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Updated: Feb 23, 2023 302 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Maeve Silky Striped Button-Front Blouse

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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A lady wearing a Black striped button-down top

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

A striped button-up shirt is a workwear classic, but this one from Anthropologie puts a fun spin on it. Rather than starched cotton, we’ve got a silky viscose fabric, and instead of a blue-and-white banker stripe, we have a mix of horizontal and vertical black stripes.

For a more formal office, I would wear this tucked into a pair of high-waisted trousers, but if you’re feeling a little more fashion-forward, one of the reviewers has a photo wearing this unbuttoned over a black turtleneck and it looks so cool.

The blouse is $98 at Anthropologie and comes in standard sizes XS–XL, petite sizes XXS–XL, and plus sizes 1X–3X.

Looking for something more affordable? This black and white blouse at Nordstrom is $62, and this white and black blouse at River Island is $65.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Talk me into or out of buying a house. Currently in a condo that is nearly paid off. What’s left of the mortgage is 18% of our take home pay per month. A house in one of my preferred neighborhoods would be significantly more expensive than what we could likely get for the condo. The mortgage would probably end up around 35-40% of our take home pay, on the low end. I’ve also always lived in apartments or condos and know we would also need to budget for maintenance costs and such which would be new to me and an added expense.

    Pros for moving:
    – The area we live in has not recovered well from covid. Crime is up, businesses are struggling, and this part of town is not as safe or fun as it used to be.
    – I’m starting to feel burnt out on the noise issues inherent in city life, both noise from outside and walking on eggshells to try to not make too much noise myself.
    – Lack of space. I work from home and don’t have a dedicated home office space. An extra bedroom or two would be incredible.

    Cons for moving:
    – I’m unhappy with my job and part of me likes knowing that if it got really bad we could survive in our condo just fine if I took a new lower paying job or even on one income.
    – The condo is nearly paid off and the remaining monthly payments are so low we have a ton of financial flexibility to spend nearly however we want. We really value that. We could afford the payment on a house, but would definitely feel it.
    – We’re in our early 50’s and part of me has a hard time with the idea of starting a new 30 year mortgage at this point in our lives when our current housing is nearly paid off.
    – Just finished a significant remodel in the condo and everything aesthetically looks just how we like it.

    Neutral/unknown factors:
    – Could take or leave a yard.
    – I know nobody has a crystal ball, but I wonder what is going to happen with interest rates and housing prices and if it’s reasonable to sit tight for the time being to watch what happens.

    I’ve been going back and forth on this decision for a while now and am always looking at new houses on the market but I feel really stuck in my thinking.

    • Anon

      I would sit tight for now given the housing market and your job situation. Do you need to buy a house to get more space/better neighborhood? Can you buy a larger condo in a new neighborhood? At 50, are you also considering longer term plans (ie, how many more years [15, 20, 25?] are you going to want to take care of a large house, especially one with bedrooms on upper floors).

    • Anon

      Find a new job and then choose where you want to live (about a year into it). The new job could pay more. It could be hybrid or fully remote. It could be in the suburbs.

      My guess is that housing prices will go down once student loan repayments restart. (A truly enormous amount of money gets sucked into higher ed, and yes, I think some – not all because inflation – of the current skyrocketing housing prices are due to people having been able to save that money every month.)

      • not the op

        That’s an interesting take! It would be nice for something, anything to moderate housing prices. I’m a little more pessimistic because Bloomberg said that in the US housing market, 4 out of 5 outstanding mortgages are locked into an interest rate at or lower than 4%. That’s a lot of people with no motivation to sell their house and take on a more expensive mortgage.

        • Anon

          Well, people who are buying may have less cash to throw at what is on the market. Ultimately, houses are not (long term) going to be worth more than people can afford to pay for them – if the money isn’t available, it’s not available.

          People who own, heaven forbid, might not be able to afford their mortgages at all if the perfect storm hits (job loss + repayment), and will sell to go back to renting. Or they could downsize and roll all the equity into a smaller house, which creates a situation in which interest rates don’t matter as much. (A $500,000 mortgage at 4% interest is $2,400/month; a $200,000 mortgage at 7% interest is $1,300 per month. Sure you get waaay more house for the former, but if you don’t have that extra $1,100 in your budget, you’re downsizing.)

          • Anon

            Is it not correct that a lot of smaller houses have been bought up as rental properties though?

          • Anecdata

            I would love to believe that housing costs have to come down but… in a lot of places that 200,000k house just doesn’t exist. People will make other sacrifices (even on things like food, health care), and have lower financial stability, savings, etc because it’s really hard to go without housing at all, and there’s just not enough supply in the US available.

          • anon real estate person

            That’s going to be extremely submarket dependent. Broadly speaking, no, it’s not factual.

        • Trish

          I like my house and have no intention of moving currently, with our 2.5 interest rate. But your comment just made me feel trapped! lol. As I look to the futre, I would consider moving to be near whereever our son, who is now in grad school, settles. But taking on a high interest mortgage really means we are never moving.

    • Anon

      Based on the facts as you presented them, I would say no to moving. Or at least to moving to a house that will be “35-40% of take home, on the low end”, because that is high and you specifically state that having financial flexibility is very important.

    • Anon

      I’m your age and I wouldn’t want to move to a big new mortgage now. Financial stability and freedom gets even more important as you age. Jobs are less stable and harder to get. No way would I take on such a big debt now. I also live in a city and hear you about the not so recovered aspects but I think that will change. Also, don’t tiptoe to not make noise yourself – that really is city and apartment loving.

    • Anon

      It’ll be paid for soon. The grass isn’t greener, it’s just more to mow.
      Being dependent on a car sucks, and if you’re talking about a move to the suburbs, you’re likely locking yourself into car dependency.
      If just the mortgage is 35-40%, that’s rough. Utilities will probably be more. You will have costs associated with caring for a yard, even if you do it all yourself. Commuting costs will likely increase unless you luck into a SFH on a transit route.
      A lot of folks here have crazy amounts of money to throw at everything. I am not one of those people. A paid-for home is within your grasp. You’d be nuts to toss that away, IMO. Stay the course.

    • anon

      You’re treating a 30-year mortgage as a given. But you could do a 15 or 20 year fixed-rate mortgage comfortably it seems and it would get you a better interest rate with a loan you could pay off during your working years.

      But honestly it seems like your preferred neighborhoods aren’t the right fit either. What about a larger condo or townhome in a lively downtown setting that isn’t your current neighborhood? The ones I can think of are all technically in the suburbs of major cities but they have a city feel to them and are really popular with empty nesters.

      • Anon

        There’s also nothing that says someone has to pay off a mortgage. It is way more common, in my family and our social circle, for people to sell their house and then buy something with the proceeds, vs living in the same place until the house is paid off. My parents did this, back in 2018 before the boom, and they were in their 60s at the time. They’d lived in the house about 7 years, and wanted to move, and they moved. They made plenty of money on the sale and plugged that into a condo in a 55+ community in Arizona. They were able to buy the condo outright; mortgage. I have a friend who works as a mortgage broker and let me assure you – it is not at all uncommon for people in their 60s and 70s to have mortgages when they die or need to move into assisted living. It may not be the best financial plan, but buying a house in your 50s is not an unprecedented move.

        OP, I think you should stay put for now. Pay off your condo and wait for the real estate market to rebound – it always does – and at that point, you’ll be able to sell your existing place and hopefully buy a new place outright or at least put so much down that the mortgage will be minimal. I would focus on saving for a down payment and putting as much as possible aside for retirement so maybe you can retire early and not have to worry about having a crappy job ever again!

    • Vicky Austin

      I think you stay put for now. Enjoy the house that you just recently made yours, seek some change in your work life, make yourself a cozy office space.

    • Anon

      My feelings on this come down to how much you care about housing vs. spending on other things and how much you already have in retirement savings. I’m a homebody with a chronic illness, so travel is kind of miserable and having a quiet environment is really important to me. I WFH and spend almost nothing on commuting, travel, eating out, expensive clothes, or makeup/hair/mani-pedis and the like, but do spend a fair amount on housing. We also put a lot into savings. Taking on a big mortgage if your savings are already in good shape is a more reasonable decision than if you’re in a position where you need to be increasing retirement savings in your 50s.

    • anon

      If you are fully remote, I’d stay in your condo and use the extra money several times a year to go to cool places for weeks at a time. Like escape and go live and work in Charleston for two weeks in the dead of winter.

      • theguvnah

        This is so personality-dependent. Home is so important to me and it is my daily experience; it is worth making it as perfect as possible for me rather than spending more time away from it.

      • Anon

        ^^^ This is what I would do if I didn’t have kids, and in fact is my empty nester plan in T-13 years.

    • Anon

      Stay! Having an almost paid off, renovated condo that needs minimal maintenance and allows budget flexibility is the dream.

      I find myself looking at real estate a lot when I’m bored or dissatisfied with my life and want a change. I’ve learned to channel that into planning vacations and hobbies. You might also want to look for another job.

      • anon

        I tend to agree with this. I am definitely a house person, but OP, your situation overall sounds awfully enticing. Especially given your recent renovation, I’d be tempted to stay put and channel energy elsewhere. Owning a home is going to be a BIG change after years of apartment and condo living. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I would think long and hard about the upkeep before making any big moves.

    • Anonymous

      I’m about ten years younger than you are. Six months ago I moved from my almost-paid-off urban condo (that sounds a bit like yours) to a much bigger townhouse (legally also a condo as it happens) 20 miles away. Having a separate home office and less neighbor noise/smells/etc. has done wonders for my peace of mind. When I walk past my old condo building– it happens to be near my office-office– my stomach turns before I remember I don’t have to go in. I obviously knew I wasn’t happy there, for some of the very reasons you mention, but I didn’t realize how much it was weighing on me until those problems were gone.

      All of your own points against it, as well as other posters’ points, are well taken. That said, I hope you aren’t playing down how desperately you want to get out because you think that staying is practical.

    • Anon

      Definitely no from me. If you were in your 30’s and needed the space for kids I could understand taking on another mortgage. I think your best bet is to sit tight, figure out where you want to retire and then move there. You can always rent out your condo for probably a lot more than your current mortgage when you do move. Also the idea of not having a mortgage sounds amazing.

    • Anonymous

      Have you considered renting out your condo? The passive income would help offset the mortgage and you’d continue to gain equity. It’s a great position to be in, especially with a nearly paid off mortgage.

      What mortgage options might you have? A shorter term mortgage might carry more favorable rates. Frankly I don’t think we’re going to see rates come back down to the 2s again in our lifetime. Historically 5 is about average. If I could get around 5 now then I wouldn’t wait for rates to drop.

    • Anon

      I am a similar age to you, and am at a similar juncture.

      You have not said anything about your retirement/long term plan, and your health. At this stage in life, it is important to start thinking about this. Considering you just completed a remodel (!), and the housing market is rough right now AND you don’t like your job and you should be thinking about maximizing your retirement savings/planning right now, it doesn’t seem smart to be moving to a house right now. It sounds very expensive for you, and the high utilities/maintenance costs/commuting/pain of lawn and snow management with aging are real!

      If you knew that this was going to be your forever/retirement home (and remember…. stairs and lawn care with aging….), and your retirement savings was flush and you needed this move for quality of life…. THEN I might say start looking, slowly…. over a couple years so you might catch an economy rebound.

      I am not moving until I figure out my next job and my retirement goals. I really don’t want to make a mistake now, when the economy is in the most unstable place it has been for 15 years.

    • Anonymous

      People here are so frugal. You hate the city and want out. So get out. Maybe that means looking at other locations and not being so attached to your favorite ideal neighborhood. You might find a perfect house in your like #3 neighborhood and be so so much happier than your condo.

      • Anon

        You sound very young….. To not even mention finances as a variable, is…. not smart.

        • Anonymous

          I’m 40 and have owned 3 houses but thanks for playing! If you’d read my comment you’ll see that I do talk about finances. OP tells us her favorite neighborhood is a fairly high cost. I said to keep an open mind about location. Your favorite ideal neighborhood might be out of budget, but you might find a great house in a good but not your favorite neighborhood that has a lower price tag and will still make you much happier than you are now.

      • Anon

        Not all of us want to work into our late 60s or 70s because we financially have to. I am 45 and with luck and continued planning I should be able to quit having a job I depend on financially in 9.5 more years. I might still work some kind of job just to have something to do, but I am very much looking forward to the time when I do not have to put up with office politics/drama, other people’s BS, and someone telling me what to do, just so I can afford food and a place to live. That outcome will only happen later if I’m frugal now.

  2. Anon

    I went backpacking last year and was told some rule (200 feet / 100 paces) for where to go to the bathroom as a distance from water sources and campsites. Whatever the rule was, I followed it, day or night, if we weren’t by a pit toilet. One woman who was with us told me that she just goes close to her tent at night and doesn’t bother with that. I’m a newbie and follow safety rules pretty strictly. Is this not kosher or really not at all kosher to the point where even if you did that, you would never freely admit it? Now that I remember, we camped by a lovely stream one night and now that I think about it it is grossing me out. Thinking about it today because I’m going on a backpacking trip in a couple of weeks.

    • Anon

      That sounds like a nutty rule, I wouldn’t bother with that and would freely admit to breaking it. It’s the woods. Things pee in the woods.

    • Anon

      I don’t think peeing by a stream is a big deal, to be honest. #2 is an issue.

      • anon

        Agree. Fecal matter in a water source is a big deal. Pee would be diluted enough that I don’t think it would be a huge deal.

      • Vicky Austin

        Agree. But wandering too far off at night would concern me too (no sense of direction), and so I’d understand if you kept closer to the campsite for #2 if you had a midnight one.

      • Anonymous

        +1. I pee pretty freely, especially in the middle of the night, but definitely try to follow the rules for #2.

    • Anon

      Agree with other posters that urine is no big deal. Feces can transmit infections

    • anon

      I wouldn’t go right next to my tent, maybe a few paces into the woods for privacy but certainly not 200 feet

    • Anon

      It’s more of an issue in heavily trafficked areas. Don’t pee next to the tent in a popular, well-used campsite spot – that’s gross for the people who come after you. Be mindful of area regulations (for example, camping during a Colorado River rafting trip requires you to pee in the river, NOT on land at all, because all campsites are assigned and regulated). Don’t pee on the trail leading to the swimming hole either. Use your common sense.

    • anon

      If you are camping somewhere that wouldn’t have another camper there, it would matter way less. Backpacking has grown a lot in popularity, and in most cases you’re camping somewhere that other people will also pitch their tents. A little bit of pee is nbd, but many people peeing somewhere over time is a problem. Poop is obviously a lot grosser, and toilet paper is another issue.

      So, good campers follow ‘leave no trace’ principles like the rule you were taught.

      • Anon

        This. If you were the only person peeing there, it would be okay, but a big group peeing there every night is much more of an issue, though still not anywhere close to as much of a problem as pooping. So I wouldn’t worry too much about the occasional emergency midnight peeing without going the full distance, but I wouldn’t make a habit if it, and I really wouldn’t make exceptions with #2.

    • Explorette

      I think that applies to #2 not #1. I have backpacked my whole life and have never seen or heard of someone pacing out 200 feet to go pee.

    • Anonymous

      A man wouldn’t think twice about hugging a tree closeish to a campsite. I’m pretty sure some of my friends do this intentionally to fend off animals/satisfy some animalistic need to mark their territory. I have a theory that there are two types of suburbanite men: those who wee on their lawn and those who lie about having wee’d on their lawn. “Go to the bathroom” means #2.

    • Anonymous

      Highly recommend «How to shit around the world» as an entertaining and very informative book on the subject.

      Relevant quotes from the book:
      “Remember that a stream may be someone else’s water supply so never “go” into water, but defecate at least fifty yards from any streams and rivers, and downstream of any settlement. When camping, take your own drinking water from above your site and defecate downhill.
      …
      …”go” at least 50 yards from paths and 200 yards from climbing huts, refuges, or other buildings.”

  3. NYC

    Recommendations for Broadway shows to see in March? Considering Funny Girl, Moulin Rouge, Six, Phantom and MJ, but open to other suggestions. Haven’t seen any except Phantom when it toured. Already have tickets to Leopoldstadt. Also, recommendations for a nice dinner in the theater district before or after a show? No specific budget. Thanks!

    • Anon

      I loved Moulin Rouge but I also loved the movie and it was nostalgic so YMMV. Six is crazy popular but it was disappointing to me. It felt more like a pop concert than a Broadway show. The music is definitely catchy but the show is short (<90 minutes I think) and it doesn’t have the emotional heft I’ve come to expect from Broadway shows. But it got compared to Hamilton a lot and that probably set my expectations too high. Funny Girl is supposed to be good.

      • Z

        Aaron Tveit is back in the lead role in Moulin Rouge until early April and he is phenomenal. Highly recommend.

    • AIMS

      Funny Girl in its current iteration is supposed to be great. Some Like It Hot is another idea.

      I really like Danji (Korean) when I am in that area for a show. Farida is also good. Joe Allen is a classic for a reason, of course, if you have something more traditional in mind (before or after the show, after is always fun for a drink), or Becco.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Phantom closes on Broadway in April, so if you want to see it on Broadway, now’s your chance.

    • Anon

      of these i’ve only seen Six and Phantom, and really loved Six, would highly recommend if you like a show with fun music

    • SLC Attorney

      Six is really fun and a nice change from the heft of Leopoldstadt if you’re looking to balance things out.

    • Anon

      Funny Girl was the most expensive Broadway show I’ve ever seen (and I saw Hamilton a few times at its peak popularity) but Lea Michele did absolutely blow my sky-high expectations away. She was so good she made almost all the other professionals on the stage look like amateurs. If you do go see Funny Girl, she’s definitely the main draw, so avoid the night her understudy goes on (I think Wednesdays or Thursdays?) who I’m sure is great but probably not worth those prices.

      • all about eevee

        On the contrary, I saw Beanie, Lea, and Julie Benko in the role, and enjoyed Julie much, much more than the other two. She goes on on Thursdays, and I recommend seeing her instead of Lea.

        • Anon

          Yeah Julie is supposed to be incredible. She doesn’t have the fame of Lea but all the people I know who’ve seen both said Julie was better.

    • buffybot

      I thought Moulin Rouge was only OK, and I love the movie. Leads had the chemistry of wet rags and I think I might hate jukebox musicals? I haven’t seen Six but can see that it is more of a “concert” that a real musical (not a lot of plot) but I really enjoy the songs. & Juliet is extremely fun and lively and poppy but again, whether you like it will depend on whether you like jukebox musicals or think they’re a naked money grab. I’m more of the latter and found it annoying.
      Hadestown wasn’t on your list and if you haven’t seen it already I just cannot recommend it enough. The best musical I’ve seen in an extremely long time (although I admittedly saw it with some of the prior casting).

      • NYC

        Thanks. I just saw Hadestown last month on tour. And Six is going to be touring here next summer. So I think I’m leaning toward Phantom or Moulin Rouge. My husband is not a huge musical fan so trying to pick something that may somewhat appeal to him.

    • Anonymous

      I loved Six — agree with the other poster that it was like a pop concert, but I knew that going in, so it exceeded my expectations. Not on your list, but I saw &Juliet last night and highly recommend. It has a very similar vibe to Six, but more story.

    • Anonymous

      A new production of Dancin’ opens on Broadway in March. I’m excitedly traveling there to see it in April. It played previously to good reviews in San Diego and is a reboot. Unlike most other shows, it has no plot and is just Bob Fosse dance numbers, which may or may be of interest to you.

    • Anon

      I see what the TKTS gods tell me I’m going to see, to be honest. How many days do you have?

    • Anon

      I recently saw & Juliet and loved it! It’s a jukebox musical with tons of huge pop hits but the story is pretty well done too.

      • Anonymous

        &juliet is lovely! 100 percent recommend!

        Everybody’s talking about Jamie is great, if that West End musical has reached Broadway. (six and juliet are fairly new London shows).

  4. Paging Senior Attorney

    Good morning senior attorney,
    A while back you posted about a train trip you took in the US, details are fuzzy but I am curious and toying around with travel plans. Would you be so kind as to refresh me?

    • Senior Attorney

      Greetings from Saigon! We’ve done a few train trips — the biggest was a private car from LA to Seattle. thence to Chicago, then back to LA on another route. 5400 miles in 11 days– amazing. Are doing coast-to-coast Canada this fall.

  5. Post-litigation fed?

    Advice for how to approach an interview for a non-litigation job as a current litigator looking to get off the carousel? I’m a current fed and am interviewing for a job within the same department but in an attorney advisor role rather than as a trial litigator, which is what I’ve always done. I think that’s likely analogous to moving in-house in some ways. The real answer as to why is that a couple kids and several years of practice after I started, I’m headed toward burnout, but I love federal service and deep dives into the law. I’d like to keep the public speaking part, which I enjoy and which the new gig would entail, but ditch the adversarial process. I’m wondering how to articulate that I want to move from a fighter-in-the-courtroom role into a behind-the-scenes supporting cast role. Does that make sense? Any advice would be much appreciated, TIA!

    • AIMS

      I think you can focus on how the skills you have cultivated would be great in new role and frame it as something that you feel really passionate about – kind of like “having seen the kinds of issues that come up with these contracts first hand in litigation, I would love to work on drafting documents to make sure they are addressed before they even arise.” I would keep the part about loving feeeral service!

        • Anon

          Yes, this is a great script. I also suggest that you say something along the lines of “I enjoy my current job, but I have found that I appreciate the collaborative parts more than the adversarial and competitive and would like to focus on that.” One of the concerns with hiring litigators for non-litigation roles is that they get bored without the thrill of the “win”.

      • Anon

        cosign this. I did the firm-to-in-house move and played up how litigating helped me to see how things can go wrong, and I can use that knowledge to spot issues before they get there.

    • Anon

      I am in state government, also law, so things might be different. It is not at all uncommon for someone to decide to switch from litigation to advice, or slightly less commonly, from advice to litigation. I think each area is subject to burnout: litigation from the deadlines and contention, and advice from the expectation of being responsive 24/7 and the need to address a huge range of issues. I think you can explain that you love the area but are ready to pivot to a different area of practice where you can work more proactively and with greater input into the policy aspects. It also is ok to say that the adversarial nature of what you do is wearing on you. You can sell yourself because understanding how something might play out in litigation is invaluable on the advice and policy side.

  6. nyclaw

    Need help with clothes. I’m 47 years old, in pretty good shape and feeling like it’s time to step up my work clothes a bit. I’m a lawyer in-house and it’s pretty casual (no jeans and no sneakers and I wear mostly pants and sweaters). Tired of shopping at the same mass market stores (loft, old navy, j crew). I recognize that shopping at independent boutiques would offer things that four other people in my office don’t already own but…. that’s a lot of work. really looking for recommendations for websites that might be a little less popular?

    • Monday

      This suggestion might be annoying, but independent boutiques usually do have online shopping available. There’s a smaller selection, but it sounds like you don’t want to spend a lot of time on this, and it would meet your goal of not having the same items as everyone else. If you live somewhere that has even 1-2 local boutiques, I’d start with their websites. They would love to have your business, and you might even end up knowing an associate who will learn your wardrobe needs and give a heads-up on new arrivals that fit those needs.

    • Monday

      Re-posting to try to get around mod.

      This suggestion might be annoying, but independent boutiques usually do have online shopping available. There’s a smaller selection, but it sounds like you don’t want to spend a lot of time on this, and it would meet your goal of not having the same items as everyone else. If you live somewhere that has even 1-2 local boutiques, I’d start with their webs tes. They would love to have your business, and you might even end up knowing an associate who will learn your wardrobe needs and give a heads-up on new arrivals that fit those needs.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t get basics at a boutique, but they can be excellent for jackets or statement pieces. Black pants that fit are gold, no matter where they are from. But also consider brands — are you Akris Punto? Or more ruffle-y? Some cool things can be ordered from Nordstrom. Boutiques in my city aren’t really for workwear — more like fancy SAHMs vs executive women. I like the blog of The Directrix for these sorts of items.

    • Anonymous

      I would check out either a Nordstrom or a trendy boutique and look for new to you brands that have the look you want and that fit well. Make a list of them, and then you can shop them online.

    • Anon

      What about just expanding to other mass market that has broader style options? Like Anthropologie, Sezane, Tuckernuck, Zara, etc.? Also, no jeans or sneakers isn’t casual – is that your own limitation or your office’s? If the former, it’s a lot easier to get dressed and have fun when you fold in those options.

      • AIMS

        +1. Also – Aritzia, Mango, even just explore the smaller labels available at department stores like Nordstrom.

      • anon

        Not the OP, but this is super helpful. I am definitely in a no-sneakers/no-jeans office but wouldn’t mind branching out a bit.

      • Anon8

        Seconding this. There are way more mass market retailers than what’s in the mall! Would also add & Other Stories, Everlane, Mango, Aritzia, Amour Vert.

      • nyclaw

        I guess I’m old but I can wear anything other than jeans and sneakers and that feels to me pretty casual:) like I’m currently wearing a pair of gap cords and jcrew cashmere sweater and boots. Servicible but boring.

    • anon

      I don’t think you need to go the independent boutique route to escape having the same clothes as your office mates. There’s a lot of companies in between. When I wear Brooks Brothers or the occasional Garnet Hill sweater to the office, it’s very clear that nobody else has so much as seen their websites. And I’m in the US, but I also occasionally buy online from Marks & Spencer or Boden because again, they have reasonable clothes that aren’t immediately recognizable.

    • NYNY

      What’s your style and budget? I like Frankie Shop and Vince, but they’re both more quite a bit more expensive than loft and ON, and in line with the pricier stuff at jcrew.

      • nyclaw

        thanks for the suggestions. I love zara but am in between sizes and things are always too big or too small, there are some other suggestions in here that i’ll check out!

      • nyclaw

        I’m definitely willling to pay more than loft. I have some vince sweaters that I love. I think my style is pretty classic/ preppy. I’m not afraid of color and I’m finding a lot of the silhouettes they’re showing right now are profoundly unflattering on almost every real person. Try to avoid things that need drycleaning or ironing. hence the sweaters. I used to wear skirts and dresses but I find this midi length that everything is now to be very unflattering on me so have largely moved into pants. Hoping skirts get longer or shorter again. I’m not sure if I’m just out of the bell curve of women who are shopping but even a store like banana republic which i used to shop at now looks over designed and fussy and expensive (like i don’t want cargo pants or a big waistband for work)

        • Anon

          The styles right now are intentionally unflattering. This is the generation that wore mom jeans in their teens. Anyone older than a Gen Z is going to have to let go of the “I must look as thin as possible” aesthetic we were brought up on, at least if they want to be comfortable in current trends.

          • Anon

            So many styles look unflattering and also honestly uncomfortable even on the models to my eye.

        • Anonie

          If you like preppy style, then do yourself a favor and check out Tuckernuck’s website! Some of their stuff is probably too rufflepuff for you (I happen to love rufflepuff and have since way before it was “in,” but I understand it’s not for everyone) and some is next-level expensive, but I think a lot of their pieces would align with your tastes.

      • Anon

        Second Vince. Pretty easy to find resale online if you want to cut the cost.

    • Seafinch

      I am 45 and I tend to gravitate to the British brands for this. I like formal stuff but don’t always have occasion to need that much so I do a lot of Boden and Joules which you don’t see in Canada at all, really and act as good midway transition pieces. They ar good at work or brunch or church etc. it might not be the much different than what you see in a big American cities but it briefs unique here. I supplement with Talbots and Nordstrom Rack.

    • Seventh Sister

      I’m in the same general age bracket and I really like Talbots for that kind of thing (my workplace is a bit more formal some days but jeans are OK on Fridays, etc.). Also Nordstrom/Nordstrom Rack has a lot of stuff in the non-stuffy work clothes vein.

      • nyclaw

        i went through a stage in my early 30s when I felt talbot was my secret. i would wear something and people would tell me how cute it was and be surprised when i told them wear i got it. the dress i wore to my rehearsal dinner was talbots and i had a lot of pants from there. i haven’t looked in awhile. thanks for putting it back on my radar.

        • Seventh Sister

          It’s definitely brighter colors and less frumpy cuts than when I started buying stuff there in 90s, where you’d basically have to pick through the Mrs. Alex P. Keaton dresses to find things that were at least somewhat stylish.

          I also like stuff from Uniqlo – it’s not expensive and reminds me of what Gap stuff was like 20-30 years ago (nice basics).

        • Anon

          Yes – Talbots can be surprising.

          I agree that they often have colors that are more vibrant and honestly, can be more flattering around the face for many of us with aging.

          I am constantly frustrated when I see a cute new item – even just a basic – in a store/website I like, but then the color choices are so odd/unflattering I wonder – what were they thinking?

          And for those of us who are pears (and who gain a stomach after pregnancy/perimenopause), the cuts can sometimes be helpful.

          • Seventh Sister

            I’m sort of a pear-apple – short-waisted but have always, always carried any extra weight between my rib cage and my hips. I was a rail-thin 17yo who looked pregnant in those “babydoll” dresses popular in the 1990s because it was basically the only non-bony part of my body. Talbots cuts usually work on me for this very reason.

          • Anonymous

            Talbots curvy fit are the only pants I can consistently wear with no tailoring. I agree with having to avoid the bright colours as they don’t work for me, but all of my pants and many of my tops that are white or navy are from there.

        • Anon

          Talbots pants are my jam. I’ve never been super excited about anything else from there (well, maybe their merino wool knit blazers in the fall) but the pants fit every time. I will always buy them.

    • Anonymous

      I really like La Redoubt. It’s French on-line only and different than everyone else has but same price range as Ann Taylor and J Crew.

  7. Anon

    While most of the country is in a blizzard, we are having a heat wave. My thoughts turn to shorts. I have gym shorts and Athleta bermudas and skorts (chub rub is lethal on me). But I no longer seem to own “cute” shorts and am past the point in my life where 3″ shorts are my thing (too much skin touching sizzling car seats or seats in questionable places). More like 5″-6″ vs actual Bermudas. What sort of cute shorts are out there? And what do you all wear them with — white sneakers? Loafers? I also don’t seem to have cute summer shoes but want to branch out into something in between Keens and my work shoes.

      • Anon

        Shorts are cute on me but my legs are my best feature. It’s genetic. My mom still got compliments on her legs in her 60s. We’re not especially attractive otherwise, but apparently we have good legs.

        • pugsnbourbon

          +1, at least I hope they’re cute on me! I love wearing shorts and just picked up some linen ones that I think are 4″. And sandals all the way – planning to wear my black and white Tevas until they disintegrate.

    • Anonymous

      We are having the same heat wave here. Get yourself some loose linen shorts with an elastic waist and drawstring. I only wear shoes with shorts when I’m working out. For casual wear, sandals always. I am partial to Birkenstocks.

    • anon

      My favorite shorts are the linen ones from Athleta, hands down. And to the poster below, no way in he!! am I wearing skirts and dresses all the time just to be cuter. Shorts are fine.

    • No Face

      Have you looked at Madewell? I have very short shorts from there, but there were multiple lengths.

      I wear my cutest Birkenstocks whenever it is warm.

    • Anon

      Spanx Sunshine short (5″) is my uniform for days that it’s just too hot to breathe but I need something other than running shorts. It is a tailored’ish short made from what feels like running short material. I match tops and footwear to the event, temperature and freshness of my pedicure. I live in Atlanta and have an array of flat sandals, because closed-toe shoes make for hot feet, and I attend a lot of outdoor sporting events.

    • nyclaw

      I find shorts to be less flattering than almost anything else I wear. I tend toward summer dresses or very light weight flowy pants to avoid them. I do own a pair or two and they do have their place though. To get around the short inseam I have bought them a size up so they sit lower on my hips which gives a little length.

      If the goal is to look cute then a shoe that is low on your foot is going to be more flattering than a loafer or a sneaker because it lengthens your leg. I would recommend a strappy bare sandal.

    • Anon

      I bought some Trina Turk shorts a few years ago that are adorable and fashionable and I always get a million compliments. They’re five inches, bright colors, and not overly tight, so I feel comfortable and flattered by them. I’d check there!

    • Anon

      Last I looked there were even blizzard warnings for LA! The hills outside the city, anyway, but still, it’s weird & basically unprecedented

  8. Property Deed

    Does anyone know how I can get a copy of the deed for the condo I purchased a couple of years ago? I have all sorts of other documents from my closing but can’t find the deed, and I need to show it to help remedy a legal issue. I’m in Alexandria, Virginia, if that matters.

  9. Alyssa

    Late yesterday I posted about wanting to work in the public sector but my family/friends not understanding that, and a poster pointed out that my question is actually “What do I do with how bad and conflicted I feel when something I value (public sector work) conflicts with something my family/social group values (making $$$$$), and when I’m doing something that my family doesn’t approve of?”

    Now that I think about it maybe they thought I would “grow out” of it and get a more typical job? Because I’ve been doing this for a few years now and they haven’t been that opinionated about it so far, other than saying it’s unusual or off the beaten path.

    But ultimately I live by myself in NYC, I save money, I have enough money to go out to restaurants and travel and buy the clothes I want to. I guess I’m trying to figure out if there is any validity to my communities idea that you basically have to make big law/finance money. Which obviously there can’t be because that’s not the only path in life. I just need to let go of that last bit of needing to listen to them. They also had doubts about previous jobs but I told
    then (nicely) to mind their own business, need to bring that energy back.
    And of course they’re happy to brag about it when I do something they think is cool or that not many people from our ethnicity have done, which is only possible because I’m doing slightly unconventional things.

    • anon

      I know it’s trite and cliche, but this is your life to live. Not your family’s, and not your friends. I’ve been in the public sector my entire career. While it has its own challenges, I am very much motivated by the higher purpose and don’t think I’d be happy in a different type of career. I am not struggling for money, and it doesn’t sound like you are, either. It’s not like you’re a freelance avocado enthusiast or something … you have a real job with meaning.

      • Anon

        +1 – also, you can waste your life caring what other people think or you can form your own opinions.

      • Monday

        +1, toiling away in health care for chump money (that’s sarcastic but speaks to your issue I think).

        Hearing about the concept of “moral envy” was helpful to me, and rang true to the kind of denigration you’re talking about. Look it up if you’re interested.

        Thank you for your work.

        • Alyssa

          I find the moral envy part so frustrating. I’m not doing this AT you, I’m just trying to do what I want to do and what makes me fulfilled. The same people will complain about something and also put down the people who are trying to help, and then get oh so offended if I dare ask a follow up question or suggest that they do something (however small) about it.

          I don’t even start these conversations, they come up to me because they want to talk about what XYZ org is doing and how it does and does not affect them.

          • Monday

            I hear you. When someone is acting like that, I take it as a sign that they’re really uncomfortable with their choices, and ‘m just there absorbing their angst.

    • Anon

      Get better friends. Seriously. I’ve been in the public sector (also NYC) for 10+ years, and I have only one friend (from middle school) who judges my choices but we’ve both learned to hold our tongues on certain topics with each other. I know there’s a lot of people out there who prioritize making a lot of money, but I no longer spend time with any of them. All my friends are in public interest or creative professions and were all comfortable but not rich. I don’t have much family but my in laws are retired teachers and librarians and they get it (and think I’m high earning with my government lawyer salary).

      • anon

        I commented above, but it’s so true that your circle can really influence how you feel about this stuff, for better or worse. Most of my family and friends are in helping professions (teaching, nursing), so to them, I’m the soulless one making tons of money in my public information officer role. LOL. OP, truly, live life on your own terms and don’t put your self-assessment in other people’s hands. Easier said than done, I realize, but it’s very freeing.

        • Anonymous

          +1. No one in my family is a lawyer or works in finance–lots of engineers and teachers–and despite living in NYC for 20 years, I don’t know anyone well who works in biglaw or finance. I live a way out in Brooklyn and my neighborhood includes a lot of people with similar jobs to mine – I work for an arts nonprofit in fundraising, and my husband is a public school teacher. I know a number of lawyers but all work for nonprofits or Legal Aid. Our HHI is about 200K, we’re in our late 40s and 50s and have a child and feel very financially secure. Frankly I have trouble not judging people for picking soul-crushing careers just to earn a ton of money, but I try not to as I know I have a lot of privilege from growing up upper middle class and never having to worry too much about money when I was young.

          • Anon @ 9:57

            I’ve seen you post here before and I feel like we are parallel commenters here in a lot of way — I’m also “way out in Brooklyn” (although I’m 10 years younger, an immigrant, and grew up poor a neighborhood away from where I am now). I really appreciate having someone I relate to here!

    • AIMS

      I agree that you have to live your life etc., but to answer your specific question – in my experience, you just have to kind of own the fact that you’re the bleeding heart, do-gooder, or however they conceive it and then everything just gets framed thru that lease but in a less negative way where you feel like they’re waiting for you to “grow up and be sensible” or something.

    • Anonymous

      I think you need to own it more. I had an opposite but similar problem – I stayed in BigLaw for 10+ years before moving in house. By the 5 year mark, all my friends had switched to smaller firms, in house, government, etc. with better lifestyles. My parents worked very 9-5 jobs. They all used to give me grief for not leaving BigLaw once my loans were paid – you need more free time, money isn’t everything, why do you like that job, etc.

      But I genuinely liked my job! I think you need to come at it in a non-defensive way. If you are constantly trying to justify why you work there with lots of reasons it gives them an opportunity to argue with you, present alternatives, etc. And it makes it seem like you are convincing yourself. Just be like I love my job, I’m passionate about what I do, and I’m not interested in trading that for money. Repeat over and over and don’t get into the weeds with them.

      • Anon

        Same — I am a lawyer and I love what I do. I have felt more crushed at my jobs before this, so the grass isn’t always greener.

    • Anon

      I feel you and it is HARD. I’m leaving my BigLaw partner job soon for a state government role and my family is appalled and as soon as I announce I expect a lot of negative judgment from my colleagues. I’m making the switch because I think I can do valuable things in the new role and because I am burned out and want time with my family while my kids are still young and my husband hasn’t completely lost patience with my endless emergencies and travel. But even though I know my choice is the right one for me right now and made for the best reasons it is hard not to feel like everyone will see this as some kind of failure or bad choice, and to internalize that. But I also know that once I’m out of the BigLaw all the time circle then I won’t be constantly surrounded by an ethos that prizes BigLaw and money over everything else. But it is hard. I lean a lot on my super supportive husband right now and a few friends who do get it.

    • Seventh Sister

      My WASP-y in-laws are like this, you have my complete sympathy. My spouse just switched jobs and even though it’s a great opportunity and MORE money than he was making in a semi-prestigious, private sector job, he was scared to tell them because all they care about is money. (When he switched jobs years ago, his mother remarked, “I had no idea you were unhappy! You were making so much money!”)

      I don’t know if this would work on your family, but having a working, non-corrupt public sector is darn helpful in having an economy where people can succeed in the private sector on their own merits.

    • Trish

      People don’t understand why I do indigent defense. I can’t imagine practicing any area of law just for the money. We spend too much time at work not to love it.

      • Anon

        +1

        With time, most of us learn that job satisfaction / having a purpose is what keeps you going long term. If you can actually love it / enjoy it…. you are so so lucky. Hang on for dear life.

        I feel like one of the most common posts here is burn-out / life dissatisfaction… usually mid life-ish. More often than not, people feel no purpose in their jobs. Our answers tend to focus on – “enjoy your family/hobbies/volunteer more”. All great ideas, and they can help. But when you spend the majority of your life at work (sad, but true)…..

        It is very hard when your immediate family has different values. At least…. you can choose your friends.

    • HFB

      FWIW, my family is the opposite. if you’re not doing “something to better the world” (according to their subjective opinion of what is “better”) you would be looked down on as materialistic and selfish/ dishonorable. i dont really think that way anymore ( although i do have a public sector job it took years for me to even open my mind to considering anything else, which i am doing now). i’m just sharing this to help you reinforce for yourself that not only is there more than one path in life, there are people who would judge you just as badly for doing what your family thinks is best. and also let you know i relate to how much of an impact family expectations can impact your self esteem as related to career choice.

  10. Shelle

    I want to share this find with other pear shapes: I just purchased my third pair of Old Navy High-Waisted OGC Chino Pants. I’ve never before had a pair of pants fit off the rack without needing to take in the waist two sizes. They’re not going to win any style awards, these are budget relaxed fit khakis with an elastic waist in the back. But I’ve found them to be surprisingly versatile since there’s no elastic on the front and they come in lots of colors. And it’s so nice not having to tailor them!

  11. Monday

    I remember some discussion of Fleishman Is In Trouble on here. (I read the book and also watched the show, and they’re pretty consistent unlike with some adaptations.) Interested in anyone’s reactions to this:

    https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/02/fleishman-women-lifes-losers-status.html

    I have not read the piece in The Cut that it’s referencing FWIW.

    I was a lot more Team Toby than commenters here seemed to be, and have a feeling that it relates to working in health care.

    • Anon

      I haven’t seen the show but I read the book. I hated everyone, including the Taffy stand-in. I didn’t relate to it at all.

      • Anon

        (And fwiw I have a similar cultural background to the characters. I’m Jewish and both my father and FIL are from NYC and my in-laws live there currently. Still didn’t relate…)

        • Monday

          I don’t mind reading/watching content in which I hate all the characters and can’t relate to anyone, such as Succession or Veep. But I know it’s not for everyone!

          • Anon

            Oh I love Veep because it’s hilarious. I didn’t hate the Fleishman book, just kind of meh on it. I think I gave it 3 stars on Goodreads. But I did hate the characters and I wasn’t interested in watching the show.

      • Anne-on

        I haven’t seen the show but I hated everyone in the book to varying degrees. To use internet parlance Taffy’s character (stand in, whatever) is a total ‘pick me’ having a midlife crisis and I was shocked the husband didn’t divorce her. Fleishman was an incel-lite jerk who thought working full time excused him from equally sharing the load of raising his kids (even though his wife outearned him by a LOT). The wife, Rachel, was the most sympathetic out of all of them but even then her storyline was underbaked with a healthy dollup of ‘rich people problems’. I would have much preferred the story be told from Rachel’s viewpoint throughout the whole book but of course it wasn’t because male characters are just *so* much more interesting (truly – the pick me/cool girl vibe of the book permeates throughout including to the side characters girlfriend/fiancee turning out to be not as chill as originally portrayed once the engagement occurs).

        • Monday

          Totally agree that Libby (the author/narrator) was being a terrible spouse and would be lucky to stay married.

          I disagree about Toby not doing his part to raise his kids. He appeared to be the primary caregiver in addition to lower earner, as expressed when the divorce lawyer told him he was “the wife” in the situation. He definitely isn’t an ideal person, but I don’t think the issue was lack of commitment to his kids. He just didn’t care as much about the prestige level of their schools or activities. He also wanted to be raising them in a location and milieu where his income would be plenty and Rachel wouldn’t need to work nearly so much.

          Here we are litigating a fictional divorce by proxy!

          • Monday

            ETA- I’m perplexed by the comment that he is “incel-lite.” Throughout the book he is having tons of s3x and seems more concerned than the women are about the nature of these relationships.

        • Bette

          This is closest to my take. I felt like Toby wanted to be given an award all the time for doing something approaching 50% of child/house work and was bitter that his wife wasn’t falling all over herself to thank him.

          He was also bitter that despite being a “fancy” doctor it didn’t give him the status that he thought he deserved.

    • Anonymous

      I read the book and saw the show. Thought the show was more thought provoking than the book. I definitely understood the perspective of the Cut – it’s so niche to rich New Yorkers and the economic hierarchy, haha. My spouse is a doctor and I’m a lawyer and we live in NYC so it felt very familiar.

      The healthcare stuff was spot on. People are so rude to my spouse about what he does, so that tracks. As a friend once said jokingly although I find it to be true, in NYC the very rich finance people consider doctors/lawyers “the help.” Being married to a doctor can be tough if you have an ambitious career which Rachel struggled with. You need to go in with your eyes wide open about what will be required. You will have to be the flexible one because your spouse physically can’t do their job remotely. I’m ok with this because I have a lot of family help, and because we have a deal that when the kids are in elementary school he will shift into a more flexible job so our lives will be less hectic.

      On the Rachel front, I’m a lawyer, so I’ve met lots of clients who are making just insane amounts of money and living a lifestyle that’s so out of reach even though I feel like I make an insane amount of money. I remember a partner at my old firm who had a daughter at a fancy NYC private school whose daughter complained because they had to fly first class instead of on a private jet like her friends did! It’s wild. I also remember looking for apartments and a friend who lived in my now neighborhood told me she would never live outside a 4 block radius in the neighborhood because those 4 blocks are the most prestigious and she likes that her neighbors are old money families and billionaires. And I was like…this is not how I live my life!

      I also know so many Libbys. My best friend was a Libby until very recently. Moving to the suburbs is not some shameful thing – I plan to do so eventually and I like to think that I will just do it happily. You need to enjoy all the things you moved to the suburbs for instead of complaining about it!

      Both Toby and Rachel were awful. It’s ultimately the same thing that tanks a lot of marriages – they weren’t on the same page about what they wanted for their life, and assumed the other would get on board. When the other person didn’t get on board, it was a disaster.

      • Monday

        I definitely agree on the last paragraph as the bottom line. They both seemed to assume, without ever checking, that the other was eventually going to get on board with their perspective and priorities. The seed of the divorce was present from the beginning. 2 kids and a condo later, they still hadn’t reached any basic agreement about their life.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      I watched this because of the Cut article. It was just not a relatable group of people, and ultimately unpleasant to watch.

  12. Anon

    Chapter 13 here. I’ve been posting about this or that not working out for me, but…yesterday, I got a completely unexpected $15,000 bonus! Someone’s good vibes have paid off! I’m so grateful for the support here as I haven’t told anyone about this IRL (aside from mental healthcare professionals). This will be a very welcomed help towards my first real 6 month emergency fund. In other news, I sent an email to the apartment building that rejected me and explained my mitigating factors and inquired about a manual override or details about reapplying in the future. Not holding my breath but waiting to hear back on that.

    • Vicky Austin

      Woohoo!!! Enjoy the win! Do something nice for yourself with a little bit of the money, maybe? That’s great. Fingers crossed for a good response from the landlords.

    • anon

      Congratulations! Sounds like you’re doing great overall. Keep up your good, hard work. Also find some ways to have fun and relax. Doing a major turn around like this is exhausting, so take care of yourself.

    • Anonymous

      Congrats! Sending you new apartment vibes. If that one wasn’t meant to be hopefully another will soon.

    • Anon

      This may or may not be a terrible idea, but consider offering the apartment building that rejected you several months’ rent in advance, funded by your bonus. A bankruptcy may still be a hard no, but if the new (lower, right?) rent would free up more cash, it might be a good use of your bonus.

      • Anon

        You aren’t allowed to do this in some states (Massachusetts, for example, does not allow the landlord to accept more than first/last/security deposit, the latter equal to one month’s rent). In states where you can do this – it’s a great idea.

      • Anon

        +1

        I have done this in the past, and it made a great impression on the landlord, even though they said they didn’t need that in the end.

        Good luck, and congrats! We’ll done in starting your Emergency Fund!

    • Anonymous

      That’s fantastic! Some property managers may accept evidence of cash in the bank to help qualify you to lease an apartment.

    • Curious

      Good for you for advocating for yourself. You’re so strong in such an exhausting process.

    • Anon

      I am so thrilled for you. And I am also so impressed with how you keep working through what comes up. Stay the course! Continue to do what you’re doing, taking one step after another to make the changes that you’ve worked on…that’s how you will get to the other side on this. Big happy dance for you!

  13. Anon318

    Has anyone used the raspberry pi computing curriculum to teach your kid programming? I think my son would enjoy it, but looking for actual experiences. TIA!

      • Anon318

        He’s 7. He reads and writes well above grade level, plus is very interested in my work as a part time software developer. I think he’d enjoy being able to create simple games on an old computer of mine, I’m just not sure how to get him started.

        • EarlyProgramming

          Have you all tried the games or toys where you build a circuit and get the light bulb to turn on or the fan to turn? When my programmer relative was trying the same with their kids, they started with this and then moved to Raspberry Pi for games.

      • Anon

        +1 there’s tons of programming content out there for early elementary age kids.

      • Anon

        Scratch is what I was going to recommend! We bought the book, “Coding Games in Scratch: A Step-by-Step Visual Guide to Building Your Own Computer Games” and my 7-year-old was able to code the Witch game. It’s VERY step-by-step and super fun!

    • Anonymous

      My kids have done a bunch of coding camps, one does a weekly session at Code Ninjas. Lots of very good apps though that teach the principles of Ruby on Rails and things like that. Tynker, Codespark. Scratch.mit.edu is free; one of my kiddos was just using that at his camp.

    • Anon

      I agree there’s tons of free coding content out there for kids this age, but if you’re going to invest in something I would be more inclined to get a programmable robot than a Raspberry Pi. I don’t really think of Raspberry Pi as that kid friendly. We saw this thing at a science museum called Ozobot that you program by drawing different colored patterns and my 5 year old was fascinated. That’s probably too simple for your kid but I’m sure you could get something that’s slightly more advanced but still super cool for kids.

      • Anonymous

        we have the Ozobot – it’s just become junk at our house, but ymmv. You have to have a lot of free floor space or table space to set it up, if memory serves.

        • Anon

          Hmm at the museum it just ran on 8.5 X 11 paper. But we were doing pretty simple stuff.

  14. Anon

    Posted in a weekend thread, but reposting to see if might get more responses (thanks to those that commented-appreciate your recs!) What are your favorite jumpsuits/where did you get them? I’m 5’0, weight fluctuates between 107-120 and am curvy/40. Hoping to find unicorn jumpsuits that can wear to reunions (preferably a black jumpsuit), baby showers, beach vacations.

  15. Anon

    I am a 7th year associate at a boutique plaintiffs firm and would like to ask the managing director what the metrics are for becoming a shareholder because I would like to be a shareholder at some point. Any advice on how to go about doing this?

    • Anon

      Ask but don’t expect a straight answer. It usually correlates to bringing in business.

    • Anonymous

      Your expression of interest is just as important as asking about the specifics. Tell him you want to be partner. Ask him for his advice about how to get there. Then ask if there are objective metrics (there probably aren’t).

      If you don’t have a relationship with the managing partner then I recommend approaching a mentor first.

    • Anonymous

      I would start with a mentor partner if you have one, and ask that person what you need to do to make a run at partner.

  16. Anon

    Has anyone been following student loans? Is anyone paying them? Will it restart? Will getting them forgiven be a big campaign is sue if it hasn’t happened by then?

    • Anon

      I have friends who have continued paying and some who have paid them off during this time period. A couple ended up getting large refunds when their public service assistance applications were finally accepted.

      I have no idea what the future holds, but just answering that part of your question.

    • Anon

      The system is in desperate need of an overhaul and each side is entrenched in stupid.

      The people on the right claiming that their mortgage isn’t entitled to forgiveness are wrong about how a lot of debt in America is handled – in many states, if you “jingle mail” your way out of a mortgage, the lender can’t come after you for any deficiency or can only do so for a set amount of money (like $10k). Credit card companies negotiate debt down in exchange for a full payout. Of course, bankruptcy is available for almost everything.

      The “forgive all debt now” side is stupid – plenty of people are capable of paying their loans. It doesn’t fix the underlying problem. Colleges have no incentives to rein in spending or costs. We have untethered payment from original debt.

      A lot of people are making money off the interest – that’s part of the lawsuit.

      So no, I don’t think it’s going to get solved… the can will get kicked down the road.

      • Anon

        I really wish the conversation had been about forgiving accrued interest from the start.

        • Anon

          Or capping interest rates for all loans at 2 or 3%. I don’t have a problem paying my loans; I have a problem with the idea that my student loan debt is my highest interest debt. My mortgage and my car loan had interest rates lower than my unsubsidized Stafford loans, and when we had a HELOC, even that interest rate was lower. Capping interest rates would help people actually pay off their loans instead of just watching the interest pile up over years of making payments.

          • Anon

            OTOH, they can repossess my house and car. And there is a market for used cars and houses. IDK who wants a used piece of paper saying I have a (non-transferrable) master’s degree. I get why the rates are higher. And right now, people may have student loans < mortgage loans and certainly < car loans.

            The whole thing is a house of cards. When birth cohorts go down, I predict that a lot of schools go under. Until then, it's a lot of students and parent borrowers (and I see no relief for parents, unless they have co-signed loans that get forgiven).

    • Anon

      We haven’t paid off my husband’s grad school loans yet (we are still tentatively optimistic there might be some forgiveness). However, we saved the money we would have been paying and put it in an account, and do not plan to touch this until either 1. the loans are officially forgiven or 2. we need to use it to pay the loan off completely prior to interest being turned back on.

    • Anonymous

      I took a break from paying them for the first half of the pandemic, and did not resume until there was some clarity on the amount and likelihood of student loan forgiveness. Depending on the outcome at the Supreme Court, I may qualify for $10k of loan forgiveness. Loan repayment/interest resumes 60 days after the Supreme Court rules either way. So my plan is to pay off all but my last $10k asap, and if the remainder is not forgiven, pull that from savings before I start accruing interest again.

      I borrowed about $100k for undergrad and law school and I’m happy to pay it all back. But the 6.8% interest makes me so mad. A tax on not having rich parents!

      • Anon

        I feel you and it is HARD. I’m leaving my BigLaw partner job soon for a state government role and my family is appalled and as soon as I announce I expect a lot of negative judgment from my colleagues. I’m making the switch because I think I can do valuable things in the new role and because I am burned out and want time with my family while my kids are still young and my husband hasn’t completely lost patience with my endless emergencies and travel. But even though I know my choice is the right one for me right now and made for the best reasons it is hard not to feel like everyone will see this as some kind of failure or bad choice, and to internalize that. But I also know that once I’m out of the BigLaw all the time circle then I won’t be constantly surrounded by an ethos that prizes BigLaw and money over everything else. But it is hard. I lean a lot on my super supportive husband right now and a few friends who do get it.

      • bluebonnetanon

        I was still paying for a while and then I got laid off and I stopped. I just got a new job and I threw $1000 at my highest interest (when interest comes back) loan. I’ll set payments to restart next month at higher than base rate. Because I have been making payments that aren’t necessary, my next due date is not till 2025. I still owe 136k so I’m nowhere close but at least I can chip away at it.

      • Anonymous

        Oh my goodness. 6.8% interest isn’t a tax on not having rich parents. It is an outcome of a choice you made to invest in yourself. Anyone who buys a home right now with a 30 year mortgage will likely pay around 6.8%—would you call that a tax on not having rich parents? Of course not. It is simply an outcome of current economic conditions.

        • Anon

          Why are you bootlicking for the government here? Student-loan interest rates are usurious, especially now that we understand how badly the system for admissions is gamed in favor of rich people. And how getting a four-year degree is no longer any kind of path to a secure job or a lengthy career.

          • anon

            “The government” didn’t make you sign up for student loans. Be a grown up and take responsibility for your own decisions.

        • Anon Elder Millennial

          Yes, it is. I’m an immigrant and first generation college graduate in this country. In the country my family is from, college education is free. No one in my family had any idea how paying for school worked here, and my HS guidance counselors all told me that going to the “best” college was the most important thing in the world and that “financial aid would cover tuition.” No one explained what that meant. Being 18 and having no other frame of reference, I signed up for a whole lot of debt that I didn’t really understand. Every adult in my life told me it was the right thing to do. I paid off those loans many many years ago, but I am still in disbelief that I was not only allowed but encouraged to take out private loans at 12.9% interest to make up the difference between my scholarship, federal loans, and tuition. I lived with a relative and worked 25-35 hours a week for all of undergrad to cover my expenses because (thankfully) no one told me that I could take out loans above my total tuition. Until we teach teenagers basic financial literacy in HS, I don’t think it’s fair to expect people who never handled more than $100 at a time to make sound financial decisions with thousands of very theoretical dollars.

    • Anonymous

      I finally got public service loan forgiveness early in the pandemic. My husband has about three more years until he qualifies for public service loan forgiveness. We have not been making payments on his loans. If he wasn’t on track for PSLF, then we would have to take advantage of the no interest. I have no idea if the $10,000 in forgiveness will actually pan out.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I took advantage of the interest pause to throw money at the principal. When I had about two payments left the rumblings about forgiveness started, so I held off paying the rest. Then I discovered I could get a refund on my pandemic payments, which came out to almost exactly $10k. I got the check in December and we put it in the market. Holding tight to see what happens.

        • pugsnbourbon

          You might still be able to get a refund – it took me about an hour on the phone to start the process but most of that was time on hold. Once I reached a human it took about 10 minutes. Processing time was 10-12 weeks; my check came right at the 10 week mark. Good luck!

    • AnonCorporate

      I haven’t paid anything since the pause. I have been redirecting all of my payments + extra, into a brokerage account. I have so much accrued interest that I’ll never be able to get ahead of it pay down principal. I’m on an income based repayment plan with forgiveness after 20 years. The money I’m directing toward the brokerage account will pay the tax bill when my loans are forgiven.

  17. Anon

    Where do I go for this? Over the past two weeks, I have developed pretty bad hand pain (in the muscle between my thumb and pointer finger primarily). Holding my iPhone 12 Pro is painful, but more importantly scrolling on a mouse and using my computer for work is becoming an issue. I’m starting to think I need to see a doctor? Or physical therapist of some kind? Before I cause permanent damage by working through this. I have no idea what caused it other than I went bowling several weeks ago, slept on my hand funny, or just overstretched my tendons from reading on my phone. How do I find a specialist who could help?

      • Anon

        +1

        And then hopefully get to an Occupational therapist ASAP. You probably need a re-assessment of your work-station and make sure you are doing everything ergonomically. Try to get off your phone and anything that is making it worse/hurt.

        Meanwhile, think about if there is any numbness or weakness in your hand. Has your handwriting changed? If there is any weakness or numbness, you may need to see a neurologist or orthopedist.

    • Anon

      Many orthopedist clinics take walk-ins. They can do some imaging and set you on the right path for how you need to follow up.

    • Panda Bear

      I had similar pain from overusing my computer mouse. I am not sure which of the following helped most, but I am thankfully pain free now: taking regular breaks and icing my hand; using the track pad instead of the mouse; switching to using the mouse in my other hand; getting one of those wrist support mouse pad; raising my chair arm rests; getting a ‘standing’ mouse. So far, so good, but if the pain had persisted I would have started with my PCP and asked about seeing a PT, OT, or other specialist if needed. Best of luck to you!

    • Anonymous

      I went to a plastic surgeon who was also a hand surgeon. He gave a a cortizone shot and I’ve been good for a year now.

    • Anon

      No. But it might be academic or professional dishonestly depending on the context.

      Plagiarism is the theft of someone else’s intellectual property by passing it off as your own. Using Chat GPT is more like someone else to write your essay for you.

      • Anon

        But having someone else write your essay for you IS plagiarism. It’s passing off someone else’s work as your own.

        • anonshmanon

          I always understood the term plagiarism to need a ‘victim’, someone who created that intellectual work that is being plagiarized. So I don’t find the term fitting here, but agree with Anon at 11:01 that a broader dishonesty or misconduct definition would apply.

        • Anon @ 11:01

          I would argue that it is not plagiarism because it is not theft. If you paid the writer and have their permission to use your name, you are not misappropriating their intellectual property. However, you make a good point. Most universities define plagiarism to include passing off someone else’s work as your own regardless of consent. (And I just checked two dictionaries and the precise definition varies between them but the Oxford Dictionary agrees with you!)

          In any event, it is clearly dishonestly if you use it and claim that the work product is your own – regardless of technical definitions.

          • Anon

            ChatGPT is most definitely trained on others copyrighted work, without their permission. At my uni (current FT grad student, old enough to be most other students’ parent), it’s definitely being used by students and is easy enough to tell when a paper is composed by GPT without substantial revision. Some faculty do recommend non-native speakers use it as a way to get started on their paper; a way to break the writers’ block, if you will. Anything it generates requires heavy, heavy revision and fact checking to be anything a decent student would want to turn in.
            For mathematical proofs, the ones I’ve seen people attempt are very mathy, fancy sounding BS. Nothing you’d want to turn in.
            The bigger concern in my corner of academia is using it to generate code for assignments. It does a pretty damn good job of it. As far as I can tell, the departments where this is an issue don’t have a way to tell very readily as long as it compiles and runs. I guess the job market will sort out those students who use it for code.

    • Anonymous

      Even if it isn’t plagiarism it may be cheating depending on how you use it.

    • Anon

      Yes, representing writing produced by ChatGPT as one’s own writing would be plagiarism under most institutional definitions of plagiarism I’ve seen.

    • Anonymous

      Plagiarizing traditionally involves stealing the work of one person and passing it off as your own original work. ChatGPT would be taking the work of many (in this case, the entire internet’s worth) and passing it off as your own original work. Not exactly the same but I would not pass off its output as original written work without transparency/ disclosure. I would use it for tedious, rote tasks though, also with disclosure: ‘These survey responses were cleaned with ChatGPT.’ I think companies ought to have clearly defined policy about using it, if they don’t already.

    • Cb

      Academic here – we treat it as plagiarism/academic misconduct. But who knows if we will actually be able to catch it. If a student submits a paper someone else submitted in another year, or at another uni, or copies and pastes text from a blog, it gets flagged.

      • Anon

        I am anticipating a return to in-person essay tests, maybe even handwritten to avoid this issue.

        We may be going back to blue books!

  19. Anonymous

    I am bored in my job and I want to learn more about computers, coding, and AI. Anyone take one of those free classes online, or advice for how I can learn more? I’m early 30s, too young to not know anything but too old to go back for a 4 year degree (I have a professional career and don’t want to start over – just want to learn more)

    • Anonymous

      AI is extremely misunderstood. You should not be trying to learn to develop AI algorithms unless you have a Ph.D. in a quantitative field.

      • Anon

        I read it more as she wanted to learn more about AI, not that she expected to become an expert after a couple of undergrad classes.

    • Anon

      I think it depends on your personality but free classes don’t work for me. I’m not motivated to do the work unless there’s some kind of grading/feedback, and coding is also something where it’s pretty hands on and you’re likely going to work with classmates and want to go to the TA or professor for help, which you can’t do if you’re not formally enrolled in the class. I took a coding class at the university I work at. It was only a couple hundred bucks. Community college would be even cheaper. The class I took was for engineering and science majors and it was hard work. I probably spent 20+ hours per week on it. But I got an A+. I was super pregnant when I did it, so it was a little weird working with 18 year old freshmen boys but I survived.

  21. Anon

    Does the mix of stripes on this blouse drive anyone else insane or am I just not fashionable?

    • Anonymous

      Not liking stripes that go in in different directions does not have any bearing on being fashionable or not. You might be extremely fashionable and also be really bothered by a lack of order, structure, and consistency. You might be radically unfashionable and yet like the unexpected design of this blouse.

    • Anonymous

      I hate the mix of stripes, but mostly because this mix is very unflattering on me. It it were mirrored, I would get a minimizing effect on my biggest boob and maximizing on the smallest (half a cup difference), as is I would look totally lopsided.

  22. SLC Attorney

    Travel input needed! I’m headed to Savannah and Charleston for a week mid-March. I’ve never been to this part of the country. Any recs on fun local (non-touristy) restaurants? Would you recommend a trolley tour in Savannah? Is a stop at Hilton Head a must do (or will it be too early in the year)?

    • Anon

      Hilton Head is tacky and overrun with families; I would absolutely skip that if you’re not traveling with kids. I enjoyed the trolley tour in Savannah. I think pretty much all restaurants in Savannah and Charleston are fairly touristy, because tourism is such a huge industry in these cities, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t good.

    • Anonymous

      Are you going for St. Patty’s? That’s one of the biggest St. Patty’s day celebrations in the country. I wouldn’t plan to do much that weekend other than bar hop!

      • SLC Attorney

        I will be there over St. Patrick’s Day, but not going for those celebrations. I’m just interested in the history, architecture, food, and warmer temps. Thanks for the heads up to avoid what sounds like a exuberant bar scene (no judgment, just not my cup of tea).

        • Georgia Resident

          If that’s not your scene, then Savannah over St. Patrick’s Day is going to be incredibly unpleasent. I can’t speak to Charleston.

    • Anonymous

      well it’s currently 80 degrees, so if the weather holds, it won’t be too early for Hilton Head beach strolls, but the water will definitely stll be too cold for swimming IMO. i also don’t think Hilton Head merits a stop, honestly, unless you don’t ever get to a beach.

    • anon

      Savannah is a lovely city, but it’s about a day/day and a half worth of things to do, in my view. Charleston has a lot more to offer, so I would weight your time there. Make sure that you allow time to visit one of the plantations – I recommend Middleton Place. It will bring a lot of history to life, help you have a better understanding of the conditions of slavery, and help you understand the transatlantic economic system that rested on slavery. Middleton Place, at least, has really invested a lot of time and effort into telling that story. Understanding the south’s dependence on slave labor also helps contextualize the Civil War – which started with South Carolina’s secession. You can also visit Fort Sumter while you’re there (which is where the first shots in the war were fired). IMO it’s really valuable to get that deeper understanding.

      Hilton Head, in my view, is probably the least appealing island on the GA/SC coast. If you want a resort-y experience, book a room on Kiawah for a night or two. If you just want beach, Isle of Palms (stay at Wild Dunes) or Folly Beach (or Sullivan’s if you can find a rental), all of which are outside Charleston, are very nice. I also highly recommend seeing what tours might be available that cover John’s Island and James Island; the Gullah/Geechee culture is super fascinating. Family Across the Sea is a great documentary on the cultural continuity between the Gullah/Geechess community and the west African countries from which their ancestors were captured.

  23. Anonymous

    I’ve recently started a new position and I already want to quit. I don’t want to go back to my old place or position, the new place is very nice, the people seem good, it’s interesting, everything is good. I don’t know if it’s change or if it’s a vibe or intuition.

    • Trish

      How long? The first six months at a job I started in 2004 were awful. I stayed 11 years and was mostly happym, until I wasn’t.

    • Anonymous

      I think you could really benefit from sitting down and thinking about WHY you want to quit. I’ve switched jobs five times: I’ve experienced the “oh no I’ve made a mistake” at most of my new jobs. Sometimes it was intuition, but those signs were there at the interview and I chose to ignore them. More often it’s just the discomfort of being new and not really being in my groove yet. Either way, I think you probably need to stick it out about six months in this new position. The reason for this is twofold: obviously you don’t want to look like a job hopper but more importantly, I think it takes this long to get acclimated to a new job and see if it’s actually a good or bad fit. But if you sit down and decide it’s absolutely not for you, there’s no reason you can’t start looking immediately. I hope I’m making sense; I know this can seem like conflicting advice.

    • Anon

      Just from your comment- it seems like change. I agree with everyone that the first 6 months (year?) in any new position are just rough and barring a specific reason people should just tough them out and reassess. I would encourage you to try and explore your feelings a little more to make sure it’s not intuition, but if everything truly looks good but doesn’t feel good yet, I’d try to wait it out.

      • Anon

        Agree with this, but I actually knew pretty quickly that my current/new job wasn’t a fit. I can’t tell what your objection is – do you not like being the newbie, in which case time will help? Or is it an industry/role thing where you know you’ll never be happy doing X?

  24. Anonymous

    This is probably a dumb question but here goes. I got married in a foreign country (St Lucia). We didn’t go to the courthouse before. So I have my original marriage license in my fire proof box. In the past I’ve asked my county to record it for me so someone else has a record of it. They said they don’t do that. Is there another way I can get my marriage license recorded so I don’t have the only copy? In theory I could get a copy from St Lucia, but I would think the chances of that happening are slim. We’ve been married for 13 years at this point so am I worried about nothing? We live in a common law state, if that matters.

  25. Anon

    Can someone recommend jeans for work? My company recently advised jeans are fine but many in-office colleagues are client-facing and dress up. My team is not and I’d like to wear them a bit but all of my jeans look too casual when colleagues are wearing dresses, etc. If I try to pair them with a blazer or other office type topper, even worse.
    Do you have favourite brands or styles of office jeans? Specificslly welcome recommendations for tall athletic pear shaped bodies!

    • anon

      You want a trouser jean, and even some of the (non-extreme) flares that are popular right now could work. I’ve had decent luck at WHBM for work-appropriate jeans. And stick with the darker washes.

    • Anon

      My office is very causal but I actually rarely wear jeans, I just don’t find them comfortable for sitting all day!

    • Anonymous

      I would look for straight leg jeans, in either a dark wash or black. They go with blazers better than the current wide legs.

    • anon

      I’m your body type. You need to try them on. Generally speaking, I have better luck with Mother and Frame – both of which understand that those of us that can pay for their jeans, need them not have holes – and AG for novelty jeans (colors, leather). Madewell has been terrible lately, especially given that the price point is approaching designer and some styles should have stayed in the 1990s. I have yet to figure out what fit model 7 for all mankind has been using lately, and would steer clear.

    • Anon

      The “in-fashion” wide cut jeans are not very good looking on me–they add volume leaving from my widest part (hips) and my legs are swamped, and I’m tall, so it’s a lot of fabric. I’m still team “thinner” jeans, and I don’t like straight cut jeans as they change what footwear I can wear.

      I may the height of un-fashion, but I am a tall pear, with thin legs, and I love Old Navy Rockstar Skinny jeans. They are cheap, they last a long time, they look dressy enough in dark wash for a bizcas environment and most of them are mid or high (not super-high) rise.
      Not Your Daughter’s Jeans (NYDJ) carries talls in a slender bootcut that is also very flattering on pears.

      Boden also has some super-cute flare/boot jeans. Madewell are not my jam either.

  26. anon

    I asked my spouse to go to counseling together to help work on our communication issues. He said that no one ever succeeds in counseling and it just makes problems worse (we have good friends for whom this was absolutely the case). But I can’t fix us by myself and think we would benefit from a neutral party helping us. Please share with me any success stories of couples therapy! (or if I am just avoiding the painful truth, lay it on me.)

    • Anon

      Couples therapy is the only reason my husband and I are still together. We actually went early on in our relationship (like, a year in) and people thought we were insane – if you’re already having problems that early in, just break up! But no one ever teaches you how to communicate. We knew we loved each other, and therapy gave us the skills we needed to show up for each other in the right way. Prior to therapy, when I was upset I would just give him the cold shoulder because “he should know why I’m upset.” He would just hold everything in because he didn’t like talking about his feelings. 7 years later, we’re on our 4th year of marriage and have excellent communication. Many friends have even commented on how healthy our relationship is.

      My one caveat is that you need to know when to stop going. Once we figured out our patterns and learned the basic skills, the value of going to therapy plummeted. We ended up having 1-2 sessions at the end where we didn’t have anything critical to discuss, so the therapist basically had us rehash old fights and it wasn’t helpful to either of us, so we stopped going at that point.

    • WendyWaltz

      The example of your friends is a great scapegoat here. What did he think about improving your communication as a concept for something that needs work? Did he blow that off or did you not cite that as a specific issue? There are some situations that can’t be solved by counseling, but it seems like a good place to improve communication.

    • Anonymous

      Couples therapy is great for people who have conflicting communication styles and need to learn better skills. If all you have is a screwdriver but this problem needs a hammer then you need to go to the hardware store. Therapy is a great hardware store.

      Therapy is NOT a great tie breaker, though. Your comment about a neutral party raises an alarm bell for me. If, say, your partner is clearly in the wrong but isn’t listening to you and you’re hoping that a neutral party can convince them of how wrong they are… you’re going to be disappointed. Your partner is going to dismiss the therapist just like they’re dismissing you. And then going to therapy, finding the “right” therapist (ie someone who agrees with him) becomes a whole nother thing to fight about, and your feelings are going to be even more hurt.

    • anon

      Not couples counseling, but my husband started co-parenting counseling with his ex and it has been life-changing in terms of addressing their communication issues.

    • Anon

      What’s his proposed solution, then?

      I have a spouse who is also very therapy resistant (he had some bad personal experiences in his 20s which I can understand), but has made it very clear he’s always willing to be a full participant in improving our marriage. When we struggle it’s not just on one person to fix- we both propose ideas and engage in them etc. He’s planned time for us to have in depth conversations, googled marriage advice and brought questions for us to work through together, implemented tips for how to fight fair. We both took the love languages quiz and talked about it because I asked him to, same for a podcast I recently heard and asked him to listen to.

  27. Anonymous

    Maeve question: I really like this design and a Maeve pant pickI have seen elsewhere. How does Maeve fit? I have broader shoulders and more hip than would fit in J. Crew, but I can wear Madewell.

    • Anon

      I love Maeve and I wear it a lot! I’ve got significantly more curves than J Crew allows, and I find Maeve to be flattering and fits well despite my large hips and bust.

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