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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 219 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Dorothy Perkins

Suit of the Week· Under $150

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Corporette's Suit of the Week: Dorothy Perkins Grey Textured SuitFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. I'll be the first to admit that I don't know much about Dorothy Perkins — but if you're on the hunt for an affordable gray suit with trendy details (peplum, narrow  lapel, colorblocking) you could do a lot worse than this one. I'm intrigued by the fact that it's machine washable — readers, have any of you put a blazer through a washing machine? I also like that it's available in sizes 2-18. The blazer (Grey textured suit jacket) is $59, the pants (Grey textured slim leg trouser) are $44, the dress (Grey textured pencil dress) is $44, and the skirt (Grey textured pencil skirt) is $35. (If you buy all four pieces, the entire suit is $182.)
dorothy perkins suit 3 dorothy perkins suit 2 dorothy perkins suit 4
(L-all)

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Comments

  1. sassociate

    wait, this is a “suit”?!
    don’t get the colorblocking
    or froufrou jacket

    my mom made me wear
    terrible crap like this way
    back in the eighties

  2. AIMS

    I have put a blazer through the washing machine! It was an old BR blazer that I saw it said that it was machine washable. It survived fine, BUT I did have to take it to the dry cleaners anyway to get it steamed (pressed?) because it was wrinkled, rumpled mess and I couldn’t steam it back to normal on my own. All in all, the cost was only a buck or two cheaper than dry cleaning, but it did get a persistent smell out than would have probably been left behind had I just dry-cleaned, so I considered it a win.

    • Susie

      Hmm I pretty much machine wash everything (because I am cheap and lazy). How is this supposed to “ruin” dry clean only clothes? I haven’t really noticed a difference. My new washer and dryer have a steam function that I haven’t tried out yet, but maybe if I’m going to wash it myself this might be preferable?

    • Baconpancakes

      Anyone ever wash a cotton suit (which would subsequently be professionally pressed)? I sweat a LOT in humidity, and I’m considering just giving up on light colored suits, since the sweat seems to react with dry cleaning agent. It turned my crew superfine cotton suit jacket pits a weird orange color. I don’t think this is JUST my sweat/deoderant, since it’s never happened on any fabric I’ve put in the washing machine.

      Similarly, my cotton suits seem to stain whenever they get the slightest bit wet (from say, a drink I’m holding sweating in my hand and the condensation dripping onto my pants, or a tiny splash on my sleeves when I’m washing my hands). Anyone know how to fix these water stains without dry cleaning?

      • Rosanne

        You should use dress shields and you’ll avoid the issue of sweat stains altogether. You can find them on line – they have a light adhesive and should last at least one to two wearings depending on how much you sweat. Another option if you are crafty and to,avoid having to continually purchase is to make them your self. Head to your local fabric store and pick up some light terry or even a thin towel or sponge cloth and cut to shape like the stick on shields. You can sew some small snaps into the lining of your suit and then just remove the shields for washing regularly. Thats a very old school solution to a common problem. I am a firm believer that high priced suits should come with shields. Good luck!

    • MH

      Does anyone ever use Dryel? A roommate had it back in college and she swore by it, and I recently saw it at the grocery store. Thinking of giving it a try . . .

      • Magdeline

        I use Dryel! It is better for freshening up suits and other dry clean only clothing between dry cleanings rather than an actual substitute, but I would recommend it.

    • RR

      I have run the jacket of a maternity suit through the wash, but the entire suit was made of some unlined polyester blend that was machine washable and somehow not wrinkleable (because it’s made of plastic basically?) like most maternity clothing I’ve owned.

      • Sadie

        I wash almost everything. Some things I hand wash, but do wash. Carefully smooth them out and dry flat. If pants had creases, find them and smooth them that way (so they dry with the crease line where you want it) Quick steam with my steamer on some items and good to go. It’s the dryer that usually wrecks stuff.

        • chilled coyote

          Agree on machine washing pretty much everything, but not putting “dry clean only” items into the dryer. I don’t feel like dry cleaning makes things particularly “clean,” somehow.

          I even wash bras and tights on the gentle cycle and then just reshape and air dry.

  3. Flying Squirrel (Bay Area TJ)

    Hmmm…I feel like I need to see the tweed in person. The “grain” looks kind of large, which I think can look a little cheap.

    Now, pregnancy-related TJ right away:

    Bay Area ‘rettes and moms or moms-to-be, I need your help. I just moved back to the area from the East Coast, and I am 15 weeks pregnant. I’m looking for any advice on Bay Area pregnancy forums, mom’s groups, prenatal classes etc. We’re living in the East Bay (tri-cities)…while I have a few friends with kids in the larger Bay Area, none of them are close enough for recommendations to be convenient to us.

    I still have time to change insurance, but I’m planning to use Kaiser. Even though it’s a little further away from where we live, I’m considering delivering at Walnut Creek b/c I’ve heard good things (Hayward would be the closest option).

    This is our first (after years of TTC and multiple IVFs), and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by the idea of new baby, new job, new city, and new house. I moved from DC where I found the dcurbanmom forum a wealth of information (if not always the nicest)…is there anything similar? Or, if there are any moms/moms-to-be near me who are looking for a new friend, I would love to meet up. Most of the groups I’ve found so far are mostly SAHMs, which means meetups on weekdays etc.

    TIA!!

    • TBK

      Just wanted to job on here and say congrats (missed saying it on the morning thread)!

      • Flying Squirrel

        Thanks! And good luck with your cycle. IF is so hard…and people who haven’t been there really just don’t understand what it’s like. And IVF is its own barrel of awesome monkeys. Even my sister who struggled with repeat losses and so was a great support during our IF journey really didn’t get IVF at all. I don’t know what your clinic is like, but given what an overwhelming change stims etc are to your body, I always felt like I was in an alternate universe; because, the staff, doctors, and nurses were so nonchalant about everything.

        If you ever need someone to e-chat with or vent to, feel free to shoot me an email: flyingsquirrel128@gmail.com

    • k-padi

      Welcome to the Bay Area! Sorry I can’t be much help re:baby-stuff (I have mom-friends but they are in Mountain View/Sunnyvale/Palo Alto so probably not convenient either).

      We are having a meet-up in the South Bay next Saturday (location TBD–I gotta get on that). Please join us!

      • Flying Squirrel

        Thanks k-padi…will definitely try to make it when you have details.

        • New to Bay Area

          I’d love to get on the mailing/planning list for this South Bay meet-up!

    • Samantha

      Welcome! I’m not in the East Bay (other side) but I’ve found meetup.com to have several mom groups for different cities here. I attended a couple of these while on maternity leave with my then infant, but my attendance dropped off after I rejoined work. They do plan meetups on weekdays, but there are a handful that try to accommodate working moms with weekend meetups. I’m happy to chat, but not sure how much help I’ll be given I’m not in the tri-cities. Oh, and I also found the birth-month group of WhatToExpect dot com very useful as it had parents with similar age kids, and whenever I had a question about “baby is doing x. is this normal?” I would go there and be reassured. Let me know if you want to talk more over email.

      • Flying Squirrel

        Thanks for the welcome Samantha! I’m at flyingsquirrel128 [at] gmail [dot] com. If you have advice/thoughts/ideas about anything baby-related (seriously, we don’t even know what might be a good store to go look at for baby gear), I’d certainly appreciate it. I’d love to go somewhere with knowledgeable staff to help us figure out what to look for in a stroller/carseat etc…and I don’t feel like a big box store will cut it. Also, since some of these things may be less regional, how to go about finding a doula and, in a few months, a nanny.

        I know that people have been having babies for all of humanity, but after so many years of figuring out how to get pregnant and learning all of the ART lingo and treatments, I feel somewhat unprepared for the arrival of the actual child! And after being in limbo so long, at this point her arrival date just keeps getting closer and closer ;)

  4. ABC

    London calling! I am going to be in London by myself for three days at the beginning of August. Looking for a hotel recommendation — I will be doing a lot of the typical tourist stuff, so somewhere that is convenient and in safe neighborhood would be perfect. I am not overly budget conscious, but I would love to find a place that is somewhat moderately priced.

    Any other must-dos would be appreciated as well.

    • Nonny

      A convenient, clean, reasonably priced hotel that my family has used on multiple occasions is the Strand Palace Hotel, near Covent Garden. They recently did complete renovations and now have some single rooms, which is a bonus if you are a solo traveller and don’t need or want to pay for the extra space. Check it out.

      • Abby

        Highly recommend Premier Inn County Hall. It’s on South Bank right on the Thames, very near the London Eye.

    • East Coast Anon

      The last time I was in London I stayed at Thistle Kensington Gardens across from Hyde Park.

    • Buckeyeesq

      I loved the lunch tasting menu at Marcus Wareng at the Berkeley. Delicious, fancy, but much lower priced than the dinner option. Also go see the Royal Mews, and if you can get tickets to Ceremony of the Keys at the Tower of London, I think it’s well worth it.

      • Ladyb

        If you’re in London in August, Buckingham Palace itself is open to the public and well worth a visit.

    • Liann

      I always try to take a walk along the South bank – “the Queen’s walk”. It takes you past several landmarks; Tate Modern and Millennium bridge, the Globe theatre, the London eye, etc. Also, it’s lovely walking along the Thames regardless of time of year. Haven’t tried it in rain though, but hopefully you won’t have to deal with that.
      I absolutely love Borough market as well, but get there early or it’ll be packed. Great place for breakfast IMHO.

  5. Penny

    Immediate TJ in which I seek the wise counsel of the R e t t e community:

    I’m an administrator at a secondary school and just found out that my DREAM JOB is up for grabs at my collegiate alma mater. It’s the same position I currently hold but at the university level and on a much grander scale (ex: I currently supervise 5 people; I would be supervising 50 people). I could absolutely do this job. It would be a challenge, but I’ve definitely got it in me — although another 5-10 years of experience also wouldn’t hurt. But I know that you never get what you don’t ask for, so I’m thinking of applying just to see what happens. The position description does not specify a certain number of years of experience, just types of experience (and I have all of those types but again, on a smaller scale).

    First, is this insane? I truly don’t want to waste anyone’s time but I have a feeling they might say, “Hey person from a small town in a small institution, WTH are you thinking?”

    And secondly, if your answer is “not insane,” how do I convey that “Hey, I’m a legitimate candidate even though you might gloss over me at first!” in my cover letter? All tips and ideas (or logical sense-talking) appreciated.

    • Huck

      Not insane. The way you address it in your cover letter, is to ignore your concerns that they will “gloss over you” and describe your bad-assedness in a direct, compelling way. GOOD LUCK!

      • Olivia Pope

        What a shameless plug Sheryl!

        But very applicable advice. GO FOR IT. You know you can do this job, now make sure they know it.

      • Hollis

        Agree with Sheryl. In her book, she says that women apply for jobs where they meet 100% of the minimum qualifications, while men apply when they only meet 60%. You are totally qualified to do this job, *and* it’s your alma mater. Don’t just apply – be sure to get in touch with someone there so that your resume gets put at the very top of the heap! Good luck.

    • NOLA

      Not knowing your specific qualifications, I can’t say if it’s insane. But, if you meet the minimum qualifications and some of the desired, go ahead! Just address really well in your cover letter how you meet or exceed the qualifications. Don’t talk about negatives. Sell it. Don’t gloss over anything you don’t have. Address what you have that could work in your favor.

      • kim

        Not insane. If you can manage 5 you can probably manage 50. Most alma maters prefer to hire alumni because they are so committed. Go for it!

    • Niktaw

      Wait, you are planning to apologize for your “smallness” in your cover letter?

      Just treat it like any other job application: emphasize what a great match you are for the job, and how excited you’d be to do it as an alumna. If they have any concerns about your experience, they will ask you (or just not call you for an interview, but let’s hope this won’t happen).

      • Sadie

        This. Approach it from a ” hey, awesome, I have all the qualifications you want AND I’m an alum!” pov, not a ‘gee sorry I’m small time” pov and you’ll be fine!

    • Flying Squirrel

      Definitely apply! I was a finalist for a job for which I was way underqualified based on experience (the other finalists had something 15-20 years of experience on me). And while I didn’t get it, the feedback I got was that everyone was really torn since they felt I could ultimately have been the best candidate, but they didn’t have the few months to spare that I would definitely have needed to come up to speed (they had very specific short-term deliverables they needed). Lack of experience doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t do a job. And it doesn’t sound like the job you’re considering would have similar constraints, so if you think you’d be great at it you should definitely throw your hat in the ring and tell them how great you are.

      Think of it this way, would you rather hire someone who’s been doing the same thing for years without growing/getting promoted? Or would you rather hire someone who demonstrates the potential (and enthusiasm) to continue growing and advancing?

  6. Help for old acne scars

    I have battled acne for decades and my skin is a bit pitted and scarred in places. Are there any laser (or other) procedures that could (even gradually) reduce this without the need to take time off from work for my skin to heal / deal with scabs? A little redness here and there would be OK, but sandblasting or deep peels (or its equivalent) wouldn’t be an option. I would just like to look a bit better and clearer.

    • Flying Squirrel

      Have you tried using vitamin C serum? I buy a pure serum (or did pre-pregnancy) from Amazon for about $20 that lasts a month or so. It really helped reduce the appearance of old scars and generally improved my skin. You have to use it nightly, but I never had a really unsightly phase or needed to take any time off.

    • Frugal doc..

      Have you seen a very good dermatologist? I would start there.

      Have you started using Retin-A? This will help some with the scars/discolorations, but I admit, that the deeper pits don’t seem to respond for me. I am also wary of any peel, as my skin is a nightmare and I can’t realistically take off a week or two for cosmetic reasons.

      There are also separate prescription grade treatments for the discolorations, but you must be careful how to combine with Retin-A.

    • lurker

      Maybe try lighter, at-home peels first? I like mandelic acid – I buy it online from Makeup Artists Choice. I have 20 years of cystic acne scars and this really helped. It’s not a miracle worker but there is noticeable difference. Good luck!

      • Sadie

        Maybe filler is an option to plump the pits rather than trying to scrape the surrounding skin down somehow?

        • Nordies Lover

          Yea, my esthetician has used filler on a couple of deeper scars. Retinol (vs. Retin-A) has worked great to fade away the others.

  7. Flying Squirrel

    Sorry if this posts twice, I’m awaiting moderation.

    Bay Area and pregnancy-related TJ right away:

    Bay Area moms or moms-to-be, I need your help. I just moved back to the area from the East Coast, and I am 15 weeks pregnant. I’m looking for any advice on Bay Area pregnancy forums, mom’s groups, prenatal classes etc. We’re living in the East Bay (tri-cities).

    I still have time to change insurance, but I’m planning to use Kaiser. Even though it’s a little further away from where we live, I’m considering delivering at Walnut Creek b/c I’ve heard good things (Hayward would be the closest option).

    This is our first (after years of TTC and multiple IVFs), and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by the idea of new baby, new job, new city, and new house. I moved from DC where I found the dcurbanmom forum a wealth of information (if not always the nicest)…is there anything similar? Or, if there are any moms/moms-to-be near me who are looking for a new friend, I would love to meet up. Most of the groups I’ve found so far are mostly SAHMs, which means meetups on weekdays etc.

    TIA!!

  8. Huck paging TBK

    You are a classy lady. I read this morning’s thread, and my heart goes out to you. You handled the snark with class and grace, and I fervently hope that you get everything you wish for.

    • Houston Attny

      I agree. I was overwhelmed by the morning thread and the different, personal, strong pieces of advice, and I’m not even TTC. (Through all the stories, there was even one from ELLEN, and I believe part of the first sentence might’ve even been on point.) This is something so personal, so loaded with emotions, and I agree with your comment – I hope TBK gets everything she wishes for. :)

    • TBK

      Thanks so much. And thanks to everyone who posted. I’m sorry I touched off such a firestorm — I certainly didn’t mean to! I did call my nurse and she just laughed and said “honey, don’t worry, you’re fine!” The one upside to this morning’s fire storm is that it drew an Ellen post and I’m still enjoying her statement about how drinking is not a good idea if you’re a MAN.

      • Marilla

        I’ve decided to start imagining Ellen as our kooky great-aunt. So she’s telling slightly demented stories from the 1950s and dispensing wacky life advice over (many) cocktails.

    • Susedna

      Heartiliy cosigned. I also missed this morning’s threads but wanted to express this sentiment and add that I always enjoy reading TBK’s posts. I always learn something (a new perspective, a new approach to things) even if I’m not 100% in agreement. But on this matter, I wish you good luck and great(er) happiness.

  9. WWYD?

    I’ve been at my small 90-person company for over a year. All of my performance feedback has been glowing so far, to be honest. The only downside is while I’m not unhappy, I’m not overly thrilled with my job. It’s just fine, but nothing I’m crazy enthusiastic or passionate about.

    A position opened up recently in our firm that I am really excited about and it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for awhile. It’s not in an area where I have much experience, but our firm has had people make similar moves before, so it’s not completely unheard of. I spoke with the person vacating the position today and she absolutely endorsed me applying for it (we don’t have a formal in-house application system). She then suggested we go speak with the hiring manager/our COO.

    Our COO said I’d be great at it, he’d totally love to have me do it, BUT that I’m too valuable/good where I’m at and he doesn’t want to take me away from my current job/team. He even went so far as to call me a ‘victim of my own success’ and said if I wasn’t as good at my current job he’d give me the position. He asked me if I’d leave if I didn’t get the new job, to which I replied that I likely wouldn’t. He then said he’d probably want me to stay where I am (but would probably give me the job if he had to choose between losing me or giving me the position). He also said my current boss (who’s technically under our COO) would probably not be willing to let me go, or that they’d possibly have to fight over me (current boss has no idea I’m applying for the new role and would probably freak out).

    What would you do, if you were in my position? I feel like I’d be A LOT happier in the new role, but I also don’t want to “go nuclear” in order to get it. If I stay in my current role to make things easier on the firm, how would you leverage this come review time?

    • Anonymous

      “COO, I feel I would be much happier in the new role” is your message. When he asks if you’re going to leave if you don’t get the new position, stay on message.

    • Eleanor

      Yikes, that is awful! I think you should go back to the COO now and either make a stronger case for getting this job, now, or ask him to discuss a strategy for your moving into a similar job in the near future. That “victim of your own success” argument is bullsh*t, especially when he said if you would consider leaving he would give you the job. Companies should treat good employees well, not force them to make wild threats (like leaving) to get what they want.

      Also, next time I wouldn’t commit to not leaving if you didn’t get the new job. Even if you would in fact choose to stay in your current job rather than quit, it could have helped you negotiate.

      • Susie

        Right, maybe indicate that while you would not quit immediately, if the type of position you are trying to apply for opens up elsewhere you would consider it because that is the type of work you want to do.

    • Anon

      If you don’t make it clear that your current job isn’t a long-term option, you’ll be stuck there forever. I would stress to the COO that while you wouldn’t immediately leave if you don’t get the new position, your professional and career development is important to you, and at some point you are going to want *new* job or something like it. I agree with Eleanor, the ‘victim of your own success’ argument is BS. They should want someone who is good at their job to be able to continue to grow in their career at the company – otherwise their good employees will look for better opportunities elsewhere.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Since you are such a valuable employee in your current position, doesn’t it stand to reason that you’d be just as valuable in the other one? I have no advice, but maybe you can try to show what kind of value you’d bring and the impact you could make in the other position and frame it as a good thing for the company as a whole. You could also be the one to train whoever replaces you so they would be on the path tobeing a valuable employee and they wouldn’t be losing your institutional knowledge if you left for a new company.

      Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

  10. Julia

    I have a blazer from Talbots that is machine washable. I have to have it professionally pressed. The only reason I don’t have it dry-cleaned is that it is off-white and it looks brighter being washed. I was hesitant to wash it but it comes out great!

  11. Makeup challenged

    So I need to go to a store and have them explain how to do eye makeup basics to me. I usually use Clinique products but the last 2x I asked at their counter, the employees kind of stared blankly and drew some eyeliner on their hand which was clearly not helpful. Where should I go? I’m in NYC and my only condition is that Sephora scares me (too many shoppers and too much bright eyeshadow!)

    • AIMS

      Which Clinique counter did you go to? In my experience, the nicer the store, the better the staff (for this sort of thing). I’d try Bloomingdales, they tend to have good make up artists working there. Also, make an appointment so that you have someone who can devote a half hour to you. And if you got blank looks before, keep in mind that not all people who work at a make up counter are the same — some are just sales people and others actually do make up.

      Alternatively, you could book a $20 makeup application session at the Aveda Institute and I am sure they could explain the basics to you as they go along. http://aveda.edu/new-york/guest-services/

      Or, enlist a friend who is into this sort of thing.

      • Makeup challenged

        I asked once at Lord and Taylor and I think a Macy’s (while actually buying stuff) so it was more than one counter. I’ve used and liked Aveda for other services and didnt realize they did makeup so I’ll look into that!

        • AIMS

          I haven’t been too impressed with L&T’s Clinique counter either, and Macy’s always seems like everyone there is overwhelmed and overworked. The Aveda Institute is a teaching place so they really take their time, which is frustrating when you just want a haircut but probably great if you want to know to have someone take you through the steps.

          Also, I think you would be amazed at how much you can learn from just YouTube tutorials.

    • Olivia Pope

      I’ve heard from this site that Nordstrom’s has beauty stylists. Their services are available for free. You can mention brands you like, and ask for help picking/applying makeup that fits your lifestyle. I haven’t done this, but you could try!

      • KC

        I’ve had really really good luck with makeup tutorials (they taught me for my wedding) at Bare Minerals stores. They are known for thier face makeup, i guess, but the nice lady who helped me was all around awesome. If you are in DC, I went to the Pentagon City store, and the manager helped me.

    • Trixie

      I would try a Bobbi Brown if there’s one around – I’ve found their general style is a little more muted that other counters and more likely to be an “every day” style.

    • Flying Squirrel

      is there a salon/spa that does make-up for events (i.e. weddings) near you? You can pay for a make-up application and also ask for tips on how to apply. I’ve found this is a much better way to get advice…department store make up counters are pretty hit or miss. I have occasionally found some good ones (usually they’re middle-aged, not too young, not too old)…but it’s hard to know in advance. And if you feel like you really don’t know anything, then you may have a hard time evaluating if they are giving you good advice.

    • S

      Honestly, I have found the (very) young ladies at Sephora to be the nicest and least intimidating in explaining make up basics to me.

      • Frugal doc..

        I have had bad luck at Sephora. Much more targeting a very young client, which is rarely the look I want.

        Nordstrom is …. better… but also a crap shoot depending upon who is at the counter that day.

        I probably need some lessons myself. Youtube videos can be helpful, but sometimes you need personal input. I have debated paying for lessons, but they are so pricey…

    • TN Law Girl

      My local Bare Escentuals store has started offering free makeup classes in the evenings once or twice a month. I’m not sure if this is national or just my local store, but you may want to look into it. I signed up for one in August that is supposed to help you figure out what colors work best on you. I’m very excited (I need as much help with makeup as I can get!)

    • Tuesday

      I’m late to this, but the best place IMO to buy department-store makeup in Manhattan is Henri Bendel. I haven’t been lately (am trying to stick to drugstore brands), but a few years ago I worked near them, and spent many a lunch hour getting tutored there.

    • j

      Not a department store, but Lisa Eldridge on YouTube is a mega-successful makeup artist, a consummate professional, and a great teacher. I like watching beauty videos on YouTube because (a) department store lighting is terrible when it comes to picking out and trying on makeup, and (b) I’ve had mixed experiences with department store makeup artists, even in higher end stores. There are a glut of “beauty gurus” on YouTube, but I like the aforementioned because her experience speaks for itself and she is approachable and entertaining without falling for many of the gimmicky tactics that a lot of the others use to lure in viewers.

  12. Not crazy

    Not only do you not get what you don’t ask for, practice at asking may mean that you are more likely to ultimately get something.

    You are an alumna — that should make you stick out a bit as to why this stretch isn’t unrealistic for you and why relocation wouln’t be an issue for you. But before you pounce, this is where homework might pay off. Can you find any current people who’d be doing the hiring on Linked In or connections to people in that office? I’d try to get as much information as possible (i.e., perhaps there is an internal candidate lined up and they have to advertise as a CYA). Plus, by getting out there, people may keep you in mind for things in the future.

    Good luck!

    • Penny

      This is great advice, thank you. I do have a (distant, but real) connection through a friend. I appreciate the counsel!

  13. Ciao, pues

    Any recommendations for casual flip flops with arch support? Anyone have an opinion on Rainbow brand flip flops?

    • downstream

      I love love love my Rainbow flip flops, but be warned that the first 1-2 times you wear them they will cut your feet to shreds and you will be sad. Wear bandaids along the strap lines in anticipation. After that though the will stretch out and be perfect and you will be so so happy.

    • Makeup challenged

      I’ve had the same pair of rainbows for 6 years, through puddles, sand and ocean water and they are still in one piece. I’m just thinking about replacing them because true leather has changed color so much. Ill be honest that I never paid attention to arch support though.

      • MH

        Same, but I think they finally need to be replaced. I have noticed that with 6+ years of wear and tear, they don’t really support my arches anymore.

    • Anon

      I have a pair of black leather flip flops from Clark’s that I love. I wore them while studying abroad in Europe a few years ago, and they absolutely held up to a ton of walking.

      • Ginjury

        I second Clark’s flip flops. I have the cheapest pair that look similar to Rainbows and they are so comfortable.

    • mascot

      OluKai. I wore Reefs for years and swore by them, but they bothered my plantar fasciaitis. The footbed of the olukais is really firm and the arch is comfortable (apparently they model them after walking on firm sand or something). They are somewhat pricey for flip flops, but mine have held up well for constant wear.

      • Seattle Freeze

        Agreed. I have a pair of leather OluKai flipflops that must be four or five years old and they’re still in great shape. I can walk miles in them with no foot or leg soreness, and they don’t bother my neuroma (usually a problem with very flat shoes).

    • L

      Swear by them. Love them and still have a pair from college (gasp!) I would live in them if I could. Also they have an awesome guarantee.

    • Anonymous

      Rainbows are the only flip flops I will buy – though the warning is right – they will destroy your feet the first couple times you wear them. After that – I can walk for miles in them – more comfortable than sneakers!

    • Mountain Girl

      Try Orthoheel. Don’t let the name turn you off. I have been living in my Orthoheel sandals for the last few weeks.

    • manomanon

      Eliza B’s- you have to break them in which can take a while but once you do you won’t want to take them off.
      I worked 12 hour shifts in retail in mine without any soreness, and if I didn’t wear them I’d be miserable after about four hours.

    • AT

      I used to love Reefs, but I bought a pair of Chacos (Vibe Flip http://www.chacos.com/US/en-US/Product.mvc.aspx/31055W/0/Womens/Flip-Vibe?dimensions=0) a few years ago and they became my go-to flip flop. Super comfortable, good tread and arch support, and because the footbed is textured, your feet don’t slip around if they get wet. The multi-strap Chacos never worked for me, but I have friends that love them.

      More recently I bought a pair of Crocs (Cleo III http://www.amazon.com/Crocs-Cleo-Black-Womens-Sandals/dp/B00CHJXHFW/ref=sr_1_11?s=shoes&ie=UTF8&qid=1374133117&sr=1-11&keywords=crocs+cleo+III). I wore them throughout Italy on vacation and they were seriously the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever worn.

  14. Mrs. Jones

    I have washed a Land’s End suit blazer (and pants)–came out great with no wrinkles.

    • Monday

      I didn’t get the sense that the author had the view you described, necessarily, but I agree that it doesn’t mean much when someone who doesn’t HAVE to care about something tells everyone else to just let it go already. Women’s concern about being liked is one example. It actually matters, we’re not just being silly and hung up on it for no reason. I hope Lean In helps in spreading awareness about that, if nothing else does–she’s pretty blunt on this point.

      I also feel that sometimes people who are well-established in their careers and finances tell younger folks to just relax and let things happen because they just don’t remember a time when that wasn’t really feasible. E.g., just demand the week off! Don’t worry about savings right now! Tell everybody in your office exactly how you feel! I have this issue with my parents’ generation sometimes (and the change in economy and job market between their youth and ours doesn’t help in the disconnect). I’ve actually started seeking work-related advice more frequently from people closer to my own age and level, something Sheryl Sandberg has also suggested. I’m not saying that nobody at a senior level gets it, just that some don’t.

  16. Gross in DC

    Hi all,
    so with this super fun heatwave, i hope i’m not the only one with this problem. I shower every morning, do my hair, put a tiny bit of makeup on (what’s the point when it’sj ust going to melt off?) but every day by this time, i feel just gross. I usually go out for lunch, just to get out of the office, but the two block walk to grab food has me sweating like a pig. I feel gross – like, dirty and sweaty and concerned that I smell for the rest of the day, and it’s even worse when I have to go someplace right after work (like a dinner or something) Anyone have any suggestions for cleaning myself up? I don’t think I can change outfits at work – well, i could, but wouldn’t you think it was weird if you coworker had a totally different outfit on after lunch?

    • goldribbons

      I agree about feeling disgusting by this point in the day. I’m thinking about trying to find some wet wipes (adult version?) and possibly even makeup wipes to just clean my face and neck (and backs of my knees and my ankles, which feel pretty gross). Very interested to hear others’ suggestions!

        • Marilla

          Baby wipes are the BEST. For everything. Although the first time my husband saw me put a box in the shopping cart, he kind of stared and said “Are you trying to tell me something?”

    • TO Lawyer

      I use makeup removing wipes (Garnier ones in a green package) and I find they are really soothing and cooling. That might be it for you. and for your face (if you’re wearing makeup), I like blotting papers. I have lavender ones from body shop and I really like them.

    • roses

      I have a hair dryer I keep at work with a nice “cool” setting that makes me feel a lot better.

    • L

      I have decided that for lunch (normally I go out to walk, errands etc) I just suck it up and put on (presentable) workout clothes. I change in the bathroom, go do my stuff, come back and change back into my work clothes (wipe down with babywipes). People maybe see me in workout clothes for 5 minutes? I figure it is worth it for exercise and to not be disgusting for the rest of the day/ruin my nice clothes.

      • Ellen

        I think the BEST way to stay clean and fresh is to have a packet of WET ONE’S in my purse at all times. I have a 20 pack that I get at Dwayne Reed’s that I go thru in 2 summer days.

        Dad make’s me walk to work every day b/c of my FITBIT, so of course I am sweatting when I come into work. I go RIGHT to the toilet where I change my top and wipe off with 3 wet one’s. I also towel off with a wet one down below to make sure I do NOT sweat up my dress clotheing. Then, during the day, I do NOT go far; and NO busses to Macy’s when it’s over 90% b/c the buses are even hotter. Sorry, Macy’s. Fooey on me!

        When I go home, I change into short’s FIRST then walk, and I carry all of my clothe’s home in my tote. So if I am sweatting that is OK, b/c I do NOT stop, except mabye at Citrella’s or someplace to get food for dinner, and/or to work out at the NYSC if I really want to sweat. Then I go home, drop off everything and take a very HOT shower, then turn the volume down until it is ALL cold, until I am freezeing. By the time I get out, I am very refreshed and fresh, and ready to eat! Yay!

        I am goeing out tomorrow nite with Sam and Myrna. I still want Myrna until I can smell this guy out and feel safe w/o her. He seem’s nice, but he can aford to pay for both of us b/c we are a cheep doubel date for Italian food on 86th! I can NOT tell dad I am eating Italian or he will go totaly BALISTICK!!!! YAY!!!

    • Anonymous

      I second using makeup wipes to clean up and then maybe some body spray (but use it in the bathroom. I hate when people around my desk spray perfume). Also, if you are going somewhere afterwork I would just call it a day and wash your face and redo your makeup. I love blotting papers but sometimes you just have to wash your face.

    • NOLA

      When you live in the South, you get ready in the morning early enough that your makeup doesn’t melt off while you’re putting it on, then go from your air conditioned house to your air conditioned car to your air conditioned office and you don’t go outside until you leave for the day.

      • Equity's Darling

        I’m never moving south.

        I can’t imagine what I’d do at a lower latitude. Probably complain much less during the winter, but honestly, I hate being overly hot more than I hate wearing a parka, so this probably works out okay.

        • NOLA

          It’s not as bad as all that. When I moved here, I knew that the heat/humidity would be the hardest part. You definitely get used to it. There are times when I get annoyed when my hair is a mess before I walk out the door, but mostly it’s fine. I lived in the great white north (on Lake Erie) for 9 years, in Rochester, NY, for 2 1/2, and have been here for 23 years. I wouldn’t trade N.O.!

          • Equity's Darling

            Well, that’s because N.O. is awesome (haven’t been, but it’s very high on my list of cities to visit). If you lived in a less great city, maybe you’d think differently about the heat….

          • preg anon

            Also, you just don’t get that hot that often, because it’s all set up not to go outside. I know that sounds awesome. :) Houston has tunnels connecting all of the buildings downtown, so I literally never walk on ground level outside during the summer.

            Most of the year is awesome, by the way. It’s just the end of May to September.

          • Equity's Darling

            Hah, preg anon, we have the same thing downtown here, but because of winter, though ours are above ground.

        • Calibrachoa

          This.

          There is no limit to sweaters and blankets, but only so many clothes you can take off…

      • Gail the Goldfish

        This is what I try to explain to my northern coworkers who all this week in this NYC heat wave have been like “why is the heat bothering you, you’re from the south!” Yea, the South, where I walked the 10 feet from my overly-airconditioned house, got in my airconditioned car, and drove to where ever I was going, which would have central air and feel like a freezer. Not stand on a sweltering subway platform sweating to death.

    • mascot

      Baby wipes and deodorant may help you feel fresher. I also keep Febreeze in my desk for clothes that seem a bit off. A small fan may help cool/dry you off post-lunch.

      • Anonymous

        I can never re-apply deodorant without showering first. For whatever reason, the second application makes me sweat like mad. And then I just smell like sweat mixed with deodorant.

      • TN Law Girl

        I came across a trial size bottle of Shower to Shower powder and I keep it in my desk drawer. Boy did it make a difference last year summer with Nashville’s heat. We’ve been lucky (knock on wood) that it hasn’t hit the triple digits like it did last year, so I haven’t needed to use it yet (but I will now check to make sure I still have some in case I just cursed myself and tomorrow it is especially hot and humid on my walk across town to court!)

  17. M

    Dorothy Perkins is ok, depending on the piece – kind of like ASOS in that it is hit or miss. I also recommend sizing up 2 sizes – things run extremely small.

    • Susie

      Not sure I want to open up this can of worms, but I think the decision was the correct one as the prosecution did not prove their case beyond a reasonable doubt.

      • Arial 10pt

        Having sat many a trial and understanding the mandates given a jury, I am in complete agreement with this statement. They pursued the absolute wrong track and the lost this case more than the defense winning it. Any attorneys want to weigh in on the purely technical aspects of this?

        Was justice served? Not by a mile.

        • Bonnie

          I don’t think the prosecutors tried the case well. Instead of arguing that Trayvon did not attack Zimmerman, they should have focused on Trayvon invoking the right to defend himself.

          • Cyn

            But they couldn’t- you can’t defend yourself physically from someone following you. You can call the police and get out of there, but you don’t have the right to get physical with someone who is just following you

          • Bonnie

            Actually you can. At least from the portions of the trial that I saw, the argument could have been made that Zimmerman was the first aggressor. If someone is approaching you in such a way that legitimately leaves you concerned for your well-being, you can defend yourself. You don’t have to wait to be attacked.

    • downstream

      What is amazing to me is that no one disputes that Zimmermann killed Trayvon Martin, and yet he was still found not guilty. He shot an unarmed teenager and was allowed to go free. That should just not happen.

      • Anonymous

        +1

        I have to go anon for this or else it will out me. The thing I can’t get over is how someone is allowed to get out of their car and pursue an individual, even after the police say not to, and is not convicted of murder. Pursuing someone is a threatening action. Let’s take race and replace it with gender. If a man followed a woman, no one would bat an eye if the woman defended herself because she felt threatened. How you can hunt someone and then claim you felt like you were in danger makes no sense to me.

        • KLG

          I think it was the correct judicial result based on the stand your ground law and the requirement that criminal charges be proved beyond a reasonable doubt, but it totally makes me stabby that a vigilante can kill someone with a gun with impunity.

          • Flying Squirrel

            This. And (I should probably duck and cover for saying this), I feel like if skin colors had been reversed the result might be different even with the same laws. Not that this wasn’t the correct verdict given the laws (which seem insane to me), I suspect it probably was, but that I don’t think jurors always get things right.

          • Anonymous

            I absolutely agree with this. There was so much made of Trayvon Martin using the sidewalk as a “weapon.” I believe the defense attorney even referred to him as “armed.” But, Zimmerman pursued him with a LOADED GUN. I just can’t wrap my head around how this is okay. If a black man had pursued a white man (or woman) with a loaded gun and the white man (or woman) had attempted to defend herself, I don’t think that this would have been the outcome.

            It actually makes me pretty sick to even think about. I was upset after hearing the verdict. To point of having to put it out of my head. I really dislike Florida. And “Stand Your Ground Laws” — what that means!

            I thought this was a very interesting take on the issues:

            http://www.counterpunch.org/2013/07/15/the-us-v-trayvon-martin/

          • Cyn

            With out getting in to any other part- no one- man woman black or white, can defend themselves physically from being followed. That’s what made this a self defense case. Zimmerman got out and pursued. He lost sight of Martin for 4 minutes, while on the phone and stationary. Martin came back and found him and confronted him. That’s why the prosecution couldn’t argue that Martin was defending himself. A creepy as someone might be, you can’t confront someone for following you.

          • Cornellian

            the onion has a hilarious article about this written from the perspective of a juror. Who hired the prosecutors? who drafted these stupid laws? I don’t think it’s fair to blame the jurors for the outcome.

            Justice was definitely not served, but it seems like the law was upheld.

          • Flying Squirrel

            @Cyn, I think I see your point…but it sort of seems like a shortcoming of the law. As a woman (though DH who holds a blackbelt and isn’t exactly a vulnerable looking guy agrees), I definitely consider being followed a threat. It’s happened to me both on foot and with someone in a car, and it’s scary. As a fairly petite woman, in no case was I confident I could outrun the person following me if it came to that…and generally, if there’s a high likelihood of a confrontation, most people would advise trying to ensure it happens in a place/position where you might have the upper hand (i.e. lighting, street corner, etc). So basically, what’s a person supposed to do in that situation? I get that Martin isn’t alive to explain himself in this situation, but part of the point of trials is that juries can take into account mitigating circumstances…so maybe my frustration isn’t with the verdict but with the defense painting Martin as some kind of out-of-control aggressor. There is a very plausible scenario for his having done the most reasonable thing by attacking Zimmerman after having been pursued.

            Add to this the fact that while I could probably knock on the door of the nearest neighbor and ask for help if I felt like the pursuer was really threatening, a black teenage boy would probably not receive the same reception…this is where it’s impossible to understand Martin’s actions outside the lens of race.

            Anyway, I still maintain that the verdict was probably right based on the laws and the specific charges, but this is a tragedy no matter how you slice it. What I’m struggling with is whether there are different laws that could have prevented his killing or whether he’s just another victim of society’s unconscious racial bias (I don’t think Zimmerman is an overt racist, but like most Americans, including myself, he probably holds unconscious stereotypes about people of different races that one needs to actively overcome).

        • Pest

          Let’s take your hypothetical and turn it around. If Zimmerman was a woman who was being beaten up by a larger man on top of her who was punching her, breaking her nose, and banging her head against the concrete, would she be guilty of murder if she shot him?

          • Marybeth

            I don’t know about murder (for Zimmerman or your race/gender reversed hypo), but yeah, she should be guilty of something for following and assaulting someone and brandishing a gun for no real reason and with no obligation to do so, and then using her gun in “self defense” when it was her actions (and probably her possession of that gun) that gave rise to the need to use self defense (to the extent you buy the story that self defense was necessary to save her life).

      • Arial 10pt

        I am completely floored that a person could cause the death of another person and walk away scott free. By cause, my mind keeps going back to Zimmerman’s original call to the police wherein they told him NOT to follow Martin (I believe he may have still been in his truck and was told to not get out), yet he did anyway.

        Even if Martin did do exactly what Zimmerman claims after that, I still feel some culpability in this death rests firmly in Zimmerman’s hands.

        The ensuing backlash is piling tragedy upon tragedy.

        • momentsofabsurdity

          Yes — it confuses me that self-defense isn’t reviewed from the beginning of the encounter onward.

          On the one hand, I understand that doing that can quickly jump down the slippery slope and lead directly to victim blaming (e.g. “But you CHOSE to walk down that dark alley alone at night, wearing skimpy clothes. Why wouldn’t you EXPECT that a guy might jump out of the darkness and try to rape you, requiring you to use lethal force against him?”) but on the other, Zimmerman was told “Do not follow him,” chose to follow him (which one might presume would lead to some sort of altercation) and then ended up using lethal force against unarmed Martin. Why would that not be a part of the consideration in whether he is guilty?

          I feel very sad for Trayvon Martin’s family.

        • Anonymous

          This is one of my big problems with this case. The police never told him to stay inside. The 911 dispatcher said “we don’t need you to do that.” There is a huge difference between that and a police officer telling you to stay in your car. Zimmerman did try to find out where Martin was, but Martin was the one that doubled back to confront Zimmerman. I think this case was not about race at all, and find it kind of insane that it was made out to be. Two people took bad actions that night. Now one is dead because one had a gun. I would like to see a much more serious discussion about who can have guns in this country, not about the failing justice system. This was a win for the justice system. The jury examine the facts and the law and came to the right conclusion.

          • momentsofabsurdity

            I think race absolutely was one of the (many) issues presented in this case – right down to, would Zimmerman have called 911 at all if a white teenager was wandering around unaccompanied in his neighborhood.

          • Anonymous

            And he probably would, based on his past 911 calls on white people. I know I would if there had been that many break ins in my neighborhood. But he wasn’t on trial for having biases so I don’t really get your point.

        • Houston Attny

          I read something the night of the verdict that stuck with me: “the danger of the verdict isn’t that there will be riots. It’s that there will be more George Zimmermans.”

          • Anon

            I think my favorite quote from the aftermath came from Zimmerman’s brother, who is fearing for his brother’s safety post-verdict:

            “There are factions, there are groups, there are people that would want to take the law into their own hands as they perceive it, or be vigilante’s in some sense.”

            Um…

            Both hilarious and horrifying in its ignorance.

          • Cornellian

            Exactly. A (white male upper-middle class) friend of mine posted (sarcastically) on fb: on an upnote, I now know I can pursue an unarmed teenager, ignore advice from the police, start and lose a fight, then kill him when I begin feeling threatened.

          • Anonymous

            I would not recommend your friend do that. In all seriousness did people posting here watch the trial? Or are you just going to say whatever. I think Zimmerman is guilty of something but 1. The police never told him to stay in his car. 2 it was quite clear from the trial that although he initially pursued, he did not start the fight. There were 4 minutes during which Zimmerman was stationary and told the dispatcher he had lost him and did not see him. Martin came back and found Zimmerman. Not that I blame him, but Zimmerman did not hunt the kid down.

          • s-non

            That is based on Zimmerman’s side of the story of how the actual fight started.

          • Aon

            Well that’s the problem, the media edited the call so that the public didn’t hear that, then instead of listening to the WHOLE THING (like the JURY did) everyone is still making assumptions based on their recollections of what they saw on the news.

      • Equity's Darling

        I haven’t really been following the case to be honest, but from what I’ve read think I’m most put out by laws that allow the use of deadly force, the whole “Stand Your Ground” thing. They just seem totally excessive and unncessary to me.

        • TBK

          I’m a little confused about the invocation of the “stand your ground” law. My understanding of that law (which may be mistaken) is that it’s like castle doctrine in that it says that law-abiding people should not have to cede ground to attackers. So let’s say it was Martin with the gun and he shot Zimmerman, who was ten feet away but coming at him in a menacing way. Martin would argue that, even though he might reasonably have run away, since he wasn’t doing anything wrong, he had a right to stand his ground and fend off anyone who wanted to attack him. I don’t see that Zimmerman invoked that right. He pursued Martin (no one has a fear for his life yet). He had an interaction with Martin (no attack by Martin on Zimmerman yet). Then, when Zimmerman and Martin were physically grappling on the ground (I didn’t follow the trial, but my understanding is that the prosecution ultimately conceded that Martin and Zimmerman were in a physical fight and that Martin was sitting on Zimmerman) Zimmerman pulled his gun and shot Martin. At the time Zimmerman made the choice to use deadly force, he did not have the ability to retreat. Therefore, I don’t see the “stand your ground” issue. What am I missing?

          • JJ

            Stand Your Ground wasn’t at issue in the Zimmerman trial, so you’re correct. In fact, the defense specifically said that they were not invoking it at a pre-trial hearing.

            That isn’t to argue that people can disagree on the utility of Stand Your Ground laws…it’s just inapplicable here.

          • Anonymous

            Ditto to JJ. This case was tragic but I can’t believe how many people are still talking about stand your ground when that was not even in the case at all.

          • MJ

            Technically, it was not at issue as Zimmerman was pursuing a self-defense argument (he could have argued stand your ground at the outset but did not), and yet, the judge instructed the jury by invoking stand your ground, so, in fact, it was at issue, but it was the judge who introduced it. This was my understanding based on legal analysis presented on an earlier episode of KQED’s Forum this week, and one of the reasons the law professors commenting said that the judge erred.

      • Anonymous

        But this happens all the time. Car accidents, self defense, etc. there are many scenarios where someone is killed but no one goes to jail.

        • downstream

          Car accidents are unintentional. Self defense would (to most people) mean that the other person has a weapon or that they were much bigger/stronger than you. Neither of those are present here. This isn’t like a car accident or a typical self defense case at all.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I think this article presented a pretty good summary of my personal feelings on the matter.

      http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/07/on-the-killing-of-trayvon-martin-by-george-zimmerman/277773/

      I do fundamentally disagree with some of the jurors’ statements that race wasn’t at issue. I think it absolutely was, but I also think that the way the law is written, and the way the prosecution presented his case, Zimmerman was certainly not guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. Whether he was/is morally culpable is, IMO, a different issue.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        *prosecution presented its case, that should say, as I believe there were both men and women involved in the prosecution team

      • SFBayA

        Yep, what moa said. Morally culpable is a different question than criminal, and race was definitely an issue. What B37 said was astounding. The ability to shoot and kill an unarmed teenager without jail time is one of the unintended(?) consequences of Florida’s laws. Or, as one of the partners I work for commented, he could go into a bar in Florida, punch the face of a Hell’s Angel wearing his Hell’s Angels jacket who was just sitting there minding his business, duck as the Hell’s Angel immediately retaliates by trying to hit the partner with his beer bottle but not even coming close to the partner, and then the partner could take out his gun (thanks to a concealed carry permit) and shoot the Hell’s Angel because the partner was reasonably afraid that the Hell’s Angel might kill him with the beer bottle since a broken bottle to the jugular, particularly in the hands of a Hell’s Angel, could conceivably kill the partner (during the fight that the partner started).

        • Equity's Darling

          From what I’ve read about the stand your ground law though, isn’t it just that the person needs to believe that they’re in mortal danger, not that there actually NEEDS to be mortal danger?

          It sounds like it’s subjective belief, not objective belief based on the articles I’ve seen – your example with the broken bottle and concievably killing is objectively, possibly, dangerous, whereas, “I was in an argument with someone and I believed, based on their tone, that that might kill me, so I shot him” is objectively, likely, not dangerous, but because the shooter believes it, that’s suffcient. How is that law? I could be wrong on my understanding of it, but if I’m right, that is bad law.

          • Anon

            Well, I think the only way you can objectively say that there definitely was mortal danger is if you end up dead as a result.

          • Equity's Darling

            No, that’s not true, there are objective legal standards and subjective legal standards.

            While I haven’t done criminal work in practice, I did take criminal law in first year and from what I recall, at least in Canada, it is possible for crimes to have both an objective and subjective component to them.

          • SFBayA

            Yes, it’s a subjective belief. Objective meaning the hypothetical “reasonable person,” as opposed to the subjective “whether what this particular person thought was reasonable.”

            Thus, in the hypo, the key fact is that the bottle got absolutely nowhere near the partner, not to mention the fact that the partner could have left, means that an objective person maybe would not reasonbly believe he was in danger of being kille. You can imagine that trial – “So, Defendant, the victim attempted to hit you with a bottle, and the bottle was never closer to you than I am standing now, but you were so afraid for your life that you shot him? I’m standing about two feet away from you. Never any closer than that?” However, for the subjective standard, the bottle swing does give the partner cover to claim he subjectively reasonably believed he was in danger of being killed. In CA, you would probably have a duty to retreat (bar study was so long ago…) and certainly could only meet the force used on you with a similar level of force, but there’s no stand your ground law here.

          • Pest

            The stand your ground law was not invoked by George Zimmerman’s legal team. His defense was run-of-the-mill self-defense, which is available in all states in the US and provides that if you reasonably believe that you face an immediate threat of death or serious bodily injury, you can respond to that threat with force intended to cause death or serious bodily injury to your aggressor.

        • Bee

          In partner’s hypo, though, he would at least have committed an assault (the initial punch) and perhaps would get jail time for it. From Zimmerman’s story (which is all we had to go on, as implausible as his story seems), Martin initiated the physical confrontation. Zimmerman shouldn’t have approached Martin – and Martin had every right to walk through the neighborhood unmolested – but I’m not sure I’d support a law that says, you don’t get to defend yourself with deadly force in response to deadly force inflicted upon you just because you went up and talked to someone you shouldn’t have.

      • TBK

        “Whether he was/is morally culpable is, IMO, a different issue.” YES! Yes, yes, yes. A trial determines whether, based solely on the evidence that was presented in court (and which is subject to sometimes counterintuitive restrictions), the jury found BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT (which is an intentionally high bar) that a sequence of facts occurred that meet a specific legal definition of a crime. And the jury has to find that with respect to each factor.

        Our criminal justice system is specifically and intentionally set up to let guilty people go. Our founders believed it was better to let guilty people go than to put innocent people in prison. So the system is heavily weighted toward the defendant. On purpose.

        Also, crimes are very specific. You must do actions x, y, and z, and you must have a very specific mental state when you do them (and the prosecution must prove beyond a reasonably doubt that you did x, y, and z AND that you did them with the requisite mental state). You can do a “bad” thing, but if it doesn’t fit the elements of a crime, it is not a crime. We hope that all crimes are bad things (although I’d argue they aren’t all, but that’s a different debate) but not all bad things are crimes.

        This case is not a referendum on race relations in this country. Or on our judicial system. You want a referendum on the intersection of race relations and the criminal justice system? Stop looking at who isn’t in jail and look instead at who is. Look at the “war on drugs” and look at the shameful disregard of constitutional rights, especially when it comes to the arrest and trial of our black men and boys. That’s where the system is failing.

  20. Anonymous

    With having two kids that I have to pick up from day care after work, all of my suits are machine washable (with the exception of two blazers). I normally buy Worthington brand from JC Penney because they are the only ones that I can consistently count on being washable without having to check out every single tag.

    I have to say that I am actually digging the dress and blazer. Might be a good outfit to switch it up at the office and for the price? I’d say most of us have purses more expensive so why not at least try it out.

  21. Nonny

    Do any of you use Shiseido skin care products? Does their Eudermine live up to its hype? I have pretty good skin on the whole but am thinking my skincare regime needs a little boost as I get older (I’m currently 38), and am considering trying out Shiseido.

    (I know a lot of people here swear by Paula’s Choice but I’ve decided not to go that route because it can only be purchased online and that poses problems for me for things that have to be shipped from the US.)

    TIA!

    • B

      I found that shisheido’s face lotions gave me acne, but that their suncare/bbcream does not. (am not familiar with the Eudermine line, but you may want to try a sample before spending $$ only to get acne).

  22. Hollis

    Does anyone have a good organizer tray or system that keeps the top of your bathroom counter tidy? Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      Mesh strainer with the extending arms (meant for kitchen use) in which all of my makeup/small items go. Sits over the sink while I’m getting ready, then goes on a shelf in a cupboard when I’m done with it. Soap dispenser/Clarisonic/Sonicare toothbrush get to stay on the counter. Done!

    • Cornellian

      Throw everything under the counter periodically is my system. I am watching this thread with interest.

      I will say that paring down the list of things I wanted to be able to see/grab at a moment’s notice has helped. For example out on the countertop/shelf I have: hand soap, moisturizer, my tinted moisturizer (for the morning), toothbrush and paste, hairbrush, mascara, and a contact case, as I inevitably use those things 99% of days. Additional make-up items, hygiene products I don’t use daily, hair clips, etc. are under the sink.

    • MH

      I have no countertop. *sigh*. I use the top of the toilet, the medicine cabinet, and ferry things in and out from a hallway closet, and stuff falls on the floor and breaks all the time. I will also be reading this with interest.

    • mascot

      I use plastic bins under my sink and dividers in drawers. That way I clear the counter easily. If cabinets and drawers aren’t an option, can you utilize an over the door shoe orgnanizer for stuff you don’t need daily? Bonus points if it is clear plastic.

    • MJ

      So, this is totally random, but an old roommate of mine had a few really pretty, small glazed terracotta pots in bathroom-y pastels. Like the kind you’d get at Lowe’s or Home Depot. They were 4″ pots and 2″ pots. Genius! She had one for potions and lotions and tweezers and brushes and dental floss and the like and one that held a bunch of her makeup. It was charming, darling and really tidy. I’ve used this method for many years now, and it really does keep all the little stuff tidy. Otherwise, most other stuff goes under my sink or in the cabinets at the end of my shower/tub.

  23. Newlywed

    I am a happy newlywed, and I’d like to stay that way. Does anyone have a recommendation for a book about building a strong, healthy marriage? Something with a feminist bent or least that avoids religion and gender essentialist “men are from Mars” type cr@p is preferred.

    I have no good marriage role models in my family, and I would really, really like to not eff this up.

    • Anonymous

      Project Happily Ever After. You may not need it now (it starts with a woman who is very unhappy in her marriage and discusses how she fixed it), but at the end it has a 10-step list of how to go from wanting to murder your (non-abusive and otherwise fairly normal) spouse to loving him/her again. Congrats and good luck!!

    • mascot

      It’s not really a how-to book, but Elizabeth’s Weil’s “No Cheating, No Dying” might give you some things to think about.

    • layered bob

      Passionate Marriage. And counseling – go before there’s a big problem.

    • Sutemi

      If you haven’t read Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages that is a good book.

  24. anon

    I NEED LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION! For a scholarship… I can ask my professor that I am a research assistant for, but who else? My grades aren’t noteworthy (spare me) but I feel like I have face-timed with my writing professor and could possibly ask her.

    This is stressing me out so much. Fwiw it’s for a community service/character scholarship, not grades, an area where I have always done a lot. Now that I am in school and spent the whole year studying, I haven’t done as much extra-curricular wise. Suggestions/help? :(

    • momentsofabsurdity

      If it’s in an area where you have always done a lot, why not ask someone who has supervised you in that role? LORs don’t have to be someone you are currently up-to-this-minute working with, after all. For example, if the scholarship is for attendance at a global food aid program, and you worked extensively in high school at a local food bank, why not ask the director of the food bank (or whoever your supervisor was there) for an LOR? As long as you have 1-2 “current” LORs, it’s okay if others are more from the past, particularly if they are related to what you are applying for.

    • Sydney Bristow

      How about someone at an organization that you previously volunteered for?

    • anon prof

      Put together a detailed list of your qualifications/reasons why you are a great candidate for this scholarship and give it to people you ask to write a letter for you. If you have to write a personal statement or anything like that, also give that to your recommenders. Give them your resume, too. As someone who writes lots of these letters every year, the more you can give me to work with, the better the letter is going to be. (And also the less likely it is to contradict what you write.)

      • Trixie

        +1. I often write recommendations for interns who were strong during the time that I worked with them and it’s incredibly helpful to have some reminders of specific things about the person. I try hard to do a good job on recommendation letters and go beyond, “She was diligent and enthusiastic” etc… more info can help with a personalized letter. Having a bland recommendation isn’t going to hurt you per se, but if I read a letter of recommendation that the recommender has obviously put some real effort into, it’s a definite benefit to the applicant.

  25. paging Cornellian

    Did you end up deciding how to handle the situation with your suitor, who wants to move cross-country to be with you? Also, congrats on your new apartment! You must be so excited to move in.

    -goldribbons

    • Cornellian

      Hi there! Thanks for asking. Talked to suitor about issues, and will continue to. This is obviously not a choice (or series of choices) to be made in one conversation. It seemed like he was feeling there was just one big choice (Do I abandon my life out west and move to a huge city where I can’t afford to live to follow Cornellian?), and I want to sort of reframe it as a series of choices. Does he want to come? Do I want him to? what if it only works if he moves in with me? can we make it work financially? when can the move happen? etc. I’m not just willing to have him show up on my doorstep because he decides he wants to come, and THEN start worrying about the other questions.

      So far we’ve done well with being very honest and open about concerns, etc., so hopefully we can come to a resolution that’s good for us, even if it’s not the desired outcome.

      I am excited to move, although I am not excited to pack. I need to start thinning out belongings, donating stuff, etc. I scheduled movers for Friday the 9th, which is rapidly approaching!

      • goldribbons

        Oh that all sounds really great. I think it’s smart to reframe it as a series of choices. Good luck with your move too!!

  26. Brooklyn, Esq.

    TJ–seeking recommendations for a smallish, not terribly unstylish rolling tote for work.

    I am an attorney in NY and have injured my back and shoulder from a combination of heavy bag and sitting at a computer all day. I have come to the conclusion that I need to get a work tote on wheels to carry my every day essentials as well as my laptop and a few files. I move around the city a lot during the day for work so this should be reasonably durable. It doesn’t need to be huge, though.

    Any suggestions?

    • goldribbons

      Does swiss army make any decent totes like this? I’m sorry to hear you’re injured.

  27. Anon17

    Sorry TJ alert…going anonymous for this one. Just heard that my proposal didn’t get funded. Very sad and down about it. Feel like calling it a day, changing into PJs and just sitting in front of the TV to drown out my sorrows. However, I feel as if I should just look at the rejection as a push to get back up and do more work like refine my proposal and submit it for another round of funding (which I will do anyways). Should I let myself feel bad for a day and lick my wounds or should I take the high road and jump back right up and write again? Do most successful people get back up immediately (like 5 minutes later in my case) or do they give themselves a few hours/days to heal? I actually don’t have any time to waste on my sorrows because we’re so busy at work but a break would be nice.

    • MH

      Wallow!!! I say take the rest of the day and be self-indulgent. I like to think of myself as a successful person and I definitely give myself a short grieving period if something significant doesn’t go my way.

      Sorry about your proposal.

      • Nolagrrl

        I’m a scientist at a federal funding agency. We usually tell people to put the rejection aside for a few days. Resist the urge immediately shoot back an email beginning with “you despicable idots.”
        Go get a massage, a makeover, or a beer. Then come back to the rejection, unemotionally go over whatever critique you’ve received, then revise and resubmit. You won’t get funded or approved unless you try again. Good luck!

        • Silvercurls

          :-) re sending back the email …
          nice fantasy. I think I’ll embellish it by imagining that while the recipient is reading the message, I fly past his/her office window dressed as a superheroine w/ the appropriate letter on my chest. But how to choose? A for Awesome? B for Brilliant? G for Genius? So many superlatives, so little time!

    • anon prof

      I wallow for the evening. Wine and cookies, or ice cream and a chick flick. Or a good workout. Then read through the feedback the next morning and get back to it. Getting a little distance first is good.

      • MH

        My preferred wallowing method is a loaf of french bread and Smart Balance (fake butter spread), a bottle of red wine, and Pride and Prejudice. Any P&P will do. Sometimes instead of bread I make Kraft mac and cheese with hotdogs.

        • Nonny

          Mmmm, Kraft dinner with hot dogs. Now I know what I need for dinner. The Kraft thing happens rarely, but when it does, it’s totally worth it. :-)

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