
Legally Brunette
Is this woman the only model used for Dillard’s suits? Seems like I always see her and only her. As for the suit, I would have to see it in person. I’m not loving it, but it could look better on.
Anonymous
i swear to god that’s Joanie from America’s Next Top Model (she had snaggleteeth, got ’em fixed on the show).
Jay
No way is that Joanie.
Forestgirl
I agree, that isn’t Joanie.
MM
Agree it’s not Joani — but I did see Yaya on The Kids Are All Right. She plays Mark Ruffalo’s girlfriend. Boy, she is beautiful.
M
Threadjack:
My last day at my summer associate position is Friday and I wanted to write a thank you note to my mentor attorney. Any suggestions on what to include? I’m always a such a loss with these things and end up saying something really generic like “It was so educational and enjoyable, thanks!”
E
What’s the one best lesson you learned from him/her this summer? How to ask questions at a depo? How to manage multiple projects at work? Reflect carefully on it, and the cite that. I love a thank you note with a specific in it, along with the generalities.
jcb
How about something like how it was great getting to know her and thanks for the time and energy she put into being your mentor?
D
Thank her for the time she invested in you. As lawyers, time is our most precious element (as I sit here surfing the ‘net!)
D
This is a great question and one I will be facing as well. I’m assuming that a handwritten, mailed note is preferable to an email.
jcb
I’d think so, for something like this.
Erin
I’d actually leave the note on her desk or in her mailbox on your last day. I don’t want to sound like your only motive for writing the note is to get a job, but they may make hiring decisions very quickly after the summer program ends so you don’t want to wait to mail it.
Miriam
I’m in the same position except an intern with a judge. I wanted to get him a book he will like. He has a thing for the Civil War and is going to Gettysburg in August so I was thinking of getting him a book along those lines and a nice thank you card. Any opinions/suggestions?
Anonymous
If your judge is a Civil War buff, he may already have read “The Killer Angels” by Michael Shaara, but if he hasn’t, that is a FANTASTIC book about the Battle of Gettysburg. The movie “Gettysburg” was based on Shaara’s book. It tells the story of the battle from the opposing viewpoints of the Union and Confederate generals. You might casually inquire if he’s read it and if he hasn’t, then you could get him the book. Or the DVD of “Gettysburg”. I heard that nearly every Civil War re-enactor in the country participated in the filming of the movie and that many of them were in tears when they were filming the battle scenes b/c it was so significant to them to participate — it was the first time the National Parks Service had allowed anyone to film on the grounds of Gettysburg. (I used to be a bit of a Civil War buff myself.)
Erin
When you go to the visitor center at Gettysburg, you can either get an audio tour to play on your car CD player while you drive to the sites, or hire a private guide. A lot of the private guides are AWESOME and if there’s some way to purchase a gift cert for one that’d be a great gift. Otherwise, the best audiotour is this one: http://www.travelbrains.com/destinations/gettysburg/GettysburgFld.html. It’d be a great gift as well.
(Um, I may be a bit of a Civil War geek too.)
Shayna
Thank her for her time in guiding you, and if possible reference a specific project that you learned a lot from — our intern left on Friday (sigh) and he was marvelous. He came through to everyone he worked with, shook hands, and left a couple of us (who had supervised him directly) beautifully written letters thanking us for time spent walking him through various projects/processes/etc., and giving some general career insights. If you’re planning to write a note to more than one person, make sure that they’re worded totally differently because, yes, they will compare.
Jen
No real suggestion on what to write because I normally have the same issue. On my last day, my fellow intern and I brought bagels, cream cheese, and juice in for breakfast for everyone (there were only 11 people total in the office) and I left my direct supervisor a thank you note when I left. The firm I worked at was one where it was common for people to bring back a little something when they got back from vacation, everyone got a cake on their birthday, and we had a firm lunch on Friday afternoons, so bringing breakfast completely fit in the firm culture. Just thought I would throw the suggestion out there. I hope you had a great summer and fingers crossed for a job offer if you want it!
KelliJ
Threadjack…I was in need of some major down time today so I went to Borders. While there, I started going through some of the fashion books i.e., the what to wear books. So based on yesterday’s discussion of makeovers, here is my quick and very non-expert opinion of 5 of them from best to worst.
1) The Pocket Stylist by Kendall Farr ($20.00)
– Broken down by body type (only about 6 pages devoted per type.
– Sections on going through your closet, tailoring, undergarments, hair/makeup and accessories. The chapter on shopping is very good and covers everything from fit, color, trends, suggested brands, where to shop, and a good checklist of must haves.
2) A Guide to Quality, Taste & Style by Tim Gunn ($18.95)
– A close second.
– Not focused on body type or articles of clothing like other books.
– Chapters covers how a woman sees herself, who she might gravitate toward as a fashion mentor to discover her style, shopping, fit, accessories, and dressing for special occassions. A great chapter on going through your closet.
– All done with that Tim Gunn flare!
3) The Lucky Shopping Manual by Lucky Magazine ($30.00)
– Broken down by article of clothing (i.e., skirts, t-shirts, dresses, etc.)
– Within each category they discuss things like different cuts and styles, fit, how to wear with what, body type, tailoring, etc.
– Disagreed with some of their advice. Strapless tops are good for large busts?? My DDs need all of the support they can get!
4) Dress Your Best by Stacy and Clinton ($19.95)
– Broken down by body type (very specific body types) but only about 6 pages per body type.
5) The New Secrets of Style from InStyle Magazine ($29.95)
Broken down by article of clothing. If you read the magazine, don’t bother. Lots of pictures of celebrities.
jcb
I have #1 and #2, love them both and in the same order as you have them here. Thanks for the rundown! I had thought about getting the Lucky one, think I will skip it now.
RR
I have the Lucky one and really like it (not that I agreed with everything either). The part I most remember was the packing guidelines in the back of the book that I refer to over and over on putting together outfits to take on a weekend trip.
jcb
Well, now that sounds useful. I am a terrible, terrible packer.
RR
Me too. It even breaks it down into city trips, country trips, etc., suggesting types of bags and types of clothing. Love it. The whole style of the book was really enjoyable to me, but I haven’t read the two higher on the list.
RoadWarriorette
I also have the Lucky guide and love it! I have actually had it for years (I think since it first came out) and I re-read it once or twice every year.
Melissa
I love The Pocket Stylist. Used copies are available very inexpensively from Amazon!
ceb
@OP:
I actually have some strapless dresses that I think are very flattering for large busts (and I am the same size that you are). The key is
1) finding a strapless dress that has supportive structure on the inside, 2) having a great strapless bra to help with the rest, and 3) finding one that doesn’t show an ounce of cleavage. I think it helps balance things out if the skirt is a-line.
lawDJ
Totally agree. Also while I think they can be flattering (and sweetheart necklaces are even more so), they’re also still uncomfortable.
KelliJ
I agree with you about strapless dresses. I’m talking strapless tops. My wedding dress was strapless and had a lot of boning and structure so I didn’t have a problem. I have a beautiful strapless Lilly Pulitzer dress that also holds me up pretty well. But I couldn’t imagine wearing a strapless top unless it was a corsette. What kind of strapless bra works for you? I’ve tried so many and they just slide down my body. I’m big on top but a size 2 on bottom. I should also say that I need some major hardware to keeps mine up. Having a baby did a number on them. Let’s just say they are no longer perky. ;-)
lawDJ
I use Le Mystere and I order one size down on the strap and one cup size up from my regular bra. That gives me enough coverage without digging in funny places. It isn’t supercomfortable (not good for all day wear) because of the tightness but it supports them perfectly.
Anon
I agree. I wore my FIRST strapless dress ever thanks to a great supportive bra. And I am a 30E!
Shayna
Thanks for the notes! I feel like they (and by they I mean the collective writers of these books) should have books that are specific to body type. Why do I want a book that only devotes 6 pages to my body type and the other 100 to other body types? My body type is not going to suddenly change from hourglass to boyish to pear!
lawDJ
Actually, my body does change from “hourglass” to “straight” to “apple” depending on how much I weigh/exercise. Of course the ideal would be that I stay the same, and I’m working on it, but so far it hasn’t quite worked out perfectly.
Ru
I always find that reading up on other body types really helps me to understand why something REALLY doesn’t work on my body while looking nice on others. I like that full spectrum.
s in Chicago
Looks like a potential wrinkle magnet. The fabric description doesn’t give enough clue…I wish the percentage of linen was listed.
I suspect “gauzy” says enough right there.
dw
That made me nervous also. I am always afraid of linen because it is usually a wrinkled mess before I even get to the office. Even worse, any type of laundering- even dry cleaning- seems to ruin it. Yuck!
Shayna
gauzy does not equal “suit” to me!
Anon
I think I’d need to see this one in person. Zooming in makes the texture reminiscent of those little “bibs” they put on you at the dentist’s office.
Lawgirl
lol
Corporate Tool
I don’t love the sticky-outy hip pockets. It seems like unnecessary and unflattering embellishment.
nonA
I like them on the model, but I doubt I would like them on me.
Suze
Um, yeah – hips meet world! And how does the jacket really lie over those things – seems like it would be lumpy (hips meet world 2x). And I agree with prior comments re the fabric – it seems like it could go cheeesy/pill-y on you pretty quickly. Dunno about this one.
MelD
One thing I find with this brand of skirts is that the waist tends to be a little bit bigger than usual and it rides up. Even on this model, it looks like the skirt is not sitting at her natural waist. I think if it does ride up, then the pocket flap thingies will not look that great even if you do have nice, slim hips.
C2
Totally agree, I dislike those pockets even more than I love the term “sticky outy” :)
AIMS
I think this one has a touch too many cutesy details for me.
I was in Filene’s Basement this weekend and saw a really cute, perfect shade of gray, Arthur S Levine Tahari suit for $99. It had an overlapping closure line with hidden buttons and very small, subtle looking ruffle over where the buttons would be. Not sure if I am explaining that right but it was actuall lovely. Just the right amound of feminine detail without going overboard , and without looking cheap as so many “details” tend to do. I tried on the jacket & it actually fit rather well. Went to try on the skirt and it fit relatively well too (miracle for a matching suit on me!) …. AND THEN . . . saw the back: 4 hideous accordion pleats just randomly placed in the middle of the back. Sorry for the really long story . . . but it was just so disappointing, and made me wonder (yet again) why so many suit makers insist on all these needless extras on our suits! Men don’t have to suffer with this nonsense. The worst men’s suit is never going to have a bow over the pocket or weird ruching down the backside. There really should just be a rule: no more than one cutesy thing per suit.
Lawgirl
bummerrrr. I proly would’ve convinced myself it was cute and bought it nonetheless.. Once I’ve zero’d in something I like, I tend to minimize the things I don’t. It’s a sickness, I know. At least I’ve acknowledged I’m powerless to the disease (Step #1 of 12 steps…) :-D
Shayna
So jealous you were in Filene’s… the one near me closed, and I was near one while travelling this week for work but didn’t have time to flit through :-(
AIMS
The one at Union Sq in NY is absolutely amazing. Tons of stuff from Bloomies, nice lighting & atmosphere (does not feel like a “basement”) and the best view of any store ever — at Union Sq & the Empire State Building behind it.
@lawgirl — I did try to convince myself it was okay, but much as I loved the front, I knew the back would make me feel like a frump everytime I wore it. Made too many similar mistakes (Patent belt blazer anyone?) to do it again!
lawDJ
I like it!! Wish they had it in petites. I think linen being the last on the list of materials should be safe, and I like the look when you zoom in. Seems like you could wear both pieces as separates too.
Another Sarah
Thread Hijack-
Hurrah for all of us who are finished with the Bar Exam!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D Hopefully, we’ll never have to do that again… :-D
lawDJ
Congrats! I actually thought it ended tomorrow! Maybe it’s different by states.
J
why are you on the internet?! GO CELEBRATE! congratulations!
Anon101
Eww- still one more day here.
v
Heh, I was way too wrecked after the bar exam to venture outside my house though I am admittedly pathetic. :-)
Suze
Woo hoo for all corporettes who finished bar exam today! Congrats, good luck, many margaritas for each of you…oh, and btw, we missed you the last couple days :D!
KZ
yay, us! (Sorry folks who have a third day or just have their local day tomorrow). I’m going to go celebrate by getting more than 6.5 hours of sleep.
lawDJ
Interesting article about how looks influences elections:
http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2010/candidate-looks-0721.html?tr=y&auid=6707740
Lawgirl
Cute suit. Makes me wanna get a Dillard’s card. Wait, my mom who lives in the South might still have hers!
Anon101
Threadjack:
I am wearing a bra that fits today, for the first time in YEARS! Thanks to all of your advice about getting fitted @ Nordies– totally worth it!!
PS: I picked up the brands my fitting lady recommended @ the Rack for about $40 less per bra. Score!
Liz
I think I’m actually more interested in that beautiful blue blouse underneath the jacket. It’s got a great color!
Annoyed
These threadjacks really bother me. I hate having to wade through 50 comments just to get to people’s opinions about a suit. Please Cat add a forum or something. We don’t need 7 lengthy threadjacks per post.
N
Actually, I find the threadjacks an interesting part of this blog, especially for a suit like this where I think the jacket makes the model look slightly pregnant. But I second the wish for a forum, as a lot of great information/discussions get lost in the comments threads.
(I actually wrote my thesis on knowledge organization in online discussion forums, as compared to blogs, so definitely intrigued by that).
delurking
I think the thread jacks are brilliant. There are only so many times you can talk about what is essentially a few bits of material stitched together.
I also disagree heavily about a forum. After about 5 minutes it will become an insider-ish cliquey club dominated by a few rude/annoying posters. No one will read the posts (which pay for the site) and no one new will feel welcome.
It will also become less anonymous.
I say – no forum but more meet ups!
MelD
Why do you think it would be insiderish/cliquey? I think it would stay about the same even with a forum. Above the Law is unwelcoming just with the comments, and I go to other boards that are extremely welcoming. I think in a lot of the weekend (and even coffee break) threads, a lot of people end up missing out on advice because people don’t want to scroll through the first 100 comments.
delurking
Most internet communities get cliquey on some level. Forums exacerbate this because instead of responding to a question/comment on its merits, you have post history and post count to add an extra level of hierarchy.
Controversial topics which are shut down/ignored on the main posts would suddenly be threads and threads long and would reduce the camaraderie of the site. Suddenly there would be threads about Israel and Palestine and the presidential elections.
Then people (mods and their friends) would take ownership of the ‘tone’ (this isn’t how we speak around corporette, this is etc etc). Suddenly it would dissolve into insider jokes about grilled cheese and people’s kids. WSJ Juggle (in fact the whole thing) is an example of an utterly pointless comments section and it would be mad for this site to go down that road.
And from a revenue point of view it would be stupid to create a forum because people would go straight to the forum and stop reading the posts on the clothes.
As for the ‘threadjacks are inconvenient argument’, I fail to see what the problem is. Once Kat has given her opinion and you’ve seen the clothes, why do you need 30 comments saying it’s nice? This isn’t brain surgery, it’s buying a skirt. Help me understand how people are free enough to read through the comments on a shopping website but so busy that they can’t skip past the comments on other things? And apparently without reading through the 100 or so comments (even after having read the main post), they are unsure of whether they like an item of clothing?
Annoyed
Actually, it is because I am busy and frequently can’t even check the site until after 9 pm at night that I prefer to not have to wade through threadjacks. This particular thread was even more annoying because the comments STARTED with a threadjack. Usually, I just read the first couple to get a feel for people’s reaction to a piece and then call it a day. If I wanted to read about questions/advice, I would click on those posts, which sometimes I do. I just find it annoying to click on the comments for a suit and have to pick through comments to find remarks on it.
As for forums creating cliques, just don’t count posts or make people register, and it will be just like it is here. If people aren’t posting politics in the threadjacks, I don’t see how it will be any different in a forum format. As someone else pointed out, the community will dictate the tone of the forum just like it does the tone of the comments, not the format.
Anonymous
I am OK with the format generally, including threadjacks, but wouldn’t mind a forum for the weekend thread. I actually don’t even attempt to read the weekend thread any more because of the volume of comments on so many different topics.
Bonnie
I love the thread hijacks. Many of the comments would be boring otherwise. Do you really read the comments only to see how many people liked the item?
anonymous
I agree with Annoyed. I think the threadjacks should be in a separate posting. When I look at an item posted, I want to be able to easily read what others have to say about it.
75
This suit is said to have a “Gauzy” fabric. Personally, I prefer a suit which has a smooth or crisp sort of fabric.