Suit of the Week

76 Comments

1. I love fish when I’m out at restaurants, but when I cook fish at home it never turns out as delicious. What’s the secret to cooking amazing fish at home?

   1. Restaurants use tons of fat to cook items. Butter, olive oil, neutral oils- it’s delicious because it’s covered in fat.

      If you’re cooking it at home, you’re probably trying to make a nice, healthful meal out of it. Get nice fresh fish and use more fat and salt than you think you should. Try Ina Garten recipes.

      1. I cook mine in the oven, cover the dish with foil helps to prevent drying. You can also mix up your own seasoning or buy something like Cajun or Lemon Pepper. Sometimes I’ll grate garlic and put it on top. Or onion rings. Anything goes

   2. Buy as fresh as possible, and don’t overcook. Try cooking in parchment packets or baking in hoisin & maple.

      1. haha, Jinx ;)

   3. It’s hard to tell from what you’ve said because I don’t know how you are cooking it or what you are doing. But two thoughts:
      1. make sure you are buying really fresh, high quality fish. Go to a really good market and ask the fishmonger what is good.
      2. Don’t overcook!!!! It’s really easy to overcook fish. My dad does it by accident all the time, and he’s been cooking fish for ever. Try methods involving steaming, and read info from really good cooks about how to tell when fish is done perfectly.

      But if you want to provide more info about what kind of fish you like, and why you think it’s not as good when you cook it, we might have more specific suggestions.

   4. Yes to fresh and not overcooking, but also try cooking fish in the oven. That was my gateway to learning how to cook fish – it’s much easier, I think.
      If you need a recipe, I find this to be very easy and almost foolproof. You can use whatever herbs you have on hand. Just check on the fish to see if it flakes starting at about the 10 min. mark. It’s ready when it flakes easily with a fork. Always check the thick middle part, not the ends. And don’t be afraid to take it out too soon – you can always put it back in. http://www.marthastewart.com/315091/herb-crusted-salmon-with-spinach-salad

      1. This one is really good too: http://www.marthastewart.com/344987/salmon-with-brown-sugar-and-mustard-glaz

         1. I need a good mustard substitute… too many people in my family are allergic to mustard. Any ideas?

            1. If you eat mayo, broiled salmon with mayonnaise with a little tarragon mixed in is very easy and very tasty. Broil the fish for about 4 minutes on each side, then add a little of the mayonnaise/tarragon mixture for 2 minutes at the end (until it browns slightly). So easy.

            2. I often use mayonnaise when cooking fish but I kind of need that mustard tang. Soy sauce?

            3. not for this recipe specifically, but other things that make an easy recipe in and of themselves: olive tapenade, tahini, miso. And agree with January, you can make ‘flavored mayos’ with almost any flavor palette you want, or even make your own aoli pretty quickly and a little more healthy.

               ETA response to your last comment: add chili or another spicy flavor into the mayo? curry powder? Or just whisk in some extra vinegar to give it a little more depth?

            4. Ginger? Curry?

            5. Tumeric?

            6. Waaaaaaaasabi!

            7. Wasabi is horseradish which comes from the same family as mustard seed, so I would be worried that they might have the same reaction to wasabi. But if they don’t, wasabi or any other variety of horseradish would definitely give you the tang! ;)

      2. Yesterday I found a new recipe on Epicurous that called for baking salmon in 275F oven for 14-16 minutes. I used silver coho salmon from Trader Joe’s and pesto for seasoning. The pieces were pretty thick.
         I was very happy with the result! The fish turned out tender and moist. I think it would work with any seasoning suggested here. Next time I’ll try honey soy glaze.

   5. A an easy, fool proof way to cook fish is to buy a fresh fruit salsa pre-made in house at your favorite grocery (like mango, or pineapple salsa) then I put the fish (usually a white fish like halibut, sea bass, etc.) in the salsa right when I get home in a plastic bag. Then I cook it all together in the oven and serve with rice. It is fast, fresh, delicious, and not super fish-y tasting.

   6. My trick for flavorful and not dry fish is to first season it and then dredge it very lightly in flour before cooking it in a pan misted with olive oil.

2. Sorry for the immediate threadjack. I am curious to know what hive thinks about the situation I am about to describe. I am from India where arranged marriages are still very common. I have a cousin who is very very good looking (ummm….she has light skin tone which is valued very highly in India particularly for a girl) and intelligent as well. She completed her under graduate degree and started working few months back. There are many marriage proposals for her and many are from rich but conservative families. So she chose some one who is relatively liberal and would support her if she wants to work and have a career. Mother of one of the rejected guys broke down and started sobbing and crying in front of my mother. She was telling my mother that they were ready to give her how much ever and whatever jewelry she wants, they will pay for the wedding entirely etc etc, all they want is to for my cousin to choose her son. My mom was feeling sorry for the rejected guy’s mom when she told this to me. I was partly shocked and partly amused. They don’t know much about this girl except how she looks. They have never spoken to her. They wanted her to be a stay at home spouse, so her intelligence and other qualities didn’t matter to them. I am just wondering how can some one get so impressed and so disappointed where all they know is how the person looks.

   1. Well, if all they want your cousin for is to breed future grandchildren, then why wouldn’t they care primarily about her looks? As you said, light skin is highly desirable in India. Maybe there’s something undesirable about their son and they’re worried he’ll never find a wife. Maybe it’s harder to find a suitable wife in India than in other places because of female infanticide.

      1. I agree with your opinion except about female infanticide. I agree female infanticide and foeticide is present in India and despicable and should be eradicated, not every place in India practices this. I as well as my cousin are from a region with a very healthy sex ratio.

      2. They’d also want smart grandchildren.

      3. Agree with the part about wanting good looking grand children. That’s why they don’t care about intelligence etc, if they want her to only stay at home

   2. I was that impressed, and that disappointed, when I made an offer on a house that was ultimately not accepted.

      1. This made me LOL, but it’s also an example of what I think happened.

         She may not have been crying over losing THAT bride, but just A bride. They thought they had made a good match and were done – but now they have to start over and hope to find an equally good or better match. It’s stressful.

         Are you sure they didn’t meet? I have a few friends who are Indian and have arranged marriages – they all included interviews with the perspective spouse and in-laws.

         1. Generally there will be multiple rounds of correspondence between the bride and the groom’s family. First few rounds will be getting to know how the person looks, education, wealth, earning potential and deal breakers if any etc. If these things are okay, then they may talk about other stuff. So the rejected guy didn’t get past the initial stages.
            I had an arranged marriage too. My husband was introduced to me by my parents. We talked/met for six months before agreeing for the wedding. We got married 1.5 years after we first met. However, I have seen marriages where girl and guy don’t talk to each other until there wedding is finalized and it wouldn’t shock me. What shocked me was the desperation. I have not seen some one weeping like what my mom described.

            1. Maybe she’s just a melodramatic person.

               The effusion of emotion is surprising, but I’ve seen people lose control over less.

      2. Yep, also underscores the women-as-property element to the unsuccessful mother in law. Or the money-will-make-you-happy mindset.

         I have a colleague with family in India, and remarks that it’s a big transition in gender-based culture (in addition to jet lag). This is for family-level interaction, not travel, business & tourism to save time on replying.

   3. I’m not sure what I think but I would disagree that her intelligence/education is an undesirable quality just because they want her to stay home. Presumably, they’d want good genes passed down to their grandkids, including her intelligence, and they would also want someone smart to raise the kids even if she herself doesn’t work. Just think about how in demand nannies with college degrees are – it’s not as if you need a college degree to watch a toddler and yet…

      Of course, how do they know she’s actually smart having never met her is another question, but I am taking at face value that they know she’s good looking, smart, has a college degree and a job that requires some education.

   4. Wow. I just can’t wrap my mind around things like that. I mean, I am aware that different cultures operate very differently and that this is normal to many people, but I just can’t put myself in the mindset of even starting to grasp it. Very interesting, though.

      I do agree with the others that, at least in general, intelligence is very valuable for reasons that go beyond career aspirations.

   5. I am Indian too and very well know this bullsh*t arranged marriage drama. Luckily I am in my early 30s now therefore damaged goods for that market.
      If I was the cousin, would definitely let that crying mother know what jerks they are. Besides jewelry, paying for the entire wedding I would directly tell them I also want to pursue high powered career and have nannies/cooks/maids take care of all domestic /child care responsibilities. BTW, this is very reasonable and does happen in wealthy or upper middle class families even if the wife doesn’t work outside. Are they still interested? Nope ? Then get lost ! Would have definitely given piece of my mind and a general F**k off attitude to that entitled guy’s mom, that’s what they deserve. I have done that in the past when I was a young, desirable match for such families, no regrets whatsoever.

   6. I am Indian and this is totally crazy. Never heard the like before.

      I married for love, so cannot speak to the arranged marriage experience. But I would tell the woman to F off and find some other fair skinned brood mate for her son.

3. I may repost to get more views later, but I need to vent. My career path has stalled out. I work in a niche industry and am extremely well compensated for what I do. I rapidly climbed the ladder pay-rise and now wouldn’t see a financial return on an MBA (mid-thirties now). I do have a great undergrad degree from a top university. My employer is undergoing some real transition right now – key people leaving, corp dev plan not working – and there is no upward mobility (besides a small title change) due to the nature of my role and my boss’ role. There aren’t many positions in my immediate area, I can’t leave this area, and I really need the flexibility I currently have for family reasons. I’m the sole wage earner. No kids. My company is throwing more money at me following this upheaval, but I am bored out of my f-ing mind and my title hasn’t changed now in 4 years ago (been here 9 years). How do I lean in or at least reframe this in my mind, since I’m a bit stuck?

   1. Stay in your current job and find other projects that could be mentally stimulating where you are. In the meantime keep networking so that if you want to move later on you have some contacts.

      1. +1 agree, stay with it, think carefully about next steps. make money while thinking, exploring, dabbling. can you ask for other assignments, roles or even more flexibility? great to be valued as you clearly are there. i’ve known folks where this worked out really well, company turned around, she became a vp part time with a kid, super happy.. and others were it did not work, company went under, but folks helped them get jobs elsewhere however they could. sounds like a great gig just manage your visioning for short and long term and start taking steps to what is next.

   2. I would look for outlets outside your job that can be a source of meaning and a way for you to set and achieve goals. This could be volunteer work or some other kind of contribution to the community, getting involved in local politics if that interests you, getting involved in your church if you have one, marathons or triathalons, learning a language, learning some kind of art or craft, etc. I would also think about what you want your career to look like long-term. What can you be doing now to position yourself for wherever you want to be in 10 years, 20 years, and when you retire?

   3. A friend was in a similar point and (a) started running marathons, (b) joined Rotary and became very active, and (c) created a new project / development area within the company to head up (in other words, she created a promotion to a job that didn’t previously exist heading a department that didn’t previously exist and side stepped her previous boss).

      Then she left the company after 2-3 years because she was still bored out of her mind. She’s still a marathoner and Rotarian, though :p

   4. This is easy. Based on your age, now is the time to get MARRIED and have kid’s. You can also go back part-time for your MBA if you can afford a NANNY to take care of the baby, once born. But you have NOT mentioned a significant other, so NOW is the time to latch on to one who will support you in this new endevor. Good luck to you in finding a guy, but remember, do NOT just grab on to the first guy with a winkie. He must be abel to support you and the baby while you go back and get an MBA. YAY!!!!

   5. Have you considered seeing if your employer would fund an executive MBA for you? You’d probably need to build a bit of a business case for it, but it would keep you very stimulated. Friends who have done their eMBAs have really really enjoyed the experience, both the learning and the networking opportunities. The down-side is that the programs do have specific days/hours that may not give you the flexibility you mentioned that you need.

      1. Thanks, all, for the vent and the ideas. I took on a Board role for a small nonprofit when I complained about this two years ago :-) Time to revisit, and yes, keep the network fresh. The eMBA is in the back of my mind, but I do think it would be tough given my current family limitations. My job and company aren’t in any danger, so I’ll find other outlets. Thanks again.

4. I agree with the OP. It is very difficult for pretty women to also be profcssional and work outside of the home b/c most men just want to have sex (and then breed) with us if they want to MARRY us. I think India is more traditional where profesional women like us have a lot of trouble trying to be treated seriously b/c of this. As a result, there women wind up with lots of men that want to breed with them b/c of their beauty.

   Here in the US, there are so many beautiful women that men are spoiled and just want to have sex with us b/c we have birth control to prevent conception. As a result, men can have their cake and eat it to, leaving pretty women for other pretty women, and at the end of the day, we are NOT abel to find decent guy’s who will MARRY us.

   I want a guy to MARRY me, and I just do NOT want to have to have sex with guys to let them test drive me in bed, like Grandma Trudy suggest’s. FOOEY on men and their winkie’s. DOUBEL FOOEY!

5. Where do you want your career path to go towards? What job do you want?

6. TJ for all the time-billers — how do you stay on top of your time entry? I’m a very efficient, systems-oriented person but I do not have a good personal system in place for making sure my time gets entered in its final format. As a result, it’s the first thing to get shoved aside during a busy day and I end up with some scrawled notes legible only to me. My admin will put it in the system after I can get it to her in a useful format, but by that time most of the work is done so I’m wondering if I should be cutting out the middle man. If it matters, I’m in BigLaw and we use DTE Axiom. I’ve never found the timers particularly useful but I could give it another shot if people have rave reviews about their personal system working for them.

   I am determined to stay caught up (once I get caught up for the last two weeks…). Any tips??

   TIA!

   1. I love the timers. It is a great way to keep track of the number of hours I work on a particular matter in a day. On the other hand, I still fall behind on entering the time. Hopefully, someone will have good suggestions we both can try.

   2. I have never mastered staying on top of my time entry. The only thing that makes recreating it manageable for me though is Manic Time, I free software that tracks everything I do on my computer for me. I can then use that to “tag” chunks of time and I can export that into an excel spreadsheet for someone to enter into my firm’s time entry system or I can do it myself using Manic Time to explain what the heck I did. I also use my yellow note pads and emails to fill in all of the .1’s.

      ETA – time entry is the absolute bane of my existence and a constant stressor because I know I need to do it and how important it is but I just. don’t. do it. until the last freaking minute.

   3. I keep a Steno pad next to my keyboard and write down start and stop times when I change matters. I’m then diligent about entering my time myself into DTE before I leave every day, so I remember what I was working on. I learned the hard way how hard it is to recreate later on, and I’d remind myself of that when all I wanted to do was sprint out of the building and do my time later.
      I found that, if I entered it before I left for the day, it’d take me 2-3 minutes. If I did it the next day, 5 minutes. If I waited until the end of the week or next week, an hour. That was also good incentive.

   4. I have been doing for a long time. Seriously, I’ve tried every system out there and I’ve seen only a couple that work if you want to take control of this:

      1) Hashmarks on a pre-printed time sheet that has your day on there – this could be a printout of your Outlook calendar, or just a blank sheet with the times of the day printed down a column. Handwrite the client-matter number and a few words and either enter it or have your admin do it.

      2) Timer buttons. These work for me. Make it a habit to have a timer running at all times, even if your timer is “professional reading.”

      3) Check your times and entries at least once a day (for me, it’s before I leave, but my mentor checks and corrects before heading out to lunch as well). Regardless, if you don’t enter your time in by the end of the day, do it *the first thing* in the morning. Otherwise, the day will go by and your procrastination will come back to bite you in the butt.

      4) Final craziness is that until I input my time for the day, I don’t allow myself to archive my e-mails for that day, and having a cluttered in-box drives me crazy, so if I input time, I reward myself with a cleaner in-box. You can think of another reward that might work for you (like checking thissite!).

      You know this already, but I will remind you that if you don’t enter things in when they are still fresh, you will be jipping yourself of time you spent working. Change your mindset – it’s not for the benefit of your firm, or for other people, but it’s to give yourself every minute of credit you deserve. I hate it too (I even went in-house to avoid it, but then I discovered things I hated even more, like layoffs), but it’s not going away anytime soon, so learn to live with it.

   5. Left law firm life about a year ago, but I kept an open email that already had headers and formatting for the 7 days of the week (we had weekly input requirements). I’d enter in the matter number and start the description as I went, and wouldn’t leave for the day until they were filled out. Keeping it in an email somehow seemed less daunting, and having a week open meant I could edit for the at-home projects (or random stuff I’d inevitably forget). Then I’d email it to my assistant at the end of the week and she could just copy and paste it into the billing software. Associates were expected to enter it directly though.

      Many years ago, I dictated my time at an insurance defense firm because we had to do separate entries for every single task and that would have taken forever to write or type out.

   6. The only way that works for me is putting it in as I go. I start time entries in the morning with a 0.1 placeholder for things I know I’ll work on – calls scheduled, etc. Then while the call is wrapping up, I type in the time entry for that call. Or I turn a draft and email it to the client – enter the drafting time right then. On busy days, if I didn’t do this I’d constantly be losing the 0.2-0.5 hour work because it gets lost among bigger projects otherwise!

      I also like to use the DTE goal tracker – it can show you your “pace” for the year (ex. right now I’m on a 2250 pace) which can serve as good motivation to get your time in.

   7. We use DTE, too. I have a sheet that has the entire day broken out into tenths of an hour. I write a line where I start, and stop, and scribble enough in that I know what I did. I enter all of my time at the end of the week, takes me about 20-30 minutes for the week, depending on how many different matters I worked on. I hate the timers and hate doing it daily. I can’t use my assistant to enter it because it’s just scribbles, but I feel like it’s good for me to do it myself. Keeps me on top of how much time I’ve spent on things, if I’m being inefficient, if I’m going over budget, etc. (Kind of like managing your own money.)

7. I recently switched to a standing desk. My back loves it. My feet hate it. I want to get a gel mat to stand on. Any recommendations from fellow standing desk workers? I’ve looked at amazon reviews and Costco, but I’m wondering if the hive has any additional suggestions.

   FWIW, I’m at my desk 6+ hrs/day. I’m currently going back and forth between standing/sitting, and switching to comfort shoes when standing.

   1. I have the same issue, so I switch between sitting and standing (with more standing). I don’t have a gel mat, but I do wear shoes most days that I can easily slip off under the desk, so I stand in my bare feet or socks, which is much more comfortable.

   2. Yes! It is by Imprint – order the one they recommend in this article. It is super thick and awesome. http://thewirecutter.com/reviews/best-standing-desk-mat/

      1. Thanks for the link!

   3. look at wellnessmats dot com. Have had several and they are great to stand on.

   4. Hope it’s not too late. I switched to a standing desk about two months ago and use this mat: CumulusPRO Commercial Grade Anti-Fatigue Comfort Mat Area Mat 24-inch x 36-inch x 3/4-inch Espresso https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005UA2WNI/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_W7sxvb1GFVXKW. I’ve been very happy with it.

8. I’m pretty sure my parents need a marriage counselor or similar – how should they start finding one? They are in the SF Bay Area if it matters.

   1. I would recommend having them look for a therapist through PsychologyToday.com – it’s very user friendly and allows you to search based on your needs/desires.

9. Are suit silhouettes going boxy again? Just this style/model? I am usually several years behind whatever is on trend. Sigh.

   1. Even if boxy comes back, I won’t wear it. I don’t think boxy is flattering to most women.

   2. I feel like a well-tailored suit is always in style.

      But then again, I’ve also started to reach the age where I’m not taking as much note of trends because I know whatever just went out will be back in after a couple of years. And with fast fashion in the mix, I feel like the cycles start to overlap so anything goes.

10. I had an interview a few weeks back for a great job. I wore a navy skirt suit and cream silk shell. The two men interviewing me (my would-be boss and his boss) wore a button front shirt, dress pants, no tie, sleeves rolled up, and the other guy a button front shirt, khakis and a tweed blazer (again, no tie). I got the sense that is how they dress daily and they didn’t dress up for the interview. I just got a call for a lunch (basically a second interview I think?). Same guys. The suit I wore to the interview is my only matching suit. The lunch is tomorrow. What’s the best thing for me to wear? Skirt and non-matching blazer? Dress with non-matching blazer? Give up on the blazer and just wear a sleeved suit dress? I want to inject some personality and tone it down a little so I don’t seem stuffy. The lunch is at a casual cafe-type place. Thanks guys.

    1. How about a sheath dress and a blazer? Maybe with a statement necklace and/or interesting shoes?

    2. I’d go with a dress with blazer and remove the blazer when you sit, and I’d bring in more color than in the initial interview.

       FWIW, my husband and his boss recently did a lunch interview for a female candidate who would be under my husband. They would have been dressed similarly… and I highly doubt that either of them would have noticed what she wore unless it had been really out there. It was a personality compatibility interview.

    3. I’d do the same suit, with a shirt you would feel comfortable in when taking the blazer off. They may not have dressed up, but it’s still an interview, so (I believe) the expectation is for the person being interviewed to conform to interviewing norms unless told otherwise. Add some personality with accessories, if you are feeling it.

       1. +1 I’d wear the same suit with a different shirt and jewelry.

    4. The interviewer doesn’t dress up, the interviewee does. Honestly, I doubt they’d notice if you wore the same suit. Man people don’t care if the interviewee wears a suit, but sometimes people will get shirty if you don’t.

11. Is it warmer where you are? Soft blazer (push up your sleeves if you feel like it) over a dress would play well – they might have the AC cranked up at your lunch site. Wear a dress that stands well alone at the lunch table if you take off the blazer because they are more casual or eating at an outside table is more comfortable that way.

12. Can anyone recommend a source for really nice thank you cards? I only need a few and they are for our parents for their help with our wedding and our best friends who will be our officiants. I’d like something really nice quality with a good amount of space to write in. It just seems like something I’d like to put more thought into than picking something up at the drugstore.

    1. Crane or Papyrus.

       1. I also like PaperSource. You can get individual ones or a 12 pack. I have some ivory ones on nice thick paper with some sort of abstract gold leaf pattern on the front that are nice for writing all sorts of heartfelt things.

          1. +1 to Paper Source. I was there over the weekend and picked up a couple really pretty (blank) cards. The store borders on overwhelming, but they definitely have some great options!

    2. I really liked the cards and quality from wedding paper divas

    3. Thanks for the suggestions! I’ll check those out.

    4. Check Target! They’ve really stepped up their paper game lately. I found some lovely ones there recently.

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