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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.
I've seen a ton of pinkish suits over the years — many more than I've posted — but something about this McQueen speaks to me. I like the way it mixes a fairly severe cut with a baby soft pink, and the crisp peplum in back is perfection. (I looooove the jacket styled with the black pants — how chic is that?) I really, really wish the skirt were longer — but as someone who, at 5'4″, clocks in quite a bit shorter than most models, I'd still give it a try. The jacket (Alexander McQueen Double-Breasted Stretch-Twill Jacket) is $2,535, and the skirt (Alexander McQueen Stretch-Twill Mini Skirt) is $965.
Two lower-priced options are here and here; here is a plus-size alternative (pants + jacket).
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
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Anonymous
I am newly engaged and how other typically wear their engagement/wedding band rings. Do you wear them all the time? Take them off at night – where do you store them? If you usually remove, what do you do when traveling – any special place you store them to ensure you don’t lose or accidentally forget behind?
Anonymous
Wear all the time or you’ll lose them.
Maddie Ross
Not even remotely true. I’ve taken mine off every night for 10+ years and never lost them. I have sensitive skin, and even if I dry my hands thoroughly after washing/showering/working out before putting on my rings, I’m susceptible to rashes on my fingers. For me, taking them off every night and “airing” my fingers out helps. And now I cannot sleep in them – I feel weird. I do put them in a ring holder in the same place though every night.
BB
I take mine off as soon as I get home. They go into the same box every day, so no chance I’ll lose them. I also don’t always wear the engagement ring since it kind of sticks out and isn’t very practical for more strenuous activities (also a little bit worried if I’m going to a not so great neighborhood).
lost academic
I tried to avoid wearing mine to work if it was a day where I knew I’d need to have it off in the lab. It was not a ring I could wear at night without expecting damage to myself or the sheets, etc. I had a ring keeper thing next to the bed and put it there religiously. Losing it was always a pretty big fear.
I never take off my wedding band unless in an environment where it is not allowed. I designed the ring to be good for that. I do not wear my engagement ring anymore (it’s way too flashy for me) unless it’s a special occasion, and I’ve had it resized to be worn on my right hand – it’s asymmetrical in a way that doesn’t allow it to be worn with a regular wedding band.
Cat
I wear them almost all the time (including sleeping, traveling, etc), not out of fear of losing them, but because I love them! It was weird the first few days always having my engagement ring on (and then again getting used to the feeling of the additional wedding band), but now it feels weirder to have them off (like when I’m cleaning them or doing heavy duty housework).
When they’re off, they are therefore either (1) in the cleaning solution tub, or (2) I always set them in a little dish on my dresser, far out of the way of whatever is going on in the house. We don’t have any kids or pets that might interfere in either scenario – if we did, I might put them in a particular drawer instead.
Alice
+1. I figure jewelry is meant to be worn, I love wearing them, and it’s just easier not to worry about taking them on or off all the time.
Anonymous
I have a ring holder on my nightstand and I take them off and put them there when showering, cooking, and sometimes at night, when I’m home. I never take them off when traveling because I’m worried I will lose them.
Batgirl
+1
Anon
When I’m home, I take them off to shower, cook, clean, and exercise. I have a ring box on my bedside table and a ring holder next to each sink, and they go there.
When I’m traveling, I take them off to shower and put them back on immediately afterwards. I also take them off to work out if I’m exercising in my hotel room. If I exercise anywhere else (hotel gym, running, etc), I wear them because I don’t want to leave them unattended in my hotel room.
Mrs. Jones
I wear mine all the time, except I left engagement ring at home the last time I went out of the country.
lucy stone
Congratulations! I take my rings off at night and keep them in a special section of my “good” jewelry box. I used to wear my e-ring all the time but I almost broke it when we were engaged because I did something clumsy and smacked it into a wall. Since then, it comes off when my suits come off, as does my wedding band. If we’re traveling, I keep them on the nightstand when I take them off, but generally will put them in my jewelry roll. If I didn’t bring additional jewelry, I loop them in a hair tie to make them easier to find if I knock them on the floor.
Killer Kitten Heels
I wear mine whenever I leave the house, but when I’m in the house it goes right back into the box it originally came in (a sturdy ring box). The box lives on my dresser. Taking my rings off is the first thing I do when I get home everyday, and putting them on is the last thing I do before I leave the house. My setting is pretty high (sticks out from my finger), so I never found it comfortable or practical to wear it all the time, and I found keeping them in the original ring box was just the easiest thing to do for me. The ring box comes with me when I travel, if I choose to travel with my rings, and when I’m travelling I only ever wear them, leave them in the box in the room while I’m in the room, or leave them in the box in the room’s safe if I’m going to be doing an activity where I don’t want to wear them. I also have a plain sterling silver band that I’ll wear while travelling for trips where it doesn’t make sense to bring my rings.
lawsuited
I take mine off when I feel like it, and wear them when I feel like it. They end up in my suit jacket pockets, a zipper compartment in by purse, a teacup by the sink, my jewellery box, under by pillow. I have lost them from time to time, but they always turn up.
Meg March
I do not wear my ring at night. I take it off when I go to bed, put it back on after I shower the next morning.
bapjib
Congratulations! I view them like trousers, I definitely want to wear them outside the house but they’re optional at home. I put them on a ringholder in my bedroom when I’m not wearing them. Personally, I take them off at night and when cooking (because water under a ring can chafe).
KinCA
I have a ceramic dish next to my bed where I put my rings when I’m not wearing them. They’re generally the first things I take off when I get home (I hate to wear them when I cook/shower/etc.) and the last things I put on before leaving the house.
When I’m travelling, I normally wear them more in my hotel room (mainly because I’m paranoid about misplacing them without my usual ring dish). I normally take them off right before I go to bed and put them on the nightstand right next to me.
Anon
I wear mine all the time.
Anon
I wear them all the time. Both engagement ring and wedding ring.
Wildkitten
I took my RHR off for 15 seconds on Monday and lost it. AND I FEEL SO STUPID. So don’t do that.
oil in houston
I only take them off when I go to bed, and put them in a box on my bedside table. I also don’t wear them when I swim, but otherwise it’s always on
anon
I have little ring holders – just tiny bowls- at every sink and by my bed. I need one for my office because I am always taking them on and off and losing them in stacks of paper and stuff. I generally wear mine whenever I go out – but not always. I don’t wear to the gym, in the shower, gardening, etc so forth.
Scarlett
Like most people here, I keep mine in a dish at night when I sleep/am hanging out at home, but I don’t travel with my real rings. I got a fake set on amazon for about $40 that looks “real enough” that I use for travel in “safer” places where I feel like I still want my jewelry & I have a plain band for less safe places. I’m just not comfortable that I’d remember to put on my rings when I’m outside my normal routine, so I don’t want to risk losing the real deal.
Anonymous
I take mine off as soon as I get home. I have a crystal ring holder on my dresser for them.
Gail the Goldfish
I have a 401(k) from an old job that I keep forgetting to do something with. I wasn’t at old job long and it’s not much money (a few thousand)–would I be better to roll it into my 401(k) with my new job or into an IRA? (I already have an IRA with an equally small amount of money in it, if that makes a difference)
NYC tech
It all boils down to the quality of your investment choices within the 401k. Put your money where you have access to low-cost index funds – preferably with a company like Vanguard or similar. If your 401k is only higher-fee funds, then opening an IRA with Vanguard would be much preferable.
MJ
I’ve personally found that roll-ins (to existing 401(k)s) are more paperwork-intense and just more of a PITA than a rollover. YMMV. Completely agree with the advice above regarding having your own choices (IRA) or having to fit your choice within the choices in your existing 401(k) plan. I have found Schwab, Fidelity and e-trade all to have very painless rollover processes.
Anonymous
I rolled mine over into a Vanguard IRA because I thought the investment options were better than my new 401k, but now I wish I’d just put it in my new 401k so that my IRA balance is $0 when I have the excess money to start doing backdoor Roth contributions. I can still do a reverse rollover and move the money, but it’s just an extra step now. Since you already have an IRA balance, you’d have to do the reverse rollover step anyway, so I agree with the above about picking based on the better investment options. I just mention my experience in case others are reading who don’t have the preexisting IRA balance.
historienne
Open-ended question for the hive: do you think contemporary society has a collective responsibility to preserve and protect historic buildings, or is that task better left to passionate individuals?
Context: I’m involved with a fairly impoverished community organization that happens to own and be housed in a 19th-century building by a regionally significant but not internationally famous architect. The building is usable but not well maintained; it is not ADA-compliant or energy efficient; and it is much too big for the current and projected needs and resources of the organization. Some of my colleagues want to launch a multi-million-dollar campaign to “save” the building, others want to sell the valuable real estate to a developer. Do you see a moral edge for preservation, or should the practical concerns prevail?
Anonymous
I think generally there is a collective value in historic preservation, but not just of 100% of old buildings.
historienne
Sure. But is that the building owner’s responsibility, or do you let market forces dictate?
Anonymous
At what point do you get to throw the org’s $ at a pet project? If it is an architecture org or school, maybe it’s mission-related. But I don’t think an org to help poor people should put a building higher up on the priority list. You can rent new space and rent out the old space (unless it is truly awful).
Anonymous
It is not an either-or choice, really. The economics may weigh in favor of knocking it down. In my area where nothing is old, anything even 50 years old is likely to be repurposed, even at extra expense, since “oldness” is a scarce commodity that is seen as valuable.
Is there any reason the group can’t lease out some of its space and maybe make enough $ to rehab a portion? Is it under the gun to do anything in a hurry? I know a place that does this as an arts and nonprofit incubator in repurposed school building.
At any rate, the building shouldn’t be an impediment to the org fulfilling its mission. If it is, they need to sell / lease and move on.
padi
I live in a city where the “historic” buildings that are being preserved are neither historic nor noteworthy. Unless there is really good reason to save a building, I am biased towards redeveloping the land so that the current residents can live and work in downtown areas where land is at a premium.
In my town, a crumbling, abandoned church delayed the permit process for years until the developer agreed to move the church, restore the church, and move the church back to the s*te. Another “historic” building is in the middle of a popular area packed with restaurants that is often very crowded and doesn’t have enough tables. My yoga studio is in a “historic” building but now houses an MJ clinic and a tattoo parlor and reeks of MJ.
Anon 4 This
This is not uncommon. I’m in real estate, and we often see neighborhood groups filing for buildings to be included in the historic register as a defense mechanism against future development.
Ellen
Yay! I totally love Alexander McQueen! He has the greatest t shoe’s, but they are VERY expensive! This outfit is VERY cute also, but I do NOT think I could wear it b/c it is to expensive and even tho it is SO cute, I know I would spill Marinara sauce on it the first day I wore it to an Italian restrunt. FOOEY!
Does the HIVE know that Alexander McQueen comited soicide? I went to a show of his at the MET, and the lines were VERY long. Myrna and I stood in line for over an hour just to go in and see it! But it was so beautiful, and he had such a flair for fashion. To bad he is no longer liveing. My dad says he was good, but to avant guard for his taste. I think Dad might have met him behind the iron curtain but I am NOT sure.
As for the OP, Dad says that just b/c a building is OLD does NOT mean it has to be preserved. There are alot of old buildings that have ASBESTOS in them he says and they should NOT be preservied. He also says that the GDP can be increased by putting more peeople to work, and this will give jobs to peeople and they can buy health care so that HE does NOT have to pay as much for their health care.
I am not sure I understand all of that buHE is the MENSa in our family, not me. YAY!!!!
MJ
I look at this more clearly as what the mission of the community organization is–if it is to serve, say, underprivileged youth, then the organization is not really in the business of historic preservation, noble as that may be. If the organization has a mission statement, this will be all the clearer. Do what the org needs. That is what is best. If that means selling, then do that.
Stormtrooper
+1 Start with the mission, and let it guide you. Task forces are usually really good for flushing the typoe of problem you presented out.
Architect
There are lots of reasons of why a building can be deemed historic. Maybe it’s the last of a of certain type left. Is the building on the register yet? If so, you need to preserve it. You don’t have a choice. Historic building are not for everyone. They can be expensive to bring up to code. The review process is also very time consuming. Even as an architect, I don’t always think it’s worth it. That said, we tear down waaaay too much in the US.
veryanon
Just feeling lonely and want to vent – skip if you are not into the trying to conceive stuff.
My H and I decided we were ready to start a family about six months ago, so I went off the pill. I haven’t ovulated since (only had one “withdrawal bleed” after doing a course of provera). I have read, and my doctor has told me, that this is uncommon but can happen sometimes and that I shouldn’t be concerned. Had a few tests and there’s nothing biologically wrong so far as she can tell. I am frustrated both that I don’t know what’s wrong with me and that people around me joke about when we’re going to get around to having kids, as they assume that we’re just enjoying our years as dual-income no kids for a while longer. At the same time, I know that what I’m going through isn’t nearly the same situation as couples who have been trying for years and have diagnosed fertility problems, nor is it biologically urgent for me to have kids (I’m in my late 20s). So I don’t feel like I can get support from that community. In the end, I just feel very alone, since only my H knows what I’m going through, and even with him I hide that I am feeling as stressed and upset as I am about it. Obviously I’m monitoring the medical part with my doctor, but if anyone has any advice or commiseration on the emotional/social part, I’d love to hear from you.
Anonymous
Sorry and hugs.
I had the worst periods growing up — every side effect no matter how much Advil I downed. Then I easily got pregnant after getting married late — yay! Then the bleeding started and the baby died after we had heard the heartbeat. And then ::: nothing ::: for about 5 months. It was so hard to have the one thing that had always plagued me be the thing I craved most. My Dr said that they could make me have a period, but even that wouldn’t really prove that things were working. This is the sort of patience that I’m not good at (internet pictures of kittens helped, as did bingewatching The Wire). At the worst possible time, I got my period (so: wear white! All the time! Never have supplies with you! Or Advil! Or be in a parade (b/c you will find out it comes back in a portapotty on the parade route)!
Thanksgiving is coming up: can you march in a parade wearing white and leave your Advil and supplies at home?
Good luck!
Coach Laura
I know it’s not funny but the parade story wins the internet for the day.
OP, I think you might find support on an online group for TTC because it does wear you down when the body/period doesn’t cooperate and you have not a clue when you will get a resolution. That truly is stressful and you’re not whining or sad for no reason. Just because you’re not truly infertile nor trying for 3+ years doesn’t mean it’s not hard. Take care. And as Tinkerbell says below, perhaps concentrate on what you can control: Eat well, take prenatal vitamins, exercise (for stress relief and to be in good shape to carry a pregnancy), see friends, have massages/pedicures/spa days. And enjoy drinking wine and eating unpasteurized cheeses – something you may not be able to do when pregnant.
veryanon
Thank you, this story cheered me up – no parades but maybe I can run a Turkey Trot in white leggings :) And thanks for your support Coach Laura – it is nice to hear that I’m not being a drama queen here.
heatherskib
Before I voted to get spayed, I was in the same boat. Nothing brought the crimson tide better than peeing on a pregnancy test.
Having said that. This is a hard time and I hope everything turns out in the best way possible.
Tinkerbell
I have never tried to conceive but I recently read the book Woman Code. Check it out – it’s about supporting your hormonal health with food. Making actively focusing on something will help you. Good luck.
anon
I am not sure what tests you have already had, but I would recommend seeing an RE. This happened to me; I went in after 3 months with no period, got an RE referral, took another couple months to get an appointment. I’m glad I went when I did, because it turned out I had a benign pituitary tumor that was suppressing my estrogen production and was pressing on my optic nerve. Surgery fixed it, but again, took a number of months to schedule. By that point we were a year out from when we had hoped to start trying.
Anonymous
So sorry you’re going through this. Would it help to let one trusted girlfriend in on whats going on? Or your mom if you’re close? Generally I’m a very private person and prefer to keep stuff, especially anything involving my relationship, between me and DH, but this seems like a situation where having a female to vent to could really help. As for busybodies who ask why you don’t have kids yet, if I were in your shoes I might say something snippy like “Don’t jump to conclusions that we aren’t ready for kids” to make them feel guilty and shut up (but of course then you are opening yourself up to inquiries about your health if they are the type of people who will pry into that).
And talk to your DH! He’s the person besides you who should best understand, so I wouldn’t make any effort to hide how stressed or upset you are with him. If he’s not supportive when you do tell him how stressed and upset you are, that’s a separate issue.
ChiJD
I’m sorry you are going through this. I think you would be surprised to find out how many people are in the same boat as you (I am also having difficulty TTC). It is just not something most people discuss openly. I also suggest visiting TTC message boards – it is comforting to know you are not alone/share same fears and frustrations as other people. Schedule an appointment with an RE – it might take a while to get an initial consultation (for reference, I made an appointment a week or so ago and first available is in mid December). Also, try talking to a trusted friend – I was open with a very close girlfriend and it turns out she is having similar issues too. Best wishes to you!
Anonymous
Sorry you are going through this. I would definitely confide in a friend (or therapist) so you don’t feel so alone in this journey. I’d also schedule an appt with an RE or fertility specialist. Also check if there’s anything you can do for your diet to promote fertility. And get some exercise if you don’t already, it’ll help with the stress.
Anon
As others have said, go see an RE, they have seen it all and will normally be much more knowledgable about fertility issues than a regular OB. We really struggled, too, and it’s very isolating. You are not being dramatic!! I also wanted to offer a different perspective on the advice to change your diet and exercise more. If that makes you feel good, go for it, but I got a lot of advice like that that just made me feel worse, like I wasn’t good enough or healthy enough to have a baby. It’s just not true – eating veggies and doing cardio is not going to magically make you fertile. It’s not your fault – every woman’s body is different and I hope you will get the answers and medical care you need!
veryanon
Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I do already exercise and eat well, and my doc already ruled out nutrition deficiencies, so I’m good there. I think I will make an RE appt – I was between insurance plans after changing jobs till this month, so I had put it off before. Time to pull that trigger I guess.
Lotuff?
Does anyone have any Lotuff bags? I was thinking of this (not marketed as a purse) as a large-clutch-replacement:
http://lotuffleather.com/collections/portfolios/products/15-leather-folder-organizer
But other things of theirs are truly lovely.
BB
I don’t have one, but have been eyeing the satchel for a while. I do remember reading a while ago that the company was created out of some feud with Frank Clegg…and I seem to remember thinking that Lotuff came off not so great in that incident, so put off buying anything. I might be totally wrong in my memory though (I would do some googling if you care) as it was a while ago and I mostly just fell out of the market for a bag. They look really lovely!
Pretty Primadonna
This suit is sick, and I mean that in the best way possible. Loooooooooooove it!
NashJD
Ditto. Love. Wish I had the figure for it.
Cream Tea
Ditto. Love. Wish I had the figure for it.
Pretty Primadonna
Ditto! A girl can dream, though. ;-)
bag brand?
A few weeks ago I happened upon the web page of a company that makes bags in the USA, I believe in NYC. They had some simple leather totes in the $300-ish range that could be customized. Each bag, custom or not, was made to order. I failed to bookmark it and now can’t locate it. Does anyone know the company I’m talking about, or did I just imagine it?
CPA Lady
Was it Cuyana? I know that some of their bags are made in the US.
Anonymous
Gigi NY? they make their bags in the US I believe.
bag brand?
Thanks for the ideas!
It might have been Gigi–their small tote looks like the bag I remember. But I could have sworn there were custom color options.
Cuyana looks nice and also similar, but I am sure the company I was looking at lined their totes.
anon
Campos?
bag brand?
Yes, that’s it! Many thanks!
Batgirl
Any suggestions for a good beach vacation in early to mid-January? We’ll be coming from the DC area and would like somewhere that isn’t much more than 4-5 hour flight and where the weather will be nice. For what it’s worth, I’ll be about 5 months pregnant.
Anonymous
Depends on how much you want to spend. Roughly in order of increasing price: the Florida gulf coast (e.g. Destin), Miami, Key West, Cancun Mexico (some great all-inclusives there if you’re into that sort of thing), Caribbean islands (St. Lucia and Turks and Caicos are some of my favorites but I’d investigate what you can fly to easily and cheaply on your preferred airline, if applicable).
The further out you can go from New Years, the better prices should be, although Jan-April is high season in the Caribbean.
Idea
The Florida gulf coast won’t really be beach as-in-swimming weather in January, unless you go South of Tampa.
Batgirl
Yeah, this is what I was thinking for Florida–worried it won’t be warm enough that time of year.
First Year Anon
You CAN get some good beach weather in the Miami area in mid-January, but it is not guaranteed. I would go farther south, down to the Keys, if you want to ensure you get beach-weather. However, that will add to your travel time.
Anonymous
And Keys aren’t great for beaches. Eating, relaxing, and wandering, yes. Beaches– not as much.
heatherskib
+1. I’d vote further south. I grew up in central Florida, and snow happens there on occasion in January, too. Hard freezes are still probable as well.
Maybe in Collier County or the Keys? I wouldn’t look further north than Palm Beach.
Stormtrooper
South Florida (Miami or the Keys) or San Juan.
anon a mouse
Aruba. Direct flights from Dulles.
Batgirl
Addendum: is it true that Cancun is still inundated with seaweed?
JJ
I was just there last month and there was hardly any seaweed. It may depend where on the coast your hotel is, though.
Gail the Goldfish
I would ask in the TripAdvisor forums about the seaweed situation in specific destinations. I think it’s still a problem in a lot of the Caribbean right now.
Cat
Anguilla. Direct ~4 hour flight to St Maarten, then a 20 minute ferry.
Killer Kitten Heels
We went to an all-inclusive in Jamaica in early February last year, and it was the perfect “relax and do nothing on the beach/at the pool” vacation. On the one hand, I felt a tiny bit of traveler’s guilt about never once leaving the resort, since we’re usually more adventurous travelers, but on the other hand, it was the absolute perfect way to relax, and I was surprised at how much I loved the ease of the all-inclusive experience (I’d never been to one before).
Anonymous
What do people wear to baby showers now? I haven’t been to one in a while and have one this weekend. Weather is a high of 61 with rain possible. Was thinking of wearing a A-line Tahari dress with 3/4 sleeves in fall colors, but not sure if this is too dressy. This is for my brother’s wife, so I don’t mind being a little dressier than the average guest.
Senior Attorney
I don’t think you can go wrong with the Tahari dress. Can you call the hostess and ask what she’s wearing?
Anonymous
That sounds about right. People tend to dress up a little bit for showers.
Batgirl
I think you’ll see a range, but a dress wouldn’t be out of place and, in my opinion, is a really appropriate outfit to wear.
Anonymous
Thanks everyone! Easy enough :)
Killer Kitten Heels
What’s the location? I’ve found in-home showers tend to be a little more casual (was at one this weekend, the outfits ranged from jeans-and-a-nice-top to nice sweaterdress), and showers at restaurants or other event venues to be a little more dressy (no jeans, dressiness level tending a bit more towards what I would think of as business casual).
Wellness
After years of basically working and having kids and not much else, I finally am at a point where I really want to do something about my own wellness. I’m really overweight, don’t exercise, and eat pretty healthfully, but probably eat way too much in terms of portion size. I’ve done weight watchers plenty of times and don’t want to do that again – nor do I want to do another calorie-counting diet. I just want to figure out a way to feel stronger and healthier and more energetic. If I could lose some weight that would be great, but at this point, I figure that losing weight is a fool’s game, so I should just focus on feeling healthier and stronger.
Do any of you have suggestions for resources, programs, or other ways to do this? Any success stories? Should I look for a personal trainer? Assume that I am reasonably intelligent and have read a lot about this stuff, but am bad at implementation – mostly because I have very little free time. But I am willing to throw some money at this if that’s what it takes.
Anonymous
Read any of the beginning weightlifting for dummies books and invest in a few heavier weights and spend 10-15 minutes first thing in the morning lifting or doing pushups. This is probably the best bang for your buck and something easy to do and make a habit.
Anon
It sounds like IIFYM might be a good fit for you if you are willing to put in the initial work. Skinnymeg has a much of posts about it on her blog that should come up in google.
anon a mouse
New Rules of Lifting for Women. Commit to doing the workouts 3x a week for at least the first 2 stages. See how you feel. I bet you stick with it.
Anon
Eat half of what you’re eating now, with lots more water and lots more walking. That will make a big difference in itself.
Anonymous
Hahahahahahahahaha. Yeah. Sure. If I could just start eating half as much as I do now, guess what? I wouldn’t be fat. Your suggestion is facile and ignores reality. It’s also unsustainable and, frankly, dumb.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t laugh at this advice. Portion control is really important to a healthy diet. If you’re currently getting 800 calories at dinner or lunch, cutting down to 500 (not even half) would be equivalent to 30 minutes of cardio. 500 calories for dinner is very sustainable and not at all dumb.
Anonymous
Yeah, I don’t think this response is laughable- it’s really good advice. Just cutting portions by 20% even can make a huge difference, same with walking, and cutting out liquid calories.
Tecan
Right back at you on the facile and ignoring reality part, I guess? Easier to eat anything/everything you want, obviously, but if you ignore calories as major part of the equation to weight loss you’re not going to get anywhere with the actual weight loss…
OP, it’s not always fun, but it really comes down to diet. Exercise and muscle gain absolutely will help by increasing your metabolism, but I urge you to consider whether you have enough time to out-exercise overconsumption of calories. Best of luck, congratulations on getting started.
Anonymous
Portion control: absolutely. “Just eat half”: stupid.
Anon
“Eat half” commenter here.
That wasn’t meant to encourage starvation – geez! The OP said she was eating way too much – so start by cutting it in half, see how that goes, in terms of portion control. Half a burger is more than enough food, calorie-wise, but it’s just as easy to eat the other half. I’m suggesting mindfulness about what you’re eating, not arbitrary starvation.
Anon
If you think you are eating way too much, could you start to get more mindful about that part — e.g. I have a food scale on my counter — very easy to weigh out portions — then you could start to eye ball what it would take to cut 200 calories a day or whatever your goal is (I have heard it said that the kitchen scale is more important than the bathroom scale).
I would also try to multi-talk on the exercise front — I walk with a couple of friends on different nights for an hour once the kids are in bed — a great way to stay in touch, get outside and get some exercise in.
A personal trainer is also a good idea if it keeps you accountable. I’m thinking of starting up with one again.
I’m what you would call healthy and overweight — no meds for BP, diabetes, etc. and participate in fundraisers where I walk 25 km +, so I understand where you want to get to (although personally I’m working on losing weight.) I think if you do focus on getting healthier through exercise and some minor portion control, you may then start to be more motivated to lose weight.
Good luck!
Runner 5
I’m loving Zombies Run at the moment and they have a Couch to 5k app which might be worth a try. The couch to 5k plans in general are great and very much worth a try.
I’ve also been having luck with the No S Diet – no snacks seconds or sweets except on days beginning with S. Sounds almost too simple but it has been working and has massively improved my relationship with food.
heatherskib
The Couch to 5k is awesome! I’m restarting on it myself.
Anonymous
There’s no one “right” way to feel strong–a lot of workouts will get you there, so don’t tell yourself you have to lift weights or you have to run because that’s what people say to do, if you don’t enjoy those things. Maybe you love walking around a neighborhood lake with a cup of coffee and friend, maybe you love aerial yoga, or maybe you love square dancing–they’ll all work! Whatever workout gets you excited to do it vs. thinking of it as one more thing you have to squeeze in is going to be the one you hang on to consistently and get the most strength and energy benefits from. Have fun with it :)
Anonymous
Make sure you eat your vegetables. Many people say they eat healthfully, but it’s not possible without eating enough veggies. Vegetables (except potatoes and corn) and whole fruits (no juices, jams, etc) should be half of what’s on your plate. When I’m busy I’m too lazy to spend all that time chopping and preparing, so I pay a premium at the store to get everything precut or pre-prepared – annoying, but it works. Honestly, I feel like locking down my breakfast and lunch options has really improved my life – I eat pretty much the same thing every day for breakfast and lunch and it really works for me. I found things I like that are healthy and I don’t have to think about it.
For exercise, do whatever you think you would enjoy and keep doing. I don’t think it actually matters what you do as long as you do it. If you would like to work out at the gym, a trainer can be great.
TO Lawyer
Do you find the eating the same thing for breakfast/lunch has made a difference weight wise? I’m able to do that (and do eat a lot of veggies) but I’m just not seeing any difference and I’m so inconsistent when it comes to the gym.
I’m honestly so disgusted with myself and my body and need to jump start some weight loss but counting my calories and eating low-carb doesn’t seem to be helping.
Anonymous
Yes, I lost about 30 lbs. When I started I counted calories so that factored into my choices, but I like what I’m eating (typically unsweetened oatmeal with fresh fruits and nuts and vegetable (usually lentil) soup for lunch and some raw veggies and hummus or an apple and almond butter as a snack, or maybe a protein bar), it’s easy for me, and I’m very used to it. Obviously I will change it up from time to time, but it’s the default of what I eat. It’s healthy and relatively low in calories, so by the time I get home I’ve eaten well for more than half of the day with no effort. Plus with all the veggies, I find that I can eat a lot (including some other unhealthy things) without really worrying about it. I’m not good at portion control. Fiber is really important when you eat a lot.
TO Lawyer
Hmmm ok. Maybe I just need to stick with it for a bit longer. I’ve been eating pretty well during the day but I think it goes off the rail for me evenings and weekends and so I’m not losing any weight even though I’m eating much better.
Thanks for sharing your experiences!
Aurora
I was in a similar boat to you and found a girlfriend with the same goals. Our plan, which we’ve been doing the past year or so, is twofold – meal prep and positive reinforcement.
Since portions are always a problem for me, we meet every Sunday to cook and pre-package breakfasts and lunches for the week. That way, every day I grab two tupperwares and that’s all the food I’ve got. It’s really helped me control my meal size.
We also text/email/chat with our small victories, such as “I worked out today!” or “I ordered a turkey burger instead of a cheeseburger!” So we’re not holding each other accountable or tracking calories, just celebrating our good decisions.
For exercise, I’ve fallen in love with the various Popsugar Fitness circuit workouts (I found them on Pinterest). They are mindless enough to do while watching TV, but not so tedious that I give up. I try at least 2-3 times a week to just roll out of bed, throw on an episode of Parks & Rec, the Mindy Project, etc., and pull up a workout on my iPad – the desire to catch up on my shows gives me motivation when the desire to exercise doesn’t.
JJ
I was at a similar place as you late last year. Had two babies in two years, working my butt off (figuratively, unfortunately), tired, and so disgusted with myself that I couldn’t even look at myself in a mirror. I tried running (Couch to 5K app) for several months because it was so easy and low cost, but it turns out that I really hate running. Same with doing exercise videos (30 Day Shred, etc.) at home.
I finally bit the bullet, joined a gym, started waking up at 5:30, and lifting weights a few days a week. And I was hooked. I used to be a college athlete, so I have a pretty solid foundation of lifting knowledge, and I was able to jump right in. I won’t lie, the beginning few months were crazy humbling. I would do 20 minutes on the elliptical and then 40 minutes of weights. After a few weeks, I caved and bought sessions with a trainer.
I started going to the trainer at 5 am, once a week. We clicked immediately and I found the accountability that I needed to keep at it. Once I used all my sessions with him, I didn’t renew them and I’ve been working out on my own at the gym, following my own lifting program. I get up at 4 am, workout for about an hour and a half, and I’m done worrying about it for the day! I go probably 4 mornings a week, and once on the weekends. Once I started putting in all these hours to working out, I wanted to eat healthier (and smaller portion sizes) because I didn’t want to sabotage my progress in the gym.
I can’t tell you how much my life has changed, how much happier I am, and how much healthier I feel. It truly needs to be a lifestyle change.
TL;DR: Keep trying new workout methods if the first one you try doesn’t click. Eventually something will.
Anonymous
“I just want to figure out a way to feel stronger and healthier and more energetic.” You just have to do it. Figure out what exercise is manageable, and do it. There’s no easy way out or secret or quick fix. You have to put in a hard workout and burn calories and lift weights to get stronger. Once you see results you want to eat healthier so you can get better at your workouts (really, this does happen). Is there any way you can incorporate exercise with your children if you are short on time? Go on a hike with your kids, run with a jogging stroller, etc….If you need a kick in the ass diet-wise you can try the 21-day fix, but you will most likely be hungry.
Anonymous
+1 – there is no easy way or quick fix. A huge part of my 40 lb weight loss over the last year was simply consistency. You don’t have to be perfect all the time, but you need to be consistent about the gym, and consistent about making healthy food choices. There’s no fast answer, just small changes, and time.
Anon
Take a look at the whole30 and see if that appeals to you. It only works long-term if you adapt that lifestyle long term (so basically paleo) but as an all or nothing person, it works extremely well for me. It also gives me great energy levels, doesn’t leave me hungry like weightwatchers did, and feels very healthy. There are a lot of stereotypes, but paleo is not bacon, bacon, bacon. Its vegetables, first and foremost (including carb-heavy veggies like sweet potatoes), fruit, nuts, healthy fats and non-processed, sustainability raised meats. Yes, you can have bacon and other processed meats if you wish, but that’s not overly encouraged. The idea is that everything you eat should be as nutritionally dense as possible.
Anon
+1000 for whole30. It is not for everyone. you can do anything for 30 Days and the whole point of the program is to feel better by figuring out what types of foods bother you, are difficult for you to digest, etc.
For me, I was calorie counting like a mofo/eating my veggies/working out, but the weight wasn’t coming off and TMI but I wasn’t using the restroom regularly at all. whole30 helped me realize things to cut out of my diet entirely. I’m now much healthier and a healthier weight. I watch what I eat but whole30 helped me make major lifestyle changes specific to my body’s needs.
In terms of exercise, I read a great article once that says if you’re trying to exercise more regularly, do whatever motivates you. So if scheduling a workout with a friend means you’d never miss, then do that. If prepaying for an exercise class means you won’t miss, then do that. Figure out what interests and motivates you. Have a goal and go for it.
Good luck!
Anonymous
Jeeze, it is ever depressing seeing women say that they are “disgusted” with themselves. I firmly believe you can’t hate yourself thin, so ease up on the negativity.
JJ
It is depressing.
But it was also how I actually felt. I don’t feel that way now, but there’s no use in pretending that I didn’t feel that way.
Wildkitten
You can’t hate yourself happy either, Anonymous.
Anon
I know you said you don’t want to count calories, but I would encourage you to do so at least for a couple of days so you have an accurate idea of what you really are consuming. For me, it was eye opening. I then calculated a couple of reasonable, easy breakfast and lunch ideas. For me I almost always eat oatmeal with cinnamon or an omelette with mushrooms (one whole egg, one egg white) for breakfast and either a salad with dressing measured out or vegetable and bean soup for lunch. I don’t mind eating the same things everyday so this makes it very easy for me to stay within my calories for at least 2/3 of the day. I don’t really track dinner anymore, but I also try to eat protein and veggies and very little starches at dinner (I will do sweet potato or a little brown rice). At least once a week though I eat whatever I want for dinner, but I do still try to be mindful of how much I eat. By doing this, plus Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred and walking at lunch or after work (not always on the same day, I would sometimes alternate the workouts and walking) I lost 40 pounds.
Wellness
I have counted calories countless times, including for most of September. I’ve done WeightWatchers, or counted calories with My Fitness Pal, dozens of times. I’m really great at it for about three weeks – I cut calories, make good choices, lose ten pounds. Then I fall apart and backslide. That’s why I don’t want to do a calorie-counting or food logging program – because I’m trying to figure out a way to avoid the self-sabotage where my brain feels stressed out by counting calories and lashes out. I want to do something that feels good, not like deprivation.
And that’s also why I am not trying to focus on weight. Obviously, I’d like to lose weight. And I know that weight loss is about diet, not exercise. But years of experience has shown me that if I try to lose weight, I will fall apart and end up yoyoing. It’s just not worth it to me – I need something that is just totally different from the counting calories-losing weight-self-sabotage-regain weight-feel even worse cycle.
Thanks to all of you for your thoughts.
moss
Strength training, I 100% recommend it, especially if you don’t want to get caught up in calorie counting.
nutella
Yes to strength training, but please go into it with a SERIOUSLY longterm mindset. It will take a long time for it to kick in and in the meantime if you are looking at the scale, you may even be disappointed to see it go up a few lbs from the muscle gain. (Same with how your body/clothes feel – there will be a transition point where your body and muscles are changing and thighs, sleeves, etc. will feel tight.) After you get over that transition hump, it can fall off quickly, but that can take at least 6 weeks or longer. Ideally, for strength and weight loss, you will want 3 days of weights a week and 2 days of cardio, but efficient cardio. Change it up and challenge yourself (try interval training). By the way, when you are frustrated that you aren’t seeing immediate change, focus on the immediate goal/accomplishment – you finished a workout! There are lots of bodies out there that can’t do even that.
Of course you know that diet is a huge factor, too. Try portion control for 1 week so that you train your stomach and body to be satisfied on less food than what you are eating now. Drink a lot of water and then drink more (it’s good for you, good for your exercise habit and will help you feel less hungry). Use smaller plates and put your food on the plate instead of eating straight from the pan, pot, etc. (science tells us we will eat all of what is in front of us, so start by limiting the portions that way – by eating only what you have put on your plate and not all the rest you have cooked and can eat).
When you do decide to treat yourself, do so mindfully. Slowly savor a delicious slice of homemade cake instead of a whole package of stale store-bought cookies that don’t even taste that great.
Good luck!
Killer Kitten Heels
I’ve been really liking the Nerd Fitness program. There is an up-front cost ($99, I think?), but the resources are excellent and very comprehensive (the guides cover diet, strength training, cardio training, and also the mental/psychological part of losing weight), plus the gamification element of it keeps me motivated.
Anon
A couple months ago I started taking bar method classes a few times a week and am so much stronger and tighter even though I actually haven’t lost much weight. I like the workouts because they take 60 minutes and cover every muscle group. Ultimately though it’s going to be hard for you to feel healthier and stronger without also incorporating changes to your diet.
Re-direction
I would focus on getting in some regular exercise before modifying your eating. While I do think the latter is necessary for any kind of meaningful weight loss, you are primarily expressing a desire to feel better. I think that is more readily achieved with exercise.
It’s really hard to give advice on what will work for someone else, but a few things can help.
– Do whatever you need to do to make it easy for you. If getting out of the house is your challenge, do something at home. If distraction at home is a challenge, find a place close by you can workout.
– Recognize that even 15 minutes of exercise is valuable, especially when establishing a routine. In graduate school was the first time I really struggled with finding time (and more often energy) to work out, and I realized I was often bailing because I didn’t have time for a full work out. I started telling myself that I would just do X for 15 minutes, and that really helped with keeping the routine (and usually I ended up finding the energy to do more if I had the time).
– Start slow. If you’re pretty sedentary now, even just getting some walking in will be helpful. The worst thing you can do is start strong and injure yourself. My DH starts and stops exercise regimes for this reason all the time.
I think that once you start exercising, you’ll feel better and become better able to control diet etc. But feeling good is the key to wanting to put in the effort to take care of yourself. And I think a very low-key exercise routine is a great way to get there.
lawsuited
Try getting a fitbit and setting a high daily goal? You can get your steps anyway you like – walking around the block, running around the park with your kids, jogging on the treadmill. Since I got mine, I’ve found ways to add a lot more walking to my life because I love hitting my goal and hate missing it.
FWIW, I agree with your philosophy of focusing on adding more activity rather than focusing on weight loss, especially that you’re already eating healthfully.
Bar Results
Waiting for bar results to release tomorrow and am totally unable to calm my anxiety. Any tips for getting through the rest of the workday, sleeping tonight, and being at least a little productive in the morning (results sometime after lunch)?
Shots. Shots. Shots.
Girl, sometimes you just gotta chill. I’m here to help.
January
We missed you :)
I would also agree that you won’t get anything done tomorrow morning, unless your anxiety happens to peak tonight. Good luck!
anon
I would do a strenuous workout and/or a yoga class to help calm down. And for tomorrow, I would try to find a relatively mindless task to do in the morning, but if you don’t have one, just accept that and try to look busy/engaged. I doubt your supervisor would expect much productivity from you tomorrow.
Anonymous
I would take a sleeping pill or Tylenol PM tonight and forget about being productive tomorrow morning. People will understand. Good luck!
Anonymous
I just want to put it out into the corpor3t3 universe- if you know of or have a nice 1 bedroom rental with in unit laundry and 1 parking spot and nearish a t or commuter rail in the greater boston area, I am a wonderful, grateful tenant that needs a place by December 10 and am completely overwhelmed by craigslist and zillow.
Wow
Try the various apartment buildings in the West End (Longfellow, Asteria, and Vesta) in Boston. They are all pricey though but meet your requirements.
Anonymous
The pricey part is the problem. Outside of Boston is totally fine but I need to be under 2k all in. I just need a place to get on my feet for 9 months to a year
Anonymous
Look at Longview Place in Waltham. Definitely has in unit laundry and free parking. Not sure about prices now but it was around $1500 for a 1 bed when I lived there a few years ago. Near commuter rail but it’s a schlep into the city.
Anonymous
they start at 2400 now, but thank you
K
I live in a one-bedroom for under $2k in Quincy. It has parking and I drive to Quincy/Adams. The building is the Highlands at Faxon Woods.
http://www.highlandsatfaxonwoodsapts.com/
If you’re interested, let me know and I’ll give you my email. I can call the manager directly.
Anonymous
Thank you K. For some reason I can’t see their website on my work computer, but I will look when I am at home tonight. Thank you
K
No problem. It looks like they have 4 one-bedroom apartments available on December 1st for less than $2k. All apartments have laundry facilities in unit. There is parking on premises or you can pay an extra$50 to park in the garage under the building. There is also a gym in the building.
I still have access to the bostoncorpor3tt3 gmail account if you want to email me there. Just replace the 3s with es.
Luncheon wear?
I’m invited to a charity fashion show and luncheon this month in a large Midwestern city. This is not my normal scene- I’m not a lady who luncheons – what do I wear? I’m hoping some of the Jr League-ers and other more charitably involved people here can help!