Suit of the Week

121 Comments

1. Anyone else feeling like they’re not doing THAT much to protect themselves? Don’t get me wrong — 23 days at home, been out 3 times for groceries about 25-35 min each time. But I basically go once every 7-10 days, wipe down the cart handle (which I didn’t do before), move fast – try to stay 6 ft away but sometimes I’m sure I don’t so I walk past someone in an aisle quick while holding my breath/sort of turning my back, self check out and leave; sanitize my hands before touching the wheel, unload at home (elevator buttons w elbow), wash hands, put things away, wipe down phone/credit card/keys; wash again.

   But then I look at others — gloves and masks (IDK where to get these so I haven’t bothered); bringing their own wipes for cart handles. Then there’s stories of people washing/bleach wiping every grocery item and then only putting away perishable goods while “quarantining” the rest and then changing their own clothes and showering. Am I being foolish here in not doing this much?

   But then there are also people going out to parks and trails that are crowded or getting together with neighbors even at 6 ft away etc. Where do you stand on this? Age 40, underlying condition so I’m scared but also lazy.

   1. I’m covering my nose/mouth when I go out (even a scarf/bandanna is partial protection). I’m also washing groceries because I would rather wash them all at once than wash my hands every time I touch a can or bottle for the next week. (My understanding is that the virus lives longest on plastic and metal surfaces.) So many mailmen are out sick with the virus that they’ve had to stop delivering mail to some neighborhoods. No idea how they all caught it, but I’m trying to be mindful of things that come from outside the house, and I wipe down what I can.

      I have a primary immune deficiency, and these are tips I got from people in the immune deficiency community who have more severe immune deficiencies than mine. I do think it’s helping, because this is the longest I’ve gone without catching anything since sometime last fall!

      1. Oh, and I do change out of outside clothes and shower, but that was actually already part of my allergy season routine.

   2. I do what you do, except that I do wipe down all groceries with disinfectant before putting away. And I have only been to our local market twice – everything else I’ve gotten delivered. I’m pregnant and my husband has asthma, so we’re being extra cautious.

      As an aside – my husband has OCD (for germs), and he’s doing great with everything going on right now (thanks to many years of self-care practices, therapy, and drugs). As I was mulling over whether or not the precautions I am taking are enough, too much, not enough the other day, he started laughing and said “And now you know what HAVING OCD feels like!!!!”

      1. I also have OCD (very well under control now), but germs is/was one of my things. I feel like this is what I’ve been preparing for–I’m already hypervigilant about what I touch, so that part of this whole thing isn’t terrible for me! (And yes, I do disinfect and/or quarantine my groceries, packages, mail, etc. It might not make the biggest difference, but being able to do something makes things a lot less scary. And, again, OCD.)

   3. I think there’s limited evidence that doing things like wiping down groceries is helpful, but people are so scared they’re going to do anything they can. Like I sent my friend a card in the mail because I thought it would be a nice thing to do – she just told me she didn’t touch it for three days in case it infected her (I guess I won’t be doing that again). It’s fear driving a lot of these actions, not facts.

      1. Well, we know the virus can be on these surfaces and can still be active. I was told that if someone touches the virus and then touches their face, that’s a known route of transmission. I think we haven’t shown that anyone has caught it specifically from mail or groceries, though there are many people who have the virus from no known source. I’m trying to follow the science and not just make things up.

         I do know that wiping down groceries is recommended vis a vis other germs to people who don’t have adequate immune function.

      2. We cannot wait for all modes of transmission to be backed by scientific evidence to take precautions. Mask fiasco is the evidence that the advice people get from from experts is not really scientific. There is no harm in being extra cautious.

      3. Mail: get mail from box, hands are now dirty. Dispose of junk mail. Open envelopes with dirty hands and shake contents onto clean table. Discard envelopes. Wash hands. Read clean mail with clean hands. This works if you can be sure human hands haven’t touched the contents inside the envelope for 3 days.

         We do a similar procedure for opening boxes and bringing delivered groceries inside. We do all of this on the porch. One person has clean hands. One person has dirty hands until it’s done. Dirty hand person just doesn’t touch anything inside (dirty hands open cereal box and slide plastic bag of contents out without touching. Clean hands person can touch the inner bag.)

         This is called sterile procedure. I learned it when I was caring for a severely immunocompromised loved one. You can google it. There are good videos on the concept. Once you do it for a few days it’s second nature.

   4. I wipe down keys/credit card/wallet/phone/purse/steering wheel/coat pockets once I get home. I’ve also started immediately changing clothing and showering when I get home. It’s easy enough to do and I don’t live alone so my husband can unload while I do it. It’s not a lot of additional effort, so why not take the extra precaution?
      We’re going to start using masks (fabric, washable) ourselves but I haven’t been doing that or gloves up till now. I also don’t wipe down boxes/quarantine grocery items/etc. Even though I do have an underlying condition I still feel more like I’m trying to protect other people vs. protect myself. That may change as the season peaks, but even before this I generally got infected from the flu via school (my kid) and he’s not going anywhere…

      1. My husband does the shopping but he doesn’t wear gloves or a mask, just washes hands thoroughly and changed his clothes when gets home. We don’t disinfect groceries. That seems complicated and time-consuming, and I’ve heard that wiping things down can actually be ineffective and just spread germs around?

         I know this virus is slightly more infectious than the flu but I’ve never gotten the flu or any other illness from the grocery store. I get sick plenty, but every time I’ve gotten sick it’s been from a sick family member or a sick coworker or friend I was in the same room with. So I do think staying away from other people does a lot of good. It seems experts believe most transmission is person to person and not surface to person as well.

   5. I am not high risk and I am only leaving my house to go to the store once a week. I do nothing special at the store other than stay 6′ away from other shoppers. Once home, I wash my hands before I do anything in the house and wash my produce as always.

      I live alone and have not come into physical contact with anyone else other than on my shopping trips, so I don’t feel anything else is necessary for me personally.

      1. Ditto. What most people are calling stay-at-home orders is pretty much my normal life. I’m taking my allergy medicine whether I need it or not, lest I be the person who coughs on my very, very occasional trip to the grocery store and causes a freakout.

         1. I live in DC and am extremely allergic to cherry blossoms. I only go to the grocery store every 7-10 days, and otherwise don’t really leave, but god, the looks I get…

            1. I’m sorry people are being so irrational. What little I’ve seen out and about, this crud is bringing out the worst in people.

      2. Yup this is what I’m doing. Only leaving the house for what I need, keeping my distance, and washing my hands.

         No masks/gloves/changing clothes when I get home and haven’t wiped down anything I’ve brought into my home. Honestly? I’m still working 70+ hours and I’m too exhausted to do all of that.

   6. Honestly, I’m not doing that much, and I live in a hotspot. I’m home with my husband and child. We’re social distancing–no play dates or in-person socializing, even 6 feet apart. We’re trying to limit trips out but are still grocery shopping in person (I figure it’s better to leave the delivery spot available for someone else), picking up medications at the pharmacy (Schedule II, so must be in person and only 30 day supply with no early refills), and getting takeout once per week (but maybe we’ll skip that this week). We take sanitizing wipes with us when we go out, and we wash hands thoroughly when we get home. We wipe down packaging but not every single can or piece of produce. I wash my hands after dealing with packages and mail, but don’t disinfect the mail or package itself. We take walks outside in our suburban neighborhood, where we encounter very few people, and we wash hands when we return. I am sure we haven’t reduced our risk of infection to zero, but we’re doing our best.

      1. I’m closest to you on this so far – I live alone, so I know I’m the only one bringing ‘stuff’ into my home. I’m not wiping down purchases, but I’m also leaving non perishables in the grocery bags for a couple of days to give time for anything on them to die.
         I’m going out for a quick walk/ fresh air most days (no garden or balcony!) and I usually include popping into the local convenience store in that, IF it’s not looking busy. I don’t want to run out of anything so I’m just picking up a few things a few times a week, keeping my total time in grocery stores to less than 25 minutes over the week. Maybe even 20. (No car and therefore no access to large supermarkets).
         I use hand sanitiser frequently while I’m out of the house and then wash my hands extra thoroughly when I get back.
         I’m kind of working on the basis that I’m not reducing my risk to zero but I am making sure that if I do pick anything up, my viral load will be very small. I think?

   7. FWIW, a state public health official told our local city council last night that for contact tracing, they consider something contact only if somebody’s been within 6 feet for 10 or more minutes. They specifically said that passing somebody in the grocery store would not be considered contact. Obviously contact tracing has a specific purpose, but the general point is that it’s relatively low risk.

      1. I wonder if it’s because with 10 min of time, the greater likelihood that someone coughs or sneezes and with 10 min you’re probably having a conversation, so someone’s saliva can certainly land on you etc.

         1. I think that’s the reasoning. It’s much less likely if you’re just walking by somebody.

      2. I think the general 6 feet rule is useful since so many people dont’ cover their mouths when they cough/sneeze.

   8. I think you’re fine. The stay at home stuff is mostly to drive home how serious this is; since there is currently no immunity in the human population. The virus itself is pretty wimpy and can be adequately avoided by not touching your face in public and frequent handwashing. Masks are as much about training yourself to not touch your face (or not infecting others if you’re already sick). Transmission is really linked to prolonged exposure to someone that is (or ends up, in a couple days) sick.

      If you want to hear it from a doctor – Dr. David Price (out of NYC) has a good (but long) explanation about what we know. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YitWZj9QhdQ

   9. We leave our apt once a day for a walk (going on an elevator, walking down a long hallway – which do not seem risk free). On our walk we try to social distance but the f*** runners do not stay six feet away and come upon us too quick to fully get out of their way. We also use a shared laundry room for our large apt. building (we try to go first thing, and use lots of wipes, but it’s still a shared space). We do wash our groceries. It’s all hard. Walks feel essential but I hate to think we’re taking too big a risk.

   10. I’m doing all of that because I have cancer and am immune-compromised from the
       lymphoma and from the treatment I had last month. We sanitize outside of canned goods etc., wipe down everything, quarantine paper items for 3-4 days. Open mail and boxes wearing gloves. Except I don’t do the shopping so I don’t shower and don’t make my husband shower. He wears gloves and wipes door handles etc. I don’t eat many raw veggies or fruit. And we are also now wearing homemade masks. We’re in Seattle.

   11. The entire HIVE should Read this from WebMD. It is very sensible. Dad says “Don’t go overbored, just don’t be stupid” to me all the time. But my Dad is very smart!

       https://www.webmd.com/lung/news/20200327/what-coronavirus-precautions-do-you-really-need?ecd=wnl_gdh_040120&ctr=wnl-gdh-040120_nsl-Bodymodule_Position1&mb=GVK%2fOI1z0S5KLBYwWNgexuHnVev1imbC69QZFXF4z%2fo%3d

2. This is my first time using Zelle. I’m taking over lease on a new house today. We’re trying to do everything remotely. Signed the lease – no problem. Tried to transfer funds via Zelle – it appears stuck and I cannot cancel. He can’t see the funds on his end and on my end it says “review pending”. Has anyone had this happen? Why did it get stuck and how long did it take to resolve?

   1. Call them.

      1. I am trying – have been on hold for 1:24:55 at this point.

   2. The transaction has probably been flagged for review (anti-money laundering, fraud, terrorist financing,etc.) by your bank, probably due to the amount and the fact that you’re a new user. It’ll likely go through tomorrow – I would call your bank if not.

      1. I agree with this. I’ve had no problems with Zelle. Because Zelle is a bank-to-bank process, the procedure might be longer than a quick cash app or venmo transaction.

   3. I’m guessing because you just sent a large amount of money to somebody you’ve never done that with before?

3. Aw, did I miss something? I’m kinda sad there is no April Fools pick this year!

   1. Didn’t you hear? April fools was cancelled this year. Although, the cake goes to one of my fabulous friends who posted the best gag ever. She’s engaged and posted wedding photos with her and and her beau and said they’d eloped. Turned out they’d been models for a local bridal magazine (oh to be 25 and a pure barre instructor).

      1. Ah, not allowed to be cancelled in our household per our children. I am glad to not get stupid April Fools emails from companies, but I do love a see-through blazer here on Corporette…

   2. Same! I just realized that. Someone go find some ridiculous outfit and post it.

      1. Here is a perfect one one for all your WFH needs:

         https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/burberry-cutout-stripe-hoodie/5558756/full?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FSweatshirts%20%26%20Hoodies&color=black%20pattern

         1. Thank you! I appreciate that it’s also full price. We all really need to double down on our financial priorities right now, starting with ordering this outfit.

         2. That hoodie is insane.

         3. I need this hoodie ASAP. With all the sweets I’ve been eating, I could use a little extra room in the stomach area…

         4. That is perfect, thank you! (Why the hole? Why?)

         5. That is such a confusing garment. Nice work.

         6. This must be a maternity garment, no?

         7. WTF did I just see???

         8. Hahaha excellent choice!!

   3. Go to Emily Henderson for your April Fool’s fix.

4. A survey – where do you live and when are the stores most/least crowded?

   I’m in Arlington Va and trying to figure out the sweet spot in this new normal where my most in my area are WFH younger people. Normally I was a night time shopper but not doing that because I see no point in exposing oneself and not even getting 1/2 of what you need because it’s been sold thru the day; plus whatever minimal cleaning happens in stores is at night so I figure it’s better to go early in the day when fewer ppl have walked thru post cleaning.

   Haven’t tried early morning yet as I imagine that’s busier as ppl seem so organized and my sole goal is avoiding as many ppl as possible. What days/times work in your area?

   1. First thing in the morning is not crowded in my area and that’s when they have the most in stock.

   2. First thing in the morning is reserved at all my local grocery stores for seniors.

      1. My store only does the senior hours M-Th and Friday at 7 am is the best time to shop. 8 am on other weekdays (after senior hour) is also fine though. Weekends are very crowded.

         1. I haven’t gone on Friday-Monday and don’t plan to though now maybe you’ve given me the idea that Friday AM is ok. I feel like Friday afternoon-Sunday is still that weekend feeling where more people are likely to say – hey let’s go get ice cream or pancake mix or whatever. And I think it’s better now but the way people were cleaning out the stores, I figured going Monday would be useless as it would take stores days to restock.

   3. I’ve found the sweet spot in our suburban town is dinner time (6-7pm). Everything seems mostly stocked (no TP, but that seems unavailable anywhere) but plenty of everything else.

   4. My husband has been going to the grocery store around 1pm in Alexandria VA and it has been pretty slow then, but also pretty well-stocked (the Aldi in Del Ray). My sister in Silver Spring was told by people at Target that if you NEED something (in her case TP) arrive a little bit before the doors open.

      Most of the stores by me don’t reserve the first hour of EVERY day for special shoppers, so check that out too.

   5. First thing at both Costco and our local grocery store is the best time I’ve found (Sat, Sun, Wed are days I’ve tried). Restocks happen overnight and it’s not that crowded at 8:20 AM. Husband waited for about 10 minutes outside of Costco but the line was moving. My stores also have a senior hour, call yours and confirm when “regular” shopping starts.
      I also had some luck with about 2 PM on Friday at a whole foods but YMMV.

      You can try to take a look at Google for “how busy is this place” graph, it was helpful for me a couple of times. Misleading once when they only let 10 people into the liquor store at once, though! Google said it was not busy, the line of people waiting outside said otherwise.

   6. First thing in the morning is reserved for seniors/otherwise immunocompromised, but I’ve had good luck swinging in between reserved hours and noon. I think the real crush is still the after-work crush (starting at 5), and the TP aisle is still just *tumbleweeds.* I don’t go on weekends if I can help it though, so I haven’t been then.

   7. Hello Fellow Arlingtonian:
      I don’t know if this would be your thing, but I was just at MOM’s on Veitch Street, between roughly 3:45 and 4:30, and it wasn’t crowded at all, and things were stocked.
      They had yeast I tell you. YEAST.
      The produce is crazy expensive if you’re used to Giant, Safeway, etc. But folks are always very nice there.
      If you can get out to Westover Market, that will also not be crowded. They’re supplying gloves. The family could really use your business. I shop there just to try to Do My Bit.
      I heard but haven’t verified that the Trader Joe’s is closed. Good luck!

5. Seeking wise hive advice on my current situation: engaged a new tax preparer who now seems to refuse to update the forms she has prepared (the current form is both incorrect and also incomplete – it doesn’t seem like she has even read the directions on the section, or bothered to read the information I’ve sent her many times). I’m very frustrated – just want them done completely and accurately, but am having to go back and forth over email time and time again to request the same update over and over. I signed an engagement letter with this preparer and she has already sent me an invoice. I’m not sure what to do if she fails to complete the forms correctly? Does this constitute breach of contract? My parents uses a different accounting firm and they have offered to refer me, but I imagine I’d then be paying twice.

   1. Withhold payment until she completes the form correctly. Give her until x date to do it. If she has not done it by then, hire a new preparer. Make sure you have documented everything in the event she sues you (small claims court ) once the courts are open again.

      1. ^ This. The deadline has been extended federally, not sure what state you’re in for state taxes though. But at least on the Federal front you’re not on a time crunch right now so you have minimal risk in withholding payment until she completes the forms. NOLA but I can’t see a judge ruling against a person trying to not commit a tax crime by knowingly allowing their preparer to supply misinformation to the IRS. Just make sure you have documentation to back everything up and I think you should be golden.

6. Has anyone been disinherited by a parent while the parent is living? My elderly father disinherited my brother years ago (they are estranged by father’s choice after my father felt my brother didn’t do “enough” for him following the death of my mother). I live a couple of hours away but have done my best managing my father’s affairs as needed and taking most of my vacation and sick time to take him to the doctor anytime he needs to go and help him move into assisted living (and letting me stay in my house after a couple of surgeries last year). I found out today from a cousin that my father is also disinheriting me and is instead leaving everything to my cousin. Father has always been emotionally abusive and is very quick to cut people out of his life, and always believes he’s the victim.

   The estate is small, and I understand logically that it is his money to do whatever he wants. But it still hurts that he seems to be making a statement that I’m also not doing “enough” when I’m doing my best for someone who has always treated me and everyone around him poorly. I guess I’m not sure where to go from here and how to help him without resentment.

   1. Well, first of all I don’t think you need to help him if you don’t want to or know that you’ll feel only resentment.

      1. +1 I agree that you don’t need to help him. It sounds like nothing you do will be enough, but I am sorry that you are going through this and it’s perfectly reasonable to be hurt and sad about it. I would scale back in my help if it were me in light that he has treated you poorly and been emotionally abusive. In fact, I would draw very clear and distinct boundaries that essentially mean he is on his own. But I am a ruthless B, so YMMV.

   2. I encourage you to take the time to assess how much, if at all, you want to continue to help him. One thing is to do what feels right for you and feels like something you’d be good with after he’s gone. It’s another to feel obligated and resentful and burned out for spending time and money on someone who is so cruel and manipulative. This isn’t about him anymore, it’s about you and what you need. <3

      1. +1 Much better put than what I could say.

      2. Agreed.

   3. Stop helping him. He clearly doesn’t want his children involved in his life.

   4. I agree with all the posts above encouraging you to set a boundary about how much care you believe is best to invest in this. But I would recommend you keep in mind that he will continue to treat you poorly (possibly worse as he ages). The inheritance is just part of the same sh!tty pattern, not new information.

      1. Oof, yes. I could have written almost your entire post, except that I don’t have a brother: my father threatened to disinherit me when he was mad at my perceived inadequacies for years upon years, which hurt but I’d always respond with some variation on “it’s your money, do what you want with it, I don’t have a relationship with you because I expect a financial payout.” He finally did something so egregious that I went no-contact. I assume I’m disinherited–don’t know for sure since we haven’t spoken in a year and a half–and my life is so much better now.

         Set the boundaries you need to set for yourself, and offer your father the level of support and assistance that you feel comfortable offering him. If he’s anything like my dad, nothing you do will ever be good enough and his goalposts will always be moving anyway, so you might as well accept that he’s going to be unhappy and do what you need to do in order to prioritize taking care of yourself.

   5. Please know isn’t about you. It’s not uncommon as abusive ppl age, they start to feel like they are losing control which is the thing they hate most so they will often make inheritance decisions out of anger or spite vs any reality based thing a person has done or not done. This is not about you, it’s about his need for control and manipulation.

      1. Yeah, and not just from age. Listen to Ralphie May’s widow Lahna Turner about Ralphie’s last few years.

   6. I have been. My parent is leaving $2m to his new spouse and nothing to me. It hurts. We still have a friendly relationship mostly because I do not want to be alone but it does hurt.

7. I really do not like this suit. Not that it matters. Is anyone appearing in court virtually?

   1. I don’t either, those shoulders are awful. And the pants don’t fit that model.

   2. I know someone who did an oral argument this week via Zoom, so yes.

   3. Yes, my jurisdiction is keeping a couple of courtrooms open for emergencies and people are appearing via video.

   4. Yes, I had a CMC earlier this week, and have a Markman hearing on Friday. I also have a staff review of a proposed complaint with the ITC this week.
      CMC and staff review are just phone, Markman is by video.

   5. My husband participated in a video sentencing via Zoom and has another hearing next week via zoom in federal court.

   6. Yes, AAA arbitration telephonic discovery hearing.

   7. At this point, all of our court hearings are telephonic only.

   8. Yes, my court is conducting all hearings by videoconferences (at least, for criminal cases), so I’ve had a few. Given that I’m using my laptop to connect and the angle on my desk, the only thing visible is my face and the very tops of my shoulders, so I’m putting on a jacket just to remind myself that I’m working as much as anything else, but you can’t really tell and I could really wear almost anything (I have done them all braless and in leggings). Judges have all worn robes.

8. I’m an accountant and all of my clients are panicking. Many are shutting down their businesses, asking for urgent financial forecasts, etc. I have pulled 16-18 hour days the last two weeks straight and the pressure is much different than normal tax season. I am nervous for my clients and while I’m grateful to have work, I am internalizing this stress. I’m not an anxious person typically but I’m not sleeping due to the ‘what ifs’ and unknowns. I plan on taking one day off this weekend and my boss fully supports that. Any other suggestions?

   1. Yes, my best suggestion is to do something that isn’t vegging on the couch. I’ve posted about this in the past, but I’ve found that whenever I think “I just need a couch day to recover from ___ stressor”, I end up feeling worse (and very sluggish) afterward. What helps instead is doing something active or that requires thinking, but that isn’t related to work. Things like a walk in nature, reading a good book, crafts, or playing music would all fit the bill. Those activities end up feeling so much more restorative.

      1. This is such great advice.

      2. Agreed! This is one reason why there is so much baking going on: steps to follow, engage your mind, and a concrete payout at the end.

   2. You need to complete the stress cycle. You’ve got this nebulous source of stress that won’t resolve itself in a way your body recognizes, so it helps to do something the body *does* recognize. Common ways are exercise, doing something that makes you feel safe, or getting enough/more sleep.

      https://www.stress.org/chronic-stress-three-steps-to-complete-the-stress-response-cycle-and-increase-health-and-wellness

9. I got a new job and will be remote for now and start in-office eventually. I loved the dress this morning but don’t know what the dress code will be like – what’s a typical dress code for nonprofits in D.C.? For context I’ve most recently lived in Boston and Chicago.

   1. It depends on the nonprofit – anything can work. It’s SUPER dependent on your individual office. Business casual generally, probably pretty similar to what you’re used to in Chicago and Boston. The dress from this morning would be fine in almost all places, but would put you on the dressier end of most of your coworkers. But if you loved the dress from this morning get it!

10. I am in the process of looking for a new job in what is now a recession. I am looking to transition from academia to non -academic roles. I have seen advice about including quantities when describing the things I worked on. The problem is I do environmental research so common examples like “increased sales by 20%” don’t apply to me. In short there is no direct commercial gain from the work I do and listing papers published may not be relevant for some of the non-academic jobs I am applying for. Would it be odd to include the budget amounts for projects I have worked e.g. Managed project activities for ABC project financed by the Government agency Y at $250,000 and focusing on quantifying emissions at XYZ sites….”. I usually reported project expenditures e.g. when I buy supplies to a university administrator who directly managed the budget.

    Any other ideas for quantifying impact on a resume or in a cover letter are welcome.

    1. Ask a manager has some helpful posts on writing about these not-so-easy to quantify jobs. What kinds of industries/jobs are you looking in? I work a research/evaluation company (lots of PhDs and EdDs). We’re interested in people’s publishing, and the scope/scale/impact of the projects and programs people have worked on. So sure, size of budgets could be helpful in showing that – but also (and this is often very hard to know what happens after the project is over), what impact did your work have – e.g., did clients/sites do anything differently because of your work?

    2. Academia holds publications up as the ultimate yardstick, but they do count for something, as a measurable consequence of your efforts: if you’ve published it, there’s something novel about what you’ve done. I’ve put down budgets, because having managed large projects is a talent.
       My resume has the following sort of accomplishments:
       Performed/developed (research technique/dataset/approach) resulting in (new understanding/novel conclusions), accelerating understanding of (discipline)
       Managed projects worth ($) involving stakeholders from (disciplines) resulting in (research products/accolades)

11. I’m starting to feel like my relationship is all on my BF’s terms due to COVID and it’s making me really uncomfortable. Is anyone else feeling this way and if so how are you handling it? Here’s my situation: I’m working from home and have no contact with anyone but BF. He’s essential and still going to work. His coworkers on his shift are all close. BF and I have separate homes but he’s been spending most of his time at my place. I feel like he has all this social contact and all I have is zoom. He can choose to come over and then I get to see a human. Or he can choose to stay at his place and I’m alone. I hate that I’m basically always available. And yes I do zoom happy hours but that occurs when he’s at work. I’m starting to feel a power imbalance and it’s making me really insecure. Help?

    1. I think this is isolation talking – I don’t think there’s a power imbalance, so much as “OMG I’m stuck and going a little crazy.” Are you still living your own life? Getting exercise (workout videos? T-25 by Shaun T needs no equipment), getting fresh air, doing a hobby?

    2. He shouldn’t be coming over to your place.

       1. I’m starting to wonder if these posters are just tr0lling us now.

          1. Dude, seriously? You expect people who have partners but who are “unlucky” enough not to be living together already to simply *never* see each other, when they’re otherwise doing everything they can? How is this meaningfully different from a risk perspective than if they did live together?

          2. Seriously. This is getting old.

       2. Oh look the smug marrieds are still trying to figure out how to condescend to unmarried people.

       3. He can come over to her place if she has accepted the risk that she is part of his family. My husband is an essential worker and I didn’t kick his @ss out.

          1. Oh my god, THANK YOU FOR THIS. As a single person living alone, I was starting to feel panicky and boxed in after reading this morning’s thread (which, admitedly, was a different fact situation).

          2. And if she’s not going anywhere else I think it’s fine as long as she’s accepting of the risks.

    3. I think this is all just a byproduct of super unusual circumstances and (based on what you have said) no one (you or him) is doing anything wrong. Also, not that you said you have or would, but try not to take it out on him that he can see people during the day and you can’t (like I probably accidently would after a drink or two, if I’m being honest :)

       ps why can you not go to his house, if he’s coming to yours?

       1. Thanks! We stay at my place because it’s much more comfortable and it’s in a suburban neighborhood so we can take walks. I also have a pet who adores BF and spends every waking moment getting as close as possible. BF’s place is a studio in an industrial area with no sidewalks and no cuddly pets.

          1. Aw, I love you and your cuddly pet. No wonder he wants to stay over. Maybe this is the time to voice some gardening or other life-demands.

12. Someone on the morning thread was asking about dumbells…. I was in a virtual session with my trainer today and he knew I didn’t have any dumbells. So when we got to that part he asked, “do you have something like a large full water bottle?” I went looking around in my apartment (single, no kids) and found a (large) full bottle of bourbon! It worked! :) He also–very kindly–loaned me some additional equipment today when he brought over the laundry detergent he scored for me at Home Depot last week after I was complaining that I was almost out and couldn’t find any.

    It’s a silly little story but I thought it may give others some ideas or at least a grin.

    1. Orange Theory has been doing virtual workouts on their app and using household items like chairs, potted plants, shovels, jugs of detergent, and other weird stuff someone might have around. One of my friends said they used a heavy dutch oven. There’s options!

    2. Ha! I love that. I used to work out with two big bottles of shampoo and conditioner that I ended up not liking (until I was like okay this is ridiculous and got rid of them).

    3. I put books in a backpack to make my weights, and one of my friends did her workout with a bottle of wine in each hand. I used a skillet for a workout the other day. I also lifted the large bag of protein powder for one workout, but it dusted powder everywhere so that’s out in the future. Check out Alexia Clark on Instagram, she’s doing a ton of interesting workouts with various household items.

13. Speaking of “stay the f at home”… https://ew.com/tv/samuel-l-jackson-coronavirus-stay-the-f-at-home-jimmy-kimmel (skip to 5:20 for the book reading).

    1. Just watched it. This is excellent.

    2. LOVED IT! That was great, thanks for sharing. I feel like this needs to be posted on every single question that goes “If I stay 6 ft apart……?” Stay the F* at home!

14. “You are not working from home, you are at your home during a crisis trying to work.”

    Seen on Twitter @neilmwebb but I don’t think he’s the original author. Anyway, a great switch in phrasing!

    1. As a related version, we aren’t home schooling. We are crisis schooling. That takes a tiny bit of a sting out of things that are otherwise presented as (preferable) choices when the reality is anything but.

    2. That resonated with me as well. This situation is not normal, your best is all you can do right now.

15. Just finished a zoom meeting that was hijacked by n@zi promoters and then a second time by talk about giving away sp3rm. I knew this was happening and I guided the leader to use passwords and how to mute them and all but it was way more jarring and upsetting than expected. In a typical society, I think it would have been annoying. In this society, it felt like being attacked while in my own home because we are all already under attack. I’m surprised by my strong feelings about this and am trying to decompress before going back to another task… so weird to have this element added to an already bizarre situation!

    1. Oh, man. I’m sorry you had to experience that!

    2. Yuck, that is so horrifying.

    3. That must have been horrible! Like the worst of the internet showing up in your living room :(

16. Great news: David Lat of Above the Law is being discharged from the hospital!

    https://twitter.com/DavidLat/status/1245419225721733122

    1. Thanks for posting! I was so irrationally emotionally invested in his case…

17. WFH would be so much better if I didn’t have an entry of .3 each hour for “check news feeds; make sure that the world isn’t ending” Ugh.

    I am usually able to focus when I WFH but situations seem so dymanic and we have near daily news conferences for our city and state and maybe feds too that may affect my ability to get to things, kids schools, etc. etc. I feel like I am constantly checking.

18. A woman on a TV show last night – FBI Most Wanted – was wearing this exact jacket last night. I spent a few minutes looking at the blue heather color, the windowpane plaid and the pleated sleeve cap that are so reminiscent of the 1980s to me. Everything that is old is new again.

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