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Thursday’s TPS Report: Vee Dress

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Roland Mouret Collection Vee DressToday is the first day the Roland Mouret collection at Banana Republic is available, and it looks like some pieces are already in limited supply on the web site. They all look like great basics that are wearable for work, and my favorite is this chic v-neck. It's available in navy and black for $140, but with the 25% off if you sign up for email it comes down to $105. Roland Mouret Collection Vee Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 1/22/25:

  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – All sale dresses $40 (ends 1/23)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything
  • Boden – Clearance, up to 60% off!
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – End of season sale, extra 60-70% off clearance, online only
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – extra 50% off

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

244 Comments

  1. Looove it. Sad to see that the exposed back zip thing is apparently not over yet, but that is not a dealbreaker for me. I’m going to get one of these for Fall. Wish it came in more colors like a grey.

  3. Tailoring TJ: I bought the J Crew Factory version of the wool crepe Teddie dress a while back (https://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/dresses/work/PRDOVR~47465/47465.jsp) and while I love it, I guess I didn’t put it through the ringer enough when I tried it on. I am, uh, large of chest, and combined with the long sleeves and non-stretchiness of the dress, I can’t lift my arms above my waist. At all. This dress is so restricting.

    With a construction like this, could I just have the sleeves removed and make this a nipped-waist sheath? The factory version appears a bit more simple than the one I linked to.
    EDIT: This blogger has some great photos of the dress. http://feelingjcrewzy.blogspot.com/2012/10/j-crew-october-rollout-reviews-part-7.html

    TIA!

    1. I would have a short cap sleeve made rather than chopping the entire sleeve off. The cap sleeve can be hemmed, but I’m not sure the arm opening could be made to look right if you take off the whole sleeve.

    2. If there’s extra fabric available anywhere, you could have a tailor open the armpit seams and add gussets. Maybe if you shortened the sleeves without taking them off? I agree with tesyaa, if you remove the sleeve entirely, it could make a weird opening.

      1. I wonder if I could do a cap sleeve (relatively open on the bottom, a true cap and not a short sleeve), and then with the extra fabric from the shortened sleeves, add the gusset? I’ll have a chat with my tailor about it.

        Thanks for your input, ladies! I like having some understanding of what’s possible before I go to my tailor and say “pretty please fix this” without getting side eye.

        1. I think any kind of shorter sleeve will solve your problem. The sleeve is probably cut too narrow right above and below the elbow, which is why you can’t move.

      1. I like having some understanding of what’s possible before I go to my tailor and say “pretty please fix this” without getting side eye.

  4. This whole collection looks kind of standard banana/jcrew/taylor boring. I don’t see the appeal at all.

    3. This comment is such a great example of how it’s impossible to please everyone or cater to everyone’s taste. Not trying to poke at anyone in particular, but it’s like…on posts like this, featuring a classic, basic piece from a collection of classic, basic pieces, people say it’s boring. On posts with more out-of-the box selections, like the space-dyed tank yesterday, there are people saying it’s ugly, that they could never wear it, etc. Obviously everyone is entitled to their own thoughts (mine are mostly “How is the leopard version of this dress sold out already, and how can I scheme to get it into my grubby little hands”)

      2. +1. Who said I wanted my work wardrobe to be “interesting”? I’m perfectly happy with appropriate, flattering, and functional. (And I kind of love the blue leopard print.)

    4. I think all the interesting dresses are sold out. I bought a gorgeous pink/navy/black one shoulder dress from the collection two days ago.

  5. I have the Sloan and that fabric is really flattering. I am buying this. But I can’t find an applicable promo code–where is it? Also, I am a little worried the V will plunge too deep, but we’ll see it on. I assume the model is wearing a tall–it gives her height but not which length dress she is wearing.

    1. There’s a scroll across the page under the category menus at the top. But unless Kat actually went all the way through to the check out, I wouldn’t be surprised if the items of this collection are actually excluded (which was noted in the card-holder mailer I got a week ago for the promo there were selling at that point).

  6. I don’t disagree it’s vanilla, but a few vanilla wardrobe staples that can be accessorized with more exciting bits like scarves or statement jewelry or a bright cardi, to me, are a good thing.

    1. Assuming the fit on this was perfect (which would likely require tailoring), this dress would be a good staple. Its basic enough that it can be worn often and in a variety of ways with basically any color under the sun.

      The only thing that detracts from this being a completely classic/perfect piece is the back zipper. I am not firmly anti-exposed zipper, but on a dress like this, I think its out of place. A dress like this should be 100% classic and that zipper simply is not. An exposed zipper can look fine on a fast fashion type item or even a trendier, edgier more expensive piece. To me, it doesn’t belong on this dress.

      Also, (just read the description) the fabric is synthetic. The zipper and the fabric save me from ordering this, but I’m putting something like this on my “list” of items I should have in my closet.

  7. I’ve read a few things recently that suggest that it’s presumptuous/ displays a lack of humility for interns to engage in “power dressing” or wearing stuff that projects more authority than an intern has. Most of what I read was geared toward men and offered specific advice about what clothing items for men are seen as too presumptuous for an intern, but there’s really no female equivalent for items discussed, and I haven’t found anything similar for women.

    What do you ladies think? Are there clothing items that you think interns should shy away from for this reason? And I’m not talking about earning the freedom to express more of your personal style as you get older/more senior- this is more about stuff that qualifies as solidly professional attire, like a pinstripe suit, perhaps (I’ve read that they project authority) To the point, are there clothing items that you think aren’t appropriate for interns because they’re not senior enough?

        1. Or fancy water bottles. Seriously, though, except perhaps for Birkins or Laboutins, I think an intern should wear whatever the heck she wants and more power to her if she is power-dressing. Unless she dresses better than the top brass in the C-suite, but otherwise, I don’t think you can overdress. That being said, the priority would be doing your job well over standing around in fierce expensive clothes.

    2. I think interns, like any junior employee , should pay careful attention to their own offices and wear clothing that fits in. If no one ever wears a suit, an intern wearing one daily will seem odd. If everyone carries a lands end boat and tote or free tote bag, a Neverfull might seem off.

      But I don’t think there is any one single item that is inappropriate on any intern in any company. Even the Birkin.

      1. Agreed. No. And personally, I’ve gotten pretty far by standing out not blending in. Rules are only helpful to a point.

    4. I am not sure about “power dressing” — I would think you can’t go wrong with a conservative suit (if your office is business dress). Maybe if your office is casual and you wear a dark suit every day you would look too formal, but I still don’t see anyone thinking you are presumptuous, just not picking up on the dress code.

      I’ve been a little annoyed with the oppos*te phenomenon, though. We had an intern (a guy) who would wear golf shirts and khakis, even though only the most senior partner dressed casually and everyone else wore suits or suit separates. It looked arrogant, like he didn’t feel the need to impress us.

      Just curious: what items of clothing are they saying are too presumptuous for men to wear?

      1. pinstripe suits were on that list, as were shoes that are square-ish in shape, monogrammed shirts, bow ties, cuff links, anything that is obviously particularly expensive, like a super nice watch. some ties are also apparently to showy for interns. I didn’t quite pick up what distinguishes a tie as “too showy” though.

        I think this was geared toward people working in super conservative/formal fields, so the obvious point about the possibility of being overdressed presumably wouldn’t apply.

    6. I think you have to consider your personal style in this. I’m always very classic/ put together, so during my internship I’ve run a mile from some of my cardigans, which look schlumpy on me. I’ve been wearing blazers, which is more formal than many of the women but about on par with the men.

    7. As an intern, I think it’s best practice to fit as much as possible with the office culture, but having said that, I don’t think it’s wrong to dress, say, slightly nicer than coworkers. I.e. I’m in a business casual office and rarely ware nice sandals, even though they’re very common here. The biggest problem with being an intern is fighting the assumption that since you’re young and inexperienced, you’re also incapable of doing a good job. Dressing well signals to coworkers that you’re focused on being professional. Of course, too nice and it shows that you’re out of touch. So it’s a difficult balance to strike.

        1. It’s a constant struggle to resist them–not gonna lie. But I try to limit it to 1-2 times a week (like on casual Friday) instead of all day, every day.

      2. I think this is an excellent approach. I’d say you want to be around the top of the ‘average’ dress code.

        I don’t wear sandals either. I keep them in the car and change ;)

      3. I’m in a different field, but I know a guy who badly wanted a particular placement. I heard from those who didn’t ultimately hire him that one (perhaps small) factor was that he wore things the senior partners couldn’t afford. His family came from money, but sometimes I think it does read badly for the intern or very junior person to carry a bag or drive a car that is well beyond the level that the most senior people in the company wear/use.

        In contrast I also know someone who had a very expensive car, and during his internship used to park it a couple of blocks away and walk in so no one saw it.

  8. Anyone have shoe trees for their pumps that they would recommend? Looking to take better care of my work shoes collection. Bonus points if I can Amazon Prime them :)

  9. Does anyone have suggestions for a chemical (not physical) drugstore sunscreen that works well for sensitive/combination skin? I use cerave AM now (spf 20) and love it, but the zinc oxide in it makes my face look ghostly in pictures which is starting to bug me. TIA!

    1. specifically a moisturizer with sunscreen- not just a sunscreen.

      ETA: cerave AM is actually spf 30, not 20.

    2. I’ve had ok luck with both neutrogena and aveeno, but I still hate daily drugstore sunscreen/moisturizer in general because it always still leaves me feeling greasy. I haven’t found a good sephora-level brand I like either, except the ole henriksen, but that was only a sample I had, and I haven’t been able to try out any others.

    3. All physical sunblock will make you look ghostly in pictures. It’s the light reflecting from the particles in the sunblock. If you layer a foundation/powder without physical sunblock over it that will cut down on the issue.

      1. I do use a non-spf foundation, but somehow it doesn’t seem to cut down on the effect of the sunblock- even 12 hours after I applied my moisturizer in the morning- so strange.

    4. I used to use Neutrogena Clean Feel (moved on to Kiehl’s), and I have sensitive combination skin. It never felt greasy to me and went on easily under my makeup. It says “waterproof” too, but I definitely wouldn’t trust it for anything other than light sweating because it feels that featherweight.

    5. I like the Nivea water gel (“sun protect”) sold at Japanese make up/grocery stores. It absorbs quickly into the skin. I have sensitive skin and I haven’t noticed any extra break outs or drying out (common problems for me). Sometimes, it does make me extra oily so I have to powder midday.

    7. It’s a bit pricey, but I really love Murad Essential-C Day Moisture. It has SPF 30 and does not leave me feeling the slightest bit greasy.

      2. One caveat with Cetaphil’s SPF 15 moisturizer (and Aveeno’s!) – I have somewhat sensitive skin, but it started freaking out with sunscreens a few years ago, and Cetaphil’s was one of them (the culprit: avobenzone in the formulation). I’ve tried everything in my drugstore since, but everything without avobenzone there is a physical sunscreen. Even the Cetaphil SPF50, which lacks avobenzone, has titanium dioxide, so it’s physical. Alas!

      1. +1. After trying various cheap and pricy formulas, this is my favorite. It’s around $3.99 where I live.

        1. Me three… Bought the trader joe’s on an impulse buy after my yes to carrots ran out. Bee at Hellobee just posted a good one she likes though, specifically noting that it wasn’t greasy.

    10. Just a tip on photos, have the person taking them turn off the flash and just up the exposure or ISO instead. Sunscreen looks weird due to flash reflections not so much in natural light.

    12. I like the Sonia Kaskuk tinted moisturizer (it’s only 15 SPF). It works well in photos IME, but I’m already quite pale. I use cereve (regular cream 0 SPF) first if my face is feeling a bit dry to avoid breakouts.

    13. A little late to this thread, but I have very sensitive, breakout prone skin and am loyal to Eucerin Daily Protection face lotion with SPF 30. Bought it a few years ago on the recommendation of a blogger with similarly sensitive skin and never looked back. It’s light and non-greasy and layers well under my foundation. I see it has zinc oxide, but I’ve never noticed a problem in pictures. Highly recommend.

    14. The Olay kind for sensitive skin. I think it’s SPF15. Feels nice and light, smells good. Warning, I once bought the drugstore brand knockoff and it was less awesome – I had to rub it in carefully not to end up with the typical sunscreen white residue in places. Get the brand name.

  10. This dress shape is pretty, but I agree that the exposed zipper thing has to go. I am also unsure of the horizontal seam across the top of the bust. I imagine that could look awkward if your chest is of a different size than the model’s. And, the review (only 1) does not look very promising…

    Question for anyone with very short (pixie-shag) and/or curly/wavy hair–best texturizing/curl-defining paste/cream/wax?

    1. I like the idea of the dress, but the horizontal seam across the top of the bust turned me off as well. I do really, really love the thick-strapped dress in this collection, though. Welp.

    2. For definition, shape, and structure, Redken Rewind is serious business. Lots of styling/holding/staying power but it’s not too shiny. You can also change it up if you get your hair a little damp.

      For more texturizing/volumizing, I really like KMS hairplay products. Particularly the spray wax and the playable texture spray. You can barely feel them but they are pretty powerful.

      Bumble & Bumble Brilliantine is also great but more of a product that you use when you’re having a great hair day and just want to make it better. You get less control from it, but it is still light and does a good job texturizing/defining. Plus it smells good and has UV protection.

    3. Currently using Bumble & Bumble styling wax. Works pretty well. I tried several products with less hold after I cut my hair off a month ago, this has been my favorite so far.

    4. For pixie-shag I like either the Got-to-Be or the Garnier drugstore lines. They add texture without a lot of weight and both smell great (to me, anyway). Can’t speak to curly.

  11. I’m a junior associate in big law. While a lot of the work I am given is fairly substantive and interesting (especially for a big law associate), I finding myself often playing the role of secretary. For example, this partner essentially dictates letters and emails for me to transcribe, then gives me edits, and then has me send to the client. I understand that she is busy, so it’s cheaper for me to do it than for her to do it, that I am learning about some substantive issues, and that my name is sometimes on the correspondence going to clients. On the other hand, I feel that this is work her secretary should be doing and is ultimately not the best use of my time. On an interesting note, the rest of the partners I work with (all male) rarely give me this kind of work. I guess I’m just b***thing here, looking for commiseration, and also wondering – do I just need to suck it up?

    1. It depends. Sometimes partners ask you to do the amends because you will learn something from it, so it is in that sense a good use of your time. However, the better approach would be to let you do the first draft and then she can review it, give you comments and you amend it, because that way you actually DO learn.

      Unfortunately this not really that unusual. As a Big Law junior you will inevitably end up doing some of the grunt work and some partners have worked in a particular way for a long time and it will be difficult, if not impossible, to get them to change (so good luck with that). It may be worth asking around to see if this is typical of this partner as maybe it’s her way to get juniors to do this and it ultimately leads to better work, in which case you probably just smile and suck it up.

      I agree that just by someone dictating to you there isn’t much you learn, but she might be thinking she is doing you a favour, rather than seeing it as a secretarial task. So, assuming she is approachable, instead of saying ‘shouldn’t your secretary be doing this’, I might approach it by saying ‘would you mind if I have a go at doing a first draft’. Be careful about this, though, because she might see it as an ‘insubordinate upstart thinks she’s too good to do my work’ (which you definitely do not want her to think) so it’s a bit of a ‘know your partner’ situation.

    2. I think you need to suck it up. Are you billing for this time? If so, then its a win-win for you (essentially really easy work and you get hours). If all your time is being written off, then you may have a basis for a complaint (could frame it in a way that suggests its not the best use of the firm’s resources).

    3. I think this is something you have to suck up. But if it is practical to do so, you can ask your assistant to take your handwritten notes and type it up for you or transform an email to a letter.

    4. Suck it up! You’re learning how she likes her correspondence written so someday you can take over. Make note of her edits and incorporate them in future letters, even if she didn’t dictate them exactly, to demonstrate that you are adding value.

      1. In an attempt to be glass-half-full, I would try to look at it as an opportunity to learn more about the client(s) she has relationships with. Do her email styles/length/format/substance differ substantially from client to client? You’re getting major insight on how that client likes to communicate with outside counsel!

    5. Granted I work at a small firm, but this same thing was happening to me for awhile until I realized that the partners expected me to take their changes to the secretary to fix rather than have me fix them myself. They were simply giving them to me so I could see what the changes were. Could this partly be the case?

      2. Same. I’d say something like “I’m happy to do this for you but I just want to make sure we are on the same page. Do you want me to do make the changes or give to x to make with me reviewing for accuracy?”

    6. partners do this all the time. and they don’t mean you have to do the edits yourself. just give them to your assistant and then check things over to make sure its right. unless the edits are substantive, there is no reason an assistant can’t do it. and in fact, should be doing it and not passing that cost along to the client.

      and you should view the sending to the client thing as a compliment. partner’s don’t let junior associates send things to clients (i.e., have client contact) unless they trust them.

      1. Agreed. Unless you ask the partner about it later and she is expecting YOU to do the edits; she is probably expecting you to have the assistant do it and then check it over.

    7. I give this kind of work to junior associates, and would expect you to do it. It teaches a couple of things that junior associates don’t realize they need to learn – how I like things done and the appropriate tone and phrasing of client communications, as well as substantive issues.

    8. Is she actually dictating the emails to you or just telling you what she wants you to say? There’s a subtle difference between the two but it’s important. When I started out in BigLaw, partners or senior associates would often tell me to draft an email to a client and tell them “x, y, z” and would actually tell me pretty much exactly what they wanted me to say. Then they would have me send them the email to review and often tell me to make changes. It’s not because they were too lazy to send the email themselves, but because they wanted me to have the experience of interacting directly with the client but still needed to make sure that the tone and content of the message was appropriate. This rubbed me the wrong way at first. I’d worked before law school and thought surely I could be trusted to draft a simple email without someone looking over my shoulder, but I started to realize that many of the edits were actually quite helpful.

      1. Ah-ha! When I read OP’s question, I assumed she meant that she was literally transcribing dictation from a tape (as my secretary used to do for me when I was in a private firm- firm policy was basically Lawyers Don’t Type).

        If you mean she’s just tel;ing you what needs to be said and asking you to prepare a letter/email that says that, then I would consider that substantive learning experience, bonus if you get to bill for it.

  12. I have acne-prone skin, and while it’s usually under control, the summer is just really not good for it. The heat, sunscreen, sweating, etc necessary usually means that my routine (cleansing, exfoliating cream, the charcoal mask) can’t keep up. Usually I get facials every so often for this reason, but it’s expensive and I’d like to cut down on that. Any ideas?

    2. For daily use can you switch to a physical sunscreen powder? Can you swap to a cleanser with benzoyl peroxide/salicylic acid in it if you’re not already using one? Aspirin masks (literally aspirin crushed up in water and patted on my face until it dries) worked wonders for me in the summers. Alcohol pads at my desk to wipe down my phone/headset/sunglasses/glasses also helped since I was eliminating the extra grease those things push into your skin.

      1. I used accutane as a teen and while it worked great at the time, I believe it has been the cause of other health issues I’ve recently had. I’d really only recommend this if your acne is completely untreatable, painful and interfering with your every day life.

        I don’t have an acne problem anymore (I do still get the occasional zit), but I used to take an antibiotic (minocycline, but there are many options) in the summer for about two or three months because it would keep my skin clear without worry about sunscreen, the beach, enjoying summer in general. I realize it’s not for everyone, but you might want to talk to your dermatologist.

        Good luck!

        1. Sure it has. Yup. Definitely. Just like vaccines totes cause autism.

          Unless the health issue is a deformed fetus you had to abort or liver damage, there’s no evidence if accutane causing long term health issues. None. It’s a miracle drug for people suffering from acne and it pisses me off when people just make stuff up about it.

        2. Some antibiotics can make you more sun-sensitive, so if you are taking one in the summer for acne, be sure to check on that (which I’m doing. Not that it’s really helping. My dermatologist has really got to figure out a better solution).

          Speaking of acne solutions–has anyone taken spironolactone for acne? Thoughts? Any bad reactions? Or just annoying reactions? (weight gain, loss of libido, etc?) My old dermatologist suggested it, but then I moved before I decided, and the possible side effects are a bit worrisome (I also stopped taking BC pills because they weren’t helping my acne and I didn’t really like the hormonal effects, so I’m worried spironolactone wouldn’t be any better).

          1. I take it. No side effects. My doc said if I did have a side effect (lightheadedness) he would just lower the dosage.

          2. I take it as well and it doesn’t seem to give me any noticeable side effects. 50mg didn’t clear my skin enough, but 100mg seems to do the job. I do also take a BC that’s supposed to be one of the best for acne, but its effects are negligible.

          3. I’ve been on spironolactone for about a year now. I started at 25 mg and worked up to 50 but it wasn’t working well enough. I eventually went all the way up to 150 but I had some side effects, mostly just dizziness/feeling lightheaded. I dropped back down to 100 mg and that’s the dose I’ve been on the past 6 months. No side effects at this dose and it has kicked in and started working really well. I never get that nasty cystic acne anymore, just an occasional small break out that clears away in a day or two with a topical and never gets super red or inflamed. Your doctor will probably start you at a smaller dose and work up just so you can get your potassium levels checked periodically to make sure you’re not having a weird reaction.

          4. I’ll add that I use Simple cleansing wipes to remove my make up and wash my face with Aveda’s acne line (just the foam cleanser). The topical I use when I have a small break out is Aczone, prescribed by my dermatologist. I was previously on all kinds of other acne medication, from antibiotics to topicals like retina A and nothing worked as well for me as the combination of spiranolactone and Aczone. Aczone is expensive but your dermatologist should be able to give you a coupon if your insurance doesn’t cover it or your deductible is super high.

          7. I took it for a different condition but it dangerously lowered my blood pressure so I had to get off of it. I was fine at the loading doses but they weren’t providing therapeutic value. It also completely messed up my periods and made me spot constantly.

          8. I take it and it is awesome. No side effects for me (and I tend to low blood pressure).

          9. Ginjury: I use Aczone pretty regularly (almost daily, usually at night) on the two small areas on my face where I’m most likely to break out, as a preventative. But otherwise I use it as a spot treatment if I see a pimple forming. It helps them go away before they get really big and ugly!

          10. I take spironolactone and it’s been a miracle for my cyclic chin acne. I have not experienced any side effects.

        3. My experience with accutane is, of course, only one person’s experience, but I certainly had side-effects as a result of my two 6-month long treatments at ages 13 and 16, some of which persist 10+ years later. Thankfully the persisting side effects have been relatively mild, but the side effects I encountered while I was taking the medication were fairly serious. While it is unarguably effective, there are health-related concerns to consider and talk to your doctor about.

        4. Also have side effects from Accutane, 15 years later. Did it ruin anyone else’s lips to the point where nothing keeps them moisturized? Or render anyone else totally unable to tan, years after taking it?

      2. Accutane can cause serious birth defects, so the birth control is an absolutely necessary companion to it.

        1. Not really. Abstinence + condoms + willingness to abort a fetus with nonviable birth defects also works just fine. Although good luck finding a doctor to prescribe it under those conditions.

          1. Those three things might “work,” but they do not work “just fine.” Unless you happen to already be completely devoted to abstinence, they’re pretty horrible alternatives.

          3. Yeah, condoms are a much worse option than birth control. Their failure rate is much higher and most people don’t enjoy using them.

            For heaven’s sake, why on earth would abstinence, plus condoms, plus abortion possibly be “just fine” compared with hormonal bc?

          4. Because people get to make their own choices about what to do with their own bodies.

          5. I know two people who could not get Accutane prescribed without getting either an IUD or going on birth control. One was a virgin so abstinence was real for her but the doc didn’t care. No birth control, no Accutane. I personally disagree with this though. Patients should be informed of the risks and make their own choices.

          7. Thanks for the helpful pro-tips that a) hormonal BC has side effects (no kidding) and b) people get to choose what they do with their own bodies.

            My post was originally in response to the poster who played off condoms, abstinence, and abortion as “just fine” alternatives and said that BC isn’t really necessary on Accutane, which is contrary to basically all medical advice. Of course people should be able to do whatever they want with their own bodies. If someone wants to use condoms and risk undergoing an expensive and invasive medical procedure instead of simply using BC, that’s more than fine with me, but it’s flippant to down play these things as no big deal.

          8. It’s flippant to play down hormonal birth control as no big deal to everyone too. There are good reasons why some people choose not to use it.

          9. I had it prescribed as a teenager without birth control. I did get a warning and had to sign some things saying that I would use two forms of birth control were I to become sexually active, but I guess the doctor trusted that I was not getting any.

          10. Yikes. BC has side effects but describing getting pregnant with a baby with birth effects and aborting it as just fine is over the top.

          11. My derm gave it to me w. an abstinence + condoms combo. Minus the slightly embarrassing convo every month ensuring that yes, I was in fact still abstinent, no issues.

        2. Em- sure it’s flippant to pretend that BC doesn’t have side effects (no kidding, WHY do you people think this is revolutionary information?). Read my post again and you’ll see that no where did I say that :) The post I responded to wasn’t predicated on the user having an issue with hormonal BC, and my response wasn’t either.

    4. I’m not comfortable taking accutane (the suicide side effect freaks me out) and my dermatologist was able to prescribe me a few other options that have worked wonders, so you should totally talk to a professional.

    6. I have really oily skin and was having terrible adult acne issues last summer that only seemed to get worst the more I treated it and it turned out I was just over-treating (when I started to break out I literally went out and bought the whole Neutrogena acne product section at CVS plus I had Retin A from my derm.) I switched to a natural cleanser with tea tree oil from Whole Foods and started using the Burts Bees tea tree blemish stick whenever I would see an inkling of a zit and it’s worked wonders!

    7. I have a different condition that causes cysts but the treatments tend to be the same as acne treatments. Currently my doc has me on a more holistic regimen since I have other medical issues that bar me from taking some of the more common meds. In the event that this works for traditional acne too, I’ll share:

      Vitamin C – 500 mg – 3x/day
      Zinc – 30 mg – 3x/day (I can only take 1 dose at bedtime b/c it upsets my stomach)
      Vitamin D3 – standard dose, can’t remember it, 1/day
      Turmeric – I take the capsules twice/day orally. I also break a capsule and put it directly on the area when I’m having issues (after the Witch Hazel)
      Witch Hazel – wipe the affected area with it several times per day. Leave a compress on active outbreaks for 10 minutes morning and night.

      Topical rx Epiduo when the cyst is bad.

      Zero dairy (even casein) and no gluten. My doc would prefer I be 100% paleo but that is too far for me at this point.

    8. Here are the products that help keep me acne-free:
      -Desert Essence Thoroughly Clean face wash (this stuff is the bomb)
      -Desert Essence Thoroughly Clean oil control lotion (this is an excellent moisturizer if you have cystic acne)
      -Mizon black all-in-one snail repair cream (this is more like a gel)
      -Cure Natural Aqua Gel (exfoliates)

      Products that are designed for acne make me break out because I have sensitive skin. For some reason, anything with salicylic acid = instant bumps.

      Also, if you haven’t tried birth control, consider it.

    9. Wear a hat instead of sunscreen and do your regular skin routine, since it sounds like it has been working for you.

    10. I use generic 10% benzoyl peroxide cream/gel. I put a layer on my face at night after cleaning with Cetaphil gentle cleansing bar. I also wash my face with the bar in the morning.

      My skin has NEVER looked better, and this is the cheapest regimen I’ve ever had. My face cleared up in a month or so.

      1. Another cheap and crazy approach: Safeguard soap. Was recommended by dermatologist after birth control did nothing for my skin. Wash 1-2 daily followed by non-clogging moisturizer (I have good luck with cerave regular cream) because it is drying. I did 2x daily in my teens and early 20’s and have worked down to every other day as I’ve aged into my mid-30’s. Works beautifully!

  13. How much do you care about brand? Most of the women I work with are very brand focused- they care a lot about their clothing showing the brand, or name dropping. I’m just wondering where everyone stands on this.

    1. I don’t care about brand at all. I’ve had discount store clothing that looked better and held up longer than brand name. I care about fit, style and quality, pretty much in that order.

      1. Same here. I only cared about brands back in middle and high school. I remember wanting Guess jeans and those Liz Claiborne purses with the little triangles. Also the Outback Red brand from The Limited.

    2. I have no opinion of other women blatantly displaying brand names/name dropping as long as it’s not particularly egregious. It’s important to me personally that brand names aren’t visible, though. That makes it really hard for me to buy certain things, like nice handbags. I generally prefer that it’s not super obvious where I shop & how much I pay for stuff.

      I don’t want to judge too much, but generally if brand focus comes across as status-consciousness to me, I don’t think well of it.

      1. I’ll also echo the other sentiments here that what I care most about are fit, style, quality, etc. and I don’t care much where it comes from.

    3. One feels it hideously middle class to care about these things you call “brands.” One wears clothing that is well made , elegant, flattering, and tasteful. Such clothing tends to last.

      1. +1! This is going to sound kind of elitist, but the really high-end stuff is NEVER branded. It’s one of those “You’d only know it if you’re in the know” things. I think the NYT did an article on this a few years ago and they called it Quiet Luxury.

        1. I saw someone wearing a VERY expensive coat on the bus a few months ago… He’d left the label on the outside of the wrist. D’oh!

          2. I think he just didn’t know it was meant to be removed – I see countless people with their jacket vent still tacked shut

          3. agreed- people don’t know- and it’s a huge pet peeve. worse is when they know it’s removable, but don’t know you’re *supposed* to remove it, and so they just wear it around to show off the brand. it is elitist but I definitely judge people as less sophisticated when they wear a ton of branded things.

        2. I refuse to be a billboard for a brand. From the Coach C’s to the Louis LVs, it’s stupid, usually pretty ugly and just a way to project the brand you’re wearing, in my opinion.

          1. +1 I am not a billboard.

            And +1 to the Dowager. It’s the truth. I’ve had cr@p from “aspirational brands” and diamonds in the rough from brands typically snubbed.

        3. Define “really high-end”. LV bags (even the rare, collectible ones that go for $5K+) often have LVs on them (all over or somewhere). Celine and I believe even Hermes at least have a stamp somewhere. Are there more expensive bags about which I don’t know?

        4. Can you provide an example of a “really high end” handbag that isn’t visibly branded? Honestly I am so curious! It’s out of my reach at this point, but a lot of my colleagues carry Hermes bags, Prada, etc, and they are all visibly (although not as blatantly as the LVs) branded.

          1. Not sure if you’re still reading this: Delvaux and Moreaux are 4-5 figures in price range with very little branding.

    4. I don’t care about having the name showing. I carry a gorgeous Kors shoulder bag and took the hold medallion thing off bc I thought it was silly. And many of my staple dresses which get compliments over and over are from Target. I think most people on this site want the things tesyaa mentions.

    5. I care about brands a lot. I don’t actually like shopping, I just like owning clothes I can wear, and brands are a reliable shortcut to buying clothes that work for me. Sure, maybe quality has decreased a bit in some brands, but they don’t change enough from season to season that I am ever surprised, so I always know what value I’m getting when I buy my brands, and I am comfortable with the styles they sell.

    6. Brands may be visible on handbags, but I don’t own anything else in my work wardrobe that has a label that can be seen by colleagues, and haven’t since I wore jeans and polos in the 1980s to go on babysitting gigs. I have two purses that have the company name on the side of the handbags, in one spot, and rather discreetly, I think. My clothes never have visible brand names and I would only discuss them if asked directly about where I bought something. You see the brand of my shoes only if I take them off or show you the bottom of my shoe (but I don’t wear the ones with the red sole, so YMMV).

      I agree with other posters: people who wear really high-end brands rarely show the labels, and those with good manners rarely talk about them.*

      *Unless they are on a website dedicated to comparisons of such things, or with a small group of friends commiserating about the downfall of Theory quality.

    7. I don’t care about brand at all. I would much rather have a silk blouse than one with a MK logo on it. I exclusively but items for their fabric (natural) and fit. I think its stupid to buy a $100 piece of polyester because it has a label on it.

      1. +1 I care a lot about fabric and fit, and not at all about brands. I particularly take care not to wear things that are obviously branded because I feel like I’m paying to do their advertising for them. (Includes tees that say “Old Navy” on them).

    8. My feelings about visible branding changed when someone pointed out that I was paying for the pleasure of giving brands free advertising space on my person. Now I’m far more aware of how visible the brand is.
      I look at brands like Wildkitten said, as a good shortcut to finding items I know I’ll like. Some brands are synonymous with quality, and I value those brands, whether they’re trendy or expensive or not.

      1. Ha. In high school, my dad used to ask me “how much are they paying you to wear that” if I had on a logo t-shirt. Remember the t’s that just said “American Eagle” across the front or the old school GAP sweatshirts? He couldn’t believe someone would pay to be a billboard for a store. It was also “cool” in my high school to bring your gym clothes to school in a re-used plastic shopping bag from the cool stores. It was not cool to bring your gym clothes to school in a grocery store or walmart bag. I was totally guilty of buying socks or something super cheap and asking for a big bag just so I had a cool bag for my gym clothes when I couldn’t afford the regular clothes from the store.

        1. The Polo handbags with the American Flag! Oh my, I wish I didn’t think I was so cool……

        2. I just bought one of hose old school GAP hoodies last year. For me it IS a statement, that I’m not a Jack Wills / Hollister/ SuperDry clone (see: the rest of my university). Also it’s really cosy and was £20 in the sale. So I suppose they did pay me to wear it by being really cheap!

        3. Yeah, I’m not a fan of clothes with really visible labels either. However, my kids have sweatshirts that say “Old Navy” across them very prominently, because they are decent enough sweatshirts for the $ – but I wouldn’t pay extra just for the name on them. My favorite “ironic” jab I’ve ever seen on this was back in the day when t-shirts that said “Abercrombie” were 2-3x the cost of a plain tshirt at other stores but otherwise nothing special – a guy friend of mine got a white Hanes T-shirt and wrote Abercrombie sloppily on it in permanent marker. It made me giggle any time I saw it, and definitely pointed out the stupidity in paying extra just to wear a billboard that basically said “I overpaid for this shirt!”

          I will agree with others though that there are certain brands I will return to over and over again and pay slightly more for than an unknown brand because I know they are made to medium-high quality standards, have sizing that fits me and is consistent, and fits my personal style. None of it has prominent brand labeling. Overall though, most of my wardrobe comes from Target, and I’m ok with that too.

    9. I care about brands because there are certain brands that I can trust to fit me well and will last. BUT I don’t like visible labels. I think I only have a few things that are easily identifiable because of the Burberry plaid.

    1. my firm is on that list. though I recall seeing this last year and thinking it was a little off — many top firms have very good “policies” but in reality, its not so good.

      1. I wish they’d publish rankings to indicate not just the policies but the practice – e.g. paternal leave of 6 months in the policy – then it should say how many lawyers had kids and how many took full leave vs. two third leave vs. half leave. Should also breakdown how many male lawyers took paternal leave – every place I’ve worked where there have been involved dads, the environment was much better for working moms.

        This goes for non-parent stuff too – I don’t want to know how many vacation days a firm has – I want to know the utilization rate – that actually tells me something useful about the firm culture.

        1. This is a great idea. I think mandatory parental leave and mandatory vacation is a good idea for everyone.

        3. “Every place I’ve worked where there have been involved dads, the environment was much better for working moms.” LOVE this.

    2. My firm is on that list and I can vouch that is actually is an excellent firm for women. We refer to it as the unicorn firm.

      So, great firms to work at (regardless of gender, honestly) actually do exist.

    3. I’m always sceptical of those lists – McDonalds is always on the Sunday Times Best Companies To Work For lists but I hated it. Just because it’s judged good doesn’t mean it’s good for everyone

      1. My firm is on the list too and I can definitely vouch for it being an excellent place for flexible schedules, part-time work, back up child care, etc. In short, it’s great in terms of being friendly to working parents (not just moms). However, that’s a completely separate question from whether women can maintain flexible schedules, etc., AND be promoted, and whether women are promoted to equity partner in proportionate numbers. I love working at my firm as a young mom, but I don’t see any examples of women who have made partner, or equity partner, who have been able to maintain their schedule or have home lives that look anything like I’d want mine to look like. I suppose the larger question is whether there is a model for women (or men) who want to be partner but don’t want to spend 60 hours a week working. I haven’t seen an example of anyone on a meaningful reduced-time or flexible schedule staying at my firm after making partner.

        1. +1 million. My firm is great as an associate, but from what I understand, the hours I would need to put in to actually make partner are not really feasible (to me) given my family life. I have yet to see a woman with kids, still married to her first husband, make it to partner at my big law firm. Not to say that it can’t or won’t happen, just that I’m disappointed that I haven’t seen it yet.

  15. I need resort wear help. Do you own any dresses / coverups / other beach wear that you particularly love? (I am 29 yo, 5’6″, size 4.) Thank you!

    1. I could wear a burlap sack to the beach and I’d love it because I’d be at the beach.

    2. I like Patagonia cotton sundresses. I have the Margot dress in multiple colors (they have some colors on sale in the webspecials section s i t e). I am a little bigger than you (taller and closer to an 8) and medium fits me (a little on the big side, if anything), so I would think you could do a small or medium depending on what sort of fit you wanted.

    3. For me, beach wear is in the save not splurge category because clothing gets ruined easily at the beach. Old Navy usually has a few great sundresses and cover ups.

    6. For my recent beach vacation I bought a few Old Navy type dresses because they were cheap so I didn’t worry about them getting ruined but still very cute. I also bought a “swim tee” and some board shorts from Lands End and I loved the swim tee! It’s like a much looser fitting rash guard (size down – I’m a medium top in most brands and a small at LE was still very loose) which is great if you have pale skin like me and want to be active in the water. With my swim tee (treated with UVA/UVB protection) I didn’t have to worry about my back burning while snorkeling, etc. when you don’t normally stop and reapply sunscreen as often as you should.

  16. Question:

    I am in my mid 30s and just got botox for the first time this week and I am feeling icky about it, first because I didn’t tell my husband I was doing it, and second because it is expensive and I feel like I am buying into the beauty industrial complex. WWYD?

    1. Do you like the results? Can you afford it? If yes to both, keep doing it and tell your husband (if he would want to know).

      2. + 1 I plan to get it done as soon as I turn 30 because I’ll have the money and think the results will work well for me. Everyone buys into the beauty industrial complex to some degree, you just have to decide your own boundaries.

    2. Tell my husband, and say I was feeling absurd and icky that a) I got Botox, and b) I hid it from him.

      1. I feel like I can’t tell him because he will get upset that I didn’t tell him ahead of time. This is because he’s out of town visiting his mom (who left his dad and then divorced him) and he may then worry that I’ll leave him too??

        1. If you explain that you were embarrassed to tell him, I’m sure he will understand and not hold it against you. It’s not like you did something bad and didn’t tell him- you did something related to your own body (and which did not require his approval or consent) and waited to tell him because you were sensitive about it.

          1. But the other week when he was out of town I didn’t tell him I worked from home one day, and then I called him back and told him right away, and I felt bad that I didn’t tell him then…will he get mad at me that I didn’t tell him about this right away? I haven’t been able to talk to him all week because he doesn’t have cell reception.

          3. I don’t know, it’s just that I feel like we always have full transparency. I didn’t want to hide that I was working from home. I kind of want to hide this because I haven’t told him already but I feel bad that I haven’t….argh!

          6. But why would working from home be something that needed to be hidden? Or to put it differently, do you feel your husband will be angry that you worked from home without telling him? Because that seems a bit odd to me – it’s an innocuous thing that doesn’t affect him at all. I understand the Botox thing, but the level of guilt over the possibility of working from home without telling him seems stranger.

          7. What happened was he asked me when I got home from work, I at first said that it was early, than I called him back and said I was actually working from home.

            This time, I just haven’t told him anything at all yet.

            Now I feel worse. I was planning on not telling him but now I think I should. Argh.

          8. And when you tell him, maybe talk about how you randomly lie and keep secrets from him about unimportant things and what that says about your relationship.

          10. tesyaa, I don’t think so, but I think I have a natural instinct to hide things I think he will be mad about, which is a bad way for me to be.

          11. Uh, the working from home thing isn’t an issue of “I didn’t tell him,” it’s an issue of “I lied to him for no (apparent) reason.” Gah. I agree with Anonymous at 12:50 p.m. that there’s something weird going on here.

          12. So to add a different perspective – I would tell my husband if I were working from home, but that is because we give each other a heads-up on whereabouts for safety. We send each other a quick text when we arrive at work – if we’ll be running errands on the way home, we’ll let each other know about that (ex: Heading home now – will stop at Whole Foods and Target – need anything?).

          13. I’m confused – did you think he would be mad that you worked from home, or that you lied about it? Because I can’t imagine why he’d be mad about #1, but I can understand why he’d be upset if you lied to him.

        2. Which is exactly why you should tell him now. Before you’re 50 and have been feeling bad about keeping this a secret for so long. And then talk to him about why you didn’t tell him and why you’re sorry.

    3. Do you lie about/omit trivial things because your husband has a history of overreacting or getting upset when you mention these things (like working from home) or is this just a strange, unprovoked habit of yours?

      1. When we first started dating he would get upset/overreact, but not lately.

        I now feel unbelievably guilty that I would do this without telling him. My stomach hurts. I felt okay yesterday when I got it done and now I feel terrible. Am I a horrible person? What can I do? I feel like crying at my desk right now.

        1. Not lately means how long without him overreacting to something you’ve told him?

          It sounds like there’s a much bigger issue going on here and he set a precedent early on that you can’t talk to him about certain things without him overreacting. That most likely requires some therapy to overcome, whether it’s to help you to stop assuming he’ll overreact or to help him to stop overreacting to trivial things.

          Concerning the botox, are you uncomfortable because you already know he objects to it and feel like he’ll be upset that you did it or are you uncomfortable because you’re kind of embarrassed that you got it?

          1. Both? I worry about telling him both because he’ll tell me I don’t need it and that I should have talked to him ahead of time. I am also embarrassed that I got it.

        2. You are not a horrible person, so please don’t feel bad. It does seem like something weird is going on, and it kind of sounds like he may have some control issues. These seem like very minor things that I can’t imagine my husband caring much about….I think he’d care that I lied for no apparent reason, but it certainly wouldn’t be something that we’d fight over. I understand the impulse to keep this information to yourself, given his history of overreacting, even if it hasn’t been a problem recently. I’d give some thought to this as a possible relationship issue, but seriously, don’t feel like a bad person!

        3. You’re not a horrible person. It’s weird that he would get mad about random trivial things though. He shouldn’t scare you so badly that you feel like you have to lie and feel sick, which it sounds like is what is happening.

          1. Thank you. I feel sick at the prospect of telling him and the knowledge that I need to. I don’t want him to react badly and I fear that he will; I just don’t know how to tell him to frame it so he won’t get mad. Maybe LilyB’s suggestion that I was embarrassed about it and I wanted to tell him either in person or over the phone? (We have only been able to communicate via email this week.)

          2. Anonymous – I’ve been there (scared to tell my SO something because I feared his reaction, and trying to figure out how to tell him in order to minimize a bad reaction/control the reaction).

            And it just doesn’t work.

            At the end of the day, his behavior is HIS behavior, his feelings are HIS feelings, and his reactions are HIS reactions. YOU cannot control any of these things. You can only control yourself. This is clearly something that is bothering you, so I would come clean, but please know that someone else’s response to your words/actions is completely, totally, 100% out of your control.

        4. Not lately because he made an effort to change the way he reacts to things or not lately because you haven’t given him a reason to get upset/overreact (because you hide things from him)? Note to others, I don’t think it’s okay for her husband to overreact to things, it’s just my phrasing of the question. If it’s the latter, then the problem is not fixed and you are going to continue to feel like you have to hide things and then continue to feel bad about them and possibly continue to sometimes spill it later. If you continue to hide then quickly spill, I can foresee a scenario where he then starts to flip out about that. Not good.

          As someone who learned early on in life that caving to others needs/wants was a way to avoid a negative reaction, I am now dearly paying for it. I am in a situation I shouldn’t be in and am working to get out and I am having to relearn that speaking up for myself is not a bad thing and that it is not okay when someone completely overreacts to me saying what I want or how I feel.

          I know everyone says therapy all the time, but it truly is the only thing that has helped me come to the point where I realize what has caused this pattern of behavior and how to get out of the old pattern. I mean it took 10+ years of it on and off and a lot of different scenarios to come to it but . . . Anyway, I recommend therapy. Because well, therapy.

          1. I haven’t given him a reason to get upset. We are generally very happy and I don’t feel the need to hide things from him. Re: the working from home thing, I really don’t know why I lied at first. With this, I felt ahead of time that it was the kind of thing he wouldn’t like, so that’s probably why I didn’t talk to him ahead of time. But I don’t know what to say – I went to the derm for a consultation and ended up getting botox? I am embarrassed and feel like a bad person? I feel untrustworthy because I felt like I needed to hide from you? I just really feel sick over it.

          4. You tell him you got botox, but hesitated to tell him because you’re a little embarrassed and nervous about his reaction. Then explain that you feel like he frequently reacts strongly and negatively to things that don’t seem like they should be such a big deal and you want to work on that as a couple.

        1. I hope you are a troll because it breaks my heart that you would be this afraid of your husband.

          I suggest you come clean and say “I lied to you about working from home the other day because, for some reason, I thought you would be upset with me about that. I am sorry I lied. Also, I went to the dermatologist this week for a consult and I ended up getting a Botox injection. My inclination was not to tell you, again because I am worried you might be mad, and also because I am a bit embarrassed. Can we talk about this? I am upset with myself for withholding things like this, but I am also genuinely worried about your reaction”.

          What is the worst thing that can happen? He hits the roof? If he does, I think some serious introspection is neede on your part.

          Good luck.

        1. Look. I am REALLY SCARED about how to tell him. Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but I am just afraid. I want to cry and tear my hair right now, seriously.

          1. Okay, I’ll bite.

            What are you scared of? What do you think his reaction is going to be?

          2. I am scared he will think he can’t trust me and be disappointed in me for thinking that I need it.

          3. 1.) If you are scared of your husband you need to re-evaluate your relationship.
            2.) You really don’t have to tell him that you got botox.
            3.) Why not just send him a text right now and get it over with. “So, when I was at the derm the other day, I ended up getting Botox. Did you notice a difference?” No apologizing or anything just point blank.

            4.) I agree that you should seek therapy and I don’t mean that as an insult.

          4. The only time I can conceive of this type of worried-sick behavior is when someone is about to tell their significant other that they cheated, got themselves into serious debt, or worse. This is not a justifiable fear. You need to nip this in the bud. See how he reacts. If he flips out, you need couples counseling asap. If he is cool, you need individual counseling asap. Worried sick and ripping your hair out is not a normal reaction to a skin procedure or working from home (I cannot conceive of a reason why any man would get mad over that, at all).

      7. Agreed. The multiple dramatic responses make me think that this is just someone trying to mess with us.

  17. Okay, need some commiseration, I think? My husband and I are very close with his mid-thirties brother. Brother-in-law is a great person and wonderful on paper. Attractive, good education, good job, etc. He is, however, the stereotypical lost single man in his thirties. He has had a string of girlfriends, some better than others. His philosophy on marriage and kids changes depending on the woman. If he’s really into her, he wants to settle down. If not so much, he’s just not the marrying kind. Sometimes he breaks it off, sometimes the woman does. Right now he’s dating an absolutely wonderful woman. Super smart, funny, caring, attractive. She’s definitely ready to settle down, she’s a catch, and she’s in her mid-thirties like him. She and I are truly kindred spirits and could be best friends.

    The problem is that he isn’t really that into her. He now says that he doesn’t see himself getting married and probably doesn’t want kids. He has told me, though, that he likes the current girlfriend and sees no reason to break it off, although he just met the last ex who dumped him for coffee and “closure.” He didn’t tell current girlfriend. I know what I should and will do, and that is just stay out of it, bite my tongue, become friends with this woman but keep a bit of distance, and see what happens. But there is a big part of me that just wants to tell her that she deserves someone who really wants to be with her. I know there’s nothing I can do or say, but just kind of want commiseration and affirmation from the hive. And an opportunity to vent my frustration about little lost men in their thirties.

    1. Agree you should not approach the woman about it (unless he’s cheating… I think that’s a tougher call), but if I were you I would certainly talk to your husband about it with the hopes that he can have a productive conversation with his brother. Your BIL is being incredibly selfish, particularly if he knows his gf wants to settle down and have children. Her biological clock is unfortunately ticking and he’s wasting her time if he doesn’t see her as a long-term prospect. BIL doesn’t sound like a “great person” to me.

      1. Really ? They’re just dating after all, and the OP doesn’t say he’s promised to marry her. It’s ok to date people just because you want to , even if they’re looking for something else. It’s the girlfriends job to figure things out.

        1. It’s ok to date someone because you want to, but it’s not ok to lead someone on and make the other person think you both want the same things if that is not, in fact, true. Especially when you know the other person would break up with you if she had all the facts. It sounds like the BIL *might* be doing that. Maybe not, though.

      2. Yeah, this part of his personality is definitely not great. It’s frustrating because I think it all stems from insecurity. I see a guy with a lot of potential, but who makes bad choices when it comes to relationships.

        1. It’s not a bad choice if he doesn’t like her that much. The bad choice would be staying in it because she’s great on paper.

    2. I agree that you shouldn’t say anything to the GF, but why not say something to BIL? If he’s bringing up the subject, I don’t see a problem with advising him that he should be forthcoming with GF about where he is in his life.

      1. Why not say something to BIL? Because it’s the job of the related spouse to talk to their own family.

        1. Meh, while I agree that’s the general rule, it doesn’t always apply. I think it’s a very reasonable suggestion since OP is “very close” with BIL.

          But honestly, I’m not really sure I see anything to fault BIL with at the moment. If that was truly a one-off meeting with ex and he’s done, I think it’s excusable. And unless he’s actually misleading GF into thinking that he’s going to settle down with her, she’s fully informed of the situation and is an adult who can make her own decisions.

          If it were me, I’d do nothing unless it starts to get weird, like GF starts talking to me about wedding plans and I know that BIL isn’t thinking that way. Even then, I’d probably do nothing or tread extremely lightly.

  18. Hoping for some good recommendations from any other tired-looking ladies out there! What are your favorite eye creams — for daytime? I have some great nighttime ones but due to many reasons (thickness, inability to wear under makeup, and my refusal to wear retinol during the day), I am looking for a good one during the day. Maybe something to de-puff and moisturize? Or, if I can’t have both, something to de-puff/make me look less tired as I’ve been using a moisturizing one under makeup anyway.

    2. Not what you are asking for (sorry)…. but as a tired lady myself: a pill of vitamin B in the morning makes me feel better on days when i am really sleep-deprived. I imagine my undereye area still looks terrible to others (I long ago made peace with my dark circles), but I do feel quite better.

      Probably also not useful: my mother swears by reflexology the night before to wake up depuffed. As a tired lady, I don’t do anything of the sort.

    3. The detox eye roller from First Aid Beauty is great for de-puffing. I use it every morning and a moisturizing eye cream at night.

    4. I use Clinique All About Eyes gel in the mornings because it works so well under make-up – it moisturizes nicely but I wouldn’t say it de-puffs. I use a cotton pad soaked in cold water as a sort of quick cold compress on each of my eyes in the morning to make me look and feel more awake.

      1. +1. I use Clinique All About Eyes gel twice everyday. I have dark circles and I don’t think it has reduced any dark circles. However it is a good moisturizer and brightens my eyes a little bit.

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