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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 107 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Ann Taylor

Suit of the Week

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Ann Taylor Pindot SuitFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. A pindot suit is hard to find — and a pindot NAVY suit is even harder to find, so I thought I'd post this lovely suit from Ann Taylor, despite some hesitations about the boxy cut of the jacket, the ankle length on the pants, and the 18.5″ hem on the skirt, all of which put this firmly in “casual suit” territory. I'd wear it with something sleeker than a sloppily-tucked blouse, though — perhaps a fitted cashmere tank or a jersey tee. The jacket (Pindot Two Button Jacket) is $189, the pants (Pindot Slim Ankle Pants) are $98, and the skirt (Pindot Flounce Skirt) is $89. (I might try the skirt in tall, which is 20″ long.)
Ann Taylor Pindot Jacket Ann Taylor Pindot Slim Ankle Pants Ann Taylor Pindot Flounce Skirt
(L-5)

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Comments

  1. KittyKat

    Shopping PSA: Talbots has 60% off already reduced items (in store) I scored a pair of cobalt blue leather loafers for $28, plus they had many more flats and heels that would have worked out somewhere in that range.

    • shouldn't go

      I should really not go there any time soon, or loft. Even though they’re 3 blocks from my office. I’ve never shopped there–how is the sizing for clothes? I feel like Loft sizes huge (I guess that would be vanity sizing?), but have never tried Talbots

      • KittyKat

        I consider myself a true 4 and I can occasionally get a flowier item at Talbots, their clothes aren’t made for smaller ladies. It makes me sad because some of the linen stuff they put out this summer is gorgeous.

        • Anonymous

          I’m sorry, is there some objective truth in sizing standard? What does saying “I’m a true 4 but I often wear a 2” serve to do except establish that you’re not one of those chubby size 8ers wearing a size. 4 from Talbots?

          How about “I usually wear size 4 at jcrew and find that most things at talbots are too large and/or foley on me.

          Signed, a “true” size 14.

          • Trudie

            In a good shoe, I wear a size 6 – but a 7 feels so good, I buy a size 8!

          • KittyKat

            Oh god, someone asked for information on sizing and I gave my honest opinion. It wasn’t an attack on anyone of any size.

          • L

            @ Bonnie – It’d be nice, but I wish most people would realize “true to size” is such an unhelpful term. I’d find it more constructive to read something that says a size 12 runs about 2-3 inches bigger. Then I don’t have to guess is the person just smaller or is the manufacturer cutting things differently.

          • Anon

            Generally, a size 27 waist = 4, 28 waist = 6, size 29 = 8, etc. If someone is a “true size” something, they mean that they roughly correspond to a generic size chart. Places that “run big” do list 27 = 4 on their size chart, too – but it’s misleading because the clothing doesn’t actually fit the size chart. Make sense?

            If you check the Talbots and JCrew size charts, 27 = 4, 28=6, etc. They should fit the same. They don’t.

      • Veronica Mars

        Seconded on the runs huge part. I’m a tts 4 and I often go for a 2 or XS.

      • E

        Ugh Loft is huge. I’m 5’11” ~150lbs I know I’m slim but I’m consistently a size small in tops there and that just doesn’t make sense.

      • TCFKAG

        Talbots runs large, especially with anything that sort of has a shape built into it (like a jacket or a structured dress.) But, the nice thing at least, is that I find their sizing *consistent* – so I’m always about the same size there each time. Compare to, say, H&M (or even J. Crew) where I find I fit into several different sizes depending on the item in question.

        Because of that, I love shopping their deep discount sales stuff because you can get some slamming deals on relatively nice clothes and I don’t worry TOO much about the sizing issue since at least they’re consistent.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t know, I’m the same size in dresses at Talbots as I am at jcrew and Banana. No need to mention my size :) I think it’s worth a try, since their clothes seem to fit me well and are good quality. Ymmv.

  2. tesyaa

    The pindot skirt is particularly adorable, but 18.5″ is way short on me and I’m not a tall person.

    • hoola hoopa

      Woah, glad you pointed that out. I’m pretty short so the length is borderline okay for me, but I had a similar skirt with similar fullness/length and the end result was way, way, way too “little girl” for work.

      I don’t understand the thinking involved in making a suit skirt that short to begin with. Clearly it’s intended to be work to an office.

  3. Scout

    A few weeks ago I bought an Ann Taylor suit in the tan cotton sateen, which was on sale and I was super excited about because their longs in the curvy fit actually fit me. But was sorely disappointed at 10 am the first day I wore my new suit when I saw the inseams in the pants had come apart in two spots exposing my leg.

    Granted I bought it on sale but the lack of quality was inexcusable. I ordered it online and they told me to take it into the store and if they determined it was a manufacturing problem they would replace the pants. I don’t know if this was just a problem with the cotton sateen type of pants or an overall Ann Taylor suit issue. I have a few blazers in varying tweed from there and I love them so maybe it was just an issue with these pants.

    • Ellen

      Yay! I love Ann Taylor, but you are right about the stitcheing. With my tuchus, I often have the tailor doubel stich the seam’s especialy when they are tight. Otherwise, they can split in the wrong place’s and peeople can see my pantie’s! Fooey!

      Myrna is still sick, and I stayed with her in the ER. There were some cute doctor’s there, and one wanted to know if I was availeable. I said yes, but he is probabley not even 30. His name is Noah (like the Ark).

      Noah think’s Myrna swaloed bad water in the triathalon. I think he is right b/c it mabye had peepiee in it in the Hudson River from other swimmer’s b/c she was behind other’s. DOUBEL FOOEY! Noah was very nice to her even tho she was cougheing and spitteing up stuff. He knew if he treated her well that I would be nicer, and I will be meeteing him this weekend at the hospital and we can go out in the neigghborhood! Yay b/c Myrna should be OK by then and he can bring a freind for her to doubel date! Imageine us with 2 doctor’s! Grandma Leyeh will be kvelling! Oy!

      As for th

    • KateMiddletown

      +1 I love love AT and Loft, but Loft is sub-Old Navy quality. (Hence the sales when you can get a pair of work slacks for $30.) AT is a little better quality wise (more Banana than Old Navy/Gap, where Banana is often lacking in quality.)

      I love Talbots quality. Their styles are hit or miss for the under-60 crowd, but I have found a TON of cute jackets there. I’m under 30 so I don’t mind looking a little older. Also I am apparently the target market for the new Helen Mirren movie, so I could be 60 at heart.

  4. Hollis

    I’m looking to replace my bed sheets for a queen sized mattress. I’m just looking for something plain and reasonably priced, but not scratchy at all. Anyone here buy some sheets lately? Would you recommend a particular thread-count, type of cotton, etc.?

    • Cat

      I just got a set of the Wamsutta 400-ct percale sheets from Bed Bath. I think the total was under $100 with the 20% off coupons (including 4 pillowcases so if you don’t need those I think it would be more like $60). I’m a weirdo who hates the super soft high thread count sheets – they feel too slippery and sticky to me. I prefer crisp and cool. So far washed twice – although a little wrinkly (let’s face it, they’re cotton) I’m liking them!

      You can probably get a better price if you stalk the Macy’s sales, but we got a new mattress and so I needed a set ASAP.

    • TCFKAG

      Costco always has sheets and frequently they’re pretty nice. I just got a nice set (white with a pale gray paisley pattern) and they are nice, fairly high thread count cotton and they are really comfy.

      • Anon

        I’ve seen several recommendations for Costco sheets. Do you know what brand they are? Everyone I’ve asked said it’s their “regular” brand, but I’m new to Costco so I’m not sure what their regular brand is. Last time I went to the store, they had a couple brands of sheets.

        • TCFKAG

          Soooo, I do think there are Kirkland (that’s Costco’s brand) sheets all the time that are nice and comfy and cheap (and the flannel sheets are the best thing since sliced bread.) But these ones were not Kirkland – they were another brand that was just being sold there that day. But, generally, I’ve found that towels, sheets, etc. at Costco are almost always great for the price – whether they are Kirkland brand or another brand.

        • T. McGill

          The amazing Costco sheets are the Tranquil Nights brand! Love them! The queen and king sets come with four pillow cases, as opposed to just two, which I think it a great touch. Very soft, hold up well to wear and washing. Incredibly inexpensive (I think the queen set is around $30). They are not stocked regularly though; I look for them every time I go. If they are in stock, I call my sister to see if she needs them, and she calls me if she sees them. I am actually in need of a new set of sheets (I’ve been replacing all my old sheets with this brand), and hoping they are in stock when I go this weekend :)

    • Medic Maggie

      Always check TJM/Marshalls/Ross for linens. Usually very high thread-counts/high quality at very low prices. I don’t think I’ve spent more than about $50/set for our king bed.

    • Anon

      I’m pretty sure this comment guarantees that I’m turning into my mother, but I like Tuesday Morning for super awesome discounts on really excellent sheets. Our current set was originally $600 (!!!) and I paid approx $100. And they are awesome. (Peacock Alley).

    • Flower

      I have a pair of Ralph Lauren (not the Lauren, but some other label) that I got at a department that are the most amazing sheets ever. I typically buy sheets at TJ Maxx, etc. but I couldn’t find the color (or something) so I went to elsewhere, and they have been worth the extra cost and have only gotten better with time. I would guess they were the Percale ones, but I’m not sure.

    • suzyq

      QVC is my go-to for sheets. The Northern Nights brand has some really nice sheet sets; I prefer the 400 TC wrinkle defense sheets. They wash and wear well, plus Northern Nights makes sheets that actually fit a thicker mattress!

    • Pest

      I prefer 1000 tc, and found the best price for them is Macy’s Home online during a friends and family sale.

    • Kat

      BedVoyage bamboo sheets will run you about $140 or so for a Queen set. You could order them direct from the company but can probably find them on Wayfair and use one of their 10% off coupons and get them even cheaper.

  5. momentarily anonymous

    Does anyone have any suggestions for healthy, Seamless-able meals? I’m a junior associate at a firm and so I’m basically living off of Seamless dinners at this point. I pretty much always get a make-your-own salad or sushi, but I feel like there has to be a world of reasonably healthy take out food I’m missing. Thoughts?

    • Anonymous

      Vegetable dishes from Asian restaurants, steak (save some for later), grilled chicken, steamed or grilled fish. If you post where you are people can probably give more specific help.

      • Wanderlust

        If you’re in Midtown Manhattan, I adore The Little Beet. They’re on Seamless only for dinner, but their food is healthy, delicious and fresh.

    • Diana Barry

      If you’re in Midtown Manhattan, I adore The Little Beet. They’re on Seamless only for dinner, but their food is healthy, delicious and fresh.

    • Anonymous

      I like Middle Eastern / Turkish food for healthy options. You can skip the pita or rice and replace them with hummus (but then I’d get the pita!). Also if you can find higher-end vegetarian Indian food, vegetable curries are healthy and flavorful.

      I think an important thing to remember is that sometimes the portions are really huge, so feel free to put some away. Also, watch out for the appetizers! Those are often fried, no matter where you get them from!

  6. PSA

    A store making clothes that don’t fit you is a crime. Isn’t it easy enough being a size 4? Do you really need Talbots and Lands End to fit you too? Stop whining.

    • Lyssa

      People discussing clothing issues on a site dedicated to clothing issues isn’t a crime, either. There’s nothing whiny about saying how things have worked for them. There is something whiny about your fussing at them for it, though.

    • Body shaming PSA

      Perhaps instead of immaturely attacking and body-shaming someone who was just sharing her experience with sizing, you could direct your energy at the manufacturers who fail to provide for the full range of women’s bodies. Just because the poster above’s body is different than yours or anyone else’s doesn’t make her clothing issues any less valid.

      • Anonymous

        +1. I’m also put off by the assumption that life is easy at a size 4. Seriously?

    • Anon

      The same could be said of stores that don’t make clothes larger than a size 10.

  7. Bonnie

    I’m torn on the pants. I like the look in theory but short pants that are not tapered just look like they shrunk.

    • TCFKAG

      I feel the same way! Especially in a suit – it looks like you got your suit pants hemmed just a bit too short or something. But I kind of am weirdly drawn to the boxy suit coat and short pants combo here…like playing 80s dress up with a twist. :-)

    • Diana Barry

      Agreed. I fear we are seeing an 80s revival with the rise of track pants, etc.!

  8. Accepting a short term position

    How does one go about accepting an offer for a short term position(a few months) even as they continue to search for a longer term/permanent position. I have been interviewing/searching for a long time and there are still people I am waiting to hear from. Some of the positions I interviewed for require a number of weeks before the person can start because of processing of documents etc. This current offer is still not 100%, it’s pending some further documentation/approval from someone other than the hiring person, but it’s the most promising lead I have right now. I plan on saying yes but just wondering how to play things if I do get another offer from some of the other prospects that are more long-term…Advice? Thanks in advance.

    • hoola hoopa

      So, you’re job hunting and expect to receive an offer for a short term position. If offered, you’d want to accept but ultimately want a long term position.

      My answer depends a bit on whether you’d be continuing to look while completing the short term position, or whether you are currently on the short list for long term positions which you would immediately accept when offered. The former is not really a big deal since you’d be completing your commitment and the employer would expect that you would want to move on. The latter is touchy. Ultimately you have to do what’s best for you, but pulling out of an accepted offer either before starting or soon after won’t make you any friends. Be strategic if you’re field is a small community. The good thing is that it’s understandable to pass on a short term offer in favor of a long term one, so it will be slightly more palatable to the short term employers.

      • Accepting a short term position

        I would definitely have to keep looking while working in the short term position. At the moment I still don’t know whether I am on the short list for any of the long term positions I interviewed for. This is the only offer on the table..

    • PolyD

      You know, I see this sort of question all the time, and really, any employer wouldn’t hesitate to jettison you after you’ve been working there a month, a week, a day, so I don’t think you should have any qualms about accepting the short term position but leaving sooner than it ends if something better comes up.

      I mean, don’t be obvious and obnoxious about it, but employers, especially those specifically recruiting for a short-term position, have GOT to know that pretty much all their employees are keeping their eyes open for their next gig.

  9. SHOPPING HELP!

    Question for the wise ladies of the hive. I’m looking for a replacement wallet for the boyfriend. I’m looking to spend around $100, must be leather (not saffino), black, luxurious, and fairly sturdy/rugged. Wasn’t impressed by the options at Coach or Cole Haan – any thoughts?

    • Sue

      I have bought wallets from the Fossil outlet, they have some leather options that hold up well to normal wear/tear, some fairly rugged. Not sure if they would fit the luxurious description but you should look at the regular stores as well as online.

      • lawsuited

        +1 My DH is very hard on wallets, and the last one I bought him from Fossil is still going strong after 2 years. I wouldn’t dismiss saffiano leather though, because it wears very well. Fossil has some saffiano leather wallets that look quite sleek.

    • editrix

      Longchamp Men’s Bi-Fold Wallet. Very thin and light and luxurious feeling.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Bellroy – they make ultra-thin wallets that are really nice in-person.

    • Anonymous

      Last time we bought my fiance a wallet we went to the men’s department in Nordstroms and we were looking for a $100-200 wallet. They pointed us to those wallets and we found something nice.

      • Lady Tetra

        Nordstrom Rack sometimes has really nice men’s wallets for a good deal.

    • Anon

      I’d look at Cuyana
      (edited – never mind, looks like it’s just womens stuff. Maybe everlane?)

    • Anonymous

      Tumi! My sister inherited my dad’s leather wallet and it still looks great (she’s had it, with daily use, for 8 years now). Can’t remember how much it cost tho.

    • Anonymous

      Definitely check out Saddleback Leather. Best stuff on the internet. Comes with a 100 year guarantee. And they mean it — some stitching came out of my husband’s last wallet (he is rough on things) and they replaced it for free. Gorgeous stuff.

  10. First Time Homebuyer

    I am a first time home buyer. We’ll be buying a home in a new town we have only spent one weekend in. (New job) How much help should I expect from our Realtor? I need help determining what areas of town we should buy in (outside of school zone ratings). Every time I ask for information about specific neighborhoods, she replies with answers like, “oh that’s a very nice neighborhood, close to schools and shopping.” The problem is that is her answer for almost every question.

    • anon

      The answer depends on the question you are asking – if your question is general (i.e. how’s the X area?), I think most people would give only a general response like what your agent is giving you. If your questions are more specific, i.e., what is walkable in X neighborhood, and the answers are general, I’d first ask her to be more specific and then probably look for a different agent since this one doesn’t seem to serve your needs.

    • Anonymous

      As a buyer, you should be aware that the incentive structure for everyone involved in your process, even your realtor, is not structured to favor you. I bought my first house last year, and other than having the realtor show us properties and gather the appropriate paperwork and send it where it needed to go after making the offer, she was utterly useless. She’s also highly regarded in the area, so my point is more that no matter how great your realtor is, ultimately she’s not working for you.

      Do all of your own research and don’t expect much from her, especially/even about how much to offer. That’s the hardest part because you’re almost never going to be as informed as she is, but you can get most of the way there by doing your own research. Just about all of the info you need is online or otherwise publicly available.

    • Conflicted

      Why the rush to buy? I’d recommend picking a part of town you think you’ll like (based on your own online research), and renting there for a while first instead. Moving a second time, once you know what you really want, seems like much less of a hassle (and expense) than buying a house in the wrong area and having to re-sell it to start fresh.

      • MNF

        +1. Even if you only rent short-term, you’ll at least build up some local contacts who might give you better background on neighborhoods/schools/etc. than your noncommittal re agent

      • Senior Attorney

        Amen to this. I can’t imagine buying in a town I’ve never spent any actual time in.

        That said, if you are determined to buy right away, is there anybody else you can consult? Do you have jobs lined up? Friends? Family? Anybody who lives in town and could give you the scoop?

        But really, this is not the best idea. Cool your jets, rent for a while, and get to know the town. At least for a few months. I can’t imagine you would regret it.

      • KateMiddletown

        +++1 Especially given the fact that you don’t know the market, it DOES NOT MAKE SENSE to invest in a home sight unseen. Rent for a few months in an area that appeals to you and find the neighborhood you really love.

    • Anon

      My realtor gave noncommittal answers about areas as I think she was worried about steering us based on race to one area or another. I don’t think you should depend on your realtor to help you find the neighborhood that’s right for you.

    • nutella

      Why not visit the town again? Walk around and get a sense for yourself. Or perhaps your new coworkers can shed some insight. Do most of the people like you (with whatever metrics you wishto use) live in a particular area? Does that appeal to you? In my city, I can think of the yuppie area, the recent college grad/frat boy area, the old money area, the financial guys/bankers area, the young families area, etc. Is your new town large enough to find commentary from any of the thousands of bloggers out there?

    • Anonymous

      Your new city may vary, but in mine realtors work very specialized neighborhoods. I would never engage Realtor A, who works In-Town Neighborhood A, to help me buy a house in In-Town Neighborhood B even though B is just a 10 minute drive on surface streets from A. I think you’ll get much better help from your realtor if you pick a neighborhood based on your own research (and I agree with the above that it’s ideal to put off buying and do this research while living there), and only then pick a realtor who specializes in that neighborhood.

    • CountC

      As a Realtor, there are certain things we cannot do and that we should not do. We cannot tell you about the ethnic make-up of an area, we should not say this is a young neighborhood or this is a neighborhood with older people, we should not tell you about crime in an area (please call the PD), we should not tell you about school districts and who goes where (because it can change the next year and it opens us up for liability, so call the school board), we can’t accurately assess how you will feel about a certain area because we are not you and we do not know how you feel in certain circumstances and with certain characteristics. We can and should help you determine what we think is a reasonable offer on a home based on neighborhood comps, we can and should show you homes that meet the criteria that you have expressed to us and ones that may be a little different but that we think are suitable to your needs, we can and should give you resources to help you learn more about the various communities (HOA/neighborhood group websites, local event pages, school boundary search websites, etc.). I am sorry that some of you have had poor experiences with real estate agents, but there are some good ones out there who will help you. I would recommend that you rent for a short-term and learn the various areas by going out and driving them, eat at restaurants in them, shop in them, talk to other residents, etc. I wouldn’t want to sell you a house that you end up hating just because I want to sell you a house. Some real estate agents will, but the good ones will help you find an appropriate rental and then hopefully, you will decide to use them to buy a house when you are ready and know where you want to be.

  11. anon

    I ordered New Rules of Lifting For Women after the discussion on Monday and it just came. Now I want to read it and then go and lift ALL the weights.

    • Liz

      I love it! It’s super motivational even as someone who has spent my whole life around athletics/weights. Good luck with the program!

  12. Long Distance Advice

    Calling all of you wise women who have spent time in long distance relationships!

    Any advice? We will soon be embarking on a 1-2 year separation after being together for 7 years. Distance is approximately a 3 hour flight, same time zone.

    Suggestions? Things to avoid?

    • Clementine

      What will you have at your disposal? Phone/Email availability? Right now, you both need to start talking about expectations. What is each of your expectation with regards to communication? Does your partner expect that you’ll email during the workday once and talk every night? Once a week? Does texting count?

      What are your expectations with regards to visiting? Will you alternate or will one always be visiting the other? How often is it reasonable to visit? What about holidays? Are certain holidays important to you?

      I am in a relationship that is frequently long distance because of my partner’s job. This is a permanent deal for us- his line of work is such that he will always be leaving for a few months at a time and then home for a few months at a time. It’s also not an option for me to go visit him. The longest we’ve gone is 5 months apart with a span of 8 weeks in there with no phone calls. During this time, we did one text-only email a day. It can be done, trust me.

      Build up your personal support network. Stay busy. Get yourself on a serious schedule. These help keep the blues away. Embrace the strength you never realized your relationship had and never try to compare to others. Your situation is not better, it’s not worse, it’s just different.

      Page me if you’d like any more advice or just for an anonymous internet cheerleader!

      • Long Distance Advice

        To add a bit more color: we will have unlimited* phone/text/email availability (*subject only to the same limitations we’d encounter if in the same city, ie “super busy right now can’t talk” – but no one is deployed/in the field/otherwise inaccessible)

        We can visit as often as we’d like without it denting our finances, schedules-permitting.

        • Anonymous

          I think it’s worth discussing how much you guys would be comfortable visiting. Ie, crunch the numbers and see how much you can afford per month, set aside that as a dedicated budget category, and figure how much each of you would be comfortable seeing each other, under that limit.

          I think it’s useful for both of you to have the mindset/goal of “we will not go more than six weeks (or whatever) without seeing each other in person, and then making that goal a financial and time priority.

        • Hollis

          Post again in the morning for more responses, but I did long distance for 2 years and then we got engaged and he moved out to my city. What is requiring him to be so far away? If it’s school, then maybe he can come out for longer visits during breaks and spend the summer in your city? If it’s work, then maybe you can work remotely over in his city, even if it’s 1 day a week, to extend the time you spend together? Also, are you married or have you talked about that? If you are not, knowing that that’s where you are headed after this may give you something to look forward to/plan?

        • Anonymous

          I’m one year into a three year long-distance situation. We can easily text, email, phone, and we see each other in person at least one weekend a month. It was not as difficult as I imagined it would be, but over time it does begin to feel like we are living separate lives and we have to make an effort to integrate each other.

          I agree that setting clear expectations is very important. I was clear from the beginning that seeing each other one weekend a month is my absolute minimum, and we built those flights into our budget and that travel time into my partners contract when he took his position. We’ve consistently stuck to that (maybe missed it once because I was only an extended work trip out of the country) and often see each other more frequently than that. We text throughout the day and if I’m feeling lonely or stressed and want to talk I will say “I’d like if we could talk on the phone tonight” and we set a time. Since we both work long hour its impossible to just call and assume the other will be available.

          We also made an agreement when it started to revisit the situation 6 months in, and if it was too destructive to our relationship, we would take steps to get back to the same city, even if it was destructive to our careers. Knowing we were going in with a reassessment schedule and an “out” and prioritizing our relationship made me feel a lot better.

          For me, the big danger is that visits with the other person become akin to vacations, and you ignore problems or issues because you don’t really have to deal with them. I don’t have a good answer to this, other than to keep the lines of communication open, and try not to ignore/deny disagreements when they arise just because you don’t have to face them.

          Having an end point (even one three years away) helps, and I always make sure when one visit is ending we have the next one planned so I’m always looking forward to it. For me, it helps. I still feel sad when he leaves but planning something fun to do together on his next visit helps me feel better.

    • Cat

      Did long distance for 4 years.

      What worked:
      – We talked once a day, usually in the 9-10pm range (if one person had a late commitment we’d try to squeeze in a chat beforehand, but not always). It was good to have a default time to talk so no one was left wondering. This was the pre-texting era though.
      – We sometimes watched our favorite shows “together” – i.e. had a phone date while it was on. This was pre-DVR but I guess you could replicate by pushing play at the same time :)
      – We vis!ted 1x a month for a 4-day weekend (I’d really suggest long weekends if you can swing it – having a longer period of time meant feeling more settled and “normal” for the visit)
      – Kept a full set of toiletries (other than makeup for me), jammies, etc. at the other’s place – made packing super easy.
      – It can also be fun to meet up somewhere else, although that’s obviously more expensive.

      What we struggled with:
      – If we needed to talk something out that was likely to be a bit of an argument, neither one of us wanted to do it over the phone, but then we didn’t want to “ruin” any together time by dealing with it. Ultimately they bubbled over and we were fine, but don’t recommend the “ignore until dramatic” approach.
      – Because we saw each other only once/month, all together time was super fun – nice dinners, fancy drinks, cute outfits, brunches, relaxing, etc etc – so it was a bit of an adjustment when living together. I.e., oh, just because we’re together doesn’t mean it’s not leftover night. We also got used to hiding our respective “secret single behavior” and of course that couldn’t last very long post-LDR.

      But this was all 8 years ago now and we’re happily married – so guess he didn’t mind my sweatpants and takeout look either :)

      • Cat

        when this post comes out, I’d appreciate it if anyone can tell me wth it’s moderated…

      • Wildkitten

        I love this advice to make travel less stressful especially now with the tsa rules: Kept a full set of toiletries (other than makeup for me), jammies, etc. at the other’s place

        • LilyStudent

          I do this for coming home from college for weekends. Some housemates have to pack pyjamas, toothpaste, all of that to go home for the weekend. I don’t get it.

    • ALN

      We spent about 9 months apart after being together for 1 year. After 7 years together, I think long distance would be easier from a trust standpoint. But it may more difficult if you are used to spending all of your time together. You both need to find ways to stay busy and have IRL connections, rather than just stay on the phone all the time. This might be harder for the person who is in a new place, but it’s very important. If that person doesn’t go out and see people and things, then how will they show the other person around during visits? I agree with clementine about establishing expectations. How long of a delay is too long for a text response? Do you need to say ‘good night’ every single night?

    • Anon

      Being in the same time zone is huge. Or at least it would have been for me when we were LD. I used to be going to bed and my guy would still be at work so we often wouldnt have a chance to talk during the day. But I second the setting expectations conversation. Don’t be resentful when you can’t talk/say goodnight because one person is busy/has plans/is trying to make new friends. But when this happens a lot due to opposite schedules, you also need to recognize that you need to connect in some other way.

      When you do visit, it’s tempting to make it a “mini-vacation” or only do “fun” event-type things. While it may not be how you want to spend what little time you have together over a weekend, getting to meet and know the people my guy was spending time with really helped. You have a face for when you share stories, and you feel more a part of that life when you can still be friends with his friends.

      We also had a running email thread (that we still keep up, actually) where we would share things with the other person (like articles we read online that the other person would like) or even just send a list of things to talk to each other about (“I know you’re busy this week, but next time we talk I want to tell you about XYZ”). And lastly, I also enjoyed receiving things in the mail. Sometimes it would just be a letter or a card and you know the other person is thinking of you. Or even small items from amazon (I had mentioned that I wanted to get back into yoga so he sent me a new yoga mat from amazon).

      And my biggest piece of advice – split the travel. It’s not fair if one person is always traveling to the other (even if costs are split). Travel starts to wear on you and it will make you resentful.

    • Cream Tea

      Currently in long distance relationship 1.5 years, and it can definitely be done. Trust is the absolute number one thing you need. I’ve also found that sending pictures of our faces back and forth every day (silly, I know!) helped- it was just nice seeing each other.
      If you’re on the same page about the relationship and each other, and you’re fairly clear with your visiting expectations and communication frequency you’ll be ok.
      Don’t let yourself, or each other, get frustrated or lonely on your own. Communication is the only way. On the plus side, you’ll have some well honed communication skills together when the long distance is over!

    • Wildkitten

      I was in an LDR for 3 months after 3 months of dating – so please value the other opinions ahead of mine. We had a plan to watch tv/shows together (if you are in the same time zone or in eastern/midwest you can do it with live TV) and to do a “book club” together. Neither ended up happening but I felt better having a plan to stay connected with more than just “how was your day” each day.

      I was the one moving to a new location, and it made the bf feel a lot better to know my friends in new location. Even though it’s nice to have one-on-one time when he visits or you visit, if he knows I am going to Happy Hour with my friend he knows he doesn’t worry about me (more safety, less fidelity, but probably both).

  13. Sunshine

    Monday night, I looked in my magnifier mirror to apply night cream and started to fret about my pores, dark circles, etc. I’m early 30s and some days I feel like my fair skin shows every imperfection.
    Tuesday night, I went online and researched masks, pore minimizers, and the like. Further dinged my confidence by seeing all these ladies with skin that looks pore-less and has not the slightest bit of a dark circle.
    Tonight, I went for a mani/pedi and the sweet lady who did my nails told me how much she loves my skin.
    No way she knew what was going through my mind, but I sure am glad she said what she did. Talk about the right message at the right time. Here’s wishing that some other r e t t e s out there have had a good experience like this recently.

    • Anonymous

      That’s really nice. I’ve had acne and am insecure about my skin, and I find that sales people are particularly happy to notice and exploit it to push some product on me. It doesn’t work, but it really sucks that people comment on it. Problem is under control now, so it doesn’t happen much. But I remember back when it happened all the time and it was extremely unpleasant.

      I’m glad you’ve had the opposite happen :)

      • publichealthprof

        I had terrible acne after returning from a study-abroad program in South Africa. One of the janitorial staff in my dorm pulled me aside one day (we had never spoken besides hello) and said “have you tried taking advil to help with your acne?” I think she was trying to be helpful but it was horrifying to me to have someone I didn’t even know point out my skin woes. Also, as if I hadn’t researched and tried nearly every possible solution!

        • Kat

          Have you tried Paula’s Choice products? I think I’ve seen someone mention the brand on this site before. I’ve always had skin issues ranging from dry skin, scars, keratosis pillars, etc. I stumbled upon the website and ordered some products. After trial and error and finding the right ones for my skin (they have an awesome return policy), it is amazing how much better my skin looks. Not perfect (partly because of my nasty picking habit), but a lot better. Instead of a minimalist routine of just washing my face nightly with the occasional moisturizer, I now have a routine of cleansing, toning, exfoliating, moisturizing and targeted treatments.

          • Kat

            Sorry — should have picked a different posting name than Kat. Just for clarification, I’m not the Kat who wrote the article and runs the site. :-)

  14. SoCal Gal

    I used to love Ann Taylor, especially their dresses. But the past 4-6 months I have been disappointed with the selection — nothing at all that I am tempted to buy. All the recent AT clothes seem drab and uninteresting. I feel the same way about AT sister store Loft– nothing much appeals to me. It may be the neutral and drab colors but it also seems like there is nothing new and different that I don’t already have (and like better) in my wardrobe. Either I am in a rut or AT is!

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