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Suit of the Week: Chloé

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hot pink pants suit

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

There are a surprising number of hot pink suits out there! This Chloé one (pictured) is my favorite of the bunch, I think, but Theory and L'Agence both have really nice pinks right now also, as does Sergio Hudson. (On the plus side of things, this Karen Millen blazer is a very similar shade, but it's down to lucky sizes only.)

It may seem like a tricky color to wear, and it certainly can be a bold look when worn as a suit — but it's easy to pair with black, white, and navy. In terms of contrasting colors, you can add pops of red (lipstick!), kelly green, even orange. You could go for a Pucci-inspired color theme (cobalt, hot pink, purple, white), or a 60s-inspired color theme (navy, white, hot pink, bright yellow). As always, a bridge piece like a scarf or blouse with all of these colors makes it a bit more cohesive.

Readers, how do you like to wear hot pink to work?

The pictured linen and silk blend suit is $2210-$4000 per piece, at NET-A-PORTER. (I'm not sure if these heels are an exact match for color, but man I love the architectural heel.)

Hunting for something similar but more affordable? Bloomingdale's has a nice hot pink DKNY number, White House | Black Market has a lot of azalea pink pieces, Express has some in neon berry, and J.Crew has some suiting in “festival pink.” In plus sizes, Eloquii's core collection includes a hot pink suit, and Dillards has some Anne Klein plus sized suiting in lucky sizes.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 4/18/25 (Happy Easter if you celebrate!):

  • Nordstrom – New spring markdowns, savings of up to 50%!
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off + extra 15% off your entire purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear
  • The Fold – 25% off selected lines
  • Eloquii – extra 40% off all sale
  • Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
  • J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 40% off all sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 20% off orders over $125
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale, take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Rothy's – Final few – Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns

173 Comments

  1. Proud to have been an early adopter of hot pink suits! Mine is about 5 years old at this point, so doesn’t look quite as current anymore, but people absolutely love it and they’ve come to expect it at big events. I did not spend $6,000 on it, although if I had all the money in the world, I might.

    1. I tried to buy a pink blazer the other week but it was one of those oversized dealies and it just looked… silly? … on me, to me. But I am SO into the idea of a pink suit.

    2. Was it from BR? I had that one. So nice. Lined wool pants. My old building’s cleaners shrank the wool so that the lining hung down about 1″ below the pants, so they were both too snug and too short and too odd-looking (this is before cropped pants were a thing). I still have the jacket though and love it.

    3. I used to have a hot pink coat dress when coat dresses were a thing, and I got endless compliments on it.

    4. I LOVE the hot pink moto tweed blazer I got from Jcrew pre-pandemic (2019? 2020?). If I recall properly I think Senior Attorney bought (and surely rocked!) the whole suit.

    5. proud to have been an early adopter of the m*a*s*k*s don’t work contingent.

      3. Respirators work pretty well for C19. When everyone is wearing one, they work amazingly well.

        Even “whatever you have” masks worked pretty well for influenza in 2020.

      5. Masks don’t work if people don’t wear them, which is what the study says. Your hot take doesn’t make you look super informed.

  2. JCrew has one (maybe in ponte?) right now.

    And I’d like to sing the praises of JCF in the pants department. I am a pear and trying on pants is always done with a soundtrack of sad trombone. But not in 2023 in JCF. I wore my normal size in some pairs and had to size up in others. But I left with 3 pairs of pants that I can wear to work or casual events and then throw in the wash! That fit off the rack! Huzzah!

    1. Urgent request to provide details on said pants and where sizing up was needed.

      Signed,
      Fellow pear

      1. Can tell you that I bought a pair of the full-length Ruby pants in one size up and they look and fit fantastic (also a pear)

        1. I bought the full-length Ruby one size up last summer (pre-pregnancy) and they were fabulous.

      2. The Kelsey ones were the ones that fit me going up a size. Fesutired here last week.

  3. So I have $500 to spend on my business debit card for “business related uses” and given this was the result of a major mishap (long story), I have quite a bit of flexibility on how to spend it as long as it can remotely count as work-related. Unfortunately, not clothes and not furniture (as I don’t have a WFH job). My job is something like a dean or professor who leads a department and travels to conferences but still has annoying auditing and admin process, so not a big MNC. Sorry to be vague but can’t reveal any more. Could really use some inspiration. Thanks for your ideas!

    1. For the travel aspect – new luggage? Travel accessories like packing cubes, portable charger?

      Office tote?

      Upgraded office supplies? Mini fridge for your office?

    3. luggage or a bag that fits over luggage like Lo & sons
      can you buy points with it? like with a travel rewards program?
      could you buy tech with it? laptop, ipad, Bose headphones, etc.

    4. If you travel, I’d get a year long membership to your airline lounge of choice.

      1. Agreed, if you’ll use it enough to make that worthwhile. Otherwise, you’re right at the time of year where the airlines ask you for $ to upgrade your status if you’re like, XYZ miles short of Executive Platinum or whatever. Frankly, I’d buy a pretty carry on because it would make me happy.

      2. This is probably not expendable in academia. At least, I’m in academia and have never heard of anyone being able to charge a lounge membership to a grant or university fund. You also can’t normally fly first/business unless you upgrade an economy ticket on your own dime. Sadly very different than the corporate world. :(

    5. Is there an additional course or conference you really want to attend?

      Is there something your classroom could benefit from seeing or experiencing? Like a pass to a gallery or some other relevant “field trip destination or cuisine related to a topic you’re studying or additional lab supplies or something?

    6. I’d sign up for a conference and use that as a chance to visit friends in that area – something I do all the time.

    8. What is the hardest thing to get approved? That’s what you should do. (I realize it’s unglamorous but my item here would be getting my office painted. Where I am AFAIK it’s not even okay to paint it myself on my time and paint I pay for.)

    9. Really long charger cables. Wireless earbuds. Phone case. Webcam lighting. Air purifier. Technology.

      Coffee plunger, teapot and nice cups.

      Artwork for your office. Upgrade bookshelves.

      Business card holder. Luggage.

      Professional memberships.

        1. I think Americans call them a French press.
          I have a large insulated one for meetings and it’s great.

    10. New headshots (including hair and makeup)
      Hotspot for secure internet while traveling
      Privacy screen for your laptop while traveling
      Good headphones
      Few hours of very focused coaching on some other key skill like grant-writing or a specific aspect of public speaking
      Books relevant to your job

  4. Has anyone had success on a low FODMAP diet for digestive issues? If so, any suggestions for recipes? It’s for my husband, but I do most of the cooking. I’m a pretty solid home cook, but I’m pretty nervous about not cooking with onions and garlic!

    1. I recently read a digestive health book called Fiber Fueled that had low fodmap recipes in it, among other things. I thought the recipes were solid. There was a lot of good guidance, like you could use garlic oil but not actual garlic.

      1. +1 to Fiber Fueled. There are actually two books, one that’s mostly a book and one that’s a cookbook, but I think they both have a mix of information and recipes.

    2. If you like Indian food, look for Jain recipes. They cook without garlic and onion.

    3. Yes. I learned I’m really sensitive to onions so it definitely was helpful. There are some very large Facebook groups that I found very helpful when I was on it. They have tons of recommendations for recipes and what to eat when dining out!

  5. hi everyone! looking for some shopping help picking out a dress for a fancy fundraiser i’m attending next month. i’ve attended this event before and the vibe is what i’d call “bold creative cocktail” or “muted met gala,” haha. (it’s a major art museum event..but not the met). it’s for my fiancés work so not a networking event for me.

    the trick is, i have already chosen my hairstyle (explanation below) and want to find a dress that goes with it, but am having a hard time picturing what that would look like. the hairstyle is what i’d categorize as a fairly “bohemian” style, but for this event i’d like the dress to be more in the “glamorous” vein.

    background- been engaged for over 2 years now. had to cancel our 2022 wedding for various reasons and haven’t rescheduled yet, BUT i already have a dress. since i’m planning to get my hair and makeup done for the fundraiser anyway, i figured i’d try out a style that could potentially work for a wedding.

    i’ll post links separately to avoid m o d, but my wedding dress is Bree by Maggie sottero and i’m thinking of doing sleek crown braids withOUT any wispy bits sticking out.

    other factors: i’m white with dark brown hair and eyes, short and pear shaped size 6 or 8. 40 years old. i also have a strong preference for a dress with a neckline similar to my wedding dress. i love sparkles and dramatic details on clothes for social events because my work requires very staid conservative attire.

    TIA!

    2. I would check Marchesa Notte, their gowns and cocktail dresses. They have a lot with fun colors, details and embellishments.

      1. i should have included that! i’d say about $300 but could go up for something truly fabulous.

    5. Another consideration, your hair stylist can restyle your hair after the trial. Your hair will be prepped and can easily be adapted to another style. I did this, my trial was for a full on updo but I was going to a nice but more casual dinner, my stylist switched it to a half up style. This does not help if you want to test the longevity of full up style though.

    6. https://www.nordstrom.com/s/sequin-v-neck-fit-flare-tulle-cocktail-dress/7088986?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses%2FCocktail%20%26%20Party&color=001

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/dress-the-population-darleen-v-neck-embroidered-mesh-cocktail-dress/5501423?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses%2FCocktail%20%26%20Party&color=402
      (I like the peacock blue)

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/alex-evenings-sequin-floral-cocktail-dress/5554084?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses%2FCocktail%20%26%20Party&color=410

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/floral-applique-cocktail-midi-dress/6632286?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses%2FCocktail%20%26%20Party&color=001
      (love the green)

      1. I think the second dress, the blue one, does a great job of being a little like the wedding dress, that use of lace, but also like, probably totally appropriate for this kind of event. Also it’s real pretty and I want it.

        1. I want the Mac Duggal one, and now I know about a new brand I didn’t need to know about, wherein I want one of everything but have no place to wear even one of them.

    9. If your hair will all be up, can you do something with a dramatic back? I love hair up + dramatic back. I love dresses where there’s a big lace piece (like, not a small repeating pattern, but one big image?) between the shoulders/down the back.

    10. In no particular order…

      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/significant-other-demi-dress?category=black-tie-wedding-guest-dresses&color=001&type=STANDARD&quantity=1

      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/geisha-designs-floral-tulle-corset-dress?category=black-tie-wedding-guest-dresses&color=009&type=STANDARD&quantity=1

      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/geisha-designs-floral-tulle-corset-dress?category=black-tie-wedding-guest-dresses&color=009&type=STANDARD&quantity=1

  6. Does anyone have any good trainings or podcasts on working with difficult people? I want to get to the point where I can work well enough with some strong personalities at work (so: not optional or avoidable). I just get so nervous and worked up and it eats a lot of my bandwidth and I just feel fried. My actual daily work isn’t affected by them and I’m generally well-liked and of equal rank. Things are just contentious when we have meetings and I’d like to let things just roll off of me. I’m pretty good about not taking any bait or stirring the pot and ignoring snide remarks vs responding. I think of how some people work in customer service for airlines or other stressful jobs. Is it just a gift? Or also just a bit of a learnable skill?

    1. Recommendation for “gentle art of verbal self defense”

      What kind of difficult are we talking about? Frustrated people short on time/resources are different than invertate jerks.

      1. Jerks. Specifically, a few very passive-aggressive (who progress to quickly) southern women who pride themselves on being cultured. Oddly, in a mixed-gendered group, the men are 1000% not the problem. Just 3 women and one toadie of said women. Two other women are lovely.

    2. Check out the Empathary on Tiktok. Not sure if she has a podcast but she talks a lot about difficult conversations and communicating well.

    3. I am sure it is a learnable skill (although I’ve never learned it), but I always think the CS reps for airlines and such avoid responding because they just don’t care. If someone were yelling at me about something about which I did not care one whit, I wouldn’t respond, either. Can you cultivate that sort of detachment?

      1. Yeah, I think it’s harder to let it roll off you when people are being a jerk about your work or something that really affects your performance. CS reps just have to politely enforce corporate policy and it doesn’t really matter if a customer doesn’t like it. I know I felt this way when I worked customer service jobs when I was younger- I generally wanted people to be happy, but once they started yelling, I just didn’t care and stopped trying to help. But it can still be useful to see this as an example in the cases where it really doesn’t affect you that much and try to just let it go.

      2. +1. When I worked with the public I’d have a physical reaction when someone would get testy with me. I’d flush, my hands and voice would shake, etc. Then I’d try to squash it and just make it worse.
        It took a while but I was able to detach, like Anon says, and think “I’m having X reaction to Y behavior. That doesn’t mean I’m wrong, it’s just a normal response. I know what to do.” Which sounds clunky but it worked.

    4. Working with you is killing me. It’s the book I recommend most often for this. Can’t remember the author right now but you can google.

    5. This is a bit of an off-the-wall suggestion, but reading Marcus Aurelius’ meditations helped me a lot with this.

      Especially –

      When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today
      will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like
      this because they cannot tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good,
      and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature
      related to my own – not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and
      possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can
      implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were
      born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper
      and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn
      your back on him: these are obstructions.

      1. I think I love you a little bit. Thank you for the dose of Marcus A that I needed badly.

    6. Two things that work for me. Calling out snide remarks under the umbrella of “i’m confused you would say x” or “did i hear you right about x, or am i confused” – it takes some practice in the out-southerning the southern by forcing them to politely own their comment in front of everyone. Also, I repeat to myself “your anxiety is not my anxiety” for short fused people. What I mean by this is starting to take a step back to see if someone is frustrated writ large at the situation, or frustrated at you. Nearly all the time, it is the former.

      1. At work, they are frustrated at me also. I may not be going along b/c I can’t (no manpower to commit; need regulatory buy-in, etc.) and they just want a yes-man. But my job is to work for the company and I can’t green-light whatever just to be nice. Sometimes it is general, but sometimes it is at me.

        1. But, consider reframing it – “Look, it suck, I wish I could say yes to you but … there is no manpower to do the thing and we don’t have regulatory approval.” Basically, reframe it to shift to how you would like to be a yes-person and express the frustration back to the actual source as your hands are tied by other things.

    7. I took a really great workshop called The Art of Productive Conflict. The facilitator was great, and he does them online. Really helpful, tactical strategies.

  7. What are your fantasy business ideas that seem easy, lucrative, and fun but are probably harder than they look? Mine are flipping houses, TikTok creator, and vending machine owner/distributor. (I know someone who does the third!)

    1. Travel writer/photographer was mine, but then I did it and learned it’s mostly networking and pitching/selling (which I’m terrible at) and very little actual travel/writing/photography.

    2. Having flipped 2 houses in my spare time (I am a lawyer in real life), I can confirm that it is fun. It is also hard work, but it was definitely fun. I loved the creative aspects, not to mention getting to shop for all sorts of bargains. I met a dude in a gas station parking lot to pay a very small amount of cash for a brand new, (normally) very expensive sink out of the back of his pick-up. I drove 30 miles south to pick up a mahogany countertop that exactly fit “my” kitchen island. It was lots of little victories.

    3. I know someone who owned a few laudromats and that seems kind of appealing on days like today!

      2. this is kind of my retirement plan, buying a local nursery or something. hoping my autistic son could help us with aspects of it if he’s still living with us.

        1. I don’t think the other kind of gardening is a good retirement plan, at least not for money.

          Although what do I know, there are niche markets for everything.

          1. That’s where OP should start thinking Only Fans instead of Tik Tok creator. LOL.

    5. I don’t know that it sounds easy, but I love the idea of working at a florist shop.

      1. Oh man, I used to have a wonderful professor who regaled us with tales of her time owning a florist shop in our college town, including a time when two men happened to be in the shop buying flowers for the same woman, overheard each other saying that Sharon liked lilies, and eyed each other tensely for a couple very long minutes… I wish I remembered a few more!

        1. My mom was dating a man named Jim who she really liked. She had also gone out with a meh Jim recently. Meh Jim sent her flowers and the exciting Jim got the credit. Next day, flowers from the “Other Jim.” They were married for over 30 years.

          1. Wait, did exciting Jim or Meh Jim win? I am a little lost!

            My sister was once dating two Bills, and neither Bill knew about the other. She went to a party and they were both there. At one point Bill A stood next to her and put his arm around her waist, then Bill B came up and put his arm around her shoulders. We called it her double Billing period.

            She married a Jim. :)

        2. Ohh I didn’t even think of the drama aspect! Now I REALLY want to work at a florist shop!

      2. This is my mom’s job. It can be a lot of work, but she honestly seems to love the creative outlet and being able to be there for people at important life events.

      3. This is also my fantasy job, heavy emphasis on fantasy. Aspects I would hate: logistics, coordinating with event planning, customer service, standing most of the day, running a business (or being poorly paid if I was just an employee).

        Turns out I would just like to arrange flowers all day.

    6. Self storage facilities.

      Maybe not fun, but easy and lucrative.

      As a user of one, it amazes me that we are willing to get into a scenario where my landlord can raise my rent at any time, for any amount. And they do, at least 2x per year!

    8. Seasonal ice cream hut, the photogenic kind that dot New England. “Ahh, the smell of waffle cones” seems that it would be balanced by “Oy, managing summer teens.”

      1. Oh, I have had the “own an ice cream shop” thoughts. It’s probably better for my fantasy life.

        1. My brother worked at a seasonal ice cream hut in high school. Unfortunately they also offered an array of fried foods. My parents eventually had to replace the carpet in his old room because the smell just would NOT go away.

      2. My mom owns and runs an ice cream shop and I swear those teenagers keep her young, even if she’s annoyed at them most of the time. It’s a job with its annoyances but it’s mostly a joyful life and it’s pretty darn lucrative.

    9. Eccentric male executive in the top ranks of a large company. I disappear for weeks at a time, but it’s gauche to say anything about it. I’m not really reachable even under normal circumstances anyway. You could try reaching out to my assistant.

      Eventually I may get fired, but my severance and stock options will still be great, and I don’t honestly need the salary. I will retain my board memberships, though I don’t do anything on the boards either.

      2. There was a GREAT TikTok video I saw recently that skewered executives freaking out about workers taking 2-3 jobs for full time pay that essentially pointed out that rich (mostly) white (mostly) men have been doing this for years as board members. My uncle is on 3 boards as an ex-CFO mostly to read financial statements and break down the risk factors in layman’s terms. He is very honest (worked his way up, didn’t come from money at all) and a secretary on the first board at one point asked him where his billables were. He was like, what billables? He had to be told that they were willing to pay him an hourly rate to review financial documents on TOP of the very generous fee they were paying him. He was flabbergasted but wasn’t about to turn down ‘free’ money and billed them very conservatively. His name got passed around to two other boards as a ‘stand up guy’. He’s told us he does maaaaybe 20~ hours of work a month and it’s more than he made when he was working full time.

        1. The more people I meet across different fields, the more I feel like the only “cushy” jobs are at the very top of large organizations. Yes, of course some of them are hard and honest workers, like your uncle. But there’s so little accountability, there are lots of underlings to do your work for you, and even when you do (all by your very own self) put forward bad/late work product, everyone is still expected to appreciate it.

      3. This is living my dream, haha.

        Unfortunately as a woman I couldn’t get away with it.

        1. Nope, you couldn’t. The first time you disappeared they’d decide you were not hard working, were distracted by your family responsibilities, and you couldn’t handle the job.

      1. I will come work for you. But I like tea, hope that’s OK. I’m a prodigious knitter, tho!

    11. Running a little shop. We’d sell cheeses mostly, some good beer and wine, and stuff that goes with the cheeses, like fancy little pickles and stuff. We’d carry bread from the local bakery. We’d have little sitting spots by the window, only a few, so you could sit and eat cheese and drink wine if you wanted, maybe with a date, maybe with a book. It’d be right near the subway entrance, so if you’re running out to a party or whatever, or on your way home after a long day, it’s really easy to swing in and get a bottle of wine or some kind of treat.

    12. Novelist. Most novels don’t sell more than a few dozen copies, so it’s most definitely not lucrative.

    13. Coffee shop with homebaked goods. I got tipsy a couple weekends ago and started planning the menu :)

  8. I just want to thank the morning thread for letting me know I am not alone in thinking koozies are like rabbits: sometimes cute, but rapidly multiplying beyond any possible utility.

      1. Well, I didn’t even know what a koozie was…

        And now that I do, I’m even more bewildered as to…. why…

        1. 1. Tailgating in the fall in the midwest – cold weather, cold beer, you need some insulation for your fingers
          2. Keeping cool(er) at the pool or beach
          3. Acting like a wine charm for your can at a party

          :)

          1. Wine charm for your can! Finally something that makes sense! Thank you from a koozie novice.

      2. Post a burner and I’ll legit send you two. But you may have to accept my pick of sports team.

      3. I’m the Bay Area person who asked about koozies and it’s apparently an entire world I didn’t know about. I actually don’t know many people who drink beverages from cans! I do, I love my La Croix, but I tend to pour it into a glass.

    2. When we moved into our house, there were a few random drawers and cabinets the owners hadn’t cleaned out. Double check with realtor: no, they didn’t want any of it back. One drawer was ENTIRELY koozies.

    3. What you really need are ice cream koozies. Yup, specifically sized to fit a pint :-). I got them on etsy a few years ago as a family christmas gift!

    4. I have a pretty wicker basket on top of the fridge where they live. They Shall Not exceed their allotted space.

    5. I have an entire drawer full of koozies. Why am I dedicating this much space to freaking foam koozies! I really only need one. None, actually, because I have a Yeti koozie.

    6. My sister crocheted an iced-coffee koozie for me. I eventually lost it but it was so cute!

  9. Favorite frozen meals (or recipes that freeze well)? Work is getting crazy and need to have lunch I can reheat quickly.

      1. Please steer clear of the Amy’s frozen veggie pot pie. I had one last night and disgusting is too kind a word for it.

        1. Amy’s meals have gotten worse in recent years I think. I’m not sure if it’s supply chain issues or what but they don’t taste right to me anymore. And yeah the pot pie was always one of the grosser ones.

    2. The Healthy Choice Steamers aren’t going to knock your socks of with flavor, but they’re decent. That plus a yogurt or cottage cheese cup usually does the trick.

    3. Jimmy Dean egg mcmuffins! i like the ones with egg whites and turkey bacon. I probably eat 3 a week.

      Also:
      Amy’s tofu lasagna.
      Amy’s spanakopita wrap.
      Lean Cuisine white mac and cheese.
      Red’s burritos.

    4. I like the various Trader Joe’s frozen Indian meals – Butter Chicken, Chicken Tikka Masala, Paneer Tikka Masala.

      Chili freezes well – one of my favorite recipes is the Signature, Spicy, Smoky Sweet Chili from Iowa Girl Eats.

      1. My husband works with a ton of guys from India and they all eat the TJ’s frozen Indian style entrees.

    5. The Lean Cuisine (now rebranded as Life Cuisine) cauliflower crust chicken mozerella piadas are like 100 times tastier than anything gluten free low calorie has a right to be, IMO. But they aren’t a lot of calories, so you’ll need some sides to not feel hungry in an hour. Or at least I do.

      1. Some frozen vegetables and a yogurt would nicely round out this meal in a grab-and-go way.

  10. Some of the men I work with help me understand what wives mean when they say they carry all of the mental load. Thank God I don’t have that in my marriage. These guys think I am their secretary and mother rather than their co-counsel.

    1. I don’t have a link now, but I remember seeing research showing that men with SAHWs have less egalitarian attitudes toward their female colleagues at work. It’s impossible to verify that with just personal experience, but I wasn’t surprised to see it.

      1. I hope they have daughters. My dad could have been like that but having girls (and no sons) cured him of a lot now that he sees things through my (big job, have kids) eyes and my sister’s (former SAHM now divorced ex of deadbeat having to restart career from scratch).

        1. I saw a Tik Tok recently ( know, I know) that said men see their daughters as extensions of themselves but see their wives are a reflection of who they present to the world. And this hit home. Some men see their SAHM wife as a reflection of THEIR achievements (ie, they can afford to “keep” her home) versus wanting daughters to succeed as it is a reflection on their parenting. So, what these men want in a wife is not a reflection of how they wish their daughters to be raised. .

      2. I absolutely believe that, and I would extend it to men with wives who are employed but in significantly less demanding jobs and who agree to shoulder the burden on the homefront. The worst person I’ve ever worked with was a man in that situation. It was at the height of the pandemic and he thought he understand the demands of being a dual working parent household with no daycare, but his wife had taken leave from her job and was primarily responsible for the kids. He was probably helping more than he did when the kids were in full-time daycare/school, but it was nothing like what my husband and I were going through with two full-time+ jobs and toddlers. Every time I’d talk to him he would say something about how it was so hard being interrupted on the occasional Zoom call by his kids and I wanted to scream at him about how I was staying up until 3 am to get my work done because I spent half the work day wrangling toddlers.

        1. On the flip side, the one guy I know other than my husband who truly understands what it’s like to be a working parent is married to a teacher so his job is the more flexible one.

      3. My dad has proudly proclaimed that he never changed a diaper until he became a grandparent. That is not the flex he thinks it is (oh and my mom worked full time through our childhoods). I have no idea how she put up with it but I’m not inclined to give her too much credit because she raised my brother to be the exact same type of husband who gripes if he has to ‘babysit’ his own kids.

      4. I have evidence sitting across the hall; where can I submit him?

        I also have been really frustrated lately by what feels like a lack of understanding that I am not the only one in my household with a Big Job. My superiors are men with SAH or teacher wives. My all-female peers, if they have husbands or boyfriends, those husbands or boyfriends work in manufacturing or agriculture, which is probably mostly coincidence, but it does make me feel like the only one who ever has to run out for the plumber because my husband has a Very Important Meeting he can’t leave. Having a baby will only make this more pronounced, right? Sigh.

        1. Yeah unfortunately kids make this 1,000 times worse because there are so many sick days and random days when school is closed but work is open.

    2. I have a neighbor like this. He is married to an ex-co-worker (now SAHM). He just works. She apparently does all of the other thinking.

      1. Honestly I would prefer it that way. My husband would earn the money and I would have the time and space to do all the other thinking without interference.

        1. My parents had this arrangement. But he made a lot of money working a job that allowed an easy lifestyle with frequent vacations and nights out, a twice weekly cleaning lady and a country club. It mostly worked for them. My mom thinks I’m crazy for working because being a sahm is “a lovely life.”

          1. It’s a great life. Until you’re husband divorces you and leaves you penniless with no way of getting back into the workforce because you haven’t worked in 20+ years.

    3. This is the worst because they are probably passing along these norms so their sons who will just carry on the cycle of being man-babies.

    4. I used to work with (not for) a dude who would call me and ask me to e-mail him documents because he didn’t want to find them on the file server.

        1. I told him to do it himself or call his assistant and ask her. Until he complained to our boss that I wasn’t a team player. Fortunately he left soon after that.

          1. This. All of this. And we are both court appointed but he won’t hire an assistant because he is cheap.

    5. I was on a DEI committee representing about 10,000 people in my profession. I was a subcommittee chair. In talking to the co-chair of the overall committee, naturally a white man in his 40s, I mentioned that one problem we needed to focus on was how many women dropped out of our profession, so while women were well represented at the entry level, by the time we got to mid and upper level management, women were a serious minority.

      His response was that women dropped out of the profession when they had kids because women naturally wanted to be with their children, and managing a job and a household and children was too much for most women.

      The guy had a stay at home wife and four kids! Co-chair of the diversity committee. He did not see any problem with the above. I challenged him by saying that men became parents too, and if the workload were evenly divided, an equal number of men would be dropping out, but we didn’t see that. He told me I was living in fantasy land.

      2. My father had this attitude too, but he was born in 1923. It enrages me that a man born around 1973 would make the same comments.

  11. PSA for anyone using the gross winter weekend weather to do some cleaning/decluttering – Madewell/Patagonia/Lululemon will take back used gear for either gift cards or % off merchandise and your local public schools will likely be thrilled to get good condition childrens books/art supplies/train tables/bean bag chairs/etc. (obviously ask first!). I got a lovely note from the 1st and 2nd grade teachers who run the after school program at a local school about how they set up a reading nook in the library/play space with the books/board games/child sized tables and chairs/an old train table/art stuff/and thomas trains (omg soooo many thomas trains). Knowing it went to a good home made me feel MUCH better about finally getting rid of the card games/marble runs/art supplies that well meaning relatives gave us that my kid never touched. We also donated all of our legos last winter and we were told they were a BIG hit with the kids in the STEM/lego club.

    1. Yes! We’ve donated lots of gently used books and toys to our daycare and they’re always so appreciative.

    2. In Atlanta and I know not of this gross winter weather. It is false spring here and currently 80 degrees.

  12. We talk a lot about how your job doesn’t have to be your life – but what if you want it to be?
    I was working in a public sector job but it ended ~2 years ago and I wanted to explore more things, try out this work-to-live thing. That job was extremely time consuming but I absolutely loved it, and its something I’ll be proud to have done forever.
    I’m currently in a private sector position and while a lot of this is because of chaos/politics at my company, I just don’t really like it.

    I did an interview for another public sector job and I am just very excited by that idea. I like the idea of being involved in something that is helping and affecting a lot of people. I would be glad to be using my particular skillset for this. Yes I can volunteer outside but its not realizing maximizing my ability to contribute.

    I grew up in a family that is very career focused, and now, “better make a lot of money” focused. A family friend’s daughter is making $180k at her first job out of college in NYC and her mother was concerned that that wasn’t enough to live on. So obviously none of them get where I’m coming from.

    Yes I get that I have to make a decent amount of money, enough to live on – and I’m absolutely doing that. I won’t match up to those family friends, but it feels more important to me to do the work I care about. This is definitely flavored by some immigrant “make so much money as a cushion for everything that could ever happen ” mentality.

    I guess I’m trying to get a gut check – is it okay to pursue public sector jobs that pay reasonably and make me feel more satisfied, or am I really messing things up by not taking higher paying jobs (same type of role, different industries) that are available to me?

    1. Of course it’s ok to pursue public sector jobs that pay reasonably and make you feel more satisfied. I don’t even understand how this is a question.

    2. Yes, of course! I am similarly wired. I need to be serving a higher purpose. Right out of college, I was in the military, and while I loved some aspects, it wasn’t a great fit for me. I got out after a couple years into a tech start-up because everyone was always talking about the money…and OMG tech start-ups are literally hell on earth for former military people who like having a plan (literally any plan, Tradwick). I bounced around through my 20s and 30s and eventually came to realize that I’m nearly entirely motivated by the idea of being part of something bigger than myself that serves the greater good. I’m fortunate now to work for a private entity in the policy space, so I get private pay to work on public problems – it’s perfect! So you do you, and keep on being public-focused – you’re doing good things!

    3. Hi are you me? I worked my whole career (all 7 years of it so far) until last year in the public sector and loved it. I left for a variety of reasons including post-pandemic burnout, needing more money, and wanting to try working in a different environment. I’m now at a F100 company and hate it and am already itching to go back to my public sector job.

      I do have a hard time of balancing wanting a fun, fast paced, helping career that does require nights/weekends/holidays/OT and also LOVING having a personal life and only working 40 hours a week. My old job meant that I regularly worked 60-100 hour weeks in 2020-2021 and that was not good for many aspects of my life.

      All of my high school and college friends are in the private sector. Most work 40-60 hour weeks most weeks but also make 6 figures. I grew up middle class (dad is a UPS delivery driver, mom is a teacher). My mom has always emphasized having a career you love over money while my dad is more practical – find a good, stable job that pays well and stick with it forever, it doesn’t matter if you like it, it matters what it pays you. The emphasis growing up was very much go to college and get a job that pays more than mom and dad make and I know that it stressed my dad out when I made my 45k in the public sector.

      Sounds like your public sector job paid a lot better than mine, though. If that’s true, I absolutely think you should go back and do the work you enjoy.

      1. We do sound like similar people.  All my friends are definitely in the private sector. Yeah after I left the public sector job I was like “what do people do with all this time? guess I need to find hobbies”. I think decent paying public sector job would be the goal.

    4. It doesn’t sound like your gut check question is the real one. You know there’s nothing morally wrong with pursuing a lower-paying job. The problem is that your family culture is basically telling you that you ARE wrong to do it. So the question is, What do I do with how bad and conflicted I feel when something I value (public sector work) conflicts with something my family/social group values (making $$$$$), and when I’m doing something that my family doesn’t approve of?

      1. That does sound like the real question. I’ll re post tmrw with another gut check lol.

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