Suit of the Week: Hobbs

134 Comments

1. It’s a shame that Apple is discontinuing the iPod touch; I feel like it’s a good in between step for kids before smartphones.

   1. isn’t the iPod touch the functional equivalent of an old iPhone without cell service?

      1. +1. Just do this

      2. I did not realize you could use an iPhone on wifi only/no data – then yes I’m ok with this as a step before full iPhone usage

         1. You can just pull out the SIM card and it’s essentially the same thing as an iTouch

         2. oh totally, I use my current phone on WiFi only when traveling all the time! No need to pay for international data on days I don’t need it.

            1. If you have T-Mobile (or Sprint which was acquired by T-Mobile), data and text is free in most countries now! I made do with wifi but I won’t lie, it’s *really* nice to have data when traveling.

         3. We do this for our 12-year-old, who we’re not quite ready to entrust with a full-blown phone.

         4. I had an iPod before I had an iPhone. It allowed me to have thousands of songs and listen while I went to school. I wore headphones all the time in school, so men thought I was spaced out, but actually, I was listening to music and was an expert on all things musical around 2007. I have not found current music to be nearly as good as it was back then. I suppose I am not up with the latest, but don’t think that much of today’s music, other than Beyonce. I am not a rap music lover, and think that the old music Dad plays from the 1960’s is pretty good. The manageing partner think’s Im a romantic for following Frank Sinatra, and I suppose I am. I love Strangers in the Night, for example, and I also love New York, New York, so I am difficult to categorize!

         5. But doesn’t that still give the kid most of the functionality of an iPhone, at least when they have wi-fi available? I had to use an old phone that wasn’t supported on the Verizon network for a couple of days a few years ago (I had accidentally taken my phone on a swim in the Gulf of Mexico and was waiting for the replacement to arrive), and I was able to use it online, make calls, etc. if I was somehwere with wi-fi.

      3. I use my phones until they literally stop working altogether, so I don’t have old ones lying around.

         1. Same! I guess I could buy a refurbished older iPhone to give to my kid to use as a glorified iPod touch

            I really think the combo of dumb phone (text/call) for extracurricular activity logistics coordination/increased freedom (walking around town without adults) + somewhat limited somewhat supervised use of iPod touch for games/social media is the sweet spot for middle schoolers

   2. I am SO SAD about this! :( I mean, it’s an old model and I understand it needs to be discontinued, but I loved my iPod Touches over the years. It is my constant bedside companion. I don’t want my phone there, and it was cheaper than a phone. I don’t want to use an old phone because they were breaking down. It was also smaller than the phone and was the perfect size for me to do crosswords and light browsing with just one hand. The iPad Mini is too big for me to do that and read comfortably on my side. I guess if I need one now, I’ll have to just get an iPhone SE, which is fine, but it also starts at $450.

      1. Maybe try looking for a refurbished one? Touch or SE, that is.

2. I’ve been seriously procrastinating lately and it’s causing me so much anxiety. I feel 100% better when I’m not doing everything for work at the last minute but I can’t seem to focus or get things done before I’m up against a deadline (or late). Tips please?

   1. Have you checked out the “focus” playlists on Spotify? They’ve really helped me get in the groove.

   2. Lying to myself and saying I’m just doing the tiniest, easiest first step usually leads me to getting the thing done. For example, I write an internal newsletter and I always put it off. So a few days ahead of time I’ll say “I’m just opening the template today” then it’s “I’m just going to update the date and headlines.” Usually by the time I get to that point I just finish it up, but even if I don’t I’ve broken the ice by getting started and it’s much easier to go back to.

   3. I have been ‘mono tasking’ and it’s really helping. Instead of a big to-do list (I have one of those for the week) I just write one goal under the day in my notebook and work on that until it’s done. Then I pick the next goal and work on that. Sometimes these are by necessity small chunks of big deliverables but that helps me to divide those up into non-intimidating segments

3. So if I want to try the look of a silk scarf (or not) without springing for Hermes right away, where should I look?

   1. All of the major department stores (Macy’s, Nordstrom, Bloomingdales) will have large square silk scarfs to try. Kate Spade has silk squares.

   2. Any consignment or vintage store will have them.

      1. Ooh, good shout. Think I know what the weekend will involve.

         1. I found an amazing silk scarf at a vintage store with a beautiful color scheme. It’s not Hermes and I almost never wear it, but it’s so lovely I can’t part with it.

            1. Have you thought about having it framed?

            2. I know what you mean. I don’t wear my single Hermes scarf, even though I love how it looks in the box. Square is a difficult shape for me to work with.

         2. I got a great one at a vintage store – it’s from Loewe and was probably sitting in someone’s drawer for years before I bought it. Honestly, I wear it more than I wear my Hermes scarf (which is pretty but super super bright).

   3. eBay

   4. Coach or Ralph Lauren?

   5. I must be an old, because it never occurred to me that there are professional women who have never worn silk scarves. I have lots—they are beautiful, take up little space, and many have great memories attached (my mother wore this, I bought on that magic trip to Italy, etc.). Oh, and I wear them, too, or did until 2020. Who knows once I am back in the office?

      1. I am not an old in terms of how long I’ve been a professional woman, so you may not be the old you think you are! ;)

         1. How do you wear them? I would love to get into wearing art around my neck every day but I can’t figure it out!

   6. I bought a vintage Diane Von Furstenburg on Etsy. It’s been an inexpensive way to see if I like wearing scarves.

4. I’d appreciate any recommendations for interesting things to do in the Shropshire / West Midlands / North Wales / Birmingham area of the UK. My husband and I will be going there for an event in June but will have a couple of extra days to fill. Thanks in advance!

   1. The Black Country living museum is interesting – might be more aimed at children though so check online! (That region of the midlands has always been called that, it’s not a race thing).

      There are also some really pretty towns around. Shrewsbury is more of a traditional large market town while Broadway is Cotswold-y and full of cute bookshops, antiques, and tea rooms.

      Lastly I always have a special place in my heart for the Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery (one museum with a double function/title). Big collection of pre-Raphaelites, and I used to go there with my grandad when he was alive. (Related side note – Kelmscott House, where William Morris lived, is now open to visitors)

      Bear in mind that distances that look small on a map can take a lot longer to travel than you think, our roads are not amazing

   2. Cadbury World is in Birmingham! I was there as an adult and loved it. I am a big chocolate fan though.

   3. Oh fun! The market towns in that area are super cute. My father in law lived between lemington spa and bridge north before he decamped to canada. I’m in North Yorkshire at the moment and I’m living an all creatures great and small cos play.

      1. I am envious – I grew up in the Dales but now live in the US.

   4. If you have Britbox, I highly suggest watching an episode of Escape to the Country in those areas. They always showcase a few towns and things to do. It’s like House Hunters but less annoying. :)

      1. Escape to the Country is my favourite comfort watch. it’s streaming on CBC too.

   5. Birmingham Hippodrome for a ballet, musical or show.

   6. Lichfield is a lovely city for a day trip. I’m from there. Quick train ride or drive from Birmingham. The cathedral is one of the most impressive in Britain. It’s 3 spires are known as the 3 Ladies of the Vale and is for sure worth a visit. Try to take a tour. The history involving St Chad is fascinating. Also the writer Samuel Johnson’s ( published 1st authoritative dictionary) birthplace is there as well as Erasmus Darwin’s birthplace and museum. He was Charles’ grandfather and did a lot of fascinating research in his own right. There are lovely cafes and a beautiful park all very easy walking distance in downtown.

      If you like hiking and nature checkout Cannock Chase.
      If you like shopping the Bullring shopping center in Birmingham has a nice Selfridges and other nice high end shopping.
      Have fun!

   7. Chester which is a walled Roman city and has interesting architecture and good tours. If you have kids, Delamere forest mountain biking. Actually I can think of hundreds of things…key question is what do you and whoever you will be exploring with enjoy?

   8. Thanks for the ideas, everyone!

5. i want a water proof watch (that i can wear in the pool with the kids) that also tracks steps. any recs?

   1. Are there really fitness trackers that aren’t waterproof/safe in the pool? That seems like an obvious design flaw if there ever was one.
      Having owned a Garmin Vivoactive, I can say with certainty that they are.

   2. I’m ride or die with my Apple Watch (I literally got 6 family members into it and I never liked watches or trackers before) but I think most trackers are waterproof? My mom had a FitBit Versa she liked prior to the Apple Watch.

   3. Fitbit charge

      I now have a Garmin vivoactive 4 which is fine (I liked many features of the Fitbit charge better!) but it’s pricier and has a lot of features that you probably don’t need.

   4. I love my Withings Steel HR. It doesn’t look bulky like a “smart watch” but tracks steps, heart rate, sleep, and is waterproof. I wear it basically 24/7 except when I have to charge it every few weeks.

      https://www.amazon.com/Nokia-Steel-Hybrid-Smartwatch-Resistant/dp/B0711LKZKX/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=nokia%2Bsmart%2Bwatch&qid=1652298547&sr=8-4&th=1

   5. I think mine is a Fitbit Charge and it has a Water Lock function for this reason.

   6. I recently got a Garmin Lily and I really like it.

   7. Love my Coros watch. Has built in GPS so tracks hikes and runs without needing my phone. Also tracks lap swimming, since you will be at the pool.

6. Does anyone have a daypack that they love? I have been using a school-type backpack for hiking, but it is so old it doesn’t have cup holders and puts all of the weight on my shoulders. Now that it’s warm and I seem to have been hiking since well before COVID, I think it’s time to upgrade my gear a bit. Nothing larger than 20L — I have a backpacking backpack, but this is just for day hiking.

   1. Ha — I said cup holders. I meant “external pockets to put Nalgene / Smart Water bottles in.”

   2. Go to REI and try some. They fit differently. I thought I wanted a Patagonia pack until I tried it on and it rubbed my neck.

      1. +1 my daypack is REI brand because that’s what felt best in the price range I was looking at.

   3. I have the LL Bean stowaway (from 2018, but it looks pretty similar to what’s on the website now). The current one advertises that it folds into it’s own pocket, which mine doesn’t do not sure if this one is less sturdy than mine – mine has a sturdy back panel which I think is an absolute must for a hiking bag. Mine also has a compartment for bladder which i don’t see on this one.

   4. I like Outdoor Gear Lab for researching things like this.

   5. I’m a very casual “day hiker” so this may not be enough for you but I really love my Patagonia Atom sling. Hold my essentials plus two water bottles (dog’s and mine” and isn’t as hot to carry as a backpack. If you’re carrying water, you might also want to consider something with a bladder so outside cup holders are moot! :)

   6. I love my Osprey DayLite+, but its side pockets are designed for keys and small items, not water bottles. It has a sleeve for use with a bladder (which also works well for a small laptop when used for commuting.

      1. +1
         While it’s a little bigger than I would like, it works very well for day hikes especially with the water my water bladder.

   7. I have a Lowe Alpine Airzone 22, and it’s the best. It’s got some magical engineering so that the back of the pack doesn’t actually sit on your back, it’s suspended a couple inches out. Hip strap, built-in rain cover, fits a ton, designated trekking pole holders and the perfect number of pockets to be organized but not overwhelmed. The one downside is that if I bend over my Nalgene sometimes falls out of the water bottle holder but not a dealbreaker for me. There’s also a built-in spot for a camelbak/bladder if you like those.

      Even if you don’t get that exact bag, I’d highly recommend finding a pack that allows for airflow on your back, I know there are a couple others. Can’t live without it for warm weather hiking.

   8. If you just need a little bit of stuff, the Osprey Tempest 9 L pack for women is great. Comfortable, and impossible to overpack since it’s so small.

      For a more heavy load, even if it’s just 20L you need, try on packs with different size backs as well as the onesize ones you’ll find at 20L, to get a more comfortable fit.

      I like the Gregory ones, but you won’t get different sizes until the Jade 28 L. I would rather have a very comfortable 28L not stuffed full, than an okay 20 L that almost fits, though. A good belt, comfortable straps designed for women and a bust strap that’s adjustable in height are all essentials for me.

      1. I have the Osprey Tempest 9 L as well and mostly like it, though I have found the hip pouches actually kind of annoy me if I have things in them because they kind of get in the way of my arms. But I think go to REI and try a bunch on (and put stuff in them!) and see what works best for you.

         1. The pouches don’t get in my way, but it probably depends on both length of one’s arms and back. I have a short back length, so the pouches sit perfectly on my hip bones for this smaller pack, like you’d want a backpacking pack to do.

   9. I recently purchased the Osprey Tempest 20L, and really like it so far! I also second the recommendation above to check the Outdoor Gear Lab reviews.

7. I feel like people probably think this is petty, but man does it really tick me off when people spell my name wrong. I don’t have a weird, Mackhienlayeh-type name. A one off from somebody contacting me for the first time I can ignore, although I still don’t understand how you can spell my name correctly in an email address but not in the body of the email. But there are some people who no matter how many times we interact will never spell my name right. I also am in a gatekeeper position for the budget of my organization and if you want to ask me for money I feel like the least you could do is bother to spell my name right. Anyway, I’m sure I sound crazy but this aggravates me to no end.

   1. Your email signature for internal messages should include this inspirational quote in italics at the bottom. “If you want to ask me for money I feel like the least you could do is bother to spell my name right.”

      1. Perfect

      2. Brilliant! :)

      3. Hah I love this.

   2. Oh same same. I have a fairly common name but spelled uncommonly and it makes me so irrationally angry when people can’t be bothered to spell it right. It’s in my email address, how are you spelling it wrong in the greeting!? Also people sometimes act put out, saying something along the lines of “oh that’s an unusual spelling,” and it’s like yeah, my mom found it in a baby book in the 80s and thought that’s the only way to spell it, I don’t know what to tell you.

   3. Nope, right there with you. I have a regular name (was more commonly given to girls born in the 1960s-70s, but it’s not that uncommon now) spelled slightly differently from the norm and people always misspell it. I don’t mind it the first few times, but when you’ve been working with me for 10 years and it’s spelled correctly right there in the email address and you still spell it wrong in the body of the email, well, yeah, I roll my eyes.

      In our global email, there was someone with my same first name, but spelled the more common way, and the same last name (my last name is VERY common). One colleague in particular kept getting annoyed that I wasn’t answering her emails, and I was like, What emails? Yep, she had been sending them to the other person with my name because she didn’t bother to check if she had the right FirstName. Served her right.

   4. My name gets spelled wrong at least 25% of the time when it’s someone’s first time contacting me. And even for colleagues whom I work with every day, it’s like 10-15% of the time. My name is in my email address and my signature block. I have given up on caring!

   5. Dude, people spell my name wrong, it’s one of the world’s most common names, and it’s not a name with an alternative spelling. It’s like they go out of their way to misspell it. Don’t take it personally.

      1. Dude, that’s great for you.

   6. Agreed! I have the same problem. I have a name that’s very distinctly one thing, like Maggie, but so, so often people say totally different things, like Megan or Mandy. Drives me nuts.

   7. My last name is quite easy – Ford – and I still get questions about how to spell it. My snarky thought is, um, look on the back of the nearest pick-up truck, but I politely say, Ford, like the car. And I had one clerk somewhere type in C-A-R-R.

      1. Similarly, my name is somewhat regularly spelled C-A-T-S. And I always think “have you ever MET a Jew?”

         1. Omg, CATS. I cannot.

         2. Hahaha.

            And for the people who spell it C-A-T-S, the answer to your question probably is no.

            1. Yeah, this. I live in the middle of nowhere in the Midwest and I’ve actually been the first Jewish person some of my acquaintances have met. I have a super common Jewish last name too (through marriage) but it’s an easy one for non-Jews to say and spell because it’s also a pretty common surname for non-Jews.

      2. See, I almost always ask how names are spelled even if they seem super obvious because if I were to assume that it’s spelled like the car, it’s inevitably spelled Phord.

      3. I once said my last name was, “McDonald, like the fast food place” and shortly received something addressed to Ms. Jane McDonald’s. Yes…apostrophe S.

         1. HAHAHAH ok you win. This is amazing.

         2. This is reminding me of a time just after returning from maternity leave that I spelled out each letter of my surname (which is long, unusual and not phonetically obvious) and rather than using the military alphabet, I used diaper etc. Only afterwards did it register…super embarrassing, as I didn’t edit the word list.

   8. I have less-than-common name with a unique spelling, and unless it is an official document, I don’t worry about how people spell my name. My grandmother lovingly quilted me a Christmas stocking when I was young – misspelled my name – and I love it regardless.

      If someone I am friends with continuously misspells my name – then I will start to purposely misspell their name (in jest) to get the point across. Ex: my colleague Scott kept misspelling my name, so I started spelling his Scoot instead until he figured it out. We laughed over it and moved on.

   9. I misspelled my new last name on the engraving of our wedding cake slicer, so I feel like I have no room to correct anyone ever. LOL.

      1. *snort*

      2. Hahaha. I managed to misspell my own (pretty straightforward) last name on our little apartment mailbox years ago and didn’t even notice for a few months!

   10. I have a name with multiple common spellings (like Caitlin/Ann/Katherine). My own grandfather, with whom I was very close, often spelled my name with one of the alternate spellings in his old age.

   11. I have a fairly unusual first name – not made up, it’s a real name, but not common – and my FIL has never bothered to learn how to spell it. It drives me crazy. In our case, it’s absolutely indicative of his attitude towards me and how much he respects me and our marriage. I think it would probably bother me a lot less if we had a good relationship overall but it’s still so rude. It’s like, it’s 8 letters, it’s fairly phonetic, it’s really not *that* hard.

   12. I have a name that’s common but has two common spellings (think John and Jon). Unless it’s on something official, I don’t get irritated when people misspell it. Figure the person is just busy or made a totally-understandable error.

       That said, I get really irritated by stuff where I get addressed as Mrs. HusbandsName, because I didn’t change my name and I’m not paying a bill or donating to a nonprofit that won’t bother to get my name right.

8. Wanted to update everyone about my splurge-y jewelry dilemma from yesterday… the necklace sold from under me yesterday!! Ack! So I can have a twin made but it won’t be with the old mine diamonds OR I can go with the three-stone ring. Ha, back to square one!

   1. Oh no! What a bummer!!

   2. Sorry that this happened. I would really like to see this necklace. It sounded awesome—I was going to ask you to let me know details if you decided not to buy it. But maybe it’s a sign that the ring is meant for you.

      1. Agreed. This is a sign to go for the ring!

   3. Oh no, that’s so annoying. It still sounds like you wanted the necklace more, because of the vintage stones.

      Maybe hold off for a bit and see if there’s any other vintage pieces that catch your eye instead of buying a duplicate or a ring just to buy something? With this kind of splurge it seems a shame to settle for almost the thing you wanted, this should be a hell yes! situation.

   4. Maybe you can find some vintage stones to be set into the new custom ring?

9. This is 100% just a rant from me but idk where else to say it. A friend and I started both dating our current boyfriends at around the same time. It’s been basically a few months but she and her boyfriend are super serious – almost said I love you, talked about marriage, have a shared google calendar, etc. We’re in our late 20s and she’s wanted to date someone to marry for a long time. She seems so happy and I’m so happy for her, she’s been looking for this for a long time.
   For me I like my boyfriend a lot, he likes me, we’ve met each others friends, its all good – but who is talking about marriage!?! Historically I’ve never been as “I need to get married before 30” as my friend but its just so easy to compare. I have another family friend who started dating someone remotely during the pandemic, FaceTimed him for 3 months, dated in person for maybe 9 months, and got engaged. It’s so cute.
   I know that I am not good at long distance and also not as ready for commitment. But also the idea of meeting someone and within a couple months being so certain of them seems like something out of a romance novel. So I absolutely hate to say it – but it makes me jealous.

   1. Aww! You probably know this, but a lot of it just boils down to how people relate to romantic love. If your friend had already decided she wanted to date to marry, and met someone who also wants to date to marry, it makes sense they’d be talking about that quickly. It’s not reflective of how close they are, or whether or not they have a reason to be more sure about one another than you are about your current boyfriend. It’s not uncommon for marriage-oriented people like that to choose someone to fill a role they’ve decided they want, and then later realize that wasn’t the person for them after all. My boyfriend has a friend who realized his tendency to move super fast has actually been sabotaging his relationships, and is now committed to taking things slow. It sounds like they WANT something super serious and you (and likely your boyfriend) don’t right now. It is totally fine to want different things and there is absolutely no race here.

      That said, on the other hand, do you feel like you’re head over heels for your boyfriend? You deserve to have a “hell yes!” person, even if you’re not talking to them about marriage. I think it’s worth considering whether this guy is someone you’re super excited about, and if seeing your friend’s romance makes you jealous because YOU want to be super excited someone but aren’t currently. I think it’s absolutely reasonable to want to be totally certain about someone after a few months – is there a reason you aren’t currently certain about your bf?

      1. Yeah I know I have reservations that she doesn’t. I feel like I could be head over heels for my boyfriend but am not yet – but I’m slow to warm up to people in general so maybe that’s not an impossible idea? The idea of being engaged next year (timeline my friend was talking about) literally gives me the shivers so that’s not what I want She has been reading books about dating and listening to dating podcasts and all that and I could not be less interested in all that. But its just nice to see someone so happy about something?
         I don’t want her boyfriend exactly, frankly I think he’s a bit boring. But he seems like a great match for her and as you said they’re on the same page and that’s the important part.
         When I was younger someone told me that within 6 months – 1 year of dating someone you should have a rough idea of whether you want to marry them (eventually) and I used to think that was crazy but tbh I don’t anymore. I don’t need to get married by a certain age or anything but I also would not want to date someone for years without knowing either way.

   2. I think this just starts to happen around that point. I started dating my now husband at 29 and from the very beginning we were both sure that this was it (probably helps that we were already living together as roommates). It took us a few more years to actually get married, mostly because we were busy and lazy- we actually ended up eloping- but we were planning a long term together from almost the very start. Once you hit a certain age, I think people just tend to decide much faster whether a relationship is just for fun or if it’s long term- I saw it happen with a lot of people around that time.

      1. Ps- I realized this comes across as smug married, but I don’t mean it that way. I mean it more as a it’s fine if you don’t want marriage now, and when the time is right you can change your mind about that. It really seemed like there was a sudden change for a lot of my friends right around that time, but it’s different for everyone exactly when it kicks in.

         1. I think this is true. I got married in my late 20s and had 2 serious long-term relationships before I met my now-husband so I knew what I wanted and what worked/didn’t work for me. I think that there were a lot of guys I dated around then in their early/mid 30s who felt similarly – they were settled enough in their careers that they were ‘ready’ to get married vs. just wanting to ‘have fun’. I also saw lots of friends waste time on guys who were clearly treating them as girls to have fun with but weren’t ‘dating’ them (would meet them out at bars, hook up, etc. but wouldn’t plan dates or meet 1:1). This isn’t terribly romantic but it reminds me of looking at houses a bit. Once you know where you want to live and see 30 odd houses you know what your dealbreakers are and when you see something you like you act quickly.

            1. I don’t know if he’s like rushing to get married, but we’re definitely actually dating – he’s the one who plans and wants them to be actual dates and also wants to pay for everything. He’s very sincere and sweet and I certainly don’t think he just wants to hook up.

      2. This makes sense. It scares me a little you know? I wouldn’t think to plan a long term together after just a little while but also meeting someone who makes you want to do that sounds wonderful. I’ve also had some health issues pop up lately that really could become permanent so it makes things feel more serious. He knows all about them, but it makes me think “Am I 100% sure that this guy would able to deal with this if my health gets much worse down the road?” Idk if that sounds selfish

         1. This sounds like a really important question to ask yourself! That’s what I come back to, when I get lost in the noise of what took look for in a partner. I am always nervous about my parents getting older, and one of the things that makes me feel like my boyfriend is the one is that there is no one I’d rather hug or have by my side if something went wrong.

            It’s worth parsing out if you have a tendency to criticize people or pick flaws in them OR if you have genuine doubts about this guy’s ability to be there for you when it counts. Committing to someone is a huge deal and if what matters to you is having a partner who will drop everything and stick with you when it gets rough, that’s not at all a selfish thing to look for. You get to decide what your benchmarks are.

            Hugs to you on the health front. Hope everything is okay.

            1. I don’t think I have a tendency to criticize people, its kind of the opposite, I’m very permissive about a lot of things. But at the same time I do have high standards. If I/my sister / my friends can do something why can’t others manage? And for example posters here do somethings complain about their husbands not doing those executive function things so it seems like a valid concern.

               Thanks. The health thing is like I’m fine now but could have an “attack” any time really. So while I’m getting treatment its really the type of thing that just gets worse. Right now my dad is really helping me out and presumably at some point a husband might do those things instead – reverse daddy issues I guess.

            2. I should point out that if you have high standards, you may feel like you’re holding back criticism all the time and being “permissive” about a lot of things that most people would not even consider a problem. So your “permissive” may not actually be permissive in the true sense of the word.

         2. I actually think it’s things like health issues and issues with careers and families that are part of what switches people to making up their mind faster. We both had some health issues and I knew I’d have to move within a few years for job reasons, so it wasn’t worth starting something unless it was serious. For other people, it’s wanting to have kids or settle down in a house or other family things. Before we even started dating, I drove him to an doctor’s appointment he couldn’t drive himself to and he was always supportive about my chronic illness, which has actually gotten worse over time. Those are exactly the things that made it clear that this was serious and that we could rely on each other. When stuff like this comes up, I think it becomes clear really quickly who’s able to handle challenges and who just wants to do their own thing and not be bothered. Best of luck with your health and relationships!

   3. Aw, that’s natural! My friend and I both started seeing our respective partners around the same time, and he ended up getting married and having a kid with his wife before my husband and I were even engaged, and sometimes I did feel behind the eight ball, but hey, I’m in my relationship, not anyone else’s, and I cannot fathom getting married to someone I’ve only known a year or two, haha.

   4. You know, this happened to me, sort of. Right before I was headed off to go study abroad in college, my BFF and I both met guys we fell hard for. Before I got back (yearlong program), she was engaged to her guy, and I was very in love with mine and felt like he was the one and ALSO like I still had a lot of college left before we could talk getting engaged. And when she messaged me to say she got engaged, I was…not as enthusiastic and supportive as I should have been, and I regret that intensely, even though I was only 20 and had the emotional intelligence to match.

      This is all colored by the fact that she married him and they are now divorced because he was a rotten egg, and I married my guy and he’s wonderful, but I can totally empathize with that weird limbo of “this guy is a good one and I see nothing stopping us from getting to Destination Marriage, but also we are simply not there yet and how do you get to be there already??”

   5. To me the question isn’t “do I want to marry this person” but “do I NOT want to marry this person”. My ultimate goal in dating is marriage for me, but I’m not in any rush to get married just to check off some task on society’s list of things that supposedly make up adulthood. So if I say “do I want to marry this person” and the answer is “maybe”, then that’s a good answer, at least in the beginning. If the answer is no, then I’m done dating this person.

   6. Sounds like a conflict between what you thought almost-30 would look like and how you really feel. You don’t have to be “the cool girl” who is fine with dating for funsies; it’s okay to say that you aren’t in college anymore, he’s a perfectly nice guy, but he’s not the one for you and move on. It’s also okay to think that if this relationship is serious, it should not be stuck in Funsville for more than a month or two.

      This is most definitely not judgement or a statement about when people “should” marry. I just think, having married at 38, how we wish we had met much sooner. Life doesn’t go on forever.

10. Has anyone tried one of those intense meditation apps with the headset like braintap? I’m wondering if it is all bio-hacking mumbo=jumbo or worth it vs. headspace.

    1. DownDog meditation is the mutts nuts. I use it daily to drift off to sleep or to refocus (you can pick the voice).

11. I really want a new bike and have found the process of finding one pretty frustrating. Most of my biking happens in my neighborhood, with some occasional trips on nearby trails, so I need basic, not super fancy. Even then, models are starting in the $600-700 range. My local bike stores are having major supply chain issues and several have tried to sell me a bike that is clearly too small for me because that’s all they have in stock. My dude, I am 5 foot 9. A small women’s frame is … not gonna work, can you not see that I’m all crunched up? Used stock is practically nonexistent.

    I’m currently rocking a $150 Schwinn from target that’s on its last legs. I would love to find something more lightweight and, well, nicer. But maybe I’m looking for a unicorn that doesn’t exist? I know there are some bikers on here, so please let me know if you have specific brand recommendations! I was originally hoping to spend around $500; now I see that’s not going to be realistic.

    1. I’m a steel bike gal, which is usually less lightweight but holds value better and doesn’t suffer as easily in crashes. At your price point, the only lightweight option is aluminum.

       Not all women necessarily need a women’s bike, it’s mostly a matter of your geometry especially since you’re so tall. If you’re long torsoed, you can probably get away fine on a men’s bike (swap saddles to what you like). I’m barely 5’4 but have never had a woman’s specific frame because more of my height is in my torso than legs, which is like most men, and I have long arms. I need a woman’s saddle and sometimes narrower handlebars, though.

       I don’t have super specific recommendations but I’d look on craigslist and facebook for Liv, Trek, Giant, Cannondale hybrids… you should be able to find something in that price range that’s a step above your Schwinn.

       1. Obviously I don’t know what city you’re in but I’d look at something like this https://austin.craigslist.org/bik/d/austin-medium-175-inch-cannondale-quick/7481382016.html or https://austin.craigslist.org/bik/d/austin-large-19-inch-trek-fx-wsd-womens/7470379616.html

       2. or, in the non-women’s direction, https://austin.craigslist.org/bik/d/leander-specialized-sirrus-elite/7482430788.html

    2. I am a 5’8 woman with similar needs rocking a Jamis bike. It’s exactly what I need. I got a unisex one – I think it’s a ‘medium’ sized frame which was more comfortable than a ‘small’ sized frame many of my friends go with.

    3. Keep looking for used bikes. Many bike shops also list on eBay, which is where I found my daily driver. It took me about six months of low-key looking. If you’re looking for a road bike, this would probably do nicely: https://www.ebay.com/itm/175276710637?hash=item28cf4e5aed:g:nscAAOSwJsZiexuF
       Do you know any experienced cyclists? The best deals where I live tend to be buying from friends of friends. Also, if you have friends who are around the same size as you, see if you can take a short ride on their bikes. Doing that was what clued me in that my old road bike was actually too big (though according to the size chart, it should have been perfect). The best bike is one that fits, and that can take some trial and error. Do any of your local bike shops rent bikes? That’s also a great option for trying a few out.
       I am a fan of early 2000’s titanium, which is a totally weird niche, I admit, but my bikes will outlive me and I paid less for two of them than a brand new, similarly spec’d carbon bike would cost. There are some deals to be had, since carbon has dominated the market.
       $500 will only get you a decent bike if someone is doing you a favor (If not, it’ll likely either need a ton of maintenance, be a piece of crap, or have components that are no longer made). $1000 can get you something pretty good used (and easily maintainable – this is where my bikes fall). $2000 can get you something entry level new or something that’s very nice used.
       This link is typical of what you’ll get at the lower price point, and might actually be a good option (except for that nasty bar tape, which is easily remedied). https://www.ebay.com/itm/154981122317?hash=item241598410d:g:wn4AAOSwN8Fic~T6
       It’s a good bike (I ride Ultegra 6600/Dura Ace 7800 10 speed), but parts are getting scarce, so you’d need to keep that in the back of your mind. I recently spent a weekend online stalking auctions for a reasonably priced DA shifter. If you enjoy that sort of thing, awesome (I don’t mind it), but if it’s not… spend the money for something new.

    4. You may need to up your budget and look farther away. I ended up going about two hours away last summer to find a store that even had a bike my size in stock. I paid around $700.00. It’s a Momentum, by Giant, I think. Light, and enough gears to be useful. I’d been watching my local used market for about a year and never saw any adult bikes, only kids stuff was listed. Don’t let the bike shop push you around, I had a shop that tried hard to push me into an ebike four times my price range, and I won’t go back there again.

12. I am just reporting in to say that yesterday my son and I moved my dad (and as much of his furniture and belongings as would fit) from his one-bedroom assisted living apartment to a single room on the locked memory care floor of the same building. And today I had the junk guys in to haul away everything that was left. It was kind of awful, but not quite as awful as I expected because for good or ill, my dad doesn’t really know what’s going on so he was perfectly happy to go with the flow. And my son and I are both convinced that he will be better off in the new place with more people around, rather than just sitting alone in his apartment almost all the time.

    But, man. Elder care is hard. If you’re also in the thick of it, I am giving you a virtual fist bump in solidarity!

    1. Virtual fist bump and sending love to you and your family! Elder care is hard, even when you know you’re making the right decisions for everyone.

    2. Sending you good thoughts, SA!

    3. Good luck! I’m cleaning out my grandfather’s home in preparation for his move to assisted living, and it’s awful. Aside from the physical condition of the place which is not good, but also going through his stuff trying to figure out how you channel all the meaningful belongings of someone’s life to something you can move in a single suitcase is just – hard.

    4. Sounds like he’ll be better off and you did the right thing. When it comes to taking care of my mother, I have to keep reminding her that we are doing these things FOR her, not TO her. It’s so hard, for so many complicated reasons. I was
       truly unprepared for rhe complexity of elder care!

    5. Sending virtual hugs! My husband and his siblings went through this shortly before the pandemic with their mother. Although MIL fought the move at first, once she settled in to memory care, her quality of life improved dramatically. The caregivers made sure she wasn’t isolated and got her interacting and participating to the maximum of her capacity and living life in the moment. She really enjoyed herself during that time. I hope it is the same for your dad.

    6. Aw, SA…I had to clean out my grandpa’s home of 55 years to move him closer to us. It was a trip–he left everything of my grandmother’s who died in the early 70s just as she had left it…and this was in 2010. He hadn’t been upstairs in years–only his cleaning lady went to the second floor. I found all of my dad’s report cards and they were hilarious–all universally said he was bright, the class clown and needed to apply himself. I found all of my grandpa’s medals from WWII. My grandpa was bereft at moving, but at 89, it was time. It was incredibly painful to give away “good” stuff that he simply didn’t have room for anymore. He lived out his year happy, first in a senior living community and later in a shared assisted living house where he got fantastic care. Hugs to you–memory issues are incredibly hard. All of this is hard. All the feels for you.

    7. I know my mom felt like a sorry sack of sh*t when she had to do that with my grandmother, but it was the best thing. And actually, my grandmother was a lot happier in memory care because her room and bathroom were set up in a way that made it easier to get around and the care assistants were always around (including a lovely young man who was so kind to a very very crabby old lady).

    8. Fist bump to you. I’m late to this SA, but we are almost the same age and my 90yo mom is being moved into the locked memory unit this weekend. My dad is ornery and mean but he will stay in the general pop. We expect to haul away a lot of junk. You’re lucky he is so out of it…my mom is a worrier and worries when dad is out of her sight, so I’m not sure how this will go. Hope he will visit her daily and that that will help.

       Hang in there.

       1. Thanks, everybody, for the kind words.

          Coach Laura, hugs and fist bumps to you. My mom passed away in Sept 2019 and I am kind of happy she missed the pandemic and all this because she was a huge worrier, too, and it would have been really hard on her. But the memory care people tell me that people feel safer when “their world gets smaller” and it seems to be true for my dad and I hope it will be for your mom, too.

          1. Thank you for the good words.

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